REPULSE 2017

APRIL 1/2017 • SPECIAL EDITION DOORCOUNTYREPULSE.COM CHECK IT. READ IT. ABUSE IT.

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APRIL 1/2017

SPECIAL EDITION cover The Eagle Tower reboot in Peninsula State Park will include a gondola ride across Eagle Harbor to Wilson’s in downtown Ephraim.

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Special Report: Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n Roll — A Year Of Alcohol in Ephraim

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Eagle Tower Design Plans Released The Pulse received exclusive renderings of the design plan options for the newly constructed Eagle Tower. The tower, slated to open by 2018, will feature amenities that provide for compliance with the Americans for Disabilities Act (ADA).

While a design has not been officially chosen, the most popular among staff at the Department of Natural Resources is the gondola from Wilson’s across Eagle Harbor to the top of the tower.

“The gondola option really solves a number of our concerns both at the tower site and in the state park,” said Mark Waters, capital development coordinator with the DNR. “We can charge a steep, steep fee for that gondola ride, giving the

park a whole new revenue stream now that funding is totally gone. We will also be providing one more low-wage, unskilled job for some Door County kid to man the gondola during the day. It’s really an economic driver on every level.”

The revenue from the gondola is expected to fall short of the expense of operating and maintaining it, but, “that’s ok. It’s going to be pretty cool,” said Waters.

The second option for the tower design includes a pulley system where those who are unable to walk up the steps can pull themselves up the 75 feet height of the tower.

“The Friends of Peninsula State Park are really gunning for this one,” said the group in a statement. “Honestly, we would

Eat the Enemy!

Governor reveals new invasive species campaign

Sturgeon Bay Man Freed After Six Hours Circling Roundabout Gibraltar Highway Plan Canceled After Misspelling “Gibralter” in Contract

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PENINSULA REPULSE APRIL 1/2017 • SPECIAL EDITION DOORCOUNTYREPULSE.COM

Washington Island Seeks Secession from State of Wisconsin Little Sturgeon Voted Best Sturgeon in the County Clay Banks Finds Seven Reserve Liquor Licenses in Filing Cabinet County Board Redistricts Based on Baseball Teams To read these stories and more visit doorcountyrepulse.com

Calling himself “the proactive governor,” Gov. Scott Walker unveiled the new state response to the imminent Asian carp invasion into the Great Lakes during a news conference in Sturgeon Bay on, he pointed out, the symbolic day of Earth Day. “I see where things are going in Washington,” Gov. Walker said. “This administration apparently believes middle America is nothing but flyover states. The latest move to prevent the release of a report on the carp problem that was two years in the making, well, it just proved to me it was time, so to speak, to take the carp by the gills.”

And at that, a man wearing whites and a chef’s hat rolled a covered cart onto the stage and next to the governor’s podium.

The chef stood at attention at the side of the cart as the Governor pushed up the sleeves of his Kohl’s shirt and lifted the cart covering just enough not to reveal what was on it.

With some obvious effort, Gov. Walker pulled a very large and ugly fish from a lower tray on the cart and deposited it on the podium.

“That,” he said, “is a Bighead carp. This one weighs about 70 pounds, so it’s kind of a little guy because they can hit 100 pounds. Bighead is the biggest of the five Asian carp species, but they’re all big and they’re all voracious. It won’t take them long to dominate once they reach the Great Lakes.”

Then the Governor surprised everyone by raising the giant carp above his head and saying, “I say, if we can’t beat ’em, let’s eat ’em!”

Somewhere from the back of the crowd came a yell, “Let them eat carp!”

The Governor slammed the carp on the podium (this reporter, standing front and center, has carp juice on his jacket to prove it), and said, “Chef!”

have been done fundraising months ago if we knew all we needed was a few hundred bucks for some ropes and pulleys.”

The third option is to build the tower exactly as it was originally built without ADA compliance, but relocate it to St. Martin Island north of the peninsula.

“The DNR is really excited about this option because St. Martin Island isn’t even in Wisconsin so we wouldn’t have to worry about maintaining the damn thing anymore,” said Waters. “At the same time, we could avoid ADA compliance because that island is hard to get to as it is.”

