Legacy Magazine by Digital Publisher

L E mG A C Y agazine

celebrating life with ser vice member families, couples, and spouses

â€œ I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude.

Brene Brown

Eight years ago, when I began my journey within the service member community, I didn’t know what to expect. Hearing about the woes of establishing community and a sustainable career from my peers, I became curious about how others before us had handled the lifestyle changes. But when I turned to the available books, magazines, and various media outlets I was surprised to discover that the content was extremely limited. The articles I did find often touched only on surface level issues or focused primarily on negative aspects, which was discouraging. But as time continued and I began to invest in my community I started to witness very different stories. I discovered tales of strength, resilience, and hope, even in the midst of adversity. So I asked myself, “why aren't these stories being shared and what would happen if they were?”

Recent research reveals that our brains are hardwired for story, and behavioral psychologists reveal that narratives have the power to change not only the writer but also the reader. So it is our hopes at Legacy Magazine to engage the greater community while offering content that is both aesthetically appealing and full of depth. As you flip through the following pages, you will discover that we have divided the publication into nine personas. We believe that a little of each resides in everyone, while one or two might resonate with you most. These are the traits we’ve seen exemplified courageously within this community and believe that different seasons may call for different strengths. It is our hopes that the personal narratives, professional development exercises, and interviews provided hope and guidance in whatever season you might find yourself.

MAY WE CULTIVATE CURIOSITY WHILE CHOOSING CLARITY OVER CHAOS; CELEBRATE CREATIVITY WHILE CHOOSING CONNECTEDNESS OVER COMPARISON: AND CURATE CONFIDENCE WHILE CHOOSING COURAGE OVER COMFORT.

All the best,

Abi Abi Ray, LMFTA Editor-in-Chief

The Legacy Team EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Abi Ray DIRECTOR OF DESIGN Leslie Brians DIRECTOR OF DEVELOPMENT Katie Christy CONTENT EDITOR Kimberly Bacso

Contributors PHOTOGRAPHERS Melissa Batzer

Tysha Hallman

Amy Rae

Julie Benson

Ethan Jago

Skylar Rain

Erin Brady

Maria Johns

Sami Roy

Hailey Faria

Kelsey Lafferty

Morgan Slade

Rachel Garrison

Kendra Lee

Christine Waller

John Gessner

Jocelyn Marie

Kara Webb

WRITERS Melissa Batzer

Megan Casper

Abi Tomberlin

Julie Benson

Sarah Farrell

Laura Vien

Michele Bradfield

Stephanie Howell

Corie Weathers

Elizabeth Boardman

Betsey Moyer

Nichole Weakley

Jeannie Carpentier

Jennifer Pate I L L U S T R AT O R S

Joanna Dee

Lana Gibson

Mattie Tiegreen

Contents

CRUSADER 6

The Brave Life by Megan Casper

Achieving Balance a profile on Amy Lou Hawthorne

Breaking the Leadership Myth by Katie Christy

C U R AT O R 16

Making Memories for Mattie Lue by Laura Vien

An Intentionally Designed Life a profile on Torrance Hart

Raspberry Thumbprint Cookies by Melissa Batzer

CONFIDANT 28

Timeless Pieces for Hosting by Sarah Farrell & Betsey Moyer

Receiving is in the Giving a profile on Lauren Tamm

Active Listening by Katie Christy

C R E AT I V E 38

Thinking Outside the Box by Julie Benson

The Bag Lady a profile on Cameron Cruse

Design Your Own Winter Greenery Wreath by Jennifer Pate

CHAMPION 52

Setting Intentions by Katy Christy

Wander, Cook, and Savor a profile on Caroline Potter

Intelligent Exercise by Jeannie Carpentier

CAREGIVER 66

Holding Down the Fort by Abi Tomberlin

Love is A Verb a profile on Leia Capps

Strength for our Daughters by Nichole Weakley

C O N T E M P L AT O R 78

Serenity in Flow by Michele Bradfield

Rooted in Intention a profile on Diane Jago

Winter Reading List by Stephanie Howell

C A T A LY S T 88

Thriving vs. Surviving by Elizabeth Boardman

From Isolation to Ignition a profile on Sundi McLaughlin

Bloom Where You are Planted by Katie Christy

COACH 96

Climb the Ladder to Your Highest Potential by Corie Weathers

Making Things Happen a profile on Lara Casey

104

Strong Relationships by Katie Christy

| crusader |

THE BRAVE LIFE WRITTEN BY MEGAN CASPER â€¢ PHOTOGRAPHY BY HAILEY FARIA

|6|

| crusader |

hen we think of bravery we so often think of the young,

then when you get there you find out a deployment or long training is

strong soldier fearlessly running into battle, flag held high,

on the horizon, so now you will say goodbye to the person you love the

throwing caution to the wind because he knows he has waited for this

most (who is the very reason you moved away from all those you love

moment. He has readied himself through months of training, physically

in the first place!). It’s not easy for a spouse to look at his wife and kids

and mentally. He has learned to work as a team and respond quickly to

then turn and walk on the bus or plane for a foreign country knowing

challenging circumstances. Chances are, he is even a person who thrives

he might not come home. No, these things aren’t for the faint of heart.

on the challenge the battlefield brings. This military life makes you brave and bravery is beautiful. Despite all But what about in the everyday? In the military life, where does bravery

of the hard things mentioned, this military life is beautiful, because it

exist outside of the battlefield?

calls us to really live. We don’t always have the luxury of sitting behind a desk and watching our lives pass us by, just “working for the weekend.”

The dictionary describes bravery as: courageous behavior or character.

Military Families have the privilege of doing the hard things, by force

Behavior. You can learn to be brave. If you are a member of the military

or by choice, which when you think back, are the times we really

or married to someone in the military I would argue that you already

grow. The hard things not only make us strong, compassionate, more

are brave. You have had to do hard things, think scary thoughts and

engaged, wiser and of course, brave.

choose to keep believing and walking forward anyway.

When we come to the other side of hard times, times we thought we couldn’t survive and yet we somehow do, we learn what we are made of.

