EASA009 ITALIA . DARFO BOARIO TERME . TUTTE LE NOTIZIE . SEMPRE! 31 JULY . ISSUE 6
R A I N In honour of the Irish national night tonight, the gods of darfo have unleashed a storm of monumental proportions on EASA. After 6 days of scorching sun and heavy chillaxing at the lake, today will be cold, wet, wet, and wet. No need to go to the lake anymore - it came for us, and you can even choose which lake you want to dip in! There is one right here, in front of the umbrella office, and word has also come that there is another big one at the kitchen. Apparently, that one is women only - ask Giorgio why...
watch out fake umbrella sighted!
various sources have told us of the presence of a renegade news outlet here at EASA. Unfortunately, yours truly has yet been unable to lay his eyes on it, but it seems somebody is quite unhappy with the one and only media stream in Darfo. We have been informed that this magazine is run by two English people, and has a more right-wing agenda than even FOX NEWS. Bigoted, slanderous and unfounded in its news, something not quite unknown for british newspapers, we should however not be afraid of it becoming bigger than l’Ombrello. Besides, we here at l’Ombrello have got enough dirty information on the two editors that, will they ever decide to publish again, we’ll be able to slander them into oblivion with a shit storm of nasty gossip that would make the News Of The World look like a school newspaper.
found: one sleeping organizer. doesn’t look very comfortable but check out that piece of ass!
BREAKING QUESTION? seriously people, we are in italy, but where the #$%^& is the coffee?? if anybody knows where the organizers have hidden the espresso, please let us know! rewards will be plentiful aka Paul Farrell’s (UK) ass.
U M B R E L L A N e w s p a p e r @ g m a i l . c o m
New Dutch Craze Hits EASA
Today is a new day for us. Indeed, the Ireland rain starts this morning and changed our sunny pink sexy short coloured cotton white funny dresses into a warm dark wet long notso-funny plastic double cotton pants. And even if we cant see girls legs anymore, we have to deal with it, and Doctor Love is here for you to help. Rain could be a good reason to get close to each other, you could share your umbrella, your rain coat, your plastic bag. Also your lunch under a small roof…. Or just pretend an illness to stay in bed and to get a breakfast –in-bed. Anyway, the rain isn’t such a problem, it’s the perfect excuse to have a afternoon nap or an Brescia excursion with your new flirt. Nicolaj from Danemark told us about a pretty small bar called Chewinggum bar in the city, where you ll get a perfect Italian coffee in a quiet place. Why not? Such a good idea! Don’t get annoyed by this weather and try to keep going on! You ll certainly find a new amazing flirt in our fantastic EURODANCE party!
sorry, canceled due to lack of sun...
Everyone thinks that sex was the popular thing at EASA, but it turns out that there is a new thing called the Dutch rudder and its even bigger and better than sex. Invented by the great Martin Dasthorst himself it basically involves holding your own dangle berry while someone else shakes your arm (see diagram). “its really great cause Ive been missing my girlfriend so much and its not technically cheating. Me and Paul Farrell have been doing the double dutch rudder up in the toilet in our private room in the tutor hall, which is why it smells like rotten tuna”- Martin So just remeber the dutch rudder is always going to be 50% better than your average handjob from a EASA participant cause even if the motion is all wrong at least the grip will be just right.
RAKIA <don’t let the Serbians convince you it’s not that strong> From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Rakia (also rakija) is fruit brandy that is produced by distillation of fermented fruit; it is a popular beverage throughout the Balkans, Italy, and France. Its alcohol content is normally 40% ABV, but home-produced rakia can be stronger (typically 60% to 80%). Prepecenica is double-distilled rakia which has an alcohol content that may exceed 60%. Rakia is considered to be the national drink among some of the South Slavic peoples. Common flavors are slivovitz, produced from plums and grozdova (also called lozovaca), made from grapes. Fruits less commonly used are peaches, apricots, apples, pears, cherry, figs, and quinces. Popular home made variant in Bulgaria and Serbia is rakia produced from mixed fruits. In the Istrian and Dalmatian regions of Croatia, rakia tends to be home-made exclusively from grapes, where the drink is also known locally as trapa or grappa (the latter name also being used in Italy). Plum and grape rakia are sometimes mixed with other ingredients, such as herbs, honey, sour cherries and walnuts, after distillation. Not in Wikipedia Usage according to grandmas: If you are sick you get a towel soaked in rakia and hold it on your forehead for the whole night. If you are really really sick you get to soak your feet in rakia. Very often homes use rakia as a window detergent (you just fill your squirter). Sore muscles can also be treated with rakia…. You can just get a rakia back rub. It works with sore throats also. Disinfection of whatever aaaaaaaand last but not least –you can also drink it!!!
