Issuu

In10tional Dedication I dedicate this book to my wife of ten years, Krystal. It was inspired by her love for me. I never knew how to appreciate love until I found you. You helped repair the brokenness inside of me. You saw potential in me that I didn't know existed. You showed me that love is truly patient and kind. You have endured life's tests with me and I am thankful. You are my everything and place of peace. Thank you for your love and together we will conquer the world. We have made it to ten years and I plan to In10tionally love you forever. Happy Anniversary!

Love

est. May 26, 2012

Wedding Day

May 26, 2012 2

In10tional What is Love? Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

Love

In10tional EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE By Donte Sheppard

L-O-V-E LOVE is a word that you express to me unconditionally, through nouns, verbs, and adjectives. And when I am agitated, you advocated that LOVE. So tell me why you give me that LOVE. That want, that need, that LOVE. Through a form of intimacy so efficiently, it became significantly my LOVE. And what's mines is yours and yours is mine. So with no symmetry line, there is so much LOVE. L-O-V-E THAT ACTION Expressed through physical contact with intentions to show your affection. An addiction formulated by me for that LOVE. That touch, that kiss, that hug. Providing such comfort and security. From you to me, from me to you, three times the LOVE eulogy. Could it be, that LOVE? Or is it just sexually determined through the insertion of my LOVE penetration into your LOVE dedication to experience climaxation for our LOVE? Is it that LOVE? L-O-V-E THOSE EMOTIONS Expressed on holidays and anniversaries when you are close to me. Or sad times through trials and tribulations and it seems we are at the end of the road of our relationship. When you are sick of me, tired of me, through with me and everything we have invested seems like it's negativity. But we still see positivity in you and me. We no LOVE ain’t fair. Although we are scared, we are facing a game of Truth or Dare. Is it that LOVE? L-O-V-E THOSE FEELINGS Expressed through an accumulation of emotions, actions, and words that are meant to be said, felt and heard. Surviving through situations and problems with LOVE as the answer to solving them. And never letting others rob us of that LOVE. That feeling, that healing, that sealing of that LOVE. That LOVE I need completely because you complete me! That LOVE L-O-V-E THAT GOD Expressed through a deep sleep in me and provided through a smooth surgery. All because he noticed my loneliness. So he created you from my flesh and proceeded to give me that LOVE. Although I was undeserving. That LOVE charges me to LOVE you as he loved me. That LOVE reminds me of his gift. And no matter how far my feelings flow, ill never drift away from that LOVE. Because that LOVE holds the key to my HEART and it reminds me of that LOVE. The expression made by God through Christ to show us his LOVE. You give me that type of LOVE.

Love

In10tional Table of Contents

Introduction Year 1: Foundation............................11 Year 2: Balance.................................15 Year 3: Growth..................................19 Year 4: Support.................................23 Year 5: Love.....................................28 Year 6: Faith.....................................32 Year 7: Disappointment......................36 Year 8: Reset.....................................40 Year 9: Purpose.................................44 Year 10: Commitment........................48

Love

In10tional Introduction God intended love to be beautiful, celebrated, and experienced because when you experience love, you experience him. 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

Therefore it is not a coincidence that love is one of the most difficult concepts for humans to understand, embrace and experience. Also, today's culture encourages us to conduct ourselves totally opposite of what represents love such as patience, kindness, humbleness, submissiveness, and forgiveness. In addition, the culture does not encourage commitment and monogamy. Prior to my marriage, I struggled with giving and receiving love. I am not sure why though. I have always been a romantic person and yearned for love but when I was provided the opportunity to reciprocate love, I would fail. I didn't learn the value of love in the traditional way. The most consistent love in my life was provided by my grandmother.

Love

Introduction continued

In10tional Furthermore, I seemed to have the ability to draw complete strangers to me and they loved me the same. I am thankful for their love because most of them are considered close friends and adopted family now. As a result of my lack of love experience my romantic relationships often suffered. I was scared of commitment due to accountability. I was defensive and simply untrustworthy. Sometimes I just flat out sabotaged the relationship to end it. I use the famous line "it's not you, it's me." That may have been the only truth I told. Some people say you live and learn but I would have rathered it not have been at the expense of others' feelings. Nevertheless, I did learn! I learned that if you want to give love to another person you must be intentional. The word intentional means "on purpose or deliberate." I met my wife when we were in high school and it was just something about her. She had the most beautiful skin, sweet personality, and obnoxious laugh. I am for real if she started laughing it would take over the entire room. To be honest I can't tell you why I was so infatuated with her. She was my normal type. We had mutual friends and her cousin played football with me. Until this day he tells me how tired he was of me asking about his cousin. Intentional! We ended up connecting at the end of her senior year and my junior year. Yes, she is older than me! We enjoyed a few nice dates but eventually, it ended and she reconnected with her ex-boyfriend. She says I was trying too hard. I was just intentional!

