Chapter1
Quinton
“Dude,myloveforyouislikediarrhea,”HawkenprofessestoDexasheshovesafewmorefriesintohismouthtokeep fromlaughing “Ijustcan’tholditin”
Clearingmythroat,IpullHawken’splateoffriesawayfromhim,grinningwhenhescowlsatmeasIslidetheplatetoward Dex.“DexterI’mprettysureyourbromanceboyfriendjustsaidhisloveforyouisshit.”
Laughing,DexgrabsafewfriesfromHawken’ssharedplateandtossestheminhismouth.“Trustme,IthinkI’mbeginning tobelievehim.Chosemysisterovermeandeverything.”
“She’salotprettierthanyou,andwhatcanIsay?”Hawkenshrugs “Shesucksmydickbetterthanyoudo,man” Dexfrownsandthrowsoneofhisfriesonthetable.“Fuck.AndIwatchedtutorialsforhoursandeverything.”
ZekenudgesHawken’sarm,chuckling “Hemeansporn,bro Hewatchedpornforhours”
“ListenDex,I’vegotthisallfiguredout,”Itellhimwithconfidence.Liftingthehemofmyshirt,Iholditoutforhim.“Feel myshirt.Doyoufeelthat?”
Dexreachesoutandrubsthefabricbetweenhisfingers.“Yeah.”
“That’sboyfriendmaterialrightthere,man.”Iwinkathim.“FuckHawken.There’sanewbromanceintown.”Insteadofthe FrenchfriesHawken’sbeengnawingon,IpassDexmyplateofpretzelbitesandbeercheese
TheguyslaughasDexrubshischinpretendingtoconsidermyproposal.
“Idoenjoyagoodcheese,”hesays “Andifthenextroundisonyou,Imightjusthavetotakeyouupontheoffer,Quinton BeagoodboyandImightevenletyougrabmyassoccasionally.”
Isighlikealovesickteenager.“Bestillmyheart.Ofcourse,thenextroundisonme.”Istandfromourbooth.“Beright back”
IheadtothebarandorderDexandIanotherround,sayinghellotoafewoftheminglingfansfromoutoftownwhoaren’t usedtoseeingtheteamhangoutinapublicbar Pringle’shasbeengoodtousforyearssomostoftheregularsknowthistends tobeourhangoutspot.Occasionallythough,wegetafewnewcomerswhoareshockedtoseeushere.We’rejustgratefulwe haveasafeplacetohangoutandbeourselvesonceinawhileandthemanagementdoesafantasticjobofhelpingfosterthat kindofenvironmentforus.
Cathy,thebartender,handsmemydrinksandIthankher,turningtowalkbacktoourboothwhensomeonecatchesmy attention
“Yes.Quinton,Mom.HisnameisQuintonShay.”
MyheadturnstowardthefemalevoicewhenIhearmyname Awomanseatedatthebaristalkingonhercellphone She’s facingawayfrommesoIcan’tseeherface,buthearingmynamealwaysmakesmetakenotice.Myparentsweren’tgoingfor normalwhentheypickedmyname Theycouldn’tjustsettleonSean,Mike,orJeff Nope Theyhadtodecideonauniquename thatalwayshadmestandingnearthebackofthelineinelementaryschool.Quintonisnotanameyouhearoftenthesedays.
“Whatdoyoumeanwhatdoeshedo?He’safamoushockeyplayer.Itoldyouthat.”
That’s right babe Just another famous hockey player
“Ohyeah.He’sasupergreatguy.Totaldreamboat.Thewholepackage,”shesays.MybrowspeakinresponseasIstand behindhereavesdropping
Well, well, well. Dreamboat huh? Maybe I’m gettin’lucky tonight.
“Imean,hisscheduleisreallybusy,youknow?Withgamesandhischarityworkandall,soIdon’tgettoseehimeveryday butwe’vebeentogetherforaboutsixmonthsnow.”
Myexpressionchangesfromamusementtoshockandthenrightbacktoamusement.
Who the heck is this girl?
“Dinner?”shesqueaks.“Umm,yeah.Hemightbeabletodothat.”
Itiltmyhead,watchingherfrombehindwithmorbidcuriosity Shebringsapalmtoherforeheadandsighs “I’llaskhim butwithshortnoticeandall,youknow…hemightnotbeabletomakeit.”
Wow
This girl’s got balls
There’s got to be a story here and I kind of want to know it.
For shits and giggles of course
Noticingshe’sdrinkingthesamethingI’mholdinginmyhandIlingerabittolistentotheendofherconversation,ignoring Dex’srequestforanotherbeer
“Alright.I’llseehiminthemorningbutuh,I’lltexthimtonightandseeifhecanmakeit…yeah.Okay.Bye,Mom.”
Shelaysherphonedownonthebar,takesadeepbreath,andthendrainstherestofthedrinkinfrontofher.IknowIcould walkawayfromthis ByallmeansIshould walkawayfromthis Maybeit’sjustmylightenedmoodbecauseofourupcoming
All-starbreakormaybeI’mstraightupstunnedbythiswoman’saudacitybecauselasttimeIchecked,I’mnotonlyverysingle, butIalsohaven’tbeenonanactualdateinyears.Whateverthisis,I’mintrigued.
Iftheguysweretohearwhatjusthappened,they’dbeeggingmeontohitonthegirlandhavemyselfafunnight Confidenceisattractiveinawomanandshesurelyhasthat,butsomethingseemsoffthemoreIwatchher.She’snotjoking withafriend She’snottextingsomeoneelse Nottalkingtoanyoneelse,sowhatgives? Whythelie?
ShefinallyturnsandwhenIseeherfaceIknowI’veseenhersomewherebefore She’sdressedinapairoftightblack pants.Maybethey’releggings,Ican’ttell,andanoversizedsweatshirtthathangsoffhershoulder.Herblackbrastrapison display.Herchestnutbrownhairistiedupinamessybun,butit’sthebandanabowthat’smakingmescrollthroughmymental rolodexbecauseIknowI’veseenthiswomanbefore
Idon’tknowwhatmakesmetodoit.MaybesheerdumbcuriositybuthereIamslidingoneofmybeersinfrontofher.
No turning back now
“So,we’remeetingtheparents,Ihear?”
HerjawhangsopenwhenIlowermyselfintotheseatnexttoherandsherealizeswhoIam
“Oh,myGod!”Shegivesherselfafacepalm,agoofysmileonherfaceassheshakesherhead.“Itotallydeservethis,don’t I?Thisiswhathappenstopeoplelikeme.”
Itakeasipofmybeerandsmilebackather “Peoplelikeyou?Doyoumeanwomenwhophoneafriendorinyourcase,a parent,andlietothemaboutdatinghockeyplayers?”
“Shit Youheardallthat?”
Ilaughthistime.“KindofhardtomisswhenIwasstandingjustacouplefeetaway.”
“Ohfuuuudge.”Shebringsherhandsuptoherblushingcheeks.“IamSOOOsosorry.God,youprobablythinkI’mthe biggestpsycho.”Hereyesgrowintohugesaucers.“IswearI’mnotastalkeroranything.”
“It’sfine.Really,”Itellher,mesmerizedbyhermossygreeneyes.“Forgiveme,butIfeellikeIknowyoufromsomewhere andIcan’tforthelifeofmefigureoutwhere What’syourname?”
ShetakesasipofthebeerIgaveher.Partofmewantstochastiseherforacceptinganopendrinkfromaguy.Imightbea famoushockeyplayerbutwe’renotallfine,upstandingmen “Oh I’mKinsleyKendrick ItookpicturesatHawkenandRory’s weddinginthearena.Maybeyousawmethere?”
“Yes!”Isituptaller,pointingmyfingerather.“That’sit.Iremembernow.”Sheworethatprettybluedress.“SorryIdidn’t recognizeyouincasualclothing.”
Sheslouches,slightlyrollinghereyes.“Ugh,yeah,sorry.Idon’tusuallydressupanymoreunlessIabsolutelyhaveto.” “Anymore?”
“Myparents,”shestartswithanannoyednod.“That’swhoIwastalkingtoonthephone.” “Uhoh”Igrin “Thisdoesn’tsoundgood”
“IfItellyouIgrewupinL.A.whereseveralcelebrityfamilieswereourneighbors,doesthatgiveyouanyindication?” “Ah,soyou’reasocialite.”Shenarrowshereyes.“Oooryourparentsare…orwere?”
“Inallhonesty,Ithinkmyparentswouldscoffatthewordsocialite Theypreferwordswithalittlemorefinesse” Ipassherasmirk.“Sospoiledlittlerichgirldoesn’tdescribeyou?”
ShesnortsandIsmilebecauseforwhateverreasonIthinkherlittlesnortiscute “Nothardly Imean,ifmyparentshad anythingtosayaboutit,IwouldbebackinL.A.helpingthemruntheirempireandtakingoverwhentheyretire,buttheirlifeis sofarfromwhatIwant That’swhyImovedhere Farawayfromthem” “Oh?”
“I’veseenenoughofthatlifestyletoneverwanttobeapartofiteveragain.” “Whydoyousaythat?”
Shehuffsoutalightlaugh.“Becausetheperfectlypoisedrichlifejustisn’tforme.I’mmoreofahotmessandhappykind ofgirl” Interesting.
It’snoteverydayyouseesomeonewhocomesfrommoneyanddoesnotwantthelifemoneycanafford Somethingabout herdemeanordrawsmeinthough.LikeshehaslayersIwanttopeelbackoneatatimeasIgettoknowher.
“So,youweretalkingtoyourparents.Doesthatmeanyou’reflyinghometoseethemorsomething?”
“No”Sheshakesherheadwithacringe “They’reintownforafewdaysonbusinessandtheywanttomeetmyrich boyfriend.Becausefarbeitformetodateanormalguywhohasanormaljobandmakesanhonest,normalwage.”Realizing whatshejustsaid,shesqueezeshereyesclosedandcringesagain “Ohshit Ijustputmyfootinmymouth I’msorry,Ididn’t meantosaythatyoudon’t ”
“Itotallygetit,”Ireassureher.“Professionalhockeyisn’texactlyonthelistofnormaljobswithanormalwage.”
“Right,butitsureashellmademymomhappytohearI’mnotanembarrassmenttothefamilyandfoundacelebrityathlete todateinsteadofalocalplumber,thoughI’mnotpositiveshebelievesme.NotthatIcareatall.I’lltellheranythingtokeep
heroffmybacksoIcanlivemylifeinpeace.”
“SocanIaskyousomethingthen?”
“Sure Imean,I’veprettymuchlaidmyentirelifestoryoutforyouwhenyouneverreallyasked,haven’tI?”Shesmiles “Askaway.”
“Whyme?”
“What?”
