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Schott and Christine Shea can’t agree on how much of a con artist Frances Akhavi is. By R. Scott Moxley 07 | ¡ASK A MEXICAN! | Why do Mexicans still have an accent after three generations or more in the U.S.? By Gustavo Arellano 07 | HEY, YOU! | Getting conked with luggage is never fun. By Anonymous

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the county»news|issues|commentary

Girl Fight On Irvine City Council! Councilwomen Lynn Schott and Christina Shea can’t agree on how much of a con artist Frances Akhavi is

he mystery of Frances Akhavi, who burst onto Orange County’s conservative Republican scene a little more than a decade ago and just as rapidly disappeared a few years back, isn’t really about her conartist tendencies. As the FBI can attest, our region has long been a hotbed for brazen, well-dressed crooks who’ve mastered the art of swindling wealthy people out of their money. Just going by the numbers, Akhavi’s illicit haul of around $1.2 million doesn’t qualify her as parconfidential ticularly skillful in comparison with others of her ilk. What sets this otherwise-common thief apart is the puzzling identity of her chief defender, r scott Lynn Schott, the moxley mayor pro tem of Irvine. On the city’s official website, Schott boasts of her “fundamental” commitment “to serving honorably with uncommon transparency and integrity.” Yet, the councilwoman— who knows an Arizona federal grand jury indicted Akhavi, a.k.a. Farzaneh Akhavi, on 87 fraud counts, leading to a June 29 guilty plea agreement—nonetheless describes her Tea Party pal as “a national treasure.” During a July 24 phone interview with the Weekly, a feisty Schott refused to back down, arguing Akhavi has been treated unfairly and predicting eventual exoneration. “She has not yet had her day in court,” the councilwoman said in a misleading statement that raises a key question: What more is necessary to appreciate the swindler’s guilt after she acknowledged under oath to federal prosecutors Kevin M. Rapp and Mark S. Kokanovich that she’d committed money laundering, income-tax evasion and bank fraud in exchange for them dropping most of the indictment’s counts? Schott declined to discuss the reason an unamused U.S. District Court Judge Diane Humetewa tore up the guilty plea, reinstated all charges and ordered a trial. The con artist signed the plea in English but wrote a word in Farsi that, when translated, means something akin to “innocent.” That deal would have capped incarceration at no more than three years. Now, if found guilty, she faces the potential of spending more than a decade in custody. Akhavi’s brilliant move also erased the government’s agreement not to pursue her 36-year-old daughter, whom prosecutors allege benefitted from the swindling operation.

moxley

» .

“The defendant provides inconsistent excuses for using her victims’ funds to purchase real estate in the name of an entity controlled by her daughter,” states a Department of Justice court brief that goes on to assert that a remorseless, chronically unemployed Akhavi “fraudulently extracted” money from unwitting acquaintances for years, then “subsisted on” fraud, robbing at least one family of its life savings. Christina Shea, a fellow Republican who sits next to Schott on the City Council dais, remembers meeting Akhavi around 2010 at a party activists’ event. “She was engaging,” Shea recalls. “But she was a promoter, a political operative. She gave the impression that she owned a TV station in Los Angeles. I thought she was very wealthy.” By around 2014, Shea became suspicious, while Schott and Akhavi, whom she saw as “very close—like sisters, really strangely close,” plotted to wrestle control of the Orange County Republican Party from then-chairman Scott Baugh. She visited what she believes was a large, off-the-books campaign office on MacArthur Boulevard in Newport Beach, where the two women worked together on political aims. “I said to myself, ‘What’s going on?’ Up until then, our Irvine party events were very small,” she says. “I don’t think [the Newport Beach operation] was ever reported [on campaigndisclosure reports].” After Akhavi’s indictment, Shea phoned Schott to tell her she’d be wise to distance herself from her friend. The call didn’t go well, much like my recent one. “Lynn was very defensive,” Shea says. “She said it was all lies. No matter what I said about the 87 counts, she defended Akhavi and she said she would never speak to me again.” The relationship is noticeably frigid during council meetings, where Schott, a self-described ultra-conservative Republican, has been aligning herself with interests tied to Larry Agran, the longtime Democratic Party boss who was booted from office in 2014 after squandering hundreds of millions in public funds intended to build the Orange County Great Park. Asked during my call why she didn’t consider Akhavi’s confession meaningful, Schott said, “That’s not the person I know,” then hung up. SHOE STORE OWNER’S LIES EARN PUNISHMENT

Dressed in a fine gray suit covering a husky 47-year-old frame that once earned a football scholarship to Cal State Fullerton before converting himself into a multimillionaire Orange County businessman, Sherif Hunein arrived on the top floor of

HOPEFULLY, SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN CHECKED HIS WALLET AFTER STANDING NEXT TO AKHAVI

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FILE PHOTO

the Ronald Reagan Federal Courthouse this week for sentencing stemming from his white-collar crimes. To grab a $1.8 million Small Business Administration loan in November 2011 for the purchase of a retail shoe store called Shoes N’ Shoes, Hunein lied on a sworn application and submitted a doctored financial statement to a federally insured Newport Beach bank. The cash infusion allowed the Egyptian immigrant—who arrived in Southern California as a non-English-speaking, 7-yearold in 1977—to live with his wife and three kids in a $1.6 million home inside a gated community about a minute’s drive to Pacific Coast Highway in Huntington Beach. But after two years, the business collapsed—he claims not from malfeasance, but because of competition—and he defaulted on $1.4 million, a mess that eventually caught the attention of federal law-enforcement officials. Confronted in December 2016, Hunein quickly signed a guilty plea agreement. Assistant United States Attorney Jennifer L. Waier recommended a 27-month prison trip after giving a sentencingguideline discount for the defendant’s confession. The U.S. Probation Office differed, suggesting incarceration for 15 months. However, the defendant, who’d fled his native country because of alleged Muslim Brotherhood threats against his family, sought a punishment no worse than home confinement for eight months. “[My client] is very remorseful,” Hunein’s Los Angeles-based lawyer, Aaron May, told U.S. District Court Judge

Andrew J. Guilford. “He made a mistake that is not reflective of his character. . . . He’s a very religious man. . . . This is somebody who learned his lesson and knows what he did was wrong.” Hunein, who has boasted on his résumé of his banking acumen and brought two Coptic Orthodox Christian priests to court as character witnesses, supplemented the stance. “I’m very sorry for what was done,” he read from a prepared statement. “I’m asking for leniency so I can be here for my wife, my family and my mother.” Sensing she was losing the argument, Waier told Guilford she questioned the defendant’s sincerity. “He intentionally fleeced,” she said. “He willfully lied.” The judge turned to the defendant, saying, “Your life story is positive. You came through difficult circumstances. That speaks well of you.” Hunein smiled and slowly nodded his head, not knowing what was coming. “Your actions here don’t speak well of you,” Guilford added. “You lied, and there were great losses. . . . I need to promote respect for the law. I need to let people know there will be consequences. . . . There must be a custodial sentence.” With his wife weeping and his right hand covering his face, Hunein learned his punishment: A one-year loss of freedom. He must surrender to prison officials no later than Oct. 27. RSCOTTMOXLEY@OCWEEKLY.COM

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» gustavo arellano DEAR MEXICAN: I’m listening to a podcast on “Gravy.” The segment is bluegrass tacos. You were interviewed, and a few statements bothered me, among them “The U.S. can take half of Mexico. They can make us peons, force us to move up north.” Is this a common view of America(ns) in your community? If so, it’s very disappointing that in 2017, you would express this bias/prejudice against this amazing country. How were you forced to move north? Do you recognize/ appreciate all the opportunities that this country has given you and other Mexicans who have come here? I would like to know your views. My initial opinion of you is that you are holding onto the idea “We are an oppressed people and can’t believe what America has done to us.” There is a “great” country to the south that offers so much more without the oppression that has openings for residency. Let me know what you think. Ticked Off in Tulsa DEAR GABACHO: You know what I think? You’re a pendejo. The podcast is called Gravy, and it’s an extension of the James Beard Award-winning food journal, for which I write a column about the Latino South called “Good Ol’ Chico.” And what you call “bias/prejudice” are straight-up facts. The United States did steal half of Mexico, but you don’t have to take my word—just ask Ulysses S. Grant, who said that the Mexican-American War was “one of the most unjust ever waged by a stronger against a weaker nation.” I don’t have to hold on to the idea that Mexicans are oppressed—we know it’s true every time whiny gabachos such as yourself insist we love this country just like you. The cool thing, though, is that we don’t let pendejos such as you get in the way of creating a better America. Finally, ever heard of a little chingadera called NAFTA—

you know, the one thing Donald Trump gets right? It not only stole jobs from American workers, but it also upended Mexico’s economy, forcing millions of people to el Norte. And, yes, they were forced— just like the Irish were forced to leave Eire because of the brutal British, or the Jews who fled pogroms, or the Okies who got out of the Dust Bowl for a better chance at life. My, how quickly Oklahomans forget their own history—sad that a Mexican has to teach you about your own people, but that happens only in America. DEAR MEXICAN: I always noticed that some second-generation, even third-generation Mexican-Americans speak English with an accent. I understand that English might not be their first language. But why do some Americans, such as Cheech Marin and Danny Trejo, who’ve been here for more generations, still have an accent, while a first-generation wab like me has been told I speak English like a white person—whatever that means? Pocho Pero Paisa DEAR POCHO: Trejo and Cheech have an accent the way a mick in Southie has an accent, or the way characters on Fargo speak in their own unique way. It’s regional American English—in their case, Chicano English borne by generations of assimilation in the Southwest. We children of modern-day Mexicans sometimes get that accent because we learn English as a second language, not as our primary one. The most prominent practitioner of Chicano English is George Lopez, who once tried to make this column into a television show, then let the option lapse. Hey, George: Let’s take more meetings, you know? ASK THE MEXICAN at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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ou are the flight attendant who did not follow your own advice to slowly open the overhead bins because items inside get jostled during flights. How do I know? Because I got conked when you quickly opened an overhead door, as a hard metal case fell out and landed on my head with a loud thud. Of course, the most blame for this accident goes to your employer, which, as with other air carriers, has squeezed in extra seats so overheads now only cover half of

¡ask a mexican!»

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ARMAAN MAHARAJ

ILLUSTRATION BY JEFF DREW

enough about Marine life to nudge their students to become leathernecks themselves. They get free travel, meals and hotel rooms in Southern California, with complete liberty every evening to retire to the Humphreys’ welltended pool, bar and Jacuzzis. And it’s all worth it for the Marines. “We’re gonna continue to foster those relationships and ensure that they stay maintained, so that the relationship with the schools in turn helps with what’s going on between the recruiter and those schools,” says Sergeant Jessica Quezada, the marketing and public-affairs representative for Recruiting Station Orange, based in Santa Ana. She organizes four of these workshops each year, drawing hundreds of teachers from across the country. During this night’s welcome dinner, teachers bond over stories of budget cuts, bureaucracy and wayward students who’d be perfect for the Corps. “I’ve got kids who have been in the Marines and come back, and I’ve seen the difference in them,” says Jason Sorrell, a British expat who teaches English and coaches soccer for Capistrano Valley High School. “I love their patriotism—I think that’s fantastic—but I think it’s the discipline. Love the discipline.” Quezada says she doesn’t like to preach to the converted. “Typically, we like to bring in those who are skeptical, who are not as knowledgeable about the organization,” she says. Still, the Marines can’t help but attract the people who love the armed forces. While this summer’s teachers came to the workshop as patriots, the Corps made sure they left Marine patriots.

