Chapter1
Quinton
“Dude,myloveforyouislikediarrhea,”HawkenprofessestoDexasheshovesafewmorefriesintohismouthtokeep fromlaughing “Ijustcan’tholditin”
Clearingmythroat,IpullHawken’splateoffriesawayfromhim,grinningwhenhescowlsatmeasIslidetheplatetoward Dex.“DexterI’mprettysureyourbromanceboyfriendjustsaidhisloveforyouisshit.”
Laughing,DexgrabsafewfriesfromHawken’ssharedplateandtossestheminhismouth.“Trustme,IthinkI’mbeginning tobelievehim.Chosemysisterovermeandeverything.”
“She’salotprettierthanyou,andwhatcanIsay?”Hawkenshrugs “Shesucksmydickbetterthanyoudo,man” Dexfrownsandthrowsoneofhisfriesonthetable.“Fuck.AndIwatchedtutorialsforhoursandeverything.”
ZekenudgesHawken’sarm,chuckling “Hemeansporn,bro Hewatchedpornforhours”
“ListenDex,I’vegotthisallfiguredout,”Itellhimwithconfidence.Liftingthehemofmyshirt,Iholditoutforhim.“Feel myshirt.Doyoufeelthat?”
Dexreachesoutandrubsthefabricbetweenhisfingers.“Yeah.”
“That’sboyfriendmaterialrightthere,man.”Iwinkathim.“FuckHawken.There’sanewbromanceintown.”Insteadofthe FrenchfriesHawken’sbeengnawingon,IpassDexmyplateofpretzelbitesandbeercheese
TheguyslaughasDexrubshischinpretendingtoconsidermyproposal.
“Idoenjoyagoodcheese,”hesays “Andifthenextroundisonyou,Imightjusthavetotakeyouupontheoffer,Quinton BeagoodboyandImightevenletyougrabmyassoccasionally.”
Isighlikealovesickteenager.“Bestillmyheart.Ofcourse,thenextroundisonme.”Istandfromourbooth.“Beright back”
IheadtothebarandorderDexandIanotherround,sayinghellotoafewoftheminglingfansfromoutoftownwhoaren’t usedtoseeingtheteamhangoutinapublicbar Pringle’shasbeengoodtousforyearssomostoftheregularsknowthistends tobeourhangoutspot.Occasionallythough,wegetafewnewcomerswhoareshockedtoseeushere.We’rejustgratefulwe haveasafeplacetohangoutandbeourselvesonceinawhileandthemanagementdoesafantasticjobofhelpingfosterthat kindofenvironmentforus.
Cathy,thebartender,handsmemydrinksandIthankher,turningtowalkbacktoourboothwhensomeonecatchesmy attention
“Yes.Quinton,Mom.HisnameisQuintonShay.”
MyheadturnstowardthefemalevoicewhenIhearmyname Awomanseatedatthebaristalkingonhercellphone She’s facingawayfrommesoIcan’tseeherface,buthearingmynamealwaysmakesmetakenotice.Myparentsweren’tgoingfor normalwhentheypickedmyname Theycouldn’tjustsettleonSean,Mike,orJeff Nope Theyhadtodecideonauniquename thatalwayshadmestandingnearthebackofthelineinelementaryschool.Quintonisnotanameyouhearoftenthesedays.
“Whatdoyoumeanwhatdoeshedo?He’safamoushockeyplayer.Itoldyouthat.”
That’s right babe Just another famous hockey player
“Ohyeah.He’sasupergreatguy.Totaldreamboat.Thewholepackage,”shesays.MybrowspeakinresponseasIstand behindhereavesdropping
Well, well, well. Dreamboat huh? Maybe I’m gettin’lucky tonight.
“Imean,hisscheduleisreallybusy,youknow?Withgamesandhischarityworkandall,soIdon’tgettoseehimeveryday butwe’vebeentogetherforaboutsixmonthsnow.”
Myexpressionchangesfromamusementtoshockandthenrightbacktoamusement.
Who the heck is this girl?
“Dinner?”shesqueaks.“Umm,yeah.Hemightbeabletodothat.”
Itiltmyhead,watchingherfrombehindwithmorbidcuriosity Shebringsapalmtoherforeheadandsighs “I’llaskhim butwithshortnoticeandall,youknow…hemightnotbeabletomakeit.”
Wow
This girl’s got balls
There’s got to be a story here and I kind of want to know it.
For shits and giggles of course
Noticingshe’sdrinkingthesamethingI’mholdinginmyhandIlingerabittolistentotheendofherconversation,ignoring Dex’srequestforanotherbeer
“Alright.I’llseehiminthemorningbutuh,I’lltexthimtonightandseeifhecanmakeit…yeah.Okay.Bye,Mom.”
Shelaysherphonedownonthebar,takesadeepbreath,andthendrainstherestofthedrinkinfrontofher.IknowIcould walkawayfromthis ByallmeansIshould walkawayfromthis Maybeit’sjustmylightenedmoodbecauseofourupcoming
All-starbreakormaybeI’mstraightupstunnedbythiswoman’saudacitybecauselasttimeIchecked,I’mnotonlyverysingle, butIalsohaven’tbeenonanactualdateinyears.Whateverthisis,I’mintrigued.
Iftheguysweretohearwhatjusthappened,they’dbeeggingmeontohitonthegirlandhavemyselfafunnight Confidenceisattractiveinawomanandshesurelyhasthat,butsomethingseemsoffthemoreIwatchher.She’snotjoking withafriend She’snottextingsomeoneelse Nottalkingtoanyoneelse,sowhatgives? Whythelie?
ShefinallyturnsandwhenIseeherfaceIknowI’veseenhersomewherebefore She’sdressedinapairoftightblack pants.Maybethey’releggings,Ican’ttell,andanoversizedsweatshirtthathangsoffhershoulder.Herblackbrastrapison display.Herchestnutbrownhairistiedupinamessybun,butit’sthebandanabowthat’smakingmescrollthroughmymental rolodexbecauseIknowI’veseenthiswomanbefore
Idon’tknowwhatmakesmetodoit.MaybesheerdumbcuriositybuthereIamslidingoneofmybeersinfrontofher.
No turning back now
“So,we’remeetingtheparents,Ihear?”
HerjawhangsopenwhenIlowermyselfintotheseatnexttoherandsherealizeswhoIam
“Oh,myGod!”Shegivesherselfafacepalm,agoofysmileonherfaceassheshakesherhead.“Itotallydeservethis,don’t I?Thisiswhathappenstopeoplelikeme.”
Itakeasipofmybeerandsmilebackather “Peoplelikeyou?Doyoumeanwomenwhophoneafriendorinyourcase,a parent,andlietothemaboutdatinghockeyplayers?”
“Shit Youheardallthat?”
Ilaughthistime.“KindofhardtomisswhenIwasstandingjustacouplefeetaway.”
“Ohfuuuudge.”Shebringsherhandsuptoherblushingcheeks.“IamSOOOsosorry.God,youprobablythinkI’mthe biggestpsycho.”Hereyesgrowintohugesaucers.“IswearI’mnotastalkeroranything.”
“It’sfine.Really,”Itellher,mesmerizedbyhermossygreeneyes.“Forgiveme,butIfeellikeIknowyoufromsomewhere andIcan’tforthelifeofmefigureoutwhere What’syourname?”
ShetakesasipofthebeerIgaveher.Partofmewantstochastiseherforacceptinganopendrinkfromaguy.Imightbea famoushockeyplayerbutwe’renotallfine,upstandingmen “Oh I’mKinsleyKendrick ItookpicturesatHawkenandRory’s weddinginthearena.Maybeyousawmethere?”
“Yes!”Isituptaller,pointingmyfingerather.“That’sit.Iremembernow.”Sheworethatprettybluedress.“SorryIdidn’t recognizeyouincasualclothing.”
Sheslouches,slightlyrollinghereyes.“Ugh,yeah,sorry.Idon’tusuallydressupanymoreunlessIabsolutelyhaveto.” “Anymore?”
“Myparents,”shestartswithanannoyednod.“That’swhoIwastalkingtoonthephone.” “Uhoh”Igrin “Thisdoesn’tsoundgood”
“IfItellyouIgrewupinL.A.whereseveralcelebrityfamilieswereourneighbors,doesthatgiveyouanyindication?” “Ah,soyou’reasocialite.”Shenarrowshereyes.“Oooryourparentsare…orwere?”
“Inallhonesty,Ithinkmyparentswouldscoffatthewordsocialite Theypreferwordswithalittlemorefinesse” Ipassherasmirk.“Sospoiledlittlerichgirldoesn’tdescribeyou?”
ShesnortsandIsmilebecauseforwhateverreasonIthinkherlittlesnortiscute “Nothardly Imean,ifmyparentshad anythingtosayaboutit,IwouldbebackinL.A.helpingthemruntheirempireandtakingoverwhentheyretire,buttheirlifeis sofarfromwhatIwant That’swhyImovedhere Farawayfromthem” “Oh?”
“I’veseenenoughofthatlifestyletoneverwanttobeapartofiteveragain.” “Whydoyousaythat?”
Shehuffsoutalightlaugh.“Becausetheperfectlypoisedrichlifejustisn’tforme.I’mmoreofahotmessandhappykind ofgirl” Interesting.
It’snoteverydayyouseesomeonewhocomesfrommoneyanddoesnotwantthelifemoneycanafford Somethingabout herdemeanordrawsmeinthough.LikeshehaslayersIwanttopeelbackoneatatimeasIgettoknowher.
“So,youweretalkingtoyourparents.Doesthatmeanyou’reflyinghometoseethemorsomething?”
“No”Sheshakesherheadwithacringe “They’reintownforafewdaysonbusinessandtheywanttomeetmyrich boyfriend.Becausefarbeitformetodateanormalguywhohasanormaljobandmakesanhonest,normalwage.”Realizing whatshejustsaid,shesqueezeshereyesclosedandcringesagain “Ohshit Ijustputmyfootinmymouth I’msorry,Ididn’t meantosaythatyoudon’t ”
“Itotallygetit,”Ireassureher.“Professionalhockeyisn’texactlyonthelistofnormaljobswithanormalwage.”
“Right,butitsureashellmademymomhappytohearI’mnotanembarrassmenttothefamilyandfoundacelebrityathlete todateinsteadofalocalplumber,thoughI’mnotpositiveshebelievesme.NotthatIcareatall.I’lltellheranythingtokeep
heroffmybacksoIcanlivemylifeinpeace.”
“SocanIaskyousomethingthen?”
“Sure Imean,I’veprettymuchlaidmyentirelifestoryoutforyouwhenyouneverreallyasked,haven’tI?”Shesmiles “Askaway.”
“Whyme?”
“What?”
“Whydidyoutellyourparentsyouweredatingmespecifically”
“Uh…”Shebitesherliptohidehernervoussmile.“Becauseyou’resingleaaandnotatallhardtolookat.”Shewinces. “AaaandyouwerethefirstpersontocometomymindprobablybecauseIsawyourpost-gameinterviewonT.V.”
She’scutewhensheblushes
“Well,that’sasgoodareasonasany,andthanksforthecompliment.”
“No,Ishouldbethankingyou,”shesaysasshesmoothsahanddownmyarm Hersimpletouchcausesmetosuddenlythink aboutwhatitwouldfeelliketohaveherhandsalloverme.Orreallyanyone’shandsforthatmatter.ExceptforDex.Nothis hands “FornotgettingsomeonetokickmeoutofthisbartheminuteyouheardmetellmyparentsI’mdatingyou Accordingto myparentsI’mahotmessofonebaddecisionafteranotherwhichisevidentinthefactIjustpulledalieoutofmyasstosave myselffromtheirwrath.Ireallyamsorryanddon’tworryaboutathing.I’llbetellingthemtomorrowthatyoucaughtabugand can’tmakedinner”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. “OryoucouldtellthemI’mavailable.”
Shecocksherhead “I’msorry?”
What the fuck am I doing?
“Yousaidyourmomprobablydoesn’tbelieveyou,sowhynotshoveherdisbeliefinherface?Itjustsohappens,I’mfree.” “Wait,”shesays,leaningbackonherstool.“Areyouseriouslyofferingtobesuperpettywithmetostickittomyparentsto getthemoffmyback?”
Ilaugh “WhatifItoldyoumynamewasQuintonPettyShay?”
Hereyesnarrow.“Isit?”
“Notatall”Ishakemyhead “Butthissoundslikeanopportunitytoofuntopassup Ifyou’regoingtolietothemaboutus beinginarelationship,gobigorgohome,right?”
“You’reserious?”
“Onehundredpercent.Ihavethedayofftomorrow.Ifyou’rein,I’min.Icoulduseareasontohavealittlefun.”
Sheconsidersitforamoment,anadorablesmirklightingupherface.Inoticethecutedimpleinherrightcheekwhenshe smiles Shereallyisquitepretty
“Canwemakeupsomecrazyshitabouthowwemet?”
“Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway,”Itellherwithagentlelaugh
“Oh,myGod,Ican’tbelieveI’mabouttotakeyouuponthiskindofoffer.”
“Goingonce…goingtwice…”
“I’min!”Shelaughs,takinganotherdrinkofherbeer “I’msofuckingin” “Perfect.Letmegiveyoumynumberandthenyoucantextmethedetails.”
“Okay It’llprobablybesuperupscaleifthat’sokay Myparentswouldneverstepfootinaplacelikethis” Typingmynumberintohercontactlist,Ismile.“Don’tworry.I’llwearadesignersuit.”Istandandshefollows,offering meherhand
“Itwasreallynicemeetingyou,QuintonPettyShay.”
Iwrapherhandinmine,herskinsoftandwarm.Ifindmyselfnotwantingtoletgo,butifIdon’twalkaway,Imaydo somethingwe’llbothreallyregrettomorrow “Thepleasurewasallmine,Kinsley” SheseesherselfoutandIheadbacktowheretheguysareseated,laughingaboutwhoknowswhatandwhocares. “Dude,where’smybeer?”DexaskswhenIlowermynearemptyglasstothetable “OurbromanceisoverbeforeitstartedDexter.I’mgivingallmyfakelovetosomeoneelse.” “Fakelove?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“DoesthishaveanythingtodowithKinsley?”Hawkenasks.“Isawyoutalkingtoher.” “Yeah.”Inod,slidingintothebooth.“Itdoes.Shetoldherparentsshewasdatingme.”
Theshockedexpressionslookingbackatmemakemelaugh “Shewaslying,obviously Shejustwantedherparentsoffher backsoIofferedtofuckwiththemwithherbecausewhythehellnot?”
Zekechuckles “So,you’regoingtopretendtobeherboyfriend?” “Yup.”
“Oh,fuck.Thisoughttobegood.”
“Shutup,youdidnot.”Meredithplacesherhotcoffeemuginfrontofherandwaitsformetoswallowmybite.This cinnamonrollmightbeoneofthebestthingstoeverentermymouthandIamhereforit It’sGod’sgifttocarbloaderslikeme Asoneofmybestfriendssincemiddleschool,MeredithandIhavetreasuredourweeklySundaymorningface-timecalls.We maynotliveinthesamestateanymorebutwe’recommittedtostayingintouch.WhenIknewshewouldbecallingthis morning,Iwalkedtooneofmyfavoritecafesaroundthecorner,setupmyiPad,andhereweare.
“Mere,Idon’tknowwhatthehellcameovermelastnight,butyeah,Itotallydid.”
“Andyourparentsbelievedyou?”
“Theydidn’tsaytheydidn’t.”Ishrug.“Butthenagain,Momdoesn’tusuallycomeoutandsayshedoesn’tbelieveme.I’m sureshe’sassumingI’llmakeupsomeexcusenottomeetwiththemorthatI’llbringsomeoneotherthanQuintoninhisplace Sheseemstobeabletoseerightthroughmemostofthetime.”
MeredithgrinsliketheCheshireCat.“Wellwon’ttheybesurprisedthenwhenthetwoofyoushowup?” “Youthink?”
Shescoffsoutalaugh.“Uh,yeah.Whenwasthelasttimeyouintroducedthemtosomeoneyouweredating?”
“ProbablytwoyearsagowhenIwasdatinghe-who-shall-not-be-named”
Sheleansclosertoherphonecameraasifshe’sclosertome.“Andyouarenevergoingbacktothatlife.Hedoesn’t deserveyou You’resomuchbetteroffnow”
“Iagree.Hewasatotalasshat.”Memoriesofmyex-boyfriendSethfloatthroughmymind.Hewastheperfectguyinthe eyesofmyparentsbutifIhadtohearonemoresidewayscommentaboutmylooksorlackthereof, Dateline would’vehada newstorytotellabouthowItriedtogetawaywithmurder
Meredithkicksbackinherchair.HerfavoritebluechairthatIknowsitsinthecornerofheroffice.“Andlookatyounow, babe You’velandedyourselfaprohockeyplayer”
“Well,notreally.”
Sheshrugs “Hey,youneverknow,right?Theuniverseisficklelikethat Haveyoutextedhimyet?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead,cringing.“I’mkindofafraidhewon’trememberwhoIam.Whatifhewasalittlebuzzedlastnight? OrwhatifhemetsomeotherwomanafterIleftandhetookherhomeandmadesweetlovetoherandnowthey’regetting marriedandhavingthreeandhalfkids,twodogs,acat,andaguineapig?”
“That’soddlyspecific.”Meredithgiggleswithnarrowedeyes.
“Theuniverseisfickle Yousaidityourself”
“Howaboutyoujustdoitnow?”
“Dowhat?”
“Textthehockeyplayer.”
“YoureallythinkIshould?Now?Whatifhe’sstillsleeping?”
“Thenhe’llansweryouwhenhe’sawake It’snotlikeit’stheasscrackofdawn It’steno’clock” “Okay,I’lldoit.”Ipullmyphonefrommypocketandstareathisnumber.“WhatdoIsay?”
“PancakesorFrenchtoast”
“What?”
“AskhimifhepreferspancakesorFrenchtoast.”
“WhywouldIaskhimthat?”
Meredithcocksherhead.“Wouldyouratheryourfirstcommunicationbeaskinghimforadickpic?Orwhetherhewears boxersorbriefs?”
IstareintomyiPadmeetinghergazeandlaughwhenwebothnodandsay,“Boxerbriefs”atthesametime. “Okay,okay,heregoesnothing”
Me:DearMr.QuintonPettyShay.DoyoupreferpancakesorFrenchtoast?
Me:Oh ThisisKinsleyKendrickbytheway I’msorryIshould’veledwiththat Me:Ifyoudon’tremembermejustsendmesomethinglikethedonutemojiandIpromiseI’llleaveyoualone Me:Orifyoudoremembermebutmaybeyoudecidedlastnightwasonewrongdecisionafteranotherandyoudon’tthinkyoucanbemyfakeboyfriendtonight becauseyou’reabusyrichhockeyplayerandI’m well,I’mme,that’stotallycooltoo Me:Maybesendmeabootemoji Youknow,likeyou’regivingmetheboot Me:That’snotasexualthingright?Theboot?Idon’tthinkitis Butifitisandnowyou’reoffended,Isincerelyapologize PretendIdidn’tsayanything Justsend whateveremojiyouwant
Me:Ornoneatall That’sfinetoo Ishouldn’tbetellingyouwhattodo You’reyourownpersonandyoumakeyourowndecisions “Uhh,howmanytextsareyousendinghim?Orareyourecountingeverythingyoutwodiscussedlastnight?”
“Shit!”Iraisemyhead,myeyeslargeroundsaucers.“Ididn’trecountanything.”Glancingbackdownatmyphone,Iask, “DoyouthinkIshouldwritehimagain?Whatifhedoesn’trememberourconversation?” “Relax,Kins I’msurehe’llremember” It’snottensecondsbeforemyphoneisdingingwithanincomingtextandasmilegrowsacrossmyface.
Quinton:Actually,Ipreferwaffles
Quinton:*winkemoji*
Quinton:*yarnemoji*
Quinton:*Octopusemoji*
Quinton:*potatoemoji*
Quinton:*bluecaremoji*
Quinton:*ladderemoji*
Quinton:Ifeellikethoseemojisdon’tgetthecreditorusetheydeserve
Me:Itotallyfeelyouthere.Whousestheyellowspongeemojianyway?
Quinton:Exactly Also,rememberyou?HowcouldIforgetaboutthegirlwhotoldherparentswewereinacommittedrelationship?Fairlysurethatwasafirst formeandthatmakesyouunforgettable
Me:Hmmmnotsureifthat’sacomplimentornotsoI’lljustpatmyselfonthebackandtellmycatheshouldbeproud
Quinton:Youhaveacat?
Me:Yep He’llbesoexcitedtomeetyou Uh,thatisassumingheactuallydoesmeetyouonedayImean Iwasn’timplyinganythingor youknow Maybe pretendIdidn’tsaythat.
Quinton:So,yourpussyismale?
Me:Heis.Yes.AndIguesswhilewe’reonthesubject,mypussyisalsohairless.
Quinton:*wagsbrows*Ahairlesspussyhuh?
Me:Yep HisnameisNutsack
Quinton:*spitsoutdrink*Nutsack???
Me:*winkemoji*Haveyoueverseenahairlesscatbefore?
Quinton:Can’tsaythatIhave.
Me:Picturearelativelyhairlessnutsackandthat’smycat
Quinton:LOL!WellnowImustmeethim.Mylifecan’tbecompleteuntilI’vemetNutsackthehairlesscat.
Me:Icanmakethathappen It’stheleastIcandoforwhatyou’rewillingtodoforme
Quinton:Right So,Ineedtoknowtwothingsbeforetonight
Me:Oh.Okay Shoot
Quinton:What’syourfavoritecolorandwheredoyoulive?
Me:Ummorange.AndI’mintheloftonthecornerofSixteenthandWilliams.
Quinton:Perfect AndwhattimeshallIpickyouup?
Me:Dinnerisatsevensooo…
Quinton:I’llseeyoubetweensixandsix-thirty?
Me:Alright Uh,incaseIforgettosayso,thoughI’msureI’llbesayingitaboutathousandtimestonight,thankyouforthis
Quinton:Nothanksneeded Lookingforwardtoit *Thumbsupemoji* IpocketmyphoneasmybestfriendlooksonwithcuriosityfromherCaliforniahome.“Well?” “Ithinkwe’regoingtogetalongjustfine” “Ishepickingyouup?” “Yep.”
“Andyou’remeetingearlytogetyourstoriesstraight?”
Ishakemyhead,sittingbackinmychairandrippingoffanotherpieceofmycinnamonroll.“Nah.Webothfeelconfident thatwecanpullthisoff Heseemstohaveagoodenoughsenseofhumor,soitshouldbeafuneveningmakinguprandomshit aboutourrelationshipandifsittingthroughthisdinnerresultsinmymotherfinallyleavingmealone,eitherbecauseshethinks I’minaseriousrelationshiporshethinksI’mbatshitcrazy,itwillbewortheveryliewetell” “ThenIwishyoualltheluckintheworld.”
Chapter3
Quinton
“Thanksagain,gentlemen,”Rorysaysasshedishesusallbowlsofchili.It’sherwayofthankingusforhelpingmoveher stuffintoHawken’splace “There’splentymorewherethiscamefromsoeatup Garlicbreadisonthestove”
Rorytoldusshewouldbemorethanhappytohiremovers,butDexwasadamantabouthelpingoutandprettymuch voluntolduswehadtobehere.NotthatIwouldeversayno.Thisteamislikefamily.Thereisn’tmuchwedon’tdotogether andIwouldbendoverbackwardstohelpanyoneofthem EspeciallyRorybecauseitalmostalwayscomeswithhercooking asathankyou.
“Thisisdelicious,Rory,”Itellher,scoopinganotherheapingspoonfulintomymouth Thewarmthofherhomemadechili hitsthespottoday.
“Thankyou I’mgladyoulikeit”Sheturnstotheladies herthreeverypregnantfriends andoffersthemeachasecond helping.
Carissashakesherhead.“Icouldn’teatanotherbiteifItried.”
“Nokidding,”Charleelaughs,pattingherbabybump “IfIeatanotherbowl,I’llbesittingupwithheartburnallnight”
“Good!Moreforme!”Tatumpushesherselfoutofherchairandwaddlestothekitchenforanotherladleofthegoodstuff. “AndbabylikeschilisomaybeDexisrightandit’saboythistime”
Iguessateamthatplaystogetherandhangstogetheralsofuckstogether.Notinaweirdorgykindofwaybutclearlylast seasonwasfilledwithcelebrations.LastsummerthreeofthefourladieswithusonvacationinKeyWestfoundouttheywere pregnantallatthesametimeandthey’reallduewithinaweekortwoofeachother.Whataretheodds?
“Youknow,ifyouallstartpoppingoutthosebabiesatthesametime,Coachisgoingtohaveacoronary.”Ilicktheendof myspoonandthenpointitateachofthemwithmybestparentface “AnditbetternotbeduringtheAnaheimgamebecause they’rekickingassthisyearandImadealittlebetwithOliverMagallanoverwho’sgoingtowin.”
Zekeclapsmeontheshoulder “Don’tworryman I’llbetherenomatterwhat” “Metoo,”Hawkenpromises.“We’llblow’emofftheice.”
“Hey,I’lljustbehappyifIdon’thavetodelivermyownkidagain,”Dexexplains,lookinghelplesslyatTatum.Hekisses hertemple.“YouknowIloveyou,babe,butIthinkIstillhavePTSDfromthatexperience.”
Deadpanned,Tatumreplies,“Yes.Becauseyouweretheonewhosebodydecidedtoexpelademononherbathroomfloor withzeroepidural”
DexconsidersTate’swordsandthennods.“Nowthatyoumentionit,itwouldsaveusaheftyhospitalbillifwejusthada redoofSummer’sbirth Icaughtone,Icancatchthenextonetoo”
Tateflipshimoff,muchtoouramusement.
