Durango Telegraph - October 25, 2018

Truly terrified

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Oct. 25, 2018 Vol. XVII, No. 43 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

SpeedRacer:

Ivan Sippy leaves it all out there at last weekend’s NICA races./ Photo

by Stephen Eginoire

Ballot Buster 2018

The 11th hour

Not just for vegans

Breaking down the initiatives so you don’t have to p9

Modern Mexican dance troupe lets audience in on action p14

At last, tofu that tastes good (& you can add bacon) p16

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lineup

boilerplate

4 La Vida Local

Ballot breakdown

There’s a lot to unpack in this year’s ballot, so let’s get to it

4 Thumbin’ It

by Missy Votel

5 Word on the Street

12-13

6-8 Soapbox

How they roll

Ear to the ground:

“I think this year’s voting is best done sober.”

– Sage advice from a seasoned voter on the advanced comprehension required for this year’s ballot

The next great place

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RegularOccurrences

Move over retirees. Apparently, the millennial rush is on for … wait for it …

Grand Junction.

That’s right. GJ, the town we typically stop in to gas up on our way to points north, is … cool?

The Colorado Sun, the new online pub made up of Denver Post defectors, makes the case for this in a story this week.

All the thrills and spills from last weekend’s High School League races photos by Stephen Eginoire

12-13 Day in the Life

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14 On Stage

Mexican dance troupe brings contemporary “11:11” to DAC

17 Top Shelf

Well-timed

by Stew Mosberg

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18-19 On the Town

Not just for vegans

20 Ask Rachel

Don’t turn up your nose at tofu until you try this Vietnamese classic

by Ari LeVaux

21 Free Will Astrology

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22 Classifieds

Sound advice

Stööki, Euforquestra, Storm Large and Rocky Horror

23 Haiku Movie Review

by Chris Aaland EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

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he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Tracy Chamberlin, Jesse Anderson, Joy Martin, Ari LeVaux, Stew Mosberg, Zach Hively & Shan Wells

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

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To be fair, for us fellow West Slopers, G.J. does hold a certain caché – most notably the Colorado Monument, Lunch Loops and a charming downtown core. But, according to the Sun, “The Junk” is more than just easy-access riding from town and some cool, old buildings. It is, they claim, the new “Boulder.” (*Which of course begs the question what does that make Durango? The old new Boulder?)

To wit, the western anchor of I-70 is home to not just hip pour-over coffee bars, craft taquerias and upscale tattoo studios, but a nouveau industrial co-working space refurbished from an old warehouse aptly called the “Factory.” A bevy of tech firms and start-ups have opened up shop, and, speaking of Boulder, bike rack maker Rocky Mounts plans to relocate from Boulder to GJ, too.

In addition, Grand Junction’s downtown was recently named a “Colorado Creative District” for its art-on-the-corner project and Avalon Theater, and Colorado Mesa College is the fastestgrowing school in the state, with 11,000 students. There are also plans for a development along the Colorado River, called the Riverfront at Las Colonias. GJ City Manager Greg Caton (formerly of Durango fame) refers to Las Colonias as a “Google-style campus,” where businesses intermingle with a climbing wall, zipline, whitewater park, river trail, amphitheatre, artwork and more.

And for those who prefer their action outside the city core, there’s a 155-mile Grand Junctionto-Moab pavement-and-gravel route as well as the planned Palisade Plunge. The 32-mile trail linking the Grand Mesa to Palisade is being billed as the second coming of Moab’s Whole Enchilada. All that, and median homes go for a mere $259,250 – which would buy about half a house in Durango.

Alas, it’s not all duck tacos and statement glasses. Bear in mind, the town just passed a longawaited education referendum – after 13 failed attempts. And, as of the latest rankings, it still sleeps at No. 169 in the “Best Places for Millennials”– behind Gunnison, Leadville and Yuma, which we think is in Colorado.

To check out the complete story, go to coloradosun.com. And while you’re there, donate to the cause of free, quality and independent journalism in Colorado.

Oct. 25, 2018 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Heeeeeeere’s Zach!

My avid readers across the country – one of whom isn’t even related to me – often comment to me on my distinct voice.

At first, I took this as an insult, the equivalent of saying I have a face for radio, or worse, a face for pre-HD television. But I took the charitable road of assuming they were ignorant. So I explained to them how newspapers work, that you cannot actually hear my spoken elocution in print.

Then they backpedaled to explain that they meant my writing voice – the distinct way I string words and ideas together. Why hadn’t they said so? I love voice. Voice is an element of writing that you cannot learn in a graduate program, even if you’re paying off that program until climate change renders concepts like “money” irrelevant or you reach the 25year forgiveness threshold. Voice is the Great Intangible. Dickens has it. Austen has it. Seuss has it. I have it.

In fact, I have it in such abundance that, face for it or no, I am taking my voice to the radio airwaves.

That’s right. Like Colbert taking over for Letterman, or Fallon taking over for Leno taking over for O’Brien failing to take over for Leno, I am the newest host of KDUR’s Four Corners Arts Forum (Mondays mornings at 9!) I am the latest dignitary in a line of DJs so integral to the college radio station’s heritage that even the station manager can’t remember how many people have done the show before me.

Some people feel nervous about public speaking. I, however, did not experience any anxiety going live on air for the first time. I approached my debut on the Four Corners Arts Forum with the same improvisational confidence that I used to take the ACT and choose a career.

After all, the talk show is only 30 minutes long. If sitcoms can fill half an hour with witty banter every week, then I, with a Writer’s Voice and a guest who does some of the talking, should have no problem doing the same. Besides, I sometimes interview people in my career as a writer too, and I am a pro at massaging their quotes to make me sound good.

So the morning of my first show arrived. I appeared at the studio as

well-prepared as ever, and alack! I had no guest. But that was OK, because I was the guest. My long-running predecessor, the Johnny Carson of Monday morning radio, brought me on her final show to introduce me to my newest fans. I still had a full week left to find an artistic guest to talk to, and also to choose my walk-up music.

I don’t know what they call it on the radio. But in professional baseball, each player chooses a walk-up song that plays on the stadium loudspeakers every time he comes to bat. A walk-up song can be any song, so long as it has certain defining traits: • It must be loud.

• It must strike a Pavlovian fear into the opposing team’s pitcher.

• It must be entirely inoffensive to everyone else in the stadium.

As a young and aspiring baseballer, I spent as much time imagining my walk-up music as I did practicing my eye-black application. My future baseball career ended pretty much exactly the same moment that I decided to be a writer one afternoon, but my walk-up dreams never died.

And this – this was, finally, my big chance to live that dream.

I spent all week sifting through my music library to find the One True Song that would make people feel so engaged, so energized, that they would sit spellbound through my show even during pledge week. I wanted something that spoke to my distinct Writer’s Voice while also encapsulating a universal appeal. I wanted something that would give me street cred without being obscure. Most of all, I wanted something that would make my Radio Voice sound more like butter than toast at 9 on a Monday morning.

And then I called in a favor to schedule my radio guests, and we selected my requested walk-up song from the studio library with six minutes to spare, and I even ad-libbed my first public radio pledge spiel. I think it all came out pretty great.

But why should you listen to my own evaluation? Let me make myself sound good with a follow-up quote from one of my rabid readersturned-listeners, who said: “I never really appreciated your writing voice ’til I heard you on the radio.”

– Zach Hively

Thumbin’It A winning week for Durango mountain biking, with FLC taking home back-to-back national championships, and Durango and Animas high schools winning the Colorado High School League 1-2 The City of Durango expanding its bear-resistant trash can program after a CPW study showed the cans resulted in a 60 percent reduction in bear-trash conflicts Signs that Silverton’s popular ski-joring will return this winter after an errant drone fiasco led to the scrapping of the event last year

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This Week’s Sign of the Downfall: More bad financial news for La Plata County, with a $14 million gap forecast between expenditures and revenues in the 2019 budget Donald Trump mulling changes to Title IX that would roll back many protections for transgender people after hard-won victories under Obama A psycho harkening back to the anthrax era, with suspicious packages being sent to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Soros, CNN headquarters and other Dems

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Fashion Nose no Bounds

The newest fall fashion is out, and it’s ridiculous: nose warmers. Etsy-based fashionistas started the trend, but once it caught on, a company called “The Nose Warmer Company” (super creative) based in the U.K. started selling nose warmers for $9 each, and now they’re everywhere. They’re advertised as “earmuffs for your nose,” but in reality, they’re “knitted idiot markers.”

Q

WordontheStreet With Halloween next week, the Telegraph asked: “What’s the scariest thing you’ve seen lately?”

“A dead raccoon on the way to the soup kitchen.”

Billy Ettawil

Christian Kloor

“Hands and shadows projected through the window of a Halloween house.”

“Fox News.”

“The movie ‘IT.’”

Janna Whitcomb

“My roommate’s cat.”

Lorraine Roche

Misty Matthews

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Oct. 25, 2018 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Who’s money is behind Jones?

To the editor, Paul Jones is a really nice guy who is running as an Independent to replace incumbent Democrat Barbara McLachlan in the Colorado House for our area. Barbara is also a really nice woman – Paul admits he voted for her in 2016! Paul has offered no reason, no policy differences, to what Barbara is already pursuing. He’s for education funding, but Barbara is an ex-teacher and has brought $30 million to our schools last year. He’s for mine clean up, but Barbara passed that bill last year. He wants to be bi-partisan; Barbara would agree. In fact, all her bills are bi-partisan, it’s the only way to get stuff done.

What’s up? Paul says he’s received no outside money, and indeed has only raised $26,000, but Unite Colorado has put $133,000 into his campaign so far. They pay for mailers, TV, radio, door hangers, even canvassers. Who is Unite Colorado? What influence will they have on Paul?

Please don’t believe that Paul Jones is truly Independent. Vote for Barbara McLachlan, who’s doing a great job!

– Douglas Walker, Durango

Don’t buy oil & gas’ propaganda To the editor, After reading Tracy Chamberlain’s article in the Telegraph about Prop 112 I felt I needed to respond. This article at first seems fair and balanced but it left me thinking that Tracy is writing in favor of oil and gas and in opposition to Prop 112. There were no quotes from the proponents of Prop 112 only from Christi Zeller who works for the oil and gas industry. Nor was there any mention of the multiple scientific studies demonstrating the negative health impacts of living or working in close proximity to oil and gas wells. Nor was the fact mentioned that some

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of these wells have exploded recently killing and poisoning Coloradans and safer setbacks are needed for a safer evacuation distance. Nor is there any mention that the U.N. just released a report that says fossil fuels are a

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threat to civilization and that we need to immediately reduce our reliance on these sources if we are going to continue living on this planet. The argument made in this article is that the oil and gas companies won’t have 4

anywhere to drill in Colorado and they will have to keep poisoning us with the 50,000 wells they already have!

