April 28, 2014

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Thursday, May 1 Wednesday, April 30 Monday, April 28 Monday, April 28 Thursday, May 1 Wednesday, April 30 Saturday, May 3 Saturday, May 3 Tuesday, April 29 Saturday, May 3 Tuesday, April 29 Tuesday, April 29 Friday, May 2 Friday, May 2 Saturday, May 3 Saturday, May 3

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the chrONicle

MONDAY, April 28, 2014 | 3

What Shooters taught me

G

raduating from high school, I was uniquely average by Duke standards, juggling academics, varsity sports, service organizations and the school newspaper.

Before I arrived at Duke as a freshman, someone wise told me that college would be differ-

have come to recognize four years later.)

It didn’t help, though, that I made my life even harder than it needed to be.

My first ever column for The Chronicle was a nightmare, a fact that I was clearly and consistently reminded of by the

Scott Briggs SENIOR COLUMN ent—that I couldn’t choose “all of the above” when it came to extracurricular activities and expect to succeed—that I needed to pick one thing to do, and do it well.

I picked newspaper. The Chronicle, to be specific.

While everyone else interested in joining The Chronicle was picking up news stories, I waited out for an opportunity to write for opinion. Quality investigative news journalism is what makes a paper great, but thoughtful editorial content is usually what makes a paper successful. The idea of being able to spark meaningful dialogue across campus through my columns was what attracted me to journalism in high school, and I wanted to do the same at Duke.

After being turned down for a position on the Editorial Board in the Fall, I was selected as a biweekly columnist in the Spring, making me the only freshman columnist at the time.

As anyone who has had the misfortune can tell you, being a Chronicle columnist as a freshman is tough. It’s probably the toughest thing I’ve ever done during my four years at Duke. No matter what you think or what you write, you’re wrong because you’re a freshman. (This is, of course, not a matter of public opinion, but a veritable fact that even I

online comments. My final column of the semester, titled “Why I love Duke,” was only marginally better, but to this day still stands as the published work of which I am the least proud. Lost somewhere in the middle were dozens of negative comments and my only experience with cyberbullying to date. For some reason, be it stupidity or subconscious masochistic tendencies, I reapplied to continue writing as a sophomore.

And for some reason, be it luck or an unusually small applicant pool, I was accepted for a shot at redemption. With the help of a semester’s worth of “what not to do’s” under my belt and a new copy editor-slash-mentor, my columns began to improve. They received generally positive comments, but largely went under the radar, at least until “The best of Larry Moneta.” With this column calling for the termination of L-Mo came a barrage of comments, a Facebook event calling for protests outside the Allen Building, a string of emails from concerned administrators and—to the glee of my sophomore self—a ton of fellow students recognizing me on the Main Quad.

All it took was one “success” for me

to become a legend in my own mind. It stopped being about the writing and about the dialogue. It was about me and my rapidly inflating ego.

As my sophomore year was coming to a close, I was given the opportunity to take on a managerial role as the Editorial Page Managing Editor—an opportunity that, truth be told, had nothing to do with my performance as a columnist and everything to do with my willingness to do the job. As my final column of the year approached, I was in the process of deciding whether or not to continue as a columnist while in my new role as Managing Editor. Knowing that column could have been my last and wanting to “go out with a bang,” I wrote the most inflammatory column on Duke’s hazing policy I could muster. And once again came the barrage of comments and student admirers, just like I wanted. The highlight of my day occurred when a student server at Plate and Pitchfork (may it rest in peace) stopped to ask if I was the guy who wrote “I’ve been hazed” and to tell me how awesome I was. My ego had reached new levels.

That night, I went to Shooters with some of my fraternity brothers in celebration.

About an hour into the night, with the type of bravado (read: douchebaggery) that can only be summoned after a few too many drinks, I said to one of my brothers: “This is bulls---! We’ve been here for over an hour, and not ONE stranger has come up and recognized me.”

And that’s all it took to bring me crashing back down to earth. I often replay that moment in my head to remind myself of the person I had become, and the person I never want to become again.

Not surprisingly, I decided the next morning that it was time to give the column

and the ego trip a rest. And I realized that by stepping back behind the pages and up into 301 Flowers, I could have a much more positive influence on this campus than I ever could while writing 800-word tirades.

Since that night at Shooters, I’ve traded 800 words every two weeks for 20 hours a week, every week. I’ve traded my “fans” for late nights in the Chronicle office with the most amazing friends and co-workers I could ask for. And most importantly, I’ve traded my inflated ego for what I hope is a stronger Editorial Pages now than when I first found it.

And yes, as a senior I’ve still written a polemical column every now and again, but the delusions of grandeur have been replaced by a true desire to change our campus for the better through discourse. If even one columnist or guest column or letter to the editor that I’ve chosen for our pages has made you question your ideas or challenge your perception of the campus and the world around you, it has all been worth it. It may have taken a few mistakes and a few too many drinks at Shooters to get here, but I eventually found my home in 301 Flowers as the Oz behind the Opinion pages’ green curtain.

And it has been an honor to serve you.

Scott Briggs is a Trinity senior, the editorial page editor and former editorial page managing editor. He would like to thank Meredith Jewitt for believing in him when she probably shouldn’t have, Antonio Segalini for actually teaching him how to write, Mousa Alshanteer for constantly reminding him of his imperfections and unknowingly pushing him to do better, Elizabeth Djinis for making him question his sanity on a daily basis, Danielle Muoio for reminding him that he was never sane to begin with and everyone else at The Chronicle for being his dysfunctional family for the last four years.

