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FINDINGMARCH THEPRESIDENT’SDAUGHTERS CHASHIREE M. M.K.MOORE Copyright©2024byChaShireeM
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CONTENTS Blurb
Prologue
Prologue
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Epilogue
Epilogue
AbouttheAuthors
BLURB March Mylifehasbeenonebigquestion Onehugemerry-go-roundofwhy’sandquestions Doesmymomloveme?Whydoesshe hateme?Whydoesn’tshewantmetobehappy?WhoamI?
TheonlytimeIeverknewtheanswertoanything,itwaswhenImettheloveofmylifeinhighschool.Yeah,thatiswhen everythingbecameclear Iamgoingtofinishschool,marryhimandbehappy Soundssimpleright?Especiallybecausehefelt thesame.Then,everythingchanged,myworldwasturnedupsidedownandthequestionscameback. NowhereIam,fiveyearslater,livinginadifferentstate,takingcareoftheonlycertainthinginmylife Iamabouttoembark onthebiggestadventureofmylife,thusfar.JustwhenIthinkIamreadyandhaveeverythingundercontrol,myworldisturned upsidedownonceagain,butthedifferenceisnow,hehasquestions Ijustdon’tknowifIwilleverbereadytoanswerthem Butreadyornot,heisnotgoingawayandeverythingiscomingfullcircle.Ijusthopewhenitisallover,somethingsremain thesame.
Joshua Imetmyloveinhighschool.Shewaseverythingtome.ShewasthelightshowingmeeverythingIthoughtIknew andthatwas justthebeginning FromthemomentImethereverydecisionImadeafterwaswithherandourfutureinmind Whenilefttogo tocollege,ithoughtileftherwithenoughreassurancestoknow,sheisitformeandIwillbeback. Icamebackandshewasgone VanishedlikeIhadconjuredherfromthemostwonderfuldream Butshewasrealandshewas mine.Myfuture.NomatterwhatIdid,whoIaskedandhowmuchIsearched,Icouldn’tfindher. Iwaslost Unsure Askingmyselfthefundamentalquestions Then,thelightcamebackandshewasfound Iwastednotimein trackingherdown,myheartsoaring,myheadangry.Only,whatIfindisnotmybeautifulgirl,butagorgeouswomanwho wantsnothingtodowithme.Orsoshesays.
IaskhereverythingIhavebeendyingtoknow,includingthebiggestone,slatedtochangemylife,butshethwartsmeand stalls.Shethinksshecanignoreme,ignorethislovebetweenusthatdistancecouldnotchange.Butshecan’t.First,shehasto talktome,tellmethetruth,andthen,bothofuswillgetwhatwearesearchingfor
Forever NowthatIhavefoundMarch,Iam neverlettinghergo.
ONE MONTH AGO “Mommy, look what Auntie January and Auntie February got me” Excitedly, Juniper holds up three Barbie’s, and I see a Barbiehousetothesideofthecouch.Rollingmyeyessomydaughtercan’tsee,Igivemysisterthedeathstarebeforesmiling atmysweetgirl
“Ohmygosh.Thatisawesome.IhadBarbie’s,too,whenIwasyourage.Ilovedthem.Whatdoyousaytoyourauntie’s?” She runs to each of themand gives themhugs before running off to play, giving us time to talk “You two are too much Seriously,howamIsupposedtogetthisbehemothhome?”Definitelynotbymail.
“OhIthoughtofthat. Oliver has a reunionwithsome service buddies inArizona ina monthand a halfwhichis perfect becauseyoushouldbebackbythen”
“Ah. Well, tell himthankyoufor me. So, how is the pregnancy?” Januaryis now two months pregnant, and Feb is four weeks”
“So far no nausea. Maybe I will be lucky.” Jansays. “Did youhave morningsickness?” Ugh. I hate thinkingabout my pregnancy Itwasdefinitelynotthebesttimeofmylife Itwouldhavebeenworseifitweren’tformygrandpa “Ididinmythirdmonth.ButseeingashowIwasinhighschool;Iwasunderalotofstressaswell.”Iwasalone,soIwas underalotofstress.
“Yeah,Iwantedtoaskyouaboutthat Youalways allude toitbutnever talkaboutit Whathappened?” Damnit Idon’t wanttotalkaboutthis,buttheyaremysisters,andIknowtheywon’tjudge.
