ALSO
Dangers of Electronic Cigarettes
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THE SECRET TO SUCCESSFUL KIDS » The 40 Developmental Assets: Positive Identity » No Means NO (and I Love You) » Looking Behind the Screen
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
WE BELIEVE IN SUCCESSFUL YOUTH!
United Way supports dozens of programs that help Livingston County youth, including . . . Livingston Council for Youth Summer Lunch Bunch Great Start Livingston Livingston Promise Pre-School Scholarships Teen Centers Rockin’ Readers Child Abuse Prevention Lunch Buddies Parenting Education and Leadership Youth Connections Magazine Girl Scouts Professional Development for Childcare Workers On-Fire: Healthy Relationships for Teens Developmental Assets Student Survey Kindergarten Readiness The Education Project for Homeless Youth Connection Youth Services High School Video Competition
That’s a lot. Learn more at www.lcunitedway.org.
MAY 2018
FEATURES
6 The Secret to Successful Kids 40 Developmental Assets: 14 The Positive Identity 16 No Means NO (and I Love You) 20 Looking Behind the Screen to Talk: Dangers of 23 Time Electronic Cigarettes
IN EVERY ISSUE
2 From the Co-chairs 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A and By the Numbers BROUGHT TO YOU BY
PRODUCED IN CONJUNCTION WITH
TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE Diane Duncan: (810) 494-3000 livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com COVER PHOTO BY Megan Lane Photography
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ABOUT THE LIVINGSTON COUNCIL FOR YOUTH The Livingston Council for Youth strives to empower kids by bringing the community together as one voice to create a culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved, and empowered. Based on a 2016 countywide survey of 7th, 9th, and 11th grade students, we discovered the following: • The Power of Community is Everything – Youth who feel valued by their families, schools, and communities have the assets they need to reach their potential. • Youth Need to Feel a Sense of Purpose – Kids want to be involved in something bigger than themselves to eventually be the change they want to see in the world. • Every Community Member Can Connect and Encourage Youth – Youth need many adults in their lives, beyond parents and teachers, who not only care about them but who see their potential and provide encouragement towards that vision. • Adults Need to Stay Engaged – Families provide the framework for healthy development with high expectations for their children, clear rules, consistent messages, and consequences for breaking the rules. At the onset of adolescence, influence begins to shift from family and institutions to peers. Here in Livingston County, Michigan, parents, youth serving organizations, educators, the faith-based community, and the community at large share a common goal to help youth succeed. Great things are happening here already, but we realize that we can do better by collaboratively working together to develop the community-level strategies that will continue to bring positive change. The Livingston Council for Youth mobilizes the power of community to empower our kids to thrive. The Livingston Council for Youth meets the third Friday of each month from 9:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. at the Livingston County United Way. For more information on the Livingston Council for Youth or if you would like to become a coalition member, please contact the Livingston Council for Youth Coalition Coordinator, Diane Duncan, at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com.
FROM THE
Co-chairs he Livingston Council for Youth is celebrating this first edition of Youth Connections Magazine as it represents dozens of Livingston County agencies, organizations, and individuals collaborating to foster a culture where youth have a sense of belonging and purpose. Moreover, Scott our council membership is working to VanEpps promote an environment where youth can thrive and succeed by feeling safe, healthy, and empowered with a positive self-worth. As the Livingston Council for Youth grew from an informal “community conversation” hosted by the Livingston County United Way in early 2014, several amazing discoveries were made. First, we are very fortunate to Sam have so many entities doing great Larioza things for our youth. Second, our county has many adults passionate about making a difference in the lives of young people. Third, our countywide survey revealed that our youth have many positive assets and resources for support. However, we also learned that our youth could benefit from a stronger foundation of developmental assets to help them grow, thrive and succeed. Great things are happening for the youth of Livingston County! The collaboration of students, parents, family, neighbors, school personnel, faith-based organizations, community youth workers, youth-based agencies/programs, and community leaders will continue to strengthen our countywide culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved, and empowered. As we celebrate the launch of this magazine, the journey to accomplishing our mission is just beginning and will need the sustained effort of adults and youth alike. With enthusiasm, persistence, and courage we look forward to supporting the youth of Livingston County! With gratitude, we recognize our founding co-chairs, Dan Danosky and Janet Sifferman, whose vision for initiating the council stems from their altruism and compassion for youth. In addition, the insight and leadership from Nancy Rosso and Donna Gehringer remains invaluable to the council’s mission and ongoing action.
Scott VanEpps: (810) 626-2111 scottvanepps@hartlandschools.us Sam Larioza: (517) 586-1001 ohanadojo@gmail.com
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What makes your family strong? Parental Resilience Social Connections Knowledge of Parenting & Child Development
1425 W Grand River Howell, MI 48843 GreatStartLivingston.org 517.540.6829
Visit this website for information & supports!
