uKunst Edition 018: This Well Hung Parliament Issue

EDITION 018 THE WELL HUNG PARLIAMENTARY SPECIAL

4 JULY 2024

€5/ $5/ £5

uKUNST MANIFESTO

WE are uKUNST. WE are alternative.

WE are creative.

WE are independent.

WE will produce.

WE will disseminate.

We have no masters.

We are legion. uKUNST. uKUNST MANIFESTO uKUNST: All Is Artifice.

Creative actions and productions to challenge apathetic human acceptanceof religious delusions, bankrupt conventions, colonial and capitalist ideologies and plain lack of reason. (uKUNST Manifesto April 1, 1917). uKUNST CREATIVE PRODUCTION uKUNST develops, produces and distributes interdisciplinary arts-led creative works. uKUNST is an independent creative studio and producer delivering both in-house and external products ranging from audio, visual, performance and digital arts through to literature, animation, music, print and events. By Any Media Necessary © RFM 1995.

Welcome to the eighteenth in a series of alternative and radical arts productions.

Each uKUNST action, event or production is aimed at challenging the existing status quo across the arts, society, commerce and politics.

Developing and producing a series of art or kunst products will deliver these actions.

Each product is a standalone creative work as well as a part of the wider uKUNST canon of art provocations, products and productions. uKUNST STOCKISTS uKUNST mags are available from the Book & Record Bar and Sound Vinyl (London).

See pages 18 & 20 for details.

We will be producing the Radio uKUNST Audio Magazine later this year.

Thank you for your continued interest, support and cash. www.ukunst.com

2 | uKUNST Manifesto

CONTENTS Front | Highly Strung Charlie | Roney FM 2 | uKUNST Manifesto 3 | Contents | Navigation & Contributors 4 | The Well Hung Parliamentary Special | The Editor 5 | The Zombie Electorate | Fuxus Kunst 6 | Alternative Voting Strategies (One Way Or Another) | Yol 7 | REFORM | Michael Barnes-Wynters 8 | Mother Swift | Fuxus Kunst 9 | FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK | Chris Chalkley 10 | Dirty Looks From A Dodgy-Looking Spade... | Terry Choggis 11| Geisha Thatcher | Roney FM 12 | Forever Dismal | Michael Barnes-Wynters 13 | Vote Neo Liberal | Nick Wells 14 | The Rhyme Minister Speaks... | EclecticNic 16 | Burn The Fuckers | Sean Azzopardi 17 | Hebron | Simon Poulter 18 | Stockist uKUNST | Book & Record Bar 19 | HOP Nigel Farage Bighead & Tory Zombies | Fuxus Kunst 20 |Stockist uKUNST | Sound Vinyl 21 | Light Gravity Day For Techbuoy | Linton Barbrook 22 | Manifesto | Michael Johnson 24 | Private Sufficiency | Chris Chalkley 25 | Comic 7/2 | Sean Azzopardi 26 | Interpull Most Wanted | Fuxus Kunst 27 | Publisher Page | Publication Info Back | Catholic Priest Mit Brandy Und Cigar | Fuxus Kunst

CONTRIBUTORS Sean Azzopardi Linton Barbrook Michael Barnes-Wynters Chris Chalkley Terry Choggis EclecticNic Roney FM Michael Johnson Kargan Media Fuxus Kunst Simon Poulter Nick Wells Yol

Frogage | Sean Azzopardi | 3

EDITORIAL The theme for this issue should really be leadership in crisis (© Interlogistics) however as we’re now approaching the general defection it’s open season on the uneducated, ignorant and merde that permeate the governments of the world.

So whilst we expected some gallows humour in this edition contributors hopefully feel free to express their personal take on human existence and particularly human creativity as we prepare, once more, to enter the circus to select those to wield power over us.

