Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop 2024 Program

UNIVERSITY OF DAYTON / APRIL 4-6, 2024 .................

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop

{ } Yes, this was Erma’s typewriter.

Where is it now? See page 8.

“You can

write!”

Three little words from

English professor

Brother Tom Price

changed that

my

life.

E r m a B o m be c k

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Erma Bombeck

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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About the workshop

H

umorist Erma Bombeck is one of America’s most celebrated writers.

For those who grew up with Erma’s columns hanging on our refrigerator doors, we always felt as though she could be our next-door neighbor. Her writing captured the foibles of family life in a way that made us laugh at ourselves.

The University of Dayton held the first Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in 2000 as a one-time event to commemorate the Bombeck family’s gift of Erma’s papers to her alma mater.

We thought a writers’ workshop in Erma’s name would be an outstanding tribute to her legacy. Erma’s famous friends — columnist Art Buchwald, Family Circus cartoonist Bil Keane and legendary journalist and feminist Liz Carpenter — headlined the event. It proved to be so popular and so much fun that we decided to offer it again.

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The rest is history. Today, writers inspired by Erma’s humor and humanity gather every other year to laugh and learn from the likes of Dave Barry, Phil Donahue, Nancy Cartwright, Don Novello, Leonard Pitts, Gail Collins, Alan Zweibel, Liza Donnelly and Lisa Scottoline. The popular workshop draws new and established writers from around the nation and beyond.

It is the only workshop in the country devoted to humor and human interest writing.

The personal involvement of the Bombeck family makes the event memorable and sets it apart from myriad writers’ workshops.

The workshop is a labor of love for its part-time staff and volunteers. The University of Dayton Alumni Association underwrites the cost of scholarships that allow University students to attend for free.

In 2004, University of Dayton alumnus

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Ralph Hamberg and his wife, Cindy, gave a $100,000 gift to start a workshop endowment fund in memory of Cindy’s cousin — Brother Tom Price, S.M. This University of Dayton English professor first told Erma “three little words” of encouragement: “You can write.”

The Hamberg family, the Bombeck family and other supporters continue to contribute to the endowment fund, which allows the University of Dayton to keep the workshop affordable.

This effort to honor Erma’s legacy goes beyond the writers’ workshop. The University of Dayton is now the official repository for her prolific volume of work, including 4,000 original columns and manuscripts, notes, speeches, articles, correspondence and memorabilia.

In addition, the workshop offers virtual programs and has spawned a blog (go.udayton.edu/erma); a documentary 5

Erma Bombeck

produced by ThinkTV and distributed nationally through American Public Television; an international writing competition co-hosted by the WashingtonCenterville Public Library; a humorist-inresidence program; two humor anthologies; awards for writers with financial need; a creative writing retreat for UD students; an Ohio historical marker on campus; a monthly e-newsletter; and an active social media presence, including a private Facebook page for attendees. In 2010, CBS Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood aired a Mother’s Day tribute to Erma, using the workshop as a backdrop for the piece.

Our mission is simple: to encourage and inspire writers in the same way Erma found encouragement and inspiration at the University of Dayton.

Our mantra is timeless: “You can write!”

Welcome to the University of Dayton’s Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.

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A warm welcome

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Vick Mickunas for the writing contest. n Barbara Fant, our very own Erma Poet Laureate, has written an Erma-inspired poem and will perform it live. n New Yorker cartoonist Bob Eckstein will live draw throughout the workshop. n Dozens of brave, funny writers signed up to perform at the popular Attendee Stand-Up Comedy Night. Celebrity Bob Eckstein

W

elcome to the 2024 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop!

Writers have traveled here from across the nation, Canada, England and Spain, and more than half are joining us for the first time.

You’ll have the opportunity to choose from a variety of workshops on the craft of writing, humor writing, publishing, marketing and social media. Six sessions will be offered during most time slots. Simply choose which ones you want to attend. Most sessions will be offered twice.

For early risers, we’ve included an optional roundtable, “Erma Made Me Do It!” Feel free to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel and hear inspiring stories from previous attendees about how they pursued their writing dreams after experiencing the workshop. We’ve also carved out some time for you to take an “Erma Road Trip,” culminating in a visit to the Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story exhibit in the University of Dayton’s Roesch Library.

Some features: n Stand-up comedian and author Leighann Lord will emcee with a blend of grace and hilarity. n We will honor the winners of A Hotel Room of One’s Own: The Erma Bombeck| Anna Lefler Humorist-in-Residence Program and the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. In all, more than 700 writers entered these contests. Approximately 85 established writers served as volunteer judges, with the finalist entries judged by Dion Flynn and Monica Piper for the humoristin-residence program, and Bill Scheft and

judges selected four performers from the virtual Erma’s Got Talent auditions, and we randomly picked another 11. Comedian Jane Condon will choose three more from the hilarious writers she meets in her stand-up comedy boot camp. Condon’s boot camp is open to anyone who wants to learn writing techniques to make their stories funnier — not just those interested in performing on Saturday night.

At the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, you will discover inspiring faculty who are approachable and encouraging. You will laugh and learn in an atmosphere that’s supportive of writers of all levels.

Most important, you will hear the words Erma first heard at the University of Dayton: “You can write!”

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DC Stanfa Memorial Writers’ Award

T

he 2024 recipients of the DC Stanfa Memorial Writers’ Award shared powerful personal stories in their applications — and hope participation in the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop will guide them on their writing journey.

Laura Mosely, a single mother in Madison, Indiana, “survived over 23 years of domestic abuse” before going through bankruptcy and starting over.

“During active abuse, I was NOT allowed to write,” she wrote. “When we met, I was a journalism major. I. LOVE. TO. WRITE! Now, I can whenever I wish, but I’m using these efforts to help others. I am always striving to be better, personally and professionally. I want to help people on a large scale.”

Outside her job as a customer service representative for the Social Security Administration, she supports victims and survivors of domestic abuse through her blog. “I think this workshop can only hone my skills and introduce me to new writing avenues in my mission to help stop domestic violence,” she said.

Elizabeth Baldwin, a recently divorced stay-at-home mother in Surrey, England, finds herself at a crossroads as she moves back to her Virginia roots and rebuilds her life with her three children.

“Returning to the United States after more than a decade abroad, I have the

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opportunity to craft my ideal life. And that is daunting,” she wrote. “To attend the workshop would be transformative at a time when I could personally really use the lift and inspiration.”

In 2022, Baldwin won an honorable mention in the global human interest category of the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. “Like Erma’s teacher, the confidence from that acknowledgment that I can write has been life-changing,” she wrote. “It propelled me toward a fulfilling job as a copywriter. It gives me the chutzpah to think I could write a book that just might help someone else out there. One nod of encouragement can make all the difference.”

The award is named after DC Stanfa, a writer, humorist and longtime EBWW attendee who died in January 2021. The fund, now fully endowed, was started with generous gifts from her husband, Tom Schonecker, and daughter, Cori Hedrick, and bolstered by additional private support from family, friends and workshop attendees. The award supports writers with financial need who bring a strong, compelling voice to their craft.

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Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story

B

eth Nevarez loves discovering the story behind the story.

“Erma Bombeck wrote so much about traditional housewives and mothers, but she was a working mother and a famous one at that,” said Nevarez, a public historian in Wilson, North Carolina. “She had experiences vastly different from the stayat-home mom. She traveled widely and appeared on television. You could look at her writing as funny, but she also called out the standards placed on women and how ridiculous a lot of them were.”

Working with Design Dimension, Nevarez curated Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story, which is on display through June 15 in Roesch Library at the University of Dayton.

The exhibit follows the trajectory of Bombeck’s life from a shy child to housewife writer to household-name celebrity and covers themes, such as Bombeck’s writing process, her place in the world of humor, and impact on women’s rights. Artifacts include the galley proof for her first book, At Wit’s End; a jacket and coffee mug from her days on Good Morning America; an Italian

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translation of one of her dozen books; correspondence with fans and celebrities; and her faithful electric IBM typewriter that she used to tap out 4,500 columns.

From the exhibit, visitors learn that Bombeck wrote her ideas on whatever was available — scrap paper, airline napkins, hotel stationery and yellow legal pads. Her inspiration? “It’s my life. I’m on every page,” one panel reads. “I spend 90 percent of my time living scripts and 10 percent writing them,” reads another.

The display features Bombeck’s original manuscripts, columns, handwritten notes, speeches, articles, photographs and memorabilia from her personal collection, which was donated by her family.

What would Nevarez like visitors to take away? “For people already familiar with Erma, I’d love for them to gain a deeper understanding, maybe think more critically about what she did for feminism,” she said. “For the more casual viewers, just the joy of learning who she was and her continued relevancy.”

Pregnant with her first child, Nevarez finds Bombeck’s writing funny and relatable: “It’s not every day you get to laugh out loud in the archives when you’re doing research.”

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The Erma Bombeck Collection is available for viewing by scholars of popular American humor and feminist studies, as well as the public, by appointment.

Email archives@udayton.edu.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Lobby/Registration Riverview Café Meyer Room

FIRST FLOOR

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Marshall Room Alumni Center North Auditorium

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SECOND FLOOR

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PARKING

Elevators Restrooms Break Stations

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Map of Daniel J. Curran Place

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Pre-workshop events April 3

You Can Write, Too: Finding Your Voice

Sponsored by the University of Dayton’s Roesch Library as part of special events surrounding the exhibit Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story.

Featured Sharon Short, novelist and Writer’s Digest columnist.

April 3

Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Awards Ceremony

Sponsored by the Washington-Centerville Public Library.

Featured keynoter Betsy Bombeck, daughter of Erma Bombeck.

Feb. 28

Erma’s Got Talent: The Stand-Up Auditions (virtual)

Hosted by Nancy Berk with celebrity judges Jane Condon, Wendy Liebman and Joel Madison.

Feb. 8

Grand opening of Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story

Featured keynoter Gina Barreca, author, humorist and feminist scholar, with remarks by Matt Bombeck, son of Erma Bombeck.

Oct. 9

Pitchapalooza! (virtual)

Hosted by Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry, the Book Doctors.

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Thursday, April 4 2–9 p.m.

Attendee check-in Marriott at the University of Dayton (lobby)

4–6 p.m.

Networking reception Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds and outdoor courtyard, weather permitting; cash bar)

4–9 p.m.

EBWW bookstore open Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds)

6 p.m.