“Okay,Iwillgiveyoutheshortversion Iwasinhighschoolandsowashe ThesummerIgotpregnantwasthebesttime ofmylife.Ihadstarsinmyeyes.All Icouldthinkaboutwashow weweregoingtobemarriedaftergraduationandhavea familyofourown.Hisfamilywasrich,andheneverintroducedme,mostlyatmyownrequestwhichInowknowwasbecause ofthebrainwashingmymomdid,buttheyknewaboutus.BeforeIcouldeventellhimIwaspregnanthehadleftforcollege.I managedtohideitfrommymomforquitesometimewithbaggyclothesandsuchbutonedayshecameintomyroomwhileI was showering,andsherealized BeforeIknew itshewas tellingmehis familywouldeither trytotakemybabyor spread rumorsaboutmethatmakemethetownpariah.So,sheshippedmeofftomygrandpainArizonaandthatwasthat.”Theyboth lookappalledforasecondbeforerecovering
“Whatabitch,”Febsays,turninguphernose.
“Mythoughtsexactly.”Jansays.“ButtheonethingIdon’tgetiswhyyoudidn’tgolookfor him?”Ichuckleandturnmy headbeforeansweringthat.
“Idon’tneedtolookforhim.Ihavealwaysknownwherehewouldbe,”Isayinmysnarkiesttone.“Heisprobablyliving hismostwealthylifewithbimbosandsuch No,mydaughterisbetteroffnotknowing Plus,shedoesn’tneedtoknowafamily thatdoesn’twanther.Atleastuntilsheisabitolder.Besides,sheneverasksabouthim.Somaybewhenshestartstoo,Iwill tellhersomethingsandnottheothers”
“Thatmakessense,”Jansays.Yeah,Ithoughtso,too.Sowhydoesitstillhurt?
PRESENT DAY WhenIwasseventeenyearsoldandjuststartingmysenioryearofhighschoolatNixonHighinSeattle,Washington,Imetthe love of mylife. She was sixteenand startingtenthgrade. Her locker was right next to mine. Ondayone, I knew she was somethingspecial Sheranuptoherlocker,andthescentofhersignatureperfumesurroundedme I’llneverforgetthatscent MissDior.It’sbeenoverfiveyears,buteventothisday,whenIsmellitonanotherwoman,Igetsicktomystomach.Itdoesn’t belongonanyonebuther IaskedhertotheTwistyFreezeafterschoolandshesaidyes Therestwashistory
Weweretogethereverywakingmomentfortheentireyear,throughthesummer.Iwentontocollegewiththeexpectation thatwe’ddothelong-distancethinguntilshecouldjoinme.Wehadtherestofourlivesplannedout.Everythingchangedwhen IcamehomeforChristmas,andshehaddisappeared Ibeggedhermothertotellmewhereshewas,butshewouldn’ttellmea damnthing.Sherefusedtomeetmyparents,soIcouldn’tevenhavemyparentskeepaneyeonherwhileIwasgone.ThedayI leftforGeorgia;IknewIshouldhavedeferredcollegeuntilshecouldjoinme Somethingfeltoff,butshetoldmetogo Ihada footballscholarship,butIalsohadatrustfund.Icouldhavewaited.Ishouldhavewaited.WhatwastwoyearswhenIdidn’t haveher?
Mylife endedthe dayIfoundoutshe leftme,butIcouldn’tmove on.How doyoumove onfromthe womanwhoowns yourheart?Yoursoul?Youreveryfuckingbreath?Youdon’t.Ifinishedcollege,butInevereverforgotabouther.Inmymind, she’sstillmygirl Wedidn’tofficiallyendadamnthing She’stheonlywomanI’veeverbeenwithoreverwillbewith Why messwithperfection?
IfonlyIcouldfuckingfindher Allthroughcollege,IsearchedforherasbestIcould,Socialmedia,herbitchymother,butI knewIneededhelp.
