uKUNST Edition 012

EDITION 012 | THE NEW VARIANCE 19 JULY 2021

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uKUNST MANIFESTO

WE are uKUNST. WE are alternative.

WE are creative.

WE are independent.

WE will produce.

WE will disseminate.

We have no masters.

We are legion. uKUNST.

uKUNST MANIFESTO uKUNST: All Is Artifice.

Creative actions and productions to challenge apathetic human acceptanceof religious delusions, bankrupt conventions, colonial and capitalist ideologies and plain lack of reason. (uKUNST Manifesto April 1, 1917). uKUNST CREATIVE PRODUCTION uKUNST develops, produces and distributes interdisciplinary arts-led creative works. uKUNST is an independent creative studio and producer delivering both in-house and external (client) products ranging from audio, visual, performance and digital arts through to literature, animation, music, print and events. By Any Media Necessary © RFM 1995.

Welcome to the twelfth in a series of alternative and radical arts productions. Each uKUNST action, event or production is aimed at challenging the existing status quo across the arts, society, commerce and politics.

Developing and producing a series of art or kunst products will deliver these actions.

Each product is a standalone creative work as well as a part of the wider uKUNST canon of art provocations, products and productions. uKUNST STOCKISTS uKUNST mags are now available at BARB (London) & EPS (Yeovil). See page 22 for details.

We will be producing the Radio uKUNST Audio Magazine later this year.

Thank you for your continued interest, support and cash. www.ukunst.com

2 | uKUNST Manifesto

CONTENTS Front | Girl With A Pod Earpiece | Königin 2 | uKUNST Manifesto 3 | Contents | Navigation & Contributors 4 | The New Variance | Editorial 5 | Pope | EclecticNic 6 | Tate 003 | Peter Marsh 7 | delta | Bronaċ Ferran 8 | Through A Glass Darkly | Fuxus Kunst 9 | Secrets | Trans Poleaxe 10 | 100 One-Liners Part 2 | Michael Mavrik 11 | Gnorimus Nobilis (Noble Scarab) | EclecticNic 12 | Horrorscope | Michael Johnson 14 | Pandemic Panic (Variant II) | Kris Canavan 15 | National Hump A Spad Week | The Tittlin Teuchter 16 | Palestine Demo 2021 | Various 17 | Surveillance Platter 001 | Nick Wells 18 | The Waiting Room | Simon Poulter 19 | St. Jomo X Tib Street Manchester 2021 | Michael Barnes-Wynters 20 | Good Old Days | Les Norbitones 21 | Ad Nauseum | Peter Marsh 22 | Stockists uKUNST | BARB & EPS 23 | Publisher Page | Publication Info Back | Deliverance | Michael Barnes-Wynters

CONTRIBUTORS Michael Barnes-Wynters Book & Record Bar & Eastville Project Space Kris Canavan EclecticNic Bronaċ Ferran Michael Johnson Kargan Media Königin Fuxus Kunst Peter Marsh Michael Mavrik Les Norbitones Trans Poleaxe Simon Poulter The Tittlin Teuchter Nick Wells The Sea Of Polar Death | Fuxus Kunst | 3

EDITORIAL The theme for this issue is Les Variance Nouveau or The New Variance, a critical view and musing upon alternatives and deviances to the prevailing human condition both locally and globally. What makes the powerful and privileged so obsessed with road mapping our existences at every turn whilst obscuring and concealing the true nature and purpose of their policies and legislation? One might muse upon how variance to the world order might result in transformations in human rights, education, medicine, the arts, sustainability, commerce and military barbarism. How does the new variance manifest itself or its’ elves? Our pre-colonial, post-Brexit observations include the corrupt, greedy, grasping claw of old Etonians in the ever-degrading pit of green swill that is the corporate-state defrauding of the public purse.

During the recent pandemic and its associated pre-occupations our increasingly stunningly incomprehensible public (bar) stewards have again, under the old smoke screen ploy, had time and resources to roll out a startling number of new bills, policies and legislative edicts. Unlike government inquiries, these fascistic acts have one common trait. They all purport to act for the people whilst attacking, undermining and subjugating long-held human and citizens’ rights. Are we all asleep?