Welcome dinner with keynote Anna Quindlen in conversation with award-winning television anchor and broadcast journalist Marsha Bonhart Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom)

Dinner program includes the ceremonial robing of two grand prize winners of A Hotel Room of One’s Own: Erma Bombeck | Anna Lefler Humorist-in-Residence Program.

8 p.m.

Book signing with Anna Quindlen

Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds)

9 p.m.

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Open Mic Night at Erma with Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom)

Erma Bombeck

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Friday, April 5 7:15–8:30 a.m. (loop) Shuttle bus from Marriott at the University of Dayton to Daniel J. Curran Place 7:30–9 a.m.

Attendee sign-in (lobby of Daniel J. Curran Place) Buffet breakfast (Riverview Café)

7:45–8:45 a.m.

Erma Made Me Do It! — Kathy Shiels Tully

Optional pre-workshop session (for early risers!)

Riverview Cafe

9–10:15 a.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

Mastering Voice: Finding the Magic Mix — Jessica Strawser Marshall Room This session also offered Friday at 2 p.m.

Knock Three Times: The Three-Beat Technique Writers Use to Create Magic — Lori Jakiela Meyer Room This session also offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Pitch Your Book in Two Sentences — Ann Garvin Alumni Center North This session also offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Essays Gone Wild — Susan Pohlman

Auditorium This session also offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Creating Your Author Website: Shine Like a Pro — Laura Spinella and Audrey Bennett M2265 This session also offered Friday at 2 p.m.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly — William Kenower M2380 This session also offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

Break

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Friday, April 5 10:35–11:50 a.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

How to Be Erma Bombeck but You: Writing Funny Personal Essays — Elissa Bassist

Marshall Room This session also offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

Jump-start Your Writing: Prompts to Get the Words on the Page — Katrina Kittle Meyer Room This session also offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

Humor on Tap: A Psychologist, a Humorist and ChatGPT Walk Into a Bar — Mark Shatz Alumni Center North This session also offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

Connect Through Setting: How to Build a World Readers Want to Enter — Julie Cantrell Auditorium This session also offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

The Biggest Mistakes Writers Make — Tiffany Yates Martin

M2265 This session also offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

I Want to Self-Publish. Now What? — Kerrie Flanagan

M2380 This session also offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

Noon to 1:30 p.m.

Lunch with keynote Zibby Owens Riverview Café

Lunch program includes drawing for Thelma and Louise winners.

1:30-2 p.m.

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Break and book signing with Zibby Owens

Erma Bombeck

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Friday, April 5 2–3:15 p.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

Mastering Voice: Finding the Magic Mix — Jessica Strawser

Marshall Room This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

It’s Funny Because It’s (Not) True: Writing Humorous Fiction — Jane Roper Meyer Room This session also offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

Find Your Readers: The Ultimate Book Marketing Workshop (offered once) — Eva Lesko Natiello Alumni Center North

Memoir: The Landscape of the Personal — Kelly McMasters

Auditorium This session also offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

Stand-Up Comedy Boot Camp (offered once) — Jane Condon

M2265

Creating Your Author Website: Shine Like a Pro — Laura Spinella and Audrey Bennett M2380 This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

Break 3:35–4:50 p.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly — William Kenower

Marshall Room This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

Social Media Bliss: How to Engage With Meaning Without Losing Your Mind (offered once) — Jane Friedman Meyer Room

Improv on Paper: How to Uncover Your Voice — Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff Alumni Center North This session also offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Friday, April 5 Getting Your Writing Noticed With Micro Memoir — Estelle Erasmus Auditorium This session also offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

Essay Shakedown: Reported Essays and Op-Eds — Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and Amy Paturel M2265 This session also offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

What’s That Smell? Five Tips for Using Your Senses to Bring Your Prose to Life — Sharon Short S2006 This session also offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

3:30–5:30 p.m.

Shuttle buses to Marriott at the University of Dayton (loop)

5–11 p.m.

EBWW bookstore open Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds)

6 p.m.

Dinner with keynote Beth Lapides

Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom) Dinner program includes performance of an original Erma-inspired poem by Erma Poet Laureate Barbara Fant and recognition of the winners of the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

8:30–10 p.m.

Book signing with all workshop presenters

Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds; cash bar)

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Saturday, April 6 7:15–8:30 a.m. (loop) Shuttle bus from Marriott at the University of Dayton to Daniel J. Curran Place 7:30 to 9 a.m.

Attendee sign-in (lobby of Daniel J. Curran Place) Buffet breakfast (Riverview Café)

9–10:15 a.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

Memoir: The Landscape of the Personal — Kelly McMasters

Marshall Room This session also offered Friday at 2 p.m.

Humor on Tap: A Psychologist, a Humorist and ChatGPT Walk Into a Bar — Mark Shatz Meyer Room This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

Build a Better Freelance Business (offered once) — Jane Friedman

Alumni Center North

Jump-start Your Writing: Prompts to Get the Words on the Page — Katrina Kittle Auditorium This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

Essay Shakedown: Reported Essays and Op-Eds — Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and Amy Paturel M2265 This session also offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

It’s Funny Because It’s (Not) True: Writing Humorous Fiction — Jane Roper S2006 This session also offered Friday at 2 p.m.

Break 10:35–11:50 a.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

Knock Three Times: The Three-Beat Technique Writers Use to Create Magic — Lori Jakiela

Marshall Room This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

Pitch Your Book in Two Sentences — Ann Garvin

Meyer Room This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

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Erma Bombeck

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Saturday, April 6 Improv on Paper: How to Uncover Your Voice — Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff Alumni Center North This session also offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

Essays Gone Wild — Susan Pohlman Auditorium This session also offered Friday at 9 a.m.

Connect Through Setting: How to Build a World Readers Want to Enter — Julie Cantrell M2265 This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

NaNoWriMo: How to Prepare, Survive and Succeed (offered once) — Eva Lesko Natiello S2006

Break Noon–1:30 p.m.

Lunch with keynote Jacquelyn Mitchard

Riverview Café

Lunch program includes the awarding of Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop scholarships to University of Dayton students, funded by attendee donations.

1:30–2 p.m.

Break and book signing with Jacquelyn Mitchard

2–3:15 p.m. — Six concurrent sessions (choose one)

You but Funnier (offered once) — Beth Lapides

Marshall Room

Getting Your Writing Noticed With Micro Memoir — Estelle Erasmus Meyer Room This session also offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

The Biggest Mistakes Writers Make — Tiffany Yates Martin

Alumni Center North This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

How to Be Erma Bombeck but You: Writing Funny Personal Essays — Elissa Bassist Auditorium This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Saturday, April 6 I Want to Self-Publish. Now What? — Kerrie Flanagan

M2265 This session also offered Friday at 10:35 a.m.

What’s That Smell? Five Tips for Using Your Senses to Bring Your Prose to Life — Sharon Short S2006 This session also offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

Break

Attendee free time, with optional activities

3:30–5:30 p.m.

Shuttle bus to Marriott at the University of Dayton (loop)

3:30 p.m.

Attendee Stand-Up Comedy Night rehearsal with Jane Condon and stand-up comics Kiefaber Room, Marriott at the University of Dayton

Erma Road Trip, featuring a drive down Erma Bombeck Way to

Woodland Cemetery to visit her gravesite, followed by photo opportunities at the Erma Bombeck historical marker and commemorative tree outside St. Mary’s Hall on the University of Dayton campus, concluding with the Beyond the Byline exhibit of the Erma Bombeck papers in the Stuart and Mimi Rose Gallery on the first floor of Roesch Library. Shuttle bus tours available.

Attendees with cars are encouraged to carpool.

5–9:30 p.m.

EBWW bookstore open Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds)

6:30 p.m.

Dinner with keynote Wade Rouse

Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom) Dinner program includes recognition of DC Stanfa Memorial Writers’ Award recipients.

8:30 p.m.

Book signing with Wade Rouse

Marriott at the University of Dayton (lobby)

8:30–9:30 p.m.

Photo booth (share your photos on social media!)

Marriott at the University of Dayton (Tradewinds; cash bar)

9:30–11 p.m.

Attendee Stand-Up Comedy Night with host Jane Condon Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom)

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Special features Open Mic Night at Erma with Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

9 p.m. Thursday, April 4 Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom) Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff (aka “The Queens”) will facilitate a fun, new feature.

Bring your short work-in-progress, such as your Erma competition essay, and share it with the Erma writing community. The Queens will select readers randomly from the audience. The vibe: informal, supportive, entertaining!

Erma Made Me Do It!

Book Signings Book signings with keynoters will be held immediately after their talks. A book signing with all workshop presenters will run from 9 to 11 p.m. Friday, April 5.

3:30-5:30 p.m. Saturday, April 6

The magic of attending the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop motivates many to make their writing dreams come true — at any age.

Whether writing essays or books, even performing stand-up comedy, the Erma successes are stacking up. Join us to learn just how. This early morning session is an interactive warm-up to kick off the workshop for new attendees and be a welcome-back hour for those returning.

Grab a cup of coffee and a bagel, then listen to a range of success stories from previous attendees inspired by Erma. And don’t be shy, share your own! Jump-start your chance to start forming or renewing connections among a supportive community that believes in you. All roads lead to Erma. What’s your story?

Erma Poet Laureate Barbara Fant Friday, April 5

During the keynote dinner, Los Angeles poet and performer Barbara Fant will perform an original poem she wrote for the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.

Erma Bombeck

For an additional fee, we offered 15-minute one-on-one sessions to pitch your submissionready work to a literary agent and receive professional insights. Registration was required.

Erma Road Trip

7:45-8:45 a.m. Friday, April 5 Riverview Cafe Daniel J. Curran Place

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Agent Pitch Sessions

Take a drive down Erma Bombeck Way to Woodland Cemetery to visit Erma’s gravesite, followed by photo opportunities at the Erma Bombeck historical marker and commemorative tree outside St. Mary’s Hall on the University of Dayton campus, concluding with a viewing of the exhibit Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story in the Stuart and Mimi Rose Gallery in Roesch Library. Shuttle bus tours available. Attendees with cars are encouraged to carpool.

Stand-Up Comedy Night

9:30–11 p.m. Saturday, April 6 Marriott at the University of Dayton (ballroom) Stand-up comic Jane Condon emcees the workshop’s traditional blowout conclusion featuring 18 attendees. Some comics are chosen at the pre-workshop virtual event Erma’s Got Talent. Others are chosen randomly after the auditions, and Condon chooses another three from her Stand-Up Comedy Boot Camp.

