June 16, 2016 – OC Weekly

ALBUQUERQUE • VENTURA • OREGON’S MUSIC FESTIVALS • EL PASO • NEVADA’S LONeLIEST HIGHWAY • BODIE • BAJA • BIG SUR • UTAH • Antigua • COSTA RICA & MORE Ju n e 17-23, 2016 | vo l u me 21 | n u mber 4 2

Fr o m o n e O r a n g e Co u n t y t o a n o t h er , G a y l ik e y o u 'v e n ev er g a y ed b efo r e | o cwe ek l y.co m

o n g T n i a g h t H

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el kicks FROM THE DESERT • • GTeOt TyHoEu rS EtAr av to THE SIERRAS AND BEYOND

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Summer Guide 2016 21 | Go on a Westcation!

22 | How an Orange County boy fell in love with Albuquerque.

By Gustavo Arellano 24 | Your ABQ to-do list.

By Gustavo Arellano 28 | Two lifelong friends get ritzy in Palm Springs. By Aimee Murillo 30 | Ojo Caliente in New Mexico brings on the mud. By Lisa Black 32 | Southern Utah: More than just Mormons! By Matt Coker 36 | Don’t say there’s nothing to do in Arizona during the summer—just ask Sonoita. By Patrice Marsters 39 | The California ghost town of Bodie comes alive. By Randy Borger 40 | Travels on Nevada’s Highway 50, the loneliest road in America.

By Taylor Hamby 46 | Reno me! By Matt Coker 50 | Big Sur replenishes the soul.

By Mary Carreon 52 | Southern Oregon, from Medford to old cemeteries. By Dave Barton 58 | A weekend in Ventura, SoCal’s best-kept-secret beach town.

By Gustavo Arellano 60 | Over the volcanoes in Antigua, Guatemala. By Dustin Ames 64 | Beware the monkeys of Costa Rica. By Denise De La Cruz 68 | Baja California isn’t the secret it

used to be. By Dave Lieberman 72 | Travel the West by bus with America Asia tours. By Edwin Goei 74 | Tired of Baja? Try Sonora.

By Bill Esparza 76 | The High Sierra beckon you, so submit. By Dave Mau 80 | El Paso is the proud underdog of the Southwest. By Gabriel San Román 86 | Don’t believe the media: Mexico City is safe and wonderful.

By Nick Schou 92 | Following Central California’s drunken-author trail. By Joel Beers 98 | Oregon has some of the best summer music festivals in the country.

By Nate Jackson 100 | Indie-league baseball ain’t all it’s cracked up to be—it’s better.

By Josh Chesler

in back

Calendar

102 | EVENTS | Things to do while

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113 | CONCERT GUIDE 117 | SAVAGE LOVE | By Dan Savage

on the cover

Photo and design by Dustin Ames

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There is no Orange Feathers this week. Instead, enjoy this Sad Chewie selection from Luke McGarry and the amazing people over at Super Deluxe.

Check them out on Instagram: @lukeymcgarry and @superdeluxe.

LUKE MCGARRY

U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California

O

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PRODUCTION

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A proposed $7,325,000 class action settlement has been reached in a lawsuit called Joyce Roberts v. Wyndham Hotels and Resorts, LLC, et al., USDC NDCA Case No. 12-cv-05083-PSG. The lawsuit claims that Defendants’ third party vendor recorded telephone calls of persons calling certain toll-free reservations and customerservice lines without telling callers that the calls may be recorded, allegedly in violation of California law. Defendants have denied the claims. Nonetheless, Defendants and the Class Representatives have agreed to settle the dispute to avoid the uncertainty and costs of litigation. The $7,325,000 settlement fund will pay eligible claims, notice and administration costs, attorneys’ fees and expenses, and the named plaintiff’s service award.

Who is a class member?

You are a Class Member if you are a California resident who, while physically located in California, called one or more toll-free telephone numbers associated with Wyndham Rewards®, Wyndham Hotels and Resorts®, Wyndham Grand® Hotels and Resorts, Wyndham Garden® Hotels, Travelodge®, Ramada®, Knights Inn®, Wingate®, Days Inn®, Super 8®, Baymont®, Hawthorn®, Microtel®, or Tryp® between May 1, 2011 and March 23, 2012, inclusive, were routed to a call center operated by a third-party vendor (Aegis), spoke to a representative and were recorded without notice.

1-800-889-8319 www.CARecordedCallsSettlement.com Hotel Call Recording Settlement Claims Administrator c/o Rust Consulting, P.O. Box 2506, Faribault, MN 55021-9506

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What are my legal rights?

To receive a settlement payment, eligible class members must submit a claim. It is expected that eligible class members who submit a timely and valid Claim Form will receive at least $150 per qualified call but not more than $5,000 per call. The amount of each individual settlement payment will

depend on the total number of claims filed.

Whether or not you submit a claim, if the Court approves the settlement, unless you take steps to exclude yourself from the settlement, you will be bound by all of the Court’s orders. This means you will not be able to make any claims against Defendants or other Released Parties covered by the settlement.

If you wish to submit a claim, visit www.

CARecordedCallsSettlement.com or contact the Claims Administrator at 1-800-889-8319 to get a claim form. The deadline to submit claims August 18, 2016.

If you do not wish to be a member of the settlement class, you must submit a letter to the Claims Administrator at the address below postmarked by August 18, 2016. If you opt-out you cannot submit a claim form. Visit the settlement website for more information.

If you wish to object to the settlement, you must do so by submitting your objection to the Court in person or postmarked by August 18, 2016. Visit the settlement website for more information.

A final hearing will be held on October 18, 2016 at 10:00 a.m. to determine the fairness, reasonableness and adequacy of the proposed settlement and to award attorneys’ fees and costs and plaintiff’s service award.

The motion for attorneys’ fees and costs and plaintiff’s service award will be posted on the settlement website after it is filed. You may attend the hearing, but you do not have to.

This is only a summary. For detailed information including the full text of the Settlement Agreement, the Class Notice and the Claim Form, visit www.

CARecordedCallsSettlement.com, call 1-800-889-8319, or write to: Settlement Administrator at Hotels Call Recording Settlement c/o Rust Consulting, P.O. Box 2506, Faribault, MN 55021-9506.

Ju ne 17 - 23 , 20 16

EDITOR Gustavo Arellano MANAGING EDITOR Nick Schou ASSOCIATE EDITOR Patrice Marsters SENIOR EDITOR, NEWS & INVESTIGATIONS R. Scott Moxley STAFF WRITERS Mary Carreon, Matt Coker MUSIC EDITOR Nate Jackson WEB EDITOR Taylor Hamby CALENDAR EDITOR Aimee Murillo CLUBS EDITOR Denise De La Cruz PROOFREADER Lisa Black CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Reyan Ali, Dave Barton, Joel Beers, Sarah Bennett, Lilledeshan Bose, Kyle Cavaness, Josh Chesler, Heidi Darby, Alex Distefano, Edwin Goei, Michael Goldstein, Courtney Hamilton, LP Hastings, Daniel Kohn, Dave Lieberman, Alejandra Loera, Adam Lovinus, Todd Mathews, Patrick Montes, Katrina Nattress, Nick Nuk’em, Anne Marie Panoringan, Amanda Parsons, Ryan Ritchie, Gabriel San Román, Andrew Tonkovich, Chris Ziegler EDITORIAL INTERNS Isabella Cano, Angelena Grady, Sophia Perricone, Cynthia Rebolledo, Christopher Toland, Victor Valladares

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AlGae, Bob Aul, Jared Boggess, Mark Dancey, Rob Dobi, Jeff Drew, Scott Feinblatt, Greg Houston, Jesse Lenz, Cameron K. Lewis, Bill Mayer, Luke McGarry, Kevin McVeigh, Thomas Pitilli, Mina Price, Joe Rocco, Julio Salgado PHOTOGRAPHERS Mary Bell, Jennifer Fedrizzi, Scott Feinblatt, Brian Feinzimer, John Gilhooley, LP Hastings, Zack Herrera, Jonathan Ho, Ryan Philip Lane, Danny Liao, Shane Lopes, Liz Monroy, Corey Nickols, Matt Oliver, Jeanne Rice, Rickett & Sones, Josue Rivas, Susan Sabo, Chad Sengstock, Beth Stirnaman, Sean Teegarden, Miguel Vasconcellos, Christopher Victorio, William Vo, Jennie Warren EDITORIAL ART INTERNS Nick Bockelman, Mercedes Del Real

If you are a California resident and while located in California called Wyndham Rewards® or certain hotel brands, you could receive money from a Class Action Settlement

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DAVE MAU

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— —GU ST VO STA O ARE ELLA LL LANO NO

Ju ne 17 - 23 , 2 01 6

very ve very ry yeaar, r, the h wor o ld d com omes to Or Oran ange gee Cou un ntty fo forr su umm mmer err: to o llo oun unge ge in a L Laagu g na res esor o t, to frro or ollic at Di Disn sn sney neyyland land nd, tto o sho h p at at So S out uth h Co oasst Pl Plaz aza, a to ba a, b r cr c awl aw wl fr from om m Hun unti tingto on Be B ac ach h to Olld To O Town wn wne ne Or Orange anggee. We an We’r ’ree he h aavven e on ea eart rth h during thiss se seaason be beca c us ca usee wee have avve evveerry ryt ythi hin ngg— —eeveen su surff rio iots ts!!

An And nd yeet . . . yo you u wa want nt to ggo o. Aw Away ay fro rom om th the crrow o ds ds. To placess u kn un know now wn,, plaace ces es beello ove ovveed, d, plaace ces wh wherre th the vviissttas aree amazi the z ng and the deal de a s pr prep epos oste stteero roussly rous ly cheap heap he ap.. So So do wh what att thi his coun his co ountr t y hi tr hist stor oric ical allly did i w en hom wh ome fo forr th he su summ mmer mm er pro rovved too mu uch ch: Go Wes e t, you ung ca cabr bron ones e.

Ovver the O h yea e rss, ou our wr writ i erss ha it have learned d to lo lovee dif iffe fere rent parts ts of thee re th regi gion on n: th the gr gree een n ch chille ro roaasts of Albu uqu quer erqu que, the romantiici c sm of th he Hi H gh Sieerra rra, the he any nythingg-go goes cha h rmss of non on-V -Veg egass Nev evad ada da, the h everr-bec ev -beccko -b k ni n ng all llur uree of Mex xicco. For o this ye year ar, we wan antt to reg egale yo y u with wi th h ourr tal alles e of West estca cati tion ons, n , fro rom m Or Oreg egon on to Ell Pas aso, o, Cos osta ta Ricca to the C li Ca lifo ffo orn rnia ia gho h st tow wn ca call lled ed d Bodie. Don’t get us wro ron ong: ng We We’rre go going to be doi o ngg a lot o of grrea eatt th thiingss in Or Orangee Countty this sum u meer, too oo.. Bu Butt t ke ta k a wee e ke k nd nd and d dri rive vee or fl flyy or hitch c a rid de an nd di disc s ov sc over e the Ameri rica caa yo ou ne neve ver kn ve knew ew unt ntil il now w. Ju Just stt rem e em mb beer:: You o caan n’tt hol o d it it in u un nti till th he next ne x gas as sto top! p p!

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THE COUNTY | CLASSIFIEDS | MUSIC | CULTURE | FOOD | CALENDAR | CONTENTS | | Westcation Summer Travel Issue| FILM | classifieds | calendar| FEATURE | music | |food | feature | contents J uMne 2 016 ON17-23 TH X,X–X X , 2014 OCWEEKLY.COM | | ocweekly.com

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ABQ FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO GOLF COURSE

ALBUQUERQUE HISPANO CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

Albuquerque, Mi Amor How an Orange County boy fell in love with Albuquerque—and why you should, too

S

he was from Charleston, maybe Jacksonville . . . Kansas City? I can’t remember.

But wherever the lady was from, her question echoed in my mind: Why was I, a resident of Orange County, urging a bunch of out-of-towners such as her to do business in Albuquerque?

I was in the hot seat, surrounded by about 30 people, all meeting planners from across the country being fêted by the Albuquerque Hispano Chamber of Commerce and the city’s Convention & Visitor’s Bureau. We were inside the Torreón, a 45-foot circular tower on the campus of the National Hispanic Cultural Center that features a stunning 4,000-square-foot fresco depicting the history of the Americas and beyond. The visitors had just been blessed in the New Mexico sacrament of roasted green chiles,

BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO seen the center’s gorgeous permanent exhibit of Southwestern art, and had more activities planned for the day that would show them the glories of the Duke City.

So, why the hell was an OC boy so enthusiastic about ABQ? And why would city officials invite me, of all the people they possibly could invite, to drum up some business for the best-kept secret of the Southwest?

I brought up that point as I stood in the center of the Torreón, whose acoustics made whispers into booms and transformed my already-loud voice into something approaching Ned Beatty’s bombastic TV executive in Network. I had no notes, no PowerPoint; it was all corazón. And my pitch to the travelers was simple: I was once like them. I never gave any thought to Albuquerque outside of what television

shows and the media told me to think.

And then I came, I saw, and I fell in love— and they should do the same and spread the gospel far and wide.

There’s a new hashtag being used around town: #whyabq. Why? Because this is the best city you’ve never visited— and it’s waiting to make you a believer.

Just like me.

I

first came to Albuquerque in the spring of 2007, during one of the most tumultuous times of my professional career. OC Weekly had just imploded, three-quarters of the staff quitting within a month. My first book, ¡Ask a Mexican!, was about to get released. I had just turned 27 and was getting job offers for mucho dinero, but the Great Weekly Schism had worn me down

enough to consider walking away from it all and returning to my first paid job: being a janitor.

And then I landed in ABQ. Growing up, I only knew two things about the city: Bugs Bunny’s constant shoutouts after getting lost, and The Simpsons episode in which Homer discovers that the Springfield Isotopes were planning to move to Albuquerque. That latter gag proved so influential that the city’s real-life minor-league team actually changed its name to the Isotopes, making The Simpsons fan in me marvel, but the reporter part cringe. Was Albuquerque that much of a hick town it needed to drum up fake attention like that?

Quite the opposite. If anything, the Isotopes controversy was an insight into a peo-

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Albuquerque, Mi Amor » FROM PAGE 22

Your ABQ To-Do List

BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO

ple that take criticism and stereotypes with a laugh and a shrug of their shoulders—forgive America, for they know not what they do. And the first hint that the city was far cooler than people made it out to be came gracias to my ¡Ask a Mexican! column.

A year before my inaugural encuentro, the Albuquerque Alibi became the first newspaper to syndicate my Mexi-flavored rants. The alt-weekly got inundated with threats of boycotts, angry phone calls and enough mad letters that then-editor Steven Robert Allen suggested we do a cover story in which he’d ask me to explain the column, in an effort to calm them down. It worked. Suddenly, the opposite happened: The paper started receiving fan mail.

Burqueños thanked me for standing up to racists and for giving a voice to people like them. Many of them assumed I lived in Albuquerque; when I admitted I’m in Orange County, nearly all suggested I go learn what the city was really about.

I finally visited at the invite of the New Mexico Library Association, which staged the 2007 Mountain Plains Library Association conference. The seminars were at the Albuquerque Convention Center, a largeyet-comfy gathering place that proved perfect for hosting a bunch of nerds. By a scheduling quirk, I’d be able to stay three nights in Albuquerque in return for attending the main dinner (the keynote speaker was Michael Wallis, a fabulous writer of the West who unfortunately spoke longer than he should have) and doing a workshop on how to get more Latinos into libraries.

The rest of the time, I was on my own.

I stopped by the Alibi’s offices, a quirky building off Central Avenue, the city’s former stretch of Route 66. But my Virgil into Albuquerque’s beauty was Dan Mayfield, a reporter whom I initially met in Los Angeles during a reporters’ seminar.

He’s quintessential ABQ: family dating back centuries, more kraut-mick than anything, but proud of his raza roots. Dan is everything I’m not—a smooth talker, a looker and a chingón—but we hit it off in LA and painted the town Christmas (ask New Mexicans what that means). He took me to bars; introduced me to fans; and treated me to my first Frito pie, my first smothered burrito and my first Blake’s Lotaburger. And when he thought I was homesick, Dan and his friends took me to the Frontier Restaurant, a legendary 24-hour diner with a room filled with John Wayne memorabilia. Um, thanks?

The city immediately electrified me.

There were a lot of great touristy things to do—museums, concert venues, shopping, hikes—yet it was the gente that charmed me the most. The old-timers were rightfully proud of Albuquerque’s history and hosting prowess, but the young folks knew they were on the cusp of something great and ready to let America know about it.

I’ve been back every year since, and ABQ gets even better all the time. For my

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H

ere is just a very partial list of things, places and gems to see, experience or drink in Albuquerque. At this point, I can write a book—and maybe I should—but this will do for now. Enjoy the capital of the Southwest!

A couple of years ago, my wife and I decided to forsake our usual lodging of Holiday Inn Expresses and stayed at Los Poblanos Historic Inn (4803 Rio Grande Blvd. NW, Los Ranchos De Albuquerque, 505-344-9297; www. lospoblanos.com) as a mini-honeymoon; it’s the only place we’ve stayed at since, damn the prices. A series of cottages set in a lavender farm offers the comfiness of a staycation with the oasis-like quality of a dream—a bunch of trees, lily ponds and silos will do that to you.

Breakfasts featuring local veggies, cheeses and meats are complimentary for guests, and there’s even a secret happy hour in Los Poblanos’ library. Stroll the grounds or relax in the main building, a former ranch house featuring numerous WPA artworks. And be on the lookout for Albert, the albino peacock!

Just down the street is Bookworks (4022 Rio Grande Blvd. NW, Albuquerque, 505-3448139; www.bkwrks.com), the city’s finest indie bookstore and the place all the major authors stop at when they have a new tome to plug. It specializes in books of the American Southwest and current events.

Jubilation Wine and Spirits (3512 Lomas Blvd. NE, Albuquerque, 505-255-4404; www. jubilationwines.com) is the Hi-Time Wine Cellars of New Mexico. Its biggest holdings are in wines, many from the Land of Enchantment’s underrated wineries, but it also stocks shelves of local craft beer. Even better, Jubilation makes it a point to carry all the spirits that New Mexico’s distilleries are increasingly, um, distilling, whether from Silver Springs or Santa Fe, absinthe or pecan-flavored rum.

The National Hispanic Cultural Center (1701 Fourth St. SW, Albuquerque, 505-2462261; www.nhccnm.org) not only has impressive permanent and traveling exhibits, but it also offers almost-nightly performances (either outdoors in its gorgeous plaza or inside its spacious theater), featuring everything from flamenco and New Mexican music to chipster darlings La Santa Cecilia and Quetzal.

Plus, it houses some of the most thorough genealogical records of Hispanic lineage in the Americas. Do you claim that your family came directly from Spain and never married with Injuns? Here lies the truth.

At some point, you have to stop at Blake’s LotaBurger (www.lotaburger.com), the In-NOut of the Southwest most famous for its green chile hamburgers and for its ubiquity (there are more than 30 in ABQ alone). Even better, though, Blake’s offers awesome carne adovada burritos in the morning—you’ve never had a breakfast burrito until you try New Mexico’s version of al pastor. And its seasonal milkshakes spotlight everything from peach to boysenberry.

While Albuquerque is awesome, a day trip north to the Santuario de Chimayó (15 Santuario Dr., Chimayó—but don’t bother with GPS on this one; www.elsantuariodechimayo.

FUNKY MURAL IN NOB HILL

ALBUQUERQUE HISPANO CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

us) is also a must. It houses a couple of small shrines, one of which holds a pozo from which you can get holy dirt, another housing a statue of the Santo Niño de Atocha, an apparition of the Baby Jesus that brought comfort to soldiers during the Bataan Death March. Surrounding the Santuario are small stores selling everything from smoky Chimayó chiles to folk art. And while any time is great for a visit, the best time is right after a snowstorm, when the snow starts melting off roofs and the whole scene resembles the holiest Christmas village you’ll ever encounter.

Then spend the night in Santa Fe. The Drury Plaza Hotel (828 Paseo De Peralta, Santa Fe, 505-424-2175; druryplazasantafe.com) is a gorgeous spot just off the city’s historic center with an awesome, free happy hour for guests and the magnificent Eloisa run by Southwesterncuisine legend John Sedlar and has a Georgia O’Keeffe-inspired dinner (Sedlar’s aunt was her personal cook for years). And before you leave, step into Santa Fe’s beautiful indie bookstore, Collected Works (202 Galisteo St., Santa Fe, 505-988-4226; www.cwbookstore.com), which is usually open by 8 a.m.

Back to ABQ: The best-known brewer is Tractor Brewing (118 Tulane Dr. SE, Albuquerque, 505-433-5654; www.getplowed.com), and its most recent location is in trendy Nob Hill.

My beer-sipping pals vouch for the brews (I infamously can’t stand beer), but I swear by the cider, which comes from New Mexico apples and makes Mott’s taste like gutter water.

The Etsy crowd goes to The Octopus and the Fox (514 Central Ave. SE, Albuquerque, 505-203-2659; octofoxshop.com), which sells the makes of local crafters, vintage tchotchkes and the coolest New Mexico-logoed stuff you can imagine. A pillow emblazoned with a map of New Mexico? Score!

You’re on native land, so stop by Pueblo Harvest Cafe and Bakery at the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center (2401 12th St. NW, Albuquerque, 505-724-3510; www.indianpueblo.org).

Serving foods traditional (pozole, mutton stew) and not (onion rings in blue corn batter), I once ordered seven dishes that fed me for a week, so delicious and hearty the offerings were.

For a rollicking time, your spot is Effingbar and Grill (5300 Sequoia Rd., Albuquerque, 505-833-3765; www.effingbaralb.com). Don’t underestimate its strip mall location: I’ve seen everything from massive brawls to Selena singalongs to a little man dominating the dance floor by charming the chonis off the night’s

hottest women with his moves.

Even if you don’t like war, the National Museum of Nuclear Science and History (601 Eubank Blvd. SE, Albuquerque, 505-2452137; www.nuclearmuseum.org) is a wonderful way to learn about our Atomic Age and to recite what Oppenheimer said as he saw Trinity exploding just a couple of hours away.

Albuquerque is a great place for vintage shopping, and the best store is Flea Mart (5015 Lomas NE, Albuquerque, 505-262-8585). I’ve found everything from Katharine Hepburn bios to old-time dentist kits to beautiful Pendleton CONVENTION CENTER

ALBUQUERQUE CONVENTION CENTER

short-sleeved shirts for $10.

Quick shoutouts: The Albuquerque Museum (2000 Mountain Rd. NW, Albuquerque, 505-242-4600; www.albuquerquemuseum.org) offers cutting-edge art and history and also has a massive sculpture honoring the town’s original settlers. Go to Albuquerque Convention Center (401 Second St. NW, Albuquerque, 505-7684575; www.albuquerquecc.com) for your guild/ society/organization/club’s annual bacchanal, Burritos Alinstante (2101 Broadway SE, Albuquerque, 505-242-0966; burritosalinstante.com) for awesome New Mexico-style burritos, and Barelas Cafe (1502 Fourth St. SW, Albuquerque, 505-843-7577) for a bowl of red chile.

And two more mini-odes: La Mexicana (306 Coal Ave. SW, Albuquerque, 505-242-2558) not only serves great New Mexican food, but it’s also a tortilla factory that’s among the oldest in Albuquerque and sources its corn from Estancia, New Mexico, home to some of the finest kernels in the United States. And it has a small shop that sells awesome blue corn tortillas to-go, perfect tortilla chips, scalding-yet-sweet jarred ghost pepper salsa and sopaipillas for days. Finally, the Albuquerque Hispano Chamber of Commerce (1309 Fourth St. SW, Albuquerque, 505-842-9003; www.ahcnm.org), one of the oldest such Latino organizations in the United States, is filled with people ready to regale you with the best things to do in ABQ. See you here soon!

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Albuquerque, Mi Amor » FROM PAGE 24

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Taco USA book, we had a sold-out crowd at the historic El Pinto restaurant celebrating its release with enchiladas and a set by New Mexican music legend Al Hurricane, the coolest person alive who wears an eyepatch. I’ve hung in the historic Barelas barrio, in streetwise South Valley, in trendy Nob Hill. With Pueblo Indians, Hispanos, Mexicans, gabachos, natives and transplants. Gotten borracho at biker bars, dined at James Beard-nominated restaurants and heard thrilling rhymes by the city’s inaugural poet laureate, Hakim Bellamy. A craft-beer-and-spirits renaissance is blooming, along with a food scene that knows America is watching (here in Southern California, roasting Hatch chiles has become a hipster thing in the past decade, while that’s August and September in New Mexico).

About the only thing I haven’t done is ride a hot-air balloon—because who needs to go up in the sky when you’re already floating on air? And while that might’ve been the worst sentence of my career, I stand by it: Every time I’m in Albuquerque, my batteries charge like a Tesla.

And it’ll do the same to you.

H

owever you get to Albuquerque, it’s going to wow you.

Fly in, and you’ll arrive in a little facility so charming (and with minimal wait lines) with its turquoise-and-adobe color scheme that it’s no mere airport; it’s called the Sunport, a callback to the Zia sun symbol. But to truly arrive, you gotta drive. Leave at 4 in the morning from OC, take the 91 to the 15 to Interstate 40, and drive. Journey through the remnants of the Mother Road, through the ponderosa pine forests of Arizona and the stunning cliffs that greet you as you cross into New Mexico.

Through Gallup and Grants, trading posts and trucker stops. It’s only about a 12-hour trek, and you’ll get into Albuquerque in the late afternoon, as the sun turns purple and the city takes on a gold hue. You descend into the city, with the Sandia Mountains looming on the horizon and dramatic clouds creating alternating dramatic shadows and blinding rays over everything. If there’s a more stunning city landscape in the Southwest, you must’ve seen it on Minecraft.

Charles Fletcher Lummis famously called New Mexico the Land of Poco Tiempo, setting a template that has repeated itself ever since: the outsiderturned-acolyte who tries to define the state while drowning out actual native voices. I’m now guilty of that, and I don’t care. Because the Albuquerque I know and love is the Albuquerque that’s lived by some of the proudest yet most humble city boosters I’ve ever met. There’s Joseph Baca, a former wine critic who can trace his ancestry back to the 1600s and who once wrote a cover story called “Ask a New Mexican,” for which I asked Baca questions about New Mexico’s slice of the

mestizo enchilada. Mayfield, of course, who once took me to the Albuquerque Press Club’s members-only clubhouse (oh, the cynical, chain-smoked humblebrags that happen there). Russell Contreras, a transplant from Houston who went native and now sends out some of the AP’s strongest regional dispatches. Through the Hispano Chamber of Commerce, I met COO Synthia Jaramillo and graphic designer Jen Montaño, two wisecracking chicas who nevertheless are all business about repping their town. They’re the ones who started the #whyabq hashtag as a way to grab back their narrative from others—and the last time I was in town, they asked me why I do ABQ. “Because ABQ,” I replied. Good, but too easy. Fine, try this: Albuquerque at its best is informed by the past and is using that to blaze into the future. You’re not just in a town established before the American Revolution; you’re in an area where multiculturalism isn’t a fad or a future, but has been reality for generations. The ABQ ethos is the Southwest at its best— welcoming, fun, fabulous, historic and sabroso—and a model for the rest of the estados unidos to try. Lummis was right: There is too little time when you’re here, so you have to return again and again.

I

’m not sure if I drummed up any business for the Hispano Chamber of Commerce and the city’s Convention & Visitor’s Bureau with my Torreón speech. I didn’t talk to the visitors afterward, since I had to rush off to give a speech at a local high school about tacos. But if those people were smart, they booked their conventions immediately; if not, have fun in Wichita or whatever podunk town you thought was cooler.

But people are discovering Albuquerque.