“Whydidyoutellyourparentsyouweredatingmespecifically”
“Uh…”Shebitesherliptohidehernervoussmile.“Becauseyou’resingleaaandnotatallhardtolookat.”Shewinces. “AaaandyouwerethefirstpersontocometomymindprobablybecauseIsawyourpost-gameinterviewonT.V.”
She’scutewhensheblushes
“Well,that’sasgoodareasonasany,andthanksforthecompliment.”
“No,Ishouldbethankingyou,”shesaysasshesmoothsahanddownmyarm Hersimpletouchcausesmetosuddenlythink aboutwhatitwouldfeelliketohaveherhandsalloverme.Orreallyanyone’shandsforthatmatter.ExceptforDex.Nothis hands “FornotgettingsomeonetokickmeoutofthisbartheminuteyouheardmetellmyparentsI’mdatingyou Accordingto myparentsI’mahotmessofonebaddecisionafteranotherwhichisevidentinthefactIjustpulledalieoutofmyasstosave myselffromtheirwrath.Ireallyamsorryanddon’tworryaboutathing.I’llbetellingthemtomorrowthatyoucaughtabugand can’tmakedinner”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. “OryoucouldtellthemI’mavailable.”
Shecocksherhead “I’msorry?”
What the fuck am I doing?
“Yousaidyourmomprobablydoesn’tbelieveyou,sowhynotshoveherdisbeliefinherface?Itjustsohappens,I’mfree.” “Wait,”shesays,leaningbackonherstool.“Areyouseriouslyofferingtobesuperpettywithmetostickittomyparentsto getthemoffmyback?”
Ilaugh “WhatifItoldyoumynamewasQuintonPettyShay?”
Hereyesnarrow.“Isit?”
“Notatall”Ishakemyhead “Butthissoundslikeanopportunitytoofuntopassup Ifyou’regoingtolietothemaboutus beinginarelationship,gobigorgohome,right?”
“You’reserious?”
“Onehundredpercent.Ihavethedayofftomorrow.Ifyou’rein,I’min.Icoulduseareasontohavealittlefun.”
Sheconsidersitforamoment,anadorablesmirklightingupherface.Inoticethecutedimpleinherrightcheekwhenshe smiles Shereallyisquitepretty
“Canwemakeupsomecrazyshitabouthowwemet?”
“Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway,”Itellherwithagentlelaugh
“Oh,myGod,Ican’tbelieveI’mabouttotakeyouuponthiskindofoffer.”
“Goingonce…goingtwice…”
“I’min!”Shelaughs,takinganotherdrinkofherbeer “I’msofuckingin” “Perfect.Letmegiveyoumynumberandthenyoucantextmethedetails.”
“Okay It’llprobablybesuperupscaleifthat’sokay Myparentswouldneverstepfootinaplacelikethis” Typingmynumberintohercontactlist,Ismile.“Don’tworry.I’llwearadesignersuit.”Istandandshefollows,offering meherhand
“Itwasreallynicemeetingyou,QuintonPettyShay.”
Iwrapherhandinmine,herskinsoftandwarm.Ifindmyselfnotwantingtoletgo,butifIdon’twalkaway,Imaydo somethingwe’llbothreallyregrettomorrow “Thepleasurewasallmine,Kinsley” SheseesherselfoutandIheadbacktowheretheguysareseated,laughingaboutwhoknowswhatandwhocares. “Dude,where’smybeer?”DexaskswhenIlowermynearemptyglasstothetable “OurbromanceisoverbeforeitstartedDexter.I’mgivingallmyfakelovetosomeoneelse.” “Fakelove?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“DoesthishaveanythingtodowithKinsley?”Hawkenasks.“Isawyoutalkingtoher.” “Yeah.”Inod,slidingintothebooth.“Itdoes.Shetoldherparentsshewasdatingme.”
Theshockedexpressionslookingbackatmemakemelaugh “Shewaslying,obviously Shejustwantedherparentsoffher backsoIofferedtofuckwiththemwithherbecausewhythehellnot?”
Zekechuckles “So,you’regoingtopretendtobeherboyfriend?” “Yup.”
“Oh,fuck.Thisoughttobegood.”
“Shutup,youdidnot.”Meredithplacesherhotcoffeemuginfrontofherandwaitsformetoswallowmybite.This cinnamonrollmightbeoneofthebestthingstoeverentermymouthandIamhereforit It’sGod’sgifttocarbloaderslikeme Asoneofmybestfriendssincemiddleschool,MeredithandIhavetreasuredourweeklySundaymorningface-timecalls.We maynotliveinthesamestateanymorebutwe’recommittedtostayingintouch.WhenIknewshewouldbecallingthis morning,Iwalkedtooneofmyfavoritecafesaroundthecorner,setupmyiPad,andhereweare.
“Mere,Idon’tknowwhatthehellcameovermelastnight,butyeah,Itotallydid.”
“Andyourparentsbelievedyou?”
“Theydidn’tsaytheydidn’t.”Ishrug.“Butthenagain,Momdoesn’tusuallycomeoutandsayshedoesn’tbelieveme.I’m sureshe’sassumingI’llmakeupsomeexcusenottomeetwiththemorthatI’llbringsomeoneotherthanQuintoninhisplace Sheseemstobeabletoseerightthroughmemostofthetime.”
MeredithgrinsliketheCheshireCat.“Wellwon’ttheybesurprisedthenwhenthetwoofyoushowup?” “Youthink?”
Shescoffsoutalaugh.“Uh,yeah.Whenwasthelasttimeyouintroducedthemtosomeoneyouweredating?”
“ProbablytwoyearsagowhenIwasdatinghe-who-shall-not-be-named”
Sheleansclosertoherphonecameraasifshe’sclosertome.“Andyouarenevergoingbacktothatlife.Hedoesn’t deserveyou You’resomuchbetteroffnow”
“Iagree.Hewasatotalasshat.”Memoriesofmyex-boyfriendSethfloatthroughmymind.Hewastheperfectguyinthe eyesofmyparentsbutifIhadtohearonemoresidewayscommentaboutmylooksorlackthereof, Dateline would’vehada newstorytotellabouthowItriedtogetawaywithmurder
Meredithkicksbackinherchair.HerfavoritebluechairthatIknowsitsinthecornerofheroffice.“Andlookatyounow, babe You’velandedyourselfaprohockeyplayer”
“Well,notreally.”
Sheshrugs “Hey,youneverknow,right?Theuniverseisficklelikethat Haveyoutextedhimyet?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead,cringing.“I’mkindofafraidhewon’trememberwhoIam.Whatifhewasalittlebuzzedlastnight? OrwhatifhemetsomeotherwomanafterIleftandhetookherhomeandmadesweetlovetoherandnowthey’regetting marriedandhavingthreeandhalfkids,twodogs,acat,andaguineapig?”
“That’soddlyspecific.”Meredithgiggleswithnarrowedeyes.
“Theuniverseisfickle Yousaidityourself”
“Howaboutyoujustdoitnow?”
“Dowhat?”
“Textthehockeyplayer.”
“YoureallythinkIshould?Now?Whatifhe’sstillsleeping?”
“Thenhe’llansweryouwhenhe’sawake It’snotlikeit’stheasscrackofdawn It’steno’clock” “Okay,I’lldoit.”Ipullmyphonefrommypocketandstareathisnumber.“WhatdoIsay?”
“PancakesorFrenchtoast”
“What?”
“AskhimifhepreferspancakesorFrenchtoast.”
“WhywouldIaskhimthat?”
Meredithcocksherhead.“Wouldyouratheryourfirstcommunicationbeaskinghimforadickpic?Orwhetherhewears boxersorbriefs?”
IstareintomyiPadmeetinghergazeandlaughwhenwebothnodandsay,“Boxerbriefs”atthesametime. “Okay,okay,heregoesnothing”
Me:DearMr.QuintonPettyShay.DoyoupreferpancakesorFrenchtoast?
Me:Oh ThisisKinsleyKendrickbytheway I’msorryIshould’veledwiththat Me:Ifyoudon’tremembermejustsendmesomethinglikethedonutemojiandIpromiseI’llleaveyoualone Me:Orifyoudoremembermebutmaybeyoudecidedlastnightwasonewrongdecisionafteranotherandyoudon’tthinkyoucanbemyfakeboyfriendtonight becauseyou’reabusyrichhockeyplayerandI’m well,I’mme,that’stotallycooltoo Me:Maybesendmeabootemoji Youknow,likeyou’regivingmetheboot Me:That’snotasexualthingright?Theboot?Idon’tthinkitis Butifitisandnowyou’reoffended,Isincerelyapologize PretendIdidn’tsayanything Justsend whateveremojiyouwant
Me:Ornoneatall That’sfinetoo Ishouldn’tbetellingyouwhattodo You’reyourownpersonandyoumakeyourowndecisions “Uhh,howmanytextsareyousendinghim?Orareyourecountingeverythingyoutwodiscussedlastnight?”
“Shit!”Iraisemyhead,myeyeslargeroundsaucers.“Ididn’trecountanything.”Glancingbackdownatmyphone,Iask, “DoyouthinkIshouldwritehimagain?Whatifhedoesn’trememberourconversation?” “Relax,Kins I’msurehe’llremember” It’snottensecondsbeforemyphoneisdingingwithanincomingtextandasmilegrowsacrossmyface.
Quinton:Actually,Ipreferwaffles
Quinton:*winkemoji*
Quinton:*yarnemoji*
Quinton:*Octopusemoji*
Quinton:*potatoemoji*
Quinton:*bluecaremoji*
Quinton:*ladderemoji*
Quinton:Ifeellikethoseemojisdon’tgetthecreditorusetheydeserve
Me:Itotallyfeelyouthere.Whousestheyellowspongeemojianyway?
Quinton:Exactly Also,rememberyou?HowcouldIforgetaboutthegirlwhotoldherparentswewereinacommittedrelationship?Fairlysurethatwasafirst formeandthatmakesyouunforgettable
Me:Hmmmnotsureifthat’sacomplimentornotsoI’lljustpatmyselfonthebackandtellmycatheshouldbeproud
Quinton:Youhaveacat?
Me:Yep He’llbesoexcitedtomeetyou Uh,thatisassumingheactuallydoesmeetyouonedayImean Iwasn’timplyinganythingor youknow Maybe pretendIdidn’tsaythat.
Quinton:So,yourpussyismale?
Me:Heis.Yes.AndIguesswhilewe’reonthesubject,mypussyisalsohairless.
Quinton:*wagsbrows*Ahairlesspussyhuh?
Me:Yep HisnameisNutsack
Quinton:*spitsoutdrink*Nutsack???
Me:*winkemoji*Haveyoueverseenahairlesscatbefore?
Quinton:Can’tsaythatIhave.