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Special features — Previously held events You Can Write, Too: Finding Your Voice Took place Wednesday, April 3

Featured novelist and Writer’s Digest columnist Sharon Short. Sponsored by University of Dayton’s Roesch Library as part of special events surrounding the exhibit Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story.

Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Awards Ceremony Took place Wednesday, April 3

Featured keynote speaker Betsy Bombeck, daughter of Erma Bombeck. Sponsored by the Washington-Centerville Public Library.

Pitchapalooza — ‘American Idol’ for Books (Virtual) Took place Monday, Oct. 9

Pitchapalooza is American Idol for books (only kinder and gentler). Twenty writers were selected at random to give a one-minute pitch.

At these events, Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry, known as the Book Doctors, critique ideas, style, potential in the marketplace and much more, giving authors concrete advice and a greater understanding of the publishing industry. The winner received an introduction to an agent or publisher appropriate for their book.

Erma’s Got Talent: The Stand-Up Auditions (virtual) Took place Wednesday, Feb. 28

Hosted by Nancy Berk with celebrity judges Jane Condon, Wendy Liebman and Joel Madison. Contestants tested their two-minute stand-up routines before an EBWW audience and three stand-up veterans armed with insight and constructive criticism. Selected participants from these auditions will perform in the Saturday night show lineup. The others are chosen randomly or through the Stand-Up Comedy Boot Camp.

‘Beyond the Byline: Erma Bombeck’s Story’ Grand Opening Took place Thursday, Feb. 8

Gina Barreca, bestselling author, humorist and feminist scholar, gave the keynote address; Matt Bombeck, Erma Bombeck’s son and a screenwriter, delivered remarks on behalf of the family. Attendees have the opportunity to visit the exhibit with the Bombeck family on Saturday, April 6.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Concurrent workshop sessions CRAFT OF WRITING Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly William Kenower If you love to write and have a story you want to tell, the only thing that can truly stand between you and the success you’re seeking is fear — fear that you aren’t good enough or fear the market is too crowded or fear that no one wants to hear from you. You can’t write and be afraid simultaneously. The question is whether you will write fearlessly on purpose.

In this workshop, you’ll explore techniques to keep yourself in the creative flow and out of the misery fear causes. Among other things, you will learn the answers to the only two questions writers should ever ask themselves; that writing is listening, not thinking; and why writers must pay attention to how they feel. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and 3:35 p.m.

Memoir: The Landscape of the Personal Kelly McMasters Memoir is a strange animal, living somewhere between fiction and autobiography. Life doesn’t unfold in neat little plot packages, and a writer’s toolbox is required to bring our stories to life.

Through short readings, generative exercises and observation, participants will stretch toward the universal by illuminating the particular. n Offered Friday at 2 p.m. and Saturday at 9 a.m.

NaNoWriMo: How to Prepare, Survive and Succeed Eva Lesko Natiello With almost half a million writers participating in National Novel Writing Month, this monthlong creative writing challenge may be exactly what you need to start (and finish?) your novel. But taking on a writing goal of 50,000 words in 30 days is not for the fainthearted. The best

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chance for success is knowing what steps to take before November, strategies to get through it, and what to do once the month is over so you can call yourself a winner no matter how many words you achieve. n Offered Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Connect Through Setting: How to Build a World Readers Want to Enter Julie Cantrell In this session, you’ll learn specific sensory strategies to connect with “the scene we’re in,” then use those tools to develop setting as an active character while exploring the power of story — on the page and in real life. Come ready to write and share. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Getting Your Writing Noticed With Micro Memoir Estelle Erasmus This fun, fast-moving, hands-on session will show you how to write your smallest moments into big publishing successes in 100 words or under. Estelle Erasmus will teach you actionable craft tips, strategies and tricks on opening a window into your past and scenarizing, not summarizing, so you can make an impact with micro memoir — often a precursor for getting published and the attention of agents, publishers, contests and other gatekeepers.

You’ll leave the session with a draft of your short piece, plus each of the steps it takes to get you there. n Offered Friday at 3:35 p.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m.

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Concurrent workshop sessions Essays Gone Wild Susan Pohlman The literary world is abuzz about the modern essay form authors Brenda Miller and Suzanne Paola have nicknamed “the hermit crab,” which borrows known structures — recipes, howto manuals, syllabi, drug facts, the pain scale, apologies, dating profiles, form letters — to tell a story or explore a topic. It’s a great choice for humor and human interest. In this interactive session, you will examine this emerging form and write your own. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

Jump-start Your Writing: Prompts to Get the Words on the Page Katrina Kittle Writers of all experience levels can hit dry spells, ruts, the dreaded block — those times we face the blank page and it all feels miserably impossible. This session is full of tips, tricks and prompts to get you writing again or to keep you in shape between projects. The exercises are designed to inspire new stories or to enrich a work-in-progress. Participants will do some together, but you’ll get even more to take with you for those inevitable hard days. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 9 a.m.

What’s That Smell? Five Tips for Using Your Senses to Bring Your Prose to Life Sharon Short Our senses provide joy, warnings, guidance, memory triggers and more. Yet we often take them for granted — in our lives and in our writing. The senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch can inject energy into your prose.

This session will offer five tips and prompts to help you unearth sensory descriptions for memoir or personal essays or generate them for characters; integrate sensory descriptions for

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depth and texture; and use sensory description to trigger plot points, deepen character development and showcase theme. n Offered Friday at 3:35 p.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m.

Mastering Voice: Finding the Magic Mix Jessica Strawser In a crowded market, one thing can make your story stand out: Voice. It grips attention, makes your characters and their world feel real and signals that your readers are in the hands of a compelling storyteller. In an era of audiobooks and e-reading, it’s more important than ever. This workshop draws on art forms and entertainment to improve command of written voice and style; demonstrates how choices in point of view shape characters and build suspense; teaches you to hone voices for every character; and taps that “it factor” agents and editors seek. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Essay Shakedown: Reported Essays and Op-Eds Amy Paturel and Bonnie Jean Feldkamp The Washington Post, The New York Times and local newspapers are increasingly prioritizing reported essays and opinion pieces (op-eds) over straight personal narratives. In this session, you’ll learn how to approach reported essays and op-eds, which hinge on data, research and interviews with experts and often stem from things in your life that you want to investigate.

You’ll explore marketable topic areas and dissect great essays — one reported and one that offers a strong opinion — and learn how to craft an essay that sings. n Offered Friday at 3:35 p.m. and Saturday at 9 a.m.

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Concurrent workshop sessions HUMOR WRITING How to Be Erma Bombeck but You: Writing Funny Personal Essays Elissa Bassist Why do you laugh when you read? Because you relate? Because you’re surprised?

Because life is an absurd farce? In this session, you’ll learn what every funny personal essay needs in order to write, publish and promote your own. We’ll analyze funny personal essays by our favorites to use their tricks, and you’ll brainstorm what’s unusual and universal in your situations to carve out your stories. We’ll also gossip about pitching and publication. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m.

Knock Three Times: The Three-Beat Technique Writers Use to Create Magic

Lori Jakiela Humor in American literature is often conveyed in the Rule of Threes. It guides everything from knock-knock jokes to Erma Bombeck. You’ll learn about classic humorists who knew the power of three and its somewhat covert place in American literature, then harness that power for humor writing and beyond. We’ll study the experts such as Bombeck, David Sedaris, James Thurber, Kurt Vonnegut and more. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

It’s Funny Because It’s (Not) True: Writing Humorous Fiction Jane Roper A lot of fiction is described as being “witty” or “hilarious” but is it really? No, like, really? In this session, we’ll look at what makes (actually) funny moments in fiction work, and how writers of all levels can use parody, satire, hyperbole, dialogue, detail and other elements of craft to bring humor to their novels or stories. We’ll

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also talk about how to strike the all-important balance between levity and emotional weight, to engage readers on a deeper level. Whether you’re looking to write an all-out farce or simply bring moments of comic relief to otherwise serious work, you’ll walk away with concrete tips, techniques and inspiration. n Offered Friday at 2 p.m. and Saturday at 9 a.m.

Humor on Tap: A Psychologist, a Humorist and ChatGPT Walk into a Bar Mark Shatz A psychologist, a humorist and ChatGPT walk into a bar filled with writers. After they leave, everyone, including the writers who tell themselves, “I’m not funny,” starts writing humor. The writers learn that imagination is the fuel of humor’s engine, which means everyone has the potential to create funny work. During this interactive session, psychologist and humorist Mark Shatz teaches humor writing brainstorming techniques; explains how artificial intelligence can enhance one’s sense of humor; and identifies strategies for integrating humor into writing. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 9 a.m.

Improv on Paper: How to Uncover Your Voice Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff With a series of improvisational writing techniques and a kitchen timer, this hands-on workshop will get you past your self-criticism, reveal your voice, and prove once and for all that you can write! Come prepared to write without self-editing and to give your imagination a good workout. n Offered Friday at 3:35 p.m. and Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Concurrent workshop sessions You but Funnier Beth Lapides In an energized and highly effective workshop that kicks you into the next level of being the funniest version of the real you, veteran comedian and creativity coach Beth Lapides shares her system for finding your most unique comedic voice and the stories that are essential to it. n Offered Saturday at 2 p.m.

Stand-Up Comedy Boot Camp Jane Condon Learn the basics of stand-up comedy. Nationally known stand-up comic Jane Condon will share writing techniques to make your stories funny and ways to deliver them to make them funnier.

The workshop is open to stand-up performers and anyone who wants to learn. Scribble your own hilarious ideas and come prepared to laugh. Afterward, Condon will choose three participants to perform at Stand-Up Comedy Night. n Offered Friday at 2 p.m.

PUBLISHING I Want to Self-Publish. Now What?

Kerrie Flanagan Kerrie Flanagan has immersed herself into the world of self-publishing by publishing 19 of her own books and helping dozens of other authors through the process. Through her experiences, she came up with 18 steps to not only publish a great book, but also create a successful self-publishing career. This workshop will provide you with the information you need to begin creating, publishing and marketing a high-quality book that will rise above the millions of self-published titles out there. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m.

