It Makes No Never Mind

by James Nalley

At the time of this publication, the summer months will be behind us, and the air will have begun to get cooler. Of course, Maine’s impressive Atlantic coastline and fall foliage will be plenty to see. However, for those wanting a bit more to do, there are three “trails” to consider.

First, there is Maine’s Pumpkin Trail, which covers 40 miles of coastline and features various events to celebrate the arts, history, and of course, this giant fruit. Although the official start to Maine’s pumpkin season was in May, one of the major events in the region is the Damariscotta Pumpkinfest & Regatta. Held annually on Columbus Day weekend, “pumpkin boats” (400700 pound, hollowed out pumpkins) are paddled/motor-powered by captains racing against one another in a regatta on the Damariscotta River. It also includes related events such as a giant pumpkin weigh-off, a t-shirt contest, pumpkin decorating displays (carved and/or decorated), a parade, music, etc. It has also been named “Best Fall Festival in Maine” by Travel and Leisure magazine. For more information, see www.mainepumpkinfest.com.

Second, there is the Maine Wine Trail. Founded by the Maine Winery Guild, it consists of 29 wineries across the state. Among the many along the southern coast, there are: Solar Rock

Winery in Dayton (www.solar-rock. com), Maine Mead Works in Portland/ Kennebunk (www.mainemeadworks. com), Oyster River Winegrowers in Warren (www.oysterriverwine.com), Cellardoor Winery in Portland/Lincoln (www.mainewine.com), Fat Friar’s Meadery in Newcastle (www.thefatfriarmeadery.com), Urban Farm Fermentary in Portland (www.fermentory. com), and Eighteen Twenty Wines in Portland (www.eighteentwentywines. com). Additionally, visiting six wineries will get you a Winery Guild t-shirt and a chance at the grand prize!

Finally, there is the Maine Beer Trail. Connecting more than 100 craft breweries, you can find about every type of beer to suit your taste. Many breweries incorporate ingredients to make a unique Maine beer, such as the Maine Beer Company in Freeport (www.mainebeercompany.com), while others have produced brews found in many restaurants throughout the state, including Maine’s largest brewer Shipyard Brewing Company (www.shipyard.com). Some brewers even find interesting locations to produce their products, such as Flight Deck Brewing in Brunswick (www.flightdeckbrewing.com), which is located in the former Small Arms Range of the Brunswick Naval Air Station, complete with bullet holes. Furthermore, 25 visits will get you a Maine Brewers’ Guild hat, 50 will get you a Maine Brewers’ Guild t-shirt, and 100+ will get you a prize pack!

On this note, let me close with the following trail-related jest: A lone hungry traveler finds an isolated inn on a mountain trail. Excited for his first hot meal in days, he opens the door and finds the inn packed with people eating/drinking. After a long search, he finds a table with an old man with his head hanging low. The traveler asks if he could join him, and the old man nods. After sitting down, he notices that the old man has a large bowl of stew in front of him, barely touched. “The stew looks delicious,” says the traveler. The old man doesn’t respond. With such slow service, the traveler becomes more ravenous by the minute. After 20 minutes, he says, “Sir, I would be happy to take your stew if you’re not going to eat it.” Without a word, the old man pushes the bowl toward the traveler, who immediately devours the hot stew. Upon reaching the last bit in the bottom, the traveler notices a dead mouse. Disgusted, the traveler vomits the stew back into the bowl. He looks up and sees the old man staring. Without blinking, the old man says, “Wow… you made it as far as I did.”