The Office of Student Conduct is pleased to announce the new members of the Undergraduate Conduct Board and Appellate Board for the 2014-15 academic year: Dominique Beaudry

Trinity '15

Brendon Colbert

Pratt '16

Devin Devrai

Trinity '15

Nikolai Doytchinov

Trinity '15

Nick Hendrix

Trinity '16

Elise Lang

Trinity '16

Tiffany Lieu

Trinity '15

Diana Liu

Trinity '15

Kevin Marren

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Phillip McClure

Trinity '16

Meghan Price

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Karthika Raja

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Trinity '15

Ryan Schott

Trinity '16

Kahsa Teum

Trinity '15

Christophe Viret

Trinity '15 *appointed to the Appellate Board

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Round 2 One recent morning, when I awoke from troubled dreams, I found myself transplanted into the cool dawn air of a desert. The chilled sand cradled my body as the camels harrumphed and my fellow students dozed in a circle of sleeping bags.

When I then awoke in my bed in Durham,

source meeting freshman year with Dean Chameides of the Nicholas School of the Environment, I walked in to find him visibly upset. He told me a recent graduate of the master’s program had just died in a motorcycle accident. This unsolicited insight set me off writing my first obituary

Julian Spector SENIOR COLUMN my first thought was to fact check.

The voyage that led me to that desert all transpired within the confines of feverish night visions, but what struck me was that I wouldn’t have been terribly surprised if it had been true. Between Duke and The Chronicle, these four years have taken me places I never dreamed of going and showed me things I never expected to see.

If attendance at Duke grants us access to a corridor full of doors, the skills I picked up at The Chronicle gave me the keys to open them.

Early on as a reporter I learned the importance of asking the right question, or rather that people will not always volunteer information unless you actively show them what you are looking for. This is not unique to journalism— anyone who has parlayed with Duke’s reference librarians while parsing the movable feast of Perkins’ stacks knows the importance of choosing your search terms—but this was my point of entry.

Once you invest the time and energy to establish a source relationship, though, the information starts to flow back to you, unbidden. Once, during a routine

and grappling with the responsibility of writing the last words to be published about a man’s life. Afterwards, I felt moved to attend the memorial service in Duke Chapel, mourning both the man’s death and that I never knew him until then. All from a source meeting.

When putting together a story though, it’s just as important to recognize that your assumptions are much like your parachutes: if you don’t check them before you launch, you might be very sorry. In one of many examples, I went into a recent story about Duke’s sexual assault policy expecting to hear that rape kits would clinch a Student Conduct case. Through my investigation, though, I discovered they rarely play a decisive role in cases at Duke. By recognizing my assumptions and discharging them I was able to get at the deeper truth of the situation.

Beyond that, the mere instance of a common assumption proving to be false often justifies a story of its own. How do you think MythBusters has run for 12 years?

If a dean search doesn’t find a dean or a construction project doesn’t start when it’s supposed to, that’s when something really

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exciting is happening. And on a broader level, what’s more exciting than realizing that something you’ve always taken for granted actually doesn’t work the way you thought it did? If I had more time, I’d try to track course quality on an “assumptions challenged per class” metric, and see how far that gets me.

Lastly, and perhaps most indicative of my senior status, I learned that when an opportunity arises, you have to recognize that it may never come back. I won’t say you should take every crazy trip that catches your eye, because that’s a good way to end up broke and out of gas on the Florida turnpike, but recognize that some obligations will persist from week to week, and some adventures only cross your path once.

When I was news editor, I received reams of emails from across the country soliciting my news sense on behalf of this unknown artist, or that bimonthly southern ladies’ power luncheon, but one day something caught my eye: a group of Fuqua MBA students were going down to Ft. Bragg to train with the Green Berets as an interactive leadership development exercise. I thought, “That’s cool, I’ll see if anyone wants to write it.” Nobody did.

As the date approached I decided I’d had a lot of normal Wednesdays and had plenty more to come, so I woke up early and drove two hours southwest to the pine hills, to the point where “unnamed road” intersected with “the helicopter.” After winding my way through back roads, I rendezvoused with my military escort and the next thing I knew I was accelerating down the expansive length of the airstrip that services the nation’s Green Beret

training headquarters. I was no expert on unconventional forces, and I saw there was no better way to disconfirm the overblown Hollywood stereotypes than by talking with them directly, which I had ample time to do that day.

Walking back into the office with dust on my shoes and a packet or two of leftover Army-Issue cheese whiz, I realized I’d spent my day in a way I’d likely never have the chance to repeat— and doing it again wouldn’t capture the joy of it anyway. Jobs and routines often matter for adults, but, working within a realistic framework, I try every day to do something spectacular that I’ve never done before and can never do again.

I see people doing this all over Duke, whether it’s figuring out how lemurs think, nailing a performance of Chekhov, documenting the lives of refugees on the other side of the world or even, yes, skiing to Shooters. For me, though, the best way to get that kick is journalism.

Maybe this makes me one of Hunter S. Thompson’s jackrabbits, darting across the highway just because it makes you feel alive. Maybe this makes me a voyeur, getting my kicks by observing other people doing cool things.

