Blurb
Whateveryoudo…Don’tgetpregnant!
Thatwas1ofthe3simplepiecesofadvicemypregnantfriendgaveme.Theothertwogems…Goontheall-expenses-paid triptoyourmother’sdestinationislandwedding,andhookupwithahotcabanaboy.
Itcouldn’tbesimpler
Togivemyselfcredit…Iattendedtheexoticwedding.
It’stheothertwopiecesofadvicethatgotcomplicated Ididn’thookupwithacabanaboy Ihookedupwithmybrand-new olderstepbrothers.Don’tjudge…Theyagreedtoano-strings-attached,experience-buildingfling.Thedealseemedflawlessat thetime
And,yep,youguessedit…I’mpregnant.
Withmygrumblybrothers’adamantclaimsthattheydon’twantarelationship,canmysunshinypersonalityhelpmefindthe brightsideofmysituation?
Ifyoulovedirty-talkingstepbrotherswhohaveover-the-topideasofhowtopleasetheirsister,andliketocallhernaughty names,you’lljointhemforafling,too!Butwhateveryoudo Don’tgetpregnant!;)
One
Commando
“Nothinglikeslidingintomyfavoriteboothatmyfavoritediner.”Idon’tbotherlookingatthemenuthewaitresssetdown.The thoughtofadoublecheeseburger,extrapickles,andsteakfrieshavemytastebudseagerforcivilianfood.Thediner’schanged overtheyears,buttheburgersandthename, Keep Yer Belly Full,remainthesame.
Tazoffersafistbump “Abighell yeah tofreedom”
“Same,bro.Ilovefightingforit,butI’moverdueforsleepinginandnothavingaschedule.”
“You’llgettiredofitbeforeourleaveisover”
“Thatlastundercoveropgottome.”Idragahandthroughmyhairandtakeadeepbreath,decidingnottobelaborthepoint. Tazwas there, he knows. It’s the firsttime I’ve considered gettingoutofthe military,and withmyreenlistmentdate rapidly approaching,thepossibilityisunnerving Servingmycountrywithhonorhasbeenmylifegoal.Nodistractionsallowed. WhatwouldTazandourotherbrother,StonewallthinkifIgotout?
“Don’tbringthatshithomewithyou.”Taznodsatsomethingbehindme.“Getthatrayofsunshineinyourheadinstead.” Iturn,unsurewhathe’sreferringto Mymindisinstantlyclearedwhenmyeyeslandononeoftheotherwaitresses Asmile that’s as wide as it is bright red. Long brown silky hair. Apetite figure that would have been underserved by the frumpy uniformsthewaitressesusedtowear.Herdenimshort-shortsofferafullview ofhertonedlegs.Whatdoesshedotostayin shape?I’veheardwaitressingisexhausting
I’mconsciouslyadvisingmyselftoletgoofthecrudethoughtsaboutgivingheraworkout,andhowgoodthosethighswould feelwrappedaroundme,andthatIshouldstopstaring I’malsoignoringmyself
Thepatronsatthetableshe’sservingbreakoutinlaughter.Shedoestoo. It’sthebiggest,heartiestlaugh,andthenshesnorts Unabashedly Mydickisinstantlyhard
Chances are it was already headed that way, but it’s the fact that she snorted, no apologies, just pure joy, that takes a sledgehammertomyhardenedheart.Thereisgoodintheworld.Andapparently,Iwanttofuckit.
Sherespondstoawomanatthetable “Nokidsforme Ican’tbetrustedwithkeepinganotherhumanalive Ibarelymanage myself.”
Shesnortsagainandpre-cumspurtsfrommytip What’sgottenintome?Ishiftwhilewatchingherwalktotheregister My jeansaren’ttight,butthere’snotenoughroomforafull-fledgederection.
Sheturns.Oureyeslock.I’mbusted.
“Youboys readyto order?” Our waitress snaps me backto reality. How did Inotnotice she’d returned? Her bellyis big enoughsherestshernotepadonit.
Istuttertoplacemyorder,theeffectsofthatyoungwaitressleavingmeshell-shocked Notwantingtocomeacrossasaperv staringatsomeonewhohastobemorethantenyearsyoungerthanme,IdirectmyattentiontoAvery,politelyaddressingherby thenameIlearnfromhernametag,andcompletethesameorderI’vebeenplacingsincethedineropened Now thatI’ve acknowledged her, Inotice thatshe doesn’tlookold enoughto be pregnant. Or have Ihitthatpointwhere youngadultslooklikekids?Thatwouldmakemyreactiontotheotherwaitressevenlessappropriate.
Ihaveenoughsensenottoaskeitheroftheirages.MybrothersandIhaven’tspentmuchtimeinmainstreamsocietythelast
thirteenyears,andtheywereahardsetofyears.Maybeweshouldsitatourout,andgetintouchwiththepeopleweserve. Thepresidentofourmotorcycleclub,aptlynicknamedPrez,comesinanddetoursinourdirection.
Tazmakes roomfor him, and Averyadds his order to our tab The MC is full of fellow militaryso theyunderstand our schedules.Prezisolderthanmeandalsosingle.HiswholelifeisdedicatedtotheMCnowthathe’soutofthemilitary.Isthat mypath?AllMC?
MygazeshiftsbacktothewaitresswhomakesmefeelthingsI’dwrittenoff.Thingsthatneedtostaywrittenoff.I’mnotthe family-guytype,nomatterhowmuchIwanttoputababyinher Andshe’shappy.Icouldlearnfromher. No.Thatwouldn’tbefairtoher.
My internal discussion makes me feel psychotic Physically angling my head away, I look out the window She’s at an entirelydifferentplaceinlifethanIam.Shedeservestoliveitwithoutmyburdens.
ThetappingofAvery’spenonhernotepaddrawsmeback Averyhasagleaminhereye “Areyouguyssingle?” “Whoa!”Iholdbothhandsupinfrontofmychest.“Notinterested.” Tazbringshisfisttohismouthandcoughstheword,“Asshole”
Iforce myeyes fromAvery’s bellytoher face.“I’msorry.Idon’tmeanbecause ofthat.” Iawkwardlymotiontowardher elephant-sizedmidsection.“I’msingle,butI’mnotdating.”
Sherubsahandoverherbelly,triggeringmybraintothinkofhowlittleMissSnorts-A-Lotwouldlookpregnant Fuck Ifail tostopmyselffromscanningtherestaurantforher,butshe’sgone.
Averytearsapieceofpaperoutofhernotepadandsetsitonthetablewithapen “Don’tworry I’vehadenoughofmento fill meupfor awhile.Isaw youlookingatCheri,andit’s entirelypossiblethatIsaw her lookingatyoutwoearlier.Ifyou wantmetopassyournumberon,Iwill.”
Myfingerstwitch.Iballmyfists,pressingthemintomythighs.“Doyourealizehowoldweare?”
Tazsetshishandoverthepaperandpen.Adrenalinecoursesthroughme,sparkingpossessiveness.WhatrightdoIhaveto tellhimno?
Averydragsafingeroverherbelly.“Boysouragedothisandrun.Youlooklikeyouhaveyourshittogether.Cheri’sahard worker,thebestbakerintown cherrydessertsareherspecialty andshefillsinasawaitressforextracash Workshereand atSugarD’sDonutShop.ItwoulddohergoodtohavesomefunifyouknowwhatImean.” Fun…cherry…Ishouldn’tbehavingthesethoughts.
Prezwringshishands.“Fun?Don’tlookatmeunlessCheriwantstogetmarried.MytwinbrotherandIjustfoundoutwe havetogetwifed-uporGrandmarewritesherwill.”
The mentionofhis grandma reminds me thatour dad flew into townto scatter his mom’s ashes Isteal a glance atCheri, who’sreturned,andlethersunshineblastthethoughtsofdeathfrommymind.
“IthinkmarriagewouldbeadealbreakerforCheri,whichbringsustoyou”AverywinksatTaz,strokinghisego,andhe sitstaller.Averyhasnoideahoweasyitistoflatterhim.Ilovemylittlebrother,butheneverpassesupachancetohavefun.I don’tknowhowhecompartmentalizeshislifesoeasily.
