2.christmasfeatures
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Little shop of bollocks
After some last minute decorations? Culture Editor Sam Summers and Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson took a trip into town to track down the best festive trimmings and what they found was a mixture of tat and shite
Poundland
Poundland has two major things going for it: the first is the price, being both cheap and consistent. There’ll be no T.K. Maxx-style 20 minute waits to have a shop assistant tell you that your chrome-plated reindeer bust is £40 rather than £30. The second is the functionality of its tat; while other stores may sell you a porcelain Christmas pud and call it a day, Poundland sells you a pudding with a purpose.
£3
T.K. Maxx
The thing about T.K. Maxx is everything looks out of place. It’s like you’ve walked into an episode of Hoarders about a guy obsessed with stashing questionably racist woodcarvings and roosters made out of dead shoes. Their Christmas collection follows suit, a selection of mismatched gobblede-shite gathered from the far corners of the globe and put through the T.K. Maxx random pricetag generator.
‘Happy Christmas’ balloon, £1 Fill this up with helium and let it fly into the warm arms of the Sun, ending its miserable existence
Santa hand puppet, £1 Exudes the tragic optimism of an orphan who thinks he’s off to a good home, but probably isn’t
£59
Polystyrene polar bear, £40 More likely to be swept away in a light breeze than four £10 notes
Christmas pudding shower cap, £1 The only item on this list meant expressly to be enjoyed alone, this is a treat just for you
John Lewis
If, when Lily Allen suggested a trip to ‘somewhere only we know’ she was referring to John Lewis, then the ‘we’ in this equation is surely the bourgeois elite. While it’s good for the odd baking tray every now and then, a full-on Christmas shop in John Lewis would cost you a bear and a hare. Only recommended if you’re an über-rah or my girlfriend’s mum.
Gingerbread house, £75 For less than that you could live in an actual house for a week, and you could probably eat it too if you asked
Horrible elf hag, £13 Yes, she’s a bit creepy, but just be thankful you can’t see the rest of her face
Ball of logs, £6 Looks alright I suppose, and you can easily set it alight for a quick game of danger football
Champagne in a gilet, £30 Finally, a bottle of champers with a life jacket in case you accidentally drop it off the yacht
Choccy robin, £75 If this is hollow you could cut it half and let your baby sleep in it. Almost worth 75 quid, then
£180
The Courier
featureschristmas.3
Monday 9 December 2013
Toyz ‘n the hood
Kids today aren’t into hopscotch and hoop rolling anymore. Sam Summers scoured the web to find out which toys will be filling stockings this year and the results ranged from mental to really chuffing mental
Board Dames Image: Jeepers Media
Silly Moo
Let’s not muck about with this one. Silly Moo appears to be a board game – ‘board’ in only the very loosest sense of the word, mind you – in which children are encouraged to yank on a cow’s tits until it either shits or knocks out some milk. The milk in question comes pre-bottled, so she doesn’t so much squirt it out as lay it like an egg. What’s more, they’re then expected to eat the produce, represented by those jelly milk bottles and what I hope are chocolate raisins. The perfect tool for teaching children the delicate art of nipple play. We had: Buckaroo, a far less provocative game, taking as its subject matter the joys of slavery, rather than anything as dicey as breasts.
Boom Boom Balloon Kids love popping balloons, right? Well, no, but it’s easy to mistake shrieks of terror for squeals of laughter, so I’ll give the makers of Boom Boom Balloon a free pass. You’ve basically got to lock a balloon into what looks like a device from your granddad’s favourite torture porn flick, and poke the poor wacky bastard with sticks until he explodes. For bonus funtimes you could jam your little brother’s head into it and try the same thing, but he probably won’t carry the same grinning veneer as the tormented chap to my left.
We had: Monopoly and Jenga. Good old, completely gender neutral Monopoly and Jenga.
We had: Pop Up Pirate, an equally tense game of chance, with the added danger of getting wankered in the eye by a projectile Somalian.
Children’s Tablets No, I’m not talking about those squishy vitamins that tasted like orange and hoof. Kids today are more techsavvy than I’m comfortable with, to be perfectly honest, and the idea of giving a 5-year-old and technicolour iPad so they can hoy technicolour birds at technicolour pigs for twelve hours on the trot is just disconcerting. With names like ‘LeapPad’, ‘tabeo’, ‘InnoTab’ and ‘Kurio’, this lot are set to turn your family into a dystopian scene from an ee advert. It won’t be long before they’re sat at the dinner table tweeting their mates with hashtags like ‘#fruitwinders’ and selfies that are 80% thumb. Put your mad fantasy to bed, you Orwellian tit.
Image: Pierre Lecourt
Having trouble getting your girlfriend to sit down for a quick game of Jenga? Finding it hard to get your female flatmates to chip in for the house Monopoly board? Of course you have, because those games just aren’t pink enough. Monopoly: Boutique Edition sets you up with girl-friendly tokens like shoes and a phone, as well as a pleasingly feminine word for ‘shop’. Meanwhile, Jenga: Girl Talk Edition comes with a nice velure baggy to keep those coarse wooden blocks out of your delicate hands, and upon each removal forces contestants to answer patronising questions about celeb crushes and the like. If you buy this for your daughter, you are terrible.
We had: An EtchA-Sketch, and we’d bloody well make do with it.
Baby Tub & Toot A baby doll that comes with a little bath for you to fill with water, in which you can pretend to wash the little feller. But lo! Before you can put plastic sponge to plastic arse, Baby Tub & Toot lets out a rip roaring parp, filling the tub with bursting bubbles of bairn-stink. He’s a problem child, yes, but I’m not sure what his parents expected when they named him Baby Tub & Toot. Can you even put an ampersand on a birth certificate? Anyway, if attempting raise a chronically flatulent child is something you think you’re kid would be interested in, then you’ll want to snap this one up. We had: Baby Wee Wee, a quite frankly much more hilarious doll in the bodily function subgenre.
Image: Mike Mozart Illustration by Rachel Templeman
Crayola Melt ‘N’ Mold Factory Sick of your boring old monochrome crayons? God, it must be dull to put wax to paper knowing exactly what colour will come out. Well, Crayola have heard your pleas, and brought you a miniature forge in which to melt down your crayons and fuse them into monstrous multicoloured frankensticks. If you’re one of those stuffy types for whom it would be immensely irritating if your crayon changed colour mid-stroke, you can also make some groovy psychedelic jewellery out of your hitherto useless waxen rods. We had: I don’t about you, but from Sunderso I grew up ing in a smithy me tell you, this ing on the real
know I ’ m land, workand let is noththing.
Image: Drew Bennett
4.christmasfeatures
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
When I’m analysing windows Peering from his anime-style half-moon eyes like a heavily pixellated version of Goku from Dragonball Z, this year’s oversized construction block delivery boy is a lot less imposing than his predecessor - last year’s was a colossus, staring down like a benevolent dictator looking at his subjects while they carried out a patriotic display of ribbon-dancing. This example is more avuncular, with his smiling eyes and hot red lipstick, though the terribly bloated cheeks suggest either an affinity with the squirrel populace or some pretty extreme wisdom tooth surgery in the recent past. The fact he doesn’t have any fingers also suggests he’s had to be put in those special anti-wanking mittens they gave to prisoners in Victorian times. It’s very much a Lego Santa for these post-Yewtree times. Christ knows what that big gold present is hiding.
The dazzling Christmas display in Fenwick’s window is beloved of children and emotionally immature adults alike. However, it isn’t all happy elves making wooden soldiers, grinches playing with baubles and Brian Blessed bellowing goodwill at passersby. Join Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson as he unwraps the metaphorical layers to this year’s offering
Prologue This year’s window display utilises a rather more episodic structure than last year’s dystopian communist saga, and uses the framing narrative of an adorable little pixie girl reading from a book of fairytales. She might seem all sweetness and light, but notice the big old bottle of ‘fairy potion’ at her side. The poor love’s taken to the bottle and the fantasies in her book to cope with the vapidity of her dayto-day existence. I mean, she lives in Pixie Hollow. A hollow, people. Do I have to spell it out? A very downbeat start to the whole thing, really.
Hansel & Gretel Intriguingly, Fenwick have decided to make a tableau commemorating the most violent part of this tale, wherein the kids go the full Wicker Man on old Hannibal the witch. An industrial furnace was the 19th century equivalent of an Xbox, you know. What else are you going to do between shifts at the workhouse, if not burn some witches? One orphanage in Lambeth got through nearly to 3000 witches a month in the 1840s.
Note also the crow hovering uncertainly above, symbolising the ever-present spectre of Death. Rather more unkind spectators might say it also symbolises the importance of employing professional props makers rather than buying an Airfix model of a Spitfire three hours before the deadline and sticking legs and a beak on it.
