The Courier 1248

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 12 March 2012 Issue 1248 Free

DECADES OF DECADENCE FASHION, P.14-15

Election results: Who got your vote? News, p.4-5

N Photography: North News

Cryer admits Collymore Twitter abuse • Third-year Law student changes plea to ‘guilty’ in his appearance at Magistrates Court last week

By Wills Robinson News Editor

Josh Cryer has admitted to sending abusive messages to Stan Collymore via Twitter.

The Law student pleaded guilty to the charge of sending ‘grossly offensive’ messages to the former Liverpool, Aston Villa and Nottingham Forest striker at Newcastle Magistrates Court last Wednesday.

The 21-year-old from Burnley, Lancashire, had previously entered a ‘not guilty’ plea to the charge of contravening section 127 of the Communications Act 2003 at a court hearing on

14 February this year.

He changed his plea to ‘guilty’ following a court hearing held at Magistrates court on Market Street last week.

The former Barca La Naw captain, who was absent from his team’s clash with Lokomotiv on the Longbenton 3G last Wednesday, was granted unconditional bail. A pre-sentence report will be now be compiled by probation officers.

He is due to re-appear before Magistrates in Newcastle on 21 March.

A Newcastle University spokesperson said: “Newcastle University has strict disciplinary procedures in place to deal with any illegal conduct from

our students.

“A University disciplinary panel will meet to discuss this case and recommend the appropriate action.”

Collymore reacted to the incident by tweeting last Thursday: “J Cryer pleaded guilty yesterday and will be sentenced on 21st March at Newcastle Magistrates.”

According to the Crown Prosecution Service, when Cryer is sentenced on 21 March he could be “liable, on summary conviction, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months or to a fine or both”.

Cryer was arrested by Northumbria Police on 6 January after Collymore, a talkSPORT pundit, alerted Stafford-

shire police that he had received two offensive messages on the social networking site from a mobile phone and iPad from the account @JoshuaCryer1, which has since been deactivated.

The messages were ended with ‘hastags’ including #greatracistabuse and #neitherwhitenorblack.

In response, Collymore tweeted: “@ JoshuaCryer1 In the process of reporting you to Newcastle Police for racist abuse, which is in contravention of UK law. See you in court.”

Overnight, the name Joshua Cryer became a ‘trending topic’ on the website, meaning he was one of the most talked about people in the country.

Personal information such as his

mobile phone number, details of his Facebook account and his university email account were released over the internet, particularly spread through football blogging sites.

A message was then posted from the @JoshuaCryer1 account, denying the allegations and suggesting the tweets had been made by somebody else. It read: “@StanCollymore apologies for all the abusive tweets just been notified about it these do not represent my views #notafunnytwape”.

Since the case begn, Cryer has still been attending university and has continued to play Intra Mural football for Barca Law Na, despite being Continued on page 8

News

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Monday 12 March 2012

News Editors: Wills Robinson and George Sandeman Online News Editor: Helen Lam courier.news@ncl.ac.uk

thecourieronline.co.uk/news

NEWS

TOTALLY ZAINI

Celebs tip their hats to graduate’s new beanie busines

LIBRARY RACKS

Oxford student criticised for ‘alternative’ manifesto

Girls undertake gruelling Channel task

4 9

By Rebecca Goor

COMMENT

12 13 SPORT

CLARE’S LAW

Should women know about their partner’s history?

NO TO TRIDENT Does Britain need nuclear weapons?

FORMULA 1 PREVIEW

Grace Harvey looks at who will fare best this season

41 42

INTRA-MURAL RUGBY Armstrong and Agrics go head-to-head in cup final

The Courier

BLOOMING

The Moorbank garden could receive up to £194,000 if they reach the second round of funding passes Photography: Newcastle University

Lottery money grows with trees

By Linda Guma Newcastle University owned botanic garden Moorbank recently qualified for a first-round funding pass.

The Heritage Lottery awarded the garden a development grant of £12,200. If Moorbank reaches its second-pass, it will be entitled to a further cash boost of £194,000.

There are three stages to go through in order to receive a Heritage Lottery grant. The first one involved putting in a one-page outline. The next stage, which Moorbank passed in January, consisted of submitting a more detailed proposal with costs specifications. Moorbank has now entered the development stage and will use the Heritage Lottery grant to build up and flesh out its plans, and is busy designing a management structure of how it will oversee the delivery of its

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

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projects. Morrbank will be submitting its second-round application in the summer and, if successful, will receive a further £194,000 from the Heritage Lottery.

The grant money will be used to appoint a full-time Volunteer Coordinator and a part-time Multicultural Trainer, as well as to train the volunteers and to host various events or workshops at the garden.

Currently in the development phase, Moorbank is appointing two consultants. One will help them draft their volunteer-recruitment strategy, consulting them on how to recruit new volunteers, what kind of roles volunteers might take on, how to monitor and evaluate volunteers, as well as other things. The other consultant they will appoint is a marketing and PR consultant who will tell them what kind of activities they could be doing at the garden to attract many people.

The ultimate aim of the funding is

two-fold. Moorbank hopes to open the facility to the public at least one day per week and to foster engagement with the local community.

Dr. Anne Borland, plant physiologist and Academic Director of Moorbank, is responsible for overseeing the garden’s projects and ensuring that it is used effectively for teaching purposes, outreach, and engagement.

Borland says: “One of the main reasons for the Lottery grant is to build up a volunteer work-force and to support so that they can learn some new skills. At the moment volunteers are mainly involved in gardening, but what we’d like to do, ultimately, is to open up the venue to the public, maybe once a week, as well open up the venue more regularly to schools and further education institutions.”

The Friends of Moorbank, launched by former Director Prof John Richards, are a volunteer group dedicated to the maintenance of the garden.

Editor Kat Bannon Deputy Editor Elliot Bentley News Editors Wills Robinson and George Sandeman Online News Editor Helen Lam Politics Correspondent Bethany Staunton Comment Editors Sophie McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson Lifestyle Editors Olivia Mason and Ben Parkin Online Lifestyle Editor Emma Balter Fashion Editor Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor Rosanna Sopp Arts Editors Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor Lisa Bernhardt Film Editor Chris Binding Online Film Editor Hayley Hamilton Music Editors Ben Travis, Chris Scott Online Music Editor Graham Matthews Science Editor Mark Atwill Online Science Editor Shaun Butcher TV Editors Sophia Fairhead and Nicole Stevenson Sports Editors Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Baron Online Sports Editors Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott Design Editors Gabe Mason and Tom O’Boyle Copy Editors Sarah Collings, Rachael Day, Dave Dodds, Grace Marconi, Rebecca Markham, Charley Monteith, Adam Rummens, Alice Sewell, Marleen van Os, Emily Wheeler

Five girls from Reading, including a current student at Newcastle University, are to take on a gruelling swim across the Channel in aid of Cancer Research UK. Challenge5:21 , which stands for 5 girls, 21 miles, is set to take place in August of this year.

Poppy Ilderton, a second year Medical Student at Newcastle, is one of five friends embarking on the project, alongside Alice Baker, Isabelle Brown, Amy Kunicki and Josie Woodhams, all of whom study at universities across the country.

The girls are all experienced swimmers, having attended the same swimming club for several years, and some even competing at national level. “But we have never done any outdoor swimming before so thought it would be a worthy challenge for us to undertake”, Poppy said.

The girls are currently following a strict training plan devised by Isabelle, including both water and land training. For Poppy, this includes her commitment to the Newcastle University Cheerleading Squad. Closer to the big day, the group hope to organise an open water swim as part of their training.

Poppy added: “We are also supposed to be taking cold showers once a week from now on but I don’t know if anyone’s actually been brave enough to go for that yet!”

The prospect is even more daunting due to the regulations imposed by the Channel Swimming Association – no wetsuits are allowed, only a thick layer of grease.

In addition to raising £3000 in order to actually take part in the event, including boat and pilot hire, the ambitious group hope to raise further funds to benefit their chosen charity through various fundraising activities, including appeals to large organisations.

A generous £2000 sponsorship from the Mark Evison Foundation has set the girls on the course to success.

Commenting on her upcoming venture, Poppy said: “I guess our motivation has been the fact that we are all friends because we were part of the same swimming club, and we thought it would be nice to commemorate our friendship and our achievements by completing a challenge together.”

Donations can be made at the ‘JustGiving’ page, which can be found via the Challenge5:21 Facebook and Twitter pages.

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Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge.

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

The Courier

news.3

Monday 12 March 2012

Engineers aim to create the perfect formula

By Aine Stott and Leanne Penning This year a group of talented mechanical engineers are competing in the event Formula Student, the biggest student motorsport competition in the world, and are on the lookout for business and graphic design students to aid them in their task.

Every year over one hundred university teams from more than 30 different countries travel to Silverstone race track in order to showcase their uniquely constructed racing cars.

Due to the scale of the event, worldwide publicity is generated, as well as popularity with businesses and engineers alike; such motoring figureheads like David Coulthard have been known to frequent the event.

Overall, there are 140 different cars competing, with only 11 doing so electrically. Newcastle University’s team is the only electric car competing from the United Kingdom, taking inspiration from previous German and Dutch teams who have been at the forefront of electrical innovation.

The Newcastle team consists of 18 mechanical engineers, with the addition of 11 electrical engineers assisting. Leading the team is Daniel Machen, a fourth-year student, who, like his teammates, has spent well over a year working on this project.

For many, the venture is part of their dissertation, therefore a vital part of their degree, as well as giving them invaluable experience in the engineering field.

So far, the expenses have totalled roughly £25,000, with the money being provided from numerous sponsors, however, more is still needed.

When asked as to why this experience is so invaluable, Machen stated:

VA VA ZOOM

The group of Engineers have spent huge amounts of time on the project, with many making it part of their dissertation.

Photography: Daniel Machen

‘the project gives us insight, not only to Formula 1 racing, but to how businesses run in general’. This business aspect of the project is where help is needed, as half of the assessment is weighted on a presentation, when the student teams ‘try to convince a panel of judges to invest in their race car business proposal’.

In other words, students, preferably from a business background, are needed to help, not only with this presentation, but also with locating sponsors. There is also the possibility for a business candidate to lead the presentation, if they have both the confidence and determination to do so.

Graphic designers and business students alike are required; the former to improve the current website and the latter to develop a business strategy and advertise for more sponsorships. ‘We want to fully integrate anyone who can offer these skills’, says Machen ‘they won’t be an outsider’.

Involvement in the project would result in the opportunity to attend the event, taking place between the 11-15 July.

With opportunities to meet giant corporations such as Audi and Ferrari, the event will provide students with the necessary connections that could increase job prospects. In addition to this experience, Formula Student has a brilliant social aspect, where students from around the world gather and enjoy themselves.

The team are looking for equally motivated individuals who want to be part of this team and are looking for ways to enhance their CVs. So, if any of this sounds appealing, don’t hesitate to get in contact with the group via this email: Joshua.parkinson@ newcastle.ac.uk.

Hancock to host its own block party

By Clare Atkinson Newcastle University has today unveiled its newest exhibition – a model town made from more than 110,000 Lego bricks.

The Great North Build, taking place in Newcastle’s Great North Museum: The Hancock, aims to tackle big questions such as how a city plans for a growing and ageing population, how urban design can improve the environment and what makes somewhere

aged to come along.

Further down the line, the inventors plan to challenge visitors to cope with real-life scenarios such as flooding or accommodating growing businesses.

Professor Mark Shucksmith OBE, appointed as the new Institute’s director, offered further insight into the idea behind the project: “In our role as a world-leading civic university, it is our duty to make a difference to the world around us; not only to be a leader in thinking, but also in action.

This new institute will try to bring

The ‘Lego town’ project has been designed in conjunction with Newcastle University

a good place to live.

The project marks the launch of a new research institution at Newcastle University, the Institute for Social Renewal, which will be dedicated into researching some of these problems we face today.

The ‘Lego town’ project has been designed in conjunction with Newcastle University’s School of Architecture, Planning and Landscape.

The ‘mini-city’ will be a highly interactive exhibit, where visitors can get involved and make their contribution towards their ideal town, with everyone from children to students to architects and town planners encour-

the University’s research expertise to bear on some of the most difficult challenges people face, such as those of unemployment, inequality and opportunity.

“We thought that opening the debate, on our doorstep and to the widest cross-section of the community, would give us a strong start in identifying the big questions that matter most to our society. While we expect people of all ages to enjoy helping to shape their ideal town, we also expect it to be a thought-provoking platform for discussion.”

BRICK

BY BRICK

A castle complete with web cam will take stills of the display to document its growth (and demise!) over the course of the project.

Photography: Kat Bannon

4.news

Monday 12 March 2012

Ammendment to last week’s ‘06.03.12’ Combined Honours’ students face mistreatment article

By Wills Robinson News Editor Following last weeks article ‘Combined honours students face mistreatment’, The Courier spoke to The School of Historical studies about the issues raised in the article towards their relationship with Combined Honours student. School staff, including Head of History, Dr Joan Allen, clarified the issue and stated that the school did not and does not prioritise single honours students.

In the meeting, the issue of module selection was addressed. suggesting that the process of selection has been a difficult issue for a number of years.

When the process begins, students are on an equal footing as to the availability of modules, whether they are combined, single or joint honours students. The issue that arises after that is the timing and slight differences those individual students face. These slight distinctions can be the difference between whether an individual gets a place on a desired module or whether they miss out completely.

In previous years module selection was carried out by students queuing outside school buildings waiting to

sign up. This meant that students who arrived the earliest ultimately had first choice of modules. However, in the last few years, the process has moved online, which has quickened the process but problems do still arise. When modules are made available, students from History simply click on the modules they want.

This a simple process, however, because of the volume of students that sign on at the time, a lot are left disappointed, not getting the choices they wanted. Combined Honours students, when faced with module selection, have a far wider choice of modules, therefore have to type in the module codes to select them. This arguably takes longer and can leave them at a disadvantage during the selection process.

This highlights the need for an administrative change within the module selection system, which would give students completely equal opportunities when it comes to selecting modules.

Head of History, Dr Allen, apologised for the email, which was sent to a student, highlighting that the intention of the email was not to suggest that combined honours were not

prioritised in comparison with single honours students and was not to put the student off from studying a certain dissertation. The senior lecturer also highlighted the grievances that students choosing History modules continue to face through the selection process.

Allen alluded to the ‘expression of interest’ option, which gives disappointed students an opportunity to gain extra places on modules, whilst also highlighting to staff, which modules are in the highest demand. This means that, in the future, they can increase the number of staff allocated to modules, which they have done in a few instances this year.

The School of Historical studies have also adapted part of its degree structure to incorporate the problems of combined students.

For those wishing to undergo a dissertation in History, it had previously been a 30-credit module, which had been problematic for students, such as those doing CH, who normally choose twenty credit modules.

To alleviate this problem, the school has introduced 40 credit modules, which means that it is easier to fit into the 120-credit module allocation.

The Courier

Perry claims second

FACES OF ELATION

The successful Part-Time Officers celebrate their election victories in The Venue before assuming their responsibilities next year Photography: Ed Banfield

NUSSC alumni holds first event

By James Russell On the weekend of 3 and 4 March 2012 the newly formed NUSSC Alumni held a weekend of events for its members.

NUSSC Alumni was founded last year by four former members of NUSSC with assistance from two current NUSSC committee members.

Events over the weekend included go-karting, a formal evening meal and an after-party at the Student Union on the Saturday, followed by a group outing to Stan Calvert on the Sunday.

They also brought along an impressive collection of photographs and even an original bronze medal from a British University Ski Club Race in the 1960s; clearly NUSSC has been at the pinnacle of university snow sports for longer than many realised.

Mr Alveberg and Mr Heslop embody all that was course still is great about NUSSC and were even seen in the small hours of Saturday night drinking a few pints of skittles at the Student Union – truly remarkable form and something to which we can all aspire.

The evening meal, held at Adriano’s

Over 50 members of NUSSC Alumni from all corners of the UK, and further afar, arrived in the Toon for the weekend’s festivities In all, over 50 members of NUSSC Alumni from all corners of the UK and further afield converged in the Toon for the weekend’s festivities.

Most notable of the attendees was Ole-Jakob Alveberg and Oliver Heslop, both of whom had travelled from Norway to take part in the weekend.

The pair, who are long-standing friends from their university days, set up NUSSC (or NUSC as it was in those days – snowboarding was still in its infancy) during the 1964-5 season.

Both gave speeches about their early days as NUSSC captains and had a fantastic array of anecdotes about early trips to ski and race in the Scottish Highlands.

in Gosforth, was a typically lively affair and was followed by the fantastic after-party at the Student Union’s now infamous CCTV night.

Many of the present members had not been to the Student Union (or indeed Newcastle) for many years and were pleased to see how successfully it had changed in the interim.

NUSSC Alumni is planning to hold its next event later this year, with the date to be confirmed shortly.

Those who have played an active part in their time in NUSSC are encouraged to join NUSSC Alumni’s mailing list by completing the online form at www.nussc.org/alumni.

The Courier

news.5

Monday 12 March 2012

Presidential term as 12 positions go uncontested

Sabbatical and Part Time Officers celebrate election success as your student representatives for 2012/13

By George Sandeman News Editor In what proved to be a tight race incumbent Laura Perry won herself a second term as President of NUSU. With a winning margin of just over 50 votes she beat her only opponent Carlton Shepherd and the ever-present RON. Perry finished with 458 first choice preferences, Shepherd with 396 and RON on 144. RON’s redistributed votes led to a 497-431 win for Perry.

In the hotly contested race for Editor of The Courier, Music Editor Ben Travis emerged victorious beating Deputy Editor Elliot Bentley. Looking at the first choice preferences, Travis led with 452, Bentley on 394, News Editor Wills Robinson pulled in 239, Sports Editor Harry Slavin reeled in 173 and Sports Editor Colin Henrys earned 127.

Redistributing the votes saw Travis winning by 60 votes with a 561 total.

Jasmine Walker romped to victory as Activities Officer with the first preference vote falling with 195 to Abby Carey, 211 to Yeyemide Sanni and 536 to Walker. Carey and RON’s

redistributed votes saw Walker beat second placed Sanni 613-279.

The race for Education Officer saw Rachael Thornton winning with a margin of over 75 votes after the redistribution; 406 in total.

Breaking down the first choice preferences Perry’s winning Thonton led with margin of just 339, Wakefield over 50 votes on 250, Murray 146 and beat her only with on opponent Carl- Robinson 119. ton Shepherd The Welfare Equaland the ever- and ity Officer’s elecpresent RON tion pitted Esta Innes against Jack Woods. Innes won comfortably drawing 521 votes to Woods’ 199 and RON’s 18.

Laura Mason ran uncontested for the other full-time sabbatical position of Athletic Union Officer and won with 548 votes to RON’s 147.

The theme of uncontested races was prevalent throughout the part-time positions with all 12 elections not possessing a second candidate.

Duo Ross Chapman and Alasdair Morrison became Ethics and Environment Officers with 299 votes to RON’s 39.

Lisa Wilson won the position of Officer without Portfolio by 398-42 with Emily Waller taking the office of Gender Equality 430-53.

Obren Amiesimaka is next year’s Racial Equality Officer winning 38155 and pair Martina Dietrich and Caroline Shorthouse named Students with Disabilties Officer with a 352-17 win.

Twosome Harriet Hill and Rosie Leatherland will be running Raising and Giving Week in 2013 after a 47351 victory and NSR Station Managers next year will be combo David Bendall and Rachael Foster with a 361-28 triumph.

Christos Mexias won the LGBT Officer race 350-47 and Adit Agarwal will serve a second year as International Students Officer after winning 274-69.

Next year’s Convenor of Disciplinary will be Jason Watson with a 287-45 win and Charles Barry will be Chair of Student Council after a 30455 victory.

Elections aren’t just a popularity contest VERONICA KITELEY COMMENT

HARD GRAFT Candidates and their teams campaigned non-stop last week rolling out their various strategies to win your votes Photography: Harry Slavin, Ben Travis, Esta Innes

T

he Student Union elections are branded as one massive popularity contest amongst students, whereby the number of ‘Facebook friends’ a candidate has, can clinch their fate at the polls.

Yet, it wouldn’t be reasonable to snub this year’s elections for adhering to the same routine, as a lot has been achieved to move away from the popularity danger zone, however it is difficult to deny - the likeable folk amongst us do have a powerful head-start!

In the archetypal manifestos, students learn that each candidate is: passionate, enthusiastic, hard-working, organised, dedicated… the list of ‘tick-box’ lingo is endless. I could tell you that I am a little ray of sunshine, sitting under a palm tree in the Bahamas, casually sipping on a Pina Colada, when the truth is; I’m feeling pretty tired, sitting in Robinson library with a cold coffee.

It is apparent that a method of truly getting to know the candidates is required without having to read through an abundance of manifestos, which are essentially, just words on a page.

With regard to this requisite, hurrah for “Candidate’s Question Time” which took place in the run up to the elections.

Giving students the opportunity to put candidates under the spotlight and find out if they are really suit-

able for the mission ahead of them rather than just really competent at writing manifestos.

It is also elating to discover that the elections are counted using the preferential Alternative Vote System, which enables students to rank candidates in order of their predilection; however, to put it bluntly, what is the point of such a system if there is only one candidate standing for the position?

The problem with our student elections is not concentrated within the election campaigns themselves, it starts with the nomination process.

In this year’s election there were so many RONs (re-open nominations) roaming around that it would be absurd to describe the elections as competitive, especially concerning the part-time officer positions.

This absence of competitiveness in our elections is certainly worrying if it is a true reflection of the number of students that want to contribute towards the running of the union; with figures of 30 candidates from potential thousands of undergraduates, I remain unconvinced.

If students were more aware of the positions that are available within the union, the elections would be more competitive thus giving candidate’s greater legitimacy and voters a more thrilling election week.

Most importantly, popularity contest or not, the elections are worthless without students turning out to vote.

Student elections need to bring back the ballot box, “we’re tired of using technology” hear us cry; let us step away from our computers for a little while and give us a worthy task to procrastinate over.

6.news

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

Celebs go Zaini for graduate’s collection

By Kat Bannon Editor Once, no beanie hat was bright enough to suit the tastes of Newcastle University graduate Miranda Harper.

However, two years down the line with her own brand of stylishly comfy beanies, Zaini, at her fingertips, she’s spoilt for choice. That is, as long as JLS or One Direction don’t get to them first.

Graduating in Media and Communication Studies in 2009 Miranda then went on to a ski season in Switzerland. It was there that the idea for ‘Zaini’ materialized, after being unable to find a hat comfy and quirky enough to fit all of her fashion needs on the slopes.

Now, her company has made it global, worn by celebrities, elite athletes and, obviously, current Newcastle students alike.

It all began by Miranda throwing together any wool she had to hand to produce the Zaini prototype; an extra baggy grey, orange pink, black and white number, which needless to say, eventually ended up in the bin.

However, on returning home to a small village in Scotland, for which the weather permits all-year-around head-warming, Miranda was then inundated with requests from family, friends and colleges for their very own Zaini.

Although, with orders coming in faster than she could stitch she needed some help in order to keep up to speed - and so turned to grandmother’s crocheting skills to lend a hand.

Loaded with balls of neon orange,

HAT’S OFF

A Newcastle graduate’s beanie business redefining cool and quirky headgear has really taken off Photography: Zaini

purple, blue, yellow and neon green yarn they established a production line and set to making as many hats as they could.

The name ‘Zaini’, she said, was “coined from nowhere – it was a totally random name we thought we had made up.

“I had friends around to brainstorm ideas of names and someone said something like ‘Zaini’, so we kind of stopped and though ‘that sounds great’. So that was it decided.

“Little did we know, at the time, that it was actually a word in the dictionary, which luckily means ‘loud’, ‘col-

ourful’ and ‘busy’ – so actually fits in quite well with the brand name!”

Miranda has also got a number of celebrities donning the neon stripes.

“We’re still having the support of One Direction, JLS, Sadie Frost and a handful of others, which has been amazing, but we have many new ce-

lebrities in the pipeline – all very ‘hush hush’ though!”

You can find Miranda’s colourful creations at www.zaini.com. Branching out into new products and plenty of new designs for the summer be sure to keep an eye out!

The Courier

news.7

Monday 12 March 2012

Let the wind see the surf: NUSU to host Take Me Out

By George Sandeman News Editor ITV’s iconic Saturday night dating show Take Me Out is coming to campus.

The NU Sailing and Surfing Clubs have joined forces to host the University’s very own spin-off with a ‘Spring Break’ themed after party at Fernando’s on 19 April.

The two societies have won £2,000 of funding from the Students’ Union competition ‘Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is’ which gives students a chance to run their own event, with the financial backing, and keep the profits in an effort to promote student use of The Venue and wider student engagement with the union.

The price of admission will be £6 to the show and after party but £4 tickets for individuals wanting to attend the latter which will include imported sand and a surf machine akin to the bucking bronco in Sam Jack’s.

Further attractions include stand-up comics during the interval as well as a special round of ‘Mr and Mrs’, featuring couples at the University, and a Happy Hour which will run all night.

The two also revealed that each individual attending the Take Me Out show will earn £1 back for their clubs and that the night would hopefully be a target for club socials.

Sailing’s Georgie Debenham and Surfing’s Paddy Navein told The Courier that the funding meant they didn’t have to “scrimp… so we can get

real buzzers and use all the technology [in The Venue]”.

“We can make it really realistic of the show” and that they were holding auditions for the person to take on the role of host Paddy McGuiness.

They also revealed that they had really encouraging uptake so far but still wanted more individuals to apply to be on the panel and be male and female contestants.

The structure of the show will differ slightly from TV’s accustomed version with two panels of 15 boys and 15 girls with the five female and five male contestants vying for their affections.

Mainstays of the show will remain with each contestant obliged to display a talent or skill in front of the

panel and the ever-embarrassing video of the contestants’ friends talking about them.

They also revealed that the successfully paired off contestants will receive vouchers to local restaurants and entertainment to facilitate their dates.

The two said that the dating pairs will choose their dates from a selection of those available, harking back to Cilla Black’s iconic Blind Date TV show that ran throughout the 1990s.

Debenham also mentioned her preference that there be one ‘dodgy option’ that was a date in McDonalds and then Sinners or the other way around, should the pair prefer.

The two said that their ultimate aim was to make the event “really profes-

sionally done, do it really well and get a lot of people in.”

The two also aimed to generate tickets sales by targeting societies and their socials, as well as spreading the world through the hall reps, so students have something to look forward to when they come back from the Easter holiday and one last chance to let their hair down before the business of revision and exams engulfs the campus.

The two also revealed that, should the event be a success, there was scope for the fundraiser to be an annual fixture on campus.

Students can apply to take part in the show by visiting http://www.nusu. co.uk/takemeout.

THE LOOK OF A FEMINIST

Students from across the University come together to celebrate International Women’s Day and show solidarity for women’s rights and issues worldwide Photography: Lauren Cordell

NFEN march on Lib Dems to show dissent

By Ralph Blackburn Last Saturday, students from the Newcastle area embarked upon a protest march to the Liberal Democrat conference at the Sage Gateshead.

The Lib Dem conference, which takes place from Friday the 9th until Sunday the 11th of March, is the first time the Lib Dems have come to the North East since breaking their promise regarding tuition fees.

The march is organised by the Newcastle Free Education Network, which is a group of students who organise action to show their dissent against the increase in tuition fees.

The march was designed to highlight issues students have with the NHS bill, the rise in tuition fees, and the murmuring by Lib Dems to end students’ council tax exemption.

Pete Campbell, a member of the Newcastle Free Education Network, talking to The Courier prior to the march, said: “The goal of the march is to bring together students, who feel let down, upset or disappointed by the Liberal Democrats regarding the pledges they have not upheld.”

When discussing the possibility for the march to impact policy, Campbell said: “At previous student protests, the NHS bill was shown to be

unpopular with the grass roots of the conference, it is very important that if you disagree with a policy, you show your dissent.”

A recent Guardian/ICM poll shows 52% of voters are against the bill. If the bill is voted down, it would show serious dissension to Nick Clegg’s leadership.

Campbell cited the NHS bill as the are NFEN would be targeting change: “A lot of students voted for the Lib Dems in 2010. When the coalition tried to implement the health bill, they are not doing what the Liberal Democrat Party want. It is important when the Lib Dems come to making decisions regarding the health bill that students are there showing their dissent.”

When discussing the future of NFEN Campbell highlighted two points to focus on: “The Government are trying to push through a lot of changes to higher education without them being debated on the floor of the Commons.

The key here is the Lib Dems, the changes can only be enacted with their support. What will also be interesting is how next year’s students react.

At the moment the students that are protesting pay the old rate of tuition fees, however when the people pay-

ANNA TEMPLETON COMMENT It has to be said, the concept of a ‘Clegg-Off !’ sounds extremely appealing to those feeling strongly against the actions (or lack of) of the Lib Dems recently.

But, for some, local protest often gives the appearance of a ‘drop in the ocean’- type approach, with no resulting rapid changes.

The protest outside the Liberal Democrat party conference (being held at The Sage) is not falsifying claims of any form of quick fix against Lib Dem actions- but is that really a failure?

The march, despite the mere 139 ‘attending’ on its Facebook page, is supported by a coalition of groups and campaigners.

Supporting groups range from UKUNCUT, Occupy Newcastle and the Anti Cuts Network to the Newcastle Free Education Network and the North East Anarchists; amongst others. This seems fairly conclusive

Students won’t stand for unfaithfulness as to the size of the support network.

But the main advantage of the coming together of various groups like this undoubtedly means a collection of ideological mutuality and only further opportunity for objection and change.

The lack of focus to the protest may seem a disadvantage, as the people involved oppose a number of issues, including unemployment, NHS privatisation, tuition fees and welfare cuts; but the focus on general dissatisfaction shows how the Lib Dems have betrayed their supporters in countless ways.

Surely the beauty of a country where we are entitled to free speech breeds millions of people with a phenomenal spectrum of opinion, but the ‘success’ of the protest may come through this combination of people with shared interests, who may have power in the future for change; this could just be the start.

So maybe if the protest is a total failure, maybe if the march doesn’t even hit local news, the foundations of unrest are still laid in this city.

The fact that a party, who were once considered popular, meet any kind of opposition brings to light the defiance that voters will not stand for unfaithfulness.

There may not be any quick changes post-protest, or even any governmental recognition, but at least it signals to people that we as a country are not content with our government.

Of course, as the time this is read, the aftermath of the protests (held at the weekend) will prove whether the ‘anti-Cleggists’ have made any impact on people’s short-term awareness. But, with witty slogans such as ‘Clegg The Smegg’ suggested for placards on the Facebook page, how could the protest not be successful?

8.news

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

Vodafone scheme gives MAD paid placement

By Veronica Kiteley One of Vodafone’s ‘World of Difference UK’ scheme winners, Stephanie Morris, has been awarded a two month paid placement with her chosen charity by the MAD (Make A Difference) Foundation; located on level minus one of the Newcastle University Students’ Union.

Each year Vodafone’s competition gives 500 successful applicants the opportunity to work for their favourite charity with the choice of a full-time two month contract, or a part- time four month contract, both of which are paid.

Speaking to The Courier John Lawler, the Founder and Chief of Madventurer volunteer projects and The MAD Foundation, described Vodafone’s contribution to society, filtered through the World of Difference programme, to be “considerably unique”.

The company’s decision to invest in employees is an approach of donating to the admin part of charity which Lawler suggested can be more efficient than sending money directly because it provides the charity with the personnel that are necessary to guide fundraising.

Winners of last year’s programme

began their placements in March, donating themselves and their expertise to wide-ranging causes, working with charities throughout the UK. Stephanie Morris has been recruited as the MAD Foundation’s charity fundraising coordinator which, she told The Courier, is a role that the charity would not usually be able to post as the foundation is a small charity which faces funding difficulThe choice of ties.

MAD a full-time two The F o u n d a t ion month contract would usually or a part- time rely on volunfour month teers to help raise contract, both funds, which Stephanie added of which are is difficult bepaid cause “a volunteer can’t give all of their time to doing the job”. Therefore Vodafone’s programme is equally beneficial to both charities and individuals who want to gain experience within the fundraising field.

