YC Magazine | Bensalem | January 2017

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What is an Academic Résumé?

JANUARY 2017

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR T.I.M.E.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

» Talking WITH Kids About Drinking » Know the Signs of Depression » Alcohol Use by Youth Has Consequences

JANUARY 2017

FEATURES

6 Making the Most of Your T.I.M.E. 14 Talking WITH Kids About Drinking 16 Know the Signs of Depression 20 Alcohol Use by Youth Has Consequences 23 Academic Résumés: Different...But Not IN EVERY ISSUE

2 From the Director 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A and By the Numbers PRODUCED IN CONJUNCTION WITH BROUGHT TO YOU

BY B3T

TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE B3Tcoalition@gmail.com

COVER PHOTO BY Jill Amsk Photography YC MAGAZINE

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BUILDING A BETTER BENSALEM TOGETHER Building a Better Bensalem Together is a coalition of community members who work together to make Bensalem a safer, healthier place for kids to grow up. It was founded in 1998 as a grassroots coalition fighting substance abuse and other adolescent issues. B3T aims to celebrate diversity and promote equality.

Working with community partners and grants, B3T has consistently provided high quality evidence-based programs to the schools, such as the Olweus Bullying Program, The Incredible Years, and Project Toward No Drug Abuse. Currently B3T is in year ten of a DFC grant which supports the sponsorship of prevention activities including #B3TKIDS and SADD. The Drug Free Communities Grant is a prestigious award, sponsored by the Office of National Drug Control Policy in partnership with Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which works to achieve two goals: 1. Establish and strengthen collaboration among communities, public and private non-profit agencies, and Federal, State, and local governments to support the efforts of community coalitions working to prevent and reduce substance use among youth.

2. Reduce substance use among youth and reduce substance abuse among adults by addressing the factors in a community that increase the risk of substance abuse and promoting the factors that minimize the risk of substance abuse.

In addition to programming, B3T proudly hosts the annual Unity Week, Celebration of Culture, Red Cross Blood Drive, and proudly partners in such events as Bensalem Fall Festival, MLK Day of Service and Red Ribbon Week.

The vision of Building a Better Bensalem Together is to motivate and organize the community by providing resources and building skills to reduce substance abuse and other adolescent problem behaviors using proven programs and strategies. It is a volunteer coalition and new members are always welcome.

If you are interested in getting involved, please email B3Tcoalition@gmail.com

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January 2017 | YC MAGAZINE

Director FROM THE

t’s hard to believe that we’re in the heart of winter! Back to the routines that we all fall into, including being overloaded with responsibility and less inclined to plan time for family.

Many studies state that spending time in everyday family leisure activities is associated with greater emotional bonding within the family. These are activities that are typically low-cost, home-based things like playing games, MELINDA P. GORDAN cooking, and even watching television together, and they’re directly related to the family’s ability to build deep emotional bonds.

Winter is the perfect time for building emotional bonds within a family without making the effort seem “forced”. Snow days and bitter cold are a great canvas on which to paint your family’s emotional picture by simply being together, laughing, chatting, and feeling completely at ease with one another. Not a “crafty” type? Pop some popcorn, put away the “devices”, and watch a movie together! (I highly recommend “The Secret Life of Pets” or revisiting a classic like “The Wizard of Oz”.) For children, seeing their parents enjoying themselves without outside interference and simply relaxing is priceless. And for parents, the vision of their children laughing and “being kids” is truly heartwarming!

During these long winter days, we have so many chances to build our children’s self-esteem and feelings of security and support. When we ask our children (without being judgemental) about their lives, encourage their interests and spend free time with them, we support emotional stability. Adolescents whose parents do these simple things tend to exhibit fewer behavioral problems, are less likely to engage in violence and are at lower risk for substance abuse. Additionally, they’re more apt to share information and problems with their parents.

In closing, as I sit here looking out on this dreary day, I can’t think of a better way to create family memories and strength than to provide our children (and ourselves) with a gift of unconditional love and uninterrupted time. In fact, I think I feel the need for a Trivial Pursuit night in my house very soon! Happy winter everyone! Don’t forget to enjoy your family!

BUILDING A BETTER BENSALEM TOGETHER Melinda P. Gordan, Ph.D. DFC Youth Project Coordinator (267) 454.3231 mpgordan@gmail.com Bensalem, Pennsylvania 19020

Application Day by Kady Dennis, Grade 10, BHS

Twelve years of schooling later And it’s finally here: Application Day. The day you get to choose where you’ll be for the next four years of your life You’ve searched for a while now for the right one for you A search history reveals over thirty different schools With excessive searches on some You’ve worked your hardest to get A’s all over your report card And a never-ending list of after-school activities You’ve fought the dog-eat-dog system And the odds may still not be in your favor Your essays are written, you’ve spell-checked and proof-read a million times All that’s left to do is click.

