“I
’vetoldyounottocrossme,Dominic.I’myourmother,andyouaretodoasyou’retold.”
“Youare not mymother,Margarette.Youaremystepmother. ” And not a very good one at that,Ithoughttomyself.
“I’mtheonlymotheryou’veeverknown,andyoushouldshowmetherespectIdeserve” Margarette walked away, trying to look regal but I could tell she was seething. Her coifed blonde hair and tall frame contrastedwiththeperpetualfrownonherface SheandIhadbeenarguingallweek God,Iknew Ishouldn’tprovokethewoman,butMissRitahadconvincedmeIneededtostanduptoheronceandforall. “Youneedtocontrolyourowndestiny,”shetoldme.“It’stimetostoptakinggrieffromthathatefulwitchjustbecauseshewas marriedtoyourfatherforfifteenminutesbeforehedied”
Shewasright,ofcourse.Notaboutthefifteenminutesexactly,thoughitwasanextremelybriefmarriage.Evenasresigned asmypapahadbeeninmarryingMargarette,Idoubttheirmarriagewould’velastedverylong,notoncehertruecolorscame out.Atleastmyevilstepmotherhadn’ttakenPapaEric’slastname,whichhehimselfhadtakenuponmarryingmydad,Patrick, andshedidn’twantanythingtodowiththat So,that’sonethingIneverhadtosharewithher
Unfortunately,Margaretteheldtwoimportantthingsovermyhead myadoptedsisters,AlliandOlivia.Iwoulddoanything toprotectthem,includingtoleratingourintolerablestepmother.
Margarettehadahabitofsayinghatefulthingstomethat,althoughneverovertlydiscriminatory,usuallyalludedtomybeing biracialorgay.Tobehonest,Iwasquicklyreachingtheendofmytether,butIalsodidn’twanttodoanythingtohurtthegirls.
AlliandOliviawerethechildrenofacouplebothmyfathershadbeencloseto,soclosethatmyparentshadbeenlistedas thegirls’guardiansshouldanythingunforeseenhappen.ThegirlswerestillveryyoungwhentheirparentsdiedandIbecame theirinstantbigbrother ThatprobablyexplainswhyI’dalwaysfeltsoprotectiveofthem
Sure,wehadsomebumpsinadjustingtolifeasafamilyoffive,butwebecameahappy,solidunit.Lifewasgreat,untilit all changed yet again. The bubble burst when Dad was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly thereafter, then Papa Eric movedustohishometowntolivewithhishomophobicparents That’swhereweallhadthemisfortuneofmeetingMargarette Ignoringhisgrief,ifnotcapitalizinguponit,mygrandparentspushedPapaintomarryingtheevilwitch.He’dresistedatfirst butintheend,Papacompliedwiththeirdemands Lessthansixmonthslater,hewasgonetoo I’dalwaysthoughtdyingofa brokenheartwassomeoldromanticcliché,untilmypapadied.
Truetoform,theonlypersoninourfamilynotdevastatedbythelossofPapaEricwashisnewwife.Margarettemovedus away within a month of my grandparents signing over custody of all three of us to her. Perhaps being passed off from homophobicgrandparentstoawitchofastepmotherwasthelesseroftwoevils,butIhardlycaredatthatpoint.Ineveryway thatmattered,mychildhoodendedtheyearbothmydadsdied
Still,itreallyhurtwhenMargarette made us leave Papa Eric’s belongings behind.Ialways suspectedwe moved because shewantedcompletecontroloverusor,moreprecisely,ourmoney ButIcouldneverproveanything
Mydadshadbeenfairlywealthy,havingcreatedaseriesofappsthatwereboughtbyalargesoftwarecompany.Nearlytheir entireestatewentintoatrustformeuponPapaEric’sdeath,andIwasgratefulMargarettecouldn’tgethergold-digginghands onit.Neithercouldmygrandparents,forthatmatter.Thegirlsalsohadatrust,setupbytheirbirthparents.Beingourguardian, Margarettewouldcontinuereceivingstipendsfromthetrustsuntilweturnedtwenty-one.
Mysistersweremylife Oliviahadblueeyesandlong,curlyblondehair ShelookedjustlikeaChinadollmygrandmother keptinherguestbedroom.Alliwasmoretomboyish.HerdarkblondehairwasshorterthanOlivia’s,andwhileOliviawore dresses,Allipreferredjeans
Margarette would occasionallytake themoutwithher. Me, notso much. “It’s better ifyoudon’tcome withus, or people mightlookatusstrangely,”shetoldmeonce.Ofcourse,Iknewexactlywhatshemeant.Thewomanwasapieceofwork.
MissRitawastheonewhokeptmyspiritsup,myguidinglight,Iguess.Thatwasthecaseevennow,butespeciallywhenI’d beenanimpressionable, newlyorphaned teenager. Had itnotbeenfor Margarette hiringthe amazingwomanas our nanny, I probablywouldhavebeguntointernalizethecovertlyracistbullshitshethrewatme “How’ditgo?”IjumpedasMissRitawalkedupbehindme,pullingmeoutofmythoughts.
“Howdoyouthinkitwent?”Iasked,chuckling “Shekickyouout?”
“No,Idon’tthinkshecan” “Thenitwentwell.”
“MissRita,youknowthatwomanisnevergoingtogiveaninchwhenitcomestome.Asfarasshe’sconcerned,I’mhereas herservant Iswear,Margarettethinksshe’sScarlettO’Hara IfIknewhowtosew,she’dhavememakingdressesoutofthe curtains,”Ijoked,desperatelytryingtomakelightofthesituation.Deepdown,though,itstillhurt. MissRitalaughed,buttherewasnohumorinit “Youareamazing,DominicLawson Don’tyoueverforgetthat” I sighed. That was Miss Rita’s go-to comment. I knew she meant it but inside, I had a lot of self-doubt. “You know, Margarettesaidsomethingthatmademethink”
“Shedid?That’safirst,”MissRitasaid,soundingamused.“Whatdidshesay?” “ShesaidshewastheonlymotherI’deverknown.”
MissRitalookedatmewithablankexpression,clearlywaitingformetocontinue
“Webothknowshe’llneverbemymother,notthatI’veeverneededone.Mydadswerebothamazingpeople,andIwasso luckytohavegrownupwiththem But,Ididinheritamomafter theydied”MissRitasmiledandlookedaway “Youknow you’retheonlypersonwhohaseverbeenlikeamomtome,right?” “Oh,getonwithyou.I’mthehiredhelp.”
“You’remorethanthat,andyouknowit.Besides,Iknowthatwitchdoesn’tpayyouenoughtoputupwitheverything.Thank you,MissRita.”
Sheslappedmeplayfullyonthearm,kissedmycheek,andsaid,“Iloveyou,too,littleman”
The endearmentalways amused me. Whenwe firstmet, Iwas shortand scrawny. Since then, I’d hitmygrowthspurtand filledout Iwasdefinitelynota little man anymore IturnedjustasMargarettecamebackdownthestairs. “Youtwotalkingaboutmeagain?”sheasked.
“Youknow, Margarette, ” Isaid, emphasizingher name because Iknew itannoyed her, “youaren’tthe only thing we talk about.”
MargarettelookedatMissRitathroughnarrowedeyesandapproachedher Dammit,I’dputthepoorwomaninthepathof the witch’s wrath, again!She’d beenthreateningto fire Miss Rita for years, and Iwas surprised she hadn’tonce I’d turned eighteen MaybeMargarettewasafraidI’dleaveifshedid Ihadnoplanstomoveout,sinceIfeltaneedtostayforthegirls, butshedidn’tneedtoknowthat.Still,Ineededtosmooththingsoverandfast.
“MissRitaherethinksI’mtoohardonyou,”Isaidwithdisdain.“ShesaysIneedtobemorerespectfultomyelders,butI don’tthinkyou’reelderlyenoughtocount Whatdoyouthink?”I’dbecomeverygoodatthinkingonmyfeet,thankstohaving todealwithMargaretteonadailybasis.Icouldonlyhopesheremainedvainenoughtotakethebaitthistime.