The other argument quoted from the oil and gas industry is that tax revenue will decrease if Prop 112 passes claiming, “La Plata County will lose millions of dollars in tax revenue.” This article fails to mention that the oil and gas industry will continue paying as little taxes as possible, and as the oil and gas industry is phased out and other sources of energy are produced, the tax burden will shift to those industries. Nor does this article mention how we prop up the oil and gas industry with not only our health but with our tax dollars, going to road repair and construction, health care, emergencies, and drill site clean up. As we turn this beautiful planet into a wasteland, I am sure we will be happy with our decision to keep those tax dollars flowing from oil and gas; we couldn’t possibly get tax revenue from anywhere else. This is a false trap created by an insidious industry.

The only reason that the oil and gas companies are able to make such excessive profit is because they externalize their costs. Who pays those costs? Not only the residents of Colorado, who pay with their health, health care costs and tax dollars, but also the employees of the oil and gas industry who risk their health and lives so these companies can make millions, for example the Koch brothers.

Multiple studies in multiple states have confirmed the ill effects of living and working close to oil and gas well sites. Oil and gas production is not only detrimental to our health, it is jeopardizing life on this planet. We have to cut back on fossil fuels in favor of energy sources that will not put our health and the health of future generations at risk. As we shut down the fossil fuel industry, we will have the ability to build a stronger economy with better, safer and more resilient energy and jobs that benefit the whole and not just the few.

Please think critically about this issue and don’t believe the propaganda. Please do some research, look at who is funding both sides, look at the articles about Prop 112 in Reuters and U.S. News and World Report, as well as the U.N.

report on fossil fuels. The oil and gas industry has spent over $20 million trying to fight this while concerned citizens in favor have raised about $1 million. I encourage you to vote against the Koch brothers and this industry that is poisoning us for profit, and vote YES on Prop 112.

– Brian Gaddy, Durango

Allison Aichele knows the ropes To the editor, As a retired CPA, I understand the accounting challenges of the position of treasurer. I have also experienced changes in software and the challenges of handling accounting work in an office with limited staff to cover duties. Allison Aichele has made significant strides in increasing efficiencies with limited staff and through software conversions. La Plata County needs her to continue the work she has begun, improving the services provided with thoroughness and accuracy. The audit findings related to internal controls show the difficulty of cross-training and covering work with vacations and sick leave and yet segregating duties. Until the county can afford additional staff for the Treasurer’s Office, that finding will continue. I recommend a vote for Allison Aichele for La Plata County Treasurer.

– Virginia Miller-Cavanagh, Durango

Say ‘thanks’ by voting yes on 2A To the editor, My husband and I have been residents of Durango for over 40 years. I am the daughter of a San Francisco fireman. We were delighted when the property tax for the fire department passed last year, and we both feel strongly that our police department deserves what will benefit them with the passage of 2A. Everyone believes in the work that our first responders do, but we need to more than just say thank you in Facebook posts.

The money from 2A will be put to good use by the department and will also show them that we believe in them

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and what they do for us. We also think the part of 2A that will go to improve city streets is a good thing. We live on the West Side, and these improvements to complete streets and make them ADA accessible are also needed. Please remember your fellow citizens when you look at your ballot.

– Susan and James Mooney, Durango

Let us count the ways 2A is wrong To the editor, We have a few comments as to how the city is going to spend the new revenue from the proposed increases in city sales tax, city property tax, and city fees.

• City Sales Tax - Sweetie Marbury said in a Herald article dated Aug. 15 and 22 that since Farmington was proposing a sales tax increase, then we could too ... we could think of a number of reasons too numerous to mention why this doesn’t make sense. Be our guest in adding yours.

• Property Tax Increase - The proposed 5.4 mil levy increase to the present 5.007 mil levy is more than double (107 percent) what property owners are paying now. Really? These are the same property owners that are reeling from the constant utility bill increases for the last three years. This increase will be an even bigger hit to the commercial property owners of the city.

• Fee Increases - A Herald article of Aug. 22 also mentioned increasing fees for services and using the excess to shore up shortfalls in other departments. We looked up “fee” in the dictionary which states a fee is a charge for the cost of a service. We surmise any extra amount becomes a tax by any other name. We don’t know when truth isn’t truth, but we sure know when a tax is a tax.

• City Management - Recent articles talk about how the city is going to spend this new revenue. Why should we agree to giving this Council and city manager more revenue to mismanage when they can’t manage the revenue they are presently receiving? We give you two examples: 1) Three government agencies and a number of Indian

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Oct. 25, 2018 n 7

SoapBox from p. 7

nations decided not to manage any recreation at Lake Nighthorse. The city decided to annex the lake and manage the recreation anyway. At a February 2018 City Council workshop, the city manager stated that the budget for the lake in 2018 would be $500K and revenues were projected to be $300K or less. This is a projected $200K shortfall (the actual shortfall so far is just over $200K as of the middle of August). There was no discussion when the city manager stated these figures … none. Wouldn’t a shortfall like that have sent up some red flags?

2) The lodgers tax was earmarked to be spent on marketing to promote the City and hopefully get more people to come here to spend and create more revenue. It seems that some of the lodgers tax revenue has been filtered to departments with shortfalls in their spending. If the lodgers tax is to be used for marketing Durango, then that’s the only thing it should be used for.

Before we agree to give more monies to the city to mismanage, we ought to ask the present council & manager to reign in their spending and better manage the funds they have.

This is just two old guys offering their opinion. Let’s hear yours.

– Gary Jenkins, Gerald Weis, Durango

Invest in our future: yes on 2A

To the editor, My family has resided in Durango since the early 1930s. Durango has gone through many changes over the years but none more important than what we are facing right now. I will be the first to say I “wince” at the sound of someone saying, “raising taxes is a good thing.” As a business owner for 15 years, I have come to realize that the cost of doing business is NOT cheap, and if you choose not to plan ahead, you will lose.

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The reason why I support Ballot Initiative 2A is that our city government, in this particular situation, is planning ahead. They realize if we don’t forecast a preferred future and plan for specific projects and future growth, Durango as we know it, will become one of many small communities around our country that is falling apart due to poor maintenance & sub-par policing of its businesses and neighborhoods.

Yes, 2A will cost me more. However, I own three commercial buildings and five businesses inside the city limits and the increase would cost me approximately $300 more per month. A cost well worth it to have better roads and improved public services. Durango is a unique and beautiful place to live, and I have an obligation to do my part to help take care of all the resources and amenities that Durango currently offers its amazing citizens and the tens of thousands of people who visit this small mountain town every year. Vote yes on 2A. – Joe Lloyd, Durango

Climate change is not a joke To the editor, I find it difficult not to be heartbroken over what’s happening to my beautiful state. This summer saw the 20 largest wildfires in Colorado’s history. Beetles are killing our forests. Ranchers and farmers on the Western Slope are suffering under the drought.

Our climate is heating up, and we no longer have the time to stick with “the way we’ve always done it” and hope for the best. We need leadership that will guide us into a better future.

I recently watched the Club 20 debates (www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3P4Bvp9ue4.) Guinn Unger, candidate for Colorado Senate, impressed me as a man who understands science. When asked about climate change, Guinn discussed how quickly levels of CO2 in the atmosphere are increasing, accelerating the warming of our planet. By contrast, Guinn’s opponent chose to

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make a joke: “The Anasazis left SW Colorado 800 years ago. I don’t think it was because of the Ford. It may have been the Chevy, I’m not sure.”

Guinn, an LPEA Board director, knows that we no longer have to choose between energy and environment, or to choose between environment and economy. As Guinn pointed out in the debate, renewable energy prices are falling rapidly, and there are far more jobs in solar and wind than in coal.

But the change will not happen overnight. We need bold, intelligent leadership with a vision for a better future for Colorado, not someone who turns our most pressing problem into a joke.

Vote for Guinn Unger for State Senate District 6.

– Philip Riffe, Hesperus

Take care of the town you love

To the editor, We are all lucky to live in Durango, a beautiful home that has given us so much and continues to give us a lot. However, our town needs help now. We need a new police station, our growing town needs more officers, and we need extensive structural work on our roads.

We’ve experienced tough times in the recent past, events, like the 416 Fire, that negatively impacted our revenue and, before that, the river that ran orange, also negatively impacting our tourism. Our leaders have worked hard to wisely utilize the decreasing monies they have for necessary maintenance. It’s now up to us to step up to the plate and help them take care of these very important needs. For the first time since 1982, we’re being asked to vote to increases our property tax and sales tax (which tourists obviously contribute to).

I don’t ever remember anything getting less expensive in my long life. The curve is always up. The “Back to Basics” initiative, 2A, will help us move forward and continue to support our wonderful town and all it gives to us.

– Salye Stein, Durango

Ballot Buster 2018

Breaking down this year’s initiatives so you don’t have to

by Missy Votel

W

hen it comes to this year’s ballot, to trot out a well-worn phrase: it’s complicated.

Not only are there more numbers and mathematical equations than your high school SAT, but there are moral and ethical dilemmas to grapple with as well. Jobs and economy or clean air and water? Kids or roads?

Throw in a little campaign finance and gerrymandering, a pinch of legislative voodoo, and it’s enough to scare anyone off. Not to mention the ever-present specter of the chained ghosts of ballots past: Gallagher and TABOR. But fear not, intrepid voter. The Telegraph has combed the interwebs, airwaves and blue booklets all in the name of decoding this year’s monstrous ballot.

We’ve broken down the arguments into what we hope is a concise and userfriendly format. And, for what it’s worth, we’ve even included our own inclinations.

Of course, in the end, it’s up to you to vote with your gut, heart and, most importantly, head. So fire up that pen and buckle up. And don’t sweat it too much, the only way to truly fail at this oval-filling endeavor is to not vote at all. nBallot Issue 2A In a nutshell: Authorizes the City of Durango to levy an additional 5.4 mills on property tax and an additional .55 percent on sales tax. A 5.4 mill increase would cost property owners about $39 for every $100,000 in a home’s assessed value. In other words, about $200/year for the average home valued at $500,000. The .55 percent sales tax would bring the City’s sales tax rate to 8.45 percent.

The money raised will go toward a new police station, public safety, code enforcement, and city street and building upkeep.

If approved, it would raise at least $187.5 million for the city by 2043.

If the measure isn’t approved, the city will be forced to cut services by 2020, according to city officials.