But your nerves get the best of you.

What if I’m rejected? If I haven’t done enough? If I’m not good enough?

But you realize that you are.

You have done your best in everything you could. You’ve worked your hardest.

You’ve put all your potential out there, and now it’s time to put faith in yourself.

Start your future, and click APPLY

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CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE his month we’re tackling the issue of dual households. Here are the perspectives of a parent and a child (not related).

A MOM’S PERSPECTIVE: When my ex-husband and I divorced, foremost in our minds — aside from putting our doomed relationship out of its misery — was the well-being of our six-year-old daughter. Fortunately, one thing we agreed upon was that, while we weren’t good for each other, we were both loving and dedicated parents who should spend equal time with our child. Thus, the alternating week parenting plan was born.

Every Friday after school, the kiddo would pack a few items she wanted to take to the other parent’s home (she had clothes, toys, etc. at both houses) and head off for the week. As a parent, this wasn’t an entirely unappetizing scenario. After all, if you can’t have domestic bliss, why not take advantage of spending a week of quality time with your child, and then have a week to yourself? It sounds simple enough, but it wasn’t without its challenges.

For example, what happens if your child gets grounded at the other parent’s home and it carries over into your week (every… single…time)? How do parents cope with the transition days after your child returns home from the other parent’s house? What happens when the rules are different at each household? Then enter significant others, who were completely loving and wellmeaning, but stepped on toes or egos.

It didn’t take my ex and I long to realize that communication was the key to keeping our daughter feeling comfortable, adjusted, and loved. We didn’t communicate particularly effectively when we were married, and it certainly didn’t get easier after we divorced. That said, we made it happen because we love that girl fiercely.

It helped that we had our own separate corners to go to when the negotiations broke down. Eventually, we both remarried and had the benefit of our spouses to offer relatively impartial advice and a taste of reality when we strayed too far into the mire of our unsuccessful relationship. Eventually another important voice entered into those conversations — our daughter’s.

While spending alternating weeks with our child wasn’t always easy, my ex and I believe it worked out overall. Our daughter is 21 and has had the benefit of getting to know both of us in our own environments.

She is an independent young woman who is comfortable in her own skin, with the knowledge that her parents stand behind her fully. We weren’t perfect in parenting her, and it wasn’t without struggle, but it helped her become the person she is today.

A CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE: “Maggie” is a 12-year-old girl in middle school who splits her time between Mom’s and Dad’s house. She and her two siblings move residences on a rotating basis, based on her mom’s work schedule. They started this arrangement four years ago when her

parents weren’t getting along and decided to separate, and eventually divorce.

Maggie said that going through the divorce was a little hard. She was happy before the divorce, had mild depression during the divorce, and was happy again once it was all done. She likes seeing her parents happy again.

She doesn’t mind going between houses, and states she likes it because she gets to spend time with each parent. She liked painting and decorating her new room at the new house.

It’s helpful to have sets of clothing and household items at each house, so she doesn’t have to pack bags. Each house has the same rules and same expectations of her, which makes the transition much easier.

One of the major benefits of having two sets of parents is she gets four Christmases – one at each parent’s and then at each set of grandparents’ house. In addition, she gets to celebrate her birthday twice.

Maggie has a few words of advice for parents who are going through the same situation with kids. She says that having a central location is nice. She’s lucky that both parents live in the same town and not too far from each other. Also, parents having a positive attitude and not bad talking about the other parent is important. Maggie has been lucky to have positive parents who have helped her through this.

Her advice to the kids who are in the same position as she is: talk to your parents. If you can’t talk to them, talk to your friends or a counselor if you need to. Also, stay happy. ■

YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: B3Tcoalition@gmail.com For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.”

We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though – if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.

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making the most of

YOUR T. TA L K , I N S T R U C T,

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.I.M.E. M O N I TO R , E N CO U RAG E

By SHARI MORIN-DEGEL, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Clinical Director for Youth Dynamics and certified Common Sense Parenting® trainer

We dream children will experience a childhood full of laughter and adventure in a safe, supportive, and nurturing environment.

We want children to develop into adults who are self-disciplined, motivated to achieve, kind, tolerant of others, and who have the capacity to develop strong bonds and lasting relationships. ut the demands of life put tremendous strain on parents and families, making it challenging for parents to realize the dreams they have for their children.

Between financial and extracurricular demands, the amount of time parents have to invest in the development of their children is limited. Dr. Harry Wong, author of The First Days of School and a leader in establishing behavior management techniques for successful schools, states, “On average, parents have 12 minutes of meaningful conversation a day with their children.”

With only 12 minutes a day, parents have little to no room for error. Parents’ skills must be highly tuned in order to be effective. Fortunately, social scientists have studied and identified four key parenting skills that promote support, encouragement, guidance, mutual respect, and a strong bond while minimizing the conflict that creates arguing, strife, shame, and distance in the relationship.