IgraduatedfromcollegelastyearandstartedworkinginmypreferredfieldofIT.Iworkforavirtualcompanydoingwhat Ilove.Isetmyownhoursandmakedecentmoney,butIdefinitelydon’tneedit.I’vegrownmytrustfundovertheyearsandam sittingpretty.Forthelastyear,I’vebeenlookingformygirl.IhiredJack,nolastname.Despitehislackofname,he’sahighly recommendedprivateinvestigator
I’mfinishingup anIT emergencywhenmycell rings. The caller ID says unknown, butthathappens a lotinmyline of work
“JoshKingsley,”Isayasawayofgreeting.
“Josh,it’sJack.”
“Hey,Jack.Iwasn’texpectingyourweeklyupdateuntilMonday.”
“I’ve found her.” Idrop the peninmyhand and freeze. Silence. Absolute silence. Ican’tsaya fuckingthing. The three wordsthatI’velongedtohearforyears,andIcan’tsayadamnthing “Josh?”
“I’mhere,”Isayafterswallowingthickly.“Whereisshe?”
“IfoundherinPhoenix,Arizona,goingbythenameMarchJohnston Wouldyouliketoknowabouthersociallife?” “No.Givemetheaddress,”Isay,readytoflythererightnow.
“I’vealreadyemailedittoyou.
LookslikeI’mgoingtoPhoenix
CHAPTER ONE “Comeon,Mom.I’mreadytogo!”Juniperyellsforthefifthtimefromherroom.Rightnow,Iamtryingtopacktogotomy grandpa'sranchinWyoming,whereheretiredtothreeyearsago Shehasbeengoingtheresinceshewasthreeyearsold He adoresthisgirl.WhenIgavebirthtoher,shewashiseverything,likeIwaswhenIwaslittle.
Ontopofthat,IamalsopackingformytriparoundtheU.S.tosearchforDonor#
Pl18956 Itsoundssostrangetosay.I have always knownmymomwent this route She was diagnosed withendometriosis at the age of sixteen, and her doctors weren’tsureshewouldbeabletohaveababyaftertheageoftwenty-five.So,shetoldherselfifshehadn’tfoundherhusband bytwenty-three,shewouldgotoaspermbank Shortlyaftershehadme,shehadtohaveahysterectomy
“Mommy!”sheyellsonceagain.Thatgirlisgoingcrazy,asshehasbeensinceshefoundoutshewasgoingtoWyoming. Shelovesitthere Sheonceaskedmeifwecouldmovethere ShecriedforfivedayswhenItoldherno Itbrokemyheart My grandfatherleftmehishousewhenheretired.Hetransferreditintomynameandeverything,andifwemoved,wewouldhave tosell,andIcannotbringmyselftodoit.
Myphonerings,lettingmeknowIhaveanincomingvideochat IsmilebecauseIknowitismysister's “Heyguys,”Itell them,holdingitundermychinwhileIputthelastfewthingsinthesuitcase.
“Hey Areyoupacked?”Janasks,chompingonpicklesandvinegar God,doIremembermypregnancycravings? “Yep.Justputtingthelastfewthingsintheluggage.”
“Ireallywishyouhadsomeonetotakewithyou,”Febsays,frowning.
“Wellyoutwofellinlovewithyourpartnersandweknowthatisnotgoingtohappenso..”
“Howwouldyouknow?Maybeifyougaveitashot.Imean,who,Todd?”Ofcourse,shewouldbringupJuniper'sKarate teacher Hehasbeenaskingmeoutsinceshestartedthatclass Iamnotsayingheisnotnice-lookingbecauseheis And,of course, Ihave thoughtaboutsayingyes;Imean, who wouldn’t? He is builtlike PatrickSwayze, butIdon’twantto confuse Junieandwouldhateforhertogetusedtosomeoneandthenhaveherheartbroken Ishakemyheadatthesetwo
“YouknowIcan’t.ItisnotgoodforJunie.Besides,hehasclassestoteach.Hecan’tcancelthemfortheentiremonthanda half.”Soundslikeareasonablereasontome.Theybothgivemereprimandinglooks,whichmakemeputmyheaddown.
“Youshouldhaveatleastaskedhim,March.Hehasanassistantwhocouldhaveledhisclasswhilehewasgone.”Shoot.I hateitwhentheyareright.Ineverthoughtofthat.
Justthen,Connallwalksuptoherandsayshellotousinthevideo “Hi,ladies” “Hi,Connall!”JanandIanswer.
