Durango Telegraph - October 18, 2018

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Oct. 18, 2018 Vol. XVII, No. 42 durangotelegraph.com

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

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B E Y O N D

FirstTurns:

inside

Andrew Temple dices it up on Red Mountain Pass last weekend./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Meet and greet

The point man

Buffalo soldier

Candidates weigh in on burning issues and favorite songs p9

Next time you pull out your trail app, you can thank this guy p14

Trials and tribulations of fresh mozzarella from scratch p16

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lineup

9

4 La Vida Local

Getting to know you

Let’s get civilized

Candidates for office sound off on the issues and their favorite song

4 Thumbin’ It

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street

12-13

6-8 Soapbox

Well-kept secrets

The little-known mummified magic of the Grand Canyon photos by Stephen Eginoire

14

11 Mountain Town News 12-13 Day in the Life

The point man

16 Good Eats

Next time you pull out your map app on the trail, you can thank Jerry Brown

by Missy Votel

17 Top Shelf

16

18-19 On the Town

Cutting the cheese 20 Ask Rachel

And other homemade fresh mozzarella-making hacks

by Donna Hewett

21 Free Will Astrology

17

22 Classifieds

Hot air & hot beats

Jarabe Mexicano, balloon glows, Starfire and Posh Josh

23 Haiku Movie Review

by Chris Aaland

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph

Ear to the ground: “I suppose I should put some pants on.”

– Local man contemplating giving up the dream of an endless shorts-wearing season

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RegularOccurrences

Tired of nasty political arguments? Want to burn your Facebook feed? A grassroots local group, Civil Dialogue, is taking on the daring task of restoring, you guessed it, polite, productive and rational discourse. The group is taking its first step with a meeting open to all comers at noon Fri., Oct. 19, in the Florida Room at the La Plata County Fairgrounds.

“We are a small group of concerned citizens that respect diverse points of view and believe that our communities are stronger when we listen to and learn from one another,” read an email from organizers. “We wish to bring people together from across the political spectrum to start talking to one another in a courteous and respectful manner to begin to restore civil dialogue.”

The group said the idea isn’t to change anyone’s mind but just to make political conversations more respectful, kinder and productive.

“The way to start is to get to know each other better,” read the email.

Specifically, the group’s goals include: • Civil discourse and a government that works in the best interests of the country as a whole; • Elected officials who are capable of working to solve the big issues facing local communities and our country; • A media that informs citizens in a fair and responsible way.

Anyone interested is encouraged to attend – and bring a friend with a different political view.

They’ll even buy both of you a cup of coffee.

For info., laplatacivildialogue@gmail.com

Going for the gold Fifty young alpine and freestyle skiers from across Colorado were recognized Sunday as U.S. Ski Team Colorado All-Stars, including a few athletes with Durango roots. The All-Star Team includes 30 alpine skiers and 20 freestyle skiers from across the state including Izzy Washburn (Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club, alpine); Trudy Mickel (Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club, freestyle); and George McQuinn (Winter Park Competition Center, freestyle.)

The athletes are vying for a coveted spot on the U.S. Ski Team, and, ultimately, Olympic glory.

Comic timing STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Tracy Chamberlin, Jesse Anderson, Allen Best, Ari LeVaux, Donna Hewett, David Feela & Shan Wells

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302

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E-MAIL: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

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LLC and distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

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Got a brilliantly debaucherous idea for a Snowdown event? Well, time is ticking. The deadline to submit your event idea for the 41st annual winter bacchanal is Oct. 31.

For reference, this year’s theme is “Get Your ComicOn” – which will be a good excuse to recycle those “Superhero Snowdown” costumes – and the shenanigans take place Jan. 30 – Feb. 3, 2019.

Fill out your event form at: www.snow down.org. For questions about whether your event will pass muster with the powers that be (such as our ill-fated stair-diving competition a few years back) get in touch with Linda Brockway at: events@snowdown.org or 970-422-2045.

Oct. 18, 2018 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal The lie of the land “Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.” – Mark Twain An ancient marble mask sculpted during the Roman Empire’s heyday hangs on a church wall outside Rome’s Santa Maria in Cosmedin. Archaeologists aren’t sure about the mask’s original location or purpose, but since the 13th century this church has served as its custodian. Formally known as La Bocca Della Verità (the Mouth of Truth), it attracts a curious population.

Tourists wait in line for the chance to test the oracle, to place one hand inside its open mouth. Legend claims a liar will lose that hand.

What did I do when my turn arrived? Naturally, I stuck my hand into the orifice – not knowing what to expect – then pulled it free, intact, still flexible enough to reach into my pocket and deposit a few coins in the donation box.

Catching a liar by offering a cosmic guillotine may seem unreliable in determining the purity of a conscience, but does placing a hand on the Bible and swearing an oath do more? Any observant tourist in line at the Mouth of Truth might have noticed I used my left hand, the one I don’t depend on – just in case.

Every day the news reports our collective failures, people we once admired caught in a labyrinth of lies. We used to wash a child’s mouth out with soap for fibbing, hoping that by instilling virtue at a young age we set a lifetime course.

But even a child won’t readily admit to a lie, repeatedly denying the act, eventually wearing down the interrogator.

Oh, isn’t that cute, the parent thinks, all while trying to maintain a stern expression.

Stealth arrives with experience. Children grow older, and they cleverly camouflage their lies. If by some grace a stretcher-of-truths matures and achieves a measure of respectability, he or she sometimes wears that position of power like a disguise. I could mention one big fat liar to serve as a prime example, but we know who I’m talking about, mostly because we also know ourselves.

M & W Healy’s 1915 book on lying puts it this way: “All pathological liars have a purpose, i.e., to decorate their own person, to tell something interesting, and an ego motive is always present. They all lie about something they wish to possess or be.”

Modern experts suggest we try not to focus on any of the unreliable predic-

tors when trying to tell if a person is lying. Don’t expect to see a protruding Pinocchio nose, dysfunctional eye contact, or even those pearly beads of sweat that supposedly pop up like an uncontrollable truth serum on a wrinkled brow. Pathological liars tend to be more sophisticated than that.

Between the innocent white lies and the universally dishonorable ones lurk the “half truths.” Political ads, campaigns, and reaction news story headlines use these hybrids to deliberately mislead the listener. The phrase “alternative facts” meets this standard, as in the trade story about how Japan drops bowling balls on American cars to test their safety. The truth is, they don’t, but Press Secretary Sarah Sanders in defending her boss’ fabrication said it “illustrates the creative ways some countries are able to keep American goods out of their markets.” She wouldn’t admit the story was a lie, but offered an alternative truth to distract us, hoping to make the lie sound more credible.

Research also finds the more a person lies, the easier it gets, and the lie – remember, not the nose – often grows. A 2010 paper published in Human Communication Research surveyed 1,000 Americans, asking them to report how many lies they told in a 24-hour period. Only 40 percent of respondents even admitted telling a lie.

Truth may have turned into a matter of semantics, a persistent and petty quibbling over who’s standing on the higher moral ground.

Rudy Giuliani claimed while being interviewed on “Meet the Press” “truth isn’t truth,” a comment that prompted his interviewer, Chuck Todd, to laugh and nearly fall out of his chair. Giuliani went on to justify his statement, explaining that contradictory statements are two different versions of the truth, as if both were equally credible depending on your sympathies and loyalties. In today’s political climate, perhaps Giuliani is right, and dishonesty isn’t dishonesty, and perjury isn’t perjury. We can even amend the Constitution to allow governing by the unpopular vote.

I laughed when comedian John Oliver on his show “Last Week Tonight” joked “the only thing that feels better than lying to someone is lying to someone then regaining their trust, then lying to them again.” At first I thought what he said amounted to a joke, but now I’m not so sure. If we hold these lies to be self-evident, are we also endowed with certain inherent and inalienable wrongs? It’s beginning to sound all too plausible.

Thumbin’It A local family turning the tragic suicide of their son into a positive thing for the local community by founding the CODY project, to help combat youth suicide and depression City sales tax showing an overall upward trend for 2018 despite the summer’s fires, with receipts up 1.2 percent year to date as of August A bill making its way though the state Legislature that would slap drone pilots with a felony for flying over a wildfire and hampering firefighting efforts

4 n Oct. 18, 2018

– David Feela

This Week’s Sign of the Apocalypse: Pastorius Reservoir needing to be drained, yet again, due to the illegal stocking of invasive northern pike

City lodgers tax taking a hit this summer, with revenues down 12.8 percent (5.3 percent year to date) More dire climate predictions, with a new U.N. report detailing a future of worsening food shortages, more wildfires and flooded coastlines over the next 25 years

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Geography (aka ‘Fake News’) Antifa activists converged on Portland last week and shut down highways with their demonstrations. Of course, Trump supporters were outraged by the protests (probably because women were involved), so they swamped Portland’s Facebook page and police department with angry posts and phone calls. The problem? They got Portland, Ore. (population 650,000) mixed up with Portland, Mich. (population 4,000), and harassed the wrong city. Portland, Mich., City Manager Tutt Gorman posted that his Facebook page and police aren’t affiliated with Oregon, but it hasn’t stopped the complainants, because that would require “reading.”

WordontheStreet

Q

“A stressfree day.”

With hunting season in full swing, the Telegraph asked: “What are you on the hunt for?”

Liz Quezada

Taylor Caudill

“A paycheck.”

“An awesome Halloween costume that gets me though all of Durango’s winter festivities.”

“Lifelong love.”

Nick Manning

“Peace and tranquility.”

Ashley Delehunt

Blake Cox

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Question 2A: show us the money To the editor, After reading the recent article about Ballot Initiative 2A, it became apparent that the public needs more information to make a better decision. After checking the “2A Fact Sheet” the details remain fuzzy at best. The article mentions the citizen survey that was circulated this summer. I vividly remember filling out this survey and even adding extra comments at the end to make points more clear than just filling in a 1-5 scale answer. If I remember correctly, the survey mentioned the police requesting about $19 million for a new facility. The roads need about $2.5 million. And parks and rec a similar amount, with some other expenditures thrown in as well.

However, from the fact sheet it is unclear how much the city is asking for and what each expense will be. The costs to fix/maintain roads and other infrastructure is understandable, especially with the increase in traffic. The expansion of parks and rec makes sense as well. And we can see that the police station is like all original Durango buildings, small, inefficient and in need of upgrades.