Icouldtellshewasvacillatingbetweenangeratmeforchallengingherandwhatshethoughtwasacomplimentintheform ofMissRitastandingupforher.ShewouldneverfindoutfrommethatMissRitawholeheartedlydislikedher.I’dlearnedlong agothatifIwantedtokeepMissRitaaround,IneededtomakeherlooklikeMargarette’sbiggestallyateveryopportunity “She’sright,ofcourse,”Margarettefinallysaid.ReliefwashedovermeasIrealizedmyliehadworked.“Youneedtobe respectful to your elders. And, youidiot, anyone older thanyou is anelder, regardless of their actual age. So, show some respect”
SheshotacondescendingsmileatMissRita,thenturnedtoleave.“Rita,I’mgoingtoneedthegirlsdressedbysix.We’re goingtodinneratTheRepertoire I’mdeterminedtosecureaninvitationtothePearson’sValentine’sDayGalathisyear,andI can’tgetoneiftherightpeopledon’tseeme.Luckily,thisyear,theyaredonatingtheproceedstoorphanedchildren.Thegirls shouldbedressedinproperclothessotheworldcanseehowgenerousIamastheirstepmother”
Ibitmytonguesohard,Inearlyswallowedblood.Usingthegirlstoheradvantage,letalonetogetinvitedtosomefrivolous eventjusttorubshoulderswithrichpeople,pissedmeoff.But,asusual,Iletitgo.Iknewbetterthantostirthehornet’snest.
IhadbiggerfishtofrywithMargaretteanyway Theonlyinfluenceshehadonthegirlswasabadoneandthatworriedme Lately,OliviahadbeguntalkingdowntoMissRita,mimickingthingsI’dheardMargarettesay.I’dnipthatinthebudassoon asMargaretteleftforanotheroneofhermonthlongtripswithoutus Thankfully,atelevenyearsold,Oliviastilllistenedtoher olderbrother,thoughIneededtobemindfulofexactlywhatIsaid,incasesheblabbedaboutittoourstepmother.
OnceMargarettedisappearedbacktoher room,IhelpedMiss Ritastraightenoutthehouse.Her arthritis hadbeguntoget worseandshestruggledwiththepain,especiallywhentheweatherturned.
Seeingherholdingherhandslikeshedidwhentheyhurt,Icouldtelltodaywasabadoneforher.Shenevercomplained,but
IalwaysmadeapointtopitchintohelphoweverIcould.
“I’lltakecareofthegirls’roomsifyourinseoffthebreakfastdishes,”IsaidasIclimbedthestairs.MissRitademandedall threeofushelpwithchores,butMargarettewouldgetmadifshesawthegirlswerebeingmadetodoanything “Stoptryingtoturnmygirlsintoservants,”she’dsaidtoMissRitaearlyon.Margaretteneverincludedmeinherobjections, onlythegirls Inhermind mostlikelybecauseofthecolorofmyskin,givenshewasathinlyveiledbigot Iwasnevergoing toamounttoanythingotherthanaservant.AnothermentalityI’dbeendoingmydamnedesttopreventthegirlsfromdeveloping. Withthatinmind,I’dsteppedinawhilebackandbegantaskingthegirlswithchores Bothhadbeenannoyedbyitandtaken to callingme Dominella whenever havingto do anywork. Sometimes their words hurtbutIhoped itwas justthempushing backlike kids doandnotMargarette’s influence rubbingoffonthem.Either way,IbalkedatbeingcomparedtoCinderella, thoughIwouldn’texactlyturndownacarriagerideifahandsomePrinceCharmingarrivedatmydoor
isten, iftheygave awards for beingthe absolute worstatmen, I’d winhands down!” Icaughtthe attentionofseveral peopleinthecrowdandsmiledtomyself.Thislinecaughtthemeverytime.
“MydadshaveagametheyplaywhenIbringaguyovertomeetthem,it’scalled,‘howlongwillthisonelast?’” Thecrowdchuckled,andIslippedoffthistopicandontogrowingupwithtwodadsforabitbeforecomingbacktodating. “Oh shit letme tell you, there was a guyIdated mysophomore year Y’all he was Drop Dead Gorgeous!Iamnot jokingyou!Oooh,babyhestoodtall,dark,handsome…andyoucoulddrivenailswithhishead.Iswearhewasdumbasabox ofrocks…
“Ohmygod,Itriedtooverlookit,Ihonestlydidcauseyouknowyougotsomeonethatlooksashotasallthat,butdamn “Maybetheworstpartwasheneverlaughedatmyjokes.” Iwaitedfortheusualhecklerthenandbamlikeclockwork,“Causeyouain’tfunny ” “WellatleastI’m pretty!”Isaidimmediately,causingthecrowdtolaugh.
“So,likethisguy,”Isaidpointingattheheckler,“theonlyjokeItoldthatheeverlaughedatwasaboutfarting Hell,Iwent aroundpretendingIwasfartingforlikeamonthbeforeIfinallyhadenoughandbrokeitoff.
“However,IfanyofyouknowofwhereIcanusemyskillformakingfartsounds,”Iputmyhandundermyarmanddidthe middleschoolerunderarmfartsound,“pleaseletmeknow ”
Thecrowdwaslaughingnow…soitwasagoodtimetostop.IwavedatthemasIslippedoffthestage. Mostofthatwastrue,fromthefirstguywhotoldmehelikedme whichincidentallywasmybestfriendinhighschool,a massivefootballplayerIthoughtwasjokingme,tothedumbassmodelincollege,Isucked...
Clearly,Iwasn’tgoingtobeoneoftheluckyones “Nothusbandmaterial,”Iannouncedyearsagoatoneofmyfirstamateur comedyroutines.
Thecrowddidn’tgetit,andofcourse,thedumbasarockguywassittingintheaudience.NowaywasIgoingintotoomuch detail abouthusbands withhimhangingonmyeveryword ButIknew eventhenthathe was goingto be fodder for a huge segmentofmyroutine.
WhatIloved, ifnotlived for, was beingonstage infrontofanaudience doingeverythingIcould to make themlaugh In otherwords,playingtheidiot.AtleastIwasgoodatthat.
I had decided at the end of my freshman year that I didn’t want to finish college, but I wasn’t quite ready to make that commitmentoutloud.MydadswereeverythingtomeandIreallydidn’twanttodisappointthem.
So,Iforcedmyselftoendureanotheryearofschool.However,oncethesemesterwasover,Ifinallygotthegutstosignup foranauditionatDenver’sComedyClub IwassweatingprofuselyasIwatchedthethreeperformersbeforeme Damn,Iwish I’dbroughtanothershirtwithme.
Allthreeofthemsucked Imean,theyreallysucked Itwaslikestickingoneofouroldest,driestpoliticiansuponstageand expectingthemtomakeyoulaugh.Whenmynamewasfinallycalled,Isomehowmanagedtogetonstage.Iliterallyfrozeand wonderedifmaybeIwasgoingtoendupsuckingjustasmuch.Idiot,whatwasIthinking? “Youokay,son?”amanIcouldn’tseeasked.
Thespotlightwasglaringinmyface,andIhadjustenoughwitsaboutmetorespond.“Godno,Ihaven’tbeenokaymyentire life Infact,I’msonotokayIjustbrokeupwithoneofthehottestmenI’veevermet Why,youask?Why?Well,hewasdumb asastump.Imean,I’mnoEinstein,butjeez,I’matleastabletoblinkandchewgumatthesametime.No,no,I’mnotokay,”I said, shakingmyhead sadly “Did I mentionhe was hot as hell? Tall, darkskin, looked like a freakingmodel Oh, and he smelledlikecake.Howdoessomeoneevensmelllikecake?IsthereacologneI’mnotawareofnamedCakedetoilet?” Helaughed.Godhelpme,themanlaughedandthat’sallIneeded. Maybe I’m not such an idiot after all, Ithought.
Itworked!Dammit,itworkedandIwas putonthe weekendschedule.Icame home,huggedmydads andtoldthemIwas performingatDenver’sComedyClub.
Ofcourse,itwasallasetuponmypart IneededtowowthembecauseonceIdid,Iwasgoingtodropthe no more college newsonthem.
Fridaynightcame,andafterhoursofpractice,withjokesaboutmydadsmakingupninetypercentofmyroutine,Ididit I madethewholeaudiencelaugh,includingmydads.
