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How to Help

Adjust behavior, attitudes: First and foremost, conform your behavior. Raise your children so they don’t use violence, said Susan Utech, executive director Safe Haven. A child who grows up in a house with domestic violence is more likely to cause domestic violence or be a victim of it. “We have too many women who came to our shelter as children and are back at our shelter as women,” she said.

Acknowledge that domestic abuse is happening in your community and understand that it is a crime. Believe the person who is experiencing it, and don’t judge them on why they are in a relationship or why they didn’t leave sooner, said Heather Drees, resource center manager at Safe Haven. “It’s so much more than just walking out of the house.” shelter and do not stay long, it’s because they’re not ready,” Robb said.

Society still puts shame on victims of domestic violence, Utech said. Their abuser should be made to feel the shame, not the victim.

Volunteer: Volunteers are integral to Safe Haven’s operation. They serve meals at the shelter, work on-call on weekends, providing intense advocacy services such as home and hospital visits, tutor children after school or do activities with them, take people to church, clean the shelter and care for its gardens.

Donate: Only about 7 percent of Safe Haven’s $1.9 million in funding comes from local donations. But it helps keep the lights, heat and other utilities on at the Resource Center. It helps pay legal advocates and cover non-personnel costs of that program. It covers indirect expenses, such as a new lock on a survivor’s apartment door. Safe Haven’s main fundraiser is a luncheon each fall, though donations can be made at any time online. There’s also a need for old cellphones, basic women’s and children’s clothing and some household items.

For more information, go to safehavenshelter.org.

But every time a woman comes into the shelter, she leaves a little bit stronger, building strategies to keep her safe until she leaves for the final time, Robb said. Those may include hiding an extra set of car keys or a cellphone programmed to dial 911, parking on the street, settling on a code word that alerts family and friends to call for help, identifying neighbors a child can run to for help.

“The women who are most successful in leaving their abusers are those who stay with us the longest,” Robb said. The extended time gives them the chance to make and meet goals.

So they don’t have to return

A big part of the Resource Center’s work involves legal advocacy — helping victims file for orders for protection and harassment restraining orders, documenting their injuries, accompanying them to court hearings and trials, relaying to them their rights, helping them prepare victim impact statements.

But the center also helps victims become self-sufficient and heal.

After the crisis has subsided, and sometimes even before it occurs, Safe Haven works with victims to find housing or employment or child care, resume their education, and connect them to public benefits and community resources. The goal is to make them self-sufficient “so they don’t have to return.”

“We are a safe place for them to work on things,” said Resource Center Manager Heather Drees. “You could want to leave and know you need to leave, but you might be losing child care or need to find housing.”

Additionally, the center offers support groups, empowerment training, healing circles and wellness days.

Rachel moved into her new apartment at the beginning of 2016. An advocate kept track of her abuser’s court appearances and was by her side when she wrote her victim impact statement. For two years, she attended support groups and wellness days consistently.

At first, she made sure her front door and bedroom door both were locked at night, checking multiple times. She hid cellphones around the apartment. She bought a clear shower curtain. She felt uncomfortable while taking a shower, the place she had experienced violence the most, or when her seat belt came too close to her neck.

Now she has a cat and leaves the bedroom door open for it at night.

“Once I made my mind up to leave him, I knew I was going to,” she said. Safe Haven didn’t make it better, but it did make it easier. And without Safe Haven, she fears she might have ended up in another situation. “Some people don’t make it to the healing part.” D