Concrete Support in Times of Need Social/Emotional Competence of Chldren
www.LivingstonStrengtheningFamilies.org
We Support land Hartidat Schools Council for edLivingston Con sol Youth
We support the mission of LIVINGSTON COUNCIL FOR YOUTH
Healthy
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“LEARNING FOR LIF
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CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE eenagers face peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol all the time. On the flip side, parents often feel confused as to why their teens often partake in risky behaviors. We asked a group of Carroll College students for their opinions on what their parents shared with them a few short years ago that worked, what they said that didn’t work, and what they think would have worked in trying to educate teens on the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
that if they could go back and make different decisions they would because it had really put them at a disadvantage for many things.” Another stated, “As a teenager, my parents told me that drugs and alcohol were bad for the developing brain and could cause you to do stupid things that you normally would not think to do. I think simply telling a kid ‘no’ does not work because it doesn’t give reasoning behind why you shouldn’t...As a teenager you need more than just a ‘no.’ ”
WHAT WORKED Surprisingly, much of what the college students remembered actually had an impact. One student shared that her parents’ advice helped her to prioritize her values and goals: “Some words of advice my parents told me about avoiding drugs and alcohol is that if people have to have drugs and alcohol to have fun, then they probably aren’t the friends and people you need in your life to be the best you can be.” Giving teens the guidance to prioritize their values gives them a sense of control over their situation. Other students were grateful for their parents’ openness about the topic which made it easy to ask questions and understand the consequences of using drugs and alcohol. One student said, “My parents shared some of their usage of drugs and alcohol with me when I was a teenager. They talked about it with a lot of regret, and I think this had one of the biggest impacts on me. They told me
WHAT DIDN’T WORK For other students, using alcohol stemmed out of rebellion. One student felt that his parents’ strict rules and expectations made him want to drink even more. Another student knew that her parents would come get her if she found herself in a situation where drugs or alcohol were present. They promised that, should this happen, she would not face any consequences. While she appreciated this, she also said, “I believe that this helped me stay away from drugs and alcohol because it took away the urge to go against the rules. On the other hand, it also made it easier for me to convince myself that drinking was okay, since they wouldn’t punish me for my actions.” Another student felt that sheltering youth from the realities of drugs and alcohol has more harmful effects than it does positive. Clearly students felt that parents who are overprotective or sheltering can make teens even more curious about drugs and alcohol.
WHAT COULD HAVE WORKED Often teens feel that they are the only ones not using drugs or alcohol. “I think a lot of teenagers engage in drugs and alcohol because they are trying to fit in or find a commonality with a group of friends,” one student said. “I think it’s helpful to hear statistics that the majority of teenagers are not smoking or chewing or drinking, etc, and then to reflect if you’re a part of that majority.” Other students wished that their parents would have taught them more about the legal consequences of getting caught and felt that this would have instilled better knowledge and shown them the bigger picture. One stated, “I would recommend openness and honesty above anything else. Teenagers, though young, are not dense. We know when you are trying to shelter us from things, and often will try to rebel directly against what you are saying.” They would just remind parents to be open and honest with their teenagers and to take the time to explain the reasons why drugs and alcohol should be avoided. Set clear expectations, hold them accountable for their choices, celebrate success, but also allow for mistakes so they learn how to fail and become resilient. Don’t be afraid to push your teen to have difficult, yet mature and collected, conversations. After all, you want your advice to work so that milk at the kitchen table doesn’t turn to beer at the beer pong table. ■
SUBMIT YOUR STORY TO DIANE DUNCAN AT: livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.
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the secret to SUCCESSF By COLEEN SMITH, Prevention Specialist
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FUL KIDS
What does success for our kids look like? Is it graduating from high school with honors – or is just graduating a huge accomplishment? Is it getting “good grades” or is improving throughout the year more important? Is it going on to college, trade school, or finding a job out of high school? Is it being the best player on the team or even getting to play? Or is it that our kids live a long, healthy, enriched life? uccess can mean different things to different people and can be very child-dependent. But there is one key to increased success whether it’s academics, sports, activities, health, life, relationships, career, etc. The key to helping them be better at any part of life is this: help keep them drug/alcohol free. Because average first use is around 11 years old, this needs to start in elementary school, but it is never too late. Why is abstinence from substances important for youth? WHY Academics: Research shows that adolescents who regularly smoke pot will permanently lose 8-15 IQ points. Marijuana also affects their creativity, knowledge, and communication skills. It lowers their attention, affects their processing of information, and their memory – all skills needed to learn. Teens who drink have lower grades than those who don’t. Alcohol has a negative impact on cognitive functions (concentration, memory, and attention) for 48 hours, so it affects studying. Sport/Activities: Alcohol use increases youth’s chances of getting injured in sport by 50%. Research shows that one night of partying will erase two weeks of training. Male regular and heavy drinkers have testosterone levels the same as females, which affects building muscle. Marijuana continued on page 9
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Making a difference in the lives of children and adults with developmental disabilities and their families through advocacy
The Arc Livingston 2980 Dorr Road Brighton, MI 48116 517-546-1228 www.arclivingston.org The Arc Livingston is a United Way Partner Agency
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Are you interested in helping children and families in your community? If so, please consider becoming a foster parent to those in need. Contact us today at 855-MICHKIDS (855642-5437) to find out how you can help.
