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Mary shares... Celebrate Christmas this month!

B

ack in the middle of November I overheard a woman say to her teenage daughter, “I wish Christmas was over!” I think she was annoyed about the crowded store. I could not help myself and offered a genuine side-note to her dismay with a gentle reminder; I said, “the truth is the Christmas season has not even started.” She looked at me, not with annoyance, but rather a look of “do you see what is around us”, most likely all the Christmas themes and aggressive shoppers. I smiled and told her that I was here to purchase candles; 3 purple, one pink and one white to help my family prepare for the Christmas season. Interested, she asked what the candles had to do with preparing for Christmas. So I told her we celebrate the Season of Advent (Latin: adventus=arrival) which starts four Sundays prior to Christmas Day. It’s a time to prepare our hearts for the birth of Jesus. Continuing, I explained that these 4 weeks simply enriches the celebration of Christmas and allows us to have a God-focused experience, both precious and peaceful during what is often a hectic holiday season. Now, I have asked the question and I’m sure you’re aware of all the discussion boards online too, so

I’ll share my take on the retailers starting so early with Christmas. To me, it’s no big deal. In my home we are still decorated for Thanksgiving until the Turkey is eaten and the table is cleared! Then Caroline and I start the transformation. We take down the fall décor and bring out the Christmas tree, the Nativity, and arrange the Advent Wreath along with the myriad of other decorations that will be scattered throughout the house. To give you full disclosure, every year I say, “I’m going to get a head start on Christmas gifts!” Well, it never happens. I guess I am a true calendar girl and like to stick to the tradition of December Christmas shopping. But I can assure you Christmas will be celebrated from December 25th through to the Epiphany on January 6th and we will be Merry and Bright! Stay true to your traditions! When they are done right they lend a certain magic and spirit to our lives. And continuing them in your own family is a great way to teach your children about your family’s cultural and religious history which adds to their personal identity. Blessings to all our readers and advertisers! SP

Mary Ellen

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. — John 15:12

COVER MODEL McKinney, 3 years old McKinney says she feels like quite the diva riding on her hot pint Barbie trike, and that’s great because she also aspires to become a singer when she grows up! When asked, she said that M&M’s are her favorite food and goes on to say they are “yummy for my tummy.” She has an older brother, Dayne, 14 yrs. I hope she shares her M&M’s with him!

Misty Stagnone Photography, www.mistystagnonephotography.com

Suburban Parent magazines Suburban Parent 8344 Sterling Street | Irving, Texas 75063 | 972.887.7779 editor@suburbanparent.com | advertising@suburbanparent.com Suburban Parent and Irving Parent are registered trademarks. Reader correspondence and editorial submissions are welcome. We reserve the right to edit all submissions due to space. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or part without express written permission is prohibited.

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NOW ENROLLING

• Children study the classical art during the Art Encounter Class • Music • Natural outdoor learning environment • Neighborhood Setting • Science Curriculum in a well equipped Discovery Lab • An open Indoor Gymnasium/Activity Room • iPads in Primary Classrooms • Several extracurricular activities - Art, Computers, Dance, Soccer, Football, Basketball, Gymnastics, Private Piano Lessons etc.

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Tour our Campus from 9-11 AM Daily


go with the roll

COLOR ME HAPPY

At about four months your baby should be able to roll from front to back. This is a big deal and a milestone to watch out for because it demonstrates the baby’s core body strength. But, rolling from back to front is not a big deal, so don’t worry if he doesn’t do it. The same thing goes for crawling. There are no specific guidelines to when a baby should crawl. In fact some never do. Some go straight to walking.

If you consider coloring just a kid’s activity, think again. Coloring has a de-stressing effect on adults. Besides making us focus on a particular activity instead of our worries, it also brings out our imagination and takes us back to our childhood (a much less stressful time in our lives). Using both logic and creativity, it activates the different areas of our two cerebral hemispheres. Plus, it’s simply relaxing. Psychologists have used it as a relaxing technique for years. So, if you’re feeling a little

Holiday Waste Household waste increases by 25 percent between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day – that’s an estimated 1 million tons of additional waste per week during that time. It goes without saying that wrapping paper and ribbon are a big part of that waste. Consider other gift wrapping ideas this year, like reusable containers or better yet, vintage containers or jars. See more unique gift wrapping ideas at www.pinterest.com/ suburbanparent/unique-gift-wrapping

tense, put on some good music and pull out the crayons and coloring books (they’ve got some great ones for adults now too). It won’t eliminate your problems, but it will alleviate some of the stress. And who knows, the kids might calm down too.

youshouldknow... Pregnant + travel? Prepare to protect your legs during long air flights and road trips! Support stockings help prevent potentially serious blood clots in your legs (called deep vein thrombosis). They also help minimize swelling. The knee-high style are recommended so you can easily take them on and off. You can find them in drug stores and online.

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a step AHEAD More than half of Millennials (54%) started saving for retirement between the ages of 18-24. Right out of high school! So, a good chunk of the younger generation is saving for retirement a full 10 years earlier than older generations who started around age 33. That tells us parents today are doing a great job of teaching their kids about saving and being smart about money.


momsolvers

questions... MONICA, MOM OF 2

MARIA, READER AND HOPEFUL

READER, MOM OF 3 BOYS

Q How long should I wait when

Q Is there a diet to improve fertil-

Q I have recently been told the

asks...

asks...

my child injures an extremity on the soccer field before bringing her into the emergency room? When swelling does not go down? Or right away?

a

Deciding when your child needs to be seen in an emergency room after a sports injury can be difficult. Obviously, when there is a deformity or the pain is too intolerable, a trip to the ER is required. Otherwise, I use this rule of thumb: if the child is unable to use the injured extremity at all, you should seek urgent medical attention. If the injured extremity is able to be used some, with tolerable pain (such as a step on a hurt ankle, or picking up a pencil with a hurt hand) then it’s reasonable to wait a few days and follow up.

JEFF ERDNER D.O, Highland Park ER/ Preston Hollow ER, Board Certified in Emergency Medicine

ity in women? We are not having any luck!

a

First, know you are not alone! Infertility affects about 7.3 million women and their partners in the U.S., according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. It’s important to maintain a healthy weight; studies show that being overweight can alter hormone levels and throw off your ovulation schedule. You can see an improvement with as little as 5% weightloss. Choose foods wisely; like dark colored vegetables, fruits, hearty whole grains, beans and dairy. I’m sure your doctor has put you on a prenatal vitamin which includes Folic Acid. While it won’t make you more fertile, it’s crucial that women trying to conceive obtain 400 mcg per day of folic acid. Folic acid is needed to prevent neural tube defects. The neural tube develops into the brain and spine three to four weeks after conception, before most women even realize they’re pregnant!