However, there is a new station in Three Springs. And $19M for a new facility seems like an awful lot of money without a solid plan and another one within city limits.

This question seems like a lump of spending without enough details – much like the water treatment plant, fire and rescue, and airport and education initiatives that were thrown at us as must-pass initiatives.

Since our population is growing, there is added use of existing infrastructure and services but it also means there are more people contributing to the coffers. How can these be so far out of balance that we need to keep raising taxes? I did not see any firm sunset clause on the 2A fact sheets, so is this increase with us forever? A vague mention that it might end in 2043 is not clear enough.

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6 n Oct. 18, 2018

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After voting “yes” on tax increases for education, fire and rescue, and other services/projects over the last 12 years, I am really starting to question whether I can keep voting

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to increase taxes. It seems like fair to ask for a tax increases to help share the costs and benefits. However, continuously escalating taxes is a recipe for runaway 4

expenditures with no way to ever decrease costs. Ask anyone who came from another state with high property taxes if they felt like they had any way to rein in ever-increasing costs and taxes. Do we feel we are getting our money’s worth? Like Mayor Sweetie said “we get what we pay for and we get what we don’t pay for.” Helping educators teach our kids sure, increasing parks and rec probably, fixing roads and infrastructure sure; a new police station, more police and police cars for $19 million, not so sure.

I would like to see a better breakdown of this ballot and a separation of the expenditures and to vote on them individually. We would probably see citizens put their money where their values lie. Yes, I like to pick which piece of cake I want to eat when I help pay for the cake.

Democracy is having a say in our collective choices.

Please vote no matter your leanings. It’s your civic duty.

– Derek Wadsworth, Durango

Diane will work for the people To the editor, Please exercise your right as a responsible citizen. This election is critical! Aren’t you sick of having a dysfunctional, polarized congress and a so-called “representative” who listens to his big corporate donors instead of you?

Who voted to increase the federal debt by $1.9 trillion to give tax breaks to the wealthy? Who sponsored and passed a bill to clear-cut 30,000 acres of forest in the name of “fire prevention?” Who repeatedly voted to make health insurance less available? Who voted to drill the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge?

It’s time we replace Scott Tipton with a real representative. One who has pledged to not take corporate PAC money. Who has a proven record of working “across the aisle.” Who listens to and works for the people, not corporations. If you care about our environment, health and runaway federal debt, don’t sit out this election. Your vote is important! Vote for Diane Mitsch-Bush to represent CD3.

– Eilene Lyon, Durango

Back to basics: vote yes on 2A To the editor, “Take care of what you have” is the primary message from citizens to the City of Durango during a year-long civic engagement effort. The response is the “Back to Basics” Ballot Issue 2A. Residents overwhelmingly approve of the services provided by the city and express willingness to pay more taxes to keep them. (See www.durangogov.org/engage.)

Their concerns particularly focus on public safety and street maintenance.

Police protection; fire and emergency services; streets, alleys, sidewalks, and storm drains: together these basics account for roughly half of the services provided by the city’s General Fund. Unfortunately, the revenues available to support them are growing more slowly than expenses, and the shortfall is happening already in 2018 because the 416 Fire reduced sales and lodgers’ taxes. The General Fund also supports maintenance of city buildings, but resources are insufficient to replace major facilities, such as our aging, inadequate police station.

Other city functions are entirely supported by fees for service, such as water, sewer, trash and recycling, each of which has its own Enterprise Fund. Service fees can pay for major projects such as the Santa Rita Water Reclamation Facility through bonds. Still other efforts, including new parks and recreation facilities such as Animas River Trail extensions, depend on Special Revenue Funds supported by taxes specifically approved by the voters for limited purposes.

Ballot Issue 2A would address General Fund needs though increases in tax rates on property by 5.4 mills and on sales by 0.55 percent, yielding roughly $7.6 million in additional annual revenue for 25 years. Such duration is essential for bonding major expenses and sharing the cost among current and future taxpayers.

The 5.4 mill increment in property tax would raise about $2.9 million in relatively stable revenue for essen-

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tial public safety services. Of this, 2.2 mills ($1.2 million) would fund bonds for construction of the badly needed police station. The additional 3.2 mills ($1.7 million) would enable Durangoans to join Durango Fire Protection District in paying our entire annual commitment through property taxes. New payments would total about $13/month for a $400,000 home or $130/month for a $1 million business.

Police headquarters today occupies a 1950s car dealership, which housed just 30.5 employees (25 officers) in 1985; today it houses 66 (56 officers). The building provides inadequate space for passage of prisoners, training, or efficient evidence management, much less room for additional police officers. A 2015 study of city facilities estimated that the department should have roughly three times the current space. Consequently, replacement – either on the existing site or a new one – is by far the city’s highest facility need.

The sales tax increase, 55 cents on a $100 purchase, would provide 58 percent of the new revenue, $4.7 million. Because non-residents also contribute to sales taxes, residents prefer sales over property taxes, though many indicated acceptance of a hybrid approach, as embodied in 2A. Citizens also indicated that the city should consider fee increases and restraints on spending. Making the commitment to do both in future budgets, the city chose to seek $7.6 million per year in new revenue, rather than the $8.6-$10 million per year that would fully fund the estimated need. The higher maximum stated on the ballot, $8.7 million, avoids a multitude of small refunds required by the Taxpayer Bill of Rights if revenue unexpectedly exceeded the target amount.

The ballot language includes public safety in general, code enforcement & facility improvements beyond the new police station. These provisions would allow funding of additional police officers plus another code enforcement officer. More facility funding would allow essential upgrades to

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 7

SoapBox

2A would be a $280m blank check

from p. 7

To the editor, When a tax increase for Durango voters is promoted by citing monthly costs – to make it look smaller – be suspicious! In fact, the proposed Durango City Council 2A tax increase is huge and will run unchecked for a quarter century! And, the tax increase ($8.72M in the first year) is not a fixed amount! The City anticipates residential and business property taxes funding 2A to rise every year as assessed valuations increase. Voters are really deciding whether to give the City a blank check exceeding $280M over the next 25 years for what is effectively a wish list.

The Council frequently justifies this tax increase by headlining a new (and yes, needed) police station. That cost is estimated to be $19M. What about the other $261M that is also part of the tax increase? When and where will that money be spent? The answer is of course that no one – not the City nor the City Council – can say with any certainty.

And how could they? Who can predict the future for 25 years? And, why hasn’t the City Council provided voters with a priority list, rather than just a list of “needs,” given the scale of this tax request? Why hasn’t the City told us where a new police station is on the priority list?

Look a little deeper at the “public safety” part of the tax increase. The City wants to add eight more uniformed officers to an existing force of 55 officers. According to Amber Blake, asst. city mgr., that works out to be 29.72 officers/10,000 population. The reader should Google “Police Employment Per Capita.” You will find the national average for cities of 25,000 to 50,000 is 17 uniformed officers/10,000 population. And yet the tax proposal includes a request to increase Durango’s force to about 34 officers/10,000 population, nearly double national averages.

And those new officers don’t come for free. Counting salaries, benefits and pension costs, nearly $800K/yr. will be needed by the end of 2043 for those eight officers.

Mayor Marbury tells us (Durango Herald, Sept. 26) these

other city buildings, the average age of which is 35 years.

The largest allocation of the sales tax, however, would be for street maintenance, along with alleys and sidewalks. Florida Road provided a vivid example of the extreme cost of allowing a street to deteriorate so much that it needs complete reconstruction. The city maintains a Pavement Condition Index (durangogov.org/streetindex) on all streets with the goal of guiding smaller annual improvements. Such investments require at least $2 million a year, and much more to facilitate timely upgrades.

After more than a year of discussion, the City Council concluded that addressing these fiscal needs requires major investment to ensure a prosperous future. For details on the “Back to Basics” proposal and the planned improvements, see durangogov.org/Document Center/ View/10497.

Please vote Yes on Ballot Issue 2A. – Durango City Council

112 to protect people not profits

To the editor, Vote yes on Proposition 112, which requires new oil & gas development be located at least 2,500 feet from occupied structures and other areas designated as vulnerable (that means your house, schools & water sources.)

Speaking of fake news and misinformation, check out Protect Colorado. They say to vote no because “Proposition 112 is backed by extreme out-of-state groups and increases energy setbacks to five times the distance of what is currently required, which effectively bans oil and natural gas development in Colorado.”

This is big oil at its most insidious. This PR organization wants to put big money and the lure of jobs ahead of truly protecting our citizen’s health and our environment.

– Ted Ullman, Mancos

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officers are needed for “more visibility on the Animas River Trail and downtown.” Really – for $800,000/yr?

And speaking of roads and storm drains, why are we seeing a wish list from the City, w/o any details or priorities? Twenty-five years is a long time to not know what the specific costs will be. And why is there no mention of alternative funding sources, including this November’s Transportation Ballot Issue 110, federal transportation grant opportunities, and re-purposing of other City tax sources such as the $109M Parks and Rec. fund? Why haven’t we been told how the City expects to benefit from the Supreme Court’s ruling that Internet sales taxes can be returned to municipalities?

The City has been strangely silent about where spending has been cut to free up monies for other purposes.

Has that actually happened? And are there City services we can’t afford? Spending reductions requires hard choices. The easy choice is to just increase everyone’s taxes for 25 years. Ballot 2A should be defeated. The City can return later with a focused request for a new police station, if that is actually their highest priority, but not accompanied with a voter-funded blank check for $280M that doesn’t end for 25 years.

– John Ritchey, Durango

We’re up to our ears Due to an exceptionally high volume of election letters, the Telegraph will not be accepting any more letters relating to the 2018 midterms.

Thank you for your understanding.

TopStory

Meet the candidates A filter-free look at the people running for office in Southwest Colorado

by Tracy Chamberlin

E

ver wonder what the sheriff’s hidden talent is? Or maybe what representatives listen to before heading into the State Capitol for a vote? Well, now’s the time to find out.

This week, The Telegraph closes out its coverage of the November election with our Candidate Questionnaire.

Contenders vying for your votes get a chance to share a few fun facts about themselves, as well as address some key issues communities in the Southwest are facing. Here are their responses.

La Plata County Commissioner (at-large, District 1): Clyde Church (challenger, Democrat) Previous/current occupation: Semiconductor process engineer and executive at three Fortune 500 companies.

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Wood working and building tables for family and friends, hiking and hunting.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “The Olympic Spirit” on “Summon the Heroes” What is your hidden talent? Playing the Native American wooden flute.