Lego Santa Jack Frost
This is one of the more low-key examples in this year’s window, on account of the fact that it has been alleged that the mannequin fell off the back of a lorry which was carrying props for a puppet-led production of Amadeus. This is, of course, unfounded. Less enlightened viewers have complained that they’ve never yet heard of a story about Jack Frost in which Jack Frost just skates around in a very, very small circle as this representation does. These idiots do not realise the depth of allegorical meaning attached to this image. Clearly, Jack Frost’s endless pirouette represents the prohibitive effect which public pressure has on the depth and breadth of a performer’s artistic expression. The turquoise colour scheme and frozen landscape suggest the creative stasis in which the performer finds himself. When one considers that this tableau was designed by the members of JLS just before going public with their decision to break up, it all makes a lot more sense. A very moving piece, I’m sure you’ll agree.
The Courier
Monday 9 December 2013
featureschristmas.5
Carry On Screaming
This window is notionally about the story of Rapunzel and her hair (you might be able to see a figure interfering with her weave in the top left of the frame above), but the focus is clearly on the enchantress in the garden rather than the lovebirds. Quite why the enchantress is being played by Kenneth Williams is anyone’s guess, but it’s nice to see he’s still getting work these days. This focus on the witch is an evocation of the true meaning of Christmas: pure unadulterated terror. What could be more festive than the fear that you might wake up to find everyone in your house has been murdered in their beds? After all, the shepherds were presumably pretty freaked out by a bloody massive angel popping up to tell them a woman they didn’t know had popped out some sort of saviour. This witch is perhaps a little much though. Hers is the kind of face which appears at your window at 4am and says in a wheezing, rattling whisper: “Don’t worry dear. I’ll just be taking your kneecaps. Go back to sleep.”
Mining Disaster
While at first glance this homage to the joys of working 16-hour days in a diamond mine might not appear to be particularly Christmassy, but this actually refers to a little-known Finnish fairy story called ‘Smiggsy the Dwarf and the Yuletide Jewellery Theft’. We join the action at the point where Smiggsy, guardian of his tribe’s stash of diamonds, has been unceremoniously dumped in a nearby coal truck, in which he sadly suffocates. The figure in the centre wearing a clearly wobbly fake beard and the wideeyed look of a dwarf who has been disturbed at a most inopportune moment, is the thief, an evil troll called Chogger. Sadly for Chogger, the disturbance is the beginnings of a cave-in which buries and the rest of the pit crew. The moral of the story is ambiguous to say the least, but then the long, dark Finnish nights can do odd things to a country’s psyche.
Little Red Riding Hood
On the surface, this is a very straightforward telling of the Riding Hood tale - doe-eyed girl, homicidal cross-dressing wolf, ghostly Greggs sign floating through the bedroom, etc. However, the removal of one of the walls of the cottage might be read as a non-naturalistic invitation of the viewer into the wolf ’s lair, radically repositioning the narrative perspective. Alternatively, it might be that Granny was part-way having an extension built when she got munched. Either way, the wolf has made his choice of impregnable fortress very poorly.
Santa’s Workshop
A shop on Heaton Road has put up its own window display starring one of those dummies which always seem to be present in cobblers’ windows playing the part of Scrooge. It couldn’t really be much more typically Heaton: slightly low-rent and occasionally unnerving (Scrooge’s wonky eyes give me the same attack of the collywobbles as the ) but charming, eccentric and a bit more spunky than the Costa del Jesmond. That said, I don’t know how anatomically correct cobblers’ mannequins are. That isn’t a question for Christmas.
Meanwhile, in Heaton
Father Christmas’ workshop is where dreams are born, fantasies are christened and wishes can frolic gaily, isn’t it? Well, no. Judging by the crumpled, dismembered doll on the shelf, this is where Santa comes to chillax by SMASHING YOUR FUCKING DREAMS WITH A BIG FUCKING HAMMER. He also appears to be doing the robot. What a bastard.
6.fashionshoot
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Baby, it’s cold outside
The Courier
Monday 9 December 2013
shootfashion.7
8.fashionshoot
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Behind the scenes Kathy Davidson shows us what went on behind the scenes of the winter photoshoot at the Centre for Life’s iconic ice rink in the face of freezing conditions
T
he Christmas shoot was inspired by wrapping up for winter with an edge. The girls were sporting a maud inspired look whilst the boys had a rocker edge. While the amazing fashion editors directed the shoot and created a mood board for some wintery inspiration, I snapped away getting some pictures as the beauty editors, Amy and Safiya, got to work on the models’ make-up. The girls were wearing statement smokey eyes with nude lips to complement the maud inspiration. The boys, however, weren’t too keen on a bit of ‘highlighting’ bronzer, despite our attempts to
“The girls were sporting a maud inspired look whilst the boys had a rocker edge” persuade them it would be flattering. After the models had been beautified and dressed to impress, we set off for our shoot location: the ice rink at The Centre for Life. This shoot incorporated both girls and boys which added a bit more diversity which worked really well on location. Plus, the girls needed a bit of extra male support
when stumbling across the ice. The models got onto the ice while photographer and fashion editor Amy donned some rather lovely ice grips to enable her to attempt to move around with some grace and achieve the desired shots. As per usual Newcastle didn’t deliver on reliable weather, we had to work around, or at times run away form, the rain (and when I say rain, we were pretty much soaked through by the end of the afternoon) not to mention the battle with some seriously icy fingers and toes. Despite this, the ice rink really got us all in a Christmas mood; I genuinely can’t think of a more fitting venue for the shoot to take place. The models coped perfectly with their icy cold location, ice skates, and posing in front of the public - sipping on a hot chocolate to warm up was the perfect way to wrap up a successful photo shoot.
Make-Up: Safiya Ahmed & Amy Macauley Directors: Fran Stephenson, Bex Finney & Amy O’Rourke Models: Hannah Bullimore, Sara Macauley, Holly Shuttle, Paddy Walsh & Peter Thompson
Winter styling secrets
Aditya Sharanya and Amy O’Rourke tell us how to style an outfit to wintery perfection and re-create the looks from the photoshoot to keep you both warm and looking good
Y
our wardrobe is not winter ready until you own a tartan statement piece, whether it’s printed trousers or a knitted scarf. Pairing a printed item with monotone pieces means the look won’t look too messy, and the tartan makes even more of an impact. Trousers, like the ones used in the photoshoot, are perfect for wearing layered under your favourite jumper and chunky scarf. They’re also good at elongating and slimming your legs. Boyfriend style jackets make for the perfect winter investment; they’re easy to wear, suit any body shape and are great for creating a toned down androgenous look. Wearing with tailored trousers prevents the outfit looking too baggy, and slightly heeled shoes keep it feminine. Greys and blacks accompany the tartan perfectly. Don’t be afraid to layer items of the same colour as, most of the time, less is definitely more. The knitted jumper can be layered with a buttoned up shirt or kept loose and worn with a chunky scarf. Tailored trousers can feel too formal and a little manly if worn with a structured coat and long scarf, so rolling up the bottom of the legs keeps the look casual and young. A bowler style hat is another worthwhile investment to make this winter, perfect for giving your look a rocky edge and keeping your hair in form. Topshop £40
M
idis are the trend this season, be it a dress or a coat. Thankfully this means one can stay super warm while being stylish. Pick out a coat that suits your body type best. Cinched at the waist and flowy works wonders on pears like me, A-lines if you have a leaner frame and cinched around the hip area if you’re heavy up top and want to show off your pins. This Topshop biker style coat is perfect for layering, with the fur lining helping you beat the Newcastle chills while the leather panels give your outfit a tough edge. When picking a winter coat, not only do you need to consider your body shape, but also what you already have in your wardrobe - there’s nothing worse than investing in a pricey jacket to discover it just doesn’t work with what you already own. Putting on a white sweater will recreate the classic white-denim summer look. Go for a lighter coat with darker jeans for an alternative blue hue, if you feel like bright colour monotone which is in this season as well. A bright block coloured coat can also work with the white-denim look. Blue rinse mom jeans stormed the high-street shelves and its easy to see why; they’re versatile, suit pretty much every body shape and look great with fluffy jumpers, crop tops and your winter coat. Turning the jeans up at the bottom creates a cool, casual look while letting you show off your winter boots. Cropped fluffy jumpers are the perfect accompaniment Topshop £34 to high-waisted jeans and are a sure winter wardrobe staple.
The Courier
Monday 9 December
shootfashion.9
Ice queens of the North
Beauty Editors Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley talk us through the inspiration behind the looks used to create our very own Northern ice queens and how you can achieve the look yourself during this winter season
Th e concept: As this shoot took place on the ice rink in the
heart of Newcastle, we took inspiration from the cold icy northern winds and incorporated this into our make up look. Our beauty style icons included the Ice Queen from Narnia and The White Witch from Alice in Wonderland.