Love

Introduction continued

In10tional She moved to Tallahassee and graduated from Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University (FAMU). I ended up attending 3 different colleges and eventually dropping out and focusing on the workforce. After she graduated she ended her relationship with her high school sweetheart. I destroyed my relationship with my high school sweetheart and we both ended up back in Pensacola, FL. She decided that she was "single again" in my Trina's voice and I guess my status was umm "complicated" least to say. Well six years later after high school we ended up running across each other's path in a club called "The Blue Bar." I remember that day like it was yesterday. From that day on I was intentional! It took more than a year of courting before we became an official couple but ever since then we've been inseparable. She kissed me on her mom's doorstep and told me she loved me. While dating we traveled, laughed, partied, and had a lot of fun. It was apparent that we loved each other. Eventually, we moved in together. Yup! We were shacking. I grew up in the church and that was a cardinal sin. The crazy thing is that we were doing everything else and I was worried about the perception of shacking. Anyways, we eventually fell completely in love. Recently, a friend of ours, Quinn shared a comment I made on her Facebook in 2011 and I stated "I found my wife to be." So, five months later I proposed and a year later we were married May 26, 2012. It was a momentous occasion. Ever since that day I've been intentional!

Love

Before Marriage

2008-2012 10

In10tional Year 1

Foundation When building a home the construction workers' first priority is to secure a smooth and solid foundation. The primary purpose of a foundation is to hold your house up. Without a solid foundation, the home can be damaged. Its most important function is to bear the load of the building, protect against forces and isolate it against moisture. As the foundation is important for a physical home it is just as important for your marriage. According to statistics 50% of marriages will end in a divorce. Some of the most common reasons are lack of commitment, infidelity, lack of maturity, unrealistic expectations, and many more. I think that it all boils down to how secure is your foundation. One reason that I decided to marry my wife was that my faith foundation is solid. I know there are plenty of people who do not think that you need faith or church to have a successful marriage but I beg the differ. Marriage takes a lot of sacrifice, humbleness, and submissiveness. The greatest example of those qualities is exemplified by Jesus. So, to embrace those values it's easier to strive to follow the best examples. Another thing that inspired me to get married was the examples I saw at my church. When I started attending Deliverance Tabernacle Christian Center, I was in a tough place in my life. One of the most encouraging things to see was black men loving God and loving their wives. Also, my pastor (Bishop Charles Young) and godfather (Donald Dukes) are two of my favorite examples.

Love

Love is the foundation for which your decisions about life should be made

Hebrews 11:10

Foundation continued

In10tional I know their marriages are not perfect but they do their best to support and love their wife and children. I never had that type of example as a kid so I look to them both for spiritual and marriage guidance. To assure that our foundation was strong we made some decisions that helped us. 1. Regularly attended and got involved in church Church surrounded us with other married couples that were intentional about trying to make their marriage work. It also provided us with good teaching/counseling. I figured out that I'm not a good personal counselor during a confrontation. It's better to talk to others and lean on the word of God rather than on my irrational self. 2. We connected with married couples When you are married you need a safe space to discuss marriage topics and sometimes vent. It is important that you and your spouse get around couples who will allow you to be transparent but not let you'll jump off a cliff. Their goal is to listen, be supportive, and then provide you with solid counseling. Just like the home foundation, your relationship must be protected against unwanted forces so that it is not damaged beyond repair. 3. Money was never a factor in our foundation Right before I got married, I asked my wife could I quit my job and become a substitute teacher and coach football. It was going to be 35% pay cut and

Love

Love is the foundation for which your decisions about life should be made Hebrews 11:10

Foundation continued

In10tional I was a pretty good salesman. I am thankful that my wife never made it about money but focused on the purpose of my life. She had a chance to observe me coaching youth league football the year before and she saw the joy those kids and the game gave me. I believe she considered the reward over the sacrifice. Her support pushed me to finish my bachelor's degree. It also launched my career in education. I get way more joy out of helping students than selling products. Closing Out the Year It is important that you are both intentional about building the proper building blocks for a healthy and successful marriage. The first year can either launch or sink your marriage. To set a solid foundation focus on the following areas: Love/Commitment: Make a decision to be committed to each other and express your love because it is an action Sexual Faithfulness: Dedicate your eyes, mind, heart, soul, and body to each other. Focus on more than just sex, create constant moments of intimacy Humility: Be willing to admit that you were wrong, forgive, and move forward Patience: Be willing to allow each other to grow, don't rush the process Time: You must be intentional about spending quality time together. No phone, no friends, no family! Honesty/Trust: Choice to be honest but gentle and allow the trust to build. Communication: It includes talking, listening, observing body language, and more. Learn how each other communicates. Selflessness: Daily ask what can I do for him or her.