On my last trip, I saw construction happening—roads getting widened, restaurants getting built, hotels getting expanded. I’ve had friends drop in for the first time and rave about it after. My wife fell so in love with Albuquerque that she and her business partner (who has New Mexican roots) decided to open a store stocking the foods of the region: green chile powder, craft beers, tortillas, even bizcochito mix. It’s already attracting a stream of New Mexico expats, but also Californians curious to see what this ABQ is about.

We stopped for a few days earlier this month and will return in August, when the weather isn’t too bad and the alluring smoke of roasted green chiles are starting again. Come then. Or arrive in the winter, and see snow as you’ve never seen it. Or visit during the International Balloon Fiesta, when adults turn into kids again and head to the northern edge of town to gaze upward. Or swing by during NCAA basketball season, when the University of New Mexico Lobos slay opponents in the Pit in front of another raucous crowd.

But come. Albuquerque, mi amor: I’ll see you soon. And I’m going to spend the rest of my days bringing as many people as possible to fall under your charm.

GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM

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Aimee and Amy’s Palm Springs Reunion Two lifelong friends hit up a fancy resort—but still end up at the Cabazon dinosaurs

“I

feel like I’m in the Princess Diaries,” I texted my best friend, Amy, upon arriving at our hotel suite at the Hyatt Palm Springs (285 N. Palm Canyon Dr., Palm Springs, 760-322-9000; palmsprings. hyatt.com). Amy would arrive later that evening, after she finished her shift at work. I texted photos of the room and view, and we both gushed about how stoked we were to stay in such a luxurious-looking place.

“OUR ROOM IS SO COOL!” “OMG! I’m ready to use my bath bombs!”

“This whole town is midcenturymodern’d-out.”

“The view looks fucking sick.”

“I’m so psyched.”

For two women in their mid-to-late 20s who have been best friends since kindergarten, it was our goal to travel more, and Palm Springs had always been on our list of sights to see. A place known more for hosting swanky Coachella pool parties and retirement-age folks, it wouldn’t be on most of the younger crowd’s radar of travel spots. But the Palm Springs tourism board was working on promoting the city to my demographic—and judging by the myriad of activities it offered us and other journalists in for a junket, enjoying the scene wouldn’t seem hard to do.

The downtown area alone features plenty of dive bars and eateries next to one another, creating a thriving nightlife scene. In the daytime, you can shop in any of the many thrift, antique-furniture or clothing stores that dot Palm Canyon Drive. Every Thursday evening, the Village Festival closes the streets and allows vendors to hawk candles, jewelry, clothing and other handmade goods. And for art geeks such as me, there are a few cool lowbrow and Pop-art galleries, including that of OC-bred artist SHAG. While these things feel familiar and already available in Orange County, what helps to make the city its own attraction is its love for midcentury-modern architecture. From apartment buildings to liquor stores, the angular structures and bright colors shape the visual layout of downtown Palm Springs. Behind the Hyatt Palm Springs sits the Architecture + Design Center in the Palm Springs Art Museum (300 S. Palm Canyon Dr., Palm Springs, 760-423-5260; www.psmuseum.org), which includes special archival blueprints, drawings, photographs and other ephemera in its collection. The city is also the site for the annual Modernism Week, a convention celebrating the eponymous design style and advocating for its preservation. “¡Ayy, que fansyyy!” Amy and I would privately, half-jokingly exclaim to each other at every new sight throughout the weekend. Coming from working-class

BY AIMEE MURILLO ¡AYY, QUE FANSYYY!

HAYLEY DANNER

backgrounds, we weren’t accustomed to luxurious getaways, so we were consistently impressed at every turn. Amy had lived for years in Arizona, so the gorgeous mountains on the horizon and warm weather were familiar to her, if not me.

But nothing prepared either of us for the breathtaking views from the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway (1 Tram Way, Palm Springs, 760-325-1391; www. pstramway.com), a popular attraction that allows visitors to explore Mount San Jacinto State Park. Here, nature enthusiasts can reach higher ground by taking a rotating tramcar that lifts visitors up more than 8,000 feet to a mountain station that features a museum, gift shop, café and movie theater. From the station, you can learn about the various plants and animals that inhabit the area, explore the numerous hiking trails and walk up to a 360-degree viewing deck to gaze at majestic mountaintops, trees and the rest of the state park. Bring a sweater along, as the park holds a lot of snow hidden among bushes and shrubs, making it colder at the top.

After a couple of days, we moved on to the Hyatt Indian Wells (44600 Indian Wells Lane, Indian Wells, 760-776-1234; indianwells.regency.hyatt.com), just 30 minutes away and yet so far removed in experience. Whereas Palm Springs is bus-

tling with street activity, Indian Wells is an isolated oasis, surrounded by acres of land for golf. If you want a good hotel stay with spa treatments, yoga-and-wine classes, comfortable poolside lounging with your kids (or beside an exclusive pool for adults only), the Hyatt is your haven. At night, Agave, the hotel bar, comes alive with older couples and cougars letting loose on the dance floor to the sounds of a live band playing soul and R&B covers—the perfect place for Amy and I when we’re in our 50s!

But to this day, what Amy and I still swoon about is the food. Palm Springs’ Mr. Lyons (223 E. Palm Canyon Dr., Palm Springs, 760-327-1551; www.mrlyonsps.com) and Eight4Nine (849 N. Palm Canyon Dr., Palm Springs, 760-325-8490. eight4nine. com) are both high-end, four-star restaurants that amaze multiple senses in flavor and presentation. At the former, I had the best rib-eye steak of my life, as well as my first taste of mussels, pâté and dessert coffee (hey, I’m from big, bad SanTana. Have you had pambazos? No? Then don’t hate).

And Seymour’s, a new speakeasy attached to Mr. Lyons, offers refreshing cocktails in a casual, low-key atmosphere, with no password required to enter.

Back at the Hyatt Indian Wells, its chefs travel all over the world, exploring new food items to add to the resort’s menus and to make sure to touch base with

patrons for feedback and conversation.

The junket was great, but before heading back to Orange County, I was determined to not miss the attraction I looked forward to the most in the desert: the Cabazon Dinosaurs (50770 Seminole Dr., Cabazon, 951-922-8700; cabazondinosaurs. com). It’s conveniently located just off the 10 freeway. Famously included in Tim Burton’s 1985 film Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, this roadside attraction is as kitschy as ever and still features Huell Howser’s words of approval painted on a sign outside the ticketing booth. While obviously designed for kids, there’s no shortage of adults wanting their picture taken next to a Tyrannosaurus Rex because why not?

Dinosaurs will always be cool.

Our last stop, just two minutes away from the dinosaurs, was the Desert Hills Premium Outlets (48400 Seminole Dr., Cabazon, 951-849-6641; www.premiumoutlets.com/ outlet/desert-hills). An expansive, sprawling shopping center, it features nearly every designer store you can think of, from Alexander McQueen to Versace, as well as mall favorites such as Adidas, Vans, Tommy Hilfiger and Coach. We easily knocked out two different activities in one afternoon, eventually getting back on the 10 freeway and heading for home with the brightest blue skies lighting our way.

AMURILLO@OCWEEKLY.COM

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A Weekend in New Mexico’s Mud

BY LISA BLACK

C

lad in our rattiest swimsuits, my friend Tanya and I dug our hands into a bulbous terra-cotta urn and pulled out gobs of clean, wet clay, which we then slathered all over ourselves until we were the same color as the urn and hot pool. We got giddy with it: squishing and slopping and making mud pies of our bodies—re-forming them into human-sized versions of the thousands of small figures we’d seen the day before at the Folk Art Museum in Santa Fe. Ojo Caliente Mineral Springs Resort & Spa (50 Los Banos Dr., Ojo Caliente, New Mexico, 505-5832233; www.ojospa.com), an hour’s drive north of the museum, is one of the oldest spas in the world, boasting four healing minerals combined in different ways in 10 hot pools and one swimming pool. But its mud area, tucked against a towering cliff that resembles something sprouting in a Georgia O’Keeffe painting—her home and studio are not far away—is what sticks in my memory, calling me back.

Sheltered from the wind, Tanya and I reclined on chaise longues to bake the mud in the sun. My eyes scanned the cliff face all the way up to the bluest of skies, and I flashed back to two days earlier, to the Blue Mesa hike we’d done at the Painted Desert & Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona. I felt like Krazy Kat padding her way through an azure Coconino. It was a moderate trail through a supremely unreal landscape of bandedblue, fossil-encrusted formations that date back 225 million years—very old, very blue (even the bricks).

After a glance down to see how the mud was drying, I closed my eyes and watched the jiggery dots inside my lids form themselves into the petroglyphs we’d seen early that morning. I’d never encountered petroglyphs in the wild before, didn’t even realize it was possible until a local had

pointed at a ridge and told us to just walk over and climb up to see them. Glyphs were everywhere, scratched into stone the same color as the mud I was coated with: foot and paw prints, the curvy line that could be a trail or a snake. While I was deciding which, I heard Tanya laugh. I looked over to see her grinning at her arm.

“Bend your elbow and look at the cracks,” she said. “That’s what we’ll look like when we’re 90!”

Glyphs and fault lines broke our crusty skin as we stood and walked over to the clay-colored pool, where we submerged ourselves; the mud melted off while we regarded each other with our hippo eyes just above the surface. Then we sank all the way down.

After showering, we left the cherished mud zone to take the waters with their therapeutic doses of lithium and arsenic—getting thoroughly blissed-out and falling in love with this funky, ridiculously affordable spa. Ojo Caliente is located in its own town and offers a lot more than mud and water. While the spa’s website is slick, the place itself is thoroughly unpretentious. When I get back, I’ll stay overnight, get a Milagro Wrap, hike, soak and swim—but mostly, I’ll be in the mud.

Hopefully long before I’m 90.

LBLACK@OCWEEKLY.COM

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‘Don’t Rappel Into That Little Tree’ Star-gazing, rock climbing and just plain

SO PURTY

relaxing in Southern Utah

A

BY MATT COKER mbling up to a bar stool in the Last Chair Saloon

at Brian Head Ski Resort

in Southern Utah (329 S. Hwy. 143, Brian Head, 866-930-1010; www. brianhead.com/last-chair-saloon), I mentioned to Beehive State tourism folks that it was a shame we’d be ordering adult beverages that were only 4 percent alcohol by volume. With side-to-side head sways, I was informed that applies only to draft beer. You can get the same bottled beers, with the same ABVs, we have in California at Utah bars, restaurants and state-run liquor stores. Same with bottled wine, liquor and spirits.

Many homegrown brews and liquors take jabs at Utah’s early Mormon days.

Bar menus I scanned included Polygamy Porter and Five Wives Vodka. I downed shots of spicy and toasty Porter’s Fire Cinnamon Whiskey Liqueur, which is named after Orrin Porter Rockwell, who, legend holds, was a bodyguard/assassin for Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

Any day now, expect Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s Booze of Mormon.

Look out the window from your saloon stool, and if it’s dark outside, you must arrange a whole different kind of nightcap. A Cedar Breaks Monument National Park ranger by day, “Dark Ranger Dave” Sorensen is an amateur astronomer by night, having been viewing the skies over the area since he was a kid. The Cedar City-Brian Head Tourism Bureau now promotes the stargazing parties he leads.

Because of electric beams emanating from homes and light poles, bright stars and constellations are mostly invisible in Orange County. A global movement aims to protect dark-sky areas, including Hovenweep National Monument in southeastern Utah. The Park Service has made protecting such skies a priority, and there is an effort afoot to add Cedar Breaks to the International Dark-Sky Association list.

Our party near Brian Head’s Navajo Lodge (www.brianhead.com/star-party or scenicsouthernutah.com/tag/dark-sky/) was nearly ruined by thick clouds rolling in and an almost full moon, making it more like a moon-gazing party. Sorensen saved it by being very informative and entertaining, using his laser pointer to identify what we could barely see or the approximate locations of what we could not. A telescope was trained on a moon that was so bright you could only look for a few seconds lest you go blind. After we moved into the lodge, amateur photographer Sorensen allowed each star partier to pick out one of his awesome night-sky

photos as a souvenir. I got a comet!

I’d next like to stargaze in breathtaking Bryce Canyon National Park (Hwy. 63, Bryce, 435-834-5322; www.nps.gov/brca).

Natural rock archways along Highway 63 welcome you into the national park, where these and other oddly shaped formations left standing by erosion are known as hoodoos. Bryce folk will tell you the colors there change with every season, reason enough to return multiple times.

Guided and unguided activities include daytime and nighttime hikes and, depending on the season, snowshoeing and crosscountry skiing.

My Bryce Canyon base, Ruby Inn (26 S. Main St., Bryce Canyon City, 435-834-5341; www.rubyinn.com), was a total trip—think a sprawling motel/restaurant complex designed by Louis L’Amour. You can bend the pages of what seems to be every book written about John Wayne in the massive gift shop.

Highly recommended when it comes to lodging and just hanging out is Red Mountain Resort (1275 Red Mountain Circle, Ivins, 435-673-4905; www.redmountainresort. com), which is just beyond St. George and cradled by stunning red-clay mountains.

About two hours away from Las Vegas, the resort is all about helping you relax, rejuvenate and rehabilitate. Atop ancient black lava, hippies constructed what appeared to be futuristic domed buildings in the 1970s; one is now the spa, and the rest are staff quarters for the modern resort surrounding them. A woo-woo factor is found among the resort’s list of activities and excursions, but if getting your groovy on is not your thing, there is plenty more to do such as hiking, bike riding, swimming and exercise classes. Most are included with your $250- to $300-pernight room fee, although some do have additional charges, as does the spa.

Highly recommended is the M.E.E.T. the Mustangs excursion at nearby Windhorse Relations (Kayenta Korrals, 988 W. Tuomppian Court, Ivins, 801-557-1257; www. windhorserelations.org). Mary Lee Brighton adopts wild horses from private parties and the Bureau of Land Management to save them from farmers and ranchers who targeted them because of the property damage they inflict. Brighton and her dedicated volunteers take care of 30 mustangs, and to hear the ladies tell it, the mustangs take care of them, too. The wild horses are intelligent, have unique personalities and are approachable. Scared to death of horses since one threw me as a young child, I thought a mustang who backed up to me was about to buck. Actually, she wanted her butt rubbed. These horses

MIKE SAEMISCH

are not for riding, but I got to become a “leader” of one through an inspiring exercise that had me warmly hugging the equine before I moseyed down the trail.

Another enriching Red Mountain activity is canyoneering in pale-red Padre Canyon. You climb up trails, over rocks and through thin crevices before rappelling back down. You can begin your descent atop the canyon’s peak or, if you are as out-of-shape as I am, the halfway point.

It’s a total rush, although I did swing into a little tree and had my ass land squarely in the sitting position on a flat rock, as if I planned it. Seth Gilles, who runs Southern Utah Guiding (435-817-3600; www. southernutahguiding.com), is a wealth of information, whether it’s explaining how the canyon was formed, pointing to Zion and the Grand Canyon in the distance, or telling you what not to do, such as “Don’t rappel into that little tree.”

All that exercise left me starving. Fortunately, a mountain of delicious scallops awaited me at Red Mountain’s Canyon Breeze Restaurant. That’s where I had all my breakfasts, lunches and dinners—not only because everything is made with healthy ingredients and proportions, but also because they are included in the cost of your room. (Alcohol is extra).

With my tummy full, it was time to crash. I had checked into a large room with a patio, fireplace, whirlpool tub, walk-in shower, big-screen television, workspace and oh-so-comfy king-size bed. Noticing the door was open to the adjoining room, I figured the housekeeper forgot to lock it. No, the front desk informed, it was the rest of my suite. A corridor lined with a washer and dryer led to a huge living room with another fire-

place and big-screen TV surrounded by a wrap-around sofa. Another bathroom had an even-larger step-in shower. A kitchenette included a small refrigerator, microwave and all the kitchenware. I could have entertained an NBA team.

It’s actually solitude most resort guests seek. General Manager Tracey Welsh mentioned to me that several souls check in alone, either having just ended relationships or simply needing a brief break from normal life. They return home to a much better place, physically and mentally, thanks to rejuvenating at Red Mountain. Such a palpable positive vibe hums through the place that many women told me they want to return with their mothers. Their mothers!

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Making Bad Decisions Sonoita is the kitschy center of Southern Arizona’s wine country

W

e were driving along Highway 82 in Southern Arizona, looking for Swanson Road, on our way to visit Sonoita Vineyards and its surrounding wineries. The drive south from Tucson was surprisingly beautiful once we’d cleared the city: rolling hills of green, donkeys grazing in fields.

The GPS told us we had gone too far, so I steered into the next driveway to make a U-turn, and that’s where we saw the sign: “Tasters Wanted.” I turned to my friends and inquired, “Hey, do we want to taste anything?”

The cheer in response was clearly in the affirmative.

Up the dirt drive we went, reaching at last a canopy. A man in tiny lamé shorts held up by rainbow suspenders and a sparkly bowler leaned into the car window and asked if we were there to camp or just taste. Camp? What? It seems we had stumbled upon Bad Decisions, an event combining beer, bacon, wine, chocolate and cheese—and a meteor shower.

Since 2012, Arizona Hops & Vines (3450 Hwy. 82, Sonoita, 301-237-6556; azhopsandvines.com) has hosted this overnight festival combining the great loves of its founders, Huntington Beach-raised sisters Megan Austin Haller and Shannon Austin Zouzoulas. The first event hosted about 100 people, but it has steadily grown since then, with an expected attendance of anywhere from 2,500 to 4,000 this August.

“It was all bizarre and random,” Zouzoulas says of the inaugural festival. Just last year, the local media called it a “mini Coachella.”

Starting at 10 a.m. on Aug. 13, campers and guests will be welcomed to an Adult Summer Camp, with kickball games, cornhole, bocce ball and more. “Expect the usual craziness,” Zouzoulas says. Actual kids are welcome, too: There’s a Sober Shack—where you’ll find homemade sodas, carbonated lemonade and candy—a petting zoo (mind the sheep! They bite!) and more games.

My friends and I return each year, marveling at every new touch. While the first time, we were directed to a small parking area by a guy in tiny shorts, in subsequent years, there were deputies on hand to show us to a parking space among seemingly hundreds of other cars. In addition to the colorful one-person bathroom in the kitschy main building, the organizers added increasing numbers of portable pot-

BY PATRICE MARSTERS DON’T FORGET TO STAKE DOWN YOUR TENT

in the morning—mimosas and muffins.

If you’re not much of the camping type (“I camp inside the winery on one of our couches,” Zouzoulas says, laughing), you can grab a bite just down the road.

Cunningham’s Ranch House Restaurant (3250 Hwy. 82,

ties in a discreet location. One year, there was a canopied area for the local beer club, and the next, there was a beer truck offering several varieties while the beer club was stationed by the entrance, with its own souvenir glass. An extra stage popped up, more food options appeared, and shopping opportunities arose. “It’s grown,” Zouzoulas says, “but it’s kept its kitsch.”

This year, the Hops & Vines sisters are adding a shaded VIP area by the stage, with its own bar. “It’s like an all-access pass,” Zouzoulas says. “I want to handpick the people to be VIPs, like people who have supported us, people who have gone to Bad Decisions every year.”

In addition to adding more bands and restaurants to the lineup, they’re opening the event up to small wineries and more local breweries, so there will be increased tasting options. We look forward to discovering which of Hops & Vines’ varieties will be available, as well as whether the sisters will bring back the amazing sangria they were selling in 2014. But, really, we’re happy as long as there’s frozen Fluffer, their sweet sparkling wine run through a slushy machine.

You’ll want to keep hydrated, of course, but you’ll also want to soak up the alcohol with some eats. The commemorative stemless tasting glasses are emblazoned with “Drink Now, Pork Later,” so there’s little surprise at all the delicious piggy products, including an intensive buffet—crowned by bacon-topped cupcakes!—from the local Mama’s Hawaiian Bar-B-Cue. We’re hoping the kettle-corn guy will be back—and we promise to pace ourselves this time.

Since August is monsoon season in Arizona, there’s a chance of sudden, unpredictable weather. Last year held some spectacular sights, including flying tents

Sonoita, 520-455-5371) offers home-style foods and more pie varieties than you’ll find at a Polly’s. While the front rooms are crammed with all the Americana you can take, the back room is dedicated to John Wayne, as much—if not more—an icon in Arizona as he is in OC. A little farther down the road, you’ll find the Steak Out (3200 S. Sonoita Hwy., Sonoita, 520COURTESY ARIZONA HOPS & VINES 455-5205; www.azsteakout. com), a reminder of the region’s history and canopies, thanks to strong gusts. We weren’t rained on, though the storms came as a cattle-ranching community. In the large dining room, which features an open close, but we spotted several rainbows kitchen and a country band most weekend gracing the camping area and vineyards. nights, you can feast on its signature cuts As the day-drinking winds to an end of beef, all served with a family-style salad. (non-campers are asked to leave at 6 p.m.), Members of the Wystrach family, who we usually end up relaxing on the shaded, raised wooden patio outside the main tasting own and operate the place, can be spotted regularly, making sure everyone there has room, listening to the bands, enjoying some what they need. If all those bad decisions pork-topped nachos and sipping refreshhave caught up with you, the farmhouseing alcoholic slushies while watching crazy style building housing the Sonoita Inn (3243 clouds roll through. The most amazing sight Hwy. 82, Sonoita, 520-455-5935; www.sonoitlast summer was a fast-moving cloud forainn.com) is within stumbling distance. mation, with what looked like a dark hand The next morning, you should check out reaching toward the crowd alongside the the area’s other wineries, the best of which vineyard. As the clouds broke apart, I looked is Sonoita Vineyards (290 Elgin Canelo at my sister for affirmation that it really hapRd., Elgin, 520-455-5893; www.sonoitavinepened, that I wasn’t suffering something yards.com). Arizona’s first winery has a heat-and-alcohol-related. But we all viewed large tasting room offering several awardthe same natural spectacle. (And it wasn’t winning varietals. (It makes sense that this really that hot, either. Arizona’s wine counis where Haller learned the trade—and try is about 10 degrees cooler than Tucson.) became a master!) Be sure to try the vine“It’s like Napa,” Zouzoulas says, “but with yard’s famous Angel Wings, and if you’re more of a quirky, laid-back, OC attitude.” lucky, whoever is manning the tasting bar That laid-back attitude is mandated. All will serve up your Peach Sparkles with a Bad Decisions attendees are expected to hibiscus flower. Don’t forget to say hello to follow the event’s Ten Commandments, the owners’ aging pup, Tiger! the first of which is “Don’t be a jerk.”

The Sonoita Mercantile Country Thankfully, we’ve never encountered anyStore and Deli (3235 Hwy. 82, Sonoita) one at Hops & Vines who would fit that offers a chance for gas, snacks (including description. We’ve been welcomed into circles of friends, given space at tables and many hard-to-find old-fashioned candies), offered chairs. But don’t take that commu- souvenirs and, if it’s the right time of day, fried chicken before you head out of town. nal hospitality for granted. The staff will On that first Bad Decisions weekend, we cut you off if you’ve had too much, and did finally get back on the highway, and they take no responsibility for anything we did find Swanson Road, but it wasn’t you may do there—“that includes ended really a road, which I guess we should relationships, weight gain, hangovers and have realized when we saw its sign, which any awkward encounters.” is red, not green. Not that that stopped us Those staying overnight not only avoid from traveling down that non-road. . . . We having to designate a driver, but they are only make the best bad decisions! also treated to a stunning view of the PersePMARSTERS@OCWEEKLY.COM ids meteor shower, as well as s’mores and—

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provided by the park. We’ve had different park rangers give tours each time we’ve been, and each has cool stories to share of the deep history of the town. And Bodie’s rich mining history makes the mine tour a must.

More than one trip to Bodie is needed to truly take in all of the history. We’ve learned something new about the town’s story each time we visited. Apart from its rich history, Bodie features great scenery—no SoCal smog or traffic. For lodging, the town of Bridgeport offers good motels and restaurants where you can stay and dine. And for folks who like to rough it, many campsites dot Hwy. 395, where one can fish and hike to their delight.

I recommend traveling in an SUV or a vehicle with high clearance for the bumpy gravel part of the road leading to Bodie.

Also, bring a good pair of walking or hiking shoes to navigate the hilly terrain. I also suggest taking food, as there are no restaurants in town. Admission to the park and ghost town is $5, and I highly recommend visiting during the early fall, since Bodie closes down for the winter.

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very fall for the past eight years, my dad, brother and I have taken road trips up and down the Owens Valley along California’s Highway 395, discovering all of the history the region has to offer.

One of the many stops during our travels is Bodie, about 13 miles east of Hwy. 395, just south of Bridgeport. Once the paved and windy road of Highway 270 ends, you encounter a gravel road for the final few miles before you reach the historic town, hidden in a valley between rolling green hills with a nice breeze blowing.

The low temperature at night usually clocks in as the lowest in the continental U.S. during the snowy winters. Fortunately, the lowest temperature I’ve experienced there is around 45 degrees. There are park rangers who give tours of the adjacent mine and of the town itself. They also happen to live there without any cell phone service!

Once you park, you’ll walk down the main street of a town that saw its boom in the late 1870s. Many of the buildings remain, but not nearly as many as originally existed, since there was a devastating fire—accidentally set by a child!—that wiped out most of the town. Each building there has a story that is described by the tour guide. Many of the furnishings are still intact, making this ghost town legit. A gift store also serves as a minimuseum, with many original artifacts and possessions from former Bodie residents on display. There is also a cemetery that sits atop a hill overlooking Bodie. You can take a walking tour of it with a map

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HAVE LAPTOP, WILL TRAVEL

ALL PHOTOS BY ROMONA ROBBINS

The Loneliest Road in America The shoe trees, forbidden caves and ghost towns of Nevada’s Highway 50

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hink about Nevada for a minute: bright lights, big city. Frank Sinatra and fat Elvis. Bottle service at Mandalay Bay and figuring out how to afford a room at the Cosmopolitan. Indulgent breakfasts at the Peppermill. The Pinball Hall of Fame, Neon Graveyard, the Double Down and its fabled Ass Juice, the best land-locked tiki bar in the country, and gun ranges that would have Charlton Heston weep with joy.

Nevada has it all, doesn’t it? And since Las Vegas is just a quick four hours from here, it’s easy to not let your imagination stray far from Sin City.

But if you’re willing to step back—or a bit north, rather—you’ll find Las Vegas is a hellhole and you’ve been missing out on the real adult playground this whole time.

The rest of the Silver State, while significantly less populated and alight, holds the spirit of Las Vegas, but without the pretension and the $19 drinks. There’s a reason

BY TAYLOR HAMBY Las Vegas thrived in Nevada—the state’s a haven for individuals, entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, outlaws and folk who don’t like the government or you in their business. Let me smoke inside, drink outside, sex with whomever I please (pay for it, if I want) and bet my hard-earned money as I see fit, and we won’t have a problem.

You can see a bit of this Nevada-tude on Fremont Street (Old Strip, as they call it), but to really experience it, you’re going to have to drive several hours north and get on U.S. Route 50, the so-called “Loneliest Road in America.” You can go up the 395 as I like to do, ’cuz there’s a lot of nothing ’sides a lot of natural California beauty, but you can also go up 95—a whole lotta nothin’, too, ’cept you can stop in Tonopah at the world-famous Clown Motel and the cemetery next door to keep with that whole horror-movie road-trip theme.

Whichever way you decide to get in the state’s northern area, know you’re a long

way from the Aria, and even though the Trump International Hotel is hours away, you’re never too far from a Nevada constituent looking to Make America Great Again™.

Hopefully, you’re now properly acquainted with Northern Nevada and ready to dive in (did you know it takes just as long to drive from Reno to LA as it does to drive from Reno to Las Vegas?). And since Coker spent a bit on Reno in this issue, let’s start with the lonely.