Find out tonight at the danish EURODANCE Party!
Worst Experiences Ever Person: Ivan Grcic –who else?? Location: INCM Motovun, Croatia Year: 2007 Ivan got extremely high on rakia, ended up sleeping in the lobby of the sleeping place, pissed his pants and the couch. There were like 60 people taking turns to take a picture with Sleeping-pissed in his pants-Ivan. Not a proud moment.
USEFUL PLACES AROUND DARFO No1
For you the Umbrella Team went to the city of Darfo to gather helpful information and the best places in town. We’re still looking for nice bars and other useful places. Please come to Umbrella with your tips and advices - we love to test out your proposals. All in your interest of course!
1 TOBACCO-STORE “MOKARABIA”: If you run out of cigarettes (which happens a lot at EASA) or you finally want to have your own lighter and dont bother other people anymore, go to the tabacco store just next to the train station. For 3.70 € you get almost every kind of cigarettes (even winston fine white - good choice for a sore throat). The service is very good, if you are lucky you even get a huge (unfortunately empty) package of winston blue with no use, but a lot of fun potential!
3 CAFÉ “LA CONTRADA”: Next time you miss breakfast, dont wait for the sandwiches to come, just go to this nice little café and drink a real Italien coffee! 3€ for two coffees and two minearal water can not be beaten we think. But best thing is the friendly service, which makes you feel you’re at home with your mamma! Men watch out: If you go there with female company you are the one to pay! The waitress will not take any money of the girls.. Italian system, you know.
2 SUPERMERCATO “SERMARK”: Most of EASApeople have already been there, cause this is the right place to get all the tingletangle you need and of course also some nice booze for during the day. They slowly run out of some alcohols though, so get it better sooner than later. Prices are on normal level, the choice is quite big and the service is good. For tabacs you need to go to the cigarette-store though.
4 GELATERIA “GIRIGEL”: This is bella Italia! A small little Gelateria, full of the most exciting kinds of icecream, where you can cheer up your stomach again after the last night of hard partying. 1.50 € for two balls of icecream also is a nice price and it’s really worth a try. Hardcore version: 1 kilogram icecream or icecake for 12€! The handsome Italian Iceman is very happy to have you as a customer and he will always bring a smile to your face.
Easa 2008 makes fitting comeback
The Irish presentation of the EASA 008 teleology workshop documentry kicks off tonight and the irish have celebrated by bringing that thing they are famous for...... rain of epic proportions, hot whisky and leprechauns. This much anticipated half hour show is set to kick off after dinner, so everyone should be there otherwise they have threatened to keep the rain for the whole week as punishement. In preparation for this we at umbrella interviewed some of the stars of the documentry
UMBRELLA: so are you excited about tonight SEAN FEENY: zzzzzzz UMBRELLA: has the reaction to the documentry been good so far
SEAN FEENY: mmm..zzzzzz UMBRELLA: have you been enjoying easa more now that the pressure is over SEAN FEENY: zzzzzz UMBRELLA: so seosamh, you feature regularly in tonights documentry, how do you feel about that SEOSAMH O’MUIRCHEARTAIGH: Duin an doras! UMBRELLA: mmm yes yes, so will you be watching the documentry SEOSAMH O’MUIRCHEARTAIGH: Ni ceart go cur le cheile UMBRELLA: right... okay, so are you enjoying Italy SEOSAMH O’MUIRCHEARTAIGH: Ticead amhain go dti an Gaillaimh, le do thoil
UMBRELLA: so martin your in the documentry MARTIN DASTHORST: ya im really curious, i was really hung over that day, and forgot to wear my favourite pink skinny jeans, they are my favourite.