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use slows reaction time and speed. Seeing that only 2% of high school athletes will compete collegiately, their high school career is their limited time to shine. Why reduce the chances of success by using? Health: Kids who start drinking before the age of 15 are four to five times more likely to have issues with alcohol as an adult. Drinking lowers the immune system, so they’re more likely to become sick. Marijuana increases depression and anxiety, and heavy use can cause psychosis. Research shows that marijuana users are 2.44 times more likely to become opioid misusers. Approximately 70% of heroin users started with opioids. Career: Substance use increases the chance of drop out and decreased academic achievement, which affects college performance and graduation. Employers report students are not ready to enter the workforce. Marijuana lowers initiative. Relationships: Drug and alcohol use increases risky behaviors to include increased chance of physical and sexual assault, teen pregnancy, and dating violence. Life: Drug and alcohol use affects brain development, which brains continue to develop until a person is in their mid-20s. This includes both brain structure and function. One in seven drivers ages 16–20 involved in fatal crashes in 2016 had alcohol in their systems. Approximately 17% of individuals who smoke pot before the age of 12 become addicted. Now we know why they need to be drug/ alcohol free, but HOW can we ensure that? HOW We always hear we need to talk to our kids, but what is the secret on how to do it? 1) Set expectations. 2) Explain the consequences. 3) Follow through. This can be used for any behavior that we want repeated – from toddler to teen. Research shows if we do these three things, we know there’s an 80% chance we’ll be effective in helping them be successful in a myriad of things. Ultimately it will make our lives as a parent easier too. Wouldn’t it be great to reduce the fights and power struggles, the second-guessing if we made the right choice or said the right thing, and even the guilt trips we as parents are so good at putting ourselves on for usually no good reason? The secret here is to be very clear and concise. Have the consequences fit the behavior. And the hard part… follow through!
SETTING THE EXPECTATION From early on, we need to set the expectations: “I expect you to not drink or do drugs,” “I expect that you will graduate from high school,” “I expect that if you are going to be late you will call and let me know where you are.” Whatever it is, the expectation needs to be very clear. Just like adults in the ‘real world,’ we need to know what our expectations are. At work we are expected to show up on time, complete tasks as required, and even clean up after ourselves in the kitchen. Kids are no different; they need and even WANT to know what is expected of them. Children thrive if parents set clear expectations for behavior and enforce them in a consistent manner. Even as an adult, how do any of us know how we are doing if we don’t have expectations in which to strive? None of us wants to get in trouble for something we did or didn’t do – especially if we didn’t know it was expected of us! One idea to keep this front and center is to put the expectations and consequences in writing and place them somewhere in the home where everyone can see them. Then there is no surprise what will happen if someone breaks the rules. As kids become tweens/teens, it can include a contract that the parents and child agree to and sign, especially outlining the expectations of no drug/alcohol use. By doing this, the expectations and consequences are clearly laid out so there are no grey areas. Many of us need to know why a rule is in place. The ‘why’ is seemingly important in the teen years. Educating our kids that we want them to get enough sleep because it affects their health and ability to concentrate in school goes a lot farther than just saying they need to go to bed early. The same goes for drugs and alcohol. Just telling them not to do it will not carry as much weight as explaining the detriments that substances do to their developing brains, like permanent IQ loss from regular pot smoking as an adolescent, losing two weeks of training after one night of partying, and reduced speed and reaction time in sport from using substances. EXPLAINING THE CONSEQUENCE Again, this step needs to be very clear and concise. Just saying they’ll be in big trouble does not explain what the consequence will be. The consequence also needs to fit the un-met expectation. Taking the car away for not making a bed doesn’t make much sense. However, getting caught drinking and losing the car privileges makes a lot of sense. Taking the phone away for forgetting to take the garbage out doesn’t connect with the expectation as much as taking the phone
away for the reason homework wasn’t done because the child spent the entire evening on social media or playing games. The consequence also needs to be substantial enough to deter future unwanted behaviors, but not so outlandish that it could never be applied. The threat of ‘never getting to leave the house again’ will be impossible to enforce and so the consequence is not seen as valid. But saying that there will be no activities with friends for two weeks is much more realistic, and a teen can actually conceptualize that consequence. FOLLOWING THROUGH This is the hard one. It’s hard enough to clearly explain the expectation, then find a relatable consequence, but following through is where we as parents often drop the ball. It’s especially hard when the consequence may inconvenience us. If we take the car away, that means we’re back to playing taxi service. Ugh. However, a week or two of being inconvenienced would certainly be worth instilling that unmet expectations do have consequences, and may even ensure the health and safety of our child if it were because of substance use. It is important to remember that we need to use a caring response when enforcing the consequence. While they might be in trouble for getting caught drinking or doing drugs, we ultimately want to teach them why we don’t want them to do that – their health and safety is our top priority. Our goal is to help them reach their full potential. OVERCOMING OUR EXCUSES We can’t let the fact that maybe we used substances when we were growing up as an excuse not to enforce an abstinence policy with our kids. There is so much more research on the effects of drugs and alcohol on the developing brain than when we were growing up, that we really have science on our side. The argument that, “I did it when I was younger and I turned out just fine” isn’t effective either because in the case of marijuana it is a VERY DIFFERENT drug now. If our kids try to say that the good athletes in school or professional sport use, the question is ‘how much better could they be if they didn’t’? And if we think they’re just going to do it anyway, we’d be wrong. Kids live up to (or down to) the expectations we set for them. Oftentimes they use substances because we’ve given them the message that it’s okay. Let’s make their health a priority and tell them it’s not. While this is a tough subject to broach with our kids, there are lots of resources that can help walk us through it. Ultimately our goal is the health, safety, and success of our kids. ■
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Check out who’s standing out in our community. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please email Diane Duncan at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.