SAND MOUNTAIN Twenty five miles east of Fallon stands

Sand Mountain Recreational Area (5665 Morgan Mill Rd., Carson City, 775885-6000), a formidable fortress of sand formed by the great Washoe Winds.

The mighty gusts brought sand from the 9,000-year-defunct Lake Lahontan across the desert delta and formed a 600-foot mountain of sand at a basin of the Stillwater Mountain range. It was historically a

sacred space for Native Americans (and looks like a perfect place for hiding a mothership, honestly), but it now mostly draws the ATV set. Natives would come here to pray and listen to the “singing sands,” but you can play a game of “Obsidian or Broken Beer Bottle?” instead.

MIDDLEGATE Whether through a petroglyph or Facebook check-in, humans have a need to make their presence known. This phenomenon appears all along Highway 50, but in between Sand Mountain and Austin, there are a few colorful examples.

Folks stop along the roadside and collect rocks to create messages for passersby.

In the good ol’ days, couples would arrange rock hearts around their initials; nowadays, you’ll see advice such as “EAT PUSSY” and even just “PENIS”.

In a little town called Middlegate, just

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off the highway, you can see a tree with strange fruit. Tied-up tennis shoes, horse shoes and hooker heels adorn this cottonwood on which you can record your passing through. Story goes it started in the 1980s when a couple got in a fight near the tree. The woman threatened to leave him, and he said, snatching her shoes, if she was going to walk away, she was gonna do it barefoot. He then slung her tennies in the tree and left her. Lonely.

Another version has the man coming back, apologizing and tossing his own shoes in the tree. Some say they came back with their son and threw his shoes up there, too. Less lonely.

It was chainsawed down by vandals in 2010, and its loss was deeply felt by fellow desert dwellers and other passersthrough. A replacement tree took its spot, and the tradition lives on. So it goes.

AUSTIN Austin was founded like many towns in Nevada: after the discovery of silver ore in its hills. The quiet mountain became a boomtown, then a bust town, and after a few cycles of that, it’s currently a ghost town with a population of approximately 340. Perhaps Austin’s most-known landmark is Stokes Castle: built in 1897 by eccentric railroad magnate Anson Phelps Stokes as a summer home for his family in the then-bustling town. It’s supposedly a replica of a tower outside Rome that here, would, overlook a large and lush scenery with a visibility of up to 60 miles south.

The Stokes lived in it for just two months before deciding to build a third story.

But the family never returned, and it has remained unoccupied ever since; nowadays, it’s registered as a National Historic Place and kept in a state of decay with no plans of restoration.

Around the corner from “the Tower” is Austin’s main drag, with dusty shops whose doors haven’t opened in years but still hold inventory scattered inside.

There are a few motels and a couple

of restaurants, and of course, the most active spots in town are the three saloons within stumbling distance. If you want to stay overnight, go to the Union Street Lodging (69 Union St., Austin, 775-9642364; www.unionstreetlodging.com) bed and breakfast. It’s in a two-story Victorian house and run by Dee, her husband and their three-legged dog, Lacey. Stop in at the International (59 Main St., Austin, 775-964-1225) for a $4 beer and to meet Victor, the 74-year-old Serbian bartender.

If he takes a fancy to you, he may even pour you shots of pear brandy to imbibe with him. If you’re just passing through Highway 50, it’s a bit of a glorified pit stop, but if you take the time to explore, the town does have a life of its own—even if it is an afterlife.

HICKISON PETROGLYPHS About 24 miles east of Austin lies the

Hickison Petroglyph Recreation Area.

A very light hike leads you to a large rock formation with carvings left by prehistoric people. They’re subtle and look not unlike the lines nature has left in neighboring rocks, so it’s easy to walk right by them if you don’t know what to look for. Reading the official pamphlet, it’s apparent historians don’t agree on what the petroglyphs SLICK VIC

WARD CHARCOAL OVENS STATE HISTORIC PARK Seventeen miles outside Ely is the Ward Charcoal Ovens. In the late 1800s,

GREAT BASIN NATIONAL PARK

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charcoal was a necessary but not readily available component for mining, so these three-stories-high, beehiveshaped stone ovens were built to create charcoal. Now they are a historic monument and resemble something straight outta Tatooine. Rumor has it from Ely’s town historian that the Heaven’s Gate cult held a ritual here in the Year of Our Comet 1997 and scared the crap out of a local boy when they went into one of the stone ovens and lit a bonfire. Jokes

Tucked away in the northeast corner of Nevada is the Great Basin National Park.

While this part of the country has its fair share of heartbreak, perhaps the saddest tale is that of the Prometheus Tree. Great Basin is home to many bristlecone pines, the cockroaches of the dendron world in that they are often the oldest non-clonal beings alive and can survive anything nature throws at them, except humans.

And the oldest such tree once lived in the Great Basin National Park—until a wellmeaning scientist killed the damn thing.

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WORTHY OF STEPHEN KING

on them, though, ’cuz none of them survived the winter.

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Ely is one of the largest towns along Highway 50. Though that isn’t saying much, it has several larger streets and multiple stop lights, which is more than what you encounter in many towns along this road. Stephen King fans may be familiar with Ely (pronounced eely), as his novel Desperation was based here. Take a visit to East Ely Depot Museum (1100 Ave. A, Ely; www.nnry. com) and meet with director Sean Pitts for a chance to speak with the man who told King about the town’s sordid past and the only Northern Nevada historian around for miles. To hear Pitts tell it, he received a call one day from a local friend who, with a bribe of a free lunch, lured him down to a local restaurant to tell a friend the tale of the abandoned miners who died in Ely in the late 1800s. Pitts, ever the historian, agreed and met his friend and his friend’s friend for lunch. The stranger was wearing a shirt that read, “Yes, I am Stephen King,” and like a true truth seeker, Pitts asked him if he really was Stephen King.

Pitts went on to retell the tale of the lost Chinamen (yes, we’re talking about the guys who built the railroad here) of Ely. In the late 1800s, a mineshaft collapsed, and 10 Asian workers were trapped in the disaster. The railroad foreman decided it would be cheaper to get 10 new Asian workers than to dig the trapped men out and left them stranded until they died. Pitts attests this isn’t Nevada folklore; indeed, a miner friend of his found their corpses some 100 years later and thought they were modern mine workers taking a nap, so

can check in, but you can never check out!” followed by maniacal laughter.

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well-preserved were they. He even picked some mining tools from them that he needed before going on his way. King ran with this tale and wrote two mirror novels in 1996 about Ely, Highway 50 and the curses that surround it.

You can stay in the historic Hotel Nevada (501 Aultman St., Ely, 775-289-6665; www. hotelnevada.com), with its modest star walk of fame at the entrance memorializing all the famous folks who have stayed and played there. Ghost hunters are encouraged to stay on the rather-active fifth floor.

And if you’re really lucky, you’ll be personally greeted at the door by Elvis: a Native American man with a long, beautiful ponytail and one visible tooth who enjoys saying, “Welcome to the Hotel Nevada. You

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depict or mean, and at that point, it’s fun to giggle about what historians tens of thousands of years from now are going to debate while postulating upon “CALL XXX-XXX-XXXX FOR A GOOD TIME!” If you look closely enough, you’ll see a carving of a flying saucer in an adjacent rock formation; I wonder what future historians and Giorgio A. Tsoukalos will have to say about that.

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A graduate student was studying the ancient trees of the region (stories vary on this) when he either cored or cut down a very old tree at random. It wasn’t until he began counting the rings of the stump that he realized this tree was near 5,000 years old, the oldest known nonclonal organism. Now dead. You can see the stump of the tree in the Wheeler Bristlecone Pine Grove.

And while we’re on the subject of human stupidity, you can also visit the Lehman Cave (5500 W. Hwy. 488, Baker, 775-234-7331), a wondrous cave that took millions of years to form but, after its discovery, only a couple of years to destroy: Up until the 1920s, tourists were encouraged to break off stalactites and stalagmites as souvenirs. You can see where fresh stalactites are starting to form from the molested ones. The forest service at the time also closed off the natural entrance, so bats no longer nest within the caves. An entrance has since been created for bats, but they haven’t really returned. One pretty cool factoid: Folks would travel for several hours via horseback from the closest town, Ely, to drink and dance deep within the cave during Prohibition.

THE HORSE WITH NO NAME

VIRGINIA CITY The 2,000 words allotted for this article could easily have been dedicated to Virginia City (and Mark Twain has already done that, so I’ll spare you). Virginia City is this humble author’s favorite spot in the world, but honestly, it really stems from the fact that this was a place I shared with people now 13 years passed. Most Nevadans I speak to about the town say the same thing: It’s a place stuck in time. And it is for me, too. Those summers in the 1990s spent with my aunt and uncle when they were alive are there each time I return to Virginia City.

Whenever I sing the praises of this little ghost town to people, they often say the same thing: “I remember going there as a kid with my family.” Simpler times, when we went to the candy shop on C Street and picked root beer candy and toffee out of wooden barrels. I think there’s a reason they say the town is haunted—it’s the memories of a bygone era, before we worried about traffic and how we’re going to pay the rent and make it through heartbreak. Because in Virginia City and this part of the country, there’s no wifi and little talk of politics. There’s good people and good pizza, plenty of history, enough saloons to keep you cheerful amongst the bluest skies you’ve seen in ages, the darkest nights that show all the stars in the sky, and snow that is the slowest to melt.

TAHAMBY@OCWEEKLY.COM

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O R A N G E H I L L S YO G A . C O M

A Weekend in Reno

MATT LUSH

I

BY MATT COKER

figured jet fuel was being blown up my ass when it was mentioned during an Alaska Airlines press junket that Reno, Nevada, is becoming the new Portland, Oregon. Yes, that Reno, of meth-mouthed Reno 911!

Mini-Me to Las Vegas’ Austin Powers fame.

But upon closer inspection, I can see the Portlandia-fication of “The Biggest Little City In the World.” This is due to: • Sky-high housing costs pushing people out of the Bay Area.

• Location as the provisions center for the Burning Man gathering, which is a couple of hours away every August.

• The opening of Campo restaurant in the fall of 2011.

So off to the Portland of the Great Basin we go!

Mark Estee’s Campo, which was one of Esquire’s Best New Restaurants in America for 2012, is credited with sparking the revitalization still under way in Reno’s riverfront downtown. Handmade pasta, housemade salami, local farm-sourced produce and Napoletana-style pizza fired in a woodburning oven are served. 50 N. Sierra St., Reno, 775-737-9555; camporeno.com.

Downtown’s rehab has been parlayed in recent years to the rise of Reno’s funky Midtown on the other side of the Truckee River. In between liquor stores, boardedup units and homeless people, you’ll find hip shops, galleries and a whole bunch of brew pubs. www.downtownmakeover.com.

The old-world-style ales and lagers at Brasserie Saint James won so many awards—including the Best Mid-Size Brewpub and Brewers in America at the 2014 Great American Beer Festival—that a second location opened in San Francisco’s Mission District. Come for the suds, but stay for the house-made pretzels, poutine with duck and one of the best paninis I have ever vacuumed: the Cubano de Santiago.

Wash it down with Daily Wages, a Saison/ farmhouse ale. 901 S. Center St., Reno, 775348-8888; brasseriesaintjames.com.

I stumbled off the meal with a walking tour, stopping at several Burning Man outfitters. Reno embraces the annual festival by adopting giant art pieces that would otherwise be burned at the end of

the week, sprinkling them around town as public art. burningman.org.

While in PolyEsther’s Costume Boutique, a bulldog wandered through, a former seamstress to casino showgirls had a sewing machine humming to finish a last-minute order, and owner Esther Dunaway helped a customer with a corset that would be on her person at a fancy party that night. The place has all the Burning Man work they can handle, but it’s even busier other times of the year, Dunaway confides. 655 S. Virginia St., Reno, 775-4205050; www.polycostumes.com.

Wild River Grille owner Chuck Shapiro made me feel right at home at dinner.

That’s partly because he used to live in Orange, but mostly thanks to his locally sourced short ribs braised in a port-andshallot demi glace. It’s a modern menu and interior—inside Reno’s historic Riverside Hotel. 17 S. Virginia St., Reno, 775-284-7455.

The perfect way to glide into night is by pedaling with up to 11 other suds-lovers on the Reno Brew Bike, whose route includes stops at bars and pubs that give you discounted beers. 775-771-0164; www.renobrewbike.com.

Like Portland (and Seattle and San Francisco), Reno has a different excuse to drink—I mean, bond as a community on weekends. Coming up: Reno Rodeo (June 16-24); Great Eldorado BBQ, Brews and Blues Festival (June 17-18); Hemmings Motor News Great Race (June 19); Artown (June 30-July 31); Hot August Nights (Aug. 2-7); Reno Greek Festival (Aug. 19-21); Canfest, a canned-beer festival (Aug. 26-27); Burning Man (Aug. 28-Sept. 5); Best In the West Nugget Rib Cook-Off (Aug. 31-Sept. 5); Great Reno Balloon Race (Sept. 9-11); National Championship Air Races (Sept. 14-18); Downtown Reno Wine Walk (third Saturday monthly); and the Reno Beer Crawl (fourth Saturday monthly).

And how to get there? Road-tripping is fun, but Alaska Airlines (www.alaskaair. com) has hour-and-change flights from John Wayne Airport to Reno daily—and free wine and beer are served.

MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM

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THE COLLISION OF FOREST AND OCEAN

A Weekend In Big Sur Country

H

enry Miller once described Big Sur as “the California men dreamed of years ago. . . . It is the face of the Earth as the creator intended it to look.”

Despite being written almost 60 years ago, the 90-mile stretch of California coast between San Simeon and Carmel remains wild, well-preserved and relatively unpopulated, giving the area its mystically quirky charm. The scenic six-hour drive from SoCal to Big Sur is loaded with spectacular views of the rocky Pacific and California countryside. The twists of Highway 1 sweep above thousand-foot cliffs, making it one of the most dangerous journeys in America. It’s the danger, however, that makes the trip all the more satisfying.

The best part about Big Sur is that if you want to sleep beneath the redwoods, you can. Highway 1 is dotted with many areas that offer premier camping with excellent hiking options. But if sleeping outside isn’t your thing, Big Sur also has adorable cabins, cottages and hotels.

And if you’re unsure where you stand in regard to camping, Fernwood Resort (47200 CA-1, Big Sur, 831-667-2422; www. fernwoodbigsur.com) offers the best of both worlds. Camping at Fernwood is like pitching a tent in your back yard: You experience the outdoors but with bathrooms and showers, plus a small general store and tavern located about 50 feet away—you know, in case camping gets too real or you run out of firewood (or beer). There are affordable glamping options, too, although I guess if you’re into glamping, you don’t really care about affordability, right?

MARY CARREON

BY MARY CARREON

But don’t underestimate the camping at Fernwood. The redwoods, wildlife and Big Sur River make the 73-year-old spot one of California’s best locations to embrace nature. It also happens to be a great place to meet people, making it a solid spot if you enjoy camping solo. That said, if you’re looking for a quieter camping experience, Sunday through Thursday are the best nights to go. If you’re looking to drink, hang out and potentially eat some mushrooms—spending a weekend at Fernwood might change your life.

Alas, my most recent adventure to the campground didn’t include psilocybin.

I’m not so sure the same can be said about my neighbors, who, at one point, were scream-singing, “BIG SUR IN THE SKYYYY WITH DI-A-MONDS,” while waving their arms above their heads and skipping around their campfire while wearing fuzzy hats. Although the Fernwood Tavern had a live band in the bar that night, the real entertainment was in campground spot 62.

After staying a night in Fernwood, I made my way north on Highway 1 toward Carmel. The sun had begun to set as I passed over Bixby Bridge, which lies about 10 miles north. Surprisingly, not a single tourist was stopped at the turnout.

Peach-colored clouds swirled over the ocean and projected a golden hue onto the land. It was too breathtaking to not stop and admire it. I parked inches away from the cliff’s edge, sat on the hood of my car and soaked in the glory of the sunset. The arches of the bridge tower over untouched sands and forest chaparral. Aside from the crashing waves, the area around me was

still. I was entranced, moved and inspired by the overwhelming beauty—I get why Jack Kerouac made Bixby his home.

Six miles north of the majestic bridge lies Palo Colorado, a narrow paved road made famous by writers, artists and hippies during the 1960s. Redwoods covered in multicolored moss lined the perimeter of the one-way path. By this time, the moon had begun its reign over the sky.

The only light that kept the road from being completely black came from the cottages and hippie shacks dispersed between the trees. Driving on Highway 1 at night is terrifying, but driving through Palo Colorado at night is a death wish.

The road twists straight through rugged forest terrain, and wild animals may appear from nowhere at any moment.

The drive to the cottage I was staying in was eerie, especially after a moment of unintentional off-roading (in a Toyota Corolla—mind you).

But the view of Palo Colorado Canyon the next morning made the treacherous drive worth it. Located on the outer rim of the canyon, the view from the cottage’s living room looked down into the valley of redwoods, while the ocean sparkled in the distance. A thick marine layer rolled in from the coast and collected in the valley. The tops of redwoods poked through the dense fog, as the cloud layer swirled in the canyon before dissipating 15 minutes later. I watched the moving fog in the valley the way one would watch television. The mystical energy of Palo Colorado is hypnotic, making it easy to forget you’re in California.

Palo Colorado also offers world-class

hiking. If hiking isn’t your jam, though, I’d probably steer clear of these trails because they take you straight through the wilderness. But staying in the northern part of Big Sur has its benefits, too. Palo Colorado is a 15-minute drive to Carmel.

Unlike Napa, Sonoma, Paso Robles or other California wine countries, Carmel offers a laid-back, cheaper and far-lesspretentious vino experience. Although you won’t taste many Cabs, you will taste big, full-bodied red blends and Pinot Noirs that compete with Northern California’s. Scheid Vineyards’ Tasting Room (San Carlos Street & Seventh Avenue, Carmel-By-the-Sea, 831-626-WINE; www. scheidvineyards.com) in downtown Carmel offers the best bang for your buck: a six-pour flight of excellent wines for $20.

Beat that, Napa!

Wine tasting in Carmel, hiking Palo Colorado, experiencing the sunset on Bixby Bridge and spending an evening in Fernwood made for a great Highway 1 weekend. But on my way home, I made one last stop: at Jade Cove, one of the southernmost beaches of Big Sur. As a geology nerd, going to a beach where jade can be found among the rocks is akin to winning the World Cup. The tide was high when I arrived, which made jade-hunting rather difficult. But after an hour of sifting through rocks and getting drenched, I found a tear-shaped piece of jade. This tiny rock made my entire trip.

And while you might not be as pebbleobsessed as I am, you’ll definitely experience something profound while traveling these 90 miles of California coastal heaven.

MCARREON@OCWEEKLY.COM

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52 52

Welcome to Southern Oregon

Medford, Ashland, Crater Lake and special lamas

N

o sales tax. Death with dignity. You can’t pump your own gas. Welcome to Southern Oregon.

Forget Portland. It’s just tattooed, hipster-bearded, beer-brewing alternative types infusing coffee with bacon grease or making artisanal doughnuts and hogging all the attention. Central Point is where it all begins. It’s pretty unremarkable as far as cow towns go—just lots of pastures greener than green from lots of rain, dilapidated buildings and too many Dutch Bros. drive-through coffee stands— but there are three unexpected joys to be found there.

Do a double-take at the odd-looking horses of Pleasant View Farm (5827 Old Stage Rd., Central Point, 541-664-7245), until you realize they’re not horses, but rather Bolivian llamas and Suri alpacas.

The farm (one of several alpaca/llama ranches in Central Point) welcomes visitors, and while I haven’t taken it up on its hospitality, any website advertising “Special ‘lamas’ for Special People”—intentionally (or unintentionally) equating camelids with Buddhist teachers—deserves a special mention.

The only restaurant in town wholeheartedly recommended is Thai Garden (43 N. Third St., Central Point, 541-7277502). If you’re a fan of the Netflix doc The Search for General Tso, then the sweetand-spicy Chinese fried chicken named for him should be on your list. Smoky, garlicky, it’s the single meal in Central Point that you’ll miss when you’re back home.

The Central Point Pioneer Cemetery (Hamrick Rd., Central Point, 541-6642181) is badly in need of some respect and care—tombstones have fallen (or been pushed) over, the grass is wildly overgrown and parts of the cemetery are strewn with branches that have fallen off the trees—but it’s easy to lose a few hours among the dilapidated plots and gravestones dating back to the mid-1800s. One lovely anecdote: When I was there in February, someone had walked through and left tiny candy bars at the graves of many of the children buried there.

Central Point may not be much besides green, but its greatest strength is as a starting point to navigate less-hoary sites within a few hours of it.

South of Central Point, Medford is warmer and flatter, and it has straighter streets and more than 10 times the population. Located in the part of Oregon where people who have moved there from California complain about all of the people from California moving there, it’s also more liberal, with a median age that

BY DAVE BARTON skews younger—a great place to base further Oregon adventures.

The city’s shiny, glass-and-brown-brick Rogue Community College’s Riverside campus (114 S. Bartlett St., Medford, 541-245-7500) is smack in the middle of a downtown that feels like an update of what modern small towns should be. The Lithia Commons is a streamlined concrete and grass walking area taking up two park blocks near the college, with easy parking allowing for Farmer’s Growers and Crafter’s market on Thursdays and Saturdays, concerts, and other group activities.

Nearby, you’ll find art supplies, usedbook stores, a performing-arts center, too many fast-food venues, plenty of restaurants, Barnes & Noble, even an Irish pub. I thought the fish and chips at 4 Daughters Irish Pub (126 W. Main St., Medford, 541779-4455; 4daughtersirishpub.com) were meh, but the ambiance was pleasant—full of character (flags and other Gaelic icons), quiet enough when a sports event wasn’t happening that you can have a conversation and actually be heard, especially in the comfortable areas upstairs—and the beer is cold. Ahuva Bagel Co.’s (1130 Biddle Rd., Medford, 541-776-2245; www.ahuvabagels.com) bland interior is geared more toward moving product, instead of providing a place for you to prop up your computer, but what it lacks in atmosphere, it makes up for with its perfect open-face cream-cheese-and-lox pairing.

My suggestion: Get your sandwich to go, then drive over to the Starbucks across from the college campus (1408 Biddle Rd., Medford, 541-732-1970) for coffee and conversation. The building’s an easy-on-the-eyes design from a corporate coffee chain that occasionally seems as if it has run out of ideas, but the shop HAVE A BREAK. HAVE A KITKAT

BLUER THAN PICASSO’S BLUE PERIOD

ALL PHOTOS BY DAVE BARTON

is quite beautiful. Sleek walls of glass, greenery outside, high ceilings, colorfully painted walls, an elegant bathroom, easy-on-your-back-and-ass couches, and freaking gorgeous lighting fixtures offer a warm aesthetic that’s way more comfortable than the collectors of mentally ill homeless people so many other Starbucks have become. It doesn’t feel rushed, there’s (attractive) people-watching available thanks to the college, and the smell of burned coffee doesn’t linger on your clothes when you leave.

Kaleidoscope Pizza’s (3084 Crater Lake Hwy., Medford, 541-779-7787; www.kaleidoscopepizza.com) tie-dye and Jerry Garcia memorabilia isn’t my thing, but their regular-crust pesto pizza—with portabello mushrooms and black olives, no roma tomatoes, anchovies on the side—is worth it. If you believe your food can also never have too much of the stinky rose, try the roasted-garlic pizza, too.

Thirty minutes away is Ashland, home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival every summer (www.osfashland.org). The 2016 season includes the good (recent South Coast Repertory hit Vietgone), the debatably good (The Wiz), the overproduced (Twelfth Night and Hamlet), the rarely produced (Timon of Athens) and a couple of world premieres, including one about abortion (Roe, directed by the festival’s

artistic director, Bill Rauch). Ticket prices are ridiculously expensive, but it’s a mustgo mecca for theater people.

Ninety more minutes and you’re in Prospect and a tiny jewel of eating: Beckie’s Café (56484 OR-62, Prospect, 541560-3563). Located among the pines, its tiny parking lot just off the freeway, breakfast at the rustic eatery is a gut-filling idyll, with large portions and friendly service. In the winter months, the snowdrifts can reach up several feet, inevitably closing down sections of the nearby Union Creek Resort from convenient shoe-and-sandal traffic, but the pack makes good snowballs.

Forty-five minutes from there is the fifth-oldest National Park in the United States, Crater Lake (www.nps.gov/crla/ index.htm). Located in Klamath County, the serenely beautiful expanse of water, formed in a volcanic crater, is bluer than a Picasso painting and the deepest lake in the country. Majestic by any definition, the lake is surrounded by forest, with bike trails available around the rim.

If you’re looking for a slower pace than what you’re used to in California, less interested in sightseeing and tourist traps than a re-acquaintance with Mother Nature and the lost art of conversation . . . welcome to Southern Oregon.

Did I mention there’s also recently legal recreational pot smoking?

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58 58

A Weekend In Downtown Ventura

BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO

FRIDAY 7:55 a.m.: Board the Pacific Surfliner at the Santa Ana Regional Transportation Center (1000 E. Santa Ana Blvd., Santa

Ana, 800-872-7245). Really, you can board this Amtrak service at any of Orange County’s train stations, but SanTana’s version is the true charmer, a place that has scored cameos in Rain Man and True Detective. All that’s needed is a craft brewery to open up here—Left Coast Brewing, are you listening?

8-10:59 a.m.: Enjoy the comforting choochoo, which offers free wifi and sells alcohol. Although you’ll only get views of the coastline in OC if you pass through San Clemente (and you definitely should on the way to San Diego), the Pacific Surfliner is still a gorgeous ride through Southern California—the industrial buildings of OC and southeast Los Angeles County, the majesty of Los Angeles’ Union Station, the chaparral of the San Fernando Valley, fields of Ventura County . . . and finally, Ventura, SoCal’s best-kept staycation secret. Unboard at the train station near the Ventura County Fairgrounds (10 W. Harbor Blvd., Ventura, 805-6483376; www.venturacountyfair.org), and get a cab. If you’re an Uber person, be warned: Ventura is so darn bucolic that sometimes, there are no Uber drivers working—WHOA . . .

11:06 a.m.: Have whoever drives you drop you off at Paradise Pantry (222 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-641-9440; www. paradisepantry.com) in downtown Ventura for brunch. This charming bistro offers soups, salads and sandwiches, but the true stars are the cheese platters, epic frontiers of fromage anchored by California-produced cheeses that you can purchase in the ever-growing market side, along with locally produced limoncello, wine, even hot sauces.

12:30 p.m.: Stroll around downtown’s many thrift shops. Once you’ve walked off your lunch, hike up to Ventura City Hall (501 Poli St., Ste. 109, Ventura, 805-6547800; www.cityofventura.net), perhaps the most gorgeous civic building in Southern California. The Beaux Arts-style building dates back to 1910, when it opened as the Ventura County Courthouse, and its hilltop perch allows views, on a clear day, straight to the Channel Islands. It’s a steep hill that shows no mercy, so proceed carefully.

2 p.m.: Get a late lunch at Spencer Makenzie’s Fish Co. (806 E. Thompson Blvd., Ventura, 805-643-8226; www.spencermakenzies.com). The fish burritos are nationally famous, but perhaps the best thing on the menu are the ahi pockets, which are essentially poke in a tofu cup. Make sure to buy one of the company’s five incredible hot sauces before you leave; you’ll never want to douse your fish tacos with anything else again.

SOCAL STAYCATION AT ITS FINEST

WEST COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

3:30 p.m.: Ventura still doesn’t have its bou-

tique-hotel game going, so check into the Ventura Beach Marriott (2055 E. Harbor Blvd., Ventura, 805-643-6000). With comfy digs, a great bar and reliable wifi, it’s a chain hotel worth the money, and it’s conveniently located between downtown, the beach and the rest of Ventura.