How to achieve the look: 1. First prep the skin. After moisturising apply a
dewy foundation to the skin using a stippling brush for a perfect airbrush finish. Apply concealer under the eyes and to hide any other imperfections. Finish off with a loose powder to set your foundation so it won’t budge an inch. 2. Next start on the eyes. We used a range of silvers, whites and greys on the eyes. Start by applying a light silver colour over the entire lid. Next, using an angled eyeshadow brush, apply a darker grey shade into the crease, blending into the eye socket. Use a white shade in the corner of the eyes. 3. The next step is to line the eyes. For a high fashion twist on the traditional ice queen makeup we lined the eyes with an electric blue eyeshadow to really make the eyes pop. Apply winged eyeliner and plenty of mascara to really open up the eyes. 4.. Contouring is key. Use a matte bronzer or even a dark eyeshadow to create contours into the hollows of your cheeks to give a perfect chiselled effect. Invest in a good contouring brush for the best results. Next take a highlighter or shimmer and apply to the cheekbones. 5.. For the lips we used a pretty pinky nude colour, applied with a lip brush for extra precision. Be sure to line the lips to stop any colour bleeding over.
Th e look: For the make-up we decided to go for frosty eyes
to give a cold but sultry look. We kept the eyes quite neutral to give off an understated but sophisticated finish that would stand out against the white ice rink surroundings. Skin was left dewy and contoured while the lips were painted pink and pretty.
Key products used:
For the lips we used ‘Brave’ by MAC, a similar colour is ‘Speed Dial’ also by MAC. For the eyes we used the ‘Naked Pallete’ by Urban Decay. Colours included ‘Sin, Virgin, Toasted and Gunmetal’. We used the bright blue colour ‘Peace’ from the ‘Deluxe Eyeshadow Pallete’ also by Urban Decay.
10.christmasfeatures
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Buyin’ Calendar Georgia Bygate, Luke Davis, Ria FretwellDeery, Michael Hicks and George Smith bring you the very best in pop-culture prezzies, from the humble-yet-ubiquitous Minion to the mighty PS4 and beyond. Crack open your wallets and your eyeholes for a peep through the 24 windows of our Gift Guide Advent Calendar. Bun B’s Rap Colouring Book £5.75 at Amazon
Got a friend that’s seriously into their rap, but also into their colouring? Well thank Yeezus that the two have come together this Christmas. Rapper Bun B has teamed with internet artist Shea Serrano to bring hip-hop fans a forty-eight-page collection of arts and craft activities based around their favourite MCs. Tupac, Jay-Z and Drake are all waiting to be brought to life. There’s numerous other activities, from join-the-dots to word searches, making this a great gift for fans of all ages.
Parks and Recreation Lil’ Sebastian £10 at Universal Store
There’s no better way to bring in the festive season than with the gift of everyone’s favourite miniature horse. This plush version of Lil’ Sebastian is the perfect gift for any Parks fanatic or even if you just want to ‘treat yo self ’ this cuddly horse would make the perfect companion for all those cold winter nights. Fans of the hit show will love this piece of Pawnee history and may even shed a few tears for the horse whose passing caused Ron Swanson to show something resembling human emotion.
Pickmaster Plectrum Cutter £14.59 at www.pickmaster.co.uk
Need a good present idea for a guitarplaying friend and struggling what to… choose? Well there’s one piece of heavy metal no self-respecting axe-man or maiden should be without this Christmas. The Pickmaster is a hole-punching mechanism that allows guitarists to cut their very own custom plectrums out of any old bit of plastic lying around. At least a third of you won’t be needing your student cards come June, so why not make yourself a pick with your own awkwardly smiling face on it?
Tattoo A Banana £9.26 at Amazon
Phil Hansen is a renowned media artist who aims to encourage individuals to look at how an everyday object can be employed in a creative context. This quirky book aims to make arts and craft fun and affordable as ideas range from printing on marshmallows to moulding a Mona Lisa into a sugar cookie. If you fancy taking a break from working your way through the Quality Streets or playing the mandatory game of Cluedo then get in touch with your artistic side and get creative.
Despicable Me Minion £12 at Toys ‘R’ Us
Just the most adorable little creatures, minions have become an emblem for a generation of youth. You can get various sizes for various prices, but I recommend you go for the more expensive ones, as the rough feeling of cheap stuffing can ruin the cuddle. I might also add that if one desires to impress a lovely lady with how cute and sensitive you can be, one could go very much further wrong and more expensive than providing her with a minion to play with.
Make Your Own Lip Balm Kit £15 at Sweet Cecily’s
Bored of getting the obligatory bath bomb from the auntie you see once a year? Then this personalised lip balm kit from a small company based in Yorkshire provides a quirky alternative. The kit contains ethically sourced ingredients, from cocoa butter to beeswax complete with pretty packaging. You can make up to 5 different lip balms and it comes in four different flavours. You also have the option to personalise the gift with little vintage ink stamp letters. It is the perfect bespoke stocking filler.
Anchorman Flask £10 at Argos
“I love scotch, scotchy scotchy scotch, here it goes down, down into my belly”. One of the most memorable quotes from the timeless classic Anchorman has been cleverly printed onto a hip flask for scotch swillers. If you have a friend or relative that enjoys both the fine fiery flavour of a fine scotch and the epic witticism of Will Ferrell, look no further than this stainless steel flask.. Give them the confidence and the charisma of our favourite newsman, Ron Burgundy.
Grow Your Own Meal Kits
£13.75 at The Urban Farmer Fancy being self-sufficient? The Grow Your Own Pizza Kit contains three biodegradable cups, filled with soil and a packet of seeds. No previous culinary knowledge needed. There is everything you need to grow peppers, tomatoes and basil in the pizza kit, but if you’re feeling in the festive spirit then you are in luck; Urban Farmer have come up with a Grow Your Own Christmas Dinner Kit containing everything you need to grow the vegetables. Add a turkey, and you’ll be a popular housemate.
Sherlock Cluedo £18.49 at Argos
It just wouldn’t be Christmas without a good old family board game would it? Now you can argue with your family over an extra special edition of Cluedo. It adds a bit of flavour to a classic, and with Benedict Cumberbatch’s face plastered on the front of the box this gift is not only intellectually stimulating, it’s also very easy on the eye. Compared to most other bored games this isn’t too expensive (since when did you need a mortgage to buy Monopoly?) and it’s sure to be a favourite with the family.
The Courier
Die Hard Box Set £10 at Argos
Ellymental Jewellery A little spoken fact of the Die Hard series is that the first two instalments are intrinsically Christmas films. A glass of mulled wine and Die Hard have been a staple of my family Christmas since I can remember; it’s just not a holiday without seeing Hans Gruber plunge to his death. This box includes parts 1-5 of the invincible John McClane’s violent exploits. Give a special man in your life a collection of action movies which will make his year.
Tetris Lights
Fortunately, unlike the game, these lights do not disappear when you connect them together but instead illuminate upon contact with each other with the long blue piece forming the base. What makes these lights really cool is the fact that you can arrange them in pretty much any way you want, which results in some pretty crazy combinations and sizes. They’re a bit pricey for what they are, but there’s no denying they’re pretty awesome.
£23 at Amazon
Central Perk Jammies £30 at Cafe Press
Not only are these pyjamas possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever seen but they’re also available with a choice of plaid pyjama bottoms. If you aren’t sold yet there’s little else I can say to convince you. We all know that someone who’s an obsessive Friends fan and this gift would suit them perfectly. The only better thing you could give a Friends fan this Christmas is Jennifer Aniston herself, and apparently there’s laws against that kind of thing.
Fluxmob Bolt Portable Charger £36.65 at www.fluxmob.com
This little beauty is something you’ll wonder how you did without. The product of a hugely successful Kickstarter campaign, it’s a tiny unit containing an incredibly strong Samsung lithium ion battery which is capable of two charges before it runs out of juice. It can charge anything with a USB port, it can replace your standard charger whilst keeping a charge in the internal battery, letting you charge on the move.
Kindle Paperwhite 2013 £109 at Amazon
featureschristmas.11
Monday 9 December 2013
The latest in Amazon’s range of eBook readers offers upgrades to the previous model with the new Carta screen, which changes the contrast and is perfectly lit making for a great reading experience. It also contains a micro USB slot, allowing you to transfer your own eBooks from your computer. For owners of 2012 Paperwhites it’s probably not worth the upgrade, but for those new to the eBook scene this is the one to buy.
Brooch £16, Swift Necklace £20
Downton Abbey Series 4 £20 at Tesco
Thanks to this ITV period drama there are few people left on earth who do not know the difference between a footman and a valet and for those who do fall into this category this DVD is the present for them. It features all eight episodes of the series, and is brimming with dry remarks from the sublime Maggie Smith and the sheer unapologetic sass of Mary. She may be husbandless, but that girl can rock a black dress like no other.
Whether its Dickens or Wilde that floats your literary boat, these quirky hand-made jewellery pieces are made from 1950s books and Victorian newspaper layered and coated with varnish. If walking around with 20th century fictional characters isn’t your scene then not to worry, they a range of cut out animals too. If you want a more romantic festive gesture they do a heart shaped brooch hand-made from an abandoned copy of Pride & Prejudice.