All I know is if my profession sends me to experience extraordinary things and write about them for a living, I’m going to be happy. And that’s what I’ve learned at Duke and that’s what I’ve learned from The Chronicle.

Julian Spector, a Trinity senior, is the special projects editor and former news editor and health and science editor during his four years at The Chronicle. He would like to thank Franz and Ernest for their enthusiastic editorial advice.

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the chrONicle

MONDAY, April 28, 2014 | 5

What I could not predict

B

y my senior year of high school, I had been to Duke to visit my sisters numerous times, and as a result, I had spent far more time at Duke than at any other school I was considering. I decided to apply early decision because I thought I could envision what my four years would be like, and I couldn’t do that for other schools.

Julia May SENIOR COLUMN But in reality, I could not have predicted what my college experience would be like—both the good and the bad.

I thought I would read the campus newspaper every so often, not that I would oversee all news photos as The Chronicle’s News Photo editor.

I thought I would only attend the freshmen activities fair once, not that I would return four years later as Chronicle Recruitment Chair and recite the same pitch for hours to freshmen who probably just wanted the free sticker and pen.

I definitely did not think I would have the opportunity to shoot President Obama not once but twice (shooting is photo speak for “taking pictures of,” NSA).

I thought I would walk past girls in their crestembossed quarter zips tabling on the plaza for their philanthropy, not that I would be one of them. I thought my days of cheering and hanging out with 100+ girls were over when I left summer camp.

I was able to accomplish what I once feared was impossible--showing my family new sides of Duke when they came to visit. Sides of Duke that were untapped by any May family members that came before me. Sides of Duke in which I ultimately had influence. Sides of Duke that made it mine.

Just as I could not have predicted some of the amazing and rewarding organizations I would be involved with and people I would get to know at Duke, I also didn’t know my experience would come with crippling obstacles.

I had a pretty serious case of mono day one of O-week. Now, with mono, there exists a spectrum of side effects--you can be so unaffected you never even know you have the virus, or you can turn into a jaundiced linebacker who cannot sleep because your liver and spleen have tripled in size. I was dealt the latter of side effects. This made it very hard to keep up with what was expected of me as a Duke student.

So I met with my dean to work out a plan. I was told I could go on medical leave or basically suck it up. Well, Duke’s medical leave policy is pretty strict: “Students placed on medical leaves may return after two semesters following the semester in which the leave is granted.” I was astounded that the dean was not willing to be more flexible or at least evaluate each student on a case-by-case basis. I knew I would be very sick for at least a few more weeks, but I was not willing to delay my Duke career by a year before it even began.

I turned down that option, really my only option, and thankfully with the support of my parents I trucked through the first semester.

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At the end of my sophomore year, I was struck by the paralyzing news that my best friend from home had suddenly passed away. I was just days away from wrapping up the year and taking my finals, but mentally, I was not capable of finishing the year. I wasn’t sleeping; I wasn’t going more than a half hour without hysterically crying; and I wasn’t in a healthy mental state to be at Duke. I knew I needed to go home, but I also knew—from my mono experience and dealing with deaths in the family—that Duke was not always flexible when dealing with health issues, mental or physical. I met with my major dean to explain my situation, barely able to get out the words, but she showed minimal sympathy and did not leave me with the sense that Duke was looking out for me. With the help of my mom serving as my advocate when I no longer had the energy to fight with Duke and my understanding professors who were willing to make accommodations for me over the summer, I was able to

finally finish sophomore year. Not because owf mental health policies put in place, but in spite of them.

I wish I did not have to get to know Duke’s dark side and that I could simply advise everyone to “get out of the Duke bubble” and “take classes that challenge them,” but my column would not be an honest representation of myself if I did not also include what made college difficult along with what made it fulfilling. I know that articles like this one have started the conversation about Duke’s medical leave policy, and I strongly hope the conversations continue.

Julia is a Trinity senior, news photo editor and recruitment chair. She would like to thank everyone in ChronPhoto, Pegram and Zeta (and anyone at Duke who does not fall into the three facets of her life that make it easy to acknowledge them) for their role in making Duke an incredible and unique experience. For always being there, for the good and the bad, her mom deserves endless thanks.

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Love and a sassy poodle

T

he past eight years of my life have been wildly dynamic. It is hard to believe that college is ending, but the experience of preparing to graduate is forcing me to find the concrete constants I have had in my life amidst the chaos.

had an outlet to express how much this old-lady poodle has changed my life. And I don’t think I realized how much she has shaped my experience at Duke until now.

Misty’s influence has fueled everything I’ve done for the past few

Ashley Mooney SENIOR COLUMN When it comes down to it, there is one constant force that I’ve had in my life for 12 years that I feel compelled to write about in my last (and only) column—my standard poodle, Misty.

You may recognize her sneaking into our Towerview editor’s note photos or prancing about the quad while trying to get every squirrel in sight. Whenever I take her up to the Chronicle office, people rush to cuddle her before they even acknowledge my existence. I even brought her to class with me a couple times.

It may seem strange to dedicate a column to a dog, but then again, I’ve never

years, and everything I hope to achieve in the future. She’s the reason I am going to veterinary school, the reason I care so much about animal welfare. She is the sister I never had.