Maddie Shelton
FACES IN THE CROWD
LIVINGSTON COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, SENIOR
Maddie has, for five years, donated her time to serve people in need through national and international mission trips. She traveled to Guatemala on three occasions, building concrete block houses for single mothers. For the past four summers, Maddie participated in mission work throughout the Appalachia Mountain Region of West Virginia and also in downtown Cincinnati. Maddie will embark on her next mission trip this summer to Copperhill, Tennessee, along with 28 local Livingston County youth and 10 parent chaperones. Maddie serves as a member of the BHS Student Health Advisory Board. She is a member of the Livingston Council for Youth and was instrumental in the Council’s final logo design, enlisting the support of fellow BHS Graphic Communication students.
Noah Smith
LIVINGSTON COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, SENIOR
Noah Smith completed four Microsoft Office Certifications, two Microsoft Technology Associate exams, and has been dual enrolled in Eastern Michigan University, recently completing prerequisite courses for a degree in Information Assurance and Cyber Defense. The skills Noah acquired through his classes at Howell High School and Pinckney High School’s Cyber Training Institute enabled him to start his own business performing web design and providing services, including the installation of networks and network devices. Noah actively participates in Boy Scouts. He earned the rank of Eagle Scout this past March after completing the design, fundraising, and building of the Crow Habitat at the Howell Nature Center. Noah will continue his education in Cyber Defense at EMU this fall.
Madison Milliken
LIVINGSTON COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, SENIOR
Madison has been a social media and marketing intern for Livingston Educational Service Agency (LESA) for the past year. She continues to consistently impress those with whom she works. Madison set up all of the social media channels and linked them together with Hootsuite. She updated the LESA website utilizing WordPress. She is amazingly intelligent and has wonderful ideas about how to market LESA programs. Additionally, Madison has participated in three leadership team meetings for the Livingston Career and College Access Network. During these meetings, she has felt comfortable to speak directly with adults in high level leadership positions and to openly contribute her thoughts and ideas. LESA is grateful for the hard work and dedication of Madison Milliken!
Jonathan Wendrick BRIGHTON HIGH SCHOOL, TEACHER
Jonathan began his role as a Young Life Leader in 2011. Jonathan and his wife, Erin, believe that youth are searching for a purpose. Jonathan, Erin, and their team of volunteers build personal relationships with youth, accepting them as they are, offering hope for their future and the opportunity to follow Christ. On Monday evenings, Jonathan and Erin connect with 60 high school-age youth through songs, laughter, and games while always sharing the message of how important each individual is. During other times of the week, Jonathan, Erin, and their team continue to support youth by attending various youth-related activities, such as sporting events, music events, or simply by meeting a group of youth for coffee.
Citizens Insurance
COMMUNITY SUPPORTER
The Livingston Council for Youth recognizes Citizens Insurance as a key supporter of our community’s youth. Since 2012, Citizens Insurance has donated funds to support the Livingston County School programs through the United Way Day of Caring Youth Challenge. We are pleased to announce that Citizens Insurance will once again sponsor this year’s Livingston County United Way Day of Caring Youth Challenge scheduled for Wednesday, August 15. Thank you to the Citizens Insurance family for your continued commitment to strengthen our countywide efforts and culture to ensure our youth feel valued, safe, loved, and empowered. We welcome and encourage all Livingston County youth to embrace and participate in the 2018 Citizens Insurance Livingston County United Way Day of Caring Youth Challenge. For information, visit lcdayofcaring.org
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40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
LACASA recognizes that today’s youth have powerful voices that will shape our future
40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior. Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start. Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.
Turn the page to learn more! 24/7 help line 866.522.2725 24/7 help line 866.522.2725 lacasacenter.org
@lacasaYouthVoice
Consider joining our Teen Advisory Council
The 40 Developmental Assets® may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial uses only. Copyright © 1997 Search Institute®, 615 First Avenue NE, Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828; www.search-institute.org. All rights reserved.
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assets in action
40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
8 SUPPORT
1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s). 3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.
“Rockin Readers” support Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Livingston County
EMPOWERMENT Young Life students spending time together at Timberwolfe Camp
7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.
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BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS Livingston County students tending to community gardens
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11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME
HHS Survivor United Way Youth Organization of the Year
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17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email Diane Duncan at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.
Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.
34 COMMITMENT TO LEARNING
21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
Team Limitless mission team travels to West Virginia
POSITIVE VALUES
26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
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SOCIAL COMPETENCIES
Optimist Club awards for academic achievement/service to others
32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
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POSITIVE IDENTITY
37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.