We previously warned of the real aims, objectives and consequences of Brexitmania. Now here we are in Never Ever Land with the small C conservative bent of all Britons dripping into liquid fascism and the red brick upside your head thrown by a Tory rather than a socialist. Behind the scenes of this right wing regime the long-denied privatisation of the NHS, the unchallenged despotic Crime Bill breezes through parliament with ease, the cessation of the Universal Discredit Covid bonus, the (now run its course) Furlong arrangement and the new pre-crime of seditious hesitancy.

Meanwhile in the creative industries the story is ever static. The national institutions, both human and architectural, continue to soak up the public investment meant to enfranchise a wider society. Acting in the middle an army of artificial research centres, advisors and agencies do their lucrative best to divert the public funding from those it claims to support and progress. For the vast majority the old levelling is thus perennially downwards, never upwards. After the recent National Mockery Review obscure culture minister Baroness Diana Barran (with her supposed background in venture capitalism but with no artistic or cultural experience) concluded that there were no changes to the National Mockery needed. During the un-lively debate in the House of Gourds the only dissent came from an earnest bishop making a heartfelt plea for reconsideration of the decision to cease lottery funding to places of worship.

Hatt Mancock’s long-awaited release from (ministerial) service and pressure comes as an unexpected but welcome treat for those who recall the abject indifference and failure his tenure as Vulture Secretary contributed to the national arts and culture scenes. Some may wish him better fortune as he grasps at his next lucrative employment perk. As we leap into the new normality of freedom Savage Jagged, the newly sworn in Minister for Health & Vulture Capitalism, indicated that the death of one thousand or so minor UKplc shareholders is an inevitable yet tolerable cost for the return to relative economic normality. He may yet rue such complacency as he infects his fellow succubae in government. And across a green and peasant land the population is sent potty with the NHS Covid App pinging and pinging and pinging…

Some may feel that a punishment of biblical proportions is upon the human race what with floods, fires, contagion and Australasian rodent plagues! Or is it just mankind royally fucking the planet and galaxy up with its blind, rampant unfettered exploitation of its perverse dreams and delusions? So finally friends of the evolution we end this sad episode in human devolution with the continued mantra of BoJo’s great world-meat-beating union jack-off. Dog slave the green with the fascist ice cream!

Welcome to this lovingly produced, creative, pro-variance, hilarity-starved and bemused edition. uKUNST Enjoy Der Herausgeber July MMXXI

4 | Editorial | The New Variance

Pope | EclecticNic | 5

6 | Peter Marsh | Tate 003

delta

delta | Bronaċ Ferran | 7

8 | Fuxus Kunst | Through A Glass Darkly

Secrets

Leaving wisdom beyond our thoughts Only for me to know Secrets can never be told Only objects that surround space

Paint a picture of a poster Posters paint a picture of you

Smile sometimes happy always Greet with a secret kiss Oil the parts & conjure time to tell secrets that were never known

Sometimes happy always smile finding a secret floating in a sea of silk It’s only from a distance we look back & look up into the night of tomorrow’s secret .

Snore Wood Heights 00AC (After Covid)

Secrets | Trans Poleaxe | 9

100 One-Liners Part 2

If the world were at peace tonight, how would you feel and what would you say?

Britain in the 1950’s was a dangerous place to live if you were not white and pretending to be perfect.

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They hated that I gave money to charity. They wanted me to give them the money so they could give some of it to charity.

I worked for money for years but received no lasting satisfaction. Working for free costs me a fortune, but I find it more rewarding.

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Always remember. Things that are dead cannot eat themselves.

If Boris were the same age as me, all his sweets would be mine.

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Ever had the feeling of going nowhere and taking forever to get there?

There is no escape from life while you are breathing air.

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Are you proud of what you should be ashamed of?

[CUT] Does the cost of living rise for animals as well as humans on the same planet?

Cut. How do men who have made slaves of other men become human again?