UMBRELLA: do you think the documentry will be good? MARTIN DASTHORST: im interested to see if they have captured the spirit of easa without making it look like the booze and sexfest that it is. UMBRELLA: are you getting dressed up for the show? MARTIN DASTHORST: im always dressed up, i even got a new hairband UMBRELLA:so you star in the documentry tonight CHRISTOPH HOLZ: ya i heard UMBRELLA:you excited? CHRISTOPH HOLZ: ya im supper excited UMBRELLA: so luis your in the documentry? LUIS HILTI: I havnt seen it but ya UMBRELLA: are you excited? LUIS HILTI: im not sure what manner im in it could be embarrising or good UMBRELLA: how do you feel about the rain? LUIS HILTI: nice keeps the spirit going, and it makes me nostalgic. I love Ireland.
QUESTION OF THE DAY
DO YOU FIND ANY OF YOUR TUTORS SEXY?
MANIFESTO` BRELLO (pastapesto fuck the resto) – Part QUATTRO
Sanja (BOS) Just Brian, he’s sweet.
Pero (CRO) No, he’s a male.
Emer (FR) Ger (FR) Yeah definitely I’ve been check- They are all Irish boys so defiing out Matt’s sweet cheeks all nitely yes. morning,
Ben (NL) Definitately thats why i’m in this workshop.
Ville (FIN) Certainly, massively sexy but I can’t chose it would have to be both of them together.
Emelie (BEL) Janstoff (CH) Bhav (UK) No! (with emphasis and then They are really old... I chose Of course! Marten, no Dijana. giggles like it was a ridiculous Hugo because he is young. question)
61. use an old idea. 62. use somebody else’s idea. 63. humanize something perfect. 64. think global, fuck local. 65. use as many different software programs as possible. 66. don’t write manifestoes 67. speak more than one language. 68. accept differences. 69. be an asshole, except on the toilet. 70. attempt every position at least once. 71. we are not the info point. 72. don’t write job applications at easa. do it on the toilet. 73. get wet. 74. sleeping is losing. 75. tights are not pants. really, they’re not. 76. Fuck Helvetica, IMPACT rules. 77. Find your own personal Jesus. 78. Fuck the context. 79. Only write when you’re miserable. 80. Solve the world’s problems every night.
PLEASE SOMEONE SACRIFICE THEIR BUM
AND SAVE US ALL FROM PAUL FARRELL’S (UK) SEXUAL FRUSTRATION HE HAS BEEN DISPLAYING TODAY THROUGH THE SO CALLED NEWSPAPER-ONE-A4 -BAD GRAPHICS-NOT ORIGINAL-BOOOOORING-NOBODY UNDERSTANDS BROLLY!!!
Giorgios daily thoughts Quote...
“Girls are like clouds. If they go away it’s going to be a nice day!”
“I’m not going to touch it till you wash it.” - unknown
“If there is something happening in my brain I have to write it down, otherwise it goes away.”
Will from UK, trying to kiss a girl that’s really not that into him (l’Ombrella totally understands and agrees with her), and failing to actually kiss her: “Well, i wasn’t that into you anyway...”
“Have you ever seen Ray Charles girlfriend? No? Neither has he...”
It might not sound easy being one of them, they seem to only get the dirty: teenage loving, first blunts, tags, storms and piss. Sum that up with the fact that most of the time they take up expensive space and allways occupy the last spot on the budgetlist, it’s definitly not the most fabulous job in the world. Mindblowing though is the fact that we humans made a approxiomated 1.3 billion km of these escapers, making them one of the most prominent structures in our public space. Unfortunately concrete stairs only get a small percentage in a market dominated by steel. That is a pitty because only concrete can express this pure functional engineered structure in it’s optima forma. Making it into a beautifull spectical of shadows. Offcourse Corbu was the one to recognise their powerfull possibilities, giving them a prominent spot on the side facades of l’unite. Archizone allready mentioned the beautifull piece we have in our own collectione yesterday. It is fully poured in beautiful wooden formwork and it was placed a perfect distance away from the main volume. We must be proud! The stairs might only owe their existence to budgets struggles but they give our volumes a sence of scale and they are a perfect example of the power of repetition. The fact is: the make us feel safe, or at least safer. Don’t underestimate that feeling, only your mommy can do the same. So next time you are walking your streets, don’t forget to humble yourself in their presence while taking that emergency piss.