Reaching Higher overcoming limiting beliefs
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positive IDENTITY By KELLY ACKERMAN, Parent Educator
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YC Magazine highlights 40 Developmental Assets in each issue. These assets are evidence-based to positively contribute to the development of children across their lifespan.
esearch clearly shows that the more assets a young person has, the less likely they are to participate in risk-taking behaviors during adolescence including drug and alcohol use, violence, illicit drug use, and sexual activity. Sadly, the average young person has less than half of these assets according to Search Institute. This article is one in a series to highlight the eight categories of assets in order to more fully engage families, schools, agencies, businesses, and community members in ensuring our children experience as many assets as possible.
consequences. So if they feel that their increased effort in school results in better grades, they have control over the outcomes. If they feel that achievement is because of luck or chance, they will feel they have no control over the situation. Studies have shown that having a feeling of control protects youth from social and emotional risk. One idea to help kids realize what strengths they have to cope with adversity is have them write down answers to these three questions:
POSITIVE IDENTITY This Asset encompasses the following aspects:
2) What protects you, or what has protected you?
1. PERSONAL POWER
3) What inner resources or strengths do you have?
2. SELF-ESTEEM 3. SENSE OF PURPOSE 4. POSITIVE VIEW OF PERSONAL FUTURE Identity development is one of the central tasks of the adolescent period. It focuses on how youth view themselves – their sense of purpose, worth, and promise. Without a positive sense of who they are, they may feel powerless, without a sense of direction or initiative. These assets represent how comfortable a youth is in being him/herself and whether they feel they have control over, and reasons for engaging in all aspects of life. It also signifies whether they are optimistic about the future. Personal Power This is defined as the adolescent feeling like he/she has some measure of control over things that happen. It also includes youth understanding that their choices have certain
1) Who protects you, or who has protected you?
It helps to show them how to choose their own attitude about themselves, and to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Self-Esteem Self-esteem pertains to the way an individual views his/herself and is thought to be an important aspect of overall well-being. Low self-esteem was a significant predictor of loneliness for males, but not for females. It could be because males’ friendships are more group oriented and center around activities, and female friendships are centered around friendship and intimacy. However, physical appearance is an important predictor of overall self-worth for females. They tend to be more dissatisfied with their appearance than males, which takes a toll on their selfesteem. A benefit of self-esteem is that it can reduce a young person’s susceptibility to peer pressure, so it’s important to nurture it. Ideas to help build self-esteem are public recognition for a job well-done. It could be in front of the class, at the dinner table, or in front of a small group at church or extra-
curricular activity. Notes in a child’s lunch bag, school bag, or notebook go a long way in building self-esteem. Sense of Purpose Youth report that their lives have a purpose. We all want to feel like we’re here for a reason, but kids especially. It’s associated with psychological well-being. Research shows that youth who have a sense of purpose have increased self-esteem and decreased emotional or behavioral problems such as depression and sexual risk taking. One community set up a “Vocations On-site.” They had youth who were taking vocational classes serve senior citizens at a nearby care facility by using skills they had learned. Residents were given manicures, culinary students prepared lunch, and students in public services made presentations on fraud and safety tips. What a great experience for both the youth and the senior citizens, and how valued they both must have felt. Positive View of Personal Future Researchers found that emotional distress and suicide were associated with a youth’s lack of a positive view of personal future. Kids who feel they do not have a future may be at risk for a number of different behavioral and emotional problems. It’s important for youth to look at the positive aspects of their future. This can be done by helping them identify what things they want to accomplish and the steps to reach those. Studies have shown that school-based efforts may nurture feelings of selfworth in both children and adolescents. It’s important that parent, teacher, and community be involved in fostering selfesteem among youth. We can all play a part in increasing our youth’s positive identity which can help them be optimistic about their personal future. ■
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No Means NO (and I Love You) By STEFFANI TURNER, LCSW
Well, it happened again last night . . . and we both went to bed feeling terrible. I said NO! Again. For the umpteenth time. It seems like I say NO every day, all the time, in fact. One little, teeny word is so powerful.
aying NO feels like it creates a rift in the relationship between you and your child, a rift that sometimes becomes an insurmountable mountain that you precariously traverse with a rock pick in hand. Along the way, you get harsh words, yelling, tantrum, pouting, “I hate you,” and all the other heart-puncturing weapons thrown at you to dissuade. It almost makes you want to quit, back down, take another path, an easier one, one where your child is smiling and hugging you! Why is that little word so important to all human wellbeing? Well, for a moment, let’s imagine a world where we were never told NO. Those stop signs around town? They would be meaningless – just suggestions, really. Being told NO, gently, by our parents and teachers taught us to wait our turn. Think of all the ways adults tolerate NO on a daily basis: Doing a project for your boss when you don’t agree with the premise. Fixing the lawnmower for your spouse when you would rather go fishing. Stopping after only one cookie when your inner child is telling you to have another. As parents, I think we struggle with NO for a lot of reasons. We are tired. It’s a crazy-busy world. You may be exhausted, insecure in your parenting role, or afraid of how your child will react, especially in a public place. (I swear Walmart is the best place to throw a tantrum.) We are afraid of