The Ayes: • Durango streets are deteriorating, and the cost of upkeep is much cheaper than waiting for complete failure, like in the case of Florida Road.

• The Police Department, a refurbished car dealership, is inadequate and doesn’t have enough space for the eight additional employees it needs.

• The city hasn’t raised property taxes since 1982, and Durango and Colorado have some of the lowest property taxes in the country.

The Nays: • The ballot measure is irresponsible and wasteful; the city should find revenue elsewhere in its budget or General Fund.

• The City should consider asking voters to re-appropriate funds from the half-cent Parks and Recreation sales tax.

Our Two Cents: Think of 2A as preventive maintenance, like putting tires on your car. Much as we hate to shell out big bucks for something so unsexy, in the long run, you’ll be happy you did. Plus, it sure beats a catastrophic blow-out. And, sorry, drawing correlations between Durango and the Rose of the Mont to bolster arguments against 2A is completely absurd. We need to invest in Durango’s future now. Vote yes on 2A. nAmendment 73: School Funding In a nutshell: Increases funding for public education by raising the state income tax for individuals/joint filers making over $150,000. Currently, everyone in the state is taxed at 4.63 percent. The new brackets would start at 5 percent for those making between $150,000-$200,000 and ratchet up from there. The highest bracket would be 8.25 percent for those making +$500,000 a year.

The measure would “fix” the state’s residential property tax rate, which has fallen by 21 percent since 1983 due to the Gallagher Amendment, at 7 percent (it is currently at 7.2 percent but expected to fall to

6.2 in 2019-20.) It will also slightly decrease nonresidential property tax, from 29 to 24 percent.

And last but not least, it would increase the corporate tax (also at 4.63) to 6 percent.

The money – an estimated $1.6 billion the first year alone – will increase per pupil spending by more than $500/year; fully fund kindergarten; lower requirements to be considered “low-income;” and add millions for special education, gifted and talented, English-language proficiency and preschool.

The measure needs a super-majority to pass.

If all this sounds familiar, it’s because in 2016, voters in the 9-R School District approved a mill-levy override – as a majority of districts in the state have done – to make ends meet in the face of the Great Recession and something known as the “negative factor” (i.e. legislative voodoo.) That measure generated $1.7 million for 9-R in 2017. Amendment 74 is estimated to bring in another $8 million in its first year for 9-R. the school board would need to decide how to spend the additional money. One idea is to lower local property taxes for businesses.

(And in case you were wondering about all that pot money, it’s designated mostly for school safety infrastructure. Thus far, Durango has received $70,000 for a partial new roof at Park Elementary and new boilers at two other elementary schools.)

The Ayes: • Despite having one of the strongest economies in the country, Colorado lags in per pupil funding by an average of $2,685.

• The formula used to fund education in Colorado uses something called “the costof-living factor,” which inexplicably diverts money from struggling rural schools to wealthier mountain towns. 74 will help even the playing field.

• Since 2010, school funding has been cut by $7.2 billion, forcing schools to limit teacher salaries, increase class size, cut mental health services, and narrow course offerings. About half of Colorado school districts now operate on a four-day week.

• If 74 passes, it could free up state funds for social services, Medicaid, transportation and other expenditures.

The Nays: • There is no guarantee funds from 74 will be used for teachers’ salaries as touted. In 2017, only 55 percent of money spent by schools went to instructional needs. 4

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Oct. 25, 2018 n

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BallotBox

What is the Gallagher Amendment anyway?

from p. 9

• The tax question is premature. A bipartisan legislative committee is currently studying an overhaul of the School Finance Act. In addition, since 2012, state school funding has increased every year. This year, the state increased school funding by $425.6 million without a tax increase.

• Increasing state income taxes could hurt the state’s economy.

Our 2 cents: We have seen this perfect storm of a hamstrung state budget, freefalling property tax formulas and well-intentioned tinkering on the horizon for some time. And now, something’s got to give. Let’s not let it be our childrens’ educations – aren’t there enough idiots in the world? For most of us, this will have little to no bearing on our tax bills. And for the 1- and 2-percenters, it will be a relative drop in the golden bucket – a small price to pay for a population that knows the difference between their, they’re and there. nAmendment 74: Compensation for Fair Market Value In a nutshell: Despite its wordy title, the premise behind this is simple: state or local governments would be required to compensate property owners if a law or regulation leads to a reduction in the fair market value of their property.

This includes owners of mineral rights.

The amendment is a “poison pill” to Proposition 112 (see below), which seeks to increase fracking setbacks. Amendment 74 is sponsored by the Colorado Farm Bureau.

Backers include Protect Colorado, Colorado's Shared Heritage and Doug Bruce’s “13 Issues.”

It requires a 55 percent, super majority.

The Ayes: • For many Coloradans, property is their most significant asset. This would ensure property owners, particularly ranchers and farmers who make a living from mineral rights, get compensated for those losses.

The Nays: • Has potentially far-reaching and costly consequences. Could have a chilling effect on everyday government decisions that otherwise would benefit the public.

• A similar law in Oregon resulted in billions of dollars in “takings” lawsuits and nearly bankrupted several counties. It was gutted a few years later by voters.

Our Two Cents: If Doug Bruce’s support isn’t a red flag, we don’t know what is. While we understand the need to protect property, this amendment sends chills up our spine – for all the wrong reasons. In this litigious society, who’s to say where such a law will lead.

(Interestingly, we wonder if proponents considered that this measure can cut both ways and be used by homeowners whose values have decreased due to fracking.) Nevertheless, unless you want to shell out millions and bankrupt the city and county over this Pandora’s box, vote no. nAmendment 75: Campaign Finance Limits In a nutshell: If any candidate for state office contributes more than $1 million to his or her own campaign, other candidates for the same office may accept five times the amount allowed from individual donors. The measure only applies to elec-

10 n Oct. 25, 2018

The Gallagher Amendment, passed in 1982, was designed to maintain a constant ratio between residential and business property tax revenues. To simplify a complex formula, the idea behind Gallagher was to reduce the assessment rate (the percent of property value that is subject to taxation) whenever residential property values increased faster than business property values. As a result, the assessment rate for residential property has declined by more than two-thirds over the years because of Colorado’s population growth and increases in residential real estate values. The net effect has been a marked decline in revenues from residential property tax, which prior to Gallagher, provided the majority of school funding. tions at the state level.

Currently, candidates running for state office can raise up to $1,150 from each donor, while down-ballot candidates are limited to $400. This would increase those limits to $5,750 and $2,000, respectively.

Notably, the limits would increase for everyone – including the candidate that triggers it. And the amendment would also take effect if a candidate “facilitates or coordinates” third-party contributions worth more than $1M, such as from a super-PAC. It needs a 55 percent, super majority.

The Ayes: • Would level the fundraising field for candidates facing wealthy opponents.

The Nays: • It would still take almost 173 individual donations at the fivefold threshold to reach $1 million.

• Colorado’s campaign finance laws are a jumbled mess and need more help than this. Loopholes allow independent committees to raise unlimited amounts, as long as they don’t coordinate with the candidate.

• Could inject even more money into the political system.

• The backers of this measure are a secret, which seems a bit hypocritical.

Our Two Cents: 74 has its flaws, but it’s a start toward more honest and fair elections. Money can buy a lot of things, but it shouldn’t buy public office. Vote yes on 75. n Prop 109: “Fix Our Damn Roads” In a nutshell: Authorizes $3.5 billion in bonds to fund CDOT projects including bridge expansions and repairs; and road and highway construction, maintenance and repairs. The state would be required to repay the debt from its General Fund.

Background: CDOT receives most of its revenue from gas taxes and vehicle registration fees. However, more efficient vehicles and inflation (the tax was last increased to 22 cents a gallon in 1991) has chipped away at CDOT’s bottom line. Today, there is a $9 billion backlog in state transportation projects.

To remedy the situation, in May, state legislators passed a bill that dictated if citizens failed to bring and pass a transportation bond this November, it would bring its own bond issue to voters in November 2019. Legislators got not one but two citizen measures this year: “Fix Our Damn Roads” (109, a bond issue) and “Let’s Go Colorado,” (110, a bond and tax increase, see below.)

In the event that both pass, the one with the most votes will supersede the other on any points of conflict. If neither passes, lawmakers will come to voters with their own,

smaller proposal next year.

The last transportation bond was approved in 1999 for $1.5B. Repayment totaled $2.3B and was repaid by 2016.

The Ayes: • Accelerates construction of essential highway projects without raising taxes and directs the state to prioritize highway projects ahead of other programs.

• Lack of highway capacity is the most significant contributor to traffic in the state, causing delays, increasing business costs and reducing safety.

The Nays: • The debt only allows for $2.2B bonding capacity, which doesn’t begin to address CDOT’s $9 billion backlog.

• Has no dedicated source of revenue to repay that debt, which means it could be repaid using funds allocated to other critical needs like health care and schools.

• Borrowing money is expensive. About $1.7 billion will be spent on interest.

Our two cents: We agree the state’s highways and roads need upgrades, but we don’t believe we should rob Peter to pay Paul. Plus, 109 comes with a list of predetermined projects over the next 20 years with little wiggle room for innovation or change. The counter proposal 110 is a better damn option (without swearing!) Vote no on 109. nProp 110: Let’s Go Colorado In a nutshell: Authorizes $6 billion in bonds and a .62 percent (from 2.9 to 3.52 percent) increase in the state sales tax for 20 years starting Jan. 1, 2019. Would also establish a citizens oversight committee.

Funds would go to the state’s transportation backlog as well as mass transit, pedestrian, bike and rail projects.

Background: (For more on Colorado’s transportation woes, see above, Prop 109.)

Meantime, here are some stats from TRIP, a nonprofit national transportation group: • 40 percent of major urban roads and highways in Colorado are in poor or mediocre condition.

• Driving on deteriorated roads costs the Colorado driver $468 annually in vehicle operating costs.

• Congested roads cost Colorado drivers $3.1 billion a year in lost time and fuel.

The Ayes: • Creates a flexible, statewide transportation solution and lets local communities prioritize their most urgent needs.

• Creates a dedicated source of funding that won’t force cuts in other areas.

The Nays:

telegraph

• Transportation is a fundamental government service that should be funded through the state. Any shortfall is the fault of poor prioritization.

• Dedicates too much revenue to multimodal transportation, money that should be used exclusively for roads.

• Sales taxes are already high, exceeding 10 percent in some areas. Raising them disproportionately affects low-income people.