I remember Misty easing my fears when I was home alone as a child and scared of a creak in the house. I laugh at the memory of her catching a squirrel with blood dripping all over her proper-as-hell fur or when she zoomed past that family photo right as the timer snapped the photo.

We probably could have used her help last summer when a squirrel terrorized Danielle Muoio by making

the Chronicle office its home.

No matter how many hours I spend writing about animals in 301 Flowers or working with animals at veterinary clinics (and that’s probably more hours than I’ve slept for the past four years), I do not think I would truly understand what I want to do with my life without Misty.

Even though sometimes Misty pretends to hate me when I’m not giving her enough belly rubs or pretzels, I know that I have given her a good life. But her ability to be a spoiled brat sometimes makes me think about all the animals that don’t have that luxury—the animals that suffer because people purposely or accidentally communicate harmful messages about their care.

I never realized that my time in the Chronicle would be so helpful in preparing me for veterinary medicine. I want to bring animals to the forefront of people’s conversations, but not in an extreme, setting-lab-animals-free way. Even though I won’t become a traditional journalist like many of my fellow Chronicle seniors, I want to use what I’ve learned the past four years to help animals.

While a veterinary degree will allow me to fix physical ailments, I don’t think I will be able to really help animals without understanding the media. There are some people who own pets and just don’t know what hurts or helps them.

Everything from how cute an animal is to the presence of a human in a photo can change how people perceive them, and therefore change the perception of how to treat animals ethically.

Next year I’ll be wandering around Australia, trying not to get attacked by birdeating spiders, crocodiles and cassowaries (which are awesomely terrifying birds that everybody should Google).

Although I’ll be on the other side of the world, I will remember all the good times I had at The Chronicle. But most of all, I’ll remember my best friend Misty.

Ashley Mooney is a Trinity senior. She is the Towerview editor and former sports managing editor, news blog editor and health and science Editor. She would like to thank her parents for letting her bring Misty to Duke for her senior year, and her fellow seniors for making The Chronicle home over the years.

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the chrONicle

MONDAY, April 28, 2014 | 7

Lending a helping hand

M

y first homecoming of sorts came freshman year when my family helped me haul my suitcase across the Atlantic from our compact London apartment into an equally compact Randolph 212. After 14 years abroad, I was finally back in the motherland—a country I couldn’t recall living in, but

Sophia Palenberg SENIOR COLUMN one that a lifetime of international schools and MaryKate and Ashley marathons had prepared me for in the same way that making instant ramen might for culinary school. Regardless, I was ready to reclaim my American identity. Or at least, one that I had constructed in my mind—a hodgepodge of pop culture and international headlines, all nestled within the teachings of my school’s American education system. (While I’ve relinquished the “u” in “color,” I stick by reading the weather in Celsius.)

Prior to Duke, I’ve always been called a foreigner wherever I lived. To locals, my American accent spoke the loudest—over my appearance, over my accomplishments and over my home address—but even so, I had come to like the sound of it and so it stayed. Hecklers didn’t care how long I had lived in their country; all they heard was my voice and that in itself was enough to be categorized and treated accordingly. What I said meant less than how I said it.

Therefore, while I still wrestled to understand certain references and norms (Sales tax? Free restaurant water?) in casual conversation, for the first time I didn’t stick out here. Instead, we all faced forwards in exploring this new frontier-- and regardless of where we came from or who we were, East Campus was our equalizer.

While some friends took a running start, eager to launch into the trajectory of their Duke careers, I plodded along, at first more interested in what was happening on my sides than in front of me. I was bored with the rigid lane I had constructed for myself in high school and wanted to see what my thousands of peers did outside of the classroom, where we vigilantly crafted our opinions and appearances. So I joined The Chronicle as a photographer, and soon my camera became a visa that granted me access into and out of the smallest and largest happenings on campus.

I began to move laterally, briefly dipping into other people’s lives to witness their accomplishments and stories unfold, while always returning to my own at the end of the day, a new perspective in tow. Sometimes this zeal dissipated a minute afterwards, sometimes it stuck, but the photos were always reminders. Allnighter after all-nighter, the camaraderie that we built as a department, rushing into the field and making the impossible happen under deadline, will be what

THE

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I ultimately remember from my time at 301 Flowers.

Under The Chronicle, I’ve been able to cover three years of cultural showcases, the inaugural TAASCON, Michelle Obama at the school down the road, YouTube stars David Choi and Wong Fu Productions, Duke sports and many more. The most memorable of these was, of course, the last UNC home game, where Brice Johnson crashed into me on the baseline, effectively kicking me in the face on national television. Friends at Duke watch parties on both coasts texted me en masse to inform me that I had been publically demolished, which, while old news to me by the time I was icing myself with a can of Coke during halftime, made me appreciate how it’d only take a kick in the face to unite us across the country.

When I graduate, the inherent similarities that come with being a Duke student on campus will disappear and something new will inevitably replace my “accent” as a defining attribute. In retrospect, it

wasn’t so much an American identity that I was seeking (granted, my aforementioned description was pretty superficial), but one that I could undeniably claim as my own, and that’s what I found at Duke. We don’t always get to choose where we come from or who we are, but coming to Duke was just that for me, an opportunity to create that selfhood from scratch, and as that person, shaped by friends, peers and mentors, leaving the Gothic wonderland seems less daunting now than it did before.