5 p.m.: Ask the kind Marriott people to call up the Downtown Ventura Harbor Trolley (805-827-4444; venturatrolley.com) to pick you up. The trolley runs from 11 a.m. through 11 p.m. Wednesday through Sunday, connecting downtown all the way to the many pleasures of Ventura Harbor Village (1583 Spinnaker Dr., Ventura, 805477-0470; www.venturaharborvillage.com).

Best of all? The trolley is free.

7 p.m.: Ventura’s beer scene seems to bring a new brewery each year, but a great place to start is Anacapa Brewing Co. (472 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-643-2337; anacapabrewing.com). Great food, great entertainment and great suds: Go with Pissy Pelican Pale Ale for something light, Benyhana Espresso for a hefty stout, and a Pierpont IPA for the win.

9 p.m.: Explore on your own. We can’t tell you all our secrets, right?

SATURDAY 8 a.m.: You better be in bed—this is a vaca-

tion, after all.

10 a.m.: Walk out of the Marriott and toward San Buenaventura State Beach, which is never crowded for reasons only known to God—so take advantage of this and relax some more.

Noon: Walk over to the Jolly Oyster (911 San Pedro St., Ventura, 805-798-4944; www.thejollyoyster.com), as awesome a

fancy food truck as you’ll ever encounter.

Everything it offers is either sustainably fished or raised by Jolly Oyster in Baja California farms. And after you slurp down some oysters and clams? Do like everyone else, and stand the shells up in the beach sand—trust us.

1:30 p.m.: After freshening up back at the Marriott, head over to the Museum of Ventura County (100 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-653-0323; venturamuseum.org). In addition to strong permanent exhibits regarding Ventura history, it has a wonderful gift shop and a keen eye for seasonal showings. Check the museum’s calendar, as the weeknight lectures series is both great and not (I’ve spoken there four times already, always to large crowds).

Once you finish with the museum, walk across the street for a quick tour of San Buenaventura Mission (211 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-643-4318; www.sanbuenaventuramission. org). You’re probably rolling your eyes at this suggestion after a lifetime of ignoring the docents at Mission San Juan Capistrano, but just take some time from your godless lives and enjoy the self-guided tour filled with artifacts, rose gardens and a bunch of beauty.

3 p.m.: Get lost in the stacks at the Calico Cat Bookshop (495 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-643-7849; www.calicocatbooks.com).

Run by a nice Scandinavian couple, the tiny store has a bit of everything but specializes in books of the West and first-editions.

4:30 p.m.: Make a quick stop at T&A Leather (8 N. Fir St., Ventura, 805-585-5804; www. tandaleather.com). Run by a charming AF gay couple, the store offers its own leather creations—wallets, key holders, purses, belts, bracelets and even skirts—all done in traditional leather crafting with a modern,

steampunk flair. T&A also offers classes— sign up for one next time you visit.

5 p.m.: Ventura’s great contribution to Mexican food is corn burritos—what the rest of the world calls taquitos—and Parmesan tacos, which are nothing more than hard-shell tacos dusted with Parmesan cheese but are wonderful. Get them at Corrales Mexican Food (1951 E. Thompson Blvd., Ventura, 805-643-6138), a roadside stand just across the street from Spencer Makenzie’s.

6:30 p.m.: Most of downtown Ventura’s restaurants are slammed with out-of-towners at this time of the evening, so go where the locals kick it: The Tavern (211 E. Santa Clara St., Ventura, 805-643-3264; www. thetavernventura.com), located in a historic old home on the outskirts of downtown. Here are some of the better cocktails and drunk food in Ventura’s slowly emerging food scene, but just as awesome is the seating: outside fireplace, inside couches and ready-to-party locals everywhere.

8:30 p.m.: VenTiki (701 E. Main St., Ventura, 805-667-8887; www.ventikiloungeandlanai. com) will probably be slammed right now, but it doesn’t matter. Wait for a seat at this honest-to-goodness tiki lounge. Not only are the drinks fantastic, but you’ll also be issued a passport that you can get stamped after trying each of its dozens of drinks; at the end, you get a commemorative cup.

Bali hai!

SUNDAY 10 a.m.: Start dreaming about Ventura

being your second home, or at least your annual staycation. Fuck annual; make it monthly. See you next week!

GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM

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59

I

BY DUSTIN AMES

was waiting for my red-eye to Guatemala from LAX when a friend texted me a photo. It was one of the three volcanoes surrounding Antigua, and it was erupting in the night sky. By the time I arrived the next morning, I missed the excitement, but not the telltale signs that something big had happened, including the layer of ash that covered everything. After dropping my bags at El Hostal Bed and Breakfast (Primera Avenida Sur 8, Antigua), my accommodations for the next 30 hours, I hopped next door to Y Tú Piña Tambien (Primera Avenida Sur 10b, Antigua; www. ytupinatambien.com), where you can get breakfast all day long. It specializes in egg dishes (try the Egg McFuckin’ Muffin) and fresh-fruit smoothies, all aimed at fix-

ing the damage you’ve done to your liver the night before (Advil is free, all you have to do is ask).

Antigua was designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1979, and it’s apparent from the moment you drive into town. The Spanish-colonial architecture hasn’t changed since the 1600s.

Antigua’s residents and businesses cohabit cobblestone streets lined with buildings and churches that crumbled during the 1773 earthquake, a metaphor for the city’s struggles and beauty. One of the largest landmarks is the Iglesia de San Francisco, which includes an attached museum and more ruins. The façade of Iglesia del Carmen (3a Avenida Norte, between 2a and 3a Calles, Antigua) remains, the rest having been destroyed

THIS PUP HAS THE RIGHT IDEA

GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YA

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IGLESIA DEL CARMEN, MOSTLY DESTROYED

BY EARTHQUAKE IN 1773

the past yet ready for the future

JM u ON ne TH 17-23 , 2 016 X X–X X , 2014

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Over the Volcanoes Antigua, Guatemala is a city stuck in

ALL PHOTOS BY DUSTIN AMES

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PRIMERA AVENIDA SUR, WITH THE ENTRANCE TO IGLESIA DE SAN FRANCISCO IN THE BACKGROUND

| feature IGLESIA SAN JOSÉ EL VIEJO

June 17- 2 3, 20 16

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» CONTINUED ON PAGE 62

THE RUINS BEHIND IGLESIA DE SAN FRANCISCO

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Argentinean expat with some of the best cooked meat in the city. The 24-ounce Delmonico rib-eye will set you back all of $27. Ni-fu Ni-fa roughly translates to mediocre, but this is anything but.

We here at the Weekly have written about Ilegal Mezcal quite a bit lately, and for good reason. The owners hate Donald Trump; we hate Donald Trump.

They love mezcal; we adore mezcal. Their Southern California brand ambassadors are Anaheim boys; our Mexican in Chief, the same. If you are a fan, too, be sure to check out the infamous Café No Sé (Primera Avenida Sur 11c, Antigua). Across the street from El Hostal and Y Tu Piña, Café No Sé hosts local and expat singers and songwriters nightly, while serving up cold local beers and a small selection of spirits.

Toward the back, step through the small green refrigerator and into the mezcal bar: a dim, candlelit space that holds maybe eight to 10 people comfortably, but there are almost always more. Here in the back, all that’s served is Ilegal and beer. It’s all you need, and it’s cheap.

If you continue toward the street, you’ll walk through Dyslexia Libros (Primera Avenida Sur 11b, Antigua), a new- and used-book store housing reading material in more than a dozen languages. Longtime expat and Ilegal owner John Rexer opened Café No Sé after leaving New York post-9/11; originally looking for a spot to hide out from the rain, he rented the small building that eventually turned into the café and bookstore.

If stumbling back to a hostel with a head full of mezcal isn’t quite your cup of tea, you can always stay at Mesón Panza Verde (5a Avenida Sur 19, Antigua; www. panzaverde.com), a luxury boutique hotel that will only cost you roughly $100 per night for a double room or $200 per night for a suite. The Panza Verde is constructed around a beautiful stone courtyard overflowing with local flora and offers rooftop views of the city, as well as an art gallery

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in the aforementioned earthquake. But the Iglesia San José el Viejo (5a Avenida Sur 34, Antigua; www.sanjoseelviejo.com) has been converted into a school, though the main church structure continues to be used for weddings and celebrations.

Indoor/outdoor market stalls are prevalent here; you’ll find all types of crafts, from handmade leather bags and carved wooden masks to woven textiles and T-shirts that proudly proclaim, “Guat’s Up?” or, “Guatever!” Nim Po’t (5a Avenida Norte 29, Antigua) is a bit different; taking up a large warehouse-style building, Guatemalan tourist tchotchkes and true artisan furniture fill every corner. Make sure you head out back to see the shrine to Maximón (pronounced “ma-sheemoan”), the non-patron patron saint of drink and drug. The Spanish priest was rumored to have slept with the wives of all the field workers while they were out making a living; in return, they cut off his arms and legs. Now, he’s revered as an unofficial saint. How fucked-up is that?

Don’t forget to buy your own Maximón figure, complete with his signature hat, cigar, cane and chair. Cheer up all your friends with his tale or just have him keep a watchful eye over you and your booze.

Antigua has not been immune to globalization. If you are truly homesick, you can stop at the Domino’s Pizza or McDonald’s. Actually, you should stop into the McDonald’s (4 Calle Poniente, Antigua) because it’s pretty incredible.

The food is the same with the addition of some regional differences, but remember the UNESCO World Heritage tidbit? That requires that all new construction keep the original aesthetic of the building. So this McDonald’s is likely the fanciest-looking fast-food restaurant ever. Grab your hamburguesa con queso, then sit out back by the fountains and sprawling gardens. If you want something more substantial (and you should), Ni-fu Ni-fa (www.nifunifadeantigua.com) is a steakhouse run by an

61

with rotating exhibits. The on-site restaurant offers an eclectic international menu and is consistently rated one of the top in the country.

While there are both day and overnight hikes and tours of Antigua’s volcanoes offered, if you are short on time, you can make your way to the Cerro de la Cruz.

This 20-to-30-minute hike starts at the end of Primera Avenida Sur and will take you up a meandering path of stairs that climbs the side of a small mountain (or would it be a large hill?). The view from the clearing offers a spectacular vantage point high above the city and an even better view of Volcan de Agua. If you are really short on time, you can take a tuktuk or a scooter to the top and tell all your friends that you walked it.

All that hiking (or fake hiking) deserves a drink. You can find a plethora of small cantinas around Antigua where you can order little more than beer or beer. Take your pick and try a Gallo, Moza or Brahva, and if you are lucky, you might also be served a small plate of tortilla chips and mole. If beer isn’t cutting it and you need a swift kick in the pants, ordering a Quezalteca Rosa de Jamaica will do the trick. For a bit more than a dollar, this strong, bright-purple hibiscus liqueur is stronger than it looks— there’s a reason it comes in 125mL bottles.

As I prepared to head back to Guatemala City for my flight out of Aurora International Airport, I was already thinking about returning to see and do all the things I missed. For a small city, there’s a lot to take in: coffee plantations, Lake Atitlán, even getting a haircut at the Simpson’s Family Barber Shop. The sights and sounds of Antigua are lying dormant in my mind, just like the surrounding volcanoes.

JOHN REXER, OWNER OF ILEGAL MEZCAL, Y TÚ PIÑA TAMBIEN, CAFÉ NO SÉ AND DYSLEXIA BOOKSTORE

A FEW OF ILEGAL’S BRAND AMBASSADORS (FROM LEFT): KAYLA MATA, GILBERT MARQUEZ AND JOAQUIN VALDOVINOS

THE PATH TO CERRO DE LA CRUZ

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ANTIGUA’S WORST-KEPT SECRET: THE ENTRANCE TO CAFÉ NO SÉ’S MEZCAL BAR

DAMES@OCWEEKLY.COM

MO H XX–X X, 2 0 14 Ju neNT 17-23 , 2 016

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Over the Volcanoes » FROM PAGE 61

ALL PHOTOS BY DUSTIN AMES

THE VIEW FROM CERRO DE LA CRUZ

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TAKE HOME YOUR OWN MAXIMÓN

THE SHRINE TO MAXIMÓN BEHIND NIM PO’T

| | | | |

THE BEAUTIFULLY OVERGROWN COURTYARD OF MESÓN PANZA VERDE

SERENE POOL IN MESÓN PANZA VERDE’S RESTAURANT

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MAYBE GET THE BART?

¡AGUARDIENTE!

JuHne 17-23, 2014 16 M ONT X X–XX , 20

CRATES OF BRAHVA BEER IN ONE OF ANTIGUA’S CANTINAS

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DON’T LET THEIR CUTE FACES FOOL YOU?

ALL PHOTOS BY DENISE DE LA CRUZ

A Weekend in Costa Rica

BY DENISE DE LA CRUZ

C

osta Rica is the land of “pura vida,” not just because it’s renowned for its biodiversity and exotic animals but also because ticos y ticas (or Costa Ricans) throw the words meaning pure life around as a greeting, a goodbye, and a passionate yet casual way of expressing an appreciation for life. It’s a highly sentimental phrase that only they seem to truly understand.

For visitors, pura vida may consist of warm welcomes by Costa Ricans, some of the most hospitable folks around in a continent where hospitality is an art form (unless you’re us). Or it’s waking up and falling asleep to the comforting sounds of rain, having cute animals such as monkeys and sloths as neighbors, and being surrounded by Pachamama’s greenest plants and trees (okay, so Pachamama is the Mother Earth of the Andes, but you get what I’m saying).

To make the transition into experiencing the “pure life” a little smoother, here are some tips on what to expect, what to do, what to eat and where to go: First off, don’t bother changing your American dollars into Costa Rican colónes, since the U.S. dollar is accepted everywhere in Costa Rica. English is also commonly spoken among tico/as. And you’re likely to run into at least one or two expatriates who abandoned the American dream for pura vida, which will have you immediately planning to ditch the U.S. with your roommates.

The most famous Costa Rican dish is gallo pinto: seasoned beans and rice mixed together and commonly served with eggs for breakfast. But you should also try a

casado, a plate of white rice, black beans (served separately, not mixed), plantains, salad and your choice of meat. To wash it down, try anything guanabana, a refreshing tropical delight (called soursop in English, mãng câu in Vietnamese and quite common in OC) that tastes like the lovechild of banana, strawberry and pineapple. Many guanabana stands will offer to add rum to your guanabana smoothie or juice, and, well, why would you turn that down?

In San José, Costa Rica’s capital and largest city, the rainforest seeps into the urban metropolis. While it’s home to zoos, resorts, shopping centers and museums, a visit to the tico capital wouldn’t be complete without stopping by the Mercado Nacional de Artesanías (Avenida Segunda, San José, Costa Rica—as with many places in Costa Rica, no website, phone or exact address is available; you just gotta ask around for directions). Here, you’ll find all the handmade knickknacks and doodads to bring home to the folks.

And if your haggling game is strong, this is likely the cheapest place in Costa Rica to buy such keepsakes.

More hipster-y is Finca Luna Nueva (San Isidro de Peñas Blancas, Chachagua, San Ramón 1250, 800-903-3470; fincalunanuevalodge.com). It’s a certifiedorganic biodynamic farm and a rustic eco-lodge perfect for anyone who wants to learn about agricultural sustainability in an intimate rainforest setting. If you’re anti-GMOs and ride a fixie bike, you’ll love it here.

La Fortuna is home to the Arenal Volcano found within the Arenal National

Park, which is a popular hiking destination. However, the real gems in La Fortuna are the hot springs produced by the Arenal Volcano. The Tabacon Grand Spa and Thermal Resort (855-TABACON; www.tabacon.com) houses some of the most luxurious natural hot springs Arenal has to offer. There’s even a bar in one of the springs, so you can sip on a margarita while relaxing in steamy water among exotic vegetation. Other must-dos in La Fortuna include visiting the indigenous village of the Maleku, ziplining through the rainforest, and water rapelling—if you

dare. Try goadventurepark.com for that.

Just south of the city of Quepos lies Manuel Antonio National Park, which exudes Jurassic Park-esque vibes thanks to enormous trees with roots large enough to hide raptor eggs. After a stroll along Manuel Antonio’s trail, you’ll reach a white-sand beach with gray-blue waters.

Careful not to leave any belongings unattended, as packs of mischievous monkeys hang out along the beach, waiting to steal snacks from tourists’ bags. And suddenly, they’re not so cute anymore—pura vida!

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68 68

HANGIN’ IN THE VALLE

DAVE LIEBERMAN

Un Weekend en Baja California

BY DAVE LIEBERMAN

Baja California isn’t the secret it used to be, as evidenced by increasing lines to cross back into the United States on Sundays. But a weekend trip to Tijuana, Rosarito and Ensenada is a breath of fresh air, both literally and figuratively. Come hungry, pack your passport and your patience, and watch out for those topes (speed bumps).

FISH TACOS IN ENSENADA Something happened to fish tacos when they crossed the border al norte; they lost their flavor. Sure, you’ve had fried fish in a tortilla before, but you’ve never had it Ensenada-style, in which you dress it yourself using an array of creams, salsas and vegetables. Most people go to Mi Ranchito El Fénix, but for the best combination of great and cheap, Los Originales is the place to go. Tacos de Pescado “Los Originales,” Ave. Gastélum between 5th and 6th, Ensenada; Mi Ranchito El Fénix, Ave. Espinoza and 6th, Ensenada.

VALLE DE GUADALUPE TASTINGS Most people who cross the border and go south of Tijuana are headed for the Valle de Guadalupe, Baja California’s burgeoning wine valley northeast of Ensenada.

There are at least 80 wineries, dozens of cheese-makers, hectares of olive groves, and enough restaurants to hold todo Ensenada. Hot-weather wines such as

Tempranillo and Grenache are the rule of the day, and nearly all of the wines are blends. Pick one of the three paved roads in the Valley, branch out onto the dirt roads, and watch for little shingles on sticks telling you what’s for sale: vino, queso, aceite de oliva, nieve de yaka ( jackfruit ice cream) and more. Along Hwy. 3 between Ensenada and Tecate, and along the El Porvenir-El Tigre road from Hwy. 1 to Hwy. 3. Follow signs for “La Ruta del Vino.”

CAMPESTRE DINNER A campestre is an outdoor restaurant in the Valle de Guadalupe, set up by chefs from all over Mexico, run only during the summer and concentrating on grilled meats and seafoods and local produce.

Eating local produce—nearly all from less than 10 miles away—and sipping Baja wine or craft beer while the summer evening breeze blows is about as far away from the grind as it’s possible to get without an airline ticket. We’ve got three recommendations, but there are many more.

Deckman’s en el Mogor, just south of Hwy. 3 at km 86.5, Valle de Guadalupe; Finca Altozano, 1.5 km north of Hwy. 3 at km 83 (follow signs for Laja), Valle de Guadalupe; La Almazara, 1.5 km north of Hwy. 3 at km 86.5, Valle de Guadalupe.

LA COCINA DE DOÑA ESTHELA The finest breakfast (and the longest wait

for a table) in Baja California is cooked by a smiling woman named Esthela, who opened her kitchen years ago and served her guests birria tatemada, homemade fresh cheese and pastries cooked in her adobe oven. As time passed, her home grew and grew; nowadays, more than half of it is restaurant. The food, though, is as good as it ever was, even if it can take an hour to be seated on the weekends. Follow the signs from the El Porvenir road. 1.2 km southeast of the Ensenada-El Porvenir road, between Ejido El Porvenir and El Tigre, Valle de Guadalupe.

ARTESANÍAS Ensenada is a city of artisans, and if you wander off López Mateos (First Street), look for signs that say taller, or workshop.

Everything from olive-wood decorations in the shape of lotería cards to massive outdoor tables made from found wood and metal can be yours. If the doors are open, the shop is open; just walk in and call out, “Buenos días.” Bargaining is accepted, but don’t take it seriously unless you are buying a very high-ticket item.

POPOTLA Puerto Nuevo, the famous lobster village south of Rosarito, started with enterprising cooks setting up stands to cook the lobster catch as it came in. While Puerto Nuevo has moved on to cater exclusively

to tourists, Popotla, just to the north, is where you can drive down onto the beach, wait for the boats to come in and order the catch of the day prepared simply. You’ll be eating garlic butter crab and knocking it open with a rock before you know it. Pro tip: Ask for erizo, or sea urchin; it’s the best on the continent. On Hwy. 1 (the free road) 5 km south of Rosarito, just past Fox Studios Baja.

RUSSIAN HISTORY MUSEUM The Valle de Guadalupe’s wine industry was energized by the arrival of the Molokans, religious refugees from Russia. They set up a church and homes in El Porvenir, petitioned the fledgling Baja California government for permission to plant grapes and make wine, and settled in.

While remnants of the molocanos remain throughout the Valle, including names such as Bibayoff, the Samarin family has converted one of the original structures into a museum of local history. Purchase tickets in the adjacent store and restaurant. You can also buy rye breads, nearly unheard-of in the rest of Mexico; get some homemade fruit preserves, including nopal (cactus paddle) and tuna (cactus fruit); and sit down to a Russian lunch.

Museo Ruso, Ejido El Porvenir, along the El Tigre road 7 km southwest of the junction with Hwy. 3.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 70

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NIGHTLIFE ON LA REVU Every SoCali has a story that starts with, “We were 18, and we crossed into Tijuana and partied on Revolution Avenue.” And while the ghosts of Tijuana’s past as California’s naughty playground still haunt the Zona Norte at night, farther south, Avenida Revolución has re-invented itself. After the violence subsided, los tijuanenses took the famous tourist drag for themselves, turned it sideways on Calle Sexta (Sixth Street), and upgraded the nightlife. Whether your taste is live music and mezcal (La Mezcalera), strangers telling tall tales over bottles of beer and plastic bowls of beef jerky (El Dandy Del Sur), craft beer (La Tasca de la Sexta), or a good old-fashioned fleshjiggling dance club (Las Pulgas), the entire area within two blocks of the corner of Revolución and Sixth comes alive weekend nights around 11 p.m. Along 6th St. from Constitución to Madero, and along Ave. Revolución from 5th to 7th sts., Tijuana.

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The simple salad that swept the United States and has remained an enduring favorite is not Italian. It’s Mexican: Caesar Cardini, owner of Caesar’s Restaurant on Avenida Revolución, threw together a salad with romaine, cheese, croutons, anchovy, egg, lemon juice and olive oil, and a classic was born. Today, you can have it prepared tableside where it was invented, and then continue on to a menu of classic Continental dishes whose time is ripe for a renaissance. Corner of Ave. Revolución and 5th St., Tijuana, 011-52664-685-19-27; caesarstijuana.com.

PLAZA FIESTA Tijuana has an absolutely huge craft-beer scene—it is the San Diego of Mexico, renowned nationwide for its brewing. But until recently, it was sort of on the D.L.: You had to know where to go and when.

Brewers would drop off a keg of their latest creation at one or another of the city’s post-deregulation beer halls. Now, though,

the cerveza artesanal movement has a place to call home. The beer has spilled out from Sótano Suizo, and now there are more than a dozen tasting rooms in Plaza Fiesta, a repurposed open-air mall. Beer is poured until 2 a.m., and it can get crowded on weekends, but there’s no better place to taste what happens when Moctezuma and Cuauhtémoc, the two macrobreweries, have to make way for the little guys.

Corner of Paseo de los Héroes and Ave. Independencia, Tijuana.

MISIÓN 19 Tucked away in a brand-new, LEED Goldcertified building on the outskirts of Tijuana’s zona gastronómica, Misión 19 is arguably the best restaurant in the city (and what a delicious argument to have!). The flagship of owner Javier Plascencia’s burgeoning empire, it takes Baja California’s fantastic raw ingredients and treats them simply, with Mexican and French influence—Baja Med cuisine. So dedicated is Plascencia to his state’s gastronomic reinvention that he instituted a policy of selling Baja wine at cost. VIA Corporativo building, Misión San Javier 10643, near Paseo de los Héroes and Blvd. Abelardo L. Rodríguez, 011-52-664-634-2493; mision19.com.

PASAJE RODRÍGUEZ What happens when businesses shutter on the best-known street in the city? Artists move in, and they display their work.

Pasaje Rodríguez and its sister alley, Pasaje Gómez, connect Avenida Revolución and Avenida Constitución, and it’s a wonderland of art galleries, coffee shops, beer breweries and quirky stores. It may seem odd to turn down an alley in Tijuana, but these are worth the detour. Enter from Ave. Revolución or Ave. Constitución between 3rd and 4th sts., Tijuana.

MERCADO HIDALGO Tijuana’s central de abastos is not where most tijuanenses shop for their food, but it is worth visiting if you need to stock up on the way back across the border: There’s a huge cheese store, a Oaxacan stand, more herbs and spices than you can shake a stick at, and a huge number of fondas behind the main kiosks where you can sit and have the special of the day for just a few bucks. Corner of Blvd. Sánchez Taboada and Ave. Independencia, Tijuana.

FOODGARDEN The luxe lonchera craze never really hit Tijuana, a city where street food is everywhere and even the sharpest licenciado ever to wear a fancy custom suit and shined shoes will line up for tacos varios, birria or ceviche. Instead, they created food courts, the best of which is Foodgarden, where you can try Tijuana’s famous quesatacos (tacos in which the filling is enveloped in crispy mozzarella cheese), vegetarian fare, chilaquiles, etc. Come hungry; you’ll want to stop at more than one booth. Blvd. Sánchez Taboada just east of Blvd. Abelardo L. Rodríguez, Tijuana; and Plaza Río, Paseo de los Héroes between Ave. Independencia and Blvd. Cuauhtémoc, Tijuana.

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72

GETTING READY TO RIDE

Ni Haw! America Asia’s Southwestern bus tours are worth

PHOTOS BY EDWIN GOEI

not knowing Mandarin

BY EDWIN GOEI

H

as this ever happened to you?

You’re at a National Park or someplace tranquil, finding your moment of Zen, when all of a sudden, you sense a disturbance in the Force. A bus pulls up, and within seconds, hundreds of photo-snapping tourists pour out. In an instant, Eden turns into a fanny-pack convention.

Well, my friends, I have been on that bus. I have been part of the horde. And if you like road trips but hate driving or separately booking all the hotels along the way, you should consider dusting off your own fanny pack and going on one of these bus tours. Most of all, they’re bargains.

As of this writing, the website for America Asia, a Monterey Park-based travel company that operates a bus fleet large enough to mount a D-Day invasion, is offering a four-day trip to Arizona and New Mexico at $318 for two people. And if there are three of you, provided that no one minds sharing a room, the third person is free. Tour dates start around Thanksgiving and go through New Year’s because, let’s face it, unless you’re a solarpanel salesman, that part of the country sucks in the summer.

I took the trip a few years ago around Christmas with my family. It included a three-night stay and daily breakfast buffets at Holiday Inn-grade hotels in Tucson and El Paso. As the bus took us through the planned daily itinerary, we snapped photos in front of the Arizona State Capitol Building in Phoenix for no other reason than because we stopped there. At the White Sands National Monument in New Mexico, we slid down powdery dunes as though it were fresh-fallen snow. At Carlsbad Caverns, we spelunked—as much as walking a lit path can be called spelunking. At the Desert Museum, we tapped on the glass of a tail-shaking rattlesnake. And driving through Saguaro National Park, we agreed that the cactus-dotted landscape resem-

WHITE SANDS NATIONAL MONUMENT

bled the surface of a used Biore pore strip.

Wherever we went, we engendered shudders from whoever was at these places before our bus arrived. We mobbed Flying-Js all over the Southwest. We created a line at what would’ve otherwise been a run-of-the-mill Chinese buffet in El Paso until it occurred to us that the bus company probably struck an arrangement with the restaurant and most likely shared in that night’s profits.