Tazscribbleshisinfodown,thenslidesthepenandpapertowardme,raisinganeyebrow Itmightruinmetoseehimwith Cheri,butI’veswornoffdistractions.Ishakemyhead.
“Youwanttothinkaboutit?”Averyasksme “LikeIsaid,Idon’tdate.”
“Whenthe rightwomancomes along,don’tbe afraidtoletyour guarddown,bigguy” Averypicks the penandpaper up, shovestheminherapronpocket,andwalksaway.
Whatdoesthispregnantteenagerthinkshe’sdoing,matchmakingthirty-somethingswithherbarely-out-of-the-cradlefriend? AndwhyamIconsideringwalkingovertoSnorts-A-Lotandshowingherhowhardshe’smakingme?Absolutelynot Idon’t date.AndIcertainlydon’tfuckateenagerjustbecauseshe’sthecutestthingI’veeverseen.
ThemischievoussmileonAvery’sfaceassheentersthebreakroomcausesmyhandtostopmidwaytograbbingmycoat.“I’ve gottogettorollerderbypractice,butwhatareyouupto?”
Shehandsasmallpapertomewhilebitingherlowerlip.
Ireadwhatappearstobeanameandphonenumber,butthenameisTaz Notagoodsign Averyneedssomeonestable,not someonenicknamedafteradevil.“What’sthis?”
“Afavor”Itrytohanditbacktoher,butshecradlesherbellywithbothhands “Whatkindoffavor?”Ishrugmycoaton,stillholdingthepaper.
“Isawyoustaringattheguyswhorolledinonthemotorcycles.Ialsosawthemstaringatyou.It’smylastdayofworkandI wantedtodosomethingniceforyou”
WasIthatobvious?Isthiswhyshewasattheirtablesolong?Shewastalkingtothemaboutme?Theworldswaysalittle beforeIgathermythoughts,butthey’retoofleetingtostayinmygrasp Astrangefeelingworksitswaythroughme It’slight andgiddyandtingly.
“Avery ”Idrawouthername She’sbeenonmycaseaboutworkingtoohard She’snotwrong,butherpregnancyisproof ofhowquicklylifecantakeadetour.That’swhyI’musingmytimetobakemyheartoutwhilesavingupmoneysoIcanmove outofmymom’shouse.Livingonmyownseemsscary,butIneedtolearntotakecareofmyself.
Andnotjustfinancially MymomandIhavepossiblygottentoousedtohangingoutwitheachother SomedayImightwant togetmarried,andIdon’twanttobeworriedMomwilltakeittoohard.
“Tazisthesmileyonewiththefive-o’clockshadowandashit-tonofcasual-sexy”Shetapsthepaperthat’sstillinmyhand “AndIdon’twanttojumptoincorrectconclusions,soI’llletyouknowthattheguywhocameinlastislookingforawife.I toldhimyouweren’tinterested”
“Whatiswrongwithyou?”Iask,withtoomuchexcitement.
Sheraiseshershoulders.“ShouldIhaveleftthewifeoptionopen?”Shemotionsoverhershoulder.“I’lllethimknow.” Igrabherhand “No!Idon’thavetimetodate orgetmarried”
“Youneedtodosomethingotherthanwork.”
“Ilovemywork”
Thebackdoorfliesopen.Mymotherparadesinlookingwaytoohappy,whichissayingalotcomingfromme.
“Cheri.”MymomdrawsoutmynamewithherfakeFrenchaccent,andwrapsherarmsaroundmyshoulders.
“Iseverythingokay?Ineedtogettorollerderbypractice.”Ihoistthestrapofmygearbagovermyshoulderwhenshelets go.
ShereachesintoherGucci-knock-offpurse,pullsoutasmallpacketofpapers,andslapsthematmyhandthat’sholdingthe phonenumber.IrepositionthepaperAverygavemesoIcanseewhatmymomadded. Airlinetickets?I’mprocessingthattheycontainmynamewhenshesays,“I’mgettingmarried!Weboughtyourflight,paid foryourroom,andallofyourfoodiscovered.”
“Towho…youdon’t…how?”I’mcertainthatshesaidshe’sgettingmarried,butshe’snotdating.Iwouldknow.Ilivewith her.Whenneitherofusisworking,weplayScrabbleandbingeNetflix.
Asthatthoughthighlightsthestagnationofmylife,I’mgratefulthatAverygotaguy’snumberforme.Myentireliferevolves aroundwork,derby,andhangingoutwithmymom.I’mtwenty notateenageranymore.Ineedtogrow.Andmaybe,Ineeda man,oratleastagoodtimewithone
Stillconfused,Iturnmyattentionbacktomymomwhoisabsolutelyglowing.Shesays,“It’sshocking,butImettheperfect man Onethingledtoanotherandhe’swhiskingmeawayformydreamwedding I’llstillmaketimeforyousweetie,butI’ve wantedamaninmylife,andIfoundhim.”
Thisisgettingsadderbytheminute Skeptical ofhow shewentfrommeetingaguytohavingadestinationwedding,Iask, “Whendidyoumeethim?”
“Yesterday.It’scrazy.Butit’sloveatfirstsight,andwe’renotgettinganyyounger.He’shereonvacationtovisithissons.” Shesqueezesmyhands “Pleasebehappyforme Andpleasebeonyourflighttomorrow”
“Tomorrow?”Myquestioncomesoutinashriek.Ilowermyvoicetoaddresstheotherproblem.“Howcanyouaffordthis?” “He’sfilthyrich,butthat’snotwhyI’mmarryinghim He’sthekindestman,andgoodin ” “Stop,Mom.Ihaveworkandrollerderby.Ican’tjustleave.”Itrytoshovetheplaneticketbackather,butshedoesn’ttake it
Averyclearsherthroat.“Icouldfillinforyou.”
I’dforgottenshewasthere.“Icouldn’taskthat.”
“Youdidn’t Iofferedbecausethat’swhatfriendsarefor Icandelaymylastdayonemoreweek AndI’lltalktothegirlsat SugarD’s.We’llmakesureyourshiftsarecovered.”
Avery’salreadysendingatextmessage,soIreturnmyattentiontomymom “Whytherush?”
“Theresorthadalast-minuteweddingcancellation.They’rebookedoutayearinadvance.Cheri,thishastobetheuniverse tellingmeit’stherightthingtodo.”
“I’mhappyforyou.”AtleastI’mtryingtobe.Ipasteonasmileandhopeitlookssincere. “So,it’sago?Surelyyoucanmissafewrollerderbypractices,”Momsays. “No”Ican’tditchthemonawhim Plus,Averyhasn’tbeenabletoparticipateinmonthsandAngelisoutwithasuspicious ankleinjury.
“Shemeansyes Everyonemissesonceinawhile,”Averysays “Great!Wecantalkwhenyougethome.”Momexitssoquickly,myheadisspinning.
Averyplucks the packetfrommyhands, leavingme staringatTaz’s number. Could Ibe so lucky? All Ihave to do is put myselfoutthereandtheuniversewillhandletherest?Mymomseemstothinkso.I’mnotsosure.I’mhappy,notlucky. Averygasps.“Thisplacelooksincredible.”
Ianglemyheadtoseethepapermymomprintedaboutthelocation Aluxuryresortwithprivatehottubsoneverybalcony andacrystalblueandaquamarineoceanononeside.Theothersidegetstheornatepoolandcabanaview. Ihaven’tmadeithalfwaydownthelistofamenities whenAverysays,“PlanB Waittocall Taz Goonthis all-expensespaidvacationtosupportyourmotherandhookupwithacabanaboyfirst.”
“Plan B. It sounds perfect.” As long as I don’t leave my coworkers in a bind, I’mgoing. Maybe I’ll even consider the cabana-boything I’llhappilyacceptthisstrokeofluck “Itis,Cheri.Don’tpassupanopportunitylikethis.Gohavefun.”