Common Sense Parenting®, a program developed by the Nebraska-based Boys Town Education Model, provides a framework for making the most of your time with your child. The research supporting the effectiveness of this program indicates there are four skills effective parents share. This does not suggest children are perfect, but it does suggest, more often than not, children behave in ways that are pleasing to parents continued on page 9

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and communities. Additionally, there is less strife in these parents’ relationships with their children and more time for mutually enjoyable conversation and activities. The four skills these parents share are best summarized as Talk, Instruct, Monitor, and Encourage (T.I.M.E.).

SKILL #1: TALK The number one skill of an effective parent offering the most significant return is talk.

Sometimes the most challenging part of talking with someone you love is taking the first step to break the silence. One of my fondest memories is about this concept: striking up conversation. When I was in high school, my dad and I were driving in the car for about 15 minutes without a word spoken (this was in the days before cell phones, mind you), and we still had about 40 minutes left. I’m sure I was deep in thought about something to do with my friends’ and my latest crush.

I’m sure my dad was more aware of the silence and the growing awkward “someone should be saying something” feeling. Looking back, I can imagine my dad racking his brain for a conversation starter, knowing whatever he came up with would be met with a sigh and a couple of rolled eyes. But my dad, never ceasing to amaze me, mustered up the courage to jump out on a limb. The next thing I knew, Dad interrupted my deep and important thoughts of what to wear to my friend’s party this coming Friday night with, “So…Shari, tell me…what are your thoughts on life?” Thoughts on life!?

Really, Dad, that’s what you came up with?

I remember laughing, followed by, “I don’t know.” I recollect we talked a bit, but mostly I remember thinking I loved the fact my dad wanted to know what I thought.

I can’t finish this story by stating the next forty minutes were spent in meaningful conversation and I could talk to him about anything, but I can say that a few years later, he came to Missouri to help me drive home from college and we missed our turn and drove more than 40 minutes out of our way because we were deep in meaningful conversation. Some people are naturals at striking up conversation, but for those of us who are not, the good news is, striking up conversation can be learned, and the more it’s practiced, the easier it becomes.

SKILL #2: INSTRUCT Often parents fall into the trap of making assumptions about what children know and don’t know. How many of us can hear the voice of our parents ringing in our ear, “What were you thinking? You know better than that!”

How many of us still ask that of our children and even ourselves? Usually, the answer is,

“Yes, I know I shouldn’t have done that, but either I didn’t know what else to do, or I don’t know how to do something else.” Rather than to punish or consequence the inappropriate behavior, an effective parent teaches their child how to be successful next time.

One of the most important things an effective parent does is not assume children should always know what to do; rather, they take the TIME to instruct. Instruction is useful in anticipation of a tough situation or after a mistake has been made. There are many skills that can be taught, such as accepting no for an answer, staying calm, accepting feedback, following instructions in several different settings, asking for help, dealing with bullies, resisting peer pressure, handling responsibility, and even getting a job. Effective parents understand children are more successful with proper preparation.

SKILL #3: MONITOR Monitoring is probably the most challenging key to implemen because monitoring requires TIME. To illustrate monitoring, I’d like to share a personal experience that I imagine most of us can relate to. Nowadays, I can barely remember this, but there once was a time I could workout and feel great afterwards. However, after a certain age, my workouts became associated with incessant, never-ending, unremitting, relentless, and persistent soreness. When I was younger, after my workout, if I felt sore I’d think “Oh, this is a good sore…means I’m getting in shape.” At some point, I either didn’t get in shape or being in shape also meant being sore. Soon, I realized soreness wasn’t about getting in shape; it was about getting older.

This is when aspirin and ibuprofen became my friends. Returning to my point about the challenge of monitoring: I noticed I was acutely aware of the pain in my body, but not as aware of the relief of pain once the pain killer took effect. Sometimes my husband will ask me how I’m feeling, and it is only then that I suddenly realize the pain has subsided.

Effective parents are skilled at remaining aware of even the slightest progress. By remaining aware and rewarding positive behaviors in their children, these parents get to enjoy positive interactions with their child and increase the chances the child’s positive behavior will continue to happen and happen more often.

SKILL #4: ENCOURAGE All four skills take TIME, but the last one —encourage—should be given the most TIME. Research indicates the odds of behavior happening more often increases when parents use positive reinforcement rather than negative consequences. The challenge with this skill is to respond to

the child with positive encouragement before there is a problem rather than responding with correction when there is a problem. To use positive reinforcement is to notice when behavior happens and reward accordingly. Positive reinforcement encourages children to continue positive behavior. Rewarding behavior, rather than punishing it, displays to a child appreciation and respect. It communicates value and a sense of self-worth.