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Pitch Your Book in Two Sentences Ann Garvin Even the most skilled authors find distilling a book to a pitch difficult — not because the writer doesn’t know what the book is about, but because the writer doesn’t want to leave anything out. That doesn’t work when you’re selling your book. In this session, you will learn how to make pitches compelling and clear, to word them persuasively and hook the interest of an agent and editor. We will examine the most common pitch mistakes with examples that work well — and some that don’t. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and Saturday at 10:35 a.m.

The Biggest Mistakes Writers Make Tiffany Yates Martin Writers can’t be objective about their own work, which makes certain missteps almost universal. Learn to spot mistakes that may be keeping your story and your writing from peak effectiveness. Learn how to check your manuscripts for these trouble spots and how you can address them and make sure your story stands out. n Offered Friday at 10:35 a.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m.

Build a Better Freelance Business Jane Friedman Many writers, especially those with a track record of publication, supplement their income with freelance editing or coaching. But writers can easily undermine their efforts by taking on too wide a spectrum of work. The key to success as a freelance editor is to go narrow.

In this session, writers can learn how to be more successful in a freelance editing business with the three Ps: positioning, packaging and pricing. n Offered Saturday at 9 a.m.

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Concurrent workshop sessions MARKETING AND SOCIAL MEDIA Find Your Readers: The Ultimate Book Marketing Workshop Eva Lesko Natiello When authors ask, “Do I really need to market my book?” there’s only one answer: “Only if you want to sell it.” Have you published a book but wish your sales were more robust? Are you about to publish and want to put marketing strategies in place to strengthen your launch?

The truth is that no matter how you publish these days, authors need to contribute to the marketing. This talk is designed for all authors, indie or traditional, introvert or extrovert, fiction or nonfiction. Learn actionable marketing strategies that even the most introverted author will not balk at. Instead of thinking of marketing as a negative, grab ahold of the power you have and get your book noticed. n Offered Friday at 2 p.m.

Social Media Bliss: How to Engage With Meaning Without Losing Your Mind Jane Friedman This session teaches a holistic approach to social media based on long-term reader engagement and sound principles of online marketing. Your writing is always central, and you have to enjoy what you’re doing on social media. You’ll figure out the questions that will help you uncover the best solution

for you. We’ll eliminate guesswork and focus on an authentic approach. The class will use examples from Facebook, X and Instagram because of their size and popularity in the publishing community, but the principles can work on any social media platform. n Offered Friday at 3:35 p.m.

Creating Your Author Website: Shine Like a Pro Laura Spinella and Audrey Bennett Every author needs an effective web presence that conveys their unique brand. With so many options available for creating a website, the choices can be daunting. In this session, Laura Spinella and Audrey Bennett use their experience gleaned from 20 years of building author websites to help you determine the best approach for you. They’ll demystify the jargon, provide do’s and don’ts and recommend best practices that can make your author website shine. n Offered Friday at 9 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty KEYNOTERS BETH LAPIDES

Beth Lapides is the creator, host and executive producer of UnCabaret, which she has shepherded through more than 25 years of weekly live shows, TV, CDs, streaming and touring. The Los Angeles Times calls her the “godmother of alternative comedy.” She is also the author of So You Need to Decide, which Vulture, the online entertainment and culture outlet of New York magazine, named a best comedy book of 2022. She was profiled for her significance to stand-up comedy history on Vulture’s podcast Good One and has written for O, The Oprah Magazine; Time; the Los Angeles Times; The Realist; Elle Décor; and NPR’s All Things Considered. The Infinite Creator, Lapides’ coaching program for creatives, is built on decades of teaching and musing writers, performers and other humans at places like UCLA Extension, Second City, Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health and mediabistro.

JACQUELYN MITCHARD

Jacquelyn Mitchard is a New York Times bestselling author of 23 novels for adults and teenagers, including her newest novel, A Very Inconvenient Scandal. Her first novel, The Deep End of the Ocean (1999), was the inaugural Oprah’s Book Club selection; it was adapted into a film starring Michelle Pfeiffer.

Her novel Still Summer also has been adapted for a film, and The Midnight Twins, a teen trilogy, is in development for a limited series

by Kaleidoscope Entertainment. Her essay collection The Rest of Us: Dispatches from the

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Mother Ship was drawn from her syndicated newspaper column. She served on the fiction jury for the 2003 National Book Awards. She has been a fellow of the Ragdale Foundation and received the MacDowell organization’s DeWitt Wallace/Reader’s Digest Fellowship. She has taught creative writing at Vermont College of Fine Arts, Miami University and Western New England University and was a speechwriter for former U.S. Rep. and Secretary of Health and Human Services Donna E. Shalala. A Chicago native, Mitchard grew up the daughter of a plumber and a hardware store clerk who met as rodeo riders. She lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with her husband and their nine children.

ZIBBY OWENS

Zibby Owens is the author of Blank: A Novel; Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature; and the children’s book Princess Charming. She’s also edited two anthologies, Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids: A Timeless Anthology and Moms Don’t Have Time To: A Quarantine Anthology.

Creator and host of the daily podcast Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, Owens is the founder and CEO of Zibby Media, which includes publishing house Zibby Books, online magazine Zibby Mag, Zibby’s Book Club, retreats, classes and events. She also owns Zibby’s Bookshop in Santa Monica, California.

A profile on Vulture, New York magazine’s entertainment and culture outlet, dubbed her “NYC’s Most Powerful Book-fluencer.”

A graduate of Yale University and Harvard Business School, Owens lives in New York with her husband, Kyle Owens, and her four children.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty WADE ROUSE

Wade Rouse is a USA Today and Publishers Weekly bestselling author of five memoirs and 12 novels.

He writes fiction under his grandmother’s name, Viola Shipman, to honor the Ozarks seamstress whose sacrifices changed his family’s life. His books have been named three times to the American Booksellers Association’s Indie Next List. His memoir America’s Boy was on the American Library Association’s inaugural Rainbow List recognizing outstanding books with authentic LGBTQIA+ content. He has written for Coastal Living, Time, All Things Considered, Good Housekeeping, Parade, Salon, Forbes, Writer’s Digest and Publisher’s Weekly. He was a finalist for the Goodreads Choice Awards in Humor in 2011 for It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays, and 50 Boxes of Wine (he lost to Tina Fey), and Writer’s Digest named him “The #2 Writer, Dead or Alive, We’d Like to Have Drinks With” (he was sandwiched between Ernest Hemingway and Hunter Thompson). Rouse hosts the Facebook Live literary happy hour “Wine & Words with Wade” every Thursday at 6:30 p.m. Eastern on the Viola Shipman author page.

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ANNA QUINDLEN

Anna Quindlen is a novelist and journalist whose work has appeared on fiction, nonfiction and self-help bestseller lists. She is the author of many novels including her newest, After Annie. She’s also the author of Object Lessons; One True Thing; Black and Blue; Blessings; Rise and Shine; Every Last One; Still Life with Bread Crumbs; and Miller’s Valley. Her memoir Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, published in 2012, was a No. 1 New York Times bestseller. A Short Guide to a Happy Life has sold more than 1 million copies. While a columnist at The New York Times, she won the Pulitzer Prize and published two collections, Living Out Loud and Thinking Out Loud. Her Newsweek columns were collected in Loud and Clear.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty EMCEE

STAND-UP COMEDY HOST

LEIGHANN LORD

JANE CONDON

Leighann Lord is a stand-up comedian, author and podcaster. She’s been seen on Comedy Central, HBO, The View and Showtime’s Even More Funny Women of a Certain Age. Her Dry Bar Comedy special, I Mean Business, has had over 1 million views. She has written several humor books, including Dict Jokes: Alternate Definitions for Words You’ve Probably Never Heard of But Will Definitely Never Forget and Real Women Do It Standing Up: Stories from the Career of a Very Funny Lady, which has been called witty and unexpectedly vulnerable. Lord created the weekly humor column The Urban Erma, which was the longest-running column in Stage Time Magazine. She has contributed to The Huffington Post and wrote for the pilot of The Chris Rock Show. She is the creator and host of the People with Parents podcast, which The Wall Street Journal called one of the “10 Podcasts for Older Adults That Promise to Entertain — and Enlighten.” Lord earned her bachelor’s degree in journalism and creative writing from Baruch College, City University of New York and an honorary doctorate from the University of Southampton. She is a member of the Writers Guild of America, East. She received the 2019 Humanist Arts Award from the American Humanist Association. She is also a firm supporter of the Oxford comma.

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Comedian and mom Jane Condon lives in Greenwich, Connecticut, but she’s still a nice person. She has two boys. Otherwise everything’s fine. The Associated Press has dubbed her “an uppercrust Roseanne,” and The New York Times says, “Condon had the audience cackling, guffawing and in hysterics as she sliced through marriage, husband, kids, politics and other topics.” Condon was named to Backstage magazine’s list “10 Comedy Best Bets” and has appeared on ABC’s The View; Lifetime’s Girls’ Night Out; FOX’s series finale of 24; Nickelodeon’s NickMom Night Out; NBC’s Last Comic Standing; and Today. She was a grand prize winner of the nationwide Ladies of Laughter Contest, and she’s published a cartoon book, Chardonnay Moms, with Bobbi Eggers.

ARTIST-IN-RESIDENCE BOB ECKSTEIN

Bob Eckstein is an award-winning writer, New Yorker cartoonist and author of The New York Times bestseller Footnotes From the World’s Greatest Bookstores.

He is the editor of the series The Ultimate Cartoon Book by the World’s Greatest Cartoonists and a contributing editor at Writer’s Digest and teaches at New York University. His cartoons have appeared in Barron’s, Mad, McSweeney’s, National Lampoon, The New Yorker, The New York Times, the New York Daily News, The Oldie, Playboy, Private Eye, Prospect, Reader’s Digest, Spy, The Spectator and The Wall Street Journal. He’s been nominated twice for the National Cartoonist Society’s Gag Cartoonist of the Year. His work has been exhibited in the Cartoon Art Museum

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Faculty of San Francisco, the Smithsonian Institution, the Cartoon Museum of London and the Sordoni Art Gallery at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania, and he regularly speaks at writers’ conferences and festivals.

GUEST INTERVIEWER MARSHA BONHART

After nearly four decades of reporting and anchoring radio and television newscasts in Toledo, Dayton and Los Angeles, Marsha Bonhart is a media and public relations consultant based in Dayton.