“ItistimeformywifeandItogoandgetoutofthehouse”Shefrownslikeshealwaysdoeswhenhegetsbossy Whenhe walksaway,shesmiles.Iamsometimesenviousoftheirmarriages,butthenIrememberIhaveJuniper,andeverythingseems likeithappenedforareason.Speakingofthewildone.
“Hi,AuntieJanuary HiAuntieFebruary”
“I,sweetie.Areyouexcitedtogotoyourgreat-grandpa'shouse?”
“Yes Youhavenoidea Butmomistakingforever,”shesays,beingverydramatic Thethreeofusgiggle “Well, thatis notokay,” Jansays, feedinginto her hysteria. Rollingmyeyes ather, IaskJuniper ifshe has, Floppyand Floopy, her favorite stuffed animals, and whenshe gasps, Iassume thatmeans she forgot She runs outofthe roomlike her pantsareonfire.
“Asyoucanseethatgirlisgoingcrazy.”Theybothgiggleandnodtheirheads.
“Wellobviouslyyouneedtofinishsoyougetoutoftherebeforeherheadstartsspinningaround Socallusaftereverystop andupdateus.Wearegoingtobeworriedaboutyoubeingalone.”Smiling,InodmyheadandpromiseIwill.
Pullingupthehandofmysuitcase,Ibeginrollingittothefrontdoor “Junie,Iamready” Sheliterallyzoomsintotheroom,holdinghertinybag.Shedoesn’tneedasuitcasebecausemygrandfatheralwaystakes her clothes shoppingwhenshe gets there Notto mentionshoppingfor anythingelse she needs Did Imentionhe spoils her rotten?
MakingsureIhavemykeysandwallet;Iopenthefrontdoortoamanabouttoknockonit.IopenmymouthtoaskhimifI
canhelphimbecausesurelythissexyGodhasthewronghouse.Butthenhelooksrightatme;thereisnomistakingthoseeyes. Ilookintothemeverysingleday.“Joshua.” HolyShit!
CHAPTER TWO “Hey,Peaches,”Isay,callingherthenicknameIalwayscalledher.ThenameI’vecalledher,eveninmydreams.Igiveanair ofnonchalance,butallIwanttodoispullherintomyarmsandkisstheever-lovingshitoutofher
“Don’tcall methat,Joshua.”Shelooksevenmorebeautiful whenshe’sangry.Iwanttoputher over mydamnknee.She hasnofuckingrighttobeangry.
“That’s prettyformal,”Isay,feelinglikeIamfinallyabletobreatheafter solongwithoutseeingher Aweighthas been liftedoffofmychest,butatthesametime,anotheronedropsonme.Whydidshedoit?Whydidshedestroyus?
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“WhathappenedtoJoshie?”ShealwayscalledmeJoshie,neverJoshua.Itwasusagainsttheworlduntilitwasn’t. “Hegrewup”
“Aww, Peaches, yougrew up real good too.” She’s evenmore beautiful thanshe was inhighschool. She’s thicker, her boobsarebigger.Theweightlooksgoodonher.
“Youhavenorighttocallmethatanymore”
“Ihaveeveryfuckingrighttocallyouthat,March.You’retheonewholeftme.” “Mommy!I’mreadytogo!”
IlookdownandseeanadorablelittlegirlclingingtoMarch’sshirt.
“Mommy?”Iquestion.
“Yes.Mommy.Gomakesureyouhaveeverything,baby.Wearen’tcomingbackifyouforgetsomething.”
“Okay, Mommy.” The little girl flits off, leavingMarchstandinginthe doorwayand me onthe porch, mystupid fucking heartbroken Withoutthinking,Itakeasteptowardher
“Youfuckedanotherman?”Iask,harsherthanIintendto.Iseered.Mybloodboils,andIcan’tbelieveit.Whenwewere together, we made promises I guess those were promises only I intended to keep My mind reels as I picture her under someoneelse,moaningsoprettilyforhim,givinghimwhatwassupposedtobeonlymine.Myfistclenchesinvoluntarilyatmy side.Iwanttopunchsomething.Thewallorsomethinginanimate.Nother;Icouldneverhurther.
“What?”SheseemsappalledthatI’devenaskthatquestion,butI’mthewrongedpartyhere.