The DNR is expected to choose a design plan after a public hearing at the Gibraltar Town Hall.

The man in the chef’s hat removed the cart covering with a flourish, revealing several tasty looking plates of food.

“Meet Chef Philippe Parola,” Walker said as the chef removed his cap and bowed, first to the Governor and then to the audience.

“Chef Philippe is from Louisiana and he has had this let’s eat ’em attitude for some time now,” Walker said. “We brought him up as a consultant for our new Asian carp campaign, and he prepared a few of his specialties for us today. There will be more carp for all of you to taste later, but I’ll let Chef tell you about his culinary love affair with carp.”

“This is a fish with an image problem,” Chef Philippe said. “People hear ‘carp’ and think of the trashy, bottom-feeding variety.

The meat of Asian carp is light and flaky. It reminds me of mild crabmeat.”

Reminiscent of the marketing genius in the 1970s who took the lowly, unwanted Patagonian toothfish and turned it into Chilean sea bass, Parola wants to overcome the negativity associated with Asian carp by giving it a more culinarily acceptable name – “silverfin.”

“If we are not proactive in handling the Asian carp issue, in 10 years, it will be too late,” Chef Philippe said. “This will be a much bigger and more expensive problem to deal with.”

Here’s how you can help with the Asian carp invasion: Collect recipes and use them when the time comes. For a head start, Chef Philippe provided these recipes:

Silverfin Provencale 4 Silverfin fish steaks 4 Tbsp olive oil 4 oz white wine 2 Tbsp lemon juice 1 Tbsp chopped garlic 2 Tbsp chopped onion 1 diced tomato 1 bunch parsley finely chopped Seasoning to taste Season Silverfin to taste, pour olive oil in a baking pan and place Silverfin steaks in pan.

Sprinkle with the garlic, onion and parsley, then add lemon juice.

Bake at 325 degrees for 5 minutes, then add white wine and diced tomato. Continue baking for 12 minutes.

Serve over pasta, rice or mashed potatoes.

Silverfin Cakes 4 Silverfin steaks 4 oz melted, unsalted butter 1 Tbsp Dijon mustard 1 Tbsp lemon juice 1 egg 1 oz bread crumbs Seasoning and hot sauce to taste Poach or steam Silverfin steaks until fully cooked, then break it into pieces to remove bones. Place all the meat in a mixing bowl.

Add butter, mustard, egg and lemon juice, mixing well. Add bread crumbs and seasons to taste.

Make small cakes, roll them in egg wash and seasoned flour and fry for 4 to 5 minutes or until golden brown. Serve with a beurre blanc or lemon butter sauce.

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(Left) Sturgeon Bay has learned to embrace dirt piles as part of the city’s character. What started out as a few dirt piles on the waterfront has grown to dirt piles even on usually busy 3rd Avenue. Photo by Matthew Brady.

Sturgeon Bay to Embrace Piles of Dirt on Waterfront After several months of dirt piles on Sturgeon Bay’s west side waterfront due to a standoff of the proposed hotel project, the city found the dirt piles to be better than any development they could dream up. As part of the city’s new redevelopment campaign, they will extend the dirt piles to the east waterfront.

“The response has really been overwhelming,” said the city administrator.

Adventure Company Adds Perch Watching Tours For 2017

“When we lost that lawsuit we just figured we were going to be screwed. Turns out, those big dirt piles do more for this city than any other option out there!”

The campaign, “No More Anything that Improves the Tax Base” reveals the plan to use eminent domain to purchase all the waterfront property on Sturgeon Bay’s east side between Oregon and Jefferson Street. Following the purchase, the city will

demolish all of the buildings and use the rubble to construct towering dirt piles.

“I don’t really see where they’re going with this,” said a Moline, Ill., man visiting on spring break. “It almost looks like they were going to build something and then five or six people didn’t want it so they sued and somehow won and now there’s just dirt everywhere.”

Sturgeon Bay mayor Howard Suamico said that the dirt piles will provide aesthetics, recreation and a truly unique character to the city.

“We’re just following the lead of other Wisconsin towns such as Fence, Boyceville and Waumandee,” said Suamico. “Have you heard of them? No. But do you want to visit them now? Maybe.”