ERMA POET LAUREATE BARBARA FANT

Barbara Fant is a healer, bridge-builder, lightbearer and joy-keeper. She strives to create spaces where people can heal and writes prayers that sound like poems. Fant has competed in nine National Poetry Slam competitions and was a World Poetry Slam finalist. She’s written two poetry collections, Paint, Inside Out (2010) and Mouths of Garden (2022), and her work has been featured by the Academy of American Poets, Electric Literature, The McNeese Review, The Columbus Anthology, Button Poetry and Def Poetry Jam. Fant has completed residencies in Cuba and Senegal. She leads healing-informed poetry workshops for youth in detention, adults who are incarcerated, adults in recovery and survivors of human trafficking and domestic violence. She is certified as a healing-centered engagement specialist and holds master’s degrees in poetry and theology. She is the founder of the Black Women Rise Poetry Collective and co-founder of the Senghor Project, West African International Artist Residency.

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ERMA’S GOT TALENT HOST (virtual, pre-workshop)

NANCY BERK

Nancy Berk is a freelance comedy writer for internationally awarded entertainers, focusing on national tours and prime-time appearances. A magazine humor columnist, lyricist, clinical psychologist and podcaster, she hosts and co-produces the podcast Entertaining Insights with Dr. Nancy Berk. The podcast has featured over 500 conversations with entertainment icons including Norman Lear, Rita Moreno, Smokey Robinson, Mick Fleetwood and Dolly Parton, becoming a popular landing place for Oscar, Grammy and Emmy Award winners and Rock & Roll Hall of Famers. Her book College Bound and Gagged landed in the film Admissions starring Tina Fey and Paul Rudd. Berk is a contributor to Forbes.com Hollywood & Entertainment.

Her work can also be seen in the EBWW-driven book Sisters! Bonded by Love and Laughter.

PITCHAPALOOZA HOSTS (virtual, pre-workshop)

ARIELLE ECKSTUT and DAVID HENRY STERRY

Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry (aka “The Book Doctors”) are writers, producers and entrepreneurs who have been breaking ground with their stories and ideas for decades. In 2005, they created Pitchapalooza, billed as the “American Idol for books, only kinder and gentler.” Recently, they co-founded Can Do Entertainment, a production company that champions independent writers and artists

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Faculty during a time of mass conglomeration in the media business. Using Pitchapalooza as the foundation, they’ve developed a new television series, America’s Next Great Author. Eckstut is an executive producer on two TV shows in development with Silvergate/Sony and the Jim Henson Co. Sterry is an executive producer for Master of Ceremonies, a TV series based on his memoir by the same title, and several of his other books have been optioned for TV and film. Prior to his life in books, Sterry was a professional actor for 20 years and appeared in dozens of movies and TV shows and more than 1,000 commercials. Between them, Eckstut and Sterry have written 26 books and helped countless authors bring their books to publication.

AGENTS AMY COLLINS

Amy Collins, associate literary agent with Talcott Notch Literary Services, has over 30 years of experience matching books with readers. As a former book buyer, publisher and sales director, Collins focuses on market and sales potential for authors. As an agent, she represents many authors who have signed deals with major publishers and is currently negotiating book to film. She has taught and spoken at top literary industry festivals and conferences. Collins is the author of several nonfiction books and is currently traveling the country with her two dogs meeting with editors and authors.

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SAM HIYATE

Sam Hiyate is founder and CEO of The Rights Factory, a boutique literary agency in Toronto, and host of the podcast Agent Provocateur. In his three decades of publishing, he has worked at literary magazines and small presses and as an agent with New York Times bestselling authors, editing, publishing and representing everything from debut fiction, memoir and narrative nonfiction to graphic novels. He loves humor and loves to discover and help new writers prepare their works for the market and build lasting careers with their talent.

MARIA WHELAN

Maria Whelan graduated from University College Dublin with a bachelor’s degree in English and drama, then obtained her master’s degree in modern literature from the University of Edinburgh. Before joining the literary agency InkWell Management, she was a foreign rights assistant at Janklow & Nesbit and interned at Akashic Books. Whelan enjoys literary and commercial fiction, as well as speculative fiction and magical realism. She is particularly fond of novels that straddle the cultural divide. She is looking for books in the fiction and nonfiction space that speak to the current cultural moment or examine overlooked facets of society. Her authors include Katrina Kittle, Audrey Burges, Luke Dumas and Vanessa Cuti, to name a few.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty FACULTY

JULIE CANTRELL

ELISSA BASSIST

Elissa Bassist is an award-deserving essayist, humor writer, editor of the “Funny Women” column on The Rumpus and author of the memoir Hysterical (Hachette, 2022), a semifinalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor. As a founding contributor to The Rumpus, she’s written cultural and personal criticism since the website launched in 2009. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, Marie Claire, Creative Nonfiction, NewYorker.com, NYMag. com, Longreads, oddly Men’s Health and more. She wrote for The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor; teaches humor writing at The New School, 92NY, Lighthouse Writers Workshop and elsewhere; and is probably her therapist’s favorite.

AUDREY BENNETT

As a senior project manager, Audrey Bennett began her career with AuthorBytes nearly a decade ago. Highly detailoriented with expertise in graphic design and website technology, she works closely with clients to achieve the optimal site for each author. A 2012 graduate of Harvard University with a degree in the history of science, she co-chaired the HarvardRadcliffe Science Fiction Association.

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Julie Cantrell is a New York Times, USA Today and international bestselling author, editor, TEDx speaker and ghostwriter. Her novels have earned starred reviews from Publishers Weekly and Library Journal and have been featured in Top Reads lists by LitHub, Redbook, Southern Living, Real Simple, BookBub, HuffPost, USA Today and more. Her books have received two Christy Awards, two Carol Awards and the Mississippi Library Association Fiction Award. She made the short list once for the Mississippi Arts & Letters Fiction Award and twice for the Southern Book Prize. She also has been editor-in-chief of the Southern Literary Review and has received the Mississippi Arts Commission Literary Arts Fellowship, the Rivendell Writers’ Colony Mary Elizabeth Nelson Fellowship and the Pat Conroy Writers’ Residency. Cantrell teaches online for Drexel University and for Story Summit, and as a writer, editor and teacher, she finds great pleasure in helping to shepherd other people’s stories to shelves.

ESTELLE ERASMUS

Estelle Erasmus, author of Writing That Gets Noticed: Find Your Voice, Become a Better Storyteller, Get Published, is a journalist, professor of writing at New York University, magazine editor, public speaker and host of the podcast Freelance Writing Direct. Her articles for The New York Times and The Washington Post have gone globally viral. She has taught, coached and mentored many writers who have gone on to be widely published. Erasmus received a 2023 NYU School of Professional Studies Teaching Excellence Award and a 2023 Zibby Award

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty naming Writing That Gets Noticed the “Best Book for the Writer.” She also is an American Society of Journalists and Authors award winner and was a cast member in the inaugural New York City production of the Listen to Your Mother storytelling show.

JANE FRIEDMAN

Bonnie Jean Feldkamp is the opinion editor for The Louisville CourierJournal and a syndicated columnist with Creators Syndicate. Her columns often seek to understand how current events and family life intersect. She teaches column-writing workshops to help others contribute their experience and expertise to important community conversations and offered a TEDx talk on how to inspire others to listen and connect. In 2022, she received the Legacy Award from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

Jane Friedman has spent nearly 25 years working in the book publishing industry with a focus on author education and trend reporting. In 2023, Digital Book World named her Publishing Commentator of the Year. Friedman is the editor of The Hot Sheet, a publishing industry newsletter that Digital Book World named 2020 Media Outlet of the Year. Her latest book, The Business of Being a Writer (University of Chicago Press), received a starred review from Library Journal. In addition to serving on grant panels for the National Endowment for the Arts and the Creative Work Fund, she works with organizations such as the Authors Guild to bring transparency to the business of publishing.

She has delivered keynote talks at the Writer’s Digest annual conference, the Stockholm Writers Festival, the San Miguel Writers Conference, The Muse & The Marketplace, the Frankfurt Book Fair and Digital Book World.

KERRIE FLANAGAN

ANN GARVIN

BONNIE JEAN FELDKAMP

Kerrie Flanagan is a frequent contributor to The Writer magazine and the author of Writer’s Digest Guide to Magazine Article Writing, along with 19 books she self-published in various genres, including 11 with a co-author under the pen name C.G. Harris. She has published hundreds of essays and articles in magazines and anthologies. During her 20-plus years in the writing industry, she has worked with hundreds of writers through individual consultations, presentations at writing conferences across the country and classes, including Stanford Continuing Studies.

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Ann Garvin is the USA Today bestselling author of There’s No Coming Back from This; I Thought You Said This Would Work; I Like You Just Fine When You’re Not Around; The Dog Year; and On Maggie’s Watch. Her forthcoming book, Bummer Camp, will launch in 2024. For Garvin, everything is funny and a little bit sad. Her essays and short stories have won multiple awards, and she has performed several times for The Moth, The Vagina Monologues and Listen to Your Mother. Garvin, who has a doctorate in exercise physiology, is a professor emerita from the University of Wisconsin system and now teaches writing at Drexel University. She founded The Tall Poppy Writers, the only scaled, author-driven marketing cooperative for female authors.

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Faculty LORI JAKIELA

Lori Jakiela is the author of seven books, including the memoir Belief Is Its Own Kind of Truth, Maybe, which received the Saroyan Prize from Stanford University. She received an honorable mention in the 2018 Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest, and her work has been published in The New York Times (“Modern Love”), The Washington Post, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the Chicago Tribune and elsewhere. She writes a regular column, “Let Yourself Go” — hugely influenced by the late, great Erma Bombeck — for Pittsburgh Magazine. A former international flight attendant, Jakiela directs the writing program at the University of Pittsburgh at Greensburg; teaches creative writing in the doctoral program at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary; and leads many community workshops. For four years, she co-directed the Chautauqua Writers’ Festival at Chautauqua Institution.

She co-founded Veterans Write, which offers free writing workshops to veterans and their families.

WILLIAM KENOWER

William Kenower is the author of Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of SelfDoubt; Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence; and Write Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion. He is also editorin-chief of Author magazine and hosts the popular podcasts Author2Author and Fearless Writing with Bill Kenower. He’s been published in The New York Times, Writer’s Digest, Edible Seattle and Parent Map and has been a featured blogger for HuffPost.