A fun illustration used to teach encouragement to our employees is “The Clicking Pen.” When training a group, one volunteer is asked to leave the room. The remaining participants decide a task they want the volunteer to accomplish—like picking up a pen on the table or sitting in an open chair. (One time a very gregarious, outgoing, volunteer was asked to dance. It was beautiful!) The volunteer is asked to come back into the room and is given the following instructions, “We have chosen a task for you to accomplish. I am going to click the pen each time you do something wrong.”

Typically, the volunteer simply stops trying after a few failed attempts. The volunteer is then asked to leave the room again. The group chooses another task and asks the volunteer to return. This time, the volunteer is given the following instructions, “We have chosen a task for you to accomplish. I am going to click the pen each time you do something right.” Inevitably, the volunteer sticks with it until he or she accomplishes the task. Every time we practice this exercise, the volunteer reports the second option feels the best.

When I told my mom about the T.I.M.E. parenting model incorporated into our programs, she was jealous she didn’t have this resource available when she and my dad were raising my brothers and me. She expressed having so many regrets about some of the ways she and my dad parented.

I reminded her she did the best she could with what she had, and if you don’t mind my saying, I think her four children turned out pretty great. Yet she realizes if she had learned the T.I.M.E. techniques, she may have experienced less stress and fewer regrets. Being the amazing person she is, she plans to attend the next class realizing she is never done raising children; there are now nine grandchildren in the family!

If you are interested in learning more about specific techniques that will help you Talk, Instruct, Monitor, and Encourage, the Common Sense Parenting curriculum is available through Boys Town Press at www.boystown.com ■ YC MAGAZINE

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Check out who’s standing out in our community.

IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please email B3Tcoalition@gmail.com and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.

Shashikant (Sonny) Parikh

FACES IN THE CROWD CO-CHAIR OF B3T

In 1984, Shashikant (Sonny) Parikh migrated from India and settled in Bensalem. He started his own travel agency and became involved with the community. Along with sitting on the Board of Directors of the Bucks County Conference and Visitors’ Bureau, Sonny serves as Joint Secretary on the executive committee of VRAJ (Pennsylvania Indian Temple) and is a Director on the Board of the Bucks County Chapter of United Way. Currently, Parikh serves on the Bensalem Gaming Advisory Board and is co-chair of B3T (Building A Better Bensalem Together). He is active as Executive Vice President for the non-profit organization AmeriSeva. Sonny’s interests include politics, business and social work. He’s an ambassador for Bensalem’s Indian community. Sonny lives with his wife Damini and has two sons.

Marc Cohen

BENSALEM SCHOOL DISTRICT SCHOOL BOARD

Marc Cohen graduated from Temple University and worked as a controller, an insurance broker and a stock options trader. In 2006, Marc got involved with politics and community service, becoming a board member of Bensalem Rotary, assistant committeeman on the Republican party, Treasurer of Bensalem Education Foundation, head of competition Delaware Valley Tennis Club, Bensalem Village Board of Directors and Bensalem School District School Board. Cohen says that one of the best things he’s done is getting involved with the school district and being able to implement a Rotary/Interact Club at BHS. He is proud to serve on the school board and is very proud of his tennis club’s upcoming 40th anniversary. Bensalem is lucky to have such a dedicated man working for our good!

Tori Wrazen

BENSALEM HIGH SCHOOL, 10TH GRADE

Tori Wrazen is a sophomore at Bensalem HS. She plans to attend Villa Joseph Marie HS for her junior and senior years.

Tori’s family consists of her very supportive parents, two older sisters and a younger brother. Being an active and enthusiastic member of B3TKIDS, she tries to attend every B3T activity and event and always tries to take a lead role.

This past year, Tori was a delegate to the CPA conference, where she participated in an anti-drug skit. Tori wants to make a difference in the world and help people. Her advice? “Always be yourself regardless of what people say or do because it’s much more important than to be surrounded by people who don’t care to find the real you.”

Cheryl James

PUBLICITY CHAIRMAN FOR B3T

As the Publicity Chairman for B3T, Cheryl James decribes herself as a “behind the scenes” person, helping wherever and whenever she can. She was an instructional assistant in the Bensalem School District for 33 years and also worked (and still does) as an optical assistant for 26 years. She was president of the ESP Union for eight years. Cheryl has two children, son Donnell and daughter Cristel and eleven grandchildren who are her pride and joy. Being a very active member of Shiloh Baptist Church, Cheryl is on the Senior Choir, Kitchen Committee and Usher Board. Her favorite things are travelling and spending time with her grandchildren. Her philosophy? “If I can help somebody, then my living will not be in vain.”

Noah Brodecki

BENSALEM HIGH SCHOOL, 10TH GRADE

A sophomore at Bensalem HS, Noah Brodecki is a straight-A student. He lives with his parents and younger brother Jacob.