Opposition to the initial plan have applauded the decision.

“This whole time, all we wanted was some input within the group of people that are already elected to office by citizens of Sturgeon Bay,” said Edward Port, a member of the opposition. “What we found out was that a couple of people really can make a difference if they have a lawyer.

The fact that they are continuing with the dirt piles that we fought so hard for just reinforces that.”

The city expects to break ground on the dirt piles when the ground thaws, with the final pile expected for completion by the end of the year. Investment capital is no longer needed, so just go spend your money in the remaining downtown of Sturgeon Bay.

Hunters Want Hummer Season

Now that the Wisconsin Legislature has passed Rep. Joe Clayfrog’s sandhill crane hunting bill, Clayfrog says the big, slow bird does not offer enough of a challenge, so he is seeking a hummingbird hunting season.

“I have friends in states where hummingbird hunting is allowed and they call it the ‘caviar of the sky’,” Clayfrog said. “This would give hunters a new way to recreate. And think of the challenge.

You’ve gotta be fast to get one of those little suckers.”

Clayfrog promoted the sandhill crane hunting season as a way to diminish the crop damage caused by the big birds, but he had no such claims of hummingbird damage to back up this bill.

“But,” he said, “what has a hummingbird ever done for you? They’re kind of like dodos and carrier pigeons – long gone, but does anyone really miss them?”

Commission Asks, ‘Is it Time to Drain the Lakes?’ the lake had risen nearly 4 feet since its low in 2013. The lakes have rebounded in recent years, bringing water levels back to historic norms.

“It’s time to examine how we can protect shoreline property rights,” the commission said in a statement. “When water levels dropped in the 2000s, many property owners grew accustomed to their expansive shorefront land, and made plans to build accordingly. We believe those beachfront lawns and the value they bring is something we have to defend.”

Construction on the pipeline could start as soon as June. Rather than selling the water to southwest states, which could raise billions of dollars, a proposal in the Wisconsin state legislature would raise funds with a new “Beach and Water Amusement Tax” that would be charged to anyone using Lake Michigan beaches or looking at the water.

“The people using and enjoying this resource should really be the ones paying for it,” said Wisconsin State Representative Thomas Brittany.

At it’s April 1 meeting, the five members of the Sister Bay Ad Hoc Parking Committee voted to each sell their own personal vehicles as the first step to solve Sister Bay’s debilitating parking problem.

“We figured it was about time someone in government led by example,” said the committee chair. “If we’re really going to tackle this parking problem, we need real and drastic change. The only way to show villagers that we’re serious is by eliminating our own vehicles from the problem.”

The five vehicles have been listed on the Wisconsin surplus website for $5,000

each and the committee resolved that the revenue would be used to stripe parking spaces up the Hwy. 42 hill.

“I really commend the committee for taking this step,” said a local business owner. “In the heat of the summer, I have no choice but to park all the way around the corner that is nearest to my business.”

The committee hopes that others in the village will follow their lead by selling their own vehicles. In a parking study commissioned by the village board, the removal of five vehicles from the equation will have a negligible impact on the nonexistent problem.

“Do people know that the street parking immediately in front of their business is not actually their private parking spot?” wrote David Flowers from Shank Parking Research Services in the report. “There is not a parking problem. There’s a problem with not wanting to walk 50 feet to where you need to go.”

The committee forwarded a recommendation on a 4-1 vote to require all village officials and employees to also sell their vehicles. The dissenting vote belonged to Tom Perks, owner of one of Sister Bay’s gas stations.

DOORCOUNTYREPULSE.COM APRIL 1/2017 • SPECIAL EDITION PENINSULA REPULSE

An International Commission charged with overseeing the health of the Great Lakes has proposed a radical solution to address the near-record high water levels on Lake Michigan. The move comes in response to protests from shoreline property owners.

In a report released Tuesday, the commission proposed building a pipeline to the states in the Southwestern United States to drain water from Lake Michigan.