Me:Picturearelativelyhairlessnutsackandthat’smycat
Quinton:LOL!WellnowImustmeethim.Mylifecan’tbecompleteuntilI’vemetNutsackthehairlesscat.
Me:Icanmakethathappen It’stheleastIcandoforwhatyou’rewillingtodoforme
Quinton:Right So,Ineedtoknowtwothingsbeforetonight
Me:Oh.Okay Shoot
Quinton:What’syourfavoritecolorandwheredoyoulive?
Me:Ummorange.AndI’mintheloftonthecornerofSixteenthandWilliams.
Quinton:Perfect AndwhattimeshallIpickyouup?
Me:Dinnerisatsevensooo…
Quinton:I’llseeyoubetweensixandsix-thirty?
Me:Alright Uh,incaseIforgettosayso,thoughI’msureI’llbesayingitaboutathousandtimestonight,thankyouforthis
Quinton:Nothanksneeded Lookingforwardtoit *Thumbsupemoji* IpocketmyphoneasmybestfriendlooksonwithcuriosityfromherCaliforniahome.“Well?” “Ithinkwe’regoingtogetalongjustfine” “Ishepickingyouup?” “Yep.”
“Andyou’remeetingearlytogetyourstoriesstraight?”
Ishakemyhead,sittingbackinmychairandrippingoffanotherpieceofmycinnamonroll.“Nah.Webothfeelconfident thatwecanpullthisoff Heseemstohaveagoodenoughsenseofhumor,soitshouldbeafuneveningmakinguprandomshit aboutourrelationshipandifsittingthroughthisdinnerresultsinmymotherfinallyleavingmealone,eitherbecauseshethinks I’minaseriousrelationshiporshethinksI’mbatshitcrazy,itwillbewortheveryliewetell” “ThenIwishyoualltheluckintheworld.”
Chapter3
Quinton
“Thanksagain,gentlemen,”Rorysaysasshedishesusallbowlsofchili.It’sherwayofthankingusforhelpingmoveher stuffintoHawken’splace “There’splentymorewherethiscamefromsoeatup Garlicbreadisonthestove”
Rorytoldusshewouldbemorethanhappytohiremovers,butDexwasadamantabouthelpingoutandprettymuch voluntolduswehadtobehere.NotthatIwouldeversayno.Thisteamislikefamily.Thereisn’tmuchwedon’tdotogether andIwouldbendoverbackwardstohelpanyoneofthem EspeciallyRorybecauseitalmostalwayscomeswithhercooking asathankyou.
“Thisisdelicious,Rory,”Itellher,scoopinganotherheapingspoonfulintomymouth Thewarmthofherhomemadechili hitsthespottoday.
“Thankyou I’mgladyoulikeit”Sheturnstotheladies herthreeverypregnantfriends andoffersthemeachasecond helping.
Carissashakesherhead.“Icouldn’teatanotherbiteifItried.”
“Nokidding,”Charleelaughs,pattingherbabybump “IfIeatanotherbowl,I’llbesittingupwithheartburnallnight”
“Good!Moreforme!”Tatumpushesherselfoutofherchairandwaddlestothekitchenforanotherladleofthegoodstuff. “AndbabylikeschilisomaybeDexisrightandit’saboythistime”
Iguessateamthatplaystogetherandhangstogetheralsofuckstogether.Notinaweirdorgykindofwaybutclearlylast seasonwasfilledwithcelebrations.LastsummerthreeofthefourladieswithusonvacationinKeyWestfoundouttheywere pregnantallatthesametimeandthey’reallduewithinaweekortwoofeachother.Whataretheodds?
“Youknow,ifyouallstartpoppingoutthosebabiesatthesametime,Coachisgoingtohaveacoronary.”Ilicktheendof myspoonandthenpointitateachofthemwithmybestparentface “AnditbetternotbeduringtheAnaheimgamebecause they’rekickingassthisyearandImadealittlebetwithOliverMagallanoverwho’sgoingtowin.”
Zekeclapsmeontheshoulder “Don’tworryman I’llbetherenomatterwhat” “Metoo,”Hawkenpromises.“We’llblow’emofftheice.”
“Hey,I’lljustbehappyifIdon’thavetodelivermyownkidagain,”Dexexplains,lookinghelplesslyatTatum.Hekisses hertemple.“YouknowIloveyou,babe,butIthinkIstillhavePTSDfromthatexperience.”
Deadpanned,Tatumreplies,“Yes.Becauseyouweretheonewhosebodydecidedtoexpelademononherbathroomfloor withzeroepidural”
DexconsidersTate’swordsandthennods.“Nowthatyoumentionit,itwouldsaveusaheftyhospitalbillifwejusthada redoofSummer’sbirth Icaughtone,Icancatchthenextonetoo”
Tateflipshimoff,muchtoouramusement.
Standing,Itakemyemptybowltothekitchenandrinseitoutinthesink.“Thanksagainforthechili,Rory.Ineedtoget going.”
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing,Asshat?”Dexasks. Zekeleansoverandloudlywhispers,“Hehasadate” “Ohyeah!Totallyforgotaboutthat.Youstillowemeabeerbytheway.”
“Fuckoff,Dexter”Ilaughandmakekissylipsinhisdirection HawkenmakesupabowlofchiliforRoryandservesheratthetable.“So,you’rereallydoingthis,huh?” “Yeah.Sure.Whynot?Mightbefun.”
“Mightbe?”Colbyaskswithachuckle “You’reliterallygoingtolietothisgirl’sparentsaboutdatingher” “Yeah.”Ishrug.“Whatharmcanitdo?They’llgetoffherbackandwe’llhaveagoodlaugh.”
MiloandCharleelookateachother,playfulsmirksontheirfacesastheysayintandem,“Fakerelationshiptrope!” “What?”
Charleelaughs “Fakerelationshiptrope It’saclassicromancebooktrope SeeitallthetimeinthebooksIedit” “Whatdoyoumean?”
“Imeantwopeoplemakeanarrangementpretendingtobetogether,”shesays,usingquotefingers.“Onlysomewherealong thelinetheyactuallyfallinloveandthere’snothingfakeaboutitanymore”
“Ooohletmeguess,”Iscoff.“Youthinkthat’sgoingtohappentomeandKinsley?”
“It’snotapopularromancetropefornothin,’myman”Milotriestoholdinhischeesysmirkbuthe’snotdoinga particularlygoodjob.
“Yeah?Andwhenwasthelasttimeyousawmeactivelydatingsomeone?” “Uh,notsinceLexiandIdon’tthinkanyofushaveforgottenhowthatturnedout.”
“Butthat’swhythiswillbedifferent,”Charleeexplains.“You’llfallforher.Justwait.” Witharollofmyeyes,Iheadforthedoor “Whateveryousayweirdos Ithinkyoumightreadtoomanybooks”
Charleegasps.“Youtakethatback!Thereisnosuchthingastoomanybooks!”
Laughing,IshakemyheadandwavebeforeIwalkoutthedoortoprepareformyveryfake,notatallreal,date.“Later gators”
IpullupinfrontofKinsley’sapartmentandpressthebuttonbyherdooralertingherthatI’mhere Therearebumpsand thudsandcrashingsoundscomingfromupstairsmakingmewonderwhatonearthcouldbegoingonupthere,andthenthere’s thefamiliarclickoftheintercombeforeKinsley’svoiceshouts,“Comeonup,door’sopen!”Beforeshereleasesthebuttonto thespeakerIhearhershout,“Nutsack!Don’tyoudare!”
Yeahthat’ssomethingyoudon’thearsomeonesayeveryday.
Oh man
This ought to be good.
Climbingthestairstoherapartment,thebumpingandcrashingsoundscrescendo Iknockonthedoorbeforeturningthe knob,peekingmyheadinside.
“Hello?Kinsley?”
“NUTSACKNO!YOUGIVETHATBACK!”
Kinsleyclearlydoesn’thearmecomeinasshe’shastilyrunningafterthehairlessrodent-likecreaturethatjustdarted acrosstheothersideoftheroom wearingclothes
Her hairless cat wears clothes?
Do hairless cats get cold?
Is that why?
This is weird, right?
I’ve never seen a cat wearing clothes
Thefelinejumpsontoanearbyshelf,knockingoffseveralrolledposters,acupofpaintbrushes,andsomewhiteChristmas lights,andthenleapsontothebackofKinsley’scouch KinsleycomesfromaroundthecornerchasingafterNutsackwhois nowmakingabeelinetowhereI’mstandingatthedoor.
“NUTSACK!THOSEAREMY ”
Asifthefloorisaslingshot,thecatbouncesoffhishindlegsandfliesrightintomychest,hisnailsdiggingintomysuit. He’shangingonmefordearlifeandhastheaudacitytomeowatmelikeIgotinhisdamnway.
“Panties”AfrazzledKinsleygasps,comingtoanabrupthaltinfrontofme She’sdressedinafluffyorangerobe,her makeuphalfdone,unlesseyeshadowononlyoneeyeisathingthesedays,andhercurlybrownhairappearsabitunruly.I wrapmyhandsaroundNutsackthecatandpryhissharpenedclawsfrommysuitrealizingheisn’twearingclothesperse “OhGod.”Kinsleypalmsherforehead.“Quinton,I’msosorry.HefellasleepinmycleanlaundrybasketandImust’ve scaredhimawakebecauseheleaptoutofthebasketentwinedwithmy ”Shegesturestothepurplesatinwrappedaroundhis bodyandtriestocatchherbreath.“Panties.”
Watchinghercheeksflushandherearsreddenrightbeforemyeyes,Icantellshe’sembarrassedsoItrytoplayitofflike it’snobigdeal
For anyone keeping track, yes, her hairless pussy did indeed attach itself to my chest wearing her satin purple panties. Yeah, that’s definitely never happened before
HoldingthecatoutinfrontofmeIgiveheranunderstandingsmile.“AndhereIthoughtNutsackwasjustasnazzydresser.” Asifheunderstoodmyeveryword,thecatlooksupatmeandmeowsagain “Nicetomeetyoutoo,Nutsack.”
KinsleytakesabigbreathandreleasesalightlaughasIhandherfour-leggedfriendbacktoher.
“Thanks Uh ”Shequicklyworkstoremoveherpantiesfromthecat’sbodybeforehejumpsdownandscampersacross thefloor.“Sorryaboutthat,butuh,youknow,welcome.”Shepassesmeanervoussmileandthenrunsahandthroughherhair. “I’msorry,Iseemtoberunningatadlate Please,comein Makeyourselfathome I’lljustbeaminute” SheturnsandscurriestotheothersideoftheloftasItakeinthespace.
“Youlivehere?”Iaskher. “Yep.”