Noah is involved in many sports-related after school activities, including golf, bowling and baseball. He also plays the viola in the BHS Orchestra. Outside of school, he is an umpire and referee for Valley AA. Noah’s hobbies include listening to music, hanging out with friends and helping in the community. He is present for most B3T activities and when his schedule permits, Noah helps out at his church, Bensalem United Methodist. Although he is not sure what he wants to do in the future, Noah looks forward to changing people’s lives. His advice? “Get involved, surround yourself with like-minded people and make smart choices”.

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40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior.

Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity.

In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start.

Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts Helena will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.

Turn the page to learn more!

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assets in action

40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

11 SUPPORT

1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support.

2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s).

3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults.

4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors.

5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment.

6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.

Working together brings us closer to one another!

EMPOWERMENT

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7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth.

8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community.

9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week.

10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.

BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS Pitching in! Creating the Lion’s Club Winter Wonderland!

Families have opportunities to share fun in Bensalem.

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11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts.

12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences.

13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior.

14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.

15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior.

16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

Community partners: B3T, Bensalem Police & Temple University students.

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17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts.

18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community.

19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution.

20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.

If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email the picture with information and the number of the asset the picture represents to: B3Tcoalition@gmail.com Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.

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Our police & firefighters compete for charity.

COMMITMENT TO LEARNING

21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school.

22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning.

23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day.

24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school.

25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.

POSITIVE VALUES

26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people.

27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.

28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs.

29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.”

30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.

31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.

33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.

34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.

35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.

36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.

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Sharing a meal, communicating and cultivating support at school.

Working with Rotary to pack holiday food baskets.

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POSITIVE IDENTITY

37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.”

38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem.

39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.”

40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.

Learning at the 2016 EmpowHERment Conference in NC!

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Talking WITH Kids

ABOUT DRINKING

By ART BECKER, LAC

Yay, another talk with the kiddos about something they don’t want to hear.

Talking with kids about drinking alcohol equals talking to them about the birds and the bees. Approaching it as a dictator can cause push back, but with a little empathy this is a conversation that will reap more rewards than grief.

hen do we have this talk, is there a point when it’s too early, what if I’m already too late? There is not an ideal age for every child. The age is not important, the time is, and it is now. Our children learn much more from watching us than from the jargon we cleverly try to throw at them. So what have we been teaching our children through our behaviors? Do we drink? If so, how often? Have they seen us intoxicated, does drinking happen when celebrating, does drinking make people happier, does drinking come with being an adult, etc.?

This isn’t to judge. On the contrary, we are looking to communicate with our children from this point forward through both our actions and our words. If we enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, could we reduce the frequency? Do we have beer with pizza? Could we swap it out for a soda occasionally? Kids will see the difference in behavior without us ever having to mention it to them. Adjusting the frequency will help them see that using alcohol is not the norm at home.

Leading by example makes it valid when it comes to talking with children. They already know that other kids drink and they are pretty sure that we weren’t locked in our room throughout our high school days. Not drinking now is our biggest selling point.

The “scared straight” talks about drinking and drug use will go in one ear and out the other. The “just call me if you’ve been drinking because I don’t want you to drive” talk is viewed as a permission giving statement, and the “if your friends jumped off of a bridge would you do it too” talk is just annoying. From sixth grade forward,

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they will be testing their limits and decision making abilities. If we lead by example our children will listen to what we have to say. Even when it doesn’t seem like they’re listening, keep communicating healthy normalcies through actions and words.

REWARDS VS. CONSEQUENCES It is easy for parents to tell children that none of their perceived drama will matter in five years. The problem is that our wisdom comes from having had those experiences, and our children see us as trying to take these experiences away from them. How will they ever know if this was important or not if they don’t even get to experience it? Welcome to FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out. This is significant when we talk to our children about their decisions surrounding alcohol and/or other drugs. A child’s emotional state hangs immediately in front of them and it relies heavily on their sense of acceptance.

We as parents need to understand that our children believe they will be missing something great. We do not need to try to understand why they feel this way, we simply need to understand that they do.

There is a definite reward/benefit perception by kids when it comes to drinking/drugs. How does this reward measure up with the logical, but in no way believed, possible consequences for drinking/using other drugs? This is where we can really help our children through our communication and empathy. When we talk with our children it is extremely important that we guide our questions carefully surrounding their believed benefits of substance use. Children will likely shut down surrounding this subject so it is best addressed on the sly. Asking a

child about what is so great about going to a party will most likely result in the form of an argument about not being understood.

Talking with a child about any girls/boys they’re interested in, what movies they’ve seen lately, what kind of car they would like to get someday, will open doors of communication which are normally under lock and key. We obviously need to bring up the possible consequences associated with substance use but we never need to address it as something our children have no control over.