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how our children will feel about us, if they will be mad at us. We are afraid that it will stifle their creativity – they won’t be such free thinkers. The reality is, learning NO is all a part of the human condition. It is a part of learning boundaries and limits, how far to go, and how much to have. We are survivalists by biology. It is how we were engineered (or we would probably have died out long ago). We take what we can get when we can get it. But we also learn societal rules, because you don’t want to be left out of the clan when the saber-tooth tigers are out hunting. We learned that by being together, we can do more, but we have to have rules or we don’t accomplish anything. Weirdly, NO is good. NO makes us feel safe. NO makes our children feel like we love them and care about their wellbeing. NO is extremely important. I had to say NO to my son again today, but I did it with a kind word and an understanding that he will be upset because he doesn’t like my NO. NO, a well-balanced NO, is not a punishment. It is meant to teach a child frustration tolerance, disappointment, self-regulation. As adults, not only do we get told NO in some way a 100 times a day, we also have to tell ourselves NO. If not, we would spend all our money, not pay bills, eat to excess, and make terrible decisions with our relationships. But mostly we have learned to self-regulate, which is the outcome of being told NO as a child. A good NO must be couched with a firmness (so the kid knows you won’t give in) and a kindness (so they know you are
not just punishing them because you want to be mean). This helps them focus on what is important – what lesson we want them to learn with this NO. One of my favorite examples of a good well-balanced NO is from a few years ago when my child was four. He went through a phase where, every day, about 15 minutes before dinner, he would ask for a cookie. I took it to heart and tried really hard not to do what I had experienced (a lot of yelling and screaming on my mom’s part to get out of the kitchen). It was hard! But I was able to use kindness, saying “I’m sorry, honey. You cannot have a cookie. We are going to eat soon,” while still using firmness and standing by my NO. I worked hard not to waver, as he cried and pled, even threw a tantrum a time or two. But eventually, he no longer asked for a cookie and, if he needed a snack, he had a carrot stick instead. In this one instance, I could really connect to why my son was hating NO so much – who doesn’t want a cookie pretty much anytime? All of this aside, what I want most for my children is that they will grow up kind and caring people. This is real success. Hearing NO is just one step in that direction. Look for opportunities to tell your children NO in a safe and caring manner, where the price tag is low and where you are there to help them learn frustration tolerance and self-regulation. Be ok that they get upset at the NO, and help them with that feeling. Practice having kindness and firmness – it’s not an easy combination! It’s hard for us all. Go out there and love your kids with a big well-intentioned NO! ■
NUMBERS PLEASE HELP! My parents keep embarrassing me at my games because they are always yelling at me and the coach. What should I do? Dear Mom and Dad, Please read this quote from John W. Gardiner: “The toughest thing kids have to face is the unfulfilled lives of their parents.” You have the most important role of being the parent so let the coaches coach, let the officials officiate and let the kids play. In this way everyone is doing their specialty. – Jim: activities administrator Dear Athlete, Find a time to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. What you could say to them: I am extremely proud that you support me in my athletics; however, you need to release me to the game that I love and allow me and my teammates to play the game without added pressure and criticism. Please don’t allow your pride for me and our team get in the way of you enjoying me playing the sports that we love.
18.3
The cost to make Darth Vader’s suit in real life, in millions.
3
The number of species on earth capable of laughter – humans, chimpanzees, and rats.
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– Justin: athlete, coach, and parent of athletes Dear Athlete, I would suggest sitting down and talking to your parents about the yelling. Let them know that this embarrasses you. Maybe suggest that no doubt they will get caught up in the game, etc. but that the yelling is not going to accomplish anything. If they do need to tell you something, ask them to wait until after the game when you are home or at least in private and done constructively. If they cannot control their emotions, you could ask your parent to sit farther away. – Donna and Jay: parents of student athletes
The number of years an ant can live.
2016
The weight in pounds of the largest turtle ever recorded.
A recent study stated that the number one reason a child quits a sport is the ride home. We as parents need to make sure we’re supportive, but not overbearing, and most of all don’t undermine the coach. Granted, there are some times it is justified, but that’s more the exception than the norm. Sport is supposed to be fun. It’s a great way to meet new friends, get exercise, learn a new skill, and relieve stress. Let’s make sure we make it a positive experience for our kids.
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The number of people named Lol in the U.S.
– The Editor
HAVE A QUESTION?
Diane Duncan: livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however, we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.
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The most children born to one woman.
HANDS ON GET YOUR
A HIGHER EDUCATION
While in high school you can earn Free college tuition, college certificates and valuable industry credentials by enrolling in the Livingston County Early College Program. Learn about year 13 and the doors that local education and employment can open leading you to employment opportunities, higher earning potential and a path to a brighter future. See your high school counselor to apply and get a head start on your career or visit the LCEarlyCollege.org website for more information.
POWERED BY:
Licensed Practical Nurse Certification (LPN) ● Welding Certificate/AWS Credentials Manufacturing Certificate ● IT Associates Degree (Cyber Security) Hospitality Management Associates Degree ● Data Analysis Associates Degree Construction Certificate/Associates/Apprenticeship
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looking
BEHIND THE SCREEN By TINA EBLEN
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In today’s world, we have to do more as parents than just worry about our children playing outside and getting hurt. We now have to worry about the real issues that come with modern technology. How much do we need to know about social media? What can we do about exposing our children to social media yet keep them safe from the danger lurking behind the screen?
