Man2Man#7

A HEALTH AND LIFESTYLE RESOURCE FOR MEN IN2 MEN FREE! ISSUE #7 - MARCH 2011

In This Issue:

Negotiating Relationships Opposites Attract Online Safety

Cruising & Connecting Online What’s Really Happening Online This research survey entitled “Cruising and Connecting Online – The Use of Internet Chat Sites by Gay Men in Sydney & Melbourne” investigates online chat sites as environments in which Australian gay communityattached men socialize and look for sex partners. The principal findings both support and refute common beliefs and existing research about how gay chat sites (GCS) are used by gay men. A summary of the overall findings of this study is detailed below.

Gay Chat Sites as Sex Environments Chat sites are regarded as supporting a range of sex-seeking practices by gay men, providing a fast and efficient medium through which men can locate one another for sex.

The results of this study support the idea that gay men have successfully taken up Internet technology in order to find other men for sex, but they also indicate that GCS are not just used to find casual sex partners.

While around 60% of men in the study reported finding casual sex partners online and nearly 30% had met a regular sex partner, almost a quarter had found a boyfriend or long-term partner through a gay chat site.

The medium of chat sites therefore appears to be conducive to arranging both short-term encounters and more enduring sexual relationships.

While we are finding out more about how chat sites are imagined and incorporated into the sexual worlds of gay men, there is clearly still a great deal to understand, particularly about how the technology both supports existing sexual practices and generates unforeseen ones.

Chat Sites and Risk Chat sites are often represented in the media and some of the research literature as potential ‘risk environments’. The growing popularity of GCS and the speed and ease with which men can find each other online has led some to foresee an explosion of risk-taking behaviour ‘caused’ by (or at least associated with) Internet sex-seeking.

The rapid emergence of sex-seeking in cyberspace seems to have troubled many educators and researchers, who are concerned that gay men will forget safer sex practices when they log on, or that prevention messages may not ‘transfer’ to the online medium. We have tried to avoid a view of online sex-seeking as inherently problematic or risky as this seems to preclude discussion about unproblematic or normalized Internet sex-seeking, and the potential opportunities of chat sites for riskreduction and prevention efforts

Our analysis of Australian Gay Community Periodic Survey data showed that, amongst other things, Internet sex-seekers seem to have a greater number of sexual partners overall than other gay communityattached men. The fact that Internet sex-seeking is associated with an increased number of sexual partners is perhaps not surprising in itself.

Given that the medium is renowned for speed, efficiency and anonymity, GCS are likely to: a) attract men who are already adept at cruising for sex and want to add the Internet to their sex-seeking repertoire; and b) provide a space in which men who lack confidence in other cruising environments can find partners more easily. It should also be borne in mind that an increased number of partners does not necessarily mean an increase in risky or unsafe behaviour— the analysis of Periodic Survey data did not find an association between increased risk practice (such as UAI-C) and internet sex-seeking.

In the chat sites survey, rates of UAI-C varied according to HIV serostatus, with nearly three quarters of HIVpositive men, a third of HIV negative men and a quarter of untested men reporting any UAI-C in the previous six months. We have suggested that this variation by serostatus might indicate a deliberate strategy of using the Internet to find seroconcordant partners for sex without condoms, particularly by HIV-positive men.

Chat Sites as Social Environments Perhaps running contrary to the popular image of the Internet as a sex environment or a space of risk, a number of findings of the study indicate that GCS are important social spaces for significant numbers of gay men.

Nearly 60% of men in the study said they had made ‘real life’ or offline friends through GCS, and nearly 50% had made online friends or chat buddies. Over a fifth of men said that they were not using GCS to look for sex partners at the time of the survey. The findings that a substantial minority of users were not looking for sex when online and a majority of users had made friends

through chat sites indicate that the online environment probably supports a range of social activities (such as chatting, exchanging information and keeping up with community gossip and news) and is conducive to developing non-sexual relationships with other users Nevertheless, chat sites may be useful in maintaining a sense of community engagement for gay men who can already be regarded as community attached, and offer a social space without the expectation of alcohol consumption or the use of other drugs. For other gay men who may be socially or geographically isolated, or for those who are ‘coming out’ or exploring their sexuality, GCS may also be significant in providing a ‘visibly’ queer space and the opportunity to connect with other gay men (while also retaining anonymity if they so choose). Research on the use of the Internet by Australian same-sex-attracted youth highlights the important role that gay online environments increasingly play in combating isolation, providing support and friendship, and in the

development of affirmative gay (and lesbian) identities Developing Online Competence It seems clear to us that many of the gay men who participated in Cruising and connecting online are highly literate Internet users, making full and regular use of Internet technology and GCS to find and connect with other gay men. Many users expressed confidence and satisfaction with their use of GCS, feeling that GCS enabled them to find partners more easily, to find out more about men before they met them, and to negotiate the kind of sex they wanted. Participants also indicated that chat sites could be used as way to disclose HIV status or to seek out seroconcordant partners for sex.

If we accept that GCS have become important spaces in which gay men establish social and sexual connections with each other, and that they are useful in sustaining affirmative gay identities and a healthy range of sexual expression for many men, then the patterns of chat site usage we have identified suggest opportunities for outreach and education.