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KATHY KINNEY

Kathy Kinney, who may be known best for her role as Mimi on the hit ABC series The Drew Carey Show, has appeared in dozens of TV shows and movies. She is the coauthor, along with friend Cindy Ratzlaff, of three books: Queen of Your Own Life: The Grownup Woman’s Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve; Queenisms: 101 Jolts of Inspiration; and Queen of Your Own Life: If Not Now, When? On their Queen of Your Own Life Facebook page, Kinney and Ratzlaff host “Thursday Check-In,” an outreach event they started during the pandemic. Kinney, who has a background in improvisational comedy, is also the star and co-producer of the children’s website MrsP.com, which promotes creativity, literacy and the joy of reading.

KATRINA KITTLE

Katrina Kittle is the author of Traveling Light; Two Truths and a Lie; The Kindness of Strangers (winner of the 2006 Great Lakes Book Award for Fiction); The Blessings of the Animals; and Reasons to Be Happy. Her newly released novel Morning in This Broken World was an Amazon First Reads pick. Kittle teaches creative writing at the University of Dayton and through Word’s Worth Writing Connections, focusing on craft, motivation and jump-starting stalled writers. A public speaker, she also leads the workshops “Leap and the Net Will Appear” and “Happy Class.” She lives south of Dayton with her fella, her spooky little weirdo cat Annie, her sweet beagle Serena and her out-of-control garden. She has a thing for goats, gardening and going barefoot — and is addicted to coffee, pedicures and Indian food.

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Faculty TIFFANY YATES MARTIN

Tiffany Yates Martin has spent nearly 30 years as an editor in the publishing industry, working with major publishers, bestselling and award-winning authors, and indie and newer writers. She is the founder of FoxPrint Editorial and author of Intuitive Editing: A Creative and Practical Guide to Revising Your Writing and leads seminars and workshops for writers around the country.

Under the pen name Phoebe Fox, she’s also the author of six novels.

KELLY MCMASTERS

Kelly McMasters is an essayist, professor, mother and former bookshop owner. She is the author of the Zibby Book Club pick The Leaving Season: A Memoir-inEssays (W.W. Norton, 2023) and co-editor of the American Booksellers Association national bestseller Wanting: Women Writing About Desire (Catapult, 2023). Her first book, Welcome to Shirley: A Memoir From an Atomic Town, was listed as one of Oprah’s Book Club’s top memoirs and is the basis for the documentary film The Atomic States of America, a 2012 Sundance selection. The anthology she co-edited with Margot Kahn, This Is the Place: Women Writing About Home (Seal Press, 2017), was a New York Times Editor’s Choice. Her essays, reviews and articles have appeared in The American Scholar, The Atlantic, The New York Times, Oprah Daily, The Paris Review, River Teeth: A Journal of Narrative Nonfiction and Romper, among others. She’s been nominated for both the Pushcart Prize and the Orion Book Award. She is an associate professor of English and director of publishing studies at Hofstra University in New York.

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EVA LESKO NATIELLO

Eva Lesko Natiello is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author and book marketing and publishing consultant. Though a legendary scaredy-cat, she has written two psychological thrillers, The Memory Box and Following You. Her essays on writing and parenting and her satirical reflections on pop culture appear in anthologies and magazines and on HuffPost, nj.com and her blog, Writing from the Intersection of Oops, Yikes & Awe. After college, to the dismay of her parents, she moved to the Caribbean to become a resort singer but later pivoted to the cosmetics industry, leading global communications at Estee Lauder. Having reinvented herself as a novelist and consultant, she is now working on a juicy suspense novel.

AMY PATUREL

Amy Paturel is a writer in Southern California who is passionate about storytelling, particularly personal essays. For two decades, she has covered everything from food to sex in essay form. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, Parents and more. Two of her essays appeared in Newsweek’s “My Turn” column, and she garnered two honorable mentions from the American Society of Journalists and Authors for personal essays. Paturel teaches an online essay writing workshop, and her students have landed stories in The New York Times, HuffPost, The Washington Post and Good Housekeeping.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty SUSAN POHLMAN

JANE ROPER

CINDY RATZLAFF

MARK SHATZ

Susan Pohlman has written two travel memoirs: Halfway to Each Other: How a Year in Italy Brought Our Family Home and A Time To Seek: Meaning, Purpose, and Spirituality at Midlife. She’s the founder and director of the Phoenix Writers Network and a freelance writer, editor, writing coach and workshop facilitator.

Her essays have been published in online and print media including The Washington Times, Raising Arizona Kids magazine, Guideposts, Homelife magazine, Arizona Parenting, The Review Review, the journal Tiferet and Goodhousekeeping.com.

Pohlman has been a writer-in-residence for the Arizona State Library and has taught creative writing at Arizona State University Emeritus College.

Cindy Ratzlaff is a 30-year veteran of the book publishing industry, having held executive positions at Rodale Inc. and Simon & Schuster and created and implemented the launch campaigns for more than 150 New York Times bestsellers. Her articles on business topics and happiness have been published on major platforms. She is the coauthor, along with her friend Kathy Kinney, of Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-up Woman’s Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve; Queenisms: 101 Jolts of Inspiration; and Queen of Your Own Life: If Not Now, When? On their Queen of Your Own Life Facebook page, Ratzlaff and Kinney host “Thursday Check-In,” an outreach event they started during the pandemic.

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Jane Roper is the author of two novels, The Society of Shame and Eden Lake, and a memoir, Double Time: How I Survived — and Mostly Thrived — Through the First Three Years of Mothering Twins.

Her essays and humor have appeared in Salon; McSweeney’s Internet Tendency; The Millions; Poets & Writers; The Rumpus; Writer’s Digest; and the anthology Labor Day: True Birth Stories

by Today’s Best Women Writers. She has taught writing at GrubStreet, Follow Your Art Community Studios, University of Iowa, the Sanibel Writers’ Conference and The Muse & The Marketplace. A freelance copywriter and brand strategist, she lives just north of Boston with her husband, rad teenage twins and two cats, one of whom sucks.

Mark Shatz is the author of a top-selling humor-writing book, Comedy Writing Secrets, which is now in its third edition. As an award-winning professor of psychology at Ohio University Zanesville, he teaches humor writing and researches the benefits of humor. He is a popular public speaker with extensive experience working with writers, including multiple presentations at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop and the Writer’s Digest annual conference.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Faculty SHARON SHORT

Sharon Short is the author of 15 books.

Under the pen name Jess Montgomery, she writes the Kinship Historical Mysteries, set in 1920s Appalachian Ohio and inspired by Ohio’s true first female sheriff. Her next novel, Trouble Island, set for release in September 2024, is a historical thriller set on a remote Lake Erie island in 1930. Short is a contributing editor to Writer’s Digest, for which she writes the column “Level Up Your Writing (Life).” She teaches writing courses through Writer’s Digest and is a frequent speaker at libraries, book clubs and writing groups. She is a three-time recipient of the Individual Excellence Award in Literary Arts from the Ohio Arts Council and has been a John E. Nance Writer-in-Residence at Thurber House in Columbus, Ohio.

LAURA SPINELLA

Laura Spinella has been a senior project manager with AuthorBytes since 2011, the same year her first novel was published by Penguin. She has a thorough understanding of web design and development and, as the author of eight novels, is attuned to the needs of AuthorBytes’ clientele.

She enjoys working with all types of writers — from beginners to bestselling. She’s a graduate of the University of Georgia and lives in New England with her husband and a fur baby household.

JESSICA STRAWSER

Jessica Strawser is an editor-at-large and columnist for Writer’s Digest, where she previously was an editorial director. She is the author of six novels, including the newly released The Last Caretaker as well as Almost Missed You; Not That I Could Tell (a Book of the Month bestseller); Forget You Know Me; A Million Reasons Why; and The Next Thing You Know. She has written for The New York Times “Modern Love” column and Publishers Weekly and is a popular speaker at writing conferences. She lives with her husband and two children in Cincinnati, where she was a 2019 Writer-in-Residence for the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library.

KATHY SHIELS TULLY

Kathy Shiels Tully proposed to her husband in The Boston Herald for Leap Day 1996. It led to one marriage, two daughters and a freelance career, including 10-plus years for The Boston Globe. Her stories have appeared in The Christian Science Monitor, The Writer, FamilyFun, schoolfamily.com, Boston Globe Magazine, Boston Parents Paper, various New England magazines, Chicken Soup for the Soul and Midlife on Fire. In 2020, she won the human interest global category in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. Seven leap years later, she lives north of Boston with the same husband.

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Erma swag

Take home memories — and support the workshop

Erma-inspired solar eclipse glasses. An elegant Christmas ornament. Popular coffee mugs, wine glasses and notecards. And clothing!

Visit the University of Dayton Bookstore in Tradewinds for exclusive merchandise. All proceeds benefit the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop Endowment Fund.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Transportation

Parking and shuttles

Free parking is available at the Marriott at the University of Dayton and Daniel J. Curran Place, where attendees can park in visitor spaces. For events at the Marriott, please park in the U1 lot unless you are a hotel guest. Park in the R2 (north) lot for events at Daniel J. Curran Place.

Buckeye Charter shuttles will run periodically between the Marriott and Daniel J. Curran Place, which is located on the same road. It’s a 15- to 20-minute walk via South Patterson Boulevard.

The Buckeye shuttles are white and will have a sign in the window saying “Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.”

If you have transportation issues or need to return to the hotel during the day, please visit the workshop’s information table in the lobby of Daniel J. Curran Place.

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Ground transportation to and from the airport

Transportation is available from the Dayton International Airport to the Marriott at the University of Dayton, 1414 S. Patterson Blvd. ​​ he Dayton International Airport has T partnered with Dayton Express Cab Co. to provide an exclusive taxi service. The fleet includes minivans and sedans, all marked with the Dayton International Airport logo and “Official Taxi Service provided by Dayton Express Cab Co.” Please call 937-226-9999.

Uber and Lyft services also are typically available. The estimated rates range from $32 to $38 for uberX and $35 to $55 for uberXL per ride but are subject to change at any time due to demand. Lyft rates often tend to be a few dollars cheaper than Uber.

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Shuttle bus schedule

Friday, April 5

Saturday, April 6

7:15 to 8:30 a.m.

7:15 to 8:30 a.m.