That is bravery: hope in the face of fear. The will to keep going when the darkness creeps in. Bravery is asking for help, admitting when you

Often times we learn we can do it again and we just might be able

are wrong, sharing the burden with others, coming alongside each other

to do something even harder. Perhaps we even look back and laugh

to fight the daily battles.

at ourselves for thinking we couldn’t make it (or maybe we are just laughing in disbelief that we did make it).

Bravery can be seen in almost every aspect of our military lives. In the face of the woman single parenting while her husband is deployed.

Experiencing so much gives you permission to find your real strength.

In the heart of the man who looks at his wife and children one more

Strength that you didn’t know you had. Yes, there are many times when

time before he boards the plane to a country that isn’t his, knowing he

you may have thought “I don’t want this experience. I don’t want to

might never return to the one he calls home. In the voice of a child

be tested and strengthened.” There have been countless times when we

asking his momma again, “When is Daddy coming home?” as a single

don’t walk through the hard times with grace and patience. However,

tear he couldn’t hold back rolls down his chubby cheek. It’s in the

we learn. We learn that bravery is a behavior that can be developed.

eyes of the woman who’s been told the cancer is back, but this time

We can choose our response, which resources get us through and

it’s everywhere and she might not live to see her son return from his

oftentimes just remembering what we have gone through before makes

deployment. Bravery shows up in a marriage when the loneliness of a

the difference.

busy schedule takes over and the desire to think someone else is better creeps in, but you choose to honor your vows anyway. You find bravery

Bravery is something to be gifted to others in the military life as

in the moment your friend shares that she just can’t take it anymore; the

well. As a seasoned soldier mentors a younger one, other members of

overwhelming pressure of bills, the kids, the dog, the dishes and no one

the military community can teach each other how to keep pushing

home to help is crippling her.

forward during inevitable trials.

It’s not for the faint of heart to leave everyone and everything you know

Bravery is behavior to be learned, and a trait to give to others, which just might be the best part: Learning to be brave together.

when orders come in to move across the country or the world. And

|7|

| crusader |

Achieving Balance Amy Lou Hawthorne finds fulfillment through faith, family, and service W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY E R I N B R A DY A N D K E N D R A L E E

the word as a U.S. Army officer leading other soldiers, but she’s also

W H AT A D V I C E W O U L D 1 8 -Y E A R - O L D S E L F ?

an active voice for social and religious matters. Her responsibilities

Little Amy, don’t run from your mistakes. Own them, speak truth

with the U.S. Army are a full-time job, but that doesn't keep her

over them, and change. Humility is beautiful. Jesus loves you. When

from running an influential blog where she campaigns on matters

you feel alone, He is always near. You’re going to be an amazing wife

of relational commitment, motherhood transitions, and spiritual

and mama one day and then you’ll realize why life has played out

redemption.

this way. You’re molding, you’re growing, and you’re learning. Keep

Not only is Amy Lou Hawthorne a crusader in the truest sense of

YOU

GIVE

YOUR

fighting and don’t ever EVER give up. One day you’ll have a voice of TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF

encouragement and others will want to listen.

I’m a lover of creating family traditions, celebrating holidays, exploring the great outdoors, and coffee. I’m passionate about my

HOW DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND MEET?

faith, my hubby Blake, our two little girls, Everly Brynn and Hadley

I love this story! I was 24 and had just graduated from Auburn

Rae, and of course our little beagle, Bella. I’m a proud, active duty

University and started helicopter flight school for Army Aviation. I

Army aviator by day and a mamapreneur creative by night. I love

was set up on a blind date with an 18-year-old by one of my best

throwing parties and hosting events, but I’m secretly a closet introvert.

friends. Now, age is just a number…but maturity is a different story.

Most days you can find me cuddled up on the couch with my family,

It was horrible! A couple weeks later she said, “Hey Amy! There’s

sipping coffee, and watching the movie Moana.

someone else I want you to meet!” I completely refused and told her how horrible the first date went and that I just didn’t think she knew

W H A T I S Y O U R F A M I LY H E R I T A G E ?

my taste. Long story short, she kept insisting and I gave in and went

I was born and raised in the South and love fried gizzards, collard

on another blind date. Blake pulled up in his truck, which was already

greens, and sweet tea, but my heart belongs in the great Northwest. I

a win, and I saw his chiseled jaw and bald head, and it was game over

blame humidity and allergies for the preference, but I also crave the

You’re molding, you’re growing, and you’re

endless mountains and outdoor activities. My mom is from South Korea, and I’ve visited all of our family there 18 times. I am so proud

learning. Keep fighting and don’t ever EVER

of my Korean heritage! Blake was able to meet my Korean family while we were stationed there and to this day, it’s one of my greatest

give up. One day you’ll have a voice of

blessings. I love teaching my girls about the Korean culture, and we hope to adopt from there one day.

encouragement and others will want to listen.

|8|

| crusader |

|9|

| crusader |

then. I may be weird, but I loved his bald head. We went out for

before I was okay with it. Once I accepted it, he and I learned how

Mexican food and the rest is history. Just three short months later

to feed off of each other in situations where I am more comfortable

we were engaged, and a month after that we had a secret courthouse

and vice versa. I share this because if young couples aren’t careful,

wedding in a small town in Alabama. Two years later, we finally had

their opposite qualities could lead them away from each other. I think

a ceremony in Fiji. It was well worth the wait. Fiji is breathtaking!

balance is key in relationships. It’s great to have similarities, but it’s also great to have differences.

W O U L D YO U AG R E E T H AT O P P O S I T E S AT T R AC T ? I F S O , H O W D O E S T H I S P L AY O U T I N YO U R R E L AT I O N S H I P ?

W H AT L E D YO U T O P U R S U E A C A R E E R I N T H E M I L I TA R Y ?