These study results were kindly reproduced with permission from the National Centre in HIV Social Research

REFERENCE * Cruising and Connecting Online – The Use of Internet Chat Sites

by Gay Men in Sydney and Melbourne Dean Murphy1 Patrick Rawstorne1 Martin Holt1 Dermot Ryan2 1 National Centre in HIV Social Research 2 Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations

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EDITORIAL We l c o m e back to Man2Man after what we hope was a safe and enjoyable summer break. In this special issue we focus on different aspects of sexual negotiation.

We highlight some of the important findings from two recent research studies – one relating to sexual agreements among gay couples, and the other relating to cruising and connecting online.

We also interview a serodiscordant couple about their relationship and how they negotiate sex safely.

Lastly, we also touch base on the important topic of male sexual assault. Until next time happy reading and stay safe!

Brian Morris – Editor Man2Man 03 6234 1242 m2m@tascahrd.org.au GPO Box 595, Hobart Tasmania 7001 DEFINITIONS: Serodiscordant is a term used to describe a couple in which one partner is HIV positive and the other is HIV negative.

Seroconcordant is the term used to describe a couple in which both partners are of the same HIV status (i.e. both are HIV positive or both are HIV negative).

Views expressed in Man2Man are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of TasCAHRD.

Man2Man is produced by David Williams on behalf of TasCAHRD. For production enquiries call 0459 786 285 or email dkqwilliams@ gmail.com

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Male Sexual Assault in Men Who Have Sex With Men Men who have sex with men are at higher risk of sexual assault (SA) and it is likely that men who do not identify with the gay community are at increased risk because of their social need for increased privacy and anonymity.

A recent Sydney study found almost one in four gay-community-attached men reported lifetime SA and the incidence was significantly higher among those who had reported a previous SA. The predictors of SA were associated with those on pensions, aboriginality, more lifetime sexual partners and higher risk sexual behaviors such as unprotected receptive anal sex and multiple partners.

Male sexual assault is common, but under-reported in literature, statistics and support programs.

The estimates around male SA are highly variable as they depend on differing populations, definitions and reporting requirements.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey 2005 defined SA against men to include acts of a sexual nature carried out against a person’s will through the use of physical force, intimidation or coercion.

The ABS Survey found that 0.6 percent of men over 18 years experienced SA, and that 44 percent of these men experienced SA by a family member or friend in the most recent incident, 35 percent by another known person and 33 percent by a stranger. 5.5 percent of men reported experiencing sexual violence since the age of 15.

Mike Lew once wrote that male sexual abuse remains veiled in myth and misinformation.

Some myths linger: sexual abuse of boys are perpetrated by homosexual men; most perpetrators of sexual abuse are also ‘victims’; boys are willing participants and enjoy the sexual experience; boys are less traumatised by sexual abuse than girls; abused boys grow up to be homosexuals; males can protect themselves from sexual abuse;

males initiate the sexual encounters; and erection and ejaculation imply consent to the sexual assault.

It is now known that these statements are all not true.

Sexual assault may cause a range of emotional, behavioural, psychological, sexual, spiritual and social responses.

Men may experience a range of adverse psychological (shock, disbelief, insecurity, anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, feeling sad, depressed, suicidal or worthless) and psychosexual (erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation, low libido, and the opposite) effects. Other forms of violence also happen with sexual assault and may trigger unwanted memories of past abuses.

Men who experience SA need: to be believed, listened too, feel safe and regain control over their daily life.

They also need non-judgemental attitudes, understanding, useful information, support, crisis counselling and follow up.

It can help to collect forensic evidence and screen for STIs, and consider post-exposure treatment.

For men who experience sexual assault: a visible erection and ejaculation does not imply consent or enjoyment; SA can interrupt your sex role socialisation and identity, ‘have I become less than a real man?’ or ‘Am I gay?; men tend to externalise their anger while minimizing their abuse and self victimizing (I’m fine!); male specific services and information are limited; men have less understanding about being a victim and this may cause them to shift their anger onto women; men face the myth that being victimised means being weak or feminine; men have concerns about becoming a perpetrator; SA reinforces the negative assumptions, myths and stereotypes about men and increases homophobia.

Any form of sexual assault is a crime!

The perpetrator or offender is generally someone known and trusted!

Perpetrators are the very people we least expect. While the majority of perpetrators are men, women also commit such crimes. Prisoners are also at higher risk of sexual abuse, harassment and rape.

“Our culture provides no room for a man to be a victim as men are simply not supposed to be victimized”,

There is a public silence surrounding male sexual abuse: How do perpetrators abuse so easily and appear not to get caught? Why does our community allow sexual abuse to flourish? How is this social collusion possible? And, how do we prevent sexual abuse?

Mike Lew

Getting help! Over the past 18 years, I have worked with many men who reported SA and in nearly all cases men want their stories to be told.

Men live with sexual abuse in many ways: some survive well, some lock it away; some struggle with the trauma, some seek assistance and some take their life. It takes courage to share a story of sexual abuse.

It helps to trust in your own knowledge and survival skills. Take care of yourself and move at your own pace, make sure you have a secure safety net around you before reviewing any form of the abuse experience and have someone who can advocate on your behalf.

In memory of those men who could survive no longer!