M.E. CALDWELL, RDN, Your Favorite Dietitian

ask...

the specialist MEGAN HAUPERT

asks...

lines running horizontally across my neck are called necklace lines and can be treated with Botox. I’m not a fan of Botox; is there any other treatment to improve my neck appearance?

a

Botox is not effective for horizontal neck lines. This problem is typically genetic (inherited from your parents) and/or a result of sun exposure combined with a loss of elasticity of the skin due to aging. Laser treatment is the most effective therapy for reducing these lines. To prevent worsening of horizontal neck lines, care for the skin on your neck just as you do the skin on your face—cleanse it well and always protect it from sun exposure.

DR. LISA FAIRWEATHER specializes in minimally invasive cosmetic procedures for facial correction and enhancement. www.BeautifullyRefreshed.me

Q WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF AUTISM? There are several signs that we should be aware of to recognize Autism. The hallmark feature of Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is impaired social interaction. Even as early as infancy, a baby with ASD may be unresponsive to people and/or they may focus intently on one item to the exclusion of others for long periods of time. Also, a child with ASD may appear to develop normally and then withdraw and become indifferent to social engagement. Children with ASD may fail to respond to their names and often avoid eye contact with other people. Because they can’t understand social cues, such as tone of voice or facial expressions, they have difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling. Because of this they may lack empathy. Megan Haupert, Board Certified Behavior Analyst, The Missing Peace Autism Therapy Center

EMAIL YOUR QUESTIONS to editor@suburbanparent.com, subject “questions” or SUBMIT QUESTIONS ON FACEBOOK.COM/MOMSOLVERS. Either way, we’ll find answers! 8 | Suburban Parent | Don’t forget to tell our advertisers you saw them in Suburban Parent!


curls to envy…

Bouncy Bop Shape Sorter

FROM THE MICROWAVE!

SoCal Curls - Teens and their tresses...it’s all about the beautiful curls for today’s girls! But, when you’ve got to get out the door to school early, time is everything. In as little as thirty minutes you can get the look with SoCal Curls hair tie! This hair tie only takes a few minutes to heat, tie and wrap and is filled with an organic mix that retains heat after only thirty seconds in the microwave. Wrap hair strands around it, then untie it to release your hair and achieve gorgeous curls. (video available online).

All little ones love fitting these colorful shapes into the holes on top of the Bouncy Bop Shape Sorter! And when the shapes fall inside and hit the latex surface, they go boing! Once all the shapes are inside, children can push the side handle to activate the paddle and watch the shapes go boing, boing, boing over and over! Develops fine motor skills and increases finger dexterity as well as hand/eye coordination! FIND IT: www.barnesandnoble.com $30.

FIND IT: www.socalcurls.com $18.99

GOT CARS?

Printed to look like a road, PlayTape Classic Road is a roll of removable tape that is perfect for playing with toy and model cars. It’s a fast, fun way to lay down instant roads anywhere for creative play. With a single roll of PlayTape, you can create a road or a whole city. Use the toy cars you already have to drive on PlayTape. Materials: Toxin-free, disposable, and recyclable self-adhesive paper tape.

SUSTAINED BEAUTY

FIND IT: www.thegrommet.com $13.

Beautiful and purposeful, Sophia Costas scarves are on a mission to do more than adorn your outfit. They combine artistic style, artisan practices, and a commitment to doing good. Drawing on her love of nature, her hand illustrated styles feature playful patterns from cheerful animals to whimsical outdoor scenes encountered on her trip. FIND IT: www.thegrommet.com $39

Pocket stash with class! Add a dash of dapper to your look with Hank, a snazzy pocket square with a decidedly modern update. It has two interior pockets; one has a cushy microfiber lining to hold a phone or glasses; the other can carry items like cash, credit card, or ID. FIND IT: www.meethank.com $40.

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moMENts BY PATRICK HEMPFING

The Most Wonderful Time

L

ife is hectic enough with the day-today stuff. Each day, I add more items to my To Do list than I check off. Will I ever catch up? It’s unlikely. And then it happens – Christmas rolls around. Shopping, decorating, traveling … collapsing. I sarcastically sing, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Conversely, my daughter, Jessie, plays Christmas music in July. Around September, she asks, “How many days until Christmas?” So I need to take off my “Bah Hum Bug” hat and find my joyous one. Right after Thanksgiving last year, Jessie asked, “When can we decorate for Christmas?” A few minutes later, Jessie inquired, “When are we going to get a tree?” Since we weren’t going to be home for Christmas, I suggested we forego the tree and just put out the nativity set. Not to mention, it’s a hectic time for my wife’s work, so I knew Mattie would be unavailable to assist. I decided to get into the Christmas spirit. This sounds better than “I gave in.” Jessie and I set up the nativity set first, one that took my wife over ten years to select as she wanted to find the perfect one. It’s fragile. But Jessie wanted to arrange all the pieces. I think I said, “Be careful,” with each piece I handed to her. She did a fantastic job organizing it. At the end, she tucked her battery-operated disco ball behind the angel as she wanted the scene to be spectacular. I think it’s safe to say that not too many households’ nativity scenes contained Joseph, Mary, Baby Jesus, and a rotating disco ball. However, I agreed that the colored lights rotating behind the manger scene did add a certain flare without detracting from the beauty and symbolism of the display. The next day, Jessie and I went tree shopping. We walked down one aisle and up the next. I pulled out four or five 5’ to 6’ trees and stood them up for Jessie to inspect. “We need a bigger tree,

Dad.” Jessie and I moved to the row with 6’ to 7’ trees. Just when I thought, “This is going to take forever,” Jessie said, “It’s perfect!” to a Douglas fir just under 7’ tall. Jessie immediately named our tree “Sally.” I left home with Jessie and returned with Jessie and Sally. The following day, I retrieved all the boxes marked “Christmas” from the garage. Jessie immediately went to work decorating. Once, I came in from the garage to find five red-velvet bows hanging from the light fixture above my desk. The bows’ tails were almost touching my computer and were within two feet of my nose when I typed. Still, I had to admit my new work environment brought a smile to my face. Next, Jessie and I wrapped Sally in lights, another memorable experience. Jessie did not quite grasp the concept (or maybe she did but chose not to apply it) that lights need to gradually descend from top to bottom. It had to be a Christmas miracle, because, somehow, Sally ended up with lights covering her. Then, Jessie enthusiastically unwrapped the ornaments, which we had carefully packed away the previous year. One special and fragile ornament recorded Jessie’s tiny footprint in plaster. It had taken great effort for Mattie and me to hold her foot still enough