Part of me agrees, but part of me doesn’t. I think we definitely need

The Army is truly all I know. I was born and raised in Fort Knox,

someone who can balance out the qualities we may not have. For

Kentucky. My dad was in the Army for 30 years. When I started

instance, I was not financially savvy. Blake on the other hand is

college, I initially accepted a ROTC scholarship to help pay the

incredibly talented with finances, real estate, and investing. When we

tuition. After I joined ROTC at Seton Hall University, I realized I

married, I had nearly $100,000 of debt. Because he had a passion for

had a passion for serving. I transferred to Auburn’s ROTC program,

finances, he taught me so much. It was incredible, and four years later

which was one of the best in the country, and fell in love even more

we were debt free. However, I also think that if people are too much

because of the camaraderie, the patriotism, the selflessness, and

the opposite, that can actually work against them. Blake can be very

the challenge. Everything inspired me and pushed me to want to

serious when he first meets someone. Quite frankly, a lot of military

be better, and that’s what really gets me going. In the military, I’m

men have that stoic personality. To some it comes off as cold and

surrounded by like-minded individuals who genuinely care about this

rude, and that was difficult for me to understand and accept for the

country and the people in it. That makes my heart swell with pride

longest time. It was actually embarrassing to me. I, on the other hand,

and encouragement to serve.

am very bubbly and energetic when I meet someone for the first time. H O W D O YO U A N D B L A K E N AV I G AT E B E I N G D U A L - M I L I T A R Y A N D R A I S I N G A F A M I LY ?

It wasn’t until my marriage counselor made me realize that Blake’s behavior is not because he’s mean, but that’s just his personality with

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I always tell people that serving as a

people he doesn’t know. He takes a while to open up, and he’s been

mother is challenging, but being dual-military with kids is on an

that way forever. I had to learn this behavior and truly understand it

| 10 |

| crusader |

entirely different level. Many parents work with children, but I think

I enjoy doing too. I love Bible journaling, crafting, hiking, camping,

it’s the long hours, and sometimes days, weeks, and months away

playing softball, watching college sports, traveling, coffee shop dates,

that makes the military aspect even more challenging. The constant

and photography just to name a few. I wish I were a professional hip

changes that our little girls go through make them so resilient, and

hop or salsa dancer. I’d like to think I’m a Jane-of-all-trades (sadly, this

I think that’s what keeps Blake and me strong. Seeing how well our

does not include professional dancing). I find fulfillment in so much.

girls adapt to new sitters and new schedules is admirable and we are

of our schedules are so hectic, we both want breaks when we get

W H AT I S O N E T H I N G T H AT G R O U N D S YO U ? W H AT I S A S O U R C E O F A F F I R M I N G J OY YOU GO TO?

home and on the weekends, and that can be difficult to manage. My

Eating watermelon on a hot day on my back porch with my daughters.

biggest advice to dual-military families is to maximize time on the

Throwing the softball with my hubby in our front yard. Going house

weekends and alternate free time during the week. Blake and I work

hunting in beautiful neighborhoods and talking about our future

so proud. Our biggest challenge is time management. Because both

out our schedules over the weekend

dream home. Reading a book by the

and ensure we each know what things

fire with hot cocoa. Sitting in a hot

have to be done during the week. Our

tub in the mountains overlooking

time together as a family during the

snow-capped summits. Dyeing Easter

week is limited, but that just makes

eggs. Picking pumpkins. Cutting

every second together that much

down

sweeter. At the end of the day, as with

traditions keep me grounded. They

any marriage, prioritizing our family

remind me of my upbringing and

is critical.

my heritage. They remind me that no

Christmas

trees.

Family

matter how technologically advanced,

WHEN DOES A HOUSE BECOME A HOME TO YOU? W H AT BRINGS JOY IN YOUR HOME?

complex, chaotic, controversial, and modernized this world becomes, making

Honestly, I think love makes a house a

memories

and

creating

traditions with my family will always

home. As a wannabe interior designer

keep us grounded. I want them to

who loves home décor, rearranging

appreciate the genuine sincerity of a

furniture, and a good DIY project, I

hand-written letter and face-to-face

think it’s easy to get caught up in the

conversations.

Pinterest-worthy aspects of making a

peace within the walls of that new location. As soon as we sit back, see

I T ’ S N O E A S Y TA S K B E I N G A C R U S A D E R F O R F R E E D O M , F A M I LY , A N D F A I T H , Y E T YO U M A N AG E T O D O A L L T H R E E . W H AT K E E P S YO U M O T I VAT E D ?

the kids playing, and Bella sniffing away, we know we’re home. The

I’ve been through so much in my 31 years of life. I know that I have

love that fills the walls is all that’s needed when it’s all said and done.

a story that needs to be told. I know my mistakes and trials have a

house a home. Since we have to move so often with the military, it’s imperative for us to quickly settle down into new places and find

purpose. I’m so often asked, “How do you have the courage to share

W E K N O W T H A T Y O U R F A M I LY , C O U N T R Y , A N D H O M E A R E O F G R E AT I M P O R TA N C E T O YO U. W H AT E L S E D O YO U F I N D F U L F I L L I N G ?

such deep and personal stories of failure?” The answer is always the same. It’s easy. I am helping young women make better choices for

You’re so right. My family, country, and home make up most of my

themselves and their families. I’m reminding them that even though

world, and if I died just having my faith, family, and my service to

God knows the depths of their hearts, He still loves them. I’m sharing

this country, I’d die a happy girl. But there are so many other things

my stories of depression and hearing how much other women needed

| 11 |

| crusader |

to know that they aren’t alone. If I don’t share my story, then I’m

dirt-stained knees, sidewalk chalk and bubbles, small-town parades

not healing and it remains a painful memory deep in my mind.

and family dinners, dance recitals, and hundreds of miles and miles

With every message that I receive from friends, family, and complete

of untouched land. I pray I remember these things then and can slow

strangers thanking me for being transparent and vulnerable, I heal.

down, take a sip of coffee, and just look around at God’s green Earth.

That’s what keeps me motivated.

I want to embrace every finite detail that sits before me today because before long, it’ll be gone and my little girls will be mothers, leaving

W O U L D YO U S AY S E L F - C A R E P L AY S A N I M P O R TA N T R O L E I N YO U R L I F E ? W H AT A R E S O M E P R AC T I C E S YO U I N C O R P O R AT E INTO YOUR ROUTINE?

their own legacies for their little ones.

