The Durango Telegraph, June 29, 2023

Something to really ooh and ahh over

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June 29, 2023 Vol. XXII, No. 26 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Seat at the table

The river of denial

‘Matli crew

Tribes finally getting say in Colorado River debate p8

Debunking a Grand Canyon tall tale – yet again p10

Grammy-winning L.A. band takes over Buckley Park p12

2 n June 29, 2023

telegraph

lineup

4 La Vida Local

Weighing in

4 Thumbin’ It

Tribes finally get seat at Colorado River negotiations table

5 Land Desk

by Allen Best

6-7 Soap Box

10

8 Big Pivots 10 Top Story

Going deep Debunking the Grand Canyon Egyptian ruins myth – yet again

12 Top Shelf Redux

by Jonathan Romeo

14 Gossip of the Cyclers

12

15 Flash in the Pan 18-19 Stuff to Do

Boogie in Buckley Ozomatli brings Grammy-winning L.A. fusion to Durango

by Chris Aaland

22 Haiku Movie Review

You call this fun?

On the cover A paraglider provides some in-between-sets entertainment for the crowd at last weekend’s “Nordfest” in Mancos./ Photo by Missy Votel

When the going gets tough, the tough change their attitude

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by Jennaye Derge

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21 Free Will Astrology 22 Classifieds

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telegraph

Ear to the ground “You having a mullet is just like when you had cornrows. I just can’t look at you.”

– When a girlfriend gives you fashion advice, it’s probably best to take it

thepole

8

RegularOccurrences

Stuffed You may not know it, but Aug. 4, 2018, is a day that lives in infamy.

On that day, in Augsburg, Germany, André Ortolf set out to accomplish a feat that would set him apart from his fellow man: eating a watermelon really fast.

More specifically, according to the Guinness World Records: “The attempt was done on a children’s holiday camp to show how records are attempted.” Alright…?

Little did Ortolf know he would be making the history books, because he downed a 1.5 pound watermelon in just 30 seconds.

His title still stands today, according to Guinness.

However, his title could be in jeopardy with the first annual 4th of July Watermelon Eating Contest at 11th St. Station this Saturday (see what we did there?).

Carmen Drulis, manager of 11th St. Station, said she was thinking of an event that would be fun for all ages and landed on the watermelon eating contest. Last weekend, she had 11th St. Station’s owners and some staff give it a practice run.

“It definitely was harder than I thought it would be for them,” she said. “I didn’t personally do it. I found my way out of that.”

At 4 p.m. on Saturday, there will be three age categories: 6 and under, 7 to 15, and 16 and older. Contestants will go head to head trying to eat one watermelon the fastest, then advance to the next round. Prizes await for first and second places.

How many watermelons does one buy for a watermelon eating contest? “That’s my project today,” Drulis said Wednesday.

We tried to Google “strategies for winning a watermelon-eating contest” but didn’t find much, other than some tutorials on a website called TikTok. Another website recommends “don’t choke,” so do what you will with that information.

Regardless, if you’re up for it, go on down to 11th St. Station on Saturday and try to unseat Ortolf. (Ortolf, it appears, has an affinity for setting strange world records, also holding the title for furthest distance to blow a pea as well as fastest 100-meter race in both clogs and ski boots.)

Oh, and no need to bring your own puke buckets – Drulis said those would be provided. And whatever you do, don’t eat the seeds. You don’t want a watermelon growing in your stomach.

June 29, 2023 n 3

opinion

LaVidaLocal A hopeful dystopia One afternoon, in a year when human rights were being repealed nationally, I clocked into my bookstore job and stood powerless behind the front counter. I was trying to stay present while dreading the present. Then a small child, maybe around 10 years old, approached the counter and told me and my co-workers about a fantasy series she was writing.

She described a five-volume series about different dragons fighting against each other “in a world on the brink of war.” Then she showed us a sketchbook full of dragon characters in this dragon world. The girl said the first book would be titled, “I Thought the World Was Free.”

The next books, she said, would focus on the chaos the dragons are caught in. But, she added, all the upheaval would lead to the final book, titled “The World is Beautiful.” At that moment, the world felt colorful again. And my heart swelled and sank.

A year later, as U.S. states continue to take away rights and health care from women and the LBGTQ+ community, I keep thinking about those books and stories in the making. In order to stay anchored to the present, I realize sometimes I need to be adrift in a hopeful dystopia.

Last year, in response to our ongoing crises, an unflinchingly radical novel came out called “Thrust.” I recently read it, and at times I found myself wondering if that little girl with her dragon books came straight out of this novel.

One of the main characters in “Thrust” is a girl named Laisvė. She lives with her father in the nottoo-distant future in what used to be New York City, where climate change and police states have created a bleak society. Laisvė is a “carrier” – by holding onto objects and recognizing the history they carry, she can travel through time via water. This allows the girl to escape immigration raids, taking her on a journey to engage with history’s working class, living hidden lives; to converse with the earth and animals in revolt against man-made destruction. “Thrust” smashes borders between fiction and history, magic and science; the past and present.

The sprawling book is non-linear, with every moment folding into each other.

Lidia Yuknavitch, the author, said in one interview, “In this story, I tried to ask what it might look like on the page and in storytelling if times were allowed to speak to each other.” She added, “If the past and the present and the future didn’t hold anymore as markers of difference, what might that look like?”

The result is a novel containing a hopeful dystopia. It’s a story containing multiple stories, centering queer and female voices. The novel celebrates those fluid identities and desires often regarded as threatening evils by patriarchy.

“EVIL is just LIVE going in a different direction,” Laisvė once said, adding, “People get stuck too easily.”

While I was reading “Thrust,” events were happening in the world that again felt like they leaped out of the novel. Around the Strait of Gibraltar, a growing number of orca pods are attacking and sometimes sinking boats. The Guardian recently reported that orcas around the North Sea, 2,000 miles from the Strait, are also organizing against boats. One researcher stated, “It’s possible this ‘fad’ is leapfrogging through the various pods/communities,” and there may be “highly mobile pods that could transmit this behavior a long distance.”

Now, when I hear of orca uprisings, I think of one scene from “Thrust:” on the cusp of environmental catastrophe, ancient mammoth tusks rise along the Lena River, which induces a new gold rush on a dying planet. One day, Laisvė and her family encounter a hunter prying a tusk loose from river mud. Her family keeps a safe distance behind a tree, and there Laisvė hears the tree speaking to her. “The animals are returning,” the tree says. “Water is rearranging.”

Later on, the omniscient narrator tells us that most people believe a different future is impossible. But, the narrator goes on, Laisvė knows a better world requires imagination, the kind of imagination that leaps “from sea into sky and back, like a beautiful black orca.”

Like Laisvė, the dragon girl in the bookshop carries the spirit of speculative fiction writer Ursula Le Guin – the visionary of hopeful dystopias. That’s what mesmerizes me about the imaginative mind of children. In their raw worldview, everything blends together: magic is as real as the sun and sea. In another scene from “Thrust,” earthworms are talking to Laisvė. They recognize her endless wonder for the world. They tell her, “I don’t know what kind of girl you are, but sometimes human-child spawn can travel differently. Once your species hits adulthood, it’s all over. Dead matter. Stuck inside their own dramas.”

In their own undamaged way, children recognize the man-made injustice and innate beauty of the world, while innocently demanding the impossible: a world where everyone is safe and loved. Those who carry that compassionate imagination into adulthood become prophets with pens, bringing to life other worlds for us to believe in.

– Kirbie Bennett

SignoftheDownfall:

Thumbin’It The City of Durango sending out a random survey to 3,000 households to gauge, among other things, the quality of life in town. Oh please pick us!

Work on about 6 miles of new trails at Durango Mesa Park, on the east side of town, expected to be completed and open to the public by the fall.

Newly revealed doodles by ole Henry VIII showing he felt remorse for his six wives, countless beheadings, schisming from the church, starting tons of wars.

See? People can change.

4 n June 29, 2023

Rough days keep coming, with search and rescue crews now looking for a man who went missing on Hesperus Mountain as well as an unidentified body spotted in the Animas River.

A human case of bubonic plague in Montezuma County. Thank god we still have 10,000 rolls of toilet paper from the last pandemic; that’ll come in handy.

