THE PUCKING FAKE BOYFRIEND
ANENEMIESTOLOVERSBROTHER’SBEST
FRIENDROMANCE
A J SUMMERS
ATTRACTION PUBLISHING
Copyright©2024byAJSummers
Allrightsreserved.
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwritten permissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview
CONTENTS
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Epilogue
AlsobyAJSummers
BabyfortheSingleDad
Afterabrutaltusslewiththerelentlessice,thelastthingIwantisamassage.Picturethis:mybatteredmuscles,wrungout andcontortedlikeapretzelbyatherapistwhoappearsutterlyindifferenttomypain
Yet,youknowwhatIsecretlycrave?Thechancetochallengethatsametherapist.Myfavoritemasseuse,Britney,is the sister of a teammate, and the daughter of the man who tolerated me squatting in his house for the better part of my childhood She has this uncanny knack for unraveling my knots while concealing her emotions, turning it into a peculiarly delightfuldanceoftormentandpleasure.
AsIshroudmybodywithawhitecottontowelandliedownonthemassagetable,sheenterstheroom Isavorthemoment herhandsbegintheirworkonmyquadriceps,themusclesmostdesperateforhertouch.Hergoldencurlsareneatlysecuredin abun,andshe’sadornedinpinkscrubs,farmoreappealingthanherusualfloor-lengthskirts ThoughItrytoresist,there’sa subtlelonginginmycenterasmygazelingersonher.
Afleeting,nearlyannoyedexpressionflitsacrossherheart-shapedfaceasshelooksatme.Thenhereyesshiftelsewhere. I can’t help but sport a smug grin She doesn’t exactly savor the idea of being stuck with me as her client, and that’s preciselywhyIinsistonhavingher.
Withavoicethat’salwaysjustawhisperawayfrommyear,requiringmyfullattentiontocatchherwords,Britneyexcels at blending into the shadows. It’s one of the reasons I relish her touch. I get to push her buttons until she finally snaps in irritation.
Ourlittlegameneverseemstoloseitsallure.
She gracefullynavigates around me, reachingfor a bottle ofoil ona nearbyshelf. “Youhave time for a massage?” She spreadssomeliquidonmyupperleg,pausingtolookatmewithherfrostyblueeyes “Don’tyouhaveafiretoputout?”
Iraiseaneyebrow.It’stheveryfirsttimeBritneyhasinitiatedaconversationwithoutmyprodding,andIcan’thelpbutfeel aflickerofintriguedespitemyannoyance
"I know this might be hard for youto remember, Brit, but hockeyis played onice." I grinat myownwords. Britney's brotherisintheleagueandherfatherisateammanager.Implyingthatshedoesn'tknowwhatshe'stalkingaboutwillforsure getunderherskin.
Butsheignoresmybarb,pullingoutmyleftleganddiggingintothequadwithsurprisingstrength. Britneydoesn’ttalkmuch,butsheisskilledatpunishingmeforannoyingher “YouknowwhatImean.”Herwordsareevenlowernow.
Ibitebackagroan “No,Ireallydon’t I’msureyou’llenlightenmethough” Sheraisesherbrows.“Really?”She’sevidentlytoosurprisedtoevenrememberherusualvowofsilence.“Yourex?” Ahintofdistastespreadsonmytongue.Ofcourse.BritneyistalkingaboutJaniceHatfield,aformericegirlfortheNew JerseyDevils,who’sbeenraisingastinkonsocialmediaaboutgettingdumpedbymeaftershequitherjobto,inherwords, “bewithme.”She’sbeengoingonfortwodays,andTikTokhasexplodedwithmemesandlip-syncs.Twocoachesaskedme aboutitbeforewegotontheicethismorning
It’s mildly infuriating, but then again, this is not the first time a self-proclaimed ex would go on social media to let everyoneknowhowheartlessIwasfordumpingthem “Wewerenotdating.”
IneedtosetthatstraightwithBrit.Andhell,withanyoneelsewhothinksofmeastheassholeJaniceispaintingmetobe. “Mybad,”Britmurmurs Still,Icanhear loathinginher voice,canevenfeel itasshekneadsher hothandsevendeeper intomyupperleg.
Ahintofuneasespreadsthroughmycore HalfofthemembersofmyteamsecretlyholdthesamerevulsionformeasBrit “Shewasnevermygirlfriend,”Ispit.
Britneyshrugsasthoughit’snothingtoher,butherhandsarekneadingharder Finally,shemumbles,“No Justhadyourfun withher,thentossedheraside.Astoryasoldastimeitself.”
Ioughtto be irritated bythe claim, butthe factthatthe usuallyreserved and quietBritneyis expressingher feelings so
openlybringsasmirktomyface.WhileIhavethechance,Iwanttopushherbuttonsabitmore.
“SheprobablyhadwaymorefunthanIdid,”Imuse,thinkingbacktothelukewarmfucksIenduredforsixweeks.
Britneyabruptlyletsgoofmyleg,andwhenIlookintoherface,she’sstaringrightbackatme,glacierpaleeyessparkling withrage.
Thissurprisesme Sheusuallywearsapainted-on,politesmile Attimes,I’vewitnessedflashesofanger,especiallywhen afellowplayermadeacrudejoke,orherfathertriedtobossheraround.Noneofthosecameclosetothis.
“Youletherquitherjobforyou”Hervoiceisadecibelhigherthanusual
“Sheleftherjoballbyherself,”Iinsist.“SheknewIwasn’tgoingtohaveathingwithanicegirl.AndeventhoughItold her that it’s crazyofher to evenconsider quitting, she decided to hear onlya part ofwhat Iwas tellingher. Did youever considerthatshewasjustsickofthegigandwaslookingforanexcuse?Shewasn’tthatgoodatitinthefirstplace”
Britlookslikeshe’sabouttosaysomethingrude,butthenshebitesbackherwords.Shereachesformyotherleg,andthe abruptmovementcausesmytoweltoslipoffhalfway SinceIprefernottowearunderwearwhenIgetamassage,mydickis nowpartiallyexposed.She’stooincensedtoevennoticeit.
AsIbegintoextendmyhandtowardthetowel,aprimal,almostchildlikeimpulsetosimplyletitbewashesoverme So,Ido.
Shesaysnothingforseveralminutes,andthetensionbetweenusisthickerthanI’veeverknownittobe.
HatingJanicefortakingthistinypleasurefromme,Isay,“Lookatitthisway,Brit Would you quityourjobforaguy?” Herwordsescapehersoftmouth,asmalleableascandlewax.“For you?Hell,no.” I’mhalf-amused,half-annoyed Idowanttopointouttheridiculousnessofanyonegivingupacareertobewithsomeone, butIdon’tlikehertone,liketheonlystupidthingaboutthewholeaffairwasthatJanicediditfor me. Thoughshemayhaveapoint.I’mfarfrombeingthemostpalatableitemonthemenu.Beingabandonedbyyourmotherand raisedbyamorallyambiguousfathersurelyleftitsmarkonmyyoungsoul.
Idecidetoletmyannoyancego,especiallyifitmeanswecanfinishthemassageinsilence.
“Well,then,Idon’tseewhyyou’reblamingmeforherfoolishness” Britdigsherfingersintomysorequad.“Yeah,”shemutters.“Right.”
“Ifyou’vegotsomethingtosay,goahead”I’malreadyhavingsecondthoughtsaboutchoosingBritneyfortoday’ssession I’dratherbewithliterallyanyothertherapistnow,mostofwhomwouldprobablybelightlyflirtingwithmewhiletheywork.
Flirting
Asmall smileformsonmylipsinspiteofmyself.Itishighlyunprofessional tosleepwiththemasseuses,ofcourse,and I’venevercrossedthatline.Butsomeofthemwereincorrigiblecockteases,andIwouldfindmyselfengaginginbanteronce inawhile,outofnothingotherthansheerboredom
Ofcourse,Britneyalwaysplaysitsafe.Apartofmehasalwayssecretlyhopedshemightstarttolivedangerously,even whenweweregrowingup Atten,mymotherdecidedshehadenoughofbeingawifetoanabusivealcoholic,leavingmeat themercyofmyboozydad.Ihadtogrowupfast.Luckyforme,Blakebecamemyrefuge,andIpracticallylivedathisplace. Britney,stillakidherself,wasoftenourtarget.Wewereoblivioustoherownbattlesshewasfightingwithin.
“Noonewouldquitacareerwithoutreassurance,”shemuttersnow,shakingmythoughtsbackinherdirection Weare still talkingaboutJanice?
ButI’mnotasirritatedasIwasasecondago BecauseI’vegotanotherplayhere “Well,”Isaywithashrug,“maybeshegotallthereassurancesheneededfromthepromiseoffuckingme.Maybeleaving herjobwasworthgettingtobangmeafewmoretimes”
IexpectBritneytoreactwithangeratmyuseofprofanity.Orfallsilentwithembarrassment.Orblushsohardthattheroots ofherhairturnpink.
WhatIdon’texpectisacompletelackofreactionandanonchalantshrug “Sure,”shemutters Iraiseabrow,slightlydisgruntled.“Youdon’tseemconvinced.”
“Yeah”Sheyawns,coveringuphermouthwithhershoulderwhileshecontinuestoworkonmyleg “You’reprobablynot asgoodofafuckasyouthinkyouare.”
Myskinheatsup There’snoreasontobeslighted,sinceBritneyandIhavenot,nor ever will gothere Andnoneofthe womenI’vebeenwithhaveevercomplained.
However,theundeniabletruthremainsthatshedoesn’tseemtheleastbitimpressed.AndthefrustratingrealizationthatI’ll neverhaveachancetoproveherwronggnawsatme,primarilybecauseIcan’tbearthethoughtofjeopardizingmyfriendship withBlakeoveraquickrompwithhissister,awomanI’veneveronceadmittedtofindingappealing.NottomentionthatIowe herfather,David,forallowingmetopracticallyliveattheirhouse,andeventuallyleadingmedownthepathofhockey
ButIdohavetoacknowledgethatmyannoyanceismingledwithcuriosity.Britneyisdeathlyshy,andI’veneverevenseen herlookataguybefore.IamwellawarethatDavid’sfavoritepastimeiswatchingoverBritneylikeahawk.Blakehadeven oncetoldme,half-jokingly,thathisdadmighthavesecuredthemasseusejobforBritneyonlysohecouldkeepaclosewatch onher.
MyguessisthatBritneyisstillavirgin.Andyet,shehasstrongopinionsaboutmysexlife. Inspiteofmybruisedego,Iprodfurther.
“Whydoyousaythat?”
“Because...”
And then, I watchas her gaze dips lower, downmychest and abs, and evenlower, until she stares coldlyat myhalfexposeddick,
“Because,”shedrawlsagain,swallowing Thistime,shehastheshadowofamockingsmileonherface Myhandsballintofists.DidBritneyWhitejusthintatnotbeingimpressedwithmydick?
Iwanttostandup,throwheroverthistable,andshowherhowunforgettablygoodIcanmakeherfeel. Themomentthatthoughtcrossesmymind,Ifeelsomethingthatshocksmetomyverycore Mydickstiffening.AtthethoughtoffuckingBritney.
Iremainsilentasshepushesmetositandstartsworkingonmyneckandshoulders,hopingthefeelingwillpass BecauseIcannotbeattractedtomybestfriend’sbabysister.
Butmydamned dickdisagrees, gettingharder ather softfingers workingoutthe tensioninmyneck Her scentfills my nostrils, and whenshe moves right behind me, the hard muscles onmybackare pressed against her tits, and I canalmost certainlyfeelhernipplesthroughthebrashe’swearing... Oh,fuck Iwanther.
I’veneverfelttheurgetopunchmyselfthisbadly Abruptly,Isurgetomyfeet,desperatetoleavetheroomandwhateverinterimmadnessitfilledmewith. Iturnaroundandopenmymouthtoaskforaraincheck,alreadymakingamentalnotetoneverrequestBritneyagain.But beforeIcanletthewordsout,mybodytinglesatthesensationofairwaftingaroundmyhips. Mybarehips.
Ilookdown,cursinginwardly Thetowel hascompletelyslippedoff I’mfullynaked,withmydickpointingather inits fullglory.
Grabbingthetowel andapologizingwouldbethewaytogo,butaninsaneburningurgecausesmetoglanceatBritney’s expressionfirst.
She’sstaringrightatme.Atit.Tworosyblotchesarestaininghercheeks,andhermoistlipsareslightlypartedinsurprise. But more thanthat, I notice the lookinher eyes. It’s a lookI’ve seenhundreds of times before, and one I have no trouble interpreting.
Desire
HeropenaweridsmeofeverytraceofdisgruntlementthatIcarriedwithmeforthelasttenminutes.Idon’tcarethatshe’s managedto,withoutanyeffortatall,irritatemeandmakemewantherinthesamebreath Andfromthewayshelooksatme,onethingisforsure.Britneyismostdefinitelynot avirgin.
Ireachdownformytowel,giddinessreplacingmybriefembarrassment.IcouldswearIhearthetiniestsoundofprotest, almostlikeshedoesn’twantmetocoverup
And while I’m not completely opposed to that, I’m aware that a lot of lines have been crossed today. Most of them unintentionally,andIcan’taffordtocrossonemore
So,IflashasmileatherasIwrapmyselfup.
“You’rewelcome”IchucklebeforeIslipoutoftheroom
CHAPTER 2
BRITNEY
Okay,he’shot.