Residents have raised concerns with the Church County’s attempt to update the Land Use Code.

How much of a priority do you think the code update is, and how would you get the process back on track? Revising the Land Use Code and updating the zoning is a large and complex process involving hundreds of citizens, legal, planning staff and BoCC. I would say that reducing the time and cost involved in a land use application is second to the 2019 and 2020 budget. I would work between the citizens and planning groups to facilitate communications, improve clarity and look for out-of-the-box opportunities.

Brad Blake (incumbent, Republican) Previous/current occupation: Plumbing and heating contractor, solar company owner, County Commissioner What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Spending time with family, traveling, photography, home building, skiing, boating, four-wheeling.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? Anything

by Bob Seger or the Eagles What is your hidden talent? Home design Blake

Residents have raised concerns with the County’s attempt to update the Land Use Code. How much of a priority do you think the code update is, and how would you get the process back on track? I feel the update of the Land Use Code is a very high priority. In addition, the process whereby projects are approved or denied needs to be completely updated and streamlined. The process of re-writing the Land Use Code is already under way and it is being done in-house. The public let us know they wanted our county staff and attorneys to write the new code with as little outside help as possible. I like hearing the thoughts and concerns of all people in the community, and the district plans will help with this task. Input from the residents in the county is extremely important and will help in a new code that works for everyone.

La Plata County Sheriff: Dean Mize (challenger, unaffiliated) Previous/current occupation: Deputy and trail ride-hunting outfitter What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Jumping on the trampoline with my kiddos and riding my horses.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “Good Night Baby” by Tom Petty and “The Zoo” by the Scorpions.

What is your hidden talent? Playing the drums.

La Plata County and Durango have been attempting to address homelessness and panhandling over the past Mize few years. How do you define the problem and what are some possible solutions? I would define the problem as one that is not just a local issue but a national one. I believe it should be approached on a case-by-case basis with officer discretion playing a large part, with the goal of doing what is right for the public and the person.

Charles Hamby (challenger, Republican) Previous/current occupation: I am going on my 30th year in law enforcement. I have worked at the city, county, state and federal levels of law enforcement. I am currently a captain with a federal agency in Southwest Colorado.

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Spending time with my wife, Dianna. We have been married going on 28 years, and we would spend every minute together if we could.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? Zac Brown’s mix of “Free/Into the Mystic.” It’s my wife’s favorite song, and I think of her whenever I hear it.

Hamby

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What is your hidden talent? Dancing with my wife.

La Plata County and Durango have been attempting to address homelessness and panhandling over the past few years. How do you define the problem and what are some possible solutions? Being homeless is not a crime, however, camping on county property is a crime (C.R.S. 18-9-117). Illegal camping is not a victimless crime. The citizens living in the area of the illegal camp have had their quality of life affected, and they are not getting equal protection under the law in accordance with our 14th Amendment. As sheriff, you cannot pick and choose what laws to enforce, nor can you pick and choose the constitutional rights you are going to uphold. You have a responsibility to be involved with our community and organizations in coming up with a solution for dealing with the issues of homelessness, but you cannot turn a blind eye to violations of the law in doing so.

Sean Smith (incumbent, Democrat) Previous/current occupation: County sheriff What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Listening to live music at Derailed with my wife!

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “I’m Yours”

by Jason Mraz What is your hidden talent? Beat boxing La Plata County and Durango have been attempting to address homelessness and panhandling over the past few years. How do you define the problem and what are some possible Smith solutions? The courts have set specific case law on this issue that defines what actions law enforcement can take.

However, this is a social issue that will not be solved by law enforcement. I am currently part of a bi-weekly working group with the City, County, Durango PD and nonprofits that is exploring short-term and long-term approaches that will not only be designed to meet the needs of those experiencing homelessness in our community, but seek to lessen the impacts on the broader community at the same time. I have personally toured managed solutions that are working in other communities, and I think we have the right people involved to do the same thing here. Doing nothing is not the right answer for our community!

La Plata County Treasurer: Allison Aichele (incumbent, Democrat) Previous/current occupation: La Plata County treasurer. Past: director for Lyondellbasell; program manager, Microsoft; Freightliner Trucks; Pacific Gas and Electric; US Banks.

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Reading, cooking, hiking What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? Beethoven’s 9th Symphony What is your hidden talent? Cooking and singing What specific challenges does the county Treasurer’s Office face in the future, and how 4

Oct. 18, 2018 n

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CandidateQuestionnaire from p. 9 would you address those challenges? Budget constraints do not allow for additional staff members, or the training or development of them. They learn through coaching and mentoring. The office has had the same headcount since the 1980s. It is up to the leader of this office to ensure the current staff, and any future replacement staff, have the skills and abilities to do the work. The work load will always increase. The technology skill requirements will always increase. Customer Aichele service requirements will increase. Implementing credit card and other on-line payments systems was very complex.

All the while, as each of these employees must learn new skills, paramount is to remain accurate to the penny, with tax dollar funds for all the different tax authorities. And we do that. Together.

Colton Black (challenger, Republican) Previous/current occupation: Senior banker and brokerage associate What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Spending time with my 3-year-old son!

His favorite things are going hiking or jumping on the trampoline.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “Get Along” by Kenny Chesney What is your hidden talent? I’m actually a surprisingly good cook, thanks to my mom!

What specific challenges does the county Black Treasurer’s Office face in the future, and how would you address those challenges? Firstly, the material weakness findings in the past two audits must get addressed. With declining revenue for our county, we can’t afford to continue spending money on more expensive audits. There are best practices in the industry that can be implemented to fix the internal control problems identified in the most recent audit, without increasing staff. Second, the future of payments is electronic, and the next generation of taxpayers will expect

more convenient electronic and mobile payment options.

Having a background in banking, I am very familiar with the emerging technology in these realms. I will be able to leverage that knowledge to implement and educate taxpayers on these payment options to increase their utilization and efficiency. This will also help automate the processing of more payments reducing staff workload and making the whole office more efficient!

Colorado State Senate (District 6): Guinn Unger (challenger, Democrat) Previous/current occupation: I am currently retired. Previously I was a software developer and computer consultant. Also owned three small businesses. Twentyeight years of service in the U.S. Army Reserve.

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Hiking and walking with my dog.

Reading all kinds of books.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “Help” by the Beatles What is your hidden talent? I play the trumpet Unger and guitar, and play around with a few other instruments.

If elected, what would be the first piece of legislation you would introduce when the session convenes in January? A bill to equalize health insurance premiums between the Front Range and Western Slope.

Editor’s note: State Senator Don Coram, R-Montrose, was given the questionnaire, but did not respond.

Candidates for Colorado State Representative (District 59) Paul Jones (challenger, independent) Previous/current occupation: Game warden, habitat biologist, aquatic conservation biologist with Colorado Parks and Wildlife (I’m still a biologist at heart!)

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? I’ve missed the best dry-fly fishing of the year, and I haven’t been able to work on my forge either, no one warned me about that!

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “S.O.B” by Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats – that man can howl, and his lyrics speak about lives like ours, besides that song keeps me awake on Red Mountain in the middle of the night.

What is your hidden talent? Dutch oven cooking over a camp fire (I haven’t gotten to do that lately either ... this is getting depressing).

If elected, what would be the first piece of legislation you would introduce when the session

Vote Clyde Church

La Plata County Commissioner

10 n Oct. 18, 2018

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convenes in January? I know it’s not exciting, but I think the highest priority for the state right now is resolving conflicts between TABOR, Gallagher and Amendment 23. If you look at the struggles that the state, counties and municipalities face trying to provide essential services, these conflicts are making it extremely difficult for those entities to respond to changing economic circumstances. Once resolved, it will be much easier for us to look at the other challenges such Jones as school funding, infrastructure, housing, roads, etc. that are also important.

Barbara McLachlan (incumbent, Democrat) Previous/current occupation: Currently, your state representative. Previously, a high school teacher who loved her job.

What do you enjoy doing when not on the campaign trail? Reading, skiing and attending our daughter Kate’s comedy shows.

What song would you want your music player to be stuck on? “The Wind” by Cat Stevens What is your hidden talent? I don’t know if it’s a hidden talent, but I am double jointed. It can creep people out.

If elected, what would be the first piece of legisMcLachlan lation you would introduce when the session convenes in January? Through the Wildfire Review Committee, I’m sending a bill to monitor drones so they don’t fly over wildfires or other dangerous situations. Our firefighters had to stop working this summer because of the drones. n

The Telegraph returns next week with our Ballot Cheat Sheet, where we give readers our take on the issues. To keep up with the ballot breakdown, visit www.durangotelegraph.com.

Ballots should be arriving in mailboxes this week. For the latest on drop-off locations, or if you have any questions or need help, contact the La Plata County Clerk and Recorders office at 382-6296, or visit co.laplata.co.us.

MountainTownNews remarkable in the last few years and should be celebrated as so many communities and agencies have come together to provide enhanced ways for people to get to and around Banff and Lake Louise,” said Casey Peirce, executive director of the Association for Mountain Parks Protection and Enjoyment.

Forest Service curbs use of Hanging Lake

Photo courtesy Wolf Creek Ski Area

Wolf Creek opens with all-natural snow PAGOSA SPRINGS – Wolf Creek Ski Area opened last weekend, the first in the nation this year. It snowed 30 inches last week, allowing 3 lifts and 12 runs to open, virtually the entire mountain.

Rain preceded the snow, which at first was heavy then light and powdery. “We were thrilled with the 20 inches, and then we got another 10. We knew we would be able to open all of the mountain.

We were really excited about that,” Rosanne Haidorfer-Pitcher, vice president of marketing and sales, said.

Wolf Creek is often the snowiest ski area in Colorado, getting an average of 430 inches annually. But totals vary widely from year to year. Last year was down substantially, just 230 inches, among the worst ever. Snow arrived late, not until just before Thanksgiving, and then again just before Christmas. But even in March, normally the snowiest month in Colorado, south-facing hillsides across the valley remained bare.

If earlier than some, this was far from the earliest opening of a ski area in Colorado. In 1985, Loveland opened Oct. 6, according to the incomplete records of Colorado Ski Country USA. Loveland has often been the first ski area to open, but since it added snowmaking early this century, Arapahoe Basin sometimes gets there first. This year Loveland opens Friday and A-Basin on Saturday.