In other pandemic news, more than $200B – nearly 20% – of COVID-19 relief business loans appear to be fraudulent. Well, that was a colossal f$@# up.

telegraph

Highway to Heck For nearly 20 years, bus #666 has taken passengers to and from Hel, which is a town on the Baltic coast of Poland. The irony of this caused a boom in bus tourism over the past decade, but Fronda, a local Catholic publication, didn’t get the joke.

After years’ worth of protests led by Fronda, bus number 666’s operator announced last week that the last number in the bus’ license number would be flipped, thereby making it 669.

Fronda has labeled the change a success, but eventually, they’ll figure out why all the local teens are giggling.

LandDesk

All ears

Monument swap seen as win-win for almost everybody

by Jonathan Thompson

B

ears Ears National Monument – designated in 2016, eviscerated in 2017, restored in 2021 – continues to make news as Congress considers a proposed land exchange aimed at making the national monument whole.

After months of deliberation and negotiations, Utah’s School and Institutional Trust Lands Administration (SITLA) and the Bureau of Land Management have settled on a land swap that would transfer state lands within Bears Ears National Monument to the federal government.

SITLA will transfer 130,000 acres within the Bears Ears boundaries, plus 30,000 additional acres, to the feds. In exchange, the feds will give the state 163,000 acres of BLM land throughout the state, 52,000 acres of which are in San Juan County.

The swap will eliminate the checkerboard of inholdings within the monument and give the state blocks of parcels that are potentially far more lucrative due to their mineral or real estate development potential.

For example, the state will receive nearly 30,000 acres in Lisbon Valley, which is being targeted for uranium, lithium, potash, copper, and oil and gas extraction. Much of the acreage SITLA is acquiring already has active mining claims on it. And SITLA will gain some 7,600 acres in the Shitamaring Creek drainage near the Henry Mountains in Garfield County, Utah. This is another prospective uranium mining area; Anfield Resources and EFR Henry Mountains (Energy Fuels) each have staked dozens of claims on these parcels.

The transfer should make it easier for the companies to permit mines, state regulations tend to be more lax than those on federal land. But it will also make mining more expensive. Miners on federal land pay zero royalties on the minerals they extract (thanks to outdated mining laws). On Utah land, uranium miners pay an 8% royalty, plus severance taxes.

Bears Ears buttes in the distance of SW Colorado./ Photo by Jonathan Thompson The Bears Ears Commission, made up of representatives from the five tribal nations that originally proposed the national monument, supports the exchange. Environmental groups also back it. Initially, members of the San Juan County Board of Commissioners opposed the swap, because most of the gained state lands would be in other counties. But tossing the potentially lucrative Lisbon Valley parcels into the mix helped ease most concerns.

But not everyone’s happy. Utah State Rep. Phil Lyman, who hasn’t exactly been shy about his disdain for federal land management and Bears Ears National Monument, has come out in strong opposition, telling FOX 13 News’ Ben Winslow that the swap is “of, by and for the environmentalists” and that he intends to sue to stop “this unconstitutional transfer of land.”

And then there’s the young town of Bluff, Utah, which lies right on the edge of the national monument.

SITLA owns a big chunk of land within the town limits. Because of its proximity to the national monument, most Bluffoons (a term of endearment, I assure you) had hoped the SITLA land in Bluff would be included in the swap and would come under federal management.

That would help keep drill rigs, gravel pit expansions, solar energy facilities and real estate developments at bay.

But not only is SITLA holding onto most of its Bluff land; it is also gaining BLM parcels within the town limits. One of these contains dozens of cultural

sites, including a cliff dwelling and petroglyph panels. The others are along the banks of the San Juan River, and the Bluff River Trail passes through them.

This concerns Bluffoons because SITLA’s mission is to generate revenue from these lands by leasing them for grazing, mining and oil/gas drilling, or selling them to developers. This is how a section of Comb Ridge on the western edge of Bluff was privatized in 2016.

And as if to throw salt in Bluff’s wounds, SITLA has joined a private landowner’s bid to “disconnect” its land – a total of 9,500 acres – from the town of Bluff. If they are successful, the parcels would no longer be subject to Bluff landuse regulations or zoning, which could be detrimental to the community.

It’s not clear why the state agency wants to hold onto land in Bluff, or why it is taking such an adversarial stance against the tiny community. Maybe it’s because Bluff has a reputation as somewhat of an outlier in the conservative state by generally embracing rather than fighting against Bears Ears National Monument. Maybe it’s because Bluff has tried to hold state land tenants – like a giant gravel pit on the sandstone bench above town – accountable.

Rep. John Curtis, R-Utah, has introduced a bill that would authorize the exchange. It is expected to move through Congress in the coming months.

Land Desk is a newsletter from Jonathan P. Thompson, author of “River of Lost Souls,” “Behind the Slickrock Curtain” and “Sagebrush Empire.” Subscribe at: landdesk.org

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June 29, 2023 n 5

SoapBox

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

It takes a village On Sat., June 24, the regional music community gathered at Mancos Brewing to celebrate the songs of local songwriter/band leader/rock ‘n’ roll guy Erik Nordstrom. This celebration served as a fundraiser to help out Nordstrom with the financial burden of his cancer treatments, but above that, it was an event recognizing contributions to the local music scene Nordstrom has been making for more than 20 years.

Ten bands and more than 40 musicians came together to play songs Nordstrom has written, a full-blown tribute to a gifted songwriter that has been a great part of our regional music scene.

This event was a success because of an active musical community that Nordstrom has fostered and musicloving residents who support said community.

Huge thanks go out to Mancos Brewing, Ska Brewing, Fenceline Cider, sound engineer Brian Willyard, Jim Gillaspy of Jimmy’s Music & Supply, Bill Doherty and the bands The Snowy

Plovers, The Dirty Chords, Horizon, Group Shower, Acid Wrench, The Nathan Schmidt Band, The Crags, Little Wilderness, Farmington Hill and Lawn Chair Kings.

We’d also like to thank everyone that attended in support of Nordstrom and his wife, Shanti. This event proved the Four Corners has a music scene brimming with creativity, talent and a load of love.

On behalf of the organizers of “Nordfest 2023,” thank you.

– Bryant Liggett, Durango

Quite a rap sheet The legal consequences are circling around former President Donald Trump like a pack of wolves. You almost need a spreadsheet to keep track.

First, the Trump Organization was found guilty of tax evasion charges in New York state. Then, Trump himself was indicted in New York related to hush money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels. That one is set for trial in March 2024.

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Then, there was the recent $5 million civil judgment against Trump after a woman sued him claiming sexual assault in the 1990s and defamation.

In early June, a federal grand jury indicted Trump on 37 federal charges related to him taking a bunch of government records, some of which were highly classified national security documents, refusing to give them back.

He tried to hide them, showing them to people who had no clearance to see them and the like. This one is serious stuff.

Still pending is the investigation in Georgia into Trump’s recorded solicitation of the Georgia Secretary of State to commit an election crime and violate his oath of office. And, especially Trump’s instigation of the Jan. 6, 2021, violent coup attempt after he lost the 2020 election.

But, of course, Trump and his GOP lackeys call it just a continuation of the witch hunt and the Biden administration weaponizing the Department of Justice to “get” Trump.

They call it a huge abuse of power by Biden. Never mind that Trump did his best to weaponize the DoJ in December 2020 as part of his effort and abuse of power – unprecedented in the nation’s

history – to keep himself in power.

House Republicans called the documents indictment a scandalous affront to equal law enforcement for all, as if they actually supported that.

What they actually want is an exemption for Trump. Instead, the indictment is an example of equal law enforcement for all; that not even Trump is above the law. They hate that.

Those of us who want to see Trump in an orange jumpsuit are watching with great interest. There’s no witch hunt. It’s all an appropriate result of Trump’s own actions.

About darn time!

– Carole McWilliams, Bayfield

Boebert’s boondoggle Last week, Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert filed a privileged motion that forced a vote on a resolution to impeach President Joe Biden. Boebert promised to bring the resolution to a floor vote on a daily basis, ad infinitum.

Last year, Boebert delivered federal remittances to Colorado Congressional District 3 (CD-3) of $4.95 billion. The average congressional district in the

state enjoyed federal remittances of $6.05 billion. Our district was shortchanged by approx. $1.1 billion, which amounts to $1,452 per man, woman and child in CD-3. That is real money that could have been used to fix our roads and bridges.

I am certainly no fan of Biden. His weak foreign policy, his open borders (with the attendant 107,000 annual opioid deaths), his alleged corruption with ties to Russia and China.