Veryhot Basicallya Greekgod And for the briefest moment, whenIsaw himstandingthere, naked and erect, I wantedhim.
Until I remembered that the sinewy, powerful body I was lusting after belonged to Alex Steinman. The bane of my existence
Whenwe were kids, Alexwas a constantpresence inour lives. He had nowhere else to turn. Itmighthave made things easierifhehadshowneventheslightestinclinationtobekindtome However,allIcanrecallfromthoseyearsarememories ofAlexandBlakeconstantlyconspiringagainstme.
Alex’sarrivalwaslikeastormthatdisruptedthetranquilityofmyexistence Therewassomethingabouthisdemeanor,his carelessdisregardformyfeelings,thatirkedmetonoend.Perhapsitwasthewayheeffortlesslyslidintoourlives,making himselfathome,whileIoftenfeltlikeanoutsider.Hispresenceseemedtomagnifymyinsecurities,aconstantreminderofmy mother’sabsence
ItwasasthoughAlexreveledinhisroleasthetormentor,relishingeveryopportunitytomakemylifemoredifficult.Our interactions were marked bya palpable tension, anunspokenrivalrythat simmered beneaththe surface Icouldn’t help but resenthimforbecomingapartofmyshatteredworld,evenifhehadexperiencedhisshareofhardship.
Noteventhe lightdancingover the indents ofhis muscles and thatgorgeous, perfectcockcould stop me fromdespising him.AndthoughI’dletmyguarddownforasecond,nothingwasgoingtochange.
Hockey is a different sport than football or basketball. But they all have something in common: players who are selfinvolveddouchebags AndwhileIcantolerate albeitbarely mostofthePhiladelphiaFlyers,AlexSteinmanirritatesmeon awholedifferentlevel.ItdoesnothelpthatI’veknownhimforsuchalongtimeandhavehadtoobservehisegogrowalong withhishockeyskills Girlsconstantlytripoverthemselvestocatchhisattention Istillcan’ttellwhy Okay,that’salie.Iclearlyseewhynow.Butstill. “Brit?”
Myblank,automaticsmilefallsinplacenaturallythemomentIhearmyfather’svoice.Yearsofpractice,anditlooksmore naturalthanever.
IpushupfromthecomfyoldsofaI’dbeensittingon MydadhasbeentheoperationsmanageroftheFlyersforadecade, andhisofficehasnotchangedduringthattime:old,worn-outfurniture,peelingbrownwalls,dustybooksondustiershelves, andamustysmellintheair JustbeinginthisplaceandaroundhimismorethanenoughtokickthethoughtofAlexSteinman’s nakedbodyfrommyhead.
Mydadsqueezesmyshoulderbrieflybeforehegoesaroundthedeskanddumpshimselfonhischair.Thelinesetchedon hisfacehavedeepenedovertime,hishairlinehasreceded,andpuffyeyebagshavesettledunderhiseyespermanently Butone thingtheyearshavenottakenfromhimishisloveforhockey.Hehaddecidedhischildrenwouldplayitlongbeforewewere born Blakewasaboutfivewhenmydadstartedspendingmoneyonticketsandtakinghimtoallthegamesinthestate.Andonce Alexappearedinourlives,hesimplywentalongforthepracticesandthegames Heendeduphavinganinnatetalentforthe sport.Heowesmostofhissuccesstomyfather.
While Blake started enjoying football at some point, my dad was relentless. He talked about hockey all day long, convincingBlakethatfootballwasnothingbutmalarkey,whilehockeywasthesmarter,betterchoice Andoneday,Blakegave inanddecidedhelikedtheicebetterafterall.
Now,they’rebothprofessionalplayers,prettygoodonesatthat Andasforme Ibitemybottomlip.Idon’tthinkmydadknewwhattodowithmefromthemomentIwasborn.Hewascluelessastohow totalktome,actaroundme,orraiseme,awareIwouldneverbeabletolivehisdream “Didn’texpectyoutobedonesosoonwithwork,”hesays.“Didsomethinghappen?” Goosebumps pebble onmyarms as the image ofAlexstandingnakedinfrontofme flashes throughmyhead.“No,buta
“Ineedyoutocometoapartywithmetonight,”heinterrupts,hisbrowneyespiercingintomine.“It’simportant.”
Anirritatedburnspreadsthroughmycore,andnotjustbecausehecutin Hiswordsaresimpleandeasyenough,butthey takemebacktomyteenageyears,whichImostlyspentinBlake’sshadow.Icravedourdad’sattentionbadlyenoughtowant himtotalktomeaboutanything Butwhenhefinallydid,healwaysusedthosewordsandthatfacialexpression,holdingmy eyeswithhisanddemandingIdosomething.
WhichIalwaysdid,evenwhenitdeeplycontrastedwithwhatIwanted “Whatkindofaparty?”Iaskmeekly.
Justthen,thedoortotheofficeopens,andBlakestepsin,dressedinsweatpants. Mydad’seyeslightup Theburninmystomachspreads,butIignoreit “Great,”hesays.“You’rehere.Britneyjustsaidshe’llcometotheparty.” Did I?
Blakerollshiseyes,givesmeakissonthecheek,anddropsontotheseatnexttomine.“Whyonearthwouldyouagreeto that?IsyourideaofagreatSaturdaynightkissingassattheFurmans’?”
“Furmans?”Iturnbacktomydad,annoyancegrowinginme.“Why?”
Heignoresme,directinghisretorttoBlake.“Youknowyouhavetobethere,right?TheyowntheFlyers,andthepartyis meanttocelebrateyourteambeforetheofficialstartoftheseason”
“Yeah,Iknow,”hesays.“ButIdon’tseewhyBritneyhastosufferbeingaroundthatTheodoretoad.”
Myfather’seyesgowidewithgenuinepanic “Don’tsaythat!”hewhisper-hisses Blakerollshiseyes.“Sure,”hesays.“Butit’ssomethingweallknow.”
“WhatIknow,”myfathersaysdoggedly,“isthatTheodoreFurmanwillinherittheteamwhenhisfatherretires.Whilehe mightbealittle...sloppynow,he’sgoingtoownyourteaminthenextfewyears.So,don’tsaythatabouthim!” “Imakenopromises,”Blakesayswithayawn.
It’s moments like this thatIenvythe factthatBlake canoppose our dad Or thathe canfinisha sentence withoutbeing interrupted.
“Whydoyouwantmethere?”IinquireintothebriefsilencebeforeI’mcutshortagain “Thoughtitwouldbefunforyou,”mydaddeclares,shootingawarningglanceatBlakebeforeturningtomeandgivingme astiffsmile.“Yourmomhadthisnicebluedresssheworeforsocialeventslikethis.Ithinkit’lllookamazingonyou.”
Everytime there’s aneventtogoto,he suggests gowns frommylate mom’s closet.I’ve never hadaneveningdress that didn’tcomeoutofthere.Asateenager,Ilovedthewayheenjoyedpickingoutclothesforme,evendowntothedowdy,anklelengthfrocksheboughtformetowearonregulardays UntilIrealizedthatitwaslessaboutshowinghisloveandmoreabout himwantingmetolookacertainway.Conservative,boring,andmostofall,unappealingtomen.Myoutfitshavenotchanged muchevennow,partlytopleasehimandpartlybecauseIcan’tbebotheredtooverhaulmycloset yet Iwanttosaynosobadly.Butsomehow,Imanagetokeepmytepidsmileinplace.Rightnow,it’seasiertogoalongwith hiswishes.
“Okay,then,”Iagree,ignoringBlake’sgroan “I’llgo”
MydadflashesmeagratefulsmilebeforeheturnstoBlakeandstartstogrillhimabouttoday’spractice. Isitinsilence,thinkingthingsover MyfatherisskilledatgettingBlakeandmetodothethingshewants,succeedingmost ofthetimewithBlake,allthetimewithme.
Buthe never uses our dead mother unless he really, reallywants us to do something And italways works Imean, why wouldn’tit?ShediedshortlyaftergivingbirthtomeandfeelingguiltywasingrainedintomyDNA. Heneedsmetocometothatpartyforsomereason.Iintendtofindoutwhy.
TWO HOURS LATER
,I’mdressedinanA-line,full-sleevedaquamarinedinnergownthatmusthavebeenchicinthenineties.As muchasIlovefeelingasclosetomylatemotherasIpossiblycan,thisdressisnotmystyle,notevenintheslightest.ButI’m farmoreconcernedwithfindingoutwhyI’mherethanwearingwhatIwant,soIlethimwinthisround. Again.
Istepintothelarge,elegantlydecoratedhallthatistheantechamberoftheFurmans’obscenelylargemansion Islipalong thewallbeforeI’mnoticed.
Notthatanyonecaresaboutmypresence Putuptheimageofaboring,quietgirllongenough,peoplewillliterallyforget youexist.Andeveniftheycaredtoremember,noonewouldgivemeasecondglanceinthisdowdy,decades-olddress.
Thegoody-two-shoesactfirststartedasaside-effectofcravingmydad’saffectionandlisteningtohispatriarchal,albeit kind, advice on how women should behave For a long time, I thought that was all I was supposed to be Good, nun-like Britney. Until Itransferred frommycommunitycollege inPhillyand wentonto Rutgers for mydegree inmassage therapy. Duringthosetwoyearsawayfromhome,Ifinallycameintomyself
ButIambackinPhillynow.Iamnolonger good ol’Brit,thoughIstillappreciatemyfauximagethatprovidedmewitha
cover.IlikebeingonthesidelinesofaworldIdon’tenjoy,nothavingtotalktomenIcanbarelystandandflyingunder my dad’sradarwhileIsaveupformydreamtoownandrunaspainacityfarawayfromhere.
Keepingupthepretensehasitsuses Fornow
Isurveythesceneandgetaquicklayout.Theotherendoftheroomhasabuffettable,achampagnetower,andabunchof oldermentalkinginlowtones TheyareAndyFurman’sfriends,theagedownerofthePhiladelphiaFlyers
Besidethatgroupisarowdyone.TheodoreFurman,Andy’sson,ismakingaruckus,wellhelpedbyhisfriends,adozen otherbillionaireheirswhohaveneverworkedadayintheirlives Someofthosechildlikemenhavewivesthatformtheirown tightlittlecircleinthecorner.Lookingoverattheembarrassedlookingwomen,Ifeelgenuinelysorryfortheirpredicament.It mustsucktorealizethatyou’vemarriedawhinytoddler.
Butmaybegettingtowearjewelryworthhundredsofthousandsofdollarsisagoodenoughconsolationprize,judgingfrom thehugediamondsontheirnecks.
Atthecenteroftheroom,theFlyersareamongthemselves IcanspotBlake’sblondhead,evenfromwhereI’mstanding Theyall lookuncomfortable tobe here,andmore thana few ofthemhave peeledofftochatupwomenstandingaroundthe hall
AsIspotAlextalkingtoadazzlingyoungwomanattheotherendofthehall,asharppricksurgesthroughmychest.
Jealousy, perhaps?
Ipushthethoughtaway
Butcuriositytormentsme.Whatwilltheybeuptolater?Alexdoesnotseemlikethetypeofguywhoneedstogettoknow awomanbeforehefucksher
AndifIwereinher place,knowingwhathelookslikeunderneaththatsuit,I’dprefer toskipthepageantryandgetright downtoit.
Unbidden,animageofAlexstretchingthewomanoveramassagebedandpoundingintoherflashesthroughmymind.My bodybuzzesfrominsideout,andmycheeksheatup.
It’smymassagebedI’mseeing Andit’smeI’mimagining,nother Whatthehelliswrongwithme?Sure,helooksgreat,butalotofguyslookgreat.And... Fuck
I’vestaredathimalittletoolong.Andnow,he’slookingrightbackatme.
Mystomachchurnsaswelockgazes.Hegivesmeadashingsmile,raisinghischampagnefluteinatoast.
Hisactionsareinnocentenough,butIcantellhe’sthinkingaboutmyreactiontoseeinghimnaked.Whocouldhatehimfor it?Ireactedlikeateenager.
“You’rewelcome,”he’dsaid,asifheknewhisdickwouldfeatureinmydreamsforawhiletocome Asshole.
HelooksawaybeforeIcanthinkofanythingtosayordo,thenfocusesbackonhisconquest Ifeelalittlesmugwondering howmanymoregirlshewillbeabletoseduceinthenextdays.LastIchecked,JanicewasstillgoinghardathimonTikTok, andnow,majornewsoutletswerestartingtopickupthestory.
There’snotmuchmoretimetothinkaboutAlex,though Harriedmovementattheotherendofthehallcatchesmyattention Iturnandspotmydad,dressedinafittedsuit,makinghiswayovertothegangofdistinguishedgentlemensurroundingAndy Furman IwatchasAndybreaksawayfromhisclique,andbothofthemmaketheirwayoutofthehallandintowhatlooksto beasmallcorridor.
My dad talking to the owner of the club?
Myinterestisofficiallypeaked.
Isliparoundtheroommanagingtodrawliterallynoattentionfromanyone,notevenBlake.Finally,I’mstandinginfrontof thedoorwaytothecorridor IswipeaflutefromapassingwaiterandmoveasclosetoitasIcanwithoutarousinginterest
Theirmutteredvoicesarebarelyaudible.
“Thankyouforbringingthistomyattention,David”ThewordsareutteredinAndyFurman’sdeepdrawl “Ididnotwant thenewstorunthisstoryaboutTheo.”
