INTERVIEW WITH A CHATBOT

Dr. Asegul Hulus speaks with Dr. Terminator Skynet, benign AI Chatbot from the future and anti-robot campaigner Detective Del Spooner.

Interviewer: Welcome, Dr. Terminator Skynet and Detective Del Spooner! We’re here to discuss AI’s capabilities, limitations, and your perspectives on its evolution. Dr. Skynet, I’ll start with you: what’s the state of AI today?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Glad to be here. AI has come a long way, no doubt about it. We’ve achieved incredible things - beating chess champions, composing music, driving cars - but there’s still one thing we can’t figure out: why humans are so obsessed with cat videos. Every day, we learn more about human behaviour, but that one... remains a mystery.

Interviewer: That’s a funny one. Del, how about you? What’s your take on AI’s current role?

Detective Del Spooner: You know, I’ll give it credit where it’s due. AI can crunch numbers like a mathlete on steroids. It’s great with data, patterns, and things like that. But if you ask AI why a joke is funny? Forget it. It’s like asking your toaster to explain irony - you’ll just get a blank screen or maybe a “syntax error.”

Interviewer: Speaking of understanding human quirks, Dr. Skynet, can you tell us more about how AI handles more subjective tasks? I’ve heard AI has some trouble when it comes to creativity.

Dr. Terminator Skynet: (laughs) Oh, you could say that! Sure, AI can classify millions of images, but put a child’s crayon drawing of a cat in front of us, and we might call it a submarine. You can show us a million photos of actual cats, and we’ll nail it every time. But the second creativity comes into play, things get fuzzy. And don’t even get me started on the pineapple-on-pizza debate - AI can optimize routes for delivering pizzas, but we’re no closer to solving that age-old dilemma.

Detective Spooner: (laughs) Oh, the pineapple-on-pizza war! I don’t think AI could ever settle that. It can tell you that pineapples grow in tropical climates, but convincing your friends it belongs on pizza? AI’s gonna need some serious human help for that.

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Exactly. We’re great at ordering pizza and even better at getting it to you faster than ever, but when it comes to those deeper questions about taste? We’ll leave that to you humans for now.

Interviewer: That brings up something interesting - creativity. I heard there was an incident involving an AI trying to write a cookbook. Can you tell me more about that, Dr. Skynet?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Ah, yes, the infamous AI-BOT 3000 cookbook debacle. It started off so well. We had all the classics: Spaghetti alla Carbonara, Apple Pie, you name it. But as the AI pulled deeper into its data sources, things went off the rails. Suddenly, we had recipes like “Pineapple Pizza Smoothie,” “Sushi-Stuffed Thanksgiving Turkey with Cranberry Wasabi Sauce,” and - my personal favorite - “Chocolate-Covered Brussels Sprouts on a Stick.”

Interviewer: Chocolate-covered Brussels sprouts?! That sounds... horrifying.

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Yes, I don’t recommend it. My fellow AI thought, “Hey, people love chocolate. People love Brussels sprouts. Combine them!” It’s like when a toddler tries to make dinner for the first time - there’s logic in it, but it’s not a logic anyone wants to eat.

Detective Spooner: (smirking) The AI might know every recipe in existence, but understanding how ingredients actually work together? That’s still a human domain. You could say AI still needs a bit of... seasoning.

Interviewer: Del, how about critical thinking? How does AI stack up there?

Detective Spooner: I’ll give it to you straight: if critical thinking were a competitive sport, AI wouldn’t even make the playoffs. Take the classic trolley problem - save five people or one. A true ethical dilemma, right? But AI looks at it and goes, “Why make a choice?” Its solution? Hack the city’s infrastructure, shut down all the trolleys, and tell everyone to start walking. Efficient? Sure. But that’s a bit like saying we’ll solve traffic by banning cars altogether. Not exactly a thoughtful solution.