I also did not support his disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan and his green boondoggle to wealthy donors, which is wilting our public fisc and international prestige.

But, somebody needs to explain to me (I am running for the Republican nomination in CD-3 against Boebert) how impeaching Biden will increase federal spending in the largest nonsingle-state congressional district in the nation.

– Russ Andrews, Carbondale

To Suggest

telegraph

He always said that people spent too much time worrying over brokered needs.

He always thought that there were those rare events and opportunities that people missed because they were constantly prodded into passing through those perpetual, and pervasive doors of distraction.

He held that there were “simpler times” and that they were still to be found in consciously choosing a cooler, more modest shade.

He was puzzled to find That even the spiritualists were also diligently fashioning their place in the sun, chasing that elusive hocus pocus mirage.

For him to suggest that the real dream had, all the while, been waiting for them outside their door, would have been dismissed as naïve and idyllic.

– Burt Baldwin, Ignacio

June 29, 2023 n 7

BigPivots

Seat at the table Tribal voices enter Colorado River debate

by Allen Best

V

oices of Native Americans, long shunted to the side room, are being heard more clearly in Colorado River discussions, as reflected in two water conferences in Colorado.

At the first, a drought summit in Denver, a panel that was devoted to the worsening imbalance between water supplies and demands, included Lorelei Cloud, the vice chairman of the Southern Ute Indian Tribe. Her presence was an overt acknowledgement by conference organizers that the Ute tribe, if a part of Colorado, is also sovereign.

That’s something new.

The conference was sponsored by the Colorado Water Conservation Board, the state’s preeminent water policy agency.

Cloud recently became a board member, representing Southwestern Colorado.

She’s the first Ute ever on the board.

Cloud lauded Colorado for being ahead of many other states in including Native voices. “We’re making strides,” she said, but added that work remains.

The next week, she was on a stage in Boulder at a conference about the Colorado River. Thirteen of the 30 federally recognized tribes that hold water rights in the Colorado River Basin were present.

Their rights stem from a 1908 Supreme Court decision involving tribal lands in Montana. The high court agreed that when the U.S. government created reservations and expected tribes to live there, water sufficient to the presumed agrarian ways was part of the deal.

This decision, called the Winters Doctrine, has enormous implications for

8 n June 29, 2023

the shrinking Colorado River. Tribes collectively hold 25-30% of the water rights in the basin. Not all claims have been adjudicated. Most tribal rights predate others. The Southern Ute rights, for example, date to 1868.

All predate the Colorado River Compact. Tribes were not invited to Santa Fe in 1922 to apportion the river’s waters among the seven basin states, though the compact does note federal obligations.

Now, with the Colorado River delivering an average 12.5 million acre-feet – far less than the 20-plus assumed by those who crafted the compact – and flows expected to decline further, hard decisions need to be made. Tribal voices are being integrated into the discussions. Not fast enough for some, but very different than just a few years ago, when the federal government merely “consulted” tribes.

“We need to be at the table, not just at a side table,” said one tribal representative at the Boulder conference.

Some tribes have been amenable to leasing their rights to cities and others.

But will tribes with a few thousand members exert as much influence as California with its giant farms and huge cities? California insists that its senior rights be respected in any agreements.

Still unclear is what hewing to that principle means when it comes to tribes with even more senior rights.

Also unclear is the practicality of fully integrating the 30 tribes, each with unique circumstances and perspectives, in discussions with the seven basin states and federal government about how to address the sharp limitations imposed by

Lorelei Cloud, vice chairman of the Southern Ute Indian Tribe and a director of the Colorado Water Conservation Board, at the entrance to the Ute exhibit at History Colorado in Denver./ Photo by Allen Best the river. What has changed is broad recognition that tribal voices must be better included. Through the Water and Tribes Initiative, the tribes themselves have insisted upon being heard.

Residual anger at being shunted remains. Also ample is a spirit of cooperation. Many representatives suggested tribes offer creativity and innovations in the community of 40 million Colorado River water users that extends from the farms of northeastern Colorado to the metropolises of Southern California.

Stephen Roe Lewis, the governor of the Gila River Indian Community south of Phoenix, pointed out that his tribe has undertaken the largest integration of solar panels over water canals in North America, a practice called aquavoltaics.

Others suggested that tribes offered perspective. The Hopi have been in Arizona for more than 2,000 years. They’ve experienced drought, said tribal member Dale Sinquah: “Our ceremonies and

telegraph

prayers revolve around water. That is what Hopi can contribute, along with dialogue.”

Native Americans often talk of water as being sacred, but that does not mean roped-off. The Native understanding is different than the legalistic framework most of us use. They see water as something to be used, yes, but not in the same lens as most of us, who view it more narrowly as a commodity. What that means in practice is hard to tease out.

Peter Ortego, a non-Native attorney representing the Ute Mountain Ute Tribe, said he found it odd the session had not started with a prayer. “Maybe we should ask, ‘What should we do today to respect the spirituality of water?’”

He’s got a point. I’ve never asked that question, but I am very curious about the answer.

At BigPivots.com, Allen Best analyzes and reports on the energy and water transitions underway in Colorado and beyond. ■

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4th of July Cel 4t Celebr bration ations Events on Monday, July 3rd Music, Movies & More - By City of Durango, 7-11 p.m., Buckley Park Live music starts at 7 p.m. with Drama Club, followed by Durango Aerial Arts Juggling Demonstration. At 9 p.m., watch the classic movie “The Sandlot”

Events on Tuesday, July 4th

DO COL ORADO COLORA

All American Gourmet Breakfast - By Rotary Club of Durango and Daybreak Rotary Club, 7:30-10:30 a.m., Rotary Park Pancakes, eggs, sausage, biscuits/gravy & more!

For advanced tickets, visit: RotaryBreakfast.square.site

Freedom 5K Run, Stroll & Walk - By City of Durango, 9 a.m., Rotary Park Run, walk or stroll on the Animas River Trail, beginning and ending at Rotary Park. Checkin is 8:15 – 8:45 a.m.

w o N s I The Goose ! n e p Bar & Eate ry O

Southwest Civic Winds Patriotic Concert - 9:15-10:30 a.m., Rotary Park Bring a lawn chair or blanket to Rotary Park to listen to toe-tapping patriotic music!

Annual 4th of July Picnic - By Fast Signs and Local News Network, 12 noon 4:30 p.m., Buckley Park Benefitting Building Homes for Heroes. Burgers, hot dogs, sodas and beer by Ska Brewing and Steamworks. Live music: 12-2 p.m. by Vinyl Lust; 2:30 – 4:30 p.m. by Kirk James.

Stars & Stripes Parade - By City of Durango, 5-5:45 p.m., Main Avenue Line up early on Main Avenue. Parade starts at College Drive and ends at 13th Street.

located at 760 s. camino del rio next to the durango mall

4th of July Street Dance - By City of Durango, 6-10 p.m., Transit Center Featuring live music at 6 p.m. by Six Dollar String Band and at 7:45 p.m. with Desert Child.

Food, beer, music, dancing and kid’s activities. Arrive to eat and dance, stay for the Drone Show!

4th of July Drone Show - By Pixis Drones, 9:15 p.m., Transit Center Pixis Drones will light up the evening skies with a drone show highlighting Durango and La Plata County. Launching from Greenmount Cemetery.

For schedule of all events July 1 – 4, go to: Durango.org/4thofJuly.

Great Food • Indoor & Outdoor Seating Dog-Friendly Patio • Beer • Cocktails telegraph

June 29, 2023 n 9

TopStory

Explorers survey an unmapped cave passage within the Grand Canyon in 2022./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

The river of denial Snopes-ing the Egyptian-Grand Canyon myth

by Jonathan Romeo

I

t’s a tale you might have heard repeated around a campfire – remnants of a massive Egyptian civilization found deep within the caves of the Grand Canyon, littered with artifacts, hieroglyphs, an underground citadel and even mummified remains that date back to 1250 BC. But it doesn’t end there. After the site’s discovery, the story goes, there ensued a decades-long cover-up. It was headed by “radical” groups – National Park Service and Smithsonian Institution – to hide this revolutionary piece of history from the fragile public.

“This hoax has haunted us for decades and no doubt will for many more years to come,” Ellen Brennan, the Grand Canyon National Park’s Cultural and Resources Program Manager, said.