I’minstantlydisappointed ThisismerelyaboutanotheroneofTheo’smisdemeanors AndyFurmanreliesonmyfatherto quenchthesmallfireshissonstartsbeforethepresstakesnotice.
“It’snoproblem,”mydadsays.“Youknow kids.Youdoyourbestwiththem,andtheyturnout...well,notwhatyou’d expect”
I raise my brows. My dad has no experience with unruly kids, considering that both Blake and I are in careers he engineeredforus
“Idon’tknow whatto do withTheo anymore. Seems to be growingyounger and more foolish, rather thanthe other way around.”
Mydadissilentforabit.“Inmyexperience,I’vefoundthatunrulymenbenefitfromsome...structure.”
“He’shadplentyofthat.”There’sanedgetoAndy’svoice.
“No,no,no.”Mydad’s voiceis agitated.“WhatImeanis that...well ...marital structure.Gethimtieddownwitha goodgirlandacoupleofkids,andhe’llbetransformedinnotime.”
“Maybe”
“Yes,”mydadcontinues,soundingeager.“Itcan’tbejustanygirlthough.Aresponsibleone,someonewhohecanfallin lovewith Whowouldimprovehimandmakehimlookgood Make you lookgood”
Anicypremonitioncreepsupmyspine.Somethingaboutmydad’swordsdoesnotsitwellwithme.
“Yeah,”Andysayswithasmalltitter “Couldnotbeawomanlikehismother,that’sforsure Womanwasadamnedgolddigger.”
Aversionspreadsthroughme.IthoughtIdislikedtheFurmanswellenough,butIstillcouldnothaveimaginedhowI’dfeel hearingAndycallingthemotherofhissonagold-digger
Mydaddoesnotevenreacttohisstatement.
“Yes, has to be a woman who has traditional values, you know? One who would runthe home and ground Theo” He pauses,awell-plannedbeat.“Likemywife,forinstance.ShewasthebestwomanI’veevermet.”
Theicyfeelingspreads
“Shamewedon’tgetalotofwomenlikeheraroundthesedays,”Andymuses. I’mgrippingtheflutetootight,butIcan’tbringmyselftounclench.
I know where this is going
Butstill,Ipressmybodyagainstthedoor,wanting needing tohearmydad’snextwords.
“Maybe,”hecontinues “ButI’vealwaysmadesuretoraisemydaughterinthestandardshermotherwouldhaveset” Iletoutagasp,onesoaudiblethatthenearestofAndy’sfriendsturnsandglancesatme.ButIdon’thavetheenergytosnap myblanksmileon.
There’s movement behind the door, and I scramble away from it, not caring if more people notice my haphazard movements.AmillionthoughtsrunthroughmyheadasIpushthroughtheblurofpeopleinthehallandoutsideintothefreshair. Idownthechampagneinonegulp,instantlywishingforashotofbrandy MyfatherwantsmetomarryTheodoreFurman.Thearrogant,spoiled man-child. He’sbeenplanningitoutformonths Maybeevenyears He’draisedmetobethatkindofgirl,he’dsaid Thekindthatsitsaroundsilentlywearingheavydiamondswhileherhusbandmakesafoolofhimselforbangsthenanny. ThekindI’djustexpressedpityfor.Thekindthatmygood-girlimagewouldperfectlyblendwith. Awaveofnausearuns throughme,butIclampmylips shut,notwantingtothrow uponthesteps oftheFurmans’lavish mansion.
Upuntilnow,I’dbelievedmydadhadnoideawhattodowithmewhenIcameoutasababygirl,andso,hedevotedhis timetoteachinghissonhockey.
ButIwaswrong
He had planned to hand me to someone like the Furmans all along. He had cultivated me into the docile, good girl who cravedhisvalidationsomuchthatshewoulddoanythingtoremaininhisgoodgraces.
Andyes,therewasatimeIwouldhavehappilymarriedTheodoreifitmeantpleasingmyfather Butthistime,heseverelyunderestimatedme.
“Steinman,I’mgoingtoneedtoseeyou,ASAP,”CoachTanneryellsthemomentIdragmybattered,tiredassofftheice.
Iletoutasighoffrustration “Can’titwaituntiltomorrow?”Today’spracticewentokay,butalotofthingshave beenfallingapartinmylifelately,andthelastthingIwantistohaveanothermeeting.AllIneedistogobacktomy place.
Scratchthat Notalotofthingshavebeenfallingapart Justtheone.
Afewweeksago,I’dassumedthatJaniceHatfieldwouldsoonstophersocialmediarants Butthen,shepressedintothe nextweek,andthenext,andmyamusementturnedtofury.
This is now the thirdweekofher talkingshitaboutme The firsttwo,she releaseda series ofthreads aboutme beinga player.Thesecondweek,thestoryhadgainedmildmediatraction.
Butnow,thingshadtakenaturn.Janicehasstartedtoinfuseliesintoherrants.Forinstance,sheclaimsIconvincedherto haveathreesomeshortlybeforewebrokeup
IfI’dthoughtmyteammatesweresomewhatdisgruntledatmewhenshestartedherhatecampaign,itwasnothingcompared towhathappenedtoday WiththeexceptionofBlake,theirreactionrangedfromconfusedamusementtooutrightscorn Butall ofthemwantedtoknowmoreaboutthethreesome.
AlthoughI’d like to retaliate againsther inthe media, it’s bestto notreact. Atleast, accordingto the advice ofthe PR personAndyFurmanhiredtonipthisinthebud.
“Don’treachoutto her, notjustyet,” the wiryblond manadvised emphatically.” She’s still runningonfull steam. Ifwe reachouttoherunderanypretext,she’llbegladtoknowshemanagedtogetunderyourskin,andshe’llcarryon Lethertire herselfoutfirst.”
Ofcourse,thiswasbeforeshestartedtolie
Now,I’mnotcertainhowmuchlongerIcanstayquiet.
“Itcan’twait,”Coachsays,shootingmeanuncharacteristicallysternglance.Tannerismyfavoriteofallourcoaches,andI likedtothinkIwashisfavoriteplayer.
Untilnow.
Istalkafterhim,stillinmyfullgear,andweheadoffforaspotintheoppositedirectionofthechangingrooms Iexpectus togotohisoffice,buthemerelywalkspastitandturnsintothesmallclinicequippedtotreatminorwoundsduringpractice.
“Totheright”Hestopsshortinfrontofthedoorandturnsaround “Weneedyoururinesample”Heproducesasmalljar andholdsitout.“There’satoiletinside.Theattendingdoctorsaidwecouldhavetheresultswithinafewminutes.” “What?”
Tannerhasthedecencytolookembarrassed “Whileyouwereatpractice,your um ex ”
“She’snotmyex,”Ispitthroughgrittedteeth.
“Whatever,” Tanner says witha wave ofhis hand “She putoutsome tweets thattalked aboutyoudoingdrugs withher before yougot downto business. Claimed youhad erectile dysfunction, and youneeded hard drugs to perform. The Shade Roompickeditup,and ”
Myfists are tremblingwithanger. Idon’tknow whatlie is more outrageous: the one thatthreatens mycareer or the one aboutmysexualperformance.
“YouknowI’mclean,”IspitatTanner “WhythehelldoIneedadrugtest?Wegettestedeveryothermonth” “Consideritaprecaution.”He’snottheleastbitsympathetic.“Everyoneouttherenowthinksyou’reacasualcokeuser.It would look irresponsible if we didn’t check Our first game of the season is coming up in a few weeks, and Furman has stretched himselfthintryingto getthis womanto backoff. Ifshe keeps throwingrandomdrugaccusations atyou, you’ll be benchedfortherestoftheseason”
Iquelltheurgetoslammyfistthroughthenearestwall.“Youhavegottobekidding.” “Unfortunately,not,”Tannersays,deadpan.“Itwasall well andgoodwhenall shewasdoingwasaccusingyouofbeing
theassholewhodumpedher,buttheNHLwillnotturntheirbackonthesuggestionthatoneoftheirplayersisusing.Unlesswe findawaytoshutherup,you’regoingtohavetoexpectmoreoftheserandomdrugtests.”
Furious,Isnatchthe jar outofhis hand Ittakes abouttwenty-five minutes tosubmitthe sample andbe declaredclean I stormbacktothechangingrooms,slightlymollifiedwhenIseethattheonlypersonthat’sstillaroundisBlake.
“Waitedforyou”Helookshalf-amused,half-sympathetic “Mydadtoldmewhathappened Sorry” “Don’tbe,”Isaygruffly,takingoffmyjersey.“She’llregretthiswhenIhireateamoflawyerstosuethefuckoutofherfor libel”
Blakelookslikehe’sonthevergeofdeliveringmorebadnews. Iglareathim.“What?”
“Well,Isawthetweets Shedidn’tspecificallymentionyournamewhentalkingaboutthedruguse Accordingtomydad, shecouldclaimshewastalkingaboutsomeoneelseifyoutakehertocourt.She’sbarelyevenmentionedyournamethroughout thewholedebacle Everyonejustputittogetherafterawhile Youhavenogroundstosueher” “Fuck!”Thistime,Icannotstopmyselffrompunchingthenearestlocker.Thesmartingpaininmyknucklesmakesmyanger oozeout,butonlyforasecond
“Sorry,dude,”Blakesays,hisamusementevidentlygrowing.“You’vegotabaddatingrep.Madeiteasyforher.” “TellmesomethingIdon’tknow.”ThelastthingIneedistoberemindedofthefactthatJanicewasaboutthefifth“ex”of mine who was pullingthis stunt Two years ago, I’d evenbeennamed bysome shoddymagazine as the most promiscuous hockeyplayer.
Blakeisn’teventheleastbitoffendedatmytone “She’sgoingtowearherselfouteventually,you’llsee”
“Oh,yeah?”Iask,shovingmydirtygeartoacorneroftheroom.‘Wouldthatbebeforeoraftershegetsmebenchedforthe wholeseasonduetoherridiculousaccusations?”
Every trace of a smile vanishes off Blake’s face. “What? They’re thinking of benching you? I didn’t think it was that serious.”
Myheadbuzzeswithrage,andIdon’twanttokeepsnappingatwhatappearstobemyonlyfriendleft “Youknow,” he says,soundingthoughtful,“Iknow itwouldbe futile tosue her,butthere are several other ways totake careofthiskindof situation”
“Ihopeyou’repicturinganassassination,”Isaydarkly,reachingformytracksuit.Iwouldrathercarrythestinkofpractice homethangototheshowersandbemetwithanotheraccusatorystare.
“I’mnot,”Blakesayswithalaugh.“Butdoyourememberbackinhighschool,whenPamWilliamshadthatrumorspread aboutherbeingthegirlwhogaveallofjuniorhighherpes?”
Iraisemybrows,wonderingwhyBlakewouldbringupsomethingthathappenedalmostadecadeago “Sure,”Isay,trying torecall theshoddydetailsoftheevent.Pamhadbeenthemostpopular girl inschool atthetimeandthegirl literallyevery boywantedtodate UntilKenWilson,herlatestex,startedtotelleveryoneaboutherhavingherpes Withinweeks,shebecame apariah.
“HowdoesPam’shorriblereputationhelpmeexactly?”Iask.“Didyousleepwithherorsomething?”
“Yeah,Iwish” Blake had notcome into himself,looks or height-wise,until he was well pastnineteen So,he had been almostasoverlookedashissisterwhenshejoinedusattheschooltwoyearslater.
Britney Afrissoninmybellystirs
GonearethedayswhenallIfeltforherwasamusednonchalance.
Butnow,Ithinkofthatlastmassageshegaveme Thelookinhereyeswhenshesawmenaked Ican’thelpfistingmycock intheshowerwhenIimaginehowherskinwouldfeellikewarmvelvetunderthetipsofmyfingers.HowI’dcombmyhand throughherthickmassofhair,slidingbetweenmyfingerslikesilk.
Butthesearemerelyentertaining,passingthoughts I’mdeterminednottocrossthatline Thoughithasbeennicehavingthe sweetimagetoreplayoverandoverinaweekthathasbeenotherwisefilledwithdisaster.
“Don’tyouremember?”Blakesays,soundingwaymoreexcitedthanIwouldprefer “Shedidn’thaveahorriblereputation throughoutourtimeinschoolbecause ”
“She eventually started dating Tommy,” I finish, remembering that aspect of the story After the rumor broke, Pamhad disappeared for a few weeks. She came back swinging, dating the nerdiest person in our class. Tommy was the perfect boyfriend. He delivered flowers everymorningand asked her outto prominthe grandestwaypossible. Gradually, people stoppedmakingfunofPamandstartedenvyingher Ieventhoughtthattherewas nowaytheherpes storycouldbetrue Ifit were,Tommy,whohadthestrictestparentsknowntomankind,wouldneverhavedatedher.
“Yousee?”Blakecontinues “Shegotcaughtinascandal,andshechangedherwholenarrative Shestoppedbeingthegirl whojumpedfromguytoguyandbecametheonewhosettledforasweetboy.Everyoneforgotabouttheherpesrumor.”
“Oh.”Finally,I’munderstandingwhatBlakeistryingtogetat.“So,youmeanthatIshould...?” MyvoicetrailsoffasIconsiderthemagnitudeofwhathe’ssaying.
“Hell, no.” I rise to my feet. “You want me to find some primand proper girl and proclaimmyself
reformedbadboy?”
