The illogical logic of the SBM

LAURA WILLIAMS, school leadership coach, trainer and SBL podcaster muses on her reasoning to buying A-Zs and why we should all allow ourselves to be a little illogical sometimes

Sometimes, I ask my husband to remind me what funny, random things have happened to us so I can share them in my emails and my articles.

I did this not long ago and his answer totally threw me.

He thought for a minute and said, ‘Remember when you bought all those A-Zs?’

In truth, I had forgotten all about it so I said, ‘Oh yeah, but why would I write about that?’

His reply: ‘I have no idea! Why did you buy them again?’

I shrugged, we laughed about it, and the conversation moved onto something else.

I sat in the car the whole way home wondering, not why I would write about it, but why on earth had I bought all those A-Zs?!

We’d been looking to move for a while and whilst we knew we wanted to move out of the area, we had no idea where we actually wanted to move to.

We weren’t limited in any way given the type of work that we do, so we found ourselves randomly driving around and scoping out cities, towns and villages within a 50-mile radius.

For various reasons, we couldn’t move right away which meant we got stuck in a torturous limbo for quite a long time.

Psychologically, making a decision to leave or move on is difficult enough. But when you finally flip the switch, if you’re trapped where you are, it can make you feel helpless, restless and unsettled.

So we drove and we drove and we drove – trying not to look too much at specific houses to avoid the disappointment of not being able to buy at that point, but also to keep our minds engaged in some form of proactive behaviour to stop us going mad.

At least if we knew where we should be looking, by the time we were in a position to move, we’d know exactly where to start.

But, of course, things don’t go quite like that!

We found areas that we could afford but didn’t like, we saw places we liked but couldn’t afford and the vastness that is a 50-mile radius began to drive us slowly insane. We began asking ourselves ‘What if we had missed the perfect area?’

What if it wasn’t on the list yet and when the music stopped, we rushed to buy in one of our ‘maybe’ places and really, if we’d have just kept driving, we would have found the one that was truly meant for us?!

This is where the A-Zs come in. Because I’m a SBL and I like to know everything and plan for all eventualities, I decided that purchasing some A-Zs was the answer. Yes, really.

My logic? They would help me make sure I wasn’t missing anywhere out, I would be able to study each area and arm myself with the knowledge I needed to pick exactly the right house in exactly the right location.

Even as I type this now, I know how absurd and truly illogical it seems.

They weren’t even up to date. Google Maps would have been accurate, easier to access and free!

Who actually studies maps anyway? And what on earth could an A-Z tell me about what it would be like to live somewhere?

All in all, it was a ridiculous thing to do.

But I was in a situation where I knew nothing and could do nothing. A very scary feeling for a SBL.

For the first time ever, I didn’t have a to-do list. It sounds like heaven but trust me, it was hell.

I was panicking! I needed something to do! And this was a thing to do.

At the time, when everything around me was turning to crap and I hadn’t got the foggiest idea what I was doing or where I was going (literally or metaphorically) it seemed like the best idea ever.

It was an action that I could take to make me feel better, despite the ludicrousness of it.

And it worked - I did feel better.

Okay, I didn’t look at them once, but at the time, I felt better knowing I had them – just in case.

My point is that, sometimes, what we do doesn’t make sense.

It defies logic. It makes people look at you funny. It doesn’t have a defined, tangible or even sensible outcome. And that’s okay. I promise.

Because if you need to do something to make you feel better or to distract you or to help you to let something go so you can move on… then so be it! Have at it.

If it gets you through then it doesn’t matter if it’s logical or what other people think about it.

For me, those A-Zs were a life raft in a stormy sea. And even though I’m embarrassed about it now, they served their purpose.

So give yourself permission to be illogical for once, to be afraid, to take a step just to keep moving even if you don’t quite know where it’s going to take you.