The Story of Us

Parenting in a Towing Family

By Michelle Sukow with Brian Riker

It’s no secret that parenting can be hard! It doesn't come with an instruction manual, and when you're trying to raise a family while running a towing business, well, that just takes it to a whole new level, wouldn't you agree?

Since both of us are parents in the towing industry, we have raised our respective families as best we possibly could, using all the information available at the time. Coming from a couple of parents who have been there, done that, and then done it again, we realize now that maybe we could’ve handled things differently. Admittedly, we would have loved having this option, since we’re always being open to suggestions and ideas to make life easier, more efficient and more enjoyable. Now that we are of the older generation with our children grown, and now blessed with even grandchildren, we realize that there were some things we learned the hard way. Consider this our advice manual if you will. We’ll start with the following tips from Michelle, and conclude with Brian Riker’s.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

First off, having spent time with my grandson at birth, my biggest suggestion, would be to sleep whenever you can. Yes, I love a clutter-free house with clean, put-away laundry, but guess what? That seriously is going to have to wait until another time. My son was seven and my daughter was 4 1/2 years old when I went full-time in the towing business.

The towing business is so unpredictable that you will have to sleep when the children are sleeping. Does that mean taking a nap in the middle of the day? Absolutely! Just do it.

I used to do the bookkeeping at night after my children went to bed, and ended up losing very valuable sleep. Or, I would finish fuel tax reports and other paperwork while they were napping, again forfeiting time for my own regeneration. Laundry, cooking, and cleaning always seemed to happen when they were awake—even if possible. Which became an exercise in frustration, as it never seemed to get done.

Maybe I wasn't the best mom by some standards, but I was the best mom I could be at the time. Even so, I struggled with mommy guilt, and then when I spent valuable time taking care of the kids, and making memories, I also struggled with work guilt. In all, it was a vicious circle that I wasn’t able to break.

As our workloads pile up, we might tend to view our children’s wants (not their needs) as distractions. When my kids were small, all I could think about was sending them out to play while I made supper. And although play is important to a child’s growth, so is watching and learning!

I wish that I had been able to think outside of my immediate need to fulfill my work responsibilities and realize how much more important interacting with my children would have been. But at the time, all I could think about was the 100 things that I needed to get done, and the fact that preparing supper would have taken twice as long if they were asked to help.

In hindsight, life is very short and time flies, so take the time to make memories that will last. If we neglect our families in service of others, then there’s a possibility that our families will grow to resent us for not being there for them.

SELF-CARE MATTERS TOO

One of my biggest regrets is not taking time for myself. I just didn’t think I had the time. And while that probably was true, I still should have taken better care of myself, which likely would have made me a better mom. In addition, I probably would have been a better business owner, leader, and a better friend as well.

Self-care doesn’t have to be costly or time consuming. It can just be saying no to things and people who take from you, rather than add to your life. Consider just sitting in your vehicle for half an hour, reading a book, listening to a podcast. or jamming loudly to your favorite music. Spending time outside in fresh air and sunshine is also a really great way to decompress.

The best part of self care is that it’s completely up to you and only involves what you want to do. There is no right or wrong. It’s what makes you happy, and you will get immediate results too. Taking time to do something you love goes a long way in helping you to relax, focus and be more positive. While my preferred form of relaxation is a night out with the girls, Brian Riker enjoys other pastimes.

RIKER’S ISLAND

My escape has always been the theater. Beginning in middle school, I would volunteer to run lights or sound for anything and everything that happened in our little auditorium. This continued after graduation with me teaching live audio, in a volunteer capacity, for nearly 20 years, and continuing with my services as time allowed. Your own escape for self-care doesn’t need to be a constant, daily or weekly event, it just needs to be done from time to time to prevent burnout.

My advice, though, is to include your family whenever possible. Many of my early childhood memories center around my dad’s Texaco station or his truck stop service center. Since the time I was four years old, my dad owned his own business, and prior to that he worked at a local truck garage with my grandfather, so towing and trucking has always been a part of my life. The one thing that mom and dad got right was that they included my brother and I in the business as much as they could, and this helped shape me into the person I am today.

Meal Times

Having a family dinner together was always important to my parents, especially for my father, so much so that if he couldn’t make it home one night, he would have mom pack up dinner and we would eat as a family at the garage. When we had to handle an especially bad accident on the highway, we would often have dinner at the crash site, with my mom bringing enough for the entire crew of responders. I know we can’t do that today, and probably shouldn’t have back in the 1970s either, but it was a different world back then.

I regret not continuing this tradition of having meals together with my own family. I selfishly chose to put productivity over family development, and I never worried about getting home for meals, special events, or other important occasions. I even spent my first wedding anniversary on the road in a hotel room for work. Also, our youngest daughter, Elizabeth, was born on the front seat of my wrecker because I had to do one more call before we went to the hospital!

That said, I did include my kids on recovery jobs as often as possible, having them ride along with me in the truck, and help around the shop as well. As a result, both of my daughters know how to load a car on a carrier or wheel lift, and regularly tell me of unsafe towers they witness on the highways. Even my wife, who still has her CDL, ran calls and helped in the truck, and not just in the office. We were truly a family business, but I still think I could have done more to be present for the important events.

Making Changes

Now that I have grandchildren, six boys, and having lost my only son to suicide six years ago, I have changed my behavior, and made my family my priority. My wife will challenge this, as I am still away from home often, but I now make a concerted effort to be there much more often, while still providing for their future.

Keeping your family included doesn’t need to be difficult, it just requires a little extra effort and forethought. Show them you care is by being fully present when you are there, meaning put down the phone and be in the moment with your spouse or the kids. Stay off the phone or social media, and instead engage with those in the room.

Contrary to popular belief in the towing industry, we don’t need to be everything to everyone all the time. It is alright to say no to a job that will interfere with other priorities in your life. Tow bosses take heed, this is especially important to your employee’s lives, as they do not have the same motivation as you do for your business. They may not even share many of your goals, but they do share your love of family and a need to have a life beyond the tow truck.

In conclusion, Michelle and I agree that work is important, especially when you are self-employed and multiple families depend on you. Even so, the reason we work is to provide for our families and that includes carving out time to be emotionally connected with them when they need us, not just when it’s convenient. While work-life balance is a constant struggle, with some experts saying there is no such thing, we believe you can achieve a reasonable compromise. Sure, sometimes work takes precedence over family, but not always.