Free Will Astrology

Interesting fact: Pickleball’s name refers to the pickle boat; Pickles the pickleball founder’s family dog came years later and was named after the game. It remains entirely possible that the pickle boat was named for a predecessor Pickles dog lost to pickle history.

Dear Rachel,

With Valentine’s Day coming up I want to buy my wife a new paddle or a T-shirt that says “sweet pickle.” What to do? P.S. Was pickleball named after a dog or a boat? I relish your answers.

– For all who love pickles, Dill Pickle

Dear Fermented Cuke,

You wanna know what I wanna know? I wanna know if Vlasic rhymes with “basic” or “plastic.” But we can’t all get what we want. This question came in too late for the V-Day edition of “Ask Rachel,” so I hope you bought your wife a matching pickle-paddle and pickle-T set. And it only now occurs to me that you meant a pickleball paddle and not a special romantic spanky-time accessory. – Nibble this pickle, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

What’s the deal with the “Swingers” in Durango? How do they bring the subject up with their “good friends?” I’ve heard one attends a party and puts their car keys in a bowl and then people, one by one, pull the key out and that’s who you’re going to have sex with. But what if you’re a female and you pull another female’s keys out – are you stuck with her even though you don’t go “that” way? Can you put the keys back in until you pick the one you’re wanting? If you’re single and you pick a couple’s keys, are you obligated to do a threesome, even if you find the woman unattractive? I drive a Tesla Model 3 (NO KEY!!!!) what do I do?? Help! – Keyless, Clueless and Sick of My One-and-Only

Dear Popped Bubble,

You drive a Tesla, so trust me, no one would brave a horse that high just to bonk you. You’re safe from all the swingers, who by definition have plenty of other internal-combustion options. Also, I think maybe you don’t understand what “swinging” is. Literally the only thing I know about it is that the key-swap does not result in going home with an intact couple. My guess is, all your fears of unattractive and unwanted women are for naught, because you’re clearly not one of the “good friends” having this come up in conversation. – Swing low, sweet chariot, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why on earth do my in-town friends spend money on big blue jugs of water (and lug them back and forth to the store) when we have perfectly good water out of our taps? I always figured those water-fill stations were for folks in the boonies whose wells gone done went dry. – Bottled Curiosity

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Jugalicious,

FINALLY a sexless question. Or at least one I don’t make inadvertently kinky. But come on… pickles put me in that state of mind. Not because of the bumpy shape, but because I really do love pickles. Actual pickles. Pickles that likely benefit from being jarred in charcoal-filtered reverse-osmosis anti-bad-juju water that is, at its source, the same stuff we drink from the sink. – Thirty cents a gallon, Rachel

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Psychedelic Club of Durango meets, 6-8 p.m., Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Chapman Ski Hill is open. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 3:30-8 p.m.; Sat.-Sun., 10 a.m.-4 p.m. For more info go to: www.durangogov.org/chapmanhill.

The Hive Indoor Skate Park is open, offering open skate and skate lessons. Waivers required. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org

Julie Ann Ward: Transformative Light art show,

Fort Lewis College Art Gallery. Exhibit runs until March 1.

Lisa Parker’s Animal Rescue fundraiser, Feb. 12-22. Register for auction at bit.ly/3IRSXDr.

Upcoming

Dustin Burley plays, Thurs., Feb. 24, 6 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

“Radium Girls,” play presented by Durango High School Troupe 1096, Feb. 24 & 25 at 7 p.m., Feb. 26 at 2 p.m. & 7 p.m., Durango High School. Tickets at troupe1096.weebly.com

Living with Wolves presentation, Fri., Feb. 25, 6-8 p.m., The Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. Featuring Western Watersheds Project Executive Director Erik Molvar.

Dragondeer plays, Fri., Feb. 25, 7 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 129 E. College Dr.

3rd Ave. Arts presents organist C. Scott Hagler, Fri. Feb. 25, 7-8 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 910 E. 3rd Ave.

Thom Chacon plays, Feb. 25 & 26, 7 p.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Part of The Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College’s POP-UP Performance series.

Guided snowshoe/ski tour of winter wildlife, Feb. 26, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Wildlife biologist Steve Boyle will lead tour on Red Mountain Pass. Meet at Ouray Visitor Center, 1230 Main St. Register at uncompahgrewatershed.org.events.

Après Ski Science & Social, Sat., Feb. 26, 2 p.m., Andrews Lake parking area, just south of Molas Pass. Snowshoeing 2-4 p.m., followed by beverages and bonfire. Hosted by San Juan Mountain Association. Registration required: sjma.org/events

Durango Independent Film Festival, March 2-6, more info at www.durangofilm.org.

Chocolate & Wine Tasting, Thurs., March 3, 5:30-7 p.m., Animas Chocolate Co., 920 Main Ave. Benefit for the Women’s Resource Center.

Seed Exchange, March 5, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., bring what you can, take what you need. Master gardeners will be in attendance. Animas Valley Grange, 7271 CR 203.

Après Ski Science & Social, Sat., March 26, 2 p.m., Andrews Lake parking area, just south of Molas Pass.

Deadline to submit stuff for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

Email your stuff to: calendar@durango telegraph.com