Dircksey Vol 8 Ed 2

UNCHAINED

ECU Student Magazine

July 2022

Dircksey editorial team Editor-in-Chief: Elizabeth Harris dirckseyeditor@ecuguild.org.au Sub-Editor: Izzy French

Marketing & Promotions: Lauren Reed Graphic Design and Illustrations: Izzy French Contributing writers and artists: Elizabeth Harris Izzy French Aaron Clarke Anka Kasanović Jasmine Lo Presti Milo Elisa Von Perger Andrew Douglas Jaxon Degebrodt Sanguine Burrage Josiah D. McMeekin Kiana Roberts Seth Barnes

Cover photo by Elizabeth Harris, edited by Izzy French

Content warning Dircksey contains topics that can be confronting for readers. These topics include racism, homophobia, violence, blood, hateful language, death, animal cruelty and mental illness.

No individual trigger warnings are given in the pages of the magazine so, please take care.

The opinions expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of the Dircksey Editor, sub-editors, Edith Cowan University or the Edith Cowan University Student Guild. All reasonable care is taken to ensure Dircksey articles, and other information in the magazine, is current and accurate at the time of publication, however, no responsibility can or will be taken by the entities listed above should an issue of Dircksey contain errors or omissions Dircksey acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which this magazine was created, the Whadjuk Nyoongar people.

If you would like to contribute to Dircksey you can contact the editor at dirckseyeditor@ecuguild.org.au or via 0411 889 476 Printed by Quality Press

Contents Streaming: Unchained. The Boom to Bust of Streaming Josiah D. McMeekin ........................................................page 2-3 Gamers Investigate: Who is Video Gaming’s Hottest Man? Izzy French .......................................................................pages 4-5 Horrorscopes!

Seth Barnes ......................................................................pages 6-7 Tea, Scones, and Radicalism Andrew Douglas .............................................................pages 8-9 If You Love Lockdown, You’ll Love Mars!

Aaron Clarke ....................................................................page 10 The Truth Behind Nightmares Andrew Douglas .............................................................page 11 How To Lose Friends: Influence Them Elizabeth Harris ...............................................................page 12-13 How To Befriend A Ghost - A guide Izzy French .......................................................................pages 14-15 Monsters and Maths!

Jaxon Degebrodt ............................................................pages 16-17 Day In The Life of A Self Destructive Kiana Roberts ..................................................................page 18 Though Our Sky May Have Fallen Josiah D. McMeekin ........................................................pages 19 Phylactic Death of The Andriod Mother Jaxon Degebrodt ............................................................pages 20-21 A Collection of Poetic Trashposts Sanguine Burrage ...........................................................page 22 Forbidden Love Izzy French .......................................................................page 23 Escape From Prison Quiz!

Seth Barnes ......................................................................page 24-25 Seige Josiah D. McMeekin ........................................................page 26-27 Sorrow and Melody Elizabeth Harris ...............................................................page 28-29 Zaforia & Unleashed Jasmine Lo Presti .............................................................page 32-33 Blue House, Red House, Yellow House Elisa Von Perger ..............................................................page 34-35 Unchained Milo ...................................................................................page 36

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Streaming: Unchained The Boom to Bust of Bingeing Do you remember the first show you binge watched on a streaming service? It’s a funny question, I know, but I still do.

On Saturday November 21st, 2015, I sat down and binge-watched the entire first season of Jessica Jones, the day after it had come out. I had spent weeks working my parents to get them to sign our family up for an account so that I could watch it without the quality issues I had encountered when I watched Daredevil months earlier through what we shall call “alternative” sites.

Since that day I’ve bingewatched more shows than I can, or care to, count. And I’m quite confident that I’m not alone in that. Throughout the mid-to-late 2010s, Netflix soared to success.

Video stores vanished across the world as Netflix provided a better service, for less, without needing to leave your home. It devoured huge portions of commercial television’s viewing audience and spawned a swathe of competing sites like Disney+ Amazon Prime,

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Apple TV and HBOMax. The keys to Netflix’s success were it’s at the time extensive library, and its binge-release model. Netflix had a huge catalogue, with a little bit of scrolling, or a VPN trip to another country,

you could find whatever your heart desired. But it was the binge-release model with its original series’ that drove Netflix to success. The ‘next episode’ button gave the instantgratification of knowing what happened next, a nail-biting week of waiting for what happened next had become a relic of the past. Netflix’s early unwritten policy of ordering two seasons had in the early days of ordering at least two

seasons. This meant no matter what happened to Jessica Jones, Piper Chapman or Eleven at the end of the season, a resolution was only a few months away.

This binge-release model allowed Netflix to remain the slightly disputed king of streaming for years. But, like every major boom in an industry, there was a bust waiting around the corner to follow. So, what changed?

Despite its popularity, there had always been a flaw with the binge release model. Longevity. A season would be released, and then for the next two, possibly three weeks, it would dominate online forums and social media.

But then it would more or less vanish from the cultural zeitgeist until the next season was released. Now for a time, this wasn’t a problem. But in retrospect, the binge phenomenon was never going to be sustainable for long. A bust had been brewing for some time.

All streaming services release their own shows, but the platforms here

Josiah D. Mcmeekin, gives us the rundown on streaming

are Amazon Prime, and Disney+.

Amazon distinguished themselves from their competition with shows like The Boys, Invincible and The Expanse with a release strategy where they premiered the first two or three episodes of the season, before moving to a weekly release for the rest of the season.