Dr Glen Curran, CNC, PhD Tasmanian Sexual Health Service

USEFUL RESOURCES LIVING WELL - a resource for men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault and for their supporters www.livingwell.org.au RAINBOW NETWORK – gay & bisexual male survivors of sexual abuse www.rainbownetwork.org.au

AUSTRALIAN CENTRE FOR THE STUDY OF SEXUAL ASSAULT www.aifs.gov. au/acssa/research/ malesurvivors.php

SUPPORT SERVICES SEXUAL ASSAULT SUPPORT SERVICE Tel: 6231 1817 (24hr Crisis Sexual Assault Service) www.sass.org.au LAUREL HOUSE Tel: 6334 2740 www.laurelhouse.org.au

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Gay Men & HIV Disclosure INTRODUCTION Anonymous or casual sex is a significant part of the lives of many gay men. While having sex without disclosing you HIV status is against the law in some Australian states, in practice, disclosure under these circumstances does not always happen.

THE DISCLOSURE DILEMMA Many positive men have been rejected upon disclosing to potential partners and some threatened with physical violence. That is why some men use a non-verbal form of disclosure by insisting on safe sex. Often, simply reaching for the condom at the appropriate time is enough. This method does have its pitfalls because an HIV-positive gay man may assume his partner is also positive because he doesn’t insist on condoms, while a negative gay man may assume his partner is negative for the very same reason.

Some men will make assumptions about their partner’s status based on how they look. Basing sexual decisions on how a person looks is never a foolproof strategy. There is no easy way to disclose your HIV status to your sexual partners or any guarantee they will respond positively. When it comes to relationships, however, most positive men

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who choose to disclose early in the relationship find that their partner is supportive. The dilemma is: when does a casual partner become a potential relationship? In an ideal world we would all disclose and all our partners would be supportive. But in the real world: Disclosing can lead to rejection which can sometimes be traumatic. There’s no guarantee the person you disclose to will respect your confidentiality. He may become upset or angry. He may want to talk about it and you might not want to play the role of a counsellor or educator at that time.

REASONS FOR DISCLOSING Some HIV-negative gay men believe that it is the sole responsibility of gay men with HIV to disclose their status before having sex. There have been successful prosecutions brought against men in Australia for knowingly transmitting HIV. But, there are more personal reasons for disclosing early: It’s a quick way to find out if you want to get to know the person better.If you think that you are eventually going to tell someone you’ve met, the longer you delay it, the harder it can become – and the more resentment you might have to deal with. You might be seeking other positive partners.

It makes it more likely that you’ll stick to practising sex that’s safe for you and your partner.If a condom breaks, you’ve at least told him first of the potential risks.

TIMING With sexual partners timing can be important. It can be difficult to talk about HIV when you have only just met someone, but putting it off may cause problems later. If your partner does find out later on but can’t accept it, it may be more upsetting for both of you. If you’ve just met someone, you might not feel that you know enough about them to anticipate their reaction, or judge whether they’ll respect your privacy.

You might be in a bar, a party or another place where it feels out of place to talk about HIV. Some people go to a more neutral environment, arrange to meet up later or decide to talk about HIV once they’ve got to know the person better.

Other people drop HIV into the conversation very early on, in a very casual and matter-of-fact way, so that if the other person can’t accept it, no time is lost. Some people drop hints about HIV or try to guess the status of their partner. But these judgements are not always accurate.

TELLING YOUR CURRENT PARTNER If you’ve just been diagnosed with HIV and you are already in a relationship, there will be the question of telling (or not telling) your partner. The news could introduce new concerns and pressures into your relationship. Your partner may be worried about his own health and may want to have an HIV test or think again about the sex you have. Some people face particularly difficult situations. You may live with your partner and be worried about losing your home.

Or you may be afraid of domestic problems or violence. HIV is a fact these days, particularly gay men’s lives and responsibilities in any sexual encounter are always shared responsibilities. So, be bold and remember it’s his problem if he can’t deal with it.

understand what they need to do to avoid putting others at risk of HIV infection. In unusual cases of a person not managing their behaviour and putting others at risk of HIV infection, states and territories are able to make public health orders. Although infrequently used, these orders may include restrictions on a person’s behaviour and in rare instances, may include detention. Additional to public health orders, there are specific public health laws that may be applied to any person who transmits HIV or exposes another person to HIV transmission.

to HIV or transmits HIV may be found guilty of a criminal offence. Relevant criminal laws vary greatly between states and in each state, possible charges differ according to the circumstances involved. In summary, generally criminal law offences carry far weightier punishment than public health offences even though they may be applied to similar behaviours.

In most instances, charges are not HIV specific but relate to a person having acted dangerously. Charges and penalties vary depending on the circumstances involved and particularly, whether the act occurred intentionally, recklessly or negligently.

THE LAW & HIV TRANSMISSION There are numerous laws and regulations in place to address instances of people who put others at risk of HIV transmission. These laws vary between states and territories, however, in every state and territory two systems apply: public health and criminal law.

Tasmania A person who is aware of being HIV positive must inform, in advance, any sexual contact or person with whom needles are shared of the fact. HIV positive persons are also required to take “all reasonable measures and precautions” to prevent the transmission of HIV to others and must not knowingly or recklessly place another person at risk of contracting the disease. However, it is a defence if the other person knew of and voluntarily accepted the risk of contracting HIV.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER RELATIONSHIPS, INTIMACY, THE LAW AND DISCLOSURE Disclosure can, in some circumstances, be beneficial, serving as a way of accessing support, of minimising depression and isolation, of improving physical health and regaining a sense of control of your life. Deciding how and when to tell someone you are HIV positive is a personal and sometimes difficult decision. Talking to a counsellor or a friend on how to approach disclosure can be helpful.

