www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 12 May 2014 Issue 1292 Free
The Independent Voice Of Newcastle Students
Est 1948
Summer Special
2.summerfeatures
Monday 12 May 2014
The Courier
Summer lovin’ had me a blast
S
omething strange happens as the seasons tick over from spring to summer. Even in England the change is noticeable. The long days and blazing (or in the English case, occasional) sun sends everyone delirious. Strangers smile at one another in the streets, everyone walks with a spring in their step and the beer gardens are filled with laughter. Fast-forward to your trip abroad (or staycation down south) and this feeling is manically magnified. Summer trips away in the hot hot heat make everything better. You are the most attractive version of yourself: sun-kissed, fun-loving and commitment-free. You are divine, and potential suitors flock to you like ants to a beach picnic. And when you find your special ant you spend every waking (and sleeping moment) by their side. With long walks on the beach, jetting about on mopeds and being wined and dined every night you feel like you’ve found the perfect relationship. There’s just one problem people, you’ll realise that summer romances have no future in your real lives as autumn approaches! They are called “summer” romances for a reason. Joseph Gordon-Levitt tried to have (500) Days of Summer and look how that ended for him. Nursing his wounded heart, he eventually realised that summer romances do not work and looked forward to Autumn. Okay, that might not have been exactly what the film was about but it’s still a really good metaphor. This brings me to my top three reasons why you should let the sun set on your summer love.
“Joseph Gordon-Levitt tried to have (500) Days of Summer and look how that ended for him”
Distance
We could be here all day arguing the logistics and validity of long distance relationships, do they work, do they not? But that is a discussion for another day. We are talking about an even more dire situation, the prospect of a long-distance relationship with someone you barely know. You’ve spent two weeks with them, yeah, but on a metaphorical (or actually literal) island. A bubble, if you will. Removed from your friends, families and obligations you are both the holiday versions of yourselves, and you need to realise that your home versions might not be so compatible when push comes to shove. Your relationship is like the leaves on the trees, destined to dry up and crumple come October. Do you know the ratio of evergreen trees to trees that go to shit in winter? I don’t, but I’m betting it’s not very high.
Summer of firsts
The thing I’ve always found about holidays and travelling is that generally, the rules go out the window. Pushing the boundaries of what is socially acceptable is typical behaviour when you are somewhere you may never return to, with people you may never see again. In terms of your sexual exploits this generally means that you are more open to trying new things, be it having sex in public, embracing age gaps or experimenting with samesex interactions. At the time, it’s fun and exciting, risky and sexy. Take it from me, by the time you get home, answer your parents’ excited queries about your life-altering adventures (god, if only they knew) and are tucked up in your single (yes, single) bed, you will be thinking, “what on earth was I thinking?!” Put it all down to life experience and being young and free. But seriously I don’t need to
bring that shit home with me. And by that shit, I mean a guy a decade older than me. As my best friend likes to remind me, “When he was 18, you were 8.” Just for the record, I wasn’t 8 at the time, but I would like to offer some words to live by: what happens on tour, stays on tour, guys.
off before it breaks your heart, but keep the happy memories of an amazing summer you shared. And if I’m wrong and your summer fling is actually your soul mate then like Noah and Allie, you’ll find your way back to each other. Katie Smith
Life is not like the movies
Finally, the romantic delusions we have conceived regarding summer flings stems from totally unrealistic but inspiringly idealistic films. While it did work out for Noah and Allie in The Notebook, eventually, it was still pretty hard-going. Remember how she almost married someone else? And how he went a little bit crazy for a bit? How she eventually got Alzheimer’s? How he went to war? Now I’m not saying these things happened to them because they prolonged a summer fling... because again that would be missing the point of the film... I’m just saying it wasn’t easy for them. Likewise, do you ever wonder what happened to Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing? It’s no coincidence that Dirty Dancing 2 doesn’t pick up where the first left off, because in reality Baby and Johnny were just two people from two different places with different dreams who happened to share a sweet summer but were always destined to go their separate ways. So there you have it: the heat has gone to your head but as the weather cools so will your romance. Break it
Mud, sweat and beers: Fest of the rest Didn’t get tickets to Glasto this year? Don’t despair, we didn’t either, so to console ourselves we’ve rounded up some of the best smaller festivals that we and you could still get to and get a bit muddy
The Lake District is known for its rolling hills and its lakes that technically aren’t lakes, so it may come as a surprise to some that it hosts Kendal Calling festival each summer, usually in the last weekend of July but this year the first weekend of August. This year, the mid-size festival plays host to ‘90s indie favourites Suede and hip-hop legends De La Soul, as well as the Madchester heavyweights that are the Happy Mondays – no doubt on some form of worrying 3 day drug bender, but definitely worth seeing nonetheless. Joining Bez, Shaun and co. are a whole range of acts, from Frank Turner and Newton Faulkner through to Example and Zane Lowe. There seems to be something for everyone this year, and why wouldn’t you want to party in one of the most beautiful parts of the country? What could be better than camping under the stars in the craggy scenery of Cumbria? So, if you’re into your ‘90s titans, this year Kendal Calling is for you - add in some Kendal mint cake, a substance that can make you more weird than any drug out there, and you’re all set for a weekend of weirdness in the wild.