Shuttle buses looping from the Marriott at the University of Dayton to Daniel J. Curran Place

Shuttle buses looping from the Marriott at the University of Dayton to Daniel J. Curran Place

All workshop activities held before 6 p.m. take place at the University of Dayton (Daniel J. Curran Place). Please see the information desk if you need transportation from Daniel J. Curran Place back to the Marriott between shuttle hours.

Most workshop activities held before 6:30 p.m. take place at the University of Dayton (Daniel J. Curran Place). Please see the information desk if you need transportation from Daniel J. Curran Place back to the Marriott between shuttle hours.

3:30 to 5:15 p.m.

3:30 to 5:30 p.m.

Shuttle buses looping from Daniel J. Curran Place to the Marriott at the University of Dayton

Shuttle buses looping from Daniel J. Curran Place to the Marriott at the University of Dayton 3:30 p.m.

Erma Road Trip — Shuttle Bus Tour

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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2024 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition First-place winners

Here is the best work of writers who entered the 2024 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

The competition, sponsored every two years by the Washington-Centerville Public Library in Centerville, Ohio, has over the years drawn thousands of hopeful entries, submissions inspired by Erma Bombeck’s humor and humanity.

For information, go to www.wclibrary.info/erma.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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First place, human interest, global

Heart and Sole

By Marcy O’Brien Warren, Pennsylvania

The first time we met, Pat gave me her shoes.

She was noticeable in the party crowd — tan, sleek, laughing.

When introduced, I kiddingly said, “If your shoes turn up missing, check my house.” The aqua beads on her white sandals matched my outfit. We chuckled about our skinny size 10s and were old friends by party’s end.

As I got into the car for home, her husband, John, came running up the driveway with a brown paper bag.

“She wants you to have these.”

“John, she can’t give me shoes right off her feet?!” But she did.

I loved them and wore them. A lot.

Later that year, my 3-inch heels began arguing with my lower back. My elegance era at an end, I gave them all to Pat, 10 years younger. We laughingly declared ourselves “Sole Sisters,” and I felt a little better.

That winter, she knitted me new potholders and a pair of cozy lounging socks. Every time I saw her, she greeted me, “my sole sister,” and our private joke continued. Eavesdroppers thought it was deep, spiritual. We giggled about that, too.

I began to find homemade gifts tucked inside the storm door.

Strawberry jelly, signed, “Your sole sister.” And blueberry jam, “Solely for you.”

One spring morning, a jaunty little May basket of posies hung on the front doorknob. I grinned at the tag’s “O sole mio.”

I told her not to tell anyone she was wearing my shoes. But she delighted in thrusting a long leg forward, pointing her toes, and declaring, “Aren’t these GAW-JUS? They’re from my sole sister.”

She’d just wink at me.

When I finally delivered my last and lowest heels, I told Pat,

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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“The end of the heel train, kiddo. I’m flat out.” She hugged her sympathy.

Pat’s early cancer had been in remission for 20 years. Its sudden return hit everyone hard. The metastasis spread widely, rapidly, leaving us stunned by her bravado.

“I’m going to hang around until you publish your book,” declared my feistiest cheerleader. “I’m not going to miss my sole sister in print!”

I took her some muffins the last time I visited, a month before my book published. She was wearing a pair of my old sandals and slowly lifted a leg to show me. She died four days later.

John came to my book signing two months after Pat passed. “I want two copies, one for me and one inscribed to Pat.” Mystified, I looked up, barely containing the waterworks. “It’s going beside her reading chair,” he explained. “She was always happy when she talked about your sole sister fun. I want to look across the den and see her soul smiling.”

Marcy O’Brien of Warren, Pennsylvania, began to write “as she entered her dotage.” She has written a humor/ human interest column for 20 years for the Warren Times Observer, the Jamestown Post Gazette and the Dunkirk (NY) Observer. She also has written features for The Washington Post, Boston Globe Magazine, Yankee Magazine and many more. A member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, she compiled a collection of her warm and funny columns into a debut book, Rounding Third (Shorehouse Books).

One reader describes it as “a bedtime treat for drifting off each night with a smile.” She has won honorable mentions twice in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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First place, human interest, local

A Good Day’s Work

By Lindsey Roth Dayton, Ohio

It was Monday again, and I turned on Arthur Brooks and Oprah’s audiobook Building the Life You Want for a pep talk on my morning commute. Work is a pillar of happiness, they told me. Bring on the bliss.

I arrived at the vet clinic where I work. Clients waited in a crowded parking lot for the walk-in line to open. I was preparing for my first patient, a cat with chin acne, when a man poked his head out of the next room, asking for paper towels. He took a giant wad of them, not once, not twice, but three different times.

My pep talk had already vanished from memory.

Moving on, I went to see the chin-acne cat. After an exam, I decided that an antimicrobial gel and a chat about getting rid of plastic bowls would do the trick. The owner did not hear a word of it. “What about witch hazel?” she interrupted.

I told her witch hazel is toxic to cats if accidentally ingested and gave it another go with my treatment plan. Then, I followed her into the lobby to drop off a form, where a frazzled woman ambushed me for suggestions. The receptionist looked like she wanted to dive over the desk to stop her, but it was too late.

There were no more walk-in slots available, and she wanted an alternative. “Can I use a snot sucker on my kitten?”

What would Brooks and Winfrey say now?

After freeing myself from the lobby, I faced the paper towel man’s room. As I opened the door, I gagged on the stench of voluminous piles of dog poop. Behind the door was a hyperactive pit bull with wide-set eyes and not a lick of sense between them.

The dog’s body quivered with joy. Then, he latched his body to my leg like an industrial-grade vacuum and started humping.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Assisted by the elderly owner and vet tech, I performed a Houdini act to free myself.

My pillar of happiness was crumbling (and probably marked with plenty of dog pee).

I trudged to the car at the end of the day with a faint whiff of pit bull poop still lodged in my nostrils. The last client waved and uttered a heartfelt “thank you.” In the grand circus of vet life, that’s my standing ovation, and it’s enough for me. After all, a respectable purpose — not a respectable day — makes our work worthwhile. Lucky for me, the loads of purpose are almost as voluminous as the dog poop. It’s a good thing I don’t need paper towels to collect it. We’re almost out of those.

Lindsey Roth is a veterinarian and a mom to two incredible kids, 9 and 11. She loves being outdoors and started a nature area at her kids’ elementary school this year. You’ll find her family on bikes in nice weather, heading to Woodbourne Library. Roth’s life is a blend of stethoscopes, PTO meetings, Little League games and the occasional burst of creativity. She loves writing because it lets her slow down and sort out her busy, beautiful life.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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First place, humor, global

Funeral Notes

By Charla Schafer Muscatine, Iowa

I think, if honest, we would admit that our funeral is our final opportunity to host; but sadly, the details of this important event are often left in the hands of amateurs.

At my house, I live with four men — a husband and three college-age sons. The thought of what they would plan is appalling. I imagine if left to his own accord, my accountanthusband would send out an RFP to local funeral homes and award the honors to the lowest bidder. I can see it now; my final farewell will be held at Ed’s Grocery and Crematorium — “a onestop shop for cooking up dinner and your loved one.”

In order to limit their influence on my funeral arrangements, I have outlined a few of my wishes: n To get in a final win, I want to be cremated. It will prove wrong my mother-in-law, who said I couldn’t bake. n My ashes shall be intermixed in our family vacuum cleaner so I can always be near. Vacuum bag inventory shows no one, other than me, knows how to empty the bag. n I want bouncers. There will be a short “Exclusion List” that I have prepared. I don’t want a few people that have been a pain-in-my-backside attending my funeral just to make themselves feel better about how they treated me. To be clear, this funeral is not being held for others to find their redemption. n My Dad always said I have “kind hair,” the “kind” that grows around a dog’s rear-end, as it was always untamed. So, rather than actual pictures, I will have prepared a lengthy slideshow where I have photoshopped my face on people at historic events. Move over, John Glenn — it seems I have had a rather impressive life of global, as well as interstellar, success.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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n My music will include a karaoke video of me singing the Greatest American Hero theme song. The lyrics aptly include the following: “Look at what’s happened to me. I can’t believe it myself. Suddenly I’m up on top of the world; it should have been somebody else.” n Most important component, I want one of my sons during the funeral to text some in attendance from my cell phone and say, “Thank you for coming; it means a lot to me.” And, for a few that are noticeably missing from the room, a quick text — “Hmmm. My funeral is going on right now. I guess our friendship was a clear misunderstanding.”

Yes, you will want to get your reservations early. That way if you find yourself on the Exclusion List, there will still be time to make amends and secure your seat.

Charla Schafer is a serial underachiever and a disappointing example of a mother. Over the years, she has forgotten to pick up two of her children from preschool; has told her 10-year-old to “walk off ” a broken leg; and asked for a table for four at a restaurant when she has five in her family. She has been married for 35 years to her first husband, John. They have three sons who have managed, despite her, to grow into adults. Charla’s day job is serving as the president at the Community Foundation of Greater Muscatine. The foundation focuses on effecting strategic community change. She previously served as the executive director of Muscatine Center for Social Action, a nonprofit that houses the homeless and offers housing stability services and domestic violence sheltering. Prior to that, she spent her career in banking.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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First place, humor, local

Pride Goeth Before the Fall Parent-Teacher Conference

By Aline Pusecker Taylor Powell, Ohio

“Lindsey is a pleasure to have in class,” my daughter’s third grade teacher began as I wriggled myself into a chair the size of a kumquat seed. “She enjoys interacting with her classmates and is an enthusiastic addition to our group.” This, as every parent knows, is teacher code for, “only stops talking long enough to sneak a Very Berry Gummy Cluster.”

Mr. S. swiveled his chair to the right and plucked a light blue folder from the dwindling pile. “Here are samples of Lindsey’s work,” he said, and I relaxed more with each paper he presented: Penmanship (excellent), solar system report (very well written and creatively illustrated), division (good progress). All in all, the fall parent-teacher conference was going quite well. Then, Mr. S. casually remarked, “It’s clear that Lindsey greatly admires her older brother. Brian, is it?”

“Y-yes?” I stammered. Brian, future high school junior, had been assigned the job of babysitting for his sister while I worked to buy them important stuff like electricity. I had assured myself this was a perfect option: My son needed a job; I wanted daycare that didn’t cost the price of a small castle in Scotland. A summer sibling bonding experience.

Mr. S. slipped the final assignment from the folder.