Absolutely, but I’ve only recently appreciated the role it’s played. Before I became a mother, I was in wonderful shape. I was an athlete, trained for figure competitions, and lived in the outdoors. Since having two little babies, my physical appearance has greatly changed, not because I stopped caring, but because slowing metabolism is a real thing. And so are donuts. I’ve recently started making physical fitness and a healthy nutrition a habit, and I’m a firm believer that we can turn habits into routines. I also know self-care isn’t just about outward appearance and have self-care mechanisms in place for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I have my daily morning devotionals with candles lit, praise and worship music playing, and a warm cup of coffee. I also have (unplanned) cry-it-out sessions with the hubs to let out all of my frustrations and anxieties and to just have a good heartto-heart talk. Given my demanding profession, it’s important for me to find the mental balance between work and family, and self-care is critical for my mental health. W H AT A D V I C E W O U L D Y O U R 6 0 -Y E A R - O L D SELF GIVE TO YOU NOW? Your metabolism never got faster, so stop eating donuts - haha! Truth be told, I fear the future. Not because of some crazy natural disaster, politics, or hate. I fear the future because I’m afraid we as a society are going to lose sight of the simple things that made us who we are. I know when I’m 60 and gray, I’ll be telling my grandchildren about the simple things in life that made 2017 so beautiful -- dirt roads and

| 12 |

| crusader |

W H O S E L E G AC Y L E F T A N I M P R E S S I O N O N YO U A N D W H AT W O U L D YO U L I K E YO U R LEGACY TO BE? My parents provided me with legacies, and they probably don’t even realize it. My sweet Korean mother gives me a legacy of having a giving heart, compassion for others, and social acceptance. My handsome Vietnam Vet father leaves me a legacy of integrity, Southern charm, a killer softball arm, and selfless service. I can only pray that when my daughters are asked one day, “Whose legacy left an impression on you?” that they respond with “my parents.” If they do, then we’ve done it right. I pray to leave them a legacy of humility and grace -- that in all things, if you remain humble and honest, your character will shine. I want them to chase after grace rather than perfection. I want them to try their hardest in all that they do, but to never be afraid of failure. I want them to learn from their mistakes, and get back up and teach others what they’ve learned. I want them to laugh without fear and cry without hesitation. I want them to love everyone, absolutely everyone, with all of their hearts. Mostly, I want them to love God and to look to Him every step they take. If I can teach my girls these things, my legacy will still live on.

| 13 |

| crusaderr |

BREAKING / THE / LEADERSHIP / MYTH W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

Leader. When you read that word, what image pops into your mind?

Challenging leadership myths and paradigms definitely happened

Up until last year, when I heard the word leader, many different images

during the four-day event. Our group quickly bonded as we listened

would appear -- a seasoned officer giving orders on the battlefield, a

to inspirational keynotes, participated in educational sessions, and

middle-aged man providing guidance in a boardroom, or the captain

tested our skills in experiential learning events. For me, the best part

of a sports team. Although I could easily see many different types of

of the program was the chance to develop my personal leadership

leaders, there was one image I struggled with assigning this moniker

philosophy. It was during this exercise that I, for the first time,

-- the one in the mirror. For some reason, I never defined myself as

owned my role as a leader. I stopped trying to force myself into a

a leader. It seemed too formal or too experienced. After all, I didn’t

preconceived notion of what a leader was supposed to be and started

actively manage a large group of employees or have people coming

defining what a leader was to me, and more importantly, what sort of

to me for advice on a regular basis. Furthermore, being a service

leader I wanted to be. The process was enlightening and invigorating.

member spouse living amongst professional and well-defined leaders

It felt so good to shed the shackles of negative self-talk and externally

in a hierarchical world only further entrenched this leadership stigma.

express my internal beliefs. I had finally reached a place to be able to

Once I became aware of this dissonance though, it really began to

embrace my good friend and mentor’s favorite quote by John Quincy

bother me. Why was I so reluctant to embrace the title of leader?

Adams. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

As the universe often does, I was lucky enough to confront this reluctance head-on when I was offered an opportunity to attend an

Even if you are not in a formal leadership position, you are a leader,

open enrollment program with a prestigious leader development

but to lead others effectively, you must first lead yourself. How does

organization. I quickly jumped at the opportunity and began

one go about doing that? The answer is actually quite simple -- invest

preparing for an amazing week. I was so excited to invest in my

time and effort into developing your own leadership philosophy. If

development, personally and professionally, and spend some time

you are like me, you may be questioning whether this is a worthwhile

challenging my self-inflicted leadership myth.

exercise, but I can guarantee that the benefits you and those around you will see from your heightened clarity will be worth the investment.

| 144 |

| crusader |

A FEW S I MP L E S TE P S T O B E G I N F R A M I N G YO U R OW N L E A DE R S H I P P H I L O S OPHY.

WRITE DOW N YOU R TOP T E N COR E VA L U E S

TAKE THE GA L L U P S TR E NG THS F IND E R â„¢ ASSESSMENT A ND F IND YOU R TOP F IV E SIGNATURE ST R E NG T HS

CHOOSE THE 3- 4 S TR E NG THS/VA L U E S TH AT RESONATE MOS T WIT H YOU

EXPAND EACH P OINT T O E X P L A IN WHAT I T MEAN S TO YO U A ND HOW YOU U S E IT

COMBIN E EAC H OF THE S E INT O A S ING L E DOCUMEN T T HAT F L OWS NAT U R A L LY A N D PRESEN TS A HOL IS TIC P IC TU R E OF YOU A S AN INDIVIDUAL A ND L E A D E R

After you have developed a rough draft of your leadership philosophy, have a few trusted friends or mentors read your philosophy. Find out if they think it accurately sums you up. Inquire whether there is a key aspect to your personality/leadership style that seems to be missing. Most importantly, ensure that your philosophy is broad enough to apply to multiple situations, but specific enough to provide clear intent.