Standing,Itakemyemptybowltothekitchenandrinseitoutinthesink.“Thanksagainforthechili,Rory.Ineedtoget going.”
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing,Asshat?”Dexasks. Zekeleansoverandloudlywhispers,“Hehasadate” “Ohyeah!Totallyforgotaboutthat.Youstillowemeabeerbytheway.”
“Fuckoff,Dexter”Ilaughandmakekissylipsinhisdirection HawkenmakesupabowlofchiliforRoryandservesheratthetable.“So,you’rereallydoingthis,huh?” “Yeah.Sure.Whynot?Mightbefun.”
“Mightbe?”Colbyaskswithachuckle “You’reliterallygoingtolietothisgirl’sparentsaboutdatingher” “Yeah.”Ishrug.“Whatharmcanitdo?They’llgetoffherbackandwe’llhaveagoodlaugh.”
MiloandCharleelookateachother,playfulsmirksontheirfacesastheysayintandem,“Fakerelationshiptrope!” “What?”
Charleelaughs “Fakerelationshiptrope It’saclassicromancebooktrope SeeitallthetimeinthebooksIedit” “Whatdoyoumean?”
“Imeantwopeoplemakeanarrangementpretendingtobetogether,”shesays,usingquotefingers.“Onlysomewherealong thelinetheyactuallyfallinloveandthere’snothingfakeaboutitanymore”
“Ooohletmeguess,”Iscoff.“Youthinkthat’sgoingtohappentomeandKinsley?”
“It’snotapopularromancetropefornothin,’myman”Milotriestoholdinhischeesysmirkbuthe’snotdoinga particularlygoodjob.
“Yeah?Andwhenwasthelasttimeyousawmeactivelydatingsomeone?” “Uh,notsinceLexiandIdon’tthinkanyofushaveforgottenhowthatturnedout.”
“Butthat’swhythiswillbedifferent,”Charleeexplains.“You’llfallforher.Justwait.” Witharollofmyeyes,Iheadforthedoor “Whateveryousayweirdos Ithinkyoumightreadtoomanybooks”
Charleegasps.“Youtakethatback!Thereisnosuchthingastoomanybooks!”
Laughing,IshakemyheadandwavebeforeIwalkoutthedoortoprepareformyveryfake,notatallreal,date.“Later gators”
IpullupinfrontofKinsley’sapartmentandpressthebuttonbyherdooralertingherthatI’mhere Therearebumpsand thudsandcrashingsoundscomingfromupstairsmakingmewonderwhatonearthcouldbegoingonupthere,andthenthere’s thefamiliarclickoftheintercombeforeKinsley’svoiceshouts,“Comeonup,door’sopen!”Beforeshereleasesthebuttonto thespeakerIhearhershout,“Nutsack!Don’tyoudare!”
Yeahthat’ssomethingyoudon’thearsomeonesayeveryday.
Oh man
This ought to be good.
Climbingthestairstoherapartment,thebumpingandcrashingsoundscrescendo Iknockonthedoorbeforeturningthe knob,peekingmyheadinside.
“Hello?Kinsley?”
“NUTSACKNO!YOUGIVETHATBACK!”
Kinsleyclearlydoesn’thearmecomeinasshe’shastilyrunningafterthehairlessrodent-likecreaturethatjustdarted acrosstheothersideoftheroom wearingclothes
Her hairless cat wears clothes?
Do hairless cats get cold?
Is that why?
This is weird, right?
I’ve never seen a cat wearing clothes
Thefelinejumpsontoanearbyshelf,knockingoffseveralrolledposters,acupofpaintbrushes,andsomewhiteChristmas lights,andthenleapsontothebackofKinsley’scouch KinsleycomesfromaroundthecornerchasingafterNutsackwhois nowmakingabeelinetowhereI’mstandingatthedoor.
“NUTSACK!THOSEAREMY ”
Asifthefloorisaslingshot,thecatbouncesoffhishindlegsandfliesrightintomychest,hisnailsdiggingintomysuit. He’shangingonmefordearlifeandhastheaudacitytomeowatmelikeIgotinhisdamnway.
“Panties”AfrazzledKinsleygasps,comingtoanabrupthaltinfrontofme She’sdressedinafluffyorangerobe,her makeuphalfdone,unlesseyeshadowononlyoneeyeisathingthesedays,andhercurlybrownhairappearsabitunruly.I wrapmyhandsaroundNutsackthecatandpryhissharpenedclawsfrommysuitrealizingheisn’twearingclothesperse “OhGod.”Kinsleypalmsherforehead.“Quinton,I’msosorry.HefellasleepinmycleanlaundrybasketandImust’ve scaredhimawakebecauseheleaptoutofthebasketentwinedwithmy ”Shegesturestothepurplesatinwrappedaroundhis bodyandtriestocatchherbreath.“Panties.”
Watchinghercheeksflushandherearsreddenrightbeforemyeyes,Icantellshe’sembarrassedsoItrytoplayitofflike it’snobigdeal
For anyone keeping track, yes, her hairless pussy did indeed attach itself to my chest wearing her satin purple panties. Yeah, that’s definitely never happened before
HoldingthecatoutinfrontofmeIgiveheranunderstandingsmile.“AndhereIthoughtNutsackwasjustasnazzydresser.” Asifheunderstoodmyeveryword,thecatlooksupatmeandmeowsagain “Nicetomeetyoutoo,Nutsack.”
KinsleytakesabigbreathandreleasesalightlaughasIhandherfour-leggedfriendbacktoher.
“Thanks Uh ”Shequicklyworkstoremoveherpantiesfromthecat’sbodybeforehejumpsdownandscampersacross thefloor.“Sorryaboutthat,butuh,youknow,welcome.”Shepassesmeanervoussmileandthenrunsahandthroughherhair. “I’msorry,Iseemtoberunningatadlate Please,comein Makeyourselfathome I’lljustbeaminute” SheturnsandscurriestotheothersideoftheloftasItakeinthespace.
“Youlivehere?”Iaskher. “Yep.”
Thetopfloorofthisbuildingisonelargeopenstudio.Onesideofthespaceholdsabed,anolddresser,afull-length mirror,andafewpottedplants,whiletherestoftheroomistakenupbyanarrayofartandphotographysupplies Twoeasels standsidebyside,eachholdingadifferentsizedcanvas.Acollectionofotherassortedsizesleansagainstthewallbehindher easels ThreedifferentprofessionallookingcameraswithmorelensesthanIcouldeverknowwhattodowithsitonatableto therightofthedooralongwithalaptopandapairofheadphones.Tomyimmediateleftiscabinetrythattakesuptheentire westwallofthestudioexceptforthelargebasinsinkinthemiddlethatcurrentlyholdsajarofpaintbrushes,twobowls,two spoons,andfourrandomplastictumblers.
Istepfurtherinside,takingnoteoftheartworkhangingonherwalls.Collectionsofoutdoorphotographsalongonewall, andportraitsofrandombodypartsalonganother.
Whoa
Yeah, let’s take a closer look at those.
Thecurveofawoman’shipswiththehintoflacedecoratingherskin,apairoflegsinblackfishnetstockingsleadingdown toredheels,awoman’schestcladinadeeppurplecorset.
I wonder if all these portraits are of Kinsley
If they are…fuuuuuck me.
“Berightthere!”KinsleycallsoutfromwhatIcanonlyassumeisthebathroomaroundthecorner.
“Takeyourtime”
Apairofknittingneedlesormaybeit’scrochet,stickoutofalightbrownballofyarnonthecouch.Ionlyrecognizewhat theyarebecauseDexhasseveralsittingaroundhishouse Nexttotheyarnisaboxfilledwithwhatlookslikecrochetedrocks, eachonewithtwoblackeyesandholdingwhitesigns.IpickoneupandholditinmyhandjustintimeforKinsleytocome aroundthecorner
“Positivepotatoes.”
“Huh?”
Iturnmyheadandshe’sstandingbeforeme,elegantlydressedinablackwrapdressthathitsjustaboveherknee Herhair subduedandtiedbackwithablackbow.Shelooksbeautiful.LikethedayImetheratHawkenandRory’swedding.
“They’repositivepotatoes,”shesaysagain “IliketomaketheminmydowntimeandhandthemouttopeopleImeetor sometimestofriendswhocouldusealittlepick-me-up.”
Iturnthesmall,yarnedpotatoinmyhandandreadthesmallsignit’sholdingthatsays, I may be a tiny potato but I believe in you. Go do your thing.
So,it’snotenoughanymoretosimplycomplimentsomeone.Kinsleygoesoutofherwaytomaketinypotatoesforpeopleto letthemknowshecares Thesentimentmakesmesmile Inthepasttwenty-ishhours,I’velearnedthatKinsleyKendrickliedto herparentsaboutherrelationshipstatus,shecomesfrommoneybutdoesn’twantit,herparentsdon’tapproveofherlife choices,shelivesinastudiospacewithahairlesscataptlynamedNutsack,andcrochetspositivepotatoesforrandom strangersandfriends.
“Andtheportraits?”Iask,gesturingtothepicturesonthewallIwasjustogling. Sheglancesatthehangingsandthensmiles.“Oh,those.I’maboudoirphotographer.”
“Aboudoirphotographer.”
“Mhmm That’smymainjob,actually Iphotographwomen,andsomemen,inlingerieorsometimesnude Whateverthey’re comfortablewith.”
“Aaaandyoudothisbecausetheywantthosepictures?Ordoyousellthemillegally?”
Shelaughs.“No,Idon’tsellanythingbutmyservicesrightnow.Andyes,thepeoplewhocometomewanttohavethe boudoirexperience.”
“I’msorry,I’veneverheardofsuchathing”
“Well,I’mhappytotellyouallaboutit,butwebettergetgoingormymotherwilldonothingbutcomplainaboutusbeing late”
“Right.Dinner.Yeah,”Isay,forgettingallaboutthereasonI’mhereinthefirstplace.Wehaveajobtodotonightandthat’s convinceKinsley’sparentsthatwe’reaseriouscouplemadlyinlove Learningmoreabouttheportraitsonherwallandthe positivepotatoesinaboxandNutsackthehairlesscatwillhavetowait.
Followinghertothedoor,Ihelpherslipintohercoatandescorthertomycar.“Yourchariotawaits.”
Sheclimbsinandreachesforherseatbelt,clickingitacrossherlap
“Sohowoldareyou,Quinton?”sheasksasIpulloutontotheroad. “Thirty-three You?”
“Twenty-eight.”
Twenty-eight?
Fuck…that’s a five-year difference.
Shehuffsoutasoftgiggle.“Iguessthatmakesyoumysugardaddy,huh?”
SuddenlyfeelinghotItugatthecollarofmyshirt
Five years.
That’s not that bad, right?
It’s not like I could be her dad. So, she was thirteen when I graduated high school
Eighteen when I made it to the NHL.
That’s no big deal.
Could be worse. Right? Right? Fuck.
Chapter4
Kinsley
QuintonputstheaddressofCuisine,oneofthemorefamousupscalerestaurantsintown,intohisGPSandpullsoutontothe road
“So,uh,isthereanythingaboutyouIshouldabsolutelyknowbeforewegetintothingstonight?Like,didImissabirthday recentlyorumm,what’syourmiddlename?”
“Right,”Imurmur “Wehavetogothere”
Quintonstealsaglanceinmydirection.“Gowhere?Doweneedtostopsomewherefirst?”
“No,no,no”Ishakemyhead “Sorry,no Ijustmeant ” Ugh.
Here it goes
“Okay,solet’sjustripoffthisbandaid.MyfullnameisKinsleyIdaNippyKendrick,”Irattleoffquickly. Hisbrowspinchbuthecontinuestowatchtheroad.“Uh,Ididn’tquitecatchthat.Canyousayitagain?Maybealittle slowerthistime?”
Sighing,Irepeatmyself.“Kinsley.Ida.Nippy.Kendrick.” “Nippy?”
Inodwitharollofmyeye.“Yep.Iknow.Outstandingchoiceofname,right?”
He’stryingnottolaugh.Icanhearitinhisvoice.“Isit,uh,likeafamilynameorsomething?”
“Somethinglikethat.MymomwantedKinsleyIdabutmysuperperfectspoiledbratofasisterhadthisfavoritestuffed teddybearshenamedNippyandinsistedonherbabysisterhavingthatnametoo,so…”Isighliftingmyarmsinadefeated shrug “MymomconcededandKennedygotwhatKennedywanted Sonowmyinitialsspell ” “KINK.”
“Yeeep,”Idrawl
“Wow.That’s…”HeshakeshisheadandthankGodhedoesn’tfinishhissentence.
“YoucanimaginealltheshitIhadtoputupwithasayoungkidinmiddleschool. Kinky Kinsley or Kinsley the Kink or Hey Kinsley what’s your kink?Totalembarrassmentasaneleven-year-oldyouknow?Soanyway,that’sme.Now,thisis whereyoutellmeyourmiddlenameissomethinglikeSquirtorFlaccidormaybesomethingreallycool,likeFartknocker.”
