2 minute read
Chuckles From Down Under Chuckles From Down Under
By: Jane Sullivan
By: Jane Sullivan
Anyone in the autumn of their years pondering their mortality should take heart from the advice given by a tough old cattleman from Jindabyne (Australia) to his grand-daughter. The secret to a long life, he counselled, was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning. The grand-daughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 greatgrandchildren, 25 great -great-grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Anyone in the autumn of their years pondering their mortality should take heart from the advice given by a tough old cattleman from Jindabyne (Australia) to his grand-daughter. The secret to a long life, he counselled, was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning. The grand-daughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 greatgrandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The Shredder
The Shredder
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?”
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper and pushed the start button.
“Certainly,” said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper and pushed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.” disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Lesson: Never, never, ever assume your boss knows what he’s doing.
Lesson: Never, never, ever assume your boss knows what he’s doing.
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely
“The front row, please,” she answered.
“The front row, please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“No,” he said. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No,” she said.
“No,” she said.
“Good,” he answered.
“Good,” he answered.
