Chuckles From Down Under

By: Jane Sullivan, Bell Veterinary Services, Australia

A burglar was in the midst of robbing a house when a strange, disembodied voice echoed through the dark: “Jesus is watching you!” Startled, the burglar clicked on his flashlight and swept the beam around the room. He saw nothing out of the ordinary, so he turned off the flashlight. But as he was scooping up a handful of jewelry, he heard again, clear as a bell, “Jesus is watching you!”

The burglar began to feel scared, so he turned on his flashlight again and passed it over every corner of the room. Finally, in the far corner, his beam landed on a parrot in a cage. “Was that you talking?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot said. “I’m just trying to warn you.”

Feeling more relaxed, the burglar said, “Warn me, huh? And what’s your name pretty birdy?”

The bird said, “Moses.”

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives very badly want to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

A nervous passenger had a window seat on an aeroplane. He fidgeted, wrung his hands and tried to breathe deeply to calm down.

After a while, he commented to the passenger on his right side, “Boy, we must be cruising pretty high up. The people down there look like ants.”

The other passenger said, “Those are ants. We haven’t taken off yet!”