Love

Love is the foundation for which your decisions about life should be made Hebrews 11:10

Year 1 of Love

2013 14

In10tional Year 2

Balance Balance is an underrated principle of our everyday functioning. Physically, it keeps you upright, prevents injury, and allows you to walk without assistance. Mentally, it prevents stress and prevents adverse health issues. Ultimately, balance provides you with a sense of peace. In a marriage, the balance must be established between two people with different hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Sometimes this can be difficult because one may feel like they are sacrificing more than the other. In our second year of marriage. I was incredibly busy. I was a teacher by day, a football coach by the afternoon, and a student by night. My wife had encouraged me to go back to school and finish my degree. Furthermore, I was extremely involved in church too. I volunteered in the youth department, taught Sunday school, volunteered, and attended Men's ministry. With that being said I could leave home at 6:30 am and didn't arrive home until well after 9 pm. In all honesty, I've always functioned like that but my wife is totally different. She is one of the hardest workers I know from 8-5 pm but when she clocks out she is done! At that time she did not believe in using her leisure time to do anything other than relaxing on her couch and watching her favorite reality shows. Oh yea, and talk to her mom. They talk every day, maybe three times a day. I didn't understand it at first but now I do. It's a beautiful relationship.

Love

Marriage is two people who balance each other out and are there for one another 2 Peter 3:17

Balance continued

In10tional Anyways, the lack of balance in my life and the lack of involvement started to cause turbulence in our marriage. She started questioning if I liked spending time with her or would I rather be with other people. I started thinking that she was boring and she didn't care to get involved with anything. Before I knew it, there was a lot of tension in the house. I was very confused because she encouraged me to do all of these things and now she was tripping. I had to realize that it had nothing to do with the activities but more about the lack of balance. Finding balance is one of the most difficult tasks for couples. Life can become so busy and it seems to be not enough hours in the day to do it all. When a boat is sinking the crew starts throwing things overboard to light the load and create balance. I had to figure out a way to make adjustments or lighten the load too. I kind of felt like she should have been happy I came home every night. But that was my pride talking. I realized I needed to make her more of a priority. Also, she had to decide to either find activities or get involved with mine. She decided to join me in the church youth department. Furthermore, she became more involved as a coach's wife. She volunteered to help and spent time with the other wives. Our decisions to not be selfish helped us find a middle ground and compromise for the betterment of our marriage. The boat was balanced and we are still sailing together.

Love

Marriage is two people who balance each other out and are there for one another 2 Peter 3:17

Balance continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year Balance can not be acquired unless you both acknowledge the issues and are Intentional about making the proper adjustments. Don't allow the worries of this world to take your eyes off your spouse. To create balance focus on the following areas: Open up: Be willing to discuss what bothers you. Your spouse can't read your mind. Receive it: Don't shut down because you don't agree at the moment, take some time to reflect Keep Expectations Realistic: Remember whom you married and how they are wired. They can't change everything. Be Flexible: Be open to new ideas and different ways to do things. It is no longer "your" way but "our" way.

Love

Marriage is two people who balance each other out and are there for one another 2 Peter 3:17

Year 2 of Love

2014 18

In10tional Year 3

Growth John Maxwell stated that change is inevitable but growth is optional. I find that statement to be so interesting. Change is the altering, modifying, or replacing of something. But Growth is the process of increasing maturity, value, or importance. You can change something without going through the proper process but you can't grow without going through a process. So growth must be intentional. Sometimes in a marriage, we focus too much on temporary changes instead of helping each other grow. In order for a tree to grow a seed must be planted, watered and it must receive sunshine on a regular basis. If it does not receive those essential things then it will die. Furthermore, if the tree receives those things then they are taken away it will also eventually die. Just like a tree, love must be planted, watered, and shined upon for your relationship to grow stronger. Sometimes in a relationship over time, we can get very complacent. That is exactly what I did in our third year of marriage. I was happy with our marriage but I got complacent. I stop recognizing the little things. I stop being intentional! Some of you may be saying "I do the big things", so why are the little things so important? Well, let me explain. I am not one of the handiest people in the world and when it comes to assembling anything I get very frustrated. Nevertheless, what I found out about assembling tables, chairs, ect... what keeps the large parts together is usually a little screw. Without the little screw, the table is not stable and will eventually fall apart.

Love

This Lifetime is a great opportunity to receive love, deepen love, give love and grow in love

Colossians 2:7

Growth continued

In10tional Relationships are exactly the same. Although the big things play a huge part, the little things provide stability and keep the relationship from falling apart. The small things are usually not about how elaborate or expensive your act or gift might be but more about how thoughtful you are. Furthermore, it can communicate or display your affection or love for your significant other. Some of us might say that our significant other shouldn't need that type of affirmation or validation but in reality, we all do. Matter of fact if we don't get it at home, we will desire it from someone else. What I realized was that the "little things" are different for every relationship. Some need quality time and others flowers. Some need compliments and others a simple act of appreciation. It is up to you to find out your spouse's little things and be sure to provide them as needed. A good book to read is "Love Language" by Gary Chapman. One of my wife's "little things" is quality time. She realizes that I function better when I am focused on several tasks. So when I set aside time for her, it means a lot. That particular year we decided to do a little thing in a big way. We took a road trip to my hometown Coatesville, PA. It was our first road trip further than 7 hours. We decided to stop in Atlanta, North Carolina, and Washington D.C. on the trip to see family and friends too. It was amazing. We spent much-needed quality time and connected on another level. Focusing on the little things helped our marriage grow in a big way. What I love about marriage is that every day you are given the opportunity to either plant, water or shine on your spouse to see them or your relationship grow. I can't wait to see our oak tree at the end of this journey.