I am a leader. There I said it. And I mean it! I lead my clients by sharing my expertise and experience so they can live a more fulfilled life. I lead my family by making decisions on activities for the children, which church we will attend, and what sort of food we will consume. I lead my peers in a local group of service member spouse entrepreneurs. Even though I may not give orders on the battlefield or provide guidance in a boardroom, I do have influence over my life and the lives of those I interact with on a daily basis. I now understand how having a clearly defined leadership philosophy increases my positive impact on the development of others.

| 15 |

Making Memories for

Mattie Lue WRITTEN BY LAURA VIEN â€¢ PHOTOGRAPHY BY TYSHA HALLMAN

| curator |

| 17 |

| curator |

With our first baby, it’s fair to say my favorite pastime while pregnant was designing Mattie's nursery. It gave me a huge sense of purpose to create a room in which both she and I would be spending a lot of time, and it gave me an enormous sense of accomplishment once it was completed. When most people think of a nursery, they think of a themed room or

The record player that rest on top plays a combination of mine and my

what a typical boy or girl nursery would look like, pinks, blues, little

parents old records, everything from Led Zeppelin to The Flaming Lips.

animals or Disney characters. I’m not your typical kind of gal, so when

Sometimes instead of bed time stories, Mattie and I have dance parties.

I started thinking about how I wanted to decorate her nursery, I knew I wanted it to be – one-of-a-kind. Growing up with a love of antiques,

All around the room has a touch of my grandmother, Honey, also

American history and passion for nature I knew I had to make this

Mattie’s namesake. Before we moved to North Carolina, you could

nursery a sanctuary. Mattie and my sanctuary.

always find me in my grandparent’s attic, rummaging through their history, looking for anything they struck my eye. My grandmother has

A moody rich color palette makes the nursery feel restful and

always had a thing for birds; we are ornithologists at heart and collected

sophisticated. The gold accents and old charm add a one-of-a-kind look.

everything “bird” for as long as I could remember, the 1976 C. Harper

The mid-century modular chandelier fills the space with a nostalgic

“Eagological Event” lithograph being one of my favorite finds. It’s a

glow. An old changing table that with a heavy marble top on it was in

perfect representation of a mother and father looking over their baby

my Papaw’s workshop for years, I kept it around and have used it for a

bird. How I see my husband and I looking over our sweet Mattie in our

makeup table, a desk, just about everything you could think of. I left

“nest”. The bird prints above the white modern crib were hanging in my

the white chipped paint as is, I’m not much of a DIYer or a painter.

great grandparents’ home in Evansville, Indiana. I reframed them with

| 18 |

some inexpensive Ikea gold frames. The remaining accents make this nursery super playful.

A key piece for me was the campaign dresser which doubles as a changing table. My parents hauled it to North Carolina from Tennessee the day before Mattie was born. The stylish design gives the room a pop of color and the gold hardware adds a touch of glam. The statement wall above the dresser holds an antique mirror trimmed in dark wood. The mystical creature, Wurzel-Sepp from Germany, a gift from my mother-in-law when my husband and I first started dating, is a good ghost carved out of the Black Forest pine-root. He watches over the room and protects it from bad things. The antique Japanese pheasant canvas screen discreetly hides the nursery monitor and it is a perfect backdrop for the recliner.

The butterflies in the corner above the mother-in-law’s tongue provide the room with a sense of tranquility. I’ve kept the butterflies that my brother gave me when I visited him in San Diego during his time stationed at Coronado Island. They have always brought me peace and provided me a constant reminder of the emergence of life. With the major life experience of having a new baby, the butterflies simply remind me that transformation is a beautiful part of life.

All around the room are shapely woven baskets bringing a natural touch to the modern accents. They also serve as your best friend when keeping clutter out of the way. The Kilim bordered thick wool area rug is the perfect blend of comfort and style. It’s a perfect place to lay, play, and watch Mattie Lue grow for years to come. The indigo dye crib sheet with matching changing pad cover brings a perfect print to provide a unique design, in hindsight it was a great Etsy score.

July will be our last month to really enjoy this space. Due to the military life and a PCS coming up, we will be heading to our next destination. Even though I won’t be able to bring this room with me, knowing that this was Mattie’s first nursery bring me so much joy.

I knew I wanted it to be: one-of-a-kind. Growing up with a love of antiques, American history, and passion for nature, I knew I had to make this nursery a sanctuary. Mattie and Iâ€™s sanctuary.

| curator |

| 21 |

| curator |

| 22 |

| curator |

An Intentionally Designed Life How Torrance Hart of Teak & Twine turned her love language into a career W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY S K Y L A R R A I N

Listening to Torrance describe how she curates her home and business

have the packaging reflect one cohesive color scheme?’ From there,

immediately transports you to a sunny reading nook full of comfy

I started collecting different items made by small companies and

furniture that invites early morning snuggles, cozy family breakfasts

putting together different combinations of gift boxes.” She then took

and afternoon reading sessions. “We get a lot of our items when we

the combinations she was putting together and tested them on social

are traveling. So each item reminds us of an amazing trip that we

media. “I would encourage other entrepreneurs to put their ideas out

went on. We also prefer to hunt for one thing that we love to bring

on social media and see which ones resonate with their audience. It

into our home instead of just filling the space with more things. We

helps you get your ideas out there and remain flexible.”

definitely have some minimalist tendencies.” Torrance’s clean, simple, and Scandinavian design aesthetic also translates into the branding

Flexibility and putting yourself out there with a positive attitude seem

colors for her business, Teak & Twine. “I just noticed the other day

to be the keys to success for Torrance. After serving as an Intelligence

that our branding colors — white, pale grey, and some bolder blues

Officer in the Air Force for eight years, she made the decision to get out

and greens — are exactly what is in our house.”

and pursue her entrepreneur dreams. “I've always been adventurous and had an entrepreneurial streak. It's such a cliché but as a child I