“Ican’tfuckingbelievethatyoufuckedsomeoneelse,”Isay,myvoicedeathlyquiet,butIdon’tstopthere.Ican’t.“Jesus, March,Ithoughtyouwerefuckingdead Youdisappearedwithoutatrace Igrievedthelossofyouinmylife Youweremy whole life,andthenyouwere gone.Doyouhave anyidea whatthatwas like for me? Inever gotover you;Inever stopped loving you but not you You ” I can’t even finish the sentence It doesn’t matter what she thinks she’s got going on here Despitethissoul-crushingrevelation,she’sstillmine.I’ddieforher.Wecangetpastthis;Iknowwecan.
Westareateachother.ThisisonestaringcontestIwon’tlose.
FightingforusistheonlythingIcando
CHAPTER THREE Is thatwhathe thinks? Imeanitis obvious she is aboutthe age where she wouldhave beenconceivedinhighschool.Is he sayinghethinksIwascheatingonhim?Nottomention,shelooksjustlikehismom Iimagine,though,thatitmustbesoeasy forhimtothinkthatofmewhenhehasbeendoingitsincecollege.“Look,wehavenothingtotalkabout,andmydaughterandI aregoingoutoftown.So,ifyouwouldkindlyleave,Iwouldappreciateit.”
“Well Ijustfound youafter years oflookingfor you, so there is no wayIamlettingyououtofmysight” Iknow Iam lookingathimlikeheiscrazybecauseheis.
“Whatisthatsupposedtomean?”
“IsupposeitmeansIamcomingwithyou.”Alright,yeah,itisofficial:hehasgonecrazysinceIsawhimlast.
“Thatwill absolutelynotbehappening Iamnotlettingyoucomeanywherewithmeandmydaughter Idon’tknow who youthinkyouare,butouthereinArizona,yourfamilynamemeansnothing.Sowhydon’tgetbackinthatfancycarandgothe wayyoucame.”IcannotbelieveIsaidallofthat.
“It’s cute that you think I amgoing anywhere without you” Then, my phone rings I don’t look and see who is before answering.
“Hello”
“Hi,March.”Ohcrap,it’sTodd.
“Hi,Todd,what'sup?”Joshua’sfaceturnsdarkatthementionofanotherman’sname.HisfistsbegintoballupandIcan seehimgettingthatpossessivelookinhiseye,likeheusedtowhenwewereinschool.Itshouldn’tmakemeacheforhim,but itdoes.Hell,Ishouldbeimmunetohimbynow.
“Juniperisnotinclass,andIwasworried Iseverythingalrightorareyourunninglate?”IturnmybacktoJosh Mylifeis noneofhisbusiness.
“No Iforgotwearegoingoutoftown I’msorry”
“Oh.Howlongareyougoingtobegone?”Icanhearthedisappointmentinhisvoice,andItellmyselfassoonaswecome home,Iamgoingtofinallysayyestohisdate.
“Aboutsixweeks.”
“Wow.Thatisalongtime.”
“Yeah Tellmeaboutit”
“Wellwearecertainlygoingtomissbothofyouaroundhere.”
“Junieisgoingtomissyoutoo”Shelovesthatclass,andToddisherfavorite “Alright,well,callmeifyouneedanything.”Suddenly,Iheargrowlingbehindme.BeforeIcanturnaroundIhearJoshua. “Sheisnotgoingtoneedanythingfromyou.”Holyshit,thatwashot.Mypantiesareliterallyonfirerightnow,butIam alsopissedhewaslisteningtomyconversation
“Whowasthat?”
“No one Listen, we have to go Talkto youlater” I hangup fast and spinaround withmyhand onmyhip “Are you serious?Whatwereyoudoinglisteningtomyphonecall?Thathadnothingtodowithyou.”Hegetsrightinmyface,socloseI couldpuckermylipsandkisshim
“Everythingaboutyouismybusiness.Now,ifwearegoingtogetgoing,weshouldputeverythinginyourtruck.”Justthen, Juniechoosestocomebackoutsiderightnow.Couldthisgetanyworse?
CHAPTER FOUR “I have everything, Mommy,” the little girl says, causing March to turn away first and me to smirk. I never lose a staring contest
“Runonouttotheandbuckleyourselfintoyourboosterseat.I’llberightthere.”