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to make it for her first Christmas. I asked Jessie to hand it to me. The imprint was only 3” long and 1 1/2” wide. Where did my baby go? I know it wasn’t a grenade, but I handled it like one. As Sally became full of ornaments, Jessie concluded, “We need a bigger tree.” We finished decorating and then sat in the dark admiring our work. The bright parts with an abundance of lights and the dark spaces without lights all looked good behind the scores of handmade ornaments and souvenirs of our travels and past Christmases together. As we packed things away in January, I smiled, happy I had invested the time, energy, and expense. Something tells me, we’ll do it all over again next December. Before too long, I’ll hear Jessie say, “Dad, it’s time to get a tree. Let’s get a real big one this year.” But whether we bring home a Peggy, Jane, Susan, or another Sally, I’ll remember Christmas just might be “the most wonderful time of the year.” Until next month, remember to cherish the moments. SP Patrick Hempfing had a 20-year professional career in banking, accounting, and auditing before he became a father at age 44. He is now a full-time husband, stay-at-home dad and writer.


I

f change is the only constant at your house, you may long for the comfort and connectedness family traditions instill. Even if you don’t have the secret recipe for Grandma’s snickerdoodles, you’ve got what it takes to make fond memories for your kids this season. “In these fast-paced times, many of us hunger for simple, meaningful traditions we can pass on to our children,” says Nava Atlas, author of Everyday Traditions: Simple Family Rituals for Connection and Comfort. And family rituals need not be elaborate, Atlas contends. Simpler may be better. That’s good news for parents too busy or broke to host an extravagant party or take the kids to Hawaii. When you combine these not-so-secret ingredients with the themes you’re passionate about –maybe nature, fitness, or philanthropy – you’ll go from ordinary mom to memory-maker extraordinaire.

ANTICIPATION. Feel happy even before the fun begins. Let kids count down with big, bold Xs on the calendar or by making a paper chain and removing one link each day. Didn’t plan that far ahead? Count down the hours to tonight’s “picnic dinner under the stars” by singing Twinkle, Twinkle every hour on the hour and announcing “six 14 | Suburban Parent | Don’t forget to tell our advertisers you saw them in Suburban Parent!


hours to go” and so on. Your enthusiasm will get kids excited about what’s to come. Bonus: They’ll remember the fun they had every time they hear Twinkle, Twinkle.

CONSISTENCY. You know kids love repetition because they’ve asked you to read the same bedtime story every night for three weeks. And new isn’t necessarily better when it comes to making memories. “The repetitive, cyclical, and predictable nature of rituals is what makes them comforting and reassuring,” Atlas says. Hang some old decorations, even if they don’t look elegant. Your kids will fight over those tacky baubles when they have families of their own. SPECIALNESS. Daily activities become memory makers when you add a twist. Light candles on the dinner table or don glow-stick necklaces to light up the longest night of the year (this year’s Winter Solstice is Sunday, December 21st). Add vanilla extract and colored sugar sprinkles to kids’ milk and call it “holiday cheer.” Serve throughout the season or whenever kids’ spirits need a boost. Traditions don’t have to be big to be memorable.

VIVIDNESS. Smells, sounds, and images can bring back feelings with amazing force. Repeat “I Think I Can, I Think I Can” as you chug up the hill on your bikes or if a gifted Texas mid-winter day, carrying sleds! Wear red foam noses while you watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer together (buy noses at a costume or party supply shop or order online at www.orientaltrading.com). Fill the tub with bubbles and have an Abominable Snowman casting call. Sensory elements heighten our experiences and help create a slowed-down, in-the-moment feeling, says Atlas. POSITIVITY. If – or should I say when – things don’t go as planned, take twists and turns in stride and keep your tone lighthearted. A present without a gift tag is not a disaster, it’s “the mystery gift.” Pass it around and ask each member of the family to shake and jiggle it before guessing what it is and for whom. Let the littlest family member open it and carry it to the intended recipient. Some of the best family traditions come about by accident.

PARTICIPATION. Get everyone involved in a way that uses their skills and talents. Little kids might stir cookie dough or decorate paper gift bags for their cousins’ presents. Bigger kids might act out a favorite song or story or make custom thank-you cards. You’ll certainly want to capture events on camera, but don’t get lost behind the lens. You could use a little glitter-gluing therapy, too. BEING. Make holiday happenings special by being there completely – in mind, body, and spirit. Leave your paperwork at the office and turn off your cell phone in honor of the mid-winter snow-shoveling contest in the front yard. Notice how your kids light up (or groan, “Oh, mom…”) when you cheer them on. Let dishes pile up in the sink while you the kids trounce you in an after-dinner Wii bowling tournament. Your undivided attention is the most powerful memory-maker of all.

REFLECTION. Savor holiday traditions by thinking about what they mean to you and sharing your thoughts with those you love. Intentional reflection helps us to learn from and remember our experiences. Plus, it will warm your heart to know what your kids loved most about volunteering at the food bank was stacking the cans in rows (your 3-year-old engineer) or singing Jingle Bells while they loaded boxes into recipients’ cars (your 7-year-old would-be diva). Meaningful family traditions build a sense of shared identity and security that comforts kids and grown-ups alike when the busy-ness and stress of modern life are overwhelming. Best of all, the fond memories you make will never be lost, get broken, or go out of style. You can’t say that about most other gifts you’ll give this season, can you? SP

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the

{ Your Community Calendar } December 2014

know it all mon 1

ICE! At Gaylord Texan featuring Frosty the Snowman Through Jan 3, 2015. Everyone’s favorite snowman comes to life in more than 2 million pounds of colorful hand-carved ice sculptures. Don’t miss this nine degree winter wonderland with six ice slides. It’s all part of Lone Star Christmas. Tickets start at $21.99 (ages 13+) and 11.99 (ages 4-12). Gaylord Texan Hotel, 1501 Gaylord Trail, Grapevine, 817-778-1000 christmasatgaylordtexan.com. See ad in this issue.