Banff visitor numbers are up sharply BANFF, Alberta – The growing popularity of Banff National Park has reignited a decades-old debate over limits to the number of people at certain iconic tourist hot spots, including Lake Louise.

During summer, only standing room is available on the shores of Lake Louise and Moraine Lake. The lakes themselves serve as backdrops for Facebook selfies, says the Rocky Mountain Outlook.

Some conservationists want Parks Canada to limit the number of people. “Banff is bursting at the seams with both cars and people,” Peter Zimmerman, parks program supervisor for the Canadian Parks and Wilderness Society, said.

Zimmerman said there’s no single solution but much can be gained by getting people out of their cars. He also wants some areas of the park to have limits on the number of people.

“We have done this for years in the backcountry, and even some road-accessible areas,” Zimmerman said. “Lake O’Hara in Yoho National Park limits the number of visitors to the number of seats on the bus. No private cars allowed.”

Visitors to Banff are intolerably impacting park wildlife, habitat, soil and vegetation, and other components “that are the heart of nature’s ecological orchestra,” he said. “We can’t just keep packing more and more people into the theater to hear the music. At some point, we will simply overwhelm the musicians and the music will turn to noise or stop altogether.”

Banff had 4.2 million visitors in 2017-18. That’s a 28 percent increase from just five years ago and, says the Outlook, partly a result of efforts by Parks Canada to boost visitation.

Quotas won’t work, say the Banff & Lake Louise Hospitality Organization and other pro-tourism organizations. Banff, they say, is a “bucket list” destination for people around the world, and they should not be denied.

“The progress on bike-friendly access and mass transit has been

GLENWOOD SPRINGS – By next May, those visiting Hanging Lake among the limestone cliffs of Glenwood Canyon will have to buy a permit and take a shuttle.

The U.S. Forest Service has decided that the popular destination can stand a max of 615 users per day, year round to “protect resources, manage congestion, and improve safety & visitor experience.”

One Forest Service worker said she saw a lot of trash and graffiti when she last visited Hanging Lake.

Details, including the shuttle and cost, have yet to be worked out.

The Forest Service says that requiring use of a shuttle will address congestion, capacity and public safety during the peak season, May - October. The rest of the year reservations will be required and fees charged, but shuttles will not be necessary. People will still be able to drive on their own.

Visitors reach the waterfalls and lake by hiking up a 1.2-milelong trail that has a moderate grade. Some 184,000 people did so in 2016, a 23 percent increase over the prior year. The Forest Service says visitation doubled in five years.

At Maroon Bells, the tipping point was reached long ago. The twin 14,000-foot peaks noted for their sloping striations of sedimentary rock were long a popular daily outing. Some years ago, the Forest Service instituted a ban on personal vehicles to the base of the mountains, at Maroon Lake, from about 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. during warmer-weather months.

Unlike Hanging Lake, the bus to Maroon Bells is free and no reservations are required. However, parking in Aspen or Aspen Highlands, where the buses pick up passengers, costs between $15 and $25 a day.

Those planning to climb the mountain or take sunrise photos of the changing aspen leaves can drive to Maroon Lake.

Could summer traffic rival winter?

ASPEN – The Aspen Skiing Co. sees future economic growth occurring primarily in summer, not winter.

The company has four ski areas, but Snowmass generates the majority of its roughly 1.5 million skier visits. And Snowmass, reports The Aspen Times, is where the company sees the greatest potential for summer growth.

The company invested $10 million on the Lost Forest, which has ziplines, an alpine coaster and a climbing wall. Getting to the play area tucked among the trees of Snowmass requires riding the Elk Camp Gondola. Ridership on the gondola increased 50 percent this summer. That’s half the number of passengers that the Silver Queen Gondola hauls on Aspen Mountain during summer.

“We’re not there yet,” said Mike Kaplan, the company’s chief executive, at a recent community event. “We’d like to keep increasing by 50 percent, and I think we can and will. It’s going to raise all ships. We’re starting to see glimpses.”

Kaplan said he thinks all the pieces are in place for additional summer growth. Coming soon will be completion of Base Village, the big real estate project at Snowmass. Included will be the company’s 99-room hotel, called the Limelight.

“If you look at it compared to the winter months, I think the peak summer month is about 40 percent of what January, February and March look like,” Kaplan said.

Alterra plows money into snowmaking WINTER PARK – Alterra Mountain Co. promised to invest money into the operations of its many new ski areas acquired in the last 18 months. At Winter Park, that promise has yielded $4 million in new pipes, snow guns and compressors to more efficiently create snow. Alterra has pledged $28 million in capital improvements at the ski area, the Sky-Hi News reports.

At Steamboat, 90 miles west, the U.S. Forest Service has authorized Alterra to install a new lift to serve 355 acres currently reached by a backcountry gate. New snowmaking and a small trail were also approved. The work, altogether the largest in recent history at the ski area, hasn’t yet been funded by Alterra, reports Steamboat Today.

– Allen Best

telegraph

Oct. 18, 2018 n 11

dayinthelife

Tales from the Crypt

by Stephen Eginoire

T

he Grand Canyon is grand for many reasons: stratigraphy,

whitewater, the South Kaibab Trail, the Little Colorado and

solitude, just to name a few. But one of the least-known treasures found in the grandest of canyons is the abundance of mummified mammals dating back to the Ice Age. Hidden in caves and perfectly preserved in 0-percent humidity, these paleo-critters offer us an intact glimpse of the Grand Canyon’s natural history and direct tangibility of a world past. Researchers studying these remains are often awe-struck by their remarkable level of preservation, and this documenteer has observed more than a few scientists left in a state of disbelief. Here’s a look at just a few recently discovered specimens that will surely help to make your busy day feel less significant.

A mummified Townsend’s big-eared bat roosts on a cave wall.

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Oct. 18, 2018

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Above: The perfectly intact remains of a fox mummy.

Left: Robin Henderek and Ben Tobin making a 3-D model of a preserved racoon skeleton.

Below, left: a skull is identified as that of a racoon.

Below, right: A ringtail cat.

fox, which perhaps met its demise falling through a hole in the ceiling of the cave.

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 13

thesecondsection

Blazing a path When it comes to navigating some of the West’s iconic trails, you can thank this guy

by Missy Votel

J

ohnny Cash may have been everywhere, but Durango resident Jerry Brown might be a close second.

Although not exactly a household name like the other Jerry Brown, the Durango Jerry Brown perhaps should be – at least among fans of the Colorado Trail.

Beneath the local cartographer’s unassuming fleece and Carhartt exterior, you’ll find an impressive mapping resume longer than the Colorado, Continental Divide and Copper Canyon trails combined.

Not only that, but Brown, 69, has laid down an impressive seven completions of the 500-mile Colorado Trail – the most recent completed this summer. Although official record-keeping isn’t kept, let’s just call it one for the Guinness book.

“We don’t keep records, but we think it is the most completions,” Colorado Trail Foundation Director (formerly of Trails 2000 fame) Bill Manning said.

In addition to this, Brown lays claim to an even bigger personal accomplishment: fastest CT completion on bike.* *The year was 1990. The Colorado Trail had been dedicated a year earlier, and a young adventurous Brown decided to traverse it on his trusty, fully rigid, Merlin titanium. Modern bike-packing as we know and love it had not been invented, mind you, nor tubeless tires and fancy air cartridges. So he loaded his bike down with road panniers and mailed himself freezedried food, bike tubes and other supplies to post offices along the way.

We know – the horror.

“I had to repair a tire almost every day,” he said. “I was carrying a ton of weight. No one knew how to tour on a mountain bike back then. It was really difficult.

I’m sure I walked as much as I rode.”

Brown said he could go days at a time without seeing another soul. And the map, which basically amounted to a red squiggle issued by the U.S. Forest Service, was rudimentary at best. As a result, Brown was forced to summon his inner Eagle Scout and rely on good oldfashioned compass orienteering.

There were a few folks, including a sheriff from Sagauche, who thought Brown was downright loco. The sheriff had been called out to search for a lost hiker when he encountered Brown – a two-wheeled, bearded apparition emerging from the woods on Sergeant Mesa.

“He asked me, ‘what the hell are you doing out here? God damn, I thought I was hallucinating,’” Brown recalled.

Brown assured the man of law he was not hallucinating, and that indeed, he was out there on his own volition.

“He told me I was really stupid to do it alone,” Brown recalled. “And I told him, ‘well, you ride that horse alone.’”

Undaunted – in fact, reveling in the solitude – Brown emerged at Junction Creek 18 days after starting. He was 20 pounds lighter but weighed down by some indisputable if not short-lived bragging rights: being the first – and fastest – bike to finish the trail.

14 n Oct. 18, 2018

Jerry Brown and the original GPS tracker used for his 2000 CT mapping mission. The GPS unit and battery weighed 27 pounds – a far cry from the 3 - 6-ounce contraptions of today./Photo by Steve Eginoire “I had the fastest known time, because I was the first on bike. By that time, technology had caught up with one,” said Brown. mapping, with the arrival of GPS and the hand-held In fact, completing the trail was so new that during Garmin. In 2000, the Colorado Trail Foundation – of the trail’s first three years (1988-90), only 20 people offi- which Brown was a member – decided to get real and cially finished it (compare map the entire trail using GPS. They wanted to use a that to 287 so far this year.) Garmin – an inferior method that made Brown shudder Part of that disparity, in his hiking boots. “I told them I’d do it using my undoubtedly, is due to GPS,” he said. modern route-finding.

So once again Brown, ever a glutton for heavy-duty “The first map and – emphasis on heavy – adventures, set out from Denver guidebook came out in to Durango. Although bikes and gear had gotten lighter, 1988,” said Manning. it was of little consequence. The GPS – think the mas“They were all based on sive lollipop of yesteryear – and battery, about the size hand-drawn maps.” Man- of those used in old camcorders, clocked in at 27 ning said there was a lot less pounds. And with a battery life of a few hours, Brown precision, and the map was- was constantly in need of resupply. Nevertheless – with n’t always right. In addi- the help of some good, battery-wielding friends and tion, signage and markings volunteers along the route – he completed the mission. were pretty much nonexistBrown’s resulting map and guidebook became the ent. “Many of the intersec- gold standard for CT users and is still the official map tions were not signed yet. of the Colorado Trail Foundation. In fact, any map of Brown’s published Trail users really had to uti- the CT – be it digital, map or book form – contains the guidebooks lize map and compass data collected by Brown. skills,” Manning said.