10 n June 29, 2023

Exactly what someone who wanted to hide the existence of this ancient civilization would say, right?

Joking aside, it’s relatively easy to track the origins of the urban legend of the ancient Egyptian civilization in the Grand Canyon, as well as debunk it. Yet it’s a tale that continues to be perpetuated by the public, vexing the NPS as well as Grand Canyon guides.

“Every time I hear about it, it legitimately upsets me,” Haley Johnson, President of the Grand Canyon Historical Society, said. “I lead about four guided tours a week in the Grand, and I’ll get a question (about the Egyptian civilization) on at least one of those.”

So how did such a far-fetched tale start? How did it continue to live on in the imaginations of people through all

these years? And why, oh why, does the human condition continue to fall for and believe in some of the most fantastical lies on the planet?

We probably won’t be able to answer that last one, but here we go.

Read all about it Within about, oh, 30 seconds of Googling, you can easily find the genesis of the Egyptian civilization myth. On April 5, 1909, a newspaper called the Arizona Gazette published a story titled “Explorations in the Grand Canyon” with wild claims of the discovery.

The cracks in the story, however, are seemingly endless. For starters, the Arizona Gazette was known for outlandish yellow journalism created only to get a rise out of the public and sell papers (Hey, sounds like some publications today!)

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Also of note, no other paper at the time picked up the story – kinda weird for such an Earth-shattering discovery, no?

What’s more, the Arizona Gazette’s story was penned by an anonymous author and only cites one source: an alleged Smithsonian-funded explorer, G.E. Kinkaid, who supposedly conducted a solo expedition of the canyon with the guidance of a professor named S.A. Jordan.

In the Arizona Gazette story, Kinkaid claims he saw in a cliff 2,000 feet above the Colorado River a cave with an elaborate system of tunnels and chambers, as well as hundreds of rooms. Within the cave were artifacts, hieroglyphs, mummies and a Buddha-like statue.

Kinkaid continued that the artifacts featured inscribed tablets; gold urns; weapons; sophisticated copper tools; and

granaries made out of cement. Also, a 700-foot-long dining hall was found with cooking utensils still on it. In all, it was estimated that these chambers were home to some 50,000 people.

Interestingly (or perhaps not interestingly), the Arizona Gazette never published another story about such a wild find.

Down the rabbit hole The myth of the Egyptian civilization had its moment in the sun, inciting the imaginations of readers for a time after the publication of the Arizona Gazette story. But then it appeared to fall into the annals of stupid stories told over time, until it was resurrected in the 1990s in a pseudoscience book that explored the occult.

Now, with social media and true crime stories galore warping our society’s collective minds, this urban legend has new life.

So much so that agencies like the NPS and Smithsonian continually send out messaging to debunk the fabricated tale.

When asked multiple times for comment on this story, a representative with the Smithsonian wrote back in an email: “We haven’t heard of that urban legend, and, unfortunately, we do not have anyone that can speak on this.”

Oof – not great for the whole “not a cover-up” crowd.

On a serious note, though, the Smithsonian’s own website has a section dedicated to discrediting the myth. What’s more, in 2000, the institution did a deep dive of its archives and found no record of a G.E. Kinkaid or S.A. Jordan on its staff, or any evidence of a commissioned exploration of the Grand Canyon within the timeframe cited in the Arizona Gazette story.

“Nevertheless, the story continues to be repeated in books and articles,” Smithsonian staff wrote in a 2000 email in response to an inquiry about the myth.

Flagstaff-based rafting legend Tom Martin, whose detailed river maps are considered the gold standard in the boating community, said he has fielded multiple

inquiries about the Egyptian civilization hoax over the years.

“Tall tales are nothing new; everyone loves a good yarn,” Martin said. “Of course, we live in an age of cover up and ‘fake news,’ but we also need to realize some things don’t pass the sniff test. I mean, who would sit on such an amazing find and not tell anyone?”

Egypt-gate?

Well, these days, the agency that gets accused the most of a cover-up is the NPS. Oh yes, totally reputable sources like Reddit and the “Joe Rogan Experience” are rife with claims that the NPS has closed off areas and caves that contain the ancient ruins.

The reality of the thing doesn’t sound as cool.

“All of the caves in the park are offlimits to the public,” a spokesperson with the Grand Canyon National park said in an email. “The primary concern is public safety (injury and/or disease from bats), and the secondary concern is preserving and protecting the natural and historical resources.”

And the same goes for off-trail exploring, the spokesperson said.

Yet, the NPS to this day fields requests for information, the most recent in February, in which a man said he had the key that would open a pyramid (there was never any mention of a pyramid in the Arizona Gazette story) and prove the existence of the find.

“I have an artifact that proves the ancient egyptians or even older civilization was in california,” the man wrote in a FOIA request. “It is a very curious artifact I believe to made by the egyptian god Thoth.

I believe it is a key to open a door in the grand canyon pyramid (sic).”

Wow. Kool-Aid, anyone?

So, you may be wondering (like me), why would all these agencies cover up such a monumental find? Well, not sur-

An archaic style of rock art created by Indigenous tribes – not Egyptians – that inhabited the Grand Canyon./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire prisingly, it’s hard to find a concrete answer on that point, other than vague notions of a deep state or whatever.

Perhaps the most recurring theory is that the “system” and the “man” want to keep the status quo that Europeans were the first to reach the Americas and that any non-White civilization would in no way be able to create technology that would be able to sail to the New World.

And this notion isn’t particularly wrong. Europeans have a long history of downplaying the technological accomplishments of Indigenous peoples and portraying them as “savages.” Case in point: established history maintained Polynesians in no way could have sailed to Hawaii. So, in the 1970s, Native residents reconstructed an ancient Polynesian canoe, sailing it with traditional navigation tools 5,500 miles from Tahiti to Hawaii and back, to prove their ancestors were capable of the voyage.

But ancient Egyptians sailing to the

Americas and creating one of the grandest civilizations deep within the walls of the Grand Canyon? Then, not one person, other than an anonymous explorer in a sensationalist newspaper in the 1900s, writing about it or finding evidence? Yeah, time to put away the tinfoil hats, folks.

In fact, the theory actually overshadows the accomplishments of the first true inhabitants of the region – the Paleo-Indians – who thrived in the canyon as far back as 13,000 years ago and whose culture continues to this day in the Havasupai, Hopi, Diné and other Indigenous descendants.

Yet, here we are, in a day and age where it’s a constant battle to fight misinformation (looking at you Qanon-ers!).

“I think our society is at a point where, when we hear something fantastical, we want to believe it’s true,” Johnson said.

“But I’ve hiked so much in the Grand Canyon, and when you see those archaeological sites from (Native Americans), that’s what’s so beautiful and sacred.”■

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telegraph

BAYFIELD, CO 970-661-2322 June 29, 2023 n 11

TopShelfRedux

‘Matli crew

Party in the Park returns with Latin rock supergroup

by Chris Aaland

Ozomatli

S

ometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

KSUT has thrown Parties in the Park in Durango’s Buckley Park since the mid-2000s, but recent years have found the event more scarce than regular.

That all changes at 5 p.m. Saturday, when gates open for Ozomatli, the Latin rock supergroup that headlines the public radio station’s 18th such event.

KSUT held the events annually through 2019 when the Boulder-based funk outfit, The Motet, crammed more than 1,200 people into Buckley. Plans for a 2020 return by The Motet were scrapped by the pandemic; monsoon rains spoiled the party in 2021; and no Party in the Park was held in 2022, due to KSUT’s coproduction of the much-larger Lyle Lovett concert at Ward Lee Field.

“The Party in the Park has traditionally featured bands that make people dance,” KSUT Executive Director Tami Graham said. “It’s a celebration of the diversity of the Four Corners.”

Graham said that the event acknowledges the multiculturality of the Four Corners, including its vibrant Latinx community. Bands such as The Iguanas, Todo Mundo, Nosotros and Baracutanga have all brought Latin flare to past Parties in the Park. Other years saw Crescent City second line and R&B acts like The Stooges Brass Band and New Orleans Suspects take the stage, along with reggae, rock and world music artists.

Ozomatli, whose name refers to the ancient Aztec symbol of the monkey, which was considered the companion of the god of fire, music and dance, might be the most musically diverse of the whole lot. Since its inception in 1995, the band has forged a unique sound from such varied genres as rock, R&B, funk, hiphop, reggae, dub, world fusion and Latin styles like cumbia, salsa and merengue.