Register for Upward Basketball and Cheerlead-

ing Mon-12am-12pm. Registration

through Dec. 18. Play with confidence. Play with purpose. Recreation Leagues now forming for basketball for boys and girls grades K-8 and cheerleading for girls grades K-6. Visit website for locations and teams or leagues near you. First United Methodist Church Allen, www.fumcallen.org. See ad in this issue.

Octonauts and Scuba Diving Santa at Sea Life Aquarium Grapevine Through

Dec. 21. Scuba Santa is scheduled to dive in a magical dive show amongst the fish, sharks and sea turtles at 11:30am on Dec 13, 14, 20 & 21. Octonauts holiday events include Meet and Greets, Scavenger Hunts, Story Time, Videos, and Coloring Activities throughout the month. Go to www.visitsealife.com/grapevine/ octonauts for more info. See ad in this issue for Kids Go Free coupon.

Holiday Bricktacular at Legoland® Discovery Center Through December. Deck the halls with loads of brick-tastic holiday fun including searching for Santa through MINILAND, writing letters to Santa, having complimentary milk and cookies with LEGO® Santa (Dec 7, 14 &21), helping build an enchanting winter wonderland village out of LEGO bricks (first 3 weekends from noon-5), and competing in festive build challenges for a chance to win

an annual pass (Dec 4, 13 & 20 at 11am & 2pm). Visit www.LEGOLANDDiscoveryCenter.com/dallasfw for more info. See ad in this issue for Kids Go Free coupon.

Eve 10am–4pm, New Year’s Day 12–6pm. NorthPark Center, 8687 N. Central Expressway, Dallas.

The Twelve Days of Christmas Through Jan. 4, 2015. 9am

24. NorthPark Center’s whimsical Scrooge Puppet Theatre has been a holiday tradition for more than three decades. Scrooge Puppet Theatre shows start at the bottom of the hour of every hour. NorthPark Center, 8687 N. Central Expressway, Dallas, 214-369-1234.

- 5pm Celebrate the holidays like never before with an elaborate collection of life-size Victorian gazebos filled with the charming costumed characters made famous by the beloved Christmas carol. The Dallas Arboretum, 8525 Garland Road, Dallas, www.dallasarboretum.org

Frosty & Friends Through Dec. 21. Join Frosty, Santa, and their friends for an all-new revue that blends a variety of musical and puppetry styles. Celebrate the spirit of the season! Visit website for show times/dates and tickets. Dallas Children’s Theater, 5938 Skillman, Dallas, 214-978-0110, www.dct.org. Miracle on 34th Street

Through Dec. 21. Based on the beloved film and novel, this is a nostalgic holiday treat for the whole family! A single mother and her young daughter, Susan, have given up on Christmas... until they meet a mysterious gentleman at Macy’s claiming to be Santa Claus. This jolly Kris Kringle brings them hope and unleashes waves of goodwill throughout New York City. Could he be the real Santa Claus? Visit website for show times/ dates and tickets. Dallas Children’s Theater, 5938 Skillman, Dallas, 214978-0110, www.dct.org.

The Trains at NorthPark™ Benefiting the Ronald McDonald House of Dallas

Through Jan. 4, 2015. Located on Level One between Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. The Trains at NorthPark is a Holiday Tradition and includes trains rolling across 1,600 feet of track on a journey across America. Hours: Monday-Saturday 10am–9pm, Sunday 12pm–6pm, Thanksgiving Eve 10am–6pm, Thanksgiving Day Closed. Christmas Eve 10am–4pm, Christmas Day Closed. New Year’s

Scrooge & Santa’s Toy Shoppe Puppet Theatre Through Dec.

Storytime & Photos with Santa Claus Nov. 28-Dec. 24. Gather around Santa’s picture-book cottage to hear stories about the North Pole. Santa has been telling tales at NorthPark for decades, and we invite you to make it a part of your family’s holiday tradition. Storytime hours: Monday – Saturday 10:30am; Sunday 12pm. Tickets are available starting at 9AM, Monday-Saturday, and 10AM on Sunday. Santa Claus hours: Monday-Saturday 11am-2pm, 2:30pm-5pm,5:30pm-7pm; Sunday 12:30pm-3pm, 3:30pm-5pm. Christmas Eve 10am-2pm. NorthPark Center, 8687 N. Central Expressway, Dallas, 214-369-1234.

Sparkle at the Anatole

Through Jan. 4, 2015. Set inside the Hilton Anatole’s Trinity Hall, amid a tapestry of twinkling lights and fantastic decorations, Sparkle! Christmas at the Anatole offers the ultimate family holiday experience during the most wonderful time of year. Visit website for details, ticket prices and operating hours. Hilton Anatole Hotel, 2201 N. Stemmons Freeway, Dallas, 214-748-1200 www. hiltonanatolehotel.com/christmas-experience

A Christmas Carol Through Dec. 27. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, when last season’s sold-out, family-favorite, holiday production of A Christmas Carol returns to the Wyly Theatre. Full of traditional Christmas hymns and songs in fresh, toe-tapping musical arrangements, joyful bursts of choreography, and eye-popping special effects, A

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SP = Advertisers

Christmas Carol is Dallas’ newest “must-see” holiday tradition. Appropriate for families. Recommended for ages 8 and above. Visit website for exact show times and to purchase tickets. Wyly Theater, 2400 Flora Street, Dallas, www.dallastheatercenter.org/show_details. php?sid=94.

Gift of Lights at Texas Motor Speedway 6-10pm, through Jan. 1, 2015. Gift of lights is back and the fun is bigger, better and brighter than ever before. Get the entire family into the Christmas spirit. And new this year, we have snow! Snow Town, a new attraction this year, features a unique outdoor tubing hill, snow castles, snowball gallery and a play area. M-T $15 and FriSun $20. Tickets may be purchased online at a discounted rate. Please visit website for full details. Texas Motor Speedway, 3545 Lone Star Circle, Fort Worth, www.giftoflightstms.com.

Holiday at the Arboretum

Dec. 1-31. 9am - 5pm Visitors can delight in the festive decorations at the DeGolyer Estate, take a stroll through the gardens to view seasonal plantings, and enjoy a variety of family-friendly activities, like the outdoor exhibition of The 12 Days of Christmas. a playful, but with the careful attention to design and detail that visitors have come to expect from the Dallas Arboretum. The Dallas Arboretum, 8525 Garland Road, Dallas, www.dallasarboretum.org.