“Therehastobeacatch”
“Doyouwantmetomakeoneup?Fine.Onewordofcautionregardingthecabana-boyhookup.Whateveryoudo…don’tget pregnant It’savacationfling Whathappensontheislandstaysontheisland Allofthatgoodstuff Focusonfun” Ican’tbelievethisfellinmylap.Ican’tbelievemymomisgettingmarried. Averycocksherheadtotheside.“Doitforme.”ShetakesTaz’snumberfrommyhandandtucksitintothepapers.“I’lllet himknowthatyouwon’tbecallingrightaway”
“OrshouldIbetheonetolethimknowI’llbegoneforafewdays?”
“No Erasehimfromyourbrain Don’tletanythingstopyoufromlettingloose,andplease,soIcanlivevicariously,come backwithabetter first-time storyforyourselfthanIhave.”
“Thatsoundslikeachallenge”AchallengeI’mwillingtotake
Three Cheri
Iconsider myselfahappyperson.Ilaughfreely.Ilovemyjobs.AndIhavethebestfriends mycoworkersandteammates. I’msuccessfullycraftingthelifeIwant.
Butafter thewhirlwindofAverygettingTaz’snumber for me,thepanty-meltinggazefromtheguysittingwithTaz,andmy mother’ssurprisewedding,doubtcreptin BythetimeI’dmadeitfromthediner toroller derbypractice,Iwasquestioning everything.
Should Iskip the last-minute trip and be responsible? Or did mydesire to stayhome have more to do withTaz’s rugged jawline,muscles,andsexappeal?Hisphonenumberwastheonlyoneonthepaper buttheother maninhisbooth,theolder oneI’dcaughtstaring,wouldserveasanacceptablealternative.
Withmyheadstillspinning,I’ddonetheonlyrationalthingIcouldthinkof,andwenttorollerderbypracticetohashoutmy existence.
Myteammatesagreed Takethetrip!TherewouldbetimetosortouttheotheroptionswhenIgothome Twoplaneflightslater,afterawholelotofflyingovertheoceantogettotheprivateisland,it’sgoodtohavemyfeetonthe groundagain However,it’snotsowonderfultohaveraindrenchingmeasIhurryacrossthetarmac Thankfullythelimodriversaysit’sfineifIgettheseatswet.
Andinnotimeatall,hedrivesmetotheresortwherethebellhopdeliversmybagstomyroomandmakessureIdon’tneed anything HowcouldI?There’sabasketofsnacksandheshowedmethedrinksinthefridge Therearefluffytowelsandplush blue-and-whitebedding.Apartiallyprivatebalcony.Andagorgeousviewoftheocean.
Thesoundsofcrashingwaveswashawaymyconcerns Averywasright.Ineedthis.Ineedtoexperiencelife.
The rainstops and the light breeze brings the saltyair to mynose Ileanover the balconyrail, lookingside to side and below.Noone’sinsight.Feelingbold,Istepintotheshelteredpartofmybalconywiththehottub.Ipeelmywetclothesoff mybodyandwrapmyselfintheluxuriouswhiterobe.
Iwon’tjudgemymotherformarryingasugardaddyaslongasshe’shappy She’soneluckywomantomarryintothiskindof money.Icorrectmythinking.He’soneluckyguytomarryawomanasamazingasmymom. Grabbingthefoldingdryingrackthat’stuckedintoacorner,Iplaceitonthebalconyanddrapemydrenchedclothesoverthe dowels.
I leave the slidingdoor openwhenI head inside. What do I do withmyself? No momto playScrabble with. No derby practice.Noworkschedule.WhoamIandwhatdoIwant?
It’sashort-livedproblemsinceIcalledaheadtomakespecialarrangementstopreparecakepopsformymom.They’reher favorite Butthekitchenspacewon’tbeavailableforanotherhour
Istandinthemiddleoftheroomadmiringthemermaiddécor,trulyatalossforwhattodo.Igrabmyphoneandturnmusic on Forafleetingmoment,Iconsiderdancing,butwhenIliftmyarmsandswaymyhips,ithitsmethatI’mtired Wow!AmIalwaystiredanddon’tknowit?Ilovemylife.Ilovebeingonthego.ButmaybeIneedachange. Withonlysixhoursuntilthewedding,Iunpackmybagstomakesuretheraindidn’tgetinside.Allgood.
Alightnesswashesoverme.Avery’sright.IshouldlivemylifewhileIcan.
There’snotellingwhatwillhappen,whenI’llhaveunexpectedresponsibilitiespopup,orwhetherI’llwakeuponedayto discoverI’vebecomeawitheredoldhag,workingmyfingerstothebone,andI’veletmylifepassmeby.
Withmyarmswide,Ispin,carefree,thenthrowmyselfontothebed,facefirst Ifthisishowtheupper-classlives,I’llhave totaketipsfromMomonhowtosnagarichguy.
Inthemeantime,afterlounging,Igetdressedandheadtomycomfortplace,thekitchen,whereIdowhatIdobest bake Withthecakepopsprepared,Ireturntotheroom.
Cravingthe luxurious feel ofthe robe onmybodyagain, Istrip downand putiton. That’s all Ineed until it’s time to get readyforthewedding.
WhenIstepontomybalcony,Irealizethebreezehas pickedup Mywetshirthas beenwhippedaroundandbarelyhangs onto the dryingrack. Myleggings have tangled onthe dowels. Mywhite socks and red bra have blownaround the wooden postsofthebalconyrailing Closecall Isnatchthemup
Aquickinventory…Uhoh!Mybrightredpantiesarenowheretobeseen. Shit. Icheckinside the hottub, scanthe room…nothing. Rushingto the rail, Ileanover. Ina heartbeat, againstthe white woodendeckandbrown-and-greendunegrasses,thesplashofbrightredfabrictakesnotimetorecognize Mypanties have blownontosomeone’s first-floor balcony.Once Iquell the panic,Itake itas goodnews.Mypanties are caughtonthecornerpost Ishouldbeabletoapproachfromthebeach,reachthroughtheplantsthatofferabitofprivacyalong thebalcony’sedge,andreclaimtheescapees.
GrabbingmykeycardasIrushthroughtheroom,I’moutthedoorinaflash
Stonewall
Withonlyanhourbeforethewedding,Commando,Taz,Dad,andIhavethedrivertakeusfromthecliffoverlookingtheocean backtoourrooms.
Grandmamadeitwidelyknownshewantedherashesscatteredinthemountains,mingledwiththemajesticbeauty.Butwith Dad’sunexpectedwedding,hedecidedwe’dbringaportionofherashestotheislandandspreadtheremainderofthemfrom thecliffoverlookingtheoceantohonorheryoungerdayswhenshespentallofherfreetimeonthebeach.
Aweightisliftedfrommyshouldersthatwe’vefinallyfinishedtotingGrandmaaroundinanurnandsprinklingherashes I justwanttobedone.
Herdeathhitmehard.All thelivesI’vetakeninmymilitarydays thosepeoplehadlovedonestoo.Thinkinglikethatis dangerous Ishiftmythoughts towhenwe wereyounger andshewas always there for us Notbeingable tomakeitbackin timetosaygoodbyeshookme.
We’re here for Dad though, so that’s good Though none of us ever thought a wedding would get thrown into the mix Everythingthat’shappeningrightnowcastsshadowsonthealreadydarkpartofmysoul.Areallofourmissionsblottingout thepositivesinlifeanddraggingmedown?
Itonlytakesafewminutestothrowmyboardshortson.Andeventhoughmyhair’slongerthanthetypicalmilitarycut,since wewererunningundercoverops,itdoesn’ttakemuchtorunmyfingersthroughitandgetitbackinplace.We’regoingtobe standingonawindybeachanyway
EmbracingthetimeIhavelefttorelax,Istepontothewoodendeckoutsideofmyroom.Somethingbrightredcatchesmy attention WitheachinchImove closer, Iabsorb another detail The fabric is silky Ithas a lacyedge It’s lightweight And whenIliftthesmallpieceoffabric,theshapebecomesundeniable.
I’mholdingsomebody’s panties If I’d met someone, I might consider this aninvitation But no, I’ve beenwithmydad, brothers,anddeadgrandma’sashes.