Our Two Cents: We like that 110 includes multimodal (bike lanes!) and mass transit projects. As Colorado continues to grow and climate change is more of a concern, we need to think outside the yellow lines. (And maybe there will be some dough to help with the Durango-Bayfield commute.) We also like that it has its own funding source, is malleable and has a citizens oversight committee. Vote yes on 110. nProp 112: Minimum Distance for New Oil, Gas and Fracking In a nutshell: Increases setbacks for new oil and gas wells from 500 feet for homes and 1,000 feet from schools, health care centers and other high-occupancy buildings to 2,500 feet (half a mile). The setback would apply to occupied buildings such as homes, schools and hospitals, as well as “vulnerable” areas such as playgrounds, lakes and rivers. The setbacks would not apply to federal or tribal lands.

The proposal would allow state or local governments the right to designate “vulnerable areas” independently. And, as a statute, the state Legislature would be able to tweak the law if it proved too onerous.

The measure is supported by a grassroots citizens group, Colorado Rising, that says greater setbacks will reduce health and nuisance impacts – headaches, nausea, traffic and dust to name a few – while giving property owners greater certainty about the location of new wells. The 2,500-foot setback is backed by scientific studies as well as polling. If passed, it would be the most stringent setback in the country.

Opponents of 112 include Protect Colorado, as well as the Koch Brothers’ Americans for Prosperity and Doug Bruce’s (there he is again) 13 Issues. So far, opponents have outspent proponents by a margin of 21 to one, dumping close to $17 million in the fight against 112.

Needs a simple majority to pass.

Background: In 2010, five Colorado communities passed moratoriums or bans on fracking. However, the Colorado Oil and Gas Conservation Committee objected, and in 2016, the Colorado Supreme Court sided with the COGCC and overturned the rules.

As a result, fracking opponents tried to get a setback measure on the ballot in 2016.

But their petition was thrown out by the Secretary of State on the grounds it did not collect enough valid signatures.

Prop 112 is the second coming of this measure. It was buoyed by the high-profile house explosion in Firestone in 2017 that killed two people as well as studies linking fracking to cancer rates and other maladies.

From 2013-17, oil and gas production doubled in the state. The state currently has 55,000 producing wells (half of which are in Weld County) and 20,000 inactive wells.

It is not unusual for neighborhoods on the Front Range to be in close proximity to drilling complexes of 40 or more wells. 4

According to the COGCC, about 85 per• More than 2,200 complaints related to cent of state-owned and private land, or 54 oil and gas have been filed with the percent of the state’s total acreage, would COGCC since January 2015 be off limits to drilling under 112, mostly • Allegations of economic adversity as a as a result of the 2,500-foot “vulnerable” result of 112 are overblown. Less than 1 perarea buffer. However, a study by the Col- cent of Colorado’s state revenue is generated orado School of Mines found that the land by oil and gas. In 2014-15, when oil and gas available to new activity would be nearly slumped due to a glut in supply and prices, three times that, given the use of horizontal the state’s economy actually increased. drilling. Assuming firms could drill hori• The setbacks only apply to new wells. zontally for 1 mile, 42 percent of non-fed- Colorado currently has more than 50,000 eral lands would be accessible. producing wells that will not be affected.

La Plata County is the state’s third-highThe Nays: est gas producer with about 2,900 active • Oil and gas is important to Colorado’s wells. About 60 percent of the county’s economy, generating an estimated $10.9 non-federal lands would be closed to new billion in production value in 2017 and drilling. Bear in mind, the southern part of supporting as many as 34,000 jobs and the county is Southern Ute Tribal land, and many other industries. Proposition 112 will the tribe may not adopt the new setbacks. reduce these economic benefits and put The legislative council estimates the jobs at risk. It may result in lower payments measure will have a negative impact on to mineral owners and reduced tax revenue state and local revenues. Due to market for schools and other services. conditions, oil and gas tax collections fluc• Existing COGCC setback requirements tuate wildly year to provide a balanced year. In 2017, oil and approach to protectJust do it... natural gas producers ing public health, Ballots are due Tues., Nov. 6, and can paid an estimated safety and the envi$496.7 million in prop- be mailed or dropped off at these locaronment. The existing erty taxes to local gov- tions: setbacks were devel• La Plata County Admin. Building, ernments and school oped through a coland special districts 1102 E. 2nd Ave. laborative process and • La Plata County Clerk and across the state. guided by technical In La Plata County, Recorder's Office (Bodo), 98 Everett St. expertise. Under cur• Bayfield Town Hall oil and gas makes up rent law, the COGCC • Farmers Fresh Market, Ignacio for about 26 percent has the authority to Residents can register to vote of property taxes, or modify setbacks in the around $3.7 million. through Election Day at: future, if needed.

• La Plata County Clerk and However, oil and gas ac• The measure will tivity has been slowly Recorder's Office (Bodo), 98 Everett St. shut down the state’s • La Plata County Fairgrounds declining for decades. oil and gas industry, Still have questions?

The Ayes: causing companies to www.govotecolorado.com • People living near pack up and move out fracking have experiof state. enced respiratory problems, headaches and • The setback distance is arbitrary and nausea as well as increased noise, traffic, capricious and not scientifically based. dust, light and odors. Studies link emissions More studies are needed to determine if to cancer, respiratory problems, endocrine fracking emissions harm humans. disruption, low birth weights, birth defects, Our two cents: Quite possibly the high infant mortality and more. In addi- most contentious and divisive measure on tion, fracking fouls air, water and land and this year’s ballot, we really wrestled with deteriorates home values. this one. However, the more we dug into it, • Prop 112 provides property owners the more the benzene, formaldehyde and with greater certainty about the location of acetaldehyde haze began to clear: more new wells and may help improve the qual- study is needed on fracking exposure. Isn’t ity of life and property values. it better to be safe then sorry?

• There have been at least 15 oil and gas Sure, oil and gas brings money into the related explosions since 2017, several of state, but what about the costs we pay with which have killed or severely burned work- our health, environment, climate and qualers and residents. ity of life? People and heavy industry don’t

Taking a bite out of the rest ...

Due to excessive wordiness and bleeding eyeballs (yours and ours), the Telegraph will only briefly address the remaining measures on this year’s ballot. We feel these measures are the low-hanging fruit – “no-brainers” if you will – that require less explanation.

But, if you find yourself needing more information – or with a raging case of insomnia – find out more at ballotpedia.org, cpr.org or in your handy blue booklet.  Amendment V – Assembly Age: Change the age to serve in the State Legislature from 25 to 21.

Our Two Cents: The ramifications of this seem pretty minimal. Maybe some youngsters will lively up the stodgy old place. Vote yes.  Prop 111: Limits on Payday Loans: Caps what payday lenders can charge to a yearly rate of 36 percent and eliminates all other charges and fees.

Our Two Cents: Currently, payday lenders can charge up to 20 percent on the first $300 loaned, 7.5 percent for any amount over that, “monthly maintenance fees” of $30, and an additional annual interest rate of 45 percent. This makes the Megaladon seem tame. Vote yes. (Plus Doug Bruce opposes this, all the more reason to vote yes.)  Amendments Y & Z: Independent Commissions for Redistricting: Creates a 12-member bipartisan commission to draw Colorado's congressional districts and restricts prior or current politicians, candidates or lobbyists from being members. There will be two commissions – one for the state legislature and one for the U.S. Congress. Each will be

made up of four Republicans, four Democrats and four independents.

Our Two Cents: Anything’s got to be better than the current bickering. Let Gerry mander somewhere else. Vote yes on both.  Amendment A: Removal of Exception to Slavery: Removes part of the Colorado Constitution that allows forced, unpaid labor by convicted criminals.

Our Two Cents: (Sigh) Really? This shoulda been passed last time. Slavery has no place in our constitution or modernday Colorado. Vote yes.  Amendment W: Judge Retention Ballot Language: Would remove a lot of blah blah blah from the ballot by allowing county clerks to use one judge retention question for each level of court.

Our Two Cents: No offense, but does anyone really care about judges anyway?

We’re all for making it as painless as possible. Vote yes.  Amendment X: Definition of Industrial Hemp: Removes the definition of industrial hemp from the Colorado Constitution and requires industrial hemp have the same definition as it does under federal law.

The thinking is, if and when hemp becomes legal under the feds, as is rumored, Colorado’s bustling hemp industry will be ready to bust a move.

Our Two Cents: Although acceptance of hemp by the feds is highly speculative right now (no pun intended) we see no reason to rush the matter. Vote no. Or yes. We don’t think this one will have very far reaching consequences either way.

mix – plain and simple. And if you think this is only a Front Range problem, you need only take a drive out into the county or check out the methane hot spot hovering over the Four Corners.

Plus, one can’t help but be reminded of the lessons of hard-rock and uranium mining here. What happens when the industry goes belly up and citizens are left holding the bag for the clean-up of tens of thousands of

leaky wells and contaminated sites?

Enough is enough. Prop 112 sends a message to oil and gas that they can no longer run roughshod over the land and carpet bomb every last corner of our beautiful state. It’s time to move away from extractive energy and find cleaner solutions, and the climate clock is ticking. Even if this means some people never talk to me again, vote yes on 112. 

Vote Clyde Church

La Plata County Commissioner !"#$%%&'()"*+,"-*.,/0.1'+2 !"-0+)3&"*+,"#*'."4"#05$3),"6'3&)+). !"7.*5&'5*%"4"8+"9+2'+)).":0&"*"70%'&'5'*+ !";.)*&'<)"7.0=%)(">0%<). !"#$%&'($"&#)&*+,-".#$"/0($1 !"#$%&'(%)*%+,*$-%+./(0.%&'(%1"%!,"2"%+'/32*%+'44#55#'3-(%

telegraph

Oct. 25, 2018  11

dayinthelife

High Rollers

by Steph en E gin oire

M

ore than 800 high school mountain bike racers from

around the state, as well as a few from Wyoming and

New Mexico, gathered atop Durango Mesa (formerly Ewing Mesa) last weekend for the Colorado High School Cycling Leagueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s championships. The mornings were brisk, the sun was bright, the trails were buff and the stoke was high. And not surprisingly, the Durango Demons won their division state title for the second year in a row, with Animas High finishing second. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a look:

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12

n Oct. 25, 2018

)'&*#+,-.$/012$345$6&789 <" )""+%('"&(:!,&+(I*"(N'&-= >=??(:;(@(A=??(B;( MF(2<(GMGH(>F?LDGCLDMAO

Freshman girls fresh off the starting line.

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Flowing through bermed turns near the finish line.

Spectators enjoy a crisp October morning.