Thetopfloorofthisbuildingisonelargeopenstudio.Onesideofthespaceholdsabed,anolddresser,afull-length mirror,andafewpottedplants,whiletherestoftheroomistakenupbyanarrayofartandphotographysupplies Twoeasels standsidebyside,eachholdingadifferentsizedcanvas.Acollectionofotherassortedsizesleansagainstthewallbehindher easels ThreedifferentprofessionallookingcameraswithmorelensesthanIcouldeverknowwhattodowithsitonatableto therightofthedooralongwithalaptopandapairofheadphones.Tomyimmediateleftiscabinetrythattakesuptheentire westwallofthestudioexceptforthelargebasinsinkinthemiddlethatcurrentlyholdsajarofpaintbrushes,twobowls,two spoons,andfourrandomplastictumblers.
Istepfurtherinside,takingnoteoftheartworkhangingonherwalls.Collectionsofoutdoorphotographsalongonewall, andportraitsofrandombodypartsalonganother.
Whoa
Yeah, let’s take a closer look at those.
Thecurveofawoman’shipswiththehintoflacedecoratingherskin,apairoflegsinblackfishnetstockingsleadingdown toredheels,awoman’schestcladinadeeppurplecorset.
I wonder if all these portraits are of Kinsley
If they are…fuuuuuck me.
“Berightthere!”KinsleycallsoutfromwhatIcanonlyassumeisthebathroomaroundthecorner.
“Takeyourtime”
Apairofknittingneedlesormaybeit’scrochet,stickoutofalightbrownballofyarnonthecouch.Ionlyrecognizewhat theyarebecauseDexhasseveralsittingaroundhishouse Nexttotheyarnisaboxfilledwithwhatlookslikecrochetedrocks, eachonewithtwoblackeyesandholdingwhitesigns.IpickoneupandholditinmyhandjustintimeforKinsleytocome aroundthecorner
“Positivepotatoes.”
“Huh?”
Iturnmyheadandshe’sstandingbeforeme,elegantlydressedinablackwrapdressthathitsjustaboveherknee Herhair subduedandtiedbackwithablackbow.Shelooksbeautiful.LikethedayImetheratHawkenandRory’swedding.
“They’repositivepotatoes,”shesaysagain “IliketomaketheminmydowntimeandhandthemouttopeopleImeetor sometimestofriendswhocouldusealittlepick-me-up.”
Iturnthesmall,yarnedpotatoinmyhandandreadthesmallsignit’sholdingthatsays, I may be a tiny potato but I believe in you. Go do your thing.
So,it’snotenoughanymoretosimplycomplimentsomeone.Kinsleygoesoutofherwaytomaketinypotatoesforpeopleto letthemknowshecares Thesentimentmakesmesmile Inthepasttwenty-ishhours,I’velearnedthatKinsleyKendrickliedto herparentsaboutherrelationshipstatus,shecomesfrommoneybutdoesn’twantit,herparentsdon’tapproveofherlife choices,shelivesinastudiospacewithahairlesscataptlynamedNutsack,andcrochetspositivepotatoesforrandom strangersandfriends.
“Andtheportraits?”Iask,gesturingtothepicturesonthewallIwasjustogling. Sheglancesatthehangingsandthensmiles.“Oh,those.I’maboudoirphotographer.”
“Aboudoirphotographer.”
“Mhmm That’smymainjob,actually Iphotographwomen,andsomemen,inlingerieorsometimesnude Whateverthey’re comfortablewith.”
“Aaaandyoudothisbecausetheywantthosepictures?Ordoyousellthemillegally?”
Shelaughs.“No,Idon’tsellanythingbutmyservicesrightnow.Andyes,thepeoplewhocometomewanttohavethe boudoirexperience.”
“I’msorry,I’veneverheardofsuchathing”
“Well,I’mhappytotellyouallaboutit,butwebettergetgoingormymotherwilldonothingbutcomplainaboutusbeing late”
“Right.Dinner.Yeah,”Isay,forgettingallaboutthereasonI’mhereinthefirstplace.Wehaveajobtodotonightandthat’s convinceKinsley’sparentsthatwe’reaseriouscouplemadlyinlove Learningmoreabouttheportraitsonherwallandthe positivepotatoesinaboxandNutsackthehairlesscatwillhavetowait.
Followinghertothedoor,Ihelpherslipintohercoatandescorthertomycar.“Yourchariotawaits.”
Sheclimbsinandreachesforherseatbelt,clickingitacrossherlap
“Sohowoldareyou,Quinton?”sheasksasIpulloutontotheroad. “Thirty-three You?”
“Twenty-eight.”
Twenty-eight?
Fuck…that’s a five-year difference.
Shehuffsoutasoftgiggle.“Iguessthatmakesyoumysugardaddy,huh?”
SuddenlyfeelinghotItugatthecollarofmyshirt
Five years.
That’s not that bad, right?
It’s not like I could be her dad. So, she was thirteen when I graduated high school
Eighteen when I made it to the NHL.
That’s no big deal.
Could be worse. Right? Right? Fuck.
Chapter4
Kinsley
QuintonputstheaddressofCuisine,oneofthemorefamousupscalerestaurantsintown,intohisGPSandpullsoutontothe road
“So,uh,isthereanythingaboutyouIshouldabsolutelyknowbeforewegetintothingstonight?Like,didImissabirthday recentlyorumm,what’syourmiddlename?”
“Right,”Imurmur “Wehavetogothere”
Quintonstealsaglanceinmydirection.“Gowhere?Doweneedtostopsomewherefirst?”
“No,no,no”Ishakemyhead “Sorry,no Ijustmeant ” Ugh.
Here it goes
“Okay,solet’sjustripoffthisbandaid.MyfullnameisKinsleyIdaNippyKendrick,”Irattleoffquickly. Hisbrowspinchbuthecontinuestowatchtheroad.“Uh,Ididn’tquitecatchthat.Canyousayitagain?Maybealittle slowerthistime?”
Sighing,Irepeatmyself.“Kinsley.Ida.Nippy.Kendrick.” “Nippy?”
Inodwitharollofmyeye.“Yep.Iknow.Outstandingchoiceofname,right?”
He’stryingnottolaugh.Icanhearitinhisvoice.“Isit,uh,likeafamilynameorsomething?”
“Somethinglikethat.MymomwantedKinsleyIdabutmysuperperfectspoiledbratofasisterhadthisfavoritestuffed teddybearshenamedNippyandinsistedonherbabysisterhavingthatnametoo,so…”Isighliftingmyarmsinadefeated shrug “MymomconcededandKennedygotwhatKennedywanted Sonowmyinitialsspell ” “KINK.”
“Yeeep,”Idrawl
“Wow.That’s…”HeshakeshisheadandthankGodhedoesn’tfinishhissentence.
“YoucanimaginealltheshitIhadtoputupwithasayoungkidinmiddleschool. Kinky Kinsley or Kinsley the Kink or Hey Kinsley what’s your kink?Totalembarrassmentasaneleven-year-oldyouknow?Soanyway,that’sme.Now,thisis whereyoutellmeyourmiddlenameissomethinglikeSquirtorFlaccidormaybesomethingreallycool,likeFartknocker.”
Hefinallychucklesbutgivesmeasympatheticcringe “I’msorrytotellyouthis,butmymiddlenameisAlan” “QuintonAlanShay?”Ihuff.“That’sso…boring.”
“Itis,”heagreeswithalaugh “That’sme Inthegrandschemeofthings,I’mprettyboring” “I’mcertainthat’snottrue.”
Hiseyesnarrowbuthekeepshisgazeontheroad.“Howcanyoubesosure?”
“Wellfirst,youplayprofessionalhockey.Thatinandofitselfisfarfromboring.” “Iguess.”
Turninginmyseat,Itakeinhisprofile Strongjaw,bulgingarmsifthetightnessofhisdressshirthasanythingtosayabout it.Well-trimmedbeardthat’smorethanafiveo’clockshadowbutnotlumberjacklong.Heappearstobesomeonewhoputs thoughtandeffortintohowhelooks
AndhowhesmellsbecauseohmyGod!Ifitwouldn’tberidiculouslyinappropriatetolickhimrightnow,Iwouldridethe wholewaytodinnerwithmytongueonhisneck.
“So,whatdoyoudowhenyou’renotplayinghockey?”
Hehuffsoutalightchuckle.“YoumeanwhenI’mnotpracticinghockey,goingoverhockeyplays,workingout,ordoing somethingforoursocialmediamanager?”
“Carissa?”Igush.“Oh,mygoshIlovehersomuch!Shewassofuntoworkwithatthatweddingevent.Istilltellpeople allaboutit Imean,asiftheydidn’treadaboutitineverymagazinethereis Alsoyes,Imeant,whatdoyoudowhenyou’renot doingyourjob…which,obviously,isallthingshockey?”
“Uh…”Hestaresmindlesslyattheroadforabit,tappinghisfingersonthesteeringwheel.“IguesswhenI’mnotworking insomecapacityoranother,I’mtryingtorelaxasbestIcan Idon’treallyhave athing,forlackofabetterword”
“Youdon’tgotothedrive-inortakelongwalksattheparkorgotothemovies?”
Heshakeshishead “Notreally”
“Concerts?Artevents?Somethingwithsomeculture?”
“Nope”
“So,youjustsitathomeandstareatthewallorwhat?”
Hecringesthistimewithaslightlaugh.“Man,Iprobablylookabhorrentrightnow.ShouldIturnthecararoundandtake youhome?”
“What?No!”
“I’mjustkidding.”Hewinks.“Ihangoutwiththeguysalot.”
“Yourteammates?”
“Yeah.They’relikefamilytomesousuallywe’retogethermorethanwe’reapart.”
“Andwhatdoyoudowhenyou’rehangingwiththem?”
Hesmirks.“Wouldn’tyouliketoknow?”
Myeyesgrowhugeathisinference “Well,nowIwould,yeah!”
Quintonlaughs.“Ipromiseit’snotthatexciting.Usually,we’resittingaroundatsomeone’shousewatchinghockeywitha beerinourhands.Sometimesweplayvideogamesorevenboardgameswhenthespousesandgirlfriendsarearound.”
“Well,thatsoundslikefun!”
“Itis.Imean,weallgetalonggreat.So,IguesswhatI’msayingisI’mboringwhenit’sjustme.”
Iwavemyhanddismissinghisself-deprecation “Nah Don’tyouworryonebit Bytheendofthisnight,you’llbeQuinton AlanShay,themostnon-boringprohockeyplayerIcouldhaveevermet.”
Iturnmybodybackaroundtofacethefrontofthecar,smoothingoutmydress Quintonstealsseveralglancesmyway,a humoredsmileonhisface.