Saturdaymorning,Isatacrossthebreakfasttablefromthemfeelingconfidentandmaybealittlesmug “So?”Iasked PapaKlaughed.“Sowhat?Youfishingforcomplimentsagain?”heasked. “Well,yeah,lastnightIwastoowounduptohearthem.”
Dadreachedoverandputhisbigarmaroundmepullingmeclose “Youdidusbothproudandnowweknowyoutakemore afterme,seeinghowyouperformedlikea…”
“Likeaqueen?”Iinterruptedmakinghimlaugh “Yes,dearone,likeagloriousqueen.”
DaddyAllenwasindeedadragqueenandonewho’dmadeafantasticlivingatitdespitethefacthewasbuiltlikeacollege linebacker.Ormaybe,that’swhyhemadesuchagoodlivingatit.
PapaKlaughedagain.“Youtakeaftermetoo,son.DidyouknowIoncestarredasHamlet?”
Dadlaughed “Howwouldanyonewho’sspentfiveminuteswithyounotknowthat?”
PapaKpoutedanddadwentovertohim,kissinghispoutinglips.“ButyouwereanamazingHamlet,asI’vetoldyoumany times”
Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.“I’msorry,butnooneisgoingtowonderwherethegaykidwithtwoflamingdadsgothistalent.” “Heynow!”bothdadssaidatonce,andPapaK,stillpouting,said,“Wedon’tflame!” Thenwewerealllaughing.Theydidn’tflame,notreally.NoonewouldknowDaddyAllenwasadragqueen,andPapaK wasallbusiness.Peoplewhoworkedforhimtoedtheline.But,I’dknownthemallmylife,andIknew theywerebeautiful, loving,gaymenwhoneverhidwhoorwhattheywere “Ihavenews,”Isaidsuddenlyfeelingnervous.
ThedadslookedatoneanotherandDaddyAllensatbackdown Thiswasit “I’mnotgoingbacktoschool!”Iblurtedout,louderthanIintended. BeforeIknewit,dadsmirkedandPapaKletoutafrustratedsigh. “What?”Iasked.
“Ohnothing,honey,it’sjustPapaKnowowesmeamonthoffootmassages.” Ilookedatthemstrangelywhendadadmittedthey’dbetonhowmuchlongerIlastedincollegebeforeIdecidedtotakethe comedygigfulltime.
“What?”Iaskedagain,frustratedmybigdramaticunfoldinghadbeenruinedbythemalreadyknowing “Well,honey,youhaven’tbeenmakingthemoststellargrades,”PapaKsaid. “Wait,Ididokay,”IsaidwonderingwhythehellIwassuddenlydefendingmygrades. “Okay,isright,”Dadsaid “Butyouhaven’tshownanypassionforanythingbutthosecomedysketches” “Andit’snotlikeIdidn’tseethatsameburninyourdad’seyeswhenhestartedtoperform.”
“So,what,you’renotupset?”Iasked
“Upset?No,”PapaKsaid.“Concerned?Yeah,alittle.Imean,weallknewI’dstrugglewiththisthemost,but,sweetheart,if youdecideyouhatecomedyandwanttodosomethingelsewithyourlife,youcanalwaysgobacktocollege” “WhatyourPapaistryingtotellyouis,he’scometotermswithit.”
Ileanedbackinmychairandsighed.ThenIgotsuspicious.Coulditreallybethiseasy?
“Wait, did youtwo do anythingto influence the club? Dad?” Iasked, turninganalarmed lookat mylocallyfamous drag queenfather.
“No!”DaddyAllensaidemphatically,puttinguphishand “Wetoldyouwewouldn’tdothatagain” Isighed,butaseriouscaseofimpostersyndromehadalreadykickedin.I’dwantedtobeinthelocalcommunitytheaterplay whenIwaseleven Iendedupgettingapartwayabovemyactingskill OnenightthissnootygirlaboutthreeyearsolderthanI yelledthatIsuckedthentoldmeifitwasn’tformydadsbuyingmywayin,Iwouldn’thavehadapartatall. I’d confronted myguiltyparents and ended up quitting. Theysaid they’d never do itagain, butonce bittenso many, many moretimesshy
“Okay,”Ifinallysaid.“So,asofnow,I’macollegedropout.”
“Oh,butyouaren’tjustacollegedropout,sweety,”PapaKsaid Icockedmyeyebrow andhechuckled “Well,okay,you are,butyou’realsopursuingyourdreams.That’swhatwewantforyou,sweetheart.”
Asbothmydadshuggedmeandtoldmehowproudtheywere,Icouldn’thelpbutgetthehappy,warmfeelingIalwaysgot whentheydidthis.Ireallywasprivileged.Notjustwithmoneybutwithtwomenwho’dalwayslovedmewithalltheyhad.
“Papa K, seriously, Idon’tcare aboutappearances Stop withall the ‘You’re a Pearson’stuff IfI’mgoingto make itas a comedian,it’sprobablybetterifIplayitdown.”I’dalreadydecidedthatinnowaywouldIintentionallyusethePearsonname toboostmycareer Ineededtodothisonmyown
“Oh,youandyourpreciouspublicpersona.Iswear,you’reworsethanyourmother.”
“Mother,isit?”Dadsaidashewalkedintothekitchen.“KalenPearson,I’mmoremanthanyoucouldeverwant,inoroutof adress.”
Daddidn’teventryhidingaself-satisfiedsmirkandPapaKshookhishead.“I’vealreadylostthisargument,haven’tI?” “Yes,”DadandIbothsaidatthesametime
“Well,youknowwehavetocontinuetomakeagoodimpressionifwe’regoingtocontinuebeingthetoprealestatefirmin thistown So,befunnyallyouwant,Dillon,butkeepthatfactinmind”
“Babe,”DadsaidtoPapaK.“Ninetypercentofourclientsaregayfamilies.We’vesnaggedmostofthembecauseI’mthe famous diva I am, so if our son wants to follow in my high-heeled footsteps with a life on the stage, we should consider ourselveslucky Maybehe’llevenhelpusexpandourclientele”Dadglancedatmewiththatmischievoustwinkleinhiseye thatconveyedhewasgonnapushitjustalittlefurther,andbentdowntokissPapaKsweetlyonthecheek.“So,chillout.” DadletoutasurprisedyelpwhenPapaKtuggedhimontohislapandwentinforalip-lock
“Gross!” I grumbled like I always did when they got overly affectionate in front of me. “You guys are so mushy, it’s embarrassing”Ifledthekitchentothesoundoflaughterbehindme Intruth,though,Ilovedseeingthemsoinlove Clearly, evenafteralltheseyearstogether,thefirebetweenthemstillblazedbright.
Mysetattheclubstartedatseven,whichwastooearlyatimeslottodrawabigcrowd.Whereasthenineo’clockshowwas primetime,myaudiencewouldmainlybeolderpeoplewhomayormaynotgetmyjokes
I’d beenperformingatthe club justover sixmonths whenIgottricked into the earlyspotbymythenboyfriend. He was fifteenyearsolder,amoreseasonedcomedian,andtalkedmeintotakingsomeofhisearliershiftssoIcouldgainexperience performingfordifferentcrowds.“Can’tmakeitbigifyouonlyhavetheskilltoentertainyoungpeople,”hetoldme.“Thiswill helpyourcareer,believeme”Beinggreenandnaïve,Ididbelievehim Bigmistake
Sincetheclubownerdidn’thaveanissuewithit,weofficiallyswitchedtimeslotsandthemandumpedmelaterthatsame night.Now,Iwasstuckdoingtheearlyshowsthreetimesaweek.Hardlessonlearned,hopefully.
Still,Iwasluckytohaveanyspotatthewell-attendedclub,asIoftenremindedmyself IrushedtogetreadysoIcouldhead overthereearlyandwatchtheothercomedianswarmup.Iranoutthedoor,rememberingatthelastminutetotell mydadsI wasleaving
Istumbled intothe club justas AshtonPipkin, the star ofthe earlyshow, tookthe stage torehearse his set.Itwas strange comingintotheclubduringthedaywithallthelightsonandemptyseats.Tablesandchairsseparatedthebarfromthestage, thoughallhadagoodview,andIslumpeddownintoachairalongtheperimetertowatchandlearn.