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At the Humphreys Half Moon Inn in San Diego, two events were in full swing: a Marine Corps workshop for high-school educators and a Ziggy Marley concert. The workshop’s conference room overlooked the concert venue on one side and the harbor on the other. Bass rattled the windows. Several ships docked outside flew Rastafarian flags. “This is the opening pipeline,” Colonel Terry Johnson told the group of about 80, as a grinning image of Ziggy flapped in the breeze behind him. The “pipeline” was the teachers, and it works like this: The teachers would take “the raw material sitting in your classrooms” and assist in “making them into Marines.” America has waged war for the past two decades in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Somalia and other far-flung nations. Now, Donald Trump and his generals want to send thousands more fighters to Afghanistan alone, a place where, so far, more than 2,000 American lives have been claimed and some 20,000 more have been wounded. To supply these wars, Uncle Sam needs a fresh supply of fighters. And that’s where the Marine Corps Educators Workshop comes in. Every year, the Corps invites teachers, coaches, counselors and other employees from high schools within the 12th Marine Corps District, which spans the western United States and extends to Guam, to a weeklong seminar held on various Marine bases around San Diego County. By experiencing a version of boot camp themselves—logclimbing, body-carrying, tightrope-walking, history lessons, yelling, discipline, punishment and the like—the brass feels teachers will learn

J u ly M 28 -August 03, , 20 2 017 ONT H X X–XX 14

MONDAY—HEARTS AND MINDS

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FIELD TRIPPIN’, MARINES-STYLE

Semper Sold » FROM PAGE 9

TUESDAY—RUNNING THE GAUNTLET

We rose for hotel breakfast at 6 a.m.—not nearly as early as recruits, who get up at around 4:30 every morning. Over bacon, Major Michael Taylor took complex questions from teachers about his tours of duty in Afghanistan and other theaters. Why did tribal sheiks turn down medical facilities, saying they would be seized by the Taliban anyway? Wouldn’t they do anything to help their families? Moral perplexities flitted at the edges of the conversations about the politics of military life. As we waited for the bus, Staff Sergeant Joshua Glotzbecker told us the basic commands that make up the entirety of a recruit’s vocabulary for most of his or her day. “Aye, aye, sir!” is a recognition of a command. Upon hearing “eyeballs,” the proper response is “Click, sir” and to turn one’s head and eyes toward the commanding officer; the “click” represents an immediate mechanical response to the order and a “lock” on the target. Similarly, when the commanding officer says, “Ears,” the recruits are to respond, “Open, sir,” indicating they are listening. With a wide-brimmed drill instructor’s hat and a sleeve of tattoos down his right arm, Glotzbecker seemed as if he had just kicked the ass of R. Lee Ermey on the set of Full Metal Jacket. “That’s what I’ve been living off of the past few years,” Glotzbecker says. “Red Bull and hate.” There wasn’t any time to be confused, or back out, or cave in. The first halfhour of boot camp, as we experienced it,

ARMAAN MAHARAJ

was designed to deny us the opportunity to stop to question what was happening and why. Arriving at the Marine Corps Recruitment Depot (MCRD), San Diego, drill instructors provide “surround sound,” as Taylor calls it. “GET OFF MY BUS!” the drill instructors yell, as if we were trespassing. We are pointed—vigorously—to rows of yellow-painted footprints on the ground and told to stand on them and stand straight. And wait. They split us into a mock pick-up— groups of pretend recruits who are meeting a resident instructor. On the way to the pick-up, we see someone “in the pit” for individual training (IT). This recruit had messed up really bad, Glotzbecker mutters. He struggled through standing bicycle crunches as a drill instructor circled him, but it was no good: The recruit succumbed to his exhaustion over and over, panting in the dust. At the barracks, we are introduced to the people who would be in charge of us if we were actually a batch of fresh recruits. The instructor issues a volley of commands, and our subpar mastery of the eight-word recruit vocabulary (aye, click, open, yes, no, kill, sir and ma’am) falls apart almost instantly. Drill Sargeant: Sit down! Us: Yes, sir!

That’s “Aye, aye, sir!” Aye, aye, sir! “Aye, aye” means you understand. “Yes” means you’re answering a question. Understand? Aye, aye, sir! No! That’s “Yes, sir!” Yes, sir!

No! That’s “Aye, aye, sir!” Understand? Aye, aye, Sir! Throughout it all, the drill instructor never cracks a smile. We are too terrified to try. We have lunch with actual recruits, nearly all of whom are on the edge of 20 and are secretly enjoying the opportunity for upgraded chow, provided because they are dining with us. They are half broken and half re-formed; they have a certain childishness at the depot. It’s not the mix of maturity and immaturity one goes through on the cusp of adulthood. It’s a receptivity and obedience mixed with a restrained eagerness to do right. Their clean faces and shaved heads only add to this infantile impression. Each of them has become, as the Marines tell me, a new person. As we eat, I speak with two recruits who identify themselves only by their last names, Bird and Baker. “I wanted to join mainly because of my discipline,” Baker says. “I wasn’t appreciating things back home as much as I should have been.” “I’ve always wanted to be a Marine,” adds Bird, whose father was a Marine. “I wanted to follow in his footsteps [and] hopefully achieve what he achieved and more. Hopefully, one day, I can look back on my past and be proud of what I was. And if I have children of my own, hopefully they’ll look up to me and walk in my footsteps.” And there are a lot of footsteps involved in being a Marine. We end the day with a visit to the field where Marines take their semiannual Combat Fitness Test (CFT), which fully trained, active-duty Marines have to complete semiannually to

prove they have what it takes to suffer the physical trials of battle. Among other tasks, Marines must frantically crawl past cones, throw a dummy grenade into a box of cones, zigzag around cones toting 30-pound ammo cans, and carry a living person past several hundred feet of plastic cones. A course instructor tries to reassure us by saying it’s easier than it looks. One of the Marines behind us scoffs and mutters, “I still hate doing this.” Crawling, I discover, can be exceptionally difficult, especially when you have to do it as fast as you can. Throwing a grenade is not nearly as easy as throwing a baseball when your arms are rubbery from carrying weighted ammo cans. Lifting a human body is not as easy as giving a piggyback ride, especially when you can barely pull your own body off the ground. And, in a cruel metaphor for my vocation, I have to drag the PR lady from St. John Bosco High in Bellflower across the field, then carry her in a lopsided sprint to the starting line. “That was an interpretation of a fireman’s carry,” Sorrell says afterward. Apparently, the Marines don’t grant points for creativity. WEDNESDAY—CORPS VALUES

The next morning, Glotzbecker is drinking a Red Bull while eating his bacon and eggs. “It doesn’t really do much to me anymore,” he says about the energy beverage. “I just like the taste of it.” A bus takes us to the Marine airbase at Miramar. We are not allowed to take pictures of any aircraft not explicitly cleared for approval in advance, nor can we take any photos of military aircraft taking off—which proves surprisingly difficult because when F-16s roar off

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society was centered on local villages and family elders, not urban infrastructure or political ideologies. Nonetheless, he says, even if you don’t support the war, we Americans should always support the Marines themselves, for they seldom have a choice in the matter beyond fighting with dignity and bravery. The teachers nod with solemn approval. The tour is all glory, from Nassau to Iraq. But our guide does mention that although Japanese troops were told by their commanders that Americans would kill them anyway if they surrendered, the Marines “didn’t disappoint them” and didn’t take many prisoners after the Battle of Iwo Jima.

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THURSDAY—CONFIDENCE-BUILDING

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At the crack of dawn, we pile onto the bus to visit Camp Pendleton. The first major activity of the day is 12 Stall, described by Quezada as a “human puzzle.” Within the outdoor, wooden stalls are different obstacles and objects. Each team receives a laminated piece of paper with a scenario, its mission. Part of the squad solves the actual puzzle—my team has to repair a dilapidated bridge for a river crossing— while the rest of the group provides “security” by staying on lookout. If any member touches the ground, or a red-painted object, or looks inward towards the stall for too long when they’re supposed to be providing security, that person “dies” and has to sprint back and forth on a dirt road while carrying two 30-pound ammo cans. As a puzzle fanatic, I’m excited for this challenge. But the teachers have already sealed social bonds during many rendezvous by the hotel Jacuzzis; as a 19-year-old

the tarmac like vengeful furies, they are quite photogenic indeed. But we can snap away at a pre-approved F-16 and Osprey. Their mild-mannered pilots gamely allow the teachers to take pictures of their air squadron patches, black knights and red lions emblazoned on their flight suits. After lunch at the MCRD (where the local Marine brass band performs a set, complete with a Beyoncé cover—hey, if the prospect of warfare won’t attract millennials, maybe a tuba-heavy “Crazy in Love” will), we visit the MCRD San Diego Command Museum. We hit the gift shop first, with teachers sweeping up frag grenade lighters; T-shirts that read, “Teufel Hunden” (“Devil Dog” in German, as well as a nickname for Marines); and bumper stickers with slogans such as “Lead, follow, or get out of the way” and “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” Two veterans guide us and provide personal testimony to supplement much of the commentary on the Vietnam War exhibit. A cutaway display of jungle soil shows an array of formidable Viet Cong booby traps—sharpened bamboo rods smeared with human feces, a chicken trap-like array of giant metal hooks, and a howitzer shell hooked up to a pressure plate—all “buried” just 2 feet below the surface. In an adjoining subterranean display, a guerrilla is in the middle of crawling through the trapdoor of a tunnel network. One of the vets, who served in Vietnam, speaks with remarkable vehemence about how fruitless and unjust the war was—not only was the U.S. premise for invasion unfounded, but also the communist regime that emerged after the war was hardly any different than how it would be in a capitalist system; most of Vietnamese

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college student, I didn’t have the social capital to assert my role as one of the chief puzzle-solvers. Fine, I’ll do security. As I scan the horizon for terrorists, my security comrades succumb one by one to the intriguing world of problem solving behind us, neglecting their posts. The drill sergeant prowling the catwalk above us picks them off: “You! Go die!” he screams time and time again. My comrades disappear, reappearing later, their clothes saturated with sweat and their lungs heaving. But I have selfcontrol. I had read the story of Perseus and Medusa; I don’t need to turn around and look. The desert horizon will suffice for me. And then I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder. “You’re having too much fun,” Sergeant Victor Romualdo says. I’m dead. I jog to the dusty trace where the ammo cans are stacked. “No one cares that you’re tired!” screams Glotzbecker as I run up and down the path while carrying the world’s heaviest lunch pails. When I drop them at his feet, I yell, “Mission accomplished. Aye, aye, sir!” But he stops me before I can leave. “Are they straight?” he asks, pointing to the cans. They sit askew next to the neat row of metal boxes. “ARE THEY STRAIGHT? DO IT AGAIN!” By the end of the day, my finger muscles are so sore from carrying ammo cans I can barely wipe my ass. But Antonio Melendrez, a 20-year-old who coaches volleyball at Diego Rivera Learning Complex in South Central Los Angeles, has it worse. As he tilts his body toward the bus’ AC unit, I ask him what had happened. He tells me he “died” eight or nine times. From the looks of him, he had nearly died for real. Far easier was the firing range. The Marines give us a crash course on how to use an M16. After about 45 minutes of instruction, we civilians are able to hit stationary targets accurately from a distance of 100 yards. Though some shell casings slip down a few shirts, we avoid shooting ourselves. Firing a gun is not very fun in itself. Combat, I imagine, is what makes things interesting. JEF