Woodbuds Earphones £25 at www.woodbuds.com
There are those amongst us for whom the sixties never really ended, despite the fact that we were born in the nineties. You know that housemate you have with the rainbow-coloured Jimi Hendrix poster on their wall and four tiedie t-shirts in their wardrobe? Well, Woodbuds earphones are made of FSC certified sustainable wood, using bio-plastic for the cable, and packaging that is 100% recyclable, the perfect gift to hush that hippy.
Sabrina: The Complete Box Set £31 at Amazon
I think I speak for us all when I say there has been a Melissa Joan Hart shaped hole in my heart that has never quite been filled. That is until now, with the news that you can buy all 7 seasons, I repeat all 7 seasons, of Sabrina the Teenage Witch in one wonderful box set. What could be better than a boxing day spent reliving that magical moment when Harvey whisked Sabrina away on his motorcycle? Nothing, I tell you, nothing.
Harry Potter Wand Remote £45 at Amazon
Everybody has that friend who proudly proclaims their Harry Potter nerdery They may enjoy this Harry Potter Wand Remote, a device which learns your own personal wrist movements and can turn on the TV, change the channel and alter the volume. Deep down, we all want Hagrid to turn up and bundle us off to Hogwarts; the Harry Potter Wand Remote lets you experience the wonders of magic with the magic of technology.
Daft Punk Deluxe Set £175 from www.daftpunk.com
After seeing Random Access Memories go to number one in over twenty countries, helmet enthusiasts Daft Punk, have conveniently made a flashy box set version availablein. It comes in a cloth-bound box, and includes vinyl, a photo-book, gold-plated USBs and a partridge in a pear tree and many other goodies. This is the perfect gift for that friend that likes Daft Punk just a little too much, but it’s making my eyes water just thinking about the price.
Nanodots
These things are the very defi£27.43 at www.nanodots.com nition of a great fun gadget for Christmas. They’re described on the website as magnet spheres precisionmilled from ‘NeodyniumIron-Boron’, which is sciencespeak for ‘these little balls are magnetised and you can pretty much make anything you want out of them’. They make an absolutely perfect office toy, and are so resilient that they can probably survive a missile strike.
Videre Diy Pinhole Camera Kit £35 at Pop-Up Pinhole Company
This Videre allows you to take your own pinhole photographs with a neat do-it-yourself kit. It is an ideal gift for photography and film enthusiasts. The clever kit works without a lens, instead using a precision laser-cut 0.4mm pinhole. The project originated from a passion for pinhole photography and unique design and is made from 100% recycled and hand screen-printed card. All you need is a 120 film and some craft glue, so get snapping!
The Clash Soundsystem Box Set £99 at www.theclash.com
Perhaps the best of this year’s box sets comes courtesy of legendary British punk band The Clash, who have put together a collectors edition of their complete discography for the first time. The remasters are accompanied by demos, b-sides and a host of memorabilia including posters and badges. This is a great gift for any punk parents who never quite managed to grow out of their music taste and get into Michael Bublé.
Playstation 4 £349 at Amazon
It wouldn’t be a Christmas gadget list in 2013 without at least one next-gen console, would it? I listed Sony’s PS4 here over Microsoft’s Xbox One because it has a cheaper price point and comes with a 14 day Playstation Plus trial and a HDMI cable.Recommended games for launch are Killzone: Shadow Fall and Battlefield 44, and with games like Infamous: Second Son and Watch Dogs on the horizon, the PS4 looks to be the thinking man’s choice.
12.christmaslists
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Countdown: The top 10 albums of 2013 It’s been a fantastic year for albums, with big comebacks and exciting breakthroughs; our writers have had sleepless nights narrowing it down to run down of the best. Bounce this lot off your eardrums
10
Janelle Monae
9
The Electric Lady
Disclosure Settle
There aren’t many pop stars who can confidently marry slick R&B-soulpop with huge, high concept narrative albums about being a sexy female robot in a man’s, man’s man’s, man’s world, but if one were to stick one’s metaphorical wedge on one pop star being able to do that and cram some colossal tunes, one would probably bank on Janelle Monae. Continuing roughly where 2010’s The ArchAndroid left off, The Electric Lady’s most remarkable achievement is to take a completely off-the-wall, frequently deranged concept and approach to songwriting (“yeah, chuck a rap breakdown in here, bit of lounge diva over there, and then for the middle eight I fancy a bit of space-funk, if you don’t mind”) and make it sound completely natural and unforced. Gaga made a song and dance of being a ‘pop artist’, but Monae is the all-singing-all-dancing real deal. Tom Nicholson
In a dance-scape that’s been dominated by brainless Guetta-pop and brostep for the past couple of years, Disclosure’s debut album Settle came as a welcome breath of fresh air; a reminder that dance music doesn’t have to be crammed with the kind of brain-mashing synth-abuse and sped-up alien voice samples you’ll find in any given Skrillex track. Settle is stuffed with the kind of old-school house and garage beats you can just about remember from your distant ‘90s childhood, overlaid with subtle hooks that sneak into your consciousness and stick there. It’s all topped off with a smorgasbord of fresh UK talent handling vocal duties, from Jamie Woon to AlunaGeorge. It would’ve been easy for Disclosure to let the album rely on its massive singles, ‘White Noise’, ‘You & Me’ and ‘F For You’, but the rest of the album is just as flawless. Get on down. Kate Bennett
6
5
Chance the Rapper Acid Rap
Acid Rap is the best hip hop album of the year because Chance the Rapper is a unique personality, a madcap combination of André 3000s flow, Danny Brown’s screeching delivery and Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s crazy harmonies and general lunacy. Acid Rap is the best hip hop album of the year because Chance actively and vocally rejects the misogynistic and gun-obsessed gangsta rap tropes which are starting to creep back into the genre, espousing a philosophy of peace and love. tAcid Rap is the best hip hop album of the year because the production harkens best to early Kanye West at his soul-sampling best, each song replete with at least two incredible earworm hooks. Acid Rap is the best hip hop album of the year because it boasts career-best guest spots from Childish Gambino, Ab-Soul, Action Bronson, and even Twista. Hell, especially Twista. Acid Rap is the best hip hop album of the year. Blow me. Sam Summers
2
Arcade Fire Reflektor
Despite only being released just over a month ago, Arcade Fire’s Reflektor is undoubtedly one of the most important and significant records of 2013. The fourth studio album from Montreal’s finest is their first double album, and their second consecutive release to go straight to number one in the UK. The opening song on Reflektor tells you most of what you need to know about this record. The seven-and-a-half-minute long title track, with lyrics alternating between English and French, rumbles towards its thundering crescendo, reminding you that behind the accordions and hurdy-gurdys, Arcade Fire can get heavy with the best of them. In fact, with influences ranging from Haitian rara music to Danish philosophers, Reflektor could be the indie rockers’ most weird and wonderful work yet. Listen out for the telltale production of LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy, as well as cameos from David Bowie and Jonathan Ross (seriously). Luke Davis
Savages
Silence Yourself
Post-punk found itself stuck in the doldrums in the Noughties, the likes of Interpol and Editors sanding off all its sharp edges and churning out radio-friendly mope-rock with cod-Ian Curtis vocals. Savages emerged last year to drag the genre spitting and snarling back to its dark, noisy roots. The London band’s searing debut Silence Yourself, released in May, is as brittle and brutal as broken glass, from the irresistibly catchy, gravelly bass tones of album opener ‘Shut Up’ to the twisted lounge piano of closing track ‘Marshal Dear’. The whole record is saturated in a kind of near-hysteria; moments of mournful sweetness counterbalanced by shrieked, unhinged vocals and cavernous swathes of guitar noise, all underpinned by a ferocious rhythm section. Imagine Gang of Four and Siouxsie Sioux locked in an attic for thirty years and gone feral: one of the most intense albums in years. Kate Bennett
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8
Kanye West Yeezus
Yeezus is the epitome of what Kanye West has become. It’s an album that has been derided by a wide section of his fanbase, yet it still deserves the accolade of one of the best albums of the year. Kanye shows with Yeezus that he more than understands a multitude of movements within music. Songs like ‘On Sight’, ‘I Am A God’ and ‘Black Skinhead’ clearly show a Death Grips influence, whilst the TNGHT-produced ‘Blood on the Leaves’ shows Kanye’s interest in the EDM trap movement, not to mention the incredible range of samples that Kanye uses. The lyrics reveal attempted social commentary contrasted with Kanye’s egotistical reflections about his life. Whilst at times it is an odd mix, the uniqueness of this album shows why it deserves to be seen as one of the top albums of 2013. Declan McCann
4
Daft Punk
Random Access Memories
Random Access Memories marks Daft Punk’s first release since 2005, and despite the French duo’s robotic appearance the album featured live instrumentation and collaborations from Pharrell Williams, Julian Casablancas (of The Strokes fame) and Nile freaking Rogers. The album was devised as a tribute to the music that was coming from the US during the 1970s and 1980s and that shows with the bubbly, feel-good tone of the album. Anyone who hated ‘Get Lucky’ pre-overplay was, in my experience, a liar. With one of the funkiest guitar riffs of the year and the great vocals of Pharrell behind it ‘Get Lucky’ was not only the song of the summer but single-handedly started the retro craze in the pop scene. Other personal highlights of the album include the great ‘Instant Crush’, the incredibly catchy ‘Lose Yourself to Dance’ and ‘Give Life Back to Music’, one of my favourite album openers of all time. Michael Hickss
Arctic Monkeys AM
When Sheffield boys Arctic Monkeys burst onto the scene back in 2005 with the forever catchy ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor’ the world took a deep breath in awe at what was touted to be Britain’s great next rock band. Following in the steps of The Beatles, the Stones, Oasis and the Roses amongst many others, their debut album Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not suggested they were going to be just that. Their follow up Favourite Worst Nightmare was solid but the third and fourth albums Humbug and Suck It And See just didn’t live up to their early billing and suggested that would could have been a great band, would simply just be a good band. AM however has surely reverted that point of view. The slow drum beat and opening riff to the initial track ‘Do I Wanna Know’ begins the album as it means to continue, with sing-along chorus perfectly appropriate for festival rock intertwined with toe-tapping beats to keep the simplicity that great rock anthems live by.