Whether curating beautiful, meaningful objects for her home or

definitely had a landscaping business and was selling lemonade on

business, Torrance loves finding pieces and products that have

the corner. Entrepreneurship is something that had always appealed

simple, clean packaging with modern typography, but also have

to me and it was something that I knew I could bring with me to

meaning. “We love products that have a really cool story or made

different bases since my husband was staying in. After researching

in an interesting way. For example, our honey comes from a third

different niches in the market that she could fill, she founded Teak

generation beekeeper and our little market brand candles are made by

& Twine while still on active duty. “I did both for a year, which is

Burmese refugees. Our Teak & Twine branded candles are made by

something I recommend. There's a lot of talk about taking the leap to

at-risk women in Chicago.”

quit your job and start your business. But I gained a lot of sanity from doing both and the same time; it was less stressful and I felt like I was

Teak & Twine is much more than just honey or candles. It is a thriving

actually able to take more risk by doing both together.”

small business that makes custom gift boxes for corporate and client gifting, weddings, and other special events. In their gorgeous online

The mastery of the “side hustle” while still employed in a traditional

store, you can choose from twenty different combinations of gifts

job is not the only lesson Torrance would like to share with budding

they have specially curated for a variety of occasions. Or they are

entrepreneurs. She encourages entrepreneurs to find similarities in

happy to create something especially for the person you want to

what they are good at and enjoy doing in their current careers and

celebrate. “I was seeing gifts that were just cellophane baskets and

see how they can apply them in their business. “Going from being an

didn't reflect anything about who sent them. I thought to myself,

Intel Officer in the Air Force to running gift box business seems like a

‘What if I created gifts where the contents where great products and

complete 180. But they are surprisingly similar: both jobs require you

| 23 |

| curator |

I WANT MY LEGACY TO BE SOMEONE WHO INSPIRED CONFIDENCE IN PEOPLE.

to be organized and diligent. Even though it’s different clients and

the first move for me where I was moving somewhere for someone

missions, my days are still filled with inbox management, filling client

else. I was used to being the service member and moving for my job so

requests, keeping a timeline and being accountable.”

that was a tough transition for me to make mentally.” Thankfully, she was able to get through this challenging situation by focusing on her

Another key lesson Torrance has learned as a service member and

continuing to grow her budding business, making her home a small

military spouse is that happiness is a choice. “You will be as happy in a

oasis of things she loves, and meeting new friends.

place as much as you decide to be. I've been stationed at a lot of places that people told me were horrible or boring. But I always had fun at

It’s unimaginable that Torrance has a problem meeting new friends.

those assignments because to me it’s really about enjoying wherever

It is clear that she is a cheerleader and advocate for anyone looking

you are. It’s a decision that you can make ahead of time and becomes

to pursue new ideas and avenues. “I want my legacy to be someone

a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

who inspired confidence in people. When I find out someone has a

Those words ring especially true for Torrance as she just completed

dream that they haven’t pursued yet, I always want to dive in and find

her toughest move yet- from the beaches of Florida to the deserts of

out more about why they haven’t. I can't help myself, I want people

New Mexico. “This most recent PCS was the toughest for me. Not

to dive in!”

only is Clovis a really small town in the middle of nowhere, but it was

| 24 |

| curator |

| 25 |

| curator |

Raspberry T HU MBP RI NT C O OK IE S R E C I P E A N D P H O T O G R A P H Y BY M E L I S S A B AT Z E R

THESE DELECTABLE COOKIES ARE BOUND TO BECOME A HOLIDAY STAPLE IN YOUR HOME. THE BEST PART IS THAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL NEVER BELEIVE THEY ARE A HEALTHIER, GLUTEN-FREE AND DAIRY-FREE OPTION.

PREP: 20 MIN | COOK: 12-15 MIN | YIELD: 16 2 CUPS BLANCHED ALMOND FLOUR ¼ CUP COCONUT FLOUR ½ CUP COCONUT SUGAR 1

TSP BAKING POWDER

PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 AND LINE A COOKIE SHEET WITH EITHER A SILPAT OR PARCHMENT PAPER. SIFT TOGETHER THE ALMOND FLOUR, COCONUT FLOUR, BAKING POWDER, AND SALT IN A MEDIUM BOWL.

⅛ TSP SALT

COMBINE COCONUT SUGAR INTO DRY MIX.

½ CUP COCONUT OIL, MELTED + COOLED

STIR TOGETHER THE COOLED COCONUT OIL, EGG,

SLIGHTLY 1

LARGE EGG, ROOM TEMPERATURE

TSP ALMOND EXTRACT

⅓ CUP RASPBERRY JAM ½ CUP WHITE CHOCOLATE (OMIT IF DAIRY-FREE)

AND ALMOND EXTRACT IN ANOTHER MEDIUM BOWL. ADD THE FLOUR MIXTURE TO THE WET MIXTURE AND STIR UNTIL COMBINED. LET SIT FOR 10 MINUTES SO THE COCONUT OIL SOAKS UP ALL THAT FLAVORFUL LIQUID. ROLL THE DOUGH INTO 1” BALLS AND PLACE 2” APART ON THE PREPARED COOKIE SHEET. MAKE AN INDENTATION USING YOUR THUMB ABOUT ¾ OF THE WAY DOWN INTO THE MIDDLE OF EACH COOKIE, TAKING CARE TO KEEP THE ROUNDNESS OF THUMBPRINTS WE ARE SO FOND OF. FILL EACH INDENTATION WITH ½ TEASPOON JAM. DON’T OVER DO IT, A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY! BAKE 12-15 MINUTES OR UNTIL THE COOKIES HAVE BARELY STARTED BROWNING ON THE BOTTOM. TAKE CARE NOT TO OVER BAKE BECAUSE THE JAM WILL BECOME VERY DRY. DRIZZLE WITH MELTED WHITE CHOCOLATE, IF DESIRED. REFRIGERATE IN AN AIRTIGHT CONTAINER FOR UP TO 4 DAYS.

a note:

IF YOU USE UNREFINED COCONUT OIL, THESE WILL LIKELY HAVE A COCONUT TASTE TO THEM. BY USING REFINED COCONUT OIL, THERE WILL BE NO COCONUT TASTE.