Stephanie’s main role involves publicising the MAD Foundation’s charity challenges in order to raise funds for the charity, including the renowned Mount Kilimanjaro and Machu Picchu treks that take place this summer.

She is also coordinating additional fundraising activities at the May Masquerade Ball and representing the MAD Foundation at the 2012 Responsible Business Exhibitions scheduled in March.

During her two month placement Stephanie will also be producing new literature for the Madventure website.

In her online blog featured on the website, Stephanie said: “The MAD Foundation is always facing funding challenges as all small charities do.

“Hopefully improving the website literature and adding more details of current work, such as sponsoring girls through school in Kenya, and planned work, such as will create more urgency with regard to donors whilst awareness and fundraising campaign budgets are still very low.”

As part of the charity’s work, MAD operates sponsorship schemes throughout countries in Africa in order to help people who are restricted by financial situations, but have the potential and capabilities to flourish.

Stephanie informed The Courier: “It is approximately £1,100 to complete one year of a three year nursing qualification in Kenya” which she will be publicising to push more people towards donating to the cause.

“He was loyal to the club and Continued from front page stripped of the captaincy earlier this year. Ken Ickle, his former manager

CHARLIE SCOTT COMMENT

B

y stepping into the world of Twitter you are immediately immersed within the dangerous waters of social networking.

I myself have a Twitter account that I use to follow football news, contact football journalists, and also to try and get exposure for the articles I write.

For these kinds of interaction, Twitter is ideal. Last year I was sent a complimentary message by a USA international footballer after I wrote a piece detailing his comeback from a life-threatening injury.

Twitter, and social networking as a whole, can be brilliant on occasion.

But it can also be damaging. The Josh Cryer case, and the other vile messages that Stan Collymore has been sent since joining the site, show that some people use their Twitter accounts as a shield from behind which they can send poisonous messages to whomever they please.

I imagine some famous figures go on the site to massage their own egos, and enjoy the adulation they receive from their fans, but for every one that goes on it for that reason, there is another who does it for far more benevolent reasons.

at amateur football side Borrowdale United FC in Burnley said: “I am quite happy to say that Josh Cryer was a very good player, he was loyal to the Collymore has long been a campaigner against racism, as well as being a supporter of the charity Depression Alliance. And last year posted a series of passionate tweets detailing his own battle with depression whilst urging others in a similar situation to seek the help of their GP. A friend of mine that suffers from depression read the posts after I sent him a link and he told me that he found that Collymore’s words: “Raised a number of important and very positive issues.

“At times I felt guilty about my depression because I thought that my fortunate position in life and my loving family meant that I had no right to feel depressed especially given so many other people’s less fortunate situations. I believe that misconceptions like these would be less common if people heard more from celebrities and people they know who have experienced such feelings.”

Collymore’s plea for people to seek medical help instead of bottling things up is a sentiment that I would always echo and reinforces the most important point which is that depression is an illness and not just a person being weak or pathetic.

The former England player has considered quitting the social networking site over the last few days, and tweeted on March 8: “Had enough of twitter tbf [to be fair] but won’t go because it’s a great work tool, and too much positive feedback. Sick of the daily abuse

The Courier

Monday 12 March 2012

Students lobby North East MEP to halt corrupt mines

By Johnny Farrar-Bell Many of us have probably seen Blood Diamond and marvelled at the way Leonardo di Caprio manages to, somewhat, successfully pull off a South African accent.

Hopefully though we were more struck by the huge corruption and hardship that the film exposed about the mining industry in Africa.

Second Year Newcastle University

This would enable the communities which are currently affected by the rampant corruption to realise how much money they are entitled to and whether they are receiving their fair share.

With an estimated £148 billion lost every year in Africa due to corruption; the scale of the problem is immense. This amount of money is equivalent to providing not just African, but worldwide clean water, universal HIV drugs or education for all

Claire, Lisa and others – dressed as miners – met the local MEP Fiona Hall to discuss their campaign.

In a positive meeting Fiona Hall highlighted a few key ways in which she is working to ensure the current proposals are improved.

This includes guaranteeing that the payment figures published are meaningful and useful to local communities and that there be a ‘no-exemption rule’ preventing EU countries from opting out.

They are aiming to push the EU Parliament to pass laws which force European mining companies working in Africa to increase transparency in the amount of revenue that they generate

SOLIDARITY FOR TRANSPARENCY

‘Unearthing the Truth’ seeks to encourage the EU Parliament into passing laws that would require mining companies with a presence in Africa to increase the transparency of their regional dealings Photography: Johnny Farrar-Bell

to his manager” club and to his manager. He was well liked and never caused us one ounce of trouble. I wish he was still playing.” though.”

Current England international Micah Richards closed his Twitter account last month after being the victim of racist abuse on a number of occasions.

Having seen some of the messages sent to Collymore and Richards, the former’s debate over whether to quit the site, and the latter’s decision to close his, is entirely understandable.

A lot has been made of the jokey manner in which sportsmen poke fun at one another, often pushing the very limit of what is acceptable and appropriate and justifying it as ‘banter.’

The important question is when does something surpass being ‘banter’ and start becoming abuse?

There were certain comments on The Courier’s original news story about how maybe the ‘grossly offensive’ tweets sent to Collymore were ‘just a bit of a banter’.

There is even a group on Facebook called ‘Justifying Completely Inappropriate and Unacceptable Behaviour as Banter’.

This group has 305,554 members, which is a dishearteningly large figure when considering the ‘just a bit of a banter’ comment left on the original Cryer news article.

Racism is not banter.

Banter is defined by the dictionary as “the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.” The tweets sent to Collymore were neither playful nor friendly, and they certainly stepped far beyond the realms of teasing.

students Claire Chisholm and Lisa Whitten have been involved in the Christian charity Tear Fund’s Campaign called ‘Unearth the Truth’ which hopes to raise awareness about the scale of corruption marring the mining industry in the continent.

They are aiming to push the European Parliament to pass laws which force European mining companies working in countries, such as Sierra Leone, to have increased transparency in the amount of revenue that they generate.

the world’s children.

The problem is therefore severe, but if corruption were to be stifled, the opportunity for good could be endless.

However, it is clearly not as simple as transferring the money from the pockets of local officials to health and education, but with TearFund supporting 100,000 local churches in Africa they are well placed to be able to offer help on the ground.

Last Thursday after collecting petitions on Northumberland Street,

Overall, she felt that the laws had a very positive chance of being passed which bodes well considering how laborious the process usually is in the European Parliament.

After the meeting, Claire said: “About 3.5 billion people live in countries rich in oil, gas and minerals, so let’s hope for a positive response in Brussels and that the revenue from these sectors begins to benefit the people living in these countries, especially the poor.”

news.9 Metro delays after Stan win

By Lucy Alexander Following a competitive finale to another Stan Calvert victory for Team Newcastle, up to 1,000 students were left out in the cold on their way home.

At around 9.30pm on the Sunday evening, students from both universities were pushing for limited space on the metro from Gateshead Stadium back to Newcastle.

At this point, a small group of individuals caused disruption to the service by holding the doors open by force and banging on the roof.

This eventually led to one of the doors detaching from its runners.

Huw Lewis, Head of Communications at Nexus, said: “The protocol is to take the metro out of service when a door breaks.

This is what the metro staff tried to do on this occasion, however a large number of students refused to return to the platform and let the maintenance staff do their job. This is when the police were called to help with the situation. The fault was definitely caused by force exerted by the individual passengers.”

After eventually removing all passengers from the train, a Coast-bound service on the opposite platform was redirected in order to ease the congestion at the station.

It took approximately an hour to successfully transport all the students back to Newcastle.

arrested Masters student aims to be Man over Jesmond the next unknown signed car vandalism

By George Sandeman News Editor Mike Kendra could be the North East’s latest hot musical export.

The York native is competing in renowned national competition Live and Unsigned and is through to the regional showcase after impressing judges in the first round.

Live and Unsigned is well known for discovering prodigious talent, and this includes the singer-songwriter Birdy, who covered Bon Iver’s Skinny Love and Cherry Ghost’s People Help the People to much critical acclaim.

Kendra and the other Live and Unsigned acts will be playing at the O2 Academy next month.

The 23-year-old is a largely selftaught musician who has exhibited his talents in various open-mic and charity nights in and around York.

The Environmental Consultancy MSc student credits his musical family for developing his love of the art and took early inspiration from films and TV as well as listening to music with his friends.

Kendra is something of a latecomer to the ‘one man and his guitar’ genre after learning to play a variety of instruments as a youngster that included saxophone and flute.

He only took-up the guitar at 18 and told The Courier: “I have the attention span of a gnat and… [guitar] is the first thing I’ve really stuck at.”

Kendra humorously revealed that he didn’t start playing guitar in order to attract the attention of the opposite sex. He shyly mused that female at-

By Kat Bannon Editor

Kendra hopes to be Live and Unsigned’s next discovery Photography: Mike Kendra

tention was “a perk of being able to sing, I suppose.”

Kendra said it was only within the last year or so that he had started to take his music “seriously, properly.”

He said he had spent the last year or so improving his song writing and “trying to up my game” in anticipation of the Live and Unsigned competition.

Like many musicians of his ilk he revealed he has a potent fear of other people reading, what he deemed to be, embarrassing lyrics.

The inspiration for his songwriting comes from “things that matter to me” as well as break-ups and the ills of the world today including the Japa-

nese tsunami in March 2011.

Kendra describes himself as being “less mainstream than Ed Sheeran but more mainstream than Ben Leftwich or Ben Howard” and falls into the bracket of being a “one man and his guitar” musician although he said he had oddly named his guitar Boris: “because it’s funny.”

Speaking about his musical influences, apart from his Dad, he spoke fondly of Jeff Buckley and his iconic album Grace as well as cult US band The National.

He also revealed the songs he is playing in the next round as mashups of Bill Wither’s Ain’t No Sunshine and Johnny Cash’s cover of Hurt.

A man has been arrested in connection with a spate damage of cars in Jesmond.

Across a number of separate nights since Wednesday 22 February there have been more than 30 cars damaged at Larkspur Terrace, Coniston Avenue and West Jesmond Avenue, Jesmond.

In an effort to prevent further damages an operation has been in place for the past two weeks.

Residents have been informed that anything that could be done, has been done.

This included approaching a resident of Larkspur Terrace to enquire whether a attic bedroom could be used to observe the street.

At 6.20am on Monday 5 March police arrested a 41-year-old man on suspicion of criminal damage. He is currently in custody helping with enquiries.

Neighbourhood Inspector, Louise Cass-Williams, said: “Our priority throughout has been identifying a suspect in relation to these offences and preventing further damage from taking place.

“These offences have caused great anger and frustration amongst residents and we’ve been doing everything possible as part of an operation into the incidents.

“A man was arrested by officers on Monday morning in connection with the damages and he is currently in custody.

We’re ensuring the community is kept up to date with the progress of the investigation.”

10.news

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

From Tyneside to Mass: some things never really

News Editor George Sandeman talks with Tony Saich, Newcastle alumni and Harvard Professor, theatre to become an academic because of Kit-Kat, China’s changing leadership and still drinking

EXCLUSIVE Once an undergraduate and keen amateur dramatist, Tony Saich now finds himself across the Atlantic teaching the best and brightest at the John F. Kennedy School of Government in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Reflecting on his time as an undergraduate in Tyneside, he recalls how Mens Bar was as central to student life in the 1970s as it is today. “It featured large in social activities both at lunchtime and also in the evenings.

I remember the toasted cheese sandwiches with delight. It was the point of departure for many a fun evening, especially as the weekend drew near.”

Like many third years panicking over what they are going to do when they graduate, Saich was no different.

“I was a lazy student with too many

outside interests. My grades were not bad... but there were a lot of other things that were going on in Newcastle that I wanted to be involved in.”

One of those interests was the dra-

tootling around the Politics Department that was really just taking off... it was a very accommodating place to study.

“There were great teachers there:

ma society who were twice selected for the finals of the Sunday Times Student Drama Festival. “I had toyed more with the idea of pursuing a career in theatre. I lost that enthusiasm when I saw friends of mine fighting over who would get to be the voiceover for a Kit-Kat ad.”

The passionate football fan also spoke of his fondness for his studies after switching to General Arts from Geography. “I spent much of my time

Hugh Berrington, Tim Gray, Rod Hague and Peter Jones and people like Ella Ritchie were just starting out.”

He also credited one lecturer in particular with stimulating interest in what would become a focal point of his future academic year.

“It was a couple of courses taught by a new arrival, David S.G. Goodman, which sent me along the current path.

He taught some classes on China and suggested to me that if I was inter-

The Mens Bar, as it was called then [and still is now], featured large in social activities both at lunchtime and also in the evenings

ested in graduate work I should think about working on China as nobody was studying it seriously, yet it would influence all of our lives. This was in 1974!”

The father of two also tried to offer some words of wisdom.

“It is hard to give advice, part of what has happened to me has been

through effort, part luck and part being in the right place at the right time.

He added: “However, at a certain point you have to make a decision about what you want in life and whether you are going to dictate terms or be dictated to.

“I do believe that if you decide to do something you should go at it whole-

Tony Saich did his Masters at SOAS and his PHD at Leiden Photography: Tony Saich

Job Title: Sales Assistant Employer: Tucci Closing date: 13.03.12 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Part-time Sales Assistant is required to work 12 hours per week for the men’s/ladies branded fashion store, Tucci. Duties will include liaising with customers to create sales and meet targets, stock replenishment, cash handling and other general store duties.

Person requirements: Applicants should be outgoing, reliable, punctual, possess good customer service and communications skills, and be able to work within a team. An interest and knowledge of current fashions and styles is a bonus.

Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Waiting Staff & Bar Staff Employer: Frankie and Benny’s Closing date: 14.03.12 Salary: TBC Basic job description: Frankie and Benny’s in Gateshead are holding recruitment Open Day on Wednesday 14 March 2012. We are looking for part time Front of House Team Members at Frankie & Benny’s across our restaurants in the Newcastle and Gateshead areas. Waiters, Waitresses, Door Hosts, Bartenders, Bussers, Food Runners - great personalities with a great passion for hospitality.

Person requirements: The Open Day will be held on Wednesday 14 March 2012 from 1pm to 7pm, no appointment needed, simply come along and bring your CV. Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Support Assistant (SEN) Hearing Impairment Employer: Newcastle City Council Closing date: 15.03.12 Salary: £19,126 - £21,519 pro rata Basic job description: A Support Assistant is required as soon as possible, to provide educational support for children and young people (CYP) with Hearing Impairment for 16 hours per week. You will provide support

for children within Hotspur Primary School.

The purpose of the post is to provide access and support for up to 12 children and young people with hearing impairment whilst providing a supportive complementary service to mainstream staff.

Person requirements: You will be an enthusiastic, well motivated and adaptable individual with good organisational, communication and interpersonal skills. Ideally you will have some specialist knowledge of hearing impairment and have recent experience working with children and young people with SEN. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Postgraduate Researchers Employer: Newcastle University- iridium Closing date: 19.03.12 Salary: £13.67 per hour Basic job description: We are looking for 2 postgraduate students from the Faculty of Medical Sciences to join the support team for iridium, a project which aims to produce a complete holistic plan and infrastructure for research data management at Newcastle University.

Person requirements: Faculty of Medical Sciences postgraduates (or those with close interdisciplinary collaboration) who expect to be at the University until 2013, availability to work for 2 hours per week during normal office hours at a time scheduled to suit you, people who are resourceful, enthusiastic and motivated, excellent communication skills with a good standard of written English and IT literacy with proficiency in MS Office.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Clerical Assistant Employer: Soil Environment Services Ltd Closing date: 05.04.12 Salary: £14.500 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: Administrative support within the small team of a fast moving consultancy which specialises in environmental investigations related to soil. You will act as a key point of contact for enquiries, organising

and managing the scheduling and initiation of project files, raising invoices on SAGE and much more. You will be required to work 18.5 hours per week.

Person requirements: You will need excellent organisational skills and the ability to prioritise and manage or own workload.

Excellent interpersonal skills are required for working with clients and a good telephone manner essential.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Administrative Assistant Employer: Gateshead Council Closing date: 16.03.12 Salary: £12,787 - £15,444 pro rata Basic job description: An Administrative Assistant is required to work 15 hours per week (term time only) at Oakfield Infant School. Under the direction/instruction of senior staff you will: provide routine general clerical, administrative, financial support to the school, maintaining confidentiality at all times.

Person requirements: Good numeracy/ literacy skills, experience of: general clerical/ admin work, good keyboard skills, use of ICT including word processing and data input and the ability to use relevant office equipment.

Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Events Staff Employer: North East Expo Closing date: 15.03.12 Salary: TBC Basic job description: To provide event cover for the North East Expo (www.northeastexpo. co.uk/) on 18th April 2012 at the Newcastle Racecourse. The event is only one day so the requirement for event staff is just for the one day’s work.

Person requirements: Six to eight people are required to work as parking stewards, event registration staff and event guides.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Foreign Office comes looking for recruits

By Joe Mathers This week saw the arrival in Newcastle of the EU careers talk which aims to encourage people to get involved and work for the European Union.

Britain has 12% of the European population and only 4.8% of the work force in the Union and many of the British citizens who work in Brussels are in senior positions and looking to retire in the next five to 10 years. The aim of this campaign is to boost the number of young British graduates in the European civil service.

This lack of British citizens in the European Union civil service has a profound effect on our influence in the Union, which is currently dominated by Germany and France.

The number of applications from British citizens to work in the European Union has declined and last year they represented just 1.8% of the total number of applications to the service.

There are many advantages to working at the European Union.

At the moment, the European External Action Service, the equivalent of the British Foreign Office, is having difficulty recruiting enough people for its overseas operations.

These placements could be anywhere in the world in hundreds of different countries. Often European member states may not have an embassy in one country or another.

The expansion of the EU Action Service means that citizens of the EU

countries can use any European embassy when overseas. The campaign speaker had travelled all over the world and had worked for the EU civil service for 22 years.

He described his experience: “Love the atmosphere in Brussels, many new opportunities, very varied, something new every day.”

There are two main types of employment; you can apply as a specialist in the field of law, auditing, international relations or communication or you can apply as a generalist.

As a generalist you are assigned to a policy area, The starting which can be salary for anything from graduate entry environment to is €45,000 and i n t e r n a t i o n a l development to increases to policy. €69,000 over economic The application five to ten years process takes eight to nine months and involves two rounds of testing. You need to have up to an A-level or equivalent experience in either French or German to apply and the second round of testing takes place in your second language.

If you are struggling to find work in this country there are a huge number of opportunities overseas for young aspiring British graduates. The European Union could provide a career path with a huge number of transferable skills and diverse experiences.

The Courier

nationalnews.11

Monday 12 March 2012

change

on ditching the in the Mens Bar heartedly. There is so little time in life to do things half-heartedly.”

The Daewoo Professor of International AfAt a certain fairs at Harvard point you have also discussed to make a the presumed decision about soon-to-be ChiPresident Xi what you want nese Jinping’s recent and whether visit to the USA. you are going “Xi Jinping’s visit to the US to dictate was unspectacuterms or be lar as it was dedictated to signed to be. The main intent was to introduce him to the US leadership and to build up his prestige back home.”

He also spoke of the challenges the Chinese princeling will face: “The development model that has served China well to date is clearly coming to an end. The country needs to wean itself off high levels of investment and export and develop a more sustainable model that relies more on domestic consumption. This will be difficult to achieve.”

Prospective librarian accentuates her talents

By Helen Lam Online News Editor A candidate for the position of Union Librarian at one of the UK’s most prestigious higher education institutions, Oxford University, has sparked controversy by using her sexuality to win votes.

19-year-old Madeline Grant, an English undergraduate, used the phrase “I don’t hack, I just have a great rack” in her manifesto for the elected position, while also boasting of having dated a “shady Japanese businessman for Union Ball sponsorship.” Other remarks made in Grant’s manifesto included acknowledging her commitment to “helping members pull” and adding that she once got a “hug’n’kiss from Johnny Deep.”

Grant’s remarks caused an immediate backlash from many students, with one Union member saying: “Whilst this manifesto is clearly meant to be humorous, it shows a distinct lack of judgement. It is disappointing to see female members of committee campaigning on the back of gender at all, let alone in a way which promotes the use of sexuality.

“The suggestion that anyone should be voted in on such a basis is deeply offensive to both male and female vot-

ers and is also very damaging to the perception of the women associated with the Union.

“This year’s three successive female presidents are testimony to the fact that the Union has moved far beyond outdated sexual stereotypes and it is deeply saddening to see womShe used the en objectifying phrase: “I don’t themselves in manifestos.” hack, I just The former have a great model, who atrack” in her tends the esteemed St Hilda’s manifesto College, defended the comments saying: “The idea that I’m an anti-feminist is rubbish.

I was doing something to lighten the atmosphere. The people running the Union take it very seriously. I was trying to satirise all these people. The joke about the rack – everyone I have spoken to thinks it is hilarious.”

This is not the first time however that Grant has made headlines.

In 2010, her mother, Sally Jones, wrote an article for the Daily Mail in which she complained that her “painfully shy” daughter was turned away from London Fashion Week for being “too fat.”

Girl finds her pic Student alleges as the face of new widespread racist Tesco jumpers staff in halls

By Helen Lam Online News Editor Robert Gordon University A 22-year-old fashion student at Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen has spoken of her surprise in finding that her photograph had been printed on a girl’s jumper which was being sold in hundreds of Tescos.

Nicola Kirkbride believes the image, which was taken without p e r m i s s i on , was lifted from her fashion blog.

Kirkbride commented: “I was flattered when I first heard that they had used my image on the sweater, but I was also angry that no-one had got in touch with me about it first. I was only made aware of it when a girl in England who works at Tesco tagged me in a tweet on Twitter and said she had seen my face on one of the sweaters at her work.”

Tesco have yet to give a formal reason as to how the image ended up being printed on their clothing.

Beta-block heart drug that makes you less racist University of Oxford Researchers at the University of Oxford claim to have unearthed an unusual side effect in a common heart d r u g , making individuals less racially prejudiced.

After conducting the novel study, it appeared that many participants who took the beta-blocker drug scored lower on a psychological test of ‘implicit’ racist attitudes. This is in comparison to another group who were given a placebo pill.

Dr Sylvia Terbeck, who led the study, remarked: “Our results offer new evidence about the processes in the brain that shape implicit racial bias.

Implicit racial bias can occur even in people with a sincere belief in equality.

Given the key role that such implicit attitudes appear to play in discrimination against other ethnic groups, our findings are of considerable ethical interest.”

Photography: Yoshimai and deartistzwe (Flickr)

University of York A student at the University of York has made a formal complaint against several students and members of staff following allegations of racial abuse.

The anonymous complainant alleges that they suffered verbal abuse, being ignored by staff and being racially stereotyped and prejudiced as “angry, obnoxious and aggressive.”

The student was also allegedly asked whether “the university is letting anyone in nowadays” and informed that they did not fit the university accommodation’s “ideal candidate.”

The student also believes it was on racial grounds that they were advised by staff members to lower their educational aspirations.

Plans to shorten Freshers’ Week are booted out University of Bristol Bristol University is to undergo a complete restructure of the academic year.

The plans, which were approved by the University of Bristol Senate, will see the Christmas and Easter holidays shortened to three weeks in order to make way for a designated assessment period in January.

Other plans, however, were shelved.

These included the shortening of Freshers’ Week from one week to three days. This was proposed in an effort to undermine binge drinking, which the university believes the week encourages.

Strong opposition from students to this proposed plan, including an online petition signed by over 300 students is believed to be the reason for rejecting this plan.

Disabled athlete defies odds University of Plymouth A disabled wheelchair-bound student at the University of Plymouth is to perform underwater ballet for the London 2012 Cultural Olympiad.

Austin will be performing in a specially adapted wheelchair, powered by two motors and steered by operating two plastic “wings”. She said: “This work is about showing that in spite of working with mental and physical limitations, it is still possible if you have a passion about something to transcend those issues.”

Comment

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

Comment Editors Sophie McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk

What you don’t know might hurt you CLARE’S LAW Aims to help in the fight against domestic abuse.

Photography: sugarsnaptastic (Flickr)

GEORGINA MOULE

YES

T

he new scheme, dubbed ‘Clare’s Law’ is just one step on the road to reducing domestic violence, and will be instrumental in protecting women who are at risk, as well as raising awareness of an issue that is rarely discussed in the national media or by the public.

The scheme, which has just been extended to Nottinghamshire, Greater Manchester, Wiltshire and Gwent as part of a year-long trial, could become national law.

It has been championed by Michael Brown whose daughter, Clare, was murdered by a partner with a violent background in 2009.

Clare had made numerous complaints to police about her boyfriend, but no action was taken, despite the fact the police knew he had a history of violence towards women, which included repeated harassment, threats and kidnapping an ex-girlfriend at knifepoint.

The new disclosure scheme will give women the ‘right to ask’; that is, to ask police directly if their partner has

a history of violence.

While it may not prevent all incidences of domestic violence, the new law has the potential to raise awareness of the issue amongst the public and within the police force which, according to numerous IPCC reports, has a poor record of dealing with accusations of domestic violence.

Although current law already allows the police to give details of an offender’s previous convictions if they are deemed a risk to the public, ‘Clare’s Law’ could bring domestic abuse into the public consciousness and compel the police to take allegations of domestic abuse more seriously.

Every sixty seconds the police receive a call relating to domestic violence and, on average, two women are killed every week by a current or former partner.

If the scheme encourages just one of these women to find the courage to leave a violent partner, or prevents her becoming involved with one in the first place, surely it is a good thing.

The scheme would not be used by a large number of women, but a woman suspicious of her partner - perhaps as a result of something said or done would be able to leave before the issue became more serious.

If a woman can find out about a partner’s criminal history before it is too late, it gives her the chance to get out before she becomes another victim and another statistic.

Clare’s father believes Clare would still be alive today had she been able to discover her partner’s history. He recently said “I believe that if my daughter had known of the past of her partner she would have dropped

him like a hot brick and scampered out of there.”

Surely something that aims to tackle the problem is better than leaving things as they are. Anything that raises awareness and prevents somebody being abused or even killed in his or her own home is a step in the right direction.

LAURA WOTTON

NO

T

he tragic incident involving Clare Wood’s death at the hands of her partner has brought about a new scheme in which people can legally investigate their partner’s previous convictions.

Of course this arrangement seems sensible; information revealed about a violent perpetrator’s past might prevent other assaults occurring, yet is this the best the government can do?

Whilst the scheme seems like a robust measure that demonstrates government involvement in such affairs, it is also comparatively futile, considering that government money could be spent on specialist training

for police officers instead.

To draw upon a common cliché, the scheme, to me, seems all talk and no action.

Indeed, the initial murder case itself outlines the inconsistencies of such a scheme. Certainly it would have been beneficial for police to inform Clare of her partner’s violent past, yet surely this knowledge should have spurred the police to respond effectively to Clare’s desperate cries for help.

It raises the question as to why the police, according to The Guardian’s Sandra Horley, “so consistently fail to perform the most basic duties towards victims of domestic violence”.

The police arrested Clare’s perpetrator on the grounds of sexual assault yet released him almost immediately, this basic misjudgment ultimately contributing to the murder.

Refuge, a domestic violence charity, outlined their view that the total expense required to implement this pilot scheme will outweigh its benefits.

According Horley, who is also Refuge’s chief executive, the “expensive and untested” programme is ultimately ineffective, stating that at best “the scheme will only result in an annual reduction of a half per cent in domestic violence”, a figure calculated by the government’s own impact assessment.

Indeed, with current legislation already permitting police to disclose information regarding abuse committed by convicted offenders, the ‘new’ scheme seems less interested in the cause and more on promoting the government’s “committed par-

ticipation”.

Yet there are other implications of the scheme to consider. Deputy director of the campaign group Big Brother Watch, Emma Carr, expressed her concern that police may reveal cautionary incidents or express suspicion about those on their watch even though they may not have been convicted.

Carr highlighted that “We have a legal system based upon guilt needing to be proven in court and this should not be a means of bypassing that”, hinting at the fact that the scheme will lend a wider scope to false allegation and cases of mistrust.

Of course, there is need for action.

The fact that two people are killed each week due to domestic violence is overt proof that action must be taken immediately, yet Clare’s Law seems the wrong medicine for this epidemic of domestic assaults. The question remains as to how many women will actually make use of this scheme and even then whether the information they receive will make a difference.

The government should create a more concrete presence in the policing system. As specialist services and a faster police response would surely stretch further in terms of saving lives, ultimately granting Britain’s most vulnerable citizens the ‘action’ they so need.

Emails in response to articles should be sent to: editor.union@ncl.ac.uk

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Monday 12 March 2012

THE NEWS THAT MADE ME EMILY RAE

Disobedience is detrimental to UK

Unite’s plans for strike action during this summers Olympics are bound to fail

#5-Paws for thought over my use of social networks

I recently got Twitter. I immediately started following Derren Brown, The Courier and a dog. Reminiscent of my Tamagotchi days, I’ve been trying to feed him by the click of a button.

This week, clever IT consultant Nat Morris created an innovative contraption that enabled him to feed his pup via Twitter. In a matter of seconds, a tweet is transmitted into food pellets through the means of a mini computer, small HP printer and a mini trap door. As it now appears that even food and technology are colliding, it begs the question as to whether all these advances are simply taking it too far.

I’m not sure whether the reasons behind Nat Morris’ incredible contraption should be applauded or be a cause for concern. If he’s so busy he has to Tweet a treat, why does he have a dog? Maybe a Tweet controlled pooper scooper is next on the cards.

Yes, it’s a good gimmick and indeed it would be amusing to see the dog’s bemused reaction. However, I think this is communication between man and dog taken too far.

Simply having a Facebook account causes enough angst. In fact, if I don’t do well at uni, I’m blaming Mark Zuckerberg. No longer am I able to check my emails or even look up the conjugation of French verbs without my fingers automatically taking me through the process: Internet Explorer, Google, Facebook. It’s a subconscious action which is leading to major procrastination.

Back in the day, methods of communication were far simpler. It was merely a case of “I’ll find you” or “I’ll call you”. These days? I’ll Facebook you, poke you and look through all your photos. Yes, it seems these days it’s not merely a noun, but also a verb, ‘to Facebook’. And frankly, I’m sick of it. Yet, like a lovesick prepubescent boy, I keep coming back for more.

So what happens if Nat Morris’ pup keeps coming back for more only to find that the system is malfunctioning. Although your heart skips a beat as you accidently ‘like’ the obscureperson-you’re-stalking’s picture, it’s slightly different to a dog not getting fed if his owner misspells or sends the tweet too early.

Moreover, although I appreciate “Open Media” like the Guardian TV advert has been promoting recently (http://www.guardian.co.uk/ media/video/2012/feb/29/openjournalism-three-little-pigsadvert?newsfeed=true), I merely find it aggravating when Facebook overlaps with another media platform. It appears I no longer need to watch TV myself, as on my Facebook newsfeed I get my own running commentary, whether I like it or not. Whether it’s a shock goal on a live football game, or a critical analysis of this week’s episode of 90210, all is revealed – no holds barred, spoilers guaranteed.

The “no holds barred” phrase is commonly used when talking about online communication and privacy. If a Tweet can mean a treat then what will be created next? However, who am I to talk about a waste of time and technology when I refresh Facebook an unhealthy amount in a short period of time. But I have to admit it’s strangely compelling viewing. Thanks a bunch, Mark.

JAKE UNSWORTH

V

isitors coming to the UK for this summer’s Olympics might see a Britain in turmoil instead of the United Kingdom they were expecting if Len McCluskey, leader of the union Unite, has his way.

He has called for a movement of civil disobedience to take place during the two weeks of athletics which would cause major disruption to London if it went ahead.

Unite represents over 1.5 million workers and is one of the biggest financial backers of the Labour party – the party that magnificently pulled off the Games despite the difficult post-war circumstances in 1948.