AshtonPipkinwas hilarious,eventhoughIhadtoGoogle mostofhis nineteeneighties references thatwentrightover my head Theearlycrowdseemedtogethisjokes,though IknewI’dbeluckyifIcouldgetathirdofthelaughshedid,butIsure wasn’tgonnaletthatputmeoff.
Ilistenedtohimforseveralminutesbeforehestoppedabruptly “Hey,kid Ididn’tgiveyoupermissiontolistentomyset Whatareyoudoing,tryingtostealmymaterial?”
Iglancedaroundtheroom,notknowingwhohewastalkingto.WhenIlookedbacktothestage,Ashtonwasstandingwith hishandsonhiships,staringdirectlyatme.“Yeah,I’mtalkingtoyou.What’syourangle?”
“Sorry,sir,”Isaid,sittingupstraighterinmyseat.“Ijustwantedtolistentoyourset.Ididn’tmeananyharmbyit.”
He puthis hand up “Youshouldn’tbe watchinganother performer rehearse withouttheir permission Bynow, youshould knowthatbasicetiquette.So,I’mgonnaaskyouagain.Areyoutryingtostealmaterialfromme?”
“No,ofcoursenot”Itriedtosoundsmootheventhoughhis accusationtookmebysurprise Inside,Iwas mortified “I’m stillfindingmyfeetperformingfortheoldercrowdandIwantedtogetinthemood.”Mylamejustificationsoundedpathetic eventomyears.
Theoldermancockedaneyebrow,notunlikemyPapaKdidwhenhesuspectedIwaslyingtohim “Inthemood,yousay?Hey,barman,”hecalledouttowardthebar.“Pleasecomehereamoment.”
Thebartendermust’vefinishedshelvingsomemorebottlesfirstbecauseittookafewmomentsbeforeIheardhimwalking towardus.“Thiskidistellingmehe’ssittinginonmyrehearsal sohecan‘getinthemood,’”Ashtonsaid,usingairquotes. “Doyouthinkthat’saloadofgarbage,oramIwayoffmygametonight?”
“Hmm,well,let’ssee,”themansaidinasinfullydeepvoicethat,honesttoGod,sentshiversdownmyspine.
Ilookedupandcaughthimscanningmeupanddown.Icouldfeelmyfacegrowingwarmfromhisintenseperusal.Whenour eyesmet,thecornersofhismouthturnedupintoacheekygrin
“What’sthefunniestthingyou’veeversaid?”heaskedme. Isputtered,mymindgoingblank.Hehadthemostpiercinggreeneyes,accentedbyhisrichdarkskintone,andhisattention neverwaveredfromme I’mnotsureifitwashisquestionorhavingamanthisgood-lookingrakinghisgazeovermybody,but Iwasofficiallyflustered.
When I didn’t answer, he asked, “Do you find Mr Pipkin funny?” The man’s cheeky grin was still in place, now accompanied byadorable as hell dimples. I’d always beena sucker for dimples. Mymouthfeltas dryas the Sahara and I swallowedthickly
“I,um…Idon’tknow,”Isaidstupidly,myentirebodyflashinghot.
“Howdoyounotknow?Haven’tyouseenhimperformbefore?”heasked.
“Y-yeah,”Istuttered,unsurewherethiswasgoing
“So,ifyou’veseenhimperform,didyouthinkhewasfunny?”
Ishrugged,feelingembarrassedbuttryingtoplayitcool “Ididn’treallygetmostofhisjokes,”Iadmitted WhenIchanceda glancetowardthestage,Ashton’sscowlsignaledthathe’dgrownsignificantlymoreagitated.Dammit,Iwasclearlysayingall thewrongthingsandmakingafoolofmyselfinfrontofhimandaseriouslyhotbarman
“Whydidn’tyougethisjokes?”theguyasked,soundingcurious.Itookamomenttogathermythoughtsandregaincontrolof myself.
“IthinkI’mtooyoungtounderstandtheoldpopculturereferences,”Irepliedhonestly,feelingalittlemoreconfidentnow If theywantedmyhonestopinion,I’dgiveit.
ThemanlookedupatAshtonandshrugged “Ithinkyou’resafe Hedoesn’tseemtobeoldenoughtoget your humor”His grinwasnowafull-onsmileandIadoredit.
Ashtonwasgrinningnowtoo.“AndIsupposeyoudo?”
Themanshrugged.“Oh,Iknowquiteafew old peoplewhomakemewatch old TVshows.Iwouldcallthemclassics,but I’mnotthatrude.”
Ashtonsnortedalaugh “Oldandclassic,isit?”heasked,andIsuddenlyrealizedwithgreatreliefthattheconversationwas nolongeraboutme.“YouknowIcantellMissRitayoucalledherold,andshe’llripyouanewone.”
“MissRitaadoresme,”thehandsomemansaidwithalaugh,thengavemeaplayfulwinkbeforehestrolledbacktowardthe bar.Icouldn’thelpmyeyesfollowinghimasheleft.Itwasn’tmyfaulttheytraileddownhisbacksideandcametorestonhis verywell-filledpairofpants.
“Thatmaybe,”Ashtoncalledafterhim,“butifyoucallapridefulwomanold,youmightnotbeadoredmuchlonger.” Heshruggedbutkeptthehugesmileonhisfaceasheresumedhisworkbehindthebar. Ashtonignoredmeandwentbacktopracticinghisset ItlookedlikeI’dbeenletoffthehook Ididn’twanttopushmyluck,though,andheadedover tothe bar.“So,youknow Ashton?” Iaskedwithall the bravadoI couldmuster Whichwasn’talot
“He’sfriendswithmy…well,afriend,Iguessyou’dsay,”hesaid,hisattentionfocusedonstockingsodacansunderthebar top.
“Doyoureallyunderstandallhisreferences?”
Theguyshrugged.“Iguess.Mostofthemanyway.”
Itookadeepbreath Might as well go for it,Ithought “Willingtotutormeoneightiespopculture?” Helaughed.“That’sabigask,andI’mnoexpert.GenerationXiscomplicated.”
“Tellmeaboutit,”IsaidasIploppeddownonastool “Bothmydadsarethatgeneration” Theguystoppedandfinallylookedatme.“Yourdadsaregay?”
“Imean,ifthey’renot,Ihaveawholelotofquestions,”Ijoked,makinghimlaughagain.Ilovedthesound.“Butseriously, yeah I’moneoftheluckyfewwhohavetwodads”
Thewayhishandsomefacelitupwithasmileatmycommentcausedmyhearttoskipabeat.
“Metoo Imean,Iwas”
“Was?Didyourdadsbreakuporsomething?”
Whenhissweetsmilemorphedintoasadone,Iregrettedprying “No,theywerecommittedtoeachotheruntiltheend Both passedon,yearsago.”
Myheartsank.“Oh,I’msorry,”Isaid,feelinglikeajerk.Trusttheidiottoruinagoodthingbeforeitevenbegan. Heshruggedagainandwentbacktorestockingdrinks,butIwasdetermined IneededtoseizeeveryopportunityIcouldto makeitinthisbusinessandrightnow,thatmeantconvincingthisguytohelpmeout.
“Iwasn’tjokingaboutthetutoringthing I’mstuckintheearlytimeslotfortheforeseeablefuture,andconnectingwiththat audiencehasbeenchallenging.IneedtolearnmoreabouttheeightiesandninetiesifI’mgoingtosurvive.”Iheldmybreath waitingtoseeifhe’devenheardme.
“Can’t you talk to your dads about their younger days? Glean some firsthand knowledge off them?” he asked, not even glancingmyway.
Isnorted,sonotcool.“Hardly.Myfathersaremoreclassicallyinclined.Icouldmakejokesabout Phantom of the Opera all night,butIhaveafeelingthatwouldn’tmakethiscrowdlaugh.”
“Evenso,iftheygrewupintheeightiesandnineties,theyprobablyknowplentyaboutpopculturebackthen Mydadswere stuckonthelikesofMadonnaandBoyGeorge.Believeme,fewthingsareasmortifyingashavingyourdadssingingalongto ‘LikeaVirgin’withthecarwindowsdown”
Isnickeredbutshrugged.Hewasn’tgoingtogetit.Mydadswerefarfromcooland,apparently,neitherwasI.
“Okay, well, thanks anyway,” I said, feeling totally defeated It was time to get ready to rehearse my own set I was convinceditwasgoingtobeadisaster,butatleastI’dbepreparedforit.