U M B R E L L A r c h i v e : E A S A 0 0 8 Issuu.com/EASANewspaper
E A S A N e w s p a p e r . t u m b l r . c o m
Tom Bennel and Matt Duggan (UK) Well its hard to say really.., you know things aren’t very clear, they seem a bit misty or foggy. But the good news is that all the participants think the tutors are very sexy (see question of the day). Matt is very pleased to hear this seeing as his cronic gas and swine flu have really been effecting his success with the ladies since he arrived. When UMBRELLA finally managed to track the tutors down they were undertaking their 2 hour brianstorming siesta in the tutor hall, sitting near the open door (on account of Matts gas) Matt explained “today the workshop begins an intense period of design in an attempt to somehow pin-point the right direction to move forward.” Mmm yes sounds specific. The workshop has tried with some smaller experiments, such as branding the water at dinner last night by Emer Mc Cabe(FR), wrapping cling film around stuff like stairs with Paddy O’Conner (IRL) and Ronan Kennys (IRL) peepshow box. More importantly everyone is having fun. So the end result is going to be bigger and better. Keep up the good work lads!!!!
Today Rune’s Review brings another exciting and eye-opening interview, this time with Ville Mellin from Finland. As you probably know, Ville was a Finnish wrestling profile during the 1990’s before he was brain damaged in a show match against American WWF legend The Undertaker. (RR) ”What was your alias during your wrestling career?” (VM) ”Wolf Father” (RR) ”How many years have you been involved with wrestling?” (VM) ”25” (RR) ”What is your main tactics in a WWF match?” (VM) ”To bring my 700 pounds of savage fury and take it out in the ring.” (RR) ”Are you ready for a wrestling match here at the EASA camp?” (VM) ”Bring it on.” (RR) ”Who would you like to fight then?” (VM) ”Irish Sean Feeney a.k.a. Smelly Midget” (RR) ”So you challenge him right now?” (VM) ”Probably.” Personal message to Sean Feeney. Watch your back and don’t take showers alone (not that you ever do).
Fellow EasaNs you may have noticed apparently Moustaches are back in. Umbrella has taken the time to sample some of the more interesting ones out there just waiting to tickle your fancy.
6.5 out of 10
8 out of 10
10 out of 10!!!!
0 out of 10
2.5 out of 10
9.5 out of the 10
NATIONAL EVENING IS NOW CON-
FOR this SATURDAY
After one week of sweating days and nights, time has come for the laundry service. AS NATIONS leave them at the info-point at 11AM Tomorrow and pick them up MONDAY. Now is your only opportunity!!!!!!
IRISH EVENING TONIGHT - FILM, WHISKEY, NAUGHTY STUFF... LECTURE
there is a lecture tonight - about something. aka Garofalo Miura from italy.
excellent time to try the bullshit bingo!
5kg for 10 Euros
architectural bullshit bingo
Attending lecture after lecture might be a bit boring after a while, so l’Ombrello brings you something to spice up those lonely hours spent looking at images or hard-to-understand italienglish... bullshit bingo! this game is really simple and easy to play, with great success and lots of sympathy-booty for the winner (perhaps Paul Farrell should join). These are the steps: 1. cut out any of the following bingo cards. 2. go to the lecture. 3. pay attention. we know, this might be difficult but otherwise your gonna miss all the words. 4. whenever you hear a word that’s on your card - strike it out 5. when you’ve got a vertical or all four corners marked, stand up and shout: BULLSHIT. 6. run. it’s that easy - have fun!
> 90 EASA people lost. If you find them or their fee, please return them to the organisers. Or to Paul Farrell (UK) - he needs love too. > 1 Ground Mat - belonging to Johnny(UK) Lost due to him not using it last night as he was a dirty stop out...
Guess the Countries!
> half a dinner service of knives and folks have been left after dinner yesterday. If you didn’t have one before I suggest you go and pick yourself one up now. > one jockstrap, with skidmarks(?) and initials P.F.
concept reclaim systematic public
fluctuating hyperbolic horizontal context
threshold traces exurbanize methodology engagement
condition montage fabric three-dimensionality sculptural
elevation reclaim vertical collective
big glasses systematic horizontal experience
rhizomes roofscape vertical concept fluctuating
mobility interaction section hybridize public
ambigious reclaim engagement spatiality mapping
threedimensionality hyperbolic concept vernacular engagement
exurbanize public mobitily traces
context tradition rectangular redevelopment
hyperbolic big glasses mapping spatiality private
roofscape montage threshold concept elevation
reclaim condition traces section territory