Support TIMES TWO –or more

Mothers of multiples can find answers easier these days

BY KATHLEEN MURPHY

Most people feel a sense of excitement when they discover they are expecting a new baby. Chances are, just as many people might feel a little overwhelmed at the news. There’s a lot to consider when adding a new member to the family.

What happens when people find out they are expecting twins? Or more?

Multiple births are not common. In 2016, only 33 sets of twins were born for every 1,000 births in the United States. The chances of triplets or higher is even smaller, happening in less than one out of every 1,000 births.

The first thing a newly expecting parent of twins should do is find support. “There are plenty of things about having twins that aren’t that different than having a single baby,” said Morgana Kolenda, moderator for the group Twin Ports Mothers of Multiples and mother of 4-year-old twin girls, “but there are plenty of things that are different, too. Find someone who knows about those things.”

The Twin Ports Mothers of Multiples Group can be a great first stop for information. They coordinate playgroups, yearly rummage sales, and the occasional night out for parents. A part of the Twin Ports for decades, it has evolved through the years. Jill Cornwell, a mother to boy-girl twins who are now in college, remembers when her twins were young and the local multiples group focused on events that allowed parents time to talk away from the children, such as moms’ night out events. “In the days before social media, it was harder to track down the information we needed,” Cornwell said. “We used the multiples group as an opportunity to get together and talk, share our experiences.”

What parents want from a multiples group has changed, partly because it is so easy to connect with other parents through social media. Liz Redden and her husband, Ben, are expecting boy-girl twins this fall. As a working mother who already has two children, she felt overwhelmed and a little scared at the unknowns with a twin pregnancy. With her busy schedule making it harder for her to break away to attend in-person meetings, the online presence of the multiples group has gone a long way to reassure her worries. “Being pregnant with twins is a totally different ball game,” Redden said. “Being able to post questions and get answers from other moms going through the same situation I am makes me feel like I can do this.”

It is the beauty of social media: instantaneous answers. A nervous expecting mother who recently found out she is expecting twins doesn’t have to wait three weeks to get answers. Post a question online — in this case the Twin Ports Mothers of Multiples Facebook page — and receive answers from real, local people who have already been through it.

Redden recently was experiencing back pain and couldn’t get in right away to see her doctor. She asked online if others had experienced the same during their pregnancies, and within a day had a plethora of responses, including a few people who thought it sounded similar to what they had experienced and suggested it might be sciatica pain. Armed with the information and reassured that her experience was not out of the ordinary, Redden was able to follow up with her doctor and chiropractor and find relief.

Local support groups can help with other needs, too, such as asking for recommendations for services. Are there local pediatricians that have experience with twins? What if I want to use the services of a doula? My twin’s school wants to split them up into two different classes, but I don’t think they are ready for that. Are there any schools in the area that have welcomed multiples to share a classroom?

For more generalized questions, there are larger forums that can also be of help, such as the Minnesota Mothers of Multiples group, which has grown in recent years to include parents of multiples in adjoining states, such as North Dakota and parts of Wisconsin. MN MOM holds yearly conferences and outings for families to attend, such as an upcoming “glamping trip” in April of 2019 for mothers to get away and enjoy a weekend of connecting with others who understand the changes brought about by a multiples pregnancy. Cornwell recommends that people attend these when they can. “I’ve met lifelong friends in these groups,” Cornwell said. “It was important for me to spend time with other people whose lives were also in a high-intensity parenting mode. We understood each other.” A national group also exists, called Multiples of America.

“Basically, it’s important for you to accept support from anyone who will give it to you,” Kolenda said. She was able to find support from family, as well as an outpouring of support from a community she was already involved in, the board of directors for the Minnesota Ballet. “I would show up to meetings, and people would take turns holding babies so that I could participate.” Kolenda works at Maurice’s in downtown Duluth, and has felt fortunate that they hold a moms group every other Friday.

“Parenting multiples can be hard,” said Kolenda. “Find a group of people who will support you in that endeavor, but will also appreciate you as an individual person.”