Love

This Lifetime is a great opportunity to receive love, deepen love, give love and grow in love

Colossians 2:7

Growth continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year Again change is inevitable but for growth to take place you must be intentional. For your relationship to grow here are some "little things" you can focus on: Compliment: Never underestimate the value of recognizing or saying something nice. It has the power to change the atmosphere. Say Thank You: Expressing gratitude makes your spouse feel appreciated and it is absolutely free. Be Touchy-Feely: Everyone wants to feel wanted and touching expresses that need. Be sure to regularly hold hands, hug, rub, kiss, massage, play footsies, cuddle, and rub her butt ;-) ect... Just Because: Sometimes do something for your spouse just to make them feel good and smile. There are simple things you can do such as make a social media post, pick up flowers or her favorite food (my wife only wants food lol), take her on a surprise date and so much more. There shouldn't be any limitation to making each other happy.

Love

This Lifetime is a great opportunity to receive love, deepen love, give love and grow in love

Colossians 2:7

Year 3 of Love

2015 22

In10tional Year 4

Support Life often throws us curves balls you never know when you are going to need your spouse's support. Our fourth year of marriage was one of those years. I literally got fired three times in a year in a half! That sounds crazy, right? Well, it happened. Let me tell you about it. During my third year of coaching high school football, my head coach and I were accused of illegally recruiting players. I know, how ironic! Especially that now in high school and college sports it's practically a free agency for athletes. Anyways, he was suspended and fired and I was placed on probation. The entire investigation blackballed me and forced me to step away from high school football. That was devastating for me. I put a lot of time and energy into shaping young men through football. It was so important that the night before my wedding instead of hanging out and partying with the fellas, I was coaching a football game. It really meant a lot to me. I loved the coaching staff, the boys, and the grind. So when it was taken away from me, I was broken. Nevertheless, in the midst of it, my wife was there to encourage and support me. She understood how important coaching was to me and how much it made me happy, so she encouraged me to apply for new opportunities. First, I took a position as the defensive coordinator at Vernon High School in Panama City, FL with my former head coach Willie Spears. It was nice being back on the field but I was commuting three times a week to Vernon and it was tough. I was content but not really happy.

Love

All I want be able to do is to support you and encourage you to be the best you can

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Support continued

In10tional Then God answered my prayers. A high school friend of mine (Derrick Lett) referred me for a coaching opportunity at Eastern Kentucky University. I interviewed for the job and was hired. Just like that, I was a defensive assistant for a D1 college program. I was extremely excited but there was one problem, we would have to leave Pensacola and I didn't know how my wife would feel about that. Surprisingly when I told her about the opportunity she was 100 percent on board. We had no idea where we were going to live and I didn't have all the details ironed out either. I just knew I had to report the mid-July. My wife and I are totally different in this area. I am extremely ambitious and she is very cautious and needs security. Nevertheless, she didn't rain on my parade, she supported me. I believe she just wanted to see me happy again. We ended up moving to Kentucky but things were not perfect. My wife had to live and work in Louisville, KY and I was in Richmond, KY. That was like 2.5 hours away and we did not see each other but every other weekend but we made it work. Coaching college football was a great experience. I learned so much about the game, flew on a private team jet, and coached on ESPN against Kentucky University. We almost beat them too! Nevertheless, the dream came to an end after one season. Our entire staff was let go at the end of the season. Yup, I was fired again! I couldn't believe it. We moved all the way to Kentucky and I lost my job. I started to believe God was punishing me or something. But again my wife was there to encourage and support me. She told me to start looking for new opportunities and where God leads us that's where we are moving. I eventually moved back to Louisville with her to sort things out.

Love

All I want be able to do is to support you and encourage you to be the best you can

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Support continued

In10tional I applied for different coaching positions and was not hired. So I started working in a warehouse to bring in some extra money. I want to take my hat off to all warehouse employees because standing on your feet for 10-12 hour shifts was brutal. It was surreal for me. Just 3 months ago I was living a dream and now I am living a nightmare. I was irritable, mad, and depressed. One day I hit my boiling point. That particular day it was extremely cold outside and my car had no heat. So you can imagine what type of mood I was in. To make a long story short, I got in an argument with one of the floor supervisors about a dress code violation. It escalated quickly and my pride got the best of me. I argued with the supervisor and was sent home for the day. I told my wife that they let us off early. Then I received a call and was told not to return back to the facilities. Yes, for the third time I was fired! I was extremely embarrassed. I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell my wife. To buy time, I told her that I was off a few days due to hours being cut back. Then every day she went to work, I got on the computer to look for another job or go to an interview. Eventually, the embarrassment and guilt were too much and I broke down. I remember laying in the bed and I just started crying. I am not a crier, so she knew something was wrong. I explained to her what happen and instead of getting upset about my lying, she held me. Although the lying was wrong, she knew the tears were not about the job but really about everything. Once again she encouraged and supported me. That night our relationship was strengthened. She showed me that in my weakest moments she would be there to support me even when my behavior was wrong. That truly meant a lot.