Hefinallychucklesbutgivesmeasympatheticcringe “I’msorrytotellyouthis,butmymiddlenameisAlan” “QuintonAlanShay?”Ihuff.“That’sso…boring.”
“Itis,”heagreeswithalaugh “That’sme Inthegrandschemeofthings,I’mprettyboring” “I’mcertainthat’snottrue.”
Hiseyesnarrowbuthekeepshisgazeontheroad.“Howcanyoubesosure?”
“Wellfirst,youplayprofessionalhockey.Thatinandofitselfisfarfromboring.” “Iguess.”
Turninginmyseat,Itakeinhisprofile Strongjaw,bulgingarmsifthetightnessofhisdressshirthasanythingtosayabout it.Well-trimmedbeardthat’smorethanafiveo’clockshadowbutnotlumberjacklong.Heappearstobesomeonewhoputs thoughtandeffortintohowhelooks
AndhowhesmellsbecauseohmyGod!Ifitwouldn’tberidiculouslyinappropriatetolickhimrightnow,Iwouldridethe wholewaytodinnerwithmytongueonhisneck.
“So,whatdoyoudowhenyou’renotplayinghockey?”
Hehuffsoutalightchuckle.“YoumeanwhenI’mnotpracticinghockey,goingoverhockeyplays,workingout,ordoing somethingforoursocialmediamanager?”
“Carissa?”Igush.“Oh,mygoshIlovehersomuch!Shewassofuntoworkwithatthatweddingevent.Istilltellpeople allaboutit Imean,asiftheydidn’treadaboutitineverymagazinethereis Alsoyes,Imeant,whatdoyoudowhenyou’renot doingyourjob…which,obviously,isallthingshockey?”
“Uh…”Hestaresmindlesslyattheroadforabit,tappinghisfingersonthesteeringwheel.“IguesswhenI’mnotworking insomecapacityoranother,I’mtryingtorelaxasbestIcan Idon’treallyhave athing,forlackofabetterword”
“Youdon’tgotothedrive-inortakelongwalksattheparkorgotothemovies?”
Heshakeshishead “Notreally”
“Concerts?Artevents?Somethingwithsomeculture?”
“Nope”
“So,youjustsitathomeandstareatthewallorwhat?”
Hecringesthistimewithaslightlaugh.“Man,Iprobablylookabhorrentrightnow.ShouldIturnthecararoundandtake youhome?”
“What?No!”
“I’mjustkidding.”Hewinks.“Ihangoutwiththeguysalot.”
“Yourteammates?”
“Yeah.They’relikefamilytomesousuallywe’retogethermorethanwe’reapart.”
“Andwhatdoyoudowhenyou’rehangingwiththem?”
Hesmirks.“Wouldn’tyouliketoknow?”
Myeyesgrowhugeathisinference “Well,nowIwould,yeah!”
Quintonlaughs.“Ipromiseit’snotthatexciting.Usually,we’resittingaroundatsomeone’shousewatchinghockeywitha beerinourhands.Sometimesweplayvideogamesorevenboardgameswhenthespousesandgirlfriendsarearound.”
“Well,thatsoundslikefun!”
“Itis.Imean,weallgetalonggreat.So,IguesswhatI’msayingisI’mboringwhenit’sjustme.”
Iwavemyhanddismissinghisself-deprecation “Nah Don’tyouworryonebit Bytheendofthisnight,you’llbeQuinton AlanShay,themostnon-boringprohockeyplayerIcouldhaveevermet.”
Iturnmybodybackaroundtofacethefrontofthecar,smoothingoutmydress Quintonstealsseveralglancesmyway,a humoredsmileonhisface.
“Idon’tknowexactlywhatthatmeans,Kinsley,butsomethingtellsmeI’mgoingtoenjoythisdinnerwithyouandyour familyverymuch”
“Aslongasyouhaveyoursenseofhumorwithyou,Ipromisethiswillbeafuneveningforusboth.”
“So,you’renotworriedaboutbeingwithyourparentsthen?”
“Hellno.She’llpretendtocareaboutsomethingsandthenjabmewithherpassiveinsultstellingmehowgreatmysisteris doingyadda,yadda,yaddalikeshealwaysdoes.”
“Thatdoesn’tsoundgoodatall.”
“Yeahwell,she’llalsobedrinkingsoIcanmakeupwhatevershitIwanttoaboutmylifeandshewon’trememberadamn thingItellher”
“Hencethesupposedseriousrelationshipwithme.”
Icanfeelmycheeksheatathiscomment “Yeah Exactly”
QuintonpullsoverinfrontofCuisine andthenhopsout,walkingaroundthecartoopenmydoorforme.Hetakesmyhand andgiveshiskeystothevaletwhohandshimaticketwithapolitenod.
“Shallwe,Kinky?”
Isnortinlaughterandsqueezehiswarm,stronghand.“Weshall.Let’sdothis.”
Asfarasintroductionsgo,MomandDadwereaswelcomingtoQuintonasIknewtheywouldbegivenhissocialstatus andbankaccountstanding Myparentsarenothingifnotsnobsfortherichandfamous Ifitmakesthemmoney,theywantit If it’sworthmoney,theyownitandifnot,theybuyit.Ifit’snoneofthosethings,theyhavezerointerest. Hencemeandmylife.
They’vesnubbedtheirnosesatlittleoldmeforyearsafterIfinallyendedthingswithSethandtoldmyfamilyIwasmoving toChicagotofocusonmyart.
“Art?” TheywouldsaywitharolloftheireyesasifPicassoandMonetslidoutofthebirthingcanalwithpaintbrushesin theirhands. “Nobody buys new art, Kinsley. It’s not worth anything.”
Yep IfIhadapennyforeverytimeIheardthatlineovertheyears,IcouldmovetoFranceandbuildastudiorightnextto theLouvre.Tonightthough,myparentsareplayingtheirgameofwoo-Kinsley’s-boyfriend-because-he’s-rich-like-them.Ihave nodoubttheybothassumedIwouldshowupemptyhandedwithmyusualexcuses,sothejokeisonthembecauseQuinton AlanShayandKinsleyIdaNippyKendrickshoweduptoplay
“So,tellmeQuinton,howdidyoumeetourbeautifulKinsley?”Yeah,mymomjustcalledmebeautiful,butonlybecauseof whoIbroughttodinnerwithme
“It’safunnystoryactually,”heanswersashepicksuphisdrinkandtakesasipwhilegivingmesomeside-eye.Itakethat asmycuetojumpinsoIgigglealittleandnod.
“Funnyindeed,”Isay.“IhitQuintonwithmycar.”
Mymomgaspsassheclutchesthenonexistentpearlsaroundherneck.“Kinsley!”
“It’sfineMom Ididn’thithimthathard Iwasn’tspeeding Butifyousawafull-grownmaninapinksparklytutufluttering downabackroadlateatnightsingingshowtunes,youwould’vefreakedoutandlostcontrolofyourcarforasecondtoo.” Quintonnearlyspitsouthisdrink
“DearLord,Kinsley,”mydadchastises.“Tellmeyoudidn’toffertosleepwiththispoorguytogetoutofgettingsued.”
“Itwasn’tlikethatatall,Mr.Kendrick,”Quintonanswersformewithashakeofhishead.“Itwasallmyfault.I’mtheone whohadbeendrinkingalittletoomuchthatnight.Imadeasillybetwithafewteammatesoveranothergamewewere
watchingtogetherandobviously,Ilost.”
Dad’sbrowspinchtogether.“That’squitethepunishment.Amonetarybetwould’vebeenmuchless…embarrassing.”
“Meh Noneofuswanteachother’smoney That’snofun Theguyshadagoodlaughwatchingmefulfillmypunishment Thosearememorieswe’llrememberandlaughoverforyearstocome.” Swoon!
See parents? Money isn’t everything.
“Anyway,Ididn’tevennoticeherdrivingbyinallmydivaprincessgloryandIaccidentallysteppedoutinfrontofher” “Mercy!”Momcries.“Thankgoodnessyouwereokay.”
“Ohyeah,Iwasfine.”Quintonputshisarmaroundmyshouldersandpullsmeintohim,hishandsmoothingupanddown myarm “KinsleywasniceenoughtogivemearidebacktothehousewhereIwasstaying Shewasanangelthatnight,”he saysbeforeplantingakissonthesideofmyhead.
Double swoon!
“Yep.Andhewouldn’tgetoutofmycaruntilIgavehimmynumberandthenthatentirenighthewastextingmerandom emojisthatnobodyeveruses Iwonderedifmaybehehadaconcussion Itwasweirdforsure,butalso,Ithoughtitwas endearingandcute.”
“Whodoesn’tloveagoodleftarrowemojiorthefleurdelisorthe ”
“Yellowsponge,”Igiggle,finishinghisthoughtforhim
“Exactly.”Quintonglancesbackatmymom.“IaskedKinsleyoutafterthatmoretothankherfornottakingpicturesthat nightandsellingthemtothetabloids,butalso,sheintriguedme”
“IevenmadehimthatcheesecakewiththecoconutImadeacoupleofyearsagothateveryoneloved.Remember,that summerpartywiththeSwintons?WhoknewcoconutwasQuinton’sfavorite?Heatethewholething!”
ThatearnsmeawinkandasmilefrommyfakeHottieMcHotpants.“ItwasdeliciousandIwassmitten.Kinsley’s… differentfromotherwomenI’vedatedbefore.”
“Oh,she’sdifferentalright,”Mommumbles,stealingaglanceatmyfatherwhoscoffsoutachuckle “Maybealittlebitof yourmotivationfortheultimatesuccessandyourobviouscompetitivedrivewillruboffonourdaughter.”Momleansinand whispers,“She’shadherheadinthecloudsabitlatelyifyouhaven’tnoticed”
“Mom…”
Here it comes
Shewavesherhanddismissively.“I’mjustsaying.”
Quintonstiffensbesideme,hisarmstillsnugaroundmyshoulder.“Actually,IfindwhatKinsleydoesfascinating.She’s reallyfindingherplaceinthishugecity Herfun-lovingpersonalityiswhatattractedmetoherthemost EveryoneIknowjust wantstobeinthesamespaceasher.Ifyouaskme,weneedmorepeoplelikehertokeepusrootedinourhumanity,you know? ”
“Mmm.”Clearly,Momdoesn’tseemimpressed.“Yes,Kinsleydefinitelydigsherfeetinwhenitcomestowhatshewants verseswhatsheneeds.Youcallthemroots,Quinton,butIseethemmorelike…treetrunks.Insanelystubbornandwithouta purpose Herkindofartforonething I’vetoldheramilliontimesthere’snomoneyinmodernartbyartistswithnonamefor themselves,butheresheis,livinginthishugecity,insistingshebeallowedtochaseadream.”
“It’snotadream,Mother It’smy ”
OurfoodisdeliveredtothetablebeforeIcanfinishmythoughts.Avertingmyeyestomylap,ItellmyselfthefasterIeat, thefasterwecangetoutofthishellandthenIcanthankQuintonforhiskindnessandbeonmyway IfI’mlucky,Icanstillget inagoodhourofpaintingandthencuddlewithNutsackfortherestofthenight.
“Didyoursistertellyoushe’sbeingpresentedwithanaward?”
For what, Mom? Most expensive tits?
“Nope.ButI’msureyou’regoingtotellme.”
“It’stheannualCherylStevensWomanoftheYearawardforallherphilanthropywiththoseinner-citychildren” Ofcourse,she’sbeingawardedforsendingarandomcharityabigfatcheckwhensheneversetsfootanywheretoactually beofhelporservicetoothers That’sexactlyKennedy
“Wow.”IforkapieceofsteakfrommyplateandstickitinmymouthbeforeIcansaywhatIwanttosayinsteadofwhatI shouldsay.Afterchewingafewtimes,Ifinallynod.“I’llhavetocongratulateher.”
“So,Quinton,”myfatherstartswhilechewinghisfiletmignonafewmomentslater “Anyinterestintheluxuryhospitality business?”
“Hotelrealestate,youmean?”Quintonasks “Indeed.Greatopportunitiesforinvestment,youknow.”
InwardlyIrollmyeyes. Like Quinton doesn’t know how to manage his money, Dad Quintondabsthecornerofhismouthwithhisnapkin.“Actually,yes.I’masilentinvestorinmytwinsister’shotelresortin Hawaii.”
What?
He has a twin sister?
I didn’t know this!
But I have to act like I’ve known all along. “Areyoureally?”Oh,nowMomisinterested Ofcourse,what’snottoloveaboutinvestmentsandrealestate?Isthiswhat allrichpeopletalkabout?“Onewemightknowof?”
Liketheyknoweveryresortintheworld
Okay,theymightknowalloftheminCaliforniaormaybetheNewEnglandcoastbutlet’snotgooverboard.