Children think consequences associated with substance use will never happen to them. They only think they won’t be accepted. Being excluded is terrifying but children can overcome such FOMO with our support. Offer to have friends over for movies, take them bowling, have them over for a BBQ, and just let them be kids. Establishing an environment where kids can do what they like where there is no substance use promotes their social development within a controlled setting. If kids feel as though they are having fun and being accepted by their peers, they are not missing out.

There will always be fear of something but through our efforts to include, accept, and promote our children’s social wellbeing, the fear will not surround missing out on life. Only when they recognize they’re being accepted can we sneak in some words of advice about not drinking or using drugs because at this point it will not fall on completely deaf ears.

Leading by example through our behaviors, open communication, and social support of our kids will nudge them in the right direction. ■

Have beer or wine with pizza? Swap it out for soda or juice occasionally.

Kids will see the difference in behavior without us ever having to mention it, showing them that alcohol use is not the norm at home.

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know the signs of

DEPRESSION

By ALANA LISTOE, Director of Community Relations, Shodair Children’s Hospital

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wareness about mental illness has made tremendous gains in recent years, but there is still a stigma attached that society could do a better job to curb. Fact: depression is a treatable illness that sometimes has lifelong implications, much like diabetes or asthma. It’s okay to talk about depression. It’s okay to ask about depression. And, it’s okay if you or someone you know has faced it.

The prevalence of Major Depressive Disorder is approximately two percent in children under the age of 12 and between four and eight percent in adolescents. Combined, that means that nearly 10 percent of young people face depression, and Dr. Keith Foster, medical director of psychiatry at Shodair Children’s Hospital, believes that is significant.

“People often think that depression only happens to certain groups or within certain demographics,” he said. “But that couldn’t be further from the truth because depression affects everyone, and all racial, ethnic, and socio-economic groups.”

Additionally, between five and ten percent of children and adolescents have some depressive symptoms but do not meet the full criteria for Major Depressive Disorder, Foster said.

Depression is defined as an illness when the feelings of depression persist and interfere with a child or adolescent’s ability to function.

Foster said it’s normal for all people to have feelings of sadness, gloom, and hurt. And sometimes that can increase during the holidays, or times of transition like back-to-school. It’s when those feelings don’t subside over time and start impairing relationships that it raises concern.

The symptoms of depression lasting for more than two weeks may include decreased or increased sleep, and appetite; decreased energy; decreased concentration; feelings of guilt; diminished interest in friends or activities previously enjoyed. For younger children nonverbal symptoms such as increased intensity or number of temper tantrums, or physical complaints such as bellyaches may occur.

Depression is equally common in boys and girls at young ages, but the risk increases significantly for girls after puberty. One of the most significant risk factors is a family history of mental illness. Children with histories of abuse or neglect—physical or emotional—are also at greater risk.

The good news is that depression is a treatable illness; the challenge for parents and caregivers is knowing when to be patient, and knowing when to act. If parents are worried, don’t be afraid to ask a professional.

Life can be difficult and circumstances such as bullying, moving, death or divorce are key components that can play a role in the development of depression, experts say. Negative, stressful life events can be triggers, especially for those who are genetically sensitive to mental illness.

Foster said people often want to find blame, but depression does not happen because of some moral failure.

“It’s a medical illness that has treatment options,” Foster said.

ACTING SOONER PREVENTS MORE HARM If parents are concerned that their child may have depression, a good first place to start is with his or her pediatrician or primary care provider. But when a child makes a serious threat, it should not be dismissed as idle talk. If a child makes a threat and then refuses to talk, is argumentative, responds defensively, or expresses dangerous thoughts or plans, an immediate evaluation is required by a mental health professional specializing in children and adolescents, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

Children who have made serious threats must be carefully supervised while awaiting professional intervention to reduce the risk of selfharm, harm to others, or suicide.

SIGNS THAT MAY INDICATE DEPRESSION IN CHILDREN Change in personality, such as increased anger, irritability, moodiness, or whining Change in appetite, usually a loss of appetite Change in sleep patterns, such as difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or excessive sleeping Loss of energy, or lethargy Loss of interest in friends, play, activities, and sports. Or an absence of pleasure derived from relationships Low self-esteem, frequently expressed through self-deprecating and negative talk Indecisiveness Difficulty with concentration (not to be confused with attention deficit disorder) Feelings of helplessness, occasionally expressed through suicidal talk

Karl Rosston, Suicide Prevention Coordinator at the Montana Department of Public Health and Human Services (DPHHS), says it’s important to recognize warning signs and risks such as feelings of hopelessness, being a burden to others, and talk about not being afraid to die. He adds that when there is risk, homes need to be suicide proof (firearms and prescription medication stored safely).

Early interventions include teaching kids as early as first and second grade coping and resiliency skills to deal with adversity in life, Rosston said.