Love

All I want be able to do is to support you and encourage you to be the best you can

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Support continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year In your spouse's lowest point in life, you must be intentional about being supportive. Here are some ways you can show support in your relationship: Listen: When we are embarrassed it's sometimes hard to talk about it. Create a safe zone for each other to share and listen. Encouragement: It will lead to confidence, then action, and then accomplishment. Push Them: When you first learned how to swing at the playground, we all needed a push. Well, life is like that swing, the right person pushing you can take you to the next level. Push each other to do better in every area of your lives. Together: When life brings obstacles, stand together, go together and be together.

Love

All I want be able to do is to support you and encourage you to be the best you can

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Year 4 of Love

2016

In10tional Year 5

Love When I was in high school, my friend (Aaron) and I would sing love songs to girls on the phone. He was a much better singer than me and still is. I have a church choir voice and he can provide solos. Nevertheless, my favorite song to sing was 5 Steps by Dru Hill and his was Love by Musiq Soulchild. We would take turns trying to impress girls. But to be honest, at that time I didn't really know what love was. When we celebrated year five my wife and I had been married for 1,826 days and 43,830 hours. That is a lot of time to spend with someone. Year five was the year I realized she was the love of my life. Now, I know some people might say, it shouldn't take five years to learn that. Well, I think you can love someone, be in love with someone, and then they can become the love of your life. I am starting to think it's levels to this love thing and it's not one event but a process. When you get married you are committing to spending your life with one person. You become dedicated to learning them each and every day. You have to fall in love with them when you go to sleep at night and when you wake in the morning. Love is a person, love is a thing, love is a place, love is an act, love is a journey, and love can take any shape at any time. It is extremely wonderful and powerful. Musiq Soulchild did a wonderful job explaining how complex love was in his song. He also provided a sense of hope that if you commit to loving, it would be worth it.

Love

In your love my infinite dreams live

1 Peter 4:8

Love continued

In10tional The chorus states: Love So many people use your name in vain Love Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray Love Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts Love For better or worse I still will choose you first Vain means producing no result or useless. Over the years I have observed different relationships where people said they love each other but it produced nothing. Love should produce what it is! It should produce happiness, joy, patience, kindness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. If it's not producing those things then it is in vain. I figured out that her love helped produce those things in our relationship. Faith in love does not come automatically and it must be built to a point that it is unwavering. I learned that you can have faith in love but not enough to stay from falling astray. When you go astray you get off the correct path or leave room for error or morally questionable behavior. When my wife and I had the most issues we strayed from focusing on each other. In year five my wife and I had been through some ups and downs, joys and hurts and we chose each other. We were at a great place in our marriage. We had faith in love and it was producing good fruit in our lives. Furthermore, we were able to share our journey with others. She is "My Everything!"

Love

In your love my infinite dreams live

1 Peter 4:8

Love continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year If you want your spouse to be the love of your life, you must be intentional about producing love every day. Remember love can take on all types of forms in your relationship and you will know it by what it produces. Here are some ways for you to produce more love in your relationship: Love is a Person: Make your spouse your favorite person. Allow them to become your best friend. Love is a Thing: Find out your spouse's favorite thing to do and make sure you do it together. Love is a Place: Know your spouse's favorite restaurants, cities, clubs, ect... and make sure yall attend together. Love is an Act: Go out of your way to do things your spouse wants to do instead of things you would rather do. Also, acknowledge each others acts and show appreciation.

Love

In your love my infinite dreams live

1 Peter 4:8

Year 5 of Love

2017 31

In10tional Year 6

Faith Maintaining your faith is one of the most difficult things to do. Especially when you don't have the knowledge or answers to your questions. I grew up in the Christian church and one of the most used phrases was "have faith." It was the answer to all things. Honestly, sometimes I felt like my granny or preachers just said it because they didn't know the answers either. Also, I was discouraged when I would practice "having faith" and wouldn't receive what I wanted. For example, when I was in elementary school I really wanted a remote control car. Not just any car the kind with the big wheels and when they crashed they would flip and land back upright. They could go a long distance and really fast. So I asked my mother for a remote control car, prayed to God, and truly believed I was going to get it. Eventually, Christmas arrived and I was extremely excited to open my gifts because I knew I would have the cool remote control car. Indeed I got one too! But it was a small remote control car with a 6-foot cord on it and I had to follow it around. I hated it and not getting what I wanted really shook my faith. Well in year six, my wife and I had started trying to have a baby. It seemed like the right thing to do. Especially since our relationship was going so well. Also, everywhere we went people would ask when are yall going to have some babies or what are yall waiting for? By the way, don't ask couples that! My guy friends were the worst. They would make infertility remarks or jokes.