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Next is the Confidence Course, the iconic array of logs, rope and dirt you see recruits tackle in movies. It’s called that because the gauntlet is supposed to increase recruits’ confidence by showing them they can achieve things they didn’t know they could. A prerequisite for that self-worth boost, however, is that a recruit can complete it. The teachers don’t feel particularly confident before—or after— attempting the course. Donning Kevlar helmets and flak jackets, we approach our first obstacle: the Weaver. It resembles a giant ladder made from logs broken in half, then standing at a 30-degree angle in the shape of a roof. It’s designed for climbing, naturally, and a matrix of rope webbing hangs below it in case anyone falls. The toughest challenge thus far had been the CFT. Most teachers failed— but one of the few who aced it was Raul Romo, a Mexican-born counselor at Narbonne High School in Harbor City who has run 11 marathons. Romo not only passed the drill instructors’ tests, but he also met their “challenges” (he did well more than 100 weightlifts with the ammo cans). He is our rock, our hope. And he’s the first to attempt the Weaver. That’s why we die a little when Romo slips from the last log of the structure. As he extracts himself from the safety net, I spot large, mottled bruises on his arms blooming where he had hugged the logs. Soon enough, I will have those same bruises. Walking a steel tightrope, with a second steel rope above to keep you from falling, seemed exceedingly easy, but we learn that’s because we are doing the watereddown version of the real challenge. Recruits are supposed to walk across the rope while carrying a jerry can holding 5 gallons of water in one hand. Picking it up, I doubt I can even walk the distance carrying it. As Team Orange County (Romo had dubbed us the “OC Wranglers”) makes its way back from the tightropes to the equipment shed, guttural yells cut through the wind. This is not a drill. We return to find Team San Diego fielding their most implausible opponent against the Weaver. A teacher nicknamed “Teddy” because of his physique clings to the bottom of a log like a koala. The drill instructor stands above him, just one

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march across the deck to the ecstatic cheers of friends and family in the bleachers. A voice recites the accomplishments of the former recruits, now members of India Company. After completing an arcane matrix of footsteps and shouts, the drill instructors give their last orders. The new Marines finish with a shout of “OOHRAH,” then turn around as if to march away. But a second later, they leap

We leave for the recruit graduation ceremony early in the morning. Well, some of us do. Several teachers had spent a little too much time by the pool shack the night before. I was told the evening was pretty intense. My roommate had returned to our room unusually damp; one of the penalties for their games, he had said, was a mandatory dip in the pool. One of the Marines stays behind to

drive the stragglers separately, but they all reach the ceremony on time. The parade deck is so large you can see the horizon bend. Something about that parade deck sucks the energy out of you, Glotzbecker tells us. No matter how hard you drill, no matter how many tours of duty you’ve done, that sun-baked slab is worse than any obstacle course. Surviving that is the last test for the graduating Marines. The fresh boots

ARMAAN MAHARAJ

FRIDAY—FINALE

for joy and break into clusters of group hugs as the bleachers roar with approval. A voice on the speaker kindly reminds friends and family to refrain from crossing the parade deck. Volleys of “Good afternoon, staff sergeant” rain down on us as our drill instructors lead us past gaggles of Marines milling behind the bleachers. They look slightly disappointed when those staff sergeants don’t respond. Back at the hotel, the teachers load their cars with Marine-logoed duffel bags and rubber-banded rolls of recruitment posters for their classrooms. Another batch of teachers is ready to take our spots in the hotel for the next workshop. In five days, we had witnessed how young men and women become Marines. The teachers themselves hadn’t changed much, but they had seen other people change and were inspired by that. And then there was Melendrez. He had tried to talk his sister out of joining after high school. “Just Marines, you know? You think about war, and she’s my sister, you know?” he says. “So it’s, like, crazy. It’s kind of hard to have a sister out there.” But then he signed up for the teacher workshop. “I didn’t know about it until I just kinda crashed a conversation between my co-worker and my boss,” Melendrez says, a grin spreading across his face. “I heard M16s, shooting, and I was like, ‘Sign me up!’”

ACTION IN THE RUBBER PIT

log over. Teddy lets out another cry as he tries to swing a leg over the next log, but he doesn’t get it high enough and slips. The instructor encourages him onward, telling him to swing his leg a little higher and get it over the top. But Teddy’s reserves are empty. “I’m sorry, sir, that’s all I got!” he says, then drops off the log. Maybe the rope wasn’t strong enough, or maybe the wood or the carabiners weren’t strong enough. Something snaps, and the crowd gasps as the net dips lower than it should. Teddy is about 4 feet from the ground. He rolls into the dust sideways as the rope sags. The teachers sigh in relief. “Now how’s that for a finale?” a captain shouts, his hands raised, showing a flair for showmanship. We snap out of our daze and move to the supply truck, where we’ll leave our helmets and flak jackets. Thankfully, the Corps will have two weeks to repair the Confidence Course for the real recruits.

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fri/07/28

[FOOD & DRINK]

Vixens a Go-Go

Bienvenue en Louisiane

Long Beach Crawfish Festival A crawfish isn’t actually a fish, but rather a freshwater crustacean. Mardi Gras is months away. You can’t speak Cajun French, but you watched Treme; admire the food; can say, “Laissez les bons temps rouler”; and like to dance to New Orleans jazz and Zydeco. You’re invited, bon amis, to Long Beach, where on day one of the annual weekend-long Crawfish Festival, you can purchase a generous portion of an authentic Louisiana Cajun-style boil, a feast or bucket with crawdads, potatoes and corn prepared by Harold & Belle’s Restaurant chefs while enjoying live music and the signature drink, the evocatively named “Screaming Crawfish.” These daddies won’t scream for joy, but you will. Ayee! Long Beach Crawfish Festival at Rainbow Lagoon Park, 400 Shoreline Village Dr., Long Beach, (562) 495-5959; www. longbeachcrawfishfestival.com. 5 p.m.; also Sat.-Sun., 10 a.m. $5-$40. —ANDREW

[CONCERT]

Bring the Family!

Ready to Rage

Punk Invasion 2k17 We officially know where every punk in OC and surrounding cities will be this Saturday:The Observatory’s Punk Invasion 2k17 is an all-day rager that will host a variety of punk acts, among them everyone from seminal bands more to longtime online OCWEEKLY.COM favorites including Cheap Sex (possibly as another reunion show? Or a sign of their return?), Lower Class Brats, NarcolepticYouth, Peter and theTestTube Babies,Toxic Holocaust, Ill Repute, Bloody Benders, the Oi! Scouts, Rum Rebellion, and more.This jam-packed, one-day fest aims to top every other punk-music event with its cavalcade of bands bringing pure mayhem and energy under one roof. Punk Invasion 2k17 at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.observatoryoc.com. 2 p.m. $35. —AIMEE MURILLO

[FESTIVALS]

Two Stepping Under the Stars

The 15th annual Two Stepping Under the Stars celebrates western and equestrian lifestyles at Rancho Mission Viejo Riding Park with the ultimate country-music party of the summer. The Kelly Boyz kick off the evening festivities with dance lessons, which are followed by dining and a dance-off. Kiddies can play games and get their faces painted at the Fun Zone, while you grab a bite from available food trucks Dogzilla, Sol Agave and Nostimo Greek Mediterranean Cuisine. The raffle contest will award lucky winners prizes worth hundreds of dollars, with proceeds benefiting local charities. Get your spurs jingling as you two-step with your favorite partner for a great cause. Two Stepping Under the Stars at Rancho Mission Viejo Riding Park, southwest corner of La Pata and Ortega Highway, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 542-8363; sanjuanequestrian.org. 5 p.m. Free. —AIMEE MURILLO

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To finish off its Friday Night Freakouts series, the Frida presents one of the most illustrious camp-cult films ever made in director Russ Meyer’s Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Written by film critic icon Roger Ebert (who also wrote Meyer’s films Up! and Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens—under pseudonyms), the flick features some of the greatest bad movie lines in cinematic history, as well as a truly great soundtrack with songs by the fictional band the Carrie Nations (dubbed by Lynn Carey) and Strawberry Alarm Clock. It’s nasty, disturbing, X-rated and perverted— all the things required by true cult-movie fans, so slip into your spandex shorts and beaded bras and head downtown for a fabulous tripleD night of deception, debauchery and decapitation. It’s your happening, and it’s going to freak you out. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls at the Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana, (714) 285-9422; thefridacinema.org. 11 p.m. $10. —SR DAVIES

JOAN MARCUS

sat/07/29

[FILM]

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

tuesday›

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

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sun/07/30 [CONCERT]

Together At Last Lionel Richie and Mariah Carey

It was announced earlier this year that the upcoming Lionel Richie/Mariah Carey joint tour would be postponed, but those fears proved to be unfounded. Though the jaunt was shortened from 35 to 22 dates, two of the most popular R&B singers

performing together is enough for fans to patiently await the celebrated show. It’s billed as the All the Hits tour, and there may not be another this summer that sees any artists singing as many top songs as this one does. While their primes may be in the past, Richie and Carey remain pop-music icons and this could be a way to introduce them to a fresh set of fans. Lionel Richie and Mariah Carey at the Honda Center, 2695 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 704-2500; www.hondacenter. com. 7 p.m. $39.95-$500. —DANIEL KOHN

[FOOD & DRINK]

The Sweets Life

Beer and Cupcake Pairing Fans of sugary treats and crisp, cold brews might be gobsmacked to know these two items can be paired up. Bruery Terreux hosts San Diego-based bakery Daniela’s Kitchen as they will lead a tour of cupcake and beer paradise, where five different beers will be paired with five mini cupcakes. The In The Zone (double dry-hopped IPA brewed with

CMC Pilsen malt) goes best with strawberry shortcake, but with a peanut butter chocolate cupcake, you want Arbre Alligator Char (a dark wheatwine). And Or Xata blonde ale is perfect with a mazapán Nutella cupcake! Get a delightful fix of these libations and desserts (sold separately) today. And if you’re on a diet, thank goodness for cheat days. Beer and Cupcake Pairing at Bruery Terreux Tasting Room, 1174 N. Grove St., Anaheim, (714) 996-6258; www.brueryterreux. com. 2 p.m. Beer and cupcake flights sold separately. 21+. —AIMEE MURILLO

mon/07/31 [FOOD & DRINK]

Thank God It’s . . . Monday? SOCO After Dark

At tonight’s installment of SOCO After Dark, the SOCO Courtyard comes alive with music from the Riff Raff Vintage Swing Band, an OC-based quintet serving a mean fusion of swing and gypsy jazz played by multitalented musicians on violin, mandolin, guitar and percussion. We Olive & Wine Bar will also provide an all-day happy-hour menu of wine, beer, olive oil-inspired tapas and small plates to enjoy. This low-key kickback is the perfect way to enjoy the season, as well as a reminder that just because it’s Monday, that doesn’t mean you can’t relax as if it’s Friday. SOCO After Dark at the OC Mix, 3313 Hyland Ave., Costa Mesa; socoandtheocmix.com. 6 p.m. Free. —AIMEE MURILLO

tue/08/01 [THEATER]

This House Is Not A . . . Fun Home

Tony Award-winning Fun Home takes the stage at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts. Based on Alison Bechdel’s graphic memoir, the musical examines an American family at three different ages in the author’s life, from childhood to early adulthood, as they collectively cope with the bleakness in their lives caused by living with a father who is distant and violent. All families have secrets, creating topics of conversations that feel too awkward and painful to even discuss, but Bechdel’s masterpiece implores us to do so anyway. Fun Home at Segerstrom Center for the Arts, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.scfta.org. 7:30 p.m. Through Aug. 6. $29-$89. —HEATHER MCCOY

[COMEDY]

Ready for Prime Time

Twice a month, Long Beach dive bar Que Sera becomes a hub for up-and-coming comedians to deliver intimate standup sets to the audience for no cover charge. Oh, and there’s free pizza, too. Tonight’s Bear City Comedy night more assembles online another irrevOCWEEKLY.COM erent crew of comics— Kim Congden, Rocky Dale Davis, Andrew Orolfo, Stuart Thompson and Jessica Sele—some of whom you might have caught making guest appearances on Comedy Central, Conan or elsewhere as writers for television and film. Whether you know these names or not, it’s likely their IMDb pages will be blowing up in the very near future. Come early for guaranteed parking and to stake your claim on the best seats in the house— as well as for first dibs on pepperoni. Bear City Comedy at Que Sera, 1923 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 599-6170; bearcity.eventbrite.com. 7 p.m. Free. 21+.