McCluskey justified this appeal because, in his opinion, it would be “unthinkable” to host the Olympics and pretend that “everything is nice and rosy” when many of his members face worsening living standards.

However, in order to build a more prosperous future, is this not exactly what we must do in a time of crisis; use the Olympics as an opportunity to advertise Britain to the rest of the world?

Unite is something of a union in decline. Its membership is dominated by council workers and it’s lost over 250,000 of them since 2007. In part

due to redundancy among its membership, but also as a result of defections to other unions. Recent events have suggested Unite is not doing a great job of securing better conditions for its members, many of whom are about to experience yet another year of static wages. McCluskey’s latest call, therefore, could be interpret-

Nobody is going to miss Blur to walk along a London street waving a placard ed as a cornered animal lashing out.

However, McCluskey’s window of opportunity for disrupting the Games has long since vanished. He could have tried to disrupt the building process, but now that the arenas are all but finished, what does he intend to do? Organise a march during the opening ceremony? Nobody is going to miss Blur to walk along a London street waving a placard while nobody watches.

Furthermore, due to the hard work of McCluskey’s counterparts at RMT,

OLYMPICS A solitary protester against London 2012 Olympics.

Photography: John Cassidy (Flickr)

the tube and train drivers represented by the union have been promised as much as £2,500 on top of their average salary of £47,355 just to turn up to work during the two weeks of the Olympics. These guys aren’t going to walk out because McCluskey has called for Gandhi-style ‘civil disobedience’. They’re going to turn up to work and let the taxpayer stuff their pockets with tenners.

There is something more mischievous about McCluskey’s actions. His duty is to protect his members livelihoods. However, wrecking an opportunity to showcase this country’s economic trade, a “fortnight long trade commercial” as the shadow Olympics minister, Tessa Jowell put it, would be extremely “counter-productive”.

The Olympic Games Impact Study estimated that, if successful, the Olympics would generate £12.9billion of future GDP growth.

It is fair to say that disruption of the Games would not improve anybody’s life, and could potentially be detrimental to the future prospects of UK PLC. The fact that what McCluskey has called for would not achieve his official objectives reveals his ulterior motives and the illegitimate stimulus for much strike action in the UK today; the individuals at the top of unions are spurred on by their ambitions of notoriety and to boost their egos by causing disruption.

It is, if you like, a kind of 21st century anarchism for grown-ups and that’s why Len McCluskey should leave the Olympics to the athletes, and concentrate on doing his job.

Nuclear deterrent is no longer needed JOESEPH WOOD

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hink back to a time when the whole of humanity lived on the brink of a nuclear apocalypse that would re-shape the Earth into a barren wasteland inhabited only by cockroaches and ‘B-movie’ style super-mutants.

With that frame of mind, you might be forgiven for sympathising with the Government’s proposals for replacing the Trident missile system. However, if you aren’t a member of the ‘babyboomer’ generation or a Republican presidential candidate, having such worries about the future of life on earth seems somewhat surprising.

Despite this, the desire to re-commission the Trident programme (conceived in the early 1980s to replace an earlier nuclear programme) is still strong among the government and the MOD. However, it has recently received serious criticism both from within the coalition and from the independent thinktank CentreForum.

These criticisms are well founded, highlighting the programme’s excessive costs and its overall insignificance in defending Britain.

A study, published by CentreForum, has deemed the proposed government plans for renewing the programme as “nonsensical.” The author of the report, Toby Fenwick, claimed that “Trident makes no effective contribution to our security.”

Britain is not the empire it once was; it is a small island, with only a moderate involvement in international affairs. Therefore, the MOD should

revitalise Britain’s forces for the 21st century.” This should be the rationale for the government to re-think how they invest in their military.

In place of nuclear war-heads which, presumably, will never be used, it makes a great deal more sense to stop further cuts to the MOD. On top of this, the £25 billion (that’s £25,000,000,000) saved by not replacing Trident could be used in other

in 2016? There are different reasons for this, of course. It could be argued that the reason is simply that both in 1982-3 (when the first Trident programme was commissioned) and today we live under a Conservative government. However, the shadow defence secretary, Jim Murphy, expressed his own support of Trident.

In the end, the government might

TRIDENT Showing the strength of

opposition to the Govt’s nuclear submarine deterrent.

Photography: Gareth Harper (Flickr)

be concerned with internal threats of terrorism and, alongisde the UN and NATO, supporting nations in military need as seen in Libya, rather than preparing for an imagined nuclear battle of the world’s ‘super-powers’.

Mr Fenwick expressed his view that “Cancelling [Trident] will provide a unique opportunity to rebalance and

areas of the public-sector such as to provide free university education, scrap cuts to the police, increase NHS backing and improve funding for primary and secondary schools. These are but a few of the possible sectors of society which would benefit from the destruction of Trident.

Why then will we potentially be paying for the Trident missile system

just be clinging on to that harkened belief that a world filled with ‘supermutants’ and cockroaches is always one step round the corner. And because of this world view, we as a nation will pay for something that will prove as useless as its predecessors, during this time of ever-increasing austerity.

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Monday 12 March 2012

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Retro revolution

Photography and editing by Moises Bedrossian Modelled by (left to right) Hayley Hamilton, Helen Overton, Jenny Offiler and Nikki Doherty Make-up by Abi Heath Hair styling by Catherine Hadfield Directed by Victoria Mole Gold flapper dress by H&M, £7 in the SALE Gold strappy heels by Brantanos, £15 Nautical playsuit by Primark, £7 White blazer by Primark, £15 Polka-dot hair tye by Primark, £3 Black heels by Next, £43

8/10

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Monday 12 March 2012

Pink crop top by Miso in Republic, £20 Green mini by Miso in Republic, £15 Black Mary Janes by New Look, £22.99 Black dress by H&M, £24.99 Black boots by Next, £25

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Monday 12 March 2012

has played. He told me that the Edinburgh Fringe will always be special to him, as it is to many comedians, but he said the best venue was Hammersmith Apollo.

‘I was on tour with Al Murray, and I don’t know if it’s just because it is so big or whether it’s because of all the shows that are recorded there, but it is just an amazing place to do comedy.’ When I wanted to know about the inner workings between comedians, and whether it gets competitive on tour amongst them, Chris laughed and said that everyone is really supportive of each other and no one wants to come across as a dick on tour.

With all the success that Chris has achieved since the Edinburgh Fringe in 2010, we have a nostalgic moment about where it all started, a place many of us are familiar with - Castle Leazes. Chris didn’t actually attend Newcastle University, but he hosted a comedy night at the halls of residence once a week. Chris then played the Gala Theatre Studio in Durham whilst supporting Stephen K. Amos, a venue that he will be returning to this April which he says will be really exciting - ‘it was one of the places that I started so to go back and be the headline will be brilliant.’

Some of you also may remember Chris from this year’s Fresher’s Week which, when he is reminded about it, makes him laugh instantly. I asked him how he found it. ‘I arrived at this huge room and it was completely empty, and I just thought to myself this is going to be awful, but went to my dressing room and literally all I did was change my t-shirt and go to the toilet and by the time I came out the place was filled with around 800 students. They came out of nowhere, I have no idea where they had been hiding; they must have been like comedy ninjas.’ Chris said he enjoyed

know “I don’t ey came h where ty must have e from, thlike comedy n e be ninjas’

‘If you really don’t like someone so want them to do badly you just think it’.

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

No, it’s a man on a comedy mission

Newcastle born and bred and star of 2011’s Fresher’s week, Chris Ramsey may have the Toon in his heart but the world is his oyster.

Local funny man talks to Sally Priddle about strange students, arrogant swans and South Shields

H

e is from South Shields, has a love for Superman and did I mention he is ridiculously funny? Known for his appearances on Celebrity Juice, Show and Tell and 8 out of 10 Cats, this Geordie has been critically acclaimed all over the country, touring with Al Murray and Russell Kane and having two sold-out shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

His show last year ‘Offermation’ led to him being nominated for The Fosters Edinburgh Comedy Award (formerly known as the Perrier - the award of the Fringe).

Putting me straight at ease by asking me how I was and telling me that I was a ‘normal’ person as I wasn’t

a student, we got on to possibly the best and worst interview I have ever done. Chris started by telling me about his last performances in Newcastle, which weren’t long ago as he played the Northern Stage on 21st and 22nd February; he said half the audience were ‘normals’ and the other half were students. Chris said ‘No matter where I play in the North East, I always enjoy it and it always seems to go well. I always try and play somewhere in South Shields as I enjoy going home; when I started out in comedy there wasn’t anywhere to play in South Shields and the last time I went back I played a 500 people venue that was totally sold out which was an amazing feeling.’

We then went on to talk about the best venues Chris

Fresher’s Week as the audience was completely up for anything he had to offer, which is the ideal kind of audience for a comedian - there is nothing more soul-destroying than an audience who just look like they don’t want to be there. I asked him what the worst heckle he has ever encountered was; chuckling slightly evilly he says, ‘How often do I dye my hair?’ This is a loving reference to the very question I asked him earlier, which led me to being extremely embarrassed as it turns out that he doesn’t, which led to an awkward moment that I hope we managed to laugh off.

After discussing all the normal areas of comedy, we get onto the other sides of Chris’ life. He said if he wasn’t doing comedy then he probably would be a lecturer in Film and Media, which was what he studied at university. Alternatively, he would work at a zoo. This random response led us to discussing animals, firstly his favourite, the sloth. ‘I think the sloth is the next trendy animal; in a couple of weeks they will be everywhere. At the minute it is the meerkat and before that it was the baby monkeys but where are they now? I seriously think the sloth is next, you wait and see and make sure you remember it was me who told you.’ With this random, yet wonderful answer I thought I can delve into deeper into Chris’ connection with animals so I wanted to know ‘If you were on Noah’s Ark what animal would you kick out? You can’t pick dinosaurs or dodos as that would be a cop-out answer’. Initially Chris said wasps, but when I pointed out that they are quite sneaky creatures and would probably be able to wheedle their way back on (even though he said he could put up net curtains) he changed his mind: ‘ If not wasps then probably geese because they are angry and arrogant. Oh no wait, swans, because I think they are cowards and hide behind the law so I would kick them off. No actually, I sit down and eat them, dunk their head under the water first just to make sure they understand my hate.’

Chris is clearly very proud of his Northern roots as when I

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asked him what his favourite children’s TV show he immediately replied Byker Grove, and when I asked

‘but obviously the PJ and Duncan years as I think it went down here from there.’ the very important question, ‘what is your favourite tree?’, he got extremely into the question: ‘When I am driving back to South Shields and you pass Middlesborough, there is a tree there over by the A19, and once when I was driving back I saw this tree and the moonlight was shining behind it and I thought it was a great tree, with a fantastic shape and so now every time I pass it I always say hello to that tree.’ I laughed at the detailed description of his answer and he quite simply went, ‘I bet you weren’t expecting a specific tree, but that is what came into my head when you asked so I thought I would put it out there.’

The Northern boy has won me over heart and soul, so I asked my last question with expectance of just a random yet brilliant answer as the rest: Where would he move to if he could go absolutely anywhere- and I think this answer really boasts how fame has not changed Chris as he doesn’t go for LA, Dubai or anywhere particularly rich or hot or expensive, but simply said ,‘I love living where I am at the moment in Manchester and I love Newcastle, but Newcastle is just too far away from everywhere - we are just on this little island at the top of the country. But I would love to live somewhere like Brighton or somewhere in the countryside as I have always lived in towns.’ Chris has given me a wonderful 15 minutes and although I managed to slightly insult him, he made me laugh constantly and if he can make me laugh this much without even trying, then his staged comedy is clearly going to brilliant.

People can see Chris live with his fantastic tour ‘Offermation’, at his last date in the North East, 26th April, at the Gala Theatre Durham, and with all his past North East dates selling out, I would recommend people get tickets fast.

ery time “Now ev I always I pass it o to that say hell e’ tre

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Monday 12 March 2012

Laughing in the face of love and regular rejection Richard Herring turns tragedy to comedy and confesses after 20 years in the business he still steals conditioner from hotels Sally Priddle questions legendary comedian about humping, heartbreak and hindsight

R

ichard Herring, the fiery red head who last year performed for the 20th Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, delves into the deepest issues humanity has to deal with and comes up with some interesting answers with his unique standup: religion (Christ on a Bike), politics (Hitler Moustache) and penises (Talking Cock).

I spoke to Richard Herring about his new show, where he is discovers how to define and destroy love, before love destroys him. Again.

For those of you who don’t know Richard’s work directly, you will definitely have appreciated his writing: He has contributed to the creation of infamous character Alan Partridge, partnered with the award winning comedian Stewart Lee and has written material for Al Murray, Russell Howard and Little Britain.

his comedy.

An ability to understand what makes good comedy is a talent that Richard has perfected over the years, though he isn’t deluded that he could go on any stage and please the audience.

When asked if he has ever died on stage he gave a very happy and confident answer: ‘In the

‘Failure is always funny and after time tragedy becomes funny too,’ you will get to the beginning you can go on stage and people are booing you before you even begin, which is actually nothing to do with you. But now I don’t really get heckled as people have normally paid to see me which makes it easy.

But I know that I am never going to please everyone as even Eric Morecambe, an utter comedy legend, wasn’t to everyone’s taste. You can’t criticise the audience for not liking your material, as on another night with another audience it could

When I started talking to Richard, he was in good spirits, instantly friendly and welcoming to me, despite having had a morning of interviews (a brilliant start). I start off with the deep and meaningful question that Richard is investigating on his tour, ‘What does love really have to do with it?’ Richard says that this is the fantastic question that he intends to investigate.

He has no delusions that he is going to come up with any real answers in his 90-minute show, but he sees love as one of those topics that relate to everyone and everyone will have an opinion on whether it’s good or bad. The show gives people the chance to try to define love, find out what it isn’t and look back on those occasions when go you thought you were in love and in hindsight it really wasn’t. e, an recamb isn’t o Richard draws on M c i r many of his experi‘Even E medy legend s’ ences of love that he utter coeryone’s taste has had during his to ev 44 years. He admits that during his teenage years and his 20s, he had down well’. a habit of repeatedly falling After disin love, being a tad overbearing and cussing the getting his heart broken, so he has had to come serious-ish side to terms with heartbreak, learn to cope with of Richard’s life it and laugh at his own failure. Despite having we explored the some disastrous encounters with love, Richard more imporis now engaged and admits that this is the best tant issues, so I love story of his life, as he wasn’t expecting to asked him what be in love again, having pretty much given up conditioner he used on finding one person to be with for the rest of on his famously lushis life. When he met his current fiancée and cious locks. ‘I tend to fell in love, to him it was really the best love use whatever they have in story. Soppy moment over, we discussed how the hotel I am staying in. At the pain of heartbreak can ever be turned into home though, it’s one in a green comedy. Richard confidently said that combottle, Fructis. But when I stay at edy and tragedy go hand in hand; anywhere Malmaison, which I don’t do often, I or anytime things goes wrong comedy can be always steal lots from the trolley as they have formed, and in fact for Richard it is a staple to

big bottles’. And possibly more fundamentally to understanding Richard’s inner mind workings, what song would he listen to if it was the only one he could listen to for the rest of his life? Of course, the seriousness of this question requires moments of contemplation as

t of ful habi ickly w a n a ‘I had love too qu ng’ i n falling i ing over- bear e and b

Richard reasons that he doesn’t want to choose a song he actually likes as by the end he would hate it, so he would go for one he already hated. ‘Toploader, Dancing in the Moonlight’. Although, 14 years old me was slightly horrified, Richard managed to win me over by going on to explain that despite not liking the song it had some sentimental value for him, which was another reason for his choice. Although I was still dubious of a man who could hate what is an epic song, Richard continued to win me over by discussing Dr. Who. Tom Baker is Richard’s favourite doctor, as he was the doctor of his childhood; if he could go on a date with anyone it would be Amy Pond from Dr. Who (though only after his fiancée tragically died and he had a long period of very sad mourning). Although it would only be if it was the character Amy Pond, as he is not a fan of the actress.

To finish the interview off in a mature style I asked Richard who he would shag, go around the world with and kill out of Madonna, Margaret Thatcher and Dot Cotton. ‘If I had to and was forced, I would sleep with Madonna, though I don’t really want to; I would go round the world with Dot Cotton as I think that would be a good experience and then I would kill Thatcher as, let’s face it, she is nearly dead anyway.’

Richard is a witty and highly entertaining comedian, who manages to turn the simplest topics into effortless comedy that is guaranteed to challenge your thoughts on some of the most serious topics through the medium of laughter.

Richard Herring will be playing his original show ‘What is love, anyway?’ at The Stand Comedy Club, Newcastle on Tuesday 13th

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Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

Student stereotypes

You say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but these guys had it coming. Everyone knows one, everyone loathes one, unless you are one.

The Social Networker

t century society. In onnected members of the 21s a-c ultr n, der mo as lves s in the hope that mse live pening in their Who they are: They think of the ts, advertising everything hap sor this means they’re dy ugh nee y tho , ver out lly ht era nig a gen ng are reality, they very keen on livebloggi also e will very probably ey’r ey Th Th e. e. car tim l at wil gre a ere, e someone, somewh ing to actually hav hav y’re the e ke do with one tim ma a to at ing gre hav how but too busy telling everyone ing for retweets from legions of mega-celebrities, mpt to rouse atte an in s uely mopey statuse embarrass themselves by ask ng of all, they might post vag oyi ann st Mo ty. ual Cas off of the blokes orate on them. sympathy, then refuse to elab their room, checking k down. Either they’ll be inbe trac to up gro k out their y eas y ver a e ey’r Cops, or you’ll able to wor Where you can find them: Th last night’s episode of Trafficins and Twitter updates. ut abo t ugh tho eld ofi Sch lip k checkout what Phi trail of their incessant faceboo co-ordinates by following the L MA GIRLS” RRUUUUNKKKK LOVE AL Typical quotes: “SOOOO DR ” o.

Beb to k bac going “I hate this timeline shit, I’m comes off worse? :’(” #madbants #UKyo“Why is it always me who all and set fire to all of his socks bed es’s Jam r ove t hur yog “Just poured ghurtandfirescene” on Bebo; the fact that nobody only ever getting twelve ‘Luvs’ous hipsters made to look like ale; wh fail the al; sign Fi Witures of anonym Pet peeves: Poor blr page which consists of pic has ever looked at their Tumaro id. they’ve been taken on a Pol dd as friend’. Job done.

How to befriend them: Click ‘A Tom Nicholson

The Lad Who are they: One way to describe them: pecs walk

in, five minutes later, face walks in.

Where can you find them: Usually spotted in their to the wilds of the Robinson Library during exam natural habitats of the gym or the pub. Occasionally venturing ging about who managed to “smash that bird last s to find new prey. Lads are always found in packs loudly bragnight” or who “cracked out the chunder dragon in Tiger Tiger” Typical Quotes: “Yeah so I had her bent over like this… ” “Last night I had a whole bottle of vodka” “There was a proper vomcano on the floor” “She’s just a crap lock, whereas I’m a great key” Pet Peeves: Girls who don’t put out, gag reflexes, bouncers not letting you in only because you’re cover own sick. ed in your How to friend them: Beat them at a game of ‘cock or ball’, join a sports team, challenge them in a drinking game… or have boobs.

James Cross

The Rah

refully impleal Male tensive and cabreed is easy ex as e ar s The Metrosexu en gim ular se grooming re d the ern. This partic ramount conculately defined eyebrows an raight men who pa St r e: ei ar th is ey e th ag ac im Who m r ei im , th ir ; ha e’s ed mal mented as a fempus by their perfectly coiff radius. tion: he is to spot on ca t of aftershave within a 25m es of beautifica ac pl up in s nt ue uc warning scen n or to hing an freq etrosexual mlo up his spray tae mirror more than m g e in Th : pp to em n th sa find ty frees. reflection in th Where you canly macho man in the beau ecking out hisutiques of Fenwicks during the surprising the buff bod in the gym ch bo e aming th his roots; he’s eat and he can be found ro sw a s.” ng ki ea br oning my jean ing late, I’m ir nn ru I’m ry : “Sor it.”

Typical quotesmy hair. No really, I mean od “Don’t touchs look small in this?” eather; snack fo ike torrential w sl “Do my arm di ly re ve se are known to rosexual men . Letting Pet peeves: Miret. etrosexual man m e th For a first ith w and body ha os r take you fa their perfectly poised eg e. caught the ill w t en im pl will stroke ng as to whether they’v our, the them: A com How to friend at their efforts are working , open by askione to sweating or body od on th ti sa ow er them kn teed conv an ar gu . If you’re pr ea ith ls w he impression TOWIE or Made in C Victoria Mole latest eppy ofman will avoid you. al xu se ro met

matter of not seeing the n’t recognise them, it’s aNewcastle, in the same Who they are: If you dorah at g culture is thrivin eon. They are wood for the trees; in the carcass of a dead pig way that maggots thrivedent, well-moneyed sorts whose family the brashly over-confi e. They all seem like bloody nice chaps own half of Hertfordshirsecretly suspect they would stab you in and chapesses, but you way of the last gilet in North Face. the thigh if you got in the around Hollister, m: Generally they stridefor that perfect Where you can find theor ing rch sea Jack Wills, Abercrombie & Fitch which will really make them stand out light-blue striped shirtwise, rugby pitches and Starbucks are the from the crowd. Otherh some have been known to slum it in Pret. main hangouts, thoug some serious yourself out here. There’s Typical quotes: “Mate, get k of Waitrose.” chav gash round the bacco, just stick some flip-flops on.”

Tes to ng goi ly chinos?”

“We’re on camel chinos, or the dune “Mate, should I wear theut this...”

“When my father hears abo e questions whether of ‘banter’; when someon Pet peeves: Obstructiondegree status; people who object to animalagriculture is worthy ofform of entertainment; poor people. based bloodsports as a s and you’re in, though t the right shirt and chino – if you let slip you in How to friend them: Gery ing div straight before you’d best get your sto state school, you’ll be ripped to shreds like the went to – shudder – a ng. foxes they so love hunti Tom Nicholson

The Courier

.19

Monday 12 March 2012

The Arts Student Who they are: Wearing clothes that they’ve found ion balance somewhere between Morrissey and in a charity shop and ‘reworked’, the arty student strikes a happy fashcolour. They are quirky, alternative and socia an eccentric pensioner. Hair will almost always never be their natural sporting a pair of non-prescription lenses. lly awkward so you can expect to be greeted relatively frostily unless you’re Where can you find them: In the studio hunched over a

canvas or shuffling on the dance floor at an obscu re club night.

Typical quotes: “So “So I asked myself, what would Andy Warhol do?”

“Have you read my blog? It’s called Ethereal Rainb ows and it’s about the fragility of life.”

“And I was like, that’s sooo mainstream.”

Pet peeves: Fake tan, maths and anything that acqua ints them with real life.

How to friend them: Have a themed party. Decorate by putting up some bunting and make a sculpture found objects. When guests arrive, compliment them of on their fixie bikes. Take plenty of pictures on a out camera so you can upload them to your website dispo later.

Make sure you’re not smiling in any of them. Enthu sable not cool. siasm is Lauren Stafford

The Political Activist

you arrior, they make sure neighbourhood eco-w t and possibly a tattoo of Che dly en fri ur Yo : are y t-shir Who the rst year, have a poster, probably had a gap use recycling bins in fiely own at least one acoustic guitar. Theyha ve well-worn copies lik d st Guevara, and mo ing the start of the next ¡revolucion!, an Diaries on their DVD year in Mexico await th, Che (Parts 1&2) and The Motorcycle of An Inconvenient Tru shelf. latest protest in d on the frontline of the car pla a ng ldi ckeysack.

Ho ha m: a playing with Where you can find the d store, or in the park foo ic an org al loc the town, at on in [insert name of heard about what’s going e u’v yo if ow kn n’t do Typical quotes: “I country here], it’s awful.” politically-unstable cally-unstain [insert name of politi on ing go at’s wh t ou .” heard ab “I don’t know if you’vegoing to hitchhike over there and do my bit ble country here], I’m vapid and the from each other. sed to the ignorant, the po op lly era gen r staying away is st tte ivi be e act u’r cal yo d liti an po e, e on Th n s: tha Pet peeve might get by. Tick more ss of any issues that elite. Tick one box, you sh up on your awareneavailable if you also bru d an eo vid 12 20 points are ing the Kony end half an hour watchSinners cage last night. An additional thirty the How to friend them: Sp in did u yo at wh ty. g le Children chari extend beyond forgettin Ben Travis dodgy-sounding Invisib look up more info on the

The Dubstep Stoner

Who they are: The word ‘dubstep’ here might be a clustered in The Cut or little misleadi , as you may imagine a conglome stoner does not actually in the dubstep room of Legends. No no no.ng rate of prancing individual Here we go to clubs to listen to dubstep, talking about a whole new s the dubstep on as loud as hell no. Instead he locare ph menon: the dubst he possibly can whilst bo ks him sel ep f in his room with his dueno pping his head and passin bstep stoner mates, puts g round the joint.

Where you can find them: In his room. Sometimes in the kitchen.

Typical quotes: Absolute ly anything said in a fake Jamaican accent.

Pet peeves: When his dea ler goes on holiday.

How to friend them: There are many ways to tackle playlist on Spotify and list s, here are a few strate en to it non-stop untilthi yourself into his room wh it makes its way onto hisgies: 1). Compile the perfect dubstep stoner ile news feed. Let him do the he’ s hav ing a session. Due to his there. 3) Set up a dealing rest. 2) Infiltrate chronic memory loss he’ business. ll just think you’ve always been Emma Balter

The Queen Bee Who they are: We all know one, and she’ll probably be that girl who totters into a 9am seminar in the Eiffel Tower of stilettos and with more grout on her face than B&Q stock. Obviously she won’t speak to you, you’ve come to your lectures in track pants.

Where you can find them: Queen Bee isn’t subtle and she will make sure you know who she is. You’re likely to see her burst into lectures with her entourage in tow, or staring gormlessly into anything with a reflection.

Generally she’ll only come onto campus to set the trend you should follow or she’ll be waiting at the bar for someone to buy her that drink she really does deserve after a hard day of being a bitch.

Typical quotes: Unfortunately Queen Bee rarely says anything intelligible, and needs only to click her fingers or throw you a glare for you to understand what she’s trying to say.

Pet peeves: Fronting the army against bad hair and cheap clothes, Queen Bee will often walk across campus and through town performing a demonstration of the Red Arrows flying formation taking up the whole street. And at snail’s pace to ensure maximum exposure, will ensure you’re always late and annoyed if you end up stuck behind her.

How to friend them: Don’t. Honestly, just don’t, unless of course you have an unlimited supply of hairspray for her disposal or you’re happy to accept a life of servitude as the worker ant.

Grace Harvey

20.lifestylesex&relationships

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

Sexual fantasies: Just role with it?

Top five...

Sex myths

1

7-Second cycle

Thinking about sex every seven seconds works out at about 514 times an hour. Even in the most boring lecture I’m not sure that’s possible. However, it is true that guys think about sex more than girls. A study published in 2011 in the Journal of Sex Research showed that guys thought about sex, food and sleep more than women. Scientists have suggested it is because men are more attentive to their own needs.

STI umbrella

2

If condoms are used correctly they can protect against many STIs, such as chlamydia. However, this doesn’t mean you have no risk of catching an infection, as they can’t necessarily prevent genital herpes or warts, as these infections are caused by skin-to-skin contact. These may affect areas that are not covered by a condom, and may not be visible to the eye at all.

Although it would involve an embarrassing conversation and is not the greatest turn-on, if someone really liked you they wouldn’t mind getting a full check-up before you get it on. And it’s definitely something to think about before you invite anyone willy-nilly to spend the night.

and 3 Supply demand

If you remember anything about Biology GCSE you’ll know that sex drive is fuelled by testosterone. It’s true that a man’s testosterone level is up to ten times higher than a woman’s, however, that’s not to say that men are always raring to go, despite what they might say. For instance, a guy’s performance can be affected drastically and quickly. This is can be caused by drink, obesity, drugs and age, as they all have a knock-on effect on not only his ego, but also his erection.

Hiding behind the sex mask

4

Girls often think that being promiscuous or sexually adventurous means they’ll be branded as a slut. However, as long as you’re not offering your body up to him, it’s much the opposite. Who wouldn’t love someone who was confident enough in the bedroom to try something new?

Getting kinky doesn’t indicate a lack of respect or love. In fact it means you’re both comfortable enough with each other to be yourselves.

5

Sensational stamina

Long-term relationships are often depicted as involving no proper kissing, boring sex and cheating once the initial honeymoon period is over. Okay, so if you spend a lot of time together you’re going to know what each of you like and how to do it. I’m not quite sure how someone knowing how your body works constitutes as boring.

Even if you’re far apart and only see each other a few times a term, the sex can be even better than before as you cherish the time you spend together. Don’t presume that getting a boyfriend or girlfriend means less sex.

Emily Rae

Been looking for a way to spice up your love life? Need something new in the bedroom? Clare Vaughan delves into the world of sexual role play to distinguish the what tos from what nots...

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The Courier

Monday 12 March 2012

sex&relationshipslifestyle.21

Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter, and Lauren Stafford Online Editor: Lauren Cordell

Blind Date

Rebekah Guntrip, 3rd year Marketing and Management, meets Armani Zafar, 2nd year Politics Rebekah on Armani

Armani on Rebekah

First impressions?

Not going to lie, I had Facebook stalked pre-date, so I didn’t have a surprise when I met him. We met up in Billabong, he got up and gave me a kiss on the cheek which was sweet.

First impressions?

That she was prettier than I expected and very willing to chat casually. She seemed comfortable bringing up conversation topics, which was definitely a good thing because I really couldn’t think of anything to say. (After a few drinks that problem disappeared)

What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?

We went for a couple of drinks and then out for dinner, a standard date but always a good choice. The food was really yummy and lots of wine was consumed over dinner, which he paid for.

He walked me home after dinner which was again very chivalrous of him.

Any striking conversation topics?

A lot of the conversation revolved around sport; I was pretty upset when he said that rugby wasn’t a real sport! We also talked about what states we get in on a night out and shared some drunken stories. Other than that surprisingly, I think I got a bit too drunk to remember anything else standing out.

Any awkward moments?

The most awkward part of the date was probably the waiters in the restaurant trying to get rid of us by turning the lights up and turning the music off at gone 12pm, we definitely outstayed our welcome.

If you were to get married and have babies, what would you want your baby to inherit from your date?

Probably his intelligence, I thought that Armani seemed to be a very bright boy and that he knew what he wanted to do with his life and that he was the kind of person who would achieve his goals.

Did you open the ex-file?

Yeah, after Armani had expressed that he wasn’t a big fan of said boy I decided to inform him that it was my ex.

At any point did you understand why they were single?

Armani mentioned a few times that girls weren’t particularly interesting or funny so I am guessing that’s why he is single.

I was hoping to try and change his view on that!

Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?

I think the solid three to four inch height difference I had over him would have made a kiss slightly awkward so unfortunately not.

If you were to take them home do you think your parents would approve?

Yes, I don’t see why they wouldn’t, Armani seemed like a really decent guy and the sport chat always goes down well with my parents. They would probably take the piss out of the height difference and his general dislike of girls though.

Marks out of 10?

8/10. I think Armani was pretty nervous at first but he relaxed a bit at dinner, probably due to the alcohol. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, it was a great date, with constant conversation and a lot of laughter, and the evening seemed to fly by.

What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?

I wanted to go Berlise but there were too many people I knew inside so I asked her to meet me at Billabong.

It was full of ridiculously loud locals. So not only did I have to endure the embarrassment of stuttering my nervous words, I also had to repeat them a lot.

We went to Firenze around 8.30; you can’t go wrong with Italian really. It was just a chance to drink more wine to ease the conversation flow. The third bottle was probably a bad idea though because I barely remember walking her home.

Any striking conversation topics?

She did have very good chat or ‘banter’ as the cool kids say these days.

She’s really into sport and we seem to have quite a few things in common, apart from the fact that she loved Henderson Hall and I thought it was really boring. I made quite a few verbal faux pas myself, like revealing how I don’t find many women interesting – and how female comedians aren’t funny at all.