Love

Faith is about trusting God when you have unanswered questions

Hebrew 11:1

Faith continued

In10tional That was extremely hard for me to deal with. There are two things a man wants to do in his life and they are have kids and take care of his family. So when you are struggling in those two areas life can be difficult. Nevertheless, we didn't think we had any problems. We were young and healthy. We just started doing all the things the doctors recommended such as taking vitamins, eating certain foods, and setting our time for intimacy. Furthermore, we practiced "having faith." Time passed and my wife was still not pregnant. My faith started wavering. It affected my mood and our relationship. I started pointing the figure at my wife and wondering what was wrong. Eventually, she got some tests taken and the results indicated she was fine. I didn't want to take any tests because I believed everything was working properly in my body. I felt it was going to take time and more faith! That's what I told myself. Anyways I finally went to the doctors and find out that I had a rare disease that hinders us from conceiving naturally. I encourage all men to get a full reproductive system check-up. Can you imagine? The news shook my world. At first, I felt like God was punishing me. I understood that life decisions come with consequences and I thought how I treated women in the past was the outcome. I grew angry with God and myself and life in general. Again, felt like faith didn't work again. I am so glad I had my wife there to support me. She understood how devasting the news was and showed me how to stay having faith despite it. Also, I had a problem with tying my faith to the end results and not hope and trust in God. When my granny said "have faith" she never provided me a guarantee.

Love

Faith is about trusting God when you have unanswered questions

Hebrew 11:1

Faith continued

In10tional Unfortunately, in this life, there are no guarantees. So you must choose to Believe or not believe, that is the question? This test of faith didn't tear us apart but brought us closer together. Intentional! In addition, God often works in mysterious ways. While we were hoping for a child. In the same year, God blessed us with an opportunity to help raise my younger sister. We got her at ten years old and four years later we can see why God placed her in our lives. Closing Out the Year To have faith in God, each other, and your goals you must be intentional. Faith is the language of the heart and speaks past the mind. It maintains hope and where there is hope there is still a reason. Here are some ways to increase your faith as a couple: Pray with each other: Praying is one of the most vulnerable acts in marriage. Inviting your spouse into your prayer life is more important than inviting them into the bedroom. Worship together: Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. When you go to church together you hear the right information and instructions together so it can help you act later. Fellowship together: Get involved in activities and around people that want to help your relationship grow. Serve together: Serving others gives you a chance to display humility and love. It can also set an expectation and standard for how you should serve each other.

Love

Faith is about trusting God when you have unanswered questions

Hebrew 11:1

Year 6 of Love

2018

In10tional Year 7

Disappointment I am not sure why my mother named me Donte but it means enduring. Endure means to suffer patiently or long-lasting. I think those meanings are befitting for the reason why I have been able to handle so much disappointment in my life. On the other hand, my wife has not had to deal with as much adversity and disappointment except in the past few years. Her grandmother passed in 2017 which was very devastating because they had a very close relationship. No matter how tired my wife was, she would always go and clean her granny's house and do her hair. She loved Mrs. Flo! It broke my heart to see the tears run down her face when I had to break the news of her passing. Unfortunately, dealing with disappointment can have different effects on us. It may harden you, grow you or break you. In year 7 of our marriage, we may have gone through all three phases due to disappointment. After finding out about my fertility issues, we decided to try IVF procedures to conceive. The first procedure failed but our second gave us a lot of hope and excitement. We were informed my wife was pregnant with twins. We were overjoyed by this news and waited to close to Christmas to break the news to our family. My wife was really excited and I was really happy but also really nervous. Learning and experiencing the IVF process really changes your approach to being a parent. We had a small Christmas gathering and broke the news to her mom and dad. To see the joy on their faces was amazing. We must accept finite

Love

disappointment but never lose infinite hope

Romans 5:3

Disappointment continued

In10tional Her mom was in disbelief and her dad cried. We called my grandmother, pastor, and close friends and they were all overjoyed. We started thinking of names and making plans. I couldn't believe I was actually going to be a father. It definitely hit different for me because I grew up without a nurturing mother and an absent father. I just wanted an opportunity to give to my children what I was never afforded. I wanted to break the generational curse and cycle in my family. The day had finally arrived for us to hear the heartbeat of the twins and my nerves were shot. We entered the room and I remember it being cold and dark but the nurses were so nice and pleasant. They prepared my wife for the ultrasound and she was smiling from ear to ear. Then they started! It was so quiet that I could hear a pin drop. The nurse moved the saline one way and another. Then eventually I asked her what was wrong? I could see the hurt in my wife's eyes. Then the nurse stated that she could not find a heartbeat for either of the babies. At that moment disappointment arrived once again in our lives! The tears just rolled down the face of my wife and I could feel her pain in my soul. A husband's desire is to be able to protect his wife from any hurt, harm, or danger and at that moment I was useless. There was nothing I could do. At that moment I found out that love starts far before you ever meet someone. It can start in the depths of a mother's womb in a mustard seed of hope. Once again disappointment can harden you, break you or grow you. My wife and I experienced all three and are still working through this disappointment together. We've learned that we deal with disappointment differently and that it takes time to heal.