Pukkelpop is one of Belgium’s premier music festivals – alongside its edgier older brother Groezrock, the three day festival makes Belgium a strong competitor for major UK festivals during the summer.The festival is located at Kiewitt Hasselt, no further than 70km from the major cities of Belgium, and is easily accessed by most forms of public transport. Since 1985, Pukkelpop has boasted a diverse line-up, offering punters everything from chart-topping pop acts to underground grunge, hip-hop, metal and punk bands. This year, the line-up is spectacularly eclectic, boasting anything from punk heroes Anti-Flag, to hip-hop stars Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Tinie Tempah and Snoop Dogg, to metalcore heavyweights A Day to Remember and August Burns Red. Pukkelpop tickets are available in day and combi (full festival) forms – this year’s combi tickets have sold out due to phenomenal demand, and the day tickets are expected to follow. With combi tickets priced at €165 and day tickets at €83, Pukkelpop offers a cheaper, more interesting festival experience for the adventurous.
If you’re thinking the Download and Sonisphere lineups festivals are too ‘light’, there’s always Bloodstock, an annual heavy metal festival at Catton Hall, Walton-on-Trent (near Birmingham) that’s been going since 2005. The festival has been headlined by a number of heavy metal giants in that time, such as Opeth, Machine Head and Motorhead, and has gradually grown from its original indoor format in Derby to a multiple stage weekend festival, similar to its alternative rivals. The festival also regularly gives a platform to the more obscure metal bands, providing a stage for unsigned bands to the play. Bloodstock 2014 is headlined by Down, Emperor and Megadave, with the line-up also including Dimmu Borgir, Saxon, Lacuna Coil and Children of Bodom to name a few. Bloodstock has a far more inclusive atmosphere compared to its larger siblings and is considerably cheaper at about £140 for the weekend. A fantastic experience for any heavy metal fan - five days camping with good booze, better music and friendly people.
While Wireless and Hyde Park monopolise the wallets of the mass London festivalgoers, it’s Field Day that hits the Pitchfork readers’ radar. On the first full weekend of June, hipsters of all creeds and cultures make their pilgrimage to the London Borough of Tower Hamlets for two days of beer, beards and bands you might not have heard of. With last year’s line-up helmed by the likes of Disclosure, Animal Collective, and Bat For Lashes, it’s up to synth-poppers Metronomy and indie royalty Pixies to orchestrate this year’s carnival of freaks. The line-up features the best in dance and electronic music (Todd Terje, Simian Mobile Disco, Jon Hopkins and Omar Suleyman amongst others) and a prime selection of hip, young-blooded pop groups (Jagwar Ma, Drenge, The Wytches and Warpaint) that are guaranteed to lend you infinite amounts of edge points. For the true musos, the diamonds on the alt tiara are the inimitable Neneh Cherry, Sonic Youth’s legendary Thurston Moore, and Seun Kuti & Fela’s Egypt 80, son of Afrobeat pioneer Fela Kuti. Fuck your Latitudes and Bestivals, this is where the real pulse of music will be this summer.
Josh Nicholson
Iqra Choudhry
Lewis Ancrum
Jamie Shepherd
The Courier
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Monday 12 May 2014
Summer soundtrack: Axis of tune
Using the highly scientific method of ‘shouting over each other’, Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason, Culture Editor Sam Summers and Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson compiled a list of the tunes you need this summer and stuck them on this totally legit Axis of Tunes (patent pending). Spotify at the ready...