Pushing hard midway through the race course.

graph

Oct. 25, 2018 n 13

thesecondsection

OnStage

The 11th hour

Modern Mexican troupe brings unconventional performance to DAC

by Stew Mosberg

T

o most Americans, the annual “Day of the Dead” is conceivably Mexico’s best known holiday after Cinco de Mayo. The event, which takes place from Oct. 31 – Nov. 2, entails creating ornately decorated altars in remembrance of deceased loved ones. The “festivities” typically include colorfully decorated skulls and skeletons as well as the sharing of traditional foods, such as pozole.

But an upcoming performance at the Durango Arts Center plans to take the event a step further – or two. On Fri., Nov. 2, the Arts Center presents “11:11,” a remarkable contemporary – and participatory – dance performance by Mexico City troupe Sur Oeste Arte Escenico.

Peter Hay, the Durango Arts Center’s exhibits director, is a devotee of the holiday, believing it has become a cultural bridge and helped demystify people’s views regarding a range of universal topics, from death to what it means to be human.

As a result, he not only shepherded the DAC’s recent “pozole” parade but the Sur Oeste performance as well.

“11:11 addresses people’s hopes; our connections and similarities to each other,” he remarked. “I am excited to share it with the arts community and believe it will be inspiring.”

The staging of the piece, which is described by Sur Oeste as reflecting “the anguish and impotence of the Mexican social, political and economic environment,” will require audience members to follow the troupe around the theater as they move. As a result, attendance will be limited to 100.

The Spanish speakers among us know sur oeste means “southwest,” but in this case the title refers not to our Four Corners region, but to the area southwest of Mexico City where the dance company originated. The group’s co-founder, Stephanie García, who was the creative director for 11:11, said the basis for the work grew out of an exhibit she saw at the Tate Museum in London featuring work by South African artist Jane Alexander. Titled “African Adventure,” the work consisted of 13 animal-like figures and was meant as a commentary on the legacy of abuse in post-apartheid South Africa.

Justthefacts

What: “11:11” by dance troupe Sur Oeste Arte Escenico of Mexico City When: 7:30 p.m., Fri., Nov. 2 Where: Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Avenue Tickets: (only 100 to be sold) $22 general, $18 student/DAC member. durangoarts.tix.com (Note: Audience members will follow performers around for duration of 50-minute show.)

She found Alexander’s piece, which featured human figures with animal faces, most of them monkeys wearing suits, stirred feelings reflective of her own experiences in Mexico: feelings of power, repression and abuse. García was captivated and said the Tate show was a revelation for her. “I was completely amazed about how powerful it is. I was shocked.”

In creating the choreography for 11:11, Garcia drew inspiration from the enigmatic yet politically charged nature of Alexander’s piece, incorporating her own elements of theater, light and sound. “I … did my own work trying to express all the coincidences within my own social and historical context,” she said.

Out of that process came 11:11 (pronounced ohn-tze ohntze in Spanish.) As Garcia explained, many people have a synchronistic relationship with that number sequence, and numerologists believe events linked to 11:11 appear more often than can be explained by chance or coincidence. Some people claim that seeing 11:11 on a clock is an auspicious sign while others claim it signals the presence of a spirit.

García acknowledged that in the past three years, 11:11 was

14 n Oct. 25, 2018

telegraph

Stephanie García a recurrent hour for her and believes it can serve as a euphemism for trying to understand repetitive cycles and our seeming need to repeat the same historical mistakes. “It’s about how human beings are rational and civilized but (then) in the next moment react in an incomprehensible way,” she said.

According to Garcia, the performance explores the cycle of life and death and the search for meaning in both. It also asks, but does not answer, the questions: humans, animals or monsters – who are we? And what are we?

Performed by García and seven members of Sur Oeste, the performance had its debut in Havana, Cuba, last year and has been performed in Mexico City, New York and Albuquerque.

The piece’s unusual staging and lighting includes writhing bodies emerging out of darkness and then vanishing, somber figures representing victims and oppressors, and mesmerizing movement meant to both compel and repel onlookers.

And tying into the Dias de Los Muertos theme, red paint will be used as a metaphor for the blood the Mexican people have spilled throughout their country’s history.

“That blood not only represents the people that have passed away as the result of our fight for independence and the revolution, but also for the ‘disappeared’ women and men,” García poignantly explained, “every murder, every colonization act, every submission or discrimination act, all the violence and crime, all the injustice that is there every day, every hour, every year since somebody taught us to feel that being a Mexican native is shameless.”

Hay cautioned that the audience will be following the dancers around the space so the number of tickets has been limited to 100, less than half the theater’s capacity. He noted, too, that following the performance audience members will be invited to stay for a Q&A with the dancers.

“The beauty of the dance and attendees’ connection to the nontraditional use of space makes this a unique occurrence,” he said. “We don’t often have this type of work.” n

The pursuit of joy Author and guru to the stars holds Dharma Center retreat this weekend

by Joy Martin

T

hese are dark times, I think you’d agree. If the election season isn’t enough to send you for the covers, there’s always drought, wildfires, floods, suicides, gun violence and plastic straws. Yes, there are bursts of happiness, like the birth of a child, Hurricane Bud and eating chocolate. And, yes, life really is beautiful, which is why we persevere in pursuit of something deeper than happiness. What is that, you say? For the sake of the conversation, I’m claiming it’s joy.

It’s impossible to not expect someone named “Joy” to not be full of that elusive quality that surpasses the news, mood of the moment and life circumstances, or at least full of thoughts about it. Since I’ve had 34 years to accept the responsibility that comes with this name of mine, I feel like a quasi-expert on the matter. So, here’s a subjective soliloquy to ponder.

Let’s start by defining what joy is not. Joy isn’t about being absurdly happy (though I’m guilty of that on powder days and in fits of laughter with my best friends). It’s not about being in denial of sad things or never getting angry at technology or always finding the silver lining. It’s not material or something to be won.

“Joy is a general feeling of aliveness and well-being that is characterized by engagement with life, meeting its ups and downs with authenticity and perspective,” author and teacher, James Baraz says. “It can look very different from person to person, from a quiet sense of contentment to bubbly enthusiasm.”

I don’t know Baraz personally, and I haven’t read his

book Awakening Joy: 10 Steps that Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness. But I appreciate that he is coming to the Durango Dharma Center this weekend, Oct. 26-28, to hold space for people to consider how joy can express itself uniquely through each of us. This weekend retreat with Baraz is something that the Durango Dharma Center has been working to make happen for more than two years.

Baraz has been teaching this book as an online course since 2003 to more than 15,000 people, including such well-known luminaries as Bill Gates and Oprah. The retreat will include instructions from the book, including 10 practical principles, like expressing gratitude and compassion, that’ll help folks remain connected and alive. The retreat will also focus on developing qualities that prepare us for facing fear and uncertainty about what’s coming around the bend.

When was the last time you considered how you spend time throughout your day? What motivates you to do the things you do? This weekend with Baraz is a chance to not only hear from a passionate expert on the subject of joy but to also sit in silent meditation, walk in meditation, and check in with your soul for a bit, contemplating life’s bigger questions.

“If the word ‘joy’ is a stretch, don’t worry,” encourages Baraz.

“Truly happy people are not happy all the time. You do not have to be a ‘joyful person’ to benefit from this workshop, though you might have fun anyway.”

Not sure if you want to commit to the whole weekend? Come Friday evening and see what stirs – or not.

“These are crazy, strange times,” says Baraz. “This is precisely the time to develop these qualities because the more you can get in touch with everything that’s good and beautiful inside, the more you feel alive and want to work for a better world.” n For more information, go to www.duran godharmacenter.org.

THE MOST UN-BOO-LIEVABLE FAMILY EVENT EVER!

SATURDAY TH OCT. 27 11AM-2PM three springs plaza

Trick or Treating Live Music with Dave Mensch Coloring Contest (forms online) Festival Games Please visit threespringsdurango.com for details!

Love . Life. Here.

TM

SPECIAL THANKS TO

of Southwest Colorado

telegraph

Oct. 25, 2018 n 15

FlashinthePan

Tofu for meatatarians

by Ari LeVaux

W

hen a tofu-based vegetarian dish can make a bloodthirsty carnivore whimper with anticipation, it has my attention. Perhaps you know this type of guy. The kind who gets almost as much pleasure offending a vegan as chewing on a dead animal. One such person, whom I will call Bloody Brad, was my unlikely guide.

Brad is from Houston, and when I showed up in his hometown for a few days, I hit him up for restaurant recommendations. I expected him to steer me to a Texas rib joint or steakhouse.

What I got instead was a recommendation for the Van Loc Vietnamese restaurant, now shuttered after 28 years.

Vietnamese cuisine can be heavy on red meat, and Van Loc offered an eight-course beef meal. But Bloody Brad had one specific recommendation: Clay Pot Tofu.

“I’m in so love with it, it’s all I ever order,” he sighed.

So I went to Van Loc and ordered Clay Pot Tofu. When it arrived, boiling at my table, I could see black pepper coating large pieces of celery, shitake mushrooms, and

16 n Oct. 25, 2018

crispy chunks of deep-fried tofu in the peppery broth.

As I took a few sips, that black pepper jumped out. I don’t see too many spicy dishes powered by black pepper alone. But then, Vietnam produces and exports more black pepper than any other nation, so why not?

While the pepper was strong, the overall effect was still subtle, perhaps thanks to celery taking a rare post at center stage. The tofu absorbed the flavors but held its own. It’s a solid, intriguing and satisfying dish.

The Van Loc crew appeared confused when I asked how to make this amazing recipe. I left with a full belly and a hunger for that recipe that would not quit.

When I told Brad I’d replicated his beloved dish, his response, true to form, was “Great.

Now, can you make that with pork?”

The short answer is yes. It may strike some as counterintuitive, but bacon and tofu is a great combination that’s popular in many Asian dishes. A shorter answer would be: fry the tofu in bacon grease or with ground pork instead. But honestly, you might want to save your bacon. I’m not sure this dish can get any better.

telegraph

Peppery Celery Tofu Serves 2 as a main course 12-ounces firm tofu, cut into 2 x 2-inch slabs, about a half-inch deep; pressed, drained or patted dry Heat-tolerant oil, enough for deep-frying 3 cloves of garlic, sliced 1 medium onion, sliced into rings 10 shiitake mushrooms (if using dried, rehydrate) 2 celery stalks, sliced lengthwise into 1-inch slices ¼ cup soy sauce (have more on hand to season) 2 tablespoons lime juice 1 teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon white pepper (if you can’t find white pepper add a second teaspoon of black) 2 teaspoons fish sauce (omit if vegetarian) Before you do anything, slice the tofu. Heat fry oil in a wok or deep skillet to 365 degrees and deep-fry the tofu until it turns golden-brown and crisp – about five to 10 minutes. Alternatively, pan-fry the tofu in less oil on medium, flipping to get both sides crispy – about 25 mins.