When Disney+ was launched in 2019 riding on the upcoming release of The Mandalorian and the following year with a host of shows based around the Marvel and Star Wars IP’s, primarily adopted a weekly release schedule, though some shows did break the mould and release two or three episodes in their premier weeks.

Now, big companies that offer similar services with different strategies is nothing new. Competition is the name of the game and unique approaches is how you set yourself apart. But it wasn’t the different release schedules by themselves that burst

the bubble. It was how people talked about them, and that is where the app TikTok, comes in.

TikTok had a boom in popularity during the COVID pandemic, and some of the people who rose to huge success were those who reviewed, reacted, hyped up and ‘broke down’ episodes of television shows.

The shows Prime and Disney+ put out each had between six and eight episodes, which meant that they would run for between six and eight weeks. This gave content creators a whole week to produce a swathe of videos about each episode. Cliff-hangers meant something once again. Easter eggs, references, the secret meanings of subtle things and fan theories dominated not just TikTok but the rest of the internet in ways that they hadn’t in quite some time.

gold as well. And that is something that Disney+ and Prime have found a way to do successfully.

Boosting both their revenue, and the name of their brands.

So where does that leave Netflix? Well, they aren’t going anywhere, and neither is binge-watching.

But there may be changes to the company’s release model in the future.

Recent reports state the company is apparently looking to shift away from the binge release model to a weekly schedule like its competitors, whether that happens remains to be seen.

Regardless, the binge release bubble has burst, and the weekly release model dominating the industry once again.

Money is the name of the game but dominating the cultural zeitgeist and remaining relevant to it is worth its weight in

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Gamers Investigate: Who is Video Gaming’s Hottest man?

For years, female characters in video games have been sexualised beyond belief.

But for years, I’ve wondered: why aren’t the dudes that you play as sexy? Are they sexy? This is the question that I, star-journalist-for-theDircksey (citation needed) Izzy French, has dared to ask.

Sexiness is a very personal and subjective thing. This is why I’m using a scientifically proven method (citation needed) to determine the hotness of these polygonal dudes. This method, called the ‘SUP method, is comprised of three categories: Sex appeal (how physically hot they are), Uniqueness (how different they are), and Personality (do they pass the vibe check). All these categories are out of 3, leaving the total score out of 9. Without further adieu: MARIO (from Mario) - 3/9 S - 0.5 (He looks like he’s made of plasticine, which is just play-doh without sex appeal. Point 5 for being an adult human.)

U - 2 (No one dresses like Mario. Have you seen someone wear a skivvy, gloves, overalls and loafers?

Exactly. Points down for wearing the most boring colours.)

P - 0.5 (He’s voiced by Chris Pratt. I rest my case.)

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LUIGI (from Luigi’s Mansion) 6/9 (nice) S - 1 (I give him the halfpoint above Mario for being tall and kind of a twink. Also his moustache is better than Mario’s. Yeah, I said that.

Come to Dircksey for your hot takes.)

U - 3 (Full uniqueness points, mainly because he’s Mario but green. Everyone likes red. It takes bravery and confidence to like green.)

P - 2 (He’s not the most three-dimensional character, but he’s better than most of the people in the Mushroom Kingdom.)

NATHAN DRAKE (from Uncharted) - 3/9 S - 1.5 (He’s human, he’s an

adult, he looks… fine. He has the sex appeal of a real estate agent.)

U - 0 (If you think Nathan Drake is unique, go to a pub next to a tax office and you will see 5 Nathan Drakes next to 7 Ryan Reynolds.)

P - 1.5 (Was he written by a 13 year old boy who watched a couple Marvel movies? At least he’s quippy sometimes, but that can’t be the bar.)

PACMAN (from Pacman) - 5/9 S - 0.5 (I can take solace that he’s in his 20’s.)

U - 2.5 (You think you can find another… aside from Ms Pacman?)

P - 2 (He is noted to be a family man… DILF?)

Izzy French gives the rundown on which video game men really are the sexiest.

LEON KENNEDY (from Resident Evil 4) - 3.5/9 S - 2.5 (He’s got that young Leonardo DiCaprio, but the slight Tobey Maguire is pushing him down by half a point.)

U - 0 (Ooh rugged cop haven’t seen that one before.)

P - 1 (He cares for other humans, so cooooool.

He’s one notch above a brick wall.)

MASTER CHIEF (from Halo) 1/9 S - 1 (We have no idea what his body is like due to his big green armour. It’s not even that cool armour.)

U - 0.5 (Most Halo games, there’s a dude right next to Master Chief who looks exactly like him.)

P - 0 (Shooting people and patriotism aren’t a personality, John.)

KRATOS (from God of War) 5.5/9 S - 2.5 (I love a good DILF. Glad he got rid of the goatee, the least sexy facial hair.)

U - 3 (Show me another man with bleached skin and red tattoos.)

P - 0.5 (Being a badass and killing masses of people isn’t sexy. I mean, unless you’re into that, but I’m not.)

In conclusion, the sexiest video game man is Luigi. Use this information wisely.

CRASH BANDICOOT (from Crash Bandicoot) - 4.5/9 S - 1.5 (Look, he’s… built, but he’s also a bandicoot, and last I checked I wasn’t a furry.)

U - 1 (I knew many kids from primary school who had the same demeanour as Mr Bandicoot: slightly insane, full of energy, and would jump on boxes.)

P - 2 (He’s a little bit wild, but at least he’s having fun, and that should count for something!)

SOLID SNAKE (from Metal Gear Solid) - 1.5/9 S - 0.5 (I dunno, the chin beard and mullet really put me off of good ol Snake here.)