No matter if the treatment includes therapy, medication, or hospitalization, parent involvement is paramount, and not just because they are the personal chauffeur to appointments.

Foster believes communication is critical.

“Adults sometimes want to see kids and teens as oppositional, but let’s think and talk about what else might be going on,” he said.

“As a society, let’s ask our friends and neighbors who are dealing with depression how they are doing. Let’s send them cards and take their families food just as we would if they had cancer. It will be uncomfortable, but do it anyway.”

There is hope and most episodes of depression in children and adolescents last about eight months, and 70-80% recover after one year.

“The majority of children do get better,” Foster said. ■

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) YC MAGAZINE

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BY THE

NUMBERS

Q. How can I keep my child(ren) safe online?

A. In my career in law enforcement, one of the questions I get

asked most frequently is what are some simple things I can do to keep my kids safe using technology? The question actually is very simple to answer. As a parent, be involved in knowing what your children are doing and ask them questions about the technology they use.

As an officer, I spent a considerable amount of time working in the field of internet crime and technology-based offenses involving kids. As a School Resource Officer, I encounter this problem almost daily. As a parent, technology affects my children, as well.

As I look back on my experiences, I have identified common factors of how children get in trouble with technology.

The biggest tip I can give to parents is to be actively involved in what technology children use. The majority of kids have access to some type of tablet or smart device. Internet access is easily at their fingertips. Let’s face it, kids are curious and they talk about the newest sites and applications they’ve come across. Even as adults who utilize social media, we send links to videos, sites or pictures that we find interesting.

As a parent, if you allow your child to have a device, set ground rules for what the child can and can’t do with the device. Establish boundaries for kids and stick to them. Taking away use of technology is not the end of the world, even though the child may feel unplugged or disconnected. Sometimes it actually does a child good.

Here are some other tips:

» Ask your children about their technology use. » Look at their technology and social media usage. » Research applications and websites you aren’t familiar with. » Inspect pictures and videos on a device. » If you notice changes in behavior of your children, ask about

their online life. It may be a warning sign.

Finally, if you do find something troubling or suspicious, contact law enforcement and speak to a professional about what you find concerning. In addition, there are many resources for parents that provide great tips on keeping kids safe online:

3

The number of years the average person spends on the toilet. www.funfactz.com/top

18

The area in square feet that your skin will cover if laid flat. www.funfactz.com/random-facts

1000

The number of birds that die a year by smashing into a window. www.funfactz.com/top

300

The length of a tunnel a mole can dig in one night. www.strangefacts.com/facts1.html

1460

» www.netsmartz.org/Parents » www.ncmec.org - National Center for Missing & Exploited Children » www.wiredsafety.org » www.connectsafely.org » www.cyberbullying.us » www.cyberbullying.org/resources/parents Senior Officer Bryan Fischer is an SRO with the Helena Police Department.

HAVE A QUESTION?

email: B3Tcoalition@gmail.com We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however, we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.

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The number of dreams an average person has each year. www.strangefacts.com/facts1.html

100

The number of times per second the earth is hit by lightning. uselessfacts.net/page/2

DIVERSITY…it makes the world go around!

Want to get involved in B3T’s Diversity Committee? b3tcoalition@gmail.com

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ALCOHOL USE

BY TEENS HAS

consequences

By JOELLE JOHNSON, LCSW, LAC

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s parents, we naturally want to protect our children from everything we can, sometimes even the consequences of their own choices.

After watching the news and seeing another story about a local high school student dying in an alcohol-related car crash or college kids being taken to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning, we cannot help but think of the best ways to protect our children from the harmful, sometimes fatal consequences of underage drinking.

We may believe that underage drinking is an inevitable right-of-passage and decide the only way to protect our children from the consequences is to allow them to drink at home, where parents are able to control both their access to a car and how much alcohol is being consumed. While these parenting decisions are wrought with good intentions, they do nothing to protect teens against the more unseen but often times, just as dire, long-term consequences of alcohol use on the developing brain.

Consequences include the development of addiction and other long-term mental health problems. Once these consequences are weighed and considered, it becomes clear that adult-monitored, underage drinking is no safer than teens drinking at a kegger with their friends. With that in mind, parents’ goals must shift from simply reducing immediate consequences of teen alcohol use to discouraging and preventing it in all circumstances.

When living in a culture where alcohol use is legal and acceptable, it can be difficult to understand, let alone communicate to our children, why alcohol is okay for adults, but not for teens. Parents who engage in social drinking themselves may find this discussion additionally difficult. However, research has shown that, much like the wellknown negative impacts of alcohol on the developing fetus, frequent or even occasional use of alcohol on the developing teen brain will result in impaired development.

While science has yet to understand addiction completely, research built over the last several decades has taught us a lot.

We now know there is not an “addiction gene” but that a number of biological and environmental factors interact together to create substance abuse disorders. In addition to a family history of substance abuse, the age at which someone begins to use alcohol (or other substances) is predictive of the later development of substance abuse.