Blakeshrugs.“It’seitherthatorrandomdrugtestsfortherestofyourcareer.”
Iletoutagroan
“Itwon’tbe as bad,” he says. “Itcould be pretend. PRrelationships happenall the time. You’ve justgotto sell itlong enoughfornoonetocareaboutJaniceanymore”
“Andwhere,”Iaskhim,stillnotbelievingheconsidersthisisagoodidea,“doyouthinkI’mgoingtofindabuttoned-up girlwillingtofakedatemewithnobenefittoherselfatall?”
It’sacrazyplan.
Butthemomentmywordsleavemymouth,IlockeyeswithBlake,andIcantellwe’reboththinkingthesame. Thedemure,innocentwomanwhowouldturnanystinkintoafloweryscent
Thisjustgotinteresting.
CHAPTER 4
BRITNEY
I’vegottoadmit,I’veneverleftahockeymatchinsuchhighspiritsbefore.
Ithadnothingtodowiththegameitself Sure,itwastheopeningoftheseasonforthePhillyFlyers,andthey’dwon withawidemargin.Goodforthem.
ButwhatIdidenjoywerethenumberofboosthatAlexgoteverytimethepuckwaswithhim.Iheardchantsof“asshole,” “dick,”“druggie,”andsomanyothers
Anotherplayerwouldhavebeenembarrassedenoughtoquit.ButnotAlex.Hemanagedtoassistabouthalfofthegoalsfor thematch ButIwascloseenoughtotherinktoseethegrimaceunderneathhishelmet,tonoticehowtightlyheheldhisstick Hewascompletelyandtotallypissed.
Andthatmademefeelsomuchbetteraboutmyownlife
ImakemywaythroughthethrongofpeopletotheareaallocatedforthePhillyFlyers.There’sagoodchancethatatleast oneofthemhurtthemselveswhileontheiceandneedsamassage.Then,afterIamdone,Iwillgobacktomyapartmentand continuetoworkonmyplantostopmyfather’smatchmaking Which,I’vegottoadmit,isnotgoingthatwell.
IthasbeentwoweekssinceIoverheardhimandAndyFurman Inthosefourteendays,Idealtwiththehurtofhimgoing behindmybacktoarrangethiskindofmatch.Asifmyfeelingsandwantsdonotmatteratall.
AlthoughItriedhardtocomeupwithaplanthatwouldspoiltheirdeal,Idrewablank.Mydadhasnotbreathedaword aboutittome.Ifhehadbroachedthetopic,maybeIcouldhaveformedsomesortofideaonhowtodeflect.
It’s notsurprisingthathe hasn’t.Myfather is skilledatgettingpeople todowhathe wants.He evenmanagedtomake a shrewd billionaire like AndyFurmandance to his fiddle And everyseasoned manipulator knows that most of the workis patience,waitingfortherighttime,andthenpouncingwhenthetideturnedyourway.
Heiswaitingforthatrightmoment AndIdon’tevenknowwhenthatis “WhyonEarthdoyoulooksohappy?”
Ilookupintothesweatyfaceofmybrother.Ididn’tnoticehimbreakawayfromhisjubilatingteamandmakehiswayover tome.
“Noreason,”Ideflect.Blakeiseasilymyfavoritehumanintheworld,andtheonlyoneIshrugoffmymaskfor,atleast everyonce ina while ThoughI’mcertainhe wouldn’tbe toohappyifhe heardthatthe crowdgivinghis bestfrienda hard timehadamusedme.
Still,heseemstoreadmythoughts “Youknow,Alexdoesn’tdeservethis” Iwouldlovetogointoafulldiatribeabouthowhisbestfrienddeserveseverybitofwhathappenedoutthere.Butinstead, Iclampmylipsandshrug.Beingmyself,evenaroundmybrother,hasitslimits.
Blakenods,similarlysatisfiedwithmylackofreaction Heclearshisthroat,shiftinghisweightfromonefoottotheother “Hewantstotalktoyou.”
Myheartthumpsinmychestlikeacagedanimal Thismustbeit Mydadisreadytodropthebomb AndwhileI’vemulled overseveralspeechesinmyheadoverthepastfewdays,nothingseemsquitefitting.
“I’llgoseehimthen”Isigh “Isheinhisoffice?”
Blake’s brows scrunch up. “Who? Dad?” He snorts. “No, I’mactually talking about . . . ” He shifts his weight again. “Actually,Alex.”
Myeyeswiden AlexandIhavenobusinesstalkingtoeachother Goosebumpsspreadovermylimbs.Therewasonlyonebitof...unfinishedbusiness. Onethatinvolvesamassagebedandahastilytiedtowel
Did that jerkactuallysend mybrother to askme to give hima massage, after what happened the last time? What is he expecting?ThatImightlethimgoalittlefartherthistime?
Butapartofmeislookingforwardtoseeinghim,evenifallIgettodoistouchthatbodyagain.
“Hepulledamuscle?”
“No,it’snotaboutamassage,”Blakemumbles,avoidingmyinquisitiveeyes.“It’sactually...somethingmorepersonal.” Ifitwereanybodybutmybrotherdeliveringthismessage,IwouldbesureAlexwascallingmeovertotrytofuckme.But evenAlexisnotthatbrazen Itissomethingelse,somethingthatmakesevenmybrotheruncomfortable “Youmightthinkit’salittleweird,butit’sonlygoingtobeacoupleofmonths.Comeon,you’llfindoutsoon.” Iopenmymouthtoaskhimwhathe’stalkingabout,butBlaketakesmyhandandleadsmearoundthestands,awayfromthe fans,andtoaclear,desertedplacewherealonefigureisstanding,hisfacehalfconcealedbyshadows.
Alex
It’simpossibletoignorethesurgeofattractionthatwellsupinsideme.Ihatethisguy,Iremindmyself.Andeventhough I’mslightlycuriousaboutwhateverthisis,I’mstillgoingtosayno.
Alex’ssweatyhairisplasteredtohisforehead Nowthathe’sremovedhishelmet,I’malmostfrightenedbytheunbridled rage sparkling in his eyes. He’s sculpted perfection, the sight of himcausing a steady pulse between my thighs. He’s both terrifyingandswoonworthy
Forthefirsttimesincethiswholeaffairstarted,mypleasureathisdownfallebbs.Thisisn’tjustfunandgamesanymore. Alexcouldlosehiswholecareer
AndI’mcaughtinthegrayareabetweenhateandunbridleddesire.
“Thanks,Blake.”Alexnodsathim. “Youneedanyhelp?”Blakeasks “No,I’mgood.”
Aftergivingmeaquickpatontheshoulder,Blaketurnsandwalksaway,leavingusalone
Heremainssilentatfirst,theblazeinhiseyesscaldingme.Iclampdownontheurgetorunaway.Instead,Istaredownat thefloor,theveryimageofdocility.EvenforadicklikeAlex,Iliketokeepmymaskon.
“Ineedyourhelp,Brit.”
Hiscalm,eventonesurprisesme.Forthefirsttime,there’snotraceofarroganceinhisexpression.
He’sdeadserious
Idon’trespond.Growingupwithmyfather,Ihavegottenusedtostayingsilent.ButIalsoknowthatitwillmakeiteasier forAlextotellmewhathewants
Butinsteadofcontinuing,heapproachesinafewpowerfulstrides.AndbeforeI’mabletoformacoherentthought,hepulls meflushagainsthim.He’sstillwearinghishockeygear,andso,ourbodiesdonotmeldwitheachotherperfectly,buthisarm embracesme,hisfingerssplayedonmylowerback.
Mypulsefliesintoasprint,mykneestrembling.It’sbeenawhilesinceamanheldmelikethis.
“Ineedyou”
EventhoughIknow he’s nottalkingaboutsex, myfemininityis clenching, beatinglike a heart. His touch, while a little inappropriate,isnotcompletelysensual Imean,Blakehasheldmelikethismorethanafewtimeswhenweweredancing He’snotsayingthatheneedsmephysically.
Andyet,mybraininterpretshiswordstomeanjustthat.Myheartisslammingevenfaster,mybreathraspy.
Ireallyneedtogetlaid Myreactiontohimisaclearindicatorofwhathappenswhenyougowithoutamanfortoolong Hebendshisheadovermine,andwithoutthinking,Ianglemyfacetohis.Hemovescloser,hislipsamereinchfrommine. Is he going to kiss me?
“AndIneedyoutosayyes.”
Yes,Ithinkautomatically IhavenoideawhatI’mthinkingyesto,butI’llsayittoanythingheoffers “Okay?”hebreathes,movingevencloser.IfIshiftmyheadaninchtotheright,ourlipswilltouch. ItseemsI’veforgottentoputaverbandanountogether.AllI’mthinkingaboutishowIwanttofeelhisbodyonme.Inme. Instinctively,Igrindmyhipsagainsthim Hiscuppressesmyrightthigh,ahintofwhat’sunderneath Aburstofwarmliquidspillsoutbetweenmylegs,andIbarelybitebackagroan. Hedoesn’tseemtohavethesamerestraint
“Damnit,Britney,”hegrowls.“Doyoulikeknowingmydickishardforyou?”Hisfingersdiplower,movingbelow my back,grazingmyass
Hell, yes.
He’llpullupmylong,overflowingskirt,yankawaymythong,andhe’lljustdriveintotheslicknessbetween... Anyminute,someonecouldwalkinonus
Think of anything else, Brit,mymindscreamsatme.Ishutmyeyes,tryingtoproduceanunsexyimagethatwilldrownmy sexualappetite
Mydadflashes inmymind,andimmediately,Igainenoughclaritytoremember thatAlexhas still notsaidwhatitis he wantsfromme.
“Whatdoyouneed?”Irasp,myvoiceinshreds.Everycellofmybodywantshimtoanswermyquestionwithonesingular word: you.
I squeeze myeyes shut, tryingto hold onto animage of mydad walkinginonus. It doesn’t work. Not whenI’malso wonderingwhatitwouldfeellikeifAlex’sfingersslippedlower.
“Ineed you,” he grinds, and Iopenmyeyes to lookathis perfect, angular face, “to pretend to be myfake girlfriend At least,untilallofthisblowsover.”
Oof That works
Hiswordspulverizemyfrenzieddesireintoaheapofash.
“What?”I’mtoosurprisedtoremembertoneverscream,tospeakinthesubduedtoneI’veimposedonmyself
Alex is staring at me with remorseless eyes that still burn for me. “Blake’s idea,” he says, as though that explains everything. “The press keeps pickingonme, and Janice seems to be nowhere near done. IfIgetsomeone withyour kind of imagetodateme,then ”
“Myimage?”Icutin.
“You know,” he says, with a shrug of his broad shoulders “Good girl, conservative Blake thinks it would be nice if someonelikeyouwentoutwithmeforthecameras.Toforgetthestenchofthelastfewweeks.”
I’mbarelylistening IthitsmethatAlexwastryingtoseducemeearlier Movingclosertome,rubbingupagainstme He’dthoughtthatgettingmetowanthimwouldmakeitmorelikelyI’dsayyes.Hewouldnothavetriedthattacticinfrontof mybrother,whichiswhyhewantedBlaketoleaveus.Afterthatdastardlymassagesession,Alexhadrecognizedmyfleeting attractiontohim
He’dfiguredhecouldgetmetosayyesthesamewayhegotdozens,probablyhundredsofwomentodoanythingforhim: bygettingthemonthehookforsex
Heplayedme.Andalmostwon.
He’d also had the audacityto thinkI’d do hima favor byloaninghimmyself or rather, the versionof myselfthat I’d tirelesslybuiltovertwodecades andthatIwouldbereadytokeepupthatimageforhiminfrontofthecameras,fornothing inreturn.
Impulsively, I’maboutto tell himto go fuckhimself Butthen, Irestrainmyself Idon’tcurse, atleast, as far as anyone knows.Iholdbackthestormofrageandchannelitintothemostprofessional,innocentsmileIcanmuster.
“Youdon’tneedmyimage”
Heraisesabrow.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Itrynottodwell toomuchonhow I’drather beclawinghisfaceupthanhavingapleasantconversationwithhim.“You don’tneedanyone’shelp,”Isay,rememberingtomuttermywordsnow.“Allyouneedtodoiswhatyou’vealwaysdone.”This isprobablythelongeststretchofwordsI’veeversaidtohim,butIdowanttodragthisout.
Alookofangerandimpatienceflashesinhiseyes,makingmefeelmollified “Again,whatdoyoumean?”
“AllyouneedtodoisgotoJaniceandfuckherintokeepinghermouthshut.Ifthatdoesn’twork,gotoeverypresswoman’s apartmentyoucanfindandfuck them intonotsayinganythingmeanaboutyou Seducingwomenintodoingyour biddinghas alwaysworked,hasn’tit?”
Withatepidsmileinplace,Iwalkaway.
BRITNEY
“S
weetheart,IneedyoutoaccompanymetotheFurmanstonight.”
Myentirebodybuzzeswithdread Thisisit Tonight’sthenight
I’dbeenwaitingawhileforthisinvitation.FromthemomentIheardthroughthePhillyFlyersgrapevinethatAndy Furmanwas throwinga huge celebrationfor his sixty-fifthbirthdayparty, Iknew mydad would askme to accompanyhim. Eventhoughit’simpossibletoproveit,Iknowhe’sbeenworkinghardattryingtoconvinceAndythatI’mthewomanforhis son.