Iglancearound,findingnoone,thenreelmyhopesin.Mybrothersareprobablyprankingme,tryingtogetmetobreakfree frommynicknameforonce
Clingingtothehintoffunthepantiesoffer,fullyknowingIwon’tdoanythingaboutit,Ishovetheminmypocketandwatch thewaves
I’mscanningthebeach,watchingafewsurfers,whenIcatchsightofawomaninwhitewalkingdownthebeach,butnotby thewater.Upbythedunes.Her darkhair trails behindher inthe breeze.Her pathis oddlyclose tothe decks.Does she not understandprivacy?
Or…Mydickgetshard.Isshetheownerofthepantiesinmypocket?
She’sscanningthedunes,soIduckintotheroom,wantingtoobserveher for amomentlonger I’mprettysuretheresort’s robesaremeantforindooruse.Buthey,Igottagiveittoher.Beyourself.
It’ssomethingIdon’thavemuchexperiencewithsinceIjoinedthemilitarywhenIwastwentyyearsold Ibarelystepped outofmyfamily’sshadowwhenItookonamilitaryfamily.Mybrothersjoinedatthesametime.
The dark-haired beautyshifts her attentionfromthe dunes to the top floor, points, and appears to be countingrooms. The windpicksupandcatchestheedgeofherrobe,throwingitopen,exposingonelongleg,withasinfultuftofhaircoveringher
pussy.
She isn’twearingpanties. Myheartquickens. Could she be the owner ofthe brightred silk? The odds were slimwhenI originallyhadthethought,buttheyjustimproveddramatically Inanonchalantmove,shegrabstheedgeofherrobeandholdsitclosed.
Seeminglysatisfiedwithcountingtheupperrooms,shelowersherattentiontothefirstfloor,tomyroom,orratherthespace outsideofmyroom.
She hasn’tnoticed me since I’ve retreated further, hangingnear the edge I’mfascinated byher, and desperatelytryingto thinkofsomethingclevertosay.Allthatcomestomindis, Surely you can spare this pair of panties. Bettertokeepthattomyself.I’mreclusive,notaperv.Althoughthepantiesinmypocketcallthatintoquestion.
The firstfloor is elevateda few feetabove the beachandthe dune grasses offer a buffer above that,obscuringmyline of sightassheapproaches.
Thensuddenlyshe’s crawlingonthe dune toward mydeck, and mysuspicions are confirmed I chuckle quietlywiththe knowledgethatthisbeauty’spussyhasbeeninthepantiesI’mharboring.
Ifeelguiltyforkeepingthem,butwhatamIsupposedtodo?Wavethemintheairandsay, Are these yours?
It’sasadfuckingdaywhenIdecidethatI’mevenmoresetonkeepingthepantiesnowthatIseewhotheybelongto.Mydark heartneedsaglimmerofhope.Shecangiveupapairofpantiesfortheteam.I’vegivenupyearsformycountry.
Thewomanextendsahandforward,partingthegrassesattheedgeofmydeck,andmutterssomethingIcan’tmakeout But it’sdamncute.
I’mtorn Offeringher panties seems like the rightthingto do, butIlove the idea ofconsideringthema sacrifice Imake sacrificesallthetimeinservicetothecountry.Nohype,nonewsstories,justconfidentialmissions.Thathelpsmefeelslightly lessselfishaboutwhatI’mchoosingtodo.
Istepoutside.“CanIhelpyou?”
“Oh!Sorry!”Herheadpopsabovethegrasseslikeameerkat.Shegripsthetopoftherailandstaresupatme.
AmIsoinneedofa womanthatIcan’tfocus onthe momentathand? All Icanthinkaboutare her manicuredfingernails grippingmycockwhileherplumpredlipsdragbackandforthoverit. Shewipeswispsofhairfromherfaceasshestands,strugglingtokeepherrobeclosed Mypulseispoundinginmyears “Perhaps youcanhelp me.” She points up. “I’monthe third floor and the wind blew mypanties down. Isaw themright abouthere,butnowthey’regone.”
Myfisttightensaroundherpantiesasrealizationsetsin.Shecouldbeoneofthebridesgettingmarriedhere,whichwould meanI’mholdingamarried,orsoon-to-be-marriedwoman’spanties.Fuck!
“Wait Aremypantiesinyourpocket?”
“No,” Ianswer too quicklyand immediatelyrealize I’mgrippingthemso hard, myforearmis inpain. Irelaxmyfistand glancedown Shit!Redlaceisstickingout Iyankitdown,hopingshedidn’tseeit Toolate.“Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?Givethemback.”Shethrustsherhandatme. I’mnot onlytrained to performunder pressure, but I’ve spent years face to face withnational threats, never once losing composure Butstaringatthisrayofsunshinewhohasenoughenergytomakeupforhersmallsize,I’mincapacitated It’sterrifying.
“Youknow what?Nevermind Idon’twanttoknow whatyouplantodowiththem Enjoy”Sheturnsaround,scurriesoff thedune,andmarchesdownthebeach,leavingmetowonderwhatjusthappened. I’llbeluckyifshedoesn’tturnmeintosecurity
Five
Taz
Yesterday, mybrothers and Iwere readyto kickbackand have a BBQwithDad atour mountainhome inthe CherryRidge foothills.Today,we’restandingonthebeachonaprivateisland,linedupasgroomsmenforourdad’swedding.
I’matalossforhowalifelongcommitmentcantranspirethisfast.
Wehaven’thadtimetotalktohimaboutthewomanhe’smarryingsincewehadtoscattergrandma’sashes,pack,andgeton anairplane.Plus,hedidn’twantustryingtotalkhimoutofthefirstseeminglyirrationalthinghe’severdone.
He arrangeda briefmeetingwithhis fiancée,andshe seems great,butwe haven’tmetour future stepsister She was busy makingsomekindofspecialtreatforhermom.That’scool,Isuppose.DoesthatmeanweshouldbedoingsomethingforDad? Nah.
Thatseemslikegirlyshitanyway,andDad’sentirefocusisonhisfuturebride ThisisthehappiestI’veseenhiminalong time.MomgotsickanddiedwhenIwas little.Ihaveverylittlememoryofher.Myolder brothers remember more,butthat wasagesago,andhe’sbeensingleforwaytoolong We’reallgladtoseehimhappyagain
A small band plays reggae versions of wedding music. It’s an intimate affair since no one else is invited. And at our stepmom’s request, we’re all inbeachwear One point to her I’ll take boardshorts over a penguinsuit anyday Of course, ridinggearismypreferencewhenI’mnotonamission.
Worn,white,woodenplanksdelineatethepathfromthebride’sprivatestagingareatothealtar.
We’repositionedforaperfectsunsetbackdrop,andthephotographer’salreadytakingpictures
Awomanstepsoutfrombehindtheprivacyscreens.Thetinyredbikinitopleavesmorebreastuncoveredthancovered.It’s hardformetoseeanythingelse Thenhertonedlegmakesanappearancethroughtheslipinthematchingwrap-aroundskirt Fuck.
Myeyestrailupwardtoherdarkhairthatthewindinsistsonblowingoverherface
Herredlipstickmatchesherbathingsuit.Shetucksahairbehindherearandherhugesmilefalters.Hermouthdropsopen. Andshestutter-stepsaswerecognizeeachother.
It’sCherifromthediner No Fucking Way AmIhallucinating?
Ielbow Stonewall, butremember thathe wasn’tatthe diner. Ileanforward to catchCommando’s attention. Keepingmy voicedown,Iurgentlywhisper,“IsthatCheri?”
Hisexpressionservesasconfirmation.
Stonewallsays,“Howdoyouknowhername?”
“SheworksatKeep Yer Belly Full.”Iwraponehandaroundtheotherfist.IfDadexpectsustobechillabouthimmarryinga womanhe’sonlyknownforoneday,itcan’tbethatweirdthatIwanttofuckmystepsister.
Dadclearshisthroat Hedoesn’tseemtohaveheardwhatwe’resaying,justwantsustoberespectful Cheri has regained her composure and made it down the wooden walkway. As she reaches the altar, her gaze wanders betweenthethreeofusandourdad
Shetakesherplaceonthebride’ssideandhonesinonStonewall.Hefidgets,shovinghishandinhispocket,andhergaze follows.
ThemusicshiftstoareggaeBridalMarch.Iglanceatthebride,thenbackatmybrothers.