Remove the tofu and drain on paper towels. Then move the fried tofu far, far away, so you won’t be tempted to eat it all before you serve the soup. In your clay pot, saucepan or other vessel, heat 3 tablespoons of oil on medium heat and briefly sauté the garlic. When it starts to brown and the smell peaks (about 1 minute), add the onion, mushrooms and celery.

Add soy sauce, lime juice and black and white pepper, and four cups water. Stir together and season with soy sauce, black pepper, lime and fish sauce. Add crispy tofu , so they are half-submerged in the sauce. Cover and cook 10 minutes on medium heat. Serve immediately and let that broth do its peppery magic. n

TopShelf

Stööki, Storm, DRAGula & Frank ’n’ Stein rango Farmers Market, Saturday is your day. Get your groceries starting at 9 a.m. at the TBK Bank parking lot (formerly ongtime world music favorites Eufórquestra return to the First National).

Animas City Theatre at 9:30 p.m. Saturday. Their ever-evolvThe latest installment of Erik & Friends finds the Nord picking sound is influenced by music from all over the world, ing and grinning with Bruce Allsopp from 5-7 p.m. Sunday at the with an emphasis on funk, pocket and groove. Soul, Afrobeat, reg- Fenceline Cidery in Mancos. “Bruce is a masterful guitarist and gae and dub are added to the mix. Their fifth LP, “Fire,” was prosinger with excellent musical tastes,” Nordstrom said. “He learned duced by Kyle Hollingsworth of the String Cheese Incident and banjo and guitar at an early age, and he was active in the bluehas been a favorite on community and public radio for the past grass/jam scene of Boulder in the 1980s and ’90s.” More recently, few years. PJ Moon & the Allsopp acquired a NaSwappers are also on the tional steel guitar, which bill. reignited his passion for The ACT pushes the playing live music. He’s a boundaries of bass, grime veteran of several local and hip-hop with Stööki bluegrass acts, including Sound at 10 p.m. Friday. the Badly Bent and StillComprised of DJ Lukey House Junkies. Yonder and Jelacee, Stööki is a Mountain String Band London duo that has emrecorded one of his tunes, braced the elements of “Hill Country Girl,” back sound, vision and play. on their “Old Hands” They’ve toured the world, record with Benny “Burle” are launching their own Galloway back in 2003.

O.N.E. Worldwide record Remember all those label, and are releasing great shows at the Rico their seven-track “Osiris” Theatre some 20 years EP, which adds trap and ago? Live music returns electronica to the mix. to that sleepy little hip“Osiris” is also Jelacee’s pie town halfway bedebut as lead vocalist. tween Dolores and Scoffa & Snarky and Brain Telluride when Billy Spiders open. and the Kid keep the The ACT and Prohiblues alive at The Enterbition Herb throw down prise at 9 p.m. Saturday. with Zion I, Casual, ZStööki Sound bring bass, grime & hip-hop to the ACT at 10 p.m. Friday. It’ll give you the chance Man, True Justice, Vocab to catch up with Durango Slick, Save1 and DT the Artist at 9 p.m. Tuesday. The event is part ex-pat Jack Tallmadge, who now lives in Cortez and performs of the fifth annual Slap Frost Tour. Doors open at 8:30. with the group.

Jazz on the Hill once again features the dynamic vocalist Over in Bayfield, the Be Frank Foundation hosts its sixth anStorm Large at 7:30 p.m. Saturday at the Community Concert nual family block party and concert event – Frank N’ Stein – Hall. She’s been called a “remarkably original singer with a from noon ‘til 6 p.m. Saturday. Attendees get to sample some of pedigree that goes from rock to torch in rueful heartbeat.” The Bottom Shelf Brewery’s finest ale in a souvenir stein while knowevent is a fundraiser for the Russ & Bette Serzen Endowment ing they’re supporting music education programs through the Fund for Concert Hall operations. It kicks off with a gourmet purchasing of instruments and supplies, paying instructors, spondinner in the Concert Hall courtyard at 6 p.m. and is followed soring kids’ scholarships and more. It’s Be Frank’s goal to make by the show at 7:30 p.m. and a dessert “afterglow” with the music education affordable for every La Plata County student. artists. The full meal deal costs $140, but concert-only tickets The Met: Live in HD continues its season at 10:55 a.m. Saturare also available. day in the Vallecito Room of the FLC Student Union with GiaFor the 11th year in a row, the Rocky Horror Show returns como Puccini’s “La Fanciulla del West.” Run time is to the Henry Strater Theatre. This is a fun tradition, but there are approximately 3.5 hours, with two intermissions. Known as Pucrules that will be strictly enforced. While costumes are encourcini’s “American” opera, “Fanciulla” premiered in 1910 and is aged, weapons – real or fake – are banned. This means leave based on David Belasco’s play, “The Girl of the Golden West.” The swords, knives, guns, staffs, etc. at home. Also, full face masks opera unfolds in the mountains of California during the Gold that obscure identity or vision are forbidden. Also banned are out- Rush. side things to throw at the stage, including rolls of toilet paper Also of note: the Wild Roses play tonight’s (Thurs., Oct. 25) and bread. Instead, “goody bags” full of all the needed props for Ska-B-Q from 5-7 p.m.; Secret Society Circus is at the Wild the show will be sold. Screenings include 8 p.m. Friday, 7 and 10 Horse Saloon at 9 p.m. tonight; the Black Velvet Trio returns to p.m. Saturday, 8 p.m. Sunday and 8 p.m. on Halloween. the Derailed Pour House at 7 p.m. Friday; Jacob Christopher Grab your ghouls and come out for a haunting good time at plays the Wild Horse at 9 p.m. Friday and Saturday. the Durango Arts Center’s DRAGula from 8:30-10 p.m. Saturday.

The best thing I heard this week is “Life in the City,” the latScarlett Ultra will host some of the Four Corners’ best drag perest album by the Brooklyn-based, nine-piece funk army known as formers. Don’t forget to dress up for the costume contest.

Turkuaz. It reminds me a lot of recent efforts by the Motet, albeit The Durango Elks Lodge gets in on Halloween fun with the less jammy and jazzy and more, well, funky. Feel-good, ’70s disco Nightmare on Elk Street haunted house. Get spooked between flare-ups like “Superstatic,” “Fight the Fire” and the title track take 6 and 10 p.m. Friday, Saturday and Halloween night. There’s also a the listener back to Studio 54, circa 1978. less scary young kids’ version from noon ’til 3 Saturday.

Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein? Email me at chrisa@gobrain For those of you wanting one last harvest from the Dustorm.net n

by Chris Aaland

L

telegraph

Oct. 25, 2018 n 17

onthetown

Thursday25

Halloween Family Storytime and Trick-or-Treating, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library. 375-3380.

Toddler Storytime, 10:30-11 a.m., Durango Library.

Here to Hear: Office Hour with City Councilor Dick White, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m., City Hall, 949 2nd Ave. Dia de los Muertos paper mache Skeleton Building, two-day workshop, 3:30 p.m., Afterschool Awesome! for K-5th graders, 3:30 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Drop-in Tennis, all ages, 4 p.m., Fort Lewis College. www.durangotennis.com.

“Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Smiley Café Open Mic, sign up noon-4 p.m.; open mic, 5:30-8 p.m., Smiley Café, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. 403-5572.

An Hour with the Artist: Native American Rapper Frank Waln, part of Indigenous Artists Festival 2018, 1-2 p.m., FLC Mainstage Theatre Hall.

11th annual Devo Halloween Parade and Party, parade 3:30 p.m. from Durango Rec Center to Rotary Park. Party at 4:30 p.m. at Powerhouse Science Center, featuring trick-or-treating, games, food and more.

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 3:30-5:30 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201.

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Café, 601 Main Ave. 570-650-5982.

VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. 247-0384.

The Met: Live in HD, featuring Puccini’s “La Fanciulla del West,” 10:55 a.m., Student Union at FLC. www.durangoconcerts .com.

Three Springs Fall Festival, trick-or-treating, music from Dave Mensch, pumpkin patch and more, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., Three Springs Plaza. threespringsdurango.com/events.

Nightmare on Elks Street haunted house, noon – 3 p.m. (kids) and 6 -10 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge.

The Stillhouse Junkies perform, 6-8 p.m., Durango Craft Spirits, 1120 Main Ave.

Be Frank’s 6th annual Frank N’ Stein Family Block Party, costume contest, barrel train, bounce house, pumpkin drop and more, noon-6 p.m., in front of Bottom Shelf Brewery in Bayfield.

Nightmare on Elks Street haunted house, 6 -10 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge.

Durango Green Drinks, hosted by San Juan Citizens Alliance and FLC Environmental Center, 5-6:45 p.m., Carver Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave.

Patrons’ Picks Matinee Movie, featuring “Jurassic Park,” 2 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Friday Night Funk Jam with Bootyconda, 6-9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wild Rose Gang performs, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

“Hacking the Planet: The Climate Engineering Reality” screening and Q&A with lead researcher and film producer, 6:30-8:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds.

“Engineering Earth: Exposing the Global Climate Engineering Assault” screening, Q&A session with lead researcher and film producer to follow, 2:30-4:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds.

“Far Out,” the latest film from Teton Gravity Research, benefits Friends of the San Juans, 5:30 and 8:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Scary Family Movies, featuring “Hocus Pocus,” “Goosebumps,” “The Addams Family” and “Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed,” 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Ignacio Community Library.

Trunk or Treat, family event with costumes, trunk-or-treating and more, 6-7:30 p.m., River Church, 860 Plymouth Dr.

“The Story of Chicken Raper” screening, followed by Q&A with filmmaker Cody Perry, 7 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Black Velvet Trio, 7 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main.

Pub Trivia, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.powsci.org.

Teen Game Night, 7-10 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

Pete Giuliani Trio performs, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

“Old News and New Business: Tales of a DJ and Pot Shop Manager,” part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., FLC Noble Hall, Room 130.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main.

Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2 Ave. nd

Friday26

Butoh Mexican Workshop, part of Indigenous Artists Festival 2018, FLC Mainstage Theatre Hall. Register at 247-7412.

Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main Ave. Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Starting Your Nonprofit Workshop, 9 a.m.-noon, Durango Public Library. Register at 247-7009.