| confidant |

TIMELESS PIECES FOR HOSTING

WRITTEN BY SARAH FARRELL + BETSEY MOYER • PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN GESSNER

uch like the “little black dress” bills itself as the perfect frock for any party, we often seek similar pieces for our homes that can pull double duty. Classic furniture and housewares can create a personal and collected space that represents us and our

families to our guests no matter our station in life. As a military family you’ll likely see your furniture being packed and unloaded from a moving truck more times than you care to count. Optimistically speaking, a change in post can be an opportunity to reinvent your home, but on the downside, uprooting every couple of years can be a disorienting process. We set out to ease the transition from post to post. These pieces are always in style. They have classic lines. They are durable and suitable for all kinds of lifestyles. They can move with you and your family, from house to house, ensuring that each new spot feels like home as soon as your first days.

| 28 |

an iconic

| confidant | LEFT: Invest in an heirloom

SO FA

quality sofa with timeless lines, a piece that can travel with you from home to home, grow with your family, and serve as a great lounging spot where your family and guests can be comfortable. The English Roll Arm is the designer goto for creating a casual and inviting atmosphere. You can choose a family friendly linen -like upholstery option, but a performance velvet also looks great and handles the wear and tear of an active household. Dig deep and make the investment, quality construction is one of

tip: Find a sofa maker that has

the keys to creating a lasting sofa.

a long-standing reputation,

or go benchmade in America and get a custom experience tailored to suit your lifestyle.

H E I RL OOM RUG RIGHT: Itâ€™s hard to call it a comeback when the Oriental rug has been the standard in floor covering for as long as time has been measured. There are so many wonderful vintage patterns and colors coming out of the Middle East, now is a great time to invest.

| 29 |

| confidant |

gather around a

FARMHOUSE TAB L E LEFT: The farmhouse table is

one of the most recognizable dining table styles today and for good reason. They have classic lines and they have a casual family- way about them. Many times they are generously sized to accommodate a large group gathering for holidays.

serious

S HE ETS RIGHT: Playing host to overnight guests? Often the guest comfortable you feel when youâ€™ve stayed overnight on a comfortable bed with great sheets. It can be a transformative experience. Treat your own guests to this experience and theyâ€™ll be happy to return for a visit soon.

tip:

High thread counts do not always mean the best. Instead look for Egyptian longstaple cotton.

| 30 |

| confidantt |

sentimental mementos and

COLLECTIBLE ART ITEMS tip:

Use framed postcards from a local art exhibit or community event, a collection of matchbooks from all your favorite local eateries, or even a pinecone from your yard.

ABOVE: Make a point to collect art from each place youâ€™ve lived. Carefully exhibiting art and mementos in your home is a solid way to express yourself, your life, and your experiences. These items act as a representation of who you are to your guests, they tell your story, and often serve to ignite great conversation at a holiday party.

A L L P I E C E S A V A I L A B L E AT W W W. S H O P T E O T. C O M

| 31 |

| confidant |

Receiving is in the Giving Lauren Tamm is creating safe spaces for other spouses to share struggles and successes W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY M A R I A J O H N S

The service ethos is like a river that seems to effortlessly flow out of

Through her books and blog, Lauren has become a confidant for

everything Marine spouse and mom of two, Lauren Tamm embarks

military parents and spouses around the world. “I love sharing my

on.

authentic stories with my readers. In the military, there is this culture of ‘you need to suck it up’ and I think that is hurting us. Often times,

Lauren began her career by serving others as a critical care nurse. “My

military spouses and parents feel like they are not supposed to ask for

mom was a nurse and in many ways I fell into that, it felt right. I

help, that they are supposed to put on a happy face and pretend like

loved nursing, it fulfilled me in so many ways; it was practical and

they have it all together.” By candidly sharing her struggles, Lauren

jobs were easy to come by. I never believed that I would ever leave

creates a safe space for others to share their experiences. “I believe that

nursing.” But, like many military spouses, Lauren found the demands

people feel safe to tell me things that are bothering them because I’m

of shift work, military life and motherhood to be too much to handle.

wiling to share about the difficulties of our life. For whatever reason,

“Every time we moved to a new duty station, as the new person,

vulnerability isn’t a hard spot for me to go.” Lauren believes that safe

I found myself working 12-hour night shifts. And when you are

spaces are critical to the well-being of military spouses and is working

working night shifts, you have to find someone to not only watch

to remove the stigma around asking for help. “There’s a lot going on

your kids while you are working, but also during the day so you can

in the hearts and minds of military spouses that isn’t being shared

sleep. It felt very stressful and overwhelming, so my husband and I

that should be.”

decided that I would leave my job after I had my son.” Although it was difficult leaving what she assumed to be her life-long profession,

For example, Lauren is very candid about her initial impressions of the

it wasn’t long until Lauren was back in the service to others, this time

military and military life. “I had very negative preconceived notions

as a stay-at-home-mom and blogger.

about military life. My first impression wasn’t great. After my first social gathering, I had this overwhelming feeling that none of those

“After I had my son I researched a lot on the topics of babies, sleep, and schedules. I was talking to a friend, who was in a similar season

My Grandmother always said, “The

of life as me, and she encouraged me to take all of my research and

receiving is in the giving” and I hope

thoughts and turn them into a blog. So I did!” Lauren’s blog, The Military Wife and Mom, features information and stories on practical

that my legacy is just that. I work to

parenting, motherhood, and thriving through the ups and downs of military life. She is also the author of four e-books, including Modern

create situations where I can sacrifice

Military Spouse: The Ultimate Military Life Guide for New Spouses and

and help others.

Significant Others.

| 32 |

| confidant |

| 33 |

| confidant |

people were anything like me and there was no way I would ever going to feel at home in this type of situation.” This lack of connection actually lead her to break up with her then-boyfriend for almost six months. But the pain of being apart was too great and their love was too strong, so they decided to get back together. “It took me realizing that any life, no matter how good, without him wasn’t worth it. Once I decided to be with him, the shift in my mind-set towards the military was immediate. I decided that I was going to do this life whole-heartedly and that I was going to persevere through everything that came along with it.”