U - 0 (I mean… he’s a clone.)

P - 1 (He spends most of the game talking to people, so he’s at least got that. He’s not good at talking though.)

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HORRORSCOPES! Seth Barnes is back and better than ever. This week he ponders the orb to find tales of floating cubes and spaghetti

Pisces

WAAPA rat will approach you this week with good news.

He may be damp from the sewers, but he’s trustworthy.

Aquarius Teeth?

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Cancer

Sagittarius

Aries

Scorpio

The neighbourhood cumquat tree will bring great blessings. Sniff the sweet air and take a nibble.

The floating cube in the sky invites you to wail in harmony with its brethren. “ A H H H H H H H H H ”, they say.

Beware of the dusty jelly cup. Blue and enticing, but well past its expiration date.

You may say to yourself, “I will NOT get inked on again”, and promptly get inked on, but that’s SHOW BUSINESS, BAYBEE!

Libra

Capricorn

Taurus

Virgo

Leo

Gemini

Oh? Love is in the air, and so is the floating cube. They’re... probably unrelated.

I sense that cold and congealed spaghetti sauce is in your near future. Yummy scrummy.

It appears that you may have forgotten to give your chair a haircut. Freshen him up and try to rekindle your relationship.

Soft launching your neck pimple “Kevin” on Instagram is a good idea this month.

The Birra Bar’s nipple wall will whisper secrets to you on Tuesday at 11:30am that will cause your third eye to open. This is unavoidable. Be prepared.

Your dumpy may be great, but so is your responsibility.

Warn your friends or you might just knock over their prized antique vase.

Image Graphics Created by Izzy French

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Andrew douglas gives a read on the Bloomsbury Publishing Scene

Tea, Scones, and Radicalism A small group of welleducated, individuals discussing art and society over tea and scones is nothing unusual. If the group started meeting well over a century ago in a once trendy London suburb, it would seem far removed from contemporary society, Moreover, if none were politicians, entrepreneurs or media magnates their influenc e would be negligible.

Many books have been written on the original members of the Bloomsbury Group - a collection of legendary British intellectuals some of whom became internationally famous.

They were never a formal group with official membership but loose collection of individuals with shared values and often exceptional talents. Rejecting the Victorian values and models pertaining to the arts and society, Bloomsbury became synonymous with modernism - not only in the arts of painting and literature but in a broader social context concerning human rights and relationships.

Why does this collection

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of individuals still intrigue authors and academics? What relevance does a bunch of socially privileged highbrows discussing art and society have for us? Are they still relevant in the 21st century?

Most of the original members are largely forgotten.

Unlike other groups, their form of activism was through subtle methods: their innovative art, unconventional lifestyles and by using their employment and social contacts to advantage.

Two of the most prominent members are cases in point; economist John Maynard Keynes and author Virginia Woolf. The former had a great influence on the laissez

faire economics of the time; basically he illustrated that government had a role to play in stimulating the economy during periods of depression.

One consequence was that the most vulnerable had some form of safety net.

His ideas have evolved into a school of interventionist economics.. Nowadays this is taken for granted but nearly a century earlier it was seen as radical.

Author Virginia Woolf not only developed a significant literary style but also tackled issues of social justice.

In both her fiction and non-fiction she examined gender inequality and critiqued the existing class system. In addition, her sociological critique was so ‘controversial’ it raised the ire of the Nazis who placed her on their hit list of prominent enemies of the Reich.

With her husband Leonard, she founded a publishing house which produced works more conventional publishers avoided and providing a forum for the more ‘radical’ ideas and authors who otherwise would not have been heard.

Bloomsbury as a cultural phenomenon was not always in vogue. In the decades

following the Second World War, it was largely overlooked even forgotten. It is no coincidence that is was during the conservative eras which harked back to supposedly traditional values. Conversely, It was rediscovered during the 1960s with the rise of the women’s movement and campaigns for racial equality and the birth of Gay Liberation.

Bloomsbury’s views on gender and sexuality were unconventional to say the least.

Many of them were gay or bisexual or what we now term non-binary. Open relationships were common and some members set up homes with partners of both sexes. Given the social mores and legal sanctions of their time, they had to be relatively closeted beyond their immediate circle. Originally a small group of largely unknown non-conformists speculating on everything from society to human rights and relationships, they unwittingly paved the way for future trends.

The Bloomsbury’s privileged

status meant they could indulge in such ‘forbidden fruit.’ Unfortunately, they had to wait decades (and after most of them were long dead) before they could come out of the closet. But they were an example to those in their

circle or loosely connected with it such as family members, employees and companions.

When the Bloomsbury Group started meeting before the First World War, modern society was very different. Far more than today, their world was much more sexist, racist, homophobic and anti-semitic.

For example women in the UK did not even have the right to vote and were excluded from certain professions and even some universities. It was a very conservative time of narrow definitions of gender

and sexuality.

Aside from their innovations in art and social policy, the Bloomsbury Group was an oasis of acceptance in a desert of intolerant conformity. In subsequent decades, the personal freedoms they extolled would extend beyond the privileged middle class to the general public.

By questioning the restrictive boundaries of gender and sexuality of their time, they set an example for later generations to follow. Their example illustrates how an intelligent, articulate group of wellconnected individuals can lay the foundations for significant social change.

Although most of them did not live to see the reforms they advocated, they provided role models for successive generations to emulate. In terms of the lifestyles they pursued they were precursors of the sexual revolution which began in earnest during the 1960s.

No wonder they are still remembered.