—AIMEE MURILLO

[ART]

The colorS! The colorS!

‘under the Microscope’

[CONCERT]

You Should Be dancing

Bee gees gold

Setting the sound for a genre—arguably a generation—the Bee Gees switched gears when they shifted from playing balladic ’60s rock songs to thumping disco tracks in the ’70s, when they scored music for the film soundtrack for Saturday Night Fever. With remaining member Barry Gibb comfortably enjoying retirement these days, tribute group Bee Gees Gold set out to perform the original trio’s classic tracks in the ultimate tribute. Led by John Acosta, these boys have nailed down everything from the looks to the iconic falsettos and will send the crowd into a nostalgic, dance-crazed frenzy. Bee Gees Gold ensures that the memory and affection for this beloved band is “Stayin’ Alive.” Bee Gees Gold at the Hangar at OC Fair & Event Center, 88 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 708-1500; ocfair.com. 8:30 p.m. $17.50. —AIMEE MURILLO [FOOD & DRINK]

Martini Time Martinis 101

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You might not know how to make a martini, but you surely know how to drink them. And anyone who’s curious about how to make the best damn martini around should join in this exceptional workshop at the Exhibition Room, the tiny bar/lounge located in Roxanne’s in Long Beach. Travel writer and distinguished expert Steve Barber (author of Chasing Martinis) will teach the history behind the drink, four basic methods for mixing it, and what makes a true martini. Surely, there will be a lot of tasting involved, but consider it as part of your “research.” Business casual attire required; no flip-flops, sports caps or tank tops, bro! Martinis 101 at the Exhibition Room, 1117 E. Wardlow Rd., Long Beach, (562) 826-2940; www.theexhibitionroom. com. 7 p.m. $30. 21+. —AIMEE MURILLO

J U LY 28 - A U GUS T 0 3, 20 17

LA painter GERMS—a.k.a. Jaime Zacarias—is not only a much-loved and much-respected figure in the world of Chicano art, but an absolute master when it comes to a certain kind of gloriously delirious, visual-overload explosion, very often featuring squiggly little tentacle-oids so lively they almost reach out and grab you (he notes Basquiat as an influence—you’ll see it). His iconic luchador heads float through his work like UFOs descending for a landing. For this crack-open-thevault, career-spanning exhibition, he’ll have stained-glass lucha lamps that must be seen to be appreciated, as well as pieces from his own archives and works on temporary loan from private collectors (including Cheech Marin!) who get to appreciate them every day. “Under the Microscope: Art by Jaime ‘GERMS’ Zacarias” at Fullerton Museum Center, 301 N. Pomona Ave., Fullerton, (714) 738-6545; www. cityoffullerton.com/gov/departments/ museum. Noon. $5. —CHRIS ZIEGLER

COURTESY OF JOHN ACOSTA

Bear City Comedy

wed/08/02 thu/08/03

» GUSTAVO ARELLANO

Square Slice Superb PERRY’S PIZZA 21411 Brookhurst St., Huntington Beach, (714) 593-2800; www.perryspizza.net.

Romanian Rhapsody

BRIAN FEINZIMER

Goodies In the Pantry makes great Eastern European sausages of every tube

jiu-jitsu world champion. That sturgeon never had a chance. A warm and doting host, Giorgioni offered samples of the cooked meats and sausages from his lunch-special choices until I found something I liked. And if you’re there to purchase one of his homemade sausages or hand-carved steaks, he will tell you how best to cook it. Giorgioni is essentially a one-man show. Though he has two people working with him, they are behind the scenes. Since he’s attentive to everyone who walks into his shop, expect a wait when there are more than two customers in line. It’s a reminder that this isn’t Costco, where the meat is cellophane-wrapped and the workers anonymous. Giorgioni’s Goodies In the Pantry is a gem—a butcher shop from another era. If you’re there to have lunch, consider yourself lucky if Giorgioni has made sarmale, meat-stuffed cabbage rolls, which he describes as Romania’s most famous dish. It’s served warm, bursting with ground pork and dolloped with a glop of cold sour cream. Depending on the day’s offerings, there could also be chicken sautéed with mushrooms, roasted beef chuck, even ribs. The side dish is most often mashed potatoes, but without fail, there will always be pickled cabbage— something I never knew every meat-andpotatoes dish needed. You should never leave Goodies In the Pantry without buying a few pounds of Giorgioni’s fresh sausages. His Romanian sausages, seasoned with allspice and packed full of garlic, tastes almost Korean. His Transylvanian sausage—for which he uses lovage, a celery-flavored herb—is not

as bold, but just as flavorful. On another visit, I brought back English bangers made in the traditional Cumberland style with nutmeg, mace (the spice, not the weapon) and sage. After searing the sausages in a pan and finishing them in the oven, my kitchen filled with the aromas. I realized then that there was no need to supplement the dish with the usual onion gravy. Served plain with some mashed potatoes out of a box, it was the best bangers and mash I’ve ever eaten. For most of his sausages, Giorgioni suggests pan frying, then adding a bit of water to steam it to doneness. No matter how hard I tried to overcook them, none ended up being less than tender and juicy. I’ve yet to sample his Italian sausage, but my Italian friend swears that it’s the best she’s had, perfect when paired with peppers and polenta. Perhaps the most ringing endorsement of Goodies In the Pantry was from a Romanian customer I spoke to while waiting in line. He told me that within Orange County’s sizable Romanian community, the skinless version of the Romanian sausage I had is most coveted. He told me Giorgioni takes advance orders for it, and in his opinion, Goodies In the Pantry’s is far better than the version produced by the county’s other Romanian butcher. I’ve since looked up that other butcher, and guess what: It also offers kürtoskalács! Who knew?! . . . I guess OC’s Romanians did. GOODIES IN THE PANTRY 1108 E. Katella Ave., Orange, (714) 615-4420; goodiesinthepantry.com. Open Mon., 11 a.m.4 p.m.; Tues.-Sat., 10 a.m.- 6 p.m. Sausages, $5.99 per pound; lunch, $5.99-$11.99.

GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM

MORE ONLINE aREAD FOOD & DRINK OCWEEKLY.COM/RESTAURANTS

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ave you ever seen a chimney cake before? In Romania, the treat is called kürtoskalács, and after seeing it on one of Andrew Zimmern’s shows, I never thought I’d encounter one in the flesh in Orange County. But then, one Saturday, there it was, being made right before my eyes. A woman was rolling dough into long strips at a table outside of Goodies In the Pantry, the Romanian deli and butcher shop I had come to Orange to visit. She wound the dough ropes around cylindrical spits as though they were twine. She then placed them over a heat source to rotate slowly and cook. When they were done, she rolled them in sugar and nuts. I knew I needed to take one home, but not before I went inside to survey what other discoveries I’d find. Goodies In the Pantry resembled something out of a quaint Eastern European village. Entering through the back door, I encountered two tiny tables with antiquelooking woven fabric as tablecloths. A small sleeping cot was butted up against the wall. In front of it, an area was made to look like a hearth. On an opposite wall, shelves groaned with jars of sauce, boxes of biscuits and big bottles of orange Fanta. Adjacent to this, I saw pictures of a burly man wrestling a sturgeon. Soon, I would meet that man. As I walked to the front, he greeted me, reaching across a deli-meat case to offer his enormous hand. He introduced himself as Claudiu Giorgioni, the owner of the shop. I would later find out that before he opened this store, Giorgioni was, among other things, a sturgeon farmer in Romania and, not surprisingly, a Brazilian

BY EDWIN GOEI

still miss the old Perry’s Pizza next to the Newport Pier, which closed in 2014 after 40 years. Its square slices were a great companion with which to wander around the Peninsula or to try to sneak into the Lido Theater (a great way to hide pizza? One of those big legal folders that expands like an accordion). But to be honest? Its newish Huntington Beach location off Brookhurst Avenue is better. The view is a Trader Joe’s parking lot— but right next to Perry’s is TKO Records. It’s inland—but the small space’s windows open up completely during the summertime, lending a coastal feel. More important, the change has injected Perry’s with a vibrancy that made it not only a quick favorite in its new neighborhood, but also one with a plan for the future. On tap? A bunch of Ballast Point suds. There are succulent prime rib sliders on Thursday and crunchy chicken parmesan sliders for happy hour the rest of the week to accompany the other subs. Old pictures of the Newps regulars decorate the tables, and the Perry’s Pizza logo—has a wooden roller ever looked more welcoming?—is brighter than ever. But the roasted-cherrytomatoes appetizer, bright and light and fabulous, is something you’d be served at Mozza. And the fancy salads draw in the ladies who lunch, the type who would usually never be seen next to a pizza parlor even if you spotted them a week of Pilates. Pizzerias dot HB like loncheras in SanTana, so the folks here know that to have a run like the one at the original spot, they had to evolve—but do it right. Everything Perry’s does is delicious, and I wish I liked beer so I could knock back one of its famous milk jugs of brew. I always get the same order: Perry’s Special, a hefty garden salad and two Sicilian slices. I never finish the salad because I immediately need to get my pizza fix. That chewy crust, the tangierthan-usual sauce with just a rumor of heat, the cheese that stretches like hot caramel, the grease that turns the paper plates upon which each slice comes translucent—simplicity at its finest.

MO N TH X X–X X , 2 014

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HOLEINTHEWALL

A FINE SLAB OF MEAT

food»reviews | listings

JUST LIKE MAMÍ MAKES IT

Hot Soup for Hot Times

GUSTAVO ARELLANO

Chiles rellenos en caldo at Restaurant Mary

ll summer, the big meme for millennial Mexicans on both sides of the border has been to complain about mamis serving them caldos (hot soups) during the summer, which only shows how stupid they are. The rest of the world knows that a boiling bowl of potage cools down bodies far better than a cold beer. But since when have Mexicans cared about facts and food? We eat lead-laced candies, for chrissakes. So to fight the fresas, order the chiles rellenos en caldo at Restaurant Mary, one of the most criminally unappreciated Mexican restaurants in OC. Potato soup with carrots, boiled onions and a garlic clove, it would play great in County Kerry. But this is the soup that Mexican moms

EATTHISNOW

» GUSTAVO ARELLANO prepare when they make chiles rellenos, and Restaurant Mary’s version is straight from home: fleshy, cheesy, a tad spicy and with just the slightest coat of batter that melts right into the soup. It’s the best nonpozole/birria/menudo Mexican soup in la naranja, and there’s more for you since stupid Mexican millennials ain’t eating it right now. And we wonder why more of us don’t go to college. . . . RESTAURANT MARY 1819 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 547-1744.

food»

DRINKOFTHEWEEK Orleans Presidente at Memphis Cafe

THE DRINK

It’s Havana meets the bayou: Zaya starts the drink, then gets tempered by vermouth

GUSTAVO ARELLANO

and Montaine Curaçao, a particularly potent version of the liqueur that adds a perfect bottom. An orange peel adds zest to a cocktail that’s potent, sweet and perfect for this sweltering summer. Sit inside or on the patio; it doesn’t matter, as long as you remember to order two. MEMPHIS CAFE 2920 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 4327685; memphiscafe.com.

