Familiar MAKING FORMAL

I love all the seasons for all the reasons, but there’s something special about spring. With the fog lifting, the grass greening, and the buds blooming, the world around us comes back to life. March, the official start of spring, ushers in the season for al fresco entertaining and gives me renewed energy to socialize. At home, we spring into party prep mode: we power-wash, we paint, we polish. We prune and we plant. I love any excuse to spruce up my space, doing what we all know as “spring cleaning.”

It is during this glorious window between March and May—before the sweltering summer heat hits—that you’ll find me in our garden nightly. Whether we are gathering casually with family or celebrating with a soirée, I love hosting at home. It feels special, almost luxurious. There is something about inviting people into your intimate space that brings you closer to them—as the host, you shine in your element, and as the guest, you experience someone in a very personal way.

The roles of host and guest are so innately intertwined that we hardly ponder them, but each plays an essential part in the success of an event. A preeminent host plans and prepares. They attend to every detail, from the food to the flowers to the favors. They curate an interesting guest list and assign seating to cultivate connection. A savvy guest brings energy and charm. They meet and mingle with old and new friends. They elevate interactions with confidence, style, and grace. A hospitable host cherishes a gracious guest (and vice versa!) as they excel symbiotically.

Whether in a formal or informal setting, the roles of host and guest are on intricate display at the dining table. For example, with firsts and lasts. The host sits first. The host is served last. The host eats first. The host finishes last. To a novice, dining etiquette can feel overwhelming, if not intimidating. But remember, etiquette is more than its definition, which is a customary code of polite behavior. At its essence, etiquette exists to promote respect, courtesy, and thoughtfulness amongst society’s members.

It might seem odd to refer to the art of setting a table as thoughtful, but through that lens its purpose becomes clear. Traditionally, an informal table is set for a one-course meal, and a formal table is set for a multicourse meal. In this regard, “informal” and “formal” don’t refer to the table aesthetic, but to the number of pieces of tableware. Multiple cutlery pieces might appear pretentious until one learns that each fork has been placed for a purpose—to be used to enjoy a delicious dining experience. The goal is not necessarily to set a table formally, but to set it properly. With this insight and the following pro tips, dining etiquette becomes more approachable and appreciated.