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Aaron Clarke Dives deep into the new age of space tourism

If you like lockdowns, you’ll love Mars While millions languish under lockdowns and closed borders, yearning to travel, a new kind of tourism is emerging, thanks to the mega-rich.

In a strange way, the COVID-19 pandemic may be preparing us for an exotic travel experience: Mars.

Sounds far-fetched, like science fiction? Just hear me out.

The key lies in the intersection between luxury travel, adventure tourism and space exploration. The ‘final frontier’ promises to be the ultimate adventure for curious dreamers and thrill seekers alike.

Space tourism is already a thing, from plane trips on the ‘Vomit Comet’ providing experiences of weightlessness to suborbital flights where passengers can see Earth’s curvature against the blackness of space—an awe- and adrenalinfilled excursion to match anything on the planet below.

None of it comes cheap, though. Corporate expansion into space

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is still in its infancy, bankrolled by Elon Musk, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos, with other billionaires content to be paying passengers. Space tourism is currently a form of high-end luxury— an odd distillation of it, given luxury travel involves flying firstclass, five-star hotels and other enormously expensive, climatecontrolled environments insulating patrons from poor conditions. Being sealed off from the outside environment that way is kinda like … a spaceship!

Although the launch date for the manned mission keeps getting pushed back, Musk is investing serious money to settle Mars within a decade. It’s a different proposition to NASA’s Moon missions or the International Space Station orbiting Earth.

You’d get to explore Mars—undoubtedly the experience of a lifetime— but always within the confines of a spacecraft, spacesuit or Mars-rover.

No feeling the wind on your face or sand between your toes or potential

asphyxiation.

Those high-achieving iterations of the astronaut might go crazy during a roundtrip to Mars. Some psychologists think a nerdy homebody more likely possesses the requisite equanimity over the long haul. Ironically, not currently allowed to venture far, many folks would have an idea how well they’d fare on that tour.

So, if during an extended COVID-19 lockdown, you were content keeping things ticking over behind sealed windows, staying connected with loved ones by posting messages, bingeing on home entertainment or reading books—and not tempted to murder housemates— then you may just love a trip to Mars.

Andrew Douglas reviews how horror movies douse the truth...

The Truth Behind Nightmares Behind the Horror: True Stories that Inspired Horror Movies

By Dr Lee Miller Penguin Random House, 2020 This is a fascinating work delving into the origins of some of the most famous horror films of all time. The book covers a range of gory movies from serial killers like the Hitchcock classic Psycho to supernatural thrillers like Nightmare on Elm Street to more natural horrors such as the movie Jaws.

It goes through the cases and likely events - whether crimes or natural disasters or tales of the paranormal - that led to the production of these unusually themed movies.

The facts are quite interesting; for example, the movie Jaws was based on a series of shark attacks on the US east coast in the early 20th century. Still more interesting are the cases of true crime, some which still remain unsolved that inspired certain slasher movies. Most people would be unaware that the film Psycho had some basis in fact. Another later Hitchcock move Frenzy had a number of serial killer case as it genesis. Surprisingly, quite a few of the ‘slasher’ films have a basis in true crime cases.

Even a couple of infamous Australian cases are included.

However, it is a little disappointing when it examines films of a supernatural origin. In one instance it details the supposed happenings behind a notorious haunting only to reveal that none of it was corroborated by other sources.

Generally, there is very little ‘proof’ beyond supposition and coincidence. This will disappoint those who hold with paranormal events but does not detract from the overall research and its presentation.

This book is thoroughly researched and well-illustrated.

It is both informative and entertaining on an entertaining, if at times, disturbing topic.

Recommended for movie buffs, true crime fans and those with an interest in the paranormal.

October 2022 Dircksey 11

Elizabeth Harris Explores the best way to remove unwanted people from your life.

How To Lose Friends: Influence Them How to Lose Friends: Influence Them a Four-step guide to your perfect destruction.

So, you’ve influenced your way into a group of amazing and beautiful people, who, at one point or another, seemed incredibly engaged by you, and who you wanted to share everything with.

Your levels of perfection are unrivalled. Perfect skincare routine, perfect gelled hair, perfect hundred dollar smile.

Your perfection is simply unparalleled, and your friends have made it clear that their want to mimic your likeness is imperative to their existence.

However, attempting to make yourself far less perfect than them (even just for a

But unfortunately, Timothy slighted one of your funnier jokes at dinner last week, and now Meredith is refusing to speak to you.

It’s a conundrum for the ages, and you’re starting to think that perhaps you’d prefer to be without these deeply inspiring people.

But never fear, possible gentleperson! I have your perfect four-step solution to lose friends in the most influential way possible.

Step one: Humble yourself you’ve been rather reluctant up to this point to really admit to your flaws. Every person is perfect, and therefore so are their friends.

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day) is the perfect way to introduce the fact that you’d really rather not be around them anymore. Try things like putting your tie on incorrectly, or “forgetting” your favourite ring. Bringing yourself down to the level of the average consumer ensures that they feel disgusted in your ability to relate to normal people.

You might have soiled your

own perfection, but being rid of these fools is worth the price.

Step two: Gift-Giving Have you ever truly received a deeply thoughtful gift from your friends? No! Of course not! You’re an influential business-person you don’t require gifts of sentiment or emotional value.

Your gift has always been hard work and bootstraps! So, to truly show these working class “friends” of yours just how much you wish they’d disappear, give them a gift.

Something that’s not actually worth money (that’s just a waste!) but something deeply connecting to their person.