Beauty & The Beast Runs

through Dec. 28. Expect wacky characters, songs, dances, corny jokes and lots of audience participation when Jackie Mellor-Guin puts her own spin on the classic tale. Rated: G. Recommended for all ages. Fridays at 7:30pm, Saturdays at 2:30pm and 7:30pm, Sundays at 1:30pm and 5pm. Visit website for exact dates/times and to purchase tickets. The Cox Building Playhouse, 1517 H Ave, Plano, www.theatre-britain.com/2014%20 Season.html#BB.


the know it all tue 2 Sing-a-long with Santa Dec. 2-4, 9:30-11:30am. Activities include face painting, holiday craft, sing-along, and refreshments. Bring your camera for photo ops with Santa! $7 per child. Reservations required, email jamie@chestnutsquare.org. Chestnut Square, 315 Chestnut Street, McKinney. ‘Tis the Season Movie Series 7pm. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989). Allen Public Library, 300 N. Allen Dr., Allen, 214509-4904, www.cityofallen.org.

thu 4 Teen Book Club at the Smith Public Library 6-7pm. For teens in 6th-12th grades only. Snacks and drinks are provided. Check our website or stop by the Teen Room for more information and to register. December 4: The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater; January 8: The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes Smith Public Library, 300 Country Club Rd., Wylie, 972-516-6250.

Gingerbread House Workshop 6:30-8pm. Build and decorate your own gingerbread house. This event is best suited for 3rd grade to adult. Seating is limited. Call the Help Desk to register and for more information. Smith Public Library, 300 Country Club Rd., Wylie, 972516-6250.

The Vocal Majority: Shenaniganns at Santa’s Workshop

Runs Dec. 4-7, check website or call venue for exact show times. Ahhh, Christmas time at Santa’s Workshop … could there be a happier place on earth? Actually, this December, there is a Santa-riffic crime to solve!! Rumors have been traveling faster than flying reindeer…Santa’s Naughty/Nice list has gone missing and without it, he can’t deliver the toys for Christmas day. Bring your family and friends to help the sleuthing North Pole Detective solve this epic “whodunnit” mystery and enjoy some crazy elf-antics along the way too. Eisemann Center for Performing Arts, 2351 Performance Drive, Richardson, 972-744-4650, vocalmajority.com/performance-schedule/2014/4/16/2014-christmas-shows.

First Thursday Late Night at the Perot Museum-Gadgets 7-9pm. Discover new inventions and research with guest scientists, and even create your own invention. All you need to get in on the fun is the cost of general admission, so purchase your tickets online early. Your exhibit hall ticket on the date(s) of The Lab will gives you FREE access to this program. The Perot Museum

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will stay open from 10am-9pm first Thursdays. Come early and stay late! Perot Museum of Science and Nature, 2201 N. Field, Dallas, 214428-5555, www.perotmuseum.org.

fri 5 Story Time at the Interurban Railway Museum 10:30am. Every Friday morning in the lobby of the historic Interurban Railway Museum in downtown Plano, spellbound children take a magical train ride through the tales of professional storyteller The 30-minute fun-filled, interactive experience is aimed at toddlers and preschool children. Admission is free, but donations are always welcome! Plano Interurban Railway Museum, 901 E 15st St, Plano, 972-941-2117, www. planoconservancy.org.

Dickens in Historic Downtown Plano 6-10pm. Come enjoy food, shopping, music and a visit with Santa in historic downtown Plano! Tree lighting at 7 p.m. in Haggard Park, 901 E. 15th Street Historic Downtown Plano, www. plano.gov/2395/Dickens-in-Historic-Downtown-Plano.

City of Allen Christmas Tree Lighting 7-9pm. Join the City of Allen for the Christmas Tree Lighting presented by Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Allen and Raintree Healthcare. Be a part of the grand lighting of the 35-foot Christmas tree featuring more than 20,000 lights! Expect surprises, live entertainment and even a visit from Santa and his elves. Parks & Recreation Administrative Offices, 301 Century Parkway, Allen, 214-509-4707, www. cityofallen.org/DocumentCenter/ View/6015.

Dallas Symphony Christmas Pops The Dallas Symphony’s beloved traditions returns with an all-new concert featuring holiday favorites, Christmas classics, majestic choir music and a sing-along to familiar carols. Performances Dec. 5-7 & Dec. 12-21. Visit website for specific performance times and to purchase tickets. The Meyerson Symphony Center, 2301 Flor Street, Dallas, www.mydso.com/season-tickets/single-tickets.aspx?ProductionType=15

Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns 7:30pm. American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Ave, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

sat 6 1-Mile Fun Run & 5K Rudolph Run 7am. This exciting event begins with a non-competitive onemile run and concludes with the


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the know it all USATF registered 5K Rudolph Run presented by Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Allen and Raintree Healthcare.This is a family-friendly event open to all ages and skill levels. (Race begins at 8:15 a.m.). Downtown Allen, Main Street, 214509-4707, www.cityofallen.org/Calendar.aspx?EID=2471&month=12&year=2014&day=6&calType=0.

Richardson’s 42nd Annual Christmas Parade 9am. The 42nd Annual Richardson Christmas Parade! The theme for this year’s parade is “Candy Canes and Christmas Carols” and will be held on the Eastside of town. Please check the website or contact the city at the number for exact parade route. City of Richardson Community Events, 2100 E. Campbell Road, Richardson, 972-744-4588, http://www.cor.net/ index.aspx?page=333.

Wylie Arts Festival 10am-7pm. Wylie kicks off the holiday season with fine art and unique, handmade crafts at more than 100 vendors; live holiday choral, instrumental and dance performances; festive fair foods; Festival of Lights Parade; tree lighting. Kids can paint 18-foot Community Canvas under supervision of an artist. Shop from 10am to 7pm, parade at 5:30pm, tree lighting at 7pm with “A Visit From St. Nicholas” read by the mayor. First Baptist Church Wylie Event Center, 200 N. Ballard Avenue, Wylie, 972-516-6016, www.wylietexas.gov/artsfestival. See ad in this issue.

Royale Ballet-The Nutcracker 2pm & 7pm. Eisemann Center for Performing Arts, Bank of America Theatre, 2351 Performance Drive, Richardson, 972-744-4650, www. eisemanncenter.com.

Annual Lantern Light-A Holiday Party on the Prairie 3-8pm. A one-of-a-kind family event and magical way to begin your holiday festivities! Fun includes Farrell Wilson House tours, wagon rides, blacksmith demonstrations, candle dipping, crafts, games, photos with Father Christmas and much more! $10 adults, $5 children. Pre-register online using the link below for a discount. Heritage Famstead Museum, 1900 W. 15th Street, Plano, www. heritagefarmstead.org.