Timingiscriticalasthephotographerarrangesusinfrontofthegorgeoussunset.Dutifullysteppingintoplacebesidemymom, Ismile.Willthephotosrevealthechaosinmymind?
Ican’tfigureoutifthisisperfectoracompletenightmare.
There’s notacabanaboyor anymaleonthis islandas swoon-worthyas mythreestepbrothers Can‘whathappens onthe island,staysontheisland’applytopeoplewhoarereturningtoPeachBottomValleyasmynewfamily?I’mprettysureAvery wouldsayyes Timetopivotonthefabulousplanshelaidout
Thephotographerhasourparentssteptothesidesohecantakepicturesofthesiblings.Myheartracesandmyfeetwiggle, buryingthemselvesinthesandasIstarestraightahead,tryingtoignorethethreegorgeousmenI’mcontemplatingaflingwith. Standingclosetomymotherandtouchingherwasfine Touchingmystepbrothersisthestartingpointforaridiculousnumber offantasiesthathavealreadycloggedmygraymatter.
“Threeofthemandoneofyou”Thephotographerrubshischin “Let’sstartwiththethreebrothersinbackandlittlesisin front.”
WhenIfailtoengagemyfeet,thephotographerpoints “You,righthere” Mylegsgrowwobblyandaknotformsinmycore.“Yes,sir.”
Atorturedgroan,IbelievefromTaz,comesfrombehindme.Thesoundtipsthescales.WhoneedsacabanaboywhenIhave thesethree?OratleastTaz WhoknewhowimportantAverygettinghisnumberwouldturnouttobe?
Iglanceovermyshoulderandmyeyescatchonhischestashetakesinadeepbreath.Theintensityofhisgazeparalyzesme whenIfinallylookupthatfar
Hebrushesafingeragainstthebackofmyhand.WhateverwittycommentIplannedonsayingisgone.Hesays,“Yes,sir? Areyoualwayssopolite?”
“Yes,sir.”Alarmsgooffinmybrain.Thesandundermyfeet,thewhispsofhairstreakingacrossmyface,andthelingering touchofhisskinonmine…everysensationlightsupmybodywithdesire.
Aflashcauses me toblinkandreflexivelyturntothe photographer “Greatshot,lookinguptoyour new bigbrother How aboutyouguyspickherupsoshe’slayingacrossthethreeofyou?”
Taz’svoiceistoolowforthephotographertohear “Youwanttolayacrossmyfront?”
Hetuckshisfingeraroundmyhandandguidesittohiships.Myeyesgowide.Taz’serectionishuge.WouldIbebetteroff findingacabanaboyformyfirsttime?
Next thing I know, hands are all over my body, my feet are out from under me, and my brothers have done as the photographerasked.
“That’s adorable,” Momsays, so I presume Taz’s arousal is no longer evident Or it will be one of those things no one noticesuntilwe’relookingatthephotographswithAuntEdna.Imakeamentalnotetogowithmomtoreviewtheproofs. Asidefrombeingconsciousofeverysinglepointofcontactfromfingertipspressingintomyskintomybacksidespanning thethreehottestmenI’veevermet,Icomposemyselfandsurvivetheremainderofthefamilyphotos.
Andwithonlythreedaysonthisisland,Ican’twasteanytimeapproachingmynewbrothersaboutmyplan. Pose.Smile.Rethinkmysanity.Repeat.
Seven
Cheri
Becauseourparentsdidn’thavetimetoinviteextendedfamilyandfriends,theyopenedtheirreceptioninthepartypalapato everyoneattheresort.Thedancemusicstartedwhileweweretakingphotos.
Bythetimewewalkover,peopleareswayingandtwerkingonthedancefloorinawaythatindicatestheyfoundtheopen bar Othershavelinedupatthebuffet,andmanyarealreadyseatedatthetables
“Have fun,” Momsays to us as she drags my new stepdad onto the dance floor. She drapes her hands around her new husband’sneck,pressesherbodytightlyagainsthis,andtheysway,oblivioustothefastbeatofthemusic
My brothers and I have lined up near the dance floor, like it’s hot lava and none of us are ready to take the next step. Stonewallplopsintoaseatatthenearbytable.
“Whatareyouwaitingfor?Comedance”Mymommotionstowardusthenreturnsherattentiontomynewstepdad That’s goingtotakesomegettingusedto.Idon’tknowanythingabouthim.I’mdumbfoundedthatIwasworriedaboutmeetingaguy somedayandleavingheralone Isuredidn’tseethiscoming
IshriekasTazgrabsmyhand,thenspinsmeontothedancefloor.Myfreehandlandingonhisbarechestistheonlythingthat stopsmytorsofromslammingintohis Bummer
Myassumptionthatwe’ddancelikemostoftheother couples,withhandsintheair,iswrong.Hishandswraparoundmy waist,pullingmyhipsintohis.Somehowthatmakesitimpossibleformetobreathe.
Anglingmyheadtotheside,Iuseagiantconcretetiki statueasafocal pointandmentallytalkmyselfthroughbreaths In Out.In.Out.
“Feelfreetomoveyourhands”Hiscommentmakesmepainfullyawareofhowawkwardlymyarmsaresquishedbetween us.
“Iwascatchingthebeat”Theprofoundlylameexcusegivesmeasecondtoreposition Ioptformyhandsonhisshoulders.Bigmistake.I’venow measuredthewidthofhisshoulders,andthemuscularcurveof them.Where’sthattikistatue?Dangit.TazturnedusandIcan’tseeit.
“Noneedtobenervous,”hesayswithallthecalmcharmhelookslikehe’dpossess “I’mnotnervous.”Another excellentlylamelie.“It’s justweirdhow fastour parents wentfrommeetingtomarrying.And nowI’mtouchingmystepbrother’snearlynakedbody”Ohshit,that’snotwhatImeanttofocuson, or say Tazlaughsandtightenshisembrace,whichflattensmybreastsagainsthischest.Iseriouslyneedsomewhereelsetoputmy hands,butI’mnotwrappingthemaroundhisneck.Shoulderswillhavetodo. Hesays,“Mustbedestiny.”
“What?”
“Ournearlynakedbodiestouching Wereyougoingtocall?” Call? Ilaser-beamfocus onthe tiki statue as we turnagain. Right, itwas his phone number Averygotfor me. Anervous laughescapesme “Didyouwantmeto?”
“Idon’tgivemynumberouttoooften.”
Imeethis gaze for the firsttime. Notmybestchoice, buthis deep greeneyes lockme in. “So whygive itto a pregnant waitresswhosaysshe’sgettingitforafriend?”
“Becauseshetoldmewhichfriend.” “Oh.”
Canhefeelmyheartpounding?
“Yoursmileandlaughhadalreadywonmeover.That’swhatIneed…whenI’monleave.”Histoneshiftsafterhispause, like he catches himself Is thathow he delicatelyunderscores thatanythingthatcame fromme callinghimwould have been temporary?
“Don’thogyour sister,”amalevoicecallsoutfromafew feetaway It’smynew stepdad “Letyour brothersgettoknow Cheritoo.”
“We’renotdone,”Tazwhispers. Ialmostcollapseashestepsaway Whethermymotivationsarerightorwrong,Ican’ttellanymore Wehappentobenextto whereStonewallissitting.Iextendahandandwonderifhe’sstillharboringmypanties.“Shallwe?”
Hishandsballintofists “No”
I’mprettysureIvisiblyflinchbutmyembarrassmentisshortlivedasCommandotakesmyhand.He’stallerandthickerthan Taz I’mslightlymorepreparedthistimeandpositionmyhandsonhiswaistasweswaytothemusic Itturnsoutthat’snota greatchoiceeither.He’sthicker,buthe’ssolidmuscle.Noamountofstaringattikistatuescanhelp.Itmightbemakingmatters worseasI’mwonderingifhisbodyisashardasthestatue.Andnotjusthisbody,mymindwanderstoparticularparts. “I didn’t mean anything by not giving you my number when your friend asked” His defensive comment breaks into my thoughts.It’scutethathethoughtaboutthat.
“Youdidn’twantmetohaveyournumber?”Isayplayfully “It’snotlikethat.”