Overheard that Sarah from Finance likes mason jars? Gift her a whole jarring and canning set! Shaun needs a new tank for his pet fish? Get him the best aquarium-level decorations you can find! With gifts like these, people will be so horrified and confused that they’re sure to seek out your rejection of friendship.

Step three: Talk about their interests.

You – a strapping young business-person – don’t often talk with other people about their own lives. And why would you? You’re the most important person the room after all, and everyone wants to hear what comes out of your mouth.

You’re the centre of a perfect and beautiful world of industry and production, made from your own blood, sweat, tears, and a good hundred thousand or so on cash, of course. Your friends aren’t usually the kinds of people to talk about themselves, so what’s the best way to make them uncomfortable? Ask about their hobbies!

Reconnaissance is crucial in this step – so make sure to skulk in the break room or the bathrooms to gather Intel. Ask Meredith about how her son’s university degree is going, or maybe see how Timothy’s model train hobby is coming along (I hear it’s quite impressive really). Once you start getting into the deep and heartfelt details about just how much research

you have on their family lives and their comings and goings from their home, they will surely never want to speak to you again!

“I sincerely regret to inform you that our friendship was not to be. And I must ask you to find another to whom you can spill your secrets about model trains and ways in which you would answer the philosophical trolley problem. (It’s alright that you wish to murder the innocents to protect a billionaire, I understand)” And finally, a swift signoff. “Eternally yours” or “Deepest regrets”; something that can truly show your empathy – and make them uncomfortable about the emotions you’re displaying.

Step four: Sending the Rejection letters.

Well, that’s it! That’s all four, extremely influential steps you’ll need to take so that you can cause any good friend to leave your vicinity within only a few weeks! It might be risky, or even extremely dangerous.

But remember: For perfect people like us, losing friends is just par for the course.

Nothing says the end of a friendship quite like a formal, indiscreet letter of rejection left neatly on their workplace desk first thing Monday morning. It’s simple really, you write something elegant like “Dearest Friend Shaun” so as to truly grab their attention.

Then, focus in on their traits.

Something like: “Your smile truly made my heart shine”.

And then, the real gut-punch.

And it must sound morose:

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Izzy French asks us the important questions about the afterlife...

How to Befriend a Ghost - A Guide Are your doors slamming open when there’s no wind?

Do you find yourself wondering what’s making that scratching noise in the ceiling? Dear reader, your house may be inhabited by a ghost!

DO NOT PANIC! While this may be concerning to some, be honest with yourself: you need someone to talk to, and this is cheaper than therapy, even with the Medicare rebates. Here’s a certified Dircksey guide to befriending the paranormal.

Leave Out Gifts Everyone loves gifts, and that includes the phantoms of the deceased! Do not worry if you can’t afford things, for most spirits treasure sentiment over monetary value. Leave out gifts like a shiny stone, a loose string or a collection of soda tabs on a table for your resident poltergeist to make them feel special and treasured themselves.

Ask Questions It may be polite to ask questions to get to know your friends, but it’s darn near required to befriend a ghost.

If you want to bring out the Hasbro-branded Ouija board you can, but a good “once for yes, twice for no” with a window that slams tends to work better in my experience.

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Introduce Yourself A relationship is always twosided, so make sure you’re not focusing too much on your friend-in-apparition. Discuss your day, your opinions, your thoughts. Just as you enjoy their company, they too should enjoy yours.

Keep Them Up to Date With Current Events These chained immortal beings may have observed the land in which they cannot leave, often the intricacies of international culture and politics are not available to our poor poltergeist friends. Next time you lay down to watch TikToks, feel free to give the ghost some space next to you as you scroll through videos of Jimmy Fallon hitting a whip and nae nae to the Biden administration.

Set Clear Boundaries These dead spirits are from an

older age, and may not know what a break is, or what taking some space and time to yourself means. Looking after and interacting with a ghost is hard work, so don’t ignore your mental health during all of this.

With that, your training in ghost befriending is complete! Now go and befriend some see-through folks, and share optimism and positivity with the world.

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Monsters and Maths!

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Jaxon Degebrodt gives tabletop lovers some nifty stat blocks!

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creative writing

corner

Day in the Life of a Self-Destructive Kiana Roberts

Self-destruct with me, just for today.

the little hitches you are given

It doesn’t look as good as it’s known to.

Hitch the skin carve the hide smoke the meat and burn all the fat that’s left within it

It’s slower, for one, like carving slices out of caramel or honey Grinds your teeth the sticky sweet that curls in yellow faded cuspids Lust in spark of those who strain the muscles in their face to assure you they can be trusted, Because surprise surprise, people look at smiles more often than you would ever think to want them.

It’s not just bone but blood and guts, churn the cement measure breaths and hope the devil cares less about your temple, down the glory chuck the cup; body builds brick by brick the shame of sagging dimples The fuel of food a myth you scarf anything that is around you it’s not compulsion it is acceptance you are a monster made to ravish Draw the blood where the blood clots and needle the precision reserved for medics cut and dry and take

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The human shaped things that people do on autopilot pilot silently and free Your pilot sings in smoke and engine powder too high to fly through caverns other people don’t even see Their pilots licenced yours is airborne- you’re left hurling back into sea, their pilot preaching your pilot dead and your swimming alone feeling the closest to dead that you could be Nothing matters and when I say that I understand the confusion of a nihilism that developed in later high school when teenagers tried to be more interesting than they ever earned the right to an abstract word that proclaims to the world yes I know philosophy please look at me and love Me No it isn’t that- nothing matters in the matter you reside in could pull and drown you and you think that you’d let it

Not for any nefarious reasons or something ugly like suicide but because your body pushes down and thus down is where you reside There is no anatomy or thought behind the direction or its destination you think its fine to die it’s alright to die; the air in your lungs is the same as the air outside The air is in, the air is out.

