The Journey of Self Discovery: Find Your Way Back to You

After all those broken relationships, and all that betrayal committed by the men I once loved, I never thought the love I desired was a reality.

After all, love was for people who believed in fairy tales … right?

As little girls, we are nurtured by books and movies that tell stories about women who either find their knights in shining armor or are maidens in distress, waiting to be rescued by a prince. These fantasies help us to believe in the “magic” of love.

But, as an adult, this seems all too good to be true. For many of us, love isn’t magic. It’s painful.

Whether we relate more to the “magical” love or a “painful” love, God might be saying something different:

Love is taking the risk to intentionally learn about someone, while also exposing your own vulnerabilities, desires, and dreams. Love is sometimes compromising what you want for someone else’s benefit.

Love is forgiving their faults — and not growing to resent them because of their shortcomings. Love is tolerating occasional bad moods, differing opinions, and selfishness. In retrospect, I must admit that most of my love relationships were not the greatest partnerships. Most of them were painful. Yet, like the books and movies that influenced my young mind growing up, I continued to seek someone to “complete” me. And don’t so many of us do this?

Sometimes in relationships, we can spend a lot of energy investing in, and ensuring, that our partners are comfortable, happy, and secure. Sometimes, we do it to our own detriment.

Of course, we understand that God loves us — and that His love is fully satisfying. However, it’s our nature (and God’s design) to seek out human love and human companionship. But, because we love like humans and not like God (you know … imperfectly), we get it wrong sometimes.

Once, after a particularly bad breakup that left me deeply hurt, I knew it was time to find my way back to me (and to God) especially since I felt so lost and so alone.

Finding my way back to me wasn’t an easy process. Self-discovery takes work, but it helps us to know who we are at our core as children of God, what we enjoy, and what we want in life.

How can we discover ourselves the way

God created us to be? We have some tips; keep on reading!

Practice love and acceptance. Repeat affirmations daily to build and increase self-confidence. Discover activities that you enjoy — with friends or alone. Take yourself on dinner dates. You’re worth it! Be kind and nurturing to yourself. Discover strengths, passions, and talents that may be hidden inside you.

Establish and maintain boundaries. Identify what is non-negotiable in a relationship. Realistically identify the qualities desired in a partner. Clearly communicate those boundaries for better understanding. Openly and honestly address situations when boundaries are crossed. Identify red flags, and act accordingly. Ask others in your community to hold you, and your partner, accountable.

Finding your way back to you will be a journey of self-discovery, self-love, and self-value.

If you take the time to enjoy your current season (and stop focusing on finding love urgently), then you’ll be able to enjoy the here and now.

The truth is, no matter our season, we can all experience this joy in life. It’s the intentionality in enjoying everything about life – our families, our friends, our careers, and our passions. The joy of living! God’s word teaches us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22). The man of God (your man of God) will find you, but only after your journey to find yourself.

The one thing we can all take away is this: Learning to love oneself is the first step toward finding true companionship and love. Self-discovery, self-love, and self-value all help us enjoy our lives, and ultimately, our relationships — when they show up at our doorstep, in God’s perfect timing.