Frisco 24th Annual Merry Main Street 5-9pm. Santa Claus is coming to town! Ring in the holidays with the lighting of the city Christmas tree at the 24th Annual Merry Main Street. Parents and children can shop for Christmas gifts and great holiday decor for their homes, as well as enjoy an evening of musical entertainment and an array of food and warm drinks. 3:16 Team Realty will be onsite to offer free photos with Santa. Simpson

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Plaza at City Hall, 6101 Frisco Square Blvd., Frisco, www.friscofun.org/ mms/Pages/MerryMainStreet.aspx.

Camp Gingerbread 10am-4pm. The holidays are sweet at Camp Gingerbread where little ones can decorate gingerbread cookies with their favorite sugary delights, including frosting, nuts, dried fruit, candies and sprinkles. Proceeds benefit Shared Housing, a non-profit organization that facilitates affordable housing options for those in need. Cost is $10 per child. Camp Gingerbread hours: Saturday, December 6 10am – 5pm Sunday, December 7 11am – 4pm NorthPark Center, 8687 N. Central Expressway, Dallas, 214-369-1234. Shed Your Winter Coat at the Dallas Zoo 9am-4pm. The Zoo Unto Others employee volunteer team at the Dallas Zoo is sponsoring the “Shed Your Winter Coat” coat drive to benefit clients of The Stewpot, a barrier-free resource center for the homeless and at-risk of Dallas. The coat drive takes place on Saturday, December 6, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Bring a new or gently used coat, blanket, or sleeping bag and receive FREE admission to the Dallas Zoo that day for each item donated. The Dallas Zoo, 650 South R. L. Thornton Freeway, Dallas, 469554-7500, www.dallaszoo.com.

27th Annual Children’s Medical Center Holiday Pade 10am. Now in its 27th year, the nationally syndicated Holiday Parade is a tradition in Dallas and across the country. More than 400,000 spectators along the parade route will be dazzled by marching bands, giant helium balloons, spectacular floats and unique performances. For more information visit childrens. com/parade. Downtown Dallas, Market & Commerce Streets, Dallas, dallaschildrensparade.com.

sun 7 Readers and Waggers at the Davis Library 3pm. Readers and Waggers (independent readers entering grades 1-5) – Bring your favorite book from home or choose one from the library, and read it to a Heart of Texas Therapy Dog. Free tickets are required to attend– available first come-first served at the children’s desk 30 minutes prior to the program. FREE, Grades 1-5 Plano, Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972208-8000.

Santa’s Village-Richardson 6-9pm. For 25 years, Santa’s Village has delighted children of all ages as they travel from one tiny dwelling to another to experience holiday crafts, treats and activities, culminating with a visit with St. Nick


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the know it all himself. The tiny town has become an annual tradition for families. 411 W. Arapaho Road, Richardson, 972-744-4301, http://cor.net/index. aspx?page=1303.

tue 9 ‘Tis the Season Movie Series 7pm. “Christmas with the Kranks” (2004). Allen Public Library, 300 N. Allen Dr., Allen, 214-509-4904, www.cityofallen.org.

The Gift of Christmas featuring The Living Nativity Dec.

9-14, visit website for performance times and tickets. Presented by Prestonwood Baptist Church, a fantastical Christmas celebration, followed by a beautiful presentation of the true meaning of the season, featuring live animals, flying angels and much more. Purchase tickets at prestonwoodgoc.org. Worship with us this weekend at 6801 W. Park Blvd, Plano; 1001 W. Prosper Trail, Prosper; and 12123 Hillcrest Rd, Dallas 972-820-5000, Prestonwood Baptist Church.

wed 10 Puppet Show: Gingerbread Boy 10:30am & 3pm. Holiday Special. Listen to some stories and watch a puppet show. Free, All Ages. Haggard Library, 2501 Coit Rd., Plano, 972-769-4464, www. planolibrary.org.

thu 11 Santa’s Village-Richardson Thu – Sun, 6-9pm. For 25 years, Santa’s Village has delighted children of all ages as they travel from one tiny dwelling to another to experience holiday crafts, treats and activities, culminating with a visit with St. Nick himself. The tiny town has become an annual tradition for many families. 411 W. Arapaho Road, Richardson, 972-744-4301, http:// cor.net/index.aspx?page=1303.

The Magic of Nutcrackers 7:30-9pm. Learn more about nutcrackers from Ric Markin. The nutcracker is steeped in the lore of the forest and countryside, and Ric will bring this all to life in an entertaining and enlightening discussion. He will also share a collection of images that demonstrate the wide variety of German nutcrackers that have been created. This event is free. Allen Civic Auditorium, 300 N Allen Drive, Allen, 214-509-4911.

fri 12 Holiday Hayride with Santa 6:15-9pm. Take a hayride with jolly

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old’ Saint Nick! Through Bethany Lakes Park and festively decorated neighborhoods, your family will enjoy the lights and sing-alongs with Santa on this merry holiday hayride. Pre-registration is required. Hayrides will depart at various times within registered time slot. Hayrides are 30 min long. Cost: Free-2 years and under; $4-under 12 years; $5-12 years+. Online registration codes 43998 6:15-7 p.m. 43999 7:15-8 p.m. 44000 8:15-9 p.m. Joe Farmer Recreation Center, 1201 E. Bethany, Allen, 214-509-4750.

Holidays On Ice Show - Free Event 7-9pm. Join Allen Community Ice Rink as we celebrate Holidays on Ice featuring the Allen Academy of Skating and Allen Community Ice Rink Skaters. Bring a non-perishable food item and Admission is free. All ages are welcome. Allen Community Ice Rink, 200 E. Stacy Rd., Allen, 972-912-1097.

SNAP Dance in Allen (Holiday Party) 7-10pm. Come SNAP your fingers and shuffle your feet at our Special Needs Adapted Program! Dances feature live music, a fun and creative theme, snacks and a commemorative photo that is mailed to each participant’s home! Each dance takes place the second Friday of every month. Register early, the fee increases to $15 at 5 p.m. the Wednesday prior to each dance. Friday, December 12-Holiday Party Recreation Hall, 105 S. Anna Dr., Allen, 214-509-4707.

sat 13 Open House at Eldorado Montessori 10am-2pm. Eldorado Montessori, 11600 Teel Pkwy., Frisco, 972-334-9444, www. eldoradomontessori.com. See ad in this issue.