“The GPS trail survey helped out greatly. It helped Although Brown returned repeatedly to hike all, or our organization refine the books and maps and helped sections of, the CT on foot over the years following his trail users follow the route with much more confifirst ride, it would be another decade before he returned dence,” said Manning. 4

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But as we all know, this wasn’t the end of the trail – but only the beginning. With the arrival of the smartphone, we went from maps to apps. Brown began working for app developer Guthook Guides, refining not just the CT map, but mapping the 3,100-mile Continental Divide Trail, which stretches from Canada to the Mexico border. Today, the Guthook apps are the only two apps for either of these trails, according to Brown.

In addition, Brown also took his skills south of the border, mapping the Lost Silver Trail of Mexico – the one made famous by the 2011 best-selling book Born to Run. The 125mile trail was used to haul silver out of Mexico’s famed Copper Canyon until 1908. Since then, it fell into disuse and utter obscurity – travelled only by the area’s Tarahumara Indians. “I was with a group that ‘rediscovered’ it and made a map in 2005,” he said. “My first published guide was for this route. We did it on mountain bikes.”

Today, not only are the bikes better – Brown now rides a full-squish Salsa, although he still has his Merlin – but so is the mapping technology. Brown says he’s all for it – making a change on a digital map is much easier than making one on a printed map, he points out.

“It’s much easier than republishing and trying to update,” he said.

Plus, for all you weight weenies, a smartphone is lighter than a large, unwieldy, waterproof map or guidebook.

On Brown’s latest trip of the CT this summer, which he did on foot, he snapped thousands of pictures to be integrated into the app, showing virtually every intersection, water source and twist and turn along the trail.

“The phone app is very popular,” said Manning. “It’s the first tool that tells someone at a glance that they took a wrong turn.”

Nevertheless, Manning points out that even with all the gadgetry, it is still possible – and quite likely – for people to get lost out there.

“It’s still pretty common for someone at some point during the 500 miles to get off the trail at least a few times,” he said.

Top: The trusty Merlin from the 1990 mission. Above: camp at Silver Creek (Day 11). Right: Brown mapping the CT in 2013./Photos courtesy Jerry Brown But then again, some (Brown included) would argue that getting lost, at least in a figurative way, is the reason for getting out there in the first place.

“Oh, I’m not done yet,” he said, joking that his latest trek “almost killed me.”

(He also hiked the 800-mile Arizona Trail in 2015, but

this was not a mapping mission, and “just for fun.”)

After all, anytime a map change is needed, there’s no doubt Brown won’t be able to resist raising his hand for just one more excursion. “The Colorado Trail’s gotten a lot better, but I think I’ve slowed down,” he said. “I might just do 10 miles at a time instead of the whole thing.” n

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 15

GoodEats

Buffalo soldier Trials and tribulations of at-home mozzarella making

by Donna Hewett

I

t’s late in the evening, and we’re celebrating a summer full of ping pong, politics and good friends with one last caprese salad. I see the colors of Italy on the plate, but something is off. Oh, yeah. The cheese. It’s store-bought mozzarella – the soft stuff – probably a week past its prime.

Not so much milky as watery. I’m not exactly using my nose at this point, otherwise I might offend my friend George, who’s gone to some trouble using his good tomatoes and basil.

On the way home, I tell my husband I’m going to surprise George and make him a caprese salad using fresh, homemade mozzarella. He gives me an incredulous look.

“In our kitchen?”

That’s right. Luscious white puffs soon to be wrapped in strips of salty prosciutto. Delizioso!

Strap yourself in for a journey that will find us in the nonreactive world of stainless steel, citric acid and liquid rennet. Don’t grimace; these products come straight from mother nature, according to the home office in Wisconsin.

To make any cheese, you must curdle milk and separate it from the whey. No big deal, right? I dump a gallon of Albertson’s milk into an expensive ceramic pot (my first mistake) and add 2 teaspoons citric acid. The milk quickly comes up to 90 degrees. Now’s the time to mix in the rennet. I’ve dissolved one tablet in a half cup of tap water and stir it into the hot milk and put the lid back on. After 10 minutes I peek: nothing. Nearly an hour later, I have some tiny curd but when I try to dip the little spongy pieces out, they disappear into the yellow, piss-like whey.

What happened? I toss it down the sink, splashing myself with hot gunk. Yeah, I’m angry. I’ve just wasted three hours and $2.99 worth of perfectly good milk.

This happens twice again the next night, and the next night. All down the drain. “There’s got to be another ‘whey,’” my husband jokes, seeing my frustration.

I pound the counter. I pace. I sweat. I play loud, Italian guitar music. I even secretly smoke a little bubble kush.

Which, it turns out, was not a good idea. Suddenly, I’m tired of the whole cheese-effing-making process. All over the internet recipes scream: “Only four ingredients and in 30 minutes!” Well, this is total, utter nonsense, reader.

I wonder if that culinary demon, high altitude, is causing my failure, but I can find no corroboration online. I give up clicking through the 10 million and half ways to

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make fresh mozzarella and instead, take a virtual tour of the southern Italian countryside scattered by small dairies.

In Naples near Battipaglia you can see how mozzarella is made: very fast by large men wrestling over steaming vats of brine. This is where Mozzarella de Bufala, made from the milk of water buffalo, was invented. By accident they say, and I believe them.

In this country, we use cow’s milk. It produces a lovely, fresh cheese, swimming in brine pleasant as ice cream which, some say, is absolutely tasteless compared to the real stuff.

But until we can find an efficient way to ship buffalo milk from Naples, I guess we’ll never know what we’re missing.

I remember my first taste of fresh mozzarella in Manhattan years ago. A friend carefully brought it up six flights wrapped in tight plastic. She handled it like it was the only one left in the city. Sliced, salted and with good olive oil, we ate the whole thing in just a few minutes. Dreamy. We never messed with the smoked stuff, as there was rumor that cheese makers in the city burned stacks of the New York Times to smoke their mozz.

What distinguishes a superior fresh mozzarella? Taste. It should be fresh and reminiscent of milk; mild and delicate with a faint hint of sourness. The fresher the cheese, the more elastic and springy it is. It softens with age (like the rest of us).

That evening I hear my husband tell my mother-in-law over the phone that I’m making cheese. He sounds proud.

I decide I must not give up my cheese-making quest. I start again fresh – and by fresh, I mean using raw unpasteurized, grade A2 milk.

You may ask how that’s possible in Colorado, where it’s against the law to sell raw milk. Head south, dear reader, to Hamblin Dairy in La Plata, N.M. (no frowning). After a mere 42-minute drive on Highway 140, you will come upon a sign that reads “FRESH MILK.” Bingo. I wander around the back and bang on the door.

A large woman in an apron opens it. She’s cooking grapes.

She points to the bell one is supposed to use.

“Sorry,” I say.

Her business works on the honor system. You insert cash into a wooden box on the porch, and help yourself to the beautiful gallon jugs of real, heavy milk sitting in refrigerators. Six bucks a piece. How fresh?

“This morning,” she says.

I buy two precious gallons. I tell her I’m making cheese.

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She gives me a sardonic look.

“Good luck.”

I say thanks – I know I’m going to need it.

Cheese making is not for the over-confident. You need patience to create shiny, creamy, happy mozzarella. But not just that: there’s a hundred different ways to screw up. This is a process best left to sober people, and Google is only so helpful – good old trial and error is key.

I’m not going to give an exact recipe because there isn’t one. (Except in the blood of Italian men.) Instead, I will share some helpful hints I found along the way: • Ever hear of the French term “mise-en-place,” i.e. all ducks in a row? In this case, before even turning on that stove, have your instant-read thermometer, 8-quart stainless-steel stock pot, stainless steel slotted spoon, stainless steel colander and large glass bowl at the ready (no plastic or ceramic, though I’m not sure why).

• Make sure your milk is NOT organic or ultra pasteurized. Pasteurized works they say, but it didn’t for me. I dissolved 1½ teaspoons of citric acid instead of 2 teaspoons into ¼ cup of bottled water (chlorine from tap water kills it.) Stir a couple times; you should notice curds forming immediately.

• Heat the milk very slowly. It should take at least 30 minutes to reach 88-90 degrees. This is the magical moment where you pull the pan off the flame and grab the rennet. Instead of the rennet I ordered online, use a ¼ teaspoon of vegetable liquid rennet (refrigerated at your local health food store) diffused in a bit of bottled water. (You can’t make cheese without rennet. But if you want to be precious, use a thermophilic starter culture.) I surmised the tablet I used in the failed batches was old – it has a shelf life of about six months. Also, if you don’t have citric acid, they say you can use lemon juice. Don’t hold me to it though.

• After about an hour, you should achieve the “clean break,” where the curd is a thick pond floating on watery whey. Exciting stuff. Carefully cut the curd into cubes.

With the slotted spoon, place them in cheese cloth placed over a large glass bowl. Gently drain and squeeze. Once they’re really dry, put the curds in a colander and place in a large stainless steel pan. Heat some salted water to 170 degrees. Now’s the time to put on your cooking gloves: pour the hot water over the curds. They will begin to melt.

Knead and stretch until they’re like taffy, a rubbery smooth mass. Form balls by tucking the ends under and place in a non-reactive bowl of room temperature water. Don’t shock it in ice water as this tightens the fats, hardening and potentially breaking the skin.

• The most important step is the easiest. Eat at once while it’s still warm and experience pure-on mouth joy.

Is it a pain in the neck to make fresh mozzarella? Not once you get the hang of it and have your mise-en-place in place. Is it totally worth it? Did I mention I live in Farmington?

Since by now it’s fall, instead of caprese, I take George a pan of baked tomatoes stuffed with fresh mozzarella and Parmesan. It’s his birthday. And it’s a thing of beauty: not my dish, but the light on my fat friend’s face. n

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TopShelf

No. 66, Starfire and glowing balloons

by Chris Aaland

(drums); Sam Kelly (saxophone); and Brandon Clark (guitar, bass, keys). The Jive Tribe is a Boulder-based band that combines funk, or the past four years, my boy Otto has proudly worn No. 66 soul, blues and psychedelic rock. as the starting middle linebacker for the Durango Demons Then at 10 p.m. Saturday, Posh Josh & Friends connect with youth football team in grades 3-6. The first two seasons saw their dance-crazed crowd at the ACT. Posh Josh considers himself Otto ranked among team leaders in tackles, sacks and forced fuma house music DJ, combining influences of disco, jazz, funk and bles. The last two, though, have seen him play more of a coverage R&B. He swills champagne and wears a suit jacket during his perrole and his stats aren’t as sexy. formances to highlight his classy persona.