Scorchin’
‘Strandbar’ - Todd Terje
If you thought Armand van Helden and A-Trak’s Duck Sauce were only really good for gimmicky confections like ‘Barbra Streisand’, you’d be, er, quite right really. ‘NRG’ is a superior example though, a charging, rutting stag of a thing, teaming wooshing synths with Whitesnake guitars to quite brutal effect
Yes, yes, ‘Strandbar’ came out last summer, but Terje’s only just put out his album so we’re having it. Terje’s way with a hypnotic, winding, louche groove is perfect for kicking back in the park with a cider and imagining you’re strolling along Miami Beach
‘Feel’ Bombay Bicycle Club
‘Unkinder (A Tougher Love)’ - Thumpers
One of our recommended downloads of the week, the debut single from Thumpers is a day out at the funfair in indie-pop form, a hyperactive, multicoloured belter of a track that’s like Bombay Bicycle Club on a cataclysmic sugar-hit
Bombay’s signature upbeat calypso-pop spliced with trilling synth flourishes in a worldly musical mish-mash that should get your appetites whetted for exotic foreign adventures this summer
‘Rather Be’ - Clean Bandit The refreshingly different, cello-bothering house of Clean Bandit was a welcome addition to our winter playlists, but now that the sun is finally getting his arse into gear it’s sure to take on a new life as an outdoor anthem
Chillin’
‘West Coast’ Lana Del Rey
‘Hunter’ - Pharrell Williams
‘My Friend Has A Swimming Pool’ Mausi
Even more laid-back than his smash hit ‘Happy,’ this track shows that spending so much time with Chic has clearly rubbed off on the Vampire of Pop. What could be better than a hefty chunk of chilledout disco, inflected with flashes of Prince?
Newcastle’s favourite sons-and-daughter – via Italy, mind you – are about to blow up with their finely tuned, impeccably crafted summer pop. Their latest effort is guaranteed to have you craving that magic swimming pool and tipple combo
‘Fancy’ - Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX
‘If I Could Change Your Mind (Cerrone Funk Remix)’ - Haim
If you haven’t caught yourself singing along to the chorus yet, you haven’t heard it. It’s one for bopping along to in the car, and in the vein of A$AP you’ll find yourself becoming a ‘bad bitch,’ for three minutes at least
In retrospect, I’m sure we can all agree Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ladies’ wasn’t quite as good as everybody seemed to think it was. Now, a mysterious young DJ named Elephante has changed all that by – and how else – sticking a massive donk on it. When Beyoncé tells you to put your hands up, you give a polite wave. When Elephante tells you to put your hands up, you reach for the fucking stars
Bangin’
‘Water Fountain’ Tune-Yards If you’ve never experienced the tribal-inspired, loop pedal madness of Tune-Yards, this is the perfect entry point; the catchiest ukelele jam you’ll ever hear about the decline of American cities, this should be a fixture of any good activist’s summer playlist
‘Blue Love’ - Lisbon Geordie upstarts Lisbon look set to follow the summer airwave-dominance of the likes of Two Door Cinema Club with this catchy little number. Quite an appropriate pick me up if you’re ‘feeling blue.’ 6Music have picked it up for their playlist so if you haven’t heard it yet, you will soon
The wistful slowburn of The Horrors’ latest single is perfect for when it’s chucking it down and you’re sitting inside with your face squished unflatteringly against the windowpane, thinking sadly of all the fun you could be having if only it were sunny
‘Single Ladies (Elephante Remix)’ - Beyoncé
If you think the Fleetwood Mac-aping album version of this track is as good as it gets, this discoflavoured do-over is sure to change your mind. Replete with Nile Rogers guitar tickling and a perfectly judged BPM boost, it’s a poolside funk-out for the ages
Lana returns to the mechanics of her breakthrough hit ‘Video Games’ with a sultry, melancholic new single that’s the perfect track for BBQ’s and lounging in the park, though it may make your heart bleed gently into the grass
‘So Now You Know’ - The Horrors
‘NRG’ - Duck Sauce
Rainin’
‘You’re Not The One’ Sky Ferreira A slice of ‘80s throwback perfection from the grunge-pop wild child, ‘You’re Not The One’ is all scratchy guitar hooks, thumping great drumbeats and an insta-classic chorus that’ll embed itself in your frontal lobe for at least a week. Exactly what you want to perk up a grey summer’s day
‘Do It Again’ Röyksopp & Robyn While the Röyksopp-assisted ‘None Of Dem’ was the worst track on Robyn’s 2010 Body Talk project, this latest collaboration is a grade-A banger to rival the highlights of the Swedish dance queen’s crammed catalogue. Not only that, but it’s a banger about listening to a banger. If you like your Scandi-pop to have slightly meta edge to it, this is for you