The tour guides also insisted on starting as early as 6 a.m. since they’re intent on packing in as many sights as they can during daylight. And as non-Chinese speakers, we started noticing that our Chinese tour guide offered wordy, poetic soliloquies in Mandarin about the sights, including history and trivia. But when he finally got around to the English translation, it was often as short as “We have arrived at White Sands National Monument. Be sure to take lots of pictures!”

“Really, that’s it?” we asked one another.

“And do you even need to say that to a bus full of camera-toting tourists?”

Find more info on America Asia’s tours at americaasia.com.

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74 74

A Weekend In Hermosillo, Sonora

S

BY BILL ESPARZA

onora is a special place for me. It’s a state with one of the best cuisines in Mexico: rich in seafood and highquality cattle, delicious stews, bacanora (a mezcal made from agave Pacifica or Yaquiana), the best flour tortillas in Mexico and the fiery chiltepín. I was a frequent visitor as a professional musician to towns such as Cananea, Caborca, Agua Prieta, Navojoa, Ciudad Obregón, but mostly Hermosillo, the largest city in Sonora and the northern state’s capital.

I love traveling just to explore the local eats and soak up the local booze; I don’t mind throwing in some sightseeing, museums and attractions, but food is the greatest gateway to the heart and soul of a place. Hermosillo has nice day trips to please, including Bahia de Kino and Ures, but it’s also a city where a carne asada taco and a cold beer can fulfill all your dreams. Did I mention that Sonora is one

bets are Araiza, Lucerna or the Fiesta Americana. If you’re looking for boutique hotels, you’re out of luck. I stay exclusively at the La Siesta Motel (Blvd.

Eusebio Kino 185, Country Club, 83010 Hermosillo; lasiesta.mx) for its location, value (600 Mexican pesos—about $60 American), but most of all because its restaurant is one of the old-school steakhouses in Hermosillo, La Siesta. That’s right, mi gente, Sonoran steaks with all the complements delivered to your cheap motel room—now that’s luxury.

WHERE TO DINE You are here for carne asada, parrillada packets, Northern burritos, caguamanta (manta ray stew), the best beef-head tacos in Mexico, carne con chile (meat with chile colorado—the O.G. stuff, not the watered-down Cal-Mex version you grew up eating), pozole de trigo (wheat pozole), Sonoran hot dogs, machaca (dried beef ),

SHOPPING ON THE RIO SONORA

ALL PHOTOS BY BILL ESPARZA

eye cut into long, slender strips that are cooked to your preferred degree of doneness. Try some of the local expressions such as the caramelo (taco with melted cheese), lorenza (Sonora’s version of the Vampiro) or the Jass (carne asada with melted cheese and roasted Anaheim peppers). You won’t get tired of the steak, especially once you’ve witnessed a Mexican-style parrillada—at El Leñador (Calle Luis Donaldo Colosio 168, El Centenario, 83260, Hermosillo), you get cuts of steak; ultra-thin sobaquera tortillas; impossibly rich beans called frijoles maneados; guacamole; queso fundido; salsa de chiltepín; and a curious salad of iceberg lettuce, sliced tomatoes and roasted chiles that’s a Sonoran classic.

Bring a friend!

SIDE TRIPS of the two most famed states of Mexico for its beautiful women? Cue up “Sonora y Sus Ojos Negros,” and let’s roll.

GETTING THERE Hermosillo is doable by car, and there are several borders to consider: Yuma to San Luis Rio Colorado if you absolutely want to get in as much Mexico as possible (also if you want to avoid being profiled in Arizona), heading south from Gila Bend to Sonoita, or south via Tucson through Nogales. If you’re driving east of Sonora’s Highway 15 (which goes directly to Arizona’s Interstate 19), you’ll need a vehicle permit—I always get one because I go looking for bacanora in the Rio Sonora.

Be sure to check online before you go or if you are entering through Agua Prieta after shacking up in Tombstone, Arizona, because why not? You’ll need a permit crossing there for sure. Or grab a flight on Aeromexico 2201 out of LAX, which departs daily at 1:30 p.m. for a 1.5-hour flight. And there’s always Tijuana for cheap flights to Hermosillo on Volaris.

WHERE TO STAY Hotels are cheap in Hermosillo, and all you’re going to find are big chains—best

cocido (beef soup), caldo de queso (cheese soup), panochas, sobaquera tortillas and of course, lots of bacanora.

One of the only places in town that actually has a selection of bacanoras on the menu is Tijuana-based chef Javier Plascencia’s Bermejo (Blvd. Kino 177, 5 de Mayo, 83010 Hermosillo; www.bermejo. mx), which offers a modern take on Sonoran cuisine. Get the callo de hacha (pen-shell clam) served in its giant shell, duck-confit burritos and the fish with octopus chicharron.

For carne asada, I love to experience the full range of steak options from the novel chimney-stacked carts to taqueros using fine cuts to the parrilladas, which serve complete family packets of mesquitegrilled steak with all the sides. Walking distance from the La Siesta Motel is Bermejo and Tacos Kiko (5 de Mayo just south of Eusebio Francísco Kino), a classic cart for carne asada tacos served on flour tortillas. Just don’t forget to spoon on some veneno, or poison, which, in Sonora, means beef-trim carnitas.

The next level up is Tacos Del Pitín (Bl. Navarrete 311, Hermosillo), a taquero that uses Rancho 17 cuts of New York steak, cabreria (bone in sirloin) or rib-

It’s only about an hour to Bahia de Kino, where the fresh-shucked callo de hacha and an odd variety of clams can be had at carts such as Conchas Tejon (Muelle Kino Viejo, Bahia de Kino)—this is Tsukiji-level shit, cabrones. There are plenty of beach restaurants at which you can get pescado zarandeado, ceviche and regional seafood stews, but don’t miss the crab, which is fresh and delicious here. Sonora has a seafood cuisine that’s on par with Sinaloa and Nayarit—there are fewer dishes, but the flavor and style are very close.

It’s a ritual of mine to head to the Rio Sonora early in my trip to stock up on bacanora, first stopping in the town of Guadalupe for traditional Sonoran cuisine at La Fonda de Doña Marcela (Carretera Hermosillo-Ures, km 55, Guadalupe de Ures). Get the panochas (don’t Google panochas at work) and coyotas, which are the typical sweets of Sonora; caldo de queso, cocido and other regional dishes litter the menu at this roadside fonda.

Now that the belly is full, it’s time to head to the bus depot in Ures, a recovering but attractive colonial town. The man who runs the depot runs everything—just tell him ahead of time you’d like to buy bacanora, and magical things will happen.

CALLO DE HACHA PREPARADA IN ITS SHELL AT BAHIA DE KINO

You could also try your luck visiting the small towns along the fertile Rio Sonora, but you won’t really need luck. Just pull up to some locals and say you’re looking for bacanora; you might end up at a private back yard or someone’s house with bacanora poured from a keg in a master bedroom. There isn’t much work along the Rio Sonora, but there’s chingo of hustle, as everyone is selling bacanora (even the cops), dried chiles colorados, flour tortillas and wild chiltepín.

BACK TO HERMOSILLO There are plenty of bars with banda and ranchera music—just be sure to bring a cowboy hat and boots if you want to blend in, or you can do bottle service at one of the trendy clubs. Come on, it’s less than a c-note for Bukanas (Buchanan’s blended Scotch) and Topo Chico or Grey Goose and juice, plus the crowd is beautiful and friendly.

A badass stand for Sonoran dogs is a half-mile away from La Siesta, Gordo’s Hot Dogs (Bl. Valentín Gómez Farías 44, Constitucion, Hermosillo), and it’s right around the corner from Taqueria El Chino (Calle Benito Juárez García 36, Modelo, Hermosillo), where you are going in the morning for the juiciest and finest beefhead tacos in the country. After, you should check out the Mercado Municipal (Av. Plutarco Elías Calles, Centro, Hermosillo) to eat a little more—get the molletes and gallina pinta (beef, bean and nixtamal stew)—and take in the sights, sounds and smells of old Sonora.

And that’s just scratching the surface, but it’s what I do when traveling to Hermosillo with first-timers. One of the few regrets I have in life is that my busy schedule doesn’t allow me to spend more time there, and a recent trip to shoot with CNN’s Nick Valencia made me realize how much more I’ve yet to discover. A weekend in Sonora will alter your perception of northern Mexican cuisine—this is where the promise of big Mexican flavors rings as true as the bells at La Parroquia de Dolores Hidalgo.

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T

BY DAVE MAU

wo decades have passed since I first made my way up Kaiser Pass Road, and I’ve spent every summer since in the High Sierra as a back-country cook in a region that stretches from the north end of Sequoia National Park across the Range of Light and up toward Yosemite. Both the great park itself and the adjoining John Muir Wilderness are magical locales where the kid comes out in everyone. Genuine awe is a common occurrence, and if you don’t believe in God, these places just might . . . might . . . change your mind.

These roads don’t lead so much to a geographical location as they do to places in yourself, ones that seem as inaccessible as the moon and just beyond your grasp until you decide to make the drive. The way we Orange Countians run our lives can be filled with goal setting and punch lists, stuff that needs to get done for whatever reason or maybe just to make ourselves feel better about our place in the universe.

But up in the high country, you can experience “big picture” days, in which the sheer volume of life can take your breath away, and if you factor in the tens of thousands of years this cycle has been going on . . . well, that will put you in your place and inspire you at the same time.

The back country is about something bigger and better than our life in the flat, in which the simple solitude of a lazy day in camp consists of nothing more than beers for breakfast, a pot of campfire chili cooking all day and some fine company without the usual modern interruptions.

In addition, realizing that one has nothing to do except, well, nothing can be a mindbending experience for the uninitiated.

I just made my big, annual trip, snaking

my way through the Sierra foothills into Yosemite for a quick visit before heading back south, up and over the 9,100-foot Kaiser Pass to my summer home at Lake Edison in the John Muir Wilderness. It’s an annual pilgrimage I yearn for, one that covers the best of both worlds up there. You can experience the amenities and vistas of the park and/or head into the wilderness to commune with silence and solitude.

Should you decide to make the trek northbound from here to Yosemite, Fresno is a great place for a pee break, and if you also feel like catching some grub, I’m a fan of The Shepherd’s Inn (935 Santa Fe Ave., Fresno, 559-266-2228; shepherdsinnfresno. com)—formerly the Santa Fe Hotel—which houses one of the last old-school Basque restaurants in town. Drop in at noon for a coldie or three and catch the boarders lunch, a venerated tradition that dates back to when shepherds and hotel guests ate the midday meal at a communal table.

Plates overflowing with food are passed back and forth along with straw-covered bottles of cheap table red. All you can eat and drink for 14 bucks? Sign me up!

Just before the south entrance to Yosemite National Park is a great place to pop into if you have some kids in tow who dig trains (or a stunted, maladjusted railroad nerd such as myself ). The Stauffer family bought some equipment from the defunct West Side Lumber Co. more than 40 years ago and reopened the old Madera Sugar Pine grade as The Yosemite Mountain and Sugar Pine Railroad (56001 Hwy. 41, Fish Camp, 559-683-7273; www.ymsprr. com). It’s a quaint stroll back in time to when iron rails and men of steel fueled the California boom during the early part of the 20th century.

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76 76

PRETTY MUCH NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT THIS

PHOTOS BY DAVE MAU

Most people are immediately allured by the epic charm of the valley, but for me, the best-kept secret in Yosemite is Wawona. It’s tiny, and if you blink or sneeze, you’ll miss it. Generally, folks either drive right through or just stop for gas or groceries. The Redwoods In Yosemite (8038 Chilnualna Falls Rd., Wawona, 877-753-8566; www.redwoodsinyosemite. com), located behind the hotel off Highway 41, rents out some of the best private cabins in the area—perfect for families and groups and easily the best stay in the park itself. And, although people usually associate the Ahwahnee, the grand dame of hotels, with Yosemite, the rustic charm and wide verandas of the Wawona Hotel (2005 Wawona Rd., Yosemite National Park, 209-375-6572) are always calling my name. There’s a lot of great things about the hotel, including no cell coverage, no in-room phones and no TVs. It might sound like torture, but it’s a great way to unplug and get off the grid. (One note: I categorically refuse to engage this litigious nonsense going on between Delaware North Corporation and Aramark, new park concessionaires, and will be referring to the Yosemite locations by their original—and proper—names.)

But the best thing about the Wawona Hotel? That just has to be the one and only Tom Bopp, Yosemite’s resident musical historian and piano maestro. In days of yore, before TV, radio and the Internet,

NEVER A BAD DAY IN YOSEMITE VALLEY

people would entertain themselves in rustic lodges by listening to a musician and visiting. The din of large-screen televisions and piped-in music has long since replaced the hum of idle chit-chat, tinkling of piano keys and the clinking of glassware, but not here. In the evenings, Bopp holds court, as it were, in the main parlor. It’s a rare treat to enjoy an ice-cold Manhattan and snack on a cheese plate while you listen to someone as talented as him plying his wares. His repertoire encompasses lyrical stylings from the 1950s back to the late 1800s, many of them attached to interesting tales relating to the history of Yosemite. The parlor itself is wonderful, with warm fireplaces, cozy seating and a vibe that relaxes one to the core. The adjoining history center and Sleepy Hollow-esque covered bridge there are worth the short walk.

While Yosemite may be a visitorfriendly, Disney version of the Sierras, the back country certainly isn’t. It’s a place to prove one’s mettle, watch one’s ass and truly get away from the matrix. It’s a place populated with people as colorful as the landscape. These are self-reliant country folk who seek the summer solace and confines of an area most flatlanders recoil from because of its inaccessibility. In fact, the reason they couldn’t find poor Steve Fossett’s body after he wrapped his plane around a tree was because the region is so

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 78

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remote, and nobody in their right mind frequents the rugged area that turned into his unlikely and ironic grave. You can say what you want about the scenic vistas, rushing creeks and evening campfires, but I think the denizens of this area are the real treasure here. Just remember to wave when you pass them on the road, uphill traffic has the right of way, and their whiskey of choice is Kessler.

The trip out of Yosemite, down to Bass Lake and back up the hill again can be a relaxing one, as Highway 168 weaves its way through the foothills and up toward Shaver Lake. It’s the largest tourist town as you head to the high country, all but a wide spot in the road with a greasy pizza joint, a couple of gas stations/liquor stores and a few places to grab a brew and a burger. I personally like The Shorthorn (41790 Dorabella Rd., Shaver Lake, 559841-6464); it’s a fitting lair for the locals (akin to Cassidy’s in Newport), where the bartender doubles as griddle tender, flipping burgers and pouring draft beers.

Farther along the way is Huntington Lake

and Lakeshore Resort (61953 Huntington Lake Rd., Lakeshore, 559-893-3193; www. lakeshoreresort.com), which has a great old saloon that doubles as a dance hall on the weekends, hosting the Fresno blue bloods after their regattas on the lake.

Beyond that, Mono Hot Springs (70000 Edison Lake Rd., Lakeshore, 559-325-1710; www.monohotsprings.com) is a must-stop for a cold beer in front of the store or a bite to eat at the café.

If you’re feeling brave, there is always time for a dip au natural in one of the hot springs—mind the mud and marsh. Vermilion Valley Resort (70000 Edison Lake Rd., Mono Hot Springs, 559-259-4000; www.edisonlake.com) is a suitable spot with some lodging basics, a well-stocked store, a hearty café and possibly the finest area for alpine hiking anywhere in the world. Drop in and commune with the John Muir Trail and Pacific Crest Trail hikers to catch some tales. Farther up the road (actually at the end of it), High Sierra Pack Station (559-285-7225; www. highsierrapackstations.com), with John and Janese Cunningham as your humble hosts, is a perfect spot to kick off a day ride in the wilderness or, if you feel so inclined, a one-of-a-kind, multiday trip into the most remote nooks and crannies of the region. And the coffee at the pack station is always hot in the quiet confines of the cookhouse, so feel free to sit a spell.

In addition, Florence Lake is a perfect spot to soak up the view, grab an ice cream bar and get a line in the water. On the way is Ward Lake, small in comparison to the others but a dream for a picnic, except for the mosquitos. The whole road is a jawdropping experience—so much so that there are shirts that read, “I Survived the Road to Lake Edison.” So take your time (and possibly a Xanax) and soak it up.

John Muir said it best: “Going to the mountains is going home.” And that’s why I’ve been called back year after year.

Embrace your time there. It’s called a getaway for a reason, and it’s as sure as anything that the time and space will do your head good. Slam some brews, take notes, and heed the gentle voice of the mountains.

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CHRIST WATCHING OVER DEPARTED SMELTERTOWN RESIDENTS

Underdog of the Southwest

PHOTOS BY GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

El Paso never gets any love from the rest of the U.S.—but if you’re from there, it’s heaven

BY GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

A

s I waited to board a flight from LAX to El Paso, I received the first sign that my motherland was close. It was February, and across the terminal sat a young guy sporting a baseball cap supporting the Triple-A El Paso Chihuahuas, as popular a sight in the city as Angels hats are in Anaheim. When the new team name emerged in 2013, many found it demeaning, but the logo of a snarling chihuahua has become a fitting symbol for an underdog border town such as “El Chuco,” which is all too often dismissed as mere desert drab.

El Paso rests at the center of a circumference that maps my Southwestern lineage, spanning from southern New Mexico to Chihuahua, Mexico. My abuelo on my mom’s side, Ramon Alvarez, came from La Union, a small town in Southern New Mexico that only became part of the United States with the Gadsden Purchase of 1854. Before that, his grandfather Jesus Enriquez belonged to one of the settler

families that lived there in the early 1800s, before the United States conquered northern Mexico. La Union is about 25 miles north of El Paso, and in 2000, a huge family reunion, complete with a dinner-dance at the El Paso Convention Center, was covered by the El Paso Times.

To me, El Paso is home to rich Mexican history, culture, damn-good Tex-Mex food and so much more. We proudly claim Chicano activist Oscar Zeta Acosta, poet Ricardo Sanchez and post-punk band At the Drive-In as our own. But this time, I was headed to Chuco for a deeply personal reason. The city had continually pulled on my heartstrings since my previous visit in January 2003, when my abuela Consuelo Alvarez died. She was a woman of her time, but also ahead of her time, a no-nonsense enforcer who got her children educated despite Lone Star racism.

My abuela always spoke her mind, but she also had a softer side and could always be counted on when life got rough. “He has a good heart,” she said to my mother

shortly before passing, affirming who I was. After her funeral, I returned to Anaheim, leaving behind a two-year battle with a panic disorder, medication and therapy and began charting a new, fulfilling path in media, graduating from college the following year.

Still, I lost a loved one, a living link to my family history and so much more. I promised myself year after year that I’d return to pay my respects to her grave. I had been away from El Paso for 13 years; during her life, I visited every year. It became harder to do so when my life fell into the pit of panic once more—only this time, the disorder was more virulent, rampaging through my radio career, relationships and enjoyment of everyday life. After years of clawing my way out, I scheduled my return visita this year, a month before heart surgery to correct lifelong tachycardia episodes I place at the core of all my chaos. If I replanted my fronterizo roots, maybe, just maybe, they’d prove to be redemptive, as they did last time.

EL PASO AND JUAREZ BEHIND ME

And those roots run deep. In 1917, my abuela, like her mother before her, was born in El Paso. She lived a great part of her life in Smeltertown or La Esmelda, as the Mexican residents called it. The American Smelting and Refining Co. (ASARCO) established its presence near the end of the 19th century, dominating

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ASADO BALLEZANO IS HOG HEAVEN!

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the local economy and skyscape with iconic, if polluting, smokestacks. Racial segregation defined La Esmelda, with Mexican laborers living in “El Bajo” and Anglo managers enjoying “El Alto.” When my grandparents wed, they ran a tiendita together called Roman’s Grocery until moving from La Esmelda; in the 1970s, El Paso leveled the town because children were testing positive for lead. My own folks married in 1969 and resettled in Anaheim six years later, looking for better job opportunities.

My absence from El Paso neared its end as the plane hovered over the Franklin Mountains. Leaving the airport, I stepped into the cold desert air. It seemed surreal.

The geography of the desert—its tumbleweeds and cactuses—speaks to me despite never having lived in Chuco. I would be there for a week, during which time I wanted to visit La Union, return to familiar grounds in El Paso, talk to relatives, visit all my favorite restaurants—but most of all, I wanted to search for the memory of my abuela whose death marked my dislocation from El Paso.

The next morning, I visited the New Mexico cemetery where my abuela is buried next to her husband. They are both surrounded by the graves of La Esmelda residents. Perhaps by nightfall, their spirits recreate the community they once had in life, conversing about families, enjoying laughter and telling stories. The desert sun rose over the field at daybreak.

A Christ statue with open arms watches over all in the center of the cemetery. I walked through the deadened grass until I came to my abuela’s grave. “Sorry it took so long to visit, but I’m here now,” I said while kneeling down and placing my hand on her marker.

Not being able to come back since my abuela’s burial preoccupied my thoughts with every passing year. Suddenly, memories of that cold January day back in 2003 returned to me. Relatives placed long-stemmed roses atop her casket. My abuelo’s cousin—a storied traveler—spoke

to me telling me what a good person she was. Being at the cemetery sent my recollections surging. They mixed with all that I had personally gone through in life in the years between. The combination overwhelmed me. I walked back to the Christ statue trying to hide the tears trickling down my face.

Heading back to El Paso from the cemetery, I made a quick turn into residential homes near the Sunland Park mall, which brought me to my abuela’s old house.

Her palm tree still stood front and center, but the tarped rocks my father once laid around it, red-faced in 100-degree heat, gave way to sprouts of dry grass. I strolled along the sidewalk, stopping for a brief moment to look at the beige, one-story brick house.

Every time our family arrived to Chuco—a 12-hour trek by car from Anaheim—my abuela greeted us outside.

We’d talk for a good hour or two on an aluminum bench while crickets buzzed in the backdrop of countless warm summer nights. But the last time I stepped foot in this house in 2003, she was no longer there. The silence made the reality of impermanence hit hard. In my denial, I still expected her to come back as if she had only gone out shopping to buy Big Jim chiles at a Lowe’s Big 8 grocery store.

Our family gathered around the kitchen table before her rosario that same evening. We opened the refrigerator door and discovered a jar with the last salsa she made before dying. We took turns dipping our chips in final tribute to her cooking talents, tasting its smoky, spicy genius. All of these scenes replayed in my mind as I stood on the sidewalk, befuddled by the rapidity of time. Once, my tío, who used to be a lawyer, counted Mexican singing legend Juan Gabriel as a client and brought him to this home.

My abuela cooked the down-to-earth superstar enchiladas before he used the restroom and left.

But all the memories in the world couldn’t change the fact that I would never set foot inside my home away from home again. The sense that a chapter of my life irrevocably closed began to grip me. I pivoted around, taking a glance at the enormity of the Franklin Mountains that stood during my great-grandparents’ lifetime and that will surely still be there after I’m long gone.

E

ven though my abuela’s home-cooked meals are a thing of the past, El Paso is still forever home to the most underrated food scene in the United States. The city is surrounded by all the right ingredients, from chile de Nuevo Mexico to beef raised in the cattle ranches of Chihuahua. Combining the two is culinary magic.

I wanted to spend the rest of my time eating at as many of my favorite places, but at every stop, I found myself searching for my abuela’s memory, searching for my own sense of belonging.

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 84

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MY ABUELA (MIDDLE) AND HER BROTHER (RIGHT) ALONG THE RIO GRANDE IN 1931

Underdog of the Southwest » FROM PAGE 82 Straight from the airport, my tío took me to Andale Mexican Restaurant & Cantina (9201 Gateway Blvd. W., El Paso, 915-5905999; www.andalemexicanrestaurant. com), a relative newcomer to the scene. I looked at the menu and didn’t take long to decide on salpicón, a Tex-Mex dish only found in Southern California at Salvadoran spots that offer up their version.

The waiter brought back a crispy plate of lettuce mixed with shredded beef soaked in vinegar. Avocado slices, baby onions and a heap of shredded cheese completed the plate. It’s not exactly how my abuela used to make it, but every bite served as a sweet reminder of my favorite meal she prepared.

I also made my obligatory stop at the original Chico’s Tacos (4230 Alameda Ave., El Paso, 915-533-0975). The iconic ASARCO smokestacks may have tumbled, and the star on the Franklin Mountains dimmed, but Chico’s still stands, well after 63 years of being in business. I got a double order of rolled tacos drenched in a watery salsa and topped with a flurry of shredded Cheddar. It had been so long since I ate at Chuco’s most enduring landmark that I foolishly stabbed my plastic fork at the floating flautas without much success. My primo later reminded me of the correct method: lift the rolled taco from behind with the fork, and after finishing all six of them, bring the carton to your mouth and drink the gooey cheese and salsa that remain.

A quick trip to New Mexico included a stop at La Posta (2410 Calle De San Albino, Mesilla, New Mexico, 575-5243524; www.laposta-de-mesilla.com), one of the oldest Mexican restaurants in the country. Stacked enchiladas and fluffy, honey-drizzled sopaipillas may seem strange in Southern California, but that’s how I grew up eating, as that’s the way my abuela fixed meals for her New Mexico-born husband. On my way to La Union, I passed through rows of walnut trees; many of the streets are named after the early families that established the town, including my family’s own Alvarez Road.

I wouldn’t dare head back to Anaheim,

COURTESY OF GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

though, without making a stop at Carnitas Queretaro (www.carnitasqueretaro.

com), the King Taco of El Paso. My family stopped to grab a bite to eat after watching the University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP) Miners basketball team defeat Western Kentucky—no ordinary game, since the occasion marked the 50th anniversary of UTEP (then Texas Western) winning the NCAA championship. And they did so with legendary coach Don Haskins starting five African-American players, a first in college basketball, against Kentucky, a drama retold in the Disney film Glory Road. President Barack Obama even taped a message honoring El Paso’s contribution to civil rights.

Many of the folks at the game had the same idea we had and headed to Carnitas Queretaro, wearing their free, commemorative shirts. I celebrated the historic win with a big skillet of asado ballezano surrounded by hefty sides of rice and beans.

The tender chunks of pork stewed in red chile sauce is enough to stuff four big tacos. With the first bite into the asado ballezano, I knew I had come back to my home away from home just as soon as I knew I’d miss it the second I left. I also realized that I ordered my abuela’s favorite dish here.

As I took in the best of El Paso eateries, I still communed with her memory. But the week passed much too quickly. Vacations are often thought of as getaways, but El Paso will always be a place of return for me. I made good on the promise I made to visit my abuela’s grave, celebrate her life and share stories with family members.

The food nourished my soul, reminding me who I come from just as much as where I come from. Before I headed back to California, I needed just one more thing. As I boarded my flight home, I sported a brand-new, gray, El Paso Chihuahuas cap.

A month later, I had successful surgery, correcting the heart condition that wreacked havoc on my mind, body and soul for years. Returning to El Paso and my abuela proved to be what I needed to get through it all. What the rest of my life looks like from this point on is uncertain, but the horizons are alive with promise. Don’t count this underdog from El Paso out just yet.

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capital is a must-visit

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BY NICK SCHOU

he first time I visited Mexico City was in April 1998 with my Dutch photographer friend Johan. Driving south from Ciudad Juarez on our way to try to find the Zapatistas in Chiapas, we had already been on the road for a week when we arrived at the capital at the worst possible time: Friday afternoon rush-hour. We spent a long weekend getting lost, soaking in the insanity of of the largest mass of humanity in the Western Hemisphere, and trying (with modest success) to convince Mexican journalists covering the insurgency to provide us with their contacts in Chiapas. But mostly we careened around the city at death-defying speeds in a tequila-fueled search for the next party.

After a decade of reading and writing too much about drug-war violence, I figured I’d never return to Mexico, least of all on vacation. Although several of our friends had raved about their recent trips to the city, one told us of how his friend, who worked in Mexico City, had been kidnapped, beaten and robbed after taking a taxi home from his office one night. But my paranoia was no match for my wife’s obsession with Daniel Craig. After watching the first few minutes of the latest James Bond movie, SPECTRE, when the British actor waltzes into an art nouveau hotel wearing a white suit and skull mask and rides up a fin-de-siecle iron-cage

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¡Viva, Mexico City, Cabrones!