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emphis (whether at the Costa Mesa mothership or its much-missed SanTana location) is rightfully loved for locally pioneering the use of whiskey, rye and bourbon in its cocktails, but it’s never gotten enough love for its great rum collection. I still remember former bartender Johnny Sampson turning me on to Zaya a good decade ago, the best mass-market rum of them all gracias to a caramel start and sugarcane finish. And I couldn’t help but to think of the chingón Sampson after I sipped on one of Memphis’ newer cocktails: the elegantly named Orleans Presidente.

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» GUSTAVO ARELLANO

Paisa Power Come to Cesar’s Bistro for the empanadas, stay for the pan-Latin fusion

E PNEW AT WALT’S WHARF ike Restaurant & Bar : A neighborhood meeting place for locals and visitors alike, featuring live music or DJ’s 7 nights a week. We serve a full menu ‘til midnight, 7 days a week. We also serve cocktails, microbrews and fi ne wine.

Sunday Brunch

CHEF’S SPECIAL BRUNCH MENU & SPECIALTY COCKTAILS

Every Sunday 10:00am3:30pm 201 Main Street Seal Beach, CA 90740

www.waltswharf.com

DRINK. DINE. DIVINE.

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Ju l y 28 - A ugu s t 0 3, 2 017

food»

Quality Ingredients. The Finest Restaurant in Orange.

Chef Saumil’s

1948 N. Tustin Ave. Orange, CA 92865 (714) 782-7770 wokntandooroc.com

COSITAS LINDAS very once in a while, I find a restaurant in Long Beach that I love so much I’m tempted to never write about it. And I’m not talking about the secret garage tacos that lurk across central Long Beach on weekends, the mere mention of whose location would get that shit shut down in an LBPD second. I mean a place so undiscovered by Instagram foodies and the downtown set that its cute two-table patio and pretty-plated pan-Latin dishes could probably remain hidden SARAH BENNETT inside its East Long Beach shopping center forever if not for a nudge that lets people know it actually exists. But all that wouldn’t be fair to chef ONG EACH UNCH Cesar Villarreal, whose airy Cesar’s Bistro » SARAH BENNETT deserves all the praise in Long Beach that his other projects have received in his native South America. For this 2-year-old restaurant on the cor- inspired empanadas, each puffy pastry padded with either a traditional filling (ground ner of Pacific Coast Highway and Loynes, beef ) or Villarreal original (ham and pineVillarreal—who was trained at the Mausi apple and cinnamon-clove) and stamped Sebess Escuela de Cocina in Buenos Aires perfectly on the seam with “Cesar’s Bistro.” and once owned restaurants in his native Start your meal with at least a few for a Colombia—scouted his customer base and necessary introduction, knowing you can crafted a deep, thoughtful menu of both always take a dozen home for later. traditional and fusion dishes from across From there, you can keep it conventional Latin America that are introducing newwith grilled Jamaican tilapia and chimibies to the connections and common flachurri-pressed chicken or dig into mash-up vors between the region’s various cuisines. entries such as a Wagyu beef burger made The result is a menu that starts in with a pillowy arepa bun or, if dining before Colombia with pork-rice calentao and lunchtime, the hodgepodge “Monster” tomato-y hogao sauce and moves outward breakfast plate, which gives you an empainto Peruvian lomo saltado and Cuban nada, a pizza-style corn cake, a house chosandwiches with ease. rizo sausage and more. The gooey chicken Upping the accessibility ante for the milanesa sandwich, which oozes with avosurrounding clientele (mostly moneyed families and boat-loving retirees) is a casual cado and spicy mayo sauces, might be one of 25-seat café, filled with bright-green chairs, the most satisfying hot sandwiches in town. Let the good happy hour menu of beer and helpful female servers and a soundtrack of table wines wash down whatever is left. familiar high-energy Spanish music that It would seem weirder that Cesar’s Bison more than one visit has veered into tro is not already on many people’s radar if Ricky Martin territory. This is all a major not for its immediate neighbors: the inefupgrade in setting for most of this kind of fable Enrique’s, the breakfast haven Local food because in Long Beach, the only other Spot and the quick-service Kpasta. A lack place you’re going to find things such as of signage on the center’s cluttered billpork-stuffed Colombian arepas, Peruvianboard doesn’t help either. But after stumstyle aji amarillo chicken or tostonesbling into the place almost accidentally loaded Caribbean fried rice are at such last year and spending the subsequent hole-in-the-wall classics as El Paisa, El months falling slowly and hopelessly in Pollo Imperial and Honduras’ Kitchen. love with its charms, it’s no use trying to With subtle touches including housekeep this Latin American hideaway to infused teas and lemonades and an addicmyself anymore. See you there! tive corn relish that dots the rim of each pristine white plate (microgreens are a CESAR’S BISTRO common accent here, too), Villarreal is 6240 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, clearly aiming for a different audience. His (562) 494-1000; www.cesarsbistro.com. main lure so far has been the Argentine-

GOOD OL’ PEGGY HILL!

There Goes the Barrio

20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

Gentrification is now hot in Hollywood—but King of the Hill savaged the subject best BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO

with facial hair, mohawks or insufferable glasses. Hank worries that this influx is changing the family-oriented neighborhood, to which Peggy responds, “Cool young people are good for neighborhoods. They come in and bring new life: art, music, a funky nightlife.” How many times have you heard that said by newcomers in downtown SanTana? Things get worse. Asa and his pals barge into the local taquería, uttering tourist-level Spanish (“¡Hola, mi familia!” “¡Cervezas, amigo!”) before removing the norteño CD to put in music that Enrique says “makes me feel weird and depressed.” When Hank gets up to put the norteño back on, the hipsters surround him. “Whoa, I think this ese is in the wrong barrio,” one says, while Asa snaps, “You know where you are, gringo?” Enrique pleads with Hank to tell Peggy to stop bringing in more hipsters, pointing out that the taquería now sells salmon tacos. “I don’t want a new life, Hank,” he says. “I like my life and my tacos the way they were.” But Peggy is defiant, bragging that she’s “flipping Little Mexico like a giant, golden quesadilla” and that “neighborhoods change with time. Hispanics didn’t always live there. Who knows who lived there before them? Native Americans probably owned those houses.” How many times have you heard that said by newcomers in downtown SanTana? Peggy doesn’t feel remorse until

Enrique announces at his daughter’s quinceañera that they can’t afford the rent anymore and must move. The Hills and other longtime Arlen residents band together to drive the hipsters out using Peggy’s realization: “It’s not about where they want to be, but where they don’t want to be.” And what hipsters don’t want, according to King of the Hill, is socioeconomic diversity and families. Boomhauer, Dale and Bill Dauterive show up, the hipsters leave, Enrique finally buys a home—and Hank gives his speech. In a little more than 21 minutes, the show brilliantly captured the nastiness that’s gentrification. And while the ending is trite—it’d be nice if Latinos and others affected by rising rents could just magically buy property and stave off the coffee shops—the episode’s lessons resonate nearly a decade later. Hipsters are a plague that contribute nothing to neighborhoods other than their own selfentitlement and must be opposed on all fronts. Barrios are a beautiful thing that need no change unless longtime residents want it—and on their own terms. Good neighborhoods are defined by the people committed to its essence, not scenesters who’ll bounce to the Next Big Thing at the drop of a Snap. And when your neighborhood taquería starts selling salmon tacos, that means the hipsters have arrived—BARF! GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM

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more projects and episodes and pitches to come—and yet we’ll all fail to match the sharpest Hollywood treatment of gentrification: a 2008 episode of King of the Hill titled “Lady and Gentrification.” The cartoon about Hank Hill, surburban Texas life, and propane and propane accessories seems an unlikely vehicle to take on the subject—but the show always sided with working people above the rich and hipsters. The episode begins with Hank’s employee, Enrique, asking if Hank can give a speech at his daughter’s quinceañera. Hank tries to demur, saying all he knows about her is that she once “ate fruit salad at the company picnic,” but then he grudingly agrees. Meanwhile, Peggy—in her later-seasons role as a realtor—shows a generic home to a hipster named Asa. “I want something reaalll,” he whines in his yellow scarf, pink shirt and cardigan. The plots quickly intertwine, as Hank visits Enrique’s home in the Arlen barrio, which is depicted as bucolic: kids play soccer on the streets in front of pastel-painted houses, while a woman makes tacos on a sidewalk grill and an ice cream man yells, “¡Paletas!” Peggy inadvertently takes Asa to this neighborhood, but he immediately wants to buy a home. “This is real,” he declares. “Which means ‘no whiteys.’” Actually, Asa, like all hipsters ever created, meant “no one except cool people like me.” Peggy quickly starts selling more barrio homes to hipsters, all pendejos

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ll of a sudden, gentrification is a hot topic in Hollywood. The scabrously funny Legends of Chamberlain Heights devoted an episode to the subject this year, and it’s been a recurring plot point the past couple of seasons on the Showtime hit Shameless. It was a through-line to the little-seen 2017 film Lowriders, and America Ferrera produced a Latino-centric take called Gente-Fied that’s yet to screen beyond a tantalizing promo. CBS is prepping for the second season of Superior Donuts, which takes on gentrification in Chicago. And just the other week, on Million Dollar Listing New York, star Fredrik Eklund fretted about how realtors such as him were irrevocably changing working-class neighborhoods, which was a bit like the buffalo hunter realizing perhaps he shouldn’t have killed all those animals while standing on a pyramid of skulls. I know all about this trend, both as someone who’s covered the subject in downtown SanTana and beyond for 15 years and as a failed screenwriter: In late 2015, I sold a script to one of the major networks about gentrification in Boyle Heights, where shit’s been going down for years. It didn’t get to pilot because network executives said my main character wasn’t fleshed out enough—that’s fine. But it’s nice to know that studio suits are paying attention to real-life issues in Southern California for once. Expect

film»reviews|screenings

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film»special screenings

As You Wish History of Rock ‘n’ Roll. This Osher Lifelong Learning Institute series event features discussions, film clips and audio recordings from the rock & roll era (1940s-’70s). Cal State Fullerton, Mackey Auditorium, Ruby Gerontology Center, 800 N. State College Blvd., Fullerton, (657) 278-2446; olli.fullerton.edu. Fri., noon. Free. Friday Fever. Watch skateboard movies, hear live music, play games, consume pizza and soda, and enter contests and prize giveaways. Etnies Skate Park, 20028 Lake Forest Dr., Lake Forest, (949) 916-5870. Fri., 6 p.m. $5 donation. Cinema na Vila Autodromo (Cinema of Vila Autodromo). Shown are a series of films produced by and about the supporters and residents of Vila Autodromo, who struggled with their village’s displacement by developers before the last Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. Orange County Museum of Art, 850 San Clemente Dr., Newport Beach; ocma. net. Fri., 7 p.m. Free. The BFG. The title of Steven Spielberg’s 2016 fantasy film, adapted from the Roald Dahl book, refers to the Big Friendly Giant (Mark Rylance), a 24-foot behemoth. Newport Dunes Waterfront Resort & Marina, behind Moe B’s Watersports, 1131 Back Bay Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 729-3863. Fri., dusk. Free, but it costs to park on the premises. Sing. The 3D-animated musical is about a hustling theater impresario’s attempt to save his theater with a singing competition. Placentia Champions Sports Complex, 505 N. Jefferson, Placentia, (714) 993-8232. Fri., dusk. Free. Birthright: A War Story. This documentary examines how women are being jailed, physically violated and even put at risk of dying because of the aggressive campaign to take control of reproductive health care and to allow states, courts and religious doctrine to govern whether, when and how women will bear children. Art Theatre, 2025 E. Fourth St., Long Beach, (562) 438-5435. Sat.-Sun., 11 a.m. $8.50-$11.50. Spartacus. Frida’s Classics series presents Stanley Kubrick’s 1960 drama about a rebellious slave (Kirk Douglas) who leads a revolt with 78 fellow gladiators against his owner (Peter Ustinov) and a corrupt Roman senator (Laurence Olivier) to save a female companion (Jean Simmons). The Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana; thefridacinema.org. Sat.Sun., 12:30 p.m. $7; Sun., 5:30 p.m. $10. A Girl Is a Fellow Here. Beverly Willis, who was a colleague of Frank Lloyd Wright at his Arizona compound, made the documentary short on the famed

BY MATT COKER ANOTHER KISSING PART?!?

LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

architect’s equal treatment of the female role in his work and more broadly in the architecture field. Bowers Museum of Cultural Art, 2002 N. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 567-3677. Sat., 1:30 p.m. $6; members, free. The Irregular at Magic High School the Movie: The Girl Who Summons the Stars. The anime, from the saga’s original creator Tsutomu Sato, tells the tale of a pair of siblings and their friends who attend Magic High School. Set between the 10th and 11th volumes of the original novel series, The Girl Who Summons the Stars finds Tatsuya, Miyuki and their friends chilling on Ogasawara Island during spring break. Along comes Kokoa, a young girl who has escaped from a naval base, to change everything. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Sat., 7:30 p.m. $15. The Iron Giant. Brad Bird’s highly praised animated tale about a young boy (voiced by Eli Marienthal) befriending a giant robot (Vin Diesel) from outer space that paranoid government agents want to destroy. Newport Dunes Waterfront Resort & Marina, (949) 729-3863. Sat., dusk. Free, but it costs to park on the premises. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Besides the ability to ogle Phoebe Cates’ naughty bits, the familiarity with real-life

classmates exactly like Sean Penn’s fictional Jeff Spicoli is what I believe made this an instant classic among native Southern Californians my age. Various theaters; www.fathomevents.com. Sun. & Wed., 2 & 7 p.m. $12.50. Edward Scissorhands. Tim Burton’s romantic dark fantasy from 1990 is about the titular hilltop recluse (Johnny Depp) finding love with a flatlander (Winona Ryder) despite his really sharp fingers. Renee and Henry Segerstrom Center for the Arts, Plaza, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.scfta. org/MovieMondays. Mon., dusk. Free. Rock ‘n’ Roll Legends. This Osher Lifelong Learning Institute series continues. Cal State Fullerton, Ruby Gerontology Center, (657) 278-2446; olli.fullerton.edu. Tues., noon. Free. The Little Mermaid. Ariel, a 16-yearold mermaid, is forbidden by her father King Triton from mixing with the humans on land, but doggone it, she’s gone and fallen for a handsome prince. The National Night Out screening includes games, food trucks and a costume contest. Fountain Valley Recreation Center, 16400 Brookhurst St., Fountain Valley; www.fountainvalley.org/856/ Special-Events. Tues., activities, 6 p.m.; screening, dusk. Free. Moana. Disney’s 56th animated fea-

ture is about a young princess and navigator (Auli’i Cravalho) searching the South Pacific for a fabled island of mysterious secrets. Portola Park, 301 S. Euclid St., La Habra, (562) 383-4205. Tues., 6 p.m. Free. Grateful Dead Meet-Up 2017. In celebration of what would have been Jerry Garcia’s 75th birthday, cinemas nationwide present the seventh annual Grateful Dead Meet-Up at the Movies. The one-night event features the band’s complete, never-before-seen performance at RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C., on July 12, 1989, which opened with the Dead’s biggest hit, “Touch of Grey.” Various theaters; www.fathomevents.com. Tues., 7 p.m. $12.50. The Princess Bride. Rob Reiner’s excellent 1987 adventure movie has a swashbuckler (Cary Elwes) trying to save his childhood sweetheart (Robin Wright) from marrying President Underwood. Fencing, fighting and a lot of Wright-Kevin Spacey scenery chewing in the last season streamed on Netflix ensue. Oh, wait, wrong show. Regency Directors Cut Cinema at Rancho Niguel, 25471 Rancho Niguel Rd., Laguna Niguel, (949) 831-0446. Tues., 7:30 p.m. $8. 90 Minutes In Heaven. Pronounced dead by rescue workers after a car accident, Texas pastor Don Piper (Hayden

Christensen) believes that he visited heaven before springing back to life 90 minutes later. Christian Life Center, 404 W. Wilshire Ave., Fullerton; clcfullerton. com. Wed., 6:30 p.m. Free. Jaws. The 1975 Steven Spielberg movie that so infiltrated pop culture it spawned many imitators, started blockbuster thinking inside Hollywood studios and turned a little piece of John Williams’ music that played whenever the killer Great White was around into the Universal Tune for Foreboding. Pacific City, Level Two, 21010 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach; www.gopacificcity. com/events/. Wed., 7 p.m. Free. Army of Darkness. In 1992’s third installment from the Evil Dead series, Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) is accidentally transported back to 1300 A.D., where his foes include Bad Ash! Regency South Coast Village, 1561 Sunflower Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 557-5701. Wed., 7:30 p.m. $9. The Jungle Book. It’s the 2016 version of the classic with Mowgli (Neel Sethi), who has been raised by jungle animals since he was an abandoned baby, then forced to return to the human world. Peppertree Park, 230 W. First St., Tustin, (714) 573-3326. Thurs., Aug. 3, activities, 5:30 p.m.; screening, 7:50 p.m. Free. MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM

Still Standing . . . For a While

OCMA showcases artists who took on the museum’s scheduled move By dave Barton

IS THIS ALSO A METAPHOR FOR JOURNALISM?

CHRIS BLISS PHOTOGRAPHY

Quinteros’ destroyed model of Newport Beach’s China House, a Chinese-style home built in the late 1920s and torn down in the ’80s. Quinteros walked from the site of SanTana’s former Chinatown (burned down at the command of city officials in 1906) to Corona del Mar, dragging a model of the quaint abode attached to a rope behind her. She documented its disintegration on an accompanying video, then placed the shambles inside a viewing case. We don’t know what, if anything, is buried in Borja’s grave. While we may be privy to his intent via notes, it also works on other levels: as a warning, a cynical aside, even a threat (to memory or the future). Likewise, Coblentz’s programming isn’t just another art exhibition or an examination of the museum’s angst. Instead, she’s given us a snapshot of what was previously an unexpressed transition throughout the world, capturing something that everyone was aware of, but few able to articulate. That she’s gathered so many fine artists lucid enough to do so with such fervor and prescience under one roof, however temporary, is a marvel. “2017 CALIFORNIA-PACIFIC TRIENNIAL: BUILDING AS EVER” at Orange County Art Museum, 850 San Clemente Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 7591122; www.ocma.net. Open Wed.-Thurs. & Sat.-Sun., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.8 p.m. Through Sept. 3. $7.50-$10; Fridays and children younger than 12, free.

Natural SkinHydrating Tips

ummertime is for vacation, traveling, beach visits and music festivals under the sun. But all that stress, heat and booze in those activities can really knock out the moisture in your skin, making it feel dry, flaky and conducive to wrinkles (I’m not ready to show my age yet—sorry!). Keeping your skin hydrated is key to preserving it at its best. So before your next scheduled Sunday funday, give your epidermis some muchneeded love to restore its natural, dewy glow because there’s no summer makeup trend that beats glowing, healthy skin!

Homemade hydrating masks: You could go to any drug store and purchase a hydrating sheet mask for your face, but the effects are temporary. There are plenty of DIY masks for a hydration boost, the ingredients for most of which you can find in your own kitchen: avocado, honey, egg whites, coconut oil and oatmeal. Blend any three of them together, then generously coat your face with the results, letting it sit for at least an hour before rinsing off. Natural toners: Alcohol-free, natural toners created from pure rose, cucumber, basil, aloe vera or lavender water will help to not only moisturize your skin, but also alleviate acne. Either use a cotton ball to swipe your face and neck, or pour into a spray bottle and spritz away. Wear less makeup: If you wear it, that is. The combination of paraben-filled foundations and loose powders mixed with sweat and oils is the quickest way to clog your pores, which leads to acne. Try to minimize the number of products you use if you know you’ll be out and about in humid weather. Chug water, damn it! You need at least 8 ounces of water a day to stay healthy and hydrated in general, so fill up that canteen and/or CamelBak and drink up. On the flip side, avoid long, hot showers so your skin isn’t stripped of its own moisture. AMURILLO@OCWEEKLY.COM

SHUTTERSTOCK PRESSMASTER

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the most political with a capital P. Initially unremarkable black-and-white vintage photos upon closer viewing reveal CIA documents laser cut into each one. As the current administration circles Iran like rabid weasels, threatening war, it sent chills up my spine reading the unclassified details of the 1953 U.S. and British coup that overthrew that nation’s democratically elected prime minister and opened the country’s oil fields to foreign powers. More subtly political, the sturdy, lightweight orange-and-gray framing in Estudio Teddy Cruz + Forman’s Mecalux Retro-fit: Framework for Incremental Housing resembles something you could pick up in a Home Depot. Walking underneath it, however, it’s refreshing to see it as something that is not only pretty to look at, but also something functional: With some coverings, it could work as an activist’s station for the easy dissemination of community info or, even better, an adequate, low-cost godsend to our homeless populations. Gentrification isn’t always internal in Alex Slade’s photographic documentations of downtown LA. Essentially majestic variations of scaffolding hiding renovated structures, the long titles of the pictures tip us off: the name of the building, its location, the billions of dollars budgeted for repair and (shockingly) the foreign company (usually Chinese or Korean) that owns it. That neglect of the once grand in our own back yard is echoed in performance artist Pilar

» aimee murillo

J u lymo 28n -August , 014 2 017 th x x–x 03 x, 2

onsidering the recent death of the Orange County Museum of Art’s plan to move from Newport Beach to Costa Mesa, it’s apropos that the art leading into the 2017 California-Pacific Triennial is an open grave chiseled from the museum’s concrete floor. The title of Mexican artist Santiago Borja’s This Is Architecture is taken from architect Adolf Loos’ quotation equating buildings with places of burial, and it sets the tone for the rest of the show. Subtitled “Building As Ever,” expectations were that this would be the last show at the current space. The excellent work inside—much of it created specifically for the Triennial—is focused on the impermanence of the structure housing it. Plans snuffed and headed to the boneyard, the museum’s stalled future has led to work that recalls homelessness, gentrification, new beginnings and demolition. Senior curator Cassandra Coblentz (aided by assistant curator Alyssa Cordova) has taken that precariousness and run with it, exhibiting an international cadre of artists from throughout the Pacific Rim. Of the 28 artists listed, 13 are from California (mostly LA, two from San Diego, one from Oakland); the remaining artists work in Asia, Oceania and South America. While one could and should ask why Coblentz couldn’t find and feature an artist from Orange County, she has otherwise chosen well. The work is focused and thoughtful, her curatorial notes densely informative. After the burial mound, it’s Vietnamese artist Trong Gia Nguyen who makes the first strongest impression. Nguyen has cut 2D representations of French colonial gates and fences out of sheets of wood, painting them in oil and acrylic. The thin sculptures suggest the everpresent reminders of her homeland’s former occupiers, as well as the fragility of that historical memory more than 60 years later. Even more enlightening is her series of mounted inkjet prints of U.S. homes that her friends have lived in over the years. Smaller pastel portraits that resemble a remedial coloring book have been inserted into holes cut out of the photos. The child-like drawings, displaced from the photographic realism of their surroundings in both medium and style, is haunting, reminding us of the dislocation that refugees face every day. All the work here is political in its recognition of intransigence and loss of history, of the things we try to remember and forget, but Ken Ehrlich’s collection of archival images of Iranian mosques are