Longtime members Jiro Yamaguchi (drums) and Ulises Bella (saxophone) explained to NPR that Ozomatli takes listeners around the world by taking them around their native Los Angeles: “You drive down Sunset Boulevard and turn off your stereo and roll down your windows, and all the music that comes out of each and every different car, whether it’s salsa, cumbia, merengue or hip-hop, funk or whatever … that crazy blend that’s going on between that cacophony of sound is Ozomatli.”

In addition to Yamaguchi and Bella, Ozomatli’s current roster includes Wil-Dog Abers (bass, marimbula), Raul Pacheco (guitar), Justin Porée (percussion) and Asdrubal Sierra (trumpet, piano). Lead vocals are split between Sierra, Porée and Abers, with backing vocals by all six members.

The band’s most recent albums reflect that diversity.

Its 2022 release, “Marching On,” is heavy on Latin rock and rap, spawning such crowd favorites as “Una

12 n June 29, 2023

Mas” and “Mi Destino.” 2017’s “Non-Stop: Mexico to Jamaica” adds reggae and dub elements to traditional Mexican folksongs. The band even participated in rock projects like 2016’s “Bad Moon Rising” (from the “Quiero Creedence” collection) and “Willie and the Hand Jive” (from “Precious to Me,” which was released

by Ozomatli’s record label, Blue Elan, earlier this year to raise funds and awareness for the Alliance for Children’s Rights).

Social activism is nothing new to Ozomatli.

Throughout the band’s career, it has created music to give voice and shine a spotlight on the culture and lives of Latinos. Along the way, the band has championed workers’ rights and voter registration, particularly in underrepresented communities. It has also served as cultural ambassadors for the U.S. State Department, bringing the sounds of Los Angeles to China, Mongolia, Myanmar, Jordan, Tunisia and Cuba.

The awards have stacked up, including a pair of Grammys for Best Latin Rock/Alternative Album.

Along the way, they’ve collaborated with and performed alongside such artists as Neil Young, Jack Johnson, Los Lobos, the Boston Pops and the USC Marching Band.

Graham said a good party needs more than just a

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mixtape in the background. She and her staff have partnered with the Sky Ute Casino Resort, A&L Coors, Wagon Wheel Liquors and a host of food trucks to offer adult libations and liquor and food options. The KSUT staff will sell tokens to 21-and-older attendees that can be redeemed for beer, wine, seltzers and cocktails.

Admission costs $25 in advance at ksutpresents.org and $30 at the front gate on the night of the event.

Kids 12 and under are free with a paid adult. Pets and outside alcohol are forbidden, but attendees are encouraged to bring their own chairs, blankets and picnic dinners. Gates open at 5 p.m., with DJ I-Gene spinning tunes until Ozomatli takes the stage at around 7.

Temperatures are expected to be in the high 80s Saturday afternoon under mostly sunny skies, and complimentary water will be provided at hydration stations.

Full disclosure: Chris Aaland is the development and music director for KSUT and talent buyer for KSUT Presents.

He is a former music and nightlife columnist for the Durango Telegraph. He hosts the Afternoon Blend each Tuesday and “Tales of the New West” each Wednesday evening on KSUT. ■

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June 29, 2023 n 13

GossipoftheCyclers

When a summer bikepacking trip turns into a post-holing hike-a-bike, it’s time to dig deep. And remember that this is fun. No really./Courtesy photo

Power on Finding that inner strength, even when the stoke is low

by Jennaye Derge

T

he past few months have been – to varying degrees and for a plethora of reasons – hard.

Usually, I’d get through these tough times with a mountain bike ride. Pedaling through oak scrub and pine is one of the only things I know how to do when it seems like I don’t know how to do anything.

But it suddenly seemed as if I’d stretched myself so thin with work and life things, that by the time I got on my mountain bike to face steep, exposed terrain or big rock drops, I was spent. I just didn’t have it in me.

I tipped over even just looking at an off camber berm or an uphill root. I could barely navigate my dishes; how could I hit that drop? I bailed on friend rides to watch trashy TV while my phone pinged email messages at me that I needed to respond to, but didn’t. I instead picked up my phone to check this year’s Tour Divide racers.

14 n June 29, 2023

The 2023 Tour Divide had started the exact day my stress levels peaked. It was that day that 200 endurance cyclists were lining up in Banff, Canada, to start the 2,745-mile Great Divide Mountain Bike Route. Among the riders going south to Mexico were three of my personal heroes: Alexandera Houchin, Katya Rakhmatulina and, of course, Lael Wilcox. All three are badass ladies who continue to raise the bar for women in cycling. I put stars on all three of their dots on Trackleaders, and by the time these ladies made it to Idaho, my stress had crescendoed. I fell down on my couch where I remained, unable to get the chutzpah to ride my own bike.

I hid from the world and watched as Lael made her bold, brave statement, “Oh, I’ll catch them,” when a reporter informed her she was in seventh, placing behind six guys. I watched Katya’s bike fall apart twice and her having to detour into towns to get it fixed. I watched all three women push their

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bikes over mountain passes, through mud, rain, snow, wind, bears, skunks and cows. What they were all doing was really hard, and through it all, they (mostly) had huge smiles on their faces.

Each photo showed them grinning or giving a thumbs up when most people would be giving a solid thumbs down. Videos had them in high spirits and often commenting on the beautiful scenery or how good they were feeling while they were pushing their bikes through nighttime mud with wind in their faces. They could have been covered in cow shit and cactus needles, and I think they’d still be smiling.

That same weekend, my friends and I were scheduled to go on a bikepacking trip, which I was trying to find an excuse to get out of. I had already shunned my mountain bike, and navigating one more difficult thing, fun or not, seemed impossible.

But the route we had planned didn’t seem so hard, and because I was no longer willing to do anything

hard, I said yes.

On our drive toward Telluride, the rain started coming down, and there was snow falling right where we were planning on camping that night.

Even though we’d brought winter clothes for such an event, the thought of snow in June didn’t really appeal to any of us. So we made a left-hand turn instead of a right-hand one at Dolores and went to the desert instead.

The sudden detour and change of plans turned our previously easy two-day, 60-mile trip into an almost 100 mile, two-day uphill slug – about 12,000 feet up from the hot Utah desert floor into the thinaired mountains. We were so high that we found snow, and my winter wardrobe didn’t go totally unused. Our second – and final – day was our biggest.

We summited and subsequently found the downhill singletrack we were supposed to reward ourselves with. However, the first mile or so was covered in fields and mounds of deep, slippery, off-camber snow-slush, downed trees and mud. And the only way to go was forward.

I slid my body and fully loaded bike under trees, over and down slushy snow, and slopped through mud. I was scratched and bleeding, and my bags were starting to fall off my bike. My bike was starting to fall off the mountain, and I was falling along with it all. I was struggling to carry my bike over a tree trunk when I met up with the conjoined group that had stopped to catch their bearings, and my friend sang out, “This is awesome!”

I laughed loudly at what I thought was a joke, but based on the smile on her face, she clearly wasn’t

kidding. I questioned her two more times before I truly believed that she was not kidding and actually understood what she meant. And that she was right, it was awesome.

I wasn’t really thinking about whether or not I was having fun, if this was “good,” “bad” or “hard.” I was just focusing on not falling off the mountain.

But when I did think about it, yeah, it was hard, but yeah, I was actually having fun. I was surprised that after 60 some-odd miles, my body felt great, the scenery was nice, and it was all actually awesome.

I was smiling (for the most part), and if anyone took my photo, and if I didn’t need to keep a death grip on my bike, I would have given a thumbs-up.

When we got home from our bikepacking trip, I logged back into the metaverse to see Lael’s smiling face as she pushed her way through strong headwinds in New Mexico. She was speaking with a scratchy throat saying that she needed to get an IV at a clinic in Abiquiu, because she kept throwing up and became severely dehydrated. She said her asthma was flaring up (yeah, this pro endurance athlete also battles asthma) because of the heavy headwinds, and it was slowing her down.

Katya had another mechanical and spent a night sleeping by the side of the highway. She was getting tired of riding on the pavement with cars, and then she and Lael, in both their videos, and Alexandera in a photo, all gave a thumbs-up.