4.summerfeatures
Monday 12 May 2014
The Courier
Bohemian like you
To prepare for a Summer of festival fashion, the Fashion and Beauty sections teamed up to create some boho inspired looks to see you through from CreamďŹ elds to Coachella
Models; Holly Suttle, Sara Macauley and Hannah Bullimore Outfits; Topshop and Kate Moss x Topshop Make-up; Safiya Ahmed Photography; Amy O’Rourke
The Courier
Monday 12 May 2014
featuressummer.5
6.summerfeatures
Monday 12 May 2014
The Courier
Parklife: think about leaving the house
The best thing about summer’s imminent arrival is the chance to hang out in the park with mates, and Newcastle is particularly wellstocked with green spaces. But which is the one for you? Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson presents his handy guide
Heaton Park Adventure playground: Fully stocked with a set of monkey bars, fireman’s pole, strange cargo netting area and a big wobble spinny thing that can distend your shoulders if you’re not sat quite right on it. The fun is in the thrill of nearly dismembering yourself. 8/10 Ice cream availability: The café in Heaton Park is called Sambucca, though after perusing the menu you might agree that that’s a very misleading name. There’s a nice bloke with a cart who comes round dishing out everything from regulation pots of ice cream to fondly remembered nostalgia-blasts like Twisters and Screwballs. 8/10 Booze & BBQ suitability: Probably quite good, particularly if you set up in the little ruined tower up at the top of the hill and put in sufficient effort to do a passable imitation of a Tudorstyle hog roast. 7/10 Chances of getting stabbed: Heaton’s a lovely place. Strangers habitually hug each other when they pass in the street. Cats and dogs live harmoniously together. The local kids are more into skanking than shanking. You’ll be safe here. 0/10
“While cow-tipping is as wholesome a summertime adventure as there is, there’s no formal council-funded equipment in the vicinity” Leazes Park Adventure playground: If you count chucking a ball at a hoop as an adventure (AND WHO WOULDN’T) then you’ll be knocked out by the rampant opportunities for chucking a ball at a hoop which Leazes Park provides on its basketball courts. You might also use the boating lake for more soggy shenanigans, though quite whether one could call going around in a circle very slowly for 25 minutes an adventure is a moot point. 6/10 Ice cream availability: The little hut next to the lake is a tidy solution to the ice cream conundrum, though the focus on high-grade boutique ice cream has frustrated some. 6/10 Booze & BBQ suitability: Given the winding paths and numerous copses in Leazes Park, there are loads of secluded spots in which you might hole up with a shitload of meat and roast yourself stupid. Those with delusions of grandeur might like to set up their barbecue on the big plaza space in the shadow of St. James’ Park and pretend they’re on their palatial patio, slinging burgers to the great and good. A bottle of rum on the boating lake is also encouraged. 8/10 Chances of getting stabbed: Your chances of getting stabbed are of very little consequence, given you can just pop yourself across the road to the RVI, get yourself patched up, grab an ice lolly and be back out on the lake within half an hour. Job’s a good ‘un. 3/10
Brandling Park
West Jesmond field
Adventure playground: None at all I’m afraid, though if you fancy you can treat the nearby subway tunnel as an impromptu parkour venue. 1/10
Adventure playground: Get on the 5-a-side pitch or spend your afternoon staring glumly at those knobs who got in ahead of you. 2/10
Ice cream availability: Absolutely none in the actual park itself. It’s becoming fairly painfully clear that this is more like a short strip of unploughed farmland than a proper park. 0/10
Ice cream availability: It’s just a field. Most fields have yet to install permanent freezer cabinets. 0/10
Booze & BBQ suitability: Two solid off-licences nearby will sort you out with enough low-grade cider to kill a horse, or head to the Brandling pub nearby if you’re bored of being a lout. The main drawback of barbecuing in Brandling Park is that it’s really bloody small and if you’re a generous sort you’re going to end up giving away the equivalent of about four whole pigs. 7/10 Chances of getting stabbed: The two tunnels are classic ambush sites. Proceed with caution and a kevlar vest. 6/10
Jesmond Dene Adventure playground: There’s one of those big swings you can fit three or four people on and a decent clutch of spinny things, seesaw things and bouncy asphalt plains to crack your head against to your heart’s content. That’s not the real point of Jesmond Dene though - the real point is the bloody brilliant petting zoo which features pigs, alpacas, goats, plus there’s an aviary to boot. If that’s not enough, you can chuck sticks in the river. Sticks! 10/10