Public Health Every state and territory has a public health system designed to help people

Criminal Law In certain instances, an HIV positive person who exposes another person

This factsheet was kindly provided with permission from the Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations (AFAO)

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TASMANIAN GLBTI SERVICES AND GROUPS STATEWIDE Antidiscrimination Commission Assist in pursuing claims of discrimination on grounds of sexuality, gender identity etc. Located at Level 1, 54 Victoria Street Hobart.

PHONE: 03 6233 4841 OR 1300 305 062 EMAIL: antidiscrimination@justice.tas. gov.au WEB: www.antidiscrimination.tas.gov. au Bi-Tasmania Social and support group for bisexual Tasmanians CONTACT: 0401 054 003 Country Network Offers hospitality and friendship among rural GLBTI people to assist overcoming their social isolation.

CONTACT: Dave Arnold on 03 6228 4166 www.countrynetwork.com.au secretary@countrynetwork.com.au Galstays Choices for the gay and lesbian traveler. Visit www.galstays.com.au GALTA Australia’s gay & lesbian tourism organisation. Visit www.galta.com.au Gay & Lesbian Travel Association Tasmania (GALTAT) Representing the gay and lesbian travel accommodation providers in Tasmania. Visit www.galtat.com Gay & Lesbian Switchboard Confidential peer-based telephone counselling, information and referral service specifically for the GLBTI communities of Victoria & Tasmania.

PHONE: 1800 184 527 WEB: www.switchboard.org.au Gay Info Line 24hr recorded message service funded

by GLC Centre PHONE: 03 6234 8179 GayTAS Website The leading gay online newspaper & information source for the Tasmanian GLBTI community. Visit http:// gaytas.e-p.net.au GAYunities New social networking site for the Tasmanian gay community. Visit www. gayunities.com Indeed Supporting Tasmania’s relationship registry.

EMAIL: indeedrelationships@gmail. com WEB: www.relationshipstasmania. org.au/indeed.html

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League of Gentlefellows Regional social events for rainbow people in a safe and caring environment.

PHONE: Julian Punch on 03 6239 6606 or John Perry on 03 6223 6003 EMAIL: julian@logtas.org WEB: www.logtas.org MAN2MAN Program Program run by TasCAHRD which aims to prevent the spread of HIV & STI’s among gay men and other men who have sex with men. This program incorporates the MAN2MAN magazine, MAN2MAN online outreach, volunteer program, venue outreach, as well as information & support. You will also find us in your favourite chatroom.

PHONE: 03 6234 1242 or 1800 005 900 EMAIL: m2m@tascahrd.org.au WEB: m2mtas.com Outright Youth Group Group offering social events for young rainbow people in a safe and caring environment. Contact Scott Ryan or Connie Lavicka at scott@logtas.org for more details Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays (PFLAG) Currently do not have a Tasmanian representative but information is available at from the following; EMAIL: pflagtas@yahoo.com.au WEB: www.pflagaustralia.org.au QueerTas Tasmania’s GLBTI Yahoo group.

WEB: queertas-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.au Relationships Tasmania Info about the deed of relationships www.relationshipstasmania.org.au S.A.F.E Spirituality and Faith Exploration meet fortnightly for LGBTI people who wish to explore their spirituality.

CONTACT: Joc - 03 6228 6715 EMAIL: safetas@gmail.com WEB: www.care2.com/c2c/group/ safetas Same Sex Travel A directory of same sex operated accommodation properties throughout Australia and New Zealand.

WEB: www.samesextravel.com Sexual Health Service Offers counselling, support, referrals and STI & HIV testing.

HOBART - 03 6233 3557 DEVONPORT - 03 6421 7759 BURNIE - 03 6434 6315 LAUNCESTON - 03 6336 2216 FREECALL NUMBER - 1800 675 859 EMAIL sexual.health@dhhs.tas.gov.au

TasCAHRD Tasmanian Council on AIDS, Hepatitis & Related Diseases including the MAN2MAN Program.

PHONE: 03 6234 1242 FREECALL INFORMATION LINE 1800 005 900 (9am - 5pm) EMAIL: mail@tascahrd.org.au WEB: www.tascahrd.org.au Tasmanian Council for Sexual and Gender Diverse People Inc Supporting GLBTI people to come out with pride and live in their communities as fully respected and participating members SOUTH: Brian Doran (Greater Hobart) brian@logtas.org or Jo Goodman (Kingborough/Huon) on jo@logtas.org NORTH: Donald Mc Donald (Greater Launceston/East Coast) on donmac@ logtas.org NORTHWEST: Wilfred Laycock (NW/ West Coast CLC) on wilfred@logtas.org WEB: www.comingoutproud.org Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group (TGLRG) Is a community-based organisation campaigning for LGBTI human rights in Tasmania. TGLRG also have a stall at the Salamanca Markets every Saturday.

CONTACT 03 6224 3556 EMAIL rodney.croome@tglrg.org WEB: www.tglrg.org Tasmania Police LGBTI Liaison Officer’s HOBART – 03 6230 2111 LAUNCESTON – 03 6336 7000 NORTH WEST – 03 6434 5211 WEB: www.police.tas.gov.au/community/community-policing/lgbt_liaison_officers TasPride An organisation dedicated to celebrating and uniting the Tasmanian GLBTI community as well as bringing you the annual TasPride Festival. See GLC Centre for contact details.