What they were doing was really hard, but they all had big smiles on their faces, said how good their bodies felt, and then kept pedaling at the 11th hour toward the finish line. ■

A wise person once said, “If you’re going through hell, just keep going. Singletrack awaits.” Or something like that .../Courtesy photo

aly A taste of It in Durango

Enjoy the patio for happy hour every Monday-Saturday 3-5pm! ~

$4 draft beer $5 house wine & Prosecco $6 Aperol Spritz 1201 Main Ave (970) 764-4138 Mon-Fri 11:30am-9pm Saturdays 3-9pm

telegraph

June 29, 2023 n 15

FlashinthePan

Simply sublime Watermelon shines in pared-down summer salad

by Ari LeVaux

I

met my first watermelon salad at The Covington restaurant in Edgartown, Mass. The dish consisted of watermelon cubes tossed into a pile of salad greens alongside turnip shavings, pickled scapes, feta cheese and balsamic vinegar.

The juicy red chunks did the job normally reserved for tomatoes and availed themselves beautifully. Their sweet acids bent the salad around them, and a leafy salad with watermelon metamorphosed into watermelon salad with leaves. Refreshing and sweet, the salad seemed to make me hungrier the more I ate.

A few minutes later in the hotel lobby, I gushed about the joys of watermelon in salad to whomever would listen. A receptionist named Shania was not impressed. “We put that stuff in salad all the time.” She’s from the hills of Jamaica, a land of yearround gardens and daily salads. She spoke with authority on vegetables but didn’t dwell in specifics.

“If it can grow in the back yard, it’s going in,” Shania said, when I asked her what else goes into a Jamaican watermelon salad. The only ingredient she named as unfit for watermelon salad was tomatoes. They can be too bossy, she explained, and take over the flavor. As for the watermelon, the only guidance she offered was to cut the chunks small. “If the pieces are too big, people will pick them out and eat them.”

The one aspect where Shania got very specific was the dressing. It was nothing more than a simple mix of brown sugar

16 n June 29, 2023

and cheap white vinegar. I was baffled that the dressing and the salad as a whole contained neither salt nor oil. Most chefs and food processors would agree that salt and fat are of paramount importance to creating flavor and that food without these key ingredients will taste bland.

But she insisted. “In Jamaica, people can’t afford oil,” she said. And if you do have oil, she added, you should save it in

case they have to fry a fish. The problem with trying to make this dressing in the U.S., she says, is that “the brown sugar here isn’t right. It clumps together.” I explained that American brown sugar is simply white sugar to which molasses has been added. I found some chunks of evaporated cane juice from a local specialty store and submitted them. She approved.

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So I mixed a few chunks of sugar into some cheap white vinegar and used it to dress a salad of lettuce, onion and watermelon.

Invigorating, thirst-quenching and light, this salad was satisfying on every level. The watermelon washed the leaves, helping them go down effortlessly.

I realized that my original watermelon salad at The Covington similarly did not contain oil or salt, although the crumbled feta provided both salt and fat. But that addition, or the turnip shavings and pickled scapes, did not elevate the salad above the simple version inspired by the backyard salads from the hills of Jamaica. You don’t need to be fancy with watermelon salad. Just stay out of the way, and let the ingredients speak for themselves.

Watermelon Salad In essence, the core of this recipe is to add watermelon to salad, with Shania’s vinegar and sugar dressing. Feel free to adjust by adding anything that grows in the back yard. Except tomatoes. ½ cup white vinegar 3 tablespoons proper brown sugar 4 cups salad greens 1 clove garlic, minced ½ cup minced red onion 2 cups 1/2-inch cubed watermelon Stir the sugar in the vinegar.

Wash, dry and trim the greens. Add the onion and garlic, and toss. Add the watermelon chunks and the dressing.

Toss again, and serve.

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telegraph

June 29, 2023 n 17

StufftoDo

Thursday29 Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. Six Dollar String Band plays, 4 p.m., Purgatory Resort.

Green Drinks, 5 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Los Mocos, Mommy Milkers, Shots of Pepito and American Businessmen play, 7:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave.

iAM Music Fest, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider.

Bo Depena plays, 6 p.m., Fire Fox Farms, Ignacio.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 7-10 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Play Reading: “237 Virginia Avenue,” 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Gasoline Lollipops and Dreem Machine play, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre.

Hauntings & History Ghost Tour, 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Play Reading: “Dr. Arthur Goldman’s Birthday Party,” 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music and Silent Disco, 9 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Ali McGuirk plays, 5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

The Burroughs play, doors at 7 p.m., Animas City Theatre.

Sunday02

Ben Gibson plays, 5:30 p.m., Public House 701, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Hauntings & History Ghost Tour, 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Vintage Brew plays, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard Ave.

Thursday Night Sitting Group, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave, Suite 109.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Open Meditation, 12 noon-1 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave, Suite 109.

Andrew Schuhmann plays, 6 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway 550.

Ava Swan plays, 6 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Bluegrass jam, 6 p.m., weekly, Durango Beer & Ice, 3000 Main Ave. All levels welcome.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Jeff Solon Jazz Duo play, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave. Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Saturday01

Play Reading: “Heartbeat,” 11 a.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoplayfest.org

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Vinyl Sundaze, 12 noon, Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave. Cristen Alexandria spinning vinyl all Sunday afternoon.

Taste of Independence & Pie Eating Contest, 12 noon-3 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Reed and Spencer play, 2-5 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill, Vallecito.

Play Reading: “Dr. Arthur Goldman’s Birthday Party,” 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoplayfest.org iAM Music Fest, 3 p.m., Fenceline Cider.

Watermelon Eating Contest, 4 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Play Reading: “Heartbeat,” 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Ozomatli plays KSUT’s Party in the Park, 5 p.m., Buckley Park. www.ksut.org

Hauntings & History Ghost Tour, 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Andrew and the Middlemen play, 5:30 p.m., Columbine Roadhouse, Silverton.

Friday30

Ben Gibson plays, 5:30 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

18 n June 29, 2023

Veterans Benefit Breakfast, 9 a.m., VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave.

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m., TBK Bank parking lot, 259 W. 9th St.

Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1330 Camino del Rio.

San Juan Nature Hike, 9 a.m., Haviland Lake.

Hosted by San Juan Mountains Association.

Durango Flea Market, 8 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted.

telegraph

Play Reading: “237 Virginia Avenue,” 2 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoplayfest.org Feed the People! free mutual aid meal & gear drive for homeless community members, every Sunday, 2 p.m., Buckley Park.

Picnic in the Park, 3 p.m., Buckley Park. Live music by Chad & Gabrielle. Presented by Community Wellness Center.

Independence Day Ice Cream Social, 5 p.m., VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave. Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Sunday Funday, 6 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Southwest Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra presents “Big Band Holiday,” 6:30 p.m., Rotary Park.

Monday03 Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Apple Pie Baking Contest, 3 p.m., EsoTerra Ciderworks, 558 Main Ave. Happy Hour Yoga, 5:30 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Acrobatics and Movie in the Park, featuring “The Sandlot,” 7 p.m.; film at 9 p.m. Buckley Park.

Sol Chase plays, 7 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Comedy Showcase, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday04 Rotary Gourmet Breakfast, 7:30-10:30 a.m., Rotary Park. For advance tickets, go to rotarybreakfast.square.site Freedom 5k Run, Stroll & Walk, 9 a.m., Rotary Park. Check-in 8:15-8:45 a.m.

Southwest Civic Winds Patriotic Concert 9:15 a.m., Rotary Park.

Fourth of July Picnic & Celebration, 12 noon – 4:30 p.m., Buckley Park. Food and beer by Ska Brewing and Steamworks, live music and children’s activites.

Wednesday05

The Buzz and Leadville Cherokee play, 12 noon, Durango Hot Springs.

Restorative Yoga for Cancer, 9:30-10:45 a.m., no cost for cancer patients, post-treatment survivors and caregivers, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Register at cancersupportswco.org/calendar.

Stars & Stripes Parade, 5 p.m., downtown Durango.

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Ben Gibson Band plays, 6 p.m., Gazpacho’s, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

100 Year Flood plays, 6-10 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Walking Meditation Instruction and Practice, 6:30-7:15 p.m., Claire Viles Park, durangodharmacenter.org

Live music, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave. Blue Moon Ramblers play, 6 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway 550.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Street Dance featuring Six Dollar String Band and Desert Child, 6:30-10 p.m. Also food, beer and kids activities, Transit Center, 250 W. 8th St. Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Drone Show, 9 p.m., Transit Center, 250 W. 8th St.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr. Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Ongoing “Pterosaurs: Ancient Rulers of the Sky,” 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1330 Camino del Rio. Exhibit runs until Sept. 17.