Frisco Frosty 5K & Merry Mile 7am-12pm. Please visit website for all the details and to register. Simpson Plaza at City Hall, 6101 Frisco Square Blvd., Frisco, www.friscofun. org/MMS/Pages/Frosty5KMerryMile.aspx.

A DSO Family Christmas 11am. The family tradition continues during the holidays with the DSO, its chorus and The Children’s Chorus of Greater Dallas. And if you’re good, Santa himself will make a special visit! Ticket prices vary, please visit website to purchase tickets. The Meyerson Symphony Center, 2301 Flora Street, Dallas, 214-TIX-4DSO www.mydso. com/season-tickets/subscriptions/14-15-family-series/productions/dso-family-christmas.aspx#.


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the know it all sun 14 A St. Andrew Christmas Sun-4-7pm Musical favorites of the season from choirs & orchestra. 4 & 7pm. St. Andrew United Methodist Church, 5801 W. Plano Pkwy, Plano, 972-380-8001 www. astandrewchristmas.org. See ad in this issue.

tue 16 Super Science: Feel the Vibrations 7-8pm. Can you hear me now? We’ll play with balloons, sound cannons, and rubber band guitars as we learn about the science of sound. Free tickets will be available on a first-come, first-served basis 30 minutes before the program. Free, All Ages. Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972-208-8000.

‘Tis the Season Movie Series 7pm. “A Christmas Carol” (2009) Allen Public Library, 300 N. Allen Dr., Allen, 214-509-4904, www.cityofallen.org.

Quote Along Movies! 7pm. Join in the fun at the Haggard Library for holiday favorites and belt it out (no shushing here!) at our movie quote (and sing!)-along. Free, All ages. Home Alone (PG, 103 min) – Quotealong with Kevin McCallister as he brings down two thieves when he gets left behind at Christmas. Haggard Library, 2501 Coit Rd., Plano, 972-769-4250, www.planolibrary.org.

wed 17 Menorah Lighting 6:30-8pm. Join NorthPark Center and Rabbi Dubrawsky from the Chabad of Dallas to celebrate Chanukah with the lighting of the menorah in the Festival of Lights. Complimentary refreshments will be served after the lights have been kindled. NorthPark Center, 8687 N. Central Expressway, Dallas, 214-369-1234.

thu 18 Santa’s Village-Richardson Thu – Sun, 6-9pm. For 25 years, Santa’s Village has delighted children of all ages as they travel from one tiny dwelling to another to experience holiday crafts, treats and activities, culminating with a visit with St. Nick himself. The tiny town has become an annual tradition for many families. 411 W. Arapaho Road, Richardson, 972-744-4301 http://cor. net/index.aspx?page=1303.

fri 19 Puppet Show: Holiday Puppet-palooza 3-4pm. Listen to some stories and watch a puppet

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show. Free, All Ages Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972-208-8000, www.planolibrary.org.

The Light Crust Doughboys Cowboy Holiday 7:30-9:30pm. Texas’s oldest and continuously operating band will perform their western swing classics along with holiday favorites.Free tickets will be issued at 7pm on a first come, first served basis. Allen Civic Auditorium, 300 N Allen Dr, Allen, 214-509-4911.

sat 20 Christmas Eve Worship at St. Andrew United Methodist Church 5:30pm. For those who are traveling on Christmas Eve. St. Andrew United Methodist Church, 5801 W. Plano Pkwy, Plano, 972-380-8001, www.standrewumc. org. See ad in this issue.

The Allen Civic Ballet presents the “Nutcracker” 7pm. Follow Clara as she saves the life of her beloved Nutcracker Prince and embarks on a journey through the Land of Snow to the Palace of the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Kingdom of the Sweets. Live musical accompaniment will be provided by the Allen Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra. Tickets are available at $15, $20 and $25. Performing Arts Center, 300 Rivercrest Drive, Allen, 972-7275959, www.allencivicballet.org.

Dallas Mavericks vs. San Antonio Spurs 7:30pm. American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

sun 21 Dallas Cowboys vs. Indianapolis Colts 3:25pm. AT&T Stadium, 925 N. Collins St., Arlington, 817-8925000, www.dallascowboys.com.

mon 22 Tech EdVentures Winter Break Tech Camp Dec.

22-Jan 2. Tue-9am-4pm Tech EdVentures brings computer coding, engineering and design skills to Grades K-8. Tech EdVentures, 10909 Hillcrest, Dallas, 972-905-1777 www.techedventures. com. See ad in this issue.

Dallas Mavericks vs. Atlanta Hawks 7:30pm. American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

tue 23 Library LEGOs & The Lego Movie 2-4pm. Library LEGOs & The Lego Movie (PG, 100 min) – Double your fun with LEGOs! Watch


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the know it all The Lego Movie while playing with LEGOs. Free All Ages Parr Library, 6200 Windhaven Pkwy., Plano, 972769-4300.

Family Robotics WeDo: Ferris Wheel 3-4pm. Use your math and engineering skills to build a Ferris wheel that rotates and stops for passengers! One registration per family required. Registration opens two weeks prior to session. Free All Ages Schimelpfenig Library, 5024 Custer Road, Plano, 972-769-4200.

wed 24 Christmas Eve Worship at St. Andrew United Methodist Church 4pm – children focused in the Sanctuary; 5&7pm,The Well – contemporary in Smith Worship Center; 6, 8& 11pm – traditional in the Sanctuary. St. Andrew United Methodist Church, 5801 W. Plano Pkwy, Plano, 972380-8001 www.standrewumc.org. See ad in this issue.

Candlelight Christmas Eve Service at Prestonwood 4:30pm. Come celebrate the birth of Christ with us! Prestonwood Baptist Church, 12123 Hillcrest Rd, Dallas, prestonwood.org. See ad in this issue.

fri 26 Dallas Mavericks vs. Los Angeles Lakers 7:30pm. American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Ave, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

sat 27 Mad Science: Sounds Like Science 3pm. Make waves and some noise in this fun and funky science show! The Mad Scientist will create crazy cacophony with a garbage can, a swinging sound tube and a metal pipe! Children will cheer as pickles glow and potatoes pop! Free, All Ages. Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972208-8000, www.planolibrary.org

sun 28 Dallas Mavericks vs. OKC Thunder 6:30pm. American Air-

and down. Project will be repeated at each session; please register for only one. One registration per family required. Registration opens two weeks prior to session. Free, All Ages. Sessions at 10am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, & 6pm. Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972208-8029, www.planolibrary.org.