“It’sasmallfamily-ownedresortcalledKamanaWanalaya.Wasinmybrother-in-law’spseudofamilyforyearsandwhen theywantedtoretire,heandmysisterweregettingmarriedanddecidedtomoveoutthereandtakeovertheresort They’ve beendoingawonderfuljobwithrenovations.I’mexcitedtogetoutthereduringtheoffseasontoseetheplace.”
“That’swonderful!”Momexclaims “Isn’tthatwonderfuldear?”
Dadnods.“Yes,well,itseemswehavesomethingincommonnowQuinton.DeborahandIpurchasedtheSilverPines LuxuryResortinBreckinridgeandwe’veaddedaworldclassspaandwejusthiredafive-starMichelinchefforthenew restaurant.Ourgrandopeningisattheendofthemonth…”
Nooo no, no, no…
He can’t Shit.
He’s not going to
“Andtherewillbemanynoteworthypeopleinattendancetohelpuscelebrate.Wewouldlovetohaveyoubothjoinusin our ”
“Ohguys,remember,it’sthemiddleofhockeyseason.”Mynervesbegintoflutterthroughmystomachatthethoughtof spendinganentireweekendwithmyparents.OrmakingQuintonhavetofulfillthisfakeagreementanylongerthantonight. “Quintonhasabusygameschedule He’llhardlyhaveti ”
“I’dlovetocome.ThankyoufortheinvitationMr.andMrs.Kendrick.”
What the fuck?
Does he hear himself right now?
“Ohplease,dear,it’sDeborah.DeborahandSteve.”
“Right.Steve,Deborah.Thankyou.Ithinksometimeatyourresortsoundswonderfulandjustsohappens,sinceI’mnot participatinginthisyear’sAll-Stargame,I’llhaveafewdaysoff.”
What is he doing?
“It’ssettledthen.”Dadnodswithasmile.We’llhostyouinoneofourluxurycabins.” I would rather lick shit from an ice-cream cone
“Great!”Igivethemawell-plasteredsmileandpassaswiftkicktoQuintonunderthetable.Hemerelychucklesin response.“Can’twait.”
WespendthenextfewmomentsinsilenceenjoyingourmealsbeforemydadstartstalkinghockeywithQuinton ThenMom cutsinwithquestionsabouthischaritywork,onceagainleavingmeoutofanykindofconversation.Igetit.Quinton’sthenew guyforthem Theywanttoknowallthethings AndIknownownottoexpectmuchfrommyfamilywhenI’mtheblacksheep whodecidedtotaketheroadlesstraveled.Itwasmychoicenottogointothefamilybusiness.Itwasmydecisionnottospend myadultliferubbingshoulderswiththerichandfamous,alwayswearingafakesmileandpretendingmylifeisperfect Still,itwouldbenicetoatleastbeacknowledgedatthetable.
“Whatthehellwasthat?”IunbuttonmycoatoncebackinQuinton’scar,theneedtofreemyselffromanykindof confinementgrowingstrongerbytheminute.
“What?Youdon’tthinkitwentwell?”
Fanningmyface,IgiveQuintonanapologeticsmile.“Imean…Iguessitcould’vegoneworse,butyoudoremember acceptingmyfather’sinvitationtojointheminBreckenridge,right?“ “Yeah…aboutthat.”
“Don’tworry.Icangetyououtofitwithnoproblem.I’lljusttellthemthaty ” “No”Hecutsmeoffwithashakeofhisheadashepusheshishandthroughhishair “Don’ttellthemanything” HepullsthecaroutontothestreetjoiningtheregularflowoftheeveningtrafficandallIcandoisstare. Athim Attheroad.
Athimagain.
“Idon’tunderstand.Youreallydon’tneedtogo.They’lltotallyunderstandifyou ”
“Idoneedtogo.” “Why?”
“BecauseIneedyourhelp”
Quinton
“Youneed my help?”
Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoing IthinkIfeelabitlikeafishoutofwaterandI’monlysayingthatbecause,well,Ihaveno ideawhatthehellitfeelsliketoactuallybeafishoutofwaterbutI’massumingit’sabitlikethis.Thefeelingofhavingtheair suckedoutofyouwhenyourealizeyou’renolongerswimmingcomfortablyandsoyou’reflippingyourfinsasfastasyoucan tryingtocatchthatbreathyouknowyouneedtosurvive It’souttheresomewhere,youjustcan’treachit LikeIsaid...afishoutofwater.
That’swhatIthoughtofthemomenttheKendricksstartedtalkingabouttheirnewresortandinvitingmetoattendtheirgrand opening.
Panic
NotbecauseIwasbeingaskedtocome.Itwasmorebecausetheyweretalkingaboutcharitiesandcelebritiesandbeinga partofthatwholeworld.ItdawnedonmeasIwaschattingthatinacoupleofmonthsI’llbeattendingacharityeventforthe organizationIworkwithandtheverylastthingIwanttodoisshowuptherealonelookinglikeapatheticlonelysapwhen she’ll betherewithanothermanshowingoffherweddingrings.
“Yes,Ineedyourhelp”
Kinsleyblinksafewtimesbeforenodding.“Okay.WhatdoesithavetodowithSilverPinesResort?”
“Itdoesn’t,”Ianswer.“Notreallyanyway.Thisismorelike…atitfortatkindofthing.”
Sheturnsinherseattofacemeabit.“Titfortat,huh?” “Yeah.”
“Alright I’mallears”
Grippingthesteeringwheel,Itakeadeepbreathandreleaseitheavily.“Okay,soyouknowhowyouaskedmetoposeas yourboyfriendbecauseyouhadalreadytoldyourparentswewereathing?” “Yeah.”
“Maybeyoucoulddothesamethingforme.”
Kinsley’seyesgrowhugeandhermouthopenswide.“Oh,myGod.QuintonShay,didyoutellsomeoneweweredating too?”
“What?No!”Ishakemyhead “It’snotlikethat” “Oh.Okay.”
“RememberatdinnerIwastellingyourparentsIworkverycloselywiththischarityforkidscalledGAME?”
“Yeah.Growing…umm,I’msorryIcan’tquiterememberwhatGAMEstandsfor.”
“GrowingAthleticallyMindfulEnthusiasts.It’sanorganizationthatcollaborateswithcommunityandschoolsports programs.Theydoalotofcoachtrainingandleadershiptrainingwithkidsandadults.Evenparentstoo.Theirfocusison team-sportsplayandteachingothershowteamsportscanhelpdevelopayoungathlete’spositivementalhealth.”
“Right!Yeah That’sseriouslycool Whatagreatassettoanysportscommunity”
“Yeah.Itis.Andit’sbeengreatworkingwiththemforthelastfiveyearsorso.Anyway,theirannualfundraisingeventisin theearlyspringtowardtheendofourseasonandyouknow ”Ishrug
Kinsleyshakesherhead.“Nope.Idon’tknow.Don’thaveaclue.”
Ugh She’s going to make me say it
“ThisusedtobesomethingmyexandIdidtogetherforacoupleofyears Igotherinvolvedwiththeorganizationandshe kindofranwithit.Nowshe’severywheretheyare.”
“Aaah Igetit So,thisexisgoingtobethere”
“Undoubtedly.”
“What’shername?”
“Lexi.LexiStock.”
Kinsley’smouthhangsopen.“YoumeanLexiStockfromthewomen’ssoccerteam?” “Yeah”
“Whoa!Youtwodated?”
“Yeah Foracoupleofyears”
“Andyouwanttomakehermajorjealous?Isthatwhyyouwantmetogowithyou?”
“Ye-wait no ImeanIcouldn’tcarelessaboutmakingherjealous She’salreadymovedonandmarriedsomeother douchewhoI’msurehaswaymorecelebritytohisnamethanme.”
“Isthatwhyyoubrokeup?”sheasks. “Huh?”
“Didsheditchyouforaquote-unquotebiggercelebrity?”
PangsofangershootthroughmychestatthememoryofLexileavingme.
Thatnightontheredcarpet MyarmsaroundthewomanIloved.
Untilshewalkedstraightoutofthemintotheembraceofanotherman Talkabouthumiliation.
“Somethinglikethat Look,I’lldoitifImust,butIwouldrathernotgotothiskindofeventaloneso youknow I’llgoto SilverPineswithyouifyou’llbemydateforG.A.M.E.night.”
Shetouchesmyarmtenderly.“Ofcourse,I’llgowithyou,Quinton.Icanbeadotinggirlfriend.I’llevenraveaboutyouin thewomen’srestroomandtelleveryonehowskilledyouareinthebedroom”Shewinks “I’llhavethemallwantingapieceof youbytheendofthenight.”
Afaintsmilespreadsacrossmyface “Youdon’thavetodothat I’mperfectlyfinehavingafakegirlfriendforthenight withnounnecessarydrama.Plus,withtheothercelebritiesthatwillbethere,Ihardlydoubtanyonewillcareaboutme.” Kinsleyscoffsalaugh “Ifyouwanttobelieve,thatyougoonahead,buthaveyoueverbeenawomaninawomen’s restroomwhencelebritiesarearound?”
“Uuuhno.”
“Thentrustme They’llallbetalkingaboutyourdicksizebeforethey’reevenfinishedreapplyingtheirlipstick” “GoodGod,canwomenthinkofnothingelsetotalkaboutinabathroom?”
Kinsleynarrowshereyesasshestudiesme “Umm,no No,wecannot Andareyouseriouslytellingmeyouguysdon’ttalk shitinthelockerroom?”
Herquestionmakesmelaughbecausefuck,we’vehadsomedoozieswhenitcomestopersonalconversationsinthelocker room.
LikethescratchesonHawken’sbackfromRory. Whoseassreignssupremeamongtheteam Miloandhiscockrings.
Dexterand well,justaboutanyoneheeverfuckedbeforeTatumcamealong ColbyandhisLuckyCharmsfightwithCarissa.
Colby’sbrotherandhisMardiGrasshenanigans.
“Touche.Isupposeyouhaveapoint.So,isthatayestoextendingourarrangement?”
“It’sayes,Mr.Shay.Youhaveadeal.I’llbehappytoposeasyoursupersexyandlovinggirlfriendandpromisetobeat yourdisposalthewholetime”
“Supersexy,huh?”
Shesnortsinthemostunsexywaybutitmakesmelaughbecauseshe’snothingifshe’snotcute “Imean,hello!You’re puttingmeupagainstLexiStock!She’slike…gorgeousand…ridiculouslyathletic,butdon’tyouworry.I’mtotallyupforthis.I justhopethiseventisaneveninggigbecauseit’sgoingtotakemealldaytogetmyselfreadytoknockthatbombshelloutofthe park”
WhyKinsleythinkssolittleofherselfisbeyondme,thoughIexpecthermotherhasmadequiteacondescendingimpression onherifwhatIobservedtonighthasanythingtodowithit
“Firstofall,Kinsley,you’reabeautifulpersoninsideandout.IknowthisalreadyandI’vebarelyspentmorethanfivetotal hoursinyourpresence Secondly,andtrustmewhenItellyouthis,LexiStockisnotthegoddessthemediamakesherouttobe Iknowthatfirsthand.”
“Ohyeah?”
“Yeah”
“Areyousayingshefartsinhersleepandhascelluliteliketherestofus?”
Itrynottochucklebutdammit,it’shardtotellifshe’sbeingseriousorifshe’sjokingwithme “Sheabsolutelyfartsinher sleep.Shealsohashorriblemorningbreath,andshecan’tsaythewordbreakfast.” Kinsleygiggles “What?Whatdoyoumeanshecan’tsaybreakfast?”
Ishakemyhead,smirking.“Shecan’tpronounceitcorrectly.Shesays‘breftist’everysingletime.” “No,shedoesnot.”
HoldingupmyrighthandIlaugh “SweartoGod”
“Youaretoofunny!”
“I’mjustsaying,comparisonisthethiefofjoy Youseemtobesomeonewithalotofjoyandajoyfulpersonalityis attractivesodon’tsellyourselfshort.”
“That’sextremelysweetofyou,Quinton.Thankyou.Andforwhatit’sworth,thankyouverymuchfortonight.Youdid great.I’msorrymyparentswereabit…”
Shedoesn’tfinishhersentencesoIfinishitforher.“Passiveaggressivebutmostlyaggressive?”
SheturnsherheadtolookoutherwindowsoIcan’tseeherface.“Mhmm.”
Uh oh That didn’t sound like a happy response
It bothers her more than she lets on
SilencefillsthespacelikeanelephantintheroombeforeIfinallyaskwhat’sbeenonmymindallevening.“Isitalways likethatwiththem?Foryou,Imean?”
“Moreoftenthannot,”shesighs.
“Havetheyactuallyseenyourworkbefore?Theymustknowhowtalentedyouare”
“TheyhavenoideathatI’maboudoirphotographer.TheyknowIpaintanddabbleinotherkindsofphotographybutthe boudoirphotographyiswhatI’mmostpassionateaboutrightnow.”
“Andwhyisthat?Whatmakesitspecialtoyou?”