“Idon’tknowexactlywhatthatmeans,Kinsley,butsomethingtellsmeI’mgoingtoenjoythisdinnerwithyouandyour familyverymuch”
“Aslongasyouhaveyoursenseofhumorwithyou,Ipromisethiswillbeafuneveningforusboth.”
“So,you’renotworriedaboutbeingwithyourparentsthen?”
“Hellno.She’llpretendtocareaboutsomethingsandthenjabmewithherpassiveinsultstellingmehowgreatmysisteris doingyadda,yadda,yaddalikeshealwaysdoes.”
“Thatdoesn’tsoundgoodatall.”
“Yeahwell,she’llalsobedrinkingsoIcanmakeupwhatevershitIwanttoaboutmylifeandshewon’trememberadamn thingItellher”
“Hencethesupposedseriousrelationshipwithme.”
Icanfeelmycheeksheatathiscomment “Yeah Exactly”
QuintonpullsoverinfrontofCuisine andthenhopsout,walkingaroundthecartoopenmydoorforme.Hetakesmyhand andgiveshiskeystothevaletwhohandshimaticketwithapolitenod.
“Shallwe,Kinky?”
Isnortinlaughterandsqueezehiswarm,stronghand.“Weshall.Let’sdothis.”
Asfarasintroductionsgo,MomandDadwereaswelcomingtoQuintonasIknewtheywouldbegivenhissocialstatus andbankaccountstanding Myparentsarenothingifnotsnobsfortherichandfamous Ifitmakesthemmoney,theywantit If it’sworthmoney,theyownitandifnot,theybuyit.Ifit’snoneofthosethings,theyhavezerointerest. Hencemeandmylife.
They’vesnubbedtheirnosesatlittleoldmeforyearsafterIfinallyendedthingswithSethandtoldmyfamilyIwasmoving toChicagotofocusonmyart.
“Art?” TheywouldsaywitharolloftheireyesasifPicassoandMonetslidoutofthebirthingcanalwithpaintbrushesin theirhands. “Nobody buys new art, Kinsley. It’s not worth anything.”
Yep IfIhadapennyforeverytimeIheardthatlineovertheyears,IcouldmovetoFranceandbuildastudiorightnextto theLouvre.Tonightthough,myparentsareplayingtheirgameofwoo-Kinsley’s-boyfriend-because-he’s-rich-like-them.Ihave nodoubttheybothassumedIwouldshowupemptyhandedwithmyusualexcuses,sothejokeisonthembecauseQuinton AlanShayandKinsleyIdaNippyKendrickshoweduptoplay
“So,tellmeQuinton,howdidyoumeetourbeautifulKinsley?”Yeah,mymomjustcalledmebeautiful,butonlybecauseof whoIbroughttodinnerwithme
“It’safunnystoryactually,”heanswersashepicksuphisdrinkandtakesasipwhilegivingmesomeside-eye.Itakethat asmycuetojumpinsoIgigglealittleandnod.
“Funnyindeed,”Isay.“IhitQuintonwithmycar.”
Mymomgaspsassheclutchesthenonexistentpearlsaroundherneck.“Kinsley!”
“It’sfineMom Ididn’thithimthathard Iwasn’tspeeding Butifyousawafull-grownmaninapinksparklytutufluttering downabackroadlateatnightsingingshowtunes,youwould’vefreakedoutandlostcontrolofyourcarforasecondtoo.” Quintonnearlyspitsouthisdrink
“DearLord,Kinsley,”mydadchastises.“Tellmeyoudidn’toffertosleepwiththispoorguytogetoutofgettingsued.”
“Itwasn’tlikethatatall,Mr.Kendrick,”Quintonanswersformewithashakeofhishead.“Itwasallmyfault.I’mtheone whohadbeendrinkingalittletoomuchthatnight.Imadeasillybetwithafewteammatesoveranothergamewewere
watchingtogetherandobviously,Ilost.”
Dad’sbrowspinchtogether.“That’squitethepunishment.Amonetarybetwould’vebeenmuchless…embarrassing.”
“Meh Noneofuswanteachother’smoney That’snofun Theguyshadagoodlaughwatchingmefulfillmypunishment Thosearememorieswe’llrememberandlaughoverforyearstocome.” Swoon!
See parents? Money isn’t everything.
“Anyway,Ididn’tevennoticeherdrivingbyinallmydivaprincessgloryandIaccidentallysteppedoutinfrontofher” “Mercy!”Momcries.“Thankgoodnessyouwereokay.”
“Ohyeah,Iwasfine.”Quintonputshisarmaroundmyshouldersandpullsmeintohim,hishandsmoothingupanddown myarm “KinsleywasniceenoughtogivemearidebacktothehousewhereIwasstaying Shewasanangelthatnight,”he saysbeforeplantingakissonthesideofmyhead.
Double swoon!
“Yep.Andhewouldn’tgetoutofmycaruntilIgavehimmynumberandthenthatentirenighthewastextingmerandom emojisthatnobodyeveruses Iwonderedifmaybehehadaconcussion Itwasweirdforsure,butalso,Ithoughtitwas endearingandcute.”
“Whodoesn’tloveagoodleftarrowemojiorthefleurdelisorthe ”
“Yellowsponge,”Igiggle,finishinghisthoughtforhim
“Exactly.”Quintonglancesbackatmymom.“IaskedKinsleyoutafterthatmoretothankherfornottakingpicturesthat nightandsellingthemtothetabloids,butalso,sheintriguedme”
“IevenmadehimthatcheesecakewiththecoconutImadeacoupleofyearsagothateveryoneloved.Remember,that summerpartywiththeSwintons?WhoknewcoconutwasQuinton’sfavorite?Heatethewholething!”
ThatearnsmeawinkandasmilefrommyfakeHottieMcHotpants.“ItwasdeliciousandIwassmitten.Kinsley’s… differentfromotherwomenI’vedatedbefore.”
“Oh,she’sdifferentalright,”Mommumbles,stealingaglanceatmyfatherwhoscoffsoutachuckle “Maybealittlebitof yourmotivationfortheultimatesuccessandyourobviouscompetitivedrivewillruboffonourdaughter.”Momleansinand whispers,“She’shadherheadinthecloudsabitlatelyifyouhaven’tnoticed”
“Mom…”
Here it comes
Shewavesherhanddismissively.“I’mjustsaying.”
Quintonstiffensbesideme,hisarmstillsnugaroundmyshoulder.“Actually,IfindwhatKinsleydoesfascinating.She’s reallyfindingherplaceinthishugecity Herfun-lovingpersonalityiswhatattractedmetoherthemost EveryoneIknowjust wantstobeinthesamespaceasher.Ifyouaskme,weneedmorepeoplelikehertokeepusrootedinourhumanity,you know? ”
“Mmm.”Clearly,Momdoesn’tseemimpressed.“Yes,Kinsleydefinitelydigsherfeetinwhenitcomestowhatshewants verseswhatsheneeds.Youcallthemroots,Quinton,butIseethemmorelike…treetrunks.Insanelystubbornandwithouta purpose Herkindofartforonething I’vetoldheramilliontimesthere’snomoneyinmodernartbyartistswithnonamefor themselves,butheresheis,livinginthishugecity,insistingshebeallowedtochaseadream.”
“It’snotadream,Mother It’smy ”
OurfoodisdeliveredtothetablebeforeIcanfinishmythoughts.Avertingmyeyestomylap,ItellmyselfthefasterIeat, thefasterwecangetoutofthishellandthenIcanthankQuintonforhiskindnessandbeonmyway IfI’mlucky,Icanstillget inagoodhourofpaintingandthencuddlewithNutsackfortherestofthenight.
“Didyoursistertellyoushe’sbeingpresentedwithanaward?”
For what, Mom? Most expensive tits?
“Nope.ButI’msureyou’regoingtotellme.”
“It’stheannualCherylStevensWomanoftheYearawardforallherphilanthropywiththoseinner-citychildren” Ofcourse,she’sbeingawardedforsendingarandomcharityabigfatcheckwhensheneversetsfootanywheretoactually beofhelporservicetoothers That’sexactlyKennedy
“Wow.”IforkapieceofsteakfrommyplateandstickitinmymouthbeforeIcansaywhatIwanttosayinsteadofwhatI shouldsay.Afterchewingafewtimes,Ifinallynod.“I’llhavetocongratulateher.”
“So,Quinton,”myfatherstartswhilechewinghisfiletmignonafewmomentslater “Anyinterestintheluxuryhospitality business?”
“Hotelrealestate,youmean?”Quintonasks “Indeed.Greatopportunitiesforinvestment,youknow.”
InwardlyIrollmyeyes. Like Quinton doesn’t know how to manage his money, Dad Quintondabsthecornerofhismouthwithhisnapkin.“Actually,yes.I’masilentinvestorinmytwinsister’shotelresortin Hawaii.”
What?
He has a twin sister?
I didn’t know this!
But I have to act like I’ve known all along. “Areyoureally?”Oh,nowMomisinterested Ofcourse,what’snottoloveaboutinvestmentsandrealestate?Isthiswhat allrichpeopletalkabout?“Onewemightknowof?”
Liketheyknoweveryresortintheworld
Okay,theymightknowalloftheminCaliforniaormaybetheNewEnglandcoastbutlet’snotgooverboard.
“It’sasmallfamily-ownedresortcalledKamanaWanalaya.Wasinmybrother-in-law’spseudofamilyforyearsandwhen theywantedtoretire,heandmysisterweregettingmarriedanddecidedtomoveoutthereandtakeovertheresort They’ve beendoingawonderfuljobwithrenovations.I’mexcitedtogetoutthereduringtheoffseasontoseetheplace.”
“That’swonderful!”Momexclaims “Isn’tthatwonderfuldear?”
Dadnods.“Yes,well,itseemswehavesomethingincommonnowQuinton.DeborahandIpurchasedtheSilverPines LuxuryResortinBreckinridgeandwe’veaddedaworldclassspaandwejusthiredafive-starMichelinchefforthenew restaurant.Ourgrandopeningisattheendofthemonth…”
Nooo no, no, no…
He can’t Shit.
He’s not going to
“Andtherewillbemanynoteworthypeopleinattendancetohelpuscelebrate.Wewouldlovetohaveyoubothjoinusin our ”
“Ohguys,remember,it’sthemiddleofhockeyseason.”Mynervesbegintoflutterthroughmystomachatthethoughtof spendinganentireweekendwithmyparents.OrmakingQuintonhavetofulfillthisfakeagreementanylongerthantonight. “Quintonhasabusygameschedule He’llhardlyhaveti ”
“I’dlovetocome.ThankyoufortheinvitationMr.andMrs.Kendrick.”
What the fuck?
Does he hear himself right now?
“Ohplease,dear,it’sDeborah.DeborahandSteve.”