The Hive Indoor Skate Park, open skate and skate lessons. For schedule and waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org

(Advertise in the Telegraph.)

To learn more about our golden advertising opportunties, email: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com or call 970-259-0133

telegraph

June 29, 2023 n 19

AskRachel

App-aholics, birds of play and snakes alive Interesting fact: Vin Diesel, voice actor, recorded all his own lines for “Guardians of the Galaxy” in 15 different languages. No word on which one was sexiest.

Dear Rachel, How many freaking apps do we need for messaging each other? I have friends who use Messenger, Snapchat, Whatsapp and whatever the regular old texting thing is. And those are just the ones I’ve caved into downloading. I’m certain they use more. And it’s not like they have different ones for different people. Individual people will message me on all four apps in the same day. What’s the most polite way for me to stop this madness?

– 54 Unread Messages Dear Full Up, Ugh, tell me about it. Sounds even worse than mailing someone a letter and waiting days for a response that gets published in what’s basically the largest group text in town. Even so, I prefer that to being one of those working schmucks for whom each messaging app purports to boost productivity. I had a job once with an app that was literally virtual sticky notes on a virtual bulletin board. I much preferred analog sticky notes, which necessitated me to walk to the supply cabinet a few times a day.

– BRB, Rachel Dear Rachel, I just learned that the eagle call we hear in

movies & shows is most often a red-tail hawk.

I can’t decide if I’m outraged or impressed.

Like, I’d be pissed if I learned Tom Hanks had someone else rerecord all his lines. BUT… have you ever switched your audio over to Español and discovered that, say, Latina Halle Berry or Latino Benedict Cumberbatch is even sexier? Just saying.

– Overdub Dear Underbud, The only natural compromise here is for the eagles in films to come with subtitles. That way, we can preserve their natural language while accommodating those whose primary understanding of nature is through the various hawk tongues. And yes; having sat through “Toy Story” whenever my college Spanish teacher had a hangover means I get warm feelings listening to Tom Hanks’ doble de voz.

– Skree skree, Rachel

Email Rachel: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel, We have a harmless snake living under our porch. I’m cool with it. I figure it’s eating other things we don’t want. But my partner can’t stand knowing there’s a creepy crawly right under her feet every time she steps through the door. She wants me to kill it.

Now, this I am afraid to do. The snake hissed at me once, and I peed a little. How can I convince my partner I killed the snake without actually killing it?

– Snake Hunter

Dear Hissterical, Document the crap out of the fake hunt on all your messaging apps. Send notes from the hardware store about buying gloves, acetylene, whatever you need to kill a snake. Insta yourself all suited up. Snap yourself about to go under the porch, then drop the phone and make a bunch of noises, “Blair Witch”style. Stab yourself with an ice pick a few times, then shoot a text of yourself dropping a trash bag (with a cut-up hose inside) into the bin. Oh, and do all this while your partner’s not at home.

– Crikey, mate, Rachel

Stock up for the holiday with new July deals!

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20 n June 29, 2023

telegraph

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Visionary author Peter McWilliams wrote, “One of the most enjoyable aspects of solitude is doing what you want when you want to do it, with the absolute freedom to change what you’re doing at will. Solitude removes all the ‘negotiating’ we need to do when we’re with others.” I’ll add a caveat: Some of us have more to learn about enjoying solitude. We may experience it as a loss or deprivation. But here’s the good news, Aries: In the coming weeks, you will be extra inspired to cultivate the benefits that come from being alone.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The 18th century French engineer Étienne Bottineau invented nauscopy, the art of detecting sailing ships at a great distance, well beyond the horizon. Bottineau said his skill was not rooted in sorcery or luck, but from his careful study of changes in the atmosphere, wind and sea. You Tauruses have a special capacity for arriving at seemingly magical understandings by harnessing your sensitivity to natural signals. Your intuition thrives as you closely observe the practical details of how the world works. This superpower will be at a peak in the coming weeks.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to a Welsh proverb, “Three fears weaken the heart: fear of the truth; fear of the devil; fear of poverty.” I suspect the first of those three is most likely to worm its way into your awareness during the coming weeks. So let’s see what we can do to diminish its power over you. Here’s one possibility: Believe me when I tell you that even if the truth’s arrival is initially disturbing or disruptive, it will ultimately be healing and liberating. It should be welcomed, not feared.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Hexes nullified! Jinxes abolished! Demons banished!

Adversaries outwitted! Liabilities diminished! Bad habits replaced with good habits! These are some of the glorious developments possible for you in the coming months, Cancerian. Am I exaggerating? Maybe a little. But if so, not much. In my vision of your future, you will be the embodiment of a lucky charm and a repository of blessed mojo. You are embarking on a phase when it will make logical sense to be an optimist. Can you sweep all the dross and mess out of your sphere? No, but I bet you can do at least 80%.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the book, “Curious Facts in the History of Insects,” Frank Cowan tells a perhaps legendary story about how mayors were selected in the medieval Swedish town of Hurdenburg. The candidates would set their chins on a table with their long beards spread out in front of them. A louse, a tiny parasitic insect, would be put in the middle of the table. Whichever beard the creature crawled to and chose as its new landing spot would reveal the man who would become the town’s new leader. I beg you not to do anything like this, Leo. The decisions you and your allies make should be grounded in good evidence and sound reason, not blind chance.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): About 1,740 years ago, before she became a Catholic saint, Margaret of Antioch got swallowed whole by Satan, who was disguised as a dragon. Or so the old story goes. But Margaret was undaunted. There in the beast’s innards, Margaret calmly made the sign of the cross over and over with her right hand. Meanwhile, the wooden cross in her left hand magically swelled to an enormous size that ruptured the beast, enabling her to escape. After that, because of her triumph, expectant mothers and women in labor regarded Margaret as their patron saint. Your upcoming test won’t be anywhere near as demanding as hers, Sagittarius, but I bet you will ace it.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I rebel against the gurus and teachers who tell us our stories are delusional indulgences that interfere with our enlightenment. I reject their insistence that our personal tales are distractions from our spiritual work. Virgo author A. S. Byatt speaks for me: “Narration is as much a part of human nature as breath and the circulation of the blood.” Now is an excellent time to jettison the stories that feel demoralizing and draining – even as you celebrate the stories that embody your genuine beauty.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn-born Johannes Kepler (1571–1630) was an astronomer and mathematician who was an instrumental innovator in the Scientific Revolution. Among his many breakthrough accomplishments were his insights about the laws of planetary motion. Books he wrote were crucial forerunners of Isaac Newton’s theories about gravitation. But here’s an unexpected twist: Kepler was also a practicing astrologer who interpreted the charts of many people, including three emperors of the Holy Roman Empire. In the spirit of Kepler’s ability to bridge seemingly opposing perspectives, Capricorn, I invite you to be a paragon of mediation and conciliation in the coming weeks. Always be looking for ways to heal splits and forge connections. Assume you have an extraordinary power to blend elements that no one else can.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the Mayan calendar, each of the 20 day names is associated with a natural phenomenon. The day called “Kawak” is paired with rainstorms. “Ik’” is connected with wind and breath. “Kab’an” is earth, “Manik’” is deer, and “Chikchan” is the snake. Now would be a great time for you to engage in an imaginative exercise inspired by the Mayans. Why? Because this is an ideal phase of your cycle to break up your routine, to reinvent the regular rhythm, to introduce innovations in how you experience the flow of the time.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): From 9981030, Scorpio-born leader Mahmud Ghaznavi ruled the vast Ghaznavid Empire, which stretched from current-day Iran to central Asia and northwestern India. Like so many of history’s strong men, he was obsessed with military conquest. Unlike many others, though, he treasured culture and learning. You’ve heard of poet laureates? He had 400 of them. According to some tales, he rewarded one wordsmith with a mouthful of pearls. In accordance with astrological omens, I encourage you to be more like the Mahmud who loved beauty and art and less like the Mahmud who enjoyed fighting. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to fill your world with grace.

It's officially summertime, and that means friends, outdoor seating & live music!

Let us be your spot!