‘R U Mine’, a personal favourite, is the second track on the album and a real reflection of the music they released early on in their career. The lyrics are intelligent and yet simplistic while the tune is made for dancing to and will surely be a favourite for years to come in indy-themed nightclubs. ‘I Want It All’ bears a strong resemblance to The Killers and along with ‘One For The Road’, ‘No. 1 Party Anthem’, ‘Snap Out of It’ and ‘Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?’ completes a set of what could all be successful chart singles. The album is highly listenable all the way through and completes a journey with fantastic track progression that encourages listening to in the dedicated order rather than a highlight led shuffle, a sign of a truly great album. It’s taken five albums for the Arctic Monkeys to live up to their early billing, but with AM unanimously our album of the year, it’s fair to say that they have finally found the formula we all knew they had in them all along. Ian Mason
7
David Bowie
The Next Day
When I heard the surprise news that Bowie was back from the wilderness, it was a few days after my 21st birthday. All I remember doing is screaming, being sick, calling my mam, crying, being sick some more, and then frantically pounding every form of social networking I could. MY MAN WAS BACK IN BUSINESS. While the mass Bowie fans go on about the Ziggy or Let’s Dance eras, I was so happy that this album was for the fans of the so-called Berlin Trilogy. With references in his record to Potsdamer Platz in ‘Where Are We Now?”, the abrasive krautrock vibes of ‘The Next Day’, and even its freaking cover, I knew straight away that we were witnessing music’s greatest timelord in a personal retrospective of the turbulent years of Low, Heroes and Lodger. This was a retrospective that was a long time coming. Jamie Shepherd
3
Foals
Holy Fire
Undeniably one of the most hotly anticipated albums of the year, Holy Fire did not fail to meet extremely high standards set for the bands’ third LP. Many albums released in the first quarter of the year fail to stay recent for the following months, but for me, Holy Fire was one of the paramount soundtracks of summer 2013 due to multiple festival appearances and single ‘My Number’ becoming the BBC Glastonbury coverage soundtrack. I really could ramble on about this album for hours, but to experience how Foals incorporate this into their live show is something every fan of their music should witness (my friend came out half a tooth less and my shoes will never look the same!) Every track on the set list - from beginning to end -, and most importantly the ones from Holy Fire, take on a whole new lease of life that truly cannot be found within the 50-minute recording. Tom Ardron
The Courier
listschristmas.13
Monday 9 December 2013
Countdown: The top 10 films of 2013
It’s been another great year for film as we’ve laughed, cried, jumped for joy and gasped for air. After heated debate our writers have settled on a list. Get your popcorn ready and feast your eyes on these
10 Wreck-It Ralph It’s easy to cringe when you hear that Disney are making a movie about video games, but any reservations were swiftly hadoukened into oblivion by the first trailer for Wreck-It Ralph. Featuring cameos from the casts of Sonic, Mario and Pacman, this was clearly a movie made by gamers, for gamers. Ralph mixed its huge cast of 8 and 16 bit stars with some cracking comedy, gorgeous animation capable of flitting through three distinct game worlds, genuinely affecting emotional beats and a strong voice cast headed by this-time-she’s-being-annoying-deliberately Sarah Silverman. Slightly marred by some messy plot devices, this was nonetheless the standout animated feature in a year dominated by sequels and particularly lacklustre Dreamworks fare. Wreck-It Ralph stands out as a brave experiment in a genre suffering from complacency. Sam Summers
2
Django Unchained
A superb script, great action and fantastic acting sum up another inevitably exquisite film from Quentin Tarantino. A bloody and ruthless take on the Wild West and Deep South of America during the slavery years. Tarantino teams up with Christoph Waltz again, after the success of Inglorious Basterds, and his incredible talents are deployed as the ideal companion to Jamie Foxx’s title character. Django sets off on a journey, accompanied by Waltz, to win back his love from the clutches of brutal slave owner Monsieur Candie (Leonardo Di Caprio). The dialogue and performances complement the often excessive use of violence so characteristic of a Tarantino movie. Despite the violence, Django Unchained is a truly brilliant film that can be enjoyed by anyone and even scrapes the test for historical accuracy (a fact that will please fellow history students). An exceptional film that is well worthy of its spot. James Vesty
Catching Fire
5
Rush
So Katniss Everdeen has triumphed in The Hunger Games. Game Over, right? Wrong. Katniss’ little misdemeanour has landed her back into the games once more, and this time it’s personal. Katniss’ stunt has caused an uprising in all 12 districts. The Capitol has turned nasty on the public and Katniss is their only emblem of hope: The Mockingjay. Not for the fainthearted, Catching Fire is electrifying, emotional, spine-tingling and not without its fair share of bloodshed, whilst being backed by a remarkable soundtrack. Catching Fire knows exactly when to catch the audience off guard. Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss) and Donald Sutherland (President Snow) give tremendous performances. Every moment keeps you hooked – even if you have read the books – you’ll be captivated until the last critical, climactic second. Alex Gibbs
Partridge: 6 AlanAlpha Papa With such a burden of expectation and hope on its shoulders – and the kind of drawn-out gestation which would have killed many a lesser project – it was an enormous relief to fans of Partridge to find that yes, Alan could hack it on the big screen. Presumably the man himself would have no such misgivings about his suitability for film stardom, but the fact that all of the weirdness, pettiness and, well, Alan-ness which makes the character great translated so well from TV to film is still remarkable. Locating the action in Norwich and bringing back Lynn, Michael the Geordie, Dave Clifton et al were critical to this, undoubtedly. However, the writing is so sharp, and Steve Coogan’s performance as Partridge so rounded, that Alpha Papa stands up as a film in its own right. It doesn’t just rely on Partridge shouting “A-ha!” or “Jackanackanory”, and indeed adds its a slew of new phrases to the Partridge canon. Back of the net. Tom Nicholson
9
Rush is the exhilarating real-life tale of two very different men who are both after the same thing – the 1976 Formula One World Championship. James Hunt (Chris ‘Thor’ Hemsworth) is a rakish Englishman whose interests outside the racing circuit are largely sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll; Niki Lauda (Daniel Bruhl) is an uptight Austrian whose sole interest is the pursuit of victory. There’s a heavily cartoonish element to Rush, in the chalk-and-cheese portrayals of the two main characters and the piston-pumping race scenes, but it suits the general overblown nature of the film – it’s not trying to be a nuanced insight into a sportsman’s mind, it’s a nail-biter about clashing personalities in a high-risk sport, and it delivers in a way that the Fast & Furious movies never really did. Whether you’re a committed Formula One fan or totally uninterested in cars, Rush is an absolute joyride of a movie. Kate Bennett
1
Gravity
There is that one special film that comes about every decade that quite simply changes the very way we think about film, and Gravity is perhaps that film. It feels revolutionary, but it’s departure from what has preceded it is discovered in its subtleties rather than any grandiose statement. At turns a pensive, spiritual voyage and terrifying thriller of apocalyptic proportions, yet always remaining distinctly beautiful, a sheer work of art and testament to the creative forces of messrs Cuarón, Lubezcki and Webber. A film that was perhaps labelled as yet another space movie, an addition to an already crowded sub-genre, well and truly silenced all its doubters. Fans of Cuarón’s work (Y Tu Mama, Children of Men) will recognise his deft hand at delving into dark matter and disaster. Be it in the apocalyptic visions of Mankinds future, the emotional torment of adolescence, or even in the twisted tale of the Boy Who Lived, Cuarón is a master who made crystal clear his brilliance. Yet, there is always a necessary element of hope and it is here that the Gravity leaves a lasting impression. Yes, there
8
Zero Dark Thirty
4
Before Midnight
A masterful critique of the various institutions, people, and ideologies involved in the mission to capture, and kill, Osama Bin Laden. What makes this film unmissable is the altered consciousness that it adopts in conducting a critical study of the event, rather than aligning itself with the hoi polloi of political thrillers that indulge in popular currencies of rank essentialism. Here, the ideological limits of the so-called ‘liberators’ is analysed perfectly exemplified in Maya, as opposed to yet another project of tunnel vision. The money, manpower, and mentalities involved in the conduct of such a mission speaks volumes for the embedded tendencies of the American psyche. Ultimately, it asks questions. Director Katherine Bigelow purposefully leaves audiences to engage with their own perceptions, right up to the final frame and a truly astounding climax. Muneeb Hafiz