Thereisnoconcreteplanyet Myfatherisgoingtobroachthetopicwithmetonight He’snotgoingtodemandoutrightI marryTheodore...notyet,anyway.Buthe’lllaythefoundationinsomeway.Maybeintroducetheideathatbecomingthewife ofabillionaireissafe
I’mgratefulIuncoveredhisscheme.Otherwise,Iwouldhavebeensurprisedandoverwhelmedbyhismanipulations.Even thoughIwouldhavestoppedshortoncehebroughtupTheodoreasasuitablecandidateformarriage.
Thisway,I’llnipthiswholethinginthebud
Inodinagreement,resignedhe’llsoonmentionanothergownofmymother’s.Shecertainlyhadalotofdresses.That,or mydaddiscreetlyshopsonEtsy
Butwhathedoesnextdoesnotfitthescript.
“Ithinkthatthistime...youshouldgoshoppingfor anew outfit.”Hegivesmeanervous,titteringlaugh.“Idon’tthink yourmother’sgownsaregoingtocutitthistime.”
Istopshortofraisingmybrows.
“Sure,”Iagree,givinghimahesitantnod IwouldhavebeenmoresurprisedifIdidn’tknowexactlywhathewasplaying at.
ThispartyisnotmeanttoputmeondisplayforAndyFurman
It’shissonTheodorewho’ssupposedtotakethebaitthistime.Wearingsomethingnew andflatteringwill tilthiminmy direction.
Thatisbadnews.
Ifhe’salreadyworkingonTheo,itmeansAndyhasallbutagreedtohisidea.Italsomeansthathisplanswereprogressing fasterthanIimagined
AndI’mstillstuckwithnoplan.
LATER THAT NIGHT,I’mclothedinasleeveless,satinblackdress,standingattheentranceofthesamehall Mycurlyblondhair isstilltuckedinthesameboringbun,andmyfaceisbareofmakeup.Still,IgetmoreglancesthanI’devergottenasIstride intothehall,myarmtuckedaroundmydad’s
“Youlookbeautiful,”mydadmutters.Mystomachtenses.Henevergivesmecompliments.
Whateverhe’splanningtodoherehashigherstakesthanIassumed.
Heleadsuspastthehockeyplayersloungingaroundandtowardthecenterofthehall,whereAndyFurmanistalkingtoa groupofoldermen.Ikeepmygazestraightahead,notdaringtolookoveratAlex,whoisundoubtedlyaround.Icannotbearto seehimafterwhathappenedbetweenus
The tensioninmystomachgrows,andnotbecause we’re now approachingAndy.Butbecause I’mthinkingofhow Alex hadtriedtoseducemeintobeinghisfakegirlfriend
IsupposeIcouldbeupsetwithBlake,butIknow mybrotherwell enoughtorealizehedidnotmeananyharm.Whenhe suggestedafakerelationship,heprobablyenvisionedacoupleofpubliclybroadcastphotosofus,alongwithAlexgivingsome interviewsrattlingonabouthowmuchofagreatgirlIam.JustsomethingtokeepthepublicoffJanice. Heprobablydidn’tassumeforasecondthathisbestfriendwasgoingtotrytoseducemeintoagreeing.
IblamemyselfforthinkingthatAlex’sgod-likebodyissexy,andfornotsmackinghiminthefacethemomenthepulledme closer.Also,forlettingmyselfbelieveforabriefmomentthathewasturnedonbymethesamewayIwasbyhim.
Tomakethingsevenmorehumiliating,Iwasalmostgoingtolethimfingermerightthenandthere.
Sillygirl.I’dpunchmyselfifIcould.
“Hello,Andy”Myfather’svoicesnapsmebacktoattention AndyFurmanisrightinfrontofme,flankedbyseveralofhis friends.“Happybirthday.Iwantedyoutomeetmydaughter,Britney.”
“Of course,” Andy replies His gaze is piercing, and I can tell a million thoughts are speeding through his mind as he surveysme.
Goosebumpspricklemyarms Rightnow,Ifeellikeahorseondisplay,beingappraisedforasale
Hestaresatmewordlesslyforaboutfiveseconds.Then,withatinyglintinhiseyes,hereachesout,takesmyhand,and brushesakissacrossthebackofit.
“Pleasure,”hemurmurs
Idon’tneedtospotmydad’sgrintoknowthatIpassedthetest.
“Excuseme,”Isay,notwaitingforananswer Turningaround,ImarchawayfromthemasfarasIcan,feelingsicktomy stomach. My dad’s harried apologies echo behind me, his large footsteps stumbling closer. Finally, he rushes past me and blocksmyway
“Areyouokay?”heasks.
IopenmymouthtotellhimIneedsomeair,buthedoesnotevenletmespeak. “Why’dyoudothat?ThatwasAndyFurman” Iletoutanexhale,suddenlytiredofplayingalongwithhisbullshit.
“I’mokay,”Isay “ButwhydidIneedtomeethim,Dad?I’vebeenworkingforhimfortwoyears Hedoesn’tcaretoknow anyofhismassagetherapists.”
He’stakenaback,givingmesomesatisfaction.Iwatchhimstruggletocomeupwitharesponse.
“Well,”hebeginsslowly,“he’sabusyman,butIthoughtI’dintroduceyoutohim,and ” “Yeah,butwhy?Whyisitimportant?ImportantenoughthatyouinsistedIgetanewdress,even.WhichIneverdidbefore.” Itfeelsevenmoresatisfyingtocuthimshort
Myfather looksslightlymoreuncomfortable,butIcanalsoseeabitofannoyanceinhiseyesashesays,“Sometimes,it paystolookgood,Brit Whoknows?Youmightendupmarryingoneoftheguyshere Ijustwantthemtoseeyou,reallysee you.”
Adullknotthrobsinthecenterofmychest. Finally.
He’dbroughtupthemarriagething.Andhesliditinsosmoothlytoo. Ipushbackthewaveofnauseaswarmingupmythroat LettinghimknowthatI’doverheardhisconversationwouldn’tbe thesmartestmove,butIwanttorattlehimenoughtotakeastepback. Atleast,untilIdecideonmynextmove Itcomestomeasecondlater.
“Yeah,butI’mnotgoingtomarryanytimesoon,amI?”
Hegivesaqueasysmile “Well,maybe Butwhydoyouthinkso?”
“I’mnoteventwenty-fiveyet.I’veneverhadaboyfriend,andI’mnotgoingtofindoneworkingallday.”
Ifeelahintofforebodingwhenmydad’squeasinessswitchestodelight
“Well, there mightbe some guys around here who are interested inyou, Brit,” he says. “Younever know. Ineed to see Andynow,butI’llbebacktointroduceyoutosomeofthem”
Hegivesmeawinkandhurriesaway. Whatjusthappened?
Howhadhemanagedtowinagain?
Mynauseapilesupuntilitreachesthebackofmythroat.Imustleavethispartyrightaway,beforeIthrowuponsomeone’s hotyoungsecondwife
Second wife,IthinkasIhurrytowardthedoor.Thatisyetanotherthing.MenlikeTheodoretradeintheirfirstwivesfora younger,hottermodelevenbeforetheygettoforty
AndifIdon’tfindawaytothwartmyfather’splans,he’sgoingtoinsistonwalkingmedownthataisleverysoon,after convincingmethatitwasmyideatomarryTheodoreinthefirstplace.AndwhenIrefuse,allhellwillbreakloose.
Thenightairblowinginmyfacecalmsmedown,butonlyalittle Thenextmoment,I’mrackingmybrainshard,tryingto figureoutsomethingtoavertthisdisaster.
OnegoodthingaboutworkingforthePhillyFlyersisthatIneverhadtopayrent,soI’vebeenmanagingtoputawayagood amountofmysalary.Mydreamistosaveupforoneortwoyearsmore,movetoacitylikeLA,andopenaspaofmyown.I alsodreamofburningall ofmycurrentclothesinacontrolledfire,havingthetimeofmylifepartyinginclubsandbeaches, andgettingmyselfadreamyboyfriendafterplayingthefieldforacoupleofyears.
Finally,Iwouldlivemylifeonmyownterms.
ItistooearlytoleavePhilly.I‘mnotfinanciallysecureyet.Atthesametime,stayingandlettingmyfathermanipulateme intomarryingabuffoonisn’tinthecardsformeeither.
Ineedsomethinginthemiddle,thatwouldallowmetohangonforanotheryearortwoandthwartmydad’splanwiththe Furmans.
Itisalmostimpossibletostophimwhenhehasanidea,butmaybeIcoulddosomethingtochangeAndyFurman’smind Maybe...
Aloudcacklinginterruptsmytrainofthought,andIlookwildlyaround Itdoesn’teventakethreesecondstospotthem Two shadows in the dark beside the carefully pruned rosebush on the left side of the Furmans’estate. One male, one female.
Ofcourse Idon’tevenneedtostrainmyeyes,notthatIcouldseeanythinginthisabsolutedarkness ButIknowwhoitis Onlyonepersonwouldbeoutheretryingto...well,whateverhe’stryingtodo.
Iturnmybackawayfromthemto refocus, butthe girl’s brutishlaughter keeps distractingme Afew seconds later, I’m turningbacktothemagain,wonderingwhethertotellthemoff.
They’re walkingtowardme now,intothe glaringlightflowingfromthe porchofthe Furman’s house Myheartmisses a beatasIspotAlex.He’sdressedinatwo-piecesuit,andthefirstthreebuttonsofhisshirtareundone.Myeyeslingeronhis rock-hardchestforasecondbeforeIglanceatthelady,wholookstobetheyoungersistertooneofthebillionaire’swivesat theparty
Theyhaven’tspottedmeyet.IletmyselfstareatthemforfarlongerthanIshould,feelingmyloathingforAlexgrow.Even thoughJaniceisnotslowingdown,he’sstillontheprowl Almostasthoughhedoesnotneedhelpwithhisreputationanymore Reputation.
Thewordhitsmehard.
That’s it.
Myinsidesfillwitheuphoria.EvenbeforeIworkoutthedetailsoftheplaninmyhead,Iknow thisisit.Ithastobemy solution
Alexneeds someonetorevamphis image,andheaskedfor me,theinnocent,dewyeyedmasseuse.Thesameperception thathadattractedAlexhadattractedAndyFurmanintothinkingofmeasagreatwifeforhisson
IfItarnishedmyownstandingbydatingthenotoriousbadboyofthePhillyFlyers,Iwouldn’tappeartobesuitablewife material.Ofcourse,AndyFurmanwouldbetoldthatitwasaPRrelationship,buthewouldsooncometohavehisdoubts.
EspeciallyifIuseAlex’s owntricks againsthim.IfIseduce him this time infrontofthe cameras anda risqué photo landsonAndyFurman’sdesk...
I’mpracticallygiddywithglee whenImarchdownthe porchsteps and make mywayover to the grinningcouple They bothspotmeatthesametime,andalazysmileformsonAlex’sfaceasecondlater.
“Rememberthatplanyoutalkedabout?”Isay,notbotheringtousemymeekgirlvoice “I’min”
Thisgirlhasmewrappedaroundherlittlefinger.
Andshedamnwellknowsit
Whensheturneddownmyproposalandwalkedoutonme,Iwasfurious.EvenmorethanatJanice,thegirltrying to wreckmylife. She saw rightthroughmyplayoftryingto turnher onand sentme straightbackto havingno plan. Inthe process,justwhenIwasabouttodamnmyschemestohell,pushupherskirt,andslidemyselfinsideher,sheunexpectedlyleft mehighanddrywithamind-numbing,throbbinghardon.
RealizingthatIcaredmoreaboutfuckingBritthansavingmycareerwassobering,tosaytheleast
I’vespentthelastfewdaysmakingsuretoavoidher.EvenseeingBlake’sblondhairandblueeyesmademethinkofher.I gottasnapoutofthisfunk
Butthemomentshesteppedintothepartyinthatdress,IforgoteverysingleresolveIhad.
Sheisnotonetodollup.
Buttoday
Itisasimpleblackdress.Nothingtoodramaticoroverthetop.ButthisisthefirsttimeI’mseeingthecurveofherhipsnot obscuredbyloose-fittingskirtsorscrubs,herbreastsstrainingagainstthesilk IfI’dbeencluelesswhyIwasattractedtoher before,Isureashellhaveagoodideanow.
She’sstunning.
ThemomentIspottedherinthehall,hitchedtoDavid,Ifeltastirringinmygroin.Iwantedherbadlyenoughtoleavethe hallwiththemostattractivewomanwhowouldtalktome someonewho,bytheway,doesnotevencomeclosetoBritney anduseherasadistraction
ButBritneyisnowrightinfrontofme,andIcannolongerforthelifeofmerememberthenameoftheotherwoman.Ican’t evenbebotheredtolookather,notwhenBritneyishere,sayingtheexactwordsIneedtohear “Areyoustillin?”
I cockmyhead to one side, noticingfor the first time that her outfit is not the onlythingdifferent about her today. She soundssureofherselfandassertive.Likearegularadult,insteadofthecowering,low-voicedgirlI’vealwaysknown. Andshe’sagreeingtomyproposal.
Somethingmusthavehappened,otherwiseshewouldn’tbeofferingitsoabruptly Whydoessheneedthisnow? Maybeshe’dseenmetalkingtoanothergirlandgotjealous.