Don’t believe the American media (except us): Mexico’s

MUSEO SOUMAYA

VIEW OF THE PALACIO NACIONAL

elevator toward an ornate stained-glass roof, she immediately booked us a week’s vacation at the filming location: the Gran Hotel de Ciudad México (Av. 16 de Septiembre No. 82, Cuauhtémoc, Centro; www. granhoteldelaciudaddemexico.com.mx).

Located on a corner of the Zócalo, in the heart of the city’s historic central zone across the street from the Palacio Nacional, the Gran Hotel proved to be a surprisingly elegant and affordable home base for the perfect Mexico vacation—sans sand and obnoxious American tourists.

We spent our mornings touring museums and bagging murals and our afternoons strolling through leafy neighborhoods, before returning to the hotel’s rooftop Terraza restaurant for dinner and a sunset view of the Zócalo. Although the buffet was somewhat pedestrian, if we arrived early enough, we could take advantage of the taco stand, which offered hand-pressed tortillas. After a few nights, however, we discovered the amazing terrace restaurant at La Casa de las Sirenas (República de Guatemala No. 32, Centro Histórico; www.lacasadelassirenas.com. mx) behind the Metropolitan Cathedral.

Some of the best murals in the world decorate government buildings, including the Palacio Nacional ( Plaza de la Constitucion; www.historia.palacionacional.info), which is just a block away from the Gran Hotel. The block-long building consists of

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CLAUDIA SCHOU

three multi-arched interior balconies surrounding a central courtyard and cactus garden. Lining the balconies and stairwells are numerous Diego Rivera murals depicting various chapters of Mexican history, from the Spanish conquest (the Palacio actually sits on the site of Moctezuma’s palace) to the War of Independence and the Mexican revolution. It’s free to enter the palace—best to show up when it opens at 10 a.m.—but you’ll have to surrender ID and contend with stern guards. After the museum, walk to the cavernous, centuryold Mexican lunch spot Cafe de Tacuba (Calle de Tacuba 28, Cuauhtemoc, Centro, 06010; www.cafedetacuba.com.mx).

For excursions farther afield, it’s best to have your hotel concierge book a taxi.

If you don’t want to pay for a driver to wait for you while you eat, shop or stare at art, just walk to the closest hotel near your destination—or a governmentsponsored taxi stand—to find a safe ride home. You’ll need at least two days to take in Chapultepec Park, the largest municipal park in the Americas, and that’s assuming you don’t spend the entire time checking out one of the best museums in the world, the mighty Museo Nacional de Antropología (Avenida Paseo de la Reforma & Calzada Gandhi S/N, Chapultepec Polanco, Miguel Hidalgo; www.mna. inah.gob.mx). This two-story monolith is both the largest and most popular museum in the country, and it’s easy to see why. Wrapped around a wide courtyard and fountain that’s shaded under a flat extended awning, the bottom floor of the museum features a vast collection of archaeological artifacts from all the major pre-Colombian, Mesoamerican cultures:

Olmec, Zapotec, Mayan and Aztec. Each wing has rear exits leading to outdoor areas featuring kid-friendly, reconstructed ruins. Upstairs is an even more compelling collection of exhibits on every indigenous culture in Mexico, from Nayarit to Chiapas, featuring life-size dioramas of typical dwellings, costumes, ceremonial masks and other artifacts, as well as interactive displays. The museum is closed Mondays and free to all Mexican citizens on Sundays, so plan accordingly.

Any visit to the park must include a stop at the hilltop Chapultepec Castle, the highest point in Mexico City, the former residence of Emperor Maximilian, and the site of the Battle of Chapultepec at the end of the Mexican-American War. The castle is an easy 15-minute uphill stroll, although for a few pesos, you can take a Disneyland-style people-mover.

First, stroll the gardens and check out the view of the city, especially the line of newly constructed skyscrapers in the nearby white-collar neighborhood of Polanco. Along with yet more Rivera murals, there’s an entire room of eerie Siqueieros murals that starkly details the human cost of war. The castle also houses the Museo Nacional de Historia, which has several galleries of nifty historical items, including Pancho Villa’s boots.

After walking back down the hill, you can rent cheap paddleboats and compete for patches of shade in the nearby Lago del Bosque de Chapultepec.

One of the best reasons to visit the upscale Polanco district is to see the Museo Soumaya (Lago Zúrich 245, edificio Museo Soumaya, Colonia Ampliación

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MUSEO NACIONAL DE ANTROPOLOGIA

A REBEL WITH A CANVAS! PROVOCATIVE! ”

“

- Bob Mondello, NPR

★★★★

A PURE DELIGHT!

“

THIS TRIBUTE TO A MARVELOUS TALENT IS LONG OVERDUE.” - Phil Hall, THE EXAMINER

HIS STORY IS

CLAUDIA SCHOU

“

A MUST-SEE!

ROBERT CENDELLA IS MY NEW ART HERO.”

¡Viva Mexico City, Cabrones! » FROM PAGE 86

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Granada; www.museosoumaya.com.mx), a private art museum founded by Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim, who named it after his late art-loving wife, Soumaya Domit.

The museum has shifted locations over the years, and one of its current incarnations, a goliath structure of tessellating octagonal aluminum tiles at Plaza Carso, is a sight to behold. Inside, a gently sloping ramp walkway takes you to several circular galleries full of everything from Greek sculptures to works by all the European masters, as well as Latin American colonial-era paintings and Asian artworks.

Afterward, move downhill through one of Polanco’s most upscale thoroughfares, Avenida Presidente Masaryk, and stop for lunch at Guzina Oaxaca (Presidente Masaryk 513; www.guzinaoaxaca.com), which offers delicious Oaxacan fare with a contemporary twist. Don’t leave without trying the sautéed chapulines—they go down great with a mezcal-infused Portfirio beer or, better yet, a shot of the strong stuff itself, served in a shallow clay cup.

If lunching amid the ranks of Mexico’s business elite isn’t your bag, consider taking a gastronomic tour of the city. One of the more affordable options is EatMexico (www.eatmexico.com), which, among other tours, offers a Taco Crawl of Roma and Condesa, two of the city’s hippest residential neighborhoods. Our guide, Ubish Yaren, took us through the Medellin market, a nixtimil tortilla factory, and a half dozen taco joints featuring, among others, excellent carnitas, campechanos, tacos al pastor, tacos árabes and cochinita pibil-style tacos.

Another day trip is Coyoacan, which half a century ago used to be a rural enclave totally separate from the capital, but has since been swallowed up by the city. If you intend to visit the Frida Kahlo Museum (Londres 247, Del Carmen, Coyoacan; www.museofridakahlo.org.mx), which will be packed no matter when you show up, you should book your tickets before you leave your hotel. That way you’ll at least be standing in the slightly less long of a pair of two very long lines out front. If you’re a Frida freak, you’ll enjoy the Blue House, which includes

many of her most famous paintings, plus a well-preserved kitchen, art studio and bedrooms. If Frida alone isn’t enough to entice you to Coyoacan, consider the nearby Museo Casa de Leon Trotsky (Rio Churubusco 410, Coyoacan; museocasadeleontrotsky.blogspot.com). There, you can see where Stalin’s martyred arch-rival met his bloody fate at the wrong end of an ice ax and where any hope of a true international socialist revolution was buried beneath a hammer-and-sickle-decorated concrete slab in the courtyard. ¡Viva, Frida! (No long lines here, comrade.)

Finish your stay in Mexico City in the city’s most interesting neighborhood, the Centro Historico. Within walking distance—a 10- to 15-minute walk west from the Zócalo—is the Palacio de Bellas Artes (Avenida Juárez, Centro Histórico, 06050 Ciudad de México, D.F.; www.inba. gob.mx), whose multidecade construction was initiated by Porfirio Diaz and stalled by the Mexican Revolution. A domed and colonnaded exterior conceals an Art Deco and art nouveau interior, including a marbled lobby that resembles that of the Empire State Building and houses murals by Rufino Tamayo; upstairs are more murals by Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueieros and Jose Clemente Orozco.

The palace also houses the Museum of Architecture and a theater in which you can hear symphonies or, even better, see the Ballet Folklorico de Mexico de Amalia Hernandez. In the latter case, if you pay cash in advance, your hotel concierge can reserve front-and-center seats, which will guarantee you an unforgettable experience. The show starts in darkness with a barrage of Aztec drumming and dancing and progresses with mariachi performances and a series of dances, everything from charrería (a mesmerizing display of cowboy rope dancing) to contemporary interpretive ballet—a rousing celebration of Mexican culture. I wanted to relive the show so badly I paid 20 pesos for a concert DVD outside, only to discover it was actually a 1980s-era documentary about the show that did little to capture the magic. If you arrive early enough, be sure to have dinner at the palace’s restaurant, where you can eat on the veranda and watch throngs of mingling hipsters ruin the mighty capirucha.

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HANS – AGE 4 is positively breathtaking. He is proud and confi-

dent, requiring a very experienced and patient shepherd lover, and a home with no small children. In the right hands, he will be amazing.

Lindsay – age 7 yrs

Hans, age 4 yrs

sun. He is approximately 80–85 pounds and very strong. Karly is highly intelligent and very observant. This girl would love an active home where she can stay busy. No other dogs or cats, please. She may be a candidate for some sort of sniffing work.

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TOBY – AGE 2 has been with us since he was a puppy. Born with a

deformed leg, GSROC raised funds for a custom-fitted prosthetic leg for him. Toby loves other dogs of all sizes and he loves to go for short walks. He is housebroken and very affectionate. A home without stairs would be ideal for Toby.

Jacoby, age 4–5 yrs

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Karly, age 7 yrs

ORION – AGE 3 breaks our hearts. He is painfully shy as a result of harsh treatment that he received early in his life. He is afraid to trust new people, but once he knows that you won’t harm him, he will stick to you like glue. Orion is very handsome, with a liver-colored cast to his coat. A home with no children is required, but a friendly dog might be nice to comfort him.

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ERMAN SHEPHERD RESCUE OF OC (GSROC) rescues, rehabilitates and rehomes more than 350 German Shepherd dogs every year.

Hobo, age 5 yrs

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JACOBY is a 4–5 year old shepherd/chow mix who is well trained.

Jacoby is confident, athletic, and wants to be in charge, so he needs a person who can manage an alpha male dog. No small children and no small dogs or cats for Jacoby, please.

KARLY – AGE 7 has a gorgeous jet black coat that gleams in the

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LINDSAY – AGE 7 lost her home due to divorce. She is a stunning girl with a silly streak. Lindsay wants to be your only animal companion. No cats or small dogs, please.

Toby, age 2 yrs

alphs p for R s Sign U nity Reward u n m a m m r o e C se G & choo d Rescue OC r e ! h Shep ceive funds om/c ic p to re to / om alphs.c ity www.r mun

Harley, age 2 yrs Orion, age 3 yrs

We pride ourselves on finding a quality, permanent home for each of our beautiful orphans, with adopters matched specifically to each dog’s personality and needs.

These beautiful shepherds have been anxiously awaiting adoption for over 1 year! Please help us to make their dreams come true by sharing their stories with animal lovers looking for a wonderful companion. We are also seeking sponsors to help underwrite the high costs of their monthly care.

Please visit www.gsroc.org to make a tax deductible donation to help.

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92 92

POINT LOBOS PRESERVE MAY HAVE INSPIRED ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON’S TREASURE ISLAND

Steinbeck Got Drunk Here A drive along the central California coastal drunken writer’s literary trail

T

here are worse places to be than the National Steinbeck Center in Salinas if your laptop decides to take a shit.

After all, even if your laptop, which you rarely use other than when you’re on the road and have to file a story on deadline for some infernal rag like OC Weekly, takes HOURS to update to Windows 10, you have an amazing shrine to one of America’s great writers with which to while away the time. So while away I did.

My itinerary for this spring break trip was Salinas and Big Sur. That was it. I had left Orange County at 4 a.m. on a Monday morning and knew I had to file a theater review by noon, so I figured I’d have plenty of time after the five-and-ahalf-hour drive to the Steinbeck Center to write the piece, tour the joint, and then get up to Big Sur, where I had airbnb’d three nights in a cozy yurt in a campground. (I love to camp, but I have yet to meet a tent that I cannot destroy and just

JOEL BEERS

BY JOEL BEERS didn’t want to deal with the aggravation, so I took the easy route.)

Weeks later, the Mexican In Chief came up with the idea for this travel issue, and having heard me whine via text message about missing my deadline because of the aforementioned technical snafu, he suggested I write a piece about Steinbeck Country. But I hadn’t been wearing my reporter’s hat, so I didn’t see a whole lot of the Salinas Valley. I suggested a literary tour, a tale about the writers who had lived in and documented some of the locales I’d traveled through: Steinbeck in Salinas, Robert Louis Stevenson on the Monterey Peninsula, Henry Miller and Jack Kerouac in Big Sur, and Bugs Bunny in Pismo Beach (trust me: It will make sense). The proximity worked, but so did this: They were all drinkers, occasionally heavy drinkers, if not downright dipsomaniacs. Kerouac’s battle with the bottle was legendary. Steinbeck certainly enjoyed his sauce. Miller was still drinking wine

at age 87 in 1978, when the documentary Dinner With Henry was shot. And Stevenson purportedly died of a cerebral hemorrhage after attempting to open a bottle of wine. No idea if Chuck Jones and the rest of the Looney Tunes crew were boozers, but they had to be on something while creating those anarchic classics, one of which alludes to Pismo Beach.

So call this a mini-drunken literary tour of a generous slice of central coastal California. Most of it has been done from memory, augmented by Google, but considering I usually don’t start drinking until noon, the mornings were fairly lucid, so onward and upward.

Steinbeck devoted a huge part of his prodigious prose output to the Salinas Valley, everything from one of his earliest published short stories The Red Pony and the epic East of Eden to In Dubious Battle, about a fruit workers’ strike, which presaged the labor tumult to come across the state, and his equally prodigious, if often

overlooked nonfiction, such as 1955’s “Always Something to Do in Salinas.” All that and much more is on full display in the Steinbeck Center (1 Main St., Salinas, 831-796-3833; www.steinbeck.org). It’s anything but a stuffy museum, documenting not just his life and career, but also the course of the Valley’s development. It’s absolutely worth a stop; whether you’re a Steinbeck aficionado or possess just a cursory interest, you’ll be blown away by his incredible output and passion for social justice.

There are other Steinbeck-related sites to visit in town, from the Victorian house he was raised in, two blocks west of the Steinbeck center (132 Central Ave., Salinas, 831-424-2735; steinbeckhouse.com), to his final resting place in the Garden of Memories Cemetery (850 Abbot St., Salinas, 831-422-6417). Fans of the film version of East of Eden can spot a couple of locations where the film was shot, such as

» CONTINUED ON PAGE 96

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the building on the corner of Gabilan and Main and the Graves House at 146 Central Ave. And you can toast the man at several watering holes on Main Street, whose façades don’t seem to have changed much since the 1930s, the best of which is Dubber’s (172 Main St., Salinas, 831-676-0256), which used to be the Salinas Fish House.

But to really get a sense of a writer whose sense of place was so inextricably linked to his literary output, take a drive out to Fremont Peak State Park, the spot Steinbeck described at the beginning of his 1960 book Travels With Charley. It’s about 20 miles outside of town, followed by a rather daunting drive up a twisting mountain road, followed by a 1-mile uphill hike to the top of the peak. Once there, you’ll see the same panoramic view that greeted Steinbeck: a 360-degree view of the long valley that remains America’s salad bowl, along with the Monterey Bay and the back side of the Santa Lucia Range, with Big Sur on the other side.

(I kind of cribbed that from the interwebz: I didn’t drive or hike the peak.

By the time my computer had finally uploaded, I’d been in Salinas for six hours, seen every inch of the Steinbeck Center, strolled down Main Street, popped into Dubber’s and nearly got kicked out of the public library that bears Steinbeck’s name for disregarding the signs that the public computers and their Internet connections were for library-card holders ONLY. I was tired and cranky, coupled with the bitch that is the Salinas Valley’s piercing wind— which nearly knocked me on my ass a couple of times—and all I wanted was to get the hell out of there and make it to Big Sur and jerk in my yurt. So I skipped the city of Monterey, which also factored in heavily in such Steinbeck classics as Cannery Row and Tortilla Flat.)

Made it to the Big Sur Campground and Cabins (47000 CA-1, Big Sur, 831-6672322; www.bigsurcamp.com) and walked seven minutes to the Big Sur River Inn (46800 California 1, Big Sur, 831-667-2700; www.bigsurriverinn.com), which, like

everything in Big Sur, was overpriced but graced with a friendly staff. After cursing Salinas’ wind and my goddamn laptop, as well as quaffing 147 pints of beer, I built a campfire, peed in it and called it a night.

T

he next morning, I needed to drive to Carmel to find a grocery store to fortify my provisions (like all savvy campers, I brought nothing with me). On the way, I decided to drive The 17-Mile Road.

Hailed as one of the most scenic routes in America, I always dismissed it, thinking it was just a $10 ride through ridiculously overpriced real estate and snooty golf palaces. And I was right. But even though the whole place is owned by a corporation (read: fuckers), it’s also stunningly beautiful, curving through a coastline with turbulent waves and lush forest, transitioning seamlessly between foggy and misty to glorious sunshine and blue skies. And even a non-golfer can’t help but be stirred by history when standing in the clubhouse at Pebble Beach and peering at the storied 18th green. (Oh, and Pebble Beach is a perfect inclusion on a drunken writer literary tour; the best sportswriting has always been about baseball, boxing or golf. Makes sense. At their core, they are the most focused and solitary of sports: fighter vs. fighter, golfer vs. course, batter vs. pitcher. Plus, sportswriters are drunks.

Or they used to be.)

On the way back, I checked out Point Lobos State National Reserve (62 California 1, Carmel-By-the-Sea, 831-624-4909; www.parks.ca.gov/pointlobos). Only after being continually stunned by its jaw-dropping scenery of cliffs and coves did I realize that it may have inspired the setting in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island.

Stevenson had a short sojourn in Monterey in 1879 and wrote about being captivated by forests of live oak—“the kind of wood for murderers to crawl among”—and Monterey Pines: “No words can give the idea of the contortion of their growth. They might figure without change in a circle of the nether hell as Dante pictured it.”

Heading back to Big Sur, you cross Bixby Bridge, one of the most photographed bridges in the world (you’ve seen it countless times on car commercials).

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ronymous Bosch, Millers’ 1957 account of his life in Big Sur, which he moved to in 1944. Miller lived in a few places (the site of his library was owned by a friend of his), including above the Nepenthe Restaurant (48510 CA-1, Big Sur, 831-6672345; www.nepenthebigsur.com), which has sickeningly gorgeous views, but he stayed longest at Partington Ridge, which is about 7 miles south of the library, just before Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park.

About 3 miles from where Miller lived on the ridge is Partington Cove. Far less frequented than most of Big Sur’s hikes (there is no sign suggesting there’s a trail), it’s a gem. You park near a gate on the ocean side of the road and walk about a mile through a canyon and a 60-foot tunnel to the secluded cove. You won’t want to leave.

After three nights in the yurt, it was Thursday, and the plan was to get back to Fullerton that night, but then the words “Fuck that” popped into my head, and I wound up driving down the 1 and staying the night in Pismo Beach, a kind of scuzzy-around-the-edges beach town with a pretty cool nightlife. Though now overclammed, it was once the Clam Capital of California and the destination for Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck in the 1957 Looney Tunes classic Ali Baba Bunny, in which, after one of his frequent non-left turns at Albuquerque, Bugs winds up in a cave somewhere on the other side of the world.

I saw no rabbits, ducks or clams in the sand in Pismo, but I ate a few at the mostdelish Cracked Crab (751 Price St., Pismo Beach, 805-773-2722; www.crackedcrab. com), and had a “few” pints at the bustling Harry’s Bar (690 Cypress St., Pismo Beach, 805-773-1010; www.harryspismobeach.com), which was only a short walk from my hotel, the Edgewater Inn and Suites (280 Wadsworth Ave., Pismo Beach, 805-7734811; www.edgewater-inn.com). It was close and affordable ($130 for a beachfront hotel on a Thursday), and best of all, I woke up in the morning with no crabs in my immediate vicinity other than memories of the previous evening’s repast—and with a pounding in my head that could have awakened the souls of those dead writers, had they not already been dead.

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Beneath the bridge, some 250 feet, is the site that inspired my favorite writing about Big Sur: Kerouac’s 1962 novel Big Sur. Poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti owned a cabin here and invited Kerouac to stay for a couple of weeks in 1960. Getting to the bottom of the canyon is possible but precarious. The only way down is a small dirt road flanked by steep drop-offs, and according to locals and at least one website, interlopers on foot have been waved off by shotguns held by residents who take their “No Trespassing” signs seriously.

So if you absolutely need to make the pilgrimage, do so at your own peril.

Big Sur, as with all of Kerouac’s streamof-consciousness ramblings, is a fascinating, teetering wreck of a novel typed by an acutely sensitive man with an astonishing ability to spew words who was also a hopeless alcoholic (he’d be perfect as the Weekly’s theater critic or editor). Only about a fourth of the book is actually set in Big Sur, but it documents Kerouac’s rapture at the thunderous surf, the creepy wind and trees, and the chilling horror it elicited (he was either experiencing a nervous breakdown or in the throes of delirium tremens).

Farther down Highway 1, on the southern edge of the small community of Big Sur, lies the Henry Miller Memorial Library (48603 CA-1, Big Sur, 831-667-2574; henrymiller.org), a groovy, unkempt place that commemorates Miller’s time living in the region, as well as serving as the focal point for Big Surian culture, with music, poetry readings, writers’ workshops and a killer book selection. It’s funky, and while it’s debatable whether the center is frequented less by artists who live in Big Sur (I’ve heard it’s terribly expensive to live there) than by out-of-towners, you’re always going to run into someone interesting. Such as the guy on the deck strumming a mandolin who was in the early stages of a bicycle trip that, he said, would ultimately take him from Los Angeles to British Columbia and across Canada to Connecticut. Or the comely painter whose accent I couldn’t immediately place and who I somehow convinced to say, “I love Joel Beers” in hopes of guessing correctly.

I did. English. She was also in the process of reading Big Sur and the Oranges of Hei-

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JOEL BEERS

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The Best of the Fests Tired of SoCal’s music festivals? Then head Oregon way for the country’s most underrated circuit

I

BY NATE JACKSON

t’s hard to imagine anything that’s more overhyped and underwhelming than a summer festival in SoCal. Sure, we know it’s a tough thing to admit, considering we seem so spoiled here. But deep down, even the douchiest EDM bro knows there’s more to life than the same old trip year after year. Fests from FYF to EDC all tend to look, sound and smell the same year after year, no matter who is playing.

Instead, why not venture to a place that’s less than a 15-hour drive away but feels like a world apart? Welcome to a state that harbors a full season of festivals of all stripes, most of which are embedded in more lush, green nature in a single weekend than the average OC suburbanite gets to see in a year. And for you lily-white masochists who love burning alive in the Indio sun, imagine what a few million trees would do for you and your peeling, beet-red epidermis? By now, it should be clear what any self-respecting OC festivalgoer should do: Get yer ass to Oregon!

Whether you’re a bluegrass hillbilly, a colorful kandi kid or a Portola-pounding hipster with lumberjack whiskers, Oregon is the Mecca of festivals in the Pacific Northwest. And we don’t just mean Portland. There are plenty of opportunities to get faded and frolicking in the forest with a bunch of mighty fine people all over the state. Here’s a brief list of the festivals you need to travel to if you expect to do Oregon right this summer.

Whirl Band featuring Lou Ann Barton, ZZ Ward, Christone “Kingfish” Ingram.

Camping: No.

OREGON COUNTRY FAIR July 8-10. Veneta, Oregon; www.oregoncountryfair.com.

The Vibe: A very different kind of fair than you’re used to—very hippie-oriented, with loads of performance art to go with its extensive lineup of jam bands. No Ferris wheel—all the trees in the way probably wouldn’t allow it—but also a lot fewer assholes.

Top Acts: Dumpstaphunk Afrolicious, Marchfourth!, Shook Twins.

Camping: Not on-site, but available through neighborhood campgrounds; more details can be found online.

Tickets: Three-day pass, $68; other tickets available.

NORTHWEST STRING SUMMIT July 14-17. Horning’s Hideout, North Plains, Oregon; stringsummit.com.

The Vibe: This is three days of Valhalla for Americana, jam and bluegrass fans: an acoustic-centric weekend that has become an annual stop for the scene’s active artists. And the serene forest and the lakeside splendor of Horning’s Hideout transports you to a simpler time.

Top Acts: Yonder Mountain String Band, Greensky Bluegrass, Railroad Earth, Leftover Salmon, the Infamous Stringdusters.

Camping: Yes. Tickets: $225, includes camping.

WHAT THE FESTIVAL June 17-20. Wolf Run Ranch, Dufur, Oregon; whatthefestival.com.

The Vibe: Think LiB in the middle of a forest (with a stellar view of Mount Hood!).

Electronic-centric lineup and a crowd of colorful yogis willing to pass a joint, share their yoga mat and dance all night long.

Top Acts: Thievery Corporation, Bonobo, Lettuce, Claude Vonstroke.

Camping: Yes. Tickets: Basic pass, $275; festival and camping passes are separate.

WATEFRONT BLUES FEST July 1-4. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Portland, Oregon; www.waterfrontbluesfest.com.

The Vibe: Lawn-chair lounging while listening to legends squeeze every ounce of struggle and strife out of their instruments during a laid-back day on the lake. Affordable tickets and 4th of July fireworks—not bad considering it’s technically Portland’s biggest music festival (which also doubles as a fundraiser for the Oregon Food Bank).

Top Acts: Tedeschi Trucks Band, Curtis Salgado, Maceo Parker, JJ Grey and Mofro, Jimmie Vaughan & the Tilt-a-

THEY’LL STRING YOU ALONG

Top Acts: Carrie Underwood, Toby Keith.

Camping: Yes. Tickets: General admission, $140; camp-

OREGON JAMBOREE July 29-31. Sweet Home, Oregon; oregonjamboree.com.

The Vibe: The Stagecoach of the Pacific Northwest. Pop/country’s best and brightest play for a crowd with a whole lotta yee-haw. A firm reminder that outside of Portland, Oregon is definitely a cowboy stronghold.

ing), $290; single-day tickets and parking passes available.

ing, $130; other tickets available.

BI-MART WILLAMETTE COUNTRY MUSIC FESTIVAL

CAPE BLANCO COUNTRY FESTIVAL July 29-31. Sixes, Oregon; capeblancofestival.com.

The Vibe: A taste of country comes to the Oregon coast from the folks behind the BiMart Willamette Country Music Festival.

Top Acts: Jason Aldean, Brantley Gilbert, Kenny Chesney.

Tickets: $130; camping passes sold separately (and sold out).

Aug. 12-14. Brownsville, Oregon; www. willamettemusicfest.frontgatetickets.com.

The Vibe: Another heaping slice of heartland on the West Coast. Definitely bring a lawn chair.

Top Acts: Miranda Lambert, Florida Georgia Line, Brantley Gilbert.

Camping: Yes. Tickets: Basic pass, $150; festival and camping passes sold separately.

PICKATHON

MUSICFESTNW PRESENTS PROJECT PABST

Aug. 5-7. Pendarvis Farm, Happy Valley, Oregon; pickathon.com.

The Vibe: This rootsy, indie festival is a sure thing for music discovery (and hipster discovery!), with seven beautiful stages and festival food and drink you won’t regret scarfing between bands. Also one of the cleanest/greenest fests in the country. It’s one of the few festivals that can pull off cool and family-friendly.