f you can, prior to getting your child a smart phone or allowing them on a device, have a discussion about social media apps and the internet. It is never too late to start talking to your child about technology and the dangers lurking behind the screen. Regular conversations with your children can help your child feel comfortable coming to you when things get difficult. Having conversations in the car is a great way to open door to a real discussion about technology. IMPORTANT INFORMATION Here are a couple vital things that are important to the safety of your child: Location sharing: Explain to your children the importance of not tagging their location on their pictures and not turning on their location finder on Snapchat. Friending strangers: It is important to have conversations about who to accept as a friend, especially on social media sites like Snapchat, Kik, or Instagram. There are online predators who try to connect with unsuspecting teens to exploit or even gain confidential information that can be used to extort teens. Children should be told to never connect to anyone who they physically don’t know as a friend. It doesn’t disappear: Children need to know that anything posted on the internet is permanent. Even though Snapchat photos seem to disappear after a short timeframe, they never really disappear. Teaching our children how to use technology is very important. Most of us were not raised with the presence of the internet or smartphones, so we have nothing to compare this new social norm with; however, we can start by talking with our children. The more we have conversations with our children about the positives and negatives of social media, the more likely our children will ask questions or talk about the issues they are dealing with online. IMPORTANT TERMS Here are some important terms parents should know: Catfishing: A person who sets up a false personal profile on a social networking site for fraudulent or deceptive purposes. Clickbait: Clickbait is a term to describe marketing or advertising material that employs a sensationalized headline to attract clicks. They rely heavily on the ‘curiosity gap’ by creating just enough interest to provoke engagement.
DMs: Direct messages – also referred to as “DMs” – (can be a noun or a verb) are private conversations that occur on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Both parties must be following one another to send a message. ebook: An ebook is an electronic version of a book. However, most ebooks are not actually available in print (unless you print them). These are typically published in PDF form. For marketers, ebooks commonly serve as lead generating content – people must fill out a form to receive their ebook copy. Ghosting: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. Lurker: A lurker online is a person who reads discussions on a message board, newsgroup, social network, or other interactive system, but rarely or never participates in the discussion. Snapchat Streak: This means a person and your Snapchat friend have Snapped each other every day for more than three consecutive days. Troll: (Can be a noun or a verb.) A troll or internet troll refers to a person who is known for creating controversy in an online setting. They typically hang out in forums, comment sections, and chat rooms with the intent of disrupting the conversation and adding nothing of value. They are often rude and make fun of other people. GAMER ADVICE (FROM A GAMER) Generally, if a gamer is using lingo, it’s in reference to the goals of the game. The real worry should be words people know of already. A lot of gamers use derogatory terms (racial, gender, sexual preference, mental capacity) and curse words like they’re nothing and mostly for trash talking. If not monitored, it ends up becoming part of everyday talk and the teens don’t recognize the effect these words can have on people of different communities. Micromanaging or controlling might only make youth more sneaky about what they’re doing. If you hear a teen using these words, remind them how using them or certain words in negative ways can impact certain people or communities in major ways and that they were made to make people feel less than human. And though it may be a bit grim, for some students regular use of these words are sometimes the tipping point for suicide. ■
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Livingston Council for Youth Empowering Kids to Thrive
We empower kids by bringing the community together as one voice to create a culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved and empowered. Here in Livingston County, Michigan, parents, youth-serving organizations, educators, the faith-based community, and the community at large share a common goal to help youth succeed. Great things are happening here already, but we know that we can do better by collaboratively working together to develop the community-level strategies that will continue to bring positive change. Based on a 2016 county wide survey of 7th, 9th and 11th grade students we discovered the following: The Power of Community is Everything Youth who feel valued by their families, schools, and communities have the assets they need to reach their potential. It takes all of us working together to raise confident, happy, successful young adults .
Youth Need to be Involved to Feel a Sense of Purpose Kids want to be involved in something bigger than themselves—to eventually be the change they want to see in the world. They need opportunities to explore their interests, exercise leadership, use their talents to help others, and make a positive difference in the world.
Every Person Has the Power to Connect and Encourage Youth Youth need many adults in their lives—beyond parents and teachers—who not only care about them, but see their potential and provide encouragement toward that vision.
Even as Youth Grow More Independent, Adults Need to Stay Engaged Families provide the framework for healthy development with high expectations for their children, clear rules, consistent messages, and consequences for breaking the rules. At the onset of adolescence, influence begins to shift from family and institutions to peers.