Any awkward moments?

I am awkward in general. Enough said.

If you were to get married and have babies, what would you want your baby to inherit from your date?

What a perverse question. Erm, she was fairly tall which would be good for my children. Maybe then my son wouldn’t have to endure the constant abuse I get for being either a ‘midget’, ‘elf ’ and more recently a ‘baby monkey’.

Did you open the ex-file?

I hardly have a ‘file’. It’s more of a post-it note. It was opened and I actually knew her ex-boyfriend, who I can’t say I’m particularly fond of.

At any point did you understand why they were single?

No, apart from the fact that she does seem like quite a busy person. I can’t wait to read her response to this question. I don’t think she’ll be able to fit the answer in the word limit.

Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?

As previously mentioned, I don’t even remember much after the third bottle of wine.

There wasn’t that sort of connection though.

If you were to take them home do you think your parents would approve?

Well she’s a member of the female gender which would be the major positive for my parents. To be honest they are hard to please and she would definitely impress them.

Marks out of 10?

9/10

Tashin’ on in the Toon Victoria Mole

We need only look at the UK top 40 to realise that Adele spoke for a nation that’s seen a lot of empty ice cream tubs when she sang ‘sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead’. You won’t find a single person at university that hasn’t loved and lost, or loved and never had. Thanks to the child Casanova that invented Kiss Chase, the need to lock up your daughters (perhaps more your sons in this instance, 6 year-old girls are particularly enthusiastic husband hunters) started in primary school. After an education’s worth of practicalities in love, war and biology, is it really surprising that generations approaching adulthood are full of soul-mate searchers and cynics?

Heartbroken you never feels like yourself. This version of you is a little plumper, feels anger towards Walt Disney and makes you feel weaker than a Sinners hangover. It’s a state of dwelling that can soon replace friends with empty packets of McVities if wallowed in for too long.

You either reminisce over how much you think the heartbreaker is wonderful, they are your bacon and you are their (now broken) egg; or you rationally conclude that they were an absolute tosser. Whichever side of this pseudo-Jekyll and Hyde transformation you’re in, it’ll be like playing Where’s Wally? when you’re anywhere in public and too many people look Wally-ish for your liking.

It won’t always be the case that someone who’s broken your heart has mistreated you and either way, it’s important to try not to: 1) play the martyr; making someone feel guilty will never achieve anything other than their resentment, and it’s an unfair burden to make someone feel responsible for your happiness 2) be bitter - there’s a reason friends prescribe Haribo for emotional heartache; 3) try to make them jealous. Admittedly, this usually works, but not to the extent that a relationship is begun/resumed and it lowers the morale of everyone involved.

I’m not proud to admit that I’ve attempted the latter on one occasion. It was quick and nobody was harmed in the process, but the third party’s alarming attempts to laugh a woman into bed is not an experience I would wish on anyone.

Heartbreak is something that we need to go through to teach us not to take people for granted. Sometimes it’s necessary to have your heart broken so that you’re forced out of your feelings for someone and freed for when an upgrade rocks up.

My friends and I have seen beaus come and go in our circle that honestly (we may be biased) have not hit the mark, but it’s they who didn’t appreciate that they were punching well above their weight and did our friends a favour by leaving. One of the best pieces of advice that I’ve been given is that if someone has been a complete dbag to you, remember that you love your hypothetical future children far too much to potentially inflict such genes on them.

If there are ever days when past heartache makes me reluctant to put myself at risk of it again, there are always reminders that you shouldn’t stop taking chances as it is possible to ‘last in love’. My dad still looks at my mum like it’s the first time he’s ever seen her; and if you look around, you’ll notice that there are a lot of elderly couples still holding hands. You’ll eventually no longer care where the wally is.

22.lifestyle

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

You know it’s time for a break from academics when...

n for exercise io ss a p ew n a p o el ev You d most exercise

Shorthand

Creative Writing Society

Who? The Creative Writing Society.

Sounds worryingly like English class to me…

Not really, no.

Come on, this just seems like a good excuse for a spelling test.

Maybe if you were 7 years old (mental ages aside…). The society was, admittedly, created by English students who were looking to write in a more relaxed, informal environment, and certainly without the pressures associated with official lectures/seminars. But that doesn’t mean nobody else is welcome - quite the opposite.

Bit intimidating though? I can hardly string a sentence together on a good day.

Yes well clearly, but then again, this is what might actually help you. Students from courses as wide-ranging as biology engineering are involved - for those involved in more scientific courses, but who still have to write the odd essay (or more) the society could be just the job.

Why would I write more essays than I have to? Who does that to themselves?

The point is they’re not writing essays - it’s anything you want. Poems, prose, speeches - a popular exercise is to write continuously for 5 minutes, and then draw on a certain phrase to create a piece from.

Quirky. Writing continuously for 5 minutes? About what?

Anything. Often the society takes a certain character, and then applies them to different situations, often debating on how the character will respond or react. A passion for writing and a bit of imagination are the essential ingredients.

And the social perks?

Friends, obviously, or in your case perhaps hopefully. The members (42 on Facebook) seem pretty close-knit. Trips to the Edinburgh Festival are annual, and a visit to the Harry Potter studios are in the pipeline.

Harry Potter?

Umm, yes.

Can I bring my wand?

Umm, if you must.

Rumour has it the society plans on attendance at a Lord of the Rings symposium too.

One does not simply… get into a Lord of the Rings symposium. However getting into the yourspace section of the library every Thursday from 6-7pm is easier - if you’re interested go simply go along and see..

Will do. What about the final pieces?

Who reads them?

Well there are competitions the members like, but are certainly not obliged, to get involved in. Links to competitions are often posted on the Facebook wall, as are the various cultural events which they like to attend.

Sophisticated stuff.

In a sense. Take a look at the Alliterati website too - an online magazine that the society are closely linked to - plenty to get involved in, and to learn - for those who love writing, or want to improve, the society is a match made in literary heaven.

To join go to the facebook page or email f.powell@ncl.ac.uk Nonie Heal

ck used to be the a sport – and to your lectures andb ba me ho m fro ’t be considered as ng lki can wa If dancing in a clu going for a run could be a good t bu ys, gu rry so – t you did yourself thinking tha you’ve now surprised brain is collapsing. alth, or because you’ve ur yo t tha n sig a be for your he idea, this could uld say that you donityou thought and all those beers Yes, of course you wo tha ser clo is er mm ar. The gym has su just realized that theto have stayed in your belly, but let’s be cle idence that inc co ch m see mu ar over the ye n’t you think it’s too do so ar, ye ole wh been there the t joining it just now?at you’re trying to do is countering you’ve thought abou can tell you that wh , when you know you need to finish From experience I ou t stopping working proud you feel after exercise – this ab l fee u how bad yo how healthy and se you’re not used to it and, believe th wi , nts those assignme u want to die becau yo ile will be after the wh while. calm; it could be me, it can be a long u’re suffering from this sport fever, keep or cleaning the om yo ro ear ur sw yo ying So if you t sometimes even tid option, but avoid going crazy so worse – God knowsle.tha good a s ay alw is t or Sp kitchen are desirab bed unable to move. you don’t end up in Naiara Reig

Your main sour inspiration is Goce of ogle

We’ve all guilty of using random inter out of steam, but wh net sites for ideas wh en we run ‘a last resort’ to ‘first en Google has moved up the scale po your strategy for wr int of reference,’ you should pr from being ideas alone that go iting a good essay – after all, it is obably rethink t you here in the fi your brilliant When your creativ place! ity is at its lowestrst you can sometimes at a critical pe More often, though get away with doing a ‘sneak’ andriod of university, use the internet. , it ca n be yo ur alising it. An endles wo s chain of search rerst enemy without you even reing information, an su lts ca n lead you to mislea dhours in actuality d what seems like five minutes of surfing was two astray) – and you’v(a quarter of that time was Facebo ok Tell-tale signs of e still got nothing worth a scrib . leading you writing styles in onheavily-lifted material include abble If you find yourse e paragraph and a really unconv out three different is leave the laptoplf suffering from writer’s block, theincing argument. best thing to do that de-clusters yo to hibernate and engage in a produc ur tive activity m in d.

Go jogging, cook, read (wink) or purchase , see yo a motivational poste r if that helps… ur lover

36 hours You haven’t slept in

Nicole Stevenson

nts after ors 24 hours to studeis now ennow opening its doev y ty rar rsi ive Lib n Un so the bin en Ro t With nding machines d finishes, it seems tha the assessment perioe-clock studying and cramming. New vesier to pull an ea -th en nd it’s never be couraging rou energy drinks and so Library at ungodly hours, and supply a selection of the to r ge an to get str no ters in a row in orderer the all-nighter. I myself am to pull two all-nighe. aft d ge ing na rn ma mo lly the tua By ac last May essay in for the deadlin slipping away as I 10,000 words worth of tion (and my sanity)made sense. I was tra en nc co my l fee first night I could my essay and judge as to whether it myself to soldier struggled to reread on my keyboard and I had to remindalt hy, but also eep he asl un g ly lin ve fal literally s routine massi thi is ly on to study hard, t nt No . rta ck po clo on until 4 o’ . Although it is im has a lot to do with rk wo ur yo of nt me probably to detri at your optimum performance level t. to be able to do so ing regular breaks and having enough res tak are Kelly Raines u yo whether Illustrations: Daisy Billowes

You’ve got problems!

Toastie maker taking over your life, set on ensnaring a boy but he’s slipping away, struggling with a serial housemate harasser? Don’t stress! Uncle Monty’s got some advice at hand...

Uncle Monty, I have a problem.

There’s a girl who keeps getting off with my housemates when we’re on nights out, and has now got with five of the six of us. It’s already a very awkward topic in our house, and now whenever I see her she keeps making creepy remarks about “scoring a double hat-trick” and won’t stop winking at me.

What can I do to stop her march toward my bedroom?

This is a very grim situation, and you’ve done well to slither away from this girl’s grasp so far, but I can’t imagine you’ll be able to stay away from her forever while you both live in the same city. If your social

groups overlap, then things might well get a little heated, but you need to stay calm.

Pegging it down an alleyway every time you see her might imply that you want to be chased, so spend some time practising your casual ‘Alright, how you doing?’ eyebrow-raise-and-nod technique in the bathroom mirror. It’s only a week or so until the Easter break now, so use the time at home to invent an entirely new persona. Dye your hair, grow a hideous moustache, cut off all contact with friends and family and hit the road – I hear Tahiti is very nice around this time of year. Also, make sure you come back with a foreign passport and a badass name like Vince Bicep. Good luck.

My flatmates and I decided to invest in a toastie maker and it’s been a runaway success. The only trouble is, we can’t stop ourselves using it – we have toasties for breakfast, brunch, elevenses, lunch, second lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper and night-time snacks. I wouldn’t be worried (toasties are still divine) but ham prices are rising fast and I think all this processed cheese might be turning me blind.

Personally I think you’re being a bit snooty in shoving away the noble toastie, but I suppose from my point of view beggars can’t be choosers (literally). Toasties are the ideal food for young go-getters like yourself – portable, flexible, ideally suited to the hustle and bustle of inner city life.

You absolutely do not need to give them up. I can tell you first-hand that you won’t go blind, and the glaucoma that you will get can be cured by wearing very cool orange sunglasses (see ex-Crystal Palace left-back Edgar Davids for reference).

Uncle Monty please help me out! I’ve managed to go home with five of six boys in one house, and I have my sights set on the last boy to complete my double hat-trick. The trouble is, he keeps slipping away just when I think I’ve got him. How would you recommend I go about ensnaring him?

Well this is terribly awkward. However, like a doctor I must always act in the best interests of all of my patients, so if I were you I’d recommend getting a net or something. Note to other kid: carry shears on you at all times, vary your route home and invest in some quality running shoes.

The Courier

lifestyle.23

Monday 12 March 2012

Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter and Lauren Stafford Online Editor: Lauren Cordell

#4 Mother’s Day, Pitcher & Piano and Easter Eggs!

Penny Pincher

Rosie Jenkenson Reminder! It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday (18th March). If you haven’t already bought something lovely for your mums, then Penny Pincher is here to help! Check out the fantastic deals below and spoil her with chocolate, flowers and gifts. You’re welcome!

Treat your mum (and yourself) to a 2-for-1 spa day for £65 with Bannatyne Fitness. With over 61 clubs in England and Scotland, you will definitely be able to find one close to home. Use this link http://bit.ly/wmwqGE to visit lastminute. com and secure this gorgeous gift for some mother-daughter bonding time.

Lads, if spa days with your mum are not your thing, why don’t you show her you care with a big box of Thornton Classic Collection chocolates for only £6 (RRP £13) from Tesco. Valid until 27th March.

Pair this up with a cuddly bear that you can get for half price if you buy an M&S Mother’s Day card, and you will be the best son ever!

My new favourite website to find unique gifts is www.notonthehighstreet.com, as

Restaurant Review Hei Hei

it has so many brilliant ideas which don’t cost the earth. Check out their ‘Mother’s Day’ section, and because most of their products can be personalised, you can create a really memorable present for your mum.

Are you not going home over Mother’s Day weekend? That doesn’t give you an excuse to ‘forget’ to get something. Send her some flowers with www.moonpig.com and your card is free! Available to arrive on the 18th March and with free delivery, surprise your mum with a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep!

Visit http://www.cheapsmells.com to buy perfume at discounted prices.

There is so many fragrances to choose from that you’re spoilt for choice over what to choose for your mum.

Handmade Burger Company in the Metro Centre is letting mums dine for free on Mother’s Day. So if this is the sort of food your mum loves, treat her to a family meal out where she doesn’t have to foot the bill.

46 Dean Street, Quayside, Newcastle upon Tyne.

NE1 1PG

Tel: 0191 222 1882

Hei Hei is nestled down amongst the strange tangle of shops that make up Quayside, where a shop selling a range of guns and a plastic flamingo sits comfortably next to an antique shop and a recruitment agency adjoins a bar. It looks, from the outside, very contemporary, chanelling a minimalist look with a red and black colour scheme, however inside it’s a whole different story.

Stepping through the door we were directed to a corner table which was surrounded by masks, paper lanterns and other various pieces of Chinese bric-a-

Get them before they’re gone!

• Get your Easter eggs in early with this fantastic deal! Buy 2 Thorntons or Green & Black Easter Eggs for £8 (RRP £6 each). These luxurious chocolate eggs look and taste impressive! Valid until 8th April at Tesco.

• If there is one place you have to visit while you’re living in the North-East it’s Bamburgh Castle. Visit www.newcastlegateshead.com’s ‘Discovery Deal’ page to download a voucher to get 20% off the admission price and check it out in your Easter break!

• Pitcher & Piano have a ‘Munch for Less’ offer on at the moment. All dishes in the offer are £6 each including a soft or hot drink. Valid Monday to Friday.

Sign up to the Pitcher & Piano email newsletter to receive this brilliant deal

brac. During the course of the meal the restaurant got quite busy with arty-types and couples, giving it quite a nice dining atmosphere. The food itself was a little underwhelming. The menu has a variety of set meals, of which we went for Wuhan which includes a sharing starter for two and two individual main meals.

The starter was the stereotypical takeaway choice: prawn toast, spring rolls, seaweed, sticky ribs and chicken with satay sauce. Disregarding the ribs, which were essentially just bones hiding under some sauce, the starter was really tasty and although looked manageable, actually filled us up quite a bit before we’d even began to tackle the main.

For the main I had crispy Szechuan beef which came with a side of special fried rice and a sharing plate of shredded and fried potato. Although the main was palatable, I had the preconception that a Chinese restaurant would outstrip a takeaway in freshness and quality, but it was all fried and lacked lightness. My dining partner chose Gungbo spring chicken

which, when it came, was just a variation of the same meal I chose, changing the beef for chicken and adding in peanuts.

Although well-presented (there was some brilliant ‘carrot craft’ going on, where they’d managed to sculpt a carrot into a flower) I felt that the food was lacking in taste, and left me feeling bloated afterwards. If you’re looking for an alternative to your bog-standard takeaway, Hei Hei can provide the same food in a nice environment at low cost, however I’d prefer to be able to indulge in a Chinese takeaway in our flat in front of Take Me Out rather than sit in a restaurant. The prices were low but the food reflected what you paid.

If you do choose to head to Hei Hei there is currently an offer running for Newcastle University students, where the Wuhan set menu (which costs £16 for the average paying customer) is reduced to £10 for 2 people – not bad value at all!

Amelia Wareing

King Prawns with Garlic

Food to

avoid on a date One of the pressures of going on a dinner date is choosing what to order. While the biggest anxieties seem to be maintaining conversation and how our hair looks, your taste in food should not be underestimated as one of the factors under scrutiny. We randomly jab our finger at a point in the menu – nobody likes a fussy eater – and forget the potentially dire consequences of this selection method.

Moreover, we are so engrossed by other worries that we genuinely forget we are in a restaurant. You deliberately don’t order a pizza in order to not look common, but your fate reverses when by the end of a reasonably formal dish, you have a perfect garlic-fish infused breath. Unless

What’s Hot

you want to be asking the waiter for a toothpick or secretly trying to sneak a mint into your mouth, we’ve provided you with the top recipe to avoid. If, however, you decide you hate the look of your partner, order my king prawns with garlic to ensure a kiss-less end to the date.

This dish gets first prize for the worst offender on a date, as anyone who orders this will be inconveniencing themselves with the top three sexual repellents – cheese, garlic and fish. We hope this list of the worst choices for a meal on a dinner date ensures your next date goes down a treat.

Nicole Stevenson

Serves: 2 Preparation Time: 10 minutes Cooking Time: 5 minutes Ingredients · 180 g large prawns, peeled and de-veined with tails left on · 30 ml olive oil · 1.5 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped finely · ½ tsp dried red chilli flakes · 30 ml brandy · 1.5 tbsp fresh coriander, chopped · ½ lime, to garnish · Salt and pepper to taste Method · Heat the oil and garlic for one minute in a pot. · Add the prawns and stir for one minute, before add ing the brandy and chilli flakes. Allow it to bubble, cover, and leave for a few minutes, shaking the pan occasionally. When the prawns are cooked remove form the heat. · Cut the lime into wedges. Transfer the prawns onto a serving plate and season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle over the coriander leaves and add a drizzle of lime juice and oil. Garnish with the lime wedges and serve.

Days getting longer There’s nothing more depressing than looking through your window at 3pm and discover that it’s getting dark. That’s why one of the best things about this time of the year is realizing that you have more hours of daylight and your days are now much more productive.

Easter holidays This is the best thing about the second semester. Obviously you have loads of things to do, but don’t lock yourself in the library for a month. There’s plenty of time for working, but also for shirking, travelling, partying or do whatever you’d like to do with your whole month of holidays.

Summer clothes in the shops It cheers you up when you go for a walk in Northumberland Street and find in the shop windows that colourful clothes are back, but come on guys, don’t you think it’s still a little too early to place swimming-suits and flip-flops just next to the hats and scarves?

Works around campus Just when we think they’re finishing in one place, they start something even bigger in a different one. We know that’s because they want to make the University better for us, but isn’t there plenty of time during the summer?

Coffee overdose With all the deadlines for mid-term assignments just around the corner, some students go for coffee to keep them awake during those long hours at the library. Don’t get me wrong, I love coffee but when you’re on your fourth cup before midday maybe you’re addicted.

What’s Not Naiara Reig

Illustrations: Daisy Billowes

24.listings12th-19thMarch

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/listings c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk

Monday Charity Speed Dating 7.30pm The Venue, Students’ Union

Find a fantastic date AND raise money for charity! Profits go to the Teddy Bear Hospital and Childrens Heart Foundation. £4 a ticket or five tickets for £15. With a free champagne reception.

Find us on Facebook.

Tuesday Chris Addison 8pm Northern Stage

Fresh from The Thick of It, Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You and his sell-out 2010 tour, Chris Addison, the man who put the ‘Chris Addison’ into, ‘I see Chris Addison is touring, again,’ is touring again.

He’s written a brand new show, The Time Is Now, Again, specifically for the venue this brochure/leaflet refers to.* (*And about 40 others, but the point still stands.) Top class stand-up from one of the classiest, toppiest stand-ups around. Tickets £20. www.northernstage.co.uk

Global Issues Book Club Tuesdays, 6pm City Library Cafe

The King’s Speech March 12-17 Theatre Royal

See the world premiere of David Seidler’s original play which inspired his famous Oscar winning film. When King Edward VIII abdicates for the love of Wallis Simpson, his terrified brother Bertie is thrust into the spotlight and crowned King George VI of England. In a room at 146 Harley Street, Bertie and his wife Elizabeth (the future Queen Mother) are meeting the maverick Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue. Breaking all royal protocol, the King and his oddball therapist embark together on an unconventional journey to correct the King’s debilitating stammer and help him deliver the radio address that will inspire his country on the brink of World War II. www.theatreroyal.co.uk

NUTS: Pygmalion 7.30pm The Cluny 2

Professor of phonetics Henry Higgins makes a bet that he can train a bedraggled Cockney flower girl, Eliza Doolittle, to pass for a duchess at an ambassador’s garden party by teaching her to assume a veneer of gentility, the most important element of which, he believes, is impeccable speech.

With the help of Pickering they win the bet, but ignore Eliza’s contribution - she runs away and marries Freddy. Tickets £6.

Live, Love, DANCE!

Monday and Tuesday, 7.30pm Northern Stage

Newcastle University Dance Society will knock your socks off with its annual end of the year show - Live, Love, DANCE! The Dance Society has gone from strength to strength this year with knockout and award-winning performances at numerous inter-university championships across the country and also received the ncl+ Student Achievement Award for “Best Society of the Year” 2011. So, now you have a chance to revel in the intricate spectacle that will be Live, Love, DANCE! musical theatre, tap and jazz. Tickets available outside the Union.

We are a group of people who are interested in educating ourselves and discussing global issues, as well as just sharing our thoughts on some good books. This month we are discussing “The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down” by Anne Fadiman.

Absolutely anyone is welcome to come, our discussions are very informal and relaxed.

To get involved at any time please come along or email: globalissuesbookclub@ gmail.com.

Lonesome West

7pm The Cluny 2

The Lonesome West features the constantly arguing brothers Coleman and Valene, whose father has just died in a shotgun ‘accident’. Another death forces the brothers to consider their situation, with an interesting outcome! Last NUTS production of the term! Tickets £6.

Salsa 5pm

Come along and try Salsa, Latin and ballroom dancing with professional teachers!

These exciting and social dance styles are fun to learn and also provide a opportunity to exercise. This 2 hour class will introduce you to the basic steps and put together a routine to the music, and the society has regular weekly classess where you can learn more. Email giag.union@ncl.ac.uk to book a place or for more information.

Wednesday Caving 8am

Come and explore the myriad of caves in the Yorkshire Dales with the Caving Club.

The activity costs £7 and inlcudes guided exploration of the caves, transportation both ways and all the equipment you’ll need. Email giag.union@ncl.ac.uk to book your place or for more information.

Sleeping Beauty 7.30pm Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre

The Sleeping Beauty - a story lovingly repeated throughout generations but never before performed so magnificently as with this colourful spectacle of Russia’s finest Moscow Ballet - La Classique.

Thursday International Festival of Arts and Music March 15 The Venue, Students’ Union

An evening of cultural performances from Newcastle University Students’ Union’s very own societies. With acts from the Indonesian, Irish and Desi Society all here to showcase their talents, this is an evening not to be missed! For further information please contact activities.union@ncl.ac.uk.

Tension art exhibition 6-8pm WHQ

The Courier

12th-19thMarchlistings.25

Monday 12 March 2012

C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson

Friday Fine art exhibition

March 15-17, 10am-5pm Newbridge Site, 18 Newbridge Street

A group of second year Fine Art students will collaborate together over the course of 60 hours to produce an exhibition to run alongside the AV Festival. Preview on 14 March from 7pm - 10pm. Exhibition open 15 - 17 March from 10am - 5pm.

Something for the weekend

4 WORDS

Saturday, 2pm Northern Stage

A quartet of quirky, quixotic, quality new plays. Tickets: £9 / £7 concessions.

Performed by InterACT - the Northern Region’s Theatre Training Ensemble managed

by Northumberland Theatre Company. www.northernstage.co.uk

St Patrick’s Day Festival All weekend Tyneside Irish Centre

With NewcastleGateshead’s strong Irish links, our St Patrick’s Day celebrations are always worth a visit! The Tyneside Irish Centre is at the heart of the celebrations and has a whole host of events planned with plenty of traditional entertainment!

Sat - 12pm-3.00pm: Shamrock Stage at Greys Monument, Irish Traditional Music and Dancers, 7.30pm - 11.30pm: St Patricks Dance & Concert Tony Corcoran, Dancers and Special Guests. Tickets £4/£3.

Sun 18 - Service of Remembrance and Laying of the Shamrock Wreath, Tyneside Irish Brigade at Eldon War Memorial, 8.00pm: Chris O Malley and his Band, all Ireland accordion champion £3.

Looking forward to...

Charity comedy night March 19 Hoochie Coochie

Like comedy? We are proud to present a packed and varied lineup, headlined by local legend Gavin Webster. Nine acts, all for £3! All you have to do is visit www. justgiving.co.uk/charitycomedy, donate £3 & your name will be added to the guestlist for entry on the night. Tickets will also be available on the night.

Pole-dancing Showcase

April 25, 8pm The Venue, Students’ Union

The pole dancing society are putting on a ‘masquerade showcase’ to demonstrate the skill, poise and talent that is involved in all their routines. The show will consist of group and solo performances from girls ranging in skill from beginner to advanced level. Some of the girls performing are part of the Newcastle competition team, whilst others will have never performed before.

The show will all be compered by the hilarious and entertaining Charlie Rowley; who will be sure to amuse the crowd between performances. Tickets are £3 and can be bought on the door.

Desi Soc Enchanted Charity Ball (In aid of Macmillan Cancer Support)

April 20 The Venue, Students’ Union

Members- £12, non-members- £15. £5 from each ticket will go to Macmillans cancer research! Dress Code: Glamorous.

Doors open at 6:45pm. It will be a spectacular, fun packed evening with a three course meal, dance performances, henna artist, comedy acts, raffle draw, a fashion show and much much more!! And of course not forgetting our DJ who will be keeping us entertained throughout the night! So don’t miss out, places are limited!

Much Love, Desi Soc!

Take Me Out

April 19 The Venue, Students’ Union

An Inspector Calls April 17-21 Theatre Royal

Catch J. B. Priestley’s classic thriller. When Inspector Goole arrives unexpectedly at the prosperous Birling family home, their peaceful dinner party is shattered by his investigations into the death of a young woman. His startling revelations shake the very foundations of their lives and challenge us all to examine our consciences.

Ever fancied taking part on ITV’s hit show TAKE ME OUT? Is your sausage looking for the roll? Want the chance to go on an all-expenses-paid date? Then this is for you! NU Sailing and Surfing Clubs present to you TAKE ME OUT with AFTER PARTY @ Fernando’s! We are looking for male and female CONTESTANTS and PANEL MEMBERS. Please fill in the attached application forms to meet the date of your dreams! We are especially calling all members of sports clubs and societies to participate. Our event is a great way to boost your club accounts by having a great evening out! Each wristband sale (for audience of Take Me Out and after party) will generate £1 back to your club accounts. So to ensure you take advantage of this great incentive ensure that you have got a representative in Take Me Out as a contestant or panel member so you can get your club to come down and support/have a cheeky giggle at them!

Wristbands: £6 Take Me Out + After Party @ Bar Fernandos, £4 After Party @ Bar Fernandos (£1 back to club/societies accounts only available for pre-order and payment).

Newcastle Graduate Recruitment Fair

June 11, 10.30am-4.30pm Bamburgh Suite, Level 4, Newcastle United Football Club

Come along and meet employers from a wide range of sectors offering immediate graduate positions, as well as organisations offering further study and training opportunities. A list of exhibitors attending the event will be on www.ncl.ac.uk/careers nearer the time.

26.fashion

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk

Monday 12 March 2012

what’sinyourbag? your yourbag?

Nikki Jenks

Miles Freeman #6 Good morning world, don’t I look good?

At the end of every person’s morning routine, an obligatory check will be made in the mirror to check that the day’s outfit is suitable for the discerning Great British public. And I’m sure we’ve all had that day when the pre-lecture mirror check reveals a look that suggests you got dressed in the dark. That never-worn and slightly bizarre purchase jumps out from the back of your wardrobe and somehow convinces you that today is its turn for a debut public appearance. Whilst for most people, this is normally a one-off occurrence, it seems that for others these bizarre items are the winning pieces in a clothing collection that looks like it has been designed by an entrant in Robot Wars.

Unfortunately, Newcastle cannot claim, yet, that it has an influential fashion week to rival London, Paris or Milan. However, this beautiful northern city can boast one of the most unique and boundary-pushing catwalk shows that I have witnessed in the last year. Unlike fashion week, this show is available all year round and can be found in one of the most prominent locations in Newcastle. Head to Eldon square on a Saturday to feast your eyes on the congregation that collects there, a diverse range from the extreme goth to the early millennium ‘emo’, where there are more buckles, tassels and colours on display than on the costumes at the Eurovision song contest.

Before rushing to ridicule, what we have to remember is that their look is a rebellion against stereotypical fashion trends. Whether you think they look good or not, they’ve put a lot of effort into their clothing choices and I take my hat off to them. Whilst we may look at their outfits in utter bemusement, for what they are trying to achieve they have reached sartorial perfection. For all we know, they may look at everyone else strolling by, who we would deem dress ‘normally’, and think, what on earth do they look like?!

If anything, we should concede to the fact that they are far more creative in a clothing sense than we can ever be. Those we so easily classify as ‘goths’ and ‘emos’ don’t have swathes of high street shops to pick their garments from, nor do they have the luxury of fashion magazines to hunt down that next killer look or be inspired by celebrities and style icons. These fashion forerunners were long wearing camo print and brothel creepers before they hit the mainstream.

To find the perfect outfit they must trawl the Internet and alternative shops to find that floor length leather ‘Matrix-esque’ coat that will work alongside a pair of black, chunky, buckle clad platform boots.

It’s all too easy to judge a book by its cover when it comes to fashion, sadly, everyone does it. At the end of the day, however, there are many different sections in a bookshop, just like fashion. If we all dressed like the Topman and Topshop ‘look books’ would liken us to, the world would be a far more boring place. Whilst, personally, I choose not to emulate the Eldon square posse, I do salute their bravery and creativity for doing something different. Just like every other industry, boundaries in fashion have to be pushed, whether it’s on the catwalk or in Eldon Square.

The Courier

Hannah Walsh

Second Year Marketing

What did you buy?

Aztec knicker shorts

What did you buy?

Chiffon-print scarf

Where is it from?

Topshop How much did it cost? £22

Where is it from?

Republic

Why did you choose this?

“I had just been paid and couldn’t resist buying these shorts in the gap I had between my lectures.”

How much did it cost? £5 (reduced from £12.99) Why did you choose this?

“I bought it because I really liked the colours and have been looking for a floaty scarf for a while.”

Fashionista’s Verdict?

“Put your best print forward!

These geometric shorts are a digital print explosion and will give Charlotte a relaxed traveller edge to any outfit.”

Fashionista’s Verdict?

“I know what you’re thinking; this scarf is screaming McQueen! For that price it is an irresistible addition to any wardrobe. Team with some tribal prints and ethnic embellishments to inject a fierce dose of safari into your outfit..”

On trend

Charlotte Holland

Second Year Mathematics

Amanda Old selects our favourite staple in summery shades

Crazy for cardies

New Look, £19.99

Primark, £12

Topshop, £36

Urban Outfitters, £42

The Courier

stylingfashion.27

Monday 12 March 2012

Fashion Editor: Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor: Rosanna Sopp

Hannah Walsh reaches for the retro on the rails of our favourite high street stops: a guide to channelling your inner vintage

A century in fashion Style inspiration

20s

Fringing, feathers and fur! Think flapper girl crossed with Angelina Jolie in The Changeling and you’ve got the ‘roaring 20s’. Flamboyant headpieces and precious gems bring out the very elegance of this decade.