Top Acts: Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy, Yo La Tengo, Beach House, Wolf Parade reunion show.

Camping: Yes. Tickets: Three-day pass (includes camp-

Aug. 27-28. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Portland, Oregon; portland.projectpabst.com.

The Vibe: Rock & roll meets hipster day drinking in the heart of Portland, with a mix of flashback rock acts and hip Coachella-esque openers. Look for club shows this year, too, including Guided By Voices and Digable Planets.

Top Acts: Tame Impala, Duran Duran, Ice Cube, Ween.

Camping: No. Tickets: Weekend admission, $90; per day, $55; club shows sold separately.

HAREFEST July 15-16. Pat’s Acres Racing Complex, Canby, Oregon; harefest.com.

The Vibe: A stable full of tribute bands paying homage to classic-rock acts that already feel like tribute bands anyway.

Same songs for about a quarter of the price tag! And there’s plenty of room to spin around on the grass with a beer in your hand until you fall on your ass.

Top Acts: Stone In Love (Journey), Aerosmith Rocks (Aerosmith), Steelhorse (Bon Jovi), Appetite for Deception (Guns N’ Roses) Barracuda (Heart), Shoot to Thrill (AC/DC).

Camping: Yes. Tickets: $100 (includes camping); singleday and other passes available.

FLICKR USER MOSES NAMKUNG

NJACKSON@OCWEEKLY.COM

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OC Weekly’s 2nd Annual Taco Throwdown will be taking place in the Tito’s Handmade Vodka VIP Cabana at Summer Fest 2016! VIP tickets include a taco from each competitor and the chance to vote on your favorite.

99

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“Y

Playing Indie Baseball in New Mexico’s Pecos League

ou played professional baseball? That’s so cool!”

I hear that a lot. I usually smile and nod. But then my back twinges when I think about the long nights spent sleeping in cheap bus seats on an overnight road trip across the Midwest or fixing a broken van while trying to make it down the East Coast.

Anyone who knows a minor leaguer— or takes two minutes to Google horror stories—understands how rough life can be when you’re working for a shot at the dream you’ve had since Little League.

What many of them don’t realize is there’s a step below that: the independent leagues.

After breaking my foot during extended spring training in Arizona, my options for the minors were pretty sparse in 2013.

Seeing as I knew I just needed some time with the ball in my hand to prove I could still do it, I figured I’d jump in with an independent league to log some innings and raise my stock with the MLB-affiliated organizations. Given that the only league in Arizona was sputtering at the MEETING JOSEPH GANNASCOLI OF THE SOPRANOS

BY JOSH CHESLER

time and I had no connections for independent leagues in SoCal, I decided to go somewhere I’d never been before: the Pecos League in New Mexico.

Eight hours; six long, boring freeways; and two green-chile-soaked meals later, I met my teammates at our home field—it wasn’t a stadium by any means—in the mountaintop resort town of Taos. From a scenery perspective, it didn’t get much nicer. It resembled the kind of place where you could see a moose going for a swim or an elk wandering the streets.

Unfortunately, I quickly learned that our team’s housing wasn’t in Taos, but about 90 minutes away in Las Vegas.

Not that Las Vegas—much to the disappointment of many confused international tourists. Touring the country with a glove on one hand, I’ve seen what small-town America looks like in just about every region. But I’ve never seen anything quite like Las Vegas, New Mexico.

There’s probably a nice part of town— I just never found it. What I saw was redneck crackheads and working-class Mexicans. It seemed as if its entire popu-

lation of 13,000 people would head to the local college’s library—it might’ve been the only place in town with wifi—which made it more like a junkie swap meet and less of a learning institution.

According to the elderly waitress at the burger place down the street, Las Vegas is a historical place in the “Old West.” She had to chase a druggie out of the restaurant before she could finish telling me about it.

The team’s housing was actually an empty storefront with a loft above it. There was one working bathroom for about 16 guys to share, and if you were lucky, you had a plywood wall or a sheet separating you from your neighbors. It was only slightly worse than the minor-league accommodations I was used to.

During our next road series, my air mattress in Las Vegas made the churchturned-hostel in Roswell seem like a Marriott and the semi-abandoned motel in Ratón the Ritz-Carlton. But it was after the final game of our series in Raton that the backup catcher shared a crazy idea with me.

“What if we went up to Trinidad [Colorado] and a few of us split a hotel for a night?”

I hadn’t seen a professionally cleaned bathroom or bed sheet in so long I’d forgotten what they looked like. We barely had enough money to eat and cover gas on a weekly basis, but it was payday, so we all had tiny amounts to play with in our checking accounts.

“There’s a Holiday Inn for a little over $100,” an eavesdropping Texan outfielder mentioned while struggling to get the Internet to load on his iPhone.

“We’re not balling like that,” the catcher said. “That’s two games’ pay. The Quality Inn the teams stay at up there is, like, $80 a night and just as nice. We’ll split it four ways and pay $20 each.”

I translated to a Dominican pitcher what we were doing. He was down, but only had $15 to spare. I told him that was fine if he was willing to make due in a chair or on the floor with some blankets since I hadn’t had my own bed—other than a deflating air mattress—since entering New Mexico. He agreed. I told my other two teammates I’d need $5 in gas money from each of them. For a $15 night alone in a real bed, I was willing to be the baseball Dean Moriarty through a mountainous forest in the middle of the night.

THE YEAR BEFORE LAS VEGAS, NEW MEXICO

PHOTOS COURTESY OF JOSH CHESLER

With a night game the next day, we’d even be able to take advantage of the free continental breakfast and indoor pool the hotel promoted while still getting to the field for our 3 o’clock call time. We loaded our gear into the trunk of my Civic and took off up Interstate 25.

Surrounded by huge trees and bigger canyons, we didn’t see another car on the road for the entire drive. My teammates pounded beers as I thought about everything I could do with the hotel’s free wifi.

With the stars providing the only other light for miles, it was one of the most peaceful trips of my life.

Until my headlights spotted a massive elk casually standing no more than 50 feet in front of our speeding sedan.

I jerked the car onto the other side of the two-lane highway as my passengers screamed. Two of my teammates were too busy drinking—yet somehow didn’t spill a drop—to see the animal, but the Dominican happened to have his arm out of the passenger-side rear window, and his hand actually brushed across the elk’s backside.

About 10 minutes later, our hearts were still racing as we pulled into the hotel’s parking lot. The catcher and outfielder went in to pay for the room—four twentysomething dudes sharing a room always seems to cost more than two—while the other pitcher and I waited in the car to be let in a side door. I think my teammate was still so freaked out that he forgot I spoke Spanish.

“I let you drive any time,” he said.

“Those white boys? They no drive like that. That’s Dominican driving.”

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saturday›

N’AWLINS, BABY!

calendar *

fri/06/17

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[CONCERT]

TAKE US AWAY . . .

Classical Mystery Tour

It is an issue that has divided our nation for decades: classical music or rock & roll? Wars have been fought over less.

But before we pit Yo-Yo Ma against Ringo Starr in a cage match, perhaps combining the two mediums could lead to something musically masterful. With peacemaking and experimentation in mind, conductor Albert George Schram joins forces with Beatles impersonators to perform the classic rock icons’ songbook, backed by the full and rich sounds of the Pacific Symphony on the 50th anniversary of the Beatles’ final live concert in 1966. Will this be the concert to end all wars, or will this amalgamation of musical genres lead to the destruction of us all? Come to Segerstrom Concert Hall and find out!

Classical Mystery Tour at Segerstrom Concert Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; www.scfta.org. 8 p.m.; also Sat. $35-$190.

—AMANDA PARSONS

sat/06/18

[THEATER]

Not a Scam

Craigslist Farewell You just never know what you’ll find listed in Craigslist, the global classifieds site that offers everything and anything, from base desires to a used sofa. And yet, playwright Virgina DeMoss found a way to incorporate the most bizarre and eccentric Craigslist ads into her latest play, Craigslist Farewell.

Running for only two weekends at Found Theatre, the production folMORE lows Found’s ONLINE regular cast of OCWEEKLY.COM actors playing deceitful characters betraying one another in the want ads. Matching real life with art, attendees can also arrive early to check out an actual garage sale to shop for pre-owned trinkets, tchotchkes and doodads. Come early with cash for the sale, then stay for this play that delightfully skewers our materialistic world.

Craigslist Farewell at Found Theatre, 599 Long Beach Blvd., Long Beach, (562) 433-3363; www.foundtheatre.org. 7:30 p.m. Through June 26. $10. —AIMEE MURILLO

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[FESTIVALS]

BAYOU BOUND

Long Beach Bayou Festival

This weekend, the best Louisiana culture, food and music comes to you straight from Long Beach. Now in its 30th year, the city’s Bayou Festival hosts live performances by zydeco, bluegrass, Cajun and country music artists including Terry & the Zydeco Bad Boys, La Recolte Cajun Band, The Revelers, Guitar Shorty, William Porter, Kenny Sara & The Sounds of New Orleans, and others; a Mardi Gras parade led by the New Orleans Traditional Jazz Band, in which guests are encouraged to dress in festive costumes; multiple crawfish-eating contests throughout the day; a kid’s corner; and more fun packed into this two-day party. Come experience this sampling of the Big Easy’s best-known cultural offerings.

Long Beach Bayou Festival at Rainbow Lagoon Park, East Shoreline Drive, Long Beach; longbeachbayou.com. 11 a.m.; also Sun. $20-$30. —AIMEE MURILLO

[FOOD]

Feel the Heat

Chili At the Beach For a small subsection of the population, chili is serious business. Factors such as what spices to use, length of simmering time, garnishes, what kinds of beans to add, etc., play a big role in how your bowl of deliciousness will turn out. As such, the Ninth Annual Chili At the Beach competition will determine who is the king or queen of this popular slow-cooked meal. There are more than seven categories—including “Best Chili Name,” “People’s Choice” and “Judge’s Choice”—with the chance to win up to $500 in cash prizes. Simultaneously, salsa enthusiasts will offer their precious salsa recipes for prizes, as well as the glory of being the best salsa in the game. This event will be burning tongues all over downtown Huntington Beach in the name of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Huntington Valley.

Chili At the Beach at Huntington Beach Downtown, 1 Main St., Huntington Beach; www.hbdowntown.com. 11 a.m. $10-$15.

—AIMEE MURILLO

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| [FOOD & DRINK]

Foodie Heaven

Little Saigon Night Market Summer’s just about here, and the surge of late-night food cravings will undoubtedly settle in. Since the OC Fair is still weeks away, you can find us packing on the pounds at the annual Little Saigon Night Market. Held at Asian Garden Mall’s parking lot, we recommend planning your visit a little early—parking

and attendance will swell as much as your waistband—so you can comfortably indulge in the savory delights vendors have to offer. Besides eats, there will be plenty of cultural and musical performances. This weekend marks the start of this free summer-long fest, so make sure you get your fix more than once.

Little Saigon Night Market at Asian Garden Mall, 9200 Bolsa Ave., Westminster, (714) 842-8018; facebook.com/ AsianGarden. 7 p.m. Through Sept. 4. Free.

—AIMEE MURILLO

[HISTORY]

Historical Chingonas !

‘Taking a Stand’

Cal State Fullerton professor Margie Brown-Coronel highlights the lives of Modesta Avila, Emilia Castañeda, Luisa Moreno and Anna Nieto Gomez in the exhibit “Taking a Stand: Legacies of Latina Activism in Southern California.” Avila protested the Santa Fe railroad company with a clothesline across the tracks that

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ran along her land in San Juan Capistrano.

Despite being a U.S. citizen, Casteñeda got deported during the repatriations of the 1930s, came back and filed a lawsuit on behalf of those who unconstitutionally suffered the same. Moreno became a labor leader; Nieto Gomez founded groundbreaking Chicana feminist publications.

“Taking a Stand: Legacies of Latina Activism in Southern California” at Heritage Museum OC, 3101 W. Harvard St., Santa Ana, (714) 540-0404; takingastand.net. 11 a.m.

Through July 31. $5. —GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

mon/06/20 [FILM]

Psychedelic Tears Belladonna of Sadness

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BEAT THE HEAT THIS SUMMER...

GROW INDOORS! 30% OFF Any Item

some exclusions apply exp. 7/31/16

Until just weeks ago, Belladonna of Sadness was the cultiest of cult films: a deliriously psychedelic Japanese animation from 1973 known more by reputation than by anything else. But out of nowhere comes this meticulous restoration. Be warned: While truly intoxicating visually, this is a brutal fever dream of a film, as protagonist Belladonna is graphically forced through her own personal hell. (Put it this way: Belladonna makes Ralph Bakshi’s sex and violence seem like Scooby-Doo.) But it looks like nothing else, and it has a hallucinatory power all its own. Catch it on this very limited run if you want to do the experience justice.

Belladonna of Sadness at the Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana, (714) 2859422; thefridacinema.org. 5, 7 & 9:15 p.m.

Through June 23. $8-$10. —CHRIS ZIEGLER

tue/06/21 [CONCERT]

Busker-Fullerton

Day of Music Fullerton Now in its second edition, Day of Music Fullerton hopes to accomplish what similar events in major cities such as Rome, Barcelona, New York City and Berlin have.

The event features more than 100 concerts throughout Fullerton and is open for artists in any genre who want to showcase their talents in front of curious listeners who are open to musical discovery. The lineup has yet to be confirmed as of press time—that happens the week before the show—but there’s no doubt that the day, stretching from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., will give local musicians a forum to perform, popping-up uninhibited anywhere in the city.

Day of Music Fullerton in multiple locations, Fullerton; thedayofmusic.com.

10 a.m. Free. —DANIEL KOHN

SUMMER FESTIVAL 2016

Grand Finale Season At Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre

r July 4 Spectachuaelal Jackson The Music of Mic.

p.m Mon. • July 4 • 8 of Pop,” patriotic e legendary “King th of ts hi t es at re G e! iant fireworks final favorites and a brill

Beethoven’s Ninth

Sat. • July 23 • 8 p.m.

Beethoven’s magnificent “Choral” Symphony with the famous “Ode to Joy.” WITH FULL-LENGTH FEATURE FILM

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Sat. • Aug. 13 • 8 p.m.

The action-packed adventure of Ind iana Jones, with John Williams’ score per formed live to film. © 1981 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Rese rved.

The Spy Who Loved Me

Featuring SHEENA EASTON Sat. • Aug. 21 • 7:30 p.m.

Theme songs from James Bond, “Mission Impossible” and other spy movies.

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Pacific Symphony’s

WITH FIREWORKS AND CANNONS

Sat. • Sept. 3 • 8 p.m.

Thundering cannons and fireworks in the “1812” Overture!

Tickets from $25; special offers for Groups of 10+ Half-price tickets for kids under 14 in most sections.

Official TV Station

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Cut a Rug

Strutters Swing Dance

THE DETROIT WHEELS

TED NUGENT TED NUGENT CASH’D OUT WILD CHILD THE FABULOUS THUNDERBIRDS HENRY KAPONO BILLY VERA & THE BEATERS VONDA SHEPARD JOHN WAITE THE YARDBIRDS MADELEINE PEYROUX LOS RIOS ROCK SCHOOL LOS RIOS ROCK SCHOOL THE WAILERS ANUHEA DESPERADO OC’S FUNNIEST HOUSEWIVES PETER WOLF & THE MIDNIGHT TRAVELERS DSB (JOURNEY TRIBUTE) REAL BLUES FESTIVAL of ORANGE COUNTY VII LED ZEPAGAIN BERLIN PAUL GREEN’S ROCK ACADEMY

[DANCE]

@coach_house

Every Wednesday night, slip on your finest threads and head to the Yost for an evening of sass and class. Hosted by James, Irina, Shesha and Nikki, dance lessons start at 8:30 to prepare your feet for flights of fancy that only come from swinging your hips and flipping your dips to stylish tunes from yesteryear. A full bar is open to those older than 21, but 18- through 20-year-olds are welcome, too, so don’t be T H I S CO D E a fuddy-duddy. Come TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE on out and enjoy the DJ OCWEEKLY IPHONE/ANDROID APP spins and hep live band FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT that’ll surge through ocweekly.com your soul to make you king and queen of the Lindy Hop, Collegiate Shag, North Dallas Push and the bop. It’s killer-diller.

Strutters Swing Dance at the Yost Theater’s Ritz Ballroom, 305 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; www.yosttheater.com. 7 p.m. $5-$10.

SCAN

—SR DAVIES

*

[CONCERT]

WE GOT FAITH Shattered Faith

Tonight marks the last of a three-night stint for punk legends the Adicts at the YostTheater. So if you haven’t seen them before, do so tonight, when Shattered Faith take the stage as opener.

Originally formed in 1978, Shattered Faith have long been ignored in the annals of punk history, alongside the Adolescents, Agent Orange,TSOL and Social Distortion.

Despite MORE this, ONLINE OCWEEKLY.COM they’ve released Volume 3, 10 new songs recorded in three days with most of their classic lineup still intact. If you were to listen to their complete discography all at once, you probably wouldn’t notice the more-than-30-year gap between the second and third albums, which proves the group’s longevity and musical authenticity. Witness Shattered Faith’s live set for yourself, as they prove their best years are still ahead of them.

Shattered Faith with the Adicts, CH3 and the Schitz at theYostTheater, 305 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 8629573; www.yosttheater.com. 8 p.m. $25-$40. —AIMEE MURILLO

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[COMEDY]

SO WONG, YET SO RIGHT

Ali Wong

Fresh from the release of her hit Netflix comedy special, Baby Cobra, Ali Wong stops by the Irvine Improv for a one-night-only standup set. Wong, who serves as writer for the hit ABC television series Fresh Off the Boat, knocks out an incredible performance in Baby Cobra, delivering gut-busting jokes while addressing serious topics such as miscarriage, women’s bodies during and after pregnancy, her Asian American heritage, racism and gross-out body humor—all this while in her third trimester.The writer/actress from San Francisco will prove she has more hilarity in store for fans who can’t wait to catch up with her shenanigans.

Ali Wong at Irvine Improv, 527 Spectrum Center Dr., Irvine, (949) 854-5455; irvine.improv.com. 8 p.m. $15. 18+.

—AIMEE MURILLO

[FITNESS]

Untz In Your Bounce Ignite the Night

Who says fitness has to be boring? Sure, it can be laborious—hauling your workout clothes back and forth from home to the gym every other day, finding a suitable workout rhythm, snacking on those cardboard-tasting health bars, etc.—but if you can find a fun, easier alternative, your way of life will be all the better for it.

Luckily, Life Time Athletic Laguna Niguel is hosting a rave night for members and non-members to partake in some cardiocentric dancing. The night begins with a socializing hour, followed by a DJ spinning EDM and house jams by Life Time’s pool deck, as well as complimentary glow sticks, appetizers and signature cocktails available for purchase. Best of all, you’ll be working up a sweat in the best way possible—no gym bag required.

Ignite the Night Fitness Dance Party at Life Time Athletic Laguna Niguel, 25600 Rancho Niguel Rd., Laguna Niguel, (949) 238-2724; www.lifetimefitness.com.

5 p.m. Free with RSVP. 21+. —AIMEE MURILLO

SUMMER GETAWAYS TRAVEL GUIDE OCWEEKLY.COM

Catalina Island Museum

Plan your BIG Summer in

BIG BEAR

OCWEEKLY.COM

SUMMER GETAWAYS TRAVEL GUIDE

Big Bear is not just a winter destination. The well known city located in the San Bernardino Mountains brings in adventure seekers yearround. During the warmer months, there’s plenty of biking, boating and hiking to do as well as incredible places to stay with views any nature enthusiast would love. During your stay, here are a couple events and activities to plan your getaway around.

ABOVE THE BOOM

Top last year’s 4th of July plans at Snow Summit’s inaugural fireworks viewing party. Above the Boom will take place on July 4th at 8,200 feet for an unforgettable experience.

Featuring on-site catering by Hog on the Rock, live music by blues band 60 Grit and Big Bear’s annual Fireworks Spectacular show, this event is sure to be a special treat for friends and family.

Take in the scenic views Big Bear has to offer while climbing up on Snow Summit’s Scenic Sky Chair. Once you’ve reached 8,200 feet, you’ll be greeted by an evening filled with nonstop festivities. Dinner and music begins at 5:30pm and a complimentary glass of champagne will be passed around when the fireworks begin at 8:45pm. A bounce house, face painting and free hot chocolate will be available for the kids. Feel free to bring chairs and blankets to relax and get cozy while the fireworks light up the sky.

Tickets are $49 for adults and $19 for children ages 5 through 12.

Children age 4 and under are free of charge. Dinner and entertainment is included in this ticket price. As you can imagine, tickets are going fast!

Purchase yours online at eventbrite.

com and search Above the Boom or call 844-GO2-BEAR.

CRAFTS & CRANKS

Join Snow Summit and Big Bear Lake Brewing Company as they present the 2nd Annual Crafts & Cranks event! This concert, brewfest and bike rice will take place on July 9th for an eventful afternoon in the mountains. Sample over 40 of California’s top craft beers, while watching Southern California’s top bike racers compete. The lineup for music includes the sounds of Angelo Moore, Project N-Fidelikah, Demrick, MainMan and Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds.

Tickets for those 21 and over are $25 and include admission to the concert, 20 Tasting Tickets and a commemorative tasting glass! Tickets for guests 5 to 20 years old are $20 and include concert admission, children’s activities and more! Children under 5 are free of charge. Purchase your tickets by calling 844-GO2-BEAR.

MUSIC IN THE MOUNTAINS

The 11th Anniversary of the Music in the Mountains concert series will take place at the Big Bear Discovery Center Amphitheater this summer.

Visit MountainsFoundation.org for the schedule and more information on purchasing tickets!

THE CAVE

See your favorite artists up close and personal at The Cave! Big Bear’s premier concert venue has a summer line up that’s not to be missed. For show schedule and ticket information visit, TheCaveBigBear.com.

SUMMER GETAWAYS tra vel guide oc weekl y.c om

SUMMER GETAWAYS TRAVEL GUIDE

G ET 2 0% O F F G EN ER AL AD M I S S I O N TI CK ETS

BY U S I N G CO D E “WEEK LY ” O NLI NE O NLY THRU 7/ 15/ 16

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S PECI AL EF F ECTS MAKEU P D EMOS LI V E DAR K ENTER TAI NMENT

CRE E PY CR AFTS FO R KIDS HAUN T CL ASSE S & WO RKSHO PS

Summer getaways The idea of summertime can be a little less exciting when you’re not expecting time off. Knowing that you’ll be spending the next few months soaking up the air conditioning in an office instead of under the sun can be uninspiring. Besides students, there are a lot of people who don’t get to enjoy up to a three month vacation period. For those who work full time, day trips and weekend getaways are a season staple. Usually local, there are plenty of quick destinations that make for an affordable escape.

The best part about traveling for a short span of time is being able to pack light. Loading up every shirt and pair of shoes you own is a common reaction, but unnecessary. Use this list to make sure you’re prepared for any scenario, and to avoid any extra baggage fees if you find yourself on a plane.

WALLET, KEYS, PHONE

OCWEEKLY.COM

Whether you’re driving or flying, let’s face it, you won’t get very far without these three.

CASH + IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS

Cash is convenient while traveling and you won’t have to worry about fraud if you’re not swiping your card everywhere you go. Don’t forget any pre-paid tickets for transportation or attractions. There’s also plenty of Apple and Android apps to download that have been created to keep everything digital if that’s what you fancy.

PACK SMART

Traveling in June through August,

you’re guaranteed decent weather.

Usually one warm jacket, a couple versatile top and bottom combos and your most comfortable shoes will do. Packing your Sunday best or a bathing suit depends on your destination. No matter what, if you’re going to be gone for 24 hours or the whole weekend, always pack some extra socks and underwear. You just never know.

BE YOUR OWN CHARGING STATION

For every electronic item you bring along, make sure to pack it’s charger as well. This goes for phones, tablets and of course cameras. If you’re driving, a car charger will save your battery while you’re using a navigation application.

THE NECESSITIES

Most hotels offer basic necessities for their guests such as shampoo, lotion or toothpaste. The front desk normally has other items available; all you have to do is ask! Also, it’s never a bad idea to have some snacks on hand and to bring a reusable water bottle.

The key to a successful vacation is plenty of research. How are you getting there and what do you plan to do? Once you plan your activities list, you’ll be able to better navigate through your belongings to decide what you’ll need. Venture out and explore with friends and family.

Regardless of the amount of free time you have available, there are always ways to make it work and create memories.

SUMMER GETAWAYS TRAVEL GUIDE

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| calendar | music | food | feature | contents | classifieds

Westcation Summer Travel Issue |

film»special screenings

More Family Movies Than You Can Shake a Shark At

BY MATT COKER Big Hero 6. I was pleasantly surprised to learn at an outdoor screening in Costa Mesa last summer that the “6” in the title meant I had missed the first five prequels. And it’s not a bad flick. Young viewers are invited to come in a hero costume, and everyone should bring chairs, blankets and snacks. Craft and activities are included. Tierra Grande Park, 399 Camino Tierra Grande, San Clemente, (949) 361-8264. Fri., 8 p.m. Free.

Pan. The 3D visual effects are said to be stunning in this 2015 prequel to Scottish author J. M. Barrie’s Peter Pan story. Lantern Bay Park, 25111 Park Lantern Rd., Dana Point, (949) 248-3530.

Fri., 8 p.m. Free.

Cinderella. La Habra rotates outdoor screenings of family films at different city parks all summer. At dusk, it’s either Disney’s 1950 animated classic, or the 2015 live-action remake. (The city does not specify which.) Brio Park, 300 S. Euclid St., La Habra,

(562) 383-4205. Fri., 7:45 p.m. Free.

Singin’ In the Rain. I’d finally managed to get the title song out of my head after the Weekly’s Friday Night Freakout presentation of A Clockwork Orange at the Frida, and now it’s back in there thanks to me typing this. Take it away, Alex! Orange County Great Park, Marine Way & Sand Canyon, Irvine, (866) 829-3829. Fri., 8 p.m. Free.

Minions. It’s the movie based on the characters found in Happy Meals.

Orange County Great Park, (866) 8293829. Sat., 8 p.m. Free.

The Sandlot. Twelve-year-old boys in 1962 deal with thrill-ride puke, banishment from a community pool, and a man-eating dog standing between them and a baseball hit over a fence. The Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana; thefridacinema.org. Sun., 11 a.m. $1-$5.

L’Uomo che verra (The Man Who Will Come). Cinema Italiano presentation about a rural village in Italy about

GRETA ETHAN BILL MAYA TRAVIS JULIANNE GERWIG HAWKE HADER RUDOLPH FIMMELAND MOORE

“Exhilarating! hilarious!”

-PETER TRAVERS, ROLLING STONE

MAGGIE’S PLAn A REBECCA MILLER FILM WRITTEN FOR THE SCREEN AND DIRECTED BY REBECCA MILLER

WWW.SONYCLASSICS.COM

now playing

COSTA MESA IRVINE Regency South Coast Village Edwards Westpark 8 (714) 557-5701 (844) 462-7342 #144

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VIEW THE TRAILER AT WWW.MAGGIESPLANMOVIE.COM

“PULLS YOU IN AND WON’T LET GO. A WONDER.”

J u ne 17- 2 3, 2 01 6

–LOS ANGELES TIMES

“ROYALTY HIGHTOWER IS ALREADY A STAR.” –ROLLING STONE

OFFICIAL SELECTION

VENICE

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FILM FESTIVAL 2015

112

THE FITS STARTS FRIDAY, JUNE 17

IRVINE Edwards Westpark 8 (844) 462-7342 #144 CALL THEATRE FOR SHOWTIMES

to be overtaken by Nazis during World War II, as seen through the eyes of a girl who has not spoken since the death of her infant brother and is awaiting the birth of another sibling. Bowers Museum, 2002 N. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 567-3600. Sun., 2 p.m. $12.