Love

We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope

Romans 5:3

Disappointment continued

In10tional It definitely made our love stronger though. We realized that no matter the disappointment, we provide each other with patience, love, and support. Closing Out the Year Life comes with some disappointments. You must be intentional about facing those disappointments together. Remember that diamonds are not made in comfortable conditions. They must go through pressure, and heat and get cut. Here are some things you should do so that your relationship can handle life's disappointments. Let it out: It's okay to be angry and it's even better to express it. Be your spouse's safe place and allow them to be totally transparent about how they feel. Get Perspective: Be willing to talk to others who have been through your situation and who have not. It will help you see intellectually and not just emotionally Examine your heart: Sometimes we are disappointed because of selfish reasoning. Make sure your motives are pure and that you are not blaming each other. Don't let it break you: Disappointment has its way of tearing relationships apart. Be committed to facing it together. If you need counseling, be willing to do it together.

Love

We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope

Romans 5:3

Year 7 of Love

2019

In10tional Year 8

Reset Year 8 was a year to remember! The entire world was hit by the COVID Pandemic. We had no idea that we would have to celebrate our anniversary in isolation. The Pandemic presented a new norm and stressors for marriages. Couples went from seeing each other 5-8 hours a day to about 20+ hours a day due to remote working. Many couples found out things they didn't know or want to know about their spouse. Research shows that breakups and divorces actually increased during the Pandemic. You would think that it would've improved relationships but unfortunately, many couples don't like each other, they just tolerate each other. The pandemic really tested your love and commitment to one another. For my wife and me, the Pandemic gave us a chance to reconnect and reset. We learned more about each other. My wife has always known what I do for a living because it is such a forward-facing position that causes me to be in the spotlight often. On the other hand, I really had no clue what she did at work every day. Although I am gifted in many ways, my wife is a way better employee than me. She is punctual, organized, dependable, detailed-oriented, and more. I tell her all the time, I would hire her before hiring me. She is incredible. I got to see all of those qualities in action and it made me appreciate her even more. Intentional! Also, it taught us how to appreciate our time together. There were so many people that were sick and even dying that it made you seriously reflect. E v e r y d a y i s a c h a n c e t o b e g i n

Love

again. Don't focus on the failures of yesterday! Celebrate endings for they precede New Beginings. Let's just go together.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Reset continued

In10tional We savored our quality time. We spent time working out, reading, watching shows, and talking. We were able to discuss things that happened in our lives and understand each other better. It improved our communication and made us share our feelings because we couldn't use work or activities as a crutch. I found out that I really like her personality and enjoyed being around her. Intentional! It increased our faith. We were always told that the church is in us but really tied the word "church" to the physical building. When our church shut its doors that was tough. We had been members our entire relationship so our pastor and members are like family. It was a spiritual and social community that we valued. Then all of a sudden we were watching it online. Nevertheless, it helped us build a more personal relationship with God and we grew together. Intentional! Lastly, it rekindled our love life. Not to say it was bad but we had to be more spontaneous and increase our intimacy. One of our best investments was a massage table. It provided us an opportunity to intimately serve one another. It definitely increased our passion. I encourage you to get one. Intentional! Just because the world is in chaos, your relationship does not have it be. If needed, just reset, simply start over. I felt like year 8 was our year to reset and reconnect. We began to know each other on a deeper level, increase our understanding, build our faith and rekindle the romance. Don't be afraid to do the same.

Love

Every day is a chance to begin again. Don't focus on the failures of yesterday! Celebrate endings for they precede New Begginings. Let's just go together.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Reset continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year Sometimes in our relationship, we just need to hit the reset button. If you are not intentional then you may miss the warnings. Here are some things you can do to reset your relationship: Forgive: Never be too stubborn to admit you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. Also, never be too cold to forgive. Allow yourselves to start over and try again. Identify Value: When you value someone or something you treat it better and appreciate it more. Sometimes we forget the value of each other and the relationship and need a reminder. Create Shared Goals: Sometimes we come into a marriage with too many individual goals. You must establish and pursue shared goals. It will make sure you both are going in the same direction and walking the path together.

Love

Every day is a chance to begin again. Don't focus on the failures of yesterday! Celebrate endings for they precede New Beginnings. Let's just go together.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Year 8 of Love

2020

In10tional Year 9

Purpose Many people live their lives searching for purpose. A meaning for why they exist or what they are supposed to be doing. They often look at purpose within their occupation or hobbies but sometimes forget to realize it within their relationship. I do not believe that God connected us with our spouse without a purpose. I believe that he understood the value of companionship, the importance of commitment, and the need for love in our lives. He provided us a purpose, with purpose and on purpose when we find our spouse. God was intentional! When a business is started, some companies write a purpose statement. This statement defines the reason your company exists. Also, it identifies their products/services and determines what makes them unique and their overall goal. It helps the customers understand the company and maintains the company's focus. While searching the internet, I found out that some couples write a purpose statement for their marriage prior to their wedding. The statement is to determine why you want to be in the relationship and the values and goals of the relationship. In year nine I realized that my wife was put in my life on purpose and for a purpose. Most people say that a man's first love is his mother but in my case, that's not true. I learned how to love by loving my wife. Intentional!

