The Closer They Are

E R A Y E H T R E S O L C THE THE MORE IT HURTS

A LESSON ON FORGIVENESS BY: ELISABETH C. TUNSTALL

IT’S NO SECRET ……that the people closest to us have the power to hurt us the most. Yep. It’s all about proximity.

PICTURE THIS… A complete stranger cuts in front of you at a line in a grocery store. Someone in a car behind you honks their horn at you because they are in a hurry. You get irritated.

No, YOUR ANGRY. Maybe it puts a damper on your day but it won’t stay with you for long.

You move on. No permanent damage done.

PICTURE THIS….

Your spouse or a close relative, is in a bad mood, really bad mood.

You, unfortunately, are not picking up on any of their “would you leave me alone” signals.

Sigh. It seems that everything you are doing is annoying them and you can’t figure out why.

After all, you are absolutely wonderful and incapable of doing anything wrong. At least that’s what you think. Lol

UH OH! Finally, this person has had enough and launches a verbal assault on your character. Their words are like daggers piercing your ego. Gasp!

But this time, they go a little too far.

They hit below the belt and know exactly what buttons to push because they know you better than most. But wait, they take it a step further and actually do something to intentionally hurt you. Words become actions, yielding a major blow to you emotionally.

NOW …… You are left feeling angry and worst of all, deeply hurt. It’s not so easy to move on this time. The offense lingers and lingers.

THERE’S MORE As flesh would have it, Satan has access to your mind and the ability to toy with your emotions. This conflict between you and your loved one plays over and over in your head, like a broken record, riling you up. You are thinking of alternative comeback responses, and things you should have said in order to win the argument.

But you still feel defeated.

So you decide to develop a meticulous plan of vengeance. Yikes!

LISTEN…..

Ok abort any vengeance plans and listen. This is when forgiveness becomes critical and the hardest. Why? We hold the people closest to us to higher standards. We have more expectations of them. We hold them accountable. So when they make us feel bad we may not want to forgive as quickly.

Instead, we want to strike back and teach them a lesson.

CHRIST’S WAY The Lord has revealed a better way, Christ’s way, which is taught to us through the Holy Spirit.

Instead of harboring resentment or wishing vengeance, we show the testimonies and the fruits of the Spirit.

SOUNDS GOOD Ok that makes sense but now that we know WHAT to do HOW do we put it into action. Here are some helpful do’s and don’ts when it comes to forgiveness.

DOs and DONT’s of Forgiveness •DO pray to the Lord to remove your anger and to give you the strength to forgive.

•DO pray for the person who offended you and do so in sincerity.

•DO give yourself and your loved one time to calm emotions down. Sometimes you just need to separate and walk away.

•DO forgive the person whether they apologize to you OR not.

DOs and DONT’s of Forgiveness •DO NOT go to sleep angry. It will hinder forgiveness. Listen to calming and spiritual music, read the scriptures and pray.

•DO NOT give your loved ones the silent treatment as a punishment. (I am guilty of this) •It only causes resentment to grow and fester.

•This means you have not forgiven the individual.

•Greet them when you see them.

• If they ask you a question, answer and do so in a respectful and peaceful way.

This prevents conflict from escalating.

DOs and DONT’s of Forgiveness •DO NOT use offensive body language, facial expressions and/or gestures to show case anger towards your loved one after a disagreement is supposed to be over.

•This only prolongs conflict, causing anger to continue for both individuals involved.

•Forgiveness can not take place when you do this.

REMEMBER …… YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS OR SPOUSES WILL SAY OR DO THINGS THAT HURT YOU. IT WILL HAPPEN. DON’T FORGET THAT YOU ARE GUILTY OF HURTING THEM AS WELL. SO FORGIVE THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU AND LET THOSE DEEP WOUNDS HEAL. AMEN.