WEB: www.taspride.com Working It Out Tasmania’s sexuality and gender support and education service which also provides counselling and support for LGBTI Tasmanians, their friends & family. Coordinate and implement antihomophobia & diversity education & training programs in schools, workplaces, government & NGO’s SOUTH – Ph: 03 6231 1200; Email: south@workingitout.org.au NORTH – Ph: 03 6334 4013; Email: north@workingitout.org.au NORTH-WEST – Ph: 03 6432 3643; Email: northwest@workingitout.org.au WEB – www.workingitout.org.au

Working It Out Rainbow Support & Discussion Groups Support and discussion groups held statewide by Working It Out for GLBTI people HOBART – 0438 346 122 or info@workingitout.org.au LAUNCESTON – Sharon 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au DEVONPORT - Sharon 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au BURNIE - Sharon 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au Yahoo Tasmanian GLBTI Groups (Queertas, gayhobart, tassiecasualfun, womenupnorth, bitasmania, Allsortsqueeryouth, qsoc_tasmania, gaytassieguys, triplegtas, Tasgayguys, GayTasmania, taswomen2women) http://groups.yahoo.com SOUTHERN Borderlines Hobart’s queer radio show every Monday at 10-12am on Edge Radio 99.3FM Flamingos Dance Bar Tasmania’s weekly club committed to providing a tolerant, safe, informative and fun environment for people of alternative sexualities and their friends to be able to enjoy themselves and socialize in a non-threatening environment. Located at 201 Liverpool Street, Hobart. Online at www.flamingosbar. com and www.myspace.com/flamingosbar Gay and Lesbian Community Centre Inc (GLC Centre) GLC Centre or TasPride is Tasmania’s GLBTI social and community development group. A member-based organisation, GLC produces the TasPride Festival, hosts regular events, provides the Gay Information Line, and publishes a regular bulletin. Contact on info@taspride.com or online at www. taspride.com Hobart Social Events Group Through Working It Out Hosts regular social events and dinners for GLBTI people CONTACT: Marcus on 0457 071 646 EMAIL: macdougall_60@hotmail.com or info@workingitout.org.au Les Girls Hobart GLBTI night club located at 101 Harrington Street, Hobart (formerly Mangoes Bar). With drag shows every weekend. Open every Friday & Saturday night. Free entry to all GLC members on display of membership card.

WEB: http://www.myspace.com/ lesgirlshobart or http://lesgirlshobart. blogspot.com EMAIL: xshowgirl@hotmail.com

QSOC The Queer Uni Students Society in Hobart contactable via email at queerep@yahoo.com.au QSOC South UTAS Queer Students on Campus. Contact on: qsoc_south@hotmail.com Queery UTAS GLBTI Social Group New UTAS social group for queer students on campus and open to other GLBTI people which meet regularly at the UTAS Queer Space CONTACT: Alex West EMAIL: akwest@utas.edu.au or queerrep@hotmail.com Rodney Croome – Gay Activist - Web Blog www.rodneycroome.id.au Tasmania University Union (TUU) Sexuality Officer CONTACT: Alex West on akwest@utas. edu.au or queerrep@hotmail.com Wellington Wanderers GLBTIQ activity group which runs a year-round program of events.

CONTACT: 0447 225 682 or 03 6223 2690 POST: GPO Box 1872, Hobart Tas 7001 EMAIL: wellingtonwanderers@yahoo. com.au Working It Out Southern Trans Support & Discussion Group Social gathering for anyone in the trans family.

PHONE: Sharon on 0419 361 128 EMAIL: north@workingitout.org.au NORTHERN Allsorts Queer youth group meeting regularly in Launceston & Burnie through Working It Out North.

PHONE: 03 6334 4013 or 0419 361 128 EMAIL: north@workingitout.org.au Fruity Bits Launceston based email newsgroup.

PHONE: 03 6334 4013 EMAIL: north@workingitout.org.au Launceston GLBTI Social Events Group Through Working It Out Hosts regular social events and dinners for GLBTI people CONTACT: Sharon on 0419 361 128 EMAIL: north@workingitout.org.au Northern Tasmanian Men’s Meetup Launceston based discreet social group of gay and bisexual men and their friends who meet regularly for meals, BBQ’s, drinks and other events.

EMAIL: northern.meetup@hotmail. com or info@meetup.com POST: Launceston Meetup, PO Box

7666, Launceston Tas. 7250 Tas Unity An ecumenical support and study group for LGBTI people, their friends, families and supporters.

PHONE: Pat on 03 6344 2357 Transisters Community based social and support group for transgender women in Tasmania, meeting once a month in Launceston. WEB: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transisters/ NORTH-WEST Allsorts Queer youth group meeting regularly in Launceston & Burnie through Working It Out North West PHONE: 03 6432 3643 or 0419 361 128 EMAIL: northwest@workingitout.org. au Burnie Social Events Group Through Working It Out Hosts regular social events and dinners for GLBTI people CONTACT: Sharon on 0419 361 128 EMAIL: north@workingitout.org.au North West GLBTI-Friendly Youth Group For under 25’s meets fortnightly in Burnie.

PHONE: Sharon on 03 6432 3643 or 0419 361 128 EMAIL: northwest@workingitout.org. au North West Same Sex Attracted Men’s Group Group for over 18’s meets monthly in Burnie.

PHONE: Layne on 0439 733 277 EMAIL: ramonshoebridge@live.com. au EAST COAST ECQLS East Coast Queer Life Support Is a support association in the NE to coordinate and provide services and social activities for GLBTI people.