Istepoutoftheway,butnotentirelyoffoftheporch.Ijustfoundher;there’snowayinhellI’mgoingtoletheroutofmy sighteveragain
Igrabmysingularbagfrommyrentalcarandputitinthetruckalongwithherthings.Ididn’tplanonbeinggonelong,but planschange Iopenthedriver-sidedoorforher,andiflookscouldkill,I’dbedead WhatthehelldidIdo?
“No,really.Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Marchasksme.
“Oooh,yousaida cuss word,Mommy” Silence fills the air for longminutes Thenlaughter BothMarchandIburstout laughing.Damn,thiskidishilarious.Herdeliverywasamazing.
“Idid,baby.I’msorry.Whenwegethome,I’llputadollarintheswearjar.Seatbelt,now.”Sheclosesthebackseatdoor, leavingusoutsidethecar “Now,asforyou,whatareyoudoing?”sheasks,crossingherarmsoverheramplechest
“IsaidIwascomingwithyou,andyou,ofallpeople,knowthatIdoexactlywhatIsaythatI’mgoingtodo.I’mnotleaving untilIgetsomeanswers Youowemeanexplanation”
“Ireallydon’toweyouanything.”
“Youreallydo.Getinthetruck,March.”Shelooksatmeandthenintothebackwindowatherdaughter.
“Fine.Whatever.”Sherollshereyesandgetsinthetruck.Imovearoundthehoodandgetintothepassengerseat.Ibuckle myseatbelt.
Wepulloutontothestreetandontheinterstate Ilookbackatthelittlegirl,whosmilesandwavesatme
“Mommy?Whoisthis?”sheasks.Marchdoesn’tsayanythingatall.Ishakemyhead.She’snotgoingtoanswerher,soI do
“I’mJosh.What’syourname?”
“I’mnotreallysupposedtotalktostrangers,butsinceMommyletyouinthecar,Iguessit’sokay.I’mJuniperKingsleigh Graham,buteverybodycallsmeJunie.”
“It’snicetomeetyou,Junie.”Ireachintothebackseatandshakeherlittleoutstretchedhand.ThenIlookatherlittleface. Reallylookatit Hervividblueeyeslookfamiliar Veryfuckingfamiliar “Howoldareyou?”
“I’mfiveyearsold.Mybirthdaywasjustlastweek.”
“Well, happybirthday, Miss Junie,” Isay, turningaround to face the road again Thenitdawns onme This is mychild Junieismychild.Marchhadmyfuckingbabyandhiditfromme.Wetalkedaboutthis.Weknewitcouldhappen.Hell,Inever onceusedacondomwithher.Ithoughtwewantedthis.Ithoughtwewantedafuturetogether.Whythefuckdidshekeepthis huge,life-alteringthingfromme?Ineedanswersfromher,andIneedthemnow
ButIknowthatI’mnotgoingtogetanywhereatthemoment.Ihavetobidemytime.Idon’tthinkI’veeverbeenthisupset orhurtinmylife Onlyshehastheabilitytodothistome Nooneelsematterstomelikeshedoes “Wherearewegoing?”IaskinsteadofwhatIreallywanttoask. MarchsighsloudlyandIknowthistripisgoingtobelongashell
CHAPTER FIVE Nowhewantstoknowwherewearegoing?Typicalman.Jumpinginheadfirstbeforeknowingallthefacts.“Wearegoingto Wyoming,todropJuniperofffirst”
“Withwhom?”heasks,hisvoicesuddenlyhardandconcerned.Forwhat?
“Noneofyourbusiness.”There,takethat.
“Wearegoingtomygreatgrandpa’shouse”Ofcourse,shechosethismomenttobepayingattention
“Thatgirltalkstoomuch,”Igrumble.IhearJoshchucklebesideme,andittakesalotformetohidemysmile.“Beforewe gettherehowever,wearestoppinginPage,Arizona”
“What’sthere?”
“Whydoesitmatter?”
“Well,IfiguredIshouldknowwhatisgoingon.”Well,hefiguredwrong,andIsayasmuch.