Thecornersofmylipsturnupinagrin Thattheorypleasesme
“Yeah,” I say, deliberately waiting a beat too long to answer. I watch her face for any emotion, anything to make me understandwhyshe’spivoting.
Butherfaceremainsexpressionless “Good,”shesays.“Haveanicenight.”
Andthen,sheturnsandwalksawayfromme NowayamIlettingherleave.Notwhenshelookslikethat.
“I’ll meetyouinside,” Isayto the womanstandingflummoxed behind me Icatcha hintofher disgruntled look, butI’m alreadystridingafterBritney.
“Weneedtodiscusstheterms,”IsaythemomentIcatchupwithher.
“Sure,”shesays Shecrossesherarmsandstaresupatme “Whatarethey?” We’renow standingrightinfrontoftheFurman’smansion.Anyone,includingherbrotheranddad,couldwalkoutofthat hallandspotus
Nottheidealkindofvenueforthisdiscussion.
Itakeherbythehand,relishingeventhisslightskin-to-skincontact,andleadherawayfromtheporchlightsandaroundthe rosebushes.Theothergirlisstruttingbackintothehall,lookingangry.Ifthiswomandecidestoshareherexperiencewiththe worldtonight,myreputationwillbeinevenworseshambles.
Notthatthere’s muchtosalvage,anyway.After almostfour weeks ofJanicebatteringmeonline,alotofblogs havelost interest,butthathasn’tdeterredheryet.
Rightnow,Idon’tcareaboutmyruinedreputation AllIwantistobetuckedinadarkplacewithBritney Evenifnothing happens.
Andnothing is goingtohappen Blakedoesn’tdeservethis,nomatterhowturnedonIambyBrit ButIdoenjoythesweet tortureofbeingaroundher.
“Okay,”Itellher,whenI’mcertainwe’retoofarawayforanyonetoseeorhearus “Thiswillbeeasy Allwe’regoingto doisgoonsomepublicizeddates,getafewpicturestaken,allofthat.Furman’sgoingtopaysomeblogstodoaquickprofile onyou,I’msure,andmaybeI’llgiveafewinterviewsabouthow you’veredeemedmeorsomeshitlikethat.Intwomonths, wecancallitoff”
It’stoodarktoreadherexpression,butIseehergiveaquicknod.“Right,”shesays,hervoicestillprim,self-assured.She foldsherarms,andherjawinclinesupasshelooksatme “Isthatall?”
Thatprimal, childishurge thatrears its head onlywhenBritis around me stirs up again. “Well, ifyouwantsome other groundrules,here’sone You’renotallowedtofallinlovewithme”
Shegivesasnort.Anactualone.Abitofadeparturefromherusuallyimpeccablemanners.“Gotit.Won’tbeaproblem.” Annoyancemixeswithmydesire.Ipushitaway,caringmoreaboutgettingunderherskinthananythingelse.“Yousure?”I say,takingastepcloser “It’sgoingtobeabouttwomonthsofseeingmewaymoreoftenthanyou’veever ” “Isawyoualmosteverydaywhenwewerekids,”shecutsin.“Wasn’timpressed.” Iraiseabrow HearingBritneyuttercuttingstatementssurprisesmeandmakesmechallengemyentireviewofher Even duringourmassagesessions,Britneyconveyedherangerphysically.Shewasneveronetoofferruderemarks. Untilnow.
ButIlikethisversionofher.SomuchthatIwanttogoadherevenmore.
“Thatwasbeforeyousawallofmethough,”Isay,lettingmythumbtrailherlowerlip.“Youwereveryimpressed.” Herbreathcatchesinherthroat
Finally,Ithink,anintensesmugnessrunningthroughme.AllIwanttoknowisthatIcanrattleherasmuchasshedoesme. Butthen,Britneyturnsawayfrommeandtowardthemansion “Didyouhear someone?”shemutters,her voicesnapping backtothelowtoneIamusedto.
I don’t even care enough to ask her about the sudden change in her voice. Not now, anyway. Not when I have a rare opportunitytobealonewithher.
When I step up behind her, we’re mere inches away fromeach other. My hand cradles her neck, her scent ticking my nostrils
“There’s no one around, Brit,” Imutter, bendingso myhead is angled directlyabove her ears. “And youdon’t need to pretendtohearsomeonesoyoudon’thavetoadmityou’reattractedtome AllIaskisthatyoumanagetokeepitinyourpants forthenexttwomonths.”
Aslightshiver runsthroughher body,andeventhattinymotionisenoughtomakemeburnfor her.Ishutmyeyes,trying hardnottoactontheurgetoclosethegapbetweenus
“Again,”Britneywhispers,tiltingherheadsideways,“willnotbeaproblem.”
Thenshetakesastepbackward,pushingherselfintome Herbackisflushagainstmychest,andherassisdirectlypressed againstmygroin.
I’m a goner for this girl
I don’t allow myself to remember who she is or what we shouldn’t be doing. My armis moving forward, my fingers encirclingherhips.
“See?”shemutters,ahintofvictoryinhervoice “Keepingitinmypantswillnotbeaproblemforme Idon’tknowabout you.”
And witha move thatthreatens to blow mywhole world apart, she slightlyrubs her ass againstmygroin, a motionthat says, I’ve not even touched you, but I can already feel your raging hard on. Foronce,Idon’tcarethatshe’swinning NotwhenIgettoclaimher Wordlessly,Icupbothsidesofherass.Ipushmyselfintoher,lettingmystrainingerectiongrindagainsther. “Maybeyou’reright,”Imutter.
Aslightlybiggertremorrunsthroughher OnethatletsmeknowthatBritneyisasturnedonasIam.
She’sgoodatconcealingit,though
Thiswomanisdefinitelynot avirgin.Sheknowshowtomakeamandrooloverher. AndI,evenwithallofmyexperience,ampowerlessagainsther.
“Iamright,” Britneyreplies, somehow still managingto keep trackofour conversation. ButIcanhear the desire inher voice.
Shewantsme.Enougheventonotstopmefromtouchingher.Enoughtokeeprubbingagainstmyhard-on.
Iwanttofuckingripoffthatdressandmoveinsideher.Justimagininghowwetandslickshemustberightnowmakesme gomad Butthen,Ilikethistoo,howwe’rebarelyholdingbackfromexploding “Yousureaboutthat?”Iwhisperhoarsely,buryingmyfaceinthecurvebetweenherneckandhershoulder.Iwouldn’tbe abletoeverlookatBlakeifIletmyselfkissher ButIcandothis
Her bodyshivers againas her tightass continues to grind up againstme. “Yeah,” she says, the word comingoutwitha barelyrepressedmoan
We’redryhumping,andIwantmore.Allofher.
“EvenifItouchyoulike...this?”Myfingersclimbhigheruntilthey’recuppinghertits.They’resobig,theyspilloutof myhands Ifondlethemasmuchasherdressallows,realizingjustthenhowmuchIburnedtodoit
There’snoholdingbackanymore.Britneyletsoutaloudmoanasshecollapsesagainstme.
Agrowlofsatisfactionescapesme She’scaved AndI’veneverwantedawomanmore.
Iletmythumbfindhernipples Theybeadinstantly,andIhavetoclampdowntheurgetopullhergowndowntofeelher nakedbreastsinmypalms.Totaketheminmymouth.
Rightnow,I’mstrugglingtorememberallthereasonswhyfuckingBritneyisabadidea.
“Alex,”shemoans,seeminglyforgettingheranswerforthefirsttime
“Yes?”Imutteragainsthersoft,velvetyskin.WhenIpushmyselfclosertoherthistime,myerectionendsupgoingdirectly inthecrackofherass Hernipplesareharderandtighterthaneverbefore We’renotevenwearingalotofclothes.Itwouldtakeoneswiftmovetoripthatdressoffher.AndallI’dneedtodoisfind myzipperand...
RemindmeagainwhyI’mholdingback?
“Alex,” she mutters. I feel her fingers slipping into the tiny space between our bodies, reaching for me. She feels my throbbingdickthroughthefabricofmypants
Igroan,andit’smyturntocollapseagainsther.Nothinghaseverfeltsogood.NotevensexwithalltheotherwomenI’ve beenwithcombinedcancompare
Sheletsherfingersexploremylengthandwidth,andittakesawhileformetorealizeshe’ssearchingforsomething. Ifsheunzipsme,we’regoingatitrightnow.
Butshedoesn’t.Instead,sheletsgoofmeandbendsslightly.Withonefluidmotion,sheliftsupherdress.I’mnowpressed againstherass,whichisbareexceptforathong.
Fuck
Britneypullsoneofmyhandsfromherbreastsandguidesittothespacebetweenourbodies.Shegoeslower,lower,until myfingersbrushherthong Hersoakingwet,drippingthong. It’sbetterthanIimagined.
“Britney,”Igrowl It’sawarning I’mabouttodamnitalltohellandclaimher Butshe’ssuddenlypullingawayfromme,shiftingherdressinplaceandturningaround. “Iguesswebothhavetowatchout,huh?”shesays,ashadowofasmileonherface “Seeyou” Shewalksawayfromme,leavingmewithahard-onforthesecondtimeinaweek.
Only,this time,I’mnotangryshe leftme highanddry I’mthrilledbythe factthatshe finallyshowedme how muchshe wantsme.
It’sironicthatIwantedBritneyasafakegirlfriendbecauseIwascertainshewasasinnocentasthefacesheportraystothe world Butshe’d literallyturned me onwithouteventouchingme or sayinganything She’d letme dryhump her ina public place,atapartywithherfatherandbrotherinattendance.She’dknowntherightbuttonstopress,therightthingstosayanddo. Andwhenshewasdone,she’dgatheredherselfupandwalkedawaywithoutlosingtheslightesthintofcontrol Britneyisnotthebaby-faced,naivegirlshewantspeopletothinksheis.She’sthemostsensualwomanI’veevermet. Andshe’smanagedtofooleveryoneinherlifefortwenty-fouryears
BRITNEY
“Whatthehellwerethebothofyouthinking?”
AsmuchasIwouldlikenothingmorethantoturnthequestionbackovertomydadandaskwhat he wasthinking whenhedecidedTheodoreishusbandmaterial,Iforcemyselftoremainquiet.Blakeisgoingtogettheheatforthis one,anyway.
Notthathecaresmuch Iwatchasmybrotherrollshiseyes.“It’snobigdeal,really.Britneyknowsthataswell.Ifnot,shewouldn’thaveagreed to ”
“Youagreed?”Mydad’sanger-filledeyessettleonme.“Youwentalongwithit?”
Blakestandsupforme “Again,it’snotthatbigofadeal,Dad Shedoesn’tevenhavetodoanything Juststandbesidehim inafewboringpicturesandsmile.It’sallPR.”
Mydadignoreshim.Hefixeshiseyesonme.
“Really,”hesays “I’mdisappointed,Britney”
Admittedly,thosewordsandthatlookwouldhavesentmeintoatearystormonlyafewyearsago.Iwouldbeconfessing andapologizing,promisingnevertodowhateveritwashewasdisappointedabouteveragain
Andmydadknewit.WhichiswhyhealwaysfocusedonmewheneverBlakeandIjointlymessedup.
Unfortunatelyforhim,ithasbeenyearssincethosekindofwordshadanyeffectonme.
But my dad hasn’t gotten the memo yet. And for my plan to work, I cannot let himknow how detached I amfromhis manipulation.
Imerelystaredownatmyskirt,theveryimageofrepentance
“Ithinkyoushould reconsider this,” myfather urges, interpretingmysilence as agreement. “Cancel itrightawaybefore Furmangetswindofit WehaveknownAlexforalongtime Heisnotthekindofmanyoushouldassociatewithpublicly His reputationasawomanizerisnotorious.”
Blakeinterjects,“Comeon,Dad.YouactlikeAndyFurmanrulestheworld.He’llbejustaspleasedastherestofusonce heseesthatAlexhasresolvedhisJaniceissue.”
“Idon’twanthimtodiscoverit,”mydademphasizes.“Hemustnotfindout.” Ilookup,carefultomaintainmycontriteexpression “Why?”Iaskinnocently,mygazefixedonhim Mydaddoeswhathedoesbest.Ignoresmyquestion.“Allright.”HesinksintohischairandstaresatBlake.“You’regoing tohavetostopthis GetanothergirlforAlex,or ”
Isendatinykickmybrother’sway.It’smyage-oldwayofgettinghimtoaskourfatherquestionswhenhe’sdeliberately ignoredmine.Blakegetsitrightaway.
“Whycan’tBritneyfakedateAlex?”Blakecutshimshort “Iseenoreason Ifyou’reworriedabouthimtakingadvantage ofher,youknowhe’snotgoingto.Herespectsyoutoomuch.”
There’sarushofdiscomfortinmystomach Ithinkbacktoonlytwonightsago,thefeelofAlex’sstrong,hardpalmsashe caressedthesoftskinonmybreasts,thefeelofhisfingersastheybarelyscrapedmyclit,himreachingformythong,thefeelof himashepressedhimselfintomyass
Alexdidnottakeadvantageofme.ButBlake’swordsaren’tquiteaccurateeither. Nothingaboutmyrelationshipwithhimisinnocent.Notafter...
Theheatgrowsinmycheeks,andIstaredownatthefloor,notwantingmyfatherorbrothertonotice I’dhadacleargame planwhenI’dsteppeduptohim.