“It’sokay.Youdon’thavetoexplain.”It’sprudenttoleaveoutthathisdismissaldidn’tstopmefromfantasizingabouthim. “It’sjustthatwe’renothomeforlong.”
“Tazmentionedthatyou’reonleave.”
“Yeah,soitdidn’tseemright”
Are the island breeze and reggae music getting to me, or is the whole scenario of having ridiculously hot stepbrothers breakingmybrain?Averysaidtohaveagoodtime Igoforit
Isay,“Soyou’renottheone-night-standtype?”
Hecoughs.“Isthatallyouwant?”
I’mnotsurewhatIwant.BeforeIcansortitout,hecontinues,“I’msorry.You’remystepsister.Weshouldn’t ” “Iwasalsoatotalstrangertoyouupuntilthirtyminutesago.Don’tmakeabigdealofit.I’mtwenty morethanoldenough to ”WhatamIabouttosay?Itempertherestofmystatement “ havefun”
TazissittingnexttoStonewall.“Isourstepsisteralittletease?”
WasIsupposedtohearthat?Excitementbubblesthroughme WhydoIlikebeingcalledatease?Isn’tthatsexist?Iscramble forsanity.“Ifaguysaidhewantedtohavefun,wouldyoucallhimatease?”
Tazsmiles.“Doesheplanonmakinggoodonhisinsinuations?”
“Knockitoff”CommandostillsandglaresatTaz
“Withtherightperson,yes.”AmIhypotheticallyansweringformyself? “Thenbeingateaseisagoodthing”
Whatjusthappened?WhyaremynipplesbeadingsohardIfearImightpokeCommando?Andthetinglesdancingovermy body,they’resettlingbetweenmylegs
Thesongendsandabandmembersaysthey’regoingonbreak.Commandopullsawaybeforetherecordedmusicispiped throughthePAsystem.Thesongisslow.Notagreatdistraction.
Istillcan’tgetareadonStonewall Thatmakesmewanttodancewithhimevenmore Thistime,Idon’tgivehimachoice I takehishugehand,liftit,andwhenIrealizeitwillbeimpossibletomovehim,Igrabhisotherhandandpretendhe’sdancing withme Hedoesn’tstand.Doesn’tpullaway.Doesn’trelax. Hisdarkgreeneyesmeetminebriefly,butlongenoughformetoseeabrokenness Isqueezehishands CommandoandTazlooksurprisedthatStonewall’scooperating.I’mgratefultheydon’tinterrupt.
Eight
Stonewall
Cheri’s tinyhands holdingmine, and her sweet smile, lift myspirits more thananythinghas inyears. She’s a bright rayof sunshineonthisfestivenight.AndhereIam,refusingtostandupanddancewithher.
MyproblemsarebiggerthanIthought.I’drealizedIwashavingahardertimethanmybrothersseparatingmissionsandlife, butIdidn’tknowhowbadithadgottenuntilIwasforcedtoparticipateinwhatshouldhavebeenajoyousoccasion Tazrazzesme.“You’remissingout.”
Watchingthemdancewithher,holdingher bodyclose,Iwantittoo Sowhycan’tItakemyturn?I’mstuckinthis mental hell.IsthismysignthatIhavetogethelp?Shouldn’tIbeabletoenjoyhappymomentswithmyfamily?
Tazgrabsherhandandleadsherawayfromme.Whatthehellishedoing?CommandoandIfollowthemaroundtheendof the building where the wooden walkway gives way to sand The rhythmic sounds of waves are louder than the music Moonlightcreatesanewintimacy.
Tazslowlyletsgoofherhand,andwhatIthoughtwasirritation,suddenlyrevealsitselfasjealousy Ineedtogetahandleon thatshit.Itshouldn’tbothermeiftheydecidetodosomething.ThelookinTaz’seyesmakesitclearwhathewants.
“She’soursister,”Commandosays CheristumblesbackwardashestepsbetweenherandTaz “Step.”Tazdoesn’tbackdown.
Igrabtheirshoulders.“Knockitoff,guys.”
Ithappenssofast,IbarelyhavetimetoregisterthefeelofCheri’shandinmypocketassheextractsherpanties Somuchfor metryingtodefendher.
“Iknewit!”sheproclaims
Weallturntostareatourlittlesisterdanglingherredpantiesintriumph.Themoonlighthitsthemperfectly,ensuringwesee hervictory
“Ididn’tknowyouweremystepsister,”Isayasifstealingastranger’spantiesismoreacceptable. Shelooksdown,thensmileswidely,andwithoutmissingabeat,stuffsthembackinmypocket.“Idon’thaveanywhereto putthem”
I’llneveradmithowmuchitthrillsmethatshe gave meherpantiesthistime.
“I’dbehappytotakeapairfortheteam”Tazreachesformypocket,andIslaphisarmaway Shewavesahandbetweenus.“Sortthatoutlater.Ihaveaproposition.”
“Weshouldgetbacktothereception.”Commandostepsaway.
“Wait!”Cherilunges,grabbinghisarm,andI’mconsciousofeverymicrosecondherhandsstayonhisbody.Heplaceshis otherhandonhers.Moretortureforme.
Cheripullsawayslowlyasshecontinues,“CanIbecompletelyopenwithallofyou?”
Igrumble, tornbetweenthe waymyburdens feel less whenI’maround her and rememberingshe’s now mysister. That’s whatIneedtokeepinmind she’sasillylittlesister,actingherage,whichalladdsuptoherbeingdecidedlyofflimits ButIcanlearnfromher.Icanrememberwhatitwasliketobeyoungandfulloflife.AndIneedtogetthatback.Ican’tbe mybestselfonmissionsifIcan’tbemybestselfotherwise.Whenwegethome,I’llcalladoctor.Iwon’tbringitupwithmy brothers.Idon’tneedtheirgrief,ortheirworry.
“Opennessisgood.”CommandospeaksoverTaz,keepingthecommenthonorable. “IwasgoingtohookupwithacabanaboysoIwouldhaveamemorablefirsttime ”
“Stop”Tazthrustshishandout,hisfingersfindingouthowsoftherlipsare Thisisnotareasontobejealous It’sareason tokickmybrother’sassandremindhimshe’sourmuchyoungerstepsister. Hecontinues,“Youweregoingtoloseyourvirginitywithatotalstranger?”
He seems offended, and worried, but he seems to have forgotten that aside fromthe fact that we’re now related by our parents’marriage,we’reprettymuchstrangersaswell
She grabs his wrist, movinghis fingers fromher lips. Icanbreathe again. I’monthe virtual edge ofmyseatto hear her response.Isthisneedtoprotectherabig-brotherreaction?There’satightnessinmythroatandmypants.Notcool.
“Iwouldn’texactlybe losing anything I’dknowexactlywhere ” “Stop,”Tazsaysagain,butshebatshishandawaybeforehecantouchherlips. Good girl. “Fine,you’renotlosinganything Butwhywouldyouwanttohavesexwithastrangerwhodoesn’tcareaboutyou?” “Iwanttobeabletowalkaway,nostringsattached.”
Myballspumpalittleseedintomyboardshorts Hasmycocknotheardanyofmyrationalizationsaboutherbeingourlittle sister?Thepossessivenessisgettinghardertoholdback.It’snotjustprotectingher;Iwanttoclaimher.Iwanthertobemine, andtobefullofmybaby.AmIlosingallsanity?I’dmakeaterrible,broody-assfather.
Commandoshootsmeaconcernedglance NeitherofuslikesthepathTazisonwithher TheproblemisthatIwanttokick TazoffthefuckingpathsoIcanwalkit.
“I’msurprisedyoudon’thaveaboyfriend” DammitTaz.
“Idon’treallyhavetimewithmyschedule,whichiswhyAverygotyournumberforme.” “SoIcanteachyouhowtohavesex?”
Sheshrugs.“Teach?Whatistheretolearn?”Shemakesacirclewithathumbandforefingerofonehandandpokesherother pointerfingerthroughtheloop “It’sprettyobvious Anyway,Avery’sbeenbeggingmetodate ShethinksIneedtohavesome funinmylife.”