[CUT] Only preach what you have practised.

[CUT]

10 | Michael Mavrik | 100 One-Liners Part 2

Gnorimus Nobilis (Noble Scarab) | EclecticNic | 11

Apologies to all our Gemini readers, but for the foreseeable future the predictions will be specifically for the Gemini leading our nation. It’s a difficult task, and one that he is completely unsuited for, so is obviously in need of guidance.

GEMINI Another trying month for the Gemini in power on the right side of the political divide. Financial issues have raised their ugly head. Namby pamby scientific advisors are once again at variance with both your libertarian goals and the numerous amoral cronies waiting to line your pockets. Eventually you will have to go with your gut instincts and stockpile the moolah. Piles of bodies on the streets will be less of a burden on the N.H.S. and can be easily cleaned up by refuse collectors, who you have yet to antagonise. Romance might be on the horizon again as well, so try and keep in contact with the bridesmaids who were at your recent wedding.

CANCER That bubbly Cancerian personality means that you are generally the life and soul of the party, always out and about, socialising with both work colleagues and friends. But now might be the time to duck your head below the parapet for a while. With Pluto drifting into your 6th house, opposing Venus, a plague of boils may well strike at the start of the month, with a good chance of scabies and impetigo as well.

LEO The sun is out, summer is in full swing, and it’s time to get out and mingle with friends. You may well have been feeling a little isolated recently, as well as somewhat run down. You need some exercise, and team sports may well be the order of the day. Something like cricket, where you can enjoy the open air. Saturn at Short Square Leg and Venus in the Gully means you should enjoy your time at the crease. But with the Umpire conjunct the Third Man and Mars at Silly Mid On watch out for the short ball on an uneven wicket, your box may not be enough to protect you.

VIRGO The new moon in the middle of the moon is a sign that things are brightening up for you. It’s time to get out into the world; time to put away those drab rags you normally wear. Splash out on some bright, summery clothes. No one gets invited out if all they’re always dressed in jumble sale leftovers.

LIBRA It’s time to take a stance, really show people what you believe in. Your opinions have often been derided by your circle, and quite rightly so. They’re the usual mish-mash of wishy-washy Libran nonsense. But now is the time to assert yourself. Don’t mind the howls of laughter as your explain your point of view, it’s character building.

SCORPIO With the full moon coming in the middle of the month this will be a time to re-evaluate your past. All your current problems, the mess you’re in, perhaps if your dig back deep enough you can find someone else to blame. It is not unheard of now, for example, to sue parents if you feel they didn’t do enough for you.

Horrorscope SAGITTARIUS Numerous setbacks in your life recently have made you question some of your decision-making processes.

You are becoming more analytical, scrutinising the advice you are being given with a scientific eye, with more rigour, looking at things logically. You’re not reading this anymore, are you?

CAPRICORN Someone close to you is harbouring a secret and they need a friendly face to confide in. Your sympathetic, trustworthy manner will make you seem the ideal person. With a bit of luck this will be something salacious enough to give you a significant hold over them, possibly leading to extortion, therefore easing those money troubles you have been having recently.

AQUARIUS The alignment of the planets this month is not doing much for your well-being. Look to some other natural forces to raise your spirits and boost your confidence. Make sure you have your birthstone with you at all times and regularly rub it all over your skin - for an Aquarius that stone is a Coprolite. A good friend of mine is also creating a range of vegetable based scented candles for the various star signs, which should also help. I believe there’s a boiled cabbage one which should be perfect for you. Please email for details.

PISCES After some very difficult times a day will arrive very soon where there will seem to be some very positive changes. Those troublesome work colleagues that were making you so unhappy are suddenly full of praise.

Romance is in the air, either a new acquaintance or a re-kindled love. And financial worries are gone after a win on the lottery. But, sadly, it will turn out to have been a dream and everything will be just as miserable as before.

ARIES A very unusual alignment of planets in your houses this month, something I’ve not seen before. So unusual I contacted a colleague who works with Chinese star signs. Don’t know why I bothered. He mumbled some nonsense about it indicating your Chi was weak and out of balance, if you believe that sort of mumbo jumbo.