Come May, that’s what I’ll take with me when I move out for the last time.

Sophia Palenberg is a Trinity senior and the former photo editor. She would like to thank her wonderful family, post1 AM ChronSupport, Maxwell, Randolph Class of 2014, friends and boyfriend for making these the best four years of her life. To my incredible dad: you were right (like always). I loved it here and miss you every day.

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8 | MONDAY, April 28, 2014

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Space (or something like it)

I

f you saw a girl crying over her laptop in Von der Heyden during the past few days, it was likely me.

I wanted to give justice to my four years here in 800 words. This required poring over my four years at length, reminding myself of the highs and lows and the in-

life seem especially within reach at Duke, where you’re offered a laundry list of opportunities. You can paint your face blue, study under excellent professors and travel the globe through DukeEngage. But going through the motions never really did it for me, and

Anna Koelsch SENIOR COLUMN betweens. But I couldn’t get it right. Thus, the tears. (Listening to “Wonderwall” on repeat probably didn’t help).

We all want a perfect college experience. The best four years of your

it was clear that doing things because they are billed as rewarding will never be rewarding for me.

My perfect Duke experience was going to start with joining The Chronicle. Luckily,

this turned out to be a very good decision.

The Chronicle became my family of sorts here. While many communities at Duke require you to rush, apply, pay dues, write essays and interview, The Chronicle was always welcoming. All it required was my time, and that I (try to) meet deadlines.

The Chronicle’s office is never featured amongst the stone facades and glass boxes in Duke brochures, and there’s a reason for that. It’s an office haphazardly squeezed into a hallway, with iMac screens framed by stacks of empty Fresca cans and very comfortable couches with very mysterious histories.

Here, we discussed Duke’s shortcomings, complained about excessively long DSG meetings and found common ground. Perhaps it was fitting that the place where I felt the strongest sense of belonging was one of the oddest spaces on campus. I often struggled to feel like I belonged in many other spaces at Duke, which makes me especially grateful for our beloved 301 Flowers.

Duke, I have to be honest. You were so much harder than I thought you would be. While I was prepared for the hours of studying in the library, I was not prepared for the social hierarchy and the feeling that I will never be beautiful enough or smart enough. I was not prepared for the feeling that I had to be the best if I wanted to be valued.

It took me way too long to be able to say these things aloud. How could I admit that my experience was anything less than perfect when I had chosen this school? I applied here early decision, dazzled by visions of scholarly pursuits in front of a Gothic stone backdrop, inevitably wearing fewer layers due to the temperature difference between North Carolina and Minnesota. Although I was studying and socializing, I was also wondering how I

could have been so naive to think this was the right place for me.

I so badly didn’t want to squander this opportunity. But if I’ve learned anything at Duke, it’s that facing challenges doesn’t mean you’re wasting time. Obstacles suck, but the process of confronting them and overcoming them is more meaningful than any easy victory.

Feeling out of place can be a blessing because it forces you to understand why you feel out of place.

I wish you four challenging years that force you to figure out what is actually important to you and what brings you joy.

You’ll have to try things and fail at them, and that isn’t usually fun. But, it’s certainly empowering. It’s learning that affiliating with people is more important than affiliating with labels. It’s deciding that hiding behind your byline isn’t as exciting to you as doing something that makes you worthy of being interviewed. It’s creating spaces that are yours.

Some friends and I were recently discussing how often Duke students use the ‘triumph narrative’ when recounting their time here. It’s a common theme in senior columns and Me Too monologues: we struggle, but eventually we are happy.

Things are hard, but then they get better.

And as much as I’d like to avoid being trite, I probably do follow this narrative. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I am leaving with some bruises but a hell of a lot more confidence. And I could not be more grateful.

Anna Koelsch is a Trinity senior and has worked for The Chronicle for four years.

She wants to thank everyone who made The Chronicle’s office into a home, including Nicole, Lindsey, Taylor, Sanette, Nick, Margie, YeoYeo, Lauren, Michaela, Julian, Yesh, Danielle, Elysia, Emma and everyone else.

Interested in reading more Opinion?

Check out the Backpage blogs pages at

http://www.dukechronicle.com/blogs/backpageblogs/posts

CLASSIFIEDS ANNOUNCEMENTS 50% OFF LABOR W/DUKE ID. A LOT OF CARS repair shop is now open! 3100 N. Roxboro Street (across from BP Family Fare) Inspections, Tires, Full Service Repair. Transmissions. www. alotofcarsnc.com. Owned by Duke Alumni (919)246-0066

Email chance@alumni.duke.edu THINK YOU’RE FUNNY?

English 322S-01, Fall 2014, “Writing Humor,” W 3:05-5:35.

Pre-reqs or strong writing sample. Email askounis@duke.edu

HELP WANTED RELIGIOUS EDUCATION ASSISTANT (PART-TIME)

Eno River UU Fellowship seeks admin support for children/ youth educational programs.

18-20 hrs/wk. 8:30 AM - 12:30 PM Sundays; Weekdays-TBD. Job description www.eruuf.org.

By 5/15/14. job@eruuf.org

AQUATIC THERAPY ASSIST.

Assist with aquatic therapy and floating with 70 year-old retired Duke prof. in Lenox Baker pool. Pool/caregiving experience necessary, CNA certification a plus. Explain experience in around fifteen lines via email to marykatemcmanus@gmail.com Tues/Thurs 5:30-6:15pm; Some Saturdays 12:451:30pm. $30/session depending upon experience.