Research from the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse shows those who begin drinking at age 15 are four times more likely to develop addiction as those who wait until they are 21. Although there is not definitive research to explain this connection, we do know that alcohol directly impacts the

areas of the brain that are developing during adolescence; areas associated with impulse control, decision making and the reward systems of the brain. Over time, teens learn (at a biological level, rather than a conscious one) that when they drink, they feel good in some way. When this “learning” occurs in a still developing brain, a brain that has yet to “learn” other ways to relax or feel good, there is an increased likelihood the youth will develop a pattern of behavior that will include alcohol. This pattern is the first step to developing an abusive relationship with alcohol where, not only is alcohol one way to relax, it becomes the only way.

The impact of alcohol on the developing brain is not only predictive of substance abuse problems, but of an entire array of mental health concerns into the future. In the example above, a youth whose brain begins to rely upon alcohol to “feel good” may experience high levels of depression or anxiety when alcohol is not present. But the impacts of teen alcohol use are not always so direct. Instead, it can be the very first domino in a series of events that contribute to mental health disorders.

When engaging in alcohol use, teens increase their engagement in a number of high risk activities including unprotected sex and increased exposure to or engagement in violent behavior. These behaviors increase teen’s exposure to stressful or sometimes even traumatic events, which further increases the risk of the development of mental health issues in the long and short term.

Let’s also examine the common belief that underage drinking is a “right-of-passage.”

Nationwide data from the “Monitoring the Future” study shows over the past five years the number of high school seniors reporting alcohol use in the past 30 days has decreased from 43.5% in 2009 to 37.4% in 2014. The same study has also shown a steady decrease in binge drinking among teens since its peak in 1998 (31.5%) to a low of below 20% in 2014. This data suggests the opposite of what many parents believe. Teen alcohol use is not the norm, which gives us good reason to hope our teens do not experiment with alcohol.

But we must do more than hope. We must communicate our expectation that they do not drink before they are legally old enough to do so.

Research shows teens will live up to the expectations set for them by parents and other adults. If we communicate to our children that we expect for them to drink alcohol, drink they will. But, if we communicate firmly and often that underage drinking is unacceptable behavior, we can greatly reduce the chances our children will engage in underage drinking and really protect them from all the consequences that come from that choice. ■

Data suggests the opposite of what many parents believe: teen alcohol use is not the norm, which give us good reason to hope our teens do not experiment with alcohol. But we must do more than hope. We must communicate our expectation that they do not drink before they are legally old enough to do so.

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BUILDING A BETTER BENSALEM TOGETHER

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ACADEMIC RÉSUMÉS Different ... but not

By CAROLYNN BRIGHT

hile most people know what a résumé for employment entails, résumés for scholarships or college are not as widely understood.

Their purposes may be different, but much of the information included in both types of résumé is similar.

“You want your résumé to make you look like a superstar!” said Schylar Canfield-Baber, outreach manager for nonprofit Student Assistance Foundation (SAF). “This is your opportunity to take the highlights of your life so far and use them to impress scholarship selection committees and college admissions staff.”

It’s best to start building an academic résumé sooner rather than later—cramming four years of opportunity into senior year isn’t practical. Students should begin their high school careers with the knowledge that what they do, in and out of class, counts toward their future goals.

The basis for any academic résumé is academic performance.

Grades matter, but so does the willingness by students to challenge themselves by taking Advanced Placement and honors classes.

Canfield-Baber encourages students to reach higher, knowing that scholarship and college selection committees reward students for pushing their academic comfort zone.

“Participation in athletics or school clubs is another way to attract positive attention,” Canfield-Baber said. “Helping to sell ads for the

yearbook, playing in your school’s pep band, or being a member of the tennis team highlight a willingness to dedicate time and effort to be productive within the school community.”

Canfield-Baber also suggests that carving out time to volunteer demonstrates a student’s ability to identify need in the community, outside of the school environment. By volunteering, students have the opportunity to gain new and different skills, make important connections, and help the community.

Employment is another key element of many academic résumés.

Whether that employment involves babysitting for a family friend, filing papers at an office, or flipping hamburgers, Canfield-Baber said a job exhibits reliability and work ethic.

Hobbies and classes, like CPR or first aid, also have a place in academic résumés.

“You want to use your résumé to show scholarship and college admission committees that you are a well-rounded individual,” he said. “Focus on the quality of your experiences and put forth your best attitude in order to convince decision-makers that you are the right choice for them!”

Canfield-Baber recommends beginning to track accomplishments like volunteer work, awards, certifications, and similar items early on in order to ensure a comprehensive list to include on academic résumés. ■ YC MAGAZINE

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Building a Better Bensalem Together 2400 Byberry Road Bensalem, PA 19020