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music»artists|sounds|shows

Emo’s Missing Link

Twenty-five years ago, Farside created a sound that still resonates around the world By Josh ChEsLEr

hen Farside broke into the local hardcore-punk scene of the early ’90s with Rochambeau, they didn’t really fit the mold of what was going on at the time. They weren’t really performing hardcore music, and they certainly weren’t of the same punk mold that flooded Orange County through the ’80s and ’90s. But that didn’t stop vocalist Michael “Popeye” Vogelsang and the rest of the band from creating and performing the thoughtful, catchy rock music that came naturally to them. “We all met through the hardcore scene—but obviously Farside wasn’t that hardcore—so we just decided to try something different and kind of made it up as we went along,” Vogelsang says. “We didn’t really have a plan, and we were mostly just amazed that people gave us the time of day. There really was no goal. We just wanted to make some music, and some people liked it.” The impact Farside left with their three full-length records and couple of EPs can still be felt across the musical landscape. Their tunes, which bridged the gap between post-hardcore and ’90s emo music, spread across the country into the ears of young fans—including members of Get Up Kids; Saves the Day, whose name actually stems from a lyric in Rochambeau’s “Hero”; and Gaslight Anthem, who cover Farside’s “I Hope You’re Unhappy”—but Popeye and his band mates were mostly worried about studying for college exams and not being late to their part-time jobs. “It’s not like we started the band to be the biggest band in the world or to make that much money,” Vogelsang says. “We never thought more than a month ahead, so every time something cool would happen, we’d just take a step back and think, ‘Isn’t this great?! Aren’t we lucky?!’ We were all going to school and had jobs, so we definitely never sat back on our laurels and thought we were part of something huge and amazing. “I always figured the bands that came before us were the really good bands and that there’d always be bands after us that would be more popular and more significant,” Vogelsang continues. “It wasn’t until someone would send you a letter from somewhere else in the world or you’d walk down the street and see someone wearing one of your T-shirts that we’d be reminded we were in the middle of something really cool.” Even 25 years later, it’s tough for the songwriter to look back on the band’s legacy and influence. Sometimes, while

cooking dinner, Vogelsang will throw on Rochambeau, Rigged or The Monroe Doctrine, but it’s more to see if it stacks up to his memories than to gloat or stroke his own ego. He’s still surprised by how many people, both in OC and around the world, remember the band’s contributions. “Once in a while, I’ll play a solo acoustic show somewhere on the East Coast and throw in a few Farside songs, and everyone knows the words and sings along,” Vogelsang says. “It’s hard for me to take it all in because I can’t believe that anybody still cares about it. I still meet people and get messages on Facebook and stuff where people will tell me how much an album meant to them, and I don’t even really know what to say to them. It’s like, ‘If you knew what a dork I really was, you might have a different opinion about Farside.’ “It’s great to still feel connected to all of it and to see that the community is still alive and thriving,” Vogelsang continues. “I guess we contributed in our own way, and it’s such an honor to see that. I’ll still bump into a younger band who’s a million times more successful than Farside ever was at a show, and they want to shake my hand and thank me for being an inspiration. The whole time, I’m just thinking, ‘But didn’t your record go platinum?’ It’s super- flattering, but I’d feel weird if I sat back and thought I had something to do with that.” Despite breaking up not long after dropping what many consider their masterpiece, 1999’s The Monroe Doctrine, the split wasn’t a bad one. “It became a question of what there was left for us to do anymore, so we just kind of went away quietly,” Vogelsang says. “We didn’t do a last show. We’ve never done a reunion—although we get an offer every once in awhile, but we’re all just cool with where we left it. “I’ve always appreciated that it didn’t end in a weird way,” Vogelsang continues. “After you log that many miles and that many years with a group of your buddies, you want to be able to hang on to that and have fond memories. We had plenty of disagreements, but I’m so thankful we never had any huge blowouts or anything.” Those friendships are what made Farside’s journey so special in the first place. Aside from forming their own brotherly bond, the longstanding relationships the group created throughout the rock scene and community—in part because they were known for being exceptionally wellbehaved at venues—are, to Vogelsang, the most important part of the band’s legacy. “Looking back, I can’t believe we got to

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do all of the stuff we got to do,” Vogelsang says with a laugh. “I still can’t give enough thanks to all of the people we got to work with and who supported us over the years

because that’s what made it fun. We were all just a bunch of goofballs who didn’t know what we were doing.” LETTERS@OCWEEKLY.COM

SHALL I COMPARE THEE TO A THRICE DAY?

SCOTT EVANS

Sludgier Than Thou

Shakespeare inspired the heavy sound of Less Art

he seeds of post-hardcore were firmly planted in the soil of Less Art before they were even a band. After touring in other groups for the better part of two or more decades, drummer Riley Breckenridge of Thrice; his brother, Thrice bassist Ed; and members of Kowloon City and Curl Up and Die have teamed up to produce a guttural, sludgy sound that evolved from a baseball-themed joke called Puig Destroyer into a new force of nature that’s both green and ferocious. (Their debut EP, Strangled Light, was released on July 28.) OC WEEKLY: You’ve described your band

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me a chance to scratch an itch that I don’t get to scratch with Thrice all that often. I listen to a lot of super-sludgy, super-heavy, brutal music. So having the opportunity to play it in a live setting with people I admire is really fun. How has the writing process changed between you and your brother? He’s playing guitar in Less Art instead of bass, and I’m playing with a different bass player for the first time ever. So it’s been cool to learn how to play with a different bass player and have the rhythm take shape and still play off what my brother does on guitar. Ed’s brain has always worked in a bizarre way, creatively; he writes a lot of weird stuff that I love. Having him get the opportunity to use that on a different instrument has been interesting. How do you balance a new band with an existing band and a family? I definitely could’ve picked a better time to do a side project. There’s not a lot of time to be creative. But the main priority aside from family is Thrice. But there are windows where I can work on Less Art stuff. Right now, Thrice has a pretty long break from the road, and we’re working on a new record, so I have time to work on the Less Art stuff. It’s a fun challenge, but also really difficult. . . . In a live setting, it’s gonna be something cool to see. Talk about your name, which was inspired by Shakespeare and basically described as “more substance, less rhetoric”? I think that’s the ethos of this band. There’s no bullshit involved. There’s no bullshit in Thrice either, but for this project, we’re just writing music and playing songs. We’re not out to do anything else but have a good time.

J u ly 2 8 -A u gu s t 0 3 , 2 0 17

as “post-hardcore by post-youths.” How do you look at the genre that originally inspired you now? RILEY BRECKENRIDGE: All of us in the band have been in bands, some for more than 15 years at least. We’ve been around a lot and played different kinds of shows, but at the core of Less Art is an appreciation for the bands that built hardcore and post-hardcore, such as Quicksand, Snapcase, Drive Like Jehu, Embrace and Cave In. So this is our chance to pay respects to those bands, drawing influence from those bands and putting a spin on it in our own way, taking little bits and pieces of what we do with our other bands. What’s it like to tackle a new band at this stage in your career with Thrice? It’s exciting, and it’s a lot of work. We’re on a really small label, with not much of a promotional budget, so it’s a lot of hustling, just like Thrice did in the late ’90s. But instead of making demo tapes and flittering shows, there’s a lot of social media stuff and song streaming and teasers. It’s a lot of work, but it’s a different kind of work, so that’s exciting. Musically, it gives

BY NATE JACKSON

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“Half Past Two makes the process so easy and fun,” he says. “They show up prepared, know what they want and are open-minded to ideas.” For Hahn, recording their best album to date was particularly important after Beckman’s cancer diagnosis. “Immediately, everything was put on hold so we could support Beckman through his recovery,” she says. “During that time, David stepped up and really helped us keep things going like Max wanted. I’m grateful that we’ve been able to unify and complete Camp Slushtone. It means so much more because of what it took to get here.” Over the Fourth of July weekend, Beckman relapsed and was admitted to the hospital. Though he was recently released, he’s facing “more severe” treatment this time around, Hahn says. “David is learning Max’s guitar parts because, just like before, Max doesn’t want his cancer to stop Half Past Two,” she says. “He’s just ready to beat this and get past it.” Beckman is grateful for the support of his band mates and fans. “It makes me want to push harder to live up to their expectations and do more and more,” he says. “We’re hoping to continue raising funding to add to the exclusive packages and provide even more goodies to our supporters.”

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fter he was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma last June, Max Beckman made one of priorities putting out a noteworthy fifth release with Half Past Two, his ska band of 10 years. Nearly one year later, that’s just what the Orange County group did. Half Past Two released Camp Slushtone on June 22 at the second annual Ska-mic Con event, which was created by guitarist Cameron Hallenbeck’s production company, Pocket Entertainment, and headlined by Less Than Jake and Reel Big Fish. The album, named for the band’s original moniker, was funded using Kickstarter. Half Past Two ended up raising more than $800 by fans, meeting their initial goal of $500 in less than 24 hours. A vinyl version (their first!) will be distributed in January as a split with their previous release, Mastering Karate. “We’ve been fortunate enough to cross a lot of our aspirations off the list, but vinyl has always been one of our goals,” says lead vocalist Tara Hahn. “With this new music, we just agreed it was time to make a Half Past Two vinyl.” The band, which formed in 2006, has always followed a do-it-yourself path, says guitarist David Parris. They are on their own label and book their own shows, and last month, they released a music video for “So Cal Summer,” which their filmmaker friend Chris Graue directed at a neighborhood pool party. “The ska scene around here is neat. Everybody helps each other,” Hahn says. “The music video needed to be done DIY so that, years down the road, we can look back and say, ‘Hey, look at all of these people that believed in one another and did this really cool thing together.’” Among the 12 upbeat ska tracks on the split album is a cover of the Killers’ “Smile Like You Mean It.” It was the fourth time the group recorded with David Irish of the Orange-based studio Pot o’ Gold Recording. Irish considers the work “the best written and performed songs they have done to date.”

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Anaheim GardenWalk, 400 W. Disney Way, Ste. 337, Anaheim; houseofblues.com/anaheim. COME JOIN FRIENDS: 6:30 p.m., $10. Chain Reaction, 1652 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim, (714) 635-6067; allages.com. Ave., Huntington Beach; gallerysevven.com.