I tookthe stage once Ashtonvacated, and begangoingthroughmyset without muchenthusiasm. Afew minutes into it, I noticedIhadanaudience BoththehotbarmanandAshtonwerewatchingme Thetwokeptlookingatoneanotherandshaking theirheads.AsifIneededfurtherconfirmationofhowmuchIwouldbombtonight. IpressedonuntilIcouldn’tstanditanylongerandstoppedmid-joke “Seriously,you’remakingthismoredifficult,”Isaid to them, noteventryingto hide myannoyance. “I’msorryIdisturbed your set, Ashton, butyoudon’thave to sitbackthere makingminemiserable”
Ashtonstood,handsupasheapproachedthestage.“Sorry,kid,butyourmaterialsucks.Ifyougoonstagewiththat,you’ll becoveredintomatoesbeforethenightisdone.”
“Theydon’thavetomatoesinhere,”Isaid,notcaringthatIsoundedpetulant “Kid,they’llgogettomatoesjusttothrowatyouifyougoonwiththatset.Nowbehonestwithyourself,doyoureallythink whatyou’resayingupthereisfunny?”
“What?”Iasked,alittleshockedbyhisdirectness.Iwasbeyondannoyednowandbeginningtogetangry.
“Isawyoudothelateshowmorethanonce,andyouwerefunnyashell.What’schanged?Whydoyousucksomuchtoday?” heasked.
“I’mtryingto adaptmymaterial to the older crowd, relate to themmore.” Itcame outsoundingmore like a whine thanI intendedandIhadtocheckIwasn’tpouting
“Well,stopitrightnow,”hesaid.“Thoseso-calledjokesdon’tevenmakesense,andtheysureasheckaren’tfunny.Goback toyouroldroutine”
I took me a second to figure out if Ashton was just being an ass or genuinely trying to offer advice. He stared at me expectantly,soIfiguredonthelatter.
“Buttheywon’tgetit.”Dammit,Itrulywaspoutingnow.
“Better they don’t get it than you standing up there spouting off stupid stuff that isn’t even remotely funny. Or worse, pretendingtobesomethingyou’renot”
Isighed.“IhateRodney,”Isaidundermybreath,mentallycursingmyex.
“Oh,sothat’swhyyou’rehere,”theoldermansaid,clearlystiflingalaugh “YouletRodneytalkyouintoswitching?” InoddedwhileAshtonjustaboutbustagutlaughing.WasImissingsomething? “How’dhemanagetodothat?”
Ishrugged,notwantingtoadmitI’dbeenconned
“Oh,letmeguess.Youweredating,weren’tyou?Andbeingsuchawonderfulboyfriend,hesuggestedtradingtimeslotsto helpyouexpandyouraudience?”
Inodded,blushingfromtheshame.
“Trustme,kid,youaren’tthefirsttofallforthat Hedumpedyourightafteryouagreed,didn’the?” Inoddedagain.Howdidheknow?WashesomekindofmindreaderorhadIreallybeenplayedthatbadly?
“Figures.That’showIfellintothistimeslotmyself,”hesaid,lookingbothamusedanddisgusted.“Don’tworry,theowner willkickhimbackintotheseveno’clockslotsoonenough Rodneythinkshe’syoungandclever,buthebombsthelatershow everytime.Infact,ifyouwantrevenge,youshouldstayandwatchhisroutine.It’shilarious,butonlybecausehe’spainfully bad”
“YoudatedRodney?”Iasked,shockedattherevelationAshtonandIhaddated andbeenconnedby thesameguy. Helookedatmefunny “Whydoyoulooksurprised Kid,everyoneinthistownwhodatesmenhasdatedRodney Heisn’t exactlypicky.”Icouldn’tfigureoutifthatwasaninsultornot,soIletitpass.“I’llevenletyouinonalittlesecret.Rodney isn’tevenhisrealname.HefancieshimselfafterRodneyDangerfield,asif.”
“Who’sthat?”Iasked,drawingablank
“Damn,waytomakeamanfeel ancient,kid,”Ashtonsaidonasigh,runninghishandoverhisface.“Yeah,you definitely needtosticktoyouroldmaterial Studyinguponsomeofthegreatsofstand-upcomedywouldn’thurt,though” Isighed.“I’mstillkickingmyselfforfallingforRodney’sbullshit.IfIhadadollarforeveryidiotI’vedated,I’dberichasa king.”
Ashtonsmiled. “And there’s part ofyour routine. Tell onhim. Tell the audience how youended up talkingto a bunchof parentsandgrandparentsbecauseofhim.Iguaranteethey’lllaughatyourplight.Justbecarefulnottonameanynames.”
IchuckledwhenIrealizedhe’dhitthenailonthehead.“Okay,Ihaveplentytosayaboutthatwholesituation.”
IwasfeelingalotmoreconfidentasAshtongavemeathumbsupandheadedtowardthebackthatletoutintotheparkinglot. Iranthroughmyold jokes, fine-tuningsome and pausingbetweenpunchlines as ifthe crowd had reacted Itwasn’thard to imagine.ThenIbegandevelopingnewmaterialonthefly.
Stories aboutRodneycame pouringoutand Italked abouthow I’d envisioned us beingmarried someday, withme as the stay-at-homehusbandandhimasthesugardaddy.ExceptRodneyhadabankbalancesosmall,itcouldonlybeseenusinga microscope,andIcouldn’tcleanhousetosavemylife Icouldtalkfordaysonthesubject IheardthebarmanlaughseveraltimesasIcarriedon,hislaughterpullingmoreandmoreoutofme. BothofusburstoutlaughingwhenRodneywalkedintorehearsehisset,andIjumpedoffthestage,leavingittohim. “We’ve got some time before the early show kicks off,” I said, saddling up to the bar “Wanna grab a quick dinner somewhere?”Myconfidencewasrunningunusuallyhigh.
Themansmiledbutshookhishead “Unfortunately,I’mstillontheclock Ihavetobebackhomebyeight-thirtytobabysit mysisters,soIneedtogetallmyhoursinbeforeitgetstoolate.”
Ishrugged,notwantingtoshowmydisappointment “Youhavesisters?”
Hesmiled,andIcouldseehowmuchhelovedthemjustbythegoofylookonhisface. “Yep,one’seight,andtheotheriseleven.”
“Quiteabityoungerthen”
Henodded,generouslytoleratingmyattemptsatsmalltalk.“Theyare.”
Notlettingmybruisedpridedetourme,Itriedagainwithmyproposal “So,whataboutthoseeightiesshows?Icouldcome hangoutwithyouaftermyset.I’llbedonebyeight.”
Helookedatmeforamoment,seemingtorn.“Doyoulike The Princess Bride?”heasked. “Noidea.Isitanygood?Fairwarning,I’mnotintoDisneyprincessmovies.” Helaughedhard.“It’s not that,Ipromiseyou,butitismysisters’favoritemovie.It’llalsogiveyouasolidfoundationfor building up those pop culture references you were speaking about So, if you don’t mind watching a gloriously camp film alongsidetwopreteengirlsandtheirbigbrother,thenit’sadate.”
Myface splitinto a wide grin Did he say date? “Thatsounds perfect,” Isaid as a happy, bubblyfeelingbloomed inmy chest.Visionsofspendinganeveningwiththehunk,snuggleduponacouchwiththelightsdimmedaswewatchedamovie, ranthroughmyminduntilhethrewabucketofcoldwaterovermylustfulimagination.
“Youthinkthatnow,whichI’mguessingmeansyou’veneverbeenaroundpreteengirlsbefore,right?”