During these four years, the Little Demons have won 33 of The iAM Music Fest has become a favorite event at the 11th their 37 games, with all Street Station, and the four losses coming to summer series concludes their arch-rivals, the Saturday with the iAM Farmington Titans. Otto’s Music youth bands (5 teams are 3-4 against the p.m.), Stillhouse Junkies Titans, going 2-2 in the (6:15), Delaney Davis (7), regular season and 1-2 in J-Calvin (8:30) and Bad the playoffs. All three Goat Disco (10:30). playoff meetings have The Downtown Ducome in the Super Bowl. rango Balloon Glow Otto’s 2018 season was takes place Friday night cut short when he broke on the 500 block of Main his wrist in pregame of Ave. Hot air balloons will the second game. Otto light up the downtown missed that contest and sky in front of the Train the next two while on inDepot. If you arrive at 6 jured reserve. During that p.m., you can see the baltime, he got to send in the loons inflate. The glow itdefensive signals from the self starts around 6:30, sideline. But during the weather permitting. past three weekends, he’s They’ll light up the night played with a padded cast. Jarabe Mexicano returns to the Concert Hall at 7:30 p.m. this Saturday. until 7:30. It’s a great On Monday, the cast was chance for families to see cut off, just in time for the playoffs. the pilots in action up close and personal.

My peewee football career lasted three years … and we sucked.

The Raven Narratives live storytelling event opens at the DuI was a tight end and outside linebacker, and handled the ball rango Arts Center with the theme of “Belonging” at 7:30 p.m. Saturmuch more than Otto. Yet he’s scored one touchdown on a fumday. Tickets are available at Maria’s Bookshop and ravennarratives.org. ble recovery in the end zone and blocked another punt for a Durango Nursery & Supply holds its annual Harvest Fest safety. I never scored. Old No. 88 lives vicariously through No. 66, from noon to 4 p.m. Saturday, featuring live music from Bob’s if only for a few more weeks. I’ll pack up the whole fan-damily for Yr Uncle, a BBQ, dog and kid’s costume contests, a mini farmer’s Farmington for the first round of the playoffs this Saturday. Let’s market, art tent, hayrides, games, sales and seasonal activities. hope there are two more games to come.

Lisa Parker’s Puppies will also be there, with dogs available for Jarabe Mexicano may have formed in 2015, but they’re a ris- adoption. The best part about this family event? It’s free. ing star in the Latin music community. Local fans first got to There’s still two days to get in on the madness of KDUR’s Fall know them as the opening act at KSUT and Music in the MounMembership Drive, which ends Friday. Community Radio is a tains’ 2016 Party in the Park. They’ve since played the Commuvaluable resource for all of us. No group does more to promote nity Concert Hall and return to that venue at 7:30 p.m. Saturday. our vibrant local music and arts scene than Liggy and his minions When they first came to town, Jarabe Mexicano didn’t have any at KDUR. Toss a few bucks KDUR’s way by calling 970-247-7262 recorded music for fans to take home or stations to play. Thankor visiting KDUR.org. fully, they dropped their debut, five-song EP, “Semillas,” last year.

Elsewhere: Lacey Black brings her keyboards to the Ska BrewThe quintet will take the audience on a musical journey through ing World Headquarters at 5 p.m. tonight; Tylor & the Train Mexican folk, Tex-Mex, reggae and cumbia with lively percussion, Robbers hijack the Wild Horse Saloon at 9 p.m. Friday and Sattraditional stringed folk instruments and bilingual harmonies. urday; the Black Velvet duo plays the Diamond Belle Saloon at World-renowned producer, DJ and multi-instrumentalist 5:30 p.m. Saturday and the Balcony Bar & Grill at 4 p.m. Sunday; David Starfire takes the stage at the Animas City Theatre at 10 and the Blue Moon Ramblers work the Diamond Belle during p.m. tonight (Thurs., Oct. 18). Known for his “global-glitch-bass” their usual 6 p.m. Sunday slot. sound, Starfire’s niche is fusing world instruments with modern The best thing I heard this week is the latest from Whitey Morbeats. During his DJ sets, he often mixes percussion and assorted gan & the 78’s, “Hard Times and White Lines.” The pride of Flint, instruments like the phin (Thai lute) and Indian tumbi. He’s Mich., Morgan is a rare outlaw country guy from the Upper Midworked alongside some of the biggest electronic artists in the west, yet his vocals and arrangements harken back to the golden world, including Daft Punk, Bassnectar, Deadmau5 and many age of the genre when Waylon Jennings, David Allan Coe and more. DJ Codestar opens.

Johnny Paycheck ruled the roost. Rowdy numbers like “Bourbon Local heroes Elder Grown take over the ACT at 9:45 p.m. Friand the Blues” and a cover of ZZ Top’s “Just Got Paid” are initial day with special guests the Jive Five opening. Elder Grown comstandout cuts, but introspective tracks like “What am I Supposed to bines the freedom of improvisational jams with captivating, Do” and “Tired of the Rain” show a softer side, influenced as much original songs, working funk, rock, pop and hip-hop into the muby Seger, Springsteen and Mellencamp as by Hank and Lefty. sical roux. The quintet includes Josh and John Hoffman (each rotates between bass, guitar, keys and vocals); Paul Hoffman I cut back, heard it crack? Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 17

onthetown

Thursday18 Yoga Flow, 8 a.m., Pine River Library.

Animas Valley Balloon Rally Mass Ascension, 8-8:30 a.m., Hermosa Meadows Road. animasvalleyballoonrally.com.

Drop-in Tennis, all ages, 9 a.m., Durango High School.

Sight-in Days, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., event also runs Oct. 19 and Nov. 1-2, Durango Gun Club Outdoor Range. 749-3453.

Walk and Talk About Books, meet at Ignacio Library for carpool at 9:15 a.m. or at Dome Trailhead for walk back to library at 9:30 a.m. 563-9287.

Durango Farmers Market, 9 a.m.-noon, music by Darryl Kuntz, TBK Bank parking lot, 259 W. 9th St.

Beginner Tai Chi, 9:15-10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Office Hours with La Plata County Commissioner Julie Westendorff, 10 a.m.-noon, Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Lactation Support, 10 a.m.-noon, Prenatal Yoga, noon-1 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. 7499607 or durangocafeauplay.org.

Genealogy Drop-In Workshop, hosted by SW Colorado Genealogical Society, 9 a.m.-1 p.m., Durango Public Library.

ICL MakerSpace, 10 a.m., Ignacio Library. 563-9287.

Little Artists, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Storytime, 10:30-11 a.m., Durango Public Library.

Toddler Storytime, 10:30-11 a.m., Durango Public Library.

Intermediate Tai Chi, 10-11 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Here to Hear: Office Hour with City Councilor Dick White, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m., City Hall, 949 2nd Ave. Luminaries Toastmasters, public speaking club open to all, noon, La Plata County Administration Building, 1101 E. 2nd Ave. “Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. Farmers Market, 4-8 p.m., Three Springs Plaza.

Lacey Black perform, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Death Café, gathering for people to talk about death and dying, 5:30 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Children Book Walks, meet at Ignacio Library for carpool at 9:15 a.m. or at Little Bear Trailhead for walk back to library at 9:30 a.m. 563-9287.

La Plata Civil Dialogue free public event, people from all across political spectrum invited, noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds, Florida Room. www.face book.com/laplatacivildialogue.

Twin Buttes Farm Stand, 3-6:30 p.m., Highway 160.

STEAM Lab: Marble Roller Coasters, 3:30-4:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 3:30-5:30 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201.

Downtown Balloon Glow, part of the Animas Valley Balloon Rally, 6 p.m., 500 Block of Main Avenue.

Pozole Parade, fundraiser for the inaugural Festival De Los Muertos, 6-8:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

“Dawnland” screening followed by discussion, part of Indie Lens Pop-Up, 6-8 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Friday Night Funk Jam with Bootyconda, 6-9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Powerhouse Pub Trivia, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.powsci.org.

The Raven Narratives features “Belonging,” 7:30 p.m., Mancos United Methodist Church. ravennarratives.org.

“Fairness to the Future: The American Dream Meets Sustainability,” part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., FLC Noble Hall, Room 130.

Soles4Souls shoe drive hosted by FLC Volleyball Team, donations accepted for free admission to game against Western State, 7 p.m., Fort Lewis College Whalen Gym; donations also accepted at Durango Rec Center, Durango and Ignacio High Schools, thru Oct. 21. Soles4souls.org.

No Man’s Land Film Festival, hosted by Durango Chapter of the American Alpine Club, 8 p.m., FLC Student Union, Vallecito Room. nomanslandfilmfestival.org.

“The Witch” screening, 7:30 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. David Starfire’s Primal Tour, with special guest DJ CodeStar, 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Friday19 2018 Colorado High School League MTB Championships, Oct. 19-21, Durango Mesa. coloradomtb.org Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

18 n Oct. 18, 2018

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Café, 601 Main Ave. 570-650-5982.

VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. Harvest Fest, featuring hayrides, candy, face painting, music from Bob’s Yr Uncle and more, noon-4 p.m., Durango Nursery and Supply, 271 Kay Cee Lane. 259-8800.

Friends of the Library Murder Mystery Event, Part One, 2 p.m., Part Two, 6 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. iAM Music Concerts, 5 p.m.-midnight, 11th Street Station.

The Black Velvet Duo performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave. Kirtan, 6-8 p.m., Oct. 20, Studio 10, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Animas Valley Balloon Rally Valley Glow, 6-9 p.m., Hermosa Meadows Road. animasvalleyballoonrally.com.

The Raven Narratives features “Belonging,” 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. ravennarratives.org.

Jarabe Mexicano performs, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar. CONNECT featuring Posh Josh & Friends, 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Teen Game Night, 7-10 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

Leah Grams Johnson performs, 7:30 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

DJ P.A., 8:30 p.m., Blondies in Cortez. 739-4944.

Elder Grown with special guest The Jive Tribe, 9:45 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. animascitytheatre .com.

Sunday21 2018 Colorado High School League MTB Championships, Durango Mesa. coloradomtb.org Animas Valley Balloon Rally Mass Ascension, 8-8:30 a.m., Hermosa Meadows Road. animasvalleyballoonrally.com.