SEEKING PROGRAMMER

Still looking for a summer job? Are you a self-starter who can work independently? Are you familiar with Unix, basic scripting, and do you know at least one programming language? We have a project that needs your skills. We’re doing 2D image analysis and 3D reconstructions from high-resolution electron micrographs of striated muscle. Our ultimate aim is to understand the molecular details of how muscular contraction and motility work at nearly atomic resolution. Part-time or full-time. Contact Robert Perz-Edwards by email or phone (919-684-5674) Email rj.perz-edwards@duke.edu

SERVICES OFFERED YOUR STUFF STORED: SUMMER AND STUDY ABROAD WITH ZIPPY U.

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MONDAY, april 28, 2014 | 9

The New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 For Information Call: 1-800-972-3550 For Release Wednesday, March 12, 2014 The New York Times Syndication Sales Corporation 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 For Information Call: 1-800-972-3550 For Release Friday, March 14, 2014

Crossword ACROSS

37 Breakfast cereal … or a hint to what’s found in the answers to 6 Hissy fit ACROSS 29 Not hadstarred by the four 10 Urban clues?

1 Drillhousing command to 30 Sty chore option rifle carriers 4132 Mixed bag and Like Lesbos 14 Dazzling 12 Bit of success nonsense Lemnos 42 “As I was saying famously 15 Practice 34 Patriotic chant …” replacing in the 16 Con“strangers artist’s mark 36 Synthetic fiber 43 “Slung” stuff night” 1 Celebrity ribbing

Crossword

used in bicycle

17 *Any foreseeable 14 1979 Abba single44 Suffix tires with and lion difficulty bulletproof vests 46 Puts up 16 Emblem of a 20 Sitcom character pharaoh 39 Fourth-brightest 50 *Fearsome from Melmac star in the shark sky 17 Hooey

21 Oom-___ (tubaan 18 Show with sounds) early episode

titled “Crate 22 Falling-out result’n Burial”

66 Specifications marked on 10-hole harmonicas

5443 BitBig of Green harmless rivals mischief

44 John P. 55 Official Marquand’s “The proceedings Late George ___”

52 Throughout, in 67 verse Knife of old 54 Suffix 68 Qualityof that saccharides produces taste 56 Prefix with saccharides DOWN 57 Is guilty of petitio 1 principii Fixes up, as a fixer-upper 61 Got a +2 on 62 or wildcat 5,000m 2 500m Spotted competitor, say

3 Totally in favor of 4 Mule of song DOWN

5 Musclefood car fish roof 1 Florida option

Edited by Will Shortz 1 2 3 6 7 Edited by 4Will5 Shortz 14

No. 0205

8

9

15

1

17

2

3

4

5

18

6

7

10 11 No. 0207

12

13

27

28

41 4742 48

49

16

8

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13

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22

14

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41 36 43 37

38

31 22

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28 32

42 44

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32 24

31

34 38

19 25

36

29

39

33

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46

40

2 Permanent data 44 45 46 23 Good economic 51 52 53 54 6 storer “Quiet, please!” 43 50 19 Dragon roll 56 Like a couch 46 Family name newsingredient in “Look potato 3 “Your 47 48 49 50 7 It mayMovie elicit a 55 56 57 58 Homeward, 25 *“Good Sucks” 20 Like night, grade 6-Downauthor 58 Night on which Angel” John-Boy” 51 52 53 54 55 56 skippersseries 4 One of Utah’s 59 60 61 62 “60 Minutes” 8 Multinational 47 Part of aaired: U.S. state symbols 22 N.Y.C.-based 29 ___ of Gibraltar originally bank that 57 58 59 60 president’s name grp. with its Abbr.

63 64 65 sponsored the 5 Paste holder?

31 PC key that’s Dutch for ownbelow police New York City 61 “neighbors” Home 6 Passeport detail 59 *“Why am I not department Marathon 66 67 68 surprised?”

49 Something one 7 It helps produce 24 Potential 32 Pay a call to fire 62 9 a“Reading Lolita might hang in a kitty hazard 63 Botanical wings in ___” (2003 33 Lacrosse goalie’s street PUZZLE BY TRACY GRAY 8 Fivers 26 Philatelic best seller) area 64 Gear-cutting PUZZLE BY NED WHITE 50 Davis of the collectible 9 Longtime first tools 36 Crown inset 53 Café au lait 45 Mowers’ paths53 Actress screen 10 name Make inbyTVhand 36 Do some leg31 Spot that may Jennifer talk 38 Witchy women 27 Littermates holder 65 Yak, yak, yak pulling beEthnic on the joke, often of “Pride and compete for them 51 Nabokov heroine 11 37 On a cruise 47 Catch a few Z’s 10 Century-starting 40 Worse for wear? environment, Prejudice” year 57 Puppy sounds briefly 12 Knighthood ANSWER TOTO PUZZLE ON NEXT PAGE up? as 38 Secluded spot 41 Not ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 48 printed Following, ANSWER PREVIOUS PUZZLE 11 Nobody’s letters 55 Sonic creator 33 Fig. that’s in the one’s for beliefs a 59 Cinch ___ (trash opposite 39 Huff and puff 42 Container H OB DA NS G BO A J SS KA R TJ I OE JR O neighborhood round 13 Unit pricing word bag brand) 49 Shish kebab 58 More than nibble A NE OL EN A IH LI TI ES E NS TOR DA SO I 12 Wretched Vert.’s opposite 3540 Query after a 45 Like need much baby 18 Squealed (on) wipeout J KW RA SO SWO LB BI YN GC O NB SOE SN TO M 13 Code broken by food 60 World Cup chant Online “Yikes!”