Sheshrugs.“Mm.Ihavemyreasons.”
WhenshesaysnomoreIknowit’sasensitivesubjectshe’snotcomfortabletalkingaboutwithme Atleastnotyet,so naturallyI’mintrigued.Idon’tseeKinsleyKendrickassomeonewhotakessexypicturesofpeopleforherownsensual pleasure Therehastobemoretoitandforsomereason,I’mreallyinterestedtoknow
“Haveyoualwaysbeenseenastheoutcast?Toyourparents?”
“Umm,well,therewasthisstretchofaboutsixmonthsbackwhenmyyoungerbrotherwasateenagerthathewasontheshit listbecausehegotcaughtwithdrugswhichofcoursemadethefamilylookbad Thatdidn’tgooverwellforhim,butMomand Dadsenthimawayandwhenhecamebackhewentrightintothefamilybusiness.Nowtheythinkheturnspissintogold.”
“Wow Amodern-dayRumpelstiltskin,huh?”
Shelaughsquietly.“Yeah.Exactly.So,oncehewasallstraightenedoutthingsweregooduntilIbrokeupwiththeguyIwas with.Myparentsweren’thappyaboutitandwereevenmoreupsetwhenItoldthemIwasmovingheretoliveonmyown.”
“Theydon’tapproveofyouhavingyourownlife?”
“Theydon’tapproveofmenotdoingwhattheydo.Orlivingthewaytheylive.”
“Thatseemsallsortsoffuckedup”
“Tellmeaboutit.Somuchforjustwantingyourkidstobehappy,youknow?”
“Areyou?HappyImean?”
She’squietforanotherfewsecondsbeforesheanswers,“I’mnotunhappy.Weallhavegoals,right?Weallhaveaspectsof ourliveswewishwerealittlebetterthantheyarebutthat’swhatmakeslifeexciting.Ifweallhadwhateverwewantedthe waywewanteditallthetime,therewouldneverbegrowth.Nothingwouldeverchangeormoveforward.Wewouldbe stagnant.”
“Iguessyou’reright I’veneverthoughtaboutitlikethatbefore”
“Right?Imeanifyourteamwonthecupeverysingleyear,youguyswouldhavenothingtopushfor.Atsomepointyouhave tonotwinitsoyoucanworkhardtowinitagain”
“Heynow.Let’snotgothatfar,alright?”Isaywithalaugh.“Welikehavingthatbeautifulcupinourpossession.”
“I’mnonegativeNellie,Quinton,butyoumightwanttoprepareyourself.”Shetouchesmythighandfuckme,mybody reactswithaquickzaptomychestandIdon’thateit
What the hell?
“Whatgoesupmusteventuallycomebackdown That’sjustscience” “Fuckscience,”Ilaughagain.“ThatcupstaysrighthereinChicago.”
Shesmilesandpretendstotypeanoteintoherphone “Okay,okay Fuck science I’llbesuretoputthatonmynext positivepotato.”
SheslidesherphoneintohercoatpocketandbeamsatmeasIpulluptoherstudio.Somethingabouthersmilecatchesme offguard Maybeit’sthatthisoneisn’tforcedlikeitwasthroughoutdinner Maybeit’sthatthisisn’tanervousI-hope-thisgoes-alrightkindofsmile.It’spurehonesttogoodnessandcomfortablehappinesscomingfromheranditmakesmesmileright backather Italsomakesmewanttogivehermoretosmileabout.
“Ihadfuntonight,Kinsley”
HersmilefadesandforamomentIwonderwhatIsaidwrong.“Listen,IfeellikeIoweyouahuge,no,gargantuanapology forbringingyouintomyhotmessofalife.YouseemlikeagreatguyandIjust…ugh.”Shebringsahandtoherforehead.“I involvedyouinmystupidlieand ”
“Hey.”Ipullherhanddownfromherfaceandseethetruesincerityinhereyes.“Youdidn’tmakemedoanything.Ididn’t havetotalktoyouthatnightatthebar Iwanted to Youintriguedmeandhey,itturnsoutyou’rehelpingmeasmuchasI’m helpingyou.Noharm,nofoul.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,really.Itwasgoodformetogetoutofmyownheadandnothavetothinkabouthockeyforanight,sothankyoufor that.Ineededthelaughsanddinnerwasgreat.”
Shetakesadeepbreath,exhalingasshenods.“Okay.Yeah.Ihadfuntonighttoo.Parentalpassiveaggressivenessbut mostlyaggressivenessnotincluded.”
“Don’tworryaboutthem I’llbeonmyA-gamenexttimenowthatI’vespentsometimewiththem CanIwalkyouup?”
Sheshakesherheadquicklyandthenopenshercardoor.“Ohno.That’snotnecessary.Besides,whoknowswhatkindof newhavocNutsackhasgottenhimselfintowhilewe’vebeenaway”
“Justpromisemeifhe’swearingabrathistime,you’lltakeapictureandsendittome.”
Shesnortsinlaughter,whichmakesmechucklealloveragain She’scutewhenshelaughslikethatandIgetakickoutof bringingitoutofher.Hermossygreeneyessparklebackatme,hercheekspulledbackwithhersmile.
“Right.Icrossmyheart.Goodnight,Quinton.”
“Goodnight,Kinsley”
SheclosesthepassengersidedoorandIrolldownthewindowasIwatchherwalktowardherfrontdoor.
“Oh,heyKinsley?”
Sheturnsquickly.“Yeah?”
“I’mallergictococonut”
Herheadtilts.“What?”
“Thecheesecakeyoutoldyourparentsyoumademe,”Iremindher.“Itwasdelicious,I’msure,butyoushouldprobably knowI’mallergic”
Shegivesmeasympatheticlook.“Tococonut?”
“Tococonut”Inod “Justthoughtyoushouldknow”
Shecringesbutagrees.“Wisethinking.”Shetapsonhertemplewithonefinger.“I’llstorethatknowledgeawayforsafe keeping.Goodnight.”
“NightKinsley.”
Iwaittomakesureshegetsinsidesafelybeforepullingbackoutontotheroadtowardhome.Partsofthenightreplay throughmymind MyfirstmeetandgreetwithNutsack,ourmanylaughsthroughoutthenight,heruneasearoundherparents, makinghersmileonelasttimebeforesheleft.Overall,notsuchabadnight.ThetrafficlightaheadofmeturnsredandasI stoptowaitIleanmyheadbackontheheadrestandtakeadeepbreathmurmuringtomyselftheonlythoughtinmymind “She’spretty.”
Quinton
“You’reshittin’me.”Zekelaughsasheblocksoneofmyshots. IgivehimthecheesiestgrinandmoveoutofthewayforMilototakehisshotnext “PromiseI’mnot,man Sheforreal callshimNutsack.”
Zekelaughssodamnhardhisfootslipsandhefallsonhisass.“That’sthefunniestthingI’veeverheard.Shehasapussy namedNutsack?”
“Rascallylittlebuggertoo,”ItellhimasIreachoutahandtohelphimup.“Flewrightacrosstheroomcomingrightatme wearingapairofherpurplepanties”
“Holyshit.”Dexslidestoahalt.“Yougotalookatherpantiesonyourveryfirstfakedate?”Hepatsmyback.“Welldone, Shay Iwasn’tsureyouhaditinyou”
“Isawherpanties,yeah,buttheyweren’tonher.” Hawkenwagshisbrow.“Evenbetter,bro!”
“That’snotwhatImean,asshat!Itwasjusther Nutsackwasplayinginhercleanlaundry”
“Oh,God!Stop!Stop!”Milograbshisside,bendingoverinlaughter.“Ican’tbreathe.”
Colbygrabshischinbetweenhisthumbandforefinger “Soooyourgirlhasanutsack?That’snewinfo” “Ugh.No.Sorry,thisisallcomingoutwrong.”
“Yeahitis,”Zekesays,blockingafewmoreshots.“Wegetitthough,Ithink.Butdidthenightgoasplanned?Didyoublow herparentsoutofthewaterforher?What’shernameagain?”
“Kinsley.Andyeah,IthinkIdid.TheyeveninvitedustothegrandopeningoftheirnewskiresortinBreckinridge.” “Us?”Dexasks “DefineUs”
“Kinsleyandme.”
Hawkensweepsuptheremainingpucksintoapileontheice “Wait Ithoughtthiswasallfake” “Itis.”
Hisbrowspeak.“Oh.So,yousaidnotoBreckinridge?”
“No,IsaidyestoBreckinridge.”
“Whatthefuckfor?”
“Yeah,”Dexsays “Howlongisthisrusesupposedtolast?” Igivethemahalfheartedshrug.“Idon’tknow.She’sfuntohangaroundsoIfiguredwhatthehell.Let’sgototheirresort. Plus,thenshecancomewithmetotheGAME NightGala”
“Oooh,Iseenow,”Zekeclaims.“Titfortat.”
“Yeah.”
“BecauseLexiwillbeatthegala.”
Eventhementionofhernamemakesmystomachlurch.NotbecauseIstillhavefeelingsforher.Idon’t.Atall.Butthere wasatimewhenIthoughtIreallylovedherandwhensheleftmeitwasdevastating IsworeIwouldn’tputmyselfthroughthat kindofromanticbullshitagain.
“Exactly”
“Alrightthen.”Milonods.“BringhertogamenightonSunday.” “What?Why?”
“Yousaidshewasfuntohangaround,sowhynot?”
“BecauseKinsleyandIaren’tathingandourgamenightsarejustfor…youknow,family.” “Charleewasn’tfamilythefirsttime,”heargues “Webarelyknewherbutyouallacceptedherpresencejustfine” “Tatetoo.”Dexnods.“Youguysdidn’tbataneye.”
Ishakemyhead “Nah Idon’tthinkI’llinviteher She’sprobablybusyanyway” “Right.”Zekewinks.“Busykeepinghernutsackwarm.”
“Hey!”WeallturntothesoundofCoachDenovah’svoice.“Enoughwiththeteapartyoverthere,gentlemen.Let’sgetback infocusoryoucanhandtomorrow’swinovertoPhoenixbeforeyouevertakethegoddamnice!”
Iwasn’tlyingwhenItoldKinsleyI’maratherboringperson.Onastretchofawaygames,lifeseemsbusyandexciting travelingfromcitytocity,hangingoutinhotelbars,laughingforallhoursofthenight Butwhenwe’reathome,itcan sometimesbeawholeotherstory.Sure,wehaveournightsoffwherewe’llhangouttogetherbutnowthatsomanyoftheguys havesettleddown,sometimestheywantaquietnightathomewiththeirwomen Idon’tblamethem Asprofessionalhockey playerswespendalotofourtimearoundpeople.EvenIappreciatesomealonetimeonceinawhile.
Tonightthough,it’sbeenaboringnight,whichmeansI’mlyinginbedearlierthanusualsemi-watchingtheGrizzliesplay
theRiverFrogsbutalsoflippingthroughsocialmediaonmyphone
Idon’tknowwhatmakesmedoitotherthansheer curiosity,butIsearchKinsley’snameandgrinwhenapictureofherandNutsackshowupwithherprofile.Mostofthe picturesshe’spostedarerandomthingsnobodyelsewouldeverpost Acloseupofanacornfollowedbyachipmunkwithtwo acornsinitsmouth.Thenthere’saparkbench,I’mguessinginLincolnPark,withseveralpigeonssharingapieceofbread,a pictureofthesunsetoverthelake,snowflakesflyingnearastreetlight,andthenapictureofNutsackwearinganuglyChristmas sweater.
Thatonemakesmelaugh
ItapthelikebuttononherpictureofNutsackandthenimmediatelywonderifthatwasanokaydecision. Is she going to read into that?
Maybe I should unlike it
But if she’s already seen it, she’ll know I unliked it. I’ll look like a jerk if I unlike it now
But if she sees it, she’ll know I was creeping through her profile. Does that make me look stalker-like?
I didn’t even follow her yet. Should I follow her?
Will the public get the wrong impression if I follow her? Surely not. I’ve followed other women before…right?
Am I being creepy?
MychestfeelstightandIalmostbreakoutintoasweatagonizingoverwhatIshoulddowhenmyphonedingsinmyhand.
Kinsley:*eyeballsemoji*
“Fuck.”Ihuffoutalaugh. She saw me.
Or maybe she didn’t and it’s just a coincidence. Nah Fuck it She’s on to me Just write back asshole.
Me:*catemoji**laughingemoji*
Kinsley:*frozenfaceemoji*
Me:*peanutemoji**sackofmoneyemoji**heartemoji*
Kinsley:LOListhatyourwayofsayingNutsack?LOLThat’screative,Shay
Me:*winkemoji*Justtryingtogetmymoney’sworthoutofmyemojiusage
Kinsley:Youdon’tusuallyuseemojiswhenyoutext?
Me:Rarely AndwhenIdoit’seitherathumbsuporhearttomysisterorthemiddlefingeremojitotheguysontheteam
Kinsley:Ohyeah,thenwedefinitelyneedtobroadenyouremojivocabulary It’lltakepractice Ihopeyou’reupforthechallenge
Me:Ipromisetogiveitmybestshot.