30s

40s

50s

Gone were the boyish silhouettes of the 20’s and in was the mysterious, spellbinding glamour of the 30s. Waistlines displayed more of a curve and busts in fashion became more prominent and rounded. For this particular decade envision Paris in the 1930s, where chic tones were rich crimsons and deep blues. Deep V-necks and velvet are perfect when dressing for this decade.

From Reiss to River Island to Topshop, the high street brings you the very best of those 40’s style short suits. If you don’t want to go all out opt for a classic trench instead or a simple pleated dress teamed with a basic clutch.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City with a hint of Marilyn Monroe in The 7 Year Itch and you’ve got this decade sorted. Think polka-dot dresses, peplum waists and opt for more floral accessories.

H&M, £35

River Island, £55

Miss Selfridge, £49

Dorothy Perkins £35

Quiz, £29.99 Miss Selfridge, £42

Topshop, £36

Urban Outfitters, £8 (reduced from £16)

Bank, £20

Topshop, £32

60s

A-line shift dresses in ice cream shades and black and white are the iconic pieces for this decade and very this season. Colour blocking, colour blocking, colour blocking! For make up, take inspiration straight from Twiggy and Emma Watson.

70s

River Island, £35

Miss Selfridge, £36

Missoni prints and those earthly tones of DVF. Trousers are highwaisted and hemlines drop to floor length. The flower power hippie feel means mustard and violet tones are prominent in this era.

80s Sport luxe, structure jackets and jazzy leggings: this decade is Topshop all over. Dig out those old high-tops hiding in the back of your wardrobe and take inspiration straight from the ‘Material Girl’ herself Madonna.

90s Swap those Reebok high tops for a pair of classic chucks or even a pair of Docs and tone the denim down a notch.

Candy tone pastels and baby doll dresses are perfect for this decade and add lace for that extra flare. Think Spice Girls and baby you’ve got it going!

Urban Outfitters, £14 Urban Outfitters, £6

Office, £65

Topshop, £28

Topshop, £36

Miss Selfridge, £25

Primark, £17 River Island, £30

Primark, £20

Urban Outfitters, £46

Topshop, £36

Topshop, £28

The Courier

health&beauty.29

Monday 12 March 2012

health&beauty editor: Rosanna Sopp rosanna.sopp@ncl.ac.uk

Skinted

Heinous Horror stories

Sally Priddle unearths students’ most embarassing beauty mishaps - under strict instructions to keep them anonymous

“

Beauty gone bad

“ Rimmel Sun Shimmer Instant Tan Make Up Medium Matte £3.00

Leg horror stories are ones familiar to us all - there have been nights when you look down and the only option is tights. However, the horrible situation is multiplied when it occurs in summer. But a warning from the wise - when you are fretting over your own pins, moisturising too soon after epilating can lead to cystic acne, and resulted in a rather unfortunate holiday for this writer.

Tip - don’t rush, get a cuppa and then moisturise. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.

“ Garnier Ambre Solaire NoStreaks Bronzer Gel Light £8.00

Everyone has had one, everyone has laughed at one and, let’s face it, everyone prays that it doesn’t happen again when they put on the doomed tanning mitt. Yes I am talking about tan disasters. Whether that means doing an impression of a tiger or just looking like a reject from TOWIE, everyone has had that one point where they wished that they had just manned up and gone with their natural skin tone.

Tip - use a mitt, do light layers and build them up rather than attempting to dive in head first into the world of orange.

Bogus Beauty St Tropez Sun Protection for Body With Tan Extender £20.00

Minted

Best Beauty Blogs www.bebeautifulblog.org www.thebeautydepartment. com www.jeddahbeautyblog.com

Bargain of the week

With every individual can of diet coke, you get a code for £5 off www.benefit.co.uk when you spend £20. Drinks and cheap make up, where can you go wrong?

”

”

Laura Nicholson searches for the truth in a sea of bad advice

Bad haircuts. No matter what anyone says about how in two weeks’ time no one will tell the difference, it literally is like your world has come tumbling down. I’ve had the boy cut, the cockatoo (where hairdressers take feathering to a whole new level) and the unintentional graduated style (which I didn’t actually noticed until I put my hair into plaits and realised one was about 2 inches shorter than the other). Somehow I have powered through these hard times but I still get hot sweats when I remember these hair nightmares.

Tip - It is a legally blonde moment. As Elle says: it’s your hair and therefore you have control - don’t let the hairdressers take control of the accessory you have to wear on a daily basis.

“

”

We all know the tradition when a girl grows up they want to be like their mum, which can lead (and in my experience has led) to some disastrous shaving accidents. But it is possibly more concerning when a boy gets razor-happy, when they decide that the ‘au naturel’ look is not for them. The consequence: both you, your legs and your mum are scarred for a long while afterwards.

Tip - wash the bath tub before you leave, because my mum came home to a hairy surprise!

”

Nail Varnish For all your needs

Fast drying 17 Fast Finish Nail Polish £2.99

Premium

CHANEL LE VERNIS Nail Colour £17.50

Unusual Colours

Chlorine turns your hair green Houses of Parliament Magnetic Polish £13.00

The myth which states that the chlorine in pool water turns dyed blonde hair green is JUST a myth... It’s actually traces of copper which causes the colour change. However, it’s advisable to steer clear of spending a lot of time in a pool as it will dry out your hair causing split ends.

Cucumber banishes puffiness

Dry skin causes wrinkes Wrong! Wrinkles are due to the breakdown of collagen under the surface of your skin. Although moisturisers are a quick fix for wrinkles as they temporarily revitalise skin, the main catalyst in causing wrinkles are UV rays – sadly this means staying out of the sun and wearing SPF’s are currently the main and only long terms of preventing wrinkles for as long as possible.

Slices of cucumber placed over your eyes supposedly reduce puffiness- this is true, however, it isn’t due to anything within the cucumber, it’s purely because of the temperature of the refrigerated vegetable. Any cold object will have a similar effect as it will reduce inflammation due to vasoconstriction of the veins surrounding your eyes.

Wrapping your body in cling film makes you lose weight quicker Wrapping your body in cling film may seem like an easy solution for reaching your ideal body weight, but it is an extremely short fix with disappointing results. Although you may drop a few pounds (mostly water weight – from sweating) you are pretty much guaranteed to put the pounds back on within days. A healthy diet mixed with exercise is a long term and healthier route to your goal body weight.

Colour variety

Models Own Nail Polish £5.00

Long Lasting Rimmel Lycra Pro Nail Polish £4.59

30.arts

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk

The book that...

is not given the recognition that it truly deserves

Millie Walton explains the hidden genius that is F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Beautiful and the Damned

F

. Scott Fitzgerald is probably a name that most people are familiar with in some way or another, but it’s normally in relation to The Great Gatsby (which, by the way, is an incredible book that everyone should read), and because of the great success of this book, his earlier and equally brilliant novel The Beautiful and the Damned gets pushed aside.

For those of you who’ve read The Great Gatsby, it’s not that dissimilar, but as Fitzgerald’s second ever novel there’s something unpolished and raw about it, which adds to the overall charm. Aside from the central plot you get the sense that you are participating in the author’s own very personal journey of maturation and we are given a glimpse into both his professional and personal future.

In essence the novel is a morality tale, exploring the issues of love, money and the decadence of the New York elite society during the Jazz Age. The protagonist, Anthony Patch, is a 1920s socialite and member of the New York ‘Café Society’, a term used to refer to the beautiful ‘Bright Young Things’ who congregated in the fashionable cafes and restaurants.

The novel traces Anthony’s life as he falls passionately in love with the mystical and glamorous Gloria Gilbert. Like in a true romance, the two marry and are given a reasonable allowance to live off as Anthony is the heir to a large fortune, but, inevitably, that’s just not enough. Neither of them have the will or determination to work; Anthony is unable to find anything to his taste, whilst Gloria, after stating early on in the novel that she doesn’t know why anyone ever does anything, attempts to be a late-blooming actress.

Their life, in essence, is an endless round of parties and escalating drinking, despite the Prohibition, so that by the end of the novel Anthony is very much a changed man. He’s no longer a “Bright Young Thing”; he’s an un-dignified alcoholic who wakes up shaking in need of a drink.

It may not be technically a masterpiece, but it’s quite simply a great read. The imagery is beautiful and emotive, whilst the characters are highly complex and totally believable, creating a vivid and shocking image of 1920s upper class New York. The sparkling and glamorous façade comes crashing down to reveal a seedy, debauched underside that is far from beautiful and well and truly damned.

Now it’s your turn. Tell us what you think at thecourieronline.co.uk/arts

The A-Z of Art For those who think art is just paintings, portraits and photographs here is our real artistic alphabet

A

is for Austen, Jane Austen

The original queen of chick lit from the Regency period. To this day she gives girls faith that they will eventually find their Prince Charming (despite the rather unfortunate fate of Austen herself). Her novels are still relevant today in all their meticulously crafted form and beauty. If you’re still not convinced, then who can forget Colin Firth in that shirt from Pride and Prejudice?

B

is for Cultured

Taking an interest in the arts. Perhaps by going to see a weird contemporary art exhibition at The Baltic, even if it does not invoke in you that which the artist intended. Alternatively, supporting your friend in one of this semester’s NUTS productions.

Being cultured makes you a more engaging and interesting person to be around, clearly!

is for Debate

Whether it be visual arts, theatre or books, the arts are constantly a talking point and source of controversy for the public.

is for El Greco, T. S. Eliot

and Lee Evans

All prominent figures in the arts with names that begin with E!

F

is for the Hatton Gallery

is for Irina Werning

Often startling, always empowering, this fashion photographer’s work is iconic.

Beatrice Walker

is for Keith Loutit

His miniature wonderlands of real life subjects created with film are original, beautiful and thought-provoking

is for Lucien Freud

Catherine Langley

isheye cameras,

an amazing take on a standard photograph

a comedy genius.

is for The Nutcracker

One of the most iconic and captivating ballets.

An explosion of colour, graphics and popular culture from the 1950s onwards.

Q

is for the Queen

Most memorably with Rolf Harris’ ‘creepy smile’.

Maddy Race

is for Universal

There is a list of cultural universals that apply to every known society. These include music, dancing, poetry or poetic language, stories, proverbs, Creation and End Time myths, and sexual double-entendres. Not a single tiny jungle tribe has been found without them.

V

is for Video Games

is for Weirdness

Arts are… odd. You could probably win the Turner Prize by throwing up in the Baltic gift shop. Of course, there’s another word beginning with some people may use, but The Courier probably can’t print

X

is for X-rated

It’s a rule of human nature.

If you can imagine it, then someone has already made the filthy version. Just pretend it’s a good thing about limitless imagination, and don’t spend too long on the internet.

is for ‘On Kawara: One Million Years.’

P

The art of circus and spectacle.

W

is for Michael McIntyre

is for Pop Art

is for Trapeze

Steven Spielberg once said he couldn’t consider video games a storytelling art form until ‘someone confesses to crying at level seventeen’. Seeing as people manage to cry at almost anything, they should count by now.

One of the greatest and most influential artists of his time, he created energetic and convincing portraits. He is the current subject of the highly publicized exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery, London.

Conceptual art about the passage and the marking of time currently exhibiting at the Baltic. Members of the general public can take part in the exhibition.

Disturbing!

A gorilla + Phil Collins + drum kit + chocolate bar = Surreal.

Hidden inside the Fine Art building, its the perfect place to spend that hour in between lectures.

M N O

R S T U

is for Rego (Paula)

is for Surrealism

is for Juergen Teller

Arguably, the technique and discipline gleaned from ballet are the basis upon which all other dance forms are indebted. Not a tired style at all, ballet has been reinvigorated in recent times by choreographer extraordinaire Matthew Bourne and the fictional star of stage and screen Billy Elliot.

D E

I don’t think I need to say anymore

her ‘Back to the Future’ series of photographs are beautiful.

is for Ballet

C

G H I J K L

is for the Graffiti God - Banksy

Amy Bolton

Y

is for YouTube

The medium for sharing your

beautifully crafted, well scripted and nearprofessionally filmed short drama with the world. Or your cat.

Z

is for Zombies

Once part of voodoo mythology and low-budget horror films, they now chew through everything. The infection has spread, and now they won’t stop coming, chomping on forms of popular culture like tasty brains.

Becca Price

The Courier

arts.31

Monday 12 March 2012

Arts Editor: Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor: Lisa Bernhardt

previews

Live, Love, DANCE!

Mogadishu

Opera North

If you’re tired of “rural-Irish, kitchen-sink drama”, this season’s NUTS production of Martin McDonagh’s Lonesome West promises to break the mould.

Set in a gossip-riddled, small town in the wilds of Connemara, the play displays a darkly comic portrayal of modern rural Ireland. Containing a conciliatory Priest, a lovestruck 17-year old girl and two warring brothers, the small character list does not mean a lack of excitement.

Two adolescent brothers, Valene and Coleman, are living alone in their father’s house after his recent ‘accidental’ death, and have a habit of engaging in violent disputes, both verbal and physical. Only the local Priest, Father Welsh, attempts to intervene in order to reconcile the pair, before their petty squabbles descend into bloody carnage.

With the characters displaying a rather distorted sense of morality, Lonesome West is sure to be an exciting way to begin the Easter break, with performances that are certain not to disappoint.

Tickets available outside the Union

Lauded as ‘the play of the year’ by almost too many reviews to name, and having sold out in both London and Manchester, Vivienne Franzmann’s prizewinning debut play now comes to Northern Stage.

Mogadishu is set in a tough London comprehensive school. It follows the story of Amanda, a white teacher who is pushed to the ground attempting to break up a fight by a pupil, Jason. Not wanting to ruin his future, she doesn’t report it, only to find that Jason and his friends have falsely accused her of racial abuse.

The play follows the spiralling personal, professional and legal consequences for everyone involved.

Franzmann herself formerly taught in London for 12 years, and was inspired to write the play after a fellow teacher was faced with a similar accusation. The play has been praised for its realistic accuracy of the workings of an inner city school.

Hard questions, few comforts, but still with a streak of satire, Mogadishu looks worth the attention of anyone wishing to add some serious drama to their Easter.

At the end of their winter tour, Opera North is clearly aspiring to some crescendo having chosen Norma as their penultimate performance. Already applauded for its talent and unique adaptation, Norma is renowned for being notoriously intense and fierce, and led by Dutch Soprano Annemarie Kremer, Opera North’s revival of Bellini’s classic is genuinely sure to be like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

Driven by passion and destiny, Norma tells the story of betrayed love and revolution that haunts the eponymous protagonist as she heroically leads her people to freedom after being torn between her love and her life. Desperation and conflict carry the protagonist’s battle forward and Bellini peacocks his flamboyance throughout, pushing the audience to emotional extremes.

Norma is not for the faint-hearted. It’s a grueling three-hour performance, sang in the original Italian. But do not let this deter you, I defy anyone to be bored or unaffected by Opera North’s latest masterpiece.

Northern Stage March 10-12

Cluny 2, Ouseburn Valley March 13-15

Northern Stage March 12-13

Whether you’re one of those people who just can’t stop dancing to old-school Britney in your bedroom or you simply enjoy watching a good dance performance, Newcastle University Dance Society will knock your socks off with its annual end of the year show, titled Live, Love, DANCE! The Dance Society has gone from strength to strength this year with knockout and award-winning performances at numerous inter-university championships across the country and also received the ncl+ Student Achievement Award for “Best Society of the Year” 2011. So, now you have a chance to revel in the intricate spectacle that will be Live, Love, DANCE! It really is not one to miss. This show promises to be unique and entertaining and will make you want to slip into your leotard and join in on the action!

The show will comprise of a range of dance levels and a breadth of different dance styles to meet everyone’s tastes, from ballet, street, contemporary and lyrical, to musical theatre, tap and jazz.

Tickets available outside the Union Linda Guma and Nelly Stravropoulou

Lonesome West

Photographs taken from the Edinburgh Competition

Theatre Royal February 18

reviews

Chorus Line Northern Stage March 5-7

Mission Improv-ible Trent House February 26

Trent House was filled with laughter and audience interaction last Sunday as the Newcastle Comedy Society held their first comedy-improv show. To kick-start the highly animated show of Mission Improvible, the crew broke into their variation of traditional folky Morris Dancing. The audience was enthusiastically engaged as they got to call the shots throughout the rounds of improv.

One of the initial off-the-cuff imitations was of a gay, drunk Harry Potter professing his love to Ron Weasley. That performance set the atmosphere for an absolutely hysterical evening. Other characters on stage were the ghost of Steve Jobs, two guys milking their cow Darcy, a Michael Jackson with Tourette syndrome, a nudist Dionysius, and a nymphomaniac.

One of the highlights of the night was the “sitting, standing, bending” game, in which three actors had to occupy the three positions at all times, so that when one guy changed, another one had to fill his place.

You can imagine that this highly dynamic game got pretty whacky as the scenario, collectively established by audience members, was that of three barbers in prison.

Linda Guma and Kerstin Vogel

Motor Town Northern Stage February 21

A darkly-lit room sets the scene for an intimate and harrowing piece of controversial theatre. NUTS’ performance of Motor Town had all the elements viewers are warned about and more.

This play displays the alienation that Danny, who is fresh out of military service, feels. Whilst also displaying the vast pitfalls in 21st Century society: Danny’s inability to reintegrate into society. This is perfectly captured in his ending line “I don’t blame the war. The war was alright. I miss it…”

Throughout the play we are treated to manic digression and bitter anger, captured by the talent of a small and organised cast. At times some moments became so torturingly uncomfortable that audience members were visibly squirming, such as when Jade, a young dropout, is left weeping on stage.

Motor Town is brutal. Controversial, yet aggressively truthful, it passes comment on and highlights much that modern day “politically correct” popular culture ignores. Executed by a brilliant cast, NUTS’ production of Simon Stephens’ Motor Town was not one to miss.

Josh Morgan

Attempts on Her Life Theatre Royal February 23

For a play with no real plotline, characters, or chronology, NUTS’ production of Attempts on Her Life was a strangely enthralling experience. Martin Crimp’s series of scenarios all centre on the character of Annie, who we never meet.

Director Joe Mills’ excellent staging forced the audience to stand and be ushered around the space by cast members.

A strong sense of cast cohesion held these scenes together, with some excellent performances. The actors managed to each play a variety of different nameless characters very fluidly and the pace was always dynamic. Particularly notable scenes included a beautifully sung chorus, and a surreal moment which combined semi-nudity, Massive Attack’s Teardrop and slow-motion choreography.

The play itself is entirely subjective, and it aims to challenge traditional perceptions of theatre and explore certain late 20th century obsessions..

A completely surreal experience, which, despite an excellent cast and great staging, had certainly achieved its goal if anyone went out wondering, “What was the point?” (I certainly did!)

Maddy Race

For those who are unaware of the plot of Chorus Line, Line, it revolves around the cutthroat business of auditioning for a place in a Broadway line up. 16 main characters discuss their upbringing, struggles and love for the stage, through the mediums of speech, song and dance.

If I had one issue with this production, it would be that some of the cast could not dance up to the standard required for such a show. There was a particular solo scene where the dancing was uninteresting and predominantly poorly performed, however, all the group scenes were made up with enthusiasm and massive smiles.

The songs in Chorus Line are unusual for a musical, being broken up with segments of monologue from various characters, but the cast handled them well, with difficult harmonies being pulled off superbly.

There was a particularly entertaining performance by Cat McCallum, who did a fantastic duet with Dave Carter. The show was ended with a perfectly showbiz number, which showed how much work, energy and love had gone into the whole production. Director Paul Hickey tackled a hard musical, but to his and the cast’s credit, it was overall a sensation.

Sally Priddle

32.filmfeatures

5

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/film c2.film@ncl.ac.uk

Top

The movie clichés that won’t die.

Luke Hearfield lists some of the prevalent clichés that movies just wouldn’t be the same without.

Movie Twists (Spoilers!) 1) Uselessly in-accurate

5

henchmen

Blah Blah Blah, I’m a villain with an assassination’ seminar at Lackies Univer- overly long winded traumatic past, hence why I’m torturing you with an easily essity or do the likes of Jason Bourne and John McClane just naturally repel bad-guy capable death situation whilst I get these issues off my chest. As I reveal all the gunfire? One things for certain, Ernst details of my plan James Bond escapes Blofeld and Hans Gruber need to have a through an air duct. Oh wait my plans more in depth hiring process been foiled.

Did they all decide to skip the ‘antagonist

The Usual Suspects

Kevin Spacey’s stunning portrayal of Verbal Kimt, the timid, put-upon cripple masks the viewer’s intuition that he is in fact the master criminal behind the whole operation, and many more besides. Possibly the greatest film twist of all time: this is one that NO-ONE saw coming.

4

Fight Club Many say that they saw this twist coming but Fight Club is an undeniably great film with a fantastic twist. Staying true to the novel on which it is based, this classic is possibly the best use of an unreliable narrator ever seen in film. A second viewing will leave you wondering how you ever managed to miss the signs.

3

Psycho

Easily the most iconic film on this list, Alfred Hitchocks ‘Psycho’ hinges on two key twists: the heroine’s murder (in ‘that’ scene) before she can fulfil the role the viewer expects of her. The second being that the tormented motel owner has in fact created the oppressive mother-figure that is supposedly responsible for his mental state.

The Others

2

This great little chiller starring Nicole Kidman, before she started routinley embarrsing herself in films, chroniclesa woman who lives in a ‘haunted’ old house with her two photosensitive children. The ‘by the numbers plot’ takes a last minute turn when It is revealed that the residents and the malevolent forces they believe to be at work are in fact one and the same.

1

5)Villianous Monologues

2)Cars never work

As a main method of transportation, cars are usually our very productive friends.

However you throw one into the equation of a horror movie and more often than not you’re screwed. Look at 28 Days Later or The Final Destination; there’s incentive to take the bus / MOT next time.

3)It was all a dream?

Often dubbed the ‘Dallas syndrome’ this can make (but mostly break) a film. The cinematic equivilent of bailing on a taxi fare. Even Inception couldn’t resist.

4)One Last Scare!

Don’t be all stingy with your bullets; make sure to plant one between the eyes because Freddy, Jason and Ghostface will always come back for that one final shock. After witnessing all your friends getting butchered, you owe it to yourself so you can be in the sequel.

5 2

6)Death speechs

If you are mortally wounded , theres always enough time to clear up an misunderstanding with your police partner , spouse or mortal enemy and utter some ghomic words of wisdom before peacefully passing on. Only applies to characters with reedeeming goodness. If your evil you are not allowed this privledge, dying with eyes open with the camera lingering on your face. Shame on you!

7)Harrison Ford wanting his family back You got to give him credit for being such a family enthusiast. It’s just a darn shame he’s awful at managing one. Whether he’s a bank security specialist, a fugitive or The President of the United States, the poor fella always verbalises his distaste for his missing loved ones.

6 3

Sick of seeing the same characters time and again in movies? Lauren Stafford takes a look at some of these over used and annoying movie stereotypes.

ractive The ‘Strangely Att Girl’

The ‘Dirty Mexican ’

Strict Japanese Landlord

ioshi by Mickey The questionable portrayal of Mr. Yun e sparked debate sinc has s any’ Tiff at t kfas Brea in ney Roo easingly controincr an g min beco es otyp stere l about racia 1972 Marlon In s. year ty twen last the versial subject over The Godfather for ar Osc an n dow Brando famously turned od. ywo Holl in es to protest against Indian stereotyp

Appearing repeate ema and tv , this stedly in American cinby children’s carto reotype was emodied on ‘Speedy Gonzale the 60s , 70s and 80 z’, in , drug runner and s. From womaniser ga ng banger none of the stereotypes ar Rodriguez using ite positive , with Robert points in Machete, to make political stereotype for hire starring the walking himself, Danny Tr ejo.

A president se female rarely ist by Jane Fonda in Barbarella is a supreme appropriately dressed. Lilo , the Sci-Fi u in Fifth El ing and thus spending the be ent majority of the clothes are clearly not a prem displaying mea iority fi lm w ea ri ng cism. Hardly prn feats of intellectual and phbandages whilst actical not to m ys ention the camical athletiel toe issue…

gly unaware of her iShe is unconvincin and masks her fem own attractivenessir of converse and a ‘baain ninity behind a pa is the chic-flick str dass’ attitude. Thisbefore the protagonist d of Feminism an as an independent can assert herselfing over patriarchal idewoman triumph mpire sweeps her off als, a ‘jock’, or a va her feet. Phew.

‘Bumbling En gli

sh Gent’

or Child’ The ‘Creepy Horr

Sci-Fi Heroine

Saw

7

4

Breaking the type

The Scantily C lad

With one of the most unexpected twists in horror-history, Saw impressed viewers and critics alike on its release. Despite the dire ‘gore porn’ sequels, the original will always be lauded as a horror masterpiece.

No-one could have predicted the ending, where serial killer Jigsaw is revealed to have been alive in the room with the two protagonists all the time.

Sam Hopkins

1

Ring and been trauWe’ve all seen The l emerging from that creepy matised by that gir as if children aren’t television screene- recent release The Woman enough. Even th some spooky suicidal triin Black features rk Water, The Grudge and plets. See also Dawho can forget little Damien The Others. and from The Omen.

Hugh Grant w as made for this even if his off sc role so charming. H reen persona if not is le ss th an po correct dallian ce with prostitutlitically vine Brown asid e Die, most competent he was possibly the have ever had ev Prime Minister we en if he did spen majority of Love d the Martine McCut Actually lusting over cheon.

The Courier

reviewsfilm.33

Monday 12 March 2012

Film Editor: Chris Binding Online Film Editor: Hayley Hamilton

This MeansWar

M

cG’s mathematical formula for a popcorn flick; beautiful actors plus brainless action plus inane title equals awesome thrill ride. Well clearly he forgot to carry the one because This Means War was equal parts dull and pointless. What looked to be a pleasing romantic comedy turned out to be an unorganised, erratic pissing contest, with no character depth and very few laughs.

The plot is the typical recycled love triangle, however instead of chocolates and roses we’re given fast cars and unfunny paintball sketches.

Two special agents FDR (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) stumble across mousy Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) who’s searching for ‘Mr Right’ before her youth evades her. Both men become instantly infatuated with her and decide that they will let the lady pick her suitor whilst keeping their friendship incognito from her. What follows is a festival of spy related puns “he penetrated the target” and tedious childish antics that would make Dennis the Menace seem hardcore in comparison.

Then there’s the seemingly pointless sub plot involving inexistent protagonist Heinrich, whose objective is seeking revenge on the two agents who killed his brother in the opening sequence. This was only added to give the film a sense of narrative and purpose however it was over shadowed by the frolics of its two leading men, which quite frankly were an embarrassment to watch. The film could have easily survived without a villain and stepped into the

territory of the Mr& Mrs Smith variety, but at that point it would be the equivalent of putting lipstick on a pig (It’s not getting any prettier).

This Means War was only just about salvageable by the female performances. Reese Witherspoon did an impressive job of finding a balance between appealing and sympathetic as she toys with the idea of contemporary relationships by juggling two men at once. Plus the only truly funny dialogue came from Trish

Project X

Wanderlust

Michael

Picture: Twentieth Century Fox

(Chelsea Handler), whose blunt agony aunt advice perfectly reflected the tone of the film. As for the bromance between FDR and Tuck, the audience is given very little back story of these two characters making it difficult to believe that they are really best friends. Both Pine and Hardy do their best with the material they’re given, unfortunately though the relationship lacks fluidity and feels very forced. One minute there throwing knives at each other, the next minute there making pinkie swears and sharing bear hugs.

Clearly this was a feeble attempt at Hollywood producers trying to find that safe middle ground so both men and women could enjoy.

But it feels slightly more sugary than the average man will enjoy, unless you find the whole kitchen appliances used as metaphor for sexual foreplay a hoot. Even the action sequences (in particular the finale) were definitely feeling lacklustre for a McG production.

VERDICT: This Means War is so displaced that it has no direction to follow. If you can leave your brain at the door you may be able enjoy it, but its complete nonsense with a conclusion so abrupt that you will instantly forget about it the next day.

Luke Hearfield

Carancho

Picture: New Wave Films

he found-footage genre has become increasingly popular in recent years, and Project X is the latest film to have a crack at this experimental genre. Normally, only horror films have worked within the genre, but after the success of supernatural Chronicle and now comedy Project X; the low-budget found-footage genre is branching out to accommodate all types of films.

The film is Nima Nourizadeh’s directorial debut and he uses a trio of unknown actors (Mann, Cooper and Daniel-Brown) to play the three main characters: Thomas, Costa and JB. These three high-school seniors plan to throw a 17th birthday party for Thomas at his house, and his parents have conveniently left him home alone for the weekend. Costa and JB want to make the party bigger and better so use the internet, phones and even the radio to advertise the night, and Thomas’s ideal of a small house party gets smashed when thousands of people turn up and the party spirals out of control.

The film is certainly unique, funny and enjoyable but my main gripe is that the three main characters are pretty unlikeable and you barely get to know them before they get drunk, high and go crazy. However, if ever there was a film made for teenagers and students, this is it. With some great party scenes, insane stunts and a filming style that adds a lot of intimacy and realism. This is possibly the most epic house party ever, complete with an angry midget and even a flamethrower.

anderlust is a romantic comedy, however this does not mean that it features contrived romantic encounters or sickly sweet serenades, making a refreshing change from recent Rom Com’s that are either about friends with benefits or love that faces difficult circumstances.

The film’s coupling consists of George (Paul Rudd) and Linda, (Jennifer Anniston) who have lost the spark in their relationship and have to leave New York broke and disillusioned by the cities pressured, high priced lifestyle.

The film then takes a quirky turn when the couple stay overnight in a hippy commune full of the usual stereotypes , with nudists, drugged up peace makers and guitar-playing Lotharios all present.Although the hippies offer an occasional chuckle, the well acted relationship between Rudd and Anniston is both the most comical and endearing part of the film, facing up to their own marital issues, with the help of a strong hallucinogenic, and rekindling their past enthusiasm for their relationship.

In true hippy fashion, there is a fair amount of casual nudity and free love, the most memorable scene being Rudd’s pre-sex talk in front of the mirror, reminiscent of his character in I Love You Man . Anniston is her usual warm and appealing self and as Linda you feel genuinely pleased on her behalf that she is embracing her inner hipster, even when she takes a shit in the garden you can’t help thinking, ‘ ah look at her being all one with nature.’

his being Markus Schleinzer’s directorial debut I wanted to find out more about him. I realised that I had seen his handy work before, in the White Ribbon, a slow burning movie where child actors took the prominent role. Schleinzer had worked closely with the child actors as the casting director and got best performances out of them. These experience with rearing young actors, have been an invaluable addition to his debut behind the camera. It has meant that eliciting strong performances by Michael Fuith (Michael) and child actor David Rauchenberger (Wolfgang) was not challenging.

Micheal manages to get under your skin and unsettle your nerves as you delve into the world of paedophilia with references to real life Josef Fritzl that cannot be ignored. The film follows our perpetrator Michael, a character with a conventional job at an insurance company, who enjoys being recluse. His crime and secret is keeping a 10 year old boy captive in his basement. They eat together and watch TV much like normal people would. Sexual abuse also takes place. This is NOT a feel good movie.

What I found interesting was the probing of the nature and humanity of paedophiles, Micheal cares to such an extent that when the boy seems lonely he attempts to find him another child to keep him company. The film revolves around this damaged individual and as the film progressed on my perception of changed.

He was indeed human.

T

T

H

VERDICT: Documenting a wild, drink-drug fuelled house party and making you wish you were there. The humour is crude but if you are reading this you are probably a student, and this film was made for you!

VERDICT: An eccentric , entertaining romantic comedy about enjoying life to the full that unfortunately doesn’t deliver many laugh out loud moments , reliying too much on established hippy stereotypes and offering nothing new or unexpected to the equation.