DAMIEN ESCOBAR; MIKE PHILLIPS: part of the

Bank of the West Summer Concert Series, 6 p.m., $65$110. Hyatt Regency Newport Beach, 1107 Jamboree Rd., Newport Beach, (949) 729-1234; series.hyattconcerts.com. FREQUENCY FRIDAYS: 10:30 p.m., free. Brussels Bistro, 222 Forest Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 376-7955; brusselsbistro.com. JOHN WAITE: 8 p.m., $45. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com. PROOF BAR RESIDENT DJS: 9 p.m., free. Proof Bar, 215 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 953-2660; proofbar.com. RELEASE THE BATS: 9 p.m., $5. Que Sera, 1923 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 599-6170; queseralb.wix.com. RITUAL: EDM DJs, 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St., Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com. ROBERTO TAPIA; LARRY HERNANDEZ: 7:30 p.m., $30-$75. Pacific Amphitheatre, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (800) 745-3000; ticketmaster.com. SEGA GENECIDE: 10 p.m., free. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com. SURF CURSE; FRENCH VANILLA: 9 p.m., $15. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

SATURDAY

BEATLES VS. STONES—A MUSICAL SHOWDOWN: 8 p.m., $20. The Coach House,

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7:15 p.m., $32.50-$62.50. Pacific Amphitheatre, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (800) 745-3000; ticketmaster.com. EPIC SATURDAYS: 9:30 p.m., free. The Continental Room, 115 W. Santa Fe Ave., Fullerton, (714) 469-1879; facebook.com/ContinentalRoom. FLOCK OF ‘80S: 2:30 p.m., free. The Swallow’s Inn, 31786 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 493-3188; swallowsinn.com. HIP-HOP HOORAY: 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St., Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com. PROOF BAR RESIDENT DJS: 9 p.m., free. Proof Bar, 215 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 953-2660; proofbar.com. SWEET & TENDER HOOLIGANS: tribute to the Smiths and Morrissey, 8:30 p.m., $17.50-$20. Costa Mesa Speedway, 88 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (949) 4929933; costamesaspeedway.net. TOBIN SPROU; ELF POWER: 9 p.m., $13. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

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APOLLO BEBOP BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH: 8 a.m.,

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BIG DRILL CAR WITH THE WIDOWS: 3 p.m., $10.

Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. FULLY FULLWOOD REGGAE SUNDAYS: 3 p.m., $5. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 592-1321; donthebeachcomber.com. KENNY ROGERS: 8:15 p.m., $32.50-$62.50. Pacific Amphitheatre, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (800) 745-3000; ticketmaster.com. LIONEL RICHIE; MARIAH CAREY: 7 p.m., $56$598.93. Honda Center, 2695 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 704-2400; hondacenter.com. THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND: 8:30 p.m., $12$27.50. Costa Mesa Speedway, 88 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (949) 492-9933; costamesaspeedway.net. ROONEY: 8 p.m., $20. The Parish at House of Blues at Anaheim GardenWalk, 400 W. Disney Way, Ste. 337, Anaheim; houseofblues.com/anaheim. SUNDAY BLUES: 4 p.m., free. Malarkey’s Grill & Irish Pub, 168 N. Marina Dr., Long Beach, (562) 598-9431.

MONDAY

COUNTRY DANCIN’ WITH DJ PATRICK: 6:30 p.m.,

free. The Swallow’s Inn, 31786 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 493-3188; swallowsinn.com. DJ FLACO: 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St., Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com. DOUG LACY: 6 p.m., free. Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen, 1590 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 7765200; rbjazzkitchen.com.

TUESDAY

MIC DANGEROUSLY: 8 p.m., free. Gallagher’s Pub &

Grill, 2751 E. Broadway, Long Beach, (562) 856-8000; gallagherslongbeach.com. R3FLECT: 9 p.m., $5. Que Sera, 1923 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 599-6170; queseralb.wix.com. RISING STARS MUSIC SERIES: 5:30 p.m., free with festival admission ($8). Laguna Beach Festival of Arts, 650 Laguna Canyon Rd., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-1145; foapom.com.

WEDNESDAY

BACK CATALOG: 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St.,

Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com.

THE BAND PERRY: 7:45 p.m., $47.50-$80. Pacific

Amphitheatre, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (800) 745-3000; ticketmaster.com. BLUES WEDNESDAYS: 8 p.m., $5. Mozambique, 1740 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 715-7777; mozambiqueoc.com. DEREK BORDEAUX BAND: 7 p.m., free. Original Mike’s, 100 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-7764; originalmikes.com. MODERN DISCO AMBASSADORS: 10 p.m., $5. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com. QUEEN NATION: a tribute to the music of Queen, 8:30 p.m., $12-$20. Costa Mesa Speedway, 88 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (949) 492-9933; costamesaspeedway.net. THIS WILD LIFE: 8 p.m., $15. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

THURSDAY, AUG. 3

BEE GEES GOLD: 8:30 p.m., $17.50-$20. Costa Mesa

Speedway, 88 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (949) 492-9933; costamesaspeedway.net. DIVE CLUB: 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St., Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com. DOUG LACY: 6 p.m., free. Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen, 1590 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 7765200; rbjazzkitchen.com. THE FENIANS; ORION WALSH: part of the OC Parks Summer Concert Series, 6 p.m., free. Mile Square Park, 16801 Euclid St., Fountain Valley, (714) 973-6600; ocparks.com/milesquare. HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS: 8:15 p.m., $30-$60. Pacific Amphitheatre, 100 Fair Dr., Costa Mesa, (800) 745-3000; ticketmaster.com. PLOUGHBOYS: 7:30 p.m., $12.50-$25. Muckenthaler Cultural Center, 1201 W. Malvern Ave., Fullerton, (714) 738-6595; themuck.org.

Creepers I’m a reader in Kansas with two teenage daughters, 16 and 18. My girls recently met a boy where they work and both took an interest in him. The 18-year-old was devastated that he was more interested in her younger sister. I spoke to the 16-year-old about it, which is when I found out this boy is going to be a sophomore in college. The fact that he’s interested in a 16-year-old is a red flag. I asked the 16-year-old to keep her distance. She agreed, but I saw a shirtless photo he sent her. I don’t know what other photos he’s sent, and I don’t know what she’s sent him, but I immediately removed all photo apps from her phone. The girls have had public fights about this boy. They’ve made peace with each other, but now my 18-year-old wants to date him. I can’t control the actions of an 18-year-old, but (1) it seems likely this guy is a complete creep and (2) isn’t her relationship with her sister more important? Knowing A Numbskull Stalks Adorable Sisters

I get rock-hard. I’m not trying to be creepy, but I’m a guy and she’s a perfect female specimen. I can’t say, “We can’t be as physically close as we used to be” because that itself would be creepy and it would make her sad. Insert Dad Acronym Here Obviously

naughty!

Sometimes children grow up and get hot, and bonus adults in their lives—typically (and thankfully) not their bio or lifelong parents—can’t help but notice. The onus is on the adult in that situation to suppress that shit. Not awareness of a young person’s objective hotness, which cannot be suppressed, but all evidence of said awareness. Which means setting boundaries and, if necessary, keeping your distance. No, you shouldn’t go to your stepdaughter and say, “You got hot, and I get boners when you put your legs on my lap, so stop.” But you should put an end to the cuddling. When she plops down on the couch, go take a walk or a shower or a shit. Better she has a sad over the end of snuggle time than she notices your boners and feels unsafe around you. She’s most likely plopping down on you out of habit, IDAHO, not out of a need for affection from a trusted male. I promise you, she’s not going to start blowing bad boys in back alleys if she can’t get close enough to give you a boner anymore. (Also, if you don’t want to come across as a creep, don’t describe your stepdaughter—or any other woman—as a “perfect female specimen.” Ick.)

YOUR ONE STOP SHOP FOR:

My college-student daughter lives in an apartment over our garage. She has a boyfriend, age 19. After many loud “discussions,” he is allowed to sleep over. My daughter got an IUD without informing me, so I assume they’re sexually active. Two days ago, I crept into the apartment to check on something and found bondage items on her bed—a set of formidable leather restraints. I’m worried she’s being pressured to do things someone her age wouldn’t be interested in. We agreed not to go into the apartment when she wasn’t present, and I know there will be a loud “discussion” if I tell her what I saw. The mental image of my bound daughter distresses me, and I worry for her safety. What do I do? Offspring Has Incriminating Objects You stay the fuck out of your offspring’s apartment when she isn’t home, OHIO, per your agreement. And you keep these things in mind: Just as there are young queer people out there, there are young kinky people out there, too. Your adult daughter might be one of them. For all you know, the restraints were her idea and her boyfriend is the one getting tied up. And a scary-to-mom set of restraints is a lot safer than nylon clothesline or cheap handcuffs. Leather restraints distribute pressure evenly, making them less likely to pinch a nerve or cut off circulation. Like your adult daughter getting herself an IUD, formidable bondage gear is a good sign that she takes her safety seriously. (And how did you find out about the IUD she got without informing you? Did you wander up her vagina one day to “check on something”?) Finally, OHIO, it’s perfectly understandable that you don’t like the mental image of your adult daughter tied to the bed in her apartment (her apartment, not the apartment), but I’m guessing you don’t like the mental image of your adult daughter with a dick in her mouth, either. Just as you don’t torment yourself by picturing the blowjobs your adult daughter is almost certainly giving her boyfriend, don’t torment yourself by picturing whatever else she might be doing with, to or for him. Listen to Dan on the Savage Lovecast every week at www.savagelovecast.com. Contact Dan via email at mail@savagelove.net, follow him on Twitter (@fakedansavage), and visit ITMFA.org.

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I’m a straight guy married to a wonderful woman. She has a daughter. This girl’s bio dad is a checked-out deadbeat, so I have played “dad” since I met her mom five years ago. The girl who used to be a gangly, awkward 11-year-old is now 16, and there’s no other way to put this: She is hot. I’m not supposed to notice, I know, and I have ZERO interest in being creepy with her, and she has ZERO interest in me. But she has always liked to cuddle with me and still does. I believe safe closeness from a dad figure helps girls make good choices when it comes to boys. (If not for me, she might seek attention from douchebag teenage boys trying to take advantage.) I want to continue to play this role for her. But when she comes in wearing tiny shorts and puts her legs over my lap,

» dan savage

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J u ly 28 -August 03 , 2 017

1. I’m not ready to pronounce this guy a creep— at least not for the age difference. It sounds like he met your daughters someplace they’re all working this summer, which is a lot less icky than some college boy creeping on high-school girls via Instagram. And you say this boy is going to be a sophomore in college, KANSAS, but don’t give his age. There are 30-year-old college sophomores, of course, but if this boy went straight to college from high school, that would make him 19 years old. If your 16-year-old is closing in on 17, this guy could be “older” by two years and change. While I can understand why you wouldn’t want your younger daughter dating college boys, I think you are overreacting to the age difference—and it’s a moot issue, as he’s no longer pursuing your younger daughter. 1.5. You know what is creepy? Pursuing a pair of sisters. The possibility of conflict was so predictable it was likely a motivating factor for him. Getting off on drama and public fights isn’t a crime, but it is a red flag. 2. You ordered your 16-year-old to stop seeing this guy and deleted apps from her phone. (It’s cute you think your daughter isn’t tech-savvy enough to re-download and hide all the same apps.) You should warn your daughter about the risks of sexting—it may be legal for her to have sex (16 is the age of consent in Kansas), but she could face child-porn charges for sending photos, and this boy could wind up on a sex-offender registry for receiving them. (Laws meant to protect young people from being exploited are routinely used to punish them.) But don’t attempt to micromanage your daughters’ love lives. Parental disapproval has a way of driving teenagers into each other’s arms, KANSAS. If you don’t want your daughters having a fuck-you-mom threesome with this guy before the summer is over, you’ll let them work through this on their own—but go ahead and stitch “boys come and go, but sisters are forever” on a couple of pillows and put them on their beds.

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Mechanical Engineer: F/T. Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering, Resume to: Bi-Search International, Inc. 17750 Gillette Ave. Irvine, CA 92614.

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Restaurant General Mgr: Responsible for managing overall day-to-day operation & supervision of entire staff, ensure high level of customer satisfaction, etc. Req:BS in Hospitality Mgmt; must have taken “Hospitality Mktg Mgmt” and “Hospitality Industry Managerial Accounting” courses. Send resume to:Two Two Fried Chicken, Inc.Attn: James Ha 1707 E. Del Amo Blvd. Carson, CA 90746

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