Provincial Grand Challenge MkII

Provincial Grand Lodge of East Kent 2020 Limerick Challenge

The limericks in this publication have been written by the brethren and companions of the Masonic Province of East Kent.

The Provincial Grand Limerick Challenge was undertaken during the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020.

Thank you to all brethren and companions who composed and submitted a limerick.

This book provides a selection of the submissions and celebrates the winning limerick from each group across our province.

Winner Group 1

When will our meetings resume?

'Cos our LOI's now uses Zoom.

In boxes on the screen, Some look like Mr Bean, And the DC is full of gloom.

Ian Blowers– Macartney Lodge No 3283

Winner Group 2

There once was a humble DC, Who had ritual off to a tee.

He carefully planned, Where the brethren would stand.

The result was a pleasure to see.

Andy Mahoney – St Mary’s Gillingham Lodge No 6499

Winner Group 3

Although your lodge is not meeting, You can still put in practice, its teaching.

Keep the light from the East, In your heart, and with peace.

Show the world Freemasonry’s meaning.

Mark Lawson – Honor Oak Lodge No 1986

Winner Group 4

There was a young mason named Eddie, Whose progress was certain and steady.

With his big year approaching, He’d had all his coaching.

And for Master he’s definitely ready.

George Baldwin – Graveney Court Lodge No 8637

Winner Group 5

A Provincial Grand Master named Dent, In charge of the Masons in Kent.

Said due to the closure, And the risk of exposure, In future we'll meet in a tent.

Mike Grigg – Stanley Wykeham Lodge No 6599

Winner Group 6

Our lodges lay quiet and still, Gone is the ritual and thrill.

The knocks on the door, Are not heard anymore.

But the memories remain with us still.

Barry Wilson – Setech Lodge No 8185

Winner Group 7

There was a young mason its true, Was slipshod and blindfolded too.

And as he progressed, He became the best, At being a brother like you.

Jason Kemp – Septem Lodge No 7788

Winner Group 8

I know an Odd Mason from Hull, Whose minutes are incredibly full.

"It's the way of the Humber, Remember, don't slumber."

Or, you'll end up in them as well!

Roger Odd – Old Ruymian Lodge No 8391

There was a young man called Chisnell, Whose sartorial sense was quite dismal.

He didn't understand, With tartan flat cap in hand, Why his dress sense for dinner was abysmal (with apologies to the Provincial Education Officer and compiler of this book)

David Alexander – White Rose Lodge No 9308

Darren O’Connor – Stour Lodge No2305

There was a young mason named Eddie, Whose progress was certain and steady.

With his big year approaching , He'd had all his coaching, And for Master he's definitely ready.

George Baldwin– Graveney Court Lodge No8637

There once was a mason called Ted, Who read his blue book in his bed.

His eyes were a gleam, As he started to dream, Of perfect ritual conducted in his head.

Ian Packer– Agricola Lodge No 4501

As a member of Royal and Select, I know there are those who suspect, We have secrets to keep, Which we guard in our sleep, Which is why the order is perfect.

Andy Mahoney – St Mary’s Lodge No 6499

There was a freemason called Reece, The sun, well it rose in the East.

At the high of the noon, On the last day of June, He passed and lived his life in peace.

Jason Kemp – Septem Lodge No 7788

A Junior Deacon named Coote, Led initiates by the wrong route.

He bared his own chest, Faced the candidates west, And even forgot to salute!

Hedley Russell – Prince Edwin’s Lodge No 128

An Entered Apprentice from London, Was thrilled at the words “well done”.

He’d learnt his words by rote, Ignored the stories of a ‘goat‘, And repeated his secrets to none.

Ian Tremelling - Stella Maris Lodge No 7279

Alan Twocock – Royal Engineers Lodge No 4465

There was a young mason from Kent, His mates didn’t know where he went.

They joined him on the square, To see what he did there, Supporting charity throughout Kent.

David Farrell – New Era Lodge No 5991

There was a Grand Officer from Goring, To whom the ritual was boring.

“Who is that tutter”, Someone was heard to mutter, As they nudged the Chaplain for snoring.

Kevin Stones – Lodge of Loyalty No 9494

There was a young mason from Ramsgate, Who thought festive boards were great.

One day the doors closed, And stubbed his small toes, He screamed, ‘ouch this door I do hate!’

James Brady – Portia Sapientiae Lodge No 9429

James Brady – Portia Sapientiae Lodge No 9429

An Initiate was once heard to say, In Freemasonry I don’t know my way.

But a mentor supreme, With his eye on the team, Said a little progression each day.

Colin Reece – Peace and Unity Lodge No 4101

A Mason from Chatham called White, Found his waistcoat had got a bit tight.

And so to get slim, He went to the gym, And now he’s not chubby, he’s slight.

Richard Carney – Spirit of Rugby Lodge No 9922

An eminent mason called David, Attempted to mitigate covid.

Though we'll be left to our fate, If the vaccine comes late, But we'll still have Alexander - the great.

Bernard Bullivant – St Lawrence Lodge No 3350

A young man named Lavinthian, Was something of an Olympian.

He speed-walked the best, And beat all the rest, Then stepped straight into Corinthian.

Ashley Brewin– Corinthian Lodge No 1208

The Tyler one day was so bored, That he shaved off his beard with the sword.

Thus unrecognised, The Brethren all cried, "You can't come to our Festive Board!"