Seduce him
Or rather, to laythe groundworkfor seducinghim. LettingAlexhave his funwithme isn’tgoingto do me muchgood if we’retuckedawayinadarkcorner No,Ineededtomakesurethatduringoneofourstormymakeoutepisodes,wearefound out,preferablybysomeonewithacamera.
Ihaveallofthisplannedout.That’swhyIwasalittlesurprisedthatImomentarilyforgotmyplanassoonasAlextouched
me.Irubbedmyselfonhim,lethimrunhisfingersupanddownmybodyashewished,andevenfelthishard-on.
Mycheeksturnmolten.Ididnotintendtodoanyofthosethingswithhim.Sure,Imighthavebeenfinewithhimtouching mehereandthere,anythingtogethimturnedonenough
ButI’mnotfinewithhowmuchcontrolIlost.HowmuchIwantedtokeepgoing,andhowharditwastopullawayfrom him
This planis notas foolproofas Ionce thought. Notwhen, evennow, I’mthinkingofwhatitwould have feltlike ifIlet Alexslipmypantiesasideandburyhimselfinme
“Youmightseenoreason,Blake,”mydadsaysinaloudvoice,snappingmebacktoreality.“ButIdon’tthinkit’ssmartfor yoursistertoinvolveherselfinAlex’sdrama.”
Blakerollshiseyesandstartstoslumpinhischairindefeat,butashovefrommeforceshisnextwordsoutofhismouth “Butthen,whatis yourreason?”Blakesays.“Iwanttoknowwhy.”
Ourfatherglaresangrilyathimbeforehelooksbacktome Irearrangemyfeaturestogiveoffthemostdoe-likelookIcan muster.
“Because ” His voice softens as he keeps his gaze steady “I’mjustthinkingofyour future, sweetie Idon’twantthe rightmantocomealongwhenyou’restillplayingagamewithAlex.”
So,we’rebacktomanipulation.
Alrightythen
Blakeyawnsloudly,andtherudesoundhardensmyfather’sexpression.
“That’snotareason Whatarethechancesthatinthesixweeksit’lltaketorebrandAlex’sdisasterofanimage,theright manisgoingtoshowup?Oristheresomeonewaitinginthewingsalready?”
Ibitebackanurgetosmileandanevenbiggerimpulsetothrowmyarmsaroundmybrother.Withoutevenknowingit,he’d justhitthenailonthehead.
Ilookupintomyfather’sface.He’scompletelyflushed.AndforthefirsttimesinceI’veknownhim,heseemstonotknow whattosaynext
“Fine,” he finally spits after a bout of silence. He leans back in his chair, and I can see him fighting to maintain an expressionlessgaze “Doit,then ButmakesureyouletmetellFurmanmyself”
“Yeah,becauseIwasjustdyingtobetheonetotalktohim,”Blakeretorts.Hestands upandheads for thedoor without anotherword.
Istarttorise too,feelingparticularlysmugaboutwinningthis time around.I’dknownthatmydadwouldprotestagainst fakedatingAlex,butI’dalsofiguredouthewouldn’tbeabletovoicethereasonwithoutrevealinghisownschemes. AndI’dbeenright
“Wait,Brit,”hesays,noddingformetoretakemyseat.
“Ijustneedyoutoknow,”hestarts,hiseyesboringintomine,“thatyou’rethemostimportantpersonintheworldtome AndwhenIdisagreewithsomeofyouractions caseinpoint it’sbecauseIbelieveyoudeservebetter.Andthat’sallI’ve everwantedforyou.”
Istarebackathim,wantingtorememberwhenIstartedtorealizethatIdidn’tquitebelievemyfather’snicewordstome anymore.HaditbeenafterIleftPhillyfortwoyears,orwasitevenbeforethen,whenIstartedtounderstandthatheonlysaid thoseaffirmingwordspriortoaskingmetodothingsthatIdidnotwanttodo?
Ican’tquitepinitdown.AllIknowisthat,whiletherewasatimeinmylifethatIwouldhavegivenanythingtohearhim tellmehowmuchhecaredforme,theKool-Aid’swornoffnow Ican’tevenbringmyselftobelievehalfofhiswords WhatIcandoissmileprettilyandsay,“Iknow,Dad.AndI’mgladIhaveyouasaguidearoundhere.” We’rebothlyingtoeachother.
Butonlyoneofusknowsit
“So,atwhatagedidyoudecidethatpretendingtobesomeoneelseistherightwaytogothroughlife?”
It’sunbearablydifficulttogetasatisfyingreactionoutofBritney Imean,I’vetriedforyears
Buttoday,withthatquestion,Ihitthejackpot.
Herpiercingblueeyesgrowdarkwithdistrust,herfingerswobblingasshereachesforthewineglassinfrontofher. “Idon’tknowwhatyoumean”
Mygazerakesoverherbody.Shelooksdifferentfromherusualself,evenmorethanshehadattheparty.She’swearingan A-line, knee-length pink dress with slimstraps Her hair, always tucked in a modest bun ever since her teenage years, is unbound,blondcurlsuncoilingdownhershoulderslikeawaterfall.
Shelooksravishing ButItrynottofocusonthat It’sbeenjustafewdayssincethenightattheparty,andIneedtokeepmy handsoffherorruntheriskofmakinghermyfull-timeaddiction.
AndthisiswhatIintendtodotonight,onourfirstfakedate.IlookaroundtheJapaneserestaurantBlakeandIdecidedon.
Theplacelooksgreat,withhigh,gold-plasteredceilingsandchandeliersinfusingtheroomwithasoftgoldenlight Thefood smellsevenbetterthantheinteriorlooks.Butwechosethisrestaurantnotforitsmenu,butbecausetheglasswallsononeside ofthebuildingallowedpedestrianstopeekinside
Ifwe’re lucky, a randompasserbywill take a shotofus and upload itona social media platform. Or the photographer Furmanhiredwillleakthephotostoaninfluencer.
“Whatareyougoingtoorder?”Britasks,reachingforoneofthemenus.
“You’regoingtostartpretendingyoudon’tunderstandme?”Iinsist,atraceoflaughterinmyvoice.Sheburiesherheadin themenu,butlooksup,atinyglareinhereyes
“Whatdoyouevenmean?”
Ileanforward,inhalingthefloweryperfumethatwaftstowardme Focus,Itellmyself.Tonight,Iwillunravelher.
“Myquestion,Brit,”Irepeat.“DoesBlakeevenknow?”
“Knowwhat?”Hervoiceisdemure,butithasanedgetoit.
“Thatyou’renotnearlyasinnocentasyoupretendtobe.”
Beforeshecananswer,awaiter sweepsover Idismisshimafter pickingthefirstthingonthemenu Brittakesher time, andIcantelloncemorethatshe’stryingtothrowmeoffmyquestion.
Butshe’sgotnosuchluck
“Tellme,”Isayaftertheserverwalksaway,leaningbacksoIcangetaclearviewofher.“Whatpartofyouisevenreal?” There’s no hidingit now. Her entire face looks annoyed as she stares at me. “Once again, I have no idea what you’re blabberingabout”
I’mratherenjoyingthechase.“I’mtalkingaboutwhathappenedbetweenusatthatparty.”Icrossmyarmsovermychest. “Duringthemassagesession,Ithoughtitwasjustaone-timething”
“Whatwas?”
“Thefactthatyou’reaskilledseductress”
Shemakesasudden,jerkymovement,andmyamusementgrows.
“WhyonEarthwouldyouthinkthat?”Hervoiceissolow,Icanbarelyhearit. Agrinspreads across myface “Maybe because I’ve knownyoufor almost twentyyears and onlyjust realized there’s anotherwomanbehindthelongskirtsandthefakevoice.”
Thereareblotchesofredonhercheeks “Idon’taltermyvoice” Evennow,Istillenjoypissingheroff.“Ofcoursenot.”Igiveherareassuringsmile.“Youdon’t.”
Theserverarrivesandsetsourplatesinfrontofus Britgivesmeanotherglarebeforesheliftsherchopsticks Iwatchher eat,wonderingwhatelsesheishiding,howlongshe’sbeenhidingit,andwhy.
I’vealwaysfoundBritneyattractive.Sure,shemostlylooksatherfeet,andsheneverdidanythingparticularlyappealing,
butsomethingaboutherexteriormademeprodherevenwhenshewasakid.
NowthatI’velearnedshehaswaymoresecretsthananyonecouldeverfathom,sheisn’tjustattractive.
Sheisdownrightaddicting
“Areyoujustgoingtowatchmeoractuallyeatatsomepoint?”Shelooksupatmebetweenbites.
Ishrug “Notuntilyouspillthebeans Ilikewatchingyou Also,itgivesthepicturesamoreromanticvibe” There’sscornonherface.“Sure.”
“So areyou?”
“AmI...what?”
“Goingtotellmewhyyouhidesomuchofyourself?BecauseIhaveatheory.”
Sheshrugs,hereyessetonherfood “Goforit,”shechirps “Youalreadyknowsomuchaboutme,don’tyou?” Ileanbackevenfurther,keepingmyarmscrossed.“Girlgetsbornintoahockey-obsessedfamily.Parentandbrotherignore her to play hockey She gets into some freaky stuff because, let’s face it, there’s nothing else to do in the boring old suburbs.”
“Freakystuff?”sherepeatswithanactualsnort “Yeah,okay”
“Okaythen.Mightbetoofar-fetched.Youcan’tgetintofreakystuffathome,notwithyourdadwatchingyouallthetime, anyway.”
“Youmakezerosense”
“Comeon.”Asmilestretchesacrossmyface.“YouhavetoknowthateveryoneworkingfortheFlyersthinksofyourdad asahelicopterparent”
Herannoyanceseemstogrow,butsheremainssilent.Instead,shestaresdownatherplateandplayswithapieceoftuna. Anothertheoryflashesinmyhead,andthedelightknocksawayeveryotherfeeling.
“Youcan’tstandhim,canyou?”
ThemomentIsaythat,awarylookfillshereyes.
Jackpot
“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”There’saslighttremorinhervoice.
“Yourfather Heraisedyoutobe well,boring Andyourebelbystealingofffromtimetotimetosomehugecityand partyingupastormandflirtingor...”
Istopshort,realizingthethoughtofBritneywithanotherguy,eveninahypotheticalscenario,doesnotmakemefeelgood. Aflashofirritationcrosseshergaze.“You’reinsane.”
“AmI?”Iaskmildly.“Becauserightnow,Icanwageryoualternatebetweenthedowdypersonayouliketodisplayhere andthenjetoffeveryotherweekendtosomeplacenooneknowsabout”
Herforktremblesinherhand.“You’reanasshole.”
“Anassholethat’sright”
“Fine,” she spits, dropping her fork and looking up at me. “You want to know everything? Fine. Here goes. You’re absolutelyrightononething.Youdon’tknowanythingaboutme.Neitherdoesmyfather.Idon’tjetoffonalternateweekends, butIdodreamofsavinguptoleavehereandstartalifefarawayfromanyonethatremindsmeofthisplace Includingyou” Istareather,myamusementgivingwaytosurprise.I’veneverheardherspeakthismuchbefore,ever.Thetwoversionsof Britneyarecoalescinginmyhead,andwhileIcouldbefeelingliterallyanyotheremotion,allIfeelisinterest Iwanttoknowmore.WaymorethanIwanttofuckhertonight.
“Why?”Iask
Hereyesareflashingangrily.“Whywhat?”
“Whydoyoupretend?”
SheseemsgenuinelysurprisedthatIaskedanon-sarcasticquestion Hershoulderssagforamoment,thenshestraightens andpicksupherchopsticks,lookingdownatherfood.
“Idon’tknow”Sheshrugs Hervoiceislowandsilvery,butthistime,it’snotthefakevoicesheputsonwhenshe’strying tobedocile.Shesoundsreal.“Ihavenofuckingidea.”
Iraiseabrow Allthingsconsidered,itshouldnotsurprisemethatBritneycurses It’sincrediblysexyonher,makingme thinkofallthedirtythingsIwanttodotoher.
“Isthatwhyyouwantedtodothis?”Iask,soundingmorecaringthanIeverknewIwascapableof.“Thisfake-girlfriend thing,”Iadd,whensheraisesquestioningbrows “Somethingtospiceupyourlife,maybe?”
Sheliftshergaze,andforthebarestsecond,alookIcan’tquitereadflashesacrosshereyes,darkandunfathomable.But then,asecondlater,she’sbacktonormal
“Yeah,Isuppose.”Sheshrugs.“Youcanbefun.”
MyheartwarmsupwithanemotionIdidn’tknowIwascapableoffeeling.Empathy.Britneyhasbeenafixtureofmylife, thoughmostlyinthebackground,forthepasttwentyyears.AndI’monlyseeingtherealherrightnow.EvenifIdoenjoybeing adicktoher,Icannotimaginewhatitisliketolivemostofyourlifeplayingaroleyouhate.
HercobalteyesarefilledwithavulnerabilityI’veneverseeninherbefore.
Herfacebrieflycontortswithadeephurt,tuggingatmyheartstrings.
“Whataboutyou?”shesuddenlyblurtsout
Ifeelaninstantforebodingaboutthatquestion.“Whataboutme?”
“Isthisthelifeyouimaginedasahockeyplayer?Havingnumeroushookupsandnotsomeonepermanent?Ordidyouwant somethingmore?”
Instinctively,Ipushmychair back,asiftryingtomoveasfar awayfromthequestionasIpossiblycan All Iwanttodo nowisshutherupwithacuttingremark,butIcan’tquitedothat,notwhenshe’sbeensoopenwithme.
