Dear Gabby

Welcome back to the Dear Gabby advice column. Ready or not, spring has sprung. I’m ready, how about you? We are blessed to live in Texas, where we are surrounded by beautiful wildflowers in the spring. Easter renewal is evident everywhere! Easter egg hunts are proof your children can find things when they really want to. Personally, I don’t hunt Easter eggs anymore. I can’t even find my car keys, and I spend way too much time looking for things, as it is! Send your questions to me by clicking on Dear Gabby at www.PostcardsLive.com/share. Easter eggs aside, remember that it’s not about the bunny; it’s about the lamb.

DEAR GABBY

Spring cleaning is such a bore. I know it’s necessary, but what a pain! Do you have any advice on making the chore a little less dreadful?

NOT SUSIE HOMEMAKER

DEAR SUSIE

There is a serenity prayer just for your situation. “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the messy state my house is in, the courage to start cleaning, and the wisdom to not let it get this way again.” Upbeat music is a great distraction, but don’t wear headphones while vacuuming! I once vacuumed the whole house, then realized the vacuum wasn’t plugged in. You can always simply drink wine and spray everything with Febreze. Just don’t get them confused!!

DEAR GABBY

I’m not a day sleeper because of my job, but I do love to sleep in on Saturdays. The guy across the street prefers to do yardwork with power tools on the weekend at the crack of dawn. He’s retired and could do his lawn anytime. I’m ready to take drastic measures. I need my beauty rest! SLEEPY

DEAR SLEEPY

I have the same problem. Take him some cookies on Friday afternoon and ask nicely if he would mind picking another day to do his yard work. With that being said, do as I say and not as I do. I just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist. That’s the last time my neighbor wakes me up on a Saturday!

CONFIDENTIAL TO “FELL FOR IT, AGAIN”:

If you’re that gullible, I have some advice for you.

If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!

Old Man Grady was dying, so his family gathered around his deathbed and tried to comfort the farmer in his final hours. In a weary voice, he whispered to his wife, Darlene, “After I’ve left for the hereafter, I want you to marry Wade, the farmer over in the next county.”

“No, I can’t marry anyone after you,” she protested. “Dadgummit, woman, I insist!” He wheezed. Perplexed, Darlene asked, “But why?”

With his final breath, Grady replied, “He cheated me in a horse trade.”

When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill, but I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck instead. When I got home, I told my dad, and he whipped me... But the next morning, in the driveway sat a brand new truck. We all held each other and cried--especially me, because it was the truck from the electric company there to cut off our power...and my dad whipped me again.

Grandma once said, “Sometimes you have to hug the people you don’t like...so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard.”

Mother story from P. Browning:

Mama (age 93 - on the phone): I think I have HIV.

Aunt Geneva (age 93): Really? Why would you say that?

Mama: My hair is thinning out. Hair Intertwine...and I can’t remember what the V stands for. But I think that’s HIV when your hair falls out.

Aunt Geneva: I don’t think that’s HIV.

Mama: Well, maybe not. I can’t remember what HIV is. Well, who knows. My hair is thinning out.

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes.