Courier 1312

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 11 May 2015 Issue 1312 Free

MACKEM MAGIC Branch out and explore the SNOOZE FLASH

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

Est 1948

REVISION FORT How to build the ultimate

seven wonders of Sunderland The best places to get a p. 14 quick kip on campus p. 19

front room hideaway p.15

Uni defeat Durham in first Boat Race of the North since 2010 Sport, p. 43-44

Image: Tom Payne

“Unusual smell” sparks Robbo fire panic Rumours of gas leak cause social media hysteria

By Mark Sleightholm News Editor

Students revising for their exams in the Robinson Library were disrupted on Wednesday evening by an “unusual smell” that caused the entire top floor to be evacuated.

At around 10pm staff were alerted to a smell of burning, and decided to move students away from Level 4 to investigate the source of the smell.

After several minutes of searching the source was discovered to be a faulty light fitting, which was quickly fixed, allowing students to return to their work.

Several students reported the evacuation on Twitter, with the unofficial account @MrsRobinsonNCL

tweeting first, “I’M ON FIRE”, followed seven minutes later by: “GAS LEAK IN THE ROBINSON LIBRARY #PRAY4ROBBO”.

On Yik Yak, one student reported that they were, “Running to the library so I can be caught in a blaze and fill out a PEC form”.

“How ‘inconvenient’ would it be if my hastily composed dissertation [got] set on fire at the Robbo”, wondered another Yik Yak user.

Since the Library Service Desk closed as usual at 7.45pm there was no official statement from the Library until Thursday morning, when the University Library’s Twitter account announced that the Library was fully open again as normal.

Wayne Connolly, Director of

Top floor evacuated while staff investigate source of ‘burning’ smell Academic Services and University Librarian, confirmed on Thursday: “There was no gas leak, fire or serious incident in the Library last night.

“An unusual smell was reported on Level 4 of the building, and the area was cleared as a precaution while it was investigated. It turned out to be a faulty light socket.”

Despite the panic and confusion on social media, students in the Library remained calm as staff explained what was happening. Rohan Kon, second year English Literature student, said: “They said it was because of a smell of burning which was around the computer/lift area. We were only evacuated for about half an hour though and we only had to go on different floors, not out the building.”

Odour traced to faulty light fitting

Hannah Redman, third year English Literature student, said: “The incident occurred just after 10pm, I was heading back from the loos and noticed a distinct burning smell in between the lift and the pillar. It smelt like a cross between plastic and wires, although admittedly, I’ve never smelt burning wires, so I could be wrong there.

“Looking around, the majority of the room hadn’t yet noticed it. However, this all changed, as within the next couple of minutes, some good civilian rushed down the stairs to notify reception, and alarm bells (only mental ones - there was no fire alarm despite rumours suggesting the contrary) had begun to go off at this point.

“The intercom voice asked all on floor four to evacuate and head either to floor

three or reception which everyone did speedily.”

Chris Bradley, who works in the Library, said: “We thought it might have been a computer malfunctioning or a problem with the air ducts, but we sent an electrician to investigate and he found out it was a dodgy light. For some reason it had broken and was causing the burning smell. So he fixed it and then we allowed all the students to go back to the fourth floor. We had to evacuate the floor for security but we didn’t think there was going to be a major problem like a fire.”

Connolly added: “If there had been a fire of any sort, the alarm system would have been activated and the building evacuated immediately.”

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Study drugs: immoral or unavoidable?

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Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

News Editors: Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey and Mark Sleightholm Online News Editor: Ashley Williams courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News

Cancer Research flashmob descends on North East ency - as a strategic location to spread the campaign message across the north east audience.

Second year Politics student Lauren The flash mob was put together with Honey has recently held a flash mob on the support from the Durham Dibehalf of Cancer Research UK to pro- vas, cheerleading and gymnastic team mote the Cross Cancer Out campaign from Durham University, who choin the North East. reographed and performed the dance On April 23 over 60 students ran into routine to ‘Uptown Funk’. They finished Durham Market Square at midday to their routine by spelling out the camperform the promo dance in order to paign’s logo, Cross Cancer Out. draw public’s attention to Cross CanPrior to the event, the coordinators cer Out campaign, launched by Cancer hinted on social media there might be Research in the lead-up to the general something special happening on Durelection 2015. The campaign asks for ham Market Square, however, still tried a continued support in raising public to keep it in secret. awareness of the According to signs and symp- “The campaign asks for Lauren words, toms of cancer, Research a continued support in Cancer a commitment UK were delighted to increase par- raising public awareness with the students’ ticipation in the endeavour to faof the signs and national bowel cilitate the prosymptoms of cancer” cancer screening motion of their programme and an equal access to the nationwide campaign. “They provided innovative life-saving treatment thera- us with a checklist of things to conpies, encouraging people to email to sider, t-shirts, flyers, campaign materiCR their potential parliamentary can- als and even included us in a segment didates to urge them to support Cancer ‘social media post of the week’ to help Research UK if they are elected as MP’s. us get more views - we received masThe event was organized by Nikki sive amounts of support from the camMcCann and Lauren Honey, Cancer paign’s team”, she said.

Research UK campaigns ambassadors The good weather on the day and for Durham and North Durham. “We the positive response organizers rewanted to raise awareness and inspire ceived from Durham’s public left them people to be active in our campaign well-pleased with the work done. “Lots as everyone is affected by cancer at of people were sat outside in the sun some point in their lives, whether it be when the event took place, and we got through personal illness or illness of a a massive amount of support from them family member, that’s why I think it’s so when they started asking more about important to support the amazing work the campaign and how they could supthat Cancer Research UK do”, says Lau- port us, so Nikki and I got overwhelmed ren, who came up with idea to adver- at how well the event went”, Lauren said. tise Cross Cancer Out campaign in the The promotional video from the day North East. As the possibility of hold- was put together by Louis Francis, a ing the promotional stunts is limited by postgraduate student from Newcastle CRUK’s budget to the certain areas, the University, who said he was glad to do event coordinators decided to choose “anything to help a good cause”.

Durham - Nikki McCann’s constitu-

By Sima Nikolajeva

Teen lust and Holly-­ wood

Gaming and revision: can it ever work out?

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Email editor. union@ncl.ac.uk for more information.

Images: Lauren Honey

Editor Tom Nicholson News Editors Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey, Mark Sleightholm and Ashley Williams Comment Editors Victoria Armstrong, Matt Corden and Ruth Davis Culture Editor Kate Bennett Lifestyle Editors Tom Tibble, Annie Lord, Jack Dempsey and Holly Suttle Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke, Hannah Fitton and Hannah Goldstein Beauty Editors Charlotte Davies, Charlotte Maxwell and Kathy Davidson Arts Editors Becka Crawshaw, Lucy Chenery and Jess Harman Film Editors David Leighton, Rosie Bellini and George Smith Music Editors Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison TV Editor Helen Daly, Ellie Mclaren and Rebecca Dooley Gaming Editors Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer Science Editors Penny Polson, Laura Staniforth and Jack Marley Sports Editors Jonty Mawer, Peter Georgiev, Huezin Lim and Josh Nicholson Copy Editors Megan Ayres and Emma Broadhouse

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge.

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s comment pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

£300,000 Armstrong building repairs nearing completion

By Tom Nicholson Editor

As you’ve probably noticed, the Armstrong building has been undergoing some fairly extensive renovation work.

Since January, contractors have been battling the elements to finish muchneeded and comprehensive structural reinforcements to the oldest building on campus, with £300,000 being poured into the project with the objective of keeping Armstrong maintenance-free for the next 15 to 20 years..

By the time that the decision was made to renovate, things had deteriorated alarmingly: for example, the old linseed-oil-and-sand putty which held the windows in place was shot to bits in places, leaving some classrooms and lecturers’ studies with miniature waterfalls cascading in through particularly weak spots during particularly fervent rainstorms. As Newcastle is not exactly blessed with Caribbean sun for much of the year, this was something of a problem. The project has also been an opportunity to patch up particularly weathered masonry - it’s a cosmetic touch up as much as a full-on makeover.

Contractors are certain that all work will definitely be completed by the time congregations roll around in July, with much of the most time-consuming work, such as the repointing of mortar between bricks, nearing completion.

The repointing itself – that’s the renewal of the mortar in the horizontal and perpendicular joints, brickwork n00bs – was a palava of its own: the hue of the new mortar had to match the colouring of the old pointing exactly, and it took three different mixes, and a lot of frustrating hanging about, to get a mix which satisfied the stringent criteria which comes with any attempt to modernise listed buildings.

There was another particularly fraught moment when an inspection found that some solid stone spheres, a foot across, appeared to have had their supports weathered away to nothing, leaving unsuspecting walkers below at the mercy of Fate and the stiff south-westerly blowing about the place, but a closer inspection revealed a sturdy iron rod at its centre keeping the whole thing together.

The aesthetics of whole project have been at the discretion of Historic England, the body which polices the renovations of listed buildings across the country. As a case in point, an early idea to replace old brown downpipes with rather smarter black ones was vetoed on the basis that this would be a violation of the terms of the listing, and would jar with the rest of the Quadrangle’s stubbornly brown downpipes.

Historic England really, really care about downpipes.

It’s not just the building which is protected either; scaffolding has had to be painstakingly built around trees around the bottom of the building to ensure they weren’t damaged.

Some modernisation work has been permitted, though: up on the roof, some sixty feet above the ducks and flowerbeds around the Quadrangle, the old tar joins which kept the lead roof connected to the brickwork of the rest of the building has been replaced with a new, flexible material which allows the lead to expand and contract without gradually working open a fissure between the roof and the exterior brickwork.

Clambering up to the very top of the scaffolding, past the intricately worked stone gargoyles pictured below, the view from the top of the Armstrong building across the city and toward the coast are remarkable. Soon, the view of the building itself from street level will be able to match it.

Images: Amy Tideswell and Zoe Troughton

4.news

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

‘Revision. Results. Resits’: CU hands out popcorn and advice to stressed-out students

student and the Evangelism Secretary of the Christian Union, said: “Christion Union is a like a mission team that On 5 and 6 May members of Newcastle wants to boost someone’s day and bring University Christian Union were hand- some smiles. And everybody likes poping out free popcorn in the Students’ corn.” He prays for “peace, comfort and Union in order to help students cope strength” during exams.

The free popcorn event was also a way with exam stress.

Students who wanted to get popcorn of advertising their main event, “Reviwere encouraged to answer whether sion. Results. Resits”, which took place they believe God cares about exams, on 7 May in the main hall of St. Luke’s with “yes”, “no”, “maybe” or “I don’t Church.

At the beginning of the event Kezia, know”. Of all 225 people who voted, the a first year Psycholmost popular answer was “yes” (79), followed “God gives me the ogy and Media student, “Patience is good by “no” (67). right perspective said: and patience will give Students from any and He makes you a full burger.” There religion, undefined bea pop quiz split into liefs or with no religion me work hard” was two parts and the free at all could go there and pop their question about the relation- burger making took place in the quiz ship between the Christian faith and break. Red and white wine, soft drinks and crisps were also given out to the university life.

They were also asked to write down more than 150 attendees.

Duncan Podbury, a pastor, gave a talk their answer to the question: “What place does God have in your student about the importance of exam results life?” Most answers were positive, some and God’s place in university life.

All students were provided with leafof which read: “helps me to de-stress”, “makes me realise that grades aren’t lets on which they could leave their everything”, “help me co-ordinate” and name, course and what they’d like oth“helps me realise the bigger picture”. ers to pray for.

Matthew said that the aim of the Others answered that they see God as Christian Union is to “give every stu“friendship and motivation”.

When asked about her personal “pray dent on campus a chance to hear and for good marks”, Caitlin, a Linguistics respond to the gospel of Jesus” and he student and a member of the Chris- encourages anyone “no matter what tian Union since September, said: “God your beliefs are” to join their meetings gives me the right perspective and He at 7pm each Friday in Claremont Tower.

Students seeking help with managing makes me work hard.”

Matthew, a second year Geography exam stress are also able to contact the Student Wellbeing Advisers.

By Maria-Magdalena Manolova

Image: Maria-Magdalena Manolova

Uni could be the best in the north

By Ashley Williams Online News Editor

Newcastle is one of three northern universities to be shortlisted for the new ‘University of the Year’ award.

Lancaster University and the University of York have also been nominated to earn the title.

The awards category is one of 17 which have been designed to celebrate the North of England’s higher education institutions and their achievements.

Categories include: research team of the year, business school of the year, and student union of the year.

A Newcastle University spokesperson said of the shortlisting: “We are delighted to have been nominated as ‘University of the Year’ by the Educate the North judges and shortlisted alongside Lancaster and York universities.

“The judges were particularly keen to know about the support we provide to our students and the quality of our teaching and learning, so it’s pleasing that this was recognised in our nomination.”

The three institutions in the ‘University of the Year’ category were required to show “outstanding performance” in areas including student experience, teaching and economic impact.

A University spokesperson said: “Our research credentials were also part of the assessment criteria, and here we were able to cite major breakthroughs including the work led by Professor

Doug Turnbull on mitochondrial disease.”

Nominations were judged by a panel of experts from both education and business fields.

Professor Phil Harris, executive director of the Business Research Institute at the University of Chester and judging panel, said the “high number of excellent applications” made the ‘University of the Year’ category a “very difficult” one to judge.

The awards are set to be part of the new Educate North conference, which aims to “celebrate the success and growth of the knowledge sector across the North of England.”

Professor Harris said: “People are now starting to talk seriously about the northern powerhouse”, and that many northern institutions are starting to challenge the authority of the ‘golden triangle’ universities of Oxford, Cambridge and London – particularly in science, technology and engineering.

In the area of economic impact in the North, a Newcastle University person said: “We were able to highlight the impact of our students working on placements in local firms… and our investment in major projects such as Science Central and the National Centre for Ageing Science and Innovation which has attracted £20m of Government support.”

The winners will be announced at a ceremony in Manchester next month.

“People are now starting to talk seriously about the northern powerhouse”

The Courier

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Monday 11 May 2015

Climbing Kili for children’s charity

By Kate Dewey News Editor On 14 June Abi Jones, third year Architecture student, and Victoria Parrott, second year Modern Languages and Business student, will embark on their biggest challenge yet.

The duo are climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for the charity Comrades of Children Overseas (COCO). COCO is a small Newcastle based charity which works with remote overseas communities to alleviate the poverty preventing children’s education.

It supports the byline “Brighter Futures Across the Globe” and its name derives from the Comrades Marathon in South Africa which both COCO cofounders Steve Cram and Jim Panton ran in 1999. The charity stages fundraising expeditions, such as the Kilimanjaro climb, and volunteering opportunities for students to witness first hand the communities which the money they fundraised will go towards.

Hannah Randall, second year Psy-

rier: “The route we are taking is called the Machame route which is one of the longest to allow time to acclimatise to the altitude. The day of the climb starts at 12am, and is the last 700ft height gain of the climb, but the hardest, and the plan is to arrive at the summit just in time to see the sunrise! This is the part I am most exciting and nervous for!

“After the climb we all have a celebratory meal in the town of Moshi, which is where we are then spending the following two weeks volunteering at one of COCO’s projects.”

The two Newcastle students participating in COCO’s Kilimanjaro climb 2015 have been actively fundraising across campus. They are aiming to beat the total raised by the 2014 climb for which the group raised £31,223.45 by raising £2150 per person. Abi said of their target: “we are half way so far.

We have had numerous cake sales, quiz nights, and had an iPad mini raffle.

“We’ve also hosted dinner parties and BBQs for our friends. We are hoping to have a big final event before we go, pos-

“The most worrying aspect is the altitude sickness as you can’t do anything to prevent that, just have to FURVV \RXU À QJHUV it won’t affect you” chology student and President of the University’s COCO society, told The Courier: “COCO offer amazing opportunities to students such as volunteering (in the office or abroad) to running in the Great North Run for COCO. Our role is to make as many students as possible aware of the many opportunities they offer.

“Another role of the committee is to promote the student treks - Climbing Kilimanjaro for COCO. We are currently promoting the 2016 Kilimanjaro Trek. In addition to promoting the opportunities COCO offer we hold University events such as bar crawls, pub quizzes, the COCO ball and many more, in attempt to raise money to go towards promoting children’s education in Africa.”

After having travelled to Tanzania on June 14, Abi and Victoria along with their group will begin the climb five days later. The climb has been planned to take seven days, spending the initial six on the ascent and then just one day on the climb down. Abi told The Cou-

worrying aspect is the altitude sickness as you can’t do anything to prevent that, just have to cross your fingers it wont affect you!”

Abi said that her motive behind the climb was to help the work that COCO was carrying out and also to personally challenge herself: “I have always been keen to get involved in charity fundraising, I’ve done the great north run a few times for charity and wanted to do something even bigger this year, and climbing Kilimanjaro has always been on my bucket list! As its my last year at Uni I thought this would be the perfect challenge to do with my friends before I leave.”

You can sponsor Abi and Victoria on their JustGiving pages: ht t p s : / / w w w. ju stg iv ing . c om / Vi c toria-Parrott/?utm_id=11&fb_action_ids=10205709680517977&fb_action_types=jgdonation%3Asupport&fb_ ref=pfp-share-facebook-test-C-control and https://www.justgiving.com/abijonescococlimb/ Hannah encourages anyone interested in participating in the 2016 climb to get in touch by emailing brad@coco.org.uk.

To join the society, visit the NUSU website.

sibly another quiz night at the Hancock as those are quite successful.”

Hannah was one of the participants of the 2014 climb. She said of her experience: “The experience is definitely one I’ll never forget.

“It was surprisingly not as hard as I had built it up in my head to be. Some parts were challenging but every day was different and presented a new kind of challenge.

“The day before starting the trek we visited one of the COCO projects and met the children who were going to benefit from all of our fundraising, I think this gave the majority of the group a lot of determination to succeed and reach the summit. It was possibly one of the funniest weeks I have ever had and they will definitely be friends that I will keep for life. I strongly recommend climbing Kilimanjaro for COCO to anyone who has the opportunity while at University.”

Perhaps Hannah’s comments will provide some reassurance for Abi who commented that she was excited, yet nervous for the expedition: “The most

Last year’s climbers reach the summit. Image: Hannah Randall

This year’s climbers on a training day in the Lake District. Image: Lloyd

Speaker scam: student conned out of £250 by Heaton van man

By Jack Parker A student has described his ordeal of mistakenly buying counterfeit speakers from a mysterious seller from the back of a van in Heaton. The student, who does not wish to be named, told The Courier that he was approached on his way to Sainsbury’s whilst on Heaton Road by two men in a white van.

The two men approached him with an offer to buy speakers from the back of their van, getting out of the van to show the student the speakers. Looking back at what happened the student added: “I remember thinking that something was

off and that it didn’t seem at all right. So I started to explain to him that I didn’t want it anyway.

“I’m guessing that he’d tried this before on someone and knew what to do, because as quick as you like he was talking about how they were sent over from America for the Uni and that they had sent over too many so they were just trying to get rid of them.”

Despite the best efforts by the student to politely refuse the chance to buy the speakers, the con men were able to convince him with some official looking receipts and paperwork, all of which appeared to have been stamped. The student added: “[The documents] looked

pretty bloody official in my eyes.”

The two men were then able to further convince the student that he was getting

“The fact that he had shown me it on the Internet – I pretty naively started to think that they were actually decent

“I’m guessing that he’d tried this before on someone and knew what to do. He was talking about how they were sent over from America. I pretty naively started to think that they were actually decent quality” a good deal. They managed to do this by showing him a website, showing the supposed full value of the speakers to be around £4000.

quality and would be worth buying for as cheap as possible to try and sell them on later for a profit.

“So as they dropped the speakers off at

my house I ran round to Sainsbury’s and got out the money which we’d settled on buying them for.”

The speakers are described as being around four feet in height, with attractive wooden casings and four speakers up the front of each unit and one on the side of the units.

The van, described to be a plain, unmarked white Ford, with no distinctive features, was driven by a man believed to be in his early 40s and was dressed in ordinary clothing. He was described as being quite tall at 6’3”, very well built, with large muscles: the student suggested that the man was well used to making heavy deliveries on a regular basis.

6.news

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Talents folk it up at BBC radio awards

Another band short-listed in the same category is The Furrow Collective, a four-piece band in which three of the Newcastle Folk and Traditional Music members are Newcastle graduates. graduates got high recognition at the Emily Portman, Lucy Farrell and Rachel annual BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards.

Newton have teamed up with Alasdair The biggest success of the evening Roberts to create a unique mix of tracame from Nancy Kerr, a guest tutor on ditional folk ballads with a improvisathe Folk and Traditional Music degree, tional, storytelling twist. Lucy is a verwho came on top in her category, Folk satile and well sought-after fiddle and Singer of the Year. Kerr beat Jez Lowe, viola player. Rachel, a performer with Julie Fowlis and Cara Dillon, much to The Shee and The Emily Portman Trio, the approval of her mother, Sandra Kerr, is also a critically acclaimed musician, who is also a teacher on the course. famous for her skills in the acoustic and Another Newcastle graduate, Will electric harp, and also for her ability to Pound, was short-listed sing in both English and in the Musician of the “The glamorous Gaelic.

Year award. Having The third Newcastle ceremony was graduate gained an international in the group, reputation for his invenhosted in the Emily Portman, is a tive harmonica instruhighly sought-after singmentals, Will’s style rang- Wales Millennium er, writer and conceres from bluegrass, folk, Centre in Cardiff” tina player. She’s also the jazz and Arabic to blues, winner of the 2013 BBC rock, pop and funk. He has been named Radio 2 Folk Award for Best Original as “unique” by other experts in his field. Song.

Will describes his time in Newcastle The glamorous ceremony was hosted as a “fantastic experience” and says that in the Wales Millennium Centre in Carthe course in Folk and Traditional Mu- diff. It was presented by Mark Radcliffe sic was “a great grounding for my pro- and featured performances from Fowfessional career.” lis, The Rails, Kate Rusby and Welsh Another Newcastle presence made band 10 Mewn Bws (10 in a Bus). the shortlist in the Best Group category.

Some of the presenters of the night English contemporary band Bellow- included Billy Bragg, Andy Fairweather head, featuring graduate Rachael Mc- Low and Ruth Jones, who presented Shane. Rachael plays the cello, the fiddle winner Nancy Kerr with her award. and provides vocals for the band. Her Some of the biggest names in the folk bandmate, Paul Sartin, who plays fiddle, music industry came under one roof, oboe and slide whistle came to Newcas- with Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens as the tle to do his MA in Music at Newcastle main headline act.

University as well.

By Antonia Velikova News Editor

FOLK TO BE RECKONED WITH: Will Pound was shortlisted for a Musician of the Year Award. Image: Elly Lucas

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Postgrad sheds light on Nepal fundraising

By Mark Sleightholm News Editor While the earthquake that devastated Nepal on 25 April now features less prominently in the news, efforts are underway to ensure that aid levels are maintained as the rebuilding begins.

David Lowther, a Newcastle postgraduate student and member of the Britain-Nepal Society, is hoping to organise some fundraising events in June.

Meanwhile many local businesses are collecting donations, and charities such as Oxfam have organised large-scale aid efforts.

So far Lowther has struggled to arrange any fundraising events. “I’ve met with a few obstacles along the way,” he explained. “I know that there are restrictions on being able to fundraise on campus because of who owns the walkways and all the rest of it.”

Claire Boothman, President of NUSU, said that while NUSU was not planning to hold an official fundraiser it would support students who wished to raise money for Nepal.

Lowther explained how his main aim for the fundraiser was to raise awareness of the ongoing situation in Nepal.

“It is [already] slipping out the news,” he said. “Once the initial shock of what’s gone on has died then people do tend to forget.

“Even if I don’t raise a huge amount of money to send to the [Britain-Nepal] Society, it would be good just to raise awareness of the continuing problems, which are going to be affecting Nepal for at least 20-25 years.”

Lowther is planning to donate any money his does raise to the BritainNepal Society, who in turn are supporting the Gurkha Welfare Trust and the Britain-Nepal Medical Trust. He said: “I’ll have this event with the stipulation that any funds that come from it are donated to the society who will then donate them on to those two organisations cause I think that will probably be the best way of doing it rather than giving it to, say, Oxfam or others who are getting all the huge public donations in as well.”

“Friendship is much more than diplomatic relations, it’s actually giving aid as well” He continued: “I think people should donate to Oxfam and ActionAid and a host of the other big charities that are working out there because they are doing very good work, but it’s also these smaller charities who have much more focussed methods of distribution who can actually get out there a lot quicker.”

In the same way that aid needs to be carefully distributed, volunteers flying out to Nepal may not be welcome. On this subject Lowther said: “I think it’s got to be done in the right way, if people are just going out there and presenting their services it could actually hinder what charities are trying to do.” The Foreign and Commonwealth Office “advise against all but essential travel to Nepal.”

This is a marked change from the traditional status of Nepal as a popular gap

year destination. Many students who had previously visited the country took to social media to express their support for the Nepalese people. Several British students were in Nepal at the time of the earthquake, with many Britons still missing in the country.

Britain and Nepal have a long history of involvement, resulting from Britain’s colonial presence in neighbouring India. As well as completing a History PhD on nineteenth century zoology, Lowther is the Zoological Society of London’s representative on the BritainNepal 200 committee, helping to organise events to celebrate the bicentenary of Britain’s relations with Nepal.

“What’s happened in Nepal has completely put a different light on what shape these events are going to take. It’s actually quite good that the committee’s in place, because it can really emphasise British-Nepalese friendship.”

He continued: “Friendship is much more than diplomatic relations, it’s actually giving aid where it’s needed as well.”

Lowther raised concerns that the fraught political situation in Nepal will hamper aid efforts. He also highlighted the wider geopolitical context, noting how Nepal is “stuck between India and China who are trying to compete for influence in the region.”

Despite the large amounts of money already raised for Nepal, the actual reconstruction is likely to take decades.

Lowther hopes to maintain the high levels of donations, but said: “Even a small donation can make a hell of a difference.”

The recent earthquake devastated Nepal. Image: Jim Holmes

Yes to drugs policy challenge, no to ceremonial flagpole: SU Council closes business for year

By Mark Sleightholm News Editor

The final Student Council meeting of the year saw several bizarre motions, including one calling for a flag pole and flag for the Students’ Union building.

The flag pole motion was the final motion of the meeting. Scott Thomas, who proposed the motion, even offered to personally donate a Union Jack if the motion was passed. The motion prompted extensive debate, with issues raised including the cost - estimated to be at least £300 and possibly as high as £1500 - and the difficulties associated with obtaining planning permission for the pole.

Council members also worried that there could be disagreement over which flags should be flown on the flag pole, particularly when more than one event warranted a flag on the same day. Although several members openly declared their enthusiasm for the idea, proclaiming their love for flags, the motion was narrowly defeated by just 52% of the vote, with 48% voting in favour.

Tom Wessely chaired his final Student Council meeting of the year and tabled two motions himself. His idea to shorten the Easter break was met with ridicule from many Council members.

Wessely argued that the normal four week holiday over Easter was too long, calling it “nonsensical” to take such a substantial break from academic tuition.

Believing that cutting the holiday to two weeks would face too much opposition, his motion called instead for a three week long Easter holiday.

Council spent around ten minutes

discussing the motion, which was eventually defeated by 68% of the vote.

Wessely claimed that “students are too lazy” and do not need four weeks off just before their summer exams. Other members contested this, arguing that students needed a break, especially if they were completing a dissertation.

Wessely closed with an emotional appeal, saying that when he was in Newcastle over Easter, “you’re here and it’s a bit lonely”.

In the following motion Wessely proposed a league table of the marks of all the students taking that course, where a student would be able to compare their results against their year group as a whole.

Members raised concerns that under-performing students might be disheartened if they could see how their marks compared to those of their peers, and even suggested it could have a negative impact on students’ mental health. Wessely conceded that the system should be made optional, so that students could access the information if they wanted but would not be automatically provided with it.

The motion was narrowly defeated, with 45% of Council members voting for it and 55% voting against.

Despite only leading to five minutes of discussion, one of the most significant motions of the meeting concerned the University’s drug policy. Raised

by Students for Sensible Drug Policy (SSDP) and based on the findings of their recent poll, produced in collaboration with The Courier, that revealed that 39% of students were unaware of the University’s drug policy.

A majority of students who completed

Images: Wikimedia Commons

the survey reported having taken illegal drugs, and yet the University has a zerotolerance policy towards illegal drugs in student accommodation.

The motion, which passed with 95% of the vote, called for a review of this policy, which the SSDP claims “has a negative impact on the personal lives of students”. The motion highlighted the policies of other universities, which included warning systems and disciplinary action short of eviction from university accommodation.

Jo Ng, NUSU’s International Officer, tabled a motion calling for a “cultural diversity executive”, consisting of the International Officer, Racial Equality Officer, Activity Officer and Welfare and Equality Officer, to encourage and coordinate cooperation between cultural societies. A procedural motion

by David Ou to include the Gender Equality PTO in this executive was narrowly defeated before the motion itself was passed.

Olivia Jeffrey’s motion to reform NUSU’s housing advice passed with 100% of the vote, as did a motion calling for the University to provide guarantors for international students. Currently many students are unable to rent houses in the private sector because they do not have anyone who owns a house in the UK to act as their guarantor. The motion mandated NUSU’s President to encourage the University to set up a scheme where the University acts as guarantor for these students, based on similar systems at other universities.

Also passed was a motion to investigate greater childcare support for students and staff with young children and a call for more bike repair stalls.

Monday 11 May 2015

8.nationalstudentnews

The Courier

NEWSTACK Sabb highlights Power nap pods Manchester

Job Title: Domiciliary Care Worker Employer: Artemis Domiciliary Care Closing Date: 01/12/15 Salary: £6.85 per hour Basic job description: If you want to make a real difference by providing care in your own community to those who wish to remain in their own homes as independently as possible and you would like to support older people and working age adults, then a career with Artemis Domiciliary Care could be for you. At Artemis we pride ourselves on providing high quality care with the service user at the centre of everything we do and ensuring at all times their dignity and respect are upheld when care is delivered. Duties include helping with personal care, meal prepara-­ tion, administering medication and other daily living tasks.

Person requirements: Must have access to your own transport and a passion for caring for others.

Location: Newcastle and North Tyneside Job Title: Personal Assistant Employer: Disability North – Direct Payments Scheme Closing Date: 26/05/15 Salary: £8.50 per hour Basic job description: Personal Assistant required to support a disabled lady to access the community. 6 hours per week. Vacancy is most suitable for a friendly, enthusiastic person and somebody who doesn’t mind doing repeated tasks. The post holder will assist the employer with various activities such as going shopping and occasional days out to the coast.

Person requirements: Candidates should be patient, trustworthy and passionate about helping others in a respectful way.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Seasonal Supervisors Employer: Tynemouth Park Closing date: 31/05/15 Salary: NMW Basic job description: We currently have a handful of seasonal vacancies for ideal for students looking to work hard and make a bit of extra cash over the holiday period. We have a small amusement park in Tynemouth which consists of a Cafe/Restaurant, 18 hole crazy golf course, boating lake and a soft play area. We are looking to recruit driven enthusiastic staff for the upcoming season in all areas. Hours: Part time -­ 0 hour contract with the potential for students to work up to full time in the summer dependent on the level of business.

Person requirements: Motivated, attentive, trustworthy, passionate about providing excellent FXVWRPHU VHUYLFH À H[LEOH ¿ UVW DLG FHUWL¿ FDWH QRW essential but preferred).

Location: Tynemouth Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience – Tech-­ QLFDO 6XSSRUW 2I¿ FHU Employer: INTO Newcastle Closing date: 29/05/15 Salary: £16,218 -­ £22,410 pro rata Basic job description: INTO establishes long-­ term joint ventures with some of the UK’s leading universities in a unique initiative that improves their competitive position in international markets.

INTO Centres deliver pathway courses for inter-­ national students that lead to undergraduate and postgraduate study. INTO invests in state-­of-­the-­ art teaching and accommodation facilities and has established a global network that recruits students from many cultures. We wish to recruit a SDUW WLPH 7HFKQLFDO 6XSSRUW 2I¿ FHU LQ RXU 6FLHQFH Programme from September 2015 to ensure that the physical environment in which students and staff work is prepared for such users.

Person requirements: You should ideally pos-­ VHVV $ OHYHO RU HTXLYDOHQW TXDOL¿ FDWLRQ &RP petence in practical activities in Science, Health and safety training with particular reference to COSHH, Good administration and organisational skills.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience -­ E-­ journal Website Developer Employer: Newcastle University Closing Date: 25/05/15 Salary: £700 Bursary Basic job description: Located in School of Modern Languages, the Translating and Interpreting section is dedicated to training of translators and interpreters as well as research in Translating and Interpreting. As part of our future development in research, we plan to set up an e-­journal where post-­graduate research students can submit and share their working papers with other researchers. We are looking for

a website developer to help us with the design and set-­up of the new PG e-­journal website. The placement student will design the structure of the website according to our needs and identify WHFKQLFDO VSHFL¿ FDWLRQV FRPPXQLFDWH ZLWK 18,7 DQG RU RXU ,7 RI¿ FHU IRU SRWHQWLDO LVVXHV GHYHORS the website, which includes links for contacts, VXEPLVVLRQ DUFKLYH LVVXHV HWF DQG ¿ QDOO\ WHVW the website.

Person requirements: Excellent website design and development skills, excellent communication skills, problem-­solving skills, a sense of respon-­ VLELOLW\ VHOI PRWLYDWLRQ DQG FRQ¿ GHQFH WR ZRUN individually and with academic staff and a detail-­ oriented mindset.

Location: On Campus Job description: Invigilator Employer: Health and Safety Training College Closing date: 15/05/15 Salary: £12.00 per hour Basic job description: Candidate will need to conduct and invigilate an exam for a morning start time of 9.00am. Exam is to be held at The Lancastrian Conference and Banqueting Suite, Gateshead (NE11) Person requirements: Previous Invigilation experience is preferred.

Location: Gateshead Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience -­ Events and Marketing Assistant Employer: Beauty by the Geeks Closing Date: 25/05/15 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: The chosen candidate ZLOO SULPDULO\ ZRUN IURP WKH %%7* RI¿ FH ZRUNLQJ closely with the CEO of the company and other members of the BBTG team. Although based in RXU RI¿ FH WKH LQWHUQ ZLOO KDYH WKH RSSRUWXQLW\ WR travel locally and across the UK, and potentially across the EU, to undertake their duties. Initially, the primary role of the chosen candidate will involve coordinating and running events and educational outreach workshops across the UK. Upon successful completion of the internship, and following progress review and discussion, there will be the opportunity for the intern to apply for a permanent full time position within the company.

Person requirements: Science student / upcom-­ LQJ JUDGXDWH PLQLPXP GHJUHH FODVV 7KLV placement would be most suited to a science student due to graduate summer 2015. Excellent verbal and written communications skills, IT litera-­ cy, demonstration of leadership and initiative. Ex-­ SHULHQFH LQ GLJLWDO PHGLD H J SKRWRVKRS JRRJOH analytics, etc.) and a full UK driving license.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job description: Shop Assistant Employer: Rehill’s of Jesmond Closing date: 31/12/15 Salary: NMW Basic job description: General Shop Duties to include: Replenishment, Stock Handling, Cash Handling, Occasional lifting of heavy goods. Can-­ didates should be available to start ASAP. Hours: SDUW WLPH DQG À H[LEOH WR ¿ W DURXQG \RXU VWXGLHV with scope for extra hours during the summer months and during university holiday periods.

Person requirements: Location: Jesmond Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience -­ App Developer Employer: Video Enhanced Observation Closing Date: 25/05/15 Salary: £2400 bursary Basic job description: Video Enhanced Ob-­ servation has recently spun out as a company from Newcastle University School of Education.

VEO will commercialise a video-­tagging app and associated video/data portal giving access to re-­ corded video and data. This will allow users and organisations to record and tag video of practice across diverse sectors, providing rich video, data and statistical displays for people/process monitoring and improvement purposes. VEO has created a great deal of market traction for its product and services via the intuitiveness and ap-­ peal of a prototype iPad app. VEO is now looking for a talented developer to replicate all features, functionality and usability of the iPad app for the Android platform.

Person requirements: The ideal candidate will: be an excellent Android developer, have a desire to pursue a career at the cutting edge of app development, have a track record of creating apps both within and outside of formal work and courses, have a track record of writing elegant code for purpose and much more.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne

Tired students can now snooze for 20 minutes in sleeping pods that have been installed at Manchester University. The futuristic pods are part of an experiment that examines naptime’s effect on the brain’s ability to retain information.

The hi-tech chairs are available in the library’s designated “Zzz Zone”, and have ambient music and lighting to help students unwind.

Student Grace Bamber came up with the idea for the University’s Eureka! 2014 competition.

Researchers like Dr Simon Kyle believe naps are only beneficial if kept short and taken in the early afternoon.

The lecturer in clinical and health psychology said: “This is a very interesting idea. Scientific investigations have documented that daytime napping can reset the brain’s learning potential, which may be particularly important during the examination period.

Companies like Google also have sleeping pods in their offices.

Conference reinstated Belfast

Queen’s University will go ahead with the previously cancelled conference on the Charlie Hebdo massacre. The University was criticized for its original decision to cancel the symposium, due to be held in June.

The institute claimed that vice-chancellor Patrick Johnston had called off the event due to concerns over security and the University’s reputation.

Some writers have also claimed that among the University’s concerns were deferring prospective students, and jeopardising potential investment from the Islamic world.

A spokesperson for the University’s communications office said: “Following the completion of a comprehensive risk assessment, undertaken in line with approved protocols, the university is pleased to confirm that the Charlie Hebdo Research Symposium, organised by the Institute for Collaborative Research in the Humanities, has been ap-

Attacker in court Northampton

A 16-year-old who attacked two students appeared at Northampton Crown Court last week.

The 16-year-old and a large group of other teenagers had approached the students as they unloaded a crate of alcohol from a vehicle.

Northampton Crown Court heard one of the youths was carrying a large tree branch.

Stephen Lee, prosecuting, said the teenager demanded the men hand over the alcohol, and began punching them when they refused.

Both men suffered bruising and swelling to their necks and faces as a result of the attack.

His Honour Judge Timothy Smith gave the teenager an 18-month youth offenders’ rehabilitation order, and a 9pm to 6am curfew order. None of the other youths involved were charged.

Whatuni award win Bangor

Bangor University has won the Whatuni Student Choice Award for Best University Clubs and Societies.

The university was nominated six times out of nine award categories.

Vice-Chancellor Professor John G. Hughes said: “I’m delighted that the university received the award and grateful to our students for their support.

“I’m pleased our current students appreciate their time in Bangor and that so many choose to take such an active part in the life of the university. I would like to thank all the staff for their fantastic efforts.”

The Whatuni Student Choice Awards were based on responses from over twenty thousand students who voted on the Whatuni website.

Bangor came 3rd in the UK for accommodation, 4th for Student Support and 7th in the Whatuni university rankings.

Ashley Williams

This week, Kate Dewey chats to Tom Nicholson, current Editor of The Courier, and Amy Macauley, FXUUHQW $FWLYLWLHV 2I¿ FHU

Tom Nicholson What’s been your favourite highlight of being Editor this year?

Of the whole year, the way that all three of our media teams came together to cover Stan Calvert in a way we’ve never attempted before and pulled it off.

Apart from that, every time I see someone opening the paper, I do get a giddy thrill still, which might be pathetic, but it genuinely does mean a lot. I love my sub-editors too, they are great; getting to know them has been great as well. The other sabbs have been utterly breathtakingly wonderful this year too. We’ve spent a lot of time together and the support we’ve given each other this year is something I’m really proud of. I will genuinely treasure the times that I’ve spent with them.

Do you have any words of advice for Victoria Armstrong, next year’s Editor?

Try to keep some perspective because as much as you may feel that you’re letting people down at times and as much as it might get on top of you, you need to step back and look at what we’re doing as a collective. The Courier isn’t a collection of individuals, it’s a movement of young journalists who want to make a difference and represent the student body in as many ways as they can.

STAN CALVERT coverage. Image: Cat Schroeter

Amy Macauley What’s been the favourite thing you’ve worked on this year?

One of the best things I’ve done whilst being Activities Officer is planning the first ever UK institution Dance Marathon in aid of paediatric oncology. The idea came about from a meeting with the Vice Chancellor, and from there I’ve gone on to work on behalf of NUSU in partnership with the alumni team from the University to get it off the ground.

The Dance Marathon will be on 12 November in the Venue in the SU, and the basic premise is that we will get people along to dance and raise money for a massive 12 hours. We’re hoping that one of our societies or sports teams will host an hour each to keep everyone motivated throughout the dance marathon, and we’ve actually just filmed a promotional video that will be released soon including societies like Salsa, Hindu and Sikh, Pole Dance, Dance, Indonesian and Cheerleading Club.

They are all doing their own form of dance to Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It off ’, along with our University mascot Rory Lion.

Our ambition is to create the ‘Newcastle University Centre for Childhood Cancer’ – a state-of-theart research facility right here on campus. Sadly I won’t be in office by the time the event happens, but I’m sure my trusty successor Hannah Goring will carry on all the hard work that’s gone into this already. I’m already planning my comeback for a boogie with Hannah dressed as the 118 men. http://futurefund.co.uk/dance-marathon/

Image: Vilte Balciunaite

.9

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Comment

thecourieronline.co.uk/comment

Comment Editors: Victoria Armstrong & Matt Corden Online Comment Editor: Ruth Davis courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

Smart drugs: harmless study aid or the scourge of academia?

Personally, I am completely against the use of study-aid drugs. Firstly, if you have to take a performance enhancing drug to be able to get through your work in a subject that you actually like, that for me signals a sad day. Obviously it’s naïve to think that people don’t have other responsibilities to consider: social obligations, a good sleeping pattern, family gatherings, assignments, fitness, part-time jobs. It would be terrible to suggest that people trying to maintain a balance of all of those things don’t struggle from time to time. However, I don’t think the answer to the question of how you can stay on top of those things is drugs. There is a reason why athletes are forbidden to take them, and why the use of them in academic settings is discouraged. Leaning on any kind of drug for support can become a dangerous habit. It is not a healthy mind set to believe that you cannot cope with your own pressures without study-aids – the focus instead should be pragmatic, realistic routines.

Eating regularly, sleeping well and putting aside specific time for revision are all good ways to increase your prowess around exam time, without the damaging side effects.

Alexandra Lyon says says study drugs must be challenged, while A Antonia ntonia Velikova p Velikova provides rovides the case against

It’s not in our authority to judge the ways that people choose to cope with their stress. I’m not in any way promoting the use of study aids, and I do agree that when used in a high dosage and without any regulation, the side effects can be damaging. However, it’s unfair to attribute people’s anxieties to “a sad day.” Performance enhancing drugs are a way of coping for some who can’t adhere to the preconceived model of the Good Student© that is exceptional at everything, including time management. Blaming people with addictive personalities for their addictions is harmful and it erases the actual problem of the raised expectations that university students have to face every day. Not everyone was born with a readiness to deal with those expectations. The educational system’s perception of what’s morally right and what’s not is intrinsically skewed there in the first place, so the denial of the need of some people to resort to measures such as study aids is dangerous and harmful. If some people do believe that the answer to staying in top of everything, then who are we to tell them that their behaviour is unhealthy or damaging? Change needs to begin at the cause of taking those drugs in the first place, rather than with shaming the people who do. Being prescriptive and mildly condescending about it doesn’t go anywhere in even attempting to solve the problem at its core.

The most common study drug these days is by far Modafinil – a narcolepsy drug that promises enhanced memory, motivation and an “unrelenting ability to focus.”

It’s definitely the case that not many student users regard these drugs to be safe in any capacity. Quite the contrary, they’re often used and abused a last resort. Just like any recreationally used substance – even caffeine – an overexposure can cause unpleasant side effects in those using them. No matter how hard we keep mulling over “drugs are bad,” that won’t do anything to stop recreational drug users. Drug policies drug laws are intrinsically flawed in that way that they concentrate on attacking drug users rather than the cause that leads to the recreational use of any kind of substances, including study drugs. Prevention starts at the core, at studies into the behaviour of users and in understanding why students feel the need to resort to what many would believe are drastic measures. Too much prevention information is already there and easily accessible, hammered into our heads ever since we were in school, yet not enough information is available for those looking for ways to kick the addiction. That attitude only leads to increasing social stigma and lets the actual institutions at fault for putting too much pressure on students get away with it. We need to look at the bigger picture here.

Also, the study drugs that are most commonly used are Adderall and Ritalin, which are normally given to sufferers of ADHD to make up for their lack of dopamine. A student who takes these drugs, while maintaining a normal level of dopamine, can be exposed to hallucinations, impulsive behaviour, paranoia, and irritability. Most students would imagine them to be safer than street-bought drugs, but that is not the case. When the study aids wear off, they can also cause terrible mood swings, lowering the level of focus to below what the student had before they started. On the same note – using drugs that have not been prescribed specifically for you is illegal. This could become a problem because although the drug is not thought of as being particularly addictive, reliance on it could mean that larger or more frequent doses are required to reap the same effects. Usually, it is not simply the case that someone crams for a test, takes a study aid to help them, and then continues as usual. They provide such powerful focus and relief that they are not easy to walk away from once you have tried them. It’s a dangerous and vicious cycle – avoid!

Share Ione’s story because you care, not for likes

Ione Wells’ story of a barbarous sexual assault deserves a wide audience, but mustn’t be exploited for narcissistic ends

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en ‘document’ far worse assaults and attacks. rather than hiding in guilty fear and avoiding dark the campaign and share the message behind it.

Antonia Cundy oft None of these ever go viral, so why did Ione’s story? streets at night. Sufferers of sexual assault rarely I would guess that a depressing amount of them

few weeks ago, a girl named Ione Wells was assaulted on the blossom-tree lined street she lives on in Notting Hill, London. She was grabbed by her breasts with such force that her bra tore in half, and was then shoved down to the ground, and repeatedly kicked in the head and body as an attempt to make her stop screaming. Thankfully, she didn’t stop screaming, and her neighbours heard and came to her rescue.

Her assailant was later caught by the police, and convicted.

Sadly, assaults like these are not particularly rare. The aftermath, however, was. Ione wrote an open letter to her assailant in one of the student magazines at Oxford University, where she studies. The article went completely viral; receiving tens of thousands of likes, shares, and views on social media. Within a day or two, Ione was on the front cover of the Times, and her thoughts were being published by the Telegraph, the Guardian, the Evening Standard, as well as being discussed on Capital Radio. She was even mentioned on the Australian news. As we know, assaults are not rare, and neither are articles about them. Consider all the shock-factor stories in trashy magazines, which

The message in Ione’s letter to her assailant was a brave and rarely heard one. She did not protect her anonymity, nor did she rave about how women need to be more aware of the danger of assaults and their proximity to us every day. Instead, she emphasised the brilliant response from her community that the assault generated, and insisted that there are far more good people out there than bad – her assailant was the anomaly to Ione, not herself. Ione stated that she, and her community, would not live in fear because of her assault, but instead would go about their lives as usual. If anything, they would be stronger; united by the action of community members coming to each other’s aid.

Her letter launched the #NotGuilty campaign, which aims to ‘abolish the view that people put themselves into situations of assault’. It encourages women to come forward if they have been assaulted, and to continue to lead their normal lives,

speak out about it, and Ione urges that this must change.

The viral take-off of Ione’s letter has been attributed to its unusual and fierce message, her lack of anonymity, and her lack of fear in the face of her assailant. But is this really why it went viral?

This might be a cynical suggestion, but I believe although it was indeed her lack of anonymity that caused her letter to go viral, it was unfortunately not for the right reasons.

Her lack of anonymity meant that she become a person rather than just a number: a friend, a sister, a cousin, a girlfriend, etc. This is what may have led to the thousands of shares on social media: ‘Read the brave letter written by my friend/sister/ cousin/girlfriend/friend’s sister/friend’s friend’ etc. etc. Those were certainly the opening lines of all the posts that appeared on my newsfeed. Sadly, I don’t think half these shares actually occurred because the sharer genuinely wanted to promote

“Sufferers of sexual assault rarely speak out about it, and Ione urges that this must change”

actually came from people who barely know Ione and barely understand her message, but egotistically wanted to be associated with someone who suffered, by sharing the letter and claiming any link they could to her. In the same way we tell tales of horrible events or tragedies that happened to people we know, people shared Ione’s message to garner some sort of attention for themselves, through the association of ‘knowing’ her. The numerous other assault stories and articles in the media aren’t explosively shared in the same way, because people couldn’t claim a connection to the person.

The question is though, does this matter? If it results in the campaign going viral, and the message being publicised, surely how it got there isn’t important? Or is this view flawed? Would the same message have received the attention Ione’s did if it had been put forward in an anonymous letter?

Probably not.

The success and importance of Ione’s campaign should certainly not be lessened by these thoughts, but they provide food for thought on a topic that is rarely discussed – in modern day society there is a gross fame-culture that resides on the suffering of people. And perversely, it’s best when they’re people we know.

10.comment

SOAP BOX FACEBOOK There are plenty of articles nowadays that whinge about how social media and technology are taking over our lives, ruining our communication skills, and generally turning us all into worse human beings. In most instances, I tend to disagree with these views. The benefits of technological and social media advances far outweigh the potential negative effects. Recently however, in one particular aspect, I’ve been leaning the other way. Facebook is being used more and more for the organisation of societies, and work-based organisations. And it is annoying me, a lot. Having society groups, ironically ones such as the Courier, on Facebook mean that I’m no longer able to sit and do something else and entirely ignore Facebook. This is because my Facebook notifications are now not only made up of pointless, original-Facebook style notifications that aren’t urgent, such as photo tags etc., but also urgent and important notifications. I can’t safely ignore Facebook on my phone when sitting down to read, because important stuff goes through it too now. If I’d ignored my phone, I wouldn’t be writing this article, because I’d have missed the notification of articles going this week, and someone else would have taken it. Bloody nightmare.

Antonia Cundy

UKIP, U LOSE At the time of writing this, we do not know the outcome of the election but it does not matter for there is a growing attitude extending across our society and has been for some time now. That attitude is one of intolerance put forward by Nigel Farage and his gang of merry pub aficionados. Of course, UKIP will say that they themselves are not nationalist and that they just want a fairer Britain but that does not mean that they are not indirectly promoting ideas of nationalism. The other day on the metro, for example, I overheard two gentlemen attempting to blame the financial crisis on immigrants. It seems that in the chaos of misinformation there is to be only one scapegoat that increasing amounts of the population like to latch onto – foreigners. We are implicitly told to be weary of immigrants “taking our jobs” or spreading “anti-British beliefs”. I don’t know about you but it seems to me that intolerance is the only anti-British belief around here. The sooner we encourage the accommodation of our neighbours, the better because I, for one, don’t want to be on the wrong side of history.

Josh Snell

NO OFFENCE Stephen Fry said it first, in fact he said it considerably better than I could ever hope to.

Simply being “offended” by something is not good enough. Instead of being “offended” by someone’s opinion, perhaps construct your own? Maybe have a debate, or an argument?

Don’t lambast an opinion as wrong or unworthy of being listened to just because in some way it disagrees or offends with something you align with. It’s irritating, boring – above all – completely ineffective, aside from the aforementioned two endeavours. If I want to say I think a monotheist God with omnipotence must either not exist or be incredibly, disgustingly cruel that’s fine (y’know, things like AIDS and Alzheimer’s seem to suggest so).

If you want to disagree that’s even more fine, in fact the debate between the two opinions would probably be quite interesting. However, ‘if you take the time only to “be offended” then you can take yourself and your offence’ all the way down the street, then out of the city, then off the planet. Essentially, you can shit off.

David Leighton

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Election breakdown In the wake of a surprise Tory win in the General Election, our writers express their joy, dismay and general discontentment with the whole process Goodbye career politicians

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o matter what your opinion on the overall election outcome, there were positives to come out of it – in my eyes this came through the removal of high profile ‘career’ politicians and a rejection of the politics of fear espoused by George Galloway and Nigel Farage.

Career politicians are a ubiquitous breed of slippery, question dodging, focus group orientated parliamentarians hell bent on towing the party line, seemingly devoid of any conviction or initiative. It was therefore with great pleasure that in the small hours I watched as first Douglas Alexander, Labour’s campaign chief, conceded his seat to a 20 year old SNP student before Danny Alexander, a man whose regurgitation of monotonous, lacklustre phrases belies his intelligence, fell well short against the SNP. This was a clear, powerful message from voters seeking charismatic representatives in tune with the opinion of their constituents, not just their Chief Whip.

The real icing on the cake came as George Galloway first lost his Bradford West seat and then, more remarkably, appeared to lose his shit in a obligatory concession speech – blaming his rather humiliating defeat on “Zionists” and “racists” in a typically bitter manner. Thankfully, Bradford’s voters saw through his sham campaign tactics of smearing opponents, announcing imminent victory in TV interviews, tweeting unofficial exit polls and declaring Bradford an “Israel free zone”.

This, coupled with Nigel Farage’s rejection as a parliamentary candidate for the 7th time, proved once more that the politics of hope will always prevail over demagoguery.

George Lamb

O

ur electoral system is now a total fucking sham. We need the option of preference, and proportional representation.

Robert Magowan

F

rom a Labour point of view, Thursday night/Friday morning was a bit of a disaster. Most people expected a wipeout in Scotland, I think, but not quite to the extent that it did. In an ideal world the fact that Ed Miliband wasn’t the most photogenic shouldn’t matter and I am convinced that he would have been a successful Prime Minister had he won.

Unfortunately, the reality is that how you look is important, especially when you’ve annoyed a media mogul and he’s out to get you. What this election seems to have shown is that people vote for a President-like figure, for a party not for their local MP. Labour doesn’t need to make a huge switch to the left or right, they’re fine in the centre-left ground they currently occupy and realistically they will bounce back.

Jake Harrison

I

f voter demographics and the social media response to the General Election is anything to go by, British youth may well be warming up to the idea of getting out of bed to head down to the polling station. With apps such as YikYak gaining popularity, and established sites such as Facebook introducing an ‘I’ve Voted’ share button, social media has become an important tool in politics.

One positive of this is that political parties and their policies are more accessible than ever. Young people who would usually be apathetic toward the election process are instead doing their research about who will get that sought after X on the page. The younger demographic is traditionally severely underrepresented, and this year’s election may be the start of the changing of the tide.

However, bringing politics to social media can also have a nasty side. There is already a tendency to be judged over appearance, number of friends, likes/dislikes, and it would seem political leanings could be added to this list. You would have to have had your head buried in the sand to ignore the battle-worthy scenes being fought out between

A

triumph for the one and only Dave (DC#10 reprezentin’), but spare a thought for all the losers of GE2015; there were a lot.

Poor Theresa May looked more like a scrunched up receipt than ever before. Her leadership chances gone. Boris couldn’t shake the impression of a dyslexic drunk who’d just found out that Uxbridge doesn’t have a PM, or a delicatessen. Others milled around with a look of shock. Sam Cam was reluctantly shovelled into Downing Street like a child into church on Christmas morning. And that’s just the Conservatives. Clegg lost everything, for everyone, except for his own seat, so he still has to live in Sheffield. Farage couldn’t win that glamorous Thanet South job (bloody immigrants comin’ over ‘ere...) but it turns out he might return in September like a strain of seasonal flu. Balls fell down the general erection shaft and got the sack.

Never a nice image. And as for the other Ed, he might just use one of the 33 London bridges that cross the Thames and put that great big MiliStone around his neck to good use.

Joe Tetlow

Minority representation

A

s a left wing voter the rise of New Labour stripped the party of it’s soul, which is why I voted Green.

In the UK, a vote is not for an MP but a party; whips are in place to make sure politicians toe the party line. This is not true representation and minor party MPs offer a unique opportunity to act unaffected by pressure from within their own party.

Having followed the work of my local MP Caroline Lucas over the last five years I am proud to have been represented by a politician with such integrity. From extensive campaigning for affordable housing and public transport costs to being told to ‘cover up’ her “no more page three” t-shirt, Lucas is a true spokeswoman for the people. Her re-election in Brighton Pavilion showed an 11% swing to the Greens and is illustrative of the confidence the constituency has in a minor party MP. The tradition of Westminster promotes the protection of theatre politics between Oxbridge career politicians, leaving many voters disillusioned.

Instead, it is time we say no to politics as usual and start backing those we really believe in.

Finlay Anderson

H

aving stayed up to watch the complete decimation of the Labour party, in England and Scotland, I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen.

I would like a job that’s not zero hours, I would like a free NHS (unlikely) and I would also like small businesses to prosper, oops. Do people genuinely not care for others anymore?

Josh Nicholson between student keyboard warriors of the Labour and Conservative persuasion. It can be very tempting to engage in heated argument with someone with opposing opinions; but if the topic does come up in conversation care must be taken to engage in a balanced, reasonable debate, no matter how tempting it may be to shut down someone’s views. If someone is felt bullied, belittled, harassed or intimidated over their political views, they will be less likely to actually take interest and go out and utilise their right to vote meaning the voice of the youth will still be unheard and underrepresented.

The joy of a democracy is that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and that should be respected; especially in the public domain.

Alice Nicholl

T

he General Election 2015 was certainly going to be an important election for Britain, as all elections are. However, whilst the election is important, its outcome was fairly predictable. Neither Labour nor Conservative, or indeed any of the other parties, would enjoy a sensational majority, instead creeping into Number 10 with a minimal lead. Contrast this with the results of the election in Scotland.

Yesterday’s polling station experienced an ‘electoral whirlwind’, with results bearing testimony to the worryingly unstoppable force of the SNP. Having exceeded their own expectations, the party have won 58/59 seats in the country, reflective of an increase in 30% of the vote since 2010. Scotland, it seems, remains gripped by Nationalism Fever. Despite the SNP’s failed bid for independence, the country appears to be still enamoured with the passion Nicola Sturgeon and her party hold for the Scottish people. Whilst it can certainly only be a good thing that Scotland will now have more of a voice in Westminster, one might worry about Sturgeon’s bully-boy approach to politics. Even more concerning is the presence of a nationalist party in Parliament, who will use every tool at their disposal to make the bid for independence. The SNP’s landslide Scottish victory will have a profound impact on the future of our country, and that is something every British voter should be concerned about.

Sophie Allinson

E

veryone seems to be reacting to the news of a Tory majority as if the world was ending. As if Davy C was in fact the long-lost lovechild of Vladamir Putin and Kim Jong-un, lustfully eyeing up No.10.

But hasn’t anyone noticed that he’s already been here for five years? All this talk of apocalypse and Orwellian dystopia - really, I doubt anyone will notice much of a change.

Victoria Armstrong

W

atching the results Friday morning, I had a few thoughts; I wonder if David Cameron will send Nicola Sturgeon some red roses to say thank you?

It will be interesting to see what happens to the Labour leadership in the next few weeks; has David Milliband bought his ticket back to the UK yet? And the people calling for the first past the post system to be changed to proportional representation; will they be so enthusiastic now that UKIP’s total vote percentage has risen to over 12%?

Sam Sharp

comment.11

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015 Do not find comfort in apathy

I

f you’re anything other than a Tory, chances are you woke up this morning with a pretty bitter taste in your mouth. For all the worries about hung parliaments and shaky powershares, it genuinely seemed as if this Election would be different from all the others.

There was, for once, hope of a real alternative – a two-fingers-up to the old Eton boys – but instead we’ve ushered in the first Conservative majority in decades. That’s five more years of cuts, five more years of food banks and - the pessimists weep - a death knell for the NHS. What now then? To some (Russell who?) it’s a sign that all hope is lost. The system is broken beyond repair, and there’s nothing we can do to fix it; we might as well shove our ballot papers, piss on the Union Flag and hop on the first boat to Calais. But let it be known: now is NOT the time to disengage. Now is the time to care more than ever. Time to write letters, assemble on town squares and make our passions known to the boys whose continued incumbency relies on our continued apathy. Don’t cry before it’s over. Fight first! There’s time on democracy yet – and that time is ours – but we can’t let it run out.

Alex Bell

I

’ve been a staunch labour supporter all of my life and I have to say this election has been incredibly disappointing.

The SNP’s domination of Scotland has proven they have the strength and support that comes with having a strong core ideology; which labour are lacking. I had the privilege of meeting MP Tony Benn in 2012 who warned about politicians being ‘weathercocks’: changing their stance based upon polls and offering nothing of substance. If anything that’s what has become of the Labour party - populist weathercocks. Every policy was reactionary, they played entirely into the Conservative’s hands. I sincerely hope there is a change in leadership that represents a shift away from populism towards a more ideologically defined party. Look at the SNP’s membership: every one stands for progressive politics and is anti-austerity; it’s been a very cohesive movement.

Jonathan Bowen

T

wo words: Shy. Tories. Those who didn’t admit to being Tory until they went to vote. Those who disguised the true balance of opinions. Those who gave labour false hope.

Mark Mortimer

The DUP in Westminster

T

he initial exit polls didn’t make for great reading; as soon as they were announced, social media went up in arms about the prospect of a Tory-DUP coalition. A prospect made even more likely by Cameron staunchly refusing to rule out such a deal, in spite of the DUP’s recent tendency to spout bigotry.

Our First Minster and DUP leader, Peter Robinson, backed proposals for a ‘conscience clause’, which would allow business owners to refuse service to the LGBT community on the grounds of ‘strongly-held religious beliefs.’ This could effectively see an adoption agency, hotels, restaurants etc refuse service to a gay couple. He also recently stood by a fellow party member who called for homosexuality to be illegalised, and went further saying he hoped that gay people would “obey the law”. And not restricting his bigotry to the LGBT community, he was forced to apologise for supporting Pastor James Mcconnell, after infamously referring to Muslims as “spawn of the devil” in a hate-filled sermon. Thankfully, with the Tories (somehow) achieving a majority, a coalition between the two parties can be ruled out. But as someone who would like to see GB and NI’s union maintained, it’s disheartening to think that the DUP is, by some margin, the party which ‘represents’ me in Westminster. I am proud of my country, but certainly not of its politicians, who seem unable to move forward into the 21st century.

Jack Sterne

S

The end is nigh

o after weeks and months of opinion polls telling us it was ‘too close to call’ the bloody Tories walked it. So, if you are like me you’ll be wondering what happens next?

Yes, Cameron will be the next Prime Minister, but what’s in store for the future of UK politics?

This election has seen significantly increased numbers of people voting for UKIP and the Green Party yet this has not translated into seats in the House of Commons. This is an unfortunate result of our arcane electoral system so I would hope the next few years encourages further debate about electoral reform, as First Past the Post is designed solely for the 2 party system.

A progressive society needs a progressive electoral system and I would hope that David Cameron’s government would re-open this debate.

Furthermore, SNP’s dominance in Scotland will further heighten the constitutional crisis currently emanating from Westminster regarding Scotland’s position in the Union. Will Sturgeon call for ‘Devo-max’? Fiscal autonomy?

Another indy referendum? Maybe it will even increase calls for further Welsh or even English devolution through regional Assemblies. What is clear is that while it may appear that nothing has really changed. Everything has. Forever.

Ciaran Donaghy

Examination imagination, please T

Mark Sleightholm

here are many reasons that people come to Uni, with the “University experience” probably ranking quite highly. But I think most people are hoping to leave Uni with a bit more to show for their nine grand than just happy memories. At the end of the day there needs to be some way of proving that we know what we claim to, but sit-down exams at the end of the year aren’t necessarily the best way of doing this.

The head of exam board OCR has suggested that students sitting A-Level and GCSE exams could soon be allowed to use the Internet during their exam. Apparently in this day and age people don’t actually need to remember vast amounts of dates, names or formulae (did they ever?).

As the summer exam period approaches, students of all ages will see their futures determined in the space of a few hours. On just a few sheets of paper rests the difference between getting into Uni or not, or achieving that 2:1 that is the only way to open so many doors.

But how is it that some subjects get their assessment broken up into tiny sections, each worth about 5% of the module, when others rely solely on a single exam at the end? I suspect the answer is something to do with different subjects requiring different skills. To be fair, essay-based courses couldn’t really have half-hour multiple choice exams in the way that something like Maths can.

On the other hand, we are the most examined generation in history, having taken tests since we were six. And regardless of how much it’s worth, an exam’s an exam, an exam that we have to prepare for and stress about – no wonder student stress levels are rising year on year. Having fewer, but more important, exams is perhaps preferable.

“Some people are better at essays. Others are good at exams. Or presentations. Or group work. Or whatever”

Michael Gove tried his best to make school like it was in the “good old days” and scrapped coursework, modular exams and just about any other advancement education had made in the past fifty years. This may or may not improve standards – we’ll find out in about twenty years’ time – but it certainly limits options. Some people are better at essays. Others are good at exams. Or presentations. Or group work. Or whatever. When Gove said he wanted to raise standards what he actually meant was he wanted to measure everyone against his own standards.

But that’s schools. Universities, thankfully, have far more control over their methods of assessments.

Which means that student opinions could actually count for something.

In fairness, the University does seem to be looking at less conventional assessments, with take-home exams, online tests and oral presentations all seeing wider adoption. What I’d really like to see (although it would undoubtedly cause chaos) would be students able to chose their own method of assessment, so that everyone could pick the one they do best at.

Schemes like the ncl+ Award do come with academic recognition, which is a step in the right direction. University should be (and is) about so much more than just marks. Why, then, should the result of your degree, and with it, your future, be decided by a small handful of assessments all of the same format? If you can’t do exams, you’re screwed.

Gove may have tried to reduce GCSEs and ALevels to an all-or-nothing exam at the end of the course, but degrees are for people sufficiently interested in a subject to dedicate three years of the lives to it. Students deserve better than a one-sizefits-all examination system.

12.lifestyle

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle & Tom Tibble

Moan calls Jade Holroyd on why as much as you might love your mum, sometimes it’s kindest to ignore her calls

I

ncoming call: Mum—decline. Whether you’re too hungover to function or you simply can’t be bothered with the endless list of questions, although it’s nothing to be proud of, we’ve all hit decline and there’s no denying it.

“Hi mum. I’m great thanks. What am I up to?

Well…it’s 3pm and still I’m in bed cos I had one too many trebs last night. Don’t worry though, I’ve got an endless supply of Netflix and ASDA’s own energy drinks to help me along the way… it’s fine though cos Uni doesn’t really matter anyway. Oh and I still haven’t washed my bed sheets since the start of term.” How do you think that one would go down eh?

“Mums always know when you’re lying so there’s no point in even trying”

Explaining the fact that you’ve not gone to Uni all week isn’t an easy task, so you might as well avoid the hassle completely by not answering calls from mum. No matter how hard you try, your list of reasons as to why you’ve not been simply won’t cut it with mum–let’s face it, it’s taken long enough for you to talk yourself into believing that your reasons are justifiable. So, the solution? Avoid her calls! You might as well wait until you’ve got some good news to tell her over the phone rather than having to admit that you’re an absolute bum, because remember…you’re supposed to be an adult now!

It’s impossible to tell your mum about the daily endeavours of student life without installing a sense of shame/shock/fear (or even all three) in her, so by avoiding her calls you’re actually doing her a favour. Mums always know when you’re lying so there’s no point in even trying to blag your way out of a sticky situation…you must therefore click decline. Even if your mum has been a student herself, this was a long, long, looooong time ago and nothing she did will ever compare to what you do now. Missing uni because that ten minute walk is just too much to handle, choosing a wild night out over a night in doing seminar reading, or handing your assignment in late because you’re a procrastination addict…for mum? All incomprehensible.

Of course there’s a sense of guilt that comes with pressing decline, but you’re pressing decline out of the goodness of your heart. It’s not that you don’t want to talk to her; it’s more than you can’t talk to her… because talking to her could do more harm than good. If the tables were turned and mum was the one not answering the calls, would there be a problem? Absolutely! But fear not, your mum has her life in order and she’s got absolutely nothing to hide so this is never going to happen. To all the mums out there…it’s not that we don’t love you - in fact we avoid your calls because we love you – but some things are better left unsaid.

Work in the public sextor Fancy a tumble in the hay? Fill your boots, says 5XWK /RHIÀ HU -­ but be wary

W

hether you’ve taken the plunge or not, public sex is guaranteed to have come up in discussion at some point. Channel Four are documenting it and apparently dogging societies have been popping up even at freshers’ fairs. It can’t just be me who’s been followed by mythical legends of ‘that girl’ who tossed her first boyfriend off in the cinema, or lost her virginity in a graveyard, ever since puberty. And these rumours have always been met with the same reaction—a mixture of disgust and admiration. But it is interesting to see what these reactions turn into whilst we live away from school rumours, parents and general morals.

Asking around various friends, the general consensus seems to be that sex in public is actually okay, even better than normal sex according to some.

Although none of these people are downright doggers, it seems the risk factor is pretty appealing to randy, hormoneriddled students. I have been surprised at the stories arising from my flatmates—a cheeky quickie outside the aptly named Sinners, putting the ‘digit’ in Digital, and even christening the Ricky Road fire escape.

Plus, if Yik Yak is any indicator, Robinson Library is the number one place to get laid this semester.

However, opinions are divided when it comes to the suitability of these actions. It is interesting how generally, getting down and dirty in a club is pretty frowned upon—particularly by girls—and yet alleyway antics are considered a good story to tell.

So what makes it different? The fact that in a club you are surrounded by other people, security and

bouncers? There was an infamous story circulating college once of a boy being dragged through the local Liquid club, trousers round ankles caught right in the act in the Ladies toilets. Some risks are worth taking, and some just end up being impossible to live down.

Whilst being the participant might seem invigorating (I’m sure we are all guilty of getting caught in a moment of overt PDA especially after one too many trebles), just remember to look out for the barman who can see right up your skirt before you rummage around in the booth that you think is secluded. This stands for sex in public anywhere. The best thing about hearing the revelations from your friends comes from the fact that you would never know if they hadn’t told you. They might have been at it in a grimy public toilet but you didn’t walk in on them. They might have done it broad daylight in a field but their only audience were the Leazes cows.

Maybe the word ‘public’ gives the wrong idea. General consensus dictates that ‘the public’ should have very little to do with it. It’s like planning your first house party when your parents are out—from the outside; you are daring, adventurous and a complete badass. Little do they know you would never in a million years leave this up to chance and in actual fact your parents are in Bulgaria with your sister on standby reporting their every move. Herein lies the similarity with public sex; yes you are outside and yes it is risky, but you have also analysed every entrance to the fire escape and every CCTV camera down that alleyway. If you are still thinking this is too careful, can you please imagine having to explain yourself to your halls’ security team?

Pharmaceutical study buds Lauren Exell questions whether study drugs are worth all the buzz questions whether study drugs are worth all the buzz

W

e’ve all heard of study drugs designed to enhance our mental performance— something we’re all in desperate need of this time of year with dissertation hand-ins and exams looming on the horizon. From Ritalin to the so called ‘Limitless’ pill, these drugs seem to have no fault. They dramatically increase the chances of remembering things such as doctor’s appointments and responding to emails in a timely fashion, as well as effectively cramming in all the leftover revision on the list.

They’re hardly the first legal drugs to find their way onto the market, but evidence shows the effects (particularly that of Ritalin for non-ADHD users) can be potentially harmful. Ritalin is one of the easiest available on the market, but news stories indicate examples of university students who have spiralled into mental illness and depression through repeated use. Due to the surge of euphoria and adrenaline upon taking the drug, it is easy for uses to slip into a vicious cycle of taking the drug every time they study. Also, I’ve heard countless stories of people who revised efficiently when on the drug, but as soon as they got into the exam and weren’t on the high anymore, their mind completely blanked.

All in all, to me it doesn’t seem worth it, especially when there are numerous healthier alternatives. First of all, remember, caffeine is your friend. Whether it’s pro-plus or numerous coffees throughout the day, it is sure to keep you going through those all-nighters. Although caffeine is still a drug, coffee is sure to keep your concentration at a maximum whist preventing you from crashing when it actually comes to the exam. Careful not to go overboard though – downing multiple

Relentless at once can leave you buzzing and ready to release all your energy, but unable to concentrate on anything, so take it slow.

It’s also useful to make sure you have breaks from studying. Fuck it, go for a quick run in Exhibition Park or take a trip shopping—you’re undeniably going to complete revision more effectively when you get back to studying rather than staring for 12 hours at a computer getting nowhere. Next, skip the party, there will be others. The tragic case of ‘fear of missing out’ is always a bummer, but you’ll feel much better knowing the work is done rather than waking up in the morning with a bad hangover wondering why you’re in your flatmates bed, and panicking about your next hit of the chosen study drug. Lastly, don’t wake up till the last minute. We’re going to have a hell of a lot more energy and potential to complete work effectively in the morning than after hours on Ritalin, so make your decisions wisely.

All these are much healthier methods than study drugs to make sure you get work done as effectively as possible. In fact, evidence has shown that students on study drugs don’t actually perform better, they just thought they did, which probably means the non-takers will be the last ones laughing.

.13

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Culture thecourieronline.co.uk/culture

Culture Editor: Kate Bennett Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV, Gaming and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline

Blind Date

Stuart Brown, 4th Year, Maths MA meets Alice Whitby, 1st Year, Business Studies

Stuart on Alice

How did you two arrange to meet?

I texted her number which felt a bit weird - obviously the whole concept about blind date is you don’t know anything about them, but it did kinda feel like ‘Who-s this?’ - but we met up at Monument and then went to MSA. Straight away?

Yeah, I’m a fancy lad. I suggested Basement but that joke didn’t go down to well.

How was the initial meet up?

It was alright. She was carrying an umbrella that had completely broken which was funny. She was a nice lass, chatty.

What did you make of her appearance?

Yeah, cracking looking lass.

Your accent is great, where are you from?

Huddersfield. She kept not being able to hear me, I think because of my accent.

How long did you stay at MSA? Till about 11. We got there at about half 8 so we’d been there a while. It was a bit embarrassing because she managed to drink her drinks faster than I could. She was quite pissed.

What did you make of his appearance?

Well dressed, he looked like a nice boy, smiley.

Any awkward topics of conversation?

No not really, was all pretty easy.

How much did you have to drink?

A bit. Two glasses of white, some tequila, some cocktails.

I was predrinking for a night out. And then he tagged along. He came to my house and I just needed to drop my bag off and then expected him to leave. I thought that that would be the end of the date but I didn’t want to be rude. It was fun. I was predrinking to go out and expected him to leave after we got home.

Was the age gap a problem?

No, I didn’t even consider it.

What’s the last thing you remember?

Dancing on the raised decking bit in Rusty’s with some gay lads.

How come?

They put maggots in her room. The bin bags got left out in the hall and infested her room. It’s one of those things in first year.

How did you get so pissed?

I’m just a lightweight. I thought we’d finished the date so that’s why I went home. I knew I was going to go out. He walked me home but I didn’t expect him to stay.

Did you feel any romance?

I don’t think so, maybe the age gap was a problem.

Did you feel that was a barrier?

Not a barrier so to speak, more so that she got with another guy.

HUH? How did you feel?

It wasn’t great. She wanted to go to Digital but she was quite fucked and we went into Rustys and starting walking around Rustys asking people who they voted for and telling them to fuck off if the answer wasn’t Labour. Well other than Green, Green was an okay response.

Blimey. How did the night end?

She was busy getting off with this guy so I just left. I was stood chatting to this guy’s gay mate.

How long did this go on for?

I don’t know, I left. I was at the bar next to her and then the next minute she was getting off with this guy. It was a really nice date until Rustys, just a very drunken affair. She had one too many beers. She had a beer.

Did he look like Ed Miliband?

Yeah, a bit. He had the dark hair. So a lot more like Ed Miliband than I do.

Will you meet up again?

Probably not.

Before MSA did you think you had a chance?

Maybe 50/50 as to whether I could pull her, but yeah, then Rusty’s happened. I didn’t even realise it was a gay bar until I danced on the podium and this guy danced with me and then later on a group of 50 year-old cougars did the Macarena.

What animal would she be and why?

Literally no idea. I have no idea.

Rating after Rustys?

4

How was the meet up?

We met at Monument and then went to MSA. My umbrella was going everywhere because it was really windy but that was just funny.

How was MSA? Fine. He’s really nice, I just didn’t fancy him. I knew I didn’t fancy him straight away.

Any awkward topics of conversation?

She was very into Labour and had a weird crush on Ed Miliband and well I don’t look much like Ed Miliband so I didn’t hold out much hope. She did say she didn’t like the lads in her house.

Rating before Rustys?

7.5

Alice on Stuart

Looking for love? Send in your details to c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

And after home you went to Rusty’s?

Yeah, but it didn’t feel like I was on a date anymore. He wasn’t supposed to have come on the night out.

Did you enjoy the experience?

Yeah it was a fun night.

You don’t appear to remember pulling another chap at Rusty’s whilst Stuart was there?

Are you sure I wasn’t just dancing with somebody?

Stuart seemed pretty adamant. Do you have any regrets?

Leaving him and pulling this guy and ending on a night out. But that’s what I do on nights out I just get lost. I don’t know why he came. I didn’t fancy him at all though so, I just thought it was a bit of a joke, a bit of fun.

What animal would Stuart be?

A puppy because he’s innocent.

Would you meet up again?

As a friend, yeah.

Rate your date.

7

14.lifestyle

Monday May 11 2015

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle and Tom Tibble

The s even Public vs. State wonders of Sunderland I Schools of Thought: Josh Nicholson has a massive bag of chips on his shoulder about big posh sods with plums in their mouths

t’s an age old debate, one that will haunt the country far and wide for years to come until we stop living in the Victorian era. Can you really tell whether daddy has paid for one’s education or is there posh people everywhere naturally? They do breed like rabbits.

First, it’s important to note where someone is from before trying to guess what school they’ve been to. For instance, when you are trying to befriend a stranger, be aware that if they are from Cheshire East then they probably went to a posh school as I know all too well, being from near there. However, this issue is where you could go so, so wrong. As mentioned, hailing from a Cheshire state school in Helsby, I understand the complexity of the problem. We are not posh—just because we’re from Cheshire it doesn’t make my family posh. It doesn’t mean we own a Land Rover, and it doesn’t mean daddy bought me a pony.

Certain places visited on gap year or school trip can open up a whole new world of obvious that

“Another key area is hand jewellery. Signet rings are a dead giveaway” you’ve been to a private school. I couldn’t give less of an arse if you went skiing every year with school, big woop. Further, if you’ve been further than Berlin or Krakow you’re more than likely to have been to private school. Another stock phrase:: “yar I went with my school to Namibia and South Africar”. Right, well, that’s a bit further afield than Styal Mill 40 minutes down the road isn’t it?

Another key area is hand jewellery. Signet rings are a dead giveaway. Yeah you might think you’re cool bragging away about how daddy’s daddy’s daddy used to sign his wax slips with that chunky piece of gold on your finger, but what use is it now?

This is the 21st century and, who knows, maybe we actually have devices that mean you don’t have to send letters with a wax seal.

“This is the 21st century and, who knows, maybe we actually have devices that mean you don’t have to send letters with a wax seal”

Private school kids and their Instagrams is always a good distinguisher as well. As well as rubbing in your face that they live on a 40 hectare manor house in the deepest darkest countryside via the mode of pictures. Yes, that is correct, the posh v public debate is now online. Just to say, I’m not bitter. The signet ring then, and their usage of social media is a dead giveaway, watch out for the next time one of them mentions that they’re ‘out with the girls #landrover #countryside’, you’ll see.

In essence, you can see a lesser spotted-toryvoting-signet-ring-wearing-daddy’s boy/girl-landrover-driving-gap-year-taking-private-school-kid a mile off. Their natural habitat is Swingers on a Thursday or any other ‘edgy’ night where they’ll be comparing their family sovereign rings and comparing the ponies daddy has bought them in the past. Us state schoolers will more likely be at Basement or Flares, expressing the fact we have no money but don’t really give a shit because it’s cheap and ‘it’s better than a night out at home’.

Think Sunderland’s just a post-­ industrial wasteland full of radgie gadgies vomiting into bins and kicking pigeons to death? Think again. Jamie Shepherd presents his guide to his home town’s high points

A

hh Sunderland. The Remus to Newcastle’s Romulus. The Dannii to its Kylie.

The Paul Ross to its Jonathan Ross. It’s Newcastle’s dowdy spinster of a neighbour that for most students at this uni is but a distant and hazy realm on the horizons of the Metro.

As the Courier’s’s resident Mackem I feel that I have to prove that the city of Sunderland is more than just the place that gave us Lauren Laverne, Heather Mills McCartney, and cholera (Sunderland being the first place in Great Britain where the water-borne menace broke out in 1831). So read all about it. Here’s my totally exclusive, 100% factual, and in no way biased seven wonders of Sunderland.

Despite Sunderland’s city centre only being a quarter of the size of Newcastle’s, Sunderland manages to squeeze a whopping 6 Greggs into the space of half a kilometre. They may say that you’re only 6 ft away from a rat but in Sunderland you’re always pretty damn close to a Greggs. Let’s face it though, that’s not a particularly bad thing.

Penshaw monument It’s an old Sunderland saying that you know you’re home when you see Penshaw Monument and it’s something you can’t really miss. It’s a git big fuck off folly built to resemble a Greek temple and it’s visible for miles around. You can climb to the top and on one side you get remarkable views of Herrington Country Park. On the other side you get to view Washington and the Nissan industrial park.

On Easter Sunday there’s an Easter Egg roll down the side for the bairns. On other evenings expect doggers in the car park at the foot. Truly an iconic landmark to behold.

Louis’ Cafe, Pink Lane With the rise of artisan coffee and barista culture a trip to your nearest coffee shop can be quite a confusing affair. What cultivar of bean do you want?

Do you want it decaffeinated? Large, medium, or small? At Louis café on the Champs Elysees of Sunderland, Park Lane, be prepared to be whisked back to the days before frappucinos and coolers. In fact, you won’t even find a Panini on the menu here. Expect ham and cheese toasties, corned beef savoury sandwiches, and cuppa soup’s put through the cappuccino frother. If you ask for a latte, a stern faced fishwife in a vintage pinny will ask you “D’ya mean a milky coffee, pet?”. As for the décor, the entire café is kitted out in that 1970s style of faux-art deco that makes the whole place look like it’s been lifted from a classic BBC sitcom starring Ronnie Barker.

The birds of Park Lane While there is already a wildfowl park in Washington managed by the RSPB, it is the bird life that inhabits the city centre of Sunderland that is truly the most remarkable natural wonder of this city.

The numerous pigeons have, over time, become so used to the presence of city dwellers that they are essentially tame beasts. If you should so wish you could fit a whole brigade of them in your shopping trolly and take them home. These pigeons are generally pretty benign, however. It’s the seagulls you need to worry about.

Raised on a diet of discarded chips and kebab meat, these birds are bold in their manner. There are oft repeated stories of reckless shoppers having their steak bake wrested from their hands by a magnificent sized gull. Which leads us nicely on to my next point.

The sheer number of Greggs outlets in the city centre

The walrus of Mowbray Park “For the more conservative teenager a picture of you and your friends riding the walrus was enough, but for the bolder ones out there a picture of you spit roasting it is just as good for your Instagram”

Mowbray Park itself is a pretty fine example of Victorian civic architecture, even without the great renovation it went through at the turn of the Millennium, but for bored teenagers there’s only one great attraction. The walrus statue by the pond.

Inspired by literary psychedelic enthusiast Lewis Carroll, who famously spent some time in Sunderland, and his narrative poem ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’, this walrus has been the mainstay of Sunderland’s teenage social media output since the days of Piczo, Funtigo, and Myspace. For the more conservative teenager a picture of you and your friends riding the walrus is enough but for the bolder ones out there a picture of you spit roasting it is just as good for your Instagram account.

The Spectre Every town has it’s local characters and Sunderland has it’s fair share for the size of it. My particular favourite oddball is probably The Spectre. Essentially a Lowry painting come to life, this guy is an artist in his 70s who likes to make an appearance in town pretty much every Saturday night. While the fact that he goes into town at such an old age is pretty remarkable in its self, it is his attire that truly makes him remarkable. Like a Lowry painting come to life, The Spectre is never seen without his top hat, cravat and frock coat. Ladies, if you play your cards right, you might even be gifted by a red rose from the gentleman himself.

He’s essentially Sunderland’s resident Casanova.

The annual air show No list about Sunderland would be complete without a nod to the greatest event in the radgie calendar. The Sunderland International Airshow is one of the most popular excuses for the armed forces to indoctrinate the working class youths of Sunderland but is also the perfect opportunity for their dads to take their shirts off. No seriously, go to the airshow and look at how many shirtless men you’ll see. From Roker to Whitburn the coastline of Sunderland becomes an Abercrombie and Fitch casting call with every man thinking they’re a Double Maxim drinking Daniel Craig.

For serious attendees to the air show, however, you do get to experience the Red Arrows, Battle of Britain recreations and god-awful queues to use the Morrisons toilet on the sea front. Oh and for non-locals, if you get asked by an ice cream seller if you want monkey’s blood on your ice cream, don’t be alarmed. For some reason that’s what we call strawberry syrup over these parts. Don’t ask me why. I’ve learned that it’s better not to question these things.

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The Courier Monday May 11 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierLifestyle

How t o: b uild a

r evision f ort Holly Suttle shares her wisdom on the art of fort-­making at home W

ho said fort-making ever got old? Noone, that’s who. So when my editor requested that I write a detailed account on how to make the perfect fort within your student home, I knew he had come to the right person. I am the ultimate childlike fort-designer, and I have come to bestow my skills and wisdom upon you all. This is the last time that fort making will be acceptable, until you have children in another 20 years time, so start listening.

There are four types of fort to consider when making a den:

The classic tepee

If you don’t build this fort properly, you can have all sorts of problems. It can usually come out as smaller than the other forts, but if you build it properly, then it can be quite successful. Many fort-builders usually use the ‘tepee’ fort to store goods such as food, chocolate, alcoholic beverages and more. If you can attach the blankets to the ceiling, this fort can be exceptionally roomy, and able to fit many den-members in.

The hiding den

Holly in her fort

What you will need to make the perfect indoor fort: t #MBOLFUT t $VTIJPOT t 1JMMPXT t )FBWZ CPPLT t i4VQQMJFTw t "O JSPOJOH CPBSE t .JTDFMMBOFPVT TUVSEZ PCKFDUT NOTE: I have used the word sturdy, not heavy; DO NOT use an iron, because you won’t feel so great if someone pulls on the blanket roof and makes THAT land on your head. This is a hazardous issue, so please be sensible when building your fort.

This fort is more of a den, where you can literally not see any of the outside world when you are in it. It might be connected to your wardrobe, where you can hide amongst your clothes, or it might be attached to the underneath of your bed, where all sorts of miscellaneous objects are kept.

I like to refer to this type of fort as the “sulking space” as it is the one place many fort-makers will

shut themselves off to go and mope, or hide from the world. The key to making this fort is to create a space that is as dark as possible – no light should be seen from he outside world whatsoever when accomplishing this structure.

The cosy film fort

Arguably my favourite type of fort, the cosy film fort is meant to be a warm environment with enough space to snuggle and watch a film. Having a small table can be very handy to put both a laptop and snacks/supplies on.

Many cushions are needed for maximum comfort, and possibly a duvet too (if you can fit it in). This den is usually able to fit two or three people in, any more, and it can be too much of a squish. In my example of “How to Build a Fort” I will be following this structure.

The sleepover den

Less of a fort, and more of a giant bed, this den is used to simply make young adults and students alike feel at ease and OK with sleeping on the floor.

Nobody wants to sleep on the floor, but put a few cushions down and call it a den, and VOILA! Everyone wants to sleep on the floor. You just made friends staying over ten times easier. No complaints, because everyone would much rather sleep in a den than in a bed.

Just make sure that once you have decided on your type of fort to stick with it! Changing your mind half way through can lead to an awful mess.

“This is the last time fort making will be acceptable until you have children yourself, so start listening” A note of caution to all fort-builders: Please be aware that this fort was built in a safe and clean environment, and the Courier will take absolutely no responsibility for any failings of forts or injuries caused by building an unstable fort. We advise that you do not use any objects that may cause damage if they fall off or onto any human that may potentially be dwelling inside the fort at the time.

A visual of supplies

“I like to refer to this type of fort as the ‘sulking space’ as it is the one place many fort-makers will shut themselves off to go and mope”

The cosy film fort in all its glory

Directions

First, decide where the entrance to your den is going to be. Using the underneath of the ironing board is not the best idea, as this is the base structure of the fort, and can lead to the destruction of your den if you knock it over.

Next, position chairs or a sofa next to a wall, and tuck your longest blanket behind, pushing the chair against the wall to pull the blanket taught.

Then, estimate the length of the blanket, and put the ironing board opposite the wall, a good distance away. Lay the blanket over the ironing board, using your heavy books and miscellaneous sturdy objects to hold the blanket down in place.

Do this with a second blanket on either side of the ironing board so it drapes to the ground, creating a room beneath the wall and the board.

Now, depending on how many blankets you have, continue draping the blankets over until you have successfully blocked all light out of the fort. If you have a small table, place this at the edge of your fort – it can make a good sized entrance with a blanket draped next to it. Make sure there is space for you to put your “supplies” on the table inside your fort.

Next, fill your fort with cushions, duvets and pillows whilst leaving enough space to fit a human being. Comfort is key to making any den, especially if you plan on watching a movie in it.

Lastly, put your laptop, some chocolate, nachos, beer and a film inside the den. Add a little lamp for cosy mood lighting to create a warm atmosphere inside the den.

Go and put your comfiest clothes on and sit in the fort.

Your fort is complete!

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

All aboard: a guide to doing the Metro line Haymarket Giddy with excitement at the idea of drinking a lot (!) and going through Pelaw (!!) and going on largely sanitary public transport (!!!), you might be champing at the bit to get out of the city centre and into the wilds, but don’t neglect the charms of the pubs round the Metro station. The Northumberland Arms is a solid choice, even if it’s underground and so not much good for topping up on the old vitamin D. The Five Swans is also solid choice, though on matchdays you’ll have trouble breathing comfortably in there, let alone getting within spitting distance of the bar. Swinging cats is absolutely off the table.

Jesmond and West Jesmond You know the drill. Hit Ozzy Road, go where you usually go. RU Bar has a pretty fun boudoir area and you can buy eight pints in an enormous funnel-cum-silo type contraption used only by rowdy stags and thunderously disappointed One fun game to play is to get off at West Jesmond and head to the Lonsdale, order a pint and see if you can finish it off before the next Metro arrives. If you manage it, order another and see if you can see that off too. Repeat until the train arrives, or until everything goes sideways.

Ilford Road and South Gosforth Options a little more sparse up the north end of Jesmond and toward Gosforth, though presumably by this point you’ll be full of joie de vivre and won’t mind a shortish hop down into Jesmond Dene to the Blue Bell. Gosforth is probably a better bet though, with the Brandling Villa (excellent pies generally full of people with fantastic dogs) and the Millstone (where a TripAdvisor user says food comes in “hungry-man portions”) much closer and less likely to distract you with nearby petting zoos.

If you’re in the mood for celeb-spotting, head to the Blacksmith’s Arms to meet Blyth Spartans’ FA Cup hero Robbie Dale, who works behind the bar.

Why should the medics hog all the fun of riding the rails to Tynemouth and back while half-­cut? Plan your past-­exam season spree with Editor Tom Nicholson’s exhaustive guide to watering holes along the line West Monkseaton and Monkseaton The Monkseaton Arms is “convivial” according to one patron, which implies it’s made of fine old mahogany and smells like highly polished brass, even if Monkseaton doesn’t have much of a reputation for members’ clubs.

The Hunting Lodge near West Monkseaton station was given a bit of a mauling by one patron who was shocked that his children were only given “one choice of Fruit Shoot (pineapple)” but aside from that it sounds pretty solid.

Northumberland Park and Shiremoor The Toby Carvery is a British institution, but if you don’t fancy a nice hot cup of Bovril and jagermeister then go to Pavilion. Despite being described by one disappointed patron as “looking like a BMW garage”, was praised by another TripAdvisor user for the fact that “when ordering our drinks we were also asked if we would like water, when this was brought to our table the glasses were already filled with water and ice and the jug was full.

You do not often get asked for this in a lot of places.”

Then there’s Table Table - so well-stocked with tables, they named it twice - and the Holystone which a man called ‘david b’ has decreed is “very good”. That’s the sum total of his review. That incisive comment got fifteen ‘useful’ votes. Find the Keel Row and the Grey Horse if you’re feeling halfway fancy; neck warm, fizzy lager at Shiremoor Working Men’s Club if not.

Palmersville Longbenton and Four Lane Ends

We’re really out of the city now, so clutch this guide that much closer to your heart. Near Longbenton Metro, there’s the Charnwood (“The lounge is like a waiting room for dead chairs”, says one Google+ reviewer) and the Innesfree Social Club which, according to Google Street View, has been completely obliterated and replaced with a load of newbuild housing so probably avoid that. Near Four Lane Ends you’ve the Black Bull, favourite of exhausted athletes after a slog on the 3G pitches, plus the Ship Inn and the pleasantly old timey-sounding Benton Ale House.

The Wheatsheaf is nearest, and is a fairly beltand-braces, unremarkable sort of a place with an excellent Thai chef. You won’t be needing a Thai chef, I shouldn’t think, but it’s nice to have that knowledge in your back pocket in case the need should ever arise.

The New Coach Inn, according to the discerning palettes of those on Google+, is damned with the faint praise of being “clean”, and the assertion that it “could be good”. If only it knew how.

The local branch of Sambuca, at Forest Hall, will sort you some food if you’re angling for it at this point, but TripAdvisor’s denizens can’t seem to make their mind up as to whether it’s absolutely outstanding or if you’ll be lucky to escape without having broken glass jammed down your throat. Only one way to find out!

Whitley Bay Whitley ‘Shitley’ Bay has got itself a bit of a reputation for being a kind of low-security crèche for hen and stag do casualties. This is, to an extent, true. However, The Fire Station is a perfectly serviceable Wetherspoons with a beer garden type area, the Rockcliffe Arms is a proper corduroy-trousers-and-a-game-ofskittles sort of joint, and the Hairy Lemon has an amusing enough name to be worth checking out for novelty value.

Cullercoats It’d be understandable if you were flagging at this point, but if you were inclined you could have quick half at the Sand Piper, with its excellent beer garden (though one patron criticises the car park on TripAdvisor for having the temerity to be icy when they visited in December - the BLOODY NERVE OF IT), and then there’s the Queen’s Head right down on the coastline. I’ve yet to go to a pub called the Queen’s Head which wasn’t at the very least presentable. They tend to be run by monarchist types anyway, so I suppose they feel it’s a find of treason to let the place go to seed.

Tynemouth CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. You’ve reached the end of the line, and what better way to celebrate than with a nice cool brewski?

The Cumberland Arms is serviceable enough, and the Turk’s Head, down the road toward the Priory and the seafront, is host to the very charming and adorable corpse of a dog, which has been stuffed. On a slightly more classy tip, Lola Jeans does absolutely banging Bloody Marys, one of which might be of some assistance to you this late on in the day.

Apart from that, you should probably work your way through some fish and chips from Marshall’s and wobble over to the Gibraltar Rock, which looks over the Longsands.

There are a few other places worthy of an honourable mention - the Salutation Inn, Fishermans Wharf, The Priory - but really by this point all you’ll probably want is a nice sit down and something hot and encased in pastry. One last thing: make sure you set an alarm on your phone on the way home, just so you don’t doze off and end up trapped in Pelaw by accident.

What is Pelaw? Nobody knows. Don’t be the first person to find out.

The Courier

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Monday 11 May 2015

Breaking snooze: ¿ QG WKH EHVW SODFHV WR QDS RQ FDPSXV :H DOO NQRZ WLPHV DUH WRXJK ULJKW QRZ HVVD\ GHDGOLQHV DUH FUXQFKLQJ LQWR WKH EDFN RI HDFK RWKHU ZLWK DODUPLQJ IRUFH DQG UHJXODULW\ H[DPV DUH ORRPLQJ OLNH JLJDQWLF LQ¿ QLWHO\ GHQVH EODFN KROHV RI GHVSDLU 7KH ¿ UVW WKLQJ WR WDNH D KLW LV DOZD\V \RXU SUHFLRXV SUHFLRXV VOHHSLQJ WLPH VR XVH Editor Tom Nicholson¶V JXLGH WR ORFDWLRQV WR FDWFK XS ZKHQ \RX¶UH IDFLQJ D VWUDLJKW FKRLFH EHWZHHQ ZLQNV DQG D

The pods on the top À RRU RI WKH 8QLRQ Comfort: 7/10 Chance of being removed: 8/10 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ Theoretically, the pods are an absolute nobrainer: you’ve got multiple chairs on which to drape yourself and/or wedge yourself between; there’s the seclusion of a very nearly sort-of soundproofed environment it provides, which depending on your viewpoint is either a blessed relief from the low-key rumble of anxiety around the library at this time of year or a prison around which one’s own low-key rumbles of anxiety bounce around and amplify; and there are three different light settings, namely ‘working’ (no good, far too bright), ‘thinking’ (maximum snooze potential), and ‘off ’ (probably too obvious that you’re trying to sleep, avoid). However, the fact that you’re basically in a goldfish bowl, or more accurately a kind of enormous goldfish vat, does mean that it’s painfully easy for security to work out what you’re trying to do in there. No amount of trying to create a peak with your hand to shield your drooping eyelids from any suspicious snooper’s gaze will be totally futile. They know your game. Probably only good for a 30 minute doze at best.

Robbo library: way up in the uppermost nooks Comfort: 1/10 Chance of being removed: 8/10 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ Certainly one of the most convenient locations on this menu, if you head up the stairs as far as you possibly can there’s a little area where none but the most anti-social or terminally lost patrons of the Robinson ever find themselves. It’s a dead end, basically: people who work in the library don’t tend to pop up this far, and seeing as it’s just a locked door at the top, it’s an area of limited interest to thillseekers and tourists. While it’s not exactly comfy snuggling up on those Robbo carpets - indeed, I’d wager that having to put one’s face on them for any longer than the briefest brush is technically considered alongside waterboarding and sleep depravation in the eyes of the UN, and could lead to a very unpleasant afternoon down at the European Court of Human Rights - you will at least have some privacy. You’ll have carpet burns on 70% of your head too, but you’ll have some privacy.

Barras Bridge Comfort: 0/10 &KDQFH RI EHLQJ UHPRYHG 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ The concrete corridor to the Robbo isn’t usually so rammo that you’ll struggle to get a space, but unless you somehow manage to clamber onto the roof then you’re definitely going to get moved on. It’s also above a dual carriageway and made of concrete, so it’s not exactly Claridge’s.

Robbo library: the rolling archive shelves Comfort: 6/10 &KDQFH RI EHLQJ UHPRYHG 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ

Find a toilet cubicle, any toilet cubicle

More than a few times I’ve found myself in danger of being crushed to death between the rolling racks, editions of The Wind in the Willows cracking my spine and a dog-eared copy of The Illustrated Mum spearing its way through my face. Apart from the soul-searching that comes with facing death head on (would I like a plaque on the exact spot of my death? Should I haunt people until I get a bench? Maybe a nice tree outside the library would be the way to go), there is something quite soothing about those narrow alleys of parliamentary reports and children’s books. ‘Don’t worry’, the gradually decreasing gap seems to say, ‘it’ll all be over soon.

You don’t have to leave here and face the world.

Stay in the cocoon.’ Soundproofing is also excellent, though while the shelves’ deadening effect will be enough for you to think yourself in some aluminium womb, they will also mean that nobody hears your anguished cries as you’re slowly crushed to a pulp. Swings and roundabouts, etc.

Comfort: 6/10 Chance of being removed: 1/10 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ The toilet cubicle method, illustrated above, is one of the most unexpectedly comfortable sleeping niches around. Bundle up something soft - a jacket, a jumper, a loaf of bread - then cram your body into the corner as tightly as possible to keep yourself from landing in puddles of rusty water round the bottom of the toilet itself. As far as being discovered goes, you’re basically absolutely golden. Just lock the door, kick back and rack up a good few hours’ kip. If anyone starts banging on the door and demanding you leave, just brazen it out and pretend you’ve just been having a massive poo. Soundproofing can be a problem though; not necessarily to conceal yourself, but for you to ignore fellow toilet-dwellers.

1868 &HQWUDO Comfort: 8/10 Chance of being removed: 4/10 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ This is rather more plush than the other choices on this list; the legroom on offer on the enormous sofa areas alone puts this streets ahead of your average nap area, and if you bring your own tea and coffee making facilities it could pass for an extremely large, communal room in a Travelodge just off some godforsaken stretch of anonymous motorway. Yeah, it’s that good. If you’ve thought ahead and brought along your camping table, stove and pop-up walk-in wardrobe, you can make a decent fist of upgrading that to a room in one of the slightly more downat-heel Premier Inns which is still to feel the positive effects of the post-Lenny Henry gold rush on its creaky, fresh-from-IKEA balsawood furnishings. That said, how many branches of Premier Inn have a chicken shop attached to them? (This is a genuine question, I need to update my real-time map.)

That ledge outside Domino’s Comfort: 1/10 Chance of being removed: 4/10 6RXQGSURR¿ QJ That’s ‘ledge’ in the ‘bit that juts out from under a window’ sense rather than the Archbishop of Banterbury sense, mind you. There’s a lot of merit in this position, I think, despite it being pretty much at eye level and only a few short hops from the toilets. Firstly, the warm breath of Domino’s wafts toward you through the branch’s doors like a thick, yeasty blanket.

Secondly, the fact that people leave their bags on there all the time gives you a bit of camouflage under which to burrow and make a semipermanent fort-cum-bunker-type structure.

You’re lying on wood, yes, but when you’re in the kind of state you’re likely to be in after an all-night session with Boudrillard and Foucault, then a little thing like a distended pelvis is the least of your worries.

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Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Amy O’Rourke and Hannah Fitton Online Fashion Editor: Hannah Goldstein

Copyright ain’t wrong Tessa Jones

Is copyright ruining the right to create on trend clothing?

Pack to the future

Going travelling this summer? Ghangaa Mano picks the top summer staples

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opyright is a brand’s legal protection to exclusively produce material based on their trademarks and branding. It prevents other brands or people from benefiting from the reputation that they have built up for themselves, and it stops others making money from their concepts.

You may have seen a couple months ago that Taylor Swift put trademarks on several of her popular song lyrics in order to stop unofficial merchandise being created using them. Anyone producing “We never go out of style” T-shirts or featuring other 1989 album lyrics had to cease sales and could face a lawsuit for infringement if they didn’t. Some people thought this move was quite petty and that she should let others make some money when she has enough, but is it really so unfair of Taylor to want to protect her business and the integrity of her lyricists? When you have put the effort into creating your brand, you should be able to prevent others from riding on it for free.

“She is being sued for infringement, trademark dilution, false designation of origin and unfair competition”

One of the latest copyright dramas involves high fashion label Saint Laurent, formerly Yves Saint Laurent but altered following the death of its eponymous designer. What About Yves founder Jeanine Heller creates streetwear parodying famous designers, such as the ‘Ain’t Laurent Without Yves’ T-shirt at the centre this lawsuit. She is being sued for infringement, trademark dilution, false designation of origin and unfair competition. This is all sounds pretty technical, and it is a very serious situation to find yourself in, but it basically comes down to Heller trying to profit from the Saint Laurent branding. Although the world famous design house still has patents pending for its new name, it has already been adapted very commonly to the label, and so Heller’s designs have been deemed to be too similar by the US Patent and Trademark Office. The streetwear producer previously found herself in hot water by parodying the famous double C Chanel logo with the Ghostbusters ghost, much to their dismay, and she again faced a trademark infringement lawsuit.

Labels such as ‘What About Yves’ are popular and the humour used in the designs make it difficult for people to see the logic in trademark lawsuits. They are intended as funny nods to different brands, making light of the serious nature high fashion, but it’s understandable why the designers themselves would see it simply as mocking. As much as these parodies can make a brand more recognisable, they also generate bad publicity for them and a person’s livelihood is no laughing matter.

There have been comments of “Oh, but these designers make enough money, they shouldn’t sue”, but these lawsuits are more about protecting their creativity than grabbing pennies. Much like plagiarism in essays, these laws are focused on the integrity of design and preventing anyone riding on the back of this.

T

ravelling as a young adult is beyond exhilarating and thrilling; say goodbye to adult supervision and hello to embracing the world the way you want to. From arranging your own hostel bookings to mapping out your itineraries - it’s all very exciting.

The cons? Now, you’ve to play the deciding game, whereby your travel-wardrobe has to be critically selected so that it fits into a single backpack. Every outfit counts.

The two things to bear in mind while painstakingly planning future outfits: 1) Where are you going? and 2) What is the weather like? Your

wardrobe staples need to be easily be adaptable to wherever in the world you might end up.

Firstly, the classic utility jumpsuit: this versatile piece can take you from the streets of Le Marais, to the crystal-clear beaches in Bali. You can even pair it with heels to be worn on a night-out on the town as well. As an added bonus, this conservative look allows you to look fab while still respecting cultures in different countries.

Denim shorts are the ultimate staple; wear them everyday and nobody will bat an eyelid - nothing screams summer more than these babies. Throw on a blazer, tank top, T-shirt or bikini top and

you’re good to go. Another essential in your travel wardrobe should be the midi dress. A staple midi dress goes a long way - it’s easily made into a casual or going-out look, and never gets boring.

Last but not least, a kimono style cover-up is a travelling’s fashionista’s must-have. Kimonos have been causing a fashion frenzy for years and I can definitely see why; they don’t just belong on the beach but have taken to the streets as well. The versatility of the kimono is one of it’s best selling points - throw on a cover-up over a tank and shorts to make a statement.

Festival faux pas Sinead Corkett-­Beirne tells us what to avoid this festival season

A

s shops desperately attempt to flog leftover winter clothing at reduced rates to make space for this season’s summer stock, seize the opportunity to grab yourself a bargain.

When it comes to summer, we are slightly too optimistic about the weather, which is why you need to be prepared if you find yourself heading to a festival. High-street shops are overflowing with crochet tops, denim shorts, bohemian-style dresses and floral headbands which have all become part of a uniform to wear to a festival. Frankly, it doesn’t make you stand out from the crowd.

All of the above seem impractical once the weather takes a turn for the worse, which is inevitable if you are going to a festival in the UK. A pair of denim shorts will provide as much warmth as eating an ice-lolly would if you were trekking through the Antarctic. It would be a sensible idea to throw them onto a campfire to prolong the heat and lessen the chances of developing pneumonia, making you instantly regret your choice of clothing as you watch your denim shorts go up in flames.

The return of the plastic raincoat has made its way back into high-street stores and believe it or not, they haven’t become any more fashionable.

Their selling point is that they appear very practical as they prevent you from quickly resembling a drowned rat caught in the rain, and therefore should be a staple piece in every festival-goers backpack. However, the catch is that raincoats provide relatively little warmth, just like a pair of denim shorts, which is why they should be another item added to the campfire.

The secret to getting festival-wear bang on trend is accessorizing. This usually takes the form of flowery headbands which seem to be a blossoming trend. However, racks of them make high-street shops resemble a florist and equally so, festivals begin to look like a flower show. A sea of flowery headbands sweep through the site, some more extravagant than others, but I assumed that this was a result of a downpour of rain – watering the flowery headbands and making them blossom.

Speaking of a downpour of rain, an essential piece of headwear for every festival-goer is be the umbrella hat. Modelled and made famous by Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty, the item is colourful, practical, easy-to-wear, and it is guaranteed to get you noticed.

Last of all, wearing anything other than a pair of

“A pair of denim shorts will provide as much warmth as eating an icelolly would if you were trekking through the Antarctic”

wellington boots on your feet would be a schoolboy error considering that you will be ploughing through muddy fields for the majority of your time. One financial faux-pas that some people are prone to making is paying approximately £90 for a pair of branded Hunters when there are a wide range of wellington boots in an assortment of colours and styles for a fraction of the price on the high-street. Imagine how many burgers you can buy from a parked van in a field with the savings.

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion Instagram:@thecourierfashion | Facebook: facebook.com/thecourierfash |Email: c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk |

My week in fashion Just watch it

Victoria Thewlis tells us what trends she’s falling for this summer

Is the sought-­after Apple watch really worth all of the media hype?

F

White blouse Topshop Patterned two piece Topshop Sunglasses Topshop

T

his week I am loving anything summery, despite the rain we’ve been having. Birkenstocks and similar-styled sandals are one of the biggest shoes of the summer. Birkenstocks offer great comfort, as they mould to the shape of your foot, which is ideal for going back and forth to the library in the exam period, as well as being a really trendy shoe at the same time. I especially love the collection of metallic Birkenstocks, as they add a modern twist to a timeless shoe.

The high-street shops are also doing their own versions of these sandals with various different kinds of embellishments. This week I have seen some fab boho blouses, they were big at Coachella and are a must-have for summer as they are light and floaty. I am especially loving blouses embel-

lished with mini pompoms, which are really big at the moment. When worn simply with jeans, boho tops can still look really fashionable.

A great accompaniment to these tops is layers of delicate jewellery, which can really make a statement with your outfit. Chunky coloured stones in necklaces, and rings especially, are really fashionable for the summer and can make the simplest of outfits look bold. Lots of small necklaces layered together make a much bigger statement than one big piece.

With the sun coming out, people are starting to wear their shades, and I love seeing what styles people are opting for. This week the styles of glasses that I am loving are round, and cat-eye shape.

Round sunnies are another classic style that gives

any outfit a retro feel. I have seen some people rock the round John Lennon style but if you’re not that brave, a large round pair are just as fashionable and easier to get away with. The cat-eye shape is really big this season and celebs such as Amal Clooney are sporting the style.

I also really love the bold prints that are really big this spring/summer. This Topshop two-piece is perfect for embracing trend. I love the fact that although it is a bold print, the colours are dull, and I have seen some great pieces in pastel shades or even in black and white. Everything I am loving about fashion this week is all about summery items and prints, now the weather just needs to catch-up with our clothes.

All over overalls

Lauren Exell takes the fuss out of the tricky trend that is dungarees

D

ungarees: the daring trend that fashion icons such as Alexa Chung and Jameela Jamil love to risk wearing. With the fear of looking like a toddler or a decorator, it’s a look which takes some confidence to pull off. However, the versatility and comfort of dungarees means they could be a staple item in any of our wardrobes, and it’s a shame that we would miss out on them.

The best way to avoid the tomboyish feel dungarees seem to give off is layering, giving the look a more sophisticated feel. By giving the outfit a sense of structure, you can dress it up for a night out, or dress it down for a more chilled out day look. Pair them with heels, a crop top and a clutch and you have more than an adequate outfit for a night out – one that certainly won’t make you look like an infant.

“With the fear of looking like a toddler or a decorator, it’s a look which takes some confidence to pull off ” Moreover, the range of different styles on the market means that you’re able to get a more fitted style that is more appropriate for evening wear.

For a day look, they can be teamed with a jumper or checked shirt and pumps, making it a perfect look as we go into the summer months. In particular, the recent rise of dungaree shorts and skirts really lends itself to the weather as it heats up. If you’re really daring, undo one of the buckles and fold it over.

Opting for a slimmer dungaree will also help if you’re afraid of looking like too tomboyish, and

Antonia Cundy

the endless styles available by numerous retailers (Topshop have a particularly extensive selection) means the choices are endless and one pair is bound to fit the style you want.

Furthermore, you can mix things up by opting out of denim dungarees. Leather overalls are a very ‘now’ option, as is coloured corduroy, and softer fabrics lead to increased comfort which is of course what we all strive for. In practical terms, the multiple pocket available in dungarees means you can ditch the heavy handbag and stroll down the street freely knowing everything is safely on your person.

To wear dungarees effectively, the key is definitely some great accessories teamed with a little bit of daring confidence. You can suit it to your style, matching the outfit with whatever you want to make the look as comfortable as possible. Ultimately, dungarees are something we should all embrace rather than steer clear of, and recognise with a few accessories you can avoid looking like a member of B*witched.

ashions in technology have been around for a while – it is ‘cooler’ to have a Macbook rather than an Acer, an iPhone rather than an HTC, an iPad rather than a Samsung tablet.

There’s an evident recurring trend here though, one that’s different to aspects of clothing fashions; technological fashion is 95% based on brand, rather than simple aesthetics. There’s no equivalent of ‘denim is in for spring’, but there is an equivalent of ‘Burberry is cool, not chavvy, once again’. Technological fashion relies on the brand being in fashion, rather than the ‘look’.

The instant argument against this statement is that the reason the Apple brand is so fashionable is because of the way they look – their products are sleek and sexy, they’re aesthetically pleasing. But really, if you look at the rest of the same products on the market provided by different brands, they do in fact look pretty much the same. Samsung tablets look remarkably similar to the iPad, and the Google tablet, and the Kindle tablet. Arguably they may be copying Apple’s ‘look’, but where it’s still pretty fashionable to buy a high street version of a designer’s look, it isn’t seen as fashionable to buy Toshiba’s version of Apple’s look.

“The importance of brand over aesthetics has led the rang of aesthetics in the market to get narrower and narrower, as all companies try to look as much like Apple as possible” Hang on though, – what about way back when it was cooler to have a flip phone rather than a monoblock? Or how now it’s sort of ‘alternatively trendy’ to have a pink brick phone (before realising life without a smart phone sucks and the embarrassed hipster scurries back to their iPhone)?

These are aesthetic values, and they used to count just as much as brand values – so what happened?

Apple happened. Steve Jobs happened. I’m not kidding, it is all because of Apple.

Think about it for a second – at what point did the shape (block) and design (touch screen) of 95% of the phones you or your friends own become the same, and become the standard format used by all phone producers? The answer is when Apple overtook its last real competitors, BlackBerry. That was the last hurdle in the contest between aesthetics and brand in technological fashion, and brand came out on top. Before then, you could still arguably have a BlackBerry over an iPhone because you ‘don’t like touchscreens’, and it was fine. It was okay.

Then suddenly, overnight, it wasn’t. And those of us who hated touch screens, all of a sudden loved them. Since then, the importance of brand over aesthetics has led the range of aesthetics in the market to get narrower and narrower, as all companies try to look as much like Apple as possible.

The Apple Watch provides an interesting new take on this – there are 3 different styles of the Watch: the WatchSport, the Watch and the Watch Edition. Each of these three different styles has between 10-25 sub-styles of differing strap and case combinations – from 18-carat yellow gold cases, to simple rubber sport straps. There are over 40 different types of watch. And the straps are interchangeable. The price tags of the watches in the Edition collection are equal to those of a Rolex.

Having taken over the aesthetic market, Apple is trying to diversify it again. As long as it’s their brand, you can follow whatever fashion you want – from your Sporty chic strap during the day, to the Classic strap for the office, and the 18-carat strap for your bling night out later. As long as it’s Apple, they don’t care what kind of fashion you’re into.

22.fashionfeature

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

The last party

Models: Hannah Goldstein, Felix Liu, Sam Tingle Photographer: charliehedley.com Location: South Shields Clothes all models’ own

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

fashionfeature.23

24.beauty

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Beauty Editors: Charlotte Davies and Charlotte Maxwell Online Editor: Kathy Davidson

Best beauty Beauty blogging: a beginner’s guide Flo Davies provides a step by step guide to starting out in the bloggersphere reads Jess Wells and Charlotte Davies talk us through the blogs they’re loving

Essie B

This week, it’s Essie B for me. I simply cannot get enough. Esteé is a Canadian beauty blogger who has racked up nearly 700,000 subscribers in the little 3 years that she’s been around. Although she definitely knows her stuff when it comes to the Mac 207 brush and how to create the perfect feline flick, she doesn’t pretend to be a professional and I think that’s what makes her so relatable and easy to watch. Honesty and sincere engagement are two things that Essie really provides, it’s her sense of humour and inviting persona that leave you pining for more.

“It’s her sense of humour and inviting persona that leave you pining for more”

Esteé has two Youtube channels, one focused on beauty based tutorials and one simply for vlogging.

It is on her main channel that she talks all things makeup, ranging from the best in Dior dupes to creating the perfect Autumnal face, she talks the talk and most definitely walks the walk. It is her second channel, however, which made me fall in love with Essie. She discloses her home life on this, vlogging her way through everyday with her boyfriend Aslan and adopted Greyhound Reggie.

If you weren’t already convinced, Essie has now brought a cute dog to the table, what more could you ask for? It is this side of Esteé that inspires me most, she shows young women like myself that beauty isn’t just about what Bobbi Brown primer you use (although a little never hurt anyone) but, it’s about having an inviting personality and the desire to learn from those around you and for that reason, EssieButton is this week’s vlogger in the spotlight.

Jess Wells

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blog is a perfect platform to share your interests and views with the Internet. A few factors that contribute to an impressive blog are the domain name, the direction, the content, the opinions and the photography.

It’s important to have a think about the domain name your blog holds, so try to make sure it’s memorable.

It’s also worth thinking about what direction you wish your blog to go in, and therefore what theme it holds- what will make your blog different from all the other beauty blogs out there? Are you going to try and take swatches, or focus on reviews, FOTD’s or compile an online beauty journal, which is a compilation of just about everything.

Set up There are a few platforms to host your blog on, the most popular being: Blogger or WordPress. Blogger is the simpler of the two and is less technical.

It takes you through the steps of creating a simple layout and is quite self-explanatory. Because it’s so easy, Blogger is however quite restrictive; you can only customize things to a certain extent. From what I’ve gathered, WordPress is more for the html savvy, from a designer’s point of view, there’s a lot more you can do with WordPress in terms of personalization. For WordPress you have to have your blog on a server, which means you see your posts but the design is all html coded, so you just see the backend of your posts. To understand how WordPress functions, you might look into the Word Press for Dummies book to help you with all the

“A place to indulge in all things fashion beauty and lifestyle, there’s something for everyone on there”

So, I thought I’d opt for filling you in on the first person who really fuelled my interest in the world of beauty blogging i.e. the person I choose to blame for my ceaseless cosmetic spends. Corrie, a personal shopper from the UK, is the girl behind http:// www.dizzybrunette3.com. Around 3 years ago I stumbled across her blog and I’ve been hooked ever since. A place to indulge in all things fashion beauty and lifestyle, there’s something for everyone on there. The blog covers a wide variety, from beauty posts such as product reviews and demystifying beauty secrets, to lifestyle posts like home décor and tips for improving a bad day. The blog itself is fun, accessible and easy to navigate. You can find the type of post your looking for within seconds of visiting her homepage. Corrie also has a YouTube channel with a great variety of videos. And if you’re looking for something a bit different, her vlogs are a great watch too. DizzyBrunette has grown from strength to strength recently and so it was great to see her hard work pay off last year when Corrie was awarded Cosmo’s highly commended established beauty blog. All in it’s an excellent blog. Be careful though, she’ll have you wanting to buy absolutely everything on there.

Charlotte Davies

Content is key When it comes to content: write a blog that you would like to read. Try to be original. In order for people to have a reason to go to your blog, there has to be content worth reading and with they’re being a plethora of blogs out there, you have to differentiate your blog from the others. It’s all very well informing someone of the facts, but adding in your opinion is what people want to hear. Be honest and detailed and people will soon start to trust your opinion. Most importantly: remember to be patient-It takes time to build up readership of any blog. Try and be consistent, whether you update your site daily, every 4 days or weekly. It’s nice for your readers to know when to expect new posts.

Get the look You must remember that a blog is about the content, with the visuals only there to complement what you have written. Nevertheless, in my opinion, simpler is better in terms of template designs as it’s easier to navigate around. In terms of navigation, its good to have visible social media links and make it easy to manoeuvre from one post to another. It helps to have a way for your readers to find relevant posts, whether it’s using a search bar or categories. Try and think of how you like to read blogs and go from there.

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Fake Tan

Foundation

Eyebrows Before

Dizzy Brunette

For me, choosing a favourite blogger was quite challenging. The endless hours that I’ve spent procrastinating on beauty blogs have caused me to become loyal to quite a lengthy list. And with the increasing popularity in the world of blogging a beauty fanatic is never spoilt for choice for somewhere to delve into their addiction.

technicalities. Alternatively, you can buy a blogger template from a graphic and web design company or even commission them to personally turn your blogger visions into a digital reality. These websites will say either ‘BlogSpot’ or ‘word press’ in the URL, so if you want your own personalised URL you can buy a domain name from a host.

After

Eyebrows have recently become a large focus in the make-up industry, with power brows like Angelina Jolie’s and Cara Delevingne’s taking centre stage. Natural-looking big eyebrows can look great, framing the eyes and really adding definition to the face, however, some of these ‘scouse brows’ have really got out of control and are starting to look like a toddler has been let loose with a sharpie on your face. This can all be easily avoided with a couple of useful tips: firstly, work with the natural shape of your eyebrows and only use product to ‘enhance them’, don’t try to draw on new sections of eyebrow that aren’t there as they’ll end up looking extremely fake. Following this, work with the natural direction of your hair; brush on your product in the direction of the hair growth and note that this changes at different points on the eyebrow.

Before

After

Before

There really is nothing worse than terrible tan: missed sections, streaks and elbows and knees which look like they’ve been rubbed in mud. When done correctly and discretely, a bit of fake tan can really lift your complexion and make you look healthy and radiant. The trick the avoid a faking faux pas is to treat it like a natural tan, this involves regular moisturising and exfoliating to keep your skin hydrated, clean and fresh. Don’t apply your tan with your hands and your finger intents will leave noticeable streaks and your palms will end up an unpleasant shade of orange (no matter how much you scrub them!), instead, use a tanning mitt which you can pick up from any chemists for a matter of pounds. This will help you apply the tan smoothly and spread it evenly. To avoid dodgy orange elbow and knees, apply Vaseline to them before putting on your tab, this gives them an intense moisturising treatment which stops the fake tan from clinging specifically to these areas.

After

Starting with a classic, the dreaded foundation line. If you’re not sure of what this is, it’s the result of those of us who believe that choosing a foundation that is momentously darker than our actual skin tone will, in fact, make you looked like a tanned, glowing goddess. This is sadly not the case.

What it will leave you with is a look that screams something more of the lines of ‘hooker’ or ‘I need a wash’ than sun-kissed. This age old problem can be easily solved with a little help from a professional. Ask an employee at the make-up counter to do a colour test on your skin to find the best shade for your skin tone, if you’re buying foundation from a regular chemist, use the testers provided on the inside of your wrist (which is where the skin is the closest to the colour on your face) to find the most accurate colour. To avoid looking like you’re wearing a foundation mask, also try to stick to ‘thinner’ foundations, there are many available which give great coverage without looking claggy. Also ensure you blend your foundation into your neck to give a natural finish.

beauty.25

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty Instagram @courier_beauty | Twitter @CourierBeauty

Yes, we’re all ‘beach body ready’ Just Beet It Hannah Jack GLVFXVVHV WKH SUREOHPDWLF QDWXUH RI WKH QHZ SURWHLQ ZRUOG FDPSDLJQ

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eedless to say you have been living under a rock if you have not yet bared witness to protein world’s controversial advertisement. With its garish yellow colour and the advertisement shamelessly using the female body as a means of product promotion (but this is nothing new, it has been this way for longer than I dare to think), it poses a question to the public: “are you beach body ready?” This sparks an internal dialogue usually ridden with guilt about the large cappuccino and slice of cake that you just consumed on your lunch break.

Rather then spending the rest of this article justifying why I believe protein worlds advert to be absolutely out right ridiculous, I think it is more important to highlight some key misconceptions that have been overlooked in this debate. The reality is, we are all beach body ready and it physically makes me so angry that companies feel it is a tactual and beneficial move to try to market and make profit from the insecurities of individuals.

These adverts are so tactically placed, so much so that you pass several different forms of this advert on a number of occasions daily- whilst you drink your morning latte, whilst you eat your bacon sandwich, whilst you are shopping for a new pair of jeans etc. This brings me back to the old Albert Einstein quote: “Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid”. By creating these unrealistic beauty ideal standards for both men and women, we are destined to live our whole lives believing that we are inadequate.

Our beauty-obsessed media is never satisfied.

Now, it would be silly to ever try and argue that skinny shaming is not a thing (because of course it is, and we need only to look back to the endless media circus around Victoria Beckham and Nicole Ritchie’s body weight to see it). However, what is essential to make clear in this debate is that it has always been the larger body type and figures

Violet Blaze // @violetblaze777

that have faced considerably more criticism and have been relentlessly demonised, stigmatised and shamed by the media. The conversations raised about skinny shaming should not only arise as a counter argument to the conversations being raised about fat shaming, it is equally as problematic in its own right and these two issues form two separate sides of the same coin - the coin that represents the highly toxic representations of bodies within the media.

“I am a northern girl who lives in Newcastle. Being ‘beach body ready’ is not a seasonal process; it is a yearround struggle. Whenever the sun appears, stripping down to your bikini and getting to the beach is mandatory”

Andy M // @andymort85

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brands like Chanel, Lancôme, and Boots’ own No. 7 have introduced foundation shades dark enough to suit the likes of Lupita Nyong’o. While it’s a step forward, there’s still progress to be made. Last year, actress Thandie Newton openly criticised Boots for its lack of cosmetics for black women, and not leaving products on the shelves long enough for women to discover them.

Part of the problem is that many companies incorrectly believe there’s no ethnic beauty market. However, Britain’s billion-dollar cosmetics industry includes black and Asian women who spend more than £70 million on makeup. That’s a whole lot of Dream Matte Mousse! The issue isn’t that minority ethnic women don’t want to buy cosmetics, it’s that products that best suit them aren’t made widely available. Cosmetic companies are missing out on the potentially lucrative ethnic beauty market by inadequately catering to women who are willing to buy their products.

While brands like Sleek Makeup and Fashion Fair readily offer products that would suit most skin tones, companies could work harder to introduce greater variety to their ranges. Also, a majority of the companies now offering darker foundation shades, including Black|Up, aren’t exactly cheap or student-budget friendly.

After reading a 2011 Guardian article Carlene Thomas-Bailey wrote on her personal struggles in the search for the holy-grail foundation, I asked if she thought the British beauty industry had since improved. She said: “It’s a tricky one. [I’m] happy that the options have improved, but some of the best palettes for my skin are still in the higher priced ranges –definitely more could be done.”

“A place to indulge in all things fashion beauty and lifestyle, there’s something for everyone on there”

I

n the vast and seemingly never-ending world of diets, it’s hard to know which one will work for you. Before I’d tried it, juice dieting had always appeared an appealing option to me, but in hindsight, there are definitely some important things to take into consideration before undertaking this nutrition change.

Sure, there is nothing better than a freshly squeezed juice - particularly on a warm summer’s day. However, the first thing you need to wrap your head around before embarking on this diet is the reality that liquid is all you will be consuming for days on end – a struggle in the more realistic cold British environment, where all most of us want to do is snuggle under the duvets eating Domino’s.

If there is anything more important to make clear in this debate, it is that there is not one single over-arching perfect conception of the ‘beach ready body’. As many women have taken it upon themselves to alter the posters, we see a truthful response emerging: ‘Yes I am. I have a body and it can go to the beach’. This advert forces me to remember a number of things. I am a northern girl who lives in Newcastle. Being ‘beach body ready’ is not a seasonal process. It is a year round struggle, as when the sun pops out from the ever grey clouds regardless of if it is the middle of October or the middle of June, stripping down to your bikini and getting yourself to the beach is a mandatory northern custom.

Fifty shades of beige hen it comes to buying the perfect foundation, deciding between a matte or satin finish can be the least of a woman’s worries – particularly if she has a lessthan-fair complexion. Cosmetics companies are starting to come around, but colour matching a foundation is still a frustrating challenge for many darker-skinned women. When forced to choose from makeup available in shops like Boots or Superdrug, these women often find even the deepest shades are too light to suit their tones, giving them a flat or ghostlike appearance.

Speaking from experience, I can attest that finding makeup to match my complexion perfectly has been no easy feat. At home in the US, it’s practically a non-issue, as cosmetic companies more widely cater to darker skin tones.

However, during a visit to the UK five years ago, I bounced hopelessly up and down the high street, from cosmetic counter to cosmetic counter. From brands like Shiseido to Chanel, I was out of luck when searching for a product that didn’t make me appear as though I’d been smacked in face with a bag of flour. Bobbi Brown and MAC were two of the few brands at the time with a great shade range for women of all skin tones.

Even now, a quick glance at the foundation or BB cream selection at most of Boots’ major makeup brands looks like the start of a conversation that trickles off with uncertainty towards the end, leading to a big question: What about the rest of us?

Cosmetics companies would probably answer: We’re working on it. It’s clear that they are making some effort. Makeup brands in the UK have come a long way since 2010. In the past few years, popular

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Another thing to remember is that juicing becomes significantly more difficult at university, and almost impossible when it comes to nights out partying and drinking. But if you seriously want to give it a go, the benefits are certainly worthwhile.

I was surprised to find out that not only are the juices delicious and refreshing, but they’re also incredibly filling – far more filling than expected.

Most juice diet recipes recommend the majority of your juice to consist of vegetables, and less of fruit. This being said, they still taste great, and are a clever way of getting your veggies in you if you aren’t usually a fan of eating your greens. Second to this, depending on which juice plan you pick, they usually only last between 3 - 7 days, so whenever you feel like giving up, the end is never too far from sight. Of course what is important to remember is that after the juicing period you need to slowly reintroduce your stomach to small and healthy meals for the weight loss to be successfully maintained.

One important thing I forgot to mention, juice dieting is certainly an expensive nutrition plan, and there’s no way you can avoid it. So you’re going to need to set aside some money to firstly purchase a juicer – it’s the only way you can successfully extract the maximum amount of juice from your fruit and vegetables. I bought my juicer from Amazon for £29 (Andrew James UK Ltd), pricey yes - but look at it as an investment: it comes with the juicer, a jug, cleaning brush, recipe book and 2 year warranty, honestly I couldn’t recommend it more! The only other undesirable factor of this diet is that it is rather time consuming and so you have to be prepared and willing to put the work in! Although the juicer does most of it for you, often you’ll have to peel and chop up larger fruit and veg - and cleaning up the juice pulp isn’t the most pleasant thing in the world.

All in all, I’d say juice diets are worth it, after just three days I noticed a difference in my mood and they’re a great way to jump-start any health and weight loss goals you are trying to succeed. Good luck and happy juicing!

26.arts

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Arts Editors: Lucy Chenery and Becka Crawshaw Online Arts Editor: Jess Harman

A secret garden for art

Lucy Chenery visited North East Art Collective and was pleasantly surprised at what she found

N

Holly Argent on upcoming student show Out of Kansas

I

know throughout this column I’ve critiqued aspects of how art has become institutionalised but there is certainly something invaluable about being in a place where you get to share, learn and discuss with great people. I chatted to Helen Shaddock and Jodie Dunnill (both first year MFA students at Newcastle University) about their forthcoming show, Out of Kansas at The Lit and Phil (Literary and Philosophical Society) – preview is 6pm-8pm on Tuesday 12th May and the exhibition will continue until the 21st May. It’s the run up to the installation of the show and it feels humbling for them to so openly discuss what their show is about (I imagine some artists can be cagey about talking of their work before a preview event). Their endeavour for this show is incredibly giving in its idea: it doesn’t aim to interrupt the space that already exists but to reflect on it and highlight what is already there. Rather refreshing, considering it’s often too easy to add, rather than stop and admire. They see competing with a space that is so beautiful, encouraging and unlike any other, would just be clutter.

What they’ve come to make for the space introduces a new dialogue, a new way to observe and ultimately learn. The show itself is sculpturally focused but not in the way we think of a sculpture as purely admiration for crafted objects. Described as ‘moveable forms’, the objects in the space are based on functional objects already used in The Lit and Phil, such as ladders and bookcases – the same size, shape. Not all objects are made for a purpose but these new forms will have a use or at least be suggestive of one in a way that encourages visitors to actually USE them… that’s right, this time we can look AND MOVE. Covered in reflective vinyl with some coloured surfaces, this show will certainly be all about new perspectives. From talking to the artists about this being an engagement within a context other than a gallery, this ‘alternative viewing’ is essential to matters beyond this show. Highlighting an importance to see space and resources that are already around, they aim to encourage this in a hands-on, investigative way. Their shared interest in how an audience moves around artwork in space is what brought these two artists together.

The Lit and Phil is certainly different: no computers, beautiful domes, medieval architecture and of course, books. Unlike city libraries which have become a place to check your emails and collect Jobseekers Allowance, it has an atmosphere (if what slightly intimidating). Shaddock and Dunnill aim to encourage people to visit the Lit and Phil who may not have used it before. The library even has a round table where members (but not limited to them) can discuss. That’s it, just discuss, exchange and converse, whatever you want to call it, its underrated how amazing learning through just talking about a new book someone has found or a newspaper article, politics, anything really. Oh, and you can even get coffee in a MUG. Collaboration is a process, which naturally induces new learning: in this case Shaddock and Dunnill tell me of how they learnt to video map, use CAD (Computer Aided Design) and Sketch Up. With an attitude to ‘take as many experiences as you can’ this ambitious show has certainly developed their technical abilities as well as influence their individual practices already, and the show hasn’t even begun.

orth East Art Collective in Eldon Garden is undoubtedly a hidden gem of the city.

Warmly welcomed by John Thompson, the managing director, and Catherine Howard, the cheery manager/curator, I was encouraged to have a look around whilst comforted by a cuppa.

The art gallery is a commercial space; as an art student this was very refreshing - John and I agreed that it was stimulating “not having to explain what you are looking at”. Displaying work from over 130 artists (all of whom live and work in the North East), and with over 150 on the waiting list, the gallery is home to a labyrinth of rooms with paintings filling the walls ceiling to floor, curated simply for organised, easy viewing.

formed by creating horizontal layers across his often square canvases.

After returning to the front desk, I had a chat with John. Every visitor who emerges out of the gallery always receives a cheerful, “How was that for you?”, and I politely got the same. After chatting about the work, John explained how he was compelled to start up the gallery once he discovered how many artists have difficulty displaying their work in the North East. His career “could have gone either way” considering his age, his lack of artistic knowledge and the fact that he is colourblind.

“80% of the people who come by don’t know anything about art; I can’t help thinking that the more viewing the gallery gets, the more art will spread”

“The gallery is home to a labyrinth of rooms with paintings filling the walls ceiling to floor, curated simply for organised, easy viewing”

He has since won awards for Best Male Entrepreneur in 2014, and visited Downing Street as one of the top 100 businesses in the country, part of a ‘Small Business Saturday’ event for American Express. This gallery has no doubt been on an amazing journey; I couldn’t quite believe that it used to be a dark, dingy space with no sign of creativity whatsoever.

It is a shame that this beautiful space is hidden away in a part of town which hardly gets any footfall unless you know about it. John explained that around 80% of the people who come by don’t know anything about art; I can’t help thinking that the more viewing the gallery gets, the more art will spread.

Artwork of all mediums was displayed from the expected painting to ceramics, wood, bespoke furniture and glass work; there is something for everyone. Whilst peacefully hovering round the gallery, radio happily murmuring away in the background, I came across a few artists who really caught my eye: Ivan Lindsay, a Turner-esc landscape painter, who focuses on views in Tyneside and Northumberland took my breath away, the explosive sunbeams breaking through the clouds a motif in his work. Another local artist supported by the gallery is Mike Bell who also paints landscapes but this time using mixed media and abstract composition

Under the covers

Tom Nicholson shares his favourite musical artwork

Why Make Sense? (2015) Hot Chip

Electric (2013) Pet Shop Boys

Girls & Boys single (1994) Blur

Apart from tickling my fancy for vaguely Constructivist, minimal design, the great thing about the new Hot Chip album’s artwork is that each one will come in any one of 500 different colours, and that, allied to little tweaks to the design, will hopefully make each one unique. If you were feeling like stroking your chin really hard, one could make a point about this being a way of shifting the album from the realm of the simulacra - that is, an imitation or representation of a thing or environment, in this case the ineffable, abstract musical artwork which has been reified in order to be sold - and making each into a piece of art of its own, mirroring the way that no two people interpret the same piece of music the same.

The art of making a great album cover isn’t, as you might think, to make a completely iconic image which can be later turned into fridge magnets.

Iconic status is applied after the fact to albums which sell a lot; it’s not an inherent value and doesn’t necessarily imply actual quality (look at most of Pink Floyd’s stuff aside from Dark Side of the Moon - pseudo-intellectual wank, the lot of it).

Great album artwork captures an essence of what the music inside is about, and Mark Farrow’s sleeve for Electric does exactly that. Heavily influenced by Op Art of the 1960s, the image seems to wriggle about, energetic, tense and desperate to burst out and start boogaloo-ing its way to your life but with an absolute economy of effort and maximum style.

I’m interested in pieces of ephemera, things which were designed specifically to be used and thrown away but which have accidentally lasted beyond their intended years, for their value as pieces of social history. This piece might not look like much to look at, but if you know that the picture is taken from a condom packet then it becomes really conceptually interesting. The saccharine picture is totally at odds with the kind of attitude to casual sex enabled by widely available birth control; in the context of a song about Club 18-30 holidays, sung in a register of disgusted, randy, flippant envy by Damon Albarn, the overall effect is to reposition the image as a total rejection of the simplistic gender binaries and sexualities it originally endorsed.

arts.27

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierArts

Review: Babble at the Baltic

Rosie Bellini visited the Baltic for an experimental live sound and spoken word event

I

t’s extremely rare that events bring to light just how arbitrary the functions of words are to the outside world that you are trying to describe. With the exception of the playful primary school of onomatopoeia ‘whooshing’ and ‘hiccuping’, sounds appear to have a randomised quality to both the words that make them and describing an average scene.

Babble was one of these moments. Organised by UnstapledPress in collaboration with Breeze Creatives and Occasion Events, the BALTIC Centre for Contemporary Art was the perfect venue to explore the interconnected worlds of sound and spoken word.

With ethereal, breathy performances from Heather Reid, the tone was set for the night. An uneven pace of narrative and the repetition of key phrases played on syllables and structure to a near perfect degree. Although the second, complementary act performed by sound technician Shaun Blezard was jarring to sit through and a little too lengthy for my liking it still reverberated with me hours later. The abstraction of Reid’s performance transformed into a cacophony of harsh and alarming sounds, perhaps highlighting how when sound is in its purest form we desperately try to contain it into something coherent, rather than just appreciating it for the rhythms it forms.

The final performance of the evening was a stunning collaboration by artists Lauren Vevers and Charlie Dearnley, live sound duo TURC (Roo Carpenter and James Unsworth) with digital artist Sean Cotterill demonstrating his incredible coding skills live on a projector. Once again, it was an incredible performance of prose from both Dearnley and Vevers with the sound now complimenting the tale as it unwove across landscapes of dirt and sea.

It was a highly enjoyable night that certainly achieved its goal of inciting curiosity between sound and word and I look forward to seeing what UnstapledPress will bring us next.

Jennifer Hopps suggests that we use our revision notes to earn some cash

T

he end of term is upon us. Lectures are finishing, revision is beginning and the sun has finally got his hat on. All you want to do for the final weeks of term is lounge around in pub gardens or spend all day at the beach, but you’re doomed to spending them cooped up in the library, or hungover with the curtains shut after a spontaneous night out.

Once you’re finally done with all your work and you’re ready to make the most of the last days of uni, you’ll most probably hit the snag that all students tend to hit – you’ve got absolutely no loan left. Finding a pound coin is like finding an actual lump of gold and you’re eating bread and Tescos own spaghetti hoops every single day for tea. Luckily for you, I’m here to help.

Images: Sophie Little

Previews

Urban Organisms: The NewBridge Project

Registered to Joke?: Trent House

F

ood sustainability in the city sounds if not a bit boring, then at least something which is far from the realms of art and accessible to Agriculture students mainly. The project Urban Organisms challenges this misconception by creatively representing food production and consumption in the urban atmosphere. It starts as part of The Late Shows, with edible food walks around Newcastle on 16 May. The events programme will literally satisfy every taste. The wide range of foodie activities that gourmets will enjoy includes video clips about food sustainability providing useful background information, drop-in workshops (most of which are free), cheese and beer tasting (not at the same time, of course), engaging talks with the audience and walks.

O

n Wednesday night Trent House hosted our university’s own Comedy Society and their brand spanking new exec team in an evening of energetic improv.

The event was compered by cheeky chappies Will Goddard and Amy McCadden, whose charming rapport with the audience made all newcomers, including myself, feel involved and comfortable.

What instantly struck me was the supportive, friendly and open atmosphere of ComSoc – rather than it being their performance that the audience passively watched, we were given several opportunities to tailor and get actively involved with the improv, making it a truly one-of-a-kind occasion. Everyone was laughing with each other at the games ComSoc played throughout the night, including ‘Heads in Buckets’, a death-defying game consisting of, well, heads in buckets of freezing water.

Another recurrent favourite was ‘Oracle’, in which the audience asked a riddle-ridden mystic questions of life, love and penile girth. My personal favourite was the genre-smashing game of ‘Film Styles’, where the audience threw genre suggestions at two unsuspecting actors who then acted out Goldilocks in said styles. Hilarity most definitely ensued as we saw our beloved fairytale story being told through guises of German Cinema, Bollywood and Jeremy Clarkson Erotica (who knew that was a genre?). All in all it was radical to see a group of students so passionate in their society that obviously had a strong sense of community spirit.

So, make sure you look out for ComSoc events in the next academic year - they’re only getting funnier.

Saffron Kershaw-Mee

Accessible arts

“The events programme will literally satisfy every taste”

Photographs by Saffron Kershaw-Mee

Artists, researchers and filmmakers – Fernando Garcia Dory, N55, Magdalena Starska, Mikey Tomkins, Caitlin & Andrew Webb Ellis and Julia Wilmott - are working on the project. If none of these names sound familiar to you now, then go to as many events as your busy-around-exams schedule will allow you, in order to change that.

There are artist talks, city growing workshops, Stu Brew Student Micro-Brewery: drop-in demonstrations and tasting. The film screenings The World According to Monsanto, Carolyn Steel – How Food Shapes our Cities, Cowspiracy, focusing on the impact of factory farming, and Locavore - Pigs in the Park are all followed by Q&A sessions and discussions.

Maria-Magdalena Manolova

Instead of losing, throwing out or burning your revision notes, use them to make some artwork and sell it to get some much-needed dolla to fund your many meals and days or nights out. Paper artwork number one: origami.

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s obvious, but don’t you think it’d be great fun to spend your procrastination time doing origami in the library? You’ll be such a trend-setter, people will be copying you in no time. (Or people will be mocking you for the rest of your uni career, but I think it’s a chance worth taking.) There are thousands of tutorials online so you’ll be a pro in a jiffy. I’m sure all of your friends will want to buy a couple of paper birds off you for a fiver. (Maybe…)

If origami doesn’t tickle your pickle, here’s paper art idea number two: photo frames. Really, I’ve got one made out of recycled newspaper and it’s not as ugly as it might sound. All you have to do is somehow learn how to weave paper together, glue it to a bit of cardboard and Bob’s your uncle... Er, good luck with that.

Idea number three: Chinese lanterns. You must have made these in primary school – although the ones you made back then probably wouldn’t have been good enough to earn you any money. Remember the paper snowflakes you used to make in primary school at Christmas? Fold over a bit of paper, cut random shapes, and unfold it to reveal a magical, symmetrical snowflake. Chinese lanterns are a bit more complicated, but now you’re 12 years older I’m sure you can cope. Or you can just follow the tutorials on YouTube, then you’re guaranteed not to mess it up (kind of).

So there you go. Three ways you can use your revision notes not to pass your exams, but to earn yourself some drinking money. Personally I think it’s a far better use of your time. Don’t blame me if you fail.

28.filmfeatures features

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Film Editors: Rosie Rosie Bellini & David Leighton Online Editor: George Smith

Pleasure Island

I

Fifty Shades of Grey

f Twilight was every 14 year old girl’s dream, then Fifty Shades is probably their mother’s (wet) dream. It’s absolutely filth, but please, bear with me, really, please – I can defend this film…honest! Or at least I can try.

Fifty Shades of Grey is an offensively poor adaptation of an offensively poor book that was mostly written on a Blackberry phone by somebody who simply does not know how to write a book. Case and point? ‘I must have been as red as the communist manifesto!’ – Ooh, my loins are shivering…

WITH DISGUST. The sex is rubbish – as a film about BDSM it is strange they decided to go with a caring, loving missionary sex scene instead of some fucked up shit involving bourbons and a candle – the acting is also relatively stunted, although Dakota Johnson’s Anna is somewhat passable, and the characters are all people you’d probably give a Glasgow kiss if you met in real life. Although originally lambasted as being unrepresentative of BDSM and confusing it with abuse, the one thing Fifty Shades did right was to completely NOT confuse BDSM with abuse. In fact, the relationship, despite being incredibly unhealthy, is not one of abuse. Sure, Christian is a controlling fuck, he turns up to her house uninvited, buys her a car without asking, demands she eats (weird) and has all kinds of other strange controlling demands – and maybe THAT can be seen as abusive (it’s certainly not something I’d want to sleep with). But, the actual BDSM has nothing to do with it, which was the original worry. So congrats to that.

“‘I must have been as red as the communist manifesto!’ Ooh, my loins are shivering ...

WITH DISGUST”

This is not why you should watch Fifty Shades, of course. The reason you should watch it is because you can watch it with your mum and auntie – weird, yes, good idea… maybe? Sex is still such a taboo in our culture that even mainstream porn is becoming despicably extreme. So, how do we counteract this? Making sex a PART of our culture. And to this end Fifty Shades succeeds, although the sex is crap, the film is crap and everything about it is crap it is still a film about the sexual exploits of a young woman who wants to explore her body. HUZZAH. Also, and most importantly, the final scene in the film after Anna is SO done with Christian’s shit is one in which she looks at him, says no, and walks off. He’s left like a semi-erect puppy without a chew-toy, disheartened and limp. It’s hilarious and a well-deserved slap in the face to an otherwise highly irritating character. Almost worth watching the film for.

David Leighton

I know who you Skyped last summer With the political landscape looking decidedly terrifying resident radical George Smith examines the horror genre, and asks what goal it ultimately serves

M

y mother has a maxim. She often says: ‘Admiral Tickle (that’s my bath-time code-name), God created the internet in three days. On the first day, he invented pornography; on the second, he created social media, so that mankind may have something to do when he’s not looking at pornography; and on the final day, before he rolled over and went to sleep, he peopled the land with sketchy characters who would sooner play jump-rope with your intestines than accept your Farmville requests’.

Perhaps she was trying to keep my poor young eyes from the mountains of porno (great job) but the old bird had a point. The internet is a scary place. You don’t know if that sweet young thing you met on Tinder, charming, delightful, buxom and flirty, isn’t a forty-seven year old man named Clyde who keeps human teeth in a purse round his neck. You don’t know if those credit card details you sent to amazon won’t wind up in the hands of a man with pixels for a face. Nothing is a certainty anymore, and that should frighten you.

Earlier this month, Unfriended was released and aside from looking positively spine tingly dingly, it seems that mainstream horror is finally picking up on a little of the anxiety surrounding our internet junkie world. In the movie, the victim of a revealing viral video commits suicide and returns bearing a violent reckoning for the uploader. Trolling, or cyber-bullying, and the indestructible nature of data are central to the movie’s plot, and lets face it, they are very relatable. Every person with a television or a computer has seen time and time again the facts that make this movie quite so horrifying. We have become accustomed to relentless cyber-bullying as part and parcel with the internet age; the sad reality

that forms a template for Unfriended. The beautiful young, the bread and butter of the horror genre (almost literally…), are particularly affected by this phenomenon, and so it is at them these films about the horrors of the internet age are aimed. So much of our lives are recorded, documented and filed in indelible code - horror can now begin to manipulate that anxiety.

This is what horror must do if it is to retain its relevance. It is easy to slip into some well worn and bloody body-horror groove to illicit a fear filled response in your audience with Freddie Krueger playing keep away with your testicles, but these cheap thrills are stifling an expressive genre. Not so long ago, horror reflected the anxiety of the age: atavism, communism, female sexuality and AIDS have all had their place in horror at one time or another. Horror manipulated not just the anxiety of the body but social anxiety. But the renaissance has begun.

Now with the internet age, the internet generation, and the insecurity that offers, I very firmly believe we will see horror get its act together, shave off that disgusting goatee and go get a real job.

Dilemmas of desire

With the release of Carol Morley’s The Falling, Rosie Bellini investigates just why there appears to be such a hullaballoo made when discussing teenage girls’ sexuality

C

inema has an issue with portraying sexuality amongst teenage girls; it’s hardly worth denying when it is increasingly difficult to name films that feature it at all. The history of cinema however favours the valiant quests of their male counterparts, all of whom are so desperate to lose their virginity it would appear their privates would shrivel up after the age of eighteen if they failed to do the deed - a symptom only held off by constant female touching or sucking (Superbad Superbad and American Pie anyone?).

Directors clearly seem to get flustered by the notion of the commonplace sexual awakening or experimentation of teenage girls as attempts to try and portray it properly are excruciatingly rare; The Virgin Suicides (1999), Cracks (2009) and most recently The Falling (2015).

Baring in mind two of these are set in stuffy ‘prim and proper’ all-girls schools so settings of frat parties and proms are replaced with open fields and cerulean lakes.

You have the sensual swooning in The Falling standing off against the prudish, strict

prudish school teachers as though any deviation from the enforced sexless uniformed bore through expression of sexuality is a break from the norm or ‘forbidden’.

We just can’t seem to get away from this Biblical trope of naughtiness when it comes to girls taking what they want, I for one am getting very bored of all the call-backs to the Garden of Eden. This only appears to be supported from the juxtaposition of natural ‘subliminal imagery’.

“‘Girls are very mysterious aren’t they?’ Er... well no, not really - they’re just, y’know, girls?”

Although sex itself is a natural thingummyjig, when we extend it to only including girls’ virginities, laced with these natural, undomesticated qualities that come from Cracks’s forests and The Falling’s fields we come to a misguided conclusion.

A boy who loses it develops into a man, yet the girl who loses it, breaks from nature, no longer holding an alluring mysterious quality. The premise of The Guardian Film Show this week began with the perplexing question “girls are such a mystery, aren’t they?” Er ... well no, not really – they’re just, y’know, girls?

The more emphasis that we place on the undefinable quality of a girls’ sexuality, the more taboo it becomes and the more highly stylised any depiction becomes of it. No, girls are not ‘mysterious’ or ‘hard to explain’, they are just girls going through the same notions that you were as a teenager Mr. Director with your face of acne and your sweat encrusted t-shirt. Please stop referring to us as that.

Sex is unsettling, weird and rocks relationships in schools but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about it. The conclusion almost feels like the end of a sex ed lesson, but it’s true - how can we possibly get round the question of awkwardness if we’re not even willing to ask the question?

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

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‘A boy’s best friend is his mother’ - Psycho (1960)

Far From The Madding Crowd(15)

“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in language chiefly made by men to express theirs,” says Carey Mulligan as the forthright Bathsheba Everdeen, a woman living in a world that would sooner offer her marriage proposals than respect. And after inheriting a farm from her uncle in Dorset, a farm that has once been the best for miles around, this proves to be her biggest problem. We see her plight firsthand as she attempts to sell grain amongst a roomful of top hatted gentlefolk, all of whom at first refuse to give her a fair price for her product. But Bathsheba, equally unwilling to bow down, negotiates with a surprising steadiness, and it isn’t long before she has the men lining up for her— in the marketplace, on the farm, and in audience.

But being forced to wear her masculinity like a suit of armour has its drawbacks, as Bathsheba’s reluctance to accept the gentle offer of stoic sheepherder Gabriel Oak (the man, we know clearly from the start, she should be with) destines her for the groping, uniform-clad arms of Sgt. Troy (Tom Sturridge), who shows up at her farm like a wet dream ready to dazzle her with his sword swinging acrobatics. In a beautifully shot scene in a shaded wood, set to Craig Armstrong’s powerful soundtrack, we see Mulligan’s poised exterior dis-

The Adventures of Prince Achmed (PG)

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turbed for the first time, and yet thrilled.

But Vinterberg is careful not to let us wholly condemn Sgt. Troy for the seduction of our heroine, giving a heartfelt sequence of him being jilted at the alter by his befuddled sweetheart and making him more than just a sneering, moustached face. But it is Mulligan who steals the show, with her unique ability to appear fragile without ever breaking, as Matthias Schoenaerts holds enough force in his silent stares to say all the things that the meek Gabriel Oaks fails to. Michael Sheen, playing another stilted suitor—the older, richer, ‘farmer next-door’—arguably outdoes them all as Mr. Boldwood; a bumbling, misunderstood man who knows what he wants but has no idea how to get it.

Tom Sturridge, meanwhile, rocks up with enough chin for you to instantly know where to aim your left fist.

Although I was originally unfamiliar with this

Under The Skin (15)

Hardy story, I didn’t find it much of a brainteaser to figure out who Bathsheba was going to end up with. As with all popular adaptations of old classics, it is not so much about what happens as how, and for all its predictability, I definitely enjoyed the film for what it was. For me, a lot of this came down to elegant cinematography and well-cast leads.

As much as I felt there was room for greater depth in characters such as Gabriel, they were played convincingly enough to keep me engrossed in a story that could seem fusty to some. Perhaps the final circumstances did feel a bit contrived after a series of seemingly random yet necessary events, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t leave me smiling dumbly as Bathsheba strolls merrily away across dusky English countryside.

More like this: Never Let Me Go (2010) Jack Dempsey

A Pigeon Sat On A Branch Reflecting On Existence (12A)

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hat with the recent release of Avengers 2: Age of Ultron and its inevitably astronomical levels of success, the upcoming Star Wars reboot, led by the brilliant JJ Abrams, needs a mention. What could possibly rival a return to the double trilogy (if you include the abominable prequels) that’s achieved the epitome of cult status?

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Obviously this one’s a few years away yet, but deserves a mention. There’s little to explain really; with the insanely impressive $187.7m opening weekend takings of Age of Ultron – only topped by the first film – the next instalment in the Avengers franchise would definitely give The Force Awakens a run for its money, literally, if the two releases were to coincide in a parallel universe somewhere.

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ometimes, the old ones are the best. It might well be the case with Lotte Reiniger’s 1926 ‘silhouette film’, the first surviving feature-length animation. Adapted from the classic One Thousand and One Nights, it chronicles the tale of Prince Achmed and his flying horse to be an ancient baller and a generally good guy, fighting African sorcerers and building his own team of mini-mythological Avengers to get the girl and kill the creep.

At 65 minutes, it’s bursting with romance, adventure, swashbuckling and deception, giving more than enough bang for your buck (mind you, any copy of this is expensive…).

Reiniger’s striking visuals and the painstaking recreation of the film’s colour is what make this a short but staggeringly complex labour of love, made into the version we see today. The film’s vibrancy cannot be overstated, with the rich blues and hot yellows popping off the screen with immediacy and indulgence. As for the silhouettes themselves, each character is given their own personality, each one of their movements developing fluidly at 24 frames per second (helluva difficult job, even nowadays). The nefarious African Sorcerer is the highlight, with his transformations from a bat to a kangaroo of all things being flashes of perfection in seamless editing.

Although it might not be anything more than an empty visual spectacle, the fairy-tale narrative has survived for millennia, so will undoubtedly carry on for many more, and what a glorious addition to the canon The Adventures of Prince Achmed is.

Sure, the gender politics are absolutely woeful, with all the beautiful women reduced to meek prisoners (bar a monstrous yet bad-ass firewitch), but it comes with the territory, and the territory is otherwise joyous and spell-binding.

Reiniger’s new frontier is a heartfelt and passionate adventure story that is criminally under-seen by this generation. It honestly deserves as much a place among their DVD collections than any Toy Story does.

More like this: Princes Et Princesses (2000) Simon Ramshaw

W

I

ell, looks like Phil Collins has good taste in cinema. Brought back to the Tyneside Cinema by recommendation of Genesis’ drummer (whose new exhibition is currently showing in The Gallery), Jonathan Glazer’s sublime sci-fi, Under The Skin returns to the only way it should be watched; surrounded by people who want to relive its thrills in a darkened room on the biggest screen possible.

Stripping down Michel Faber’s novel to its bare bones, Glazer and co-writer Walter Campbell wind up a number of Scotsmen and let them rip as Scarlett Johansson disguises herself as a doe-eyed alien seductress to lure them back to her dark hellhole of a meat-processing plant. Part real-life reaction documentary and part stunning art-piece sciencefiction, Under The Skin’s tight focus is as cinematic as it gets. It’s a daring experiment that requires door-die commitment from its leading lady, and a keen, sharp artistic directorial vision.

Those two vital components are in no short stock, with Johansson still riding the wave of stardom from 2003 into more interesting projects and Glazer making a long-gestated but welcome comeback after 2004’s Birth. It’s a collaboration for the ages; with Johansson carrying the entire wild beast that it is and Glazer finding the exact right way to shoot it all. Meditative without being tedious, hypnotic without being pretentious, it may be the most purely cinematic of the decade thus far.

While still taking visual nods from Kubrick and even Terrence Malick in its more serene moments, Glazer’s work is a wholly original head-trip that is simply a pleasure to get well and truly lost in. Discomfort pervades like a tar-pit, slowly swallowing you up, but there is giddiness to the lucid dream that is Under The Skin, a kind of hope that cinema has many new ways to go yet.

Also, top tip: listen to the score in public, and your perception of the ordinary world will change.

t’s difficult to describe Roy Andersson’s latest film, A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence. It’s a comedy in which most of the characters are severely unhappy, and the jokes revolve around despair and mortality.

It’s the third in a trilogy, but you needn’t see the first two to understand the plot (you don’t need to understand the plot). It’s apparently set in the modern day and yet the Great Northern War of the eighteenth century occurs throughout the film.

It’s a bizarre experience. Yet, to its credit, it is very funny I’m sure no other film this self-consciously high-art has had a cinema audience laugh so much.

There are conventional running jokes, such as people during the film making the same empty smalltalk on the phone during increasingly extreme situations, or the travelling salesmen Sam and Jonathan (the closest thing the film has to protagonists) who wander the land selling novelty items like vampire teeth without ever cracking a smile.

‘We just want to help people have fun’, Jonathan repeats throughout the film in increasingly despairing tones.

Perhaps the best example of the film’s uniquely morbid humour is a scene in which a man has died in a cruise ship cafeteria, and the staff attempt to give away his meal to another passenger. A man in the back slowly, awkwardly raises his hand.

Though the film is made up of a loose collection of sketches, some featuring recurring characters, others seemingly unconnected, all featuring only a single still camera shot where often the key details are buried in the background – the film does build towards a (very dark) kind of revelatory conclusion for Sam and Jonathan’s story.

Like a modern-day Beckett, Andersson gives us a non-naturalistic, alienating tragicomedy, but with an intensely human core. We don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

More like this: Nightcrawler (2014)

More like this: Wolf Children (2012)

Simon Ramshaw

Jack Caulfield

I should probably include Batman Vs. Superman alongside this, but, for me, there’s much more promise for David Ayers’ Suicide Squad. DC comics’ projects, with their current complete subordination to Marvel’s unparalleled success, probably couldn’t take on Star Wars alone. But Ayers’ numerous Twitter-teasers – the hugely-debated glimpse at Jared Leto’s Joker, as well as a group shot including Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and Will Smith as Deadshot – are adding to the hype, and let’s be honest, if DC manage to pull it off, Suicide Squad will be an action-packed, carnivalesque vision of badassery. And it just might rival the success of The Force Awakens.

“If DC manage to pull it off, Suicide Squad will be an action-packed, carnivalesque vision of badassery” )LIW\ 6KDGHV 'DUNHU

I really wish I didn’t have to include the Fifty Shades sequel, but I kinda have to. It’s definitely going to be up there with the superhero franchises in terms of revenue. Take it from me – I worked at a cinema on the Valentine’s Day release of the first one, and it was horrific. The sheer amount of gushing Christian Grey fans ransacking their SO’s wallet for nachos and Tango Ice Blasts was deplorable. It’s got a 99% chance of being shit, but it’s definitely going to make a hell of a lot of money.

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I just made this one up. But just imagine it. Lego David ‘career-defining’ Cameron, Ed Mili-bae (complete with interchangeable Moses outfit and tablet of pledges) and Nick Cameron-Smeg fighting it out for number 10, Lego-style. Featuring Boris Johnson and his Barclays bike. With the terrifying, evil Nigel ‘British-Values-For-British-People’ Farage and his immigrant blaster, complete with Muslamic Ray Gun* deactivator for Natalie Bennet’s army of pesky job-stealing terrorists. This is a money-spinner. Watch this space, Abrams.

Rhian Hunter

30.tvfeatures

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

TV Editors: Helen Daly and Ellie McLaren Online TV Editor: Rebecca Dooley

Heisen-­ beers The drinking game Helena Vesty provides us with a rule for each character to get you well and truly on your way to an insane, Heisenberg-worthy adventure. By the time you’re finished, you’ll be convinced that you’re a crazy drug lord, fluent in Spanish. Go fetch the Tesco value vodka, bitch.

You will need: - Breaking Bad boxset/Netflix - Drinks and shots - Blue sherbet WALTER WHITE For our main hero/villain, have a drink whenever he makes an extravagant threat because he’s the legendary drug kingpin who produces the best crystal meth the world has ever seen. He is the danger. Then have another drink every time Walt stares at something, mouth wide open, because he’s actually completely out of his depth, running from bigger, badder drug dealers.

JESSE PINKMAN This one is obvious. Take a drink every time he uses one of his iconic phrases: “Yo” and “Bitch”. Have a cheeky shot if he says both in the same sentence.

SKYLER WHITE Have a drink when Skyler bursts into tears. Yes, all 18329476 times per episode.

HANK SCHRADER Drink every time Hank insults another character on this list. Take an extra drink if that insult is aimed at Walter, whilst he completely oblivious to Walt’s criminal extra-curricular activities.

SAUL GOODMAN Finish your drink on the appearance of any kind of ‘Better Call Saul’ advert.

GUS FRING When the Los Pollos Hermanos King gives an earth-shattering, death-stare of the century, pour yourself a shot - because one is definitely about to be fired on screen.

MARIE SCHRADER Have shot every time they’re not rocks. They’re minerals. JESUS, MARIE. HECTOR SALAMANCA Ding ding! Drink every time Hector rings that creepy wheelchair bell.

MIKE EHRMANTRAUT That’s half a drink for every time Mike is not amused. That’s another half for every time he has to clean up Walt’s mess.

BADGER & SKINNY PETE Have a shot whenever these guys make a surprisingly profound and philosophical statement about life, whilst absolutely sky high on crystal meth.

BONUS RULE: Have a shot every time a body is dissolved in chemicals.

I am the one who knocks (back the shots)

Small page to small screen To celebrate the latest children’s book adaptation, Hetty Feather, our writers have a look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of adaptations in the past

The good...

Feather Boy

Based on Nicky Singer’s award-winning novel, the BBC’s adaptation of Feather Boy was a massive part of my childhood, and one of things that got me into reading. The CBBC adaptation starred the infallible Sheila Hancock, playing an initially very weird old woman called Edith, who scares the hell out of us and our main character Robert, a 12 year old bullied kid from a broken family. This walking cliché was played by that cute kid from Love Actually,, who went on to be that animalcontrolling wimp accompanying Bran in Game of Thrones. If you want to know, his real-life name Thomas Brodie-Sangster.

Feather Boy centres on Robert ‘no-bottle’ Nobel (teenage bullies are so inventive aren’t they?) and his adventures once meeting Edith in a story-telling campaign at the local nursing home. Edith is resident there, and still grieving for her dead son, a role which Robert fits perfectly in a sinister wish-fulfilment way. She directs him to her old house, which is stereotypically creepy and has that ‘haunted’ feel, which is helped along with supernatural goings-on.

The show had everything you would want from a TV show for kids: morality (bullies never prosper, pals), a maturing and improved protagonist, and a bit of something spooky to keep us on our toes. From a literature student perspective, CBBC did an amazing job in making Singer’s tense but heartfelt story come to life with a fantastic cast and fantastic direction. Who could ask for more?

Ellie McLaren

...the bad...

Dustbin Baby Based on Jacqueline Wilson’s gritty children’s novel, this BBC adaptation didn’t make the mistake of shying away from the decidedly grim social realities in the source material. The premise alone – that of an unwanted baby being abandoned in the dustbin behind a pizza parlour – is the tip of the iceberg. In the fourteen years since, via the Care system and several foster homes, April (Dakota Blue Richards) has witnessed an abusive relationship, mental illness, suicide and has herself been assaulted by another ‘vulnerable’ child. More recently, she has gained the stabilising influence of Marion (Juliet Stevenson), an old-fashioned and frumpy history teacher whose fussing is underpinned by genuine kindness. However, a fight over Marion’s refusal to buy April the phone she wanted for her birthday leads to April playing truant, revisiting the Homes she has known (all the kind with a capital ‘H’) leading back to the restaurant where she was found all those years ago.

This adaptation was very well written, faithful to the novel but appropriate enough for an early timeslot. One of the great strengths was in the casting, in particular Stevenson, an exceptional actress who made a slightly caricatured role believable, and David Haig as Elliot (a role created for the film). Even Dakota Blue Richards did a good job in the title role – let’s face it, even she can do ‘sullen teenager who doesn’t belong’. This was an example of what the BBC can do so well – an adaptation which appeals to a wide audience without dumbing-down or sanitising the material.

Lauren Hickin

The Story of Tracy Beaker When I was young, it was a rarity if I went anywhere without a Jacqueline Wilson book glued to my hand; Tracy Beaker was one that stayed in my mind for a long time after reading it. I remember being delighted to hear that someone was going to make a TV show about the book I so enjoyed reading as a child.

Dani Harmer was exactly as I’d imagined Tracy Beaker to look. The curly hair and sassy attitude was just how Tracy appeared in the books.

Whilst the show was fun, I couldn’t help but think that it lacked something. For some reason, I couldn’t get into it. Everything was right, but it wasn’t the same. I was utterly disappointed.

Maybe it’s because I was older, that the story didn’t have the same appeal any more. For some reason, Tracy’s group in The Dumping Ground didn’t seem accessible to me; whereas they were once a part of my friendship group, the characters I had

grown up with were now not my friends. It was like they were completely different characters.

Had I not read the books as a child, perhaps I would have loved Tracy Beaker. But for me, the characters were just too inaccessible for me to be able to connect with the show. At least I always know they’re safe in the pages of the books, but the TV show was just too big an adaptation for me.

Helen Daly

...and the ugly The Demon Headmaster Scaring the socks off every child that tuned into CBBC every afternoon, The Demon Headmaster followed foster child Dinah Glass as she moved in with a new family, and consequently a new school. As the title of the show suggests, the Headmaster of said new school was a bit of a demon. But not in the cool way, or in the ‘little-bit-ofa-knob’ way. No,this Headmaster was literally possessed.

He could do crazy eye shit that would make all his pupils act like robots. Dinah even found herself acting weirdly, and so became determined to stop the Headmaster. But of course, he, being an evil mastermind, was equally determined to prevent Dinah from scuppering his plans.

The show was adapted from Gillian Cross’s series of books, but the show soon overtook the books, meaning Cross had to write new stories for the show - which were published as books later. Usually, I’ll read the book first then watch the adaptation, because I’m a bit of a bookworm and am very much in the ‘the books are always better’ camp. However, The Demon Headmaster was different. I stumbled upon the show in one of its many

re-runs in the early 00s (it was first broadcast in 1996,when I was far too little to be watching anything but the Teletubbies) and I was immediately hooked. Hooked, and terrified.

Every day. But for some reason that didn’t put me off. So when I went to my local library and saw the books in there, I knew I had to read them.

Unfortunately though, the creepiness of the Headmaster just didn’t come across as well as on screen, and so although the books were still good, they just couldn’t match the show.

Ellie McLaren

The Courier

highlightstv.31

Monday 11 May 2015

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Diary of a TV Addict Hannah Bunting

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The Enfield Haunting Sky Living, Saturday, 10pm

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’m going to level with you; horror is not my cup of tea. I’ve never really seen the appeal in scaring yourself with horror movies, when quite often, the story lines aren’t that great. So when I first heard about The Enfield Haunting, I happily ignored it, choosing instead to reside in my safe haven of Coach Trip and Pointless.

However, the more and more I heard about the show, the more my interest was piqued. Starring Timothy Spall and Juliet Stevenson, the Sky Living show certainly has a strong cast. I was already hooked, and I hadn’t even seen an episode yet.

The Enfield Haunting is based on the real life story of Penny Hodgson, a mother who called the police when her children were claiming that the

furniture was moving and that they were hearing demonic voices. Paranormal investigators Maurice Grosse and Guy Lyon Playfair were called in to determine what was disturbing the Enfield house, but what they found was that the children had been duping them, leading to the girls retracting their confessions because they were being mocked by the Psychical Research group. However, some investigators still believe that there was some truth behind the ‘poltergeist activity’, stirring debate.

The three-part show, directed by Kristoffer Nyholm (The Killing) is set to unfold the supernatural events, and judging by the promotional material, it looks like it’s going to be a scary viewing. Using real evidence from the case to form the narrative, the show appears to demonstrate as much of the truth in the event as possible. The Enfield Haunting promises to display not only the horror of the event, but the effect of the poltergeist on the lives of the normal family from Enfield.

The set, characters, and the whole feel of the show are all designed to make it feel as normal as possible; and this works brilliantly. For me, the majority of the horror comes from just how normal the entire situation is. The struggle with ghost stories is making us feel like these paranormal activities are actually real; The Enfield Haunting managed to capture real life perfectly so at times, it was easy to forget about the scepticism behind the haunting.

The best thing about the show, for me, was that I was able to watch it. Now although that sounds incredibly selfish and a little narcissistic, stay with me. As I stated at the beginning, I’m by no means a connoisseur of horror; I avoid it at every opportunity. I have never been able to see the point in horror before; I always found that the scary parts overtook the narrative. But what you get with The Enfield Haunting is some scary moments, but above all, a really gripping story.

Helen Daly

The ‘One True Pairing’

o, here’s the low-down: it has come to my attention that, shockingly enough, some people aren’t as well-versed in TV addict/ Tumblr/horrifying fan fiction culture vocabulary as others. Contrary to all logic, defiant of all reason, there are some among you still blithely unaware of the lofty, age-old institution of the OTP. For a concept largely based on the fervent appreciation of the romantic adventures of a pair of fictional characters, an ‘OTP’ sounds quite a lot like something you might pick up in the course of an ill-advised one night stand. Despite this, an OTP is not, in fact, a form of particularly virulent STI – admittedly, your One True Pairing has a similar tendency to take over a large part of your life and leave you weeping uncontrollably on the living room floor, but the similarity ends there. The most vital difference, of course, is that there is no protection from an OTP. At the risk of mixing metaphors, an OTP falls on you from above without warning like one of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, except with added feels.

Your One True Pairing is, essentially, that couple.

The characters whose lives and love interests somehow come to dominate your every waking moment. One minute, you’re happily immersed, and then a single, idle thought creeps into your mind:

“At the risk of mixing metaphors, an OTP falls on you from above without warning like one of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, except with added feels”

The Affair

Home Fires

Sky Atlantic, Wednesday, 9pm

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merican Showtime production The Affair, starring Dominic West and Ruth Wilson, will be airing exclusively on Sky Atlantic.

Winner of two Golden Globes, the show’s plot is a lot more complicated than its tell-tale title actually suggests.

Noah Solloway (West) is a middle-aged teacher, living in New York. A family man with four kids, he is also working on his second book, even though his first one was not a terribly huge success. The show kicks off when his wife Helen (Maura Tierney) suggests they visit her incredibly rich and successful parents out on the island. There lives Alison (Ruth Wilson), who’s a waitress at a local diner and is hiding more scars than any other young woman her age. Her husband Cole (Joshua Jackson) is trying to keep things together with the ranch that has been in his family for years.

Using a fantastic he-said-she-said structure, the show tells the story of the passionate affair between Noah and Alison, in their own words, as they’re being questioned by the police for a mysterious murder. The thrill of solving the crime and the way in which the show is structured shows the striking differences in Noah and Allison’s stories. One begins to wonder, where does the truth lie? Is he lying, is she lying, are they both lying? Where are they now? The retrospection works perfectly with The Affair, as it lets you focus on the story but it also subtly reminds you that there’s a story behind the story as well. The writing is fantastic and it grabs you from the beginning, and the two leads do offer award-winning performances. Starting soon, it’s definitely not one to be missed.

Antonia Velikova

Hetty Feather

ITV1 Friday, 7pm

CBBC, Monday, 4.30pm

ith ITV’s string of period drama successes, the outlook looked bright for their newest venture Home Fires, but unfortunately it fails to spark much enthusiasm.

It’s more Sunday night snooze fest than gripping Sunday evening delight.

Loosely based on Julie Summers’ book Jambusters: The Story of the Women’s Institute in the Second World War and set in rural Cheshire, we begin in late August 1939, days before England enter the war, and follow the lives of the village and its WI as they try to battle the changes occurring with the onset of World War II. With only six episodes planned, we are straight away embroiled in the stories of the villagers as they traverse the difficulties of relationships, enlisting, and food-shortages.

Samantha Bond heads up a large female cast and plays iron-willed WI member Frances Barden, who is pitted against the WI branch president Joyce Cameron (Francesca Annis), an aristocrat used to getting her own way. An inevitable tug-of-war for power ensues on how to best prepare and act with the approaching war. Some other key players are: Pat (Clare Rushbrook), who suffers abuse at the hands of her writer husband, Erica (Frances Grey), wife to the village doctor (Ed Stoppard), who has cancer, and housemaid Claire (Daisy Badger), who dares to stand up to Joyce, which has us all interiorly clapping her on the back before she’s promptly fired by her domineering employer.

Overall expect some heart-warming community bonding, touching scenes of realism with the foreseeable deaths of their young men and some serious patriotism in this lacklustre period drama.

Rebecca Dooley

ids’ TV has always been pretty much average for me. Yes, there’s some real moments of true and raw emotion – let’s not forget when Pikachu left Ash to go and live in the forest with the wild Pikachus. Real heart-breaking stuff there.

Of course, I jest. As good as Pokemon was, it didn’t really deal with the same emotional issues in the same way that the novels of Jacqueline Wilson did. You really were hard pushed to find someone who hadn’t read any novels by the pillar of children’s literature herself.

Hetty Feather is the latest of Wilson’s novels to be adapted into a TV show. Following on from the hugely successful Tracy Beaker and Dustbin Baby, Hetty Feather follows the life of the eponymous girl who spends the first five years of her life being fostered by the Cottons. Hetty decides to try and find her real parents and that’s pretty much where the story goes.

From the trailers, the show looks more than just a TV show. It looks like a real drama, featuring newcomer, Isabel Clifton, as the star of the show.

Hetty Feather looks incredible; you could easily be mistaken for thinking that the show was a new post-watershed BBC drama given the impressive location and moodiness of the show.

You may think that you’re too old to watch kids’ TV shows, being a grown up who’s in university and all, but give Hetty Feather a chance. Everyone in the world knows how good Jacqueline Wilson’s stories are, and generally, the adaptations can be pretty decent as well. So well done, CBBC; you’ve outdone yourself.

Helen Daly

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K

Wouldn’t those two be cute together?

This, ladies and gentleman, is the end. You’re doomed. There is no way out. The OTP has you.

The next thing you know, you’re scrutinising every scene the two share for signs of romantic interest; every handshake is a serenade, every shoulder brush a caress, no matter what the others say. They call you mad, but soon they’ll see. It’s ‘Will they, or won’t they?’ taken to extremes, the very pinnacle of obsession. It’s unsurprising, therefore, that it’s a touchy subject, as anyone who has ever had to deal with a raving horde of John Lock fans can attest.

It is interesting that, in its purest form, the OTP is a largely selfless concept. It’s not about personal wish-fulfilment. Instead, it’s the same feeling you might get when your best friend pulls a stunner – a kind of confused, parental pride in someone else’s conquests. Under no circumstances do you wish you were your best friend, playing tonsil tennis with said stunner, but there’s a certain level of emotional investment all the same. In short, choosing an OTP means assigning oneself as an unsolicited wingman. The phrase has a dubious reputation, conjuring up images of wild-eyed superfans who, one feels, should not be trusted around either the internet or sharp objects. Despite this, the concept is arguably altruism in its truest form and should, perhaps, be celebrated.

Unless your OTP is Jaime and Cersei. That’s just plain wrong.

32.music

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Music Editors: Jamie Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison

Top 5

D R A E H S MI

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0XVLF¶V JUHDW WR OLVWHQ WR DV LW LV EXW VRPHWLPHV QRW KHDULQJ LW SURSHUO\ DGGV D ZKROH RWKHU dimension. Antonia Velikova’s SLFNHG KHU 7RS IDYRXULWH 0RQGHJUHHQV Nirvana -­ ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ Kurt Cobain has never been known as the king of excellent enunciation. I’ve heard a few variations of this one, some of which are probably mildly offensive. However, my favourite to this day has to be “Here we are now/in containers/avocado/a potato,” instead of “Here we are now,/entertain us/I feel stupid/and contagious”, which sounds just random enough to also be a Nirvana lyric, in a different world perhaps.

Pat Benatar -­ ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ It’s always been fascinating to me how it is that people can get the eponymous chorus of songs wrong – surely, should you know the title, then it can’t be too far-fetched to consider maybe repeating it in the line of the chorus? Either way, that doesn’t stop so many people of loudly and proudly, sometimes jokingly and sometimes not, singing “Hit me with your pet shark.” If I had a pet shark, I probably would be tempted to go around and hit people with it.

REM -­ ‘Losing My Religion’ My parents used to be all about this song when I was a child. Michael Stipe is a notorious wordsmith, and one of REM’s greatest hits also holds great, insightful lyrics. To some, at least. I was almost relieved when I ventured into the Internet and realized that one of my best friends at the time wasn’t the only one to hear “There’s pee in the corner/there’s pee in the spotlight” instead of “That’s me in the corner/that’s me in the spotlight.”

I’d never thought Michael Stipe would encourage such frivolous toilet practices, anyhow.

Taylor Swift -­ ‘Blank Space’ Perhaps in one of the most famous ones in the past years, I’ve heard dozens of people wonder whether Taylor Swift belongs to a secret club of Starbucks lovers so that she would know so many of them so intimately. I have to admit I was one of those who used to hear “Got a lonely Starbucks lovers /they’ll tell you I’m insane” instead of “Got a long list of ex-lovers,/they’ll tell you I’m insane.”

Maybe there are still folks out there who believe that’s really what Taylor’s singing. The universe is amazing.

Elton John -­ ‘Tiny Dancer’ I can’t ever take this song seriously now, no matter how profoundly emotional it’s supposed to be.

The backstory to the lyrics is that the song was dedicated to songwriter Bernie Taupin’s then girlfriend and he implored her to “Hold me closer, tiny dancer.” Despite this, many have believed that the lyrics actually say “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” Now have fun imagining Elton John and Tony Danza in a heartfelt embrace. You’re welcome.

Honourable mentions “Excuse me while I kiss this guy” (Jimi Hendrix – ‘Purple Haze’) “Do you wonder sometimes, about salmon fishing?” (David Bowie – ‘Sound and Vision’) “His penis has a boil” (Bjork – ‘Venus as a Boy’)

Got your own favourite mis-­heard lyric? Tweet @courier_music with your own suggestions

n 29th April, the social networking platform and home to millions of selfies, Instagram, launched a new music channel.

The account with no-frills handle ‘@music’ aims to give greater focus to the fact that musicians and music lovers alike increasingly “come to share stories, reveal their creativity and connect directly with fans” through the app.

In the channel’s opening post, Founder and CEO Kevin Systrom explained that ,“Music is a huge part of all our lives here at Instagram” which is something that everyone is already aware of.

Instagram’s musical community is perhaps its beating heart, so @music just seems to be a pointless venture which I bravely predict will be a one-week wonder.

The channel’s bio boasts its aim of “capturing and sharing the world’s musical moments”, but this has long been on Instagram’s agenda. Since the introduction of the video feature around 2 and a half years ago, a simple hashtag search of your favourite artists brings up a collage of 15 second-long live videos from across the globe. I and many others are guilty of spamming our followers with an array of post-gig clips just to prove that we really were on the front row. This was recently the case after Glass Animals’ show at Riverside, which also inspired an Instagram-related anecdote regarding their local North Eastern support band, Kobadelta. Following the gig, I posted a picture of the band’s lead guitarist and keyboardist with the typical-teenage-girl caption “Attractive support band member #1 and #2” and through the power

“Through the power of hashtagging both of the dreamboats in question liked the post and we had a brief exchange of virtual words”

“This tricks some into thinking that the channel broadens people’s musical knowledge, it falls short when compared to the mass of musical material circulating Instagram on a daily basis”

of hashtagging both of the dreamboats in question liked the post and we had a brief exchange of virtual words about how good the gig was. Fun like this can be had whether @music exists or not. @music intends to hone in on the “musical experience on Instagram” week by week, but this seems somewhat subjective, and therefore restrictive to music fans. Such an aim is already achieved more effectively by individuals every minute of the day, as we can still search through band’s profiles and related posts with our own tastes in mind, rather than those which are projected upon us through @ music. Featuring the likes of Ed Droste from Brooklyn-based Grizzly Bear and Questlove already, @music only posts one photo a day with a brief insight into the artist in question. Whilst this tricks some into thinking that the channel broadens people’s musical knowledge, it falls short when compared to the mass of musical material circulating Instagram on a daily basis.

Perhaps @music’s biggest weakness is the fact that it fails to be interactive as it doesn’t take into account photos/ videos being posted by ordinary music lovers. As a musician myself, I’ve recently taken to sharing short videos of myself playing along to songs on bass, and these have gained me compliments and feedback from various iPhone-owners across the world who share my love for these tracks. Ultimately, if Twitter #music‘s success is anything to go by, @music does not have a promising future ahead of it, as those who really know their music recoil from projects which attempt to spoon-feed them.

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ince turning 21 I’ve had about 50 quarter life crises. The only damage it’s really done is me thinking that it’s acceptable to neck as much drink as I used to when I was a radgie teenager growing up feral on the wild streets of Sunderland.

“In 2012 it was if the band didn’t even exist any more”

I’ve used these repeated existential breakdowns as a chance to revisit the music from various parts of my past lives and almost invariably it’s been some aspect of my skinny-jean wearing, backcombed haired, and significantly chubbier indie youth. One of the first gigs I bought my own tickets for was actually at the venue of our SU back in 2008 with the strangest combination of acts. Headlining the show was Jack Peñate. Opening the show was Tinchy bloody Stryder of all people. Bridging the gap between artists was a band that became the soundtrack of the following three summers. That band was Friendly Fires led by the provocatively snake-hipped and expert mover Ed Macfarlane.

In 2009 and 2010 the band became one of the NME’s ultimate darlings with tracks such as ‘Paris’, ‘Kiss Of Life’ and ‘Skeleton Boy’ on heavy rotation on NME TV and album track ‘White Diamonds’ being featured on an episode of Gossip Girl. In 2011 the NME featured the band on their front cover dressed in a wavey selection of shirts, Ed Macfarlane clasping a parrot and with the bold declamation of a headline: “This is our summer”. While the band seemed to have worked their way up the lineup of most major UK festivals that year it seemed as if this was going to be their last summer. In 2012 it was if the band didn’t even exist any more.

After a few festival slots and single ‘Hurting’ from second album Pala released to lacklustre sales it seemed that Friendly Fires were on the decline.

When asked about what direction the band were going to take, Macfarlane claimed in an inter-

view that the band were going to be collaborating with electronic producer Andrew Weatherall but nothing came of that. At the time I wasn’t aware of Weatherall’s style of music, but after discovering him in a sweaty warehouse rave in Ouseburn a year or two ago I was sharp convinced that the guy was a fucking genius. A collaboration between the two of them would have injected some life into Ed’s snake like hips and would have kept the band in the public eye.

The band were by no means the most iconic band to shape the indie landscape of the late noughties and very early teenies but they were by all means

fun. The band were a welcome release from the angst and gloom purveyed by the post-punk revivalists like White Lies, Editors, and Glasvegas and were the perfect antidote to the general sentiment of austerity that was sweeping the UK. I’m not naïve enough to think that a Friendly Fires reunion will be the greatest comeback of the next ten years but I know for certain, there’ll be a wry smile on my face as I remember me and my group of friends, pissed on questionably priced vodka, imitating Ed’s outrageously seductive dancing.

music.33

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Musique de Film Imaginé

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music courier_music

Brian Jonestown Massacre

Max Palmer-­Geaves takes on EDM heavyweight Steve Aoki, sets us up for Unity Festival, and Drum and Bass artist Stray’s “real” album Electronic goings on: Steve Aoki Can Piss Off

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n an interview at the Cannes Festival in 1960, things to come. ‘La Dispute’ is a bundle of mornthe French New Wave filmmaker Jean-Luc ing-after melancholia. The Gothic keys repeat the Goddard said :“Let youth influence cinema, same lost chord progression as though seeking to hold on to our desires.” What he meant by this for meaning among the flurry of regret. It seems is that cinema shouldn’t be a product of cultural repetitive, but the prolonged lugubrious tones developments, of trends, but that these trends pertain to a certain emotional frustration. The reshould be asserting cultural products. We see sponse to this is ‘L’Enfer’ (Hell), with a dousing of then that Godard’s definition of Art is a fictional sombre solitude, verging on dramatic desperation. echo of culture, a mirror propped up against the This is where the tonality of the album turns in to banal, enamel walls we live within. an inky reel of torment. ‘Le Sacre du Printemps’ Now, 55 years succeeding this interview, Brian (The Rite of Spring) is a rehashing of the single Jonestown Massacre’s Anton Newcombe declared that Brian Jonestown Massacre released in the that the band’s new album, Muback end of 2013, starring Italsique de Film Imaginé (cognitive, “Newcombe created his ian actress Asia Argento. Newbut translates roughly as ‘music own world, putting the combe and Argento’s vocals are of a film imagined’) is his ‘own mere menacing whispers in the creation, a tribute to great direc- abstractions of thought cacophony of whirling synths, tors and filmmakers, to an era into this sonic journal” slow drumming and a hazy guithat now seems to be behind us’, tar. ‘Bonbon Deux’ takes us from with Godard in mind. The connection between the nightmarish slurry and in to an ephemeral, yet Godard’s words of wisdom and Newcombe’s dec- triumphant, orchestral piece and ‘Au Sommet’ (the laration is the concern with the mind’s theatre; summit) concludes, but with an emptiness. There the responsive ideation of the sensual imagina- is an identifiable sense of agonising loss. tion. Newcombe goes on to say ‘the interesting Musique de Film Imaginé has no saccharine thing about this project is that the film does not smog of smitten romances, no Parisian skyline, no exist either. Even so, I imagined and I realised its coral sunsets, and no reflections of Roman cansoundtrack. Now it’s your turn, you are the listener dles bursting in rippling waters of the Eiffel Tower to imagine the film.’ We listen to music, or watch fountains. It isn’t romantic. Newcombe created his a film, as a method of escapism. Godard’s ‘Hold- own world, putting the abstractions of thought in ing on to our desires’ is the appreciation for that to this sonic journal. Like Godard, Newcombe is alternative reality with a subjective rapture; New- immediate: improvisation, a rejection of tradition combe’s desires and imagination will not be the and a scathing reflection of reality. Musique de Film same as Godard’s, mine or yours.