“Andbyfun,youmeansex”
“Isupposeso.Andsinceitwouldbeweirdforustodate,you’retheperfectcandidate.” Taz’smouthdropsopen.He’sactuallyspeechless. ButI’mnot.“Youcan’thavesexwithhim.”
“Whatareyougoingtodo,tellourparents?”Tazchallenges. Our dadwouldbedisgustedthatweevenhadaconversationaboutthis,andIcan’timaginewhather mother wouldthink Yet,theflamesofdesirerefusetobeextinguished.Evenifshe’stooyoung.Evenifshe’soursisternow.Evenif Fuck!IfI stayhereonesecondlonger,I’mgoingtogiveheramemorablefirsttimemyself Tazinterruptsmyinternaldebate.“Feelfreetoleave.” Ido,withCheriovermyshoulder,kickingandscreaming.
Nine Commando
StonewallstormsawaywithCheri.ItwouldhavebeenlessofashockifTazdidit.I’vebeensilentlyremindingmyselfhow youngshelookedatthediner.HowIdon’tdate.Howshe’snotapieceofmeatthrowntothewolves.
Ican’tbelievethatStonewallgotherbeforeTazdid.ShamewashesovermeforwishingI’dbeatbothofthemtoher.
ButStonewall’s reputationre-inserts itselfwhenhe marches straightto the partypalapa, deposits her inthe middle ofthe dancefloor,thengrabsTazandmebythearmsandpullsusaside.
“She’soursister,andshe’s barelyanadult”
“Noonesaysyouhavetobeinvolved,”Tazsays.
“That’stheproblem.”Stonewall’sjawflexes.
“Itisn’t,though Justlookaway,myman Notyourproblem” “Iwanther.”Stonewall’swordsleaveTazandmestunned.
“Sheseemsgame Whatdoyouthink?Wealltakeheratonceorlineup?”Tazraiseshishandforahighfive Neitherofus accepts.
“It’sherfirsttime,”Isay
“Andifwedon’tdoit,acabanaboygetstheparticipationribbon.”Tazscansthedancefloor.Wefollowhisgaze.
She’sattheedgeofit,notinthecenterwhereStonelefther.Wasshegoingtofollowus?Herhandsareinfrontofherchest whileshebouncestothebeat,smilingattheguylessthanafootinfrontofhermovinginsyncwithher Thelookonhisface saystoomuch.
HewantstoinchthosescrapsoffabricoffofhertitsasmuchasIdo
Aserverwalkspastthemwithatrayoftreats.TheymustbethecakepopsourdadsaidCheriwasmaking.Shelooksthrilled andgrabsastick,turningtheroundtreatupward,andtakingthewholebigballinhermouth Ichoke onmysaliva. The guydancingwithher does too. He stops dancing, takes her hand, and guides her offthe dance floor.
“AmIgoingtoshootthatmotherfuckerdownonmyown,orareweinforCheriasateam?”Tazsays “I’min,”StoneandIsaysimultaneouslyaswestride,sidebysidetowardthepoor teenageboywhowon’thaveanyidea whatawrongmovehemade
Itakeonelast,extra-largestep,thrustanarmout,andshovehimawayfromoursister.Hecatcheshisbalanceandopenshis mouthtosaysomethingbutpromptlyclampshislipsshut.
TazripsthestickofthecakepopoutofCheri’smouthandsheslapsahandoverherlips,coughingthroughthefood.Wegive herasecondtoswallow,andshesays,“Ialmostchoked.”
“Youwanttochokeonballs,justletusknow”
Igroan.Tazneedstolearntodialitback.
Cherilightsup,lookingathimexpectantly “So,you’regoingtodoit?” Onsecondthought,Tazmightbeontosomething.
He raises a handandmotions towardStone andme.“We are.The three ofus.It’s all or none.” He grabs anentire trayof drinksfromoneoftherovingwaiters.He’sgoingforit.
Cheritakesoneoftheglassesandsmiles.
I’mnotsure ifit’s a drinkor a fruitbasketina cup.Alemonwedge,cherries,leaves,andice cubes leave little roomfor liquid,butIcansmellthebourbon “Howoldareyou?”
AlaughburstsoutofCheri.“Oldenoughformynew brotherstoofferanall-or-noneproposition.”Shehurriestheglassto herlips,slurps,andcatchesacherrybetweenherteeth Anintactstemleavesasecondcherrydanglingfromherlipswhenshe pullsthecupaway.
I wrap my fingers around hers, intent on sliding the beverage fromher hand but a shockwave passes through me at our contact.Stonewallclearshisthroat.Shakingofftheimpactofmyfingersonhers,Ireturnthecuptothetray.Therearesomany thingswrongwiththissituation.
Thesexualtensionbetweenusispalpable
TazhandsthetrayofdrinkstoStonewall,leansforward,andbitesthedanglingcherry.Addthattothelistof‘wrong’,and whileIhadplannedonushavingabiggerconversationbeforedoinganything,Ican’tfigureoutifIwanthimtomoveinforthe kissormakeroomforme.Hepullsback,thestemremaininginhisteeth.
Shesuckshercherryintohermouthanddartshertongueouttocatchthedriponherlips Iwrestlewithmythoughts Anger ravagesmethatwe’retoooldforher.Weneedtocomposeourselvesandrespectourstepsister.
Andyetshe’shandingusafantasyonacherry-linedplatter.Ican’tlookaway.Ican’twalkaway.DoIneedtospeakupand protecther?Ordowegothroughwiththisandprotectherfromguyswhoare actual scumbags? Cheriplucksthestemfromhislipsandsays,“Youstolemycherry.”Thenshepopsthesteminintohermouth.
She’s quiet We’restaring Moonlightstreaks betweenTazandmyselfas thethreeofus havepracticallybackedher tothe wall.
“Weshouldn’tbedoingthis.”Stonewallspeaksup.Iunderstandwherehe’scomingfrombutIlikewhereTazandCheriare takingthis.TazhasalwaysbeenabletocutlooseinawayStoneandIcouldn’t.He’snoworseforhisdecisions.
Hasmyinabilitytocompartmentalizeheldmebackfromjoy?ShouldIacceptthepermissionCheriisgranting?Mymorality andmymostbasichumaninstinctsareatwarwitheachother Mymoralitytriestopointouteverythingthat’swrong,likewantingtorideherbare.
I’msobusysortingshitinmyheadthatI’msurprisedwhensheopenshermouth,reachesinwithherfingertips,andpullsout aknottedcherrystem.
I’mruined.Allthreeofuscoughandsputter.Stonewallbobblesthetray,thensetsitonanearbytable,helpinghimselftotwo drinksinrapidsuccession.
Withferalintensity,Tazbringshishandsup,ballshisfists,thenpressesthemintothewalloneithersideofher.Thecorded musclesinhisneckflex Shegaspsandbumpsbackwardintothewoodenwallofthebuilding
Taz’svoicegoesseveraloctaveslowerashegrowlsout,“IfItouchyou,Iownyou.Doyouunderstand,Cheri?” Cheri’slookofsurprisemorphsintoasmile Holyshit
Ishiftmyattentionto checkinwithStonewall. He’s rubbingthe backofhis neck, stretchinghis head side to side. She’s affectingallofus.Butjustbecausethere’ssafetyinnumbers,doesn’tmeanweshouldalljumpoffthecliff.
Taz’sfaceisshadowedashecagesmewithhisarmsandbody.Ican’tmakeouthisexpression,buthiswordsareclear.
AmIactuallyfeelingsexualattractionradiatingfromhisbody?Maybeit’sjustme.I’msofuckingturnedonrightnow. Heslowlyinchescloserbutleavesahintofspacebetweenus.Witheachinhale,Ithinkmychestisgoingtotouchhis,butI swearhe’smakingsureitdoesn’t NotuntilIagree Consentisgood
Buttheteaseisdrivingmecrazy.Iwantthismomenttogoonforever.There’ssomuchanticipation.There’salsotoomuch dampnessbetweenmylegs Iwanttoteasehimback
Itakeanexaggerated,out-of-syncbreath,thrustingmychestathim.Mypebblednipplesandbarelycoveredbreastsflatten againsthishardbody.