Before Midnight is the third film in Richard Linklater’s series – preceded by Before Sunrise and Before Sunset – that has followed Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delphy) growing up and falling in love along the way. In Before Midnight, we meet the couple on a family holiday in Greece, with kids in tow. The subtly brilliant performances and the sharp, witty script that defined the previous films all return in Before Midnight; a rom-com it may be, but not in the traditional sense. Laden with dialogue, often a weakness but here a strength - light enough to amuse, rich enough to compel in equal measure. Linklater does not deal in fluff; Before Midnight is certainly darker than its predecessors but no less casually profound. It seamlessly adds to one of the most charming modern love stories, watching Jesse and Celine chat feels like visiting old friends. Relationships are rarely perfect, unlike Before Midnight, which comes mighty close indeed. Jacob Crompton-Schreiber are thrills - Cuarón is almost sadistic in his emotional puppetry - however, the payoff is both wholeheartedly welcomed and executed so wondrously that it is not a payoff for payoff ’s sake. Gravity never seeks to answer life’s conundrums but appreciates their existence as a necessary part of our existence. There are internal struggles of the heart and mind that we cannot escape. Not even a voyage into the perceived tranquility of the perpetual blackness and infinite scope of space can serve as a shelter to the very real,very worldly problems that can only be solved by conquering demons within. In Gravity’s ability to engage with such grand issues without assuming any rigid pedagogical, fable-like or rhetorical stance, its success lies. It merely seeks to take us on a journey, to make us feel something, laughter, terror, joy, angst, heartbreak, victory, rather than attempting to enlighten or inform us. The critical, commercial and technical successes of Gravity reinforce the giant steps it has taken in burrowing deeper into the possibilities of a spacebased movie. Met by near-universal adoration in the critical sphere, over the $615,000,000 mark (and counting) at the global box office, and overcoming development hell to produce innovation of the highest order. Ultimately, Gravity achieves that sacred triumvirate of aesthetic perfection, profound narrative, and infallible performances to create something truly special. A mustsee and a worthy Number 1. Muneeb Hafiz
7
Pacific Rim
250ft robots fighting angry legions of monsters. Fearing a horrific crossover of Transformers and Godzilla I was extremely tentative to give this film a chance but within the first ten minutes I could have done a cartwheel. Here was a film about robots that actually brought some life back to the previously weightless genre. It was actually fun to see a diverse, talented cast pilot Jaegers against the Kaijus that have thrown the world of 2020 into war. The fight scenes are distinctive, dark and tense so never fall into a generic, dull brawl shown too often in testosterone-fueled action films of today. When this is combined with an unpredictable plot, tasteful use of special effects and the relentless pummeling of Hollywood-enforced racial stereotypes we have a film as captivating as Pacific Rim. If you haven’t got the hint yet; this is seriously not a film to be missed from 2013. Rosanna Bellini
3
The World’s End
The final entry in Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy, The World’s End managed to live up to the ridiculously high standard set by Shaun Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz, and in many ways even manages to surpass its predecessors. It’s far from the funniest entry in the series, or the most successful parody, but Pegg’s Gary King is easily the most fully developed protagonist in the trilogy. An alcoholic obsessed with reliving his ‘90s adolescence in the form of an epic pub crawl through his home village, Gary’s delusions are very, very funny to start with, but become very, very sad over the course of the film, helping World’s End to find the right balance between outrageous comedy and comeplling storytelling. With the Cornetto films and Scott Pilgrim under his belt, and Marvel’s Ant Man on the way, Edgar Wright is quickly becoming the most reliable comic director in Hollywood. Sam Summers
14.christmaslists
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
Top 5 Books of 2013 Top 5 Shows of 2013 If you’re searching for the perfect novel to relax with in front of the fire this Christmas, Alex Gibbs and Sabine Kucher recommend the top five novels of 2013
The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope Rhonda Riley
Set on a quaint farm in North Carolina, a new overwhelming, captivating love begins as a war ends; the Second World War that is. Evelyn Roe, our female protagonist falls madly in love with Adam Hope, a severely wounded soldier found amidst the red clay soil of her family’s farm. With a touch of the supernatural and mystery knitted into the fabric of Riley’s narrative, The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope is a spellbinding novel that boils down to how we can never know enough about other people, even those we love. Skilfully written, Riley’s debut is a cracker of a read, showing the development of a relationship that overcomes all struggles, with hints of nature and biblical references sprinkled throughout. A definite holiday read, very touching and tender. Alex Gibbs
Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls David Sedaris
Hailed by many as America’s best humourist, David Sedaris’ latest collection of essays Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls certainly lives up to expectations as it takes its readers on a bizarre and thought-provoking tour of the world. The book is supposedly an ‘educational series’, but really provides an excuse for Sedaris to tell us about odd encounters in airport lounges, his hatred of litterers in the English countryside, squat-style toilets in China, the hazards of French dentistry and everything in between. Sedaris seems to greet new developments with an underlying sense of doom and a cheeky smile. As soon as one finishes you can’t wait to discover what happens in the next – creating a real danger of Sedaris-withdrawal symptoms once you’ve finished. This is a book to lose yourself in as you laugh out loud at Sedaris’ travels, trials and tribulations. Sabine Kucher
Sisterland
Curtis Sittenfeld
From the author of the incredible and mesmeric American Wife, Sisterland is an account depicting the life of twins Violet and Kate, who grow up together in St Louis. Not only do they have looks in common, but an advanced intuition to sense what might happen in the near future. With a troublesome family background, the psychic twins are faced with the trouble of whether to use their psychic abilities. Differing in choice, Sittenfeld documents the life of these twins and their desire to leave St Louis and each other’s decisions on using their psychic powers behind. When tackling the supernatural, Sittenfeld shines with her capability to intertwine the realistic with the paranormal, making it a gripping read to the very last page. Alex Gibbs
The Cuckoo’s Calling
Robert Galbraith
When superstar model Lula Landry falls to her death from the balcony of her chic London apartment, the media and police are quick to call it suicide. Not convinced, her brother hires Cormoran Strike, a war veteran private detective who has hit rock bottom. Initially only taking the case to save his business, Strike’s keen attention to detail soon leads him into the darker corners of the young model’s world. A drug-addict boyfriend and a crazy foster mother join a whole range of suspects in a world where nothing is as it seems. Robert Galbraith’s tale asks how much we can really ever know about the rich and famous. The story of the hardboiled detective and his naïve yet insightful secretary seeking the truth in fog-filled London is an homage to the detective stories of the 40s with a remarkable twist that will have you turning the pages well into the small hours. Sabine Kucher
And The Mountains Echoed Khaled Hosseini
For anyone who has read Khaled Hosseini’s earlier literary masterpieces The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns, will be instantaneously captivated by his third flawless sensation. Longawaited and expected to hit the New York Bestseller list once again, Hosseini’s And the Mountains Echoed delivers another breathtaking, gripping novel. Starting off with a picture of Afghanistan in 1952, a brother (Abdullah) and sister (Pari) live in Shadbagh, struggling under the tormenting evils of poverty and unemployment. Absolutely devoted to his sister, older sibling Abdullah will do anything to keep her safe and well provided for. Split apart from one another at a young age, Hosseini explores the complex world of Abdullah and Pari, with each of his nine chapters narrated in a separate person’s perspective. Hosseini’s style and structure varies from the previous two literary marvels in which he’s concocted. Spanning across difference continents and age brackets, Hosseini unveils the beauty of sibling love and friendship, reminding us of how important the bonds of family really are, even when separated. Typical of his novels, Hosseini delves into the history of each character and the emotional turmoil each struggles with. Hosseini follows on with the familial theme that was
5
As the ‘golden age’ of TV continues, our writers and editors take a look at five of year’s best from the UK and across the pond
Parks & Recreation
Now in its sixth season, NBC’s Parks and Rec is still one of the best comedies on TV, and it shows no signs of slowing down. Well, OK, with Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones taking their leave later this season, and Chris Pratt and Aubrey Plaza well on the way to big-time Hollywood stardom, Parks might not have much time left, but that’s all the more reason to enjoy it while it lasts. The story of Lesley Knope, a low level, yet ridiculously optimistic and principled, politician in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana, Parks’ strength is in its characters and their relationships, with Pratt’s human labrador Andy Dwyer, Aziz Ansari’s wannabe entrepreneur Tom Haverford and Nick Offerman’s ultra-manly Ron Swanson as the standouts. Sam Summers
5
4 Game of Thrones
4
3 Girls
3
In all honesty I’m surprised this show didn’t finish first, and I know I’m not the only one. Perhaps it’s simply a case of short memories rather than calibre of programming, either that or I’m a snob who refuses to accept he’s wrong. Game of Thrones follows in the footsteps of Harry Potter and LOTR, turning gripping reading into equally gripping watching. The small-screen adaptation isn’t entirely true to the books, and in a lot of ways this change of direction enriches the watching experience as it allows the element of surprise, even for the most dedicated fans of the series. The cinematography of the show is spectacular, the acting is sterling, and with series four starting in early 2014, I’m champing at the bit. Ian Mason Have you ever wondered what show you’d get if you stripped away the makeup, couture and luxury of Sex and the City, and gave it a vulgar, laughable and downright brutally honest depiction on what women are really like in New York City? Well here’s your answer: Girls. Not just for us Girlies, Lena Dunham and her three chums try and manoeuvre their way through the hectic New York lifestyle, living on 50 cent a day. Based on Dunham’s own crazy encounters as a 27 year old, actress and director Dunham unashamedly bares all (literally), from sharing toilet scenes to new experiences like snorting cocaine. Each of the four girls is loveable even when they have their tantrums, which aren’t in short supply. Girls is ridden with hilarity, senseless behaviour and the reassurance that you’re not as uncouth as these women are. Alex Gibbs