Kinsley:Soooyoucreepingmysocialmediaorwhat?
Me:Iwasbored
Kinsley:Oh,soI’mjustsomethingyouthinkaboutwhenyou’rebored?Thanks Ithink
Me:Ididn’tmeanitlikethat I’mSorry!
Kinsley:*smileemoji*Noworries I’monlyteasing
Me:Forwhatit’sworth,Ilikedyourpictures Youhaveacreativeeye
Kinsley:It’swhatIlove.There’sbeautyallaroundusinourworld.Sometimeswejuststruggletoseeitbecausewe’retoobusyfocusingonthenegative.
Me:Isupposeyou’rerightaboutthat Doyoudoanythingwiththesephotosyoutake?Publishthem?
Kinsley:Ifit’stherightpictureattherighttime,sure Somearejustformyownhappiness SomeItakeasinspirationforpainting
Me:So,photographyandpaintingandcrochetingpositivepotatoes?Whatdon’tyoudo?
Kinsley:LOLprettymuchanythingelse Artisfunforme Ilikehavingfun
Me:Umm,doyoulikeplayinggames?
Kinsley:LikeMonopoly?Orlikebeerpong?
Me:LOLboth,Iguess.ButIwasthinkingaboutboardgames?Cardgames?Groupgames?Thatsortofthing.
Kinsley:Yeahsure!Whydoyouask?
Me:Theguysontheteamgettogethereverynowandthentohaveagamenight Spousesusuallycometoo It’susuallyafunnight Lotsoflaughing,probablya goodbitofswearingifyou’reupforit
Kinsley:Areyouaskingmeout???*thinkemoji*
Me:Uh well Imeanconsideritafakedatewithyourfakeboyfriend?Ijustthoughtifwe’regoingtospendtheweekendtogethersoonitmightbeagoodidea togettoknowyoualittlemore Andyou,me Andtheteamasthey’resuchabigpartofmylife
Kinsley:Dotheyknow?
Me:Aboutusandourarrangement?Yeah,theyknow Itellthemeverything We’relikebrothers There’snotmuchIkeepfromthem Isthatnotokay?I’msorry, Iprobablyshould’vetalkedwithyouaboutitfirst
Kinsley:Nonsense Ofcourse,it’sokay It’syourlife I’mtheonewhoputyouinthisstickysituation
Me:Trustme You’rehelpingmeoutjustasmuchasI’mhelpingyou Don’tsweatit Justcomehangout Ipromiseit’llbefunifyou’reintogameswithfriends
Kinsley:I’malwaysupforhavingfun I’dlovetocome!*smileemoji*
Me:Perfect.I’lltouchbasetomorrowandworkoutthedetails.
Kinsley:Alright Soundsgood G’nightQuinton
Apartofmewasreallyenjoyingchattingwithher,soseeinghersayg’nightbringsaquickstabofdisappointmenttomy chest.Iswallowbacktheweirdfeelingandsendheronelasttext.
Me:G’nightKINK
Kinsley:LOLI’msooogoingtoregrettellingyouthat
Me:*Winkemoji*
Kinsley
“Sowhereareweonthefakeboyfriendthing?Didyoutakehimtomeetyourparents?”
MeredithsipshercoffeefromthebackporchofherhomewhileIsitatmydeskinmystudio
“Oh,myGod,yeahIdidandhewasfantastic!”
Shepullsablanketoverherlapandsnugglesintoherseat.“Tellmeeverythinganddon’tyoudareleaveanythingout.”
“Firstofall,myparentswereannoyingashelltryingtowoohim,youknowhowtheydo” Meredithrollshereyes.“Yep.Totallyknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Yeah,butitdidn’tbotherQuintonatall Hematchedtheirenergyandgaveitrightbacktothem Also,he’sasilentinvestor inaHawaiianresortthathissisterowns.”
Hereyesgrowhuge “Giiiirltellmeyou’regettingyourselfaninvitationthere?”
“Nah.Thatwasn’tanythingwediscussed,but…”Ileanforwardwithmypointerfingerintheair.“Mydadwasso impressedthatheknewaboutbusinessinvestmentsthatheinvitedQuintontoBreckinridgeforthegrandreopeningofSilver PinesResortandhesaidyes!”
Meredithspitshercoffeealloverherself.“WHAT?”Shelooksdown,irritatedwithherselfandwipescoffeeoffher pajamas “Wait,backup So,yourparentsinvitedhimtocometotheirresortinColoradoandheaccepted?”
“Yeah.Buttheydidn’tjustinvitehim.Theyinvitedus,Mere!Us…asacouple.” Shelaughs.“Oh,thisistoogood.Andhesaidyes?” “Yep.”
“Andhowdoyoufeelaboutthat?” “Well,notnearlyasnervousaboutitasIwasthatnight,especiallywhenhesaidhe’sdoingitbecauseheneedsmyhelp too.”
“Ooohsotitfortat”Shewinks “Ilikeit” “Yeah.Hehasthischarityeventhegoestoeveryyearanddoesn’twanttogoalonebecausehisexwillbethere.Sheworks closelywiththecharitytoosoheaskedmetobehisplusoneandIsaidyes.”
Meredithtwistshermouth,hereyesnarrowing.
“What?Icantellyou’rethinkingsomethingoverthere.”
Sheleansforwardandwhispers,“Didhekissyou?” “What?No.”
Shefallsbackintoherseat “Damn” “Whatissoupsettingaboutthat?”Ilaugh.“We’renotarealthing.”
“Iknow,butwouldn’tithavebeenniceifyoucould’vegottenalittlehappyendingoutofthenight?Someone-nightstand actionorsomething?”
“Uh,notwhenIhavetoseehimagain,Mere!Whatifthesexisbadandthenwe’reforcedtospendaweekendtogether?” “SexwithQuintonShay?HockeyplayerfortheChicagoRedTails?”Sheshakesherhead “Nofuckingwayishebadin bed.I’mcallingitrightnow.Ibethecouldmakeyoucomeforhours.”
Mycheekspinkenathercomment “IbethecouldmakemecomewithjustthesoundofhisvoiceifI’mbeinghonest,butI canNOTgothere.”
Meredithlaughs.“Ooohthisisgoingtobesomuchfunwatchingyoufigurethisout.”
“Ooohmygosh,Kinsley!Youturnedmeintoasexyminxwiththesepictures!”
IsmileatAda,mylatestboudoirclient.“HoneyIdidn’tdoanythingbutpointandshoot.Thesexyminxstaringbackatusis allyou”
“Butwhoevenisthatgirl?MyGod,Idon’tevenrecognizeher.”
“Well,Icertainlyhopeaftertodayyoustartacceptinghowabsolutelyfuckingstunningyouare Youblewthissessionoutof thewater,”Itellherasweflipthroughmoreofherfinishedphotos.“Imeanthesearecenterfoldworthyifyouaskme.” IcatchaglimpseofAda’sfacejustbeforeshebowsherhead,atearslippingdownhercheek.
“YouknowIneverthoughtIwouldeverdosomethinglikethis,”shestates,swiftlywipinghertearsaway “No?”
“Huhuh”
“Tellmewhatmakesyouemotionalaboutseeingthesenow?”
“Ijust ”Sheshakesherhead “IhadsomeonewhomademefeellikeIwashiseverything,youknow?Ineverdoubted myselfwithLuke.ButwhenhepassedawayIfellintothisrabbitholeofgriefanddepressionandIkindof…lostmyself.”
ImetAdaayearagowhenIadoptedNutsackattheanimalshelter.Shewassokindandenthusiasticabouttheanimalsshe
wascaringfor SheintroducedmetoeverycattherebutmyheartfellforNutsackthemomentImethim IknewAdawas newishtoChicagolikeIwasatthetime,butIhadnoideawhereshecamefromorwhatherstorywas.Hearinghertalkabout losingalovedonetugsatmyheartstrings Isqueezeherhandinmineasashowofsupport
“Iamsoincrediblysorryforyourloss,butevenmorethanthat,I’msogladyou’refindingyourwaybacktowhoyouare. Youareabeautifulhumanbeing,Ada PlanningthissessionwithyouwassomuchfunandIlovethatyoucanusethis experiencejustforyou.Foryoureyes.Foryourheart.Foryoursoul.PeoplelikeyouarewhyIdothis.”
Shesniffles “Really?”
“Absolutely.”Inod.“Sure,therearetonsofwomenouttherewhowanttodosomethinguniquefortheirsignificantothers, andIevengetcoupleswhocomeintohavethisexperiencetogether.”Ileanclosertoherandwhisper,“Thosedaysit’susually hotashellinhereandIhavetoremindthecouplesthatI’mstillherebehindthecamerabecausegeesh!”
Adalaughs.“OhmyGod!”
“Yeah Thestruggleisreal ButthemainreasonIlovedoingthisjobistohelpwomenjustlikeyou Forthewomanwho haslostsightofwhosheisorwhoshewantstobe.Forthewomanwholooksatherselfinthemirroranddoesn’tseethe beautysheundoubtedlyhas IfIcangetpeopletotrustmetotakepicturesofthemintheirmostvulnerablestates,Ivaluethat opportunitytoshowthemtheirworth.Theirvalue.Theirbeauty.AndAda,youaregorgeous.”
Shebrushesherhairbackandsitsupalittlestraightercollectingherself.“IfeelbeautifulinthesephotosKinsley.Ican’t thankyouenough”
“Youareabsolutelywelcome,”Itellher,clickingofftheslideshowonthescreen.“Iwillcompilealloftheseintoan albumforyouandordertheprintsyouwantandthenI’llcallyouwhenit’sallinandreadyforpick-up”
“Thatsoundsperfect.Maybewecanhavecoffeeorsomething.BeingrelativelynewtothecityIwouldn’tmindanew friend.”
“It’sadeal!Iwouldlovetohavecoffeewithyou.I’veonlybeeninthecityacoupleofyearssoIknowexactlyhowyou feel.”
“Great”Shesmiles “So,I’lltalktoyounextweeksometime?” “Yep.I’llcallyouassoonastheseareinandready.”
“Perfect Thankyouagain Thiswasamarvelousexperience Ican’twaittoseethefinishedproducts” IstandfromthesofaasAdadoesandreachouttogiveherahug.“IamsogladImetyou,Ada.Thankyoufortrustingme withyourboudoirsession.”
ShewalkstothedoorwhereNutsackiswaitingonthenearbycounter.Shegiveshimalittlescratchonthesideofhisface andsayswithagiggle,“Ican’tbelieveyourenamedthispoorboyafteryouadoptedhim.”
“Ofcourse,Idid”Ilaugh “Hedefinitelywasn’taSamkindofcat HelikesNutsack,andhe’ssohappyyouintroducedhim tomelastyear.”
Shelaughs “Ibethelovesit,andifheeverneedsaplaymatethereareplentymorekittiesattheshelter” “Hmm.”Iholdmychinbetweenmythumbandforefinger.“Nutsacksdousuallyhold…two…nuts.” Adalaughs.“Seeyoulater,Nutsack.”Shewavesonemoretimebeforesteppingoutside.“ByeKinsley!” “Seeya,Ada!”
“Ishouldprobablywarnyou,”Quintonsaysafteropeningmycardoor “Thesegamenightscangetprettyumm ” Iraisemybrow.“Raunchy?”
“Yeah”Hegrins “We’rebasicallyagroupofmiddleschoolboyswhenwe’retogether Iprobablyshould’vetoldyouthat beforeIinvitedyoutocomewithme.”
“Wouldn’thavechangedmymind,Shay.”Iwinkathimandlethimleadmetothefrontdoor.“Icandomiddleschoolboy. Howraunchyarewetalking?Like,penisjokesandpornreferencesoristhismorelikeaspin-the-bottlekindofevening?”
Thefrontdoorswingsopenandahotguywithseveraltattoosstandsontheotherside,anexcitedexpressiononhisface.“I meanI’mtotallyupforspinthebottleifitmeansIcanmakeoutwithCharlee”Hewinksjustasanotherguycomesflying downthestepsandtacklestheguyatthedoor.
“You’lldonosuchthing,fucker.”
Guynumberonecackles.“Gotcha,Bro.I’mjustteasingyou.Besides,IsawwhatyoudidtothelastguywhodidCharlee wrong.”
IturntoQuintonwithanamusedyetquestioningglance Hesmilesandgesturestothetwoguysplayfullyarguingatthe door.“KinsleythisisDexFosterandMiloLandric.”
DexrightshimselfandfixeshisshirtafterMilo’stackleandbowstome,openingthedoorfurther “Welcomemylady Pleaseexcusetheaudaciousbehaviorofmyfriend,Milohere.He’susuallytheperfecthost.”
MilobackhandsDex’supperarm.“Fuckyou,Dexter.”Helaughs,shakinghishead,andoffershishandtome.“Youmustbe Kinsley.”