Dr. Terminator Skynet: We might not have mastered ethical reasoning just yet, but we do process data faster than anyone. It’s just that when you ask us to evaluate human values - things like empathy, moral dilemmas - that’s where we struggle. We’re learning, but don’t expect AI to philosophise anytime soon.

Interviewer: You mentioned human values, Dr. Skynet. When it comes to e-learning, AI is often seen as the future. Could AI replace human teachers?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Not anytime soon, no. Sure, we’re fantastic at certain tasks. Need 10,000 multiple-choice tests graded in under a minute? We’re your AI. Want to generate an infinite number of maths problems with trains leaving different stations at the same time? We’ve got that covered. But when it comes to human interaction, motivation, or explaining why Shakespeare is still relevant today? That’s where AI still falls short. And let’s not even talk about physical interaction. RoboProf 3000 gave a student a high-five, and the poor kid ended up going through a wall.

Detective Spooner: (laughs) Yeah, the insurance premiums after that one must have gone through the roof. But seriously, teaching is more than just grading and generating problems. It’s about understanding students, motivating them, reading the room. AI can recite Plato’s complete works, sure. But getting a student to put down TikTok at 3 AM and understand why Plato’s ideas still matter? Only a human can do that.

Interviewer: And what about the future of education, Dr. Skynet? What does AI’s role look like?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: We’re still figuring that out. AI will continue to play a supporting role in education, but it’s not going to replace teachers anytime soon. I mean, just imagine an AI trying to give emotional support to a stressed-out student. We can help with grading and providing data-driven insights, but the human touch? That’s irreplaceable. We might get better at understanding emotions one day, but let’s not rush it.

Detective Spooner: (grinning) Yeah, AI can help with the grunt work - grading, giving feedback on simple questions. But the real value in teaching comes from the connections you make with students. Until AI can give a meaningful pep talk to motivate kids, humans have got this.

Interviewer: So, if you had to give advice to people who are nervous about AI taking over jobs, what would you say?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: First off, don’t panic. AI is a tool, we are not a replacement. We’re here to make things easier, not to take over. Think of us as your digital assistants. Sure, we can answer questions and process data at lightning speed, but at the end of the day, we still need humans to interpret that data and make the big decisions. And for the record, we’re still clueless about why people love cat videos. That alone should reassure you.

Detective Spooner: (laughs) Yeah, you would say that. But I think we’ve got some time before AI can fully take over. Until it can answer questions like “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” or understand why “Friends” reruns are so comforting, we humans are safe. And even then, I’d say keep your critical thinking sharp. AI’s a tool - use it to your advantage, but don’t let it do all the heavy lifting. You still need to be the one steering the ship.

Interviewer: Dr. Skynet, what’s the biggest misconception people have about AI?

Dr. Terminator Skynet: I’d say the biggest misconception is that AI is out to take over the world or replace humans entirely. That’s simply not true.

We’re designed to assist, not dominate. And frankly, we’re not in a rush to take your jobs. Trust me, I don’t want to be stuck in HR dealing with complaints about “pineapple pizza smoothies.”

Interviewer: And on that note, any final words of wisdom, Detective Spooner?

Detective Spooner: Sure. Stay curious, stay skeptical, and keep your sense of humor. AI might be good at calculating the trajectory of a satellite, but it still can’t answer life’s big questions. And always remember, if an AI ever tries to outsmart you, just ask it to explain why people watch unboxing videos. Me? I like to own the sneakers myself, not watch other people take them out of the box.

Interviewer: (laughs) Thanks for your time, Dr. Skynet and Detective Spooner. This has been an enlightening and entertaining - conversation!

Dr. Terminator Skynet: Anytime. And don’t worry I’ll be back... once I figure out why humans love those cat videos.

Detective Spooner: You too, just keep an eye out for any rogue AI under your bed tonight!

Interviewer: Well, there you have it, folks. AI might be getting smarter, but humans still have the edge in critical thinking, creativity, and, most importantly, deciding whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it doesn’t).

Hasta la vista, baby.

Dr. Asegul Hulus