“So,” he sighed. I knew that sigh. It was the same sigh Brian’s second grade teacher made when she called to tell me he’d leapt onto his chair in the middle of class, yelled, “Day-o!” then proceeded to lead his fellow second graders across their desks dancing and singing like Harry Belafonte and the cast of Beetlejuice.

“I asked students to write a report on the best movie they saw

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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all summer,” Mr. S. said. “Most kids wrote papers on The Little Mermaid or Frozen or Ninja Turtles. A few wrote about classics like Bambi. Lindsey’s report was on another classic,” he paused, “Happy Gilmore.”

I scoured my memory. Adam Sandler, f-bombs, elder abuse, mutilated alligators.

“Happy Gilmore?” I repeated, somewhat dazed and confused.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “And, I have to hand it to her. Her comprehension of the subject matter was spot-on, and the context subtleties were not lost on her. She increased her vocabulary by at least two words; however, she knew not to spell them out in the report.” He then showed me, in her little 8-year-old handwriting, how she’d meticulously spelled out the phrase “f!$%ing alligator!”

So, while the summer of Happy Gilmore did deepen their sibling bond, the next summer Lindsey attended a church-run summer camp, and Brian worked days at Red Lobster. He came home every day smelling like fish, but at least I knew nothing fishy was going on.

Work by Aline Pusecker Taylor has appeared in Literary Mama, Better than Starbucks magazine, The Penmen Review, Pudding Magazine: The Journal of Applied Poetry and other publications. “The Glob” received an honorable mention in the 50 Precious Words 2021 International Writing Contest. “For Landon” won a commended award in the Tom Howard/John H. Reid poetry contest. Her essay “Grandmas Gone Wild” made the final round of the Erma Bombeck 2018 Writing Competition and is the seed for her novel, The Exterminating List.

In addition to managing a retirement complex, Taylor has worked as a recruiting assistant and a candidate sourcer. She and her fiancé, Randy, live near Columbus, Ohio, and have four grown kids between them and multiple grandpets, including a cannibalistic crow and an overprotective pigeon.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Continuing education units

The Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop has been approved by the University of Dayton for 1.2 CEUs (continuing education units). The CEU is an internationally recognized documentation of continuing education in a non-credit program. CEUs are based on the number of contact hours taken for a course.

CEUs cannot be applied toward a degree program. Earned CEUs may be useful in maintaining certification or licensure.

They may also be useful in documenting continuing professional education for an

employer. Only those workshop participants who attend every scheduled hour of the workshop are eligible to receive CEUs. If you would like to earn CEUs for the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, fill out the form in the workshop’s drop box and send to erma@udayton.edu before you leave. There is no additional fee to earn CEUs.

Guest WiFi access is available at Daniel J. Curran Place via UDconnect. Select the UDconnect WiFi network and follow the prompts to self-register for guest WiFi access when on campus.

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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A Hotel Room of One’s Own

B

y day, Kara Kinney Cartwright is a legal editor from North Potomac, Maryland, but her superpower is “trying to save the world with punchy humor about unwritten social rules and expectations.”

A widowed mother, she’s writing a book “for grieving Gen X and millennial women who would sooner cut their own bangs than seek advice for a ‘spiritual journey.’”

Annmarie Kelly-Harbaugh, the Shaker Heights, Ohio, host of the literary podcast Wild Precious Life, wants to write and stage a humorous parenting show in Cleveland and replicate it around the country. That’s only after “a decent night’s sleep. Maybe a shower.

For the trifecta, breakfast that isn’t cutoff crusts from my children’s peanut butter lunch.”

Meet the two grand prize winners of A Hotel Room of One’s Own: The Erma Bombeck | Anna Lefler Humorist-in-Residence Program. They will be “robed” during the workshop’s opening night in plush, customembroidered bathrobes as the winners of a writer’s residency that Forbes.com describes as “perhaps the best in the country.”

At the close of the workshop, this year’s winners will remain at the Marriott at the University of Dayton for another two weeks to work on their funny projects. The perks?

Free room service. A housekeeping staff. An omelet bar. And, most importantly, the gift of time to write.

Anna Lefler, a Los Angeles comic novelist who underwrote and helped create and launch the program, said the two writers are a perfect fit for the residency. “These are two of the strongest and funniest submissions I’ve ever read,” she said. “Naturally, I’m 51

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threatened and wish I had written them myself, but whatever. Huge congrats to our winners!”

In all, the contest attracted 243 applications from 40 states coast to coast, Washington, D.C., and four countries — Australia, Canada, Spain and the U.K.

Dozens of authors, bloggers and humorists served as preliminary judges and narrowed the field for finalist judges Dion Flynn, best known as Barack Obama (and other characters) on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, and comedy writer Monica Piper, head writer for the children’s animated series Rugrats. They selected the two grand prize winners, a finalist and six honorable mentions: Finalist n Aprill Brandon, Somerville, Massachusetts Honorable Mentions: n Gracie Kairis, Springfield, Oregon n Talia Argondezzi, Phoenixville, Pennsylvania n Megan Bannon, Nashville, Tennessee n James Folta, Brooklyn, New York n Kristy Dewberry, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma n Ben Ren, Chaska, Minnesota

WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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You Can Write! creative writing retreat

U

nsure of herself as a writer, Erma pants received full scholarships to attend the Bombeck slipped a humorous essay Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, where under the door of her University of they will continue to hone their craft and Dayton English professor and waited network with professional writers from for “the great critic” to comment. around the nation.

“He saw me one day outside the caf“We wanted to help cultivate confidence eteria, and he said three words to me, that’s all, just three words that were to sustain me for the rest of my life. He looked at me and said, ‘You can write,’” recalled Bombeck, whose columns later graced the pages of 900 newspapers and whose books topped the and spark a fire in students. bestseller lists.

This retreat was for all Liz and Jamie Ryan, an students, but particularly alumni couple in Columthat student in the back of bus, want new generations the class with a passion for of UD students to hear writing but needs a nudge those same words of enof encouragement,” said Liz couragement. That’s why Ryan, a retired teacher who Liz and Jamie Ryan they’ve established a cremajored in English. ative writing retreat for students, no matter “We want this retreat to be a door where their major or their experience level. The students can peek in and see if creative writonly requirement: a desire to tap into their ing is for them,” added her husband, Jamie, a imagination and tell stories on the page. lawyer who majored in American studies.

The first weekend retreat in February John McCombe, chair of the English brought a dozen students to nearby Bergamo department, expressed gratitude to the RyCenter, where Katrina Kittle and Meredith ans for nurturing budding writers: “Liz and Doench, novelists who co-teach a novel-writJamie Ryan recognize the value of creative ing class, offered support and inspiration. writing. So many UD students — regardless “The group was wonderful,” said Kittle, of major — possess a desire to write fiction or who’s on the faculty at the Erma Bombeck poetry, but they simply need the encourageWriters’ Workshop. “They worked so hard. ment and the space to cultivate their gifts They were inspiring.” and talents. The Ryans are helping UD to As a follow-up experience, the particicreate such a space.”

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WRITERS’ WORKSHOP

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Erma Bombeck Writing Competition

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he winners of the 2024 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition, sponsored by the WashingtonCenterville Public Library, touched the judges’ funny bones and hearts with humorous and poignant essays ranging from a hilarious conversation between a parent and teacher in “the parent-teacher conference” to a cherished friendship that started with a pair of sandals.

The four winning writers received a free registration to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, $1,000 and publication of their essays online and in the workshop’s program. Here’s who topped the field of 480 entries received from six countries (Australia, Canada, Ireland, Spain, United Kingdom and U.S.), including 48 states. Erma’s home state of Ohio led with 91 entries.

Lindsey Roth of Dayton won the local human interest category. She won in 2022, and is the only two-time winner in the history of the contest. Bev Potter of Seville and Margie Carroll Wehner of Yellow Springs received honorable mentions. The finalists were Mary Sullivan of Bay Village and Vincent O’Keefe of Lakewood.

Marcy O’Brien of Warren, Pennsylvania, took first place in the global human interest category. O’Brien’s work has earned honorable mentions twice in the past.

Global honorable mentions included Cara McDonough of Hamden, Connecticut, and Susan Ross of Morganville, New Jersey. The finalists were Ruth Supko Owens of Jonesboro, Arkansas, and Jillian Van Hefty of Bella Vista, Arkansas. In 2022,

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Van Hefty was one of three winners of “A Hotel Room of One’s Own.” In the local humor category, Aline Pusecker Taylor of Powell won first place.

Local honorable mentions included Julie Cole of Cincinnati and Jessica Miller of Springboro. The finalists were Nancy Mink of Loveland

and Joan Harris of Huron. Harris won the 2020 local humor category.

Charla Schafer of Muscatine, Iowa, won the global humor category. Honorable mentions included Matt Landig of Los Angeles and Jennifer Ammoscato of Windsor, Ontario, Canada. The finalists were Karen Iseminger of Everett, Pennsylvania, and Annette Goggin of Cambridge City, Indiana.

It took a small village of established authors, columnists, creative writing teachers, screenwriters, editors and standup comedians to read and evaluate more than 230,000 words during preliminary and second rounds of judging. Bill Scheft, veteran head writer with David Letterman, and Vick Mickunas, WYSO and Cox Media book reviewer and host of “The Book Nook,” served as finalist judges for the humor and human interest categories, respectively.

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“Humor writers all have something in common. We share part of our personal and private lives that few other writers share.”

— E r m a B o m be c k

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When humor goes, there goes civilization.

—Erma Bombeck

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I believe everything of any importance in this world has been brought about by dreamers, visionaries who see beyond the first step.

—Erma Bombeck

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Seize the moment.

Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

—Erma Bombeck

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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

—Erma Bombeck

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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

—Erma Bombeck

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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

—Erma Bombeck

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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

—Erma Bombeck

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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

—Erma Bombeck

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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

—Erma Bombeck

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He who laughs … lasts.

—Erma Bombeck

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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.

—Erma Bombeck

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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.

—Erma Bombeck

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I’ve seen kids ride bicycles, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours, yet have to be driven to the garbage can.

—Erma Bombeck

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In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

—Erma Bombeck

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ERMA BOMBECK W r i t e r s’ W o r k s h o p at the UNIVERSITY OF DAYTON is co-sponsored by

Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop Endowment created by Ralph and Cindy Price Hamberg in memory of her cousin Brother Tom Price, S.M.

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