VERDICT: A film that I did not enjoy, however this piece of work brought to us by Schleinzer is well made and deeply fascinating. A study of paedophilia that I won’t revisit, but I would recommend a viewing (only the once will do).

VERDICT: A gripping, intense and suspenseful story made only stronger by its incredible characterisation. Not for the faint hearted or timid amongst the crowd! You’ll be surprised by what this film can offer.

Finola Gibson

Seluck Cem Bulut

Jacob Crompton Schrieber

W

aving read the synopsis for this film beforehand, I was not entirely sure what to expect. Being hit with the fact that 8,000 people die a year in Argentina immediately removes all thoughts of this being a happy story. And to further the joy, the plot revolves around a man (Sosa, portrayed by Ricardo Darín) trolling hospitals for possible health insurance scams.With the main story line revolving around Lujan (Portrayed by Martina Gusman), a paramedic treating the patients that Sosa is sure to scam, a very convincing, believable and engaging reality is created through use of camera work, in particular. A clear lack of editing and camera movement during dialogues makes it feel as though you are truly watching this story unfold in front of your eyes.

You can really see the influence and similarity to 1950s film noir throughout, particularly through the ever growing and suspenseful plot-line. However, the plot is dragged out on a slow-burner and some scenes do lack interest and come across, seemingly, irrelevant. There are multiple scenes of Lujan simply working in the hospital on patients that aren’t involved with Sosa and are then never to be seen again – This could be to create further realism to her profession, but it appears rather dull.

Pablo Trapero has created an interesting piece of art cinema, with an indescribable hook that’ll have you glued to your seat. However it’s not for the faint hearted with distrurbing scenes .As someone who can handle gore and blood, even I grabbed my seat in shock at some moments.

Ben Parkin

34.musicreviews

The Courier

Monday 12 March 2012

Music Editors: Ben Travis and Chris Scott Online Music Editor: Graham Matthews

Reign of Terror

Sound of the Overground

Sam Summers once again delves into this week’s chart, occasionally finding some of pop’s best kept secrets, but more often than not, finding absolute drivel.

Yes, the new Dappy track, ‘Rockstar’, features Queen’s Brian May. Let’s all just chill out for a moment so that those of you who really give a what have time to untangle your rage-matted pubes. Yeah, he’s here alright, but you would hardly know it was him; he gets one measly solo at the end, in a moment about as pointless and embarrassing as if Dappy’s mam had followed him into the studio, spat in a tissue and tried to clean his mouth. Like ‘No Regrets’, ‘Rockstar’ isn’t terrible so much as hateful. I’m listening, but all I’m thinking of is how much I’d like to hurt Dappy with rakes.

BONUS: The video is well worth checking out for Dap’s immaculately preened John Waters moustache, and shots of him casually holding a bong. What a bell end.

How the hell did this happen? How did a protest song about human trafficking by a Christian worship leader make it to Number 12 in the UK charts? Well it happened, and it’s beautiful.

‘Twenty Seven Million’ by Matthew Redman is so adorably pants it almost brings a tear to my eye. It sounds like a single your crap auntie would get you for Christmas in the 90’s. It’s saccharine nonsense, about as naff as the word ‘naff ’, and yet here it is, in the charts, raising money or awareness or whatever. Nice one, Britain, you’ve taken one for the team.

Chiddy Bang’s breakthrough single ‘Ray Charles’ is literally nothing but a parade of blind jokes, turning the soul legend into a Mr. Magoo-esque bumbling caricature. As amusing as it is to imagine Ray accidentally eating sausage dogs instead of sausages, or whatever the hell antics blind people get up to, the jokes here range from legitimately funny to just... sort of... stating that he can’t see things. ‘I got my shades on, I don’t know where they are’, indeed. When your song is nothing but blind jokes, you’d better have a spectacular repertoire of blind jokes, is what I’m saying. Swag tune, though.

Arctic Monkeys were alright, weren’t they?

Yeah, pretty good. Quality first album. It’s a pity that any pleasure I derived from Whatever People Say I Am... has since been counteracted by the searing wave of depression which grips me whenever I see an amateur support band longing to be part of a scene which no longer exists, or some tosser in a checked shirt strutting about entrenched in a bygone age, like a 21st century Disco Stu. ‘R U Mine’ is a good song, in the sense that it could easily pass for album track off of their debut. Quite sad, that. Get out of my charts, you fossils.

Recommended download: ‘Ray Charles’ (...or ‘Twenty Seven Million’ if you’re feeling charitable)

Sleigh Bells

A

roaring crowd. A distorted guitar chord. “New Orleans!”, screams Alexis.

“What the fuck’s up?” So begins the second aural assault from Brooklyn’s distortion-drenched duo Sleigh Bells. With a name like Reign Of Terror, it comes as no surprise that opener ‘True Shred Guitar’ arrives with the subtlety of a sack of sledgehammers, all chugging riffs and yells of “Enemies! On your knees! Suffer please!”

Any concerns that Sleigh Bells’ appeal might have been limited to the raucous charms of debut Treats are dispelled in approximately thirty seconds, as are any fears that a follow-up might merely aim to emulate that record’s relatively singular brain-smashing sound.

Though ‘Born To Lose’ opens with stomping guitars, filtered as ever through overblownspeaker effects, it concludes with Alexis’ vocals cooing (as opposed to her trademark yell) over atmospheric reverb-drenched strumming. As the band had suggested, Reign Of Terror is less of a party album, the hip-hop influenced beats that drove Treats exchanged for a more ‘80s guitar-led sound.

The demonically-possessed-cheerleaders feel remains, from the looped stomping-onthe-bleachers beat of ‘Crush’, to snarling-yetanthemic album highlight ‘Demons’. With a ferocious chorus, complete with brilliantly un-

necessary brutal double-bass pedalled drums, it’s destined to be a new live favourite. Single ‘Comeback Kid’ strikes the perfect balance between anarchic noise and stunningly catchy pop melodies.

Reign Of Terror is less of a party album, with a more ‘80s guitarled sound Throughout the album runs an emotional undercurrent of loss and vulnerability absent on Treats. Between the two records, guitarist Derek lost his father, an emotional blow reflected in many of the album’s tracks. The slower tracks are a welcome progression, silencing any naysayers’ accusations of Sleigh Bells being a one trick pony. ‘Road To Hell’ is oddly reminiscent of Pixies’ ‘Silver’.

There’s nothing as sadistically thrilling as ‘Infinity Guitars’ or ‘Crown On The Ground’ here, but despite perhaps needing one more overblown behemoth in its closing stretch, Reign Of Terror is everything that a fan could want from a follow-up to Treats. A progression it may be, but this is still pure ear-shattering Sleigh Bells.

Port Of Morrow

Happy To You Miike Snow

Recommended download: ‘Demons’

The Shins

World, You Need A Change of Mind Kindness

ou’d be forgiven for thinking Miike Snow was actually just one man. I wasn’t aware it was a trio of Swedish music producers until very recently. Their eponymous first album was a lovely upbeat, electro-indie style offering and from listening to recent single ‘Paddling Out’ it sounded as if they were heading for much of the same on album two.

However, this is not the case. Happy To You is a tricky one - ‘The Wave’ and ‘Devil’s Work’ feel like they could be a sound track to those collages of festival clips you get on television at the end of summer, and ‘Bavarian’ makes you want to dance around a park for a while. In short, they are a real treat.

But ‘Vase’ is so unremarkable it passes you by, and ‘Pretender’ has a constant dripping tap noise and a synth bass that whoops in like landing gear being pulled back into a plane.

‘God Help This Divorce’ however, provides one of the stand out tracks of the album and ‘Black Tin Box,’ featuring Lykke Li, has an intriguing, sinister sound to it.

It’s a promising album but Miike Snow need to get out of their comfort zone as the newer, darker tracks are the highlights, and steer clear of tunes like ‘Enter The Joker’s Lair’, which is downright rubbish.

t’s been 5 years since the excellent Wincing the Night Away. 5 years during which the majority of the band, minus James Mercer, left and were replaced, Mercer set up his own record label after The Shins’ contract with Sub Pop had expired and he had a little jaunt with DangerMouse in the form of Broken Bells.

With the help of legendary pop producer Greg Kurstin, who has helped out the likes of Lily Allen and The Wanted, Port of Morrow has a lot of sheen. It would be fair to say that, at points, Port of Morrow has been polished so much its almost unrecognisable as a product of The Shins. While the likes of ‘Bait and Switch’ hearken back to the band’s early material, tracks like ‘It’s Only Life’ feel comparatively a little out of place.

The Shins have never been a band to do high gloss pop songs but Mercer’s recent jaunt in Broken Bells has shown he can do it. His reasoning for pop-ifying Port of Morrow is sound but, for a band that do better when stripped back, it doesn’t feel right.

It’s not a bad album by any means; all of the songs are solid with the likes of ‘September’ feeling most The Shins-y, but this pop gloss doesn’t seem to suit the band as much as Mercer might have hoped.

I

K

Recommended download: ‘God Help This Divorce’

Recommended download: ‘Bait & Switch’

Recommended download: ‘Anyone Can Fall In Love’

Y

Ellie Jay

For tonnes of web-exclusive columns and live reviews, check out The Courier music section online.

Ben Travis

Chris Taylor

indness is one for lovers of Passion Pit (on Kalms), Hot Chip and... the Bee Gees? In World, You Need A Change of Mind, Adam Bainbridge aka Kindness has absorbed the music of the last forty years, mismatched it, and essentially calmed it all down a bit. This is Saturday Night Fever, if only it had it been set in Camden.

This album reflects a musician who doesn’t take himself or music too seriously, and sees the fun in it, mocking the snobby nature of the industry.

‘That’s Alright’ could have easily been taken from a John Hughes film and album highlight ‘Anyone Can Fall In Love’ is a cover of the ‘80s pop adaption of the Eastenders theme tune, turning it into hedonistic ska. Epic.

Any cool, hipster music reviewer would probably not register this. Luckily I’m reviewing.

The experimentation on this album really pays off. European electro-disco influences the album, with Berlin-based band Whitest Boy Alive’s vibe reverberating throughout.

Furthermore there’s a lot of dark humour in this album, Bainbridge brings to mind standing in a derelict disco under a mirror ball, or Cults performing in a bingo hall in blue ruffle suits.

And if all that hasn’t convinced you: Bainbridge names one of the songs ‘Bombastic’. The End.

Mallory McDonald

Follow The Courier music section on Twitter - @TheCourierMusic

Gig announcements, updates on the Newcastle music scene, track recommendations and exclusive articles.

Oh, and plenty of #hashtags!

The Courier

featuresmusic.35

Monday 12 March 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk

Review: Laura Marling, Timber Timbre and Pete Roe

The Sage Gateshead, March 5

T

here is something quite eventful about going to the Sage. You feel cultured; its two meandering amphitheatres are reminiscent of the Guggenheims’ architecture and it offers some of the most elegant views of the Tyne by night. Moreover, to see England’s foremost folk maiden, Laura Marling, perform here is a real treat. Though tonight she is no maiden, but a woman who has grown in confidence and bears the stories of someone twice her age.

Set-opener ‘I Was Just A Card’ immediately boasted Marling’s ability to sway effortlessly between vocal keys, holding the polite and breathless crowd in utter awe. Her band, lingering upstage, gently supported her melodies with burgeoning horns, jazzy snare shuffles and warm strums. Admittedly, it was not until ‘Salinas’ that the Marling/band combination became truly comfortable, where the grassy banjo, celestial harmonies and yearning cello strings moved to the rhythm of Marling’s ear-

nest vocals.

Delving deeper into her back catalogue midway through the set, Marling pulled out old favourite, ‘Ghosts.’ The acoustics glistened in the wooden theatre, with crisp piano notes and a full band harmony bouncing around the audience seating. It’s interesting to notice that the girl who never once lifted her angelic head in her early performances now throws it up to the beam of the spotlight, as if to face her personal and religious dichotomies full on. Agnosticism is a recurrent theme in her debut album, and now she stands, feet a foot or so apart, ready to show the world that she’s worked herself out.

Personally, the most mesmerising moments were when the band allowed for Marling’s solo performances of ‘Goodbye England’ and the rarities, ‘Pray For Me’ and ‘Flicker and Fail’. ‘Goodbye England’s’ guitar melody was delicately picked by Marling, full of its gorgeous glottal stops, her head tilted to the side as if recalling the romance of that winter’s day.

Whack lyricals

After the success of our last horrendous lyrics feature, we delved further into the abyss of terrible and equally questionable choices of words within their lyrics sheet.

Do any of these make any sense to anyone?

P. “Wake up in the morning feeling like ’ Tok ‘Tik ha, Diddy’’ - Ke$

Where ‘Sophia’ never quite reached its peak, ‘Rambling Man’ and ‘I Speak Because I Can’ compensated by sounding astonishing live.

The former saw instruments chatter and roll beneath Marling & co’s earthy harmonies and the latter radiated every last morsel of energy; Marling listing off her regrets, never missing a note, nor a feeling, nor an opportunity to completely envelop you in her world. A truly unforgettable performance overall.

Charlotte Krol

For the extended review of the Laura Marling gig, including an indepth look at the up and coming support acts, head along to The Courier music section online

Cover me up

Musicians can be truly amazing artists; regularly creating new and exciting material that sells thousands of records worldwide with endless radio play. But every so often you often find they’ve used another artist as more than just inspiration.

Check out these tracks and see whether you see the influence... or the unoriginal and blatant copying that’s going on here.

“‘First name is ski, but no relatiRoman, last name is ZolanNicki Minaj, ‘Stuon to Roman Polanski” pid Hoe’ sand?”

“Are you a man or are you a bagilofYou Unt im ‘Sw bit, Rab ed hten - Frig Can’t See Land’ “I got the swag ovaries” - Kreay and it’s pumping out my shawn, ‘Gucci G ucci’ money “Young, black, and famous, with n’t Nobody ‘Ca se, Ma s” anu hangin’ out the Hold Me Down’ “Do we all learn defeat from the with bad feet, be whores at to the sweet, mil the meat, treat the feet, Down, ‘Vicinity ky seat” - System of a of Obscenity’ “Me not working hard? ak Yeah right picture that with a kod are Squ es Tim to go yet, And better Take a picture of me with a kodak”night)’ - Pitbull, ‘Give Me Everything (To

What we heard: Sauce ‘Barbra Streisand’ - Duck sion?

What’s the original ver M ‘Gotta Go Home’ - Boney

“What she orde r? Fish filet” - Ja Kanye West, ‘N*g gas in Paris’ y-Z &

What’s the original version?

‘Come Softly To Me’ -The Fleetwoods

What’s changed?

New lyrics, but the tune is a What’s changed? ing amaz- complete copy and paste job.

Duck Sauce did somethrds to the ing... They added 3 wo ’ and ‘woo’. and eis ‘Str , a’ rbr ‘Ba ck: tra Lots and lots of ‘woo’.

Classic album.

Fresh perspective.

Until last week, I had never listened to The Queen is Dead by The Smiths.

T

his is down to one reason and one reason alone: Morrissey is a knob. OK, so one man’s flagrant knobbery shouldn’t be enough to put me off the works of a pretty decent band but... well he is a massive knob, isn’t he?

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t just brushed the band under the rug completely. I’ve downloaded a few of their singles and made them into their own little album on iTunes, which I’ve rather craftily entitled Smithscellania, but I had yet to take the plunge into a full length sermon from The Pope of Mope when I dutifully took on this most daunting of assignments.

Almost every track on The Queen Is Dead is lushly arranged, sounding like a sunny day on a rural southern beach. Johnny Marr’s guitar work is perfect, shimmering around inside my head like tinsel made of sound. Musically, the vast majority of the album is absolutely flawless.

You can see where I’m going with this.

It’s very, very easy to bash Morrissey, and I know I’m not the first to make the case that without him The Smiths would be the perfect band, but I’m going to do it anyway, because he’s just such an insufferable cock. His voice sounds like the streamlined fart of a poorly walrus, and on first listen renders the entire album an excruciating chore to get through.

Many fans praise Morrissey for his witty lyrics, but what stands out more for me is his awkward lack of subtlety when trying to get a point across. In ‘Cemetry Gates’, for example, he artfully constructs a story of friends reading gravestones in a cemetery before lapsing into a ham-fisted tirade with ‘if you must write prose and poems the words you use should be your own, don’t plagiarise or take on loans’. Cheers for the advice and everything, but it’s hardly Oscar Wilde, is it?

Of course, he does at times excel when applying his brazenness to melodramatic romance, most famously in the ‘to die by your side’ refrain from ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out’, and after a few run-throughs it becomes easy to ignore his wretched death-warble in favour of the beautiful songs themselves.

All in all, apart from a few messy filler tracks towards the end (‘Vicar In A Tutu’ anyone?) this is definitely a much better album than I was expecting. However rational your Moz-based prejudices may be, cast them aside for 37 minutes and you’re in for a mild treat.

Sam Summers

“Call me Mr. Fl bedrock” - Lil Wintstone, I can make your ayne, ‘Bedrock’ ake tan line, m e th k c e d h too on a nc “Okay they shape like you’re sbile not the your bod , call me on my moainline at the landmineand the jack the m s, ‘Rudebox’ landline, e” - Robbie William same tim

What we heard: ‘Missing’ - Eliza Doolittle

On the record

What we heard: ‘S.O.S’ - Rihanna

What we heard: Sugababes ‘Freak Like Me’ al version?

What’s the origintric?’ -Gary ec El ds ien Fr re ‘A Numan What’s changed?took the iconic The Sugarbabes h track and 80’s elecrto-synt Howard’s then used Adina p! lyrics over the to

What’s the original version?

‘Tainted Love’ - Gloria Jones (then Soft Cell, Marilyn Manson etc) What’s changed?

Yes, even the gorgeous Rihanna is guilty of this, S.O.S. features a sample from the Soft Cell cover of the song. In fairness, Rihanna’s music video was much easier on the eye.

36.musicfeatures

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk

Festival Preview: Evolution 2012 Newcastle & Gateshead Quayside, Sunday 3rd and Monday 4th June

Newcastle’s biggest music festival returns in June with another jam-packed line-up, bringing chart-topping popstars,world- renowned DJs and the best of the North East music scene to the Quayside.

Sunday Maxïmo Park

Maxïmo Park make their return to Evolution five years on from their epic headline performance that truly established their status as one of the region’s most loved bands. The local outfit, led by enigmatic frontman Paul Smith, have remained quiet for the past few years, but with rumours of a fourth album on the way, seem ready to step back into the limelight. With an impressive back catalogue containing hits such as ‘Apply Some Pressure,’ ‘Books from Boxes’ and ‘Our Velocity,’ anyone heading down to the Quayside on Sunday 3rd June is in for a real treat.

Matty Aston

Miles Kane With his ‘60s-inspired rock, former Rascals front man and one half of The Last Shadow Puppets Miles Kane is sure to get the crowd at Evolution dancing along. His debut album Colour of the Trap was wellreceived by critics last year, and Kane manages to transform it into an energetic live show. Particular highlights include the rifftastically rocking ‘Inhaler’ and 2011 single ‘Come Closer’ will have the crowd chanting. It’s not all noise as Miles slows things down a bit with ‘Rearrange’ and ‘Counting Down the Days’. All of this means a huge show that provides a welcome break from Devlin before him.

Tim Sewell

Dizzee Rascal A man that will need little introduction as he bounces on to take his headline slot, the ex-Mercury Prize-winning, countless-number-one‐earning, collaborated-with-literallyeveryone hip‐hop superstar will no doubt thrill the drunken crowds. We haven’t seen much of Mr. Rascal of late (except for the free DirteeTV mixtape), but electro anthems such as the quite-rubbish-but-annoyingly-catchy ‘Holiday’ and ‘Dance With Me’ still sound as fresh as ever. Then there’s ‘Bonkers’. Hopefully Dizzee will mix up the mainstream hits with some of his older, grimier stuff as well. And if you’re yet to be convinced, the poster promises “very special guests”, so watch out for a potential few additional stars.

Matt Tate

Benjamin Francis Leftwich

One man, twenty three letters. Benjamin Francis Leftwich (BFL? Benji? Buffle?) is a York based singer-songwriter specialising in gentle sounding acoustic music - if you haven’t heard songs like ‘Atlas Hands’ or ‘Pictures’, imagine a muted, mildly depressed Ben Howard. His music is light, hushed, with little hints of indie folk; approximately 82% of his photos have him posing in fields, to give you some idea. He’ll be adding a calming moment of late afternoon peace to the Spillers Wharf stage on the Sunday, which should be quite pleasant as the first few ciders start to kick in.

Becca Price

Monday Deadmau5

Since bursting onto the scene in the mid ‘00s Deadmau5 has rapidly become a big name in progressive electro and house, and with good reason. In addition to energetic house tunes, Deadmau5’s repertoire blends dub-step, piano, interesting vocals and ambient tracks to great effect. His performances are spectacular affairs that feature beautifully choreographed lightshows and stage setups, including the trademark Mau5 head, to make the music all the more epic. A master of build-ups, drops and thumping bass lines, Deadmau5 is not an act to be missed.

Adam Bristow-Smith

Noah & The Whale A great choice to warm up the crowd for Sunday headliner Deadmau5. Most would associate this band with timeless summery gem ‘Five Years Time’, but there is more to them than that. The three albums they have produced are all wildly different in tone, translating to a varied and uplifting live experience. Where lead singer Charlie Fink has sung about heartbreak in the past, last years’ record Last Night On Earth was a jubilant affair, and euphoric tunes like ‘L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N’ and recent single ‘Tonight’s The Kind Of Night’ should provide a happy‐clappy sing‐along.

Matt Tate

Spector Like guitar-driven, catchy indie? Like front men who tread a fine line between being brilliant and being annoying? If yes, then painfully cool five piece Spector would be worth a watch.

Hotly tipped for 2012, about to support Florence and the Machine on her arena tour and with their debut album expected to come out soon filled with potential hits, the Londoners look set for a big summer.

Tom Worley

SBTRKT

After being shrouded in anonymity for much of his career, SBTRKT, a.k.a Aaron Jerome, is set to hit Evolution Festival on the Ballast Hills stage, tucked away just off the river. As a man who favours anonymity, SBTRKT has always been one to let the music speak for him and, with frequent collaborator Sampha, is ready to perform the best musical speech you will ever hear on the Sunday of Evolution festival. Having made great waves on the blogosphere and at various DJ guest spots across the country, this is one not to miss!

Chris Taylor

Tickets for Evolution Festival 2012 remain at last year’s prices (£25 for a day, or £35 for a weekend ticket), and are available in-store at RPM Records, Beatdown Records and HMV, online at www.evolutionfestival.co.uk, or at reception in the Students’ Union!

Here We Go Magic Here We Go Magic, the pet project of folk singer Luke Temple, seems an unusual choice for Evolution. Playing alongside the likes of Deadmau5 and Maxïmo Park, Here We Go Magic’s unique brand of hazy electronic goodness with looping and ambience galore seems a little out of place, but having toured with Grizzly Bear and The New Pornographers as well as being praised by Radiohead’s Thom Yorke, they’ve definitely proved themselves as being more than capable of handling the Evolution crowd, perhaps even subduing the drunk youngsters, who usually run riot, into a state of lo-fi bliss.

Chris Taylor

Mausi Mausi are a part-English, part-Italian four piece from Newcastle. Having played Evolution before, this year they’ve moved up the bill and are opening the main stage at Spillers Wharf on Monday. From them you can expect some chirpy indie pop tracks complete with hand-clapping and feel-good guy-girl vocals from siblings Daisy and Thomas Finetto.

With arguably the catchiest song of the summer, and a drummer that bares an uncanny likeness to Animal from The Muppets, it would be a shame to miss out. Their single ‘Sol’ is currently available to download for free from www.wearemausi.com.

Lauren Stafford

The Courier

technology.37

Monday 12 March 2012

Why is Virgin Media so slow?

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.technology@ncl.ac.uk technology editor: Shaun Butcher

Top 6

It’s frustrating and damn right annoying when your internet speeds are as slow as Virgin’s. Why is it so slow? How do you fix it? Technology Editor Shaun Butcher explains all...

T

he internet is a great thing. Whether you use it for university work, catching up on Gossip Girl, or browsing sites that you’d probably receive an email about if you were in university halls, it is both a student necessity and a luxury. All is fine when it’s working as it should; things can get a little bit frustrating, tedious and can potentially turn certain activities into ‘dangerous’ events when it doesn’t.

A common conversation amongst students is how bad the internet speeds are in private accommodation. It’s even prompted somebody to take to the Newcastle University Meme Facebook page to display their anger (see picture). So, Virgin Broadband, ‘y u no work in Jesmond?’

Contrary to student belief, with a national average speed of 16.33 mega bites per second (mbps), Virgin is consistently the fastest broadband provider according to Uswitch.com.

Although this is far less than the speeds Virgin advertises, it is – believe it or not – the fastest out there.

Virgin’s speeds are nearly twice as fast as BT and races ahead of the other top 10 providers. It makes sense that they’ve hired Usain Bolt for their latest advertising campaign.

Nonetheless, we still have slow speeds. So, Virgin Broadband, why are you so slow?

“Wireless networks are set to operate on

different frequencies, known as ‘channels’. If there are too many nearby wireless networks (or other radio sources) on the same channels, it can get overcrowded and slow everything down.”

The student areas of Newcastle clearly suffer from this problem. There is a way you can boost your speeds by changing the settings of your broadband hub. All will be explained.

With 14 tests achieving speeds higher than 20mpbs, Fenham is statistically the best place to live if you want fast broadband. The average speed there is around the same as the national average. This is probably explained by the lack of competing wireless networks broadcasting on the same channel.

If we compare this with Jesmond, only 12 speeds tests conducted reported speeds of more than 20 mbps. With more students living in that area, and with more signed up to Virgin Media, you’d expect it to be higher. The reason it isn’t is possibly due to the sheer amount of competing signals overcrowding the network and slowing everything down.

One way to try and improve your speed is by changing the channel your hub broadcasts on.

By default, this is set to automatic. Each hub attempts to find the least crowded channel.

When your hub finds it, the rest follow thus overcrowding the once least crowded channel.

It’s a vicious circle.

Although the following remedy is not a catch-

all solution to an irritating problem, it may help. Type 192.168.01 into your browser, type in your username and password (usually on the back of your hub), and click on Wireless Settings. Then manually select a channel.

This has worked for our house, and I’m sure it will work for yours. If this fails you could act on the advice of Twitter’s @gingerrocky: “Oh I cant wait to tell Virgin to stick their broadband up their slow money grabbing arse!!!!!!”

You never know, you could be as lucky as @drum_ist: “I’ve just rang Virgin Media, complained about my services being consistently slow and got a £30 refund!

Everyone should do it!”

S

As with most remakes its announcement was met with uproar by fans of the original but some snazzy cyberpunk trailers complete with custom tracks from such big names as Skrillex, Digitalism and Nero showed great promise and even drew comparisons with last year’s massively successful Deus Ex reboot/prequel.

The premise is pretty standard fare. In the not too distant future ever increasing privatisation has marginalised governments and now corporations are the dominant political power.

The upper portion of society buys into a corporate lifestyle complete with brain chips that allow them constant access to the digital world while everyone else is relegated to the rejected and downtrodden underclass Corporate sabotage is at an all time high and inter-corporation violence is common.

In the original the player had a team of four

It’s one thing to add an old friend on Facebook and then forgetting about them. It’s another to add anyone whose name you kind of vaguely sort of recognise. Don’t do it. It’s like the lonely man in the pub who nods his head and pats you on the back whilst saying ‘How’ve you been, son?’ You have no idea who he is; he has no idea who you are: don’t add him as soon as you get to a computer.

as they consist only of a few minor passive upgrades that never feel like they have an impact on the play style.

The most interesting features are a glorified bullet time/x-ray vision combination and the breaches. Breaches are the main use of the brain chip, allowing the player to hack into things like computer systems, grenades and even enemies. While the hacking could benefit from more visual punch - it consists of little more than a loading bar - the ability to turn enemies into allies, force them to commit suicide or backfire their guns adds a dash of originality to the action.

However, the linear levels and proximity spawning enemies mean that much of the potential these features give for tactical gameplay is lost.

Syndicate has a few nice touches that make it worth a play and the four player co-op mode allows for enjoyable tactical teamwork with friends. It does what it does well but ultimately it is a forgettable, if competent, shooter.

2

Contemplating adding the old man in the pub is one thing, but accepting his friend request is another. You can’t complain about the drones of irritating people adding you on Facebook if you accept those invites, you’ve only got yourself to blame. Your Facebook friends list will doubtless comprise of a handful of people you barely know. It’s a horrible realisation - like when you’re walking quite close to a friend and suddenly realise your hand is resting on theirs.

Adding single-serving holiday friends

3

At the end of week soaking up the sun on a topical beach surrounded by like-minded people, it’s social ritual to exchange some sort of information with those you’ve just spent the last week eating with, drinking with, and being half naked in front of. This is all well and good but it is absolutely not an invitation to add you on Facebook and then turn up unannounced at your house three months later.

Forwarding chain mail or joining chain mail groups

Adam Bristow-Smith reviews the remake of Syndicate, a 90s isometric game. Is it as good as the original? mind-controlled cyborg agents. In this game you control Miles Kilo, a strong contender for the most boring protagonist award - though up against strong competition lately. He is sadly not a cyborg, aside from the brain chip, which seems like a bit of a downgrade to me, but has been trained from a young age to be an “agent” for the corporations. Sadly the short single player campaign means there is little time for his back story to be developed.

While the term Console Port is over used a lot these days there are worrying signs of poor optimisation in the PC version I played. There are graphical glitches, sluggish mouse controls and several clipping errors, some of which can prevent continuing the game.

Syndicate is not a bad game but it does seem to be going through the motions. Despite being set in 2069 the player rarely gets their hands on anything more exciting than the pistols, assault rifles and snipers that would hardly seem out of place in a contemporary setting.

The running, gunning and close combat instakills, while nothing new, are done slickly. There are some token RPG upgrade elements, but never has the term token been more applicable

Adding people you don’t even know

Accepting friend invitations from people you don’t know

Game Review: Syndicate yndicate is a reboot, as so much seems to be these days, of a popular franchise from the early 90s. The original was an isometric real-time tactics game so of course developers decided to go with the extremely original decision of changing the game into a First Person Shooter.

1

Things not to do on Facebook

4

These sorts of things really grind my gears. They usually go something like this: “Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then.

So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you; you’ll probably be eaten by wild goats or something similar.”

Come on people, how stupid are you?

5

Moan in your Facebook status or have an irritating one

Vanity-filled drivel crops up all over Facebook and the most annoying thing is posting self-indulgent awfulness. “I’ve just finished with my partner of 3 days. Please, don’t worry about me, I’m just going to cry all day and update my status with really depressing song lyrics that I hope will force you all to feel sorry for me and my sorry situation.” Really?

Lazy grammer and spelling mistrakes

6

‘Your’ is ‘your’. ‘You are’ is ‘you’re’. It really isn’t hard to get that little one right. And understanding the difference between there, their and they’re surely isn’t too much of a challenge?

38.science

Monday 12 March

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk

Blindfolded and up against the wall

5 things you need to know Time travel

A new breakthrough in Rheumatoid Arthritis therapy

5

new therapy for treating Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) has been A developed that prevents auto-reactive

immune cells from degrading joints. The treatment uses a unique drug to prevent the migration of harmful T cells from peripheral blood to inflamed tissue and thus prevent further damage.

Rheumatoid arthritis is described as auStephen Hawking openly subscribed to toimmune, in that a person’s own immune the law that the universe would protect itself from paradoxes, stating that a physi- system can sometimes end up attacking joints. The typical approach has been to cal law must protect the universe from the invention of time travel. He called this antagonistically block signals in the body, theory “chronology protection conjecture”. but this novel therapy instead prevents Unable to prove such a law existed, Hawk- entry of the cells into the first place.

The lead author for the study, Dr ing changed his mind, famously stating “Time travel may be possible, but it is not Graeme O’Boyle, describes the action of the drug: “Imagine that the damaged joint practical.” is covered in flags which are signalling to the white blood cells. Traditional treatThe universe may not ments have involved pulling down the allow change when you flags one by one but what we have done time travel is use an agent which in effect ‘blindfolds’ the white blood cells. Therefore, they don’t know which way to travel and so won’t add to the damage.”