To learn more, visit the Council for Youth on the web: facebook.com/ LivingstonCouncilforYouth and lcunitedway.org/Livingston-Council-for-Youth
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TIME TO TALK:
Dangers of Electronic Cigarettes By SARAH SHAPIRO, Tobacco Use Prevention Health Educator
ttention parents! Corporate Tobacco once tried to convince us that cigarettes were ‘safe.’ Now, it’s using some of the same tactics to try and trick your kids into believing that electronic cigarettes are safe. Electronic cigarettes – also known as vapes, e-cigarettes, or hookahs – are devices used to inhale nicotine, flavor, and other chemicals into the lungs. They come in different sizes and colors and often don’t look like typical tobacco products. They also may contain other drugs, like marijuana. Electronic cigarettes come in a variety of candy flavors that attract youth. According to the 2016 National Youth Tobacco Survey, 31 percent of students who use electronic cigarettes say they do so because of the flavors. One popular new electronic device for teens is called JUUL. It’s a cartridge that’s heated to create an aerosol, or mist. JUUL looks like a flash drive, which makes it easy to hide and carry. JUUL and other electronic cigarettes don’t produce harmless water vapor. The liquid, usually propylene glycol or glycerin, contains
nicotine, as well as various kinds of flavoring and other chemicals. Most electronic cigarettes contain nicotine. According to the Truth Initiative, a nonprofit public health organization dedicated to ending tobacco use, a single JUUL cartridge is roughly equal to a pack of cigarettes, or 200 cigarette puffs. Research shows that nicotine harms the developing brain, which isn’t completely developed until about age 25. The number of students who use electronic cigarettes and JUULs is alarming. New research shows that using these devices can lead to using conventional cigarettes. A 2017 research study that looked at tobacco use among 12th graders found that “non-smoking youth who use e-cigarettes are 4 times more likely to try conventional cigarettes than the non-smoking youth who do not use e-cigarettes.” Don’t fall for Corporate Tobacco’s tricks! These new electronic devices may look different than cigarettes, but let’s not be fooled. The variety of flavors, brightly colored packaging, and inconspicuous styling are all marketing tactics to hook our youth. Let’s start the conversation and educate our community to make healthy decisions. ■
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What I Have Learned Working with Struggling Teens You Cannot Punish a Child into Good Behavior
I was reminded of this again just last week as a mother came to me in desperation with a teen who was getting in trouble at school, struggling academically, constantly fighting with siblings at home, and most of all, openly defying/rebelling against her. In her frustration, she said: “Sensei, I have taken everything away. Nothing is working!” Now before you start thinking “my child is not a teen yet” or “my teen is doing fine”, read on. I want to share three things I have learned over the last 14 years working with teens: 1. Gift . . . or Nightmare: As a parent of a teen, this can either be a wonderful time and your reward for being a present and involved parent or, your worst nightmare. I have seen many teens at both extremes. Teens that shine and are a true source of pride. Teens who are unbelievably horrible and difficult or impossible to live with. Either way, they will always be your child. The good and bad news about being a parent is we get clear feedback on how we do. The time and effort you put into your child early when they are young will definitely show up when they are teens. 2. You have a limited amount of time: As you raise your child you need to understand and take full advantage of what motivates children. Normally the primary motivator of a child between the age 0 to about 12 is “pleasing their parents” however from about 7th grade on it changes. Be ready for this shift because it is significant. It may vary but in middle school their primary motivator begins to change to “pleasing their peers”. Two things to note here. If your teen is not on track and thriving by now your attempts to influence and help them will become much more difficult because you have lost your leverage. Also, if your teen is struggling now they will tend to drift toward peers who are like them, further deepening the downward spiral.
3. You cannot punish a child into good behavior: This is the big one. Punishment rarely works in the long run. And, the more you use punishment the quicker it loses its effect. But we cannot blame you. As a parent, you are very limited in punishments. You can send them to their room, put them on restriction from playing with friends, you can take away privileges or activities, you can take away toys, computers, TV or videos games. What else can you really do? (And corporal punishment does not work.) So, what else can you do? They get smart. They know that you cannot really throw them out of the house. Now, there should be “consequences” for every wrong or inappropriate behavior. This is different from punishment. For example, if a child bullies or is mean to another child they should have to spend recess inside to protect the bullied child. If a child lies, they should lose your trust and be questioned or doubted the next time. If they cheat or steal they should have a consequence because later it could be a crime. But when we use a punishment such as taking away their video game this is really unrelated to the action, it is a punishment not a consequence linked to the misbehavior. To be very clear consequences and punishments are two completely different things. In closing, when a teen is constantly being punished they just become frustrated, then angry, then bitter. They begin to give up. This downward spiral is best characterized by something which breaks my heart every time I hear it. It happens when a teen says to me “Sensei, everybody is always yelling at me!” So, what can you do? I will write on this in my next article but it is learning the simple parenting skills of “Catching them doing right” and rewarding “Approximations of Success”.
Stay tuned, Sensei
Ohana Karate - “Where success is an attitude and a habit!” Now at our new location: 4174 E. Grand River Howell (across from Meijers) (517) 586-1001 • www.ohanakarate.com
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Advertise in YC Magazine!
Youth Connections magazine is accepting advertisers for future issues. The magazine is distributed to parents of youth residing in Livingston County, reaching thousands of households per issue. By placing an ad, youth -and parent-oriented organizations can reach a valuable market and gain key exposure. Interested advertisers should contact Diane Duncan, Coalition Coordinator for the Livingston Council for Youth.
livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com. Ad Sizes & Rates Quarter (3.565”W x 4.75”H).........................................................................$225 Half (7.25”W x 4.75”H)..................................................................................$400 Full (7.25”W x 9.625”H).................................................................................$675 Inside Front (8.625”W x 11.125”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)…….....$700 Inside Back (8.625”W x 11.125”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)……......$700 Back (8.625”W x 9”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)...............................$750 Livingston Council for Youth works to bring the community together as one voice to create a culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved and empowered. To learn more, visit them online at facebook.com/LivingstonCouncilforYouth or lcunitedway.org/Livingston-Council-ForYouth.
Livingston Council for Youth 2980 Dorr Road Brighton, MI 48116
Day of Caring 2018
Mark your calendars for August 15! Participate with a team, club, or group of friends. Learn more at lcdayofcaring.org.
Make a difference in our community!