1135 Main Ave. • DGO, CO

Open daily @ 11 a.m. • 1135 Main Avenue

telegraph

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Dear Restless Runaway: During the next 10 months, life will offer you these invitations: 1. Identify the land that excites you and stabilizes you. 2. Spend lots of relaxing time on that land. 3. Define the exact nature of the niche or situation where your talents and desires will be most gracefully expressed. 4. Take steps to create or gather the family you want. 5. Take steps to create or gather the community you want.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I’d love you to be a deep-feeling free-thinker in the coming weeks. I will cheer you on if you nurture your emotional intelligence as you liberate yourself from outmoded beliefs and opinions. Celebrate your precious sensitivity, dear Pisces, even as you use your fine mind to reevaluate your vision of what the future holds. It’s a perfect time to glory in rich sentiments and exult in creative ideas.

4th of Jul uly Sale Sale!

Get out and enjoy the summer weather in our great selection of swimsuits, shorts, sandals and sundresses Buy • Sell • Trade • Consign ~ Home Furnishings ~ Clothing ~ Accessories ~ Jewelry 572 E. 6th Ave. • 970-385-7336

June 29, 2023 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com.

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements KDUR is Celebrating 50 years of broadcasting in 2025. With that anniversary fast approaching, staff is on the hunt for past DJs. Maybe you did a show for one year, maybe you did a show for 10. However long that was, hopefully you have a fond memory, a story or maybe even some recorded material! If you do, please email station manager Bryant Liggett, Liggett_b@fort lewis.edu or call 970.247.7261

Classes/Workshops Aikido Intro Class Aikido is a Japanese martial art with a do-no-harm attitude. Gain poise, focus, stress-relief. 4-week class Mon 68pm. Starts July 10th. Full details at https://durangoaikido.blog/intro-classseries or text/call 970-426-5257.

Let’s Letter Together!

Italic, brushlettering, sign-writing, chalkboards, and more! In person classes at The ArtRoom. Learn more: bit.ly/letterdurango

Lost/Found Found I-Phone at Purgatory on June 12, 2023. Appears to been lost Feb 23, 2023. Call 970-259-2834 and identify.

HelpWanted Hiring at Dgo Adult Ed Center Eve Humanities Teacher $22/hr part time. Small classes, no grading! Student Svs Specialist (front desk/registrar) $18-

22 n June 29, 2023

$19/hr part time. Bilingual Eng/Spanish preferred. Learn more at durango adulted.org or contact us at 970-3854354 or info@durangoadulted.org Help Wanted at Fruit Stand!

Need seasonal help at Just Peachy fruit stand for sales associate. Sales associates will greet, engage and answer customer questions about our produce and other goods. Restocking, sorting and cashiering are main job components. Some heavy lifting may be required. For further job info please contact: Amy Flores Bair @ (817)7818255 floresamyj@gmail.com or Joshua Bair @ (970)903-8410 joshuabbair@ gmail.com The Town of Silverton is Seeking to Hire a full-time Community Project & Housing Coordinator to work directly with the San Juan Development Association. Key responsibilities would include community project coordination, housing program management, community engagement and outreach, and grant writing/ fundraising. The Community Project & Housing Coordinator position offers a unique opportunity to make a significant impact on community development and affordable housing initiatives. The successful candidate will demonstrate strong project management skills, community engagement abilities and a commitment to creating inclusive and sustainable communities. For the full job description, please visit https://townofsilverton.colorado.gov/employment. Hours per week: 40 hours/week. Hourly rate: $3040/hr. depending on experience. Benefits include health, vision, dental, paid time off. Contact/application information: Please send a resume and cover letter to bkremer@sanjuandevelopment.com and gkaasch-buerger@silverton.co.us or by mail to SJDA, PO Box 722, Silverton, CO 81433. Position is open until filled. The Town of Silverton is an equal opportunity employer.

telegraph

Massage Therapists Needed Amaya is hiring Massage Therapist part time positions. Email triciagourley 13@gmail.com or drop off resume to apply

CommercialforRent

HaikuMovieReview ‘Misha and the Wolves’ You’ve likely heard of the boy who cried wolf, now meet the girl who lied wolf – Lainie Maxson

Office Co-Share Available Furnished office, private bathroom, secure entrances and covered parking.

Visit snowhaven.org to reserve the space.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off.

970-259-3494.

ForSale

Custom-made Llama Trailer Llama trailer fits 2-3 llamas. Suitable for other small livestock. 2005 Heibco brand in excellent shape. $3,200. 970749-0604.

Berry Plants for Sale Elderberry, raspberry and cherry shrubs. Make your own elderberry syrup! Fresh elderflower and Nanking cherry available to make cordials or teas. So lovely and yummy! mtberry medicine@gmail.com

Vintage Bike for Sale Schwinn One World 1940s The Schwinn One World was a popular bicycle in the 1940s. It is considered a classic vintage bike and often sought after by collectors and enthusiasts.

Working condition, pick up only in Durango, CO $250 or BO 9707991979 TaoTronics 4k Action Camera New and in the box. Comes with user guide and all accessories that came with it: waterproof housing, handlebar/pole mount, mounts, battery, tethers, protective back cover, USB cable and lens cleaning cloth. $50.

J.marie.pace@gmail.com

Jackson Antix 1.0 Medium Just in time for high water! Gently used Antix - been down the Grand 1.5 times and taken out for a few highwater town runs but mostly has hung in the garage. This is a super fun river runner/surfer and can catch eddies like a dream - just a little too big for me.

Very good condition - all outfitting intact, no tears or rips, clean cockpit. A few minor cosmetic blems but otherwise in great shape. In hot pink/orange/yellow fade. Downtown Durango.

Message for dets: 970-749-2595.

Reruns Home Furnishings Brighten up your indoor and outdoor space – bookcases, nightstands, dressers, bistro patio sets and bar stools.

Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces … 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Services Marketing Small/Local Businesses Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. www.the saltymedia.com or email jnderge@ gmail.com Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Integrated Massage Deep tissue therapeutic body work @ Durango Wellness Clinic Call/text 970.403.5451 to book a session with Dennis. Inquire about Telegraph discount.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

CommunityService Calling all La Plata County Artists curators and galleries. The First annual Durango Art Week kicks off Sept. 15. Participation is open to anyone in the art field. Durango Art Week’s strives to provide an engaging and memorable experience by uniting the community through art and celebrating diversity and accessibility. If you are interested in learning more or registering, email artweek@du rango.org.

Volunteers Needed Do you want to make a difference in your community and the lives of others?

Volunteer! Alternative Horizons is always in need of volunteers to staff our hotline.

AH supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. Training and ongoing support provided. Next training will be held on May 8th and 9th. For more infor-

mation call the office at 970-247-4374 or visit our website https://alternativehori zons.org/ Are you the parent or caregiver of a child 3 or under? Cafe Au Play offers a free, safe, enclosed, indoor and outdoor play area complete with toddlerfriendly structures, 10 a.m. -1 p.m., Mon. – Fri., at Christ the King Lutheran Church. We also host a free Power Au Play from 10 a.m. -12 noon on the third Wednesday of each month at the Powerhouse Science Center.

Home to Home™ helps pets The Farmington Animal Shelter has added a new tool to help Four Corners pet owners who can no longer keep their pets find new, loving homes without having to surrender them to the shelter. Pets can go from one home to another, which means less stress for animals and humans. In addition, new owners can communicate directly with the current owners, providing firsthand information.

Home to Home™ also connects pet owners who are seeking temporary housing for their pet with people who can provide short-term care. For info., go to home-home.org/shelter/fmtnanimal shelter or call 505-599-1098.

NewspaperOrigami

Want customers to come and knock on your door?

Hello?

I’d like to advertise in the Telegraph

Ask about our “Three’s Company” summer special!

But get on the horn soon, this deal is going to disappear faster than those summer tan lines.

970-259-0133 or missy@durangotelegraph.com

A dog telegraph

June 29, 2023 n 23

Durango’s independent local liquor store for nearly 40 years • Knowledgeable & friendly staff • Best selection in town • Stress-free parking • Carry-out with a smile • Free 4# bag of ice with purchase • our prices can’t be beat!

Closing at 7 p.m. on Tues., July 4th

24 n June 29, 2023

hours: MON-SAT: 9am-9pm; SUN: 10am-7pm 1485 Florida Road • 970-247-2258

www.starliqursdurango.com Curbside pickup available with app or online

telegraph

now offering in-town deliver *see fb or w y eb for dets

site