“Right.Steve,Deborah.Thankyou.Ithinksometimeatyourresortsoundswonderfulandjustsohappens,sinceI’mnot participatinginthisyear’sAll-Stargame,I’llhaveafewdaysoff.”
What is he doing?
“It’ssettledthen.”Dadnodswithasmile.We’llhostyouinoneofourluxurycabins.” I would rather lick shit from an ice-cream cone
“Great!”Igivethemawell-plasteredsmileandpassaswiftkicktoQuintonunderthetable.Hemerelychucklesin response.“Can’twait.”
WespendthenextfewmomentsinsilenceenjoyingourmealsbeforemydadstartstalkinghockeywithQuinton ThenMom cutsinwithquestionsabouthischaritywork,onceagainleavingmeoutofanykindofconversation.Igetit.Quinton’sthenew guyforthem Theywanttoknowallthethings AndIknownownottoexpectmuchfrommyfamilywhenI’mtheblacksheep whodecidedtotaketheroadlesstraveled.Itwasmychoicenottogointothefamilybusiness.Itwasmydecisionnottospend myadultliferubbingshoulderswiththerichandfamous,alwayswearingafakesmileandpretendingmylifeisperfect Still,itwouldbenicetoatleastbeacknowledgedatthetable.
“Whatthehellwasthat?”IunbuttonmycoatoncebackinQuinton’scar,theneedtofreemyselffromanykindof confinementgrowingstrongerbytheminute.
“What?Youdon’tthinkitwentwell?”
Fanningmyface,IgiveQuintonanapologeticsmile.“Imean…Iguessitcould’vegoneworse,butyoudoremember acceptingmyfather’sinvitationtojointheminBreckenridge,right?“ “Yeah…aboutthat.”
“Don’tworry.Icangetyououtofitwithnoproblem.I’lljusttellthemthaty ” “No”Hecutsmeoffwithashakeofhisheadashepusheshishandthroughhishair “Don’ttellthemanything” HepullsthecaroutontothestreetjoiningtheregularflowoftheeveningtrafficandallIcandoisstare. Athim Attheroad.
Athimagain.
“Idon’tunderstand.Youreallydon’tneedtogo.They’lltotallyunderstandifyou ”
“Idoneedtogo.” “Why?”
“BecauseIneedyourhelp”
Quinton
“Youneed my help?”
Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoing IthinkIfeelabitlikeafishoutofwaterandI’monlysayingthatbecause,well,Ihaveno ideawhatthehellitfeelsliketoactuallybeafishoutofwaterbutI’massumingit’sabitlikethis.Thefeelingofhavingtheair suckedoutofyouwhenyourealizeyou’renolongerswimmingcomfortablyandsoyou’reflippingyourfinsasfastasyoucan tryingtocatchthatbreathyouknowyouneedtosurvive It’souttheresomewhere,youjustcan’treachit LikeIsaid...afishoutofwater.
That’swhatIthoughtofthemomenttheKendricksstartedtalkingabouttheirnewresortandinvitingmetoattendtheirgrand opening.
Panic
NotbecauseIwasbeingaskedtocome.Itwasmorebecausetheyweretalkingaboutcharitiesandcelebritiesandbeinga partofthatwholeworld.ItdawnedonmeasIwaschattingthatinacoupleofmonthsI’llbeattendingacharityeventforthe organizationIworkwithandtheverylastthingIwanttodoisshowuptherealonelookinglikeapatheticlonelysapwhen she’ll betherewithanothermanshowingoffherweddingrings.
“Yes,Ineedyourhelp”
Kinsleyblinksafewtimesbeforenodding.“Okay.WhatdoesithavetodowithSilverPinesResort?”
“Itdoesn’t,”Ianswer.“Notreallyanyway.Thisismorelike…atitfortatkindofthing.”
Sheturnsinherseattofacemeabit.“Titfortat,huh?” “Yeah.”
“Alright I’mallears”
Grippingthesteeringwheel,Itakeadeepbreathandreleaseitheavily.“Okay,soyouknowhowyouaskedmetoposeas yourboyfriendbecauseyouhadalreadytoldyourparentswewereathing?” “Yeah.”
“Maybeyoucoulddothesamethingforme.”
Kinsley’seyesgrowhugeandhermouthopenswide.“Oh,myGod.QuintonShay,didyoutellsomeoneweweredating too?”
“What?No!”Ishakemyhead “It’snotlikethat” “Oh.Okay.”
“RememberatdinnerIwastellingyourparentsIworkverycloselywiththischarityforkidscalledGAME?”
“Yeah.Growing…umm,I’msorryIcan’tquiterememberwhatGAMEstandsfor.”
“GrowingAthleticallyMindfulEnthusiasts.It’sanorganizationthatcollaborateswithcommunityandschoolsports programs.Theydoalotofcoachtrainingandleadershiptrainingwithkidsandadults.Evenparentstoo.Theirfocusison team-sportsplayandteachingothershowteamsportscanhelpdevelopayoungathlete’spositivementalhealth.”
“Right!Yeah That’sseriouslycool Whatagreatassettoanysportscommunity”
“Yeah.Itis.Andit’sbeengreatworkingwiththemforthelastfiveyearsorso.Anyway,theirannualfundraisingeventisin theearlyspringtowardtheendofourseasonandyouknow ”Ishrug
Kinsleyshakesherhead.“Nope.Idon’tknow.Don’thaveaclue.”
Ugh She’s going to make me say it
“ThisusedtobesomethingmyexandIdidtogetherforacoupleofyears Igotherinvolvedwiththeorganizationandshe kindofranwithit.Nowshe’severywheretheyare.”
“Aaah Igetit So,thisexisgoingtobethere”
“Undoubtedly.”
“What’shername?”
“Lexi.LexiStock.”
Kinsley’smouthhangsopen.“YoumeanLexiStockfromthewomen’ssoccerteam?” “Yeah”
“Whoa!Youtwodated?”
“Yeah Foracoupleofyears”
“Andyouwanttomakehermajorjealous?Isthatwhyyouwantmetogowithyou?”
“Ye-wait no ImeanIcouldn’tcarelessaboutmakingherjealous She’salreadymovedonandmarriedsomeother douchewhoI’msurehaswaymorecelebritytohisnamethanme.”
“Isthatwhyyoubrokeup?”sheasks. “Huh?”
“Didsheditchyouforaquote-unquotebiggercelebrity?”
PangsofangershootthroughmychestatthememoryofLexileavingme.
Thatnightontheredcarpet MyarmsaroundthewomanIloved.
Untilshewalkedstraightoutofthemintotheembraceofanotherman Talkabouthumiliation.
“Somethinglikethat Look,I’lldoitifImust,butIwouldrathernotgotothiskindofeventaloneso youknow I’llgoto SilverPineswithyouifyou’llbemydateforG.A.M.E.night.”
Shetouchesmyarmtenderly.“Ofcourse,I’llgowithyou,Quinton.Icanbeadotinggirlfriend.I’llevenraveaboutyouin thewomen’srestroomandtelleveryonehowskilledyouareinthebedroom”Shewinks “I’llhavethemallwantingapieceof youbytheendofthenight.”
Afaintsmilespreadsacrossmyface “Youdon’thavetodothat I’mperfectlyfinehavingafakegirlfriendforthenight withnounnecessarydrama.Plus,withtheothercelebritiesthatwillbethere,Ihardlydoubtanyonewillcareaboutme.” Kinsleyscoffsalaugh “Ifyouwanttobelieve,thatyougoonahead,buthaveyoueverbeenawomaninawomen’s restroomwhencelebritiesarearound?”
“Uuuhno.”
“Thentrustme They’llallbetalkingaboutyourdicksizebeforethey’reevenfinishedreapplyingtheirlipstick” “GoodGod,canwomenthinkofnothingelsetotalkaboutinabathroom?”
Kinsleynarrowshereyesasshestudiesme “Umm,no No,wecannot Andareyouseriouslytellingmeyouguysdon’ttalk shitinthelockerroom?”
Herquestionmakesmelaughbecausefuck,we’vehadsomedoozieswhenitcomestopersonalconversationsinthelocker room.
LikethescratchesonHawken’sbackfromRory. Whoseassreignssupremeamongtheteam Miloandhiscockrings.
Dexterand well,justaboutanyoneheeverfuckedbeforeTatumcamealong ColbyandhisLuckyCharmsfightwithCarissa.
Colby’sbrotherandhisMardiGrasshenanigans.
“Touche.Isupposeyouhaveapoint.So,isthatayestoextendingourarrangement?”
“It’sayes,Mr.Shay.Youhaveadeal.I’llbehappytoposeasyoursupersexyandlovinggirlfriendandpromisetobeat yourdisposalthewholetime”
“Supersexy,huh?”
Shesnortsinthemostunsexywaybutitmakesmelaughbecauseshe’snothingifshe’snotcute “Imean,hello!You’re puttingmeupagainstLexiStock!She’slike…gorgeousand…ridiculouslyathletic,butdon’tyouworry.I’mtotallyupforthis.I justhopethiseventisaneveninggigbecauseit’sgoingtotakemealldaytogetmyselfreadytoknockthatbombshelloutofthe park”
WhyKinsleythinkssolittleofherselfisbeyondme,thoughIexpecthermotherhasmadequiteacondescendingimpression onherifwhatIobservedtonighthasanythingtodowithit
“Firstofall,Kinsley,you’reabeautifulpersoninsideandout.IknowthisalreadyandI’vebarelyspentmorethanfivetotal hoursinyourpresence Secondly,andtrustmewhenItellyouthis,LexiStockisnotthegoddessthemediamakesherouttobe Iknowthatfirsthand.”
“Ohyeah?”
“Yeah”
“Areyousayingshefartsinhersleepandhascelluliteliketherestofus?”
Itrynottochucklebutdammit,it’shardtotellifshe’sbeingseriousorifshe’sjokingwithme “Sheabsolutelyfartsinher sleep.Shealsohashorriblemorningbreath,andshecan’tsaythewordbreakfast.” Kinsleygiggles “What?Whatdoyoumeanshecan’tsaybreakfast?”
Ishakemyhead,smirking.“Shecan’tpronounceitcorrectly.Shesays‘breftist’everysingletime.” “No,shedoesnot.”
HoldingupmyrighthandIlaugh “SweartoGod”
“Youaretoofunny!”
“I’mjustsaying,comparisonisthethiefofjoy Youseemtobesomeonewithalotofjoyandajoyfulpersonalityis attractivesodon’tsellyourselfshort.”
“That’sextremelysweetofyou,Quinton.Thankyou.Andforwhatit’sworth,thankyouverymuchfortonight.Youdid great.I’msorrymyparentswereabit…”
Shedoesn’tfinishhersentencesoIfinishitforher.“Passiveaggressivebutmostlyaggressive?”