Goosebumps. Author R.L. Stine makes a cameo as Mr. Black and says hello to Mr. Stine, played by Jack Black. Mind = blown. La Habra Stadium 16, 1351 W. Imperial Hwy., La Habra, (562) 690-4909. Tues., 10 a.m. $1.

The Lego Movie. All aboard the Summer Movie Express—which donates a portion of proceeds to the Will Rogers Institute—for this winning animated nugget based on the hard-plastic nuggets that get stuck between your toes. Aliso Viejo Stadium 20, 26701 Aliso Creek Rd., Aliso Viejo, (949) 4253861; Anaheim Hills 14, 8030 E. Santa Ana Canyon Rd., Anaheim Hills, (714) 282-5953; Brea Stadium West 10, 255 W. Birch St., Brea, (714) 672-4136; Edwards Market Place Stadium 10, 13782 Jamboree Rd., Irvine, (844) 4627342; Foothill Towne Center Stadium 22, 26602 Towne Center Dr., Foothill Ranch, (949) 588-9402; Kaleidoscope Stadium 10, 27741 Crown Valley Pkwy., Mission Viejo, (949) 582-4078; Metro Pointe Stadium 12, 901 South Coast Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 428-0962. Tues., 10 a.m. $1.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Kevin James stars as the punch line in a million bad movie jokes. Krikorian’s Buena Park Metroplex 18, 8290 La Palma Ave., Buena Park, (714) 826-2152. Tues., 10 a.m. Free (sponsored by Buena Park Downtown); also at Krikorian’s San Clemente Cinema 6, 641B Camino De Los Mares, San Clemente, (949) 661-7469. Tues., 10 a.m. $1.

The Peanuts Movie. Is the Charles M. Schulz empire still rolling in it 16 years after his death? Does Charlie Brown have a bruised tailbone from Lucy pulling away that football? Century Stadium 25, 1701 W. Katella Ave., Orange; www.cinemark. co. Tues., 10 a.m. $1; also at Century 20 Huntington Beach, 7777 Edinger Ave., Huntington Beach; www.cinemark.co.

Tues.-Thurs., June 21-23, 10 a.m. $1.

Death Becomes Her. Among the events in Downtown Santa Ana celebrating OC Pride week is a screening of Robert Zemeckis’ 1992 campy, dark comedy hosted by Frida’s Horror Hostess with the Mostest, Mistress Azrael.

Come dressed as your favorite dead celebrity and get a free large soft drink, as well as an entry in a drawing to win a Frida Cinema Punch Card good for six free movies at the theater. This flick is about bitter rivals (Meryl Streep and

THE SIXTH ONE WAS THE BEST ONE

WALT DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS

Goldie Hawn) who are given a chance at eternal youth by the mysterious Lisle von Rhoman (Isabella Rossellini). Bruce Willis becomes the ladies’ handsome pawn in the world’s pettiest chess game. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Tues., 8 p.m. $8-$10.

The Iron Giant: Signature Edition.

I don’t know what makes this edition reach signature status, but I do know the original featured Vin Diesel’s mostanimated performance. La Habra Stadium 16, 1351 W. Imperial Hwy., La Habra, (562) 690-4909. Wed., 10 a.m. $1.

Max. Summer Movie Express keeps chugging with this 2015 family adventure drama about a dog helping Marines fighting in Afghanistan.

Aliso Viejo Stadium 20, 26701 Aliso Creek Rd., Aliso Viejo, (949) 425-3861; Anaheim Hills 14, 8030 E. Santa Ana Canyon Rd., Anaheim Hills, (714) 282-5953; Brea Stadium West 10, 255 W. Birch St., Brea, (714) 672-4136; Edwards Market Place Stadium 10, 13782 Jamboree Rd., Irvine, (844) 4627342; Foothill Towne Center Stadium 22, 26602 Towne Center Dr., Foothill Ranch, (949) 588-9402; Kaleidoscope Stadium 10, 27741 Crown Valley Pkwy., Mission Viejo, (949) 582-4078; Metro Pointe Stadium 12, 901 South Coast Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 428-0962. Wed., 10 a.m. $1.

Spartacus. With Stanley Kubrick directing; Dalton Trumbo writing; and Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier and Peter Ustinov starring, how could this sweeping 1960 drama not be a classic?

Thracian Spartacus was a slave trained to kill in Rome’s arena, but he turns on his owners, instigates a slave rebellion

and leads them toward freedom in southern Italy. Regency South Coast Village, 1561 Sunflower Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 557-5701. Wed., 7:30 p.m. $9.

Space Jam. Bring a blanket and enjoy Michael Jordan giving Daffy Duck a facial. Popcorn and snacks available for purchase. Orange Public Library & History Center, 407 E. Chapman Ave., Orange, (714) 288-2420. Thurs., June 23, 2 p.m. Free.

Rules of the Trade. It’s the Orange County premiere of writer/director (and onetime Weekly intern) Patrick Chavis’ new feature film, which was shot in OC and Los Angeles County over 15 days and on a budget of $10,000. Chavis’ comical farce is about a rule-guided drug dealer who’s extremely successful in the drug game but incredibly unlucky in the romance department. After meeting the love of his life on an online-dating site, he drops his rules and his guard.

The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org.

Thurs., June 23, 7 p.m. $8-$10.

Jaws. Regarded as cinema’s first summer blockbuster, Steven Spielberg’s 1975 adventure/thriller is timely all over again thanks to the multiple shark sightings—including of great whites—off the Orange County coast lately. It’s just unclear who our Roy Scheider is. The Frida Cinema hosts a free outdoor screening of this popcorn classic. No RSVP is necessary, and there is no need to buy tickets, but seating is first-come, first-served. 4th Street Market, outdoor patio, 201 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana; thefridacinema. org. Thurs., June 23, 8 p.m. Free.

MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM

THIS WEEK FRIDAY, JUNE 17

ALEXANDER JEAN: 9 p.m. Constellation Room at the

16635 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (866) 3572749; brixsunsetbeach.com.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB: 10 p.m., free. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

BUMP ‘N GRIND: 9 p.m. Que Sera, 1923 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 599-6170; thequesera.com.

D.I.: 5 p.m., $12-$15. Doll Hut, 107 S. Adams St., Anaheim, (714) 533-1286.

DAIKAIJU: 10 p.m., $5. The Prospector, 2400 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 438-3839; prospectorlongbeach.com.

DARIUS & MOTEZ: 11 p.m., $10. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

FLEETWOOD MAC V. HEART:8 p.m. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan

A FLOCK OF GOO GOO: 8 p.m., $8-$10. Alex’s Bar,

2913 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach, (562) 434-8292; alexsbar.com.

9 p.m., free Before 9pm $5 After. The Wayfarer, 843 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 764-0039; wayfarercm.com.

KING WOMAN: 8 p.m., free. The Slidebar Rock-N-Roll Kitchen, 122 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-7469; slidebarfullerton.com.

MAMMOTH SALMON: 7 p.m., $7. Regal Inn, 6763 Carson St, Lakewood, (562) 425-9038.

MASE: 8 p.m. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

MOTORBOAT: 9 p.m., free. Muldoon’s Irish Pub, 202 Newport Center Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 640-4110; muldoonspub.com.

NO DUH, GREEN TODAY, & THE 182’S: 8 p.m., $15. The Yost Theater, 307 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; yosttheater.com. » CONTINUED ON PAGE 114

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SATURDAY, JUNE 18

24851 Chrisanta Dr., Mission Viejo, (916) 207-6879; phos-studios.com.

HOT ROD TRIO: 8 p.m., free. Diego’s Rock-N-Roll Bar & Eats, 220 E. Third St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; rockandrollbardtsa.com.

HOWARD RICE BAND: 8 p.m., free. Brix Wine Bar, 16635 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (866) 3572749; brixsunsetbeach.com.

THE HULA GIRLS: 10 p.m. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

THE HUMAN MACHINE: 7 p.m., $5. Beatnik Bandito Music Emporium, 417 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 835-3313; beatnikbandito.com.

JENNIFER HART: 7 p.m. Moulin Bistro, 1000 N. Bristol St., Newport Beach, (844) 376-6243; moulinbistro.com.

JUNGLE JAM ( A PRE-BURNING MAN PARTY):

YURI

SOMEWHERE THRU TIME (IRON MAIDEN TRIBUTE): 8 p.m., free. Diego’s Rock-N-Roll Bar &

Eats, 220 E. Third St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; rockandrollbardtsa.com.

STUDIO 51: 8 p.m., $10. Original Mike’s, 100 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-7764; originalmikes.com.

TROPICAL BROTHEL: 8 p.m. 4th Street Vine, 2142 E. Fourth St., Long Beach, (562) 343-5463; 4thstreetvine.com.

VOICES OF RUIN: 4 p.m., $5. Doll Hut, 107 S. Adams St., Anaheim, (714) 533-1286.

YO! NO SCRUBS: 9 p.m., free. The Continental Room, 115 W. Santa Fe Ave., Fullerton, (714) 469-1879; facebook.com/ContinentalRoom.

Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com.

HIT ME, HAROLD: 6:30 p.m., $10. Phos Studios,

JU NE 17 - 23 , 2 01 6

Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

BLACK SALT TONE: 8 p.m., free. The Slidebar RockN-Roll Kitchen, 122 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-7469; slidebarfullerton.com.

BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR:6:30 p.m., $15. The Federal Bar, 102 Pine Ave., Long Beach, (562) 435-2000; lb.thefederalbar.com.

CRIMSON AND CROWBAR: 9 p.m., $5. Marine Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

CUBENSIS: 9 p.m., free. Golden Sails Hotel PCH Club, 6285 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 5962332; goldensailshotel.com/pchclub.

DMX: 8 p.m., $15-$20.50. Fox Theater Pomona, 301 S. Garey Ave., Pomona, (877) 283-6976; foxpomona.com.

EROTIC CITY—A TRIBUTE TO PRINCE: 8 p.m., $20.

The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com.

FLEETMAC WOOD: 10 p.m., $10. The Wayfarer, 843 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 764-0039; wayfarercm.com.

FRENCH VANILLA: 9 p.m., free. Acerogami at the Glass House, 228 W. Second St., Pomona, (909) 865-0979.

GANTEZ: 7:30 p.m., $7. The Portal, 210 E. Fourth St, Santa Ana, (949) 500-5379; theportal.us.

THE GOOD FOOT!: 9 p.m., $5-$7. Alex’s Bar, 2913 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach, (562) 434-8292; alexsbar.com.

HAIL THE SUN: 7 p.m., $12-$14. Chain Reaction, 1652 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim, (714) 635-6067; allages.com.

KEVIN WOOD: 8 p.m., free. The Library, 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, (562) 433-2393; thelibraryacoffeehouse.com.

KIMO: 6-8 p.m., free. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 5921321; donthebeachcomber.com.

THE KINGBEES: 7:30 p.m., $12-$125. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 592-1321; donthebeachcomber.com.

KNYGHT RYDER: 8 p.m., free. Gaslamp Restaurant & Bar, 6251 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 5964718; thegaslamprestaurant.com.

NICKI I & A.D.D.: 9 p.m., $5. Mozambique, 1740 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 715-7777; mozambiqueoc.com.

THE PHARCYDE: 8 p.m., $5. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

PUNK ROCK REVOLUTION LL: 7 p.m., $7. DiPiazza’s Restaurant & Lounge, 5205 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 498-2461; dipiazzas.com.

RON KOBAYASHI:6:30 p.m., free. Bayside Restaurant, 900 Bayside Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 721-1222; baysiderestaurant.com.

SEGA GENECIDE: 10 p.m. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

SNAPBACK LONG BEACH: 10 p.m., free before 10:30 p.m.; $10 after. The Federal Bar, 102 Pine Ave., Long Beach, (562) 435-2000; lb.thefederalbar.com.

THE ALUMNI BAND: 4 p.m., free. Brix Wine Bar,

| CONTENTS | FEATURE | FOOD | MUSIC | CALENDAR | CLASSIFIEDS | Westcation Summer Travel Issue

concert guide»

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6/9/16 8:22 AM

| CLASSIFIEDS | MUSIC | CULTURE FILM | FOOD | calendar FEATURE | THE feature Westcation Summer Travel Issue || classifieds contents || | CALENDAR | |music | food | COUNTY || CONTENTS ON17-23 TH X,X–X X , 2014 J uMne 2 016 OCWEEKLY.COM | | ocweekly.com

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concert guide» » FROM PAGE 113 OC GUITAR CIRCLE PERFORMANCE: 8 p.m., $5-$15.

Chapman University Salmon Recital Hall, 1 University Dr., Orange; chapman.edu/copa/music/calendar.aspx.

RON KOBAYASHI TRIO: 7 p.m., free. Moulin Bistro, 1000 N. Bristol St., Newport Beach, (844) 376-6243; moulinbistro.com.

SOLE SATURDAYS: 10 p.m., free before 10:30 p.m.; $10 after. The Federal Bar, 102 Pine Ave., Long Beach, (562) 435-2000; lb.thefederalbar.com.

STAR BAR WITH DJ ZACH MOOS: 10 p.m. VLVT Velvet Lounge, 416 W. Fourth St., Santa Ana, (714) 6640663; velvetoc.com.

STUDIO 51: 8 p.m., $10. Original Mike’s, 100 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-7764; originalmikes.com.

TRE HYPE: 8:30 p.m., $20. Gaslamp Restaurant & Bar, 6251 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach, (562) 5964718; thegaslamprestaurant.com.

SUNDAY, JUNE 19

AL DI MEOLA: 7 p.m. The Coach House, 33157 Camino

Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 4968930; thecoachhouse.com.

CONFLICT: 7 p.m. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

FULLY FULLWOOD REGGAE SUNDAYS: 3 p.m., $5. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 592-1321; donthebeachcomber.com.

HEMLOCK: 7 p.m., $10. Malone’s, 604 E. Dyer Rd., Santa Ana, (714) 979-6000; facebook.com/MalonesConcertVenue.

HOWARD RICE: 4:30 p.m., free. Brix Wine Bar, 16635 Pacific Coast Hwy., Sunset Beach, (866) 357-2749; brixsunsetbeach.com.

JOE JACKSON: 7 p.m., $29.50-$75. Fox Performing Arts Center, 3801 Mission Inn Ave., Riverside.

JOSH LIBERIO: 9 p.m., free. Marine Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

MISSILES OF OCTOBER: 4 p.m., free. The Whitehouse Restaurant & Nightclub, 340 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-8088; whitehouserestaurant.com.

SLINGSHOT: 4 p.m., free. Marine Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

TINY MOVING PARTS: 7 p.m., $12-$14. Chain Reaction, 1652 W. Lincoln Ave., Anaheim, (714) 6356067; allages.com.

WHILK & MISKY: 9 p.m., $12. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

MONDAY, JUNE 20

ANESHA ROSE & FRIENDS: 8 p.m., free. Marine

Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

BOMBFLOWER: 7:30 p.m., $5. Beatnik Bandito Music Emporium, 417 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 8353313; beatnikbandito.com.

COGNITIVE: 8 p.m., $7. Blacklight District Lounge, 2500 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach.

COUNTRY DANCIN’ WITH DJ PATRICK: 6:30 p.m., free. The Swallow’s Inn, 31786 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 493-3188; swallowsinn.com.

ECSTATIC UNION: 9 p.m., free. The Wayfarer, 843 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 764-0039; wayfarercm.com.

LA PICANTE: 8 p.m., free. The Lighthouse Cafe, 30 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, (310) 376-9833; thelighthousecafe.net.

MANIFESTIV: 7 p.m., $5. Doll Hut, 107 S. Adams St., Anaheim, (714) 533-1286.

TUESDAY, JUNE 21

THE ADICTS: 8 p.m., $25. The Yost Theater,

307 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; yosttheater.com.

BLACKBURN COUNTRY: 9 p.m., free. The Lighthouse Cafe, 30 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, (310) 376-9833; thelighthousecafe.net.

FREQUENCY WITHIN: 8 p.m., free. Pie Dog, 229 E Commonwealth Ave., Ste. A, Fullerton, (714) 681-1298; piedogfullerton.com.

HIDDEN HOSPITALS: 8 p.m., free. The Slidebar Rock-

N-Roll Kitchen, 122 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-7469; slidebarfullerton.com.

MESS: 9 p.m., free. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

MIC DANGEROUSLY: 8 p.m., free. Gallagher’s Pub & Grill, 2751 E. Broadway, Long Beach, (562) 856-8000; gallagherslongbeach.com.

RADNEY FOSTER: 7:30 p.m., $15-$150. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 592-1321; donthebeachcomber.com.

RON KOBAYASHI TRIO: 6:30 p.m., free. Port Restaurant and Bar, 440 Heliotrope Ave., Corona Del Mar, (949) 723-9685; portcdm.com.

SONGWRITER’S @ SUNSET: 8 p.m., $10. Schooner at Sunset, 16821 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 430-3495; schooneratsunset.com.

WILFAX: 9 p.m., free. Marine Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

WORDOVMOUTH: 8 p.m. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22

THE ADICTS: 8 p.m., $25. The Yost Theater, 307 N.

Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; yosttheater.com.

BACK CATALOG: 9 p.m., free. Kitsch Bar, 891 Baker St.,

Ste. A10, Costa Mesa, (714) 546-8580; kitschbar.com.

BILL MAGEE: 7:30 p.m., $5. Mozambique, 1740 S. Coast

Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 715-7777; mozambiqueoc.com.

BLACK SHEEP (DJS): 10 p.m., $8. La Cave, 1695 Irvine

Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

CAITLIN LUCIA: 9 p.m., free. Marine Room Tavern,

214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

DEREK BORDEAUX BAND: 7 p.m., free. Original

Mike’s, 100 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-7764; originalmikes.com.

DONAVON FRANKENREITER: 8 p.m. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com.

MOBILE DEATHCAMP: 8 p.m., $7. Blacklight District Lounge, 2500 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach.

OPEN VINYL NIGHT: 9:30 p.m., free. Diego’s Rock-NRoll Bar & Eats, 220 E. Third St., Santa Ana, (888) 8629573; rockandrollbardtsa.com.

RUSS: 9 p.m., $15. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com.

THURSDAY, JUNE 23

ANDREW BLOOM: 7:30 p.m., $5. Mozambique,

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BUCK-O-NINE: 8 p.m., free. The Slidebar Rock-N-Roll Kitchen, 122 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 871-7469; slidebarfullerton.com.

CRYWOLF: 9:30 p.m., $15. The Yost Theater, 307 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana, (888) 862-9573; yosttheater.com.

DEADLY SHAKES: 9 p.m., $5. Alex’s Bar, 2913 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach, (562) 434-8292; alexsbar.com.

DW3: 8 p.m., $25. Spaghettini Rotisserie & Grill, 3005 Old Ranch Pkwy., Seal Beach, (562) 596-2199; spaghettini.com.

IGNITE THE NIGHT: 5 p.m., free. Life Time Athletic Laguna Niguel, 25600 Rancho Niguel Rd., Laguna Niguel, (949) 238-2700; lifetimefitness.com.

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JOHN DOE BAND: 8 p.m. Don the Beachcomber, 16278 Pacific Coast Hwy., Huntington Beach, (562) 5921321; donthebeachcomber.com.

METRO BOOMIN: 8 p.m., $15. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

MONKEY FINGER: 9 p.m., free. Marine Room Tavern, 214 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3027.

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Diapers and Peepers I’ve been dating a nice guy for a month or so. Sex is good, and we’re faulty compatible in other ways, too. He told me he likes to wear diapers. He said he doesn’t want me to do it with him, but that every once in a while, he likes to wear them because it makes him feel “safe.” He said this odd behavior isn’t sexual for him, but I have trouble believing him. I’m not sure how I feel about this. He also said that it embarrasses him and he wishes it wasn’t something he needed. If you have any insight into what to ask him or how to make sure I can keep him satisfied sexually as we move forward (if we do), it would be appreciated.

Do I Ask Pooper Everything Respectfully, Sir?

According to the Tumblr Blog Decoder Ring that came in my last box of Kellogg’s Feelios, CASH, you’re bi-classic (attracted to men and women), bi-romantic (could be with a man or a woman), a sort of demisexual/sapiosexual hybrid (demis are attracted to people they’ve bonded with emotionally, sapios are attracted to people who are intelligent, and vibrancy may fall at some point between the two), and maybe falling somewhere on the asexuality spectrum. The best way to discover who/what works for you is to get out there. If you find yourself feeling confused, just remind yourself that confusion—as with so much else—is a spectrum. And wherever you fall on it, CASH, know you’ve got plenty of company.

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A local park in Seattle often hosts gay men engaging in sexual activities. As a straight female, I love watching man-on-man sex and really wanted to check out this park. I stopped by at night and noticed “cruising” going on but no sexual activity.

I decided to try on a busy Saturday night, and sure enough, I saw a man giving a BJ to another man. I scared the men—they stopped their activities and left the park when they saw me watching—and I felt bad. I feel like I should have said something like “Don’t let me stop you!” and then perhaps been able to watch. What are my options here?

Peculiar And Rare Kink Two options: Dress up like a dude and pass yourself off as one of the guys/park-pervs—guys into man-on-man public sex usually aren’t adverse to being observed by other male park-pervs—or stay home and watch gay porn on the Internet until you’ve homicided love.

(Porn kills love—so says the Mormon Church, so you know it’s true.)

As for the two guys who knocked it off when they spotted you: They either thought you were a cop (it’s illegal to be in Seattle parks after closing, and it’s extra illegal to have sex in a public park after hours) or that you might be shocked or annoyed. Most park-pervs go out of their way to be discreet for their own safety (avoiding gay bashers or arrest) and out of consideration for late-night dog walkers, restless insomniacs, stargazers, et al.

One last reason they may have pulled up their pants: They weren’t interested in performing for you.

Gay and bi men who have sex in parks—many of them straight-identified—aren’t there to perform for pervy straight ladies. But I’m not going to scold you (even at the risk of being scolded myself), PARK, because park-pervs risk being observed by other members of the public—and women are members of the public, too, and just as entitled to get their perv on in a public park as they are.

But if you don’t want the guys to pull up their pants and flee at the sight of you, PARK, pull together an outfit that gives you a dude-ish silhouette.

SPEAKING OF ABDL: Residents of Mount Prospect, Illinois, are upset about a new shop that caters to diaper-lovers in their community. Tykables sells grown-up-size diapers, rocking chairs and cribs.

The Chicago Tribune reports that some residents are uncomfortable because the shop—which has no signage and soon-to-be-frosted windows—is near schools, parks and other places where “children gather.” Mount Prospect is a suburb, so there are schools or parks near just about everything. And there’s a gun shop a couple of blocks away from a large public park and an elementary school—and no one ever walked into a school and started diapering students to death. Maybe worry about the real threat to your kids, Mount Prospect?

On the Lovecast (savagelovecast.com), Tracy ClarkFlory on the plight of the virtuous pedophile. Contact Dan via email at mail@savagelove.net, and follow him on Twitter: @fakedansavage.

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I’m an incredibly confused man in my early 20s. I’m attracted to men and women. I could see spending my life with either. But I think sexual activity with either sex would be confusing and strange. In sex ed, I always thought the whole idea of sexual intercourse was strange. I don’t think I’m asexual, but I’m not sure if I am bisexual. I am more attracted to vibrant personalities. I don’t think I am just straight or just gay because I have equal feelings for both sexes. Does this mean I could find equal companionship with both? Should I wait until I find the right person and decide from there?

Confused About Sexuality, Help

» DAN SAVAGE

Ju ne 17-23, 20 16

You shouldn’t assume (contra your sign-off) that Potential New Boyfriend (PNB) is pooping his diapers. Most guys who are ABDL (adult baby/diaper lover) are interested only in wetting themselves, if that. (Some only wear, never fill.) It sounds as if PNB is struggling with kink- and/or sex-shame, DIAPERS, and the assumption you’ve made about the extent of his diaper play might put him on the defensive. Even if your assumption is accurate, it could still put him on the defensive.

Moving on . . .

You have a hard time believing PNB when he says there’s nothing sexual about his interest in diapers, and that makes two of us. Seeing as he’s already succumbed to shame where his kink is concerned—or it might be more accurate to say he hasn’t dug himself out from under the shame almost all kinksters struggle with initially—he is very likely weighed down by the sex-negativity that comes bundled with kink-shame. So he may have told you there’s nothing sexual about his thing for diapers because he thinks it makes his diapers seem less sordid.

That said, DIAPERS, “this makes me feel safe” and “this makes my dick hard” aren’t mutually exclusive phenomena. Both can be true. (And if diapers really do make adults feel safe—and I wanna see data on that—we could rebrand them as “portable individual safe spaces” and make them available at our better universities.)

Another clue there’s something sexual about this thing for diapers: not wanting you around while he wears them. Maybe diapers are something he enjoys wearing during alone time, or maybe the sight of him in diapers makes the sexual aspect hard to deny. (“Is that an enormous rattle in your diaper, or are you just happy to see me?”)

I would advise you to say some vaguely affirming things (“Your diaper thing doesn’t bother me, and wouldn’t even if it were sexual”) without pressuring him to include you at diaper time. Don’t rush things—relationship-wise or diaper-wise—and focus on establishing a mutually satisfying sexual rapport/repertoire.

P.S. I think you meant “fairly compatible” not “faulty compatible.” Normally, I would correct a mistake like this before printing a letter—but I rather liked your accidental phrase. A loving and functional-butimperfect relationship—really the best we can hope for—could be described as faulty compatible.

SAVAGELOVE

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To qualify for an adjustment, any error must be reported within 15 days of publication date. Credit for errors is limited to first insertion. Drawings, artwork and articles for reproduction are accepted only at the advertiser’s risk and should be clearly marked to facilitate their return. The OC Weekly reserves the right to revise its advertising rates at any time. Announcements of an increase shall be made four weeks in advance to contract advertisers. No verbal agreement altering the rates and/or the terms of this rate card shall be recognized.

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NOTICE OF INTENDED TRANSER PURSUANT TO CALIFORNIA CIVIL CODE SECTION 3440.1 (H)(2): —NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN— That Mission Viejo Ornamental Iron, Inc., Transferor, whose address 29702 Avenida de las Banderas, Rancho Santa Margarita, CA, intends to transfer the personal property described below to Westview Spectrum Apartments, LLC, Transferee, Whose address is 550 Newport Center Drive, Newport, CA, on or after 05/25/16, Note: Publication must be complete not less than 10 days before the date of transfer, Civ. Code § 3440.1(h)(2)].

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Rentals Mission Viejo Ornamental Iron, Inc., 29702 Avenida de las Banderas Rancho Santa Margarita, Ca 92688

Hand N Hand: Legally Permitted Collective hnhpc.org | 657.229.4464 | 2400 Pullman St. Suite #B Santa Ana, CA

June 17- 2 3, 20 16

The personal property is currently stored and located at 29702 Avenida de las Banderas, Rancho Santa Margarita, CA and will remain at that location following transfer. The personal property to be transferred generally consists of the following: Ornamental iron works including balconies, stairs, steps, fencing, rails.

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| Westcation Summer Travel Issue

Behavioral Research Specialists, LLC is currently conducting studies in the Los Angeles area and is always looking for Volunteers. Some studies may provide compensation for travel and time. Sleep/ Diabetes/Pain/Psychiatry/ Depression//Schizophrenia/ Bipolar/Anxiety/ADHD (Adolescent)/Alzheimer’s If you or some you know would like to participate, contact BRS at (888) 255-5798

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2975 Red Hill Avenue,CIR, SuiteFOUNTAIN 150 | CostaVALLEY, Mesa, CA 92626 | 714.550.5940 | free online ads & photos at oc.backpage.com 18475 BANDILIER CA 92708 | 714.550.5947 | OCWEEKLY.COM

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SAFE ACCESS DIRECTORY

129

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