59 Snap targets, for singers Like some Uno 3641 M TO HRE GR EA N F I M R A AHC AH EL O 19 some J PI M Food stuck in 48 “I would ___ 51 Analgesics’ short cards T O LZ EOD EO S A R SI E G OC T T LO W 61 Long, long time preparation 44 James who was surprised” A N 14 Startled reactions targets C R E D T I D Y D R O M E portrayed by 50 Plague 24 Certain 15 John withecon an E X J E T L A H T I 37 Lost 60 Mooring rope Beyoncé 52 “Well, ___!”

62 Mexican Mrs. H T S U H O H S M E A R E D class and a Tony Oscar A R B E A T S I N E N V Y For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.49 a minute; or, with a credit P S E U D O C O U P 21 Turn off a hoeing, lot Needing For1-800-814-5554. answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.49 a minute; or, with a credit R AA FR CT H E CR SR OH CA MI M AP GT LE E 26 card, say card, subscriptions 1-800-814-5554. are available for the best of Sunday L YR LE HE A B H A ENMKM EA R B L EU ER S 23 Solution for toys Annual in the attic?

Annual subscriptions areyears: available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 1-888-7-ACROSS. 27 Leaves home?

E N J O Y A B R A M C A R R Y O K I E N O L A N S AT&T users: Text NYTX 386 download puzzles, or visit crosswords from the to last 50toyears: 1-888-7-ACROSS. 25 Common P OA TD I A J OB ES N MC O 28 standard Part of afor gig nytimes.com/mobilexword for to more D RN AAT E S AT&T users: Text NYTX 386information. to download puzzles, or visit Online subscriptions: Today’s puzzle andinformation. more than 2,000 past nytimes.com/mobilexword for more I ND CI SA OPB SE Y J J MA B P AA NRE RS EI E 30 model Tick offrailroads puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 aand year).

Online subscriptions: Today’s puzzle more than 2,000 past N EE HN TR HUU S EJ C A DG OI T CHA EI NR S 27 Twinkling topper Share tips: nytimes.com/wordplay.

34 Add ___ of salt puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 a year).

G A S S E D R E P H U N S E L E C T A T I T O M I T 28 Flip Crosswords for young solvers: nytimes.com/learning/xwords.

Share tips: nytimes.com/wordplay.

B R O Z I S I S P O S E 35 One in an upper Crosswords for young solvers: nytimes.com/learning/xwords. chamber: Abbr.

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10 | MONDAY, april 28, 2014

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Library hours during exam period

Monday 4/28

Tuesday 4/29

Wednesday 4/30

Thursday 5/1

Friday 5/2

Saturday 5/3

Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours

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General Public Hours

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Close at 7pm

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Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Open 24 Hours Midnight to 7 pm

Lilly Library

Sunday 12/15

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9am – 5pm

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620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 For Information Call: 1-800-972-3550 For Release Thursday, March 13, 2014

Crossword ACROSS 1 Report of a shooting 5 Brunch offerings, for short 8 Affected to a greater extent 14 Home of ancient Greek scholars 15 Google result 16 Civic alternatives 18 *Blubbered?

20 What a nod may mean 21 “Wouldn’t miss it!”

22 Cone origin 23 Heartbreak, e.g.

24 Home of El Greco 25 *What happened after Mr. Onassis contacted A.A.A.?

27 Reputation, on the street 28 Kind of sum 30 Aero- completer 31 Washington ___ (N.Y.C. neighborhood)

32 “That can’t be good!”

33 Maligned 35 *Imaginary overthrow of the government?

37 Robin Hood and others 40 “Mad Men” star Jon 41 Jim Bakker’s ___ Club 44 Place to get clean 45 Title heroine described in the first lines of her novel as “handsome, clever and rich” 46 Not at all chipper 47 *Give a Dust Bowl migrant a ride?

50 Director Christopher and actor Lloyd 52 1998 Sarah McLachlan song 53 First name in ice cream 54 Bank numbers 55 Not mind

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE R E H A B S

O C E L O T

A L L F O R

S H O L I M U D G R E A S O W A L A K E Y

S T A T L O R P A M T A I T C R E R E D O E S A T W C T A H A T E H S S

S H H H H

N O I S E

A D A S H

S E N

I L E L O B N E

I T N E G H W R I W A L E N D E D W H Y H O E R T E A Z Y S E I S P E S

C R A F T

O U T T O S J E E A W E C L A T S N R A A P

O P B E E R N S E E S T T T R U E T O

S K E W E R

57 Language that gave us the words heard phonetically in the answers to the starred clues 58 Motivate 59 Back 60 Third person 61 Prepared for a long drive, with “up” 62 Part of a gym set 63 Roman foes DOWN 1 Enchant 2 Gravely ill: Fr. 3 Gets snug 4 Ripped with a knife 5 “Here we go again!”