SheturnsherheadtolookoutherwindowsoIcan’tseeherface.“Mhmm.”
Uh oh That didn’t sound like a happy response
It bothers her more than she lets on
SilencefillsthespacelikeanelephantintheroombeforeIfinallyaskwhat’sbeenonmymindallevening.“Isitalways likethatwiththem?Foryou,Imean?”
“Moreoftenthannot,”shesighs.
“Havetheyactuallyseenyourworkbefore?Theymustknowhowtalentedyouare”
“TheyhavenoideathatI’maboudoirphotographer.TheyknowIpaintanddabbleinotherkindsofphotographybutthe boudoirphotographyiswhatI’mmostpassionateaboutrightnow.”
“Andwhyisthat?Whatmakesitspecialtoyou?”
Sheshrugs.“Mm.Ihavemyreasons.”
WhenshesaysnomoreIknowit’sasensitivesubjectshe’snotcomfortabletalkingaboutwithme Atleastnotyet,so naturallyI’mintrigued.Idon’tseeKinsleyKendrickassomeonewhotakessexypicturesofpeopleforherownsensual pleasure Therehastobemoretoitandforsomereason,I’mreallyinterestedtoknow
“Haveyoualwaysbeenseenastheoutcast?Toyourparents?”
“Umm,well,therewasthisstretchofaboutsixmonthsbackwhenmyyoungerbrotherwasateenagerthathewasontheshit listbecausehegotcaughtwithdrugswhichofcoursemadethefamilylookbad Thatdidn’tgooverwellforhim,butMomand Dadsenthimawayandwhenhecamebackhewentrightintothefamilybusiness.Nowtheythinkheturnspissintogold.”
“Wow Amodern-dayRumpelstiltskin,huh?”
Shelaughsquietly.“Yeah.Exactly.So,oncehewasallstraightenedoutthingsweregooduntilIbrokeupwiththeguyIwas with.Myparentsweren’thappyaboutitandwereevenmoreupsetwhenItoldthemIwasmovingheretoliveonmyown.”
“Theydon’tapproveofyouhavingyourownlife?”
“Theydon’tapproveofmenotdoingwhattheydo.Orlivingthewaytheylive.”
“Thatseemsallsortsoffuckedup”
“Tellmeaboutit.Somuchforjustwantingyourkidstobehappy,youknow?”
“Areyou?HappyImean?”
She’squietforanotherfewsecondsbeforesheanswers,“I’mnotunhappy.Weallhavegoals,right?Weallhaveaspectsof ourliveswewishwerealittlebetterthantheyarebutthat’swhatmakeslifeexciting.Ifweallhadwhateverwewantedthe waywewanteditallthetime,therewouldneverbegrowth.Nothingwouldeverchangeormoveforward.Wewouldbe stagnant.”
“Iguessyou’reright I’veneverthoughtaboutitlikethatbefore”
“Right?Imeanifyourteamwonthecupeverysingleyear,youguyswouldhavenothingtopushfor.Atsomepointyouhave tonotwinitsoyoucanworkhardtowinitagain”
“Heynow.Let’snotgothatfar,alright?”Isaywithalaugh.“Welikehavingthatbeautifulcupinourpossession.”
“I’mnonegativeNellie,Quinton,butyoumightwanttoprepareyourself.”Shetouchesmythighandfuckme,mybody reactswithaquickzaptomychestandIdon’thateit
What the hell?
“Whatgoesupmusteventuallycomebackdown That’sjustscience” “Fuckscience,”Ilaughagain.“ThatcupstaysrighthereinChicago.”
Shesmilesandpretendstotypeanoteintoherphone “Okay,okay Fuck science I’llbesuretoputthatonmynext positivepotato.”
SheslidesherphoneintohercoatpocketandbeamsatmeasIpulluptoherstudio.Somethingabouthersmilecatchesme offguard Maybeit’sthatthisoneisn’tforcedlikeitwasthroughoutdinner Maybeit’sthatthisisn’tanervousI-hope-thisgoes-alrightkindofsmile.It’spurehonesttogoodnessandcomfortablehappinesscomingfromheranditmakesmesmileright backather Italsomakesmewanttogivehermoretosmileabout.
“Ihadfuntonight,Kinsley”
HersmilefadesandforamomentIwonderwhatIsaidwrong.“Listen,IfeellikeIoweyouahuge,no,gargantuanapology forbringingyouintomyhotmessofalife.YouseemlikeagreatguyandIjust…ugh.”Shebringsahandtoherforehead.“I involvedyouinmystupidlieand ”
“Hey.”Ipullherhanddownfromherfaceandseethetruesincerityinhereyes.“Youdidn’tmakemedoanything.Ididn’t havetotalktoyouthatnightatthebar Iwanted to Youintriguedmeandhey,itturnsoutyou’rehelpingmeasmuchasI’m helpingyou.Noharm,nofoul.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,really.Itwasgoodformetogetoutofmyownheadandnothavetothinkabouthockeyforanight,sothankyoufor that.Ineededthelaughsanddinnerwasgreat.”
Shetakesadeepbreath,exhalingasshenods.“Okay.Yeah.Ihadfuntonighttoo.Parentalpassiveaggressivenessbut mostlyaggressivenessnotincluded.”
“Don’tworryaboutthem I’llbeonmyA-gamenexttimenowthatI’vespentsometimewiththem CanIwalkyouup?”
Sheshakesherheadquicklyandthenopenshercardoor.“Ohno.That’snotnecessary.Besides,whoknowswhatkindof newhavocNutsackhasgottenhimselfintowhilewe’vebeenaway”
“Justpromisemeifhe’swearingabrathistime,you’lltakeapictureandsendittome.”
Shesnortsinlaughter,whichmakesmechucklealloveragain She’scutewhenshelaughslikethatandIgetakickoutof bringingitoutofher.Hermossygreeneyessparklebackatme,hercheekspulledbackwithhersmile.
“Right.Icrossmyheart.Goodnight,Quinton.”
“Goodnight,Kinsley”
SheclosesthepassengersidedoorandIrolldownthewindowasIwatchherwalktowardherfrontdoor.
“Oh,heyKinsley?”
Sheturnsquickly.“Yeah?”
“I’mallergictococonut”
Herheadtilts.“What?”
“Thecheesecakeyoutoldyourparentsyoumademe,”Iremindher.“Itwasdelicious,I’msure,butyoushouldprobably knowI’mallergic”
Shegivesmeasympatheticlook.“Tococonut?”
“Tococonut”Inod “Justthoughtyoushouldknow”
Shecringesbutagrees.“Wisethinking.”Shetapsonhertemplewithonefinger.“I’llstorethatknowledgeawayforsafe keeping.Goodnight.”
“NightKinsley.”
Iwaittomakesureshegetsinsidesafelybeforepullingbackoutontotheroadtowardhome.Partsofthenightreplay throughmymind MyfirstmeetandgreetwithNutsack,ourmanylaughsthroughoutthenight,heruneasearoundherparents, makinghersmileonelasttimebeforesheleft.Overall,notsuchabadnight.ThetrafficlightaheadofmeturnsredandasI stoptowaitIleanmyheadbackontheheadrestandtakeadeepbreathmurmuringtomyselftheonlythoughtinmymind “She’spretty.”
Quinton
“You’reshittin’me.”Zekelaughsasheblocksoneofmyshots. IgivehimthecheesiestgrinandmoveoutofthewayforMilototakehisshotnext “PromiseI’mnot,man Sheforreal callshimNutsack.”
Zekelaughssodamnhardhisfootslipsandhefallsonhisass.“That’sthefunniestthingI’veeverheard.Shehasapussy namedNutsack?”
“Rascallylittlebuggertoo,”ItellhimasIreachoutahandtohelphimup.“Flewrightacrosstheroomcomingrightatme wearingapairofherpurplepanties”
“Holyshit.”Dexslidestoahalt.“Yougotalookatherpantiesonyourveryfirstfakedate?”Hepatsmyback.“Welldone, Shay Iwasn’tsureyouhaditinyou”
“Isawherpanties,yeah,buttheyweren’tonher.” Hawkenwagshisbrow.“Evenbetter,bro!”
“That’snotwhatImean,asshat!Itwasjusther Nutsackwasplayinginhercleanlaundry”
“Oh,God!Stop!Stop!”Milograbshisside,bendingoverinlaughter.“Ican’tbreathe.”
Colbygrabshischinbetweenhisthumbandforefinger “Soooyourgirlhasanutsack?That’snewinfo” “Ugh.No.Sorry,thisisallcomingoutwrong.”
“Yeahitis,”Zekesays,blockingafewmoreshots.“Wegetitthough,Ithink.Butdidthenightgoasplanned?Didyoublow herparentsoutofthewaterforher?What’shernameagain?”
“Kinsley.Andyeah,IthinkIdid.TheyeveninvitedustothegrandopeningoftheirnewskiresortinBreckinridge.” “Us?”Dexasks “DefineUs”
“Kinsleyandme.”
Hawkensweepsuptheremainingpucksintoapileontheice “Wait Ithoughtthiswasallfake” “Itis.”
Hisbrowspeak.“Oh.So,yousaidnotoBreckinridge?”
“No,IsaidyestoBreckinridge.”
“Whatthefuckfor?”
“Yeah,”Dexsays “Howlongisthisrusesupposedtolast?” Igivethemahalfheartedshrug.“Idon’tknow.She’sfuntohangaroundsoIfiguredwhatthehell.Let’sgototheirresort. Plus,thenshecancomewithmetotheGAME NightGala”
“Oooh,Iseenow,”Zekeclaims.“Titfortat.”
“Yeah.”
“BecauseLexiwillbeatthegala.”
Eventhementionofhernamemakesmystomachlurch.NotbecauseIstillhavefeelingsforher.Idon’t.Atall.Butthere wasatimewhenIthoughtIreallylovedherandwhensheleftmeitwasdevastating IsworeIwouldn’tputmyselfthroughthat kindofromanticbullshitagain.
“Exactly”
“Alrightthen.”Milonods.“BringhertogamenightonSunday.” “What?Why?”
“Yousaidshewasfuntohangaround,sowhynot?”
“BecauseKinsleyandIaren’tathingandourgamenightsarejustfor…youknow,family.” “Charleewasn’tfamilythefirsttime,”heargues “Webarelyknewherbutyouallacceptedherpresencejustfine” “Tatetoo.”Dexnods.“Youguysdidn’tbataneye.”
Ishakemyhead “Nah Idon’tthinkI’llinviteher She’sprobablybusyanyway” “Right.”Zekewinks.“Busykeepinghernutsackwarm.”