The grandfather paradox proposes the The study published in PNAS has generconundrum that if you were to travel back ated a lot of national interest due to its in time and kill your own grandfather, impressive and potentially important findwould you cease to exist? Perhaps the ings. An agent called PS372424 specifimany worlds theory prevents this from occurring, or the idea that quantum waves cally prevents T cells, the type of immune interfere, destructively preventing chang- cell responsible for inflammation, from migrating into the sites of rheumatoid ing the events of the past. The result was described as like “Going back to kill your arthritis. The effectiveness of the data has been demonstrated in a novel mouse grandfather, but arriving after he’d left the room, you wouldn’t find him or you’d model, in which the mouse’s own immune system has been destroyed and reconstichange your mind” tuted with a human system. PS372424 was We may have already been able to prevent T cells moving to pouches visited by a time traveller of synovial fluid in RA patients.

The agent works by blocking a specific

Stephen Hawking claimed time travel was impossible

4

3

In 2000, John Titor began claiming he was a military time traveller from 2036.

He appeared, and disappeared without trace, making various predictions about the future, some of which came true. He subscribed to the many worlds theory, meaning his timeline would differ from ours, and that in his future World War 3 would erupt in 2015 following Russian nuclear intervention in an American civil war, leaving 3 billion dead.

Time travel may not require a time machine

2

The principle of time travel requires a machine that can produce exotic matter with negative density, but does such matter exist? In an Einstein-Rosen bridge, a black hole opens into a white hole at another point in space, pushing everything away from it, and creating such a material. So do we just need to enter a black hole? Perhaps not. Amos Ori postulated a set of equations that outline a scenario where time and space spontaneously loop in a kind of quantum donut. Space-time itself becomes the vehicle of time travel.

1

Time travel could begin with the Large Hadron Collider

If time travel were possible, Stephen Hawking argued, “Why haven’t we been overrun by tourists from the future?”

Hawking later argued that time travel could only occur when time and space were warped in a specific pattern, such as the creation of the first time portal.

The Large Hadron Collider may provide the conditions necessary to create a time portal, so might we soon begin to see messages from the future?

Mark Atwill

Picture this When the whistle blows

Photo cdrummbks

receptor CXRC3 only found on activated T cells. This effectively ‘blindfolds’ these activated cells and ignores the others. As Dr O’Boyle explains: “By desensitising damaging white blood cells using CXCR3 they are not directed to migrate towards rheumatoid sites. The advantage of this system is that it is much more specific than current medications and may not compromise the immune system.”

The medical director of Arthritis Research UK- the funding body who sponsored the project said: “Although modern treatments have changed the outcome for many patients with rheumatoid

Imagine that the damaged joint is covered in flags which are signalling to the white blood cells.

arthritis, firstly, not all patients respond to them and secondly, even in those patients who do respond in some way, we can’t completely get rid of the inflammation that damages their joints. This research is very exciting, as although it is in its early stages, if it can be transferred to humans it could shut down the inflammation that causes rheumatoid arthritis.”

The next stage of the project is to improve the drug-like properties of PS372424 and gain approval for clinical trials, as the agent has an exciting and far reaching potential for millions of RA sufferers around the world.

Peter Greick turns whistle-blower for the sinister US agency Homeland, who apparently supply disinformation on climate change to deflect media attention James Rickett

The Courier

science.39

Monday 12 March

Science Editor: Mark Atwill Science Online Editor: Adam Bristow-Smith

The prestige of vestige Science Editor Mark Atwill ranks the uselessness of some of our archaic organs

2 1

! Photo ClintKoehler

Lynx TV advert

4

Photo kafkan

5

Photo Parveen Chopra

estigial organs are often archaic parts of the body that are now obsolete despite once having a V function. The most obvious example is the appendix, however there is now debate whether or not the appendix is really vestigial. The idea that we carry around evolutionary relics in our bodies is bizarre, but here just a few of those extra bits and pieces...

1. Plica semilunaris of conjunctiva Snake eyes

A small fold of bulbar conjunctiva on the medial canthus of the eye, better known as the third eyelid. If you pull up on each of your eyelids, the plica semilunaris will be exposed. The eyelid, and its associated muscles are vestiges of the nicitating membrane, a loose layer of skin present in reptiles and some lower mammals. This part of the eye is known to produce “sleep,” or that weird crust you have in your eyes when you wake up. Only one species, the Calabr Anwantibo is known to have a functional nicitating membrane.

2. Darwin’s point

On the origin of ears During gestation, six little swellings of tissue in the foetus called the hillocks of Hiss rise around the area that will form the ear canal. These eventually coalesce to form the outer ear. However, Darwin’s point, or tubercle, is a minor malformation in the junction of hillocks four and five. This is not uncommon, and manifests itself as a cartiliginous node on the rim of the outer ear. This is thought to be vestigial, the joint at which the top part of the ancestral ear could swivel or flop over the ear opening. While considered a genetic defect, the malformation is harmless, and is only ever removed for cosmetic reasons.

3. Vomeronasal organ The Lynx Effect

Rodents and primitive mammals secrete pheromones, chemical signals that influence the behaviour of others.

These signals are coordinated by the vomeronasal organ (VNO), a specialised sensory system that nestles in the

6

8

7

Photo Andrew Ciscel

Photo euthman

nasal lining or the soft palette. In humans, the VNO appears to be non-functional, as neuroscientist Michael Meredith of Florida State University explains: “If you look at the anatomy of the structure, you don’t see any cells that look like the sensory cells in other mammalian VNOs. You don’t see any nerve fibres connecting the organ to the brain.”

Additionally, virtually all the genes that encode the VNO cell-surface receptor are pseudogenes, and thus are inactive. So are humans unresponsive to pheromones? Some evidence in mice suggests there may be a response in the normal olfactory system, so perhaps we share that trait.

Lucas suggests this may be the result of the reduction in body size relating to the capacity of a smaller jaw to hold the extra teeth, as he states; “ These are probably evolutionary dwarfs”. This overcrowding issue seems to be occurring in humans. As our diet has become softer and more processed, less erosion of teeth has made jaw space even more of a premium. Consequently, as Robert Corruccini of the Southern Illinois University explains, “the third molars, the last teeth to erupt, run out of space to erupt”. Not only are impacted wisdom teeth becoming more common, perhaps as many as 35% of people have no wisdom teeth at all, suggesting that we may be on an evolutionary trajectory to losing them altogether.

4. Supernumerary nipple

7. Coccyx

Yep. An extra nipple. Often mistaken for moles, they are found in 1 in 8 males, and about 1 in 50 females. They appear along ‘milk lines’ which start at the armpit and run to the groin. They can manifest as a patch of hair to a fully fledged milk-bearing mini-breast.

Sometimes, due to evolutionary pressure, a vestigial structure may take on a different form. A prime example of this is the coccyx. The vestige of a primordial prehensile tail, the structure now acts as an anchor point for the muscles holding the anus in place. While there are normally four rudimentary vertebrae in the coccyx, “it’s amazing how much variability there is at this spot,” according to Patrick Foye, director of the Coccyx Pain Service at New Jersey Medical School. There are anything from 3 to 5 vertebrae in healthy babies, and some have even been born with tails, an atavism resulting from the failure of signals to stop the elongation of vertebrae in gestation.

Nupples

5. Goose bumps

RL Stein’s PR backlash A reflex as opposed to a permanent anatomical structure, goosebumps are nevertheless considered to be vestigial. At the base of the hair follicle is a tiny muscle that contracts, pulling the hair upright; this is known as the pilomotor reflex. In birds or mammals with fur, spines or feathers this creates a layer of insulating warm air, or increases the size of the animal to deter predators. Puny human hair can fulfil neither of these tasks. Like blushing, another thermoregulatory response, goosebumps are also linked with emotional resonance. Listening to music, fear, rage or pleasure can cause them to react, and may be a form of communication.

6. Wisdom teeth

Where’s the wisdom?

While most primates have wisdom teeth, which are just a third set of molars, some don’t. Anthropologist Peter

Right wingers done be more stupid than lefties

should be distressingly obvious to prejudice is alive and well Iinteveryone: 21st century Britain. Our footballers

3

Photo shareski

Weird Science

Tall tails

are racist, our politicians are sexist, and our news media hates poor people. But why does prejudice still occur? Science has shown that everyone is essentially the same, regardless of race, gender or sexuality. The general assumption appears to be that prejudiced people are just stupid, and as such there’s nothing we can do apart from pity them. A new study appears to back up this claim, but also sheds light on how intelligence influences political views.

The study was carried out by researchers at Brock University in Ontario, Canada, with the noble aim of identifying the sources of prejudice in society. Lead author and psychologist Gordon Hodson says that “Prejudice is extremely complex and multifaceted, making it critical that any factors contributing to bias are uncovered and understood”. With that in mind, the study compared data from two separate UK studies. In each study, information regarding childhood intelligence, racism in adulthood, and political convictions was gathered. As expected, a link was found between low intelligence and prejudice. What was striking, however, was that when levels of social conservatism were included in the analysis, the emerging correlation appeared to explain the source of conservative views. People with low childhood intelligence are more likely to be right-wing in adulthood.

Hodson offers the following explanation: “Socially conservative ideologies tend to offer structure and order.

Unfortunately, many of these features can also contribute to prejudice.” So people of lower intelligence find shelter in conservatism. Conservatism by definition is simple and unchanging; perhaps people do find comfort in ‘sticking to what they know’. Another study analysed by Hodson et al - concerning homophobia in the US - appears to confirm this. People from unknown minority groups are perceived by those with low cognitive abilities as threats.

In a fantastic bit of ‘trolling’ of its own readers, the Daily Mail covered the study last week under the headline: “Rightwingers are less intelligent than left wingers, says study”. As always though, it’s not that simple. Hodson’s conclusions rely on correlations – it’s impossible to establish cause and effect. Also, while right-wing views may be one way in which people with low IQs deal with the world, it is by no means the only way. Anyone with extreme authoritarian views could be accused of protecting themselves from a complicated world under a rigid shelter of unchanging ideology. Unfortunately for them the world is more complicated than that.

Joe Willet

8. Appendix:

A scar waiting to happen The vermiform appendix is considered by some to be the vestige of the cecum, which would have been used to digest cellulose in herbivorous ancestors. Other carnivorous mammals possess similar diminished appendices, though in line with the idea that vestigial organs gain new functions, it is thought the appendix may now function to protect commensal flora during digestion. For example, if the individual gets a bad case of the squits, and all the symbiotic flora are diminished, colonies within the appendix will allow rapid recovery.

Theeeeeenks: South Park (Comedy Central)

40

Puzzles

Sudoku Medium

Hard

Wordsearch

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/puzzles c2.puzzles@ncl.ac.uk Puzzles Editor: Laura Armitage

You can find the answer s to this week’s pu thecou zzles at rieronli ne. co.uk/p uzzles

Catchphrase

Crossword

Across

1. Afternoon nap in Spain (6) 4. Wide street (6) 9. Coherent (7) 10. Speak (5) 11. Playing card (3) 12. Exactly the same (9) 13. Not as strict (6) 15. Armed thief (6) 19. Set up or found (9) 21. Australian flightless bird (3) 22. Stories (5) 23. Chosen by vote (7) 24. Fervid (6) 25. Basement (6)

Down

1. Save from destruction (7) 2. Bird of prey (5) 3. Haptic (7) 5. Strongroom (5) 6. Observed (7) 7. Join up (5) 8. Hints (5) 14. Resolved (7) 16. Sports contestant (7) 17. Booming noise (7) 18. More judicious (5) 19. Additional (5) 20. Large shaggy bovid (5) 21. Exalt (5)

A work of art

ross c e h t to plete d in Com and han ce for fi word urier of n a £5 o i C The nce to w cher! a u h the c s Bar vo n Me

Word Link ABSTRACT BRUSH CANVAS CERAMICS DRAWING EASEL ENGRAVING ETCHING GALLERY LANDSCAPE LIGHT MASTERPIECE MOSAIC OIL PAINTING PAINTING PASTEL PERSPECTIVE PORTRAIT POTTERY SCALE SCULPTURE SEASCAPE SHADE SKETCH STILL LIFE.

Find the missing word that connects these three words together.

Flying

Fence

Line

Business

Game

Open

Riddle Village

Ever

Belt

Crash

Strip

Soft

Brainteaser Seven friends collect pop posters and each person has a different number of posters.

Angela has four more posters than Mike, who has a dozen fewer posters than Alex, who has half as many posters as Emma, who has seven more posters than Vernon, who has three times as many posters as Sue, who has three more posters than Jenny. How many posters has each person got if the total number of posters is 82?

Sport The Courier

41

Monday 12 March 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sport Editors: Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Barron Online Sport Editors: Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk

F1 season set to kick-start down under

Online Sports Editor Grace Harvey looks ahead to what should be an enthralling F1 season

“2012 will prove to be the biggest test yet for not only the drivers and their cars but also the fans, some of whom have begun to lose their faith in the sport.”

The brand new Ferrari F1 car speeds round the test track at Jerez as Spaniard Fernando Alonso sets the bar for the new season, going the fastest and extending the challenge to the competition. Photography: Getty Images

By Grace Harvey Online Sports Editor We are all getting pretty sick of the Olympics, the Jubilee and the Premiership but nothing sounds quite as sweet in spring as the first roar of a Formula 1 engine.

Yet, controversy has swept through the sport during the pre-season testing. From media coverage to the new redesigned cars, all teams have been bombarded with inevitable and disruptive changes.

Having held the exclusive rights to broadcast the races since 2009, the BBC will be forced to share live coverage with Sky throughout 2012.

What this effectively means is that only 10 races will be broadcast live on the BBC, including the British Grand Prix, while the remaining races will be condensed into highlights despite Silverstone funding relying on this coverage.

Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton have been preparing for their revived assault on the World Championship and look to be leading the way in the campaign to destroy Red Bull domination, alongside unchanged Mer-

cedes and Ferrari. Unsurprisingly, Virgin Racing too has undergone nuamong the younger teams there are a merous changes and will compete as host of changes and new faces to the Marussia with French rookie Charles grid. Scuderia Toro Rosso has con- Pic and experienced Timo Glock as firmed Daniel Ricciardo and Jean-Er- principle drivers.

After a year of tragic loss and devic Vergne as this season’s drivers in a bid to pursue the security of the team astation, improvements to safety are while Jaime Alguersuari will appear at the forefront of the sport. The new developments have resulted in what in the 2012 5Live commentary. can only be described as uglier After a failed rally career, forcars with a stepped aerodynamic mer world champion Kimi Raikkonen will make his return to nose. McLaren’s MP4-27 is the the sport with Renault, who sole car to have salvaged any kind of aesthetic beauty while blown difwill appear as Lotus this seafusers, speculated to be Red Bull’s son, alongside GP2 series secret to success, have also been champion Romain Grosbanned. jean. If Schumacher’s In pre-season testing, these 2010 return is anything changes produced mixed reto go by, the Finnish sults. Strong competition from driver cannot afford to McLaren and Mercedes means be complacent and has they have already begun an overwhelming level challenging Vettel’s of technology to grapple attempt at a third with.

World ChampionKovalainen will continue ship and will force with Lotus, who will race Red Bull to retalias Caterham in 2012, deate quickly, having spite failing to register any dominated for the constructors points last past two seasons. year which appeared to Surprisingly, Raihave put his position as kkonen secured the a driver in great jeopardy.

Getty Images

fastest time while Vettel and Alonso struggled to impress. Last week a statement from Ferrari suggested they were resigned to a poor start to the season with little hope of a podium finish after a devastating test session, and Red Bull suffered gearbox problems that only allowed them to complete 23 laps. Button and Hamilton both finished with respectable times.

Testing is always something to take with a pinch of salt and tends to mark the weaker teams more so than it promotes successful challengers, but such a weak session is a marker of Red Bull’s position heading into the season, a position all teams will be keen to take advantage of.

Only time will tell how the teams fare over the next season and it is unlikely that the first race in Melbourne this weekend will prove to be the greatest race of the season. Though a number of the teams have struggled in the build-up to the season, one thing that is for certain is that 2012 will prove to be the biggest test yet not only for the drivers and their cars, but also for the fans, some of whom have begun to lose their faith in the sport.

F1

BY NUMBERS

1561:23.919

Formula One races in which Kimi Raikkonen competed before joining the World Rally Championship in 2009.

Fastest ever lap at Melbourne, where the season is due to start on Saturday.

524

Combined points tally of British trio Jenson Button, Lewis Hamilton and Paul di Resta last year.

The number of points that separated 2011 champion Sebastien Vettel from second place Jenson Button.

122

42.sportintramural

By Sarah Addison After the controversy of the involvement of male players in recent weeks, normal service was resumed in the Intra Mural Netball competition on Tuesday.

In the 4-5pm league, Uni Hockey proved their worth as league leaders by securing a 16-7 win over a frustrated second place Mansoc which guarantees them top spot with only one round of fixtures left to play.

Mansoc, meanwhile, must now win their match this week against Biology Netball in order to cement their place as league runners-up.

In other matches, Leazes Ladies had to call upon the spare referee to play for them in order for them to have enough players on the pitch to face CHS. With their new found BUCS representative’s reliable shooting skills, they were able to dominate and secure a 15-9 victory over a disheartened CHS. Agrics B were yet again unable to produce a team, giving Biology Netball an easy 15-0 victory and leaving the Agrics side trailing in seventh place with only eight points and finally, RRE were only able to get one goal past a determined Net Assets, resulting in a 21-1 scoreboard at full time.

The result takes RRE’s goals conceded tally over the 200 mark.

In the later league, there was a thrilling match between first place Netball Ninjas and second place Agrics, with both teams pulling out all the stops. However, the teams were wellmatched and the final score reflected the game with a draw of 9-9.

Just as exciting was the match between NUSSC and the History Girls, the latter of whom were able to secure their first points of the season. They played tremendously well against NUSSC to earn an 11-11 draw, and two points apiece.

Finally Polly’s Dollies seem secure in third place as they beat Chem Eng 17-6.

The Courier

League Tables

INTRA MURAL ROUND-UP NETBALL

Monday 12 March 2012

Wednesday 11-a-side Football

Division 2

Division 1 Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Barca Law Na

11

8

1

2

46

15

25

2

Henderson Hall

12

7

1

4

41

29

22

3

Newcastle Medics 1sts

9

6

2

1

29

13

20

4

Dyslexic Untied

11

4

1

5

30

25

16

Division 3

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

1

Newcastle Medics 2nds

11

9

2

0

35

9

29

(C)

Roman Villa FC

13

12

0

1

52

7

36

2

Boroussia Forsyth

11

9

0

2

39

16

27

(P)

Politic Thistle

13

10

0

3

45

21

27*

3

Lokomotiv

11

8

1

2

46

26

25

3

Shakhtar FC

13

6

1

6

21

20

19

4

Ecosoccer

12

7

1

4

48

28

22

4

NCL Galacticos

10

5

0

5

25

29

15

Pts

5

The Hurricanes

12

5

1

6

41

32

16

5

Brown Magic FC

10

4

0

6

31

33

14

6

Boca Seniors

13

4

0

9

32

38

12

6

Jesmondino FC

11

3

1

7

17

23

13

5

Crayola

10

4

0

6

14

18

12

(R) Newhist FC

13

1

2

10

17

64

5

7

Newcastle Dynamos

12

3

0

9

21

47

9

6

Aftermath

11

3

0

8

13

44

9

(R) Ar U Shavin A Laugh

13

1

1

11

18

62

4

8

Combined Honours

12

3

0

9

14

43

9

10

1

1

8

11

40

4

(R) Castle Leazes

Top Goalscorers

10: Liam McAllister (Hendo) 10: Daniel Rech (Crayola) 9: Dave Eccles (Aftermath)

14: Jamie Hurworth (Barca) 11: Dave Edwards (Medics)

Top Goalscorers 17: Josh Batham (Ecosoccer) 16: Adam Duckworth (H’anes)

The Hurricanes Newhist FC

Castle Leazes P Newcastle Medics 1sts P

13: Jake Wimshurst (Shavin) 12: Zack Goddard (Ecosoccer) 10: Archie Norman (Forsyth)

Group A Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Uni Hockey

Intra Mural W D L F A <<<<>>> 13 11 0 round-up 2 208 92

44

1

Agrics

7

7

0

0

16

4

21

2

Mansoc

13

9

1

3

149

90

38

2

Larrikins

6

4

0

2

23

6

12

25

3

Leazes Ladies

13

9

0

4

149

109

36

3

BioSci Hockey Legends

7

4

0

3

15

10

12

22

4

Net Assets

13

8

0

5

172

123

32

4

Oral Specialists

6

3

1

2

13

7

10

134

18

5

Biology Netball

13

7

2

4

137

111

32

5

Law School

7

3

0

4

12

15

9

133

179

18

6

CHS

13

4

1

8

129

132

18

6

Pink Panthers

6

3

0

3

7

18

9

5

98

150

14

7

Agrics B

13

1

2

10

77

171

8

7

MLS

6

1

1

4

5

12

4

0

6

50

261

8

8

RRE

13

0

0

13

23

216

0

8

NUTS

7

0

0

7

4

23

0

0

8

46

272

1

Agrics B Biology Netball

0 15

Net Assets RRE

21 1

Group B

CHS Leazes Ladies

9 15

Uni Hockey Mansoc

16 7

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Toon Raiders

4

4

0

0

16

2

12

2

The Gunners

4

2

1

1

5

3

7

3

Green Sticks

4

1

2

1

9

6

5

4

NUSSC

5

1

2

2

2

10

5

Team

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Armstrong

7

6

0

1

290

40

31

(C)

2

Titans

7

7

0

0

219

43

30

3

Agrics 1

8

5

1

2

161

104

4

Southern Fairies

8

4

0

4

185

117

5

Larrikins

8

4

0

4

118

6

Cheeky Ladies

8

3

1

4

7

Engines

8

3

0

8

Agrics 2

8

2

9

Medics

8

0

Cup Final 12 21

Agrics 1 Armstrong

Pld

5pm-6pm Wednesday’s Intra Mural Fixtures Football Div One: Div Two:

Div Three:

Aftermath vs Medics 1sts (Longbenton 1, 2pm) Crayola vs Barca Law Na (Cochrane Park 2, 2pm) Dyslexic Untied vs Castle Leazes (Longbenton 3G, 3.45pm) Ar U Shavin vs The Hurricanes (Close House 1, 2pm) Ecosoccer vs Boca Seniors (Longbenton 2, 2pm) Lokomotiv vs B Forsyth (Close House 3, 2pm) Newhist FC vs Medics 2nds (Longbenton 3G, 8pm) Brown Magic FC vs NCL Galacticos (Close House 2, 2pm) Politic Thistle vs N’le Dynamos (Redhall Drive 5, 2pm) Roman Villa vs Combined Hons (Close House 4, 2pm) Shakhtar FC vs Jesmondino FC (Redhall Drive 4, 2pm)

Rugby Union League: Titans

vs Armstrong

(Heaton 2, 2.15pm)

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

5

Black Panthers

4

1

1

2

5

9

4

1

Netball Ninjas

11

10

1

0

161

63

42

6

Mojoholics

3

1

0

2

5

7

3

2

Agrics

11

9

1

1

194

73

38

7

Combined Honours

4

1

0

3

7

12

3

3

Polly’s Dollies

11

7

0

4

150

111

28

4

Chem Eng

12

5

0

7

106

132

20

5

CHS

11

4

0

7

120

154

16

6

NUSSC

11

2

1

8

55

135

10

7

The History Girls

11

0

1

10 39

157

2

Chem Eng Polly’s Dollies

6 17

Netball Ninjas Agrics

9 9

Testing times

1.) Who are the only three players to have been awarded Premier League winners medals with two different clubs?

2.) Which three countries at the 2010 FIFA World Cup took squads consisting entirely of players playing in their nation’s domestic competitions?

3.) How many times have Scotland won the Six Nations?

4.) Which cricketer holds the record for the highest score while batting at number 11?

5.) How many first-team Newcastle United players were born in Africa?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWT0YyNMpUw

‘Champagne’ Charlie Nicholas does his best Tiziano Crudeli impression (the man in the Ladbrokes adverts for those not in the know).

Text of the week

-Ollie hoping for Warnock’s �irst Leeds win: “This is getting silly. If arsenal win this ill run around my university halls (castle leazes) naked - that’s a promise Phil.”

Newcastle student ‘Ollie’ got a mention on BBC Sport, but will have to wait for another opportunity to get his kit off.

1.) Henning Berg (Blackburn, Man U), Nicolas Anelka, Ashley Cole (both Arsenal, Chelsea) 2.)

England, Germany, Italy; 3.) They have not won the tournament since it became the Six Nations; 4.) Zaheer Khan (75 vs Bangladesh in 2004); 5.)

3(Chiek Tiote, Papiss Cisse and Shola Ameobi)

Charlie Nicholas goes mental on Soccer Special

Pts

Team

Back of the net Video of the week

0 0

Mixed Hockey

4pm-5pm

Division 1

9: Lewis Cockerill (B Magic) 8: Rob Grady (Roman Villa) 8: Ollie Griffiths (Roman Villa)

16: James Dunn (P Thistle) 11: Tom Islip (Roman Villa)

Jesmondino FC Brown Magic FC

6 1

Netball

Rugby Union

Top Goalscorers

This week in sport University Sport - 12 Mar 1997: An extra time goal

by Richard Ward gave Newcastle Men’s 1sts a 2-1 win against Swansea in the BUSA Football Shield Final.

Intra Mural - 15 Mar 1972: Poly ‘A’ beat Northumberland College 6-3 to put the latter bottom of Division One with five matches to play.

World - 14 Mar 2001: India overcome a 274-run first innings deficit to beat Australia and secure one of the most famous Test Match victories ever.

NUSSC The History Girls

11 11

THE COURIER ONLINE

Check out thecourieronline. co.uk/sport every week for exclusive match reports and updated league tables

Spot the ball A

B

C

D

E

F

1

2

3 4 5 Send the correct coordinates of the ball to courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk to enter a draw to win a £5 Mens Bar voucher.

No winners last week (Lacrosse). The ball was in C5.

The Courier

intramuralsport.43

Monday 12 March 2012

10-man Loko lose out to Lawyers INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL CUP QUARTER-FINAL Barca Law Na

5

Lokomotiv

0

Own Goal 12, Hurworth 38, 61, Beahon 52, McKee 68

By Charlie Scott at LONGBENTON 3G

Wadhams

Martin

Ryan

Allinson

Ingham

Beahon

Bagot

Rakshi

McKee Hurworth

Hoctor

Turnock

Robinson

Selwood

Parkinson

Bowman

Clarkson Bamford

Smith

Foster

Shipley

Peel

Despite promising much and Loko threatening in the game’s opening exchanges, this match ended as many predicted it would, with a resounding 5-0 victory for the Catalans.

A major talking point following the final whistle will be referee Steve Catchpole’s timekeeping, with the second half appearing to finish on 77 minutes. Although, in all fairness, the match as a contest was effectively over

on the hour mark when Catchpole showed Alex Smith a straight red card for a brutal foul on the impressive Barca midfielder Phil Beahon.

The quality of Barca’s performance in the first half, like the sunshine, was sporadic, with the opening 10 minutes of play characterised by Barca’s wayward passing and the torrential rain that framed it. Things brightened up in the second half, both in the sky and on the pitch, as the lawyers ended up winning this match by a comfortable margin.

Loko started the game on the front foot, and midfielder Jamie Elwood really should have done better on three minutes when he volleyed over from eight yards despite being completely unmarked. The away side would go on to rue that miss as they struggled to create many clear-cut chances for the rest of the game.

Barca took the lead on 12 minutes through a deflected Chris McKee free kick, after Catchpole had shown great awareness to award Barca the set piece for a pass-back inside the Loko penalty area. McKee struck the resulting indirect free kick onto an opposition player and into the back of the net from an acute angle to give his side a 1-0 lead.

Sam Turnock nearly equalised for Loko shortly after, forcing Paul Wadhams into making a fine save when he struck a half-volley goalwards from 25 yards.

Barca began to move the ball nicely as the clouds parted late in the first half, with the prolific Jamie Hurworth extending their lead with a calm finish after a decent move by McKee and Alex Hoctor.

The home side began to dominate proceedings in the second half, and were soon 3-0 up when Beahon sent a rasping drive into the top corner from 35 yards out.

When Smith was dismissed, Loko’s chances of a ‘cupset’ had all but gone and their day got worse too.

ta s i s s A r e g a Man

#15 Cup drama

Barca Law Na celebrate on their way to an easy win against Lokomotiv Photography: Hubert Lam

Hurworth then added his second of the afternoon to make it four, expertly lifting the ball over Loko keeper Adam Peel after being put through by a fine ball from midfield.

Much to the Barca star’s disdain James Rawlings replaced him shortly after he scored his second, despite him being on a hat-trick. The Division One top scorer told The Courier how he felt he was ‘unfairly subbed’ as he trudged off the field of play.

A player mutiny is the last thing Barca need after everything they’ve been through this season, particularly at such an important point in the

season as they are still well placed to complete a league and cup double.

Despite Hurworth’s withdrawal, Barca’s goalscoring was not over, however, as McKee scored a great individual goal; running onto the ball and nodding past Shipley, the winger ran onto the ball and finished leftfooted, low across the ‘keeper.

While referee Catchpole’s decision to call time early on the match meant it ended on a controversial note, Barca’s 5-0 win means they advance to the semi-final, where they will face fellow Division One side Henderson Hall.

Dyslexic tie up Seniors for semi-finals spot INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL CUP QUARTER-FINAL Dyslexic Untied

3

Boca Seniors

0

Wheelhouse 26, Schofield 64, Zikmund 78

By Simon Schofield at LONGBENTON On a blowy day at Longbenton it was Dyslexic Untied who fought hard to progress to the Wednesday Cup semifinals with a 3-0 win over Boca Seniors. A game of football sporadically broke out as the wind played havoc and both teams struggled to find their rhythm, Dyslexic edging the encounter by finishing clinically when the opportunity arose.

As the cliché goes, it was a game of two halves as Untied dominated the early exchanges and should have been ahead through ‘Foreign’ Tony da Silva when he managed to break free on goal only to pass the ball into the keeper’s hands. Ben Wheelhouse enjoyed one of his best outings this season and was disappointed to see his effort agonisingly curl across the

face of goal after giving Boca defender Myles Griffin a torrid time. It was to be Wheelhouse who got on the score sheet first when he connected with a tantalising Simon Schofield corner, which the Boca keeper Ed Brind failed to deal with.

The game entered into a scrappy and tedious phase with neither team capable of taking the match by the scruff of the neck. One noticeable attack by Boca saw a Sam Mulroy shot palmed away by Nathan ‘Fletch’ with the rebound falling between Charlie Rowley and Dyslexic defender Will Southall, the latter showing the ex-

SIMON SCHOFIELD The Dyslexic man has scored in every round of the cup so far this season to help fire his Dyslexic side into the semi-finals.

perience that belies his fresher years to calmly hold off Rowley and avert the danger. Towards the end of the half, Dyslexic burst back into life with Wheelhouse lashing over from close range and Schofield firing wide, the team heading back into the break disappointed they hadn’t made the most of the wind.

The Secret Intra Mural Footballernt

The start of the second half saw renewed impetus from the Division Two team and they dominated the first ten minutes. Untied keeper ‘Fletch’ was called upon more than once to protect their slender advantage from the first half.

In fairness, the efforts from captain Andy Bisby and Mulroy were only half chances but the importance of finding the equaliser only intensified with every attack.

Midfielder Rowley ducked and weaved on the left flank before unleashing rasping shots from his favoured right foot on a number of occasions, but his frustration only grew as everyone failed to find the target, desperation creeping into Boca’s play.

Dyslexic were more than happy for the game to enter stagnant periods but managed to extend their lead through Schofield. Wheelhouse worked the ball brilliantly down the right before crossing low into the box for Schofield to smash into the roof of the net for 2-0, keeping up his record up of scoring in every round in the process.