Imaginé is a cinematic, mellifluous memento that Firstly is ‘Après le Vin’ (after the wine), that leads actually feels relevant. us by the hand, in a mild stupor. The key changes Connor McDonnell in ‘Philadelphie Story’ are foreboding, a shadow of

MCIII Mikal Cronin

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peaking prior to the release of his new album MCIII, Mikal Cronin reflected on the “psychological breaking point” which provided the inspiration for the second half of the LP. The result – a set of six songs handily linked by the use of Roman numerals –is an impressively cathartic listen.

This is not to say, however, that the album’s first half is any less impressive. Having never been one afraid to experiment, it is hardly surprising that Cronin’s opener ‘Turn Around’ calls upon a string section to add further drama to an already sweeping chorus. The contrast to the often understated (yet equally brilliant) MCII is noticeable, the delicate pianos abandoned in favour of grander orchestration. Album highlight ‘Made My Mind Up’ follows, its infectious guitar riff and overwhelmingly positive message surely guaranteeing Cronin greater mainstream exposure over the coming summer months.

‘Say’ benefits from frantic drumming and a mellowed-out horn section at its climax, while ‘I’ve Been Loved’ features some pleasant guitar work.

These efforts are, however, significantly overshadowed by what follows: a mini rock-opera which brings to mind the ambition of early concept albums without feeling clichéd. From the affecting ‘i) Alone’, which dissolves to just Cronin and his acoustic guitar, to the grungey rocker ‘iv) Ready’, the tone is varied and avoids falling into a sense of simply passing through the motions. Just as the listener feels they have Cronin’s approach sussed out, another curveball is thrown in the mix.

The six-part finale builds to ‘vi) Circle’, a clean and optimistic finish obviously contrasting with its heavier predecessors. The effect is striking: a feeling of redemption and closure in an album filled with darker, yet always engaging, moments.

Tim Hardy

More than this Confection – Sebastian Tellier 2013’s Confection featured songs that were originally supposed to be included on the soundtrack to a film that in the end never materialised. The resulting album is an interesting selection of recurring leitmotifs and instrumentals, showcasing Tellier’s skill as a musical virtuoso and groove master.

Dive – Tycho Although a glitchier and more electronic based album, Tycho’s Dive holds quite similar ambient vibes to Musique de Film Imaginé. This is an album perfect to listen to in the hazy early morning summer sun, bleary eyed after a hard night’s raving. Akin to some of Brian Eno’s early electronic output, this is an album that somehow managed to stay under the radars.

Fading Love George Fitzgerald

Holy Serpent Holy Serpent

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eorge Fitzgerald is a producer who’s been on my radar for a while but I’ve not actually set time down to listen to him. Granted he’s had some pretty decent success of late, with his Boiler Room set receiving over 100,000 views on YouTube and featuring in a BBC Radio One Essential Mix back in 2013 as part of their ‘Future Stars of Dance’ series.

After relocating to the mecca of electronic music and the European home of techno, Fitzgerald finally released his debut LP and the result is a perfect fusion of his native London’s in your face edge and his adopted Berlin’ minimalist techno sensibilities.

On first listen I felt there was some similarities in Fading Love to Jon Hopkins’ Immunity but with repeated listening it’s clear that Fitzgerald eschews Hopkins’ overtly intellectual and 6 Music friendly style for the most part in favour of a style that is at home on the smokey dancefloors of Shoreditch and Friedrichshain at any time of the day or the night.

Opener ‘Fading Love’ is a euphoric start to the album that transubstantiates the experience of coming up on a dancefloor, with the vocals of Boxed In’s Oli Bayston as a reassuring flutter in the ear.

‘Knife in the Heart’ shares the pounding minimalism you’d hear in a Berlin nightclub at 11am in the morning with no end to the party visible in sight.

The main highlight on this release is the recurring vocals of Lawrence Hart that feature on ‘Call It Love (If You Want To)’, ‘Shards’, ‘Crystallise’, and closer ‘The Waiting’ that embody an effortless soulfulness. The intensity and danceability of this album is very much akin to the work of John Talabot and his 2012 debut Fin and promises to be the soundtrack to many early mornings in the summer of 2015.

Jamie Shepherd

Electronic Blanket

sychedelic anarchy seems to be Australia’s biggest musical export of late. Gone are the days when we associate music from down under with the big bouffanted Minogue sisters and onwards with the days of vortex like guitars and driving bass lines a la Dune Rats. Holy Serpent’s self-titled debut album rides on this trend and has fast become one of the most arresting albums I’ve heard thus far in 2015.

While the album is at times apocalyptic in its outlook, Holy Serpent exudes a useful exuberance that reeks of the bong-smoke inspired heavy metal that was the soundtrack of the 1960s. Comparisons to classic bands such as Black Sabbath and Cream have been made however I’d argue that more contemporary comparisons could be made to the aggressive noise that’s coming out of Leeds through bands such as Autobahn and Hookworms.

Although the album is only 5 tracks in length, the sheer length of the tracks stops the album from feeling like nothing more than an aural spurt of psychedelia. Opener ‘Holy Serpent’ seduces the listener and coaxes them into the orgy they are about to take part in. It seduces the listener into the ways of Holy Serpent and prepares them for the upcoming onslaught. Second track ‘Shroom Doom’ is not only indicative by name of the counter-cultural influences that shaped the album’s production by name, but sonically hearkens back to the heady days of the Summer of Love. ‘Fools Gold’ is a driving mid-point to the album that keeps the momentum flowing in time for album’s denouement.

The penultimate track ‘The Plague’ shares the nauseous and enthralling anxiety that exists in Albert Camus’ absurdist novel of the same name (although it remains to be seen whether there is any connection) but it is closer ‘The Wind’ that cements the albums place as a work of art.

Jamie Shepherd

If you wear razor back vests, snapbacks and huarache trainers (whether male or female) you are likely to be thrilled by the news that Mr. Aoki has been booked to headline Northern Lights music festival. If you’re not a university wannabe radgie who watches Geordie Coast on the MTV then like me you’ll want to keep him out of this great city.

You have to hand it to the man; he’s managed to rob a living off the world and kept Lil Jon out of prison, when he should have been locked up for being a wanker years ago. My inside sources have suggested that the guys at Northern Lights booked him for around £85k but have only sold around a third of the thirteen thousand tickets for the event. To be fair to the organisers that’s a hell of a booking. Aoki is a global superstar. He may not be to my taste or a favourite of anyone who likes dance music to consist of more than just a synth note played in a shit rhythm at the same time as a pounding bass.

That said those people probably also love tensing in front of the mirror in the gym and shagging the last girl in the chip shop.

Preview: Newcastle Unity Festival 23rd May at Leazes Park

I know I usually write about events that will be coming up in the next week but other than SoulJam, which I reckon has already had enough advertising from me, there’s not much going on really and this festival looks to be a splendid affair.

For starters it’s free to all, which with a line up including Ms. Dynamite, Natty, Akala and Panjabi MC is rad. I love the idea of a free unity festival in Newcastle as racism was still a serious problem until relatively recently. The city’s identity has been altered massively and its events such as this and actions such as the Toon’s football fans rallying against anti-Islam Pegida which are making big strides towards a more tolerant future and resulting in Newcastle shaking off it’s old prejudiced industrial image. The festival has been and is still entirely funded by donations from the wonderfully giving people in Newcastle who believe in a strong vibe of unity. Music wise there is something for everyone. I’ll be going for Natty, a British reggae star who I’ve loved since I was about fifteen but have never had the opportunity to see. I reckon it’ll be a really special day and you’d be a fool not to take part in this historic occasion.

Listen to: Natty - ‘Change’

You Need To Hear This: Stray

London based producer Stray is known for encompassing a variety of genres, he first made waves on the drum and bass scene back in 2009. He has a distinctive quality to his music that is difficult to explain without first giving it a listen. His stripped back style encompasses wonky beats and old soul vocals drenched in dreamy reverb. His early work, in his relatively modest catalogue, preferring quality to quantity, included releases on labels such as Exit Records. These early tracks are more frantic, though they still retain Stray’s signature dreamy sound. You can download a free mixtape of his older work that he put out six months ago, stating that their release was in aid of drawing a line under the older work before embarking on a “real” first LP. Though this mixtape is not a “real” record it is fantastic, a statement backed up by its support from FACT magazine who also hosted the video for its single and title track ‘Since You’ve Been Gone’. Weirdly my favourite thing I’ve seen him do is take part in FACT’s ‘Against The Clock’ series where producers are challenged to create a beat in ten minutes. It’s certainly worth a look.

Listen to: Stray – ‘Colour of Love’

Max produces under the name of Hues.

You can check him out on Facebook or at soundcloud.com/hues

34.gaming

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Gaming Editors: Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer

What I’m playing Rosie Bellini has been playing the charming, gorgeous, heartfelt Child of Light

I

n a world of humdrum essay writing, taking the time out to play a thoroughly enjoying game that can be dipped in and out of when needs be is more therapeutic than many would realise. Child of Light is as charming to watch as it is to play, telling the story of the daughter of an Austrian duke, Aurora, who finds herself transported to the mysterious world of Lemuria.

Parted from her adoring father, who becomes bedridden upon hearing of her supposed death, she sets out on a quest to save him (not the other way around), ridding the land of dark creatures as she navigates her way through grief, betrayal and her own coming-of-age.

Artistic and hand-painted scenery inspired by the sensational Japanese film company Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away) brings out the warmth and depth of the fairy tale. With landscapes ranging from dark, gnarled forests to vast cloud formations that are ripe to be explored with the game’s smart early introduction of wings for Aurora, stressed out students can bask in discovering mini bosses and treasure chests for hours on end. However, this compassionate handcraftedness doesn’t stop there, as the designers left no stone unturned with unique character pages to surprisingly thoughtful collectables that make the 100% completion all the more rewarding for enthusiasts like myself.

Productivity: a zero-­sum game?

Kezziah Hall tries to rationalise gaming in the face of looming deadlines

I

s it just me or is ‘exam/essay deadline season’ the most tempting time to push your responsibilities aside and spend an hour, or seven, in front of your PC or console and immerse yourself in a world very, very far away from the Robbo? Yeah, it’s not just me. And developers also have a tendency to release games, which I’ve been waiting years for, around the end of the semester (Witcher 3, I’m looking at you).

It’s always heart-breaking to see everyone else in the world enjoying the game, posting screenshots, making great multiplayer memories. Meanwhile, you’re forced to cut yourself off from the world by taking refuge in a computer cluster with your revision notes, trying to avoid all the spoilers you can.

By the time you emerge once more, everyone has moved onto the newest game, and you have no one to play the multiplayer with (this has happened to me more times than I care to admit).

Admittedly, seven or more hours in front of your games every day may not be the greatest thing to do when you’re zooming down the home straight of the academic year. Ignoring your academic responsibilities completely to devote your time solely

to gaming was never going to be a good idea. However, I believe you don’t have to necessarily shut games out of your life entirely during this busy period. I think everything should be done in moderation at times like these, including time you devote to your work. My motto is: one can spend way too much time gaming, but one can also spend way too much time studying.

“Spending twelve hours at the library and then heading straight to bed is probably just as bad for you”

Spending twelve hours at the library with a half hour for lunch then straight home to bed is probably not going to be the most beneficial way to finish the year; it’s really just as bad as sitting in front of your PS4 all day and refusing to move.

You can think proudly to yourself, “Hey, I spent twelve hours in the library today”, but were you actually concentrating that whole time? Did you

devote enough time to one subject, and too much to another? Did you eventually give up and watch some letsplays on YouTube instead? A twelve hour library stint will provide a portion of good work, but much of that time will be wasted, as you’re not working at your very best. If you manage your time well and work at your strongest parts of the day, while you’re at maximum concentration, you can do the best revision and also give yourself plenty of time to relax. And the best way to relax is gaming, of course.

And the best thing about being able to play games during the exam period, you ask? That one’s easy: There’s no missing out on new releases, having to hide from all sources of information online to avoid the dreaded, game-destroying spoilers.

Plus, the longer you wait to play, the more likely the game you want will eventually end up on sale - this is especially true for PC gamers, with Steam’s tendency to drastically reduce the price of even new games to a pittance of their original asking price. If that doesn’t sway you to manage your time well, then I don’t know what can.

“Child of Light is a return to elegant simplicity” With full knowledge that a quest can often not be achieved alone, Ubisoft have managed to create an endearing ragtag group consisting of deadpan firefly Igniculus, travelling jester Rubella, lovable coward mage Finn, mysterious, time-stopping Norah, lovesick mouse Robert and tough-nut Óengus. Although an original idea in attempting to capture the essence of Shakespearian storytelling, the fact that each character was trapped in constant rhyming dialogue felt more forced than playful. I often found myself wanting to be relived from the iambic pentameter, but upon returning to the map I had already been sucked back in through the visuals and music.

In the past decade, RPGs have really suffered from bloated mechanics and over complicated stats that often take more away from the game than actually provide it. However with a sidescroller battle system that excels in simplicity and dynamism, Child of Light makes the perfect collaboration between turn-based and real-time elements that always keeps a constant tension present to keep the player planning two steps ahead in the fight. Read: no mind-numbing one-turn-kills here.

It’s intelligent, slick and without a doubt one of the best battle designs for RPGs I’ve come across so far, so definitely worth checking out. Although some of the monster artwork is recycled, the range of elemental resistances encourages the player to broaden the use of their characters so I’ll let that one slide.

If you’ve managed to put up with my gushing for this long then I beg you to get this game. With a second-to-none battle system that brings a refreshing change to RPGs by keeping you on your thumbs for every monster encounter, combined with stunning visuals, Child of Light is a game that should not be passed up.

Get hyped: Fallout 4 Kezziah Hall is hoping Bethesda jump up and atom sooner rather than later with Fallout 4

I

t has been seven, very long years since Fallout 3, arguably one of the greatest RPGs of all time, arrived on Xbox 360, Playstation 3 and PC. Words do not suffice to explain why this game is so well-loved by so many gamers.

The best way I can sum it up is: so much freedom; so much choice; so many weapons; so many excellent storylines and side-quests; and so much more.

Post-apocalyptic games are always fun, but for me, Fallout defined that genre, pretty much owning it.

“The artwork is true to the original and uses frames taken from episodes”

Fallout is set long after a nuclear apocalypse, the games taking us to various parts of the continental United States. Each game offers a new protagonist and personal mission in this dangerous world.

There are various factions, out to support you… or to destroy you. With your PipBoy to guide you, armed with the weapons you’ve managed to scavenge, you’re free to explore the huge map, offering so many secondary missions and interesting characters to meet (all the while listening to some brilliant 1950s music). Each of the games have re-

ceived a positive reception (except Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, but we don’t talk about that game), and have amassed a very loyal fanbase since the series started in 1997.

Ever since Fallout 3, we’ve been waiting for more.

Waiting… waiting… and waiting. In 2010 we got Fallout: New Vegas.. This one tends to divide the crowd a little.

Just a quick Google search comparing the two brings out a variety of opinions. Some people argue that the ‘buggy-ness’ of the game at release was way too much, and lacked the charm of its predecessor.

Yet, some people think it was miles better, believing the series was going in the right direction, offering much more to the player. It still received good reviews, all the same.

Nevertheless, although the community remain divided on NV,, everyone is united in our desire to have some, ANY, confirmation that Fallout 4 is definitely in the pipeline. With E3 on the horizon, there is a feeling of excitement that perhaps this could finally

be the year that Bethesda give us what we’ve been waiting for, for so long.

We’ve been misled in the past, hoping any kind of Bethesda teaser will have something to do with our beloved series. Things grew hopeful when the actor, Erik Dellums, who voiced Three Dog in Fallout 3, announced a return to his character, but this soon turned out to have nothing to do with Fallout 4.

In 2013, there was huge excitement amongst the gaming community with the emergence of a website named thesurvivor2299.com, which offered hidden messages hinting at the existence and setting of a new Fallout game. After what seemed like a lifetime waiting for confirmation, Bethesda finally addressed these ‘clues’, and it turned out this had nothing to do with them. So, as you can see, Fallout fans have been teased for some time over this. Before every E3 we hold our breaths then collectively sigh in disappointment when no mention is made.

Please let this year be the one, Bethesda.

gaming.35

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk @Courier_Gaming

The paid mods disaster epic James McCoull explores the issue of Valve and Bethesda’s joint paid mods project

I

n the distant era of about two weeks ago, yet another great controversy reared its head to split the PC gaming community apart at the seams. This issue had everyone from forumites to well-known gaming personalities up in arms.

It spawned mockery, debate, outrage and seemingly endless discussions. I’m referring of course to the Paid Mods Catastrophe of 2015.

Now, of course, that’s a distant memory: Steam almost immediately pulled the project from the Skyrim Workshop on which it was being tested, as a flood of negative reception overwhelmed them, even making the BBC News. Bethesda and Valve issued apologetic statements, more or less to the effect of “We’re sorry, it won’t happen again”, and the matter was neatly put to bed without another word. Or was it?

“There is definitely an issue at heart that we can’t ignore: do mod-makers have a right to earn cash from their craft?”

every fully-voiced, item-filled, story-based semiexpansion pack rich in quality and the telltale signs of a labour of love, there’s a hundred nude mods or crappy sword textures to bring the whole community down.

How many times have you combed through page after page on the Nexus for a decent Fallout mod, only to find yourself sorting instead through retextured default outfits and yet another god damn version of Bouncing Natural Breasts? This is the sort of shameless, puerile shit that saturates modding communities, and this is the sort of shit that people don’t want to pay for.

But it is, of course, never that simple. Except when it is. Valve and Bethesda embarrassed themselves with the colossal mess that was the paid mods project, when the solution has been on Kickstarter, Patreon and Indiegogo for years. I’m talking about donations.

How many of you have every contributed to a Kickstarter campaign? I’ll wait. Hands high in the air, please. A good number of you, I should think.

The ideas that are worth attention invariably get it, and a great big load of cash to boot. So is it that much of a reach to assume that the same people who are willing to pledge money to a game that doesn’t even exist yet are also willing to donate to a mod for a game they love?

It’s just such a natural next-step for the prospering Steam Workshop that I have no idea how it hasn’t been implemented sooner, and still somehow hasn’t been implemented now.

Valve are going to come away from this with the mistaken impression that people doesn’t want to pay for mods. But here’s the fact, plain and simple: people will pay for quality. And quality in a modding community is simply not something that can be monetised so easily.

Reload: Spyro: Year of the Dragon Ollie Burton goes back in time to play Spyro, the ever-­lovable sarcastic purple dragon, on a quest to recover 150 eggs stolen by an evil sorceress and meets the ever-­thieving Moneybags

T

“A special mention goes to the sound team, as the sound track alone could sell the game”

Graphically, it is as vibrant and youthful as ever – character models are razor-sharp and the textures look fantastic, even spread across the massive level environments. As ever with older consoles, developers have had to find ways to deal with the limited onboard memory offered by the system (2MB, in this case), and here have opted for a technique known as Gouraud shading on the 3D models, which allows for butter-smooth lighting effects and very convincing shadows, even with the limited hardware.

But sexy pixels would be useless without solid gameplay (looking at you, Sonic 2006). Thankfully, Year Of The Dragon stays entirely true to its prequel, providing perfectly responsive movement and a camera that doesn’t try to give the player a prostate exam every twelve seconds, a problem which plagued so many early PS1 titles. Massive levels are accessed from smaller hubworlds, with 37 areas accessible in total, giving a solid 20-25

Keir Pulsford examines why Lara Croft is such a fan favourite

I

ndependent, fierce and a remarkably strong heroine to reckon with, Lara Croft has been garnering attention ever since her debut in Eidos Interactive’s 1996 Tomb Raider. This English rose has leaped from ‘ledge to ledge’ to legend across ten console games and two films, in the process earning six Guinness World Records and a star on California’s ‘Walk of Game’.

Lara Croft has come a long way since her early days. Original Tomb Raider designs portrayed the main character as male with a hat and whip but models were altered when it was deemed too similar to a certain ‘raiding’ 1980s action adventurer.

The character was also initially named ‘Laura Cruz’ and hailed from South America, but Britishbased company Core Design - working under order from Eidos - wanted someone the UK games market could relate with.

“Sadly some of her renown comes from the fact that she has long been video games’ standout sex symbol”

Whether you hated the idea or loved it (and members of the latter group are a little more sparse), there was definitely an issue at its heart that we can’t ignore: do mod-makers have a right to earn cash from their craft? On the subject of ‘crafts’, Markus ‘Notch’ Persson was an outspoken defender of the paid mods project. As an independent developer himself - as distant as those days must seem to the multi-millionaire now - Notch understood how much time and effort goes into a lot of fan-made material.

Some of those works featured in The Courier’s own Mod Spotlight might jump to mind, such as the Falskaar expansion for Skyrim. Conversely, for

here are few members of our generation that would not remember playing at least one of the Insomniac-produced Spyro games at some point or another. These games were a perfect family adventure, spotlessly clean humour merged with straight forward gameplay and crucially, tight controls – something that even modern AAA titles fail to get right.

So what makes this particular entry to the series so special? Well, think of Year Of The Dragon as the refined product of the series, the cream of the crop, if you will. All the qualities that made the previous two games so popular have reached their peak.

From ledges to legend

hours of gameplay, certainly commendable for a game classed as a ‘kid’s title’.

A fantastic addition to the series comes in the form of four entirely new playable characters, each with their own tailored levels and individual gameplay styles, for example hugely expansive, open levels for the James Bond-alike air shooter Sgt. James Byrd.

A special mention is deserved by the game’s sound team, as I feel that this game’s soundtrack could sell the game alone. Stewart Copeland, of The Police fame, returns to produce his most polished effort yet, tracks sound rich and highly textured, always present but never intrusive. Notable examples include ‘Sunrise Spring Homeworld’ and ‘Fireworks Factory’ – well worth a listen.

The voice acting in the game is hilariously goofy, but crucially never irksome. Incredibly exaggerated accents and inflections merely add personality to the surprisingly well fleshed-out NPCs present, which gives the residents of each world a lovable charm of their own.

My personal thoughts on the game must be obvious by this point. I believe this title to be up there with the very best the Sony Playstation had to offer. An original copy in good shape will run you around £40, but trust me, it’s worth every penny.

Lara Croft’s recognition largely stems from her role as being one of the first lead female characters in the male dominated video game industry. Although sadly some of her renown also comes from the fact that she has long been video games’ stand out sex symbol thanks to her generous lady lumps (something the developers blamed on a glitch in their code – yeah right).

The character’s recognition grew from video game circles to the mainstream in 2001 when she was portrayed by Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie in the first of two live-action movies which grossed a combined $430 million. The first film remains the third best-selling video game adaptation of all time after Prince of Persia and Resident Evil: Afterlife.

Croft has evolved from being simply a video game character to a global cultural icon. The English heiress has been portrayed by ten different official models, advertised Lucozade adverts, appeared on the front of TIME magazine and even has a ring road in Derby named after her. Croft would probably also be the most famous fictional archaeologist/historian/palaeontologist of the nineties… if it hadn’t been a strangely good decade for being in such a profession (Ross from Friends and Jurassic Park’s Dr. Alan Grant also spring to mind).

Everybody has heard of Lara Croft. Whether you spent your childhood locking the butler in the freezer on the original PlayStation sequel, went to the cinema to see the films or even if you know nothing about video games at all she is still a familiar face (even my mum knows Lara Croft, and she thought Jay-Z’s name was pronounced ‘Jay Zed’).

Croft was a breath of fresh air in the industry when ‘Tomb Raider’ was released in the mid-nineties and has adapted over time to remain relevant. The 2013 reboot game (confusingly also titled simply ‘Tomb Raider’) brought about new realism to the genre and focused upon her untiring and unbreakable spirit as she became less of a bunch of pixels to ogle over and more of a female hero worthy of imitation.

With a new Tomb Raider game coming out next year, it will be interesting to see how they carry on the legend.

36.science&technology

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Science Editors: Laura Staniforth and Penny Polson Online Science Editor: Jack Marley

Is fertility becoming futile?

With infertility effecting over 6 million people in Europe alone, Anna Jazstrembska sorts the harm from the hype as she discusses the theories behind why human fertility may be declining

Pollution

“When environment is bad, sperm becomes “ugly”,” says doctor Li Zheng, a director of Shanghai’s sperm bank. Infertility in China rose from 3 to 15% over the last thirty years. While nothing is certain yet, air pollution remains a strong suspect. But it’s not only a problem of the newly industrialized countries. Pollutants like PCBs (perchlorinated biphenyls), industrial compounds and pesticides that can decrease chances of conception by even 29%. Most of them were banned in the 70’s, but the pollutants remain in older products, other were absorbed by livestock and then by people. Other harmful elements include lead, mercury, cadmium, hydrocarbons, X-rays and pesticides. Heavy electromagnetic or microwave emissions don’t do you any good either.

Meds and drugs

“‘When environment is bad, sperm becomes ‘ugly’... while nothing is certain, air pollution remains a strong suspect”

Mobile phones A recent study by the University of Exeter suggests that the constant exposure to mobile phones affects sperm count and quality. According to the scientists, the potential problem is caused by carrying phone in a pocket.

Even though the study received a lot of negative critique, it’s not the first one to come to such a conclusion.

However, the specifics of how mobile phones might affect fertility are unknown. Potentially radio-frequency electromagnetic radiation might damage sperm’s DNA and production.

Others blame the heat, either directly from the phone or from radiation.

Vegan diet

About a year ago media made vegetarianism and especially veganism a scapegoat for infertility. It was provoked by a study that connected vegan diet to low intakes of iron, folic acid, zinc and vitamin B-12. The fact that the study never made it through the peer-review speaks volumes. In truth, all the vegans I have met were highly mindful of their nutrition. Ideally, vegan diet maximizes the intake of fibre, protein, complex carbs, omega 3 and 6 (“good” fats), vitamins and minerals. Therefore, the vegan diet- like any healthy and conscious diet- not only improves chances of conception and healthy pregnancy, but also enhances immunity and nurtures body and mind.

Booze and cigarettes

It was obvious that the infamous duo would pop up at some point. But as sick and tired as you might be of hearing it, alcohol and tobacco are bad for you. Just one or two drinks a day affects the sperm quantity and quality, lowers testosterone levels and contributes to erectile dysfunction. The levels are lower in women- even only five drinks a week impairs conception. Infertility levels in smokers are twice bigger than in nonsmokers. Chemicals found in cigarettes affect sperm’s motility (ability to move) and speed up the loss rate of eggs in women.

On average, female smokers menopause 1 to 4 years earlier than non-smokers.

It doesn’t only include chemotherapy and medicines for chronic disorders. Antidepressants, antibiotics or even painkillers may cause temporary infertility in women and lower sperm production. Heavy marijuana and cocaine might temporarily reduce the sperm count by even 50%. An interesting study from the University of Buffalo found that sperm can get high, too. An active ingredient (THC) appears in reproductive organs and makes the sperm hyperactive.

It’s too fast, too early and burns out before reaching an egg, compensating chances of fertilization. Interestingly, it happens also when only a woman smokes. It doesn’t matter if sperm is exposed to THC in female’s or male’s reproductive organs, the result it the same.

“Just one or two drinks a day affects the sperm quantity and quality, lowers testosterone levels and contributes to erectile dysfunction”

Heat exposure And no, I don’t mean a holiday to Magaluf.

Think in terms of saunas, steam rooms and hot tubs. It’s been suggested that frequent usage might affect fertility, especially in men.

Prolonged exposure to heat elevates testicular temperature, reducing sperm count. That is because scrotum needs a lower temperature than the rest of the body to operate normally35.5 up to 36°C. The temperature in saunas rises over 40°C, which can slowly switch off the performance of the testes. Interestingly, a study researching the importance of saunas in Finnish lifestyle finds that even though they impair the sperm count, the quality of the sperm in Finnish men is one of the best in the world.

The perils of the Western diet

Do carbs and meat increase our chances of getting bowel cancer? Connor Rogerson investigates

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esearch at Imperial College London has found that a simple change in diet could significantly reduce your cancer risk.

Bowel cancer is considered a ‘Westernised’ disease, as its prevalence has skyrocketed with the increasing popularity of processed meats and general absence of fibre in many Western diets.

The group, led by Prof Jeremy Nicholson, truly tested the hypothesis that diet can affect your overall cancer risk by getting twenty volunteers from America and rural South Africa to swap diets for two weeks. They found that just after two weeks, the cancer risk of the Americans significantly dropped and the South Africans were already showing signs of risk.

Twenty American volunteers at the University of Pittsburgh followed a strict diet, heavily featuring common food and ingredients from rural Africa. The diet plan consisted of foods high in fibre and low in fat, and centred on corn-based products, vegetables, fruit, and pulses. Volunteers enjoyed corn fritters, spinach and red pepper for breakfast; corn dogs, fried potatoes and mango for lunch; and okra, tomatoes, corn muffins and black-eyed peas for dinner.

To get a real insight on the effects of diet on cancer risk, the volunteers from rural South Africa traded their usual fix for traditional American cuisine brimming with red meat. A typical diet plan included beef sausage and pancakes for breakfast; burger and chips for lunch; and meatloaf and rice for dinner.

The risk of cancer was measured by colonoscopies before and after the diet swap: a streamline camera placed up your lower bowel. Inflammation of the bowel and the number of polyps (small abnormal growths) were used to indicate the cancer risk of the volunteer. American volunteers’ risk was slashed after the diet swap, while the South African’s risk was beginning to rise.

The paper, published in Nature Communications, verifies the significant contribution diet plays in cancer risk and demonstrates how rapidly significant results can be achieved. As Africa is becoming increasingly ‘Westernised’, it’s worrying to think how quickly cancer risk may be affected too.

Recent research into the microbiome of the gut (the bacteria living inside of you) concluded that certain bacteria leave you predisposed to conditions like obesity and Type II diabetes. Could the

bugs making you fat be increasing your cancer risk too? The high fibre diet of the South African volunteers led to an increase in the chemical butyrate, a by-product of fibre metabolism, which has been seen to have anti-cancer properties.

“American volunteers’ risk was slashed after the diet swap, while the South Africans’ risk was beginning to rise”

Whether the cause of this shift in cancer risk is from bacteria or certain chemicals, it’s clear that diet plays a huge role in our health. Patients presenting with high bowel inflammation at check-ups could be asked to change their diet as a preventative measure to bowel cancer. A routine colonoscopy probably won’t be a popular option, but a proven preventative measure for one of the highest cancer killers, surely a compromise will pay off in the end?

technology&science.37

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science

Make sure to have the last laugh

Charlotte Maxwell delves into the science of humour -­ and it’s a very serious subject

“I

f you don’t laugh, you’ll end up crying” is a well-known phrase that potentially has more truth than what it would seem to have on the surface. Laughter is a social tool that unconsciously brings us closer to others, via the echolalic delivery of short, repeated consonantvowel syllables such as ‘hee-hee’ or ‘ha-ha’.

It is quite amazing that we seem to overlook the reasons behind laughter but are quite happy to delve into big questions such as ‘why do we yawn?’ or ‘why do we have eyebrows?’. In many ways this is quite interesting, given that in many situations, laughter is our involuntary response to circumstance. It is a behaviour that at times can be hard to control and can cause us physical symptoms such as crying, stomach cramp and redness of the face.

And yet, we’re still not overly curious. However, maybe this lack of curiosity is the result of laughter being so ‘normal’ and so intrinsic within our dayto-day behaviours (a bit like blinking, but hopefully less frequent) that we do not really process the source and reasoning for it.

Now, for the ‘brain bit’. So, there are five areas of the brain that have increased electrical activity once exposed to something ‘humorous’: the left side of the cortex, frontal lobe, right hemisphere of the cortex, sensory processing area of the occipital lobe and the motor sections. In these areas jokes are analysed in terms of word/sentence structure and intellect and both emotional and physical responses are formulated and initiated. However, it is important to note that damage to the frontal lobe can impede a person’s ability to understand and respond to humour in an appropriate manner. In addition to the listed areas of the brain, our limbic system has a role in the actual production of laughter: the amygdala, the hippocampus, the thalamus, and the hypothalamus- the latter of which is responsible for uncontrollable, loud outbursts of laughter.

Laughter can be rather contagious and, like yawning, seeing another person laugh can be the exact stimulant to get our laughter into gear- even if we do not know why that person is laughing.

Whether it is the sound or the visual cue, as humans, we undoubtedly possess some sort of detector for laughter, which when triggered can send us into a frenzy of giggles. This only highlights how laughter really is a social interaction device, well either that or we spend far too much time trying to

Image: vatobob

copy each other, in a spontaneous fashion. Which funny, but they just end up hilarious. Again, we then guides us to the question around why we have a familiarity factor kicking in, alongside our laugh more with people we know/are familiar with want to be socially close. Also, relationships apand what influence this has parently last longer if you on our social relationships?

“When with our partners, laugh, as you feed on each If you go to a comedy club, other’s happiness and get you are more likely to find we can often find ourselves greater satisfaction from a comic funny whom you in situations in which things the relationship. I kind of are familiar with. Likewise, see the logic in this, howif you come across a comic ‘shouldn’t’ be funny, but they ever, I can’t say this can be that you don’t find funny, just end up being hilarious” accurate when you have but your friend or partner a couple with completely makes a joke regarding their evident lack of funny differing senses of humour- particularly, when one bones, you are also likely to find this funny (unless is rather dry. it’s a terrible, terrible joke).

So, anyone up for becoming a gelotologist (a stuWhen with our partners, we can often find our- dent of laughter)? selves in situations in which things ‘shouldn’t’ be

Whale of the Week Princess of Whales Humpback Whale (Megaptera novaeangliae)

Illustration by Becky Irvine

Going green Ollie Burton discusses the latest in green technology

I

t’s been a while since headlines have broken with new, novel means of powering our devices and infrastructure, but Audi has broken that trend with the recent announcement that their engineers have produced the world’s first carbon-neutral batch of diesel fuel.

This is achieved by using high-temperature electrolysis (800°C), which breaks down steam into its constituent hydrogen and oxygen atoms. The released hydrogen then reacts with carbon dioxide to form a long-chain hydrocarbon compound called ‘blue crude’, which is a liquid energy carrier similar to crude oil. Blue crude can then be processed in a refinery for a desired use, such as diesel or aviation fuel. Its chemical properties actually allow it to be blended with existing commercial diesels in various ratios, so even if complete replacement of current solutions is not feasible, it could go some way towards alleviating the problem.

What is crucial about this new fuel-production method is the complete lack of sulphur and aromatic hydrocarbon compounds. This represents a new milestone in the world of energy resources because the carbon dioxide used to create the blue crude is taken directly from the air. Of course, the process does require electricity but in an ideal world this would be 100% generated through ecofriendly sources such as wind or hydro-power.

The German government has pledged their financial support to the team, a collaboration effort from engineers at Audi and clean-technology company Sunfire. The small-scale research plant in Dresden produces around 160L of the clean diesel per day, which is a tiny drop in the ocean of fuel required to satisfy demand, but if more plants are opened, it could well become a decent alternative to current methods.

“What is crucial about this new fuel-production method is the complete lack of sulphur” Interestingly enough, this isn’t the first carbon neutral fuel. In June of 2013, the UGA Bioenergy Systems Research Institute published a study in which microorganisms converted atmospheric carbon dioxide into 3-hydroxypropionic acid, which is a precursor for engineering materials such as acrylic. Interestingly enough, the technology the researchers are utilising has been known about since the 1920s, the Fischer-Tropsch process, and was even used by German workers during the Second World War to convert coal into diesel when fuel supplies were depleted.

Now, perhaps it is a little idealistic to suppose that all the electricity used in the generation of blue crude will come from renewable sources. Germany is well-known for its use of coal power stations, and though their adoption of solar technology is equally well-publicised, this will only work at peak efficiency less than half the year, so it remains to be seen whether we will see truly carbon neutral fuel production.

That said, the optimist in me is hoping for the best with this announcement. The demand for novel fuel sources is one of the greatest puzzles our feverishly busy little species has yet to solve, and any step forward is good news for me. While it may not be the perfect solution at present, coming revisions may prove extremely promising in being the eco-fuel production tool of the future.

puzzles.39

The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Puzzles 1

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Puzzles Editor: Kate Bennett

See if you can guess Courier (catch) the common (phrase) shown in Catch-­ idiom this picture combo? phrase

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You @*%!

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“I’m Roy Walker and I heartily endorse this event and/or product”

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1 Cofounder of Apple, died 2011 (5,4) 6 Massive Biblical boat (3) 8 Produced without use of pesticides (7) 9 In _ _ _ _ _, Nirvana’s final album (5) 10 Noise a horse makes (5) 14 An ineffectual medical treatment intended to fool the patient into feeling better (7) 17 Length of fibre used in knitting (4) 19 To have attacked ground targets using lowflying aircraft (7) 21 A brownish-orange colour used to name a certain breed of owl (5) 22 Crustacean boiled alive for posh people to eat (7) 24 Colloquial Lancashire term for a bread roll (4) 25 Longitudinal circle around the Earth used to mark time (8)

For more news, views, sports and culture, make sure you head over to thecourieronline. co.uk

Down

1 Untidy and careless (8) 2 _ _ _ _ _ marbles, disputed collection of Greek marble sculptures (5) 3 Boredom (5) 4 Creature that makes up Sauron’s armies in the works of J.R.R. Tolkien (3) 5 The way a crab moves (7) 6 Summit (4) 7 Swedish and Icelandic currency (5) 11 Jelly-like substance (3) 12 Small pieces of paper thrown at celebrations (8) 13 Metal tool with a hook, often used in carjackings and break-ins (7) 15 Forgive (7) 16 Marry (3) 18 Religious song (4) 20 Jewish religious leader (3) 21 Sepulchre (4) 23 To move fast on foot (3)

Word Link

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1 2 5 4 3 1 9 4 6 8 Polka

Cotton

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Find the word that con-­ nects these three words.

Hint: You can join these up to make a picture

40.sportfeatures

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

Harder, better, faster, stronger?

Alex Hendley and Michael Rowan discuss whether athletes are pushed too hard in modern professional sport It’s clearly a contentious debate, whether athletes are being pushed too hard, either by themselves or by their coaches - or whether they aren’t pushing hard enough. On the surface, logic would suggest, what with recent injuries and health related incidents, that the twenty first century athlete is indeed pushing too hard, there is in fact plenty of evidence to argue otherwise.

For example, in team sport, how is one expected to burst into the first team of say a football, rugby or hockey squad, if they are currently on the fringes, without pushing themselves to the limit.

To kick back with a pint and say “well I’m not playing this weekend anyway” would get said potential superstar nowhere, however, pushing themselves to the physical limit may just be what the coach or manager is looking for. Sport has no time for the eternal slacker.

Furthermore, what role does a coach play - if not to push a sportsman or woman onto bigger and better things, perhaps even world domination?

If athletes were never pushed to their limits, would you really want to see Premier League football matches to the standard of “Dynamo Kebab”, or hundred metre finals where Usain Bolt pulls over three seconds in because he’s given himself a stitch?

No, it simply wouldn’t be tolerable.

Coaches and trainers never stop pushing their athletes because that’s what makes a world-beater, an invincible, a hero.

Following on from this point, it is essential kids are pushed as hard as possible from the moment they can step on two feet. When Lionel Messi was three did he have a football at his feet or a

cushion, sat in front of an episode of the Argentinian F.R.I.E.N.D.S? When Michael Jordan was growing up in North Carolina did he have a basketball in his hand or a chicken balti pie? Exactly, it’s being pushed to the limit that produces the high octane, incredible entertainment that we all love to feast our eyes on.

More fact based evidence now: The Courier’s Josh Nicholson spoke with the university’s horse riding team earlier on and got some valuable evidence to suggest athlete welfare is taken into account, proving there is still scope to continue pushing.

“The welfare of those animals, they’re like professional athletes and they get treated that way, there’s a whole team of them, nutritionists and physios giving them massages all the time, verts on call all the time… they do take the welfare of the horses into consideration.”

While horses are clearly not humans - it is abundantly clear they are professional athletes that are pushed to the limits and are handled with care to insure they don’t go too far.

Finally, on a very serious note, its no laughing matter that some athletes are having fatal accidents while playing the sport - such as the Belgian footballer Gregory Mertens last week - there’s a case to be made that this is not due to pushing too hard. It is arguable that athletes with these types of risks could be identified early and should be taken out of the position of danger, even if that means giving up the sport they love.

Therefore, it is a failure on the hands of the medical staff, rather than the player or coach.

Alex Hendley

“He recovered miraculously, having reportedly been dead on the pitch for almost ten minutes”

Muamba waves to the crowd two months after his collapse Photography by Getty Images

“How is one expected to burst into the first team of say a football, rugby or hockey squad, if they are currently on the fringes, without pushing themselves to the limit?”

Welfare in sport over the past few years has become an increasingly significant topic. The notion of fans hurling abuse at their failing team is almost a thing of the past.

It is not just the psychology of sports stars that has been brought to the fore and the recent death of Belgian footballer Gregory Mertens, collapsing after a Cardiac arrest on the pitch, is another reminder of it’s importance.

Lets throwback to 2012. An event that lives long in the memory is Fabrice Muamba at White Hart Lane. Football fans around the country were involved in signs of tribute, such as chanting his name when Bolton came to town in the weeks following the incident. He recovered miraculously, having reportedly been dead on the pitch for almost ten minutes.

The rules had to change. Muamba had passed medicals preceding the events of 2012. However, what wasn’t picked up was a heart defect. It could have happened at any moment but occurred when he was on the pitch. Muamba never returned to playing football professionally but the shining light is that the FA introduced new rules and laws that such conditions should be diagnosed in medicals.

I remember waking up on the morning of 27 November 2011, watching Sky Sports News and feeling utterly dismayed when the death of one of my childhood Newcastle heroes, Gary Speed, was announced. The then Wales manager took his own life due to depression; a fact I can truly appreciate.

The following day saw goalkeeper Shay Given cry and Craig Bellamy insist on playing despite it all. Tremendous tributes flooded in from football. I still hold dear my memorial card from that Newcastle game. The PFA have worked tirelessly to set up campaigns to support footballers struggling with life after retirement.

Further to football’s ups and downs with psychology many of England’s cricketing heroes have been forced to retire due to stress related illnesses.

For instance, Marcus Trescothick suggested that being away from home for such prolonged periods of time was harmful to his mental wellbeing. So it’s clear that whilst professional sport is fantastic to watch, there are still largescale issues.

It took the death of drivers such as Jim Clark (who died in between trees at Hockenheim), Gilles Villeneuve, great burns to Nikki Lauda and the death of Ayrton Senna for Formula 1 racing to change. This month marks 21 years since his death at Imola. This changed F1 bosses views that such incidents were the driver’s fault.

Although their have been lapses with suggestions Jules Bianchi was slightly to blame for his incident in Japan, safety has improved. The drivers have more protection in the cars and incidents that may have seen a fatality in the past have not occurred.

Messi beats Manuel Neuer for a second time last Wednesday Photography by Getty Images

For example, Mark Webber coming away unscathed from his flying experience in Valencia or Felipe Massa being struck on the head in Hungary, 2009 which thankfully did not result in fatality.

Welfare need not just apply to human participants. Horses need it to. Every year at the Grand National, there are concerns when the horses fall.

In recent years, modifications to the course have been made and Beaches Brook, although still infamously difficult, does not claim as many horses as it used to. 2015 saw no horse fatalities, however, images of the winner, Many Clouds, being cooled down having won were not great to see.

There we go then. Welfare is a big concern of so many sports. What is certain though is that a lot is being done but there is still a long way to go. Athletes, both human and animals, are highly tuned specimens and are still conscientious beings and must be respected as such.

Michael Rowan

Medical staff treats Fabrice Muamba after his collapse Photography by Getty Images

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

Every little thing McCarthy does is magic: Rugby League national showcase hits Toon

By George Clarke Tyrone McCarthy sits opposite me. The Tyneside cinema is our location with over 100 fans in attendance at a promotional event for rugby league’s Magic Weekend which comes to Newcastle at the end of the month.

On appearance he looks like any other rugby league player. Biceps bursting out of his jersey, hands the size of plates and a back twice as wide as the Tyne .

The Irish back-rower could easily pass for a bouncer on Collingwood Street and he needs the bulk for the Gladiatorial sport that is rugby league.

It’s a beautiful game but at the same time brutal, impacts are regularly recorded at over 10G, roughly the same as one would experience in a car crash at 30mph.

This is a sport after all whose best stars are so often courted by rugby union and Australian rules such is their superiority in skill and fitness.

Its dog eat dog physicality is part of the reason why players have fractured palates, cracked skulls and ruptured testicles, all in the name of entertainment.

Even Jonathan Davies the BBC Pundit and dual-code international said “I’ve been retired for a while now but I could go out and play 80 minutes of rugby union tomorrow and not break sweat, I don’t think I’d last 8 minutes of rugby league”.

But for all its value, class and sheer excitement, rugby league is still pigeonholed as a game played by thick, white, northern, working class men who would graft in factories and collieries akin to something you’d see in Kes or A Sporting Life.

I put this to McCarthy and he laughs “that’s not the case” and for anyone whose going to boot that cliché into touch it’s probably this fella.

A Masters student, the Warrington born loose-forward turned out for his hometown club in two Challenge Cup finals, winning on both occasions.

He also turned down the chance to play for England at Student level, opting to play for Ireland through his paternal grandfather. A stint at Wakefield on loan followed whilst he also made his debut for the Ireland national side, being appointed Vice Captain in 2013’s World Cup. Last year he headed out to the Northern Pride in Queensland, now back in the UK with Hull Kingston Rovers after his return from the back-rower waxes lyrical about his career so far: “I was at Warrington and I loved it. It was my hometown club but I had some great players in front of me, so I went out to Australia and fell in love with the sport all over again. I came back reinvigorated.

“We were crowned the Queensland Cup winners which is the competition below the NRL and then we played the winner of the New South Wales Cup and we won that, which was fantastic to play as the curtain-raiser for the NRL Grand Final.”

Some fair achievements but perhaps of the most note is the fact McCarthy has set up his own foundation – The Full Blood Project in Fiji and Gambia with the aim of providing better education, promoting better healthcare and warning youngsters against the dangers of substance abuse.

It’s with this can do attitude that McCarthy has helped to rejuvenate his new club. Often struggling in the shadow of their local rivals Hull FC, Hull KR are on the up with a host of new signings from across Super League and from

Australasia.

It’s this rivalry in particular which is perhaps the most exciting going into the Magic Weekend as all twelve Super League clubs do battles with local foes.

“It’s strange; before I went to Hull KR I never knew the derby was as big as it is. It’s the same as Newcastle and Sunderland really I guess, black and white versus red and white.

We had a pre-season friendly and I got taste for it then but when we played them over Easter it was really tribal, tough and physical rugby.

It divides families, neighbours, colleagues. Come game-day everybody puts friendship to one side and goes to war.”

With three games taking place on the Saturday and three more on the Sunday.

Relegation contenders Widnes and Salford up first with McCarthy’s Hull KR side facing their old foes as undercards to the battle royale between Leeds and

Wigan.

Sunday’s matchups contains some intriguing fixtures too, as Huddersfield face the Catalan Dragons, the competiton’s only French side, Wakefield play Castleford and local rivals Warrington scrap it out with current title holders Saint Helens.

One of the competition’s show piece events the Magic Weekend comes to Newcastle after taking place at Murrayfield, the Millenium Stadium and the Etihad over recent years.

The arrival of the event coincides with local League One side Newcastle Thunder’s resurgence over the last couple of months.

With over six university teams and 12 local clubs the sport in the area is booming.

“It’s going to be a great”, he tells me as he eyes a giant steak that’s brought over and plonked down in front of him. “I’ve played at Wembley, Old Trafford and

Thomond Park and I’m really looking forward to playing at St James, the tickets are selling really well so hopefully it’ll be a sell-out.

“Even if you’ve don’t know the rules get down and check it out. Rugby league fans know how to party too so I’m sure they’ll welcome competition from students on that front”.

He tucks into his steak and spends the rest of the evening mingling with fans, there’s no arrogance about this man or any other players or officials they are all just immensely passionate about the sport.

If this is what these blokes are like off the field, imagine what they’re like on it?

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Tweet your answers to @CourierSport

The Courier’s Sports Editor Peter Georgiev inspects the most bizarre moments from the sporting world

K

oa Bosco. Can’t sound any more foreign than that, can it?

But instead of prompting suggestions about what these words actually mean, let me reveal they are the name of a football team made up of African immigrants, currently rising in the Italian amateur divisions. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

Founded in the southern Italian town of Rosarno by a local priest, Don Roberto Meduri, Koa Bosco brings together travellers from countries such as Senegal, Ivory Coast and Burkina Faso. Indeed, only a few migrants are fortunate enough to complete the dangerous trip across the Mediterranean. And even fewer end up playing football in one of the poorest Italian provinces – Reggio Calabria.

Koa Bosco players at an antiracist event in Catanzaro, IT Photography by Getty Images

“Even if you’ve don’t know the rules get down and check it out. Rugby league fans know how to party too so I’m sure they’ll welcome competition from students on that front”

Knights of the Altar (KoA) they call themselves and, along with thousands of other refugees, also struggle to find even a casual job in conditions of poverty and social exclusion. Calabria has never been particularly hospitable to the black crop-pickers, who work on its orange plantations.

The tension reached boiling point in 2010 when a shooting of two African workers in Rosarno led to two days of riots, resulting in 53 people injured. It was this accident that inspired Don Meduri to improve the lives of victims of racial abuse in the area and integrate them into the local society. Attempting to achieve that through football has really paid off.

After their establishment in 2013, Koa Bosco were subsequently enrolled in the Italian Football Federation and last week earned a promotion to the next tier of the regional division of Calabria.

Even before that, however, the charismatic side managed to impress Juventus legend and current director Pavel Nedved, who invited the entire squad and players for a special visit to the Bianconeri’s J-Museum. A meeting, which should have felt quite utopian to the unexpected stars of African football.

“The players’ joy is contagious”, says coach Domenico Mammoliti. Bur despite their growing success, Koa Bosco still occasionally suffer from racial discrimination on the pitch, an issue with a large historical background in Italy.

“We only think about winning. But our problem is the referees here in Bosco, all the decisions go against us. So out there on the pitch, it is tough”, says Ali Trauri, one of the players.

On the other hand, Trauri and his teammates, ten of whom live in a camp site of shipping containers, have also witnessed empathy from locals in the shape of blankets and warm clothing.

Given the extensive unemployment in Reggio Calabria, Koa Bosco’s battle for a decent living standard seems far from over. Yet, so does their remarkable football adventure.

Illustration by Daisy Billowes

42.sportbucs

Monday 11 May 2015

The Courier

The Boat Race takes place every year on the Tideway in London Photography by Getty Images

Boats so simple: rowing all over the world

By Jonty Mawer This weekend we witness the return of the dramatic Boat Race of the North where the boat clubs of Durham and Newcastle Universities battle it out for supremacy on the idyllic Tyne.

Backs will break, legs will die, and air will be gulped in by the gallon as the rowers go head to head to be crowned Boat Race champions and Northumberland’s kings and queens of rowing.

Although this race will be pivotal in deciding who reigns supreme over the North East’s rowing domain, it is important to remember that it is not the only race of its type, nor is it by any means the most famous or indeed the oldest.

University rowing, as you can imagine, has a far richer and more diverse history, not only in this country, but in other nations around the globe.

The Oxford-Cambridge boat race is, of course, the oldest and most titanic varsity boat race of them all, receiving a boatload of coverage across the national press and the BBC. Started in 1829 by two obviously Conservative public school boys, one from Oxford and the other Cambridge, the Boat Race has been boasting its elite pretentions for over 250 years of economic and social austerity measures.

Watching the Boat Race, which essentially involves 16 category-1 males pushing a publically funded and taxderived strip of fiberglass up the river Thames in London, will be an audience comprised of a multiplicity of different ethnic minorities, economic backgrounds and left-reaching political ideologies.

The tideway course itself is just over four miles and tests the two entitled crews to their physical and mental limits, almost matching the kind of stress that they will have suffered on their respective summer internships at papa’s city firm.

Though many will believe that the boarding house rough and tumble of their first few years at school was the most difficult experience of their young lives, the Boat Race will certainly eclipse that subverted yet weirdly pleasurable

initiation.

Owing to its length and also to the nature of this stretch of river, the Boat Race is as unforgiving as their untamed abandonment issues and as long and arduous as a Conservative Party conference.

All in all, it is a thrilling and tantalizing contest that lives long in the memory of all who have had the opportunity to partake in it.

There are, however, other races that don’t carry with them the same illustri-

ous overtones but do embody the similar levels of sporting competition.

The Manchester-Salford varsity regatta is a particularly good example of this. Held every year in April, the regatta involves male and female crews from Manchester and Salford universities doing battle on the Salford Quays.

Though the regatta is often competitive across all races, 2015 was the year of the Manchester University Boat Club who won seven out of seven races against their local rivals.

The Harvard rowing team is one of the most successful in the US Photography by Getty Images

Though the course itself is a remarkably short distance, a mere 650 meters, the Manchester crews displayed their class, crowning them overall victors for yet another year. Regional pride and academic reputation are certainly both at stake here.

Varsity boat races are by no means an inherently British affair. Our friends across the pond indulge in similar practices.

The Harvard-Yale Regatta, for example, is one of the biggest events of the American college-sporting calendar.

First held in 1852, the regatta has been held annually, aside from when the U.S has been engaged in major conflicts. It takes place, ironically, on the Thames River in Connecticut and runs over three miles, a similarly grueling length to the Oxbridge equivalent.

In terms of results, Harvard far outweigh their competitors with 95 wins to Yale’s 54, with the Cambridge men enjoying all of the recent success. It remains however a thoroughly competitive set of races between two of America’s top academic institutions.

Remember, therefore, when watching the Boat Race of the North that you are participating in an event that carries with it a great deal of tradition and heritage in terms of worldwide university sport.

Though it lacks the pomp and circumstance of its Oxbridge counterpart and the glamour and prestige of those in the United States, it remains a highly anticipated sporting event that deserves recognition. It is understated but nevertheless, impressive.

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The Courier Monday 11 May 2015

The Boat Race: novices battle hard but come up short T

he weather was, fortunately, set fair with the sun gracing Newcastle’s historic quayside where the first race of the day, the women’s novices - or freshers, to you and I - unfortunately fell to defeat. Having been drawn on the much more difficult Gateshead side of the river the unlucky ladies struggled to catch Durham in what was a strong race.

The course partitions itself off at the middle intersection and both teams become invisible to each other. This is seemingly where the Durham charge came. Being such a short race, any advantage proved to be critical. More powerful, more commanding and more lengthy strokes of Durham’s stroke seats took their toll on a Newcastle team that it must be said gave it their all.

It is not all doom and gloom for Newcastle’s women’s novices however. Rowing is as much about technique as it is power. Despite Durham having the more powerful boat, the NUBC women can take pride in some fantastic technical stroke work and hopefully many of those who were involved on Saturday will continue to prosper under the coaching of former Italy women’s coach Angelo Savarino who, in the words of former protégé Jamil Al-Ajooz, “trains you like an Olympian”. He’s a tough task master. Considering they’ve only been in the boat for about eight months as a team, even if they have had prior rowing experience individually, it’s no mean feat to row 1500 metres and not tire. Many of them won’t even have been on strict physical regimes at local boat clubs, never mind the 5:30 am starts and nutritional plans that Savarino and his team implement.

By the time the novice men’s eight came to pass more and more revellers, the odd hen party and casual viewers looked upon that famous river of ours with pint in hand. Again, the race did not go the way of the stricken NUBC novices. Much has been said about which side of the river the team was on and how it would affect the race, this one proved otherwise. With the favourable Newcastle side of the river drawn by NUBC they would have had much hope for a strong victory to follow a somewhat disappointing but hopeful womens’

race. The pace really kicked on at the Tyne Bridge; NUBC alumnus and boat race veteran Murray Wilkojc told the Courier last week that it would, and that it did. Having been nearly a boat length behind Newcastle fought back. Through the sheer pain you could see in their eyes, they put in one last final push for the line and got to within roughly two seats’ worth of the Durham hull. It wasn’t to be.

The arms and legs of the Newcastle side were broken and they looked to tire as they reached the finish line underneath the Millennium Bridge.

Saturday was more than just the return of the boat race though. It was a showcase of hard work and discipline within the two respective boat clubs, something which neither side have been able to really do for the past 4 years without the races. Having to row back down the Tyne after losing can’t be much fun, but I imagine having the crowd roar you on is simply sublime.

Afterwards I spoke to an absolutely exhausted Alex Spencer, who said: “I’m gutted mate, absolutely gutted, it’s fine when you’re winning and you’re in pain but this is horrible”. However, the technical side of the rowing was again superb from Newcastle. It seems to be a recurrent theme throughout the boat club at this university that you must not only be strong but technically gifted as well, which may be a large part of Newcastle’s success at BUCS last week where they took away 12 medals - two more than their Durham counterparts.

It was a disappointing day for the two novice crews from NUBC, but a day from where much hope can be drawn for future ambitions. The day only highlighted what a spectacle rowing can be. A force for change was needed after losses in Clash of the Titans and Stan Calvert this year and we seem to have found something we can really clasp onto.

It’s not only the University though; the city as a whole needs to help the boat race continue in future years because it’s fast, furious, tense and most of all exciting. The Tyne seems to be designed for days like these.

Josh Nicholson

Women’s novices

Men’s novices

Two members of the men’s senior team work on the boat post-race Photography by Sophie Barclay

Women’s seniors

Men’s seniors

Will Grey Bow

Rachel Webb Bow

Thomas James

Two

Katy Tomlinson Bow Kiri Wood Two

Morgan Rose Two

Sarah Fabes Two

George Patrick

Three

Libby Ward Three

Justin Jolly Three

Sam Wilson

Four

Rosie Rauch Four Helen Five Brackenbury Harriet Roddy Six

Joe Parry Four Alex Spencer Five

Martha Dixon Three Grace Four Hockenhull Imogen Leigh Five

Tom Belli Six

Emily Ford Six

Seven

Kate Riley Seven

Peter Welch Seven

Rosie Rust Seven

James Rudkin

Stroke Cox

Kitty Grayford Stroke Charlotte Hill Cox

Sam Tofts Stroke Tom Hosfield Cox

Natalie Hardy Stroke Sasha Adwani Cox

Ollie Knight Calum McRoberts

Bow

Five Six

James Robson Tim Clarke Tom Ford

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 11 May 2015 Issue 1312 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Peter Georgiev, Jonty Mawer & Huezin Lim Online Sports Editor: Josh Nicholson courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport

ROWING VARSITIES ACROSS THE WORLD P.43

DEBATE: DO WE PUSH ATHLETES TOO HARD? P.40 MAGIC RUGBY WEEKEND P.41

Newcastle 2 Durham 2

By Tom Nicholson Editor

Newcastle Uni Boat Club (NUBC) claimed the honours in the first Boat Race of the North since 2010 on Saturday night in front of a quayside packed with home support.

While the results of the four races themselves were split evenly between the two teams, with Durham winning both novice races, Newcastle took home the overall prize due to their victory in the marquee men’s senior eights race.

The race meeting – officially the seventeenth of its kind, though the last two in 2011 and 2012 were uncontested as Durham declined to participate – was met by a crowd of hundreds of wildly partisan spectators clustered around the Millennium Bridge and up the quayside toward the Tyne Bridge.

Durham had taken a 2-0 lead over the course of the novices’ races, but Newcastle roared back with commanding victories in the men’s and women’s senior team races.

The blue riband event, the men’s senior eights, was one in fine style by a Newcastle team who overcame choppy conditions to smoothly and confidently overpower with style. They led from the off at Redheugh Bridge and worked a bigger and bigger lead over the 1.5km course.

George Patrick, a third year Geography student and men’s senior team member, said that he was “really happy” to have won, and again attributed the victory to a strong start which the team was able to consolidate and build upon to open up a commanding three-length margin of victory by the time both teams passed under Millennium Bridge.

“We got a really good start, and we dealt with the conditions well.

“There was a lot of rough water, we were really rolling around but we had the confidence to bring it home.

“It’s such a big change to side by side racing, and the crowd were so loud, so it took a bit of getting used to but I’m delighted.”

The win perhaps wasn’t entirely surprising given the pedigree of some members of the team: Oli Knight, James Rudkin, Tom Ford and Tim Clarke have all rowed for Great Britain before now, while cox Calum McRoberts, along with Rudkin and Ford, were in a boat of four which won the Prince Albert Cup at Henley last summer.

The women’s team similarly made use of a strong start to open up a boat’s length lead in the first 500 metres before pulling further ahead to force Durham to finish two boats’ lengths behind them, the Wearsiders having failed to cope with the raw power of Newcastle’s team off the line.

Natalie Hardy, a third year Nutrition and Psychology student and a part of the victorious women’s senior squad, admitted to being “very scared” before the race, fearing that NUBC’s wins

Uni win Boat Race after victory in men’s senior eights duel over Durham in last week’s BUCS races would inspire their adversaries to victory today.

“I was surprised we beat them by so much. We went hard at the start and surprised them. Their heads go down, we know that’s what happens.

“I didn’t think so many people would come out – it’s always good to have a home crowd.”

Indeed, with the event only having been formally announced two weeks ago, there was some concern that the public’s appetite for rowing might have been overestimated, especially given the five year gap in which the race had

passed into the stuff of local legend, the sort of thing old-stagers remember fondly over drinks and wistfully hope might one day return.

Not a bit of it though: hundreds of fans massed around Millennium Bridge and the surrounding landing stages, but also spread all the way up past the Tyne Bridge. Some of them less well-versed in the particulars of rowing than they were amped up with partisan fervour and local pride (one fan was overheard asking which way the races were being rowed, just as the boats slid past immediately in front of her face), but the atmosphere was raucous nonetheless.

Some were even seen clinging to the tops of ornamental hedges on the upstairs terrace area at Pitcher and Piano, and one in particular combining this feat of agility with whirling of a shocking pink jumper around his head while shouting “N! U! B! C!” repeatedly. The three-way battle between the honking lunatic, the structural integrity of the ornamental hedge and the inexorable hand of gravity was nearly as absorbing as the races on the water.

That said, one woman walking past did remark with no little bemusement: “What they rowing for?”

While that might put some of the ath-

Photo: Sophie Barclay letes involved in races in an existential tailspin, the answer is that while they were rowing for the prestige of their clubs and universities, they were also rowing for much more than that. It was to prove that Newcastle is a city which not only has the right arena for top-class university rowing in the Tyne valley, but also that the appetite for the boat race has always been there. The quality of the crews, the closeness of the final result, and the near-delirious response from teh crowd suggest that the Boat Race of the North can and must become a fixture in the calendar once more.

Full novices report: p. 43