Whilst the uKUNST outlook tends towards a post-punk, pre-dystopian cynicism it has always tried to temper complete apathy. There has to be some hope. Otherwise what’s the point getting up in the morgen or participating in the weekly Gaza protests? uKUNST 18, themed The Well Hung Parliamentary Special, another cursory scan of the diminishing rights of human kind as it sleepwalks towards oblivion taking the innocent planet with it.

Dear readers of the lost art, or even arse, here we are again. Happy as can be, all good friends and jolly good company.

At least that’s what the Fat Cat Controllers would have us believe as the unmaintained, Victorian-built mainline Albion locomotive engine careers towards derailment! Like Carole Vordermann (an unlikely bedfellow) we haven’t seen such high corruption, fiscal deviancy and plain grand larceny since Margritte Fatchair introduced us to the considerably pleasurable, if painful, experience of deviant neoliberalism. This edition however ponders the state of our political systems and the impotency of the citizen versus the amalgamated powers of political, corporate, religious and military interests. In short, the continued exploitation and abuse of the people or masses by those in power. Have we learnt nothing from the struggles and revolutions of the last two hundred years? It would appear not.

So assembled here are various voices culled from the mass of unusual suspects in the mainstream distribution of cultural activism and creative contempt. The works speak for themselves, or at least should do. All the reader is required to do is put down the electronic artificially intelligent device, sit back in the sofa and enjoy the musings with a cup of tea and an open mind. When uKUNST first appeared, five years ago, it was intended as a physical art product. Something tangible that gave pleasure when held in one’s hands. Whilst digital versions of the magazine exist it is a uKUNST aim to produce real-world art that is directly experienced by people.

As Rishi struts the political disco scene to the strains of Stayin’ Alive an avalanche of porky pies swamp the airways, social media platforms and news programmes. Politicians of every size, hue and persuasion queue up competing for The Best Whopper In A Parliamentary Election Broadcast award. Crawling out from under his residential stone, is Dullish College alumnus and Toad Of Toad Hall Nigella Fromage who, as both leader and owner of Deform UK, continues to out lie the competition and induce nausea with his beaming frog-head grin. Be warned that this dodgy spiv appears severally in the following pages.

Across the globe man’s inhumanity to man and the co-inhabitants of the planet continues to soar unfettered by reason, justice or humanity. If a God does exist, why the feck would he create such an arrogant, brutal and self-destructive beast?

No disrespect intended to the animals we are supposedly related to. The powerful and privileged continue raiding the public coffers whilst claiming a better future free of austerity, immigrants, physical money and regulation! Looks like there aren’t enough humans that care enough to commence the badly needed revolution. And so, my friends, it is with a heavy heart we must conclude that The Devolution Will Not Be Realised.

Welcome to this hilarity devoid, creative, post-humanist, part-algorithmic and provocative edition. Enjoy. uKUNST. Der Herausgeber July MMXXIV 4 | Editorial | The Well Hung Parliamentary Special

The Zombie Electorate | Fuxus Kunst | 5

6 | Yol | Alternative Voting Strategies (One Way Or Another)

REFORM | Michael Barnes-Wynters | 7

8 | Fuxus Kunst | Mother Swift

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK | Chris Chalkley | 9

10 | Terry Choggis | Was getting dirty looks from a dodgy-looking spade on a train. Thought I was going to get a dig.

Geisha Thatcher | Roney FM | 11

12 | Michael Barnes-Wynters | Forever Dismal (MBW Redux 2024 from Dismaland (Weston-Super-Mare 2015)

Vote Neo Liberal | Nick Wells | 13

14 | EclecticNic | The Rhyme Minister Speaks… Vote For The Right Party … Steer Clear Of The Bafflegab Parties

16 | Sean Azzopardi | Burn The Fuckers

Hebron | Simon Poulter | 17

THE BOOK & RECORD BAR The Book & Record Bar in West Norwood has one of the best selections of second-hand and new vinyl in London; specialising in Electronica, Krautrock, Psychedelia, New Wave, Post Punk, Jazz, Reggae and Rock. It also has a licensed bar with live DJ sessions and in-house internet radio station, the West Norwood Broadcasting Corporation at wnbc.london.