WhenIshookmyhead,hechuckled.“Inthatcase,thiscouldbearatherentertainingevening…atleastforme,”hesaid. Mysetdidn’tearnthebiggestlaughsofthenight,butIalsodidn’tgetbooedoffthestage Ashtonhadbeenright Whenmy jokesfellflat,andIswitchedgearstotelltheaudiencehow I’dendedupinthistimeslot,theyhowledwithlaughter.Atone point,IcaughtsightofRodney’sredfaceatthesideofthestage,whichmademegoathimevenmore
Bythe time mysetwrapped,Iknew I’dcreatedanenemyinRodney,butI’dalsogottenmyrevenge.Iwas ona highand nearlystoodthebarguyupsoIcouldwatchRodneybomb,butultimatelydecidedI’dratherhangoutwiththehandsomeman I’djustmet,evenifIhadnoideawhattoexpect Besides,Ihadseveralmoreweekswiththeearlycrowd,andIneededtodo someseriousresearchifIweregoingtopullthisoff.Iwasluckytonight,havingconnectedwiththeaudience,butIneededto buildupontheRodneysetratherthanrelyonitforallthelaughs
AsIwalkedtowardthebar,Ashtoninterceptedme.“Better,butyouneedtogetyourassinfrontofmoreaudiences!”
The criticismstung,butIknew he was right Ineededmore practice readingandrelatingtomyaudiences,nomatter their demographics.Iexpectedthatwouldcomewithtimeandexperience,Ijusthopeditwouldn’tbetoopainfulgettingthere.
I
honestlyhadnoideawhyItrustedtheguy.Ididn’twanttoadmititmightbebecausehelitmylibidouplikeaChristmastree. Tall,well-definedarms,slimbody,andeyesthatweremischievousbutkind.Morethananything,Ithinkhiseyesmight’ve beenwhatgotme
Iimmediatelyregretted invitinghimover, especiallywiththe girls around, butthenIfigured ifhe gave me anytrouble, I couldeasilytosshimout
“Before Iwalkout ofhere withyou, Ineed your full name and phone number,” Isaid, pullingmyphone out ofmyback pocket.
He chuckled and tookmyphone, typed inhis contactinformation, and handed itback “DillonPearson This is your real name,right?”Iaskedandhechuckledagain.
“Yep,lastIchecked”
Inodded and made no secretoftextingthe details to Miss Rita’s phone, tellingher Iwas bringinga new friend home to watchamoviewiththegirls Thatway,shehadenoughtimetodosomeresearchonhimbeforewearrived “Fair’sfair,mysterybarman,”Dillonsaid,grinningatme.“What’syourname?Idon’tthinkIevergotit.” Ireturnedhissmile.“DominicLawson.Pleasuretomakeyouracquaintance.”
“Dominic,”herepeated,lettingmynamerolloffhistongue ThesoundsentalittleshiverthroughmethatIhopedhehadn’t noticed.“MaybeIshouldgetyournumber,too,justincaseyou’reaserialkillerorsomething.”
Itwasmyturntochuckle “IcouldsayIwouldn’thurtafly,butthen,Idoownaflyswatter,”Isaid “Seriously,though,ifI wereabadguy,youwouldn’thavehadtogofishingforaninvitetomyplace.”
Hislookofamusementatmyobviousteasingconvincedmetopushmyluckabitfurther “Besides,it’snotlikethecoastis clear. You’ve still got to pass the Olivia and Alli challenge. Oh, and Miss Rita, she’ll have a lot of questions for you.” I chuckled,knowingthepoorguydidn’tstandachanceagainstthethreefemalesinmylife.
SincemyancientNissanneededmaintenance,I’dtakenthebustowork IfiguredDillonwouldn’tbeveryhappyfollowing thebus,soIfollowedhimtohiscarinstead.“Yougettodrivemehome,”IannouncedwithmoreconfidencethanIusuallyfelt, and we climbed inside I’d never beenso forward witha maninmylife, butthen, I’d never feltaninstantconnectionwith anyonelikeIdidwiththisguy.HopefullyIwasn’tmakingamistakebringingastrangerhome.
IwasrelievedtoseeMargarette’scarmissingfromthedriveway.Sheusuallydidn’treturnhomefromfancysocialfunctions liketheoneshe’dgonetothiseveninguntiltheweehoursofmorning.Withanyluck,tonightwouldbethesame.
Whenweenteredthehouse,MissRitawasstandingtherewithherhandsonherhipsandascowlonherface.Oh,thisdidn’t lookgood
“Ifitisn’tthegreatDillonPearson,allgrownup,”shesaid,andthemanstoppeddeadinhistracks,alookofshockedhorror crossinghisface
“Yes,ma’am,”hereplied,turningashadeofredI’donlyeverseenonatomato.
“Youknowyouwon’tgetspecialtreatmentinthishousejustbecauseyou’reaPearson,right?”
Howhecouldblushevendeeperwasamysteryofthehumanbody.Ihadtoadmit,seeinghimcompletelyflusteredmadehim evencuter.IhadnoideawhoDillonPearsonwas,butMissRitaobviouslydid. Interesting.
“Well,Ihaveadate,soIcan’tstayandkeepaneyeonyou,muchasI’dliketo ItrustmyDominicwillkeepyouinlinebutI won’thesitatetocallyourfathersifanythinguntowardshouldhappen,doyouhearme?”
IlookedatMissRitawithmymouthopen I’dneverseenherinfull-onprotectivemodelikethisbefore WasDillonactually aserialkiller?Asickfeelingbeganchurninginmystomach.
“MissRita,iseverythingokay?”Iaskedafterpullingheraside,outofearshot.
Shelookedatmewarily.“Youjustneedtokeepaneyeonthisone.He’strouble,”shesaidassheslungherpurseoverher shoulder.ShegaveonelastdisapprovinglookatDillon,thenwalkedout.
“Whatwasthatabout?”Iasked,turningtofacehim “HowdoyouknowMissRita?”
Dillon’sdeepblushwasfading,butnothislookofembarrassmentmixedwithconcern.“Wehaveahistory,ofsorts.Once uponatime,shewasmynanny”
Iletoutarelievedlaugh.Notaserialkillerthen.“JudgingbywhatIjustwitnessed,I’mguessingyourassociationdidn’tend well?”
Heblushedagain.“Youarecorrect.Ididn’tmakeherjobeasybyanystretch.Iwassortofadifficultkid.”
“I see, and now? Are you still difficult?” I really wanted to know how this man who blushed so easily could ever be considereddifficult Iffirstimpressionscountedforanything,heseemedlikeasweetguy “SoI’vebeentold,”hesaid,bitinghislipandlookingatmewiththosedeepblueeyes.Washeteasingmeorbeingsincere? Eitherway,God,itwashot
“That’sgoodtoknow.Justsoyou’reaware,MissRitaisonehundredpercentinchargeofthishouse,soifyoueverwantto beinvitedback,you’llneedtosquareupwithher”
Dillonnodded,butthelookofconcernneverlefthisface. I totally need to get to the bottom of this,Ithought,mycuriosity runningrampantthroughmymind.Butnowwasn’tthetime.Wehadamovietowatch.
IusheredDillonintothekitchen,whereInukedagiantbagofpopcorn anabsolutemustonmovienights anddumpedit intoabowlthathetooktothelivingroom.ThenIholleredupstairstothegirlsthatiftheywantedtosee The Princess Bride again,theyhadtenminutesuntilshowtime
Withinseconds, the two came rushingdownthe stairs and straightinto myarms for hugs. Inearlylostmybalance as they collidedwithmelikeafreighttrain.Alliwasstillsmall,buttheircombinedweighthitmehard.
“Youtwoaretryingtobreakmyback!Hasgymnasticsturnedyouintomusclemachinesorwhat?”Ilaughedastheysquealed withdelight.Theirexcitementwasinfectious.
“Forreal,wecanwatch The Princess Bride withyou,andyouwon’tcomplain?”Oliviaasked,alreadypullingmetoward thelivingroom.
“Iwill absolutely complaintheentiretime,butI’vebroughtafriendwithme,andhehasn’tseenit So,nopromises,butI’ll trytoreininthesarcasticcommentsthisonce.”
BothgirlslookedatDillonjustasheemergedfromthelivingroom.Theirexpressionswerewary,notunlikethelookMiss Ritahadgivenhimearlier.Dillonwasn’tthefirstguyI’deverbroughthome,buthewasthefirsttointrudeonmovienightwith the girls. Ihadn’tgivenanythoughtaboutwhether they’d like himor not, butnow the firstflutter ofconcernranthroughmy stomach
Oliviawasthefirsttoapproach,herelevenyearsgivinghertheboldnessonlyamiddleschoolerseemedtopossess.Iheld mybreath,unsurehowthiswouldplayout
“So,youareDominic’sfriend,huh?”sheasked,sizingDillonupasshewalkedclosertohim. Hesimplynoddedratherthanriskthepotentialminefieldofusingactualwords.Smartman.