2 Hannibal
Since my summer-induced marathon of all 12 episodes, I’ve been waxing lyrical about this show. Hannibal is without a doubt one of the best shows I’ve watched this year, if not ever. Starring Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy, the series takes on the heavily saturated Hannibal franchise with a twist. Rather than rehash old ground, the small-screen adaptation adds a touch of class, with some incredibly calculated cinematography and brilliant acting minus the camp of the films. Subtle storylines intertwine each episode and reveal themselves at the end of the series, making second watching even better. Don’t be put off by the premise of a creepy European psychologist who eats people in tantalising slow-mo cooking sequences that make you question your own cannibalistic tendencies. It’s totally worth it. Beth Durant
1 Breaking Bad
intertwined into his previous novels, making this book another wonderful creation. Hosseini is not ashamed to confront the horrific themes of suicide, loss and painful memories. Elegantly written and filled with compassion, Hosseini delivers an enchanting insight into a world which we aren’t so familiar with and immerses us within it. Playing on our heartstrings, Hosseini churns out a third beautiful piece of literature that should be commended by critics all around. After a painfully strenuous five year wait after the release of the beautiful A Thousand Splendid Suns, Hosseini’s third triumph And The Mountains Echoed was well worth the hold-up. Alex Gibbs
As you are a human who presumably has interactions with other humans, and probably access to the internet, I’ll not patronise you by restating Breaking Bad’s original premise (Cranston, chemistry, cancer and meth, bitch) in any great detail. To understand just how big it’s been this year, you only need to look around to see how elements from the show – the iconic hazard suits, or Walt’s most memorable lines, perhaps – have seeped into our cultural consciousness. It’s a feat TV dramas have rarely managed. But then the show is something rare. The early seasons were genre-breakingly unique; think the Chuckle Brothers try to cook crystal meth – a pair of incompetents trapped in a seemingly endless series of botched drug deals, corpse palavers and narrow escapes, as consistently as exciting as it was blackly hilarious. Not so in the latter seasons, as the show built to an almost unbearably tense character study of Walter White’s slow degradation. With creator Vince Gilligan in the director’s chair for much of season five, all the technical elements were in place; the vast, sparse cinematography, the occasional effective song choice. The finale was one of the most anticipated in televisual history. In the end, the most satisfying moment of was not any great act of violence or revenge, but Walt’s final ad-
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1
mission to Skyler, “I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it”. Here we finally had it, what we knew all along; “I did it for me”. It hadn’t been about family (so easily dead), or money (so easily stolen) for a long time. “I did it for me”. It was all the dramatic catharsis we deserved. Lydia Carroll
The Courier
listschristmas.15
Monday 9 December 2013
Top 5 Games of 2013 Top 5 Apps of 2013 If you’re wondering which games should be keeping you busy this Christmas, Michael Hicks’ choices have plenty to offer
Bioshock Infinite
Life just wouldn’t have been as much fun this year without the self-reassurance that a Tinder match provides. Lifestyle Editor Hazel Parnell takes us through the top 5 Apps of the year. Wishing you a very ‘appy Christmas!
5 Scoopshot
5
Fire Emblem: Awakening 4
Shazam
4
Grand Theft Auto V
Vine
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Irrational’s third entry into the Bioshock universe was announced way back in August 2010, and finally released in March of this year. I can safely say that the wait was worth it. The story takes place in 1912 following Booker DeWitt, an ex-Pinkerton agent tasked with infiltrating the floating city of Columbia to find the young woman Elizabeth. Columbia is truly one of the most beautiful locations ever created in a video game, perfectly capturing the idyllic, turn-of-the-century Americana look. Gameplay takes the form of an extremely enjoyable first-person shooter combined with Bioshock’s signature superpowers (this time called Vigors), making for some of the most fun firefights, and the brilliant AI helper in the form of Elizabeth who never overstays her welcome. Truly a one of a kind experience you have to try for yourself.
An effective and easy way of making that extra bit of dollar you can use towards your trebs. You basically take photos with your smartphone that can be sold to multiple publications though the app/service, which in turn gets you royalty. Effectively its crowdsourcing your photos, but everyone gets a fair share, and it’s putting to use all of the camera phones out there. The app gives you a keyword or theme and you use that as a task in which to take a photo which is appropriate to that theme. The app then sells the photo on to publications and you receive money through the royalties of that photo being used.
Probably the most obscure game on the list, but still more than worthy of its place. Fire Emblem’s story follows the prince Chrom and his merry band of soldiers (one of which is a player-created avatar) in their quest to save the kingdom of Ylisse from foreign invaders. Gameplay takes the form of a turn-based strategy game,and combat in rock, paper, scissors style match-ups, in addition to each unit having their own individual set of classes. Fire Emblem also boasts well developed characters, which means that the default permanent death setting makes combat all the more emotional and strategic, although this can be turned off.
Grand Theft Auto V is mainly centred around Rockstar’s unique blend of wacky, crime-based mayhem and hilarious fun in a huge, open world with loads to do. The world of Los Santos is full to the brim of things to do, with street races, golf clubs, and everything in-between available to the player. The ridiculous level of detail and scope is something which has to be admired. The great thing about GTAV is that when you’re ready to grow up there’s a well written, hilarious and thoroughly enjoyable storyline to play through, and the focus on three different characters means each mission feels fresh and unique. This is truly a great way to end this console generation with a literal bang.
Pokemon X&Y
X and Y brought welcome reforms to what was an ageing series, the most prominent being the new beautiful 3D visuals, showcasing a substantial step up in aesthetics and feeling like the first true sequel to Red and Blue. Also introduced were the new Fairy-type Pokémon, and many old favourites now boast Mega-Evolutions, allowing for much greater diversity in making your dream team. Not only do X and Y boast a 20-hour long storyline and 400 Pokémon, the new Player Search System allows you to connect, battle and trade with other players far easier, resulting in a game with great longevity. It’s a must-have for long-time fans of the series.
The Last of Us
If there is one thing this console generation has shown us it’s that people seem to love zombies. Dead Rising, Resident Evil and The Walking Dead just to scratch the surface. The Last of Us always ran the danger of just being another zombie game but it stood out and was something special. The incredibly talented Naughty Dog fittingly devised The Last of Us as a last hurrah for the PS3.
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“For those with a PS3, this game is unmissable”
What makes The Last of Us special is the story. The Last of Us’ world has fallen into ruin following a fungal pandemic, which takes over the brain and turns the dead into mindless infected. After what is easily one of the most gruelling, heartbreaking and emotional openings in history, we are introduced to our main characters. Joel is the harsh, bitter old man who is tasked with escorting the teenage Elllie, immune to the fungus, to a group called the Fireflies in order to devise a cure. Naughty Dog manages to avoid the stagnation of the zombie genre via its execution, and each of the game’s themes are treated with a
level of respect rarely seen in a video-game, making it stand well above the crowd. To get into the amazing story and character development more would be spoiling too much. Let it be known that these are The Last of Us’ greatest strengths, and for those with a PS3, this game is unmissable.
So, the Persil advert has just come on again and you’re desperate to find out what the song is that’s playing on it. That’s where Shazam comes in. Shazam has a button that you press and it effectively ‘listens’ to what you’re playing and tracks it down for you on iTunes or whatever your phone’s alternative is. It’s not just music either; Shazam tracks down TV programs and films as well and can recognise up to 33 different languages. Before you start writing in emails of complaint, yes, I know it’s not new - it was invented in 2002 - but the 2013 edition is a much improved version and I’ve only just discovered it. Sorry.
If you like any form of funny/animal-based/embarrassing video then this is the app for you. With millions of videos to browse and categories to choose them from, it can provide not just hours but days of entertainment. Sounds like YouTube? No, because these videos only last for 6 seconds at a time. You can also record your own Vines, the video only records when your finger is on the screen so you can pause filming at any time by removing your finger, find something new to film and place your finger back on the screen to continue filming. You can do this all in one 6-second take.