“Well,youfiguredwrong.Youaretheonewhoinsistedoncomingwithme.Butthatdoesn’tmakeyouprivytomylife,so justsitbackinthepassengerseatandsaynothing”
“For now,” he says quietly enough for only me to hear. Goosebumps break out on my skin at the finality of his words becauseifthereisonethingIknow,itisthathealwaysdoeswhathesays well,hedidwhenwewereinhighschool
Thenextfourhoursareatestofmypatience.Hefusseswiththeradio,talkstoomuchwithJunie,andtriestoconversewith me.Iignorehim,ofcourse,butthatdoesn’tstophimfromtrying.
Finally, we pull up to ElijahMorton’s house mannumber one. Itake a deep breathand getoutofthe car. Openingthe doorforJunie,Iletheroutofthecar.“Youcanleaveherherewithme,”Joshuasays.Onceagain,Ilookathimlikehehaslost hismind
“Idon’tthinkso.Mydaughterdoesn’tknowyou,andforthatmatter,neitherdoI."Withthat,Ishutthedoor,andthetwoof uswalkuptothedoor Iringthatbellandwait
“Mommy,wherearewe?”
“Ataman’shouse.Mommyneedstoaskhimafewquestions.”
“Isthisgoingtotakelong?”Smiling,Ipromiseheritwon’t.RightwhenIamreadytogiveup,alittlegirlabouttheageof Junieopensthedoor.
“Hi Whoareyou?”
“MynameisJuniper.”Ihavegottoremindthisgirlaboutstrangers.
HiJuniper MynameisCorazon,butmydadcallsmeCora Areyoulookingformydad?”Ilookathersoconfused Iam notsure.
“IamlookingforElijah.”
“Yep That’s mydaddy Holdon Daaaddddy Aladyanda little girl are here tosee you” This is makingmyheadspin AccordingtowhatIknow,Elijahshouldbeaboutforty-five.
“HowcanIhelpyou?”Anice-looking,six-footgentlemanasks HelooksatJuniperandsmiles “Hitoyouaswell,young lady.”
“Yes MynameisMarch”Istopthereforasecond,,seeingifitsparkssomething,butsofar,nothing “Icameherebecause Iamlookingforamanwhodonatedbeforeheenlisted.Heleftaspecificsetofinstructions,andmysistersandIaretryingto findhim.”Hegivesmeapitylook,andrightaway,Iknowheisnottheguy.
“Losiento,preciosa Iamsorry Iamnothim”Ismileathim,callingmebeautiful Ismileandwalkbacktothecar “Mommy,what'sasample?”Geez,nothinggetspasther.
“Notsomethingyouneedtoknowrightnowortalkabout Gotit?”
“Gotit.”Igetbackinthecarandstartitup.Thegoodnewsisthenextplacewehavetogoisnotthatfar,butJuniperis gettinghungryandtired,anditisgettingdark Iresearchedthisentiretrip,andIknowweareenteringatownknownasOgden, Utah.TheyhavealittleB&Bthathasalatedinner,andifmyresearchiscorrect,tworoomsareavailable,althoughIwasonly lookingforoneatthetime.
“It'sgettinglate.RightupthestreetisalittleBedandBreakfast.Wearegoingtosleepthereforthenightandeat.
“Sounds good,” Joshsays,stretchinghis arms.Itrynottolookatthe muscles thatdefinitelyweren’tthatdefinedwhenI knewhim,butnow,holyhell
Ipullintotheparkinglot,grabmysleepinggirl,andpickherup.Holdingherinmyarmswithonehand,Ipopthetrunkand struggletograbourluggageout,butitisnotlikeIhavenotdoneitamilliontimes Butman,issheheavierthistime?
“Letme.”BeforeIcanprotest,heliftsthebagoutofhiscar.Inoticeforthefirsttimethathehasasuitcaseaswell.Hewas reallyplanningonstayingwithme
“Thankyou,”Isaytohim,tryingtobecivil.Wewalkintotheplaceandtheladyatthedeskissonice.Well,untilsheopens hermouth.
“Ohmy Aren’tyouabeautifulfamily?”Well,sheisnotexactlymean,butcomeon “Ohno.Wearenotafamily.Heisjustanoldacquaintance.Anyway,wearegoingtoneedtworooms.”Shelooksatme quizzically,beforelookingthroughthebook
“Well, itjustso happens we have onlytwo left. Letme getyouthe keys.” ThankGod. Idon’tbother lookingatJoshua. “Hereyouare Youyoungladiesareupstairsintheroseroom,andyouyoungman,aredownhereinthebirchroom”
“Ohisyourkitchenstillopen?”