6 Agree 7 Messy spot 8 PC data format 9 Major alteration of a business structure, for short 10 Old cable inits.

11 Warning to the unwary 12 Kind of set 13 Quickly sought safety, in a way 17 Fretted 19 Multivolume set, for short 22 Get too much sun, colloquially 25 Condition treated with Adderall, in brief 26 Theater 29 Red state handouts?

32 Words always preceding a date

Edited by Will Shortz 1

2

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No. 0206

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PUZZLE BY JOE KROZEL

33 Source of ill-gotten gains

38 Something taken from a meter

46 Boil for a short time

34 Kind of shop

39 Teacher/ astronaut McAuliffe

48 Extra-large

41 Level off

51 “… ___ close second”

35 Exodus figures 36 “Alas!”

37 Business establishment where customers can make a killing?

42 Catches on the radio

49 Typed (in)

54 Zoo keeper?

43 Eases

56 Clear tables

45 One from Berlin

57 Shock

For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.49 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554.

Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. AT&T users: Text NYTX to 386 to download puzzles, or visit nytimes.com/mobilexword for more information.

Online subscriptions: Today’s puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 a year).

Share tips: nytimes.com/wordplay.

Crosswords for young solvers: nytimes.com/learning/xwords.

the chrONicle

EXAM BREAK

MONDAY, April 28, 2014 | 11

Sudoku

sudoku_421B

Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented by Will Shortz

8

9 2 1

3

4 8

3 4 1 6 9 sudoku_421A

1

5 2 4 6

8 5

421B

Distributed by The New York Times syndicate

(c) PZZL.com

Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented by Will Shortz

Solution sudoku_421B

9 5 2 1 5 2 7 9 3 4 7 8 3 6 1 5 4 5 9 7 4 2 8 6 6 6 1 7 9 3 2 3 9 3 9 5 4 1 8 2 6 4 2 8 6 7 5 1 6 7 6 1 3 2 9 9 2 8 9 5 4 7 7 2 Distributed by The 5 4 3New York 8 Times 6 syndicate 1

6 8 4 3 9 7 2 4 5 3 1 8 4 5 7 2 6 3 1 9 7 4 5 8 5 1 6 3 4 sudoku_425B 2 9 (c) PZZL.com 7

2

421A

421B

Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented by Will Shortz

Solution sudoku_421A

7 1 5 9 6 8 2 9 8 6 5 7 4 3 2 7 2 3 6 8 (c)1 PZZL.com 4 sudoku_421B

7 6 3 4 7 2 4 1 8 3 5 9

1 8 9 3 4 5 2 1 6 2 4 7 8 1 7 9 5 7 1 9 3 6 4 7 2 1 4 5 6 2 3 1 7 3 8 1 9 4 9 2 6 9 5 7 8 4 5 6 3 1 9 4 6 9 1 2 8 4 7 Distributed 3 8by The7New York 2 Times 6 syndicate 5 sudoku_421A

Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented by Will Shortz

8

2 1

6 9

3

3 4

1

8

5

Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented by Will Shortz

9

9

4

3 4 5

8

6

5

2 4 6

7

1

5 9 1 6 3 8 4 2 7

8 7 3 4 2 1 5 6 9

4 2 1 5 6 9 8 3 7

3 4 6 9 2 7 5 1 8

1 8 9 6 3 4 7 2 5

9 1

6

5 9

4

421B

7 2

(c) PZZL.com

Solution sudoku_425B 6 9 5 8 7 3 4 1 2

5 2

4 7

3 2 6

Distributed by The Newsudoku_425B York Times syndicate

(c) PZZL.com

Solution sudoku_421B

3

425B

421A 421A

Distributed by The New York Times syndicate

Solution sudoku_421A Created by Peter Ritmeester/Presented

by Will Shortz

5 3 7 1 9 2 6 8 4

2 6 4 7 5 8 1 9 3

7 8 2 1 5 4 6 3 9

7 1 2 9 4 6 3 52 8

9 5 86 3 1 77

37 1 4 6 7 2 8 54 9

2 4 68

9 73 1

1 5 7 3 6 9 2 8 4

(c) PZZL.com

421B

7 1 6 8 5 913 6 892 4 5 497827 1 615 2 7 4 3 1 2 2 7 8 4 3 64569 1 4 9 3 Distributed by The New York Times syndicate

9 2 4 5 8 1 3 7 6

Solution sudoku_425B

5 9 1 6 3 8 4 2 7

3 4 6 9 2 7 5 1 8

7 8 2 1 5 4 6 3 9

1 5 7 3 6 9 2 8 4

9 2 4 5 8 1 3 7 6

6 3 8 4 7 2 1 9 5

6 3 8 4 7 2 1 9 5 4 6 9 7 1 3 8 5 2

4 6 9 7 1 3 8 5 2 425B

8 1 5 2 9 6 7 4 3

2 7 3 8 4 5 9 6 1

425B

9 2 7 4 3 6 5 1 8

3 4 1 5 8 9 6 2 7

8 1 5 2 9 6 7 4 3

3

4 7 9 6 1 5 3 8 2

5 8 3 2 9 7 1 4 6

2 1 6 3 4 8 9 7 5

2 7 3 8 4 5 9 6 1

421A

425B

2

12 | MONDAY, April 28, 2014

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