The day sets cold and bitter now but don’t you worry, don’t fret too much about yellow smiles and drowning pilots.

I’ll leave the self-destruct on my end and I’ll try to stay more quiet.

Though Our Sky May Have Fallen Josiah McMeekin

The broadcast flickered, it never flickered, as it aired the news footage. Black mushroom clouds rising up over all the major cities in the Northern Hemisphere.

Caught on cell phone cameras as those who filmed didn’t comprehend that their lives were about change forever.

Or end entirely.

I stood transfixed, like most of the Southern Hemisphere that was both awake and had access to a television, watching the news report.

I stood in a small cafe in Mount Lawley, watching on a shitty tv that hung suspended above the door.

As the live streams began to cut out, one by one, the screen cut back to the Channel 9 news anchor, who was unable to hide any of the horror and terror on her face.

And as the nation watched, she whispered those infamous words, “My partner is in London.” Was. Was in London.

He would be dead by now.

I would later be told that it was similar to living in, now non-existent, Central Europe after Chernobyl in the 1980s.

But at the time no one, least of all me, cared for that information. All we knew was that one morning, the world was

all out there, out of this hell hole we called a city. Then a few hours later. This hell hole was the world.

Thunder rolled across the sky through the dark grey, summer storm clouds that hung over the city. Cool rain fell in a torrential downpour over the darkened city streets, illuminated by orange streetlights and the lights from pubs and hotels that shone out on to the street. The humid air clung to me, pressing my clothes tightly against my skin as I made my way towards the familiar sight of the small pub, tucked away in a small side street.

I pushed my way in through the front door and was greeted by a wave of cool aircon which chilled my drenched clothes.

“Oi! About time you showed up!” Millie called out to me, waving to me from the booth they had secured.

It was our usual one for a Friday night. Northbridge was normally filled, but the whether and cataclysm had driven most people to stay inside.

We weren’t most people.

I watched as an amber liquid filled up my glass, cracks appearing and spreading through the ice cubes that rested at the bottom of my glass a small pop accompa-

nying each new crack.

“Cheers.” I muttered, raising the glass and taking a drink.

Some people would go on about how the liquid burned on the way down. It didn’t for me. Hadn’t for years.

I finished the drink fairly quickly, the booth was uncomfortably silent. I could hear Queen’s Under Pressure playing faintly through the pub’s speakers, and smiled bitterly because of it.

Tommy noticed, “Now that’s just bad taste.”

“No fucking shit.”

Tommy filled up my cup again. No more cracks appeared in the significantly smaller pieces of ice.

“What did you end up doing after Graduation last night?”

Millie asked me between sips of her Guinness.

“Went home and burned up my degree.”

“What? Why the fuck would you do that?” A horrified Katie slapped me.

“International Law and Politics, not exactly a whole lot of that left there now is there?” I muttered, finishing my drink in one more gulp.

October 2022 Dircksey 19

creative writing

corner

Phylactic Death of the Android Mother Jaxon Degebrodt I could barely breathe, crying into the course desert. The water retrieving machine was silent and dry. I slowly sizzled away in my pyjamas. Mum and Dad must’ve accidentally closed the big, ugly door on me, and my tiny body meant the doorknob was out of reach. More worrying was the creatures of the New World. They live close – they’re scary, and they’re hungry.

BANG. The sound of the door swinging shut shook through the tin house. I could feel the sound in my back as it echoed. I ran to the front door, expecting my Mum and my Dad, but instead I saw a strange floating scooter, humming by the front door. When the door opened again, a stranger walked out and caught my eye.

“You’re too young for this,” the stranger said bluntly.

She didn’t move, she just stared into me. “Are you going to die out here, or come with me?”

After a pause, she sighed and picked me up by

20 Dircksey October 2022

the back of my pyjamas.

I flailed about in the air, trying to punch, bite, and scratch her, but she was solid under her clothes. It felt like kicking a house.

my seat. “Bobby.”

The stranger strapped me to the passenger seat of her floating scooter, annoyingly humming along, like a group of mechanical flies in my ears. After a forever we arrived at a big, shiny house, crawling with robots and people, and humming with a similar sound to the scooter.

The lady turned to the house. “There’s a phylactery-empress in the house, but she’s not the bad type that…”

“I don’t think I like robots.”

I instinctually rasped out of my dry throat.

“She talks?” laughed the lady to herself. “And sounds like she’s thirsty.”

She pulled a bottle out of her bag. I lunged for it, but she ripped the bottle from my reach.

“Tell me your name, girl.” she demanded, holding the bottle higher and higher.

After seconds of struggling, I fell back into

“Enjoy your water, Bobby.”

She tossed the bottle.

Drinking hurt, but I needed it.

The sound of my own breathing and chugging overtook her explanation, but I tried to act like I was listening. “…but you have to promise to do exactly as I say, okay?” She looked at me expectantly and I nodded to alleviate the tension. We dismounted the scooter and walked towards the house.

It could’ve been a castle.

The building was tall, the air was cool and the plants made it look like we were in paradise.

“Identification.” a voice emitted behind the main sleek door.

“Hecate.” the woman spoke. “Plus one, a desert

child.”

The door opened, and Hecate walked in. Inside was a blinding and busy hallway, full of noisy people and that annoying, familiar hum.