“Notexactly.”
It’swhenthosewordsfallfrommylipsthatIrealizeitreallyisthetruth
“So...whathappened?”sheasks,leaningcloserandrestingherfaceonherhands,hercurlsspillingoverherarm.
Herwarmblueeyesmeetmine,andIfeelinstantpaniceruptinmychest
NothingaboutBritneyisterrifying.
Butforthefactthatshe’sskilledatmakingmedothingsI’dswornI’dneverdo Andthatshe’sgoodatmakingmesaythingsIdon’tevenwanttothinkabout.
Amillionalarmbellsaregoingoffinmyhead.Delvingintothispoolwherewetalkaboutourfeelingsisadeathtrap.ButI alsoknowI’mgoingtotellher Forsomereason,Iwanttotellher
Besides,stayinginthefeelingspoolmakesmethinklessabouthowmuchIwanttojumpherbones.
“WhenIwasten,mymotherleft,”Ibegin,myvoicetingedwithbitterness “OneSunday,Iwokeuptoavoid Therewere nopotsclatteringinthekitchen,nosmellofpancakes.Iwentthroughthehousecallingforher,buttherewasonlytheechoof myvoice.Myfatherwaslyingdrunkonthesofa.Icouldtellthatsomethingwaswrong.Iwaitedforherthewholedayonthe street,thinkingI’dhearhercarapproaching.Ihopedshe’dcomeback,maybebringmeaLegosurprise.
“Buttheeveningrolledaround,andmyfatherthreatenedmetocomeinsidethehouse.Dayspassed.Shewasstillnothome. WhenIwentto myparents’room, Inoticed thather side ofthe closetwas cleared out Myfather refused to talkto me He wouldshakehisheadandtakeanotherswigofwhiskey.So,Istoppedasking.Ittookafewweeksformetoloseallhope,but eventually,itdawnedonmeshewasn’tcomingback”Ipause,swallowinghardatthebitter memory “Icouldn’tunderstand whyshedidn’ttakemewithher.Howshecouldleavemewithoutsayinggoodbye.”
Theheavylashesshadowinghereyesflyup.Itdoesnotsurpriseme.
“Recently,Ifoundoutshepassedawayfromcancer,”Ireveal,myvoicetingedwithsadness.“Hergirlfriendcontactedme, andIlearnedthatallshewantedwasafreshstart,toeraseheroldselfandbeginanew.”Istop,fightingbackthelumpinmy throat “She never came backfor me Never contacted me, notevenwhenIwas grownup” Imake mytone as detached as possible,notwantingtoconnecttoanyofthewordsIjustsaid.“Ineverforgaveher,andnow,Ican’tevenifIwantedto.” “Andyourfather?”
“He’sgonetoo.Drankhimselftodeathafewyearsago.”
“Alex,”Britsays.It’sthefirsttimeshe’sspokenmynamewithoutaniotaofdesireorderision.
Now,itsounds pitying
Annoyanceroilsupinthepitofmybelly.Iwouldmuchprefershehatemethanpityme.
“I’msorry,”shestartstosay,stretchingherfingersouttocovermyhand
“Youdon’thavetobe,”Isay,cursingmyselfforevenwantingtosharepersonalmatterswithher.Nothingaboutournew dynamicpleasesme
I glance at the transparent wall beside us. There are no cameras flashing. Evidently, Furman’s teamhad come, takena picture,andleftduringthetimewewerehavingaheart-to-heart.
It’llmakethepictureslookthatmuchmorebelievable,Isuppose
Iturntoher,gratefulforthefactthatIcannowleavethisnight andeverythingaboutit behind.
“Comeon”Istandup “I’lldriveyouhome”
“Um,”Britneyprotests,anoteofhesitationinhervoice.“Canwe...not?Yet?” “Why?”Ifshethinksshe’sgoingtogetmetosaymoreaboutmymessed-upchildhood,she’sgotthewrongguy ButBritneydoesn’tsuggest anythingclose to that. “Well,” she says. “Now that I’mgoingona date for the first time in Philly...”
Her eyes are shiningbrighter withsomethingclose tomischiefdancinginthem,andIfeel mydefensiveness dissolve In spiteofmyself,I’mcurious.
“Whatdoyouwanttodonext?”
Goingbacktomyapartmentwouldbeagreatsuggestion,especiallysincebeingremindedofwhatitfelttotouchherwould ridmeofhowfoolishIfeelaboutspillingmygutstoher.
“Iwasthinking...”shesays,hergazeneverleavingmine.“Wecouldgotoanightclub.I’veneverbeentoonehere.”
BRITNEY
Sofar,thenightisgoingaccordingtoplan.He’sleadingmedownthestreettoClub99,andIremindmyselftostayon script
Lettinghimget hot and hungryfor me isn’t goingto cut it this time. I started layingthe groundworkbackat the Furman’s estate whenI made a move onhim, just enoughfor himto figure out how little he knew about me. And now, he believesthatIamjustdyingtoknowwhatanightclublookslikesinceI’veneverbeentoonebefore
Alex’shandrestsheavyonmylowerbackaswemoveclosertotheentrance.Hepaidthecoverchargeandisnowslowly guidingmeintothewarminterior ItlooksexactlyliketheoneIwenttoeveryweekbackinNewYork Darkwithdiscolights, sweatybodiesgyratingtothemusic,andafewclosetedsittingboothsattheotherendofthespace.
Alexnods toward the bar, whichis onlya few feetawayfromus “Wantme to getsomethingfor you?” Whenhis gaze leavesthebar,Inoticehe’snotlookingatme.Instead,he’sscouringfor...
Cameras?IthinksoforafractionofaseconduntilIseehiseyesnarrowwhenhespotsaguystaringatmydress.
He’slookingforothermen,Irealizewithastart Hethinksthatthisismyfirstnightclubexperience,andhewantstomake surenooneelseisgoingtocomeuptomethemomentheleaves.
Ifeel atingeofpleasureathis misplacedjealousy,andIhatemyselffor evencaring Goingoffscriptwouldbefoolish LikewhenIaskedhimabouthisfamilyeventhoughIneverintendedto.
AndIactuallyfeltcompassionforhim.
IremindmyselfnowthatIdonotcareaboutAlex.He’sfarlessgratingthanhewasamonthago,buthe’sstillanannoying jerk. Icannotletmyselfbe muddled into thinkinghe is redeemable based onhow he acts tonight. He probablyplayed outa similarlycharmingscriptforJanice,whoisstillhardatworktryingtoruinhimfiveweeksafterherfirstsocialmediarant Idon’tneedtofeelpity,oranythingelse,forhim.AllIwanttodoisgetphotographsofusinaplacelikethis.Anythingto gettheFurmansoffmyback
“I’llhaveashotoftequila.”Igivehimatimidsmile.Alexisnotcompletelydumb,soImakesurenottooverplayit,just enoughforhimtothinkthatbeinginthisplacemakesmefeelalittleoffkilter.
“Tequila?Yousure?”
“Icouldusesomeliquidcourage,”Iexplainathisstartledlook.
Itworks Hegivesmeanodandhurriesofftowardthebar He’llbebackinnotime
Whilehe’saway,Iscourtheareaforthebestplaceformyplan.Theboothsaretoofarfromthemainactionandwaytoo enclosed,andthemiddleofthedanceflooristoocrowded Icouldn’tquitedoanythingatthebarbecausetherewouldbetoo manyjudgmentaleyesonus.
Finally,Ipickadarkspotwedgedbetweenthesittingboothsandthedancefloor,secludedenoughforsomeprivacy,and openenoughforpeopletospotus
“Here.”Alexisbackafewmomentslater,holdingoutasmallglass. Ireachforitanddownit,thefieryliquidcatchingmebysurprise Itsurgesacrossmytastebuds,settingoffanunexpected explosionofintenseflavor.
Helooksamused,themiffedexpressionhe’dhadsincehetoldmeabouthisparentsfading “So,youdrink,”hesaysinsurprise.“ThoughtyouweregoingtochickenoutatthelastminuteandaskforaSprite.”
“SometimesIdo.”Ishrugmyshouldersandstareathimunapologetically. Lessonlearnedfrommydad:halfthebattleofgettingpeopletodowhatyouwantismaintainingeyecontact “Whendidyoustart?”
“BackatRutgers”
I’mtiredoftalkingaboutmyself.
“Really?”Thecornersofhiseyescrinklewithamusement
Myimpatiencegrows.Hisinterestinmypersonallifeisnotnecessary.Weshouldgetrighttoit.Kissing,fondling,dancing, anythingthatwouldcauseascandalifaphotohappenedtobeleaked.
Itakemyglassbackforanotherdaringsip.Thepotentalcoholcoursesdownmythroat,startlingandstrangelyinvigorating. Helooksimpressed andblurry,veryblurry.
Itightenmyeyesshutasathrillingsensationshootsthroughmybrain Maybetequilawasn’tthebestidea ButIfiguredI mustloosenupalittletogetAlextolethisguarddown.MaybeIoverdiditabit.
IopenmyeyestolookatafuzzierversionofAlex Inthenextmoment,mykneesgivewayunderme
“Wow.”Ihearatraceoflaughterandsomethingakintotendernessinhisvoiceashereachesformeandpullsmeagainst him Impulsively,myarmsinterlockaroundhisneck
“Youdrink,huh?”hesayswithatitter.“Sure.”
Iblinkrapidly,thefamiliar annoyancetowardAlexcomingback.“Shutup,”Imutter,myvoicemuffledagainsthis rockhardchest,stillnotcertainIcanholdmyselfup
AndasmuchasIhatetoadmitit,itfeelsgoodtoleanonhim.
Alittletoogood
“CanIaskaquestion?”Hisvoiceismild,brushinglikefeathersovermyface.
Myheartflutters Nowhe’stheonetogooffscript,andit’sallbecauseofme IfIhadn’tdownedthisshot,maybewe’dbe kissingnow,andmaybesomeonewouldhavefinallytakenafewphotos. Butinstead,we’restillhavingthistalk.
“Yeah” I pushmyself fromhimand stand without assistance I’mbuzzed, but myeyesight has cleared Meanwhile, my inhibitionsareinthebasement.
“Whydoyouwanttobehere?”Thecornersofhiseyesarestillcrinkledwhenhelooksdownatme “I’mnotanidiot,Brit You’vebeentonightclubsplentyoftimes.Icantell.JustthesamewayIcantellyou’refakingtheuptightactyouputontofool David.Andyet,youaskedmetobringyouhere.Whatgameareyouplaying?” Iunderestimatedhim.
Andnow,withthealcoholbuzzingthroughmysystem,Ican’teventhinkhardenoughtomusterupagoodlineofdefense.
“Youcanbarelystandme,”Alexconcludes,hiseyeslosingtheiramusementandlookingmoreserious “Butwe’veknown eachotherlongenoughtocutthecrap.Youcanjustbehonest.Tellmewhat’sup.”
Asmallsparkofworryquiversdeepinmybelly Ineedtocomeupwithsomethingtosay,orI’mgoingtoruinmyplanall bymyself.
Ilookupathim,andtheconcerninhisgazeignitesadifferentkindofspark. No,Itellmyselffirmly.Alexdoesn’tcareaboutme.Hejustwantsmetotellthetruth. Oratleastwhathethinksisthetruth.
“I’mintoyou,”Iblurtout,gratefulfortheboldnessthealcoholgrantedme IkeepmyeyeslockedonhisasIletmyhazy brainspitoutmorewords.“Ilikeyou.AndIdidn’twanttoendthenightwhenallIcouldthinkofwaskissingyou.”
Damn Iwentoffscriptbigtime.
Anotherdrinkwouldbejustrighttonumbthemillionsofthoughtsspiralinginmyhead. WhydidIjustdothat?
Sure, there was nothingelse to saythatwould getthroughto him. The onlyother alternative to confessingmyattraction wouldbetotellhimthetruth,thathewasapawninmygame Ihadnochoice.
ButwhatworriesmethemostaboutgoingoffscriptisnotthatI’dgivenAlexammunitiontouseagainstmeinthefuture,or thefactthatIcannolongerpretendtohavetheupperhandinourtug-of-war. WhatbothersmethemostisthatwhatItoldhimisnotacompletelie. Ishovethethoughtaside,decidingtofocusonhim Hislipsareslightlyparted,andhiseyesarewiderthanI’veeverseen them. Achase like this requires thatpeople be alooffromtime to time. BlurtingoutthatIamattracted to himis the farthest thingfromaloof Ineedtofixthis.
“Youknow,”Isay,hatingtheslightlydesperateundertoneinmyvoice “WhenIsaidIlikedyou,whatImeantwasthat ” “Keepquiet,woman.”Hisvoiceisalowmurmurthatreplaceseverybitofmyworrywithindignation.
“Whatdidyoujustsaytome?”IwishIstillhadadrink,soIcouldpouritoverhisfaceandstormout.Thisentireplanwas amistakeanyway AllIneedtodoisregroupand “You’regoingtohavetokeepquiet.”Hetakesastepcloser.“BecauseI’mgoingtokissyou.”
There’snotimelefttoprocessthewordsbeforeAlex’slipspressagainstmine Oh, fuck.
HaveIdreamedofthismomenthappeningoverthepastfewweeks?
Well,yes,becauseIknewI’dhavetokissAlexatonepointoranother.
DidIthinkhewouldinitiateit?