Tinder
One of the newest apps on the market and it’s revolutionary in a sense because it’s removed the taboo of dating websites and put it into a more innovative form – the app. Tinder works by using the location services on your phone to find people in your vicinity. You put in the age range of your ideal match, their gender and how far you’re willing to search for them (in miles) and it gives you a wide range of individuals to choose from. In a nutshell it’s a way to judge whether or not you’d shag them based on their 5 best photographs. If you “like” someone and they “like” you back then tinder lets you talk to them and it mocks you if you’re too shy. If you aren’t too shy and you try flirt with them and it backfires when they ignore you (awkward) then it may be best to come out with the age-old “sorry that was my friend, not me” line.
Snapchat
An obvious favourite for a lot of us. Snapchat offers a quick and easy form of communicating your location, ideas or feelings to parents, friends and lovers in a 1-10 second snap. Although it was initially launched in 2011, it’s only this year that it’s taken over our smartphones at a rapid rate. Snapchat was originally designed for us to send ‘cheeky’ snaps of our boobs to husbands, boyfriends or our significantly inappropriate others, it’s now branched out and is inundated with pictures of us taking more than hideous selfies to send to our friends. The app is designed for you to set a viewing limit to the receiver, meaning that their only able to view your photos or videos for a set amount of time, therefore encouraging us to send more and more inappropriate, hideous and weird snaps each day, in my personal opinion, the weirder the better, no fucks given. Another bonus of Snapchat is that it allows you to screenshot those awful photos of your friends “poo time” to use against them at a later date, but it does warn the sender so watch out. The application also gives you 34 characters in which to type messages, and a brush app to annotate your videos and images. It’s definitely one that we
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1 would dub as perfect for the Technology era. Snapchat has also developed different branches of itself, for example, Snapcat – where cats take selfies by pressing their paws on the screen. Since the term selfie has become part of the Oxford English dictionary it seems more than legitimate for it to be our number 1 app of the year. So
16.christmasfeatures
Monday 9 December 2013
The Courier
For the last nine years, father and son duo Clive Webb and Danny Adams have helmed the Theatre Royal pantomime. They talked to Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson about this year’s panto, the politics of pie fights, and mountains of deceased pigeons Hi Clive. How’s the panto going so far? It’s going brilliantly, it’s going wonderfully well. Which Shakespearean tragedy would work best as a panto, do you reckon? Ooh, I think Romeo and Juliet would stand a good chance, don’t you? There’s a lot of potential for good dames in there. Exactly. It has been done with Lenny Henry and Frank Bruno. It was on at the Palladium on the Royal Command or something. [It was Comic Relief about 20 years ago; Henry played Bruno playing Romeo, Bruno played Juliet. Poverty was ended overnight.] And, you know, the balcony could collapse and all sorts of things. Oh yeah, it could go in any number of directions. Which classically trained actor would you like to act opposite in a panto? [Thoughtfully] Classically trained… Or, you know, just a big dog in the acting world. Well, we’ve had a few. John Nettles, for instance. [To our knowledge, the star of Bergerac and Midsomer Murders is not classically trained.] He was great, thoroughly enjoyed the pantomime I did with him. That was Jack & the Beanstalk, and he was Fleshcreep, the baddy.
“I think Romeo and Juliet would work well as a pantomime, don’t you?” I can see that working well. Judi Dench would be a nice one. She’d be great. I always think Patrick Stewart would be a good dame. Patrick Stewart would be brilliant. I stood next to Patrick Stewart at a fireworks display once. Did he make any remarks about the fireworks? He said, “Oh yeah that’s brilliant”. I didn’t say anything about the Starship Enterprise. Probably sensible. Who kept the giant mechanical spider from Sleeping Beauty the other year? The twins who do all the effects in here - it’s probably doing another pantomime somewhere in the country. Ah right. I was just wondering whether they’d be up to no good with it. Have you seen that Will Smith film, Wild Wild West? There’s a massive mechanical spider in that. Erm… I have seen it, but I can’t remember it now. Don’t worry about it, I’ve seen it about eight times and I can’t remember it properly. Let’s move on. How long does it take you to get a script together? Well we’ve already started on next year, and the year after. We look a couple of years ahead. Some routines will be more applicable to different storylines, you know. If yourself and Danny were clambering into a pantomime horse, who would be at the front and who would be at the back? Now there lies a question. There would definitely be an argument. Probably Danny, because he’s no end of an ass. I would have to pull seniority on this
Big chat: Clive Webb and Danny Adams one, I’m afraid. Do you think there’s still room for the odd custard pie fight in modern theatre? We have one here and it goes massively, extremely well. It’s not just a case of flinging the pie; it’s an art. It’s not throwing the pie that gets all the laughs, it’s the anticipation. It’s making it so you see something and think, ‘Oh no, he’s not going to do that’. And Charlie Chaplin and all that were masters of that. Which end of the duo holds more of the comic burden: the pie-er or the pie-ee? It’s to do with both, without a shadow of a doubt. Do you occasionally use panto catchphrases in your day-to-day life? Like, if someone was telling you about how they’d been bereaved recently, you might say, “That sounds awful, but at least IT’S BEHIND YOU.” No, no. Once you leave the theatre, that’s it. You can’t take it home. You’d start throwing custard pies around the lounge, wouldn’t you? What’s the most surprising thing you’ve ever found behind you? I… in what respect? I mean just generally. Like, if you were backing out of a room and then you bumped into something surprising.
[Confused silence.] Because once I was walking in a field and turned round to talk to my friend, so I was facing her and walking backwards, and I walked into a cow. That was very surprising. Oh, that sort of thing? Yeah, that sort of thing. [Confused silence.] Not necessarily that. Years ago, when I was in the circus, I walked into a tent and there was an elephant in there. Actually,
“People were sending me photographs of dead pigeons and saying ‘I’ve killed a pigeon’ on the internet”
there were five of them in there. One was just walking around. That was a bit of a surprise. I can well imagine. How do you reckon panto will evolve in the 21st century, and how has it evolved recently? It’s evolved a lot more technically, the special effects are bang up to date. A lot of the music’s original, it’s very spectacular, a lot of the cast are exWest End people. It’s evolved into quite a spectacle, and fortunately it’s developed quite a reputation. We have people coming from London, from Norfolk, from Scotland. I sometimes have a look at the coaches and see where they’re from, and there’s so many coming from, like, Carlisle. [Our reputation] is spreading, which is good. It’s a shame it hasn’t spread to some television producers, really. I have some magic beans in my pocket. What have you got on you that you’d swap for them? I… beans… what would I swap the magic beans for? I’ve got the beans. Have you got anything good on you that you’d attempt to swap with me? On me now? Yeah. Or in the recent past. That’s a difficult one, isn’t it. Hmm… because I know what the beans will do, I’d give you anything I could find. Everything! I’d give you my entire bank balance, because I know I’d get it back a million times with the beans. [Clive neglected to reveal his business plan for monetising a beanstalk.] Is the audience response always the same? Can you rely on the crowd being excitable, or have you ever said “Oh no it isn’t!” and been greeted by general apathy?
We always get a response. Now, we’ve got a camera and a big screen and we can zoom in on people and see what they’re up to. It’s like something from The Jeremy Kyle Show sometimes. Which do you reckon is harder: playing King Lear or controlling a rowdy matinee crowd of 8-year-olds? For us, playing King Lear. For the actor playing Lear, probably the 8-year-olds. I think that’s the last of my questions… OH NO IT ISN’T!!!!!! [Unamused silence.] You were on Tiswas. Why isn’t Chris Tarrant on the telly anymore? He seems like a nice man. Because he’s very old. Well, I’ve learned a lot today. Thank you very much, Clive. Would you like to talk to Danny? I’d love to, Clive. Hi Danny, how you doing? I’m alright, how are you? I’m very well thanks. How’s the run going so far? Fantastic! Brilliant! This is our ninth year and this is definitely the best one we’ve done. I was having a look at your biography on the panto website last night, and there’s a picture of you with the phrase “He killed the pigeon”. What does that mean? Where is the pigeon? Why is it dead? Well, we used to do a comedy magic routine where we produced these pigeons - foam pigeons - and we’d disappear them in strange ways. One afternoon I just went “Ah, he’s killed the pigeon”, and it got a big laugh. From there on, every time something happened I’d go, “Ah, he’s killed the pigeon”. When we came out of the theatre, people were shouting, “Ah, he’s killed the pigeon!” So from then on we did a lot of stuff with pigeons. And now it’s evolved into a general expression of annoyance and regret. People were sending me photographs of dead pigeons and saying “I’ve killed a pigeon” on the internet. Pigeons they’ve killed with their own hands? No, just pigeons they’d found. So you’ve not fostered a load of bird murderers then. No, people weren’t actually going out slaying pigeons. Well thank God for that. Cheers Danny.