“Yes.KinsleyKendrick.Pleasuretomeetyou…again.”
“Right.”Henods.“Thewedding.Yourpicturesweregreatbytheway.”
“Thankyousomuch Ihadthebesttimethatday” “Wellcomeonin.”
MiloleadsQuintonandIupstairstowheretherestofthegrouparealreadyhangingout,butfirstwe’regreetedbytwo excitedgoldenretrievers.
Isquealinexcitement “Ohmygosh!Hellobabies!Youaresobeautiful!”Itellthem,scratchingthembothbehindtheirears “Yes,youare.Iloveyoualready.You’remynewbestfriends,okay?Ipromisetoloveyou,petyou,andgiveyouallthe snackoswheneverIcan.”
Milochuckles “Liza,Darcy,sit”BothdogsfollowMilo’scommandandsitwatchingme,asifwaitingformetodotricks “Oh,youtwoarethesweetestthingsinthewholewideworld.LizaandDarcy,huh?Thosearebeautifulnames.”Irubmy handontheirchests “It’ssonicetomeetyouguys”
QuintongivesthedogsafewrubsandkisseswhileItakeintheroomwe’vewalkedinto.Holyballs,it’sgorgeousinhere. Vaultedceilings,spacious,naturalcolors Icanonlyimaginewhatitlookslikeduringthedaylighthourswiththesuncomingin offthelake.Ibetit’sapeacefulhaven.IgivehugstoCarissa,Rory,Tatum,andCharlee,havingspenttimewiththemsnapping picturesduringRory’swedding,andmarveloverhowverypregnantthreeofthemare.
Wow!Time Flies!
ThenMiloreintroducesmetoColby,Hawken,andZeke.It’sremarkablehoweveryonemakesmefeelathomeasifwe’ve allbeenfriendsforyears
“Where’sSummer?”QuintonasksDexwhenwe’realltogether. “Oh,RoryandIhaveafriendfromschoolwhobabysitsformesometimessowecanhaveadatenight,soshetookover tonightforus.”
“Excellent.”
“Kinsley,canIgetyouadrink?”Charleeasksme “Beer?Wine?Margarita?” “Margarita?Areyouserious?”
Shewagsherbrows “Uspreggersaredrinkingvirgin,butyougetthespecialstuffifyouwantit Strawberry,raspberry, mango,orlemon-lime?”
“Ohmygosh,I’llgladlytakeamango.Thankyousomuch!” “Comingrightup.Quinton?WhatcanIgetyou?”
“Beerisfine.ThanksCharlee.”
QuintonoffersmeachairnexttohimthatIgladlytakeaseveryoneseatsthemselvesaroundanoversizeddiningroomtable “Kinsley,haveyouplayedScattergoriesbefore?”CarissaasksmeasMiloopensthebox. “Yep Allthetimeasakid”
“Well,thisain’tyourkidversion,”Dexproclaims.“Whenweplay,it’stheadultversiononly.Themoreinappropriatethe better.”
IlookatQuintonwhowinksandleansintowhisper,“See?Middleschoolboy” “Right.”InodwithasnickerandthensmirkatDex.“ThisisachallengeIthinkIcanaccept.”
“Hopeyouknowwhatyou’regettingyourselfintoKinsley,”Hawkenwarns “Dexlovestounleashhisinnerhornyteenager whenweplaythisgame.”
“Bringiton,Dex Let’sseewhatyou’vegot” Dexrubshishandstogether.“OoohIlikeheralready,Quinton.” Milohandsusourlistsandrollsthelettereddie.“Alrightallanswershavetostartwith…C.”Hetapsthebuttononthe timer “Go!”
Ireaddownthelistofquestionsandtrytocomeupwithmyanswers.
Something you keep hidden
Song lyrics or title about sex.
Swear word
Something found in the bedroom. Reason for being late.
Sexual position
Word with double letters.
Something you scream during sex
Where not to be caught having sex.
Pet name (term of endearment)
Thetimergoesoffandeveryonelaysdowntheirpencils.Miloactingastheleaderforthisroundcallsoffeachquestion allowingustogiveouranswers.
“Alrightsomethingyoukeephidden.”
“Cockrings!”Charleeblurtsout,makingtheentiregroupfallintoafitofhysterics.Hearingthemalllaughmakesmelaugh aswell
“OhmyGod,somethingtellsmethere’sastorythere.”
“Nope”Miloshakeshisheadadamantlythoughhisfaceisbeetred “Nostorywhatsoever Mywifehasapenchantfor practicaljokesisall.”
“She’sadirty,dirtygirl,”Dexlaughs “Andthat’swhyweloveher” “Okay,okay.Howaboutsonglyricsoratitleaboutsex?”Miloreadsdownthelist. “It’stotallyCloser byNineInchNails,”Hawkenstatesproudly. “Well,that’sbetterthanwhatIhad,”Quintonlaughs Ipeekoverathislist “’CanYouFeelTheLoveTonight’?”Iburstoutlaughing.“Howoldareyou?Fifty?” “Heynow!”hescoldsmewithasmirk “Oldenoughtosmackyourassifyougetmydrift Andwhodoesn’tloveElton John?He’saclassic.”
Milocontinuesdownthroughourlistandwhenhegetstosexualposition,Dexshouts,“CHICAGOWINDTUNNEL!” Everyoneatthetablegoesquiet.Eyebrowsfurrowed.
“Dude,doIevenwanttoknowwhatthatis?”Colbychuckles. Rorymumbles,“It’sDex Ithinkweknowthatanswer” Tatumshootsherhandintheair.“IjustwanttobethefirstonetosaywhateverthefucktheChicagoWindTunnelis,we’ve neverdoneitinthebedroombecauseIhaveafeelingwhateveritis,it’ssomethingprettynasty” DexshootsmeachallengingglanceandItakehimon.“Alright,De ” “Wait.”Quinton’shandissqueezingmythighandholyhelldidmybodyjustignite.“Areyousureyouwanttogotherewith him?”
“Oh,comeon,”Itellhim.“Lookatthepoorguy.He’sdyingtotellusallwhataChicagoWindTunnelis.Youcanseeitall overhisface”
Quintonholdshishandsupindefense,scoffingoutalaugh.“Don’tsayIdidn’twarnyou.” “OkayDex Inquiringmindswanttoknow ” “Idon’twanttoknow.”Zekeshakeshishead,sittingbackinhischair. “I’mnotsureIwanttoknoweither,”Tatumsays,coveringherfacewithherhands. “GoodGodhe’sgoingtotellusanyway.”Rorygripesplayfully.“Justgetitoverwithalready.” IturntoDex.“WhatistheChicagoWindTunnel?”
ACheshire-cattypegrinspreadsacrosshisface “It’swhenyou’retitty-fuckingagirl Butinsteadofkneelingoverher stomachasyoudoit,youkneeloverherfaceandmovebackandforthbetweenhertits.Thatwayyourasscrackrubsbackand forthoverhernoselikeshe’sinawindtunnel”
Iblinkmyeyesafewtimes,lettingDex’sexplanationsinkin,andthenslowlyshiftmygazearoundthetable.Tatumhasher eyesclosedandistryingnottolaughwhileCarissagigglesnexttoher.Rorypalmsherforeheadshakingherheadindisbelief andpoorCharleelookslikeshecouldvomit,butatthesamemoment,everyguyatthetableburstsoutlaughing Quinton included.
“Ohfuck!”Milocackles “Ican’tbreathe!”
“Wherethehelldidyoucomeupwiththat,Foster?”Colbyaskswipingtearsoflaughterfromhisface.
“Oh,IlearneditfromHawken”
“Thefuckyoudid!”Hawkenshoutswithagoofysmileonhisface.“That’ssomehighlymessedupshitrightthere,bro.You didnotlearnthatfromme.”HeturnstoRoryandmumbles,“IsweartoGodhedidnotlearnthatfromme.”
“NEWGAME!”Colbyshouts “Wecan’tkeepgoingafterthatone”
“Alright,I’vegotone.”Roryreachesdownunderherchairandthrowsastackofcardsonthetable.“Thisoneisbasically likeWouldYouRatherbuttheseareall,well,youknow Notworkappropriatewhatsoever Everyonetakesacardfromthe pileandthat’sthequestionyouask.Iwroteeveryone’snamedownonapieceofpaperfoldeduphere,soyou’llpickaname andpickaquestion I’llgofirst”
Shepicksupthefirstcardaswellasatinyslipofpaper.Unfoldingit,shereadsthename.“Okay,Milothisoneisforyou.” Hegrins.“Bringiton.”
“Wouldyouratherwatchacouplekissforfiveminutesstraightorwatchanexplicitsexscenewithyourparents” Milocringesbutthentiltshisheadinthought.“Hmm,thatdepends.Who’sdoingthekissing?ArewetalkingQuintonand Zekeor ”
“Fuckyes,”Quintonnodswithanamusedgrin.“I’llkissMillerforfiveminutesifitmeansyou’llwatch,Landric.” Milowaveshispointerfinger.“YouknowIwouldalmostbewillingtocallyourbluffman.” QuintonlaughsandsuddenlyI’mwonderingwhytheideaofQuintonandZekekissingisturningmeon.Seriously,twobig burlyhockeyplayersswappingtongues?Phew!I’mgettinghotjustthinkingaboutit.
“Youknow,IthinkImighthavetosaythesexscenewithmyparents.MomreadsthesamekindofbooksIdosoit’snotlike we’renotfamiliar.She’dbecoolwithit.We’dprobablyjustgiggleaboutitanyway.”
Colbylaughs “AndthenpoorCharleeherewouldbegettingrailedforaweek” Charleekeepsastraightfacewhenshesays,“What’ssopoorCharleeaboutthat?”
Theladiesallpassaroundafistbumpandacouplecheersofagreementbecausewhodoesn’tlovehotsex?ThenRory passesthedecktoMilo.
“Alright,Milo,yougettoaskthenextquestion”
Milotakesthenextcardonthepileandgrabsoneofthepiecesofpaperwithanamewrittenonit.“Smallson,thisisfor you.”
“Smallson?”IleanoverandwhispertoQuinton
“Carissa’smaidenname.ShewasSmallsonwhenwemethersoshe’llalwaysbeSmallsontous.” “Ah”
“Wouldyouratherhavesexintheshoweroronthekitchentable?”
“Definitelynotheroldapartmentshower,that’sfordamnsure,”Colbychuckles,hishandrubbingCarissa’sleg “Rememberthat?”
“Ididn’tneedsexintheshowerwiththatoldbathroom,babe,”shegrins.“Theleaksweresometimeslikejetpoweredtubs. Nopenisnecessary”
“GoodthingbecauseNelsonhasateenyweenyanyway,”Dexsayswithawink.
“Whateverhelpsyousleepatnight,Foster,”Colbyretortswithasmile “AndMilo,heransweriskitchentable” “Itis?”Carissaasksherhusband.
Colbyturnstoherwithapeakedbrow.“DoIneedtoremindyouofthatnightwhenI ”
“Nooope.Iremember.”Shenods,hercheeksblushing.“He’srightMilo.Kitchentableforthewinandnowit’smyturn.” Shetakesacardandaslipofpaperandunwrapsit.
“Dex,thisisforyou”
“Perfect!Hitme!”
Carissasnorts “OhmyGod Okay,herewego Wouldyouratherhavesexwithagoatandnobodyeverfindsout,ornot havesexwithagoatbuteveryonethinksyoudid?”
TheentireroomfallsintohystericsasDexdeliberateshisanswer.“Imean,isitoneofthosebigassBillygoatsoroneof thosefaintingonesthatalwaysfallsover?
TatumwhacksDex’sarm.“Listenheredumbass,Idon’tfuckgoatfuckerssotherebetterbeonlyoneanswerhereorwe’re goingtohaveaproblem!”
Hewrapshisarmaroundhiswifesmoochinghercheek.“Butyou’remygoat,babe.Literallythegreatestofalltime.”
Shemeltsintohimalittlebitafterthatexplanation “Alright,IguessIcangiveyouthat”
“Believeme,I’mconfidentenoughinmymanhoodthatIdon’tgiveafuckwhateveryonethinksImayormaynothavedone. MydickbelongstoTate,foreverandalways.”
Satisfiedwithhisanswer,Dexgrabsacardandafolded-upnamefromthecenterofthetable “Kinsleydarling,thisoneisforyou.”
“Uhoh I’monthehotseat”
Please don’t let this be too embarrassing.
“Wouldyouratheronlyeverhavereallyloudsexorabsolutelysilentsex?”
“Oh,that’seasy.Loudalltheway,”Ianswer.“Whowantssilentsex?Silenceisboring.Silenceisnofunwhatsoever.I don’tthinkIcouldbesilentifItried.”
QuintoncatchesmyeyeandIwinkathim,wonderingwhathemightbethinkingrightnow Hedoesn’tsayawordbutthe lookonhisfacesayshe’sbothimpressedandcurious.Also,I’lljustpretendIdon’tnoticethathe’sshiftinginhisseat.