Booze & BBQ suitability: This is where the field comes into its own, as its status as a kind of fiefdom of its own meaning the police are powerless here. 9/10 Chances of getting stabbed: People get stabbed in fiefdoms. It just goes with the territory. 7/10
The Town Moor Adventure playground: While cow-tipping is as wholesome a summertime adventure as there is, there’s no formal councilfunded equipment in the vicinity. You could try rigging up a makeshift water slide down the big hill, but given how steep it is you might want to get a couple of weeks’ training in one of those big spinny things they throw prospective astronauts around in first to ensure you can cope with the g-forces involved. 3/10
Ice cream availability: A solid if unspectacular 99 flake vendor near the swings will take care of you, or alternatively you can head to the goat pen and get to work on some teats. 5/10
Ice cream availability: It’s a massive, empty field. Ice cream vans have better things to be doing than parking in the middle of massive, empty fields. Frustratingly, you’ll have access to the foundational ingredient of ice cream – milk, obviously – and yet be utterly unable to do anything with it except suck it directly from the udder while it’s still unpalatably warm. Or so I’ve been told. 1/10
Booze & BBQ suitability: The animals tend to get a bit tetchy if you start barbecuing in front of them; they take the smell of their brothers and sisters frying in front of them as something of a taunt, and will be only too happy to tear your face off with their hooves and teeth as retribution for their fallen friends. 2/10
Booze & BBQ suitability: Now we’re talking. With no children or po-po about cramping your style, you could probably spend a whole bank holiday weekend on a gin-fuelled odyssey on the moor without bumping into anyone. The one drawback is you’re not really allowed to slaughter the resident cows for BBQ purposes. 8/10
Chances of getting stabbed: Minimal. Given the amount of kids, parents and animals around, any assailant would have a lot of witnesses to contend with. That said, the ruined church mid-way up the Dene is prime shanking territory. 4/10
Chances of getting stabbed: There’s a reason why the Bronte sisters and MR James made use of moors in their writing – they’re bloody big, lonely places, at least when the cows aren’t there. Take a taser with you just in case. 7/10
The Courier
featuressummer.7
Monday 12 May 2014
Fly me to the Toon
Going abroad is great and all, but if you’re among the lucky ones grounded in town this summer you’ve got this to look forward to instead. Culture Editor Sam Summers brings you the Newcastle equivalents of holiday hotspots
If you’d rather be InterR
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Tyne & Wear Metro Central Station Every Day 05:14-00:25
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If you’d rather be on If there’s one sure-fire wa Facebook friends’ jealouy to make your picture of yourself astrids, it’s taking a in the Indian jungle. Wh e an elephant a bad idea to try and rid ile it’s probably pig, matriarch of Ouseb e Babushka the almost definitely let you urn Farm, she’d Add to that a gaggle of glain for a belly rub. couple of miniature pon ring goats and a ies – again, none of which you should atte under any circumstance mpt to mount got yourself a veritable tens – and you’ve If you’re sick of getting cha minute safari. jungle cats – and who am sed around by then the hunter can bec ong us isn’t? – as you chase around theome the hunted you get bored or told off. chickens until Basically, there’s almost no chance of gettin g eaten unless you wilfully allow it.
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Ouseburn Farm Ouseburn Valley Every Day 10:00-15:30
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If you’d rather be hiking Not many people know this, but if you think you’re up for it you climb to the top of Grey’ can actually There’s a little door secret s Monument. and for £3 a pop you can ed in the base, brave the 164-step spiral step inside and top. There you can sha staircase to the cuppa with the Earl himre a celebratory a breathtaking view of self and take in is more than can be sai the city, which peaks you’d care to med of many other really up for a challengention. If you’re and shimmy up the out you could try lar, Mulan-style, which side of the pilbe infinitely more satisfyI imagine would ing, if a fair bit deadlier. If you pick you you’d also have the per r days right, Monument Movies, Ne fect seat for the wcastle’s answer to the Cannes Film Festiva l.
Grey’s Monument City Centre Every Day Book In Advance
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ― John Lubbock