“Whatdoyoudoforaliving?”sheasked “I’m a comedian,” he replied, and she sighed. Dillon gave me an incredulous look and I shrugged, trying to hide my amusementatmysister’santics
“Showbusinessisn’treliable.Doyouhaveanotherjob?Arealone?”
Ibitmytonguetokeepfromlaughing OliviawasgivinghimthethirddegreebutIalsosawaglintinhereye Thegirlhad beenwatchingwaytoomanymovieslately.
WhenDillonvisiblysquirmed,Idecidedtogivethepoorguyabreak.“Okay,littlesister,that’senoughinterrogatingforone night Wearen’tdating,soyoudon’thavetogivehimsomuchgrief” Oliviaharrumphedandallbutstompedtowardthelivingroom,Allifollowingsilentlybehind.
Asfirstintroductionswent,thatwasn’tsobad BetterthanwithMissRitaanyway
Weallsettledontotheoversizedcouch,withthegirlstomyleftandDillononmyright,andIgrabbedthecommunalpopcorn bowlandhitplayontheremote WhenDillonscootedclosertosnagsomepopcorn,Ifelthisthighpressagainstmineandstay there. His gaze remained fixed onthe screenbutoutofthe corner ofmyeye, Isaw himbitingbacka smile whenIpressed back.That’saboutallthephysicalflirtingI’ddareinfrontofthegirls,atleastwithamannotmyboyfriend,butdamnedifthat tinygesturedidn’tsendmypulseracing
Fridaynightswereourmovienights,atraditionmyfathersstartedwhenIwaslittlethatI’dbeendeterminedtocarryon.The girlswenttobedbysevenonschoolnights,andIdidn’tusuallygethomefromworkuntilnineorlater Thechancetostayup solateonFridaysaddedsomethingspecialtotheevent.
Margaretteneverunderstoodorlikedfamilymovienight,soshetendedtoavoidthemand us,whichwasarelief.Itwouldn’t bethesamewiththewitchhoveringoverusonherbroomstick.Theimagebroughtasmilebacktomylips.Weshouldwatch The Wizard of Oz inherhonornexttime.NotthatI’deverjokeaboutsuchthingswiththegirls,though.Iwashyper-awareof
notlettingmydisdainforourstepmotherinfluencetheirrelationshipswithher,evenwhenitfeltnearlyimpossiblesometimes. Dillonlaughedthroughoutthefirstpartofthemovie.HeandthegirlsbarelyseemedtonoticewhenIpoppedtothekitchen forapopcornrefill WhenIreturned,bothgirlswereflankinghimonthecouch,theireyesgluedtotheTV
The sight of Dillon, a man I barely knew, being so kind to my sisters sent warmth flowing through me. Had we been anywhereelse,Iwould’veleanedoverthebackofthecouchtokisshim Ignoringtheimpulse,Islidtherefilledpopcornbowl ontothecoffeetableinfrontofthemandtookaseatontheothersideofAlli.
Ibecamesointentonwatchingthem,Icompletelyforgottoteasethegirlsaboutthemovielikeusual Bythetimethecredits rolled,OliviaandAlliwerepepperingDillonwithamillionquestions.Itwarmedmyhearttoseethemsorelaxedaroundhim.
“Didyoulikeit?”Oliviaasked,apparentlynothavingnoticedhowmuchhe’dlaughedthroughout.
“Yes! Especiallythe part whenthe guykept saying, ‘Hello, myname is Inigo Montoya Youkilled myfather Prepare to die. ’”
Allthreeofthemrepeatedthefamouslineinunison,andIcouldn’tresistrollingmyeyes
Alli,whonormallyremainedquietaroundstrangers,begantoactoutthescene.SheclaimedtheroleofInigoMontoya,while DillonplayedRugen,thesix-fingeredman AsAllipretendedtostabDillon,bothfullyincharacternow,shesaid,“Iwantmy fatherback,yousonof…”
“Whoa, okaythere, Inigo. That’s enough,” Iinterrupted before she uttered the curse word, and all three burstoutlaughing again “Show’sover Timeforbed”
“Seriously?I’meleven.I’mtoooldtobesenttobedlikeI’mstill…”Olivialookedoverathersisterandsneeredwhenshe whispered,“eight ”
“Your bedtime is the same as it’s been for years. Goading your sister into an argument isn’t going to change that. Now, you’vebothgotfiveminutestobrushyourteethandchangeintopajamas if youwantmetoreadthebook.”
Bothgirlssquealedandrushedupstairs,leavingDillonstaringatmeinsurprise. “Bigbrothersurehastheirnumber.What’s the book?”heasked,followingmetothekitchenwiththeemptypopcornbowl. Ismiledbroadly “Youwouldn’tgetit,”Ireplied Hecockedaneyebrow,lightlyplacinghishandonmyarmwhenwereachedthesink,andsaid,“Tryme.”
My breath hitched at the contact, but I quickly distracted myself with rinsing and drying out the popcorn bowl “We’re readingtheEragonseries,”Isaid.
“Forreal,likethemovie?”
“Yep, but there are a lot more books than there were movies,” I said while heading for the stairs. Please follow me, I thought.
“Andthegirlslikethat?”heasked,soundingperplexed “Loveit,”Isaidovermyshoulder.“So,youcoming?”
“Countmein It’snoteverydaythatahandsomemantreatsmetoafunnyretromovie and anepicbedtimestory”
ThecomplimentmademyheartskipasIquietlyacknowledgedthisbeingthefirsttimeI’dlikedortrustedaguyenoughtolet himjoinmefor theeveningroutinewithmysisters.AtimethatIheldsacred.Ididn’thavetimetoanalyzeit,though,as we hustledupthestairs OliviaandAllihadlittlepatiencetowaitlongfortheirbedtimestory,andIwasn’tabouttoriskletting sisterlycrabbinessruinthebestdateI’deverhad.
Dillon
followedDominicupthestairs,simultaneouslyadmiringtheview ofhisbacksideandthinkingaboutthegentletouchwe’d sharedinthekitchen.Ihadn’tevenmeantanythingbyit,notreally,buthearinghisbreathhitchthemomentIplacedmypalm onhisarmsentajoltofheatsearingthroughme
Ipushedthevisceralmemoryasidewhenwereachedthetopofthestairs,thenwatchedasthegirlsmadeawilddashfrom thebathroomtotheirbeds Iguessedthehousehadatleastfivebedrooms,butforsomereason,thegirlssharedaroom
After they’dcrawledintobedandsettleddown,Dominic satina chair andpointedtoa secondone for me tositdown.I figuredImust’vepassedwhatevertesthe’dlaidoutforme,becausehe’dletmebeapartofthisbedtimeritual.Honestly,Ifelt kindofprivilegedtobeincluded
Dominic opened the bookto a bookmarked page and beganreading. Iwas amazed athow he read the storylike a proper narrator,completewithdifferentcharactervoices I’dinitiallythoughtitstrangeagirlOlivia’sagewouldbecoolwithherbig brother reading to her, but now I understood. Hearing Dominic’s rich, expressive voice breathe life into the story, I was completelyenthralled
Whenhefinishedthechapter,heclosedthebook,gotup,andkissedAlli’sforehead,thenwentovertoOlivia,whoheldher handoutlikeaprincess.Myheartmeltedabitwhenherbrothertookit,bowed,andkissedit.Bothgirlsgiggledathimplaying along
“IthoughtDominicwasthequeen,”IblurtedbeforeIcouldstopmyself.Goodgrief,meandmybigmouth.
All three of themlooked at me wide-eyed before the girls roared withlaughter and Dominic gave me a witheringlook “That,buddy,justcostyouanychanceofyourowngoodnightkiss.”
Thatonlymadethegirlslaughharder “Aah,”Isaid,hopinghewouldn’tmakegoodonhisthreat Evenifhedid,thelookof delightonhissisters’facesmadeitworthit.
Dominicshookhisheadashewalkedpastme,grabbingmyelbowandpullingmeoutoftheroom,sayinggoodnighttothe girlsaswewent
Iwasstillsmilingwhenwestoppedatthetopofthestairs.“You’regoodwiththem,”Isaid.