The Book & Record Bar 20 Norwood High Street London SE27 9NR tel 0208 670 9568 or 07971 265228 web www.bookandrecordbar.co.uk facebook @thebookandrecordbar instagram @thebookandrecordbar

18 | uKUNST Stockist | Book & Record Bar

HOP Nigel Farage Bighead & Tory Zombies | Fuxus Kunst | 19

Sound Vinyl

Located in the heart of Crystal Palace we buy and sell good quality records. Check it out!

58 Church Road, Crystal Palace, London SE19 2EZ tel 07984 272851 instagram @sound.vinyl 20 | uKUNST Stockist | Sound Vinyl

Light Gravity Day For Techbuoy | Linton Barbrook | 21

MANIFESTO Concerns have been raised that the Conservative Manifesto indicates they want to tear up the book on environmental regulations. And, thanks to a leaked policy document, we can confirm that those concerns are well grounded. Thanks to this internal memo, we at UKUNST can expose the Tories and their despicable attempts to exploit and monetarize the environment.

Here are some of the worst examples.

Change of definition for the Green Belt; large, mostly useless areas of countryside where previously a number of prohibitive building restrictions applied. From now on the Green Belt will simply refer to the narrow strips of land next to motorways.

All council allotments to be turned over to fracking. Contracts to be assigned based on a straw poll of party members to see which multinational they have most shares in.

All town and city parks and gardens to be turned over to housing. Contracts to be assigned based on a straw poll… etc. etc. The exceptions to this being Regent’s Park, which will become the new London Airport and Hampstead Heath, which becomes the exclusive Trump London Links Golf Course.

Redundant E.U. pollution regulations ripped up, all town and city pedestrian areas returned to road use and research into coal fired vehicles to be encouraged. This following strong lobbying from the soon to be incorporated Gammon Gasmasks Inc., the Tory Tarmac Corporation and Mone Mining Associates.

Not just the foxhunting ban overturned, but a new open season on all British wildlife introduced. This follows pressure from the Luton and Dunstable Vole Hunt, amongst others, whose members are eager to jump back on their Shetland Ponies and let loose a baying pack of Chihuahuas. Semi-automatic weapons to be allowed on all game bird shoots, as too many of the feathery bastards are getting away.

Whipsnade Zoo to be renamed Whipsnade Safari Park and Big Game Hunting Lodge.

All Whales to be removed from endangered species list and Whale hunting re-introduced. Funding earmarked for research into a possible new generation of blubber-fuelled power stations.

Greenpeace, the World Wildlife Fund and Royal Society for the Protection of Birds are banned.

Membership of these organisations to be put on the same footing as membership of Al Qaeda.

Finally, and most despicably, Larry the Downing Street cat to be euthanised, even if there is nothing wrong with him, as we just don’t like him.

22 | Michael Johnson | Manifesto

MANIFESTO

24 | Chris Chalkley | Private Sufficiency

Comic 7/2 | Sean Azzopardi | 25

INTERPULL

MOST WANTED

26 | Fuxus Kunst | Interpull Most Wanted

PUBLISHER First published in 2024 By uKUNST United Kingdom The European Union Printed in England Original Design by K3 Media Photographs by RFM, K3 Media & The Artists All rights reserved © 2005-2024 uKUNST Magazine © uKUNST & The Contributors Published in 2024 by uKUNST, Londinium, Imperial Britain The right of uKUNST, K3 Media and the various contributors to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted in accordance with the copyright, designs and patents act 1988.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system, without either the prior permission in writing of the relevant contributors, publishers or a license, permitting restricted copying.

The content and views in this publication are not necessarily those of uKUNST whether they elicit a smile or not.

Any complaints should be directed to your Member of Parliament who is paid to listen to your discontent.

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If you enjoy it then please pay for it.

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Publisher Info | 27