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Saturday20 2018 Colorado High School League MTB Championships, Durango Mesa. coloradomtb.org

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Café, 601 Main Ave. 570-650-5982.

Writers’ Workshop, 2 p.m., Ignacio Community Library.

Peanuts Great Pumpkin Patch Express, Oct. 20-21, Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad. www.durangotrain.com.

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Blue Moon Ramblers, 7 p.m., Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Monday22

DJ Crazy Charlie hosts karaoke, 6:30-10:30 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

Yogalates, 9 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez. 920-539-9998.

Watch Your Step class, 10:15-11:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Talk with Luis Benitez, director of Colorado Outdoor Recreation Industry Office, 1:30-3:30 p.m., FLC Chemistry Building, Room 130.

“Recreation and Resilience after the 416,” silent auction, screening of “America’s Forests,” talk with Luis Benitez, and panel discussion, 5-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.mountainstudies.org.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Moe’s Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday24 12th annual Economic Summit, hosted by the La Plata County Economic Development Alliance, Sky Ute Casino & Resort.

Morning Meditation, 8 a.m., Pine River Library.

Storytime, 10-11 a.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Little Readers, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Classic Movie Monday, 7 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Intermediate Tai Chi, 10:30-11:30 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Learn to Square Dance, with Wild West Squares, 7-8:30 p.m., Florida Grange, 656 Hwy 172. 903-6478.

Tuesday23 Yoga for All, 9 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Beginner Tai Chi, 9:15-10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center.

Storytime, 10:30-11:30 a.m., Mancos Public Library. 533-7600.

Tuesday Crafternoons, 1 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Baby Storytime, 2-2:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Smiley Farmers Market, 3-6 p.m., 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Twin Buttes Farm Stand, 3-6:30 p.m., Highway 160.

Teen Time! 3:30 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Inklings, book club for grades 3-5, 4 p.m., Ignacio Library.

Drop-in Tennis, all ages, 4 p.m., Fort Lewis College courts.

Mark Kroos Guitar Concert, 4:30 p.m., Pine River Library.

Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Open Knitting Group, 1-3 p.m., Smiley Café, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Teen Café, for grades 6-12, 2 p.m., ICL MakerSpace, 2 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

After-school program , 4:15-5:15 p.m., Mancos Library.

Aztec Farmers Market, 4:30-7 p.m., Westside Plaza in Aztec.

Free Evening: Astronomy demos, moon rocks, telescopes, 5-7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. “The Renaissance Palace on Main Avenue” with Judith Reynolds, 5:30 p.m., Center of Southwest Studies, Lyceum Room 120. 247-7456.

Thank the Veterans potluck, Peter Neds and Glenn Keefe perform, 5:30-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 828-7777.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 6:30 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Dr. 259-5959.

Pub Quiz, 6:30 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Rotary Club of Durango, presentation by Sandy Irwin with the Durango Public Library, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel. 385-7899.

Ongoing

Knit or Crochet with Kathy Graf, 6-7 p.m., Mancos Library.

Durango Diaries: Media Insight – How We Cover Suicide, 6-7:15 p.m., Durango Public Library.

“Collecting Family Histories and Stories” presented by Ruth Lambert, 6:30 p.m., Animas Valley Grange Hall, 7271 County Road 203. www.facebook.com/animasvalleygrange/.

“Ben Nighthorse Campbell: Becoming Cheyenne,” exhibit runs thru Dec. 14, FLC Center of Southwest Studies.

Free one-on-one technology tutoring, Durango Library.

Register at 375-3382 or www.durangopubliclibrary.org.

Tuesday Tech Time, appointments throughout the day, Pine River Library in Bayfield. Register at 884-2222.

Live music, nightly, Diamond Belle & The Office, 699 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th.

Upcoming Halloween Family Storytime and Trick-or-Treating, 10:30 a.m., Oct. 25, Durango Public Library. 375-3380.

The Wild Rose Gang performs, 5-7 p.m., Oct. 25, Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Trunk or Treat, family event with costumes, trunk-or-treating and more, 6-7:30 p.m., Oct. 25, River Church, 860 Plymouth Dr. trcdurango.com/trunkortreat/.

Tween Time: Trivia!, 4-5 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Family Reading Circles, dinner, story time, crafts and games, 5:30 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. Register at 563-9287.

Community Uke Jam, 6 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

30, Southern Ute Museum. southernutemuseum.org.

Starting your Business Workshop for Nonprofits, 9 a.m.noon, Oct. 26, Durango Public Library. Register at 247-7009.

“Hacking the Planet: The Climate Engineering Reality” screening and Q&A with lead researcher and producer of film, 6:308:30 p.m., Oct. 26, La Plata County Fairgrounds.

“The Story of Chicken Raper” screening, followed by Q&A with filmmaker Cody Perry, 7 p.m., Oct. 26, Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Stooki Sound performs with special guests Scoffa & Snarky and Brain Spiders, doors open, 9 p.m., show begins, 10 p.m., Oct. 26, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Full Moon Ghost Crawl and Haunted Train Museum Experience, 9-10 p.m., Oct. 26, Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad. www.durangotrain.com.

Pine Needle Mountaineering’s 10th annual Ski Swap, 9 a.m., Oct. 27, Pine Needle Mountaineering, 835 Main Ave.

Deadline for “On the Town” submissions is Monday at noon.

“The Silver Thread,” thru Oct. 27, Friends of the Arts Gallery at Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

“Destination Durango Paint-Out,” presented by Plein Air Artists of Colorado, thru October, Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. “Peter Precourt: The Katrina Chronicles,” exhibit runs thru Nov. 1, FLC Art Gallery.

To submit an item email: calendar@durango telegraph.com

“Living with Wolves” photographic exhibit, “Lummi Nation Bear Totem Pole” and “Riders of the West,” exhibits, thru Nov.

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 19

AskRachel Interesting fact: In fairness, this Andy Thomas painter guy has also done a Democratic president canvas, and neither one was commissioned by an actual president. But it’s still tacky. And if you’re going to omit presidents like Chester A. Arthur, you could omit Nixon. And Trump. Why not.

Dear Rachel, Every time I think it can’t get worse, it gets worse. I just learned about the painting Trump commissioned for the Oval Office that shows him as the center of adoration at a cocktail party with all the other Republican presidents, including the back of Lincoln’s head. Even Nixon looks happy to be there. This should disturb me because of the sitting prez’s egomaniacal nature, but mostly, the painting is just in poor taste.

What can I, as a concerned citizen, do about this atrocity in the White House?

– Art Critic Dear Blinded, I looked up this painting after your letter. I could suggest you create a Molotov cocktail with paint thinner instead of fire, but I believe one can get arrested for suggesting such things, so I won’t. But this painting deserves the Banksy shredder treatment, minus the cool factor. It’s worse than the dogs playing poker. It’s worse than the anatomically correct family portraits my little sister used to draw. Everyone looks way too happy to be there, and Trump’s head is stuck on some poor Chippendale’s body. There’s nothing we can do; this is worse than The Handmaid’s Tale.

– Averting my eyes, O Lord, Rachel

20 n Oct. 18, 2018

Dear Rachel, Tis the season when my friends are lobbying me to write letters to the editor for their preferred political candidates. I just don’t get it.

Why does anyone write a letter to the editor when they could write a letter to you instead?

– Rachel 4 Sheriff Dear Suckup, Probably because the editor (usually) runs the letters without running answers to them. Political people (usually) don’t want rebuttals. And in fairness, I (usually) don’t actually answer the questions asked of me. But you’re right about one thing: I just don’t know what that one thing is.

– For trust and democracy and a brighter future, Rachel

Dear Rachel, I’m tired of the “clothing optional” euphemism for “totally raving buck naked.” There are certain hot springs and spas that tout themselves as “clothing optional,” but all that really does is turn the critical eye away from the nudists and onto those of us with modesty and other valid reasons to remain suited. Can’t we just have distinct places for “clothing” and “seriously no one wants to see that”?

– Naked and Afraid Dear Prude, Do I seriously have to point out to you that you’re advocating for a “separate but equal” doctrine? We all have

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Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com bodies, and we have enough shaming of said bodies without you criticizing the people who want to seize one of the rare opportunities in this world to be naked outside the house. Get over it. I mean, if people offend you so much, do clothes really make a difference? I haven’t seen a single naked Republican, president or otherwise, and I love them no more for it.

– Letting my freak flags fly, Rachel

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Humraaz is a word in the Urdu language. Its literal meaning is “secret sharer.” It refers to a confidante, a person in whom you have full trust and to whom you can confess your core feelings. Is there such a character in your life? If so, seek him or her out for assistance in probing into the educational mysteries you have waded into. If there is no such helper you can call on, I advise you to do whatever’s necessary to attract him or her into your sphere. A collaborative quest may be the key to activating sleeping reserves of your soul wisdom.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus author Roberto Bolaño suggests that the world contains more beauty than many people realize. The full scope and intensity of this nourishing beauty “is only visible to those who love.”

When he speaks of “those who love,” I suspect he means deep-feeling devotees of kindness and compassion, hard-working servants of the greater good, and freethinking practitioners of the Golden Rule.

In any case, Taurus, I believe you’re in a phase when you have the potential to see far more of the world’s beauty. For best results, supercharge your capacity to give and receive love.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Once upon a time you were walking along a sidewalk when a fairy floated by and whispered, “I’m willing to grant you three wishy-washy wishes for free. You don’t have to do any favors for me in return. But I will grant you three wonderfully wise wishes if you perform three tasks for me.” You asked the fairy, “What would those three tasks be?” She replied, “The second task is that you must hoodwink the devil into allowing you to shave his hairy legs. The third task is that you must bamboozle God into allowing you to shave his bushy beard.” You laughed and said, “What’s the first task?”

The fairy touched you on the nose with her tiny wand and said, “You must believe that the best way to achieve the impossible is to attempt the absurd.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You Crabs tend to be the stockpilers and hoarders of the zodiac. The world’s largest collections of antique door knobs and Chinese restaurant menus and beer cans from the 1960s belong to Cancerian accumulators. But in alignment with possibilities hinted at by current astrological omens, I recommend that you redirect this inclination so it serves you better. How? One way would be to gather supplies of precious stuff that’s really useful to you. Another way would be to assemble a batch of blessings to bestow on people and animals who provide you with support.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Chinese mythology tells us there used to be 10 suns, all born from the mother goddess Xi He. Every 24 hours, she bathed her brood in the lake and placed them in a giant mulberry tree.