FLC Native Shorts with directors talk, part of Indigenous Artists Festival 2018, 6-8 p.m., Student Union at FLC, Vallecito Room.

Jazz on the Hill featuring Storm Large, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at FLC. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave.

Alchemy Jack, 8 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

Rocky Horror Show, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre. www.henrystratertheare.com

Rocky Horror Show, 8 & 10 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre. www.henrystratertheare.com

Stööki Sound performs with special guests Scoffa & Snarky and Brain Spiders, 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College.

Full Moon Ghost Crawl and Haunted Train Museum Experience, 9-10 p.m., D&SNGRR.

Saturday27

DJ Noonz, 8 p.m.-close, Moe’s, 937 Main Ave. Euforquestra with special guests PJ Moon and The Swappers, 9:30 p.m., The Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Sunday28

Drop-in Tennis, all ages, 9 a.m., Durango High School courts. www.durangotennis.com.

Wild for Wilderness Online Auction, fundraiser for Great Old Broads for Wilderness, runs Ot. 28- Nov. 11. Auction.greatold broads.org.

Pine Needle Mountaineering’s 10th annual Ski Swap, 9 a.m., 835 Main Ave.

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Café, 601 Main Ave. 570-650-5982.

Durango Farmers Market, 9 a.m.-noon, music by Truckley Howe, TBK Bank parking lot, 259 W. 9th St.

Lactation Support, 10 a.m.-noon, Prenatal Yoga, noon-1 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201.

ICL MakerSpace, 10 a.m., Ignacio Community Library.

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Irish Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. “Frankenstein,” screened by National Theatre Live Productions, 1 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

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The Story of Chicken Raper, the Dolores River’s most notorious rapid, followed by film discussion and celebration of Wild and Scenic Rivers Act, 6 p.m., 4 Corners River Sports.

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telegraph

“My Beloved is Mine,” presented by Durango Chamber Singers, 3 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 910 3rd Ave. Durango ChamberSingers.org.

Erik Nordstrom and Bruce Allsopp perform, 5-7 p.m., Fenceline Cidery in Mancos.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 7 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Rocky Horror Show, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre. www.henrystratertheare.com

Monday29

Teen Time! 3:30 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Inklings, book club for grades 3-5, 4 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

Drop-in Tennis, all ages, 4 p.m., FLC. durangotennis.com.

Climate Change Solutions: Inspiration from Leaders in Climate Science and Action, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at FLC. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Rotary Club of Durango, presentation by Durango Mayor Sweetie Marbury and City Councilor Dick White, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel. 385-7899.

Play days, 10 a.m., also Wed., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Moe’s Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Storytime with local children’s author Brooke Smith, 10 a.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave. www.mariasbookshop.com.

Zion I, Casual, Z-Man, True Justice, Vocab Slick, Save1 and DT the Artist perform, 9 p.m., The Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Watch Your Step class, 10:15-11:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Wednesday31

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Classic Movie Monday, 7 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Learn to Square Dance, with Wild West Squares, 7-8:30 p.m., Florida Grange, 656 Hwy 172. 903-6478.

Yoga for All, 9 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Beginner Tai Chi, 9:15-10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Storytime, 10:30-11:30 a.m., Mancos Public Library. 533-7600.

Baby Storytime, 2-2:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Smiley Bldg. Farmers Market, 3-6 p.m., 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

Rocky Horror Show, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre. www.henrystratertheare.com

Ongoing

“Peter Precourt: The Katrina Chronicles,” exhibit runs thru Nov. 1, FLC Art Gallery.

“Living with Wolves,” “Lummi Nation Bear Totem Pole” and “Riders of the West,” thru Nov. 30, Southern Ute Museum.

“Ben Nighthorse Campbell: Becoming Cheyenne,” thru Dec. 14, FLC Center of Southwest Studies.

Halloween

Morning Meditation, 8 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Live music, nightly, Diamond Belle & The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Storytime, 10-11 a.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

Little Readers, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Floor Barre Class, 3-4 p.m., Absolute Physical Therapy, 277 E. 8th Ave. 764-4094.

Tween Time: Luminaries, 4-5 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Children’s Halloween Trick-or-Treating, 4-6 p.m., downtown Durango.

Halloween Party, 5-6 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

Preview of San Juan Symphony’s “Bernstein and Brahms,” Halloween costumes welcome, 6 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th Ave.

Upcoming

Intermediate Tai Chi, 10:30 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Teen Café, for grades 6-12, 2 p.m., ICL MakerSpace, 2 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

Tuesday30

Pub Quiz, 6:30 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez. 920-539-9998.

After School Halloween Movie, featuring “Hotel Transylvania,” 4 p.m., Ignacio Community Library.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 6:30 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Dr. 259-5959.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Yogalates, 9 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Monday Music, 10:30 a.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Nightmare on Elks Street haunted house, 6 -10 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge.

“Resilience: Laugh, Cry, Persevere” featuring “I’m Native And …” from Natalie Benally and “Teaching Disco Square Dancing to Our Elders” with Marissa Fast Horse, Nov. 1-4; both shows running at Fort Lewis College Theatre. www.durangoconcerts.com.

“Entre El Cielo” premiere, 5:30 p.m., Nov. 1, Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Vallecito Nordic Fall Fundraiser, 5:30-8 p.m., Nov. 1, Carver Brewing, 1022 Main Ave. vallecitonordic.org.

Indigenous Artists Perspective: Juried Art Show Reception, part of Indigenous Artists Festival 2018, 6:30 p.m., Nov. 1, Fort Lewis College Theatre Hall Lobby.

Capitol Steps, comedy troupe performance, 7:30 p.m., Nov. 1, Community Concert Hall at FLC. www.durangoconcerts.com.

“9 to 5: The Musical,” presented by DHS Troupe 1096, opening night Nov. 2, show runs Nov. 3, 8-10, 15-16 and 2 p.m., Nov. 10, Durango High School. 259-1630.

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telegraph

Oct. 25, 2018 n 19

AskRachel Interesting fact: I looked up the etymology of “dickweed” thinking perhaps it was an Old World herb or something. Nope. It’s just a beautiful word that, like cocaine, is a gift to us from the 1980s.

stances running down the walls and forgotten coke spilled across the bathroom floor. Who’s keeping secrets here?

– Worldly Traveler

Dear Rachel, I found a dog in the middle of nowhere this past weekend. He’s a snuggle monster and really gentle. But he had no collar, no chip, he hasn’t been neutered, and he was on the freaking highway. What are my obligations to find his negligent home before the statute of limitations wear out and I can just keep him forever already?

– Dog House

Dear Renter’s Wrong, I like to think better of humanity than you do, perhaps. Whereas a hotel room is a sterile, emotionless box where the artwork is drilled to the wall, Airbnbs are people’s homes, furnished with all the junk that they don’t want in their own homes anymore. When you enter these places, you tend to respect them. Which is why guests tend to treat them unlike their own homes. That, and they also charge a cleaning fee.

– Please rate me five stars, Rachel

Dear Snuggle Victim, Did you post a lost-and-found ad on the Middle of Nowhere’s Craigslist page? I think that’s all you have to do, morally speaking. I mean, if the dog was on the highway without any identification, you really don’t want him going back there. Besides, I did some quick research for you, and in the state of Colorado you’re considered a stray dog’s owner after you care for him for 72 hours. So if you kept your trap shut, you should be free and clear.

– Congratulations, Rachel Dear Rachel, I love Airbnb when I travel. But I think the review process is a sham. You just know that a certain percentage of people treat their rented quarters like it’s a hotel party after the Oscars in the ’80s. But never – and I mean NEVER – do I read a review that describes unidentifiable sub-

Dear Rachel, Why do people think they’ll change anyone’s mind by calling them names? I’m referring to some recent political letters in this very paper, but it holds true in general in any context. No one has ever gone, “Hey! You called me an ignorant, heartless a-hole because I think the way I think … and you have a point. You’ve converted me to your way of thinking, which I previously also thought was ignorant, heartless, and a-holeish!” Let’s get back to civil discourse, eh?

– Golden Rule Dear Dickweed, Just kidding! That probably wasn’t the way to get you to listen to my answer, huh? The truth of the matter is that most people out there in the world are hungry,

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com angry, irritated or they just lost their dog after someone stole him from the highway. We really don’t know what other people are thinking when they react in any given moment. That said, letters to the editor are premeditated acts, and people really should learn to filter that crap.

– Up yours, Rachel

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20 n Oct. 25, 2018

telegraph

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): In her poem “Shedding Skin,” Harryette Mullen compares her own transformation to the action a snake periodically carries out to renew itself. Since you now have an excellent opportunity to undertake your own molting process, you may find her thoughts helpful. (I’ve rendered them in prose for easier reading.)

“Pulling out of the old scarred skin – old rough thing I don’t need now – I strip off, slip out of, leave behind. Shedding toughness, peeling layers down to vulnerable stuff. And I’m blinking off old eyelids for a new way of seeing. By the rock I rub against, I’m going to be tender again.”

Halloween costume suggestion: snake sloughing its skin.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Only the young and stupid are confident about sex and romance,” says 49-year-old author Elizabeth Gilbert, who has written extensively about those subjects. I agree with her. I’ve devoted myself to studying the mysteries of love for many years, yet still feel like a rookie. Even if you are smarter about these matters than Gilbert and me, Taurus, I urge you to adopt a humble and curious attitude during the next few weeks. The cosmos has prepared some interesting lessons for you, and the best way to take advantage is to be eagerly receptive and open-minded. Halloween costume suggestion: sex researcher; love explorer; intimacy experimenter.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “My way of learning is to heave a wild and unpredictable monkey-wrench into the machinery,” wrote Gemini author Dashiell Hammett. But I recommend that you use his approach very rarely, and only when other learning methods aren’t working. Most of the time, your best strategy for getting the lessons you need is to put lubricating oil into the machinery, not a monkey-wrench. That’ll be especially true in the coming weeks. I suggest that you turn the machinery off for a while as you add the oil and do some maintenance. Halloween costume suggestion: repair person; computer techie; machine whisperer.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The great Swedish filmmaker Ingmar Bergman was a Cancerian like you and me. One of the factors contributing to his success was that he put his demons to good use, “by harnessing them to his chariot.” He also testified that he gained control over his demons by taking long walks after breakfast. “Demons don’t like fresh air,” he said. “They prefer it if you stay in bed with cold feet.” I suspect that now would be an excellent time to adopt his advice. Halloween costume sugges-

tion: walk your demon on a leash; or make it into a puppet; or harness it to your chariot.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Throughout the Halloween season, I encourage you to fantasize extensively about what your dream home would look like and feel like if you had all the money necessary to create it. What colors would you paint the walls? Would you have carpets or hardwood floors?

