Finding support, feeling strong

Dietician shares her own struggles with eating disorder to help others

BY KASHA STOLL

When Jillian Lampert was 15, the simple goal of losing a few pounds rapidly spiraled into a full-blown eating disorder.

“It was like a cliff,” she said recently. “I was fine, and then boom — I was totally off the cliff.”

Even though she knew she was sick, Lampert hid her disease and suffered alone for three years. It wasn’t until she left for college and returned home for a visit 10 pounds lighter that her mother realized there was a problem. Her parents didn’t know how to best handle the situation, though, and it was another four years before Lampert received the help she needed.

Today, Lampert is a registered licensed dietician and chief strategy officer for The Emily Program, a privately-owned, for-profit treatment program for people with eating disorders. She shared her story to raise awareness and understanding of the disease, and to help parents know how to help their sick child.

An Unexpected Cliff

Sadly, Lampert’s story is typical and is being repeated, at least in part, by more than 57,000 Minnesota adolescents ages 10-17. According to The Emily Project, that number includes almost 39,000 girls and more than 18,000 boys.

Like many teenage girls, Lampert was concerned about her weight and started eating less.

“I was immediately reinforced at school,” she said. “I wasn’t noticed for anything other than being smart. So, when I lost a little bit of weight, people said: ‘Wow, you look great. What are you doing?’ I had never heard that. I had never heard a comment about me that wasn’t about my academic skills.

“I thought, if losing a little bit of weight is good, then losing lots is better.”

Lampert said most people who lose weight do not develop eating disorders. However, some, like her, become mentally preoccupied with food and control. Lampert described her reaction as the “biology of the illness.” She wanted to continue losing weight and hid her disease because she didn’t want anyone to make her stop.

Misguided Efforts

When Lampert’s family and friends finally realized there was a problem, they were understandably concerned. However, they didn’t know how to help, and some of their efforts did more harm than good.

To begin with, her parents didn’t know how to broach the subject. They enlisted the help of her boyfriend and did a surprise intervention when she came home for Thanksgiving. That fell flat and created tense feelings all around.

Warning Signs

• Restricting more and more food groups

• Significant weight change

• Repeated extended stints in the bathroom. Especially with the water running, bathroom spells may conceal purging (vomiting), part of the binge and purge cycle of bulimia

• Excessive exercise

• Repeatedly avoiding activities when food is involved. Begging off friends’ pizza parties or family meals around the dinner table (“I’ll eat in my room,” or “I’m not hungry, because I had a big lunch,”) may disguise a food-avoidance habit

“That is not something I recommend parents do,” she said.

Lampert said her parents also let her bargain a lot. They wanted her to get help, and she said she had already found a support group. They wanted to call the doctor, and she said she would do it. They believed her, and she was fooling them.

Instead of bargaining, Lampert said her parents should have taken decisive action.

“If I had a fever, my mom would put me in the car and say you are going to the doctor,” Lampert said. The same rules should apply to an eating disorder. Parents should take their child to a doctor, or ideally, to a specialist, and get an eating disorder assessment.

“What is the worst thing that could happen?” she said. “The worst thing is that they will say your kid doesn’t have an eating disorder. Then your child says, ‘See, I am fine,’ and you will work through that.

“The best thing that could happen is

When Words Hurt

Lampert did eventually see her family doctor in Hibbing. However, he didn’t know how to help, either. Like her parents, the doctor encouraged Lampert to stop.

“That’s like saying, ‘when are you going to stop having your leg broken?’” she said. “I felt as able to stop having an eating disorder as I was to stop having a broken leg. Would you tell someone with cancer to stop having cancer? I didn’t know what to do with that, so I said I have stopped.”

Other well-meaning people also asked what Lampert describes as frustrating questions: Why don’t you just eat? Why are you crying about food? Why would you do that to yourself?

“I felt really blamed for having an illness I didn’t mean to cause or get,” she said. “I am sick and a little afraid that I am going to die, and you are telling me it is my fault. OK.”

Lampert said she doesn’t blame the doctor or her family and friends. At the time, which was in the late 1980s and early 1990s, there wasn’t much known about eating disorders.

Some of the most helpful words Lampert heard came from friends who freely admitted they didn’t know what to do.

“They would say, ‘I don’t understand anything about this, but how can I help you?’” Lampert said. “It acknowledged that I wasn’t doing it on purpose.”

Group Effort

Brenda Schwerdt, a clinical dietician at St. Luke’s hospital, said treatment requires a group effort.

She said people with eating disorders think they are eating well. Parents may disagree and can share their concerns with a physician.

A physician will diagnose the disorder and oversee the treatment plan. A dietician will help with food choices, and a psychologist or psychiatrist will address the mental health aspect.

Schwerdt said parents can also help by monitoring their own speech and eating patterns.

“Food and emotions are closely related,” she said. When parents focus on food, the child immediately pulls away. Therefore, Schwerdt said parents should focus on providing emotional support.

Instead of saying, “You need to eat,” parents can ask, “Are you feeling strong today?” Instead of saying, “You look weak,” they can say, “Do you feel weak?”

Schwerdt also said parents should be aware of how often they talk about food.

“It might be a time to look at your diet as well,” she said. “Where is your child getting their behaviors?”

Finally, parents should understand that recovery can take a long time. She used the analogy of drowning in a river with rapids.

“You grab a log that takes you down the river,” Schwerdt said. “When it is calm, people on shore will yell at you to let go of the log. But that log was your safety. It will take you a long time to drop that log and swim to shore.”

People with eating disorders often use food as a way of exerting control over their lives. Relinquishing that control is difficult and painful. Schwerdt said a person is never cured of an eating disorder; they go into remission. — MDT