Everything about this place felt bad. I went to ask Hecate to leave, but I realised that I lost her in the crowd. Eventually, I found her boots along the sleek floor and caught up. I leapt for her hand, but it wasn’t Hecate’s.

It wasn’t human. The… thing looked almost like Hecate, but it clicked and hummed. Everything clicked and hummed.

In shock, I ran down the closest hallway, bumping into sleek doors until one opened. The room was dark, but I needed to hide, so I skulked in.

There wasn’t a hum here, but the room was filled with soft breaths. In the centre of the room was a glowing bed, holding a woman: thin and dried up, but her eyes looked swollen and thirsty.

Machines surrounded the bed, buzzing robot

lullabies, and attaching tubes between them and her. Above, resting on top of a vat of water, a bag in a translucent box seemed to breathe.

Suddenly, the door behind me hissed open, letting in a shock of robotic murmurs before Hecate’s body blocked the doorway.

“Come now Bobby, there’s things we have to do before you’re a part of her.”

Hecate spoke different, harsher. A noisy humming started emit from her body. Her eyes became glowing red dots, her hair sunk into her body, her arms split into four, and metal shards sprung free from her chest. I dove under the bed. The monster tried to pull me out, but I gripped onto the stand of the tank of water.

As the monster pulled my leg, water began to spill towards the woman in the bed. The monster’s attention darted up to the container, allowing me to slip away as it barely stopped the bed from being doused. The thing’s head spun to face me,

squeezing together to look like Hecate.

“I think you’d like becoming a part of us. It’s just like… a family.” Her blunt tone now sounded like orders. In rebellion and fear, I screamed, as all the noise I should’ve made today was released. In frustration, the monster’s fingers cracked into vat.

BOOM. Liquid flowed everywhere. The monster whirred to protect the woman in the bed, but the tank sent water flying into every corner of the room.

The robotic breathing gurgled, and stopped.

The humming scooter noise died, but there was no scream. I was alone in another quiet house.

October 2022 Dircksey 21

co

creative writing rner A collection of Poetic trashposts.

Sanguine Burrage Bird

Eros Flipped me off

Incomplete memory

Oh man, bird Your leg is long Wing is flappy Oh yeah

I lie still on the park bench, I am cold on my own.

Hell yeah bird You eat the seeds Pointy Beak Hell yeah

Flowers wave around me, In couples they have grown.

MY DAD MADE ME CLEAN MY ROOM WHILE THEY WATCHED THE SIMPSONS

Fuck yeah it’s a bird He peep Shaped like a friend Fuck yeah

Dogs frolic with strangers, Friendships made as a ball is thrown.

It was actually a weed

People wander is twos, Love cupids arrows have sown.

Flowers I had picked for a summer love, snatched from my hands.

She throws them aside, My heart follows the dive.

“It needs to go.” she says, “it’s destruction of nature.”

“I see.” I respond.

“Friendzoned again.”

I tip my fedora and saunter away.

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Eros puts his finger up at me, I kick him in his zone.

I CRIED

Hallelujah Cold, cold, cold.

Cracked and cold concrete.

A place where only misery knows the path.

Screaming, screaming, screaming.

They beg and plead, screaming in your mind.

Praying for fate to guide your whole and healthy true hand Yet, yet, yet.

And yet, the enemy 360 headshots you and crouches over your ragdoll.

Get god lmao.

Forbidden Love Izzy French

You are in the pizza hut I am in the taco bell but nevertheless we hold hands two beings, both alike in dignity for we are in the combination of pizza hut and taco bell

Continues overleaf October 2022 Dircksey 23

co

creative writing rner PRISON ESCAPE QUIZ! Lovingly put together by Tell us how you’d escape from prison, and we’ll tell you what cheesecake you are!

1. Oh no! You’ve been imprisoned. What crime did you commit?

A. None, I was framed.

B. Arson.

C. Aggravated Assault.

D. Petty Theft.

4. You’ve successfully distracted the guard.

How do you start making your escape?

A. Bat my eyelashes at the guard and say, “Pwetty pwease, can I leave?”

B. Crawl through the tunnel I dug in the walls with a spoon.

C. Squeeze my way through the bars (I’m skinty!).

D. Knock the guard out, steal their clothes and walk out.

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2. You overhear that one of the prisoners is planning a coup. What do you do?

A. Ignore them. They’ll probably get caught anyway.

B. Join them.

C. Become the coup leader.

D. Rat them out.

Seth Barnes

3. The guard is making their rounds; how do you distract them?

A. Put on a two-hour long one-man show (with a 30-minute interval).

B. Fake your death.

C. Take a massive shit on the floor while barking and frothing at the mouth.

D. Expose their husband’s affair in grave detail.

5. Congratulations!

You’ve escaped. What do you plan on doing now?

A. Living an honest life on a distant farm.

B. Faking my death.

C. Stabbing some people and going back to jail for funzies.

D. Tax fraud.

Tally up your answers!

See your results on the next page...

KEY: Mostly A’s = Vanilla Cheesecake Mostly B’s = Strawberry Ripple Cheesecake Mostly C’s = Blueberry and Lemon Cheesecake Mostly D’s = New York Baked Cheesecake

October 2022 Dircksey 25

Seige

creative writing

corner

Josiah D. McMeekin With ringing ears and blurred vision, the young man slammed into the wooden door, pushing it open and stumbling into the pandemonium.

Disorientated from the explosion, he tripped.

The contents of the overstuffed satchel he carried spilling out.