EMAIL: ecqlstasmania@gmail.com OR CHECK OUT www.ecqls.org GAY-FRIENDLY CAFES •DS Coffee House, Red Velvet Lounge, Fleurty’s Café, Restaurant Waterloo, Mummy’s, Citrus Moon Café, Lebrina, Kusina, The Alley Cat, Republic Bar, Criterion Café, Sirens, Lansdowne Café, Retro Café, Machine Laundry Café, Jackman and McCross, Magnolia Café, Groovy Penguin, Fresh on Charles, Deloraine Deli, Kabuki by the Sea, O’Keefe’s Hotel, Stonies Fifties Café, Fitzpatrick’s Inn, The King of Burnie Hotel, Around The Corner Cafe.

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SEXUAL AGREEMENTS WITHIN A SERODISCORDANT RELATIONSHIP: PERSONAL INTERVIEW Serodiscordant relationships are those in which one partner is HIV positive and the other HIV negative. In order to better understand the issues faced by couples in a serodiscordant relationship especially in connection with sexual negotiation within and outside the relationship, the Man2Man team interviewed Jason and Ethan who are currently in a serodiscordant relationship. This is what they had to say: We met at a beat and have been together for about 11 years now.

We share a house which we bought together.

One of the strengths of our relationship would have to be the commitment we have made to each other as a result of our strong love for each other. That is what keeps us together. As long as we have that commitment, to want to share a life together, it makes it easier to deal with the issues that invariably come our way. Another strength is the willingness to negotiate. It’s not necessarily compromising but trying to find a place with any issue that comes up that you can both live with.

Too many couples give up too easily wanting to stand their ground and not budge on an issue.

Of course these are just nuts and bolts of a relationship. So what brought us together in the first place? The realization of what we shared. Apart from having many common interests and tastes whether it be in food, music, film, etc., we also shared common values and beliefs which are just as important as whether we both like pizza or not.

One of the weaknesses of our relationship are some the differences in our individual character. One of us can be quite outgoing and social and the other can be quite introverted and shy. Sometimes this can make it difficult in certain social situations.

It’s not too difficult or too easy maintaining the relationship. Let’s just say that it does require work. If one is going to share one’s life with someone else then that other person needs to be always considered. We get a lot of satisfaction out of our relationship knowing someone to come home to

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after a hard day at work. It’s great having someone to share fantastic news with. We’re also grateful that we have each other to share our personal issues. Being together adds a lot to our life. As individuals we but being in a relationship adds a new dimension to our general happiness.

Our shared understanding of what we do in terms of sex sort of fell into place. Perhaps it is fortunate that we do agree on how we operate. Like many relationship we started off as a monogamous couple. After about 2 -3 years we felt that our love and commitment was strong enough that we could have sex outside this bond we shared but with certain conditions.

The main one being that any sexual encounter was to be just about sex without any emotional development occurring. This we decided would be avoided by another condition of only having random and one off sexual encounters.

Of course it is easier said than done and there had been times over the years that the agreement had been potentially strained. This has occurred when a random encounter could have easily turned into more than that when the stranger turned out to be quite special. In terms of safer sex practices we always practice safer sex within our relationship.

The HIV negative half of us always practices safer sex outside the relationship and the HIV positive half of us always practices safer sex with others of unknown HIV status but sometimes ditches the condom when with another known HIV positive guy.

We expect to continue this agreement in future but obviously needing to remain vigilant with our feelings and not get to infatuated with any “special” random encounter that comes along.

The benefit of having an agreement is that it can hold the relationship together since what is happening is what we both want. Our agreement has worked. It seems to work and we see no change in the foreseeable future. Who knows about long term future? We both have agreed however that we need to talk about it if, either of us do want to change the agreement at any stage.

We have practiced safer sex, using condoms when fucking since day 1.

It was something we decided to do as a way of ensuring HIV wouldn’t be passed on. There have been a few times when the desire is there to ditch the condoms particularly after a few drinks and wanting to increase the intimacy. Certain factors have flashed through our minds. Certain factors that make us feel that the risk isn’t too big.

“Undetectable viral load”. “We’ll just be quick”. “There’s always PEP”. Then we realize that this isn’t enough. The desire for an increase in intimacy can be strong but the fear of HIV transmission has been just too great to take that risk.

While there had been times for both of us where there has been potential for a desire to change the agreement, we both have resisted.

Fortunately we have never felt any negative impact on our relationship.

We have felt that our love and what makes our relationship is strong enough that the somewhat inconvenience in maintaining this agreement has never really negatively impacted on our relationship.

When it comes to other relationships, agreements about sex are probably common enough, particularly in the early stages. It’s whether couples follow their agreements to the letter along the way that probably doesn’t happen often enough. The main reason is probably the lack of communication.

We have friends who are varied in terms of sexuality, gender as well as being in a range of situations where they are single or partnered and some with children. In terms of how we see our place in that network is that we feel that we fit in. They wouldn’t be our friends in the first place if we didn’t feel that we were accepted by them.

We have a very supportive network of family as well. For example our relationship is just as accepted by our “in laws” as the relationships of our straight “married” siblings. We have many wonderful straight neighbours as well who are very accepting of who we are, including our relationship. We love each other very much and our vision is to stay together in the long term Interview by anonymous serodiscordant couple Jason & Ethan

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Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations

Man2Man Live & Local Dinners “Great opportunity to meet other guys and have a chat”

Man2Man Live & Local Dinners The Man2Man Program has started hosting small group informal dinner sessions, in order to provide an ideal opportunity for guys to meet other similar minded guys, in their local area.