Love

The purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it

Jeremiah 29:11

Purpose continued

In10tional When I realized she was one of my purposes in life, it opened my eyes to a new level of love. I began to understand some of my roles as a husband even more. Sometimes men think because they provide financial security then they don't need to provide anything else, well that's not true. Honestly, there have been several times in our relationship where she has made more money than me. I realized it was important to be a provider in several areas. I need to provide her protection. She needs to know that she is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually safe with me. I need to provide her with security. She needs to know that every being of me belongs to her. I must profess it and display it for the world to see. I need to provide her respect. I must acknowledge what she brings to the table and not diminish her value. I need to provide her passion. She should feel my love through the way I talk, touch, or treat her. Intentional! When your love has a purpose there are no limitations to what you will do to make that person happy. My purpose is to love her my wife with my mind, heart, and soul and show her every day through my actions that she means the world to me. Intentional!

Love

The purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it

Jeremiah 29:11

Purpose continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year To find purpose in your relationship you must be extremely intentional. Your purpose can't be tied to finances, jobs, hobbies, or even children. The purpose must focus on each other. Here are some things you can do to find purpose in your relationship: Write the statement: Write it down and make it plain. Identify why the relationship exists and determine what makes it unique. Last, establish your goals for your love. Destroy limitations: We set too many limitations for our relationship. Most of the time it is a defense mechanism to guard our hearts but it makes it hard to give your all. Give 110%: Some people will say it doesn't take all that, YES IT DOES! If your career takes 100% to achieve success then your relationship will take probably more.

Love

The purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it

Jeremiah 29:11

Year 9 of Love

2020

In10tional Year 10

Commitment In my teens and twenties, my biggest struggle was commitment. I was not able to stay committed to anyone or anything. I wouldn't commit to a relationship, a college, or a job. I always have a good reason why. So I thought! I attended four different colleges. I destroyed several possible good relationships. In addition by the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had more than 15 jobs in a ten-year span. I would leave a job for a fifty-cent raise, LOL. Running or quitting became a habit in my life and it was not producing good results. I remember I use to brag about having so much work experience until one day I went for a job interview and the supervisor pointed out my lack of commitment. She asked why did I stay at so many jobs for a short period? She saw potential in me but felt that I would repeat the same behavior and did not hire me. I was devastated! That day I started to reflect on my life, decisions, and behavior. What I concluded was that I had a problem with commitment. It could have stemmed from my childhood upbringing because I lacked stability. As a child, my mother would often drag us from house to house, city to city, and school to school. I lived in a homeless shelter three times, maybe more than 8 different residences, and attended 11 different schools. I grew up with no value for commitment. Nevertheless, if someone was to ask me why I have a successful career, marriage, and life it's because my wife helped me embrace commitment.

Love

Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person for the right reason

Galatians 6:9

Commitment continued

In10tional To be honest my wife demanded a commitment. Matter of fact she wouldn't even date me until she felt like I was going to fully commit to her and the relationship. She is a different breed. Her entire life was based on commitment. She was taught the concept by her mother. My wife dated the same guy from 14 to 23 years old. She grew up in the same city her entire life, only attended three grade schools, worked at the same job, and attended one college. She did not believe in starting things and quitting them. She is one of the most intentional people I know. Even when I tried to sabotage our relationship while dating she wouldn't let me ruin it. She showed up at my apartment and made us confront our issues. She showed me what commitment was and why it was important. Honestly, no one could believe that I was in a committed relationship. But I believe a man will change for the right person. I wanted to be with her and I was willing to do whatever it took. Intentional! My commitment to my wife also launched a new dedication in my spiritual life and career. Since we have been together I have stayed committed to my family, my faith, my education, my career, and developing student-athletes. No matter what I have going on I do not stray too far from those areas. My commitments keep me focused on what is most important in my life. I must be intentional! My relationship with my wife is the most important commitment. She is my everything. She is my number 1 encourager and supporter. Due to her support, I have been able to accomplish so much. We are celebrating ten years of marriage because of our relentless commitment to our love and happiness. We are intentional together!

Love

Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person for the right reason

Galatians 6:9

Commitment continued

In10tional Closing Out the Year We live in a society that does not value commitment in a relationship like it should. It encourages commitment to every but one another. To get the most out of your relationship you must be intentional about your commitment to your spouse. Here are some things you can do to maintain your commitment: Establish Priorities: Don't allow anything to be more important than your spouse and relationship for long periods of time. That doesn't mean you won't stay at the office late sometimes or hang with your friends. It just means you will be more intentional about your love and commitment to your spouse. Engage and Encourage Self-Growth: When we know ourselves better then we know our spouses better, and easier to commit to one another. Set Boundaries: It is important that you are your spouse establish clear boundaries. Sometimes we make unintentional mistakes due to a lack of boundaries. Furthermore, others will cross those boundaries because they are not clear. It is important to discuss the following: the decision-making process, disciplining children, communicating with in-laws, finances, friends, and more. We will commit to what we know and understand.

Love

Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person for the right reason

Galatians 6:9

Year 10 of Love

2021