Helookedatmequestioningly “Goodwiththem?I’veneverthoughtaboutitthatway Don’tgetmewrong,we’veworked throughplentyoftempertantrumsovertheyears,butit’snotgoodorbad,it’sjust…life.”
“Idon’thavesiblings,butevenIknownotallsiblingrelationshipsarethatsweet.”
Dominic didn’t respond and as we reached the bottomof the stairs, he turned to me and sighed. “I’ve knownthemtheir wholelivesandI’vebeentheirbigbrotherformostofit,butI’mmoreliketheirparentthanasibling.Afterourpapadied,our stepmother moved us outhere, awayfromanyremainingfamily NotthatIwanted the girls to be raised bymyhomophobic grandparents,”hesaid,lettingoutanannoyedhuff.“ButIknowMargarette’smotiveswereaboutcontrol,theironybeingthat shealsowantsverylittletodowithus So,besidesMissRita,whohasbeenagodsend,thereisn’tanyonetotakecareofthe girlsbutme.”
Inoddedandfoughttheurgetowraphimintoahug.Ihadnosolutions,nowayofeasingthestressorresponsibilityhefeltin basicallyraisingtwoyounggirls,butIalsogotthemessageloudandclear.Dominicwastellingmehewasapackagedeal.I wasn’tsurewhatIthoughtaboutthat,butIdidrespecthimforit.
“Enoughaboutmyfamilydrama,”hesaidaswereenteredthelivingroomandploppeddownonthecouch,facingeachother “Tellme,whydoesMissRitahateyou?”
Andthereitwas Thequestionthatruinedallthewarm,fuzzyfeelingsI’dbeennurturing “Oh,yeah, that,”Isaid “It’sbad” Hesmiledwickedly.“That’swhyyou’regoingtotellme.”Apparently,Dominiclikedtowatchmesquirm.
Isigheddeeply,knowingIwasn’tgoingtogetawaywithsayingnothing.“Well,whenIwasfour,maybefive,mydadwas
askedtoperforminLondon.Obviously,ahugehonor.Dadwasgoneforamonthandduringthattime,mypapaflewthereand backseveraltimestoseehim.Notwantingtoupsetmyroutine,theyhiredMissRitatobemynanny.”
Dominic hadn’t stopped smiling, which meant he was enjoying this too much and I hadn’t even gotten to the cringy bit “Beingsoyoung,Idon’tremembermuchotherthanonceatthesupermarket,Idecidedtorunawayfromher.WhenIsawher comingafterme,Imight’vestartedscreaming,‘Strangerdanger!’”
“Wow,”Dominicsaid,hiseyescomicallywidenow.“Whatdidshedo?”
“Fortunately, after the store manager threatened to call the police, Miss Rita managed to get my dad on the phone He smootheditall over,informingthemIwasindeedunderhercarewhilehewasoutoftown.Shewasmorethanalittleupset withme.”
“Oh,Ibet”Dominicwaslaughing “I’mtotallygoingtogivehergriefoverthat”
“Ohno,leave italone!Miss Rita is obviouslystill upsetaboutit,noneedtothrow gasoline onthe fire.” Iwas mortified enoughattellinghimthestory Ididn’tneedtogivefurthercauseforhisbelovednannytohateme
“Ican’timagineafive-year-oldbeingbraveenoughtodothat.Howold are younow?”Icaughtthehumorinhisvoice. Ihungmyheadinembarrassment,andIcouldfeelmyselfblushingallthewaytothetipsofmyears “I’mtwenty-two” “Onlyayearolderthanme.Clearly,youmadealastingimpressiononMissRita.Evenafteralltheseyears,sheremembers youplainasday.”
“Istilldon’tknowwhatgotintome,”Isaid,tryingtojustifytheactionsofmyfive-year-oldself “Irememberfeelingangry andconfusedaboutbothmydadsleaving,butMissRitawasalwayssonicetome.Imusthavefiguredshewasthereasonthey weregone,andifIcouldgethertoleave,maybethey’dcomeback”
Dominicdidn’tbuytheweakjustificationeitherandshookhishead.“Whatdidyourdadssaywhentheygothome?” “Ihavenoidea.Ijustknowthatafterthesupermarketincident,shenevertookmeoutinpublicagain,andwhenbothmydads returnedhomeafewdayslater,sheleftandnevercameback.”
“Oh,man,that’stoomuch,”Dominicsaid.“It’sawondershedidn’tquitbeinganannyaltogetherafterthat.”
Hecontinuedteasingmeaboutwhathadtobemymostembarrassingchildhoodmemoryasweloungedcomfortablyonthe couch,ourkneesoccasionallybrushing.Afterhe’dstoppedlaughing,helockedeyeswithmeandsmiled.
“You’re cute as hell whenyoublush, did youknow that?” he asked, whichofcourse just made me blushharder “Ilook forwardtoseeingwhatshadeofredyouturnwhenyoumakeamendswithMissRita.”
Ismileddespitemyself,theidiotinmeresurfacing.“Cute,huh?DoesthatmeanI’llbegettingagoodnightkissafterall?”I asked.Althoughmynervesweredancinglikeabunchofballerinasinsideme,Imanagedtosoundflirty.
Dominiclookedatmylips,thenbackupintomyeyes.“Well,youmakeanintriguingargument.”
He leaned toward me, and justas our lips were aboutto connect, Iheard giggling, thena girl’s voice whisperingloudly, “They’regonnakiss!”
Dominic’sfacefellandsunkbackonthecouch “Sorry,”hemouthedtome Thenheturnedandyelled,“Iknow twoyoung ladieswhoarenotgoingtomakeittotheirfirstyearofhighschoolunlesstheyhightailitbacktobedrightnow!”
I caught a flash of movement near the banister before hearing the girls thunder up the stairs, squealing the entire way. I wonderedhowthey’dmanagedtosneakdownstairswithoutusnoticing
“I’msorry,Dillon,”Dominicsaidashestoodandextendedahandtopullmeupoffthecouch.“Weneedtocallitanight. Textme,though Maybewecangooutsometime Likeafterthosetwohaveturnedeighteen” Ismiled.Iknewthemomentwe’dbeeninterruptedthathe’dkickmeout.AsdisappointedasIwastomissoutonourfirst kiss, Iwas surprised to realize gettingthe bootdidn’tbother me Dominic was onlytwenty-one, buthe was ineverywaya familyman,andIdidn’twanttointerferewiththat.
Whenwereachedthefrontdoor,Iasked,“Wannameetmefordinnersometime?Maybebeforemynextsetattheclub?” Heshrugged “ItalldependsonwhetherIcangetawayornot I’llletyouknow”
Withinseconds,Iwasoutthedoorandsittingaloneinmycar.Icouldn’tstopreplayingtheevening’seventsinmyheadon thedrivehome Despiteitsabruptend,itreallyhadbeenanunexpectedlyfantasticnight Dominicwas…God,hewassosexyandIfoundhisprotectivefamilymanvibebeyondhot.Itookadeepbreathandletit outslowly,thinkingaboutwhatthatreallymeant Hewasmydreamguy,andhewasalsoreallytieddown
“I’mnotreadyfor thatkindofresponsibility,”Iadmittedtomyselfinawhisper.Theideaofbeingafather,or evenjusta fatherfigure,atthispointinmylifehadmebreakingoutinacoldsweat.Hell,I’dneverevenlookedafterapet,letalonetwo impressionablelittlehumanbeings
ThenItookanotherdeepbreathandletitoutonasigh.Iwaslyingtomyself.I’dalwayswantedkids,afamilylikemyown. Notanytimesoonbutthenagain,watchinganamazingmanaboutmyagetakecareofhissistersmademyheartfeelallsortsof funnythings.
IfIwasn’tcareful,itwouldtakelessthanaminutetofallheadoverheelsforDominicandhissweetsisters.WasIreadyto openupmyheartlikethatandriskhavingitstompedon?Isuckedatrelationships.MyexRodneywasproofenoughofthat. ThenIrealizedIwasbeingridiculous.
“Ihaven’tevenkissedthemanyet!”Isaidaloud,chuckling.HereIwaspracticallyenvisioningweddingbellsandparentteacherconferenceswithDominic,andwe’donlyjustmet.“Firstthingsfirst.Datenumbertwo.”