He huffs, suppressing a laugh, and pushes away Dammit, I wanted to break him I wanted himto be so overcome with passionthathewouldravishmewiththewildabandonportrayedonhistoricalromancenovelcovers.
And as much as all of my pink parts tingle at the thought of being owned, isn’t that a step backward in women’s empowerment?Great,nowI’mthinkingtoomuch,officiallykillingthemood.Whymakethiscomplicated?AllIhavetodois givein
Helowershislipsandwhispersinmyear.“Evennaughtygirlshavetoanswer.Doyouunderstand?”
HiswordsspeaktoasideofmeI’mnotfamiliarwith.Anaughtygirl?Whydoesthatexciteme?Yes,Iwanttothrowcaution tothewind Gocrazyontheisland Iwantaglimpseoflettinggo Thoughtsofmymomagreeingtomarryaguyafterknowing himasingledaytauntme,butIcan’thaveMominmyheadrightnow,nomatterhowboldhermovewas.
Iask,“Doyoulikenaughtygirls?”
“Ilikespankingtheirnaughtylittleasses.Ilikewatchingtheirbrightredlipsdragbackandfortharoundmycock.AndIlike fuckingnaughtylittlecherrypussiesmostofall”
Didmystepdadtalktomymomlikethis?No.No.No.Badthoughts.
I can’t believe what Taz is saying in front of our brothers. Have they shared a girl before, or watched each other? I’m determinedtogetoutofmyheadandchanneltheexperienceAverywantsmetohave,althoughI’mnotsureI’llbecomfortable divulgingmanydetails.It’sallsosurreal.
Iwantto be naughty Ididn’timagine myfirsttime involvinganaudience, or beingoutside where we could be caught, or withmystepbrothers.Thatcombinationcertainlyfitsthenaughtybill.
“Doesthatscareyou?Do I scareyou?”Tazasks.
Hedoes.Likewalkingonhotcoalswhileknife-swallowingforthefirsttime.ButIonlyhaveafewdaysbeforeit’sbackto thegrind.Ihaveafeelingthisexperiencewillbewortheverybitofterrorracingthroughmyveins.
“Touchme”Imanagetogetthewordsoutasplitsecondbeforemyvocalcordsfreezeup Hisexhalewarmsthesideofmycheek.“Areyousure?”
Ican’tspeakanymore Ineedhimtotakeover Itryanotherapproachandmovemyhandforward,draggingmyfingersacross histhigh,andthencupmypalmoverthecrotchofhisswimmingtrunks.
Cherry-flavoreddessertsaremyexpertise,notmanhood,butitdoesn’ttakelongtofigureoutthathiscockisrock-hard,and thatIamthecause.Happytinglesexplodeinsideme.It’saheadyfeeling.Irotatemyhand,thenrubupanddown.
Hegrabsmywristandpressesmyhandintohisbody.“Stop.”
Fearracesthroughme.“AmIdoingitwrong?”
Hisgriparoundmyhandtightens “You’redoingeverythingright”
“Thenwhydoyouwantmetostop?”
“There’snowayI’mgoingtoletyougetmeofffirst”
“Doesitmatter?”Iask.Ireallydon’tknow,butitseemslikeitshouldn’t.
“Itdoestome”Hemovesmyhandtohischest
Didhemeantoputitonhisheart?AmImakingsomethingoutofnothing?Goodlord,amIswooning?
IhavetogetontopofthisbeforeIscarethemoff.Itrytopullmyhandaway,buthetrapsmypalmonthecontourofhispec. Ioptforwordsinstead “Let’snotgetcarriedawaywiththisislandfling You’rejustmakingsureIhaveagoodfirsttime or three.Noneedtogetallrighteousaboutthisominousthingcalledsexthateverybodythinksissomesignofimportance.Weall getourhappyendingsandgoourseparateways”
Commandocuts me off.“We’re justprotectingour little sister.Butyou’re right.Itneeds tobe a one-off,anislandfling,a goodtimetobehadbyall Then,we’llneverspeakofthisagain”
Icouldkisshimforstoppingmyverbaldiarrhea.Butkissing…thatwouldfeeltoointimate…rightupinhisface.No.Save thatforkissingthebrideand Shit!I’mdoingitagain makingthisintosomething.HowcanIbeanaughtygirlanddialthis backatthesametime?
“Right,let’sfuckandflee.”Notamazing,butitsatisfiesthenon-committalcheckbox. Stonewallshiftsuncomfortably Tazangleshishead “Areyouinorout,man?”
Stonewallrubsahandoverhisface,pacesawayafewsteps,thenreturns.“You’retwenty,right?” “Yes.”
“We’remorethantenyearsolderthanher,”hegrumbles. Asifthatmatters.
“Andyouhaveexperience,”Iargue,“whichisexactlywhatIwant” Tazshifts alegbetweenmineandpresses upward.Mybreathhitches as hegrinds intomysex.Addressinghis brother,he continues,“I’mabouttopopthisnaughtytease’scherry,soifyoudon’twanttobeguiltybyassociation,getthefuckout” Stonewall’sheadfallsbackwardforasecondbeforehesays,“Ican’ttouchher,butIcan’tleaveeither.”
Tryingtodraw himin becauseforsomereasonIwantall threeofthem Iattempttolightenthemood.“Don’tbesucha grump.Ifyou’re goingtowatch,what’s a little touch?” Ireachover andbrushmyfingers over his rock-hardabs.Ilove my bold,naughtypersona.
Heflinchesandstepsback “There’sahugedifference” Ifailtoseethedistinction,butitseemstomattertohim,soIshrugandoffer,“Youcanalwayschangeyourmind.” “Sowe’reallinonthis?”Tazasks He’sanxioustogetstarted,theonlyonewhohasbeenall-infromtheget-go “Wegothroughwiththis,thenneverspeakofitagain.”Commando’scaughtuponitbeingasecret.
Sincehe’sreiteratinghismainpoint,Irepeatmynewfavoritesaying.“Whathappensontheisland,staysontheisland.”
Tazlaughs,buttheothertwodon’t Commandosays,“Nostringsattached We’reprotectingyoufromabadfirstexperience Makingsureyouunderstandsexshouldbeagoodthing.Yourhappinessshouldalwayscomefirst.”
There’s somethingaboutthe wayhe says itthatmakes me all warmand fuzzyinside Combined withmysexgrindingon Taz’sleg,theorgasmthat’sbuildingrisestodangerousheights.IreachouttoCommando,grabhisarm,andpullhimcloser.He readsmycue,leansin,andkissesmewhileTaz’shandsseemtocovereverypartofmybikini-cladbody Heyanksthelittle trianglesoffabrictothesideandmassagesmybreast.
Butthekissisundoingme.Commando’slipsandtonguemeshwithmine.Soperfect.Sohungry.Sointimate.Iwasn’tgoing tokissthem NowIdon’twanttostop
Taz firmly presses me into the wall. Both men are distinctly taller than me. Every move of Taz’s leg, every one of his touches, and Commando’s kiss leaves me helpless The onlyquestioninmymind is how Stonewall canstand there and just watch.
Thesoundsofmycriesexaggeratethemoment,throwingmeovertheedgeofsurrenderasIgiveintoeverythingthemenare offering.Mybodywrithesagainstthetwoofthem.I’mnolongerabletoholdakissoranycoherencyasIfallapart.
EverytimeIthinkIcancatchmybreath,theorgasmdigsdeeper.It’sstrongerthanI’veevergivenmyself,andatsomepoint, morphsintobliss,whereIexistinperfection
I’velosttrackoftimeandspacewhenasinglethoughtmakesitswayintomybrain.Sexisallit’scrackeduptobe.AtleastI thinkitwillbe Ihaven’tevenhadsexyet
Commandohasleanedaway.He’sbrushingmycheekwithhisfinger.Tazhasgivenmeroomtobreathe.Idipmyfingersinto thesidesofmybikinibottomandpushitdown.
“Iwasgoingtotakeyoubacktomyroom,”Tazgrunts.
“This naughtylittle slutcan’twait.” Crap. Isaid thatoutloud. Icalled myselfa slut. Well, Iamatmymother’s wedding