From there, one sun glided out into the sky to begin the day while the other nine remained behind. It was a good arrangement. The week had 10 days back then, and each sun got its turn to shine. But the siblings eventually grew restless with the staid rhythm. On one fateful morning, with a playful flourish, they all soared into the heavens at once. It was fun for them, but the Earth grew so hot that nothing would grow. To the rescue came the archer Hou Yi. With his flawless aim, he used his arrows to shoot down nine of the suns, leaving one to provide just the right amount of light and warmth. The old tales don’t tell us, but I speculate that Hou Yi was a Leo. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You now have maximum command of a capacity that’s a great strength but also a potential liability: your piercing brainpower. To help ensure that you wield this asset in ways that empower you and don’t sabotage you, here’s advice from four wise Virgos. 1. “Thought can organize the world so well that you are no longer able to see it.” – psychotherapist Anthony de Mello 2. “Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” – poet Mary Oliver 3. “I like to wake up each morning and not know what I think, that I may reinvent myself in some way.” – actor and writer Stephen Fry 4. “I wanted space to watch things grow.” – singer Florence Welch LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “There are works which wait, and which one does not understand for a long time,” wrote Libran author Oscar Wilde. “The reason is that they bring answers to questions which have not yet been raised; for the question often arrives a long time after the answer.” That’s the weird news, Libra. You have been waiting and waiting to understand a project that you set in motion many moons ago. It has been frustrating to give so much energy to a goal that has sometimes confused you.

But here’s the good news: Soon you will finally formulate the question your project has been the answer to. And so at last you will understand it. You’ll feel vindicated, illuminated, and resolved.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Many seekers who read horoscope columns want commonsense advice about love, career, money and power. So I hope I don’t disappoint you by predicting that you will soon have a mystical experience or spiritual epiphany. Let me add, however, that this delightful surprise won’t merely be an entertaining diversion with no useful application. In fact, I suspect it will have the po-

tential of inspiring good ideas about love, career, money or power. If I had to give the next chapter of your life story a title, it might be “A Thousand Dollars’ Worth of Practical Magic.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): In 1962, when she was 31 years old, Sagittarian actress Rita Moreno won an Academy Award for her role in the film “West Side Story.” In 2018, she attended the Oscars again, sporting the same dress she’d worn for the ceremony 56 years before. I think the coming weeks will be a great time for you, too, to reprise a splashy event or two from the past. You’ll generate soul power by reconnecting with your roots. You’ll tonify and harmonize your mental health by establishing a symbolic link with your earlier self.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The Committee to Reward Unsung Good Deeds hereby acknowledges your meritorious service in the trenches of the daily routine. We praise your tireless efforts to make life less chaotic and more coherent for everyone around you. We’re grateful for the patience and poise you demonstrate as you babysit adults who act like children. And we are gratified by your capacity to keep long-term projects on track in the face of trivial diversions and petty complaints. I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you please intensify your vigilance in the next three weeks? We need your steadiness more than ever.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You need a special pep talk that’s best provided by Aquarian poet Audre Lorde.

Please meditate on these four quotes by her. 1. “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” 2.

“We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings.” 3.

“You cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your own. To do that, you must first be willing to believe you have it.” 4. “Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me.” 5.

“The learning process is something you can literally incite, like a riot.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Warning: My horoscopes may interfere with your ability to rationalize your delusions; they could extinguish your enthusiasm for clichés; they might cause you to stop repressing urges that you really should express; and they may influence you to cultivate the state of awareness known as “playful wisdom.” Do you really want to risk being exposed to such lavish amounts of inner freedom? If not, you should stop reading now. But if you’re as ripe for emancipating adventures as I think you are, then get started on shedding any attitudes and influences that might dampen your urge to romp and cavort and carouse.

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Oct. 18, 2018 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Announcements “Jubilee” The Art of Nadya Vivid watercolors. Bomdiggity Gallery, Mancos Mystical Market. Till October 24th – 550 Railroad Avenue, Mancos, CO – 970-903-0810.

Seeking Professional Writer Screen play style genre comedy. Work in progress spec. Jake 419-544-0400.

Facelifts Available Immediately!

Highly skilled decorators beautify your environment instantly. 5 intense manpower hours. $297 special. Amazing transformation! LoveGuru@SpiesGirls.com The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Free Free – 3 Working Printers Brother MFC-7420 laser print, fax, scan, copy. Dell 3130cn hi-volume color laser printer. Canon Pixma iP8720 Inkjet photo printer free to good home. 259-7408

Pets Love Your Dog! At the Durango Dog Wash behind Liquor World in the Albertson’s parking lot. Open every day!

22 n Oct. 18, 2018

Wanted Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

HelpWanted Phlebotomy Certification (Blood Drawing) $350, Farmington, Oct. 27 and 28. swphlebotomy.net, 505-410-7889.

Trimble Spa & Natural Hot Springs in the sunny Animas Valley of Durango Co needs part time massage therapist for weekend evening and fill in shifts.

50% off massage, free hot springs entry for you and your family, ski and board perks. No phone calls email resumes to bobbie@trimblehotsprings.com KDUR Radio is Looking for Someone to fill the community member position on our Community Advisory Board.

This person should live in La Plata County and be a regular listener to KDUR Radio. Monthly meetings/assistance at fund-raisers and miscellaneous duties are the commitment. Interested parties email Liggett_b@fortlewis.edu

come. Mondays 7:30 to 9 pm at the Florida Grange, 656 Hwy 172. Call 970903-6478 to register.

Awakening Joy Weekend Retreat International teacher + author James Baraz will offer Awakening Joy meditation retreat (non-residential) Oct. 26-28 at Durango Dharma Center. durango dharmacenter.org 8-week Mindfulness Foundations Class Mondays, 6-8:30 pm, Oct. 22-Dec. 10, at Pathways Physical Therapy, 2243 Main Ave, 1B. Cost: $250, Sliding scale and scholarships available. Contact Certified Mindful Life Program Teacher, Cindy Schmidt: 970-985-2416 or cindy@path waysdurango.com.

Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services Pet/House Sitting Exp, very reasonable, exc references, all animals. Lisa 970-903-5396.

Experienced Line Cook wanted at BREW Pub & Kitchen. Must be reliable with a strong work ethic and excellent knife skills. Bring resume to 117 West College Drive and fill out an application between 2pm and 4pm.

Need Help?

Trimming shrubs, flowers, trees before winter. 970-946-4452.

Classes/Workshops

Low Price on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Foot & Ankle Yoga Workshop Saturday, October 27 9:30 am - 12 @ 4 Corners Yoga in Rm 32, E 3rd Ave. Restore optimal foot posture & regain ankle & foot health. 30 years Certified Iyengar Yoga instruction. marthaevers.com 769-2508.

Learn to Square Dance Free ongoing class with open enrollment Monday, Oct. 22nd. Wild West Squares offers a safe environment to learn with Caller Carla Roberts. Singles wel-

telegraph

Fall Spray Tans!

Organic & Beautiful!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

BodyWork Therapeutic Massage Special Rate: $50 - 1 hr, $75 - 1.5 hrs, in town Durango: All proceeds going to a cancer stricken family on GoFundMe under “Iosue Family.”

Call/text Nancy@970-799-2202.

Yoga Therapy Therapeutic yoga for structural injuries, chronic pain; specializing in stress management and trauma recovery. A path to self healing. See website for more info. Call for special fall discount!

Matthew 970-422-2203. TreeOfLifeYo gaTherapy.com massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-9032984.

Insight Cranial Sacral Therapy Quiet, relaxing, deep. Don 970-7698389.

Fall in Love with Massage!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForSale Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

2001 Toyota Tacoma 4dr double cab, automatic transmission, engine: 3.4L V6, 76.900 original miles. $2,200! Contact me: 970-3253209.

CommunityService 41st annual Snowdown Event Coordinator Deadline The deadline for Snowdown Events to be included in the official 2019 Snowdown, Get Your ComicOn Schedule is Oct. 31.

More information and Event Forms are available at: www.snowdown.org. Questions, events@snowdown.org 970-422-2045.

1981 Honda Cub Motorscooter Sweet vintage ride, fully refurbished by local mechanic. Only about 6,000 miles, 70 cc, manual, new tires and battery. It runs – just not currently. Needs small-engine jedi to get her up and on the road again. $1,300 OBO. 970-749-2595.

Hot Tub – New 6HP pump, 50 jets. Cost $8,000. Sell $3,650. 505-270-3104.

Reruns – Two Stores to Choose From Warm up your body and home – cool furniture and art, bedding, drapes, lamps & rugs. Kitchen island, dishes, tapestries. Great selection of flannels, boots and puffy coats arriving daily. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

Adaptive Sports Association (ASA) ASA, a nonprofit sports and recreation outfitter for people with disabilities, is kicking off the winter season with volunteer training! Training is free and a great way to get involved with the community. Volunteers are needed to teach ski and snowboard lessons. Volunteers also earn discounted skiing at Purgatory. No experience necessary, but volunteers must be at least intermediate skiers or snowboarders. Internships earning college credit can also be arranged. Orientations are Nov. 7 & 8 (choose one) at the Durango Rec Center. Returning volunteers meet 6-7 p.m. New volunteers meet 7-8 p.m. Call 970-259-0374 or visit asadurango.com.

HaikuMovieReview

CommercialForRent Office to Share – Room of your Own! Looking for an office mate in a cute affordable two room office with waiting room. Perfect for a therapist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, etc. The office is at 1911 Main Ave. Suite 240.

‘Battle of the Sexes’ Riggs talked a good game but King managed to win and get her licks in too – Lainie Maxson

Drinking&DiningGuide Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 pm & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$ Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Pumpkin spice season is here! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. – 4 p.m. $ BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food - made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails. Happy Hour, Mon.- Fri. 3-6 pm & all day Sunday with $2 off beer, $1 off wines & wells & 25% off appetizers. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain.

Hours: Sun.-Thurs., Noon - 9p.m., & Fri. & Sat. Noon to 10 p.m. $$

Get in the game.

Rare In-Town Opportunity Updated townhome in great west side neighborhood 2BR, 1BA, attached 2-car garage Three blocks from River Trail Nice back deck with small yard

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Issue 5 is out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email steve@gulchmag.com

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