Bender the Balloon Man 3-5pm. Help make a group sculpture using balloons. Take home something special that Bender the Balloon man creates just for you! Come and go. Free All Ages Schimelpfenig Library, 5024 Custer Road, Plano, 972-769-4200.

tue 30 Rockin’ RoboticsEV3 Cookie Delivery 2-5:30pm. Eat some snacks as you determine how to create a robotic butler to serve cookies on a plate. Registration required. Registration opens two weeks prior to session. Free, Ages 10-12. Schimelpfenig Library, 5024 Custer Rd., Plano, 972-769-4200, www.planolibrary.org.

Hovercraftiness 3-4pm. Use everyday objects as a gateway to this brave new world of transport. Learn about hovercraft mechanics and hovercrafts that are currently in use before making your own awesome floating machine. Free Grades 4-8 Davis Library, 7501-B Independence Pkwy., Plano, 972-208-8000, www. planolibrary.org.

Neutral Buoyancy Challenge 3-4pm. Some things float, some things sink, and some things remain perfectly balanced in between! Explore neutral buoyancy by working in teams to create objects that will “hover” when placed in water - it’s not as easy as it sounds! Based on PBS SciGirls activities. Registration required. Registration opens two weeks prior to session. Free, Grades 4-8. Haggard Library, 2501 Coit Rd., Plano, 972-769-4250, www.planolibrary.org.

Dallas Mavericks vs. Washington Wizards 7:30pm. American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

lines Center, 2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas, www.mavs.com.

wed 31

mon 29

Noon Year’s Eve Party 11am-

Family Robotics WeDo – Airplane Rescue Build an airplane that changes speed as it tilts up

12pm. Celebrate the New Year early with crafts, activities and a countdown to 12 NOON! Free, All Ages. Haggard Library, 2501 Coit Road, Plano, 972-769-4250.

Please note: Although we strive to bring you the most current information available regarding event dates & times, confirming with the event venue before going is always a good idea. SP

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let’s make

snow globes! Let your kids make their own snow globe! Make several scenes, one for each bedroom. Or personalize and place at individual table settings.

the F

U pagN e

What you’ll need: - Old jars with lids (Mason jars, peanut butter jars, and baby-food jars work well.) - Glue gun - Plastic Christmas figures (Check craft or hobby stores for the figures used in “under the-tree” scenes.) - White rocks, marbles, or decorative glass pieces - Water - Food coloring (optional) - White glitter and/or white confetti (Use metallic or plastic confetti, not paper.)

What you’ll do:

1 2 3

Wash and dry the jar and the lid. Glue the figures and the rocks to the inside of the jar lid using a glue gun.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. — Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Fill the jar with cold water to within 1/3 inch of the top. If desired, add a drop of food coloring (blue makes a nice sky effect). Add 2 tablespoons glitter and/or confett

Squeeze a line of hot glue around the inside rim of the lid and immediately seal the jar with the lid.

GOTTA LOVE ‘EM

Editor’s note: You can find clear plastic jars for your tiny tots to enjoy too. We found it at www.fun.familyeducation.com. Enjoy!

LOL with James Estes!

Source: xmasfun.com/Jokes.aspx

WHAT DO YOU CALL PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS? Claustrophobic

My 3 year old granddaughter was in a habit of saying, “what the heck!” In an effort to help her make a better choice to express herself, I suggested, “How about saying ‘Oh my goodness’ instead”. The next time she felt the need to “express” herself she blurted out, “What the goodness!” SHARON GROVES, GRANDMOTHER/READER

Do you have a funny story about your child? We’d love to hear it. Send themto editor@suburbanparent.com.

WHAT DO SNOWMEN EAT FOR BREAKFAST? Ice Crispies WHY DO MUMMIES LIKE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH? Because of all the wrapping! To Advertise in Suburban Parent, Call 972.887.7779 | Suburban Parent | 29


I

I can’t think of a thing

bet if researchers did a study on parents, they’d discover that collectively, most of us haven’t had one single, important, creative and/or probing thought in years. We’re practically clueless. It’s no wonder...who can think with all the noise children make - the constant questions - the running and screaming - the music blaring from every room in the house (occupied or not). This immutable clamor makes contemplative thought, let alone reading directions, composing a shopping list, and stringing two or more words together nearly impossible. (Incidentally, it’s always during a crisis in my home, like when the dishwasher floods or a letter arrives from the IRS or a tree falls on the house, that my kids really shoot for the stars and start a 16-piece saucepan orchestra in the kitchen.) Parents are complete morons, really. No longer able to think, we just stare off into space - only able to get through the day by pure animal instinct. This is why you’ll see a parent at the grocery store staring blankly at frozen orange juice while her screaming children climb in and out of the grocery cart. The mom doesn’t twitch a muscle. She can’t. She just desperately clutches her shopping list and stares at the freezer window, trying unsuccessfully to put together the thought: “do...we...need...juice?” People without children often misread these situations. They’ll push their cart past the mom and think the poor woman is dreaming of being alone on a tropical island. The rest of us, of course, know exactly what’s going on - she’s caught in a complete, helpless, dim-witted state...sort of like the juice. It’s sad what happens to parents. Door to door sales-

men witness this every day. Salesman: Good afternoon sir, do you have a home alarm system? Me: Uhhhh. Salesman: Should I take that as a no, sir? Or, does the drool mean, yes? Over time, I’ve tried to compensate - develop a few survival techniques. I’ve had success driving around lost with the children, even with mapsco. As the children are belting out song lyrics, I’ve learned to talk to myself to avoid drifting into a moronic state. I’ll say to myself: “It’s okay Ken, concentrate...watch the road....that’s right - noise is your friend...don’t forget, it’s illegal to jump out of a moving car...” I’ve also learned to steal some moments alone...just to think. For example, I’ll take a slow walk to the mailbox, hide in the shower, turn on the vacuum cleaner, or run down the street pretending to chase the cat. When I really want to get crazy, instead of drugs and alcohol, I’ll find a quiet place to feel the rush of a complete thought. I’m sure you’ve seen me at the library...giggling to myself. I suppose there is money to be made in all of this. I could rent my house out to those professionals who might benefit from the noise. I could start a trade school for people who need to learn how to filter out distractions - like bomb diffusers, safe crackers, and school bus drivers. Little good it does me in my job though. Unfortunately, I’m a writer and I need a quiet atmosphere to concentrate. When I don’t get it, I make mistakes. When I don’t get it, I make mistakes. SP

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