The tie was all but over when Dave Zikmund added a third; Dom Robson found the Czech international after some clever composure and the ball was duly slotted home. Boca rallied for the last ten minutes but to

no avail as ‘Fletch’ kept out an Andy Joiner header and a delicious cross from substitute Patrick Kearney failed to find a man.

Dyslexic will fancy themselves against Aftermath in the semi-finals who comprehensively lost both their encounters in the league this season.

Untied must be feeling that their name is on the cup this season.

Brind

Stani-

Potts

Griffin

Coles

John Daley

Joiner

Rowley

Bishy Mulroy

Robson

Da Silva

Lockwood

Windle

Wheelhouse

Schofield

Lythe

Smith Fletcher

Hudson

Davidson

It is the end of our league campaign and despite putting in one hell of a performance in our final game, we were swept aside by a rampant side that we conceded loads against and scored none. And that is never a good combination.

Relegation is a formality, as even if every result possible went in our favour in the remaining games in our division, we would still be facing the drop.

I’m not one to dwell on the past so we are looking to the future; players have been let go, friendlies have been arranged for the forthcoming months, and the club has gone up for sale, with a number of foreign consortiums rumoured to be in the process of tabling bids.

Some of our players are graduating at the end of the season; others have already handed in transfer requests, and a select few have retired following our tumultuous and eventually heartbreaking campaign.

Speaking of campaigns, may I take this opportunity to tell everyone who has been campaigning to quieten the fuck down, as frankly I am sick and tired of all this “vote for Jemima to be Friendship Officer” bollocks.

Congratulations to Lionel Messi for scoring five in Barcelona’s 7-1 Champions League win over Bayer Leverkusen last week. Ecosoccer’s Josh Batham must be looking nervously over his should as Messi attempts to match the Bath-mobile, by scoring five goals in a single game on two occasions during the course of a single season.

The Intra Mural quarter-finals were this week, which reminds me of a traumatic memory from my upper school career. My side made it to the regional Schools’ Cup Final, only to lose out on penalties.

Our manager, a former England schoolboys international, and one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, was so overcome with disappointment that he physically couldn’t speak.

He stormed into the changing rooms as soon as the final whistle went, failed to say a word to us as we got changed in silence, then called us all into his office the following day to apologise for his conduct. We were all 13 years-old.

That’s what cup competitions can reduce even the most hardened competitors to.

The only cup story of note I heard over the course of the week was the notorious referee Steve Catchpole’s 32 minute second half in the Barca-Loko game.

The 1990 World Cup semi-final made even Gazza cry, hopefully the IM semi-finals after Easter will provide some equally memorable scenes.

44.sportintramural

Monday 12 March 2012

The Courier

Strong Arm tactics secure cup glory Agrics put up brave �ight in Final but Armstrong prevail to emphasise IM dominance INTRA MURAL RUGBY CUP FINAL Armstrong

21

Agrics

12

The Armstrong team celebrate securing their first leg of a potential Intra Mural double, the team now looking forward to a title deciding clash against Titans this week Photography: Jonathan Dale

By Patrick Reade at COCHRANE PARK Armstrong’s domination of Intra Mural rugby was confirmed at Cochrane Park following their 21-12 victory over a brave Agrics side, who matched their rivals for long spells of a ferociously competitive encounter.

Armstrong began the game with a strong wind at their backs, allowing them to play the majority of the first half in Agric territory and with only eight minutes on the clock they took the lead. A favourable bounce from an Armstrong box kick, accompanied by some impressive football skills from fullback Harry Mayhew, presented the first try of the game to the favourites, with fly half Casimir Gross adding the extras.

Despite this early setback the Agrics rallied, capitalising on Armstrong infringements to work their way down field. However, a solid Armstrong defence was able to hold the Agric ball carrier up all too often, trapping the ball in a motionless maul and earning a string of turnovers.

Any Agric pressure was defused by the physicality of the Armstrong pack, accompanied by the huge boot of Gross, using the wind to his advantage as a booming kick from the Armstrong five meter line bounced into the opposition’s twenty two.

This allowed Armstrong to regain their hold on the game, as a succession of penalties inside the Agric half led to a huge stint of pressure, which required a heroic defensive effort to ensure that the score line remained unmoved.

The leaders failed to capitalise on their possession for a large part of the half, with countless loose passes and knock ons being forced by an Agric defence that refused to back down to their opposition, who were clearly unaware of the challenge they faced.

Despite these gargantuan efforts, the pressure soon took its toll, as another flurry of penalties left the Agric defence at sixes and sevens, allowing flanker Jamie Excell to shrug off the fullback and crash in under the posts.

This left an easy conversion for Gross, moving the score to 14-0 with 25 minutes on the clock.

From the resulting restart, Armstrong’s number eight, Craig Millar was dangerously taken out in the air, resulting in a collision measuring around 4.5 on the Richter scale. The offence certainly warranted a yellow

card, although the referee decided there was insufficient malice from the offender. Millar, who was influential all game, was able to shake off the knock as his side went in search of

CASIMIR GROSS The Armstrong centre was instrumental in his side’s victory, kicking vital points and providing useful territory for the pack throughout the final

another try.

A huge moment in the game came on 33 minutes, as an Armstrong blindside move from a scrum worked against them, allowing Agric flanker Ross Cutteridge to pounce on the loose ball. The try line was in sight, with only the Armstrong full back to beat. Despite the odds being stacked against him, Cutteridge ghosted past the final defender with ease, comprehensively showing his back line how it’s done. The simple conversion was added by Jack Cook, bringing the score to 14-7.

The final ten minutes of the half was battled out in the midfield, with both sides eager not to concede any more points. However, the size and strength of the Armstrong pack eventually proved decisive, as the unstoppable force finally overcame the immovable object, allowing Millar to finally bundle his way over under the posts.

The resulting conversion brought the score to 21-7 at the half-time whistle.

Armstrong continued to pile on the pressure in the early stages of the second half, and would have put the game beyond reach if it wasn’t for the tireless defensive work of the Agrics.

Their consistent efforts to counterruck and disrupt Armstrong ball enabled them to keep the score line within reach.

On fifty minutes came the much needed Agric breakthrough, as a phenomenal eighty meter interception try was scored by fly half Jack Cook whose distribution and kicking throughout the game was of a high standard. Cook was able to out sprint the chasing Armstrong defence, touching down in the corner.

The touchline kick came agonisingly close, leaving the score at 21-12 with twenty minutes left to play.

As the clock wore down the Agrics began to force the play, resulting in costly errors that brought Armstrong back into the game. Armstrong seized their chance to close out the game with silverware now firmly in sight, as some well disciplined ‘stick it up your jumper’ rugby allowed them to prevent a final Agric push.

As the referee blew the final whistle, it was clear the Agrics had more than earned the respect of an Armstrong side. When the two sides met earlier in the season it was Armstrong who put more than fifty points past Agrics, yet were arguably flattered by the 2112 score line in this encounter.

Winning is a habit, and that’s exactly what it’s been this season for the unbeaten Armstrong side, fully deserved of their victory over the course of the season.

Agrics were able to leave the field with their heads held high, having fought heroically throughout the game, and despite playing the more attractive rugby, came up against a side with added size and strength that proved to be the difference.

Baird J. Thompson

R. Thompson

Whiteford Slinger Cook Scott

Wannop

Cutteridge Grey

Lawrie Shaw

Love

Stephenson

Tuer

Fairbrother

Spooner

Dale

Lupton

Nimmo

Snape

Millar

Excell

Monroe Rose Gross Habergham Crane

Mayhew

White-Hamilton

The Courier

BUCSsport.45

Monday 12 March 2012

Trent trumped by Beckett try MEN’S RUGBY UNION Newcastle 1sts Nottingham Trent 1sts

20 17

By Richard Walker-Taylor at HEATON After the disappointment of Sunday’s Stan Calvert loss, the Men’s Rugby 1st XV had a point to prove and a clear and windy day at Heaton Rugby ground, facing a bottom of the league Nottingham Trent side, gave them the perfect opportunity to get back on track.

With Newcastle playing into a strong breeze from the start, keeping the ball in hand was the only way they could work their way up the pitch.

After a strong start for the Royals, moving the opposition from side to side with some wide and expansive rugby, Newcastle were able to force a penalty, which was well converted by fly-half Andy John. However, after a debatable yellow card in the Newcastle Back-Row for some repeat offenses in the rucks, the momentum gradually shifted in favour of the away side.

Keeping some sustained pressure deep in Newcastle’s half, Nottingham finally managed to get the ball down for the first try of the game.

With the Newcastle team returning to 15 men facing a 3-7 score line, they began to show some more of the class they started the match with. Flanker Ben Morris was playing like a man possessed in both defence and attack, and the team began to edge their way further and further up the pitch. A moment of inspiration from Scrumhalf Chris Little, taking a quick tap penalty and threading a wide pass through to Rob Fee, found a gaping hole in Nottingham Trent’s defence and allowed Fee to touch the ball down under the posts. The simple conversion and another penalty from

the composed Andy John left Newcastle with a bit of daylight between themselves and their opponents. This did not last for long, and after all of Newcastle’s hard work, they were undone with some scrappy wide defence, Nottingham’s winger cutting inside a few weak tackles and scoring a soft try against the run of play. This left the Royals 14-13 behind as they left the field at half-time.

With the wind at Newcastle’s back in the second half, it seemed inevitable that with them playing the more exciting and adventurous rugby there was only going to be one result by the end of the day. This came to fruition following a magnificent break from the ever impressive Mark Wilcox, galloping towards the try line after a huge 50 meter run only to be pulled down just short. Newcastle made the position count though with some powerful rucking and fast hands and the ball ended up in Jo Beckett’s hands on the opposite wing; there was nothing stopping him from that distance and it rounded off an excellent phase of play. Nottingham couldn’t find a response in the form of a try but managed to knock over a late penalty to make the score 20-17. With 10 minutes left, the game was managed brilliantly by replacement fly-half Adam Cooper who kept Trent pinned down deep in their own half and prevented them from posing any threat to the final score line.

All in all the game was exciting to watch, and despite the tight score line, Newcastle seemed in complete control throughout the second half.

With one match remaining in the season against league leaders Durham, the scene is set for a great encounter with our local rivals. If the team can keep that sort of form going into next week, they will have a real chance of putting the only scratch on Durham’s unbeaten record this season.

Newcastle’s forwards put in the ground work to give Newcastle the platform for victory Photography: Turlough Donnelly

Newcastle 1sts Leeds Met 1sts

2 3

By Charlie Scott at LONGBENTON 3G A first half masterclass from Leeds gave them an unassailable lead on the 3G at Longbenton last week despite a spirited second half comeback from the Royals.

Newcastle failed to settle in the first half and were chasing shadows for much of the half as Leeds’ fluid 4-33 formation posed problems for the home side all over the pitch.

Leeds’ impressive midfielder Josh Greenhaugh gave the away side the lead inside the first five minutes when he controlled the ball, burst into the penalty area, and then fired a strong finish with his left-foot past Weston Murau and into the back of the net.

After barely touching the ball in the opening exchanges Royals manager Mark Woodhall tried to shake up his shell-shocked side by changing from a 4-5-1 to a 4-1-4-1 formation, with Rob Chipps dropping back to play as a defensive midfielder in front of the back four.

The change failed to prompt a reaction from Newcastle, with the Royals’

ball retention unusually poor. Leeds continued to create chances as the first half wore on, both Chris Yolden and Tawanda Rupera coming close to increasing their side’s lead.

It was not all one-way traffic in the first half though, with Newcastle nearly equalising against the run of play on 20 minutes when first Tom Smith and then Nathan Campbell had efforts saved by Dan Smith in the Leeds goal.

That was about as good as it got for the home side in the first half, as a pacy Leeds side dictated play, with their central midfield trio of Greenhaugh, Yolden and Ryan Davis particularly dominant.

Leeds grabbed their second of the game minutes before the interval when their rampaging right-back Gary Stroher, started and finished a move down the right. After exchanging passes with Steven Simpson he continued his run into the Newcastle penalty area, before sweeping a firm effort past Murau to give Leeds a two goal lead going off at half-time.

The Royals kept things as they were for the first five minutes of the second half in terms of personnel, but having seen little change from their performance in the opening half, Woodhall was forced into making a couple of changes to help spark a comeback.

NETBALL

By Fiona Moss

Newcastle 1sts Liverpool JMU 1sts

Royals’ perseverance Leeds to nothing MEN’S FOOTBALL

Firsts win to complete unbeaten season

Adam Fearn replaced Tom Smith after 50 minutes, with the latter appearing to carry a knock as he left the field of play. Despite the change, Newcastle continued to struggle to create changes, with Ed Savitt increasingly isolated in attack for the Royals.

Club President Arthur Okonkwo was the next player to be introduced

by Woodhall, the striker replacing the frustrated Savitt up front.

Leeds continued their dominance, and added a third goal on 65 minutes when Josh Cartman slotted past Murau after being played in Josh Yeldon.

The linesman flagged the attacker offside, but the referee chose to over-rule that decision and allowed the goal to stand, much to the chagrin of the Royals bench.

With 20 minutes left to play Newcastle finally began to find some rhythm and pulled a goal back courtesy of a well-taken free-kick by Rob Chipps.

Okwonko won the set-piece after dancing past a couple of challenges on the edge of the Leeds penalty area, while Chipps made no mistake with his effort, drilling the ball into the roof of the net from 18 yards.

Newcastle’s second goal came hot on the heels of their first, this time Nathan Campbell was the goalscorer, blasting home from eight yards out after Luke Fisher had headed a mar-

velous cross-field ball from centreback Rob Pearson back across goal.

With the comeback well and truly in motion, Newcastle began to commit more and more men forward in search of an equalizer, and created a number of chances in the final quarter of an hour.

First Chipps flashed an effort wide, before Okwonko drifted his way into the area on the left before firing a cross through the six-yard box that somehow evaded the despairing dives of his team-mates.

With large numbers camped on the edge of the Leeds box, Newcastle became vulnerable to the away side’s speedy counter attacks, with Royals substitute Jack Callaghan luckily on hand to snuff out a couple of threatening breaks with two fabulous lastditch tackles.

Sadly, the Royals’ comeback fell short as Leeds held out for the win, succesfully holdng onto poseession and frustrating their opponents in the final stages. The result consigns Newcastle to their fifth defeat in a row in all competitions, a run the team will hope to stop by the end of the season. Woodhall will be hoping they can reverse their fortunes and finish their league season on a high against top of the table Sheffield Hallam on Wednesday.

36 22

The final match of the First’s BUCS campaign for this season and a win was needed if Newcastle were to call themselves unbeaten champions of their league. However, in this final match, they faced their toughest opponents; a strong side that almost beat the Royals in their first encounter. A long drive to Liverpool was less than ideal preparation for the match, however it did not deter the team from their goal. The girls were focused and determined to prove their worth as winners against this Liverpool side, who have rivalled Newcastle for the top position in the table all season.

Despite a good warm up, the girls found themselves on the back foot straight away. John Moores came out strong with fluid passes down the court and a tight defence and Newcastle found it difficult to get round them. Nonetheless Newcastle kept their heads and kept the score close, with only a goal in it going into the first break.

Not panicking, the team went into the second quarter with a bit more confidence, beginning to find ways to break down the home team’s defence as well as containing their attack.

Newcastle took the lead and carried this lead in to half time. However, it was not until the second half of the match that the Royals really showed their dominance and proved themselves.

Mia Archer, player of the match, demonstrated once again her exceptional talents and took control in defence, taking interception after interception, slowing down John Moore’s play which halted their impressive GA from gaining any momentum.

Working around Liverpool required patient passes down court and into the circle. Playing with maturity, the Firsts began not to rush their play but built up their lead through control and persistence. Hannah Swainson’s shooting in the second half of the match was ‘sublime’, converting from everywhere and anywhere in the circle.

This overall team effort resulted in a distinctive win for Newcastle, a considerable difference to the tight score last time the two teams met, showing how much the Firsts have developed over the season. Their dedication in training has undoubtedly materialised in matches and led to some fantastic results. They are now looking ahead to a play-off with the winner of the league Midlands 1A, an ‘all-or nothing’ game that will, if they win, take them through to the Premiership next season. Let’s hope the winning confidence that the girls have experienced this season lasts for one more game.

Meanwhile, the Seconds went through to the cup final after a convincing 57-36 victory over Sheffield Hallam on Wednesday. The teams meet again this week in Yorkshire but this time with promotion on the line as the pair meet in the league.

46.sportBUCS

Monday 12 March 2012 The Courier

Twice as nice for Royals in second

NULHC First team fuelled by Stan Calvert fever to produce further victory over LADIES HOCKEY Newcastle 1sts Northumbria 1sts

3 2

By Holly Ost at LONGBENTON After a complete Poly-bashing at the weekend in which Newcastle First Team easily completed an impressive 9-3 victory, this game was a complete contrast. A lethargic and slow paced match seemed to show both teams still recovering from the intensity of Sunday. Despite missing several critical players from the team and lots playing on with injuries, Newcastle cemented a 3-2 win.

Throughout the first half the Newcastle side were able to find gaps in the Poly’s defence, with Nicola Molison feeding balls with ease through to Jenna Watt, who eagerly was waiting to better her hat-trick from Sunday.

Unfortunately it seemed the Poly were also finding similar gaps in the New-

ALICE HOGG First Team captain and defender Hogg has kept her squad focused this season, only narrowly missing out on a clear shot at of promotion

castle team, and play was end-to-end.

But Newcastle’s defence held strong, with Liv O’Malley and Milly Powers controlling the centre defence with ease, and finding wing backs Alice Hogg and Lucy Saville. Eventually, Newcastle’s hard running up pitch won a Short Corner, neatly converted

by Mollison.

This lifted the Newcastle team out of the slow paced match they had been playing, determined to get more, the midfield duo of Erika Coakley and Caz Macmillan skilfully moved play up field. Relentless movement by forwards Liz Shedden, Laura Moore and Chowie opened gaps in the Poly’s team, allowing Jenna Watt to firmly attack goal with a strike that was converted by Laura Moore.

Leading by two, Newcastle seemed

to be back to their top form, passing round the backs and up front effortlessly, their pressure resulted in several short corners. Milly Powers, moving up from defence smoothly converted a strike finding the back board. Newcastle were comfortably leading as they went into the halftime team talk.

Despite strong words from Captain Alice Hogg, and temporary coach for the day, James Jordan, the Newcastle side appeared shocked by the tempo the Poly came back at them with, still reeling from their embarrassing defeat at the weekend.

As the sunshine turned to a ferocious hail storm, Newcastle’s positive play seemed to freeze with the hail stones. The poly’s players were moving around the Newcastle players with ease, injuries and tiredness from playing eight games in two weeks was starting to show, and the Poly converted a short corner. With renewed confidence having scored a goal, the Poly came straight back at the sleepy Uni team, managing to dribble through a series of players, knocking the ball over the line for another goal.

The score line, which should have been a large Newcastle victory, was now looking dangerously close. The Poly kept the pressure on, eager to gain a point from the game, however tireless defence work and a few exceptional saves from goalkeeper Rachel Wilson, kept the Newcastle lead. The final whistle came with a sigh of relief from the Newcastle side, finishing their final BUCS game of the season with a victory, hopefully setting them second in the Northern 1A league, as they await to see if their promotion hopes in the Saturday league come to fruition.

NORTHERN 1A MANCHESTER 1sts 27 SHEFFIELD 1sts 16 NEWCASTLE 1sts 16 NORTHUMBRIA 1sts 13 JOHN MOORES 1sts 7

Blades of Glory: League Champions reach MEN’S FENCING Newcastle 1sts Durham 1sts

135 91

By Daniel Grant at DURHAM

Newcastle are confident they get continue their success straight to the final. Photography: Vili Weelros

After a successful couple of weeks, including the win over Durham at home which ensured promotion back into Northern 1A, as well as a closely contested win over the Poly to assist in retaining the Stan Calvert cup, Newcastle were hopeful that they could match their 135-75 win and perhaps do even better against Durham on their home turf; yet self-belief, not complacency, was the order of the day.

After some kerfuffle at Central Station as Andrew ‘Technophobe’ Dixon had some trouble working the ticket

machine, (ably assisted by duty trip care-worker, provided by the AU Welfare Office ‘Uncle’ George Flewitt) and Rob ‘Jelly Knees’ Walker had trouble working his watch, we were underway to Maiden Castle. Apparently taxis are somewhat of a luxury in Durham, but we eventually secured transport to the backwater sports venue. We warmed up, kitted up (special thanks to Grant Turnbull’s mummy for sewing his name into all his kit so he didn’t lose anything), and waited around for a while in the traditional ritual of disorganisation that saw Durham not too fussed about when Newcastle got going.

Eventually, Durham stepped onto the piste and sabre got underway – the weapons order decided by some clinical bullying of the opposition by Dixon, who continued his bullying on the piste with a solid 7-0. However at this point Durham decided to intro-

duce what they called ‘an impartial ref ’ (read: friend of the coach’s, Durham alumnus, who had her name on the honours board in the corner of the room) to referee the rest of the sabre. She turned out to be about as impartial as a pig selling sausages, and after a few ridiculous calls it was decided that it might be best if we alternate the rest of the refereeing, as the sabre ended an uncomfortable 45-38 to Newcastle.

Now with some degree of decorum, Newcastle fenced strongly in the foil, ending up with an unprecedented 45-20 win. This was despite Grant ‘Mummy’s Boy’ Turnbull deciding he didn’t really want one of the points and strolling off the back of the piste.

This saw Newcastle needing only 13 points to win in the epée.

Rob Walker secured the winning hit, but then struggled to maintain his composure and dropped careless

The Courier

BUCSsport.47

Monday 12 March 2012

defeat of Poly Northumbria at Longbenton

Monster caged as Knights keep cool to finish up third WOMEN’S BASKETBALL Leeds Met 2nds Newcastle 1sts

45 62

By Rosie Wowk at LEEDS The Knights set off for their last league fixture of the season in high spirits, ready to fight Leeds Met Seconds for third position in the table. Due to players saving lives, building libraries and canoodling in Ricky Road, the away team were a little short on players and were only able to scrape together a squad of seven.

Despite this, the girls set off in true Knights style, with platinum selling hip-hop artist, Eglė Duleckytė, hitting two three-pointers straight away and letting Leeds Met know that they meant business.

With the chance of being relegated looming over them, the home team were not going to back down though and hit back, finding spaces in the defence to take open shots.

Due to a strong ray of sunlight reflecting onto the perfectly polished court, Coach Ray Bunten had difficultly spotting where the defence was going wrong for Newcastle, leaving the girls in the dark.

The first injury of the match then occurred, with a Leeds crony fouling Eggy, forcing her to leave the court with a swollen hand.

Ready to get revenge, Action Jackson powered the ball up the court, jousting down any obstacle on her way to the basket. The quarter ended with many bumps and bruises and a narrow eight-point lead in Newcas-

Newcastle’s Erica Coakley gets stuck in against the Poly Photography: Moises Bedrossian

cup final points.

Uncle George was subbed on and Rob told to go sit on the naughty step, which of course he interpreted to mean destroy Durham’s dressing room and kill anyone he met on the way.

George imaginatively re-interpreted the rules of epée to include himself within the valid target area, and scoring a solid foot hit on himself metres away from the opponent ensured a well-earnt Dick of the Day award.

Man of the match went to Grant Turnbull, his mother has said she is very proud.

This concluded the thrashing that Durham said they would give us the week before, albeit with them on the receiving end.

Bring on the 21 March, when Newcastle face Liverpool in the final of the cup.

LEAGUE TABLE 9 MANCHESETR 10 NEWCASTLE

1587 1410

continued from back page on, taking the Royals to a 17-0 lead.

NWR’s number eight, Holly Malins, suffers from an acute ‘white line fever’ syndrome so when realising her name wasn’t on the scorers’ list, she took it upon herself to break from a midfield scrum and leave Hallam for dust. Despite support play from both Captain and Vice, Holly galloped alone into the distance and took the glory for herself.

With NWR now in a comfortable lead, Hallam’s hopes of the finals had lead, Hallam’s hopes of the finals had diminished but they didn’t let their heads drop. Some strong defence and big tackles challenged the

BASKETBALL

BADMINTON

M1 v Birmingham 1sts W1 v Bangor 1sts

1-7 6-2

9

ter too, as she drove towards the basket, smoothly knocking down bank shots on several different offences.

Newcastle were able to come out into the final quarter with the score still in their favour, relieving the super seven from unwanted pressure.

Euro girl, Corinne Vaughan, made her presence felt early on with a trademark Euro-step to the basket, helping the Knights widen that all-important point gap.

The Monster was released from her cage on the sideline, but soon settled back into her old ways as she attempted the beloved WWF move ‘The Clothesline’ on an unsuspecting Leeds Met player.

As Holloway was dragged off court, points were still being dropped from every angle of the court by the Newcastle girls, as they racked up points on the score board without breaking a sweat. In a last attempt, the Carnegie players tried to injure as many Newcastle players as possible, forcing the winded Wowk to crawl off court.

This was not to dampen anybody’s mood though, as Action Jackson effortlessly penetrated the defence for a final basket to the end the game with the score at 62-45.

The Knights therefore finished third in the league table after only just being promoted to Division 1A for this year.

The next time you will see the Newcastle Knights will be in the BUCS Trophy final on 17 March in Sheffield, hopefully bringing home the Trophy to keep old Stan Calvert cup company in the trophy cabinet.

NWR crush hapless Hallam’s cup hopes

M1 v Manchester 1sts M2 v M3 W1 v Leeds 2nds

RESULTS

tle’s favour.

The second quarter started off with Alice ‘she’s put it on the tab’ Holloway making some killer post moves, putting easy points on the board for the away team.

With everyone working hard on defence, Leeds Met were made to swing the ball round the key, forcing them to take shots that they had clearly not practiced.

Frustration from the lack of fouls being called by the referees was affecting everyone on court, as players were getting wounded left, right and centre, including Duleckytė receiving her second injury.

After picking her teeth up off the floor, she took another involuntary trip to the bench, where she unfortunately had to sit for the duration of the match.

Holloway was also in trouble, due to only fouls being called on the Monster herself. This left just five players to take control of the game as they came into the second half of the game.

Determined to prove that they could make it alone, the Knights stepped back onto the court with heads held high with Jackson sinking a three, setting the standard high for the third quarter. With the zone defence really beginning to take effect, the shots flying off the backboard were able to fall into the hands of theWon BFG, Rosie Wowk, sending the ball into the home teams half.

Screens off the ball proved beneficial, leaving Lithuanian star, Inga Vareikaitė, wide open to take her well practiced jump shot. Although new to the first team this year, Jess Porraz had a lot to smile about in the third quar-

FENCING

M1 v Durham 3rds

FOOTBALL

M1 v Leeds Met 1sts M2 v Sheffield 2nds W1 v Sheffield 1sts

GOLF

1 v Durham 1sts

66-62 69-46 62-45 135-91 2-3 0-5 5-3 3-3

force of NWR’s pack but the Nubiles held strong. From great communication between the halfbacks, Lebrecht switched the play, putting Lapierre down the blindside for yet another try. Despite the wind, the conversion was good.

At the beginning of the season Lebrecht had promised that she would attempt a ‘drop-goal’ before the year was out. With the strength of the forwards, McShane sealed the ball at the back of the ruck and Lebrecht slipped into the pocket. Unfortunately for NWR, who were certainly all embarrassed for their Captain, it was more of a ‘drop-not-goal’.

Lapierre, a good friend of Lebrecht’s

HOCKEY

M1 v Manchester 1sts M2 v Leeds 3rds M3 v Leeds Met 2nds M4 v York 2nds W3 v Northumbria 1sts W2 v W3 W4 v Sheffield 3rds

LACROSSE

W2 v Sheffield 1sts

NETBALL

W1 v Liverpool JM 1sts W2 v Sheffield Hal 2nds

2-4 1-1 1-2 1-5 3-2 1-0 2-0 25-4

covered her mistake with another quick try and took the final score to 34-0.

Lebrecht and Bale, after assessing a predominantly forwards game, decided to award two forwards of the match. One to Penny Miles for her exceptional work ethic and quick reactions and another for Katie McEvoy for her excellent scrummaging and rucking throughout. Player of the match was awarded by Hallam to Captain Phoebe Lebrecht for her quick decision-making and well placed kicks. Newcastle now advance into the final of the BUCS trophy cup which will played on the 28 March at Richmond RFC.

RUGBY

M1 v M3 W1 v Sheffield Hal 1sts

20-17 34-0

RUGBY LEAGUE M2 v Aberystwyth

SQUASH

W2 v York 1sts

18-14 1-3

TABLE TENNIS 36-22 57-36

M1 v Manchester 1sts W1 v Northumbria 1sts

6 -11 3-2

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 12 March 2012 Issue 1248 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Royals sign off on a high against fellow strugglers

Rugby Union, p45

Déjà vu for Poly at Longbenton

Photography: Turlough Donnelly

CUP GLORY

Hockey, p.46

ARMSTRONG LIFT TROPHY AT COCHRANE

Photography: Moises Bedrossian

Phoebe and Friends set up final date with UCL WOMEN’S RUGBY

Sheffield Hallam 1sts Newcastle 1sts

0 34

By Phoebe Lebrecht in SHEFFIELD NWR returned to Sheffield Hallam for the second consecutive Wednesday last week to battle for their place in the final of the BUCS trophy. Following a strenuous Stan Calvert, Newcastle were battered and bruised, but with copious amounts of deep heat and a few ice patches, the ache of the girls’ muscles were masked by their sheer determination to continue their unstoppable winning streak.

Having beaten Hallam only 31-17 the previous week, the Royals were well aware of Hallam’s capability to turn the game around. However, with the team back to their usual line up, the girls were looking fierce in the warm up. When the elusive referee finally appeared, the girls kicked off into a blizzard.

A greasy ball saw many knock-ons and silly mistakes but it wasn’t long before NWR showed their magic with a ‘monkey’ ball, allowing outside centre Emma Boyle to dance through the bedazzled defence and across the

try line.

As the clouds cleared and the rain stopped, NWR adapted their game and relied on the grit of the forwards to continuously pick and go back into Hallam’s 22. Once there, some sweet offloads from the backs and quick reactions from scrum half Hannah McShane saw NWR close to the try line again. A switch back inside gave Pat Lapierre the opportunity to do her Canadian crab dance through the Hallam defence and score under the posts.

MAGIC NO.8 Holly Malins ensured she wasn’t left off the score sheet after breaking away from a scrum to continue her recent try-scoring form.

The speed and agility of Lapierre took Hallam by such a surprise that two Hallam players had a head-on collision, resulting in an early substitution and two heavy black eyes.

Lebrecht’s conversion took the score to 12-0.

Just before half time, prop Charlotte Flint, normally quite intelligent and composed while in possession, lost

her marbles. Everyone was hungry for a try but Flint attempted something quite out of the ordinary for a forward, by trying to pull off the chip and chase. NWR thought she had gone bananas. Fortunately Hallam’s counter-attack wasn’t strong and NWR finished the first half 12-0.

With the wind behind them and holding a steady lead NWR relaxed a little in the second half and started to have some fun. Receiving the kick off, movement from forwards Flint and Penny Miles meant the mighty Royals were once again charging up the pitch.

It was as if second row Sarah Bannon saw the light at the end of the tunnel when she made her break for the line, little did she know it was a train fast approaching. A huge cover tackle from Hallam quickly crushed Bannon’s dream of a try. The forwards were in quick support however for NWR to retain possession and set off on attack again.

When fly half Phoebe Lebrecht noticed that, as coach Scott would say “no-one’s home!” she skillfully placed a chip over the defence for speedy centre Rosie Neal to chase and drop on, taking the Royals to a 17-0 lead.

NWR’s number eight, Holly Malins, continued on page 47

IM RUGBY FINAL, P44

Photography: Hubert Lam

Durham beaten as bid for double continues Fencing, p46

Photography: VIli Weelros