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9) Avoid abusing the flexibility of ministry. Many ministers abuse the flexibility of their jobs by having their children at work too often, by coming in late, or by expecting special treatment because of their status as a minister.

10) Practice just being there. Allow time just to be at home with no particular agenda or schedule. Sometimes your spouse and children simply need your presence.

11) Help your family learn to see the big picture of your commitments and recognize your job's cycles.

Summary

Many studies have shown the relationship of success on the job to stability at home. When job stresses are overwhelming, sometimes we withdraw from family, thereby increasing family stress as well. We find ourselves caught between two competing entities that seem impossible to reconcile. Good communication is the key to sorting this out. When responsibilities within the church are particularly stressful, be careful to communicate these stresses carefully to your spouse so that he/she does not assume your temporary change in behavior is related to him/her. Your family deserves your best efforts. Don't give them the leftovers of your life.

Special Issues for Single Ministers

While much of the information in this chapter is applicable to all ministers since we are all part of a family structure, some is not applicable to the single minister. While in some faith communities married ministers are the exception, in others single ministers are rare. Single ministers sometimes encounter the following issues:

Salary Discrimination

Churches may wrongly assume that since a person is not responsible for a family, he/she can be paid less for his/her services. Several years ago, a single minister friend of mine was not given the same raise as the rest of the staff with the justification that he did not need as much money because he had no family responsibilities. Obviously, such treatment unfairly penalizes the single adult minister. Additionally, single ministers may have family responsibilities even though they are not currently married. Some studies show that married people are often more financially secure since they may have dual incomes without having dual living expenses.