The Kitchen Table

2668 BROADWATER AVENUE HELENA, MT Hours: Mon - Fri | 8am - 5pm Hours may vary. Check MT WILD’s website or FB page for updated hours. Call 406-444-9944 for more information

CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE

We asked a high school senior to tell us what would help your teen navigate this year as smoothly as possible. Senior year is hard. Granted, I’ve only been at school for about 15 days as I write this, but I stand by my ruling. I kind of expected the year to be a breeze, but early reports show that will most definitely not be the case. Not only do my classmates and I face the regular challenges of class, homework, tests, online learning, but now there are applications to fill out, letters of recommendation to organize, scholarships to research. What is a FAFSA and why do I need to finish it so quickly?

Any time anyone mentions college or future plans, the room experiences a collective shutdown as students rapidly try to repress the surge of deadlines and uncertainty that rises with the topic. From what I’ve gathered, most of my peers feel this universal sort of panic. So what can you as parents do to help?

ANSWER QUESTIONS AND OFFER ADVICE

That may seem like an obvious one, as I don’t know any parent that would refuse to answer their child’s question, but hear me out. Speaking from personal experience and reflecting the feelings of my peers: we don’t know a whole lot about college. What kind of bachelor’s degree do I get, and how does it correlate with my master’s? What if I have no idea what courses I want to study?

These questions seem relatively rhetorical in their simplicity, but can not be dismissed. Don’t assume that we know or understand the college process, because chances are, we don’t - at least, not completely. Having a sit-down talk about the different courses of action once in college can be a big stress reliever; understanding greatly reduces anxiety.

In essence, offer suggestions that you would have liked to have known, and make sure your child understands the system he or she is getting in to.

MAKE A TIMELINE

This time of year is arguably one of the busiest of our lives, and it’s easy to forget about deadlines and due dates as others continue to pour in. Some schools do provide students with charts that designate when things (such as applications, scholarships, or letters of recommendation) need to be completed, but such charts are very generalized, and don’t include specifics relevant to each student.

My solution, and the one that has worked well for my peers, is write out a personalized timeline that includes due dates and when to work on college or scholarship applications. The structure is not only reassuring, but prevents the anxiety of forgetting a deadline, and simultaneously ensures completing work in a timely manner. Instead of rushing to get everything done shortly before it’s due, I break it up and work on it gradually, checking off every day I complete a task.

For me, this structure allows me to visualize my progress and conceptualize the amount of work I still have left to do, greatly relieving the burden of unknown due dates.

BE THERE FOR IT ALL

Again, a relatively obvious one, but expressing interest in your child’s schedule and events makes a big difference. There is so much going on, and it can feel like we’re kind of alone in our struggle. A simple question like: “how is your ___ application going,” or “what is your schedule like this week,” really conveys support, while being an offer of your services as well. Just checking up on us every once in a while is very reassuring. Being involved and interested in the process helps with the stress students tend to feel when faced with this mountain of work ahead of them.

So yeah. Senior year definitely is hard.

For me and my peers, and our parents as well. Not only do they have to deal with a stressed out teen facing the biggest change of their life so far, but they also are left with the fact that this year is the last year we’ll be dependent on them, living under the same roof. I can only imagine how daunting that prospect is.

These few pointers help parents and students alike limit stress and maximize efficiency, allowing families to make the most of their last few months together. As we prepare for the biggest adventure of our life, parents are preparing as well, and being involved in the process can be mutually beneficial in ensuring senior year is a smooth transition into adulthood. ■

YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: coleen@youthconnectionscoalition.org

For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.

what can I do to help my child

WHO IS BEING BULLIED?

what can I do to help my child

WHO IS BEING BULLIED?

By LEN LANTZ, MD

It is tough being a kid and it can be scary being a parent, especially if you find out that your child is being bullied. There are a number of different strategies for dealing with bullies, but I would like to share just one that can make all the difference in the world.

As parents, we often give our kids advice, but the advice does not teach them skills for dealing with life. Our kids need to practice learning skills and you can be the teacher of those skills with this 3-step strategy. Actually, it’s just a game that can be a lot of fun.

THE BULLY GAME

Now, remember, this is a game. If your first thought is, “Isn’t there a therapist or someone who can teach this to my child?”, then my answer is, “Just give it a try!” Chances are, both you and your child can learn something playing this game. Once you try it a few times, it will make sense.

Relax. It’s just playing around. It will be a learning opportunity for both you and your child and it can be a lot of fun. Really, the hardest part is not to smile or laugh when you are doing it.

There are only a few rules while performing the game: face your bully directly, don’t smile, laugh or yell (but do project your voice). Why can’t we laugh or yell when dealing with a bully? Losing control of your emotions is what a bully wants. Smiling or laughing sends the wrong signal to the bully because dealing with a bully is not fun. Here are some examples of the 3 steps:

A bully walks up to you and slams shut your open locker.

Turn your body to squarely face the bully and look them in the eye.

1. Say, “Please don’t close my locker door.” (You are nicely telling the person to stop a specific behavior.) 2. You open the locker and the bully slams shut the locker door again. Say, “Stop closing my locker door.” (Notice that the “please” was dropped. This is not asking – it is bluntly telling the person to stop.)

continued on page 9

Youth Programs

347 North Last Chance Gulch

Helena, MT 59601 Are you between 16 and 24 and need help finishing school, going to college or getting a job?

CTI’s youth services include: Assessment and basic skills testing Goal setting Career exploration and planning Academic support Paid work experience, including summer jobs Job search assistance

Life skills and work readiness

Computer skills training Planning for college or apprenticeships Guidance and advocacy To qualify, individuals must meet income guidelines and have an additional challenge to employment or educational success. CTI serves Broadwater, Jefferson, and Lewis & Clark counties. Call (406) 443-0800 for more information.

KNOWLEDGE GROWS MONEY

The more you know, the more your savings will grow. Start today with our free financial education program at www.fcbank.net

2987 Prospect Ave 449-9300 I 7517 Roughsawn Dr 996-1160

FCB_Youth Connections.20200430