“Venue nice and private, food and company excellent” These dinner sessions will take place in each quarter of the year, in all three regions of the state.

These dinner sessions are free and limited to between 10-15 attendees

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and are held in discrete and private settings in local cafes. The first group dinner sessions were held in Devonport, Launceston and Hobart in November and December last year.

These sessions allow men to discuss GLBTI health-related issues with the Man2Man Program staff as well as provide an opportunity for us to see what issues are of importance to guys living in different regional areas.

The first round of dinner sessions were a huge success and the MAN2MAN staff received valuable positive feedback on issues and concerns within the community. The next round of sessions are just about to get underway and the Man2Man program staff are expecting a larger turnout this time.

The next dinner sessions are in Launceston on the 22nd of February, in Burnie on the 23rd of February and in Hobart on the 2nd of March.

If you would like further information on these sessions or would like to register please contact Brian Morris on Tel 6234 1242 or email m2m@ tascahrd.org.au or visit the Man2Man website; www.m2mtas.com Article by Alistair Pinto, Man2Man Project Officer

“Good to get some health info and talk about GLBTI issues”

are you really sure he's hiv negative too?

If he has had sex without condoms since his last HIV test, he may have picked up, and be passing on HIV. One-third of all new HIV infections come from men who don’t even know they are HIV positive.

Some of the people most likely to pass on HIV may not even know they have it.

If you can’t be sure of his HIV status, use condoms and lube.

PAGE 13

SEXUAL AGREEMENTS AMONG GAY MALE COUPLES Agreements about whether or not to allow sex with outside partners are complex. The spectrum of agreement types couples may adopt is broad and in many cases there is substantial overlap in the ways couples conceptualize their agreements as well as what behaviors they allow.

Couples who report discrepant agreements present unique challenges to HIV prevention, as it is unclear exactly why partners may give different responses when asked whether or not, and to what degree, they allow sex with outside partners. It is also unclear what effect those discrepancies have on sexual behavior and HIV risk. Discrepancies may be the result of an agreement in transition.

Discrepancies could also be the result of the lack or absence of an agreement, which might be of particular importance where couples just beginning their relationships are concerned. However, more troublingly, discrepancies may be the result of dissatisfaction with the agreement or the relationship or communication difficulties between partners, which may increase HIV risk.

Motivations for having agreements about outside sex were also varied and HIV transmission and prevention were revealed to be a distant second in terms of the concerns couples vetted when they formed their agreements.

HIV rarely appeared in the participants’ discussions of their agreements and when it did, it was usually in the context of a reported benefit to having an agreement (e.g., some participants felt that a benefit to being monogamous was the ability to avoid HIV). Thus, HIV appeared most often as an afterthought, rather than an issue that was considered during the negotiation of that agreement.

When safer sex was discussed, what constituted “safe” sex with outside partners was, more often than not, rarely discussed in any detail. Furthermore, “safe” sex was frequently assumed or expected by most couples, but not agreed

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upon. On one hand, the fact that participants with agreements allowing sex with outside partners expected their partners to be safe suggests that taking precautions was the norm and therefore not worthwhile belaboring. On the other hand, the lack of detail to those agreements is worrisome given that it was not uncommon for partners to have discrepant definitions of “safe” and to act accordingly.

Most couples were motivated to have agreements because it benefited their relationship. For example, trusting one’s partner to be monogamous or to be safe with outside sex partners deepened the emotional bonds couples shared.

Agreements also provided boundaries, which supported couples in their knowledge of where they stood with each other. Those boundaries dealt not only with the couple relative to outside p a r t n e r s , they also extended into agr eements about safety, supporting the idea t h a t relationship dynamics are an important component of agreements.

F i n a l l y , agreements helped couples prioritize different aspects of their relationship.

Broken agreements were relatively common and affected just over half (56%) of the couples who participated. Disclosing broken agreements supported relationships by airing secrets and minimizing distance between partners.

The process of renegotiating broken agreements gave participants the opportunity to revisit their needs and desires with their partners and gave couples an

additional opportunity at making a clearer, more explicit agreement.

However, consistent with other studies, there were several instances reported where partners were not informed of a broken agreement.

Those who did not disclose broken agreements reported emotional distance from their partner and, to a lesser extent, concern over their own and their partner’s health.

There were noteworthy differences in agreements with regard to couple serostatus. Concordant negative couples were motivated to make agreements that allowed them to have unprotected sex with each other.

For most couples, this translated into having a monogamous agreement or requiring that outside sex was safe. Additionally, several concordant negative couples emphasized getting tested for HIV together, as testing represented a crucial step in the development of their relationship and agreements.

Trust featured prominently among negative couples: trust that they would remain monogamous and trust that sex outside the relationship was safe. Still, a few monogamous, concordant negative couples reported breaking their agreement and not disclosing it. Given that these couples have unprotected sex together, undisclosed broken agreements within this group may be particularly dangerous.

Concordant positive couples were more likely to have vague agreements with regard to specific sexual behaviors than concordant negative or discordant couples. In general, positive couples showed a great deal of concern for each others’ health and many vocalized their anxieties about HIV re-infection or super-infection and co-infection with other STDs. Discordant couples reported the most articulate and detailed agreements, including the specific sexual behaviors they could engage in with each other and with outside partners.