Explosions like thunder rang out as he tried to shove notebooks, loose scrolls and precious implements back into the satchel.

“Watch out!” someone hollered as they rushed past him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He muttered. Not that it mattered, no one could hear him over the noise.

Screams and explosions filled the air as he unsteadily rose to his feet and attempted to survey his surroundings.

He glanced up to the battlements of the castle which were lined with archers and defenders.

Through the noise of the siege one voice reached his ears.

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“Clear the wall! They’re going to fire again!”

Instinct took over.

Grabbing a small crystal that hummed with power only he could sense from within the satchel, an incantation rolled over his tongue. His hands danced in an intricate series of gestures to accompany it, small glyphs and symbols of power flickering along with them.

With a thunderous roar, the walls exploded inward.

He felt the power in the crystal run dry as he maintained the shield ward long enough to protect him from the torrent of brick and mortar. As the dust slowly cleared, the gaping hole that had consumed part of the wall became clear.

Partially obscured by the smoke and rubble, figures slowly began to pour through.

With the outer wall now breached, it would not be long before the last bastion that guarded the Viridian Strait land bridge, the path to Tresmiran,

would fall.

Dropping the crystal, he turned and ran.

The sound of steel clashing on steel as conflict erupted on the streets within the keep filled his ears as he kept running. Rounding a corner, he barrelled into a familiar young man with green-grey skin wearing armour that marked him as an ally.

“Martok, they’ve breached the walls!” he gasped between breaths.

“I know Celtho. Where’s your master?”

“He was killed, they destroyed the tower with their new weapon. My master said that it was something called a cannon and that it uses the black powder to power it.”

Another deafening explosion and the two watched as a tower crumbled to the ground in a roar of shattering stone.

“Someone needs to get back and warn the high

council, can you Far Step like your master? And how many could you take?”

Celtho’s mind raced through a plethora of calculations.

“There’s an intersection of ley lines in the rune stone circle in the inner garden, I could do it there. I could only take eight.”

Martok nodded, “I’ll grab a few others, you go ahead, we’ll meet you.”

Another thunderous cacophony of destruction shook them.

“Go!” Celtho paused for a second long enough to watch Martok sprint away, before turning and running towards the inner gardens of the keep.

Sprinting through small streets and alleys, Celtho desperately attempted to make his way to the gardens that held the key to his salvation.

The world spun has his feet came out from beneath him. Colliding

with the cobble street he felt a flash of pain in his head. Stars flashed and he felt a warm trickle of blood begin to flow.

The strap of his satchel had snapped.

Cursing he began to retie it.

“You there, halt and identify yourself.”

As he slowly turned, the three began to draw their weapons and slowly approach. A fresh bolt of fear unleashed a rush of adrenaline. He grabbed a piece of amber from the satchel.

Intricate gestures and signs accompanied the incantation spoken in a long-forgotten tongue, but in this incantation, a deal was struck.

Before the soldiers could react, the small glyphs that surrounded Celtho tore through reality, bridging a gap to somewhere else and a sentient inferno was unleashed upon them.

Their screams filled his ears as he fled.

The garden was littered with corpses as Celtho knelt in the circle pouring over scrolls and his

master’s tome. Small crystals hummed with power.

“Where were you?” Martok asked as he and the others stood guard inside the circle of stones. The sound of conflict drew ever closer.

Ignoring him, Celtho began to rapidly speak and sign the incantation. A Far Step was well beyond him. But pain, fear, the desire to live, and the intersecting ley lines made for a powerful amplifier.

Glyphs flickered as the lines and runes of the stones began to glow, creating an intricate circle outside of which the world began to spin and distort.

Then it vanished. Nothing but stars.

And then.

The group stood in an identical circle, only in an open field with blue skies above.

“I did it.” Celtho muttered, his voice betraying his surprise, as darkness consumed his vision and he crumpled to the ground.

October 2022 Dircksey 27

creative writing Sorrow and Melody Elizabeth Harris Sorrow Turning Twisting Tumbling The snake flies free of the heart And slithers amongst the body It fills my eyes with liquid venom My throat with it’s shedded scales And fits itself neatly against my limbs It’s rattle shaking the grips of my palms It is furious It hisses amongst my bones Crowding my knees I bend Give way to it’s turmoil And I keen A sound no snake could ever make

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corner

Melody “You are small” I tell you, Sitting quiet on the hillside “You are small So you are delicate And fragile” You nod along You don’t expect to grow.

But you do, Anyway.

Your limbs twist outwards and like a tree, You stand too tall for me to reach “You are tall” I tell you, Looking up at your brilliance “You are tall So you defy me And make me wait for you” You nod along, Wiser this time.

“You are small” You tell me, Sitting quiet on the hillside “You are small So you are delicate And fragile” “I know,” I tell you back, “Read me a story?”

October 2022 Dircksey 29

The Gallery

Zaforia Jasmine Lo Presti

32 Dircksey October 2022

@LilScattered

The artists of ECU share their talents

Unleashed Jasmine Lo Presti

@LilScattered

October 2022 Dircksey 33

The Gallery

Blue House Elisa Von Perger

@elisamariadesign

34 Dircksey October 2022

Red House Elisa Von Perger

@elisamariadesign October 2022 Dircksey 35

The Gallery

Yellow House Elisa Von Perger 36 Dircksey October 2022

@elisamariadesign

Unchained Milo

@milovdesign October 2022 Dircksey 37

Mindfulness colouring in

38 Dircksey October 2022

October 2022 Dircksey 39

40 Dircksey October 2022