The proposal comes just a few years after many feared water levels in the lakes were in a permanent decline. By August of 2016,

Sister Bay Parking Committee Sells Own Cars as First Step A Door County adventure tour company will offer thrilling perch watching tours in 2017 for the first time. The tours will be modeled after the popular whale and dolphin watching tours offered in Mexico and Florida.

“I can’t believe nobody has done it before,” exclaimed tour company operator Jim Leonis. “Perch are becoming almost as rare in the lake as whales are in the ocean, so it was really a no-brainer to add this to our offerings.”

In a recent press-only tour, three reporters were treated to an 11-hour tour that yielded no sightings of the advertised “perch breachings,” but were told it’s “not really the season quite yet.”

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Dinner Theater Owner Seeks Jacksonport Liquor License and Meaning of Existence Dell’arte poked a finger in the air as he answered, “Yes! Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it’s the most comical thing in the world.”

A board member asked if he could be more specific.

“Of course,” Dell’arte said. “It’s a simple concept that our market research says should do very well here, particularly because no one else is doing it. We will present the works of existential playwrights in a dinner theater setting. In particular, we will perform Mr. Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot every night, with plenty of carrots and turnips on the menu.”

D’ellarte paused as though waiting for a reaction that did not come.

“Nothing!” he snapped. “You give me nothing. If I had the use of my body and if you had any windows in here, I would throw myself out the window.”

Were you just being theatrical, a board member asked.

“What do I know? I could tell you more about radishes,” Dell’arte said, and then continued with his dinner theater spiel.

“On one of those days we will perform Godot in Yiddish and serve a kosher meal to our guests. I do recall discussing what day that would be. I’m fairly certain it was either Saturday, Sunday, Monday or Friday. Or Thursday. And on the days we are not doing Godot in some language or other, we will present Mr. Sarte’s No Exit, because we do have a lady in the troupe and she does insist on playing lady parts. And others, perhaps. I don’t know.

Suddenly it all seems so meaningless.”

After requesting to meet the rest of Dell’arte’s troupe and maybe even getting a sample of just what was meant by existential theater, the board tabled Dell’arte’s request until they had gathered more information.

“This hurts me,” Dell’arte said after the meeting. “I wanted to open on April 13 in honor of the 111th anniversary of the birth of Samuel Beckett. Get it? One-one-one.

That’s 3. My lucky number! And we can’t do that without booze. I can’t go on. I’ll go on.”

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PENINSULA REPULSE APRIL 1/2017 • SPECIAL EDITION DOORCOUNTYREPULSE.COM

The Jacksonport Town Board might be reconsidering its refusal last year to sell one of its three reserve liquor licenses for a nice profit to a potentially successful business in another Door County community after hearing a pitch for a new business that wants to call Jacksonport home.

Preston Dell’arte, who described himself as the founder of the Existential Dinner Theatre, appeared before the Jacksonport Town Board on Tuesday to request one of the town’s three reserve liquor licenses for the dinner theater he wants to open in the town with the coming season.

Asked to explain his plans, Dell’arte said he and his troupe are dedicated to keeping existential theater alive.

“To find a form that accommodates the mess, that is the task of the artist now,” Dell’arte said. “We thought at first we would call it Theatre of the Absurd, but, well, our chef could not conceive of his food in the absurd. Existential? Sure, no problem. He’s very sensitive.”

A town resident in the audience asked if existential theater is comedy or tragedy?

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Army Corps of Engineers to Reverse Flow of Fish Creek In a surprise move expected to save millions for the Town of Gibraltar, the Army Corps of Engineers announced plans to reverse the flow of Fish Creek.

“Reversing the flow of the Chicago River really transformed the City of Chicago at the turn of the century,” said a Corps spokesman. “It allowed them to toss their pollution, sewage, and trash in the river and simply send it downstream to Illinois neighbors, and eventually St. Louis. As with all things, out of sight, out of mind is usually the best approach to threats to our water and environment, so we wanted to give Fish Creek that same opportunity.”

The move would allow the village to send sewage, runoff, and dump trash directly into the creek and send it upstream to the Juddville border. Leaders are confident they’ll never have to deal with it again.

When this reporter pointed out that the creek is barely a trickle much of the year, the Corps spokesman said that will be dealt with at a later time.

Juddville leaders could not be identified for comment.