Just to be on the safe side, though, perhaps get some Chi from your local Chi shop in case you feel a bit wobbly. I think it keeps in the fridge for a month or more.

TAURUS After a couple of difficult months you have been feeling quite down. A good friend has advised you to take stock, look deep inside yourself and draw on those inner strengths, that moral integrity they know you have.

This would not be advisable as sadly they are mistaken. There is nothing to find and looking for it will only make you feel worse.

Horrorscope | Michael Johnson | 13

14 | Kris Canavan | Pandemic Panic (Variant II)

NATIONAL HUMP A SPAD WEEK SIGN UP NOW FOR THE NEW ANNUAL SMUTATHON! in this our transparent and classless society it is ever so heartening to see such a truly and utterly classless act of crass betrayal and moronic lunacy like everyone of course i now consider this matter to be totally closed (like hell) as the evidence is put before lawyers for two divorces it cannot now be in any way opposed if only it had been a more crafty snog and arse clutch away from the human gaze the PPE contracts would still be dished out crookedly the tutting tabloids totally unfazed but now the half man’s cocked-up hand on shapely bum may have put pay to the Cheltenham Ladies Bridge Club’s NHS control not that these lovely over-entitled denizen dames are ever going to end up on the dole in this the already drawn out Johnsonian period Homo Gimpus Erectus is now supreme and rules while Dodonius Gavinorus devours your childrens’ futures and Trussasaurus Vex destroys the availability of food but at least we the people have our simple pleasures left following the lead of our great masters and ministers we can break every rule and every damn social norm in this great Smutathon rampantly fuck on our office desks without it being at all sinister the great Dummings can then hold up the old score cards 8/10 for effort, but you need to work on technique the good news - there’s now a year to work on this new subscribers get it together for summer 2022 with your trousers-down technique and when you’re finally up before the grand show cameras the media asking you for tips on the cunning method in your shafting you can step back into the spotlight for a moment bare your white shiny arse cheeks and say “thanks so much for asking” © The Tittlin Teuchter In a moment of unmoderated disgust on 27 June in this filthy year 2021 National Hump A Spad Week | The Tittlin Teuchter | 15

16 | Various | Palestine Demo 2021

Surveillance Platter 001 | Nick Wells | 17

18 | Simon Poulter | The Waiting Room

St. Jomo X Tib Street Manchester 2021 | Michael Barnes-Wynters | 19

Good Old Days Let’s sing the praise of the good old days Like politicians do When life was sweet and beer was cheap And smokes were good for you A happy time there weren’t no crime No fear or foreign folks And it was fine to drill and mine And laugh at racist jokes The sun was always shining then No cancer in its rays If only we could wind back time And live in good old days.

Let’s raise a cheer for yesteryear For Ma and apple pie When everybody knew their place And no one told a lie No dissidents or heretics And all was right and good The roads of old were paved with gold And teeth were made of wood No low moral, lest you were a gal Or asian, black or gay Turn back the clock, just load and lock And live in good old days.

Let’s hear it for those days of yore Imagine what you will Look at the past through rosy glass It all seems awful chill Keep looking o’er your shoulder You’ll miss what lies up ahead Just cause you’re getting older Don’t spend what’s left with the dead Beware of glass-eyed charlatans Who preach nostalgic ways Cause one day soon, some right wing loon’ll Claim these were good old days.

20 | Les Norbitones | Good Old Days

Ad Nauseam | Peter Marsh | 21

PUBLISHERS PAGE

First published in 2021 By uKUNST United Kingdom The European Union Printed in England Original Design by K3 Media Photographs by RFM, K3 Media & The Artists All rights reserved © 2005-2021 uKUNST Magazine © uKUNST & The Contributors Published in 2021 by uKUNST, Londinium, Imperial Britain The right of uKUNST, K3 Media and the various contributors to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted in accordance with the copyright, designs and patents act 1988.

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Publisher Info | 23