Don Foreman – Stanley Wykeman Lodge No 6599

Graeme Richardson – United Industrious Lodge No 31

Our Lodges lay quiet and still, Gone is the ritual and thrill.

The Knocks on the door, Are not heard anymore, But the memories remain with us still.

Barry Wilson – Lodge No 8184

If you fancy becoming a Freemason, You could come and join Commemoration.

We are right by the sea, Raise lots for charity, And we get to wear a nice apron.

Nicholas Grant – Commemoration Lodge No 5329

A keen Light Blues Brother from Kent, Whose apron got twisted and bent.

To save same time and trouble, He hooked it on double, Which caused the Lodge much merriment Tony Eldridge – United Industrious Lodge No 31

The Worshipful Master, Old Ned, By false prompts was easily led, He decided one night, If you can't get right, Very soon you'll be out on your head.

Brian Yates – Queenborough Lodge No 3893

It started with knocks on a door, Blinded to what goes before.

Then came the light, Followed by words of insight, Being made a brother once more.

Jim Ryder – Binnewith Lodge No 6338

There once was a Mason from Dover, Who thought his career was all over.

Now what the heck?

He’s Provincial Grand Sec, So ‘Living the dream’ and ‘in clover’.

Peter Rhodes – Royal Kent Lodge of Antiquity No20

There once was a worshipful master, Who thought he was a bit of a dancer.

He enjoyed the ballroom, As he busted his grooves, Which was actually an absolute disaster.

Matt Jury – Ardea Lodge No 6717

Alvin Oades– Gundulph Lodge No 1050

Trevor Willis – The Royal Kent Lodge of Antiquity No 20

Just read, somewhere, "We lucky few!

Us 'South-East' residents, who knew, The more 'out' we dined, For C19 signed!

So we stayed indoors and had stew!"

Trevor Willis – The Royal Kent Lodge of Antiquity No 20

Robert Martin – Martello Lodge No 8712

If you wish to help out a charity., With us find support and parity.

We do good for others, Whilst we learn with our brothers.

So come join and you will find clarity.

Sean Palmer – Malling Centenary Lodge No 8068

A Candidate to join the Craft, Arrived late & said I'm so daft.

The Tyler said: Mate, It's never to late, To join our Beautiful Craft Russell Spendley – United Industrious Lodge No 31

Outside the Holy Royal Arch door, Stood Exaltee, Brother Timothy Moore.

The Janitor said: Brother, It's now or never, It's time to walk the Chapter room floor.

Russell Spendley – Bertha Chapter No 31

There was a Freemason from Crew, Who decided to build a Canoe.

He went to the river, And went all of a quiver, As he didn’t use waterproof glue.

Michael John Ives – Gundulph Lodge No 1050

There once was a Companion from Spain, Who thought it was rather insane.

To dance on the table, Whilst reciting his fable.

And sipping the finest champagne.

Matt Jury – Ardea Lodge No 6717

A venerable Mason called Sprackling, Said, guys I am busy in tackling.

The Charge to the Master, And I would go a lot faster, If everyone stopped all the cackling.

Mike Grigg – Stanley Wykeham Lodge No 6599

There was a young Mason from Deal, Who delivered his ritual with Zeal.

He went down in folklore, ‘Cause he ate and drank more, And consumed all at the Festive Board Meal Vernon Recas – Wellington Lodge No 784

There once was a Master called Castor, Whose ritual was just a disaster.

His friend called Sprite, Said it’s not right.

So he countered by reciting it faster.

Daniel Kimmons – Crane Lodge No 2660

There was a brother from Kent, Whose money had all been spent.

It went on his fees, For his three degrees.

And now he resides in a tent.

Simon Fosse-Collins – Emergency Services Lodge No 9676

The Old Cranbrookians are known for their eating, Because at the end of each meeting, They will always be seen, Consuming top cuisine, And in our Province that takes some beating.

Duncan Rouse – Old Cranbrookian Lodge No 6877

There was an old mason in Crane, Who was renowned for his ritual refrain.

He'd conduct all degrees, With such consummate ease, And he was confident-not vain.

Duncan Rouse – Crane Lodge No 2660

Masters missing being in the Chair, Missing their Brethren on the Square.

Wanting to take a look, At their ritual book.

Not shielding in Weston Super Mare.

Paul Wainwright – Rectitude and Harmony Lodge No 9093

A very fine Mason named Neil, Took charge of his Province for real.

Provincial Grand Master, Success or disaster, Well , Covid near ruined his deal.

Fil Thompson – South Kent Lodge No 4303

The Tyler was holding a sword, You could say he was terribly bored.

The candidate came, When they called out his name, And donated what he could afford.

Jason Kemp -– Septem Lodge No 7788

2 deacons stood there dressed in blue, It was that time of night it is true.

The candidate came, And songs they all sang.

But one of them sneezed with the flu.

Jason Kemp -– Septem Lodge No 7788

There once was an APGM, Who drank gin (enough for ten men).

Having tripped on his step, He said to the rep, “Tell no one I’m sozzled again” Mark Lawson – Honor Oak Lodge No 1986

Our limerick challenge is through, From us, a hearty thank-you.

For the hours they took, Bound up in this book.

A hearty glass raised to all you.

Graham Chisnell – Provincial Education Officer United Industrious Lodge No 31