Discordant couples were also the most explicit about safety.

Discussions of safety were camped in two separate

but related concerns: keeping the HIV-negative partner negative and the HIV-positive partner healthy and free of other STDs. Several behavioral and epidemiological studies, however, report that most discordant couples occasionally engage in unprotected sex together and that having a known HIVpositive main partner is a predictor of seroconversion for HIV-negative individuals.

So, although discordant couples took care in establishing rules to keep sex safe, they may fall short in their ability to adhere to these rules consistently. It could also be that some couples employ strategic positioning strategies where, for example, the HIV-negative partner is insertive during anal sex.

Additional research is needed to examine the specific sex behaviors discordant couples engage in and the understandings they have with regard to risk.

The present study illustrates the complexity of sexual agreements among gay couples and how intimately linked they are to relationship issues.

In many cases, the agreement is so intimately linked to the relationship that the agreement defines or becomes the relationship.

This demonstates a complex interplay between agreements and relationship dynamics.

This article was kindly reproduced with permission from Dr Colleen Hoff

SEXUAL AGREEMENTS AMONG GAY MALE COUPLES Arch Sex Behav. 2010 June ; 39(3): 774–787 Colleen H. Hoff, PhD1,2 and Sean C. Beougher, MA1 1Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, University of California, San Francisco, California

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UPCOMING TASMANIAN GLBTI EVENTS WEDNESDAY 2ND MARCH HOBART MAN2MAN – LIVE & LOCAL Join Man2Man for a topical discussion session over dinner at a Hobart restaurant. Contact Brian Morris on 6234 1242 or m2m@tascahrd.org.au for more details. Numbers are limited.

WORKING IT OUT DEVONPORT ALL SORTS GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or northwest@ workingitout.org.au FRIDAY 4TH MARCH EAST DEVONPORT SOCIAL EVENTS GROUP THROUGH WORKING IT OUT Join us for a BBQ. For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au MONDAY 7th MARCH WORKING IT OUT SOUTHERN TRANS SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org. au SATURDAY-MONDAY 12th - 14th MARCH MARIA ISLAND LONG WEEKEND Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690 THURSDAY 17TH MARCH SHAG BAY WALK, EASTERN SHORE Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

SUNDAY 27th MARCH BURNIE SOCIAL EVENTS GROUP THROUGH WORKING IT OUT Held at King of Burnie Hotel. For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au

WORKING IT OUT BURNIE RAINBOW SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0438 346 122 or north@workingitout. org.au

SAIL ON THE LADY NELSON, RIVER DERWENT Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

FRIDAY-TUESDAY 22ND – 26TH APRIL EASTER/ANZAC LONG WEEKEND TRIP TO CRADLE MOUNTAIN Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

FRIDAY 1ST APRIL EAST DEVONPORT SOCIAL EVENTS GROUP THROUGH WORKING IT OUT Join us for a BBQ. For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au

FRIDAY 29h APRIL BURNIE SOCIAL EVENTS GROUP THROUGH WORKING IT OUT Held at King of Burnie Hotel. For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au

SATURDAY 2ND APRIL DVD & DINNER, SOUTH HOBART Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

WEDNESDAY 4TH MAY WORKING IT OUT DEVONPORT ALL SORTS GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or northwest@ workingitout.org.au

MONDAY 4th APRIL WORKING IT OUT SOUTHERN TRANS SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org. au WEDNESDAY 6th APRIL WORKING IT OUT DEVONPORT ALL SORTS GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or northwest@ workingitout.org.au

THURSDAY 5TH MAY PLANNING MEETING & SUPPER, GEILSTON BAY Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690 SUNDAY 15TH MAY MONA, BERRIEDALE Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

FRIDAY 8TH APRIL LAUNCESTON SOCIAL EVENTS GROUP THROUGH WORKING IT OUT Held at O’Keefe’s Hotel. For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au

SUNDAY 29TH MAY PONTVILLE COUNTER MEAL & CHAUNCY VALE NIGHTWALK Hosted by Wellington Wanderers. For more details contact Richard on 6223 2690

CONNECT4LIFE DINNER THROUGH WORKING IT OUT For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org. au

FRIDAY 15th APRIL WORKING IT OUT HOBART RAINBOW SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org.au

WEDNESDAY 1ST JUNE WORKING IT OUT DEVONPORT ALL SORTS GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or northwest@ workingitout.org.au

SUNDAY 20TH MARCH THE PINK AUTUMN FESTIVAL For more details contact Julian on 6239 6606 or jpunch@tassie.net.au or visit www.logtas.org

CONNECT4LIFE DINNER THROUGH WORKING IT OUT For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org.au

MONDAY 13TH JUNE QUEENS BALL RECOVERY WALK, HOBART RIVULET Hosted by Wellington Wanderers.

Contact Richard on 6223 2690

FRIDAY 18TH MARCH WORKING IT OUT HOBART RAINBOW SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Susan on 6231 1200 or exec@workingitout.org. au

MONDAYS: “BORDERLINES” QUEER RADIO, 10am-12pm Hobart’s sexuality & gender issues radio show on Edge Radio 99.3 FM

MONDAY 18th APRIL WORKING IT OUT LAUNCESTON TRANS SUPPORT & DISCUSSION GROUP For more details contact Sharon on 0419 361 128 or north@workingitout.org.au WEDNESDAY 20th APRIL