What would be your perfect lighting, furniture, and décor? As you gazed out your windows, what views would you see?

Would there be nature nearby or urban hotspots? Would you have an office or music room or art studio? Have fun imagining the sanctuary that would bring out the best in you. Halloween costume suggestion: the ultimate homebody.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Extraordinary things are always hiding in places people never think to look,” writes novelist Jodi Picoult. That’s crucial for you to meditate on during the coming weeks. Why? Because your superpower is going to be the ability to find extraordinary things that are hiding in places where people have almost never thought to look. You can do both yourself and those you care for a big favor by focusing your intensity on this task. Halloween costume suggestions: sleuth; treasure hunter; private eye; Sherlock Holmes.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming.” Author Shauna Niequist wrote that. In accordance with the astrological omens, I endorse her perspective as true and useful for you.

You’ve zipped through your time of fertile chaos, conjuring up fresh possibilities.

When January arrives, you’ll be ready to work on stability and security. But for now, your assignment is to blossom. Halloween costume suggestions: beautiful creature hatching from an egg; strong sprout cracking out of a seed.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “He believed in magic,” author Michael Chabon writes about a character in his novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. “Not in the so-called magic of candles, pentagrams and bat wings,” nor “dowsing rods, séances, weeping statues, werewolves, wonders or miracles.” Then what kind? Chabon says it’s the “impersonal magic of life,” like coincidences and portents that reveal their meanings in retrospect. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, because now is a favorable time to call on the specific kind of magic that you regard as real and helpful. What kind of magic is that? Halloween costume suggestion: magician; witch; wizard.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “If adventures will not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad.” Sagittarian author Jane Austen wrote that in her novel Northanger Abbey, and I’m passing it on to you, slightly altered. My version is, “If adventures will not befall Sagittarian people of any age or gender in their own neighborhood, they must seek them abroad.” And where exactly is “abroad?” It might mean a foreign country, or it could simply mean outside or in another place. I’d like to extend the meaning to also include anywhere outside your known and familiar world.

Halloween costume suggestion: traveler on a pilgrimage; or explorer on a holy quest.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): PR executives at a beer company offered to pay me a lot of money if I would sneak a product placement ad into your horoscope. They asked me to pretend there was a viable astrological reason to recommend that you imbibe their product in abundance. But the truth is, the actual planetary omens suggest the opposite. You should not in fact be lounging around in a haze of intoxication. You should instead be working hard to drum up support for your labor of love or your favorite cause.

Very Important People will be more available to you than usual, and you’ll be wise to seek their input. Halloween costume suggestion: the Ultimate Fundraiser; Networker of the Year; Chief Hobnobber.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “What kind of idea are you?” author Salmon Rushdie asks. “Are you the kind that compromises, does deals, accommodates itself, aims to find a niche, to survive; or are you the cussed, bloodyminded, ramrod-backed type of damnfool notion that would rather break than sway with the breeze?” I pose this question to you, Aquarius, because I think you could be an effective version of either idea in the coming weeks. If you’re the latter – the cussed, damnfool notion – you may change your world in dramatic ways. Halloween costume suggestions: revolutionary; crusader; agitator; rabble-rouser.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “There is no beauty without some strangeness,” Edgar Allen Poe wrote. Fashion designer Rei Kawakubo ventured further, declaring, “Strangeness is a necessary ingredient in beauty.” She also added another nuance to her definition: “For something to be beautiful, it doesn’t have to be pretty.”

I’ll offer you one more seed for thought: wabi-sabi. It’s a Japanese term that refers to a kind of beauty that’s imperfect, transitory & incomplete. I bring these clues to your attention because now is an excellent time to refine & clarify your own notion of beauty – and re-commit yourself to embodying it.

Halloween costume suggestion: the embodiment of your definition of beauty.

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Oct. 25, 2018 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Announcements Seeking Professional Writer Screen play style genre comedy. Work in progress spec. Jake 419-544-0400.

tion on our Community Advisory Board.

This person should live in La Plata County and be a regular listener to KDUR Radio. Monthly meetings/assistance at fund-raisers and miscellaneous duties are the commitment. Interested parties email Liggett_b@fortlewis.edu Experienced Prep Cook wanted at BREW Pub & Kitchen. Must be reliable with a strong work ethic and excellent knife skills. Bring resume to 117 West College Drive and fill out an application.

WholeHearted Living Classes Join me for a 5 part series to learn how you can live WholeHeartedly even in uncertain and troubled times. Contact Joy Rides Coaching @ 970-946-7835 or joyrides.dgo@gmail.com

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Hope Yoga Studio: Age Gracefully and Live Vibrantly Dr Keneen Hope McNiven D.C. Tues and Thurs Anusara Certified yoga classes 12-1:15. Uplifting and rehabilitative for those with injuries or limitations. Punch passes available. Smiley Studio 10 pre-register at www.hopechi royoga.com or 970-305-3239.

Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

HelpWanted Companion, Driver, Light Housework Light cooking, verbal stimulation for elderly woman. Must have transportation. Variable schedule. Students welcome. 970-799-3488.

Phlebotomy Certification (Blood Drawing) $350, Farmington, Oct. 27 and 28. swphlebotomy.net, 505-410-7889.

KDUR Radio is Looking for Someone to fill the community member posi-

22 n Oct. 25, 2018

Pet/House Sitting Exp, very reasonable, exc references, all animals. Lisa 970-903-5396.

Fall Spray Tans! Organic & Beautiful!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Classes/Workshops

Facelifts Available Immediately!

Highly skilled decorators beautify your environment instantly. 5 intense manpower hours. $297 special. Amazing transformation! LoveGuru@SpiesGirls.com

Wanted

Halloween Spray Tans $5 Off! Color-customized exclusively for you!

Get a subtle glow or go as dark as you dare! Offering extra after-work appointments so you can get your glow on just in time for Halloween festivities. Save $5 by mentioning this ad. Text 970-2590226 to schedule today. www.spaevo.com

Tame Your Inner Critic & Find Peace Tame Your Inner Critic & Find Peace and Balance: Mindful Self-Compassion dates: 8 Wednesdays: 11/14, 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 1/9, 1/16, 1/23, 1/30 Time: 5:30 - 8pm the Smiley Building, #205 sliding scale fee- $250 - $350 - payment plan available. All registrations received before November 8 will receive a $50 discount. Register by e-mail - MyahMindfulness@gmail.com or by phone970-946-5379. Myoung Lee, Certified Mindfulness Teacher Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192

telegraph

Low Price on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advancedductcleaninginc.com

BodyWork Therapeutic Massage Special Rate: $50 - 1 hr, $75 - 1.5 hrs, in town Durango: All proceeds going to a cancer stricken family on GoFundMe under “Iosue Family.” Call/text Nancy@ 970- 799-2202.

Yoga Therapy Therapeutic yoga for structural injuries, chronic pain; specializing in stress management and trauma recovery. A path to self healing. See website for more info. Call for special fall discount!

Matthew 970-422-2203. TreeOfLifeYogaTherapy.com massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-9032984.

Insight Cranial Sacral Therapy Quiet, relaxing, deep. Don 970-7698389.

Fall in love with Massage!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForRent Durango Best Locations 3 BR/1 BA, new carpet, paint, W/D hook up, students welcome with ref., 1year lease and deposit. 970-259-8117.

YardSale Moving Sale Sat. 8 to ?

2903 Holly Avenue. Multiple dressers, sofa, household items.

ForSale

1981 Honda Cub Motorscooter Sweet vintage ride, fully refurbished by local mechanic. Only about 6,000 miles, 70 cc, manual, new tires and battery. It runs – just not currently. Needs small-engine jedi to get her up and on the road again. $1,300 OBO. 970-749-2595.

‘94 GMC Sierra 1500 4WD, 5-speed standard, V-8, 144,000 original miles, full cap over truck bed, $4,500.00 OBO contact me: 970-7696907.

Hot Tub – New 6HP pump, 50 jets. Cost $8,000. Sell $3,650. 505-270-3104.

Reruns – Two Stores to Choose From Get ready for the holidays – dishes, linens, serving ware, bar sets. Cool furniture and art, bedding, lamps and rugs. Winter apparel - great selection of flannels, boots and puffy coats arriving daily. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

CommercialForRent Office to Share – Room of Your Own! Looking for an office mate in a cute affordable two room office with waiting room. Perfect for a therapist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, etc. The office is at 1911 Main Ave. Suite 240. 946-1345.

CommunityService Upper Pine River Fire Promotes “Fill the Boot” for MD Muscular dystrophy is a group of diseases that cause progressive weakness and loss of muscle mass. Symptoms of the most common type begin in childhood other types don’t surface until adulthood.

The disease can take away their ability to walk, run, hug, dress themselves, talk and even breathe. There is no cure for MD, but medications and therapy can help manage symptoms and slow the course of the disease. Every year the Muscular Dystrophy Association sends more than 3,500 kids, ages 6 to 17, all diagnosed as having neuromuscular disease, to a fun week of one

of the nearly 80 MDA summer camps Nationwide. Through donations made during “Fill the boot” MDA is able to provide life-changing summer camp experiences for these children and teens, all at no cost to their families. Upper Pine River Protection District has been involved with MDA “Fill the Boot” for several years in the fight for Muscular Dystrophy. Firefighters are involved with “Fill the Boot” annually at several locations throughout Bayfield, including the Heritage day parade. So, the next time you see a firefighter holding a fire boot in regards to MDA, remember what an awesome cause it is and families it helps. For further questions please contact: www.mda.org, aharrison@upper pinefpd.org 41st annual Snowdown Event Coordinator Deadline The deadline for Snowdown Events to be included in the official 2019 Snowdown, Get Your ComicOn Schedule is Oct. 31.

More information and Event Forms are available at: www.snowdown.org. Questions, events@snowdown.org 970-4222045.

HaikuMovieReview ‘IT’ If ‘Stand by Me’ and ‘The Goonies’ had an evil, killer clown baby – Lainie Maxson

Drinking&DiningGuide Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 pm & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$ Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Pumpkin spice season is here! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. – 4 p.m. $ BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food - made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails. Happy Hour, Mon.- Fri. 3-6 pm & all day Sunday with $2 off beer, $1 off wines & wells & 25% off appetizers. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain.

Hours: Sun.-Thurs., Noon - 9p.m., & Fri. & Sat. Noon to 10 p.m. $$

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Oct. 25, 2018 n 23

24 n Oct. 25, 2018

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