4 minute read
Holiday Blues
from DIG MAG Winter 2021
by DIG MAG LB
LEFT:
For Zana Bun’s family, celebrating holidays extravagantly was a culture shock.
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H❆LIDAY
blues
STORY BY
JOY ROWDEN
Christmas is a burden on those who come from low-income, divorced and estranged families.
When I was 10 years old, my grandparents gave me $100 as a Christmas gift. It still haunts me that when my mother asked me if she could use it for groceries, I told her “no” out of frustration because it was not my job to provide. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Though as a kid I was fascinated with HGTV’s show about people outrageously decorating their homes for Christmas, the holiday specials made me sad because I knew my mother would never have a house like that to decorate. My mother did her best to provide, but the holiday season was a burden on her. She was a poor, immigrant single mother of two. The holiday season can make any lowincome individual feel ashamed. We romanticize the holidays, but the holiday season is more of a burden than a celebration for many individuals. December is an expensive time of the year that can be unrealistic for those who come from lowincome, divorced, and estranged families. Zana Bun explained how her parents didn’t want to buy a Christmas tree because it was too expensive. “Because they immigrated here, the traditions and culture are different,” Bun said about her parents, who immigrated from Cambodia. “It was a [culture] shock.”
RIGHT:
Matthew Lozano has spent the holidays splitting his time between different holiday get-togethers since his parents’ divorce.
STATISTICS SHOW
$998
money spent on holiday items in 2020
$36,955
average income of Californians per year
— ZANA BUN
Despite her parents’ resistance to celebrating, Bun’s favorite holiday has always been Christmas. Instead of buying gifts, Bun’s parents wanted to save as much money as possible for other important things. “They taught me [the] valuable lesson that Christmas isn’t just about the gifts,” Bun said. “Now I appreciate their hard work. Being frugal and cheap got us to where we are now. If they didn’t save all that money they wouldn’t have had the money to invest in a business.” The holidays are an expense that many families struggle to afford. According to Investopedia, the average American individual spent $998 on holiday gifts and items in 2020. The US Census Bureau reported that the average Californian makes $36,955 per year. Holiday expenditures are not sustainable for low-income individuals during the holiday season. Oftentimes, divorce causes tension or animosity between the family, which can make holiday dinners uncomfortable. Children of divorced families have the added struggle of not being able to spend their holidays with both parents in the same room. Matthew Lozano, a former California State University, Long Beach student, was 5 years old when his parents divorced. Growing up, Lozano had to go back and forth between his parents for Christmas. As an adult, Lozano often feels pressured to please and visit his entire family during the holiday season. “It is really difficult to pick who to spend Christmas with,” Lozano said. “With a divorced family, I have to manage how much time I spend with my family. It is really horrible and stressful to always have to think about that time of the year. I want to make time for everyone, but it is hard.” Lozano said that before the divorce, his father would spend all their money, which forced his mother to work overtime to afford Christmas gifts. After the divorce, he said that his mother struggled to do everything she could to make Lozano and his brothers happy at Christmas. The holidays are also emotionally and financially draining for those estranged from their family, for reasons like childhood abuse and neglect. Hunter Nelsen, a forensic science student at Santiago Canyon Community College, has been estranged from his parents since he was 19. “They kicked me out because I wanted to do my own thing,” Nelson said. “I didn’t agree with anything they stood for or told me.”
Nelsen, 21, used to enjoy celebrating Christmas with his family. Now that he is estranged, Christmas is not special anymore. The last time Nelsen celebrated Christmas with his parents was in 2019. Since he became estranged, Nelsen has spent his holidays working. “You could feel the tension in the air, and when we spoke to each other, it was very short,” Nelsen said. “I would leave early in the morning and come back at night, so I wouldn’t have to talk to them.” Every December, I think about refusing my mother that $100. As an adult, I now understand her struggle and would easily give her that money. I cannot change the past, but I can hope to help brighten the holiday of someone who is struggling in the future. This year, I will not be spending the holidays with my family, but I plan to still do the small things like mailing Christmas cards to make them feel cared for, from a distance.