“Actuallyitisforanotherfortyminutes.”
“Great MydaughterandIwillberightdown Sheisabearwhensheishungry”
“Iwillbejoiningthem,”Joshchimes.Heisdrivingmecrazy.
“Youknowwhat,onsecondthought,canIcomeandgetitandtakeittomyroom?”Onceagain,shelooksatmelikeIam crazybutnodsherhead.
“Sure.Tonightismeatloaf,mashedpotatoes,vegetablemedley,andapplepiefordessert.”
“Perfect.”Whenshewalksaway,Joshuawhispersinmyear.
“Youwon’tbeabletoavoidmeforever.”God,whydoesthatmakemeshiver?
“It’sworkingsofar”Ihavetofindawaytogetridofhim Forthesakeofmyheart
CHAPTER SIX Ilie awake inbedinthe creepiestroomI’ve ever beenin,giventhe clownwallpaper,andwonder aboutall the things I’ve missedouton
Ilostoutonfiveyearsoffirstswithmydaughter.ThemoretimeIspendwiththelittlegirl,themoreIknowshe’smine.I feelitinmybones,inmysoul.Istillcan’tgetoverthefactthatMarchkeptherfromme.WasIsuchabadboyfriendthatshe feltsheneededtoprotectherselfandourbabyfromme?
It’skillingme,thenotknowing,thatis.Ineedtoknowwhy.Whydidshedothistous?Ineedhertolookmeintheeyesand tellmewhatIdidthatwassowrongthatshehadtoleavemethewayshedid Therehastobesomethinggoingon,orthatwent onfiveyearsagothatIdon’tknowabout,somethingthatshefeltshecouldn’ttellme.
IalsoneedtoknowwhythefuckwewenttosomerandomasshouseinPage,Arizona?
Iwanttogetoutofbedandgoknockonherdoorandmakehertalktome,butIdon’twanttowakethekid.
OncewedropJunieoffinWyoming,andit’sjustus,she’llhavenochoicebuttotellmewhatIneedtoknow.It’llonlybea matteroftimebeforeshe’sinlovewithmeagain Shefellonce;she’llfallagain Besides,Iknowjustwantsshelikes
“Goodmorning,ladies,”Isay,comingintothediningroom Mygirlsarealreadysittingdownatatable Marchhasacoffee, andJuniehasapplejuiceinfrontofher.Theirbagsaresittingnexttothetableonthefloor.“I’lltakethebagsouttothetruck.”
“Morning,Josh,”Juniesays “I’mhavingbacon”
“Soundsgood,”Isay,smilingather.
“Thankyou,”Marchsays,slidingmeherkeys “Coffee?”
“Yes.Thankyou.I’llberightback.”
Igetbacktothetableandorderpancakesandbacon.WhenI’mfinished,myphonerings.“I’vegottotakethis,”Isay.
“Ofcourse,can’tletyourgirlfriendwaitonyou,”shequips Ijustshakemyheadindisgust,unabletodignifythatwithan answer.How couldshepossiblythinkI’dever putmydickanywherebutinsideher?Theideaofthatjustmakes mefucking sick
IhavejusthungupthephonewhenIfeel atinyhandslipintomine.IlookdownandseeJuniper.Ismile.Today,shehas littlebutterflyclipsinherblondehairandapairofoverallson HaveImentionedthatshe’sliterallythemostadorablechild I’veeverseen?ThemoreIlookather,themoreIknowthatshe’smine.
“Hi,Josh,”shesays.
“Hi,Junie”
“Mommyisturningherkeyin.”
“Okay”
“ShesaidIcouldstandbyyouandwaitandthatIshouldbegood.” “Okaythat’sprobablyagoodidea.”
“Mymomdoesn’tlikeyouverymuch,Josh.Doyouknowthat?” “Iknowthat.”
“Doyouknowwhy?”
“No.Doyou?”
“No”
“Youready,baby?”
“Yes,”JunieandIsayatthesametime,andthenwelaugh.MarchsmilesatJunieandglaresatme.It'sworthit. Wedrivetoanotherrandomhouse.ThistimeinSaltLakeCity. Really?Whatthehellisthisallabout?
CHAPTER SEVEN 