“Hey!”WeallturntothesoundofCoachDenovah’svoice.“Enoughwiththeteapartyoverthere,gentlemen.Let’sgetback infocusoryoucanhandtomorrow’swinovertoPhoenixbeforeyouevertakethegoddamnice!”
Iwasn’tlyingwhenItoldKinsleyI’maratherboringperson.Onastretchofawaygames,lifeseemsbusyandexciting travelingfromcitytocity,hangingoutinhotelbars,laughingforallhoursofthenight Butwhenwe’reathome,itcan sometimesbeawholeotherstory.Sure,wehaveournightsoffwherewe’llhangouttogetherbutnowthatsomanyoftheguys havesettleddown,sometimestheywantaquietnightathomewiththeirwomen Idon’tblamethem Asprofessionalhockey playerswespendalotofourtimearoundpeople.EvenIappreciatesomealonetimeonceinawhile.
Tonightthough,it’sbeenaboringnight,whichmeansI’mlyinginbedearlierthanusualsemi-watchingtheGrizzliesplay
theRiverFrogsbutalsoflippingthroughsocialmediaonmyphone
Idon’tknowwhatmakesmedoitotherthansheer curiosity,butIsearchKinsley’snameandgrinwhenapictureofherandNutsackshowupwithherprofile.Mostofthe picturesshe’spostedarerandomthingsnobodyelsewouldeverpost Acloseupofanacornfollowedbyachipmunkwithtwo acornsinitsmouth.Thenthere’saparkbench,I’mguessinginLincolnPark,withseveralpigeonssharingapieceofbread,a pictureofthesunsetoverthelake,snowflakesflyingnearastreetlight,andthenapictureofNutsackwearinganuglyChristmas sweater.
Thatonemakesmelaugh
ItapthelikebuttononherpictureofNutsackandthenimmediatelywonderifthatwasanokaydecision. Is she going to read into that?
Maybe I should unlike it
But if she’s already seen it, she’ll know I unliked it. I’ll look like a jerk if I unlike it now
But if she sees it, she’ll know I was creeping through her profile. Does that make me look stalker-like?
I didn’t even follow her yet. Should I follow her?
Will the public get the wrong impression if I follow her? Surely not. I’ve followed other women before…right?
Am I being creepy?
MychestfeelstightandIalmostbreakoutintoasweatagonizingoverwhatIshoulddowhenmyphonedingsinmyhand.
Kinsley:*eyeballsemoji*
“Fuck.”Ihuffoutalaugh. She saw me.
Or maybe she didn’t and it’s just a coincidence. Nah Fuck it She’s on to me Just write back asshole.
Me:*catemoji**laughingemoji*
Kinsley:*frozenfaceemoji*
Me:*peanutemoji**sackofmoneyemoji**heartemoji*
Kinsley:LOListhatyourwayofsayingNutsack?LOLThat’screative,Shay
Me:*winkemoji*Justtryingtogetmymoney’sworthoutofmyemojiusage
Kinsley:Youdon’tusuallyuseemojiswhenyoutext?
Me:Rarely AndwhenIdoit’seitherathumbsuporhearttomysisterorthemiddlefingeremojitotheguysontheteam
Kinsley:Ohyeah,thenwedefinitelyneedtobroadenyouremojivocabulary It’lltakepractice Ihopeyou’reupforthechallenge
Me:Ipromisetogiveitmybestshot.
Kinsley:Soooyoucreepingmysocialmediaorwhat?
Me:Iwasbored
Kinsley:Oh,soI’mjustsomethingyouthinkaboutwhenyou’rebored?Thanks Ithink
Me:Ididn’tmeanitlikethat I’mSorry!
Kinsley:*smileemoji*Noworries I’monlyteasing
Me:Forwhatit’sworth,Ilikedyourpictures Youhaveacreativeeye
Kinsley:It’swhatIlove.There’sbeautyallaroundusinourworld.Sometimeswejuststruggletoseeitbecausewe’retoobusyfocusingonthenegative.
Me:Isupposeyou’rerightaboutthat Doyoudoanythingwiththesephotosyoutake?Publishthem?
Kinsley:Ifit’stherightpictureattherighttime,sure Somearejustformyownhappiness SomeItakeasinspirationforpainting
Me:So,photographyandpaintingandcrochetingpositivepotatoes?Whatdon’tyoudo?
Kinsley:LOLprettymuchanythingelse Artisfunforme Ilikehavingfun
Me:Umm,doyoulikeplayinggames?
Kinsley:LikeMonopoly?Orlikebeerpong?
Me:LOLboth,Iguess.ButIwasthinkingaboutboardgames?Cardgames?Groupgames?Thatsortofthing.
Kinsley:Yeahsure!Whydoyouask?
Me:Theguysontheteamgettogethereverynowandthentohaveagamenight Spousesusuallycometoo It’susuallyafunnight Lotsoflaughing,probablya goodbitofswearingifyou’reupforit
Kinsley:Areyouaskingmeout???*thinkemoji*
Me:Uh well Imeanconsideritafakedatewithyourfakeboyfriend?Ijustthoughtifwe’regoingtospendtheweekendtogethersoonitmightbeagoodidea togettoknowyoualittlemore Andyou,me Andtheteamasthey’resuchabigpartofmylife
Kinsley:Dotheyknow?
Me:Aboutusandourarrangement?Yeah,theyknow Itellthemeverything We’relikebrothers There’snotmuchIkeepfromthem Isthatnotokay?I’msorry, Iprobablyshould’vetalkedwithyouaboutitfirst
Kinsley:Nonsense Ofcourse,it’sokay It’syourlife I’mtheonewhoputyouinthisstickysituation
Me:Trustme You’rehelpingmeoutjustasmuchasI’mhelpingyou Don’tsweatit Justcomehangout Ipromiseit’llbefunifyou’reintogameswithfriends
Kinsley:I’malwaysupforhavingfun I’dlovetocome!*smileemoji*
Me:Perfect.I’lltouchbasetomorrowandworkoutthedetails.
Kinsley:Alright Soundsgood G’nightQuinton
Apartofmewasreallyenjoyingchattingwithher,soseeinghersayg’nightbringsaquickstabofdisappointmenttomy chest.Iswallowbacktheweirdfeelingandsendheronelasttext.
Me:G’nightKINK
Kinsley:LOLI’msooogoingtoregrettellingyouthat
Me:*Winkemoji*
Kinsley
“Sowhereareweonthefakeboyfriendthing?Didyoutakehimtomeetyourparents?”
MeredithsipshercoffeefromthebackporchofherhomewhileIsitatmydeskinmystudio
“Oh,myGod,yeahIdidandhewasfantastic!”
Shepullsablanketoverherlapandsnugglesintoherseat.“Tellmeeverythinganddon’tyoudareleaveanythingout.”
“Firstofall,myparentswereannoyingashelltryingtowoohim,youknowhowtheydo” Meredithrollshereyes.“Yep.Totallyknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Yeah,butitdidn’tbotherQuintonatall Hematchedtheirenergyandgaveitrightbacktothem Also,he’sasilentinvestor inaHawaiianresortthathissisterowns.”
Hereyesgrowhuge “Giiiirltellmeyou’regettingyourselfaninvitationthere?”
“Nah.Thatwasn’tanythingwediscussed,but…”Ileanforwardwithmypointerfingerintheair.“Mydadwasso impressedthatheknewaboutbusinessinvestmentsthatheinvitedQuintontoBreckinridgeforthegrandreopeningofSilver PinesResortandhesaidyes!”
Meredithspitshercoffeealloverherself.“WHAT?”Shelooksdown,irritatedwithherselfandwipescoffeeoffher pajamas “Wait,backup So,yourparentsinvitedhimtocometotheirresortinColoradoandheaccepted?”
“Yeah.Buttheydidn’tjustinvitehim.Theyinvitedus,Mere!Us…asacouple.” Shelaughs.“Oh,thisistoogood.Andhesaidyes?” “Yep.”
“Andhowdoyoufeelaboutthat?” “Well,notnearlyasnervousaboutitasIwasthatnight,especiallywhenhesaidhe’sdoingitbecauseheneedsmyhelp too.”
“Ooohsotitfortat”Shewinks “Ilikeit” “Yeah.Hehasthischarityeventhegoestoeveryyearanddoesn’twanttogoalonebecausehisexwillbethere.Sheworks closelywiththecharitytoosoheaskedmetobehisplusoneandIsaidyes.”
Meredithtwistshermouth,hereyesnarrowing.
“What?Icantellyou’rethinkingsomethingoverthere.”
Sheleansforwardandwhispers,“Didhekissyou?” “What?No.”
Shefallsbackintoherseat “Damn” “Whatissoupsettingaboutthat?”Ilaugh.“We’renotarealthing.”
“Iknow,butwouldn’tithavebeenniceifyoucould’vegottenalittlehappyendingoutofthenight?Someone-nightstand actionorsomething?”
“Uh,notwhenIhavetoseehimagain,Mere!Whatifthesexisbadandthenwe’reforcedtospendaweekendtogether?” “SexwithQuintonShay?HockeyplayerfortheChicagoRedTails?”Sheshakesherhead “Nofuckingwayishebadin bed.I’mcallingitrightnow.Ibethecouldmakeyoucomeforhours.”
Mycheekspinkenathercomment “IbethecouldmakemecomewithjustthesoundofhisvoiceifI’mbeinghonest,butI canNOTgothere.”
Meredithlaughs.“Ooohthisisgoingtobesomuchfunwatchingyoufigurethisout.”
“Ooohmygosh,Kinsley!Youturnedmeintoasexyminxwiththesepictures!”
IsmileatAda,mylatestboudoirclient.“HoneyIdidn’tdoanythingbutpointandshoot.Thesexyminxstaringbackatusis allyou”
“Butwhoevenisthatgirl?MyGod,Idon’tevenrecognizeher.”
“Well,Icertainlyhopeaftertodayyoustartacceptinghowabsolutelyfuckingstunningyouare Youblewthissessionoutof thewater,”Itellherasweflipthroughmoreofherfinishedphotos.“Imeanthesearecenterfoldworthyifyouaskme.” IcatchaglimpseofAda’sfacejustbeforeshebowsherhead,atearslippingdownhercheek.
“YouknowIneverthoughtIwouldeverdosomethinglikethis,”shestates,swiftlywipinghertearsaway “No?”
“Huhuh”
“Tellmewhatmakesyouemotionalaboutseeingthesenow?”
“Ijust ”Sheshakesherhead “IhadsomeonewhomademefeellikeIwashiseverything,youknow?Ineverdoubted myselfwithLuke.ButwhenhepassedawayIfellintothisrabbitholeofgriefanddepressionandIkindof…lostmyself.”
ImetAdaayearagowhenIadoptedNutsackattheanimalshelter.Shewassokindandenthusiasticabouttheanimalsshe