One of the best ways Lauren has found to persevere in the midst of difficult circumstances is to form authentic friendships with other military spouses. “Military spouse friendship is the only thing that gets you through. Friendships take a little while to build. It doesn’t happen overnight, so I’ve been extraordinarily intentional about developing them.” As a self-proclaimed introvert, Lauren has to remind herself to continually put herself out there. “I don’t love going to a lot of different functions; I can do it, but it drains me. It’s hard and takes time, but we have to look for those hidden gem military spouse friends at every duty station.”

Those hidden gems have taught Lauren countless life lessons, including the importance of choosing connection over comparison. “My military spouse friends have taught me the power of commitment, the value of loyalty, and that’s its okay to ask for help. You don’t have to wait until the house is burning down, you can ask for help when you just had an off day. Reaching out for those lifelines should be happening all of the time, not just when things go wrong. Other military spouses always want to serve but they need to know who needs/wants the help!”

Serving the military community, whether it is by intentionally forming friendships, creating safe spaces for others to share their struggles, or authentically sharing her experiences with her readers, embodies who Lauren Tamm is. For her, the receiving truly is in the giving.

| 34 |

| confidant |

5 QUESTIONS WITH LAUREN Dream vacation: Beach Hero: My military spouse friends One item could you not live without: Coffee Favorite duty station: Okinawa, Japan Favorite dessert: Cheesecake

| 35 |

|| confidant confidant ||

active listening W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

Amongst the chaos of daily life, it can often feel like you are invisible

the only way we know we have been heard is through the number of

to the outside world. Sure, we make small talk with the receptionist

likes on our most recent Instagram post. Sitting down to have a face-

at the doctor’s office and chat with the cashier at the store, but

to-face conversation, in which no one is distracted by a group text

when was the last time that you had a true conversation in which

message or the newest Snapchat filter, is the only way we provide an

the other person truly saw who you were and understand what you

outlet for someone to voice their opinion, share their struggles, and

were saying. Our jam-packed schedules do not typically leave us time

celebrate their successes.

for true connectedness with those around us. In order to increase connection, curiosity and clarity should maximize the time that we

The benefits of active listening go far beyond the person sharing.

do get to spend with our spouses, children, and closest friends by

When you actively listen, your mind is quiet but alert. This allows

practicing active listening.

new ideas to emerge and gives you the ability to flex your altruistic muscles and focus on helping others. Imagine the benefits to your

Active listening allows us to become better confidants and comrades.

family, employer, or favorite non-profit if you spent fifteen minutes

It is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves

of your undivided attention on actively listening to them each day!

mutual understanding. It requires that the listener fully concentrates, understands, responds, and remembers what is being said. People

If you are ready to embark on the journey of cultivating curiosity by

love being heard but unfortunately it seems like in today’s society

becoming an active listener, here are five helpful hints to consider.

clear your mind Be sure to take the time to clear your mind of the eighteen things left on your “to do” list and reduce the distracting environment factors before beginning the conversation. The next time you are getting ready to have an important conversation with a client or friend, be sure you schedule yourself 5-10 minutes before the meeting to create the right mental and physical space for active listening to occur.

| |36 36| |

| confidant |

be aware of your body language Use non-verbal cues and gestures to convey your attention. By making eye contact, maintaining a receptive posture, and nodding occasionally, the other party knows that you are tuned in to the conversation. Children are especially aware of these cues, so be cognizant of the message you are sending when you are asking about how your child’s day at school was. You will be amazed at the difference in their response when you put your phone away and get down on their level.

check understanding Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Be sure to reflect what is being said and ask questions. A great reflection starting points is: "What I'm hearing is...” Imagine how helpful this tactic would be during a FRG steering committee or PTA meeting where strong personalities and different world views create a tense environment. A majority of the misunderstandings would be resolved almost immediately by first ensuring that both parties truly understand each other.

defer judgement During the conversation avoid judging, analyzing, or preparing a response. This frees you to listen with your total attention and allows the speaker time to go deep into their thoughts without feeling rushed. We can all think about a time when we immediately tensed, stopped listening, and began analyzing/formulating our response after hearing something that upset us. And we can all also think of a time when we could have avoided the aforementioned tension by deferring judgment and listening to the entire story.

r e s p o n d p o s i t i v e ly Active listening is a model for respectful behavior. Even if you don’t agree with a single thing the other party is saying, you are gaining new information and a different perspective. After they are finished follow up with any pertinent questions and thank them for sharing their thoughts. The key here is to not shoot down their ideas or attack their beliefs. You add nothing by spewing negativity, but posing a thoughtful question can help them re-examine their own beliefs. Imagine how differently the political debates would be if this was a requirement! It's true that active listening is not possible or appropriate in all situations or conversations. However, it is a mighty skill that can help strengthen our relationships and build our own sense of self-worth. Let’s make a concerted effort to practice active listening at least once a day. Soon, the connected conversations we seek will become more popular than a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

| 37 |

T H I NKING O UTSIDE THE BOX WRITTEN AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY JULIE BENSON

| creative |

WHEN YOU THINK OF QUILTING, WHAT DO YOU PICTURE? IT’S OKAY, YOU CA N SAY I T. . . A QU I LT I NG B E E ; A B U N C H O F L I TTL E O L D LAD I E S W ITH A S HAW L ON T HEI R S H O U L D E R S H U N C H E D OV E R T HE I R NEEDLEWO RK W HI LE TA LKI N G A B O U T TH E U P C O M I N G C H U R CH PICN I C . I A LWAYS HA D TH AT SA M E I M AG E I N M Y M I N D . Quilting is one of those arts that you assume is learned in some sort of

about quilting so I looked it up. I actually remember my first quilting

apprenticeship with your grandmother. I’m not a little old lady (yet), I

tutorial was one of those wiki-how-to pages. Once I read up on the

don’t wear a shawl on my shoulders, and I didn’t learn to quilt from my

steps of quilting, I was ready to charge ahead but a friend suggested

family or even friends. I learned with my laptop from total strangers

that I slow down and purchase a digital quilt pattern online. I wasn’t

that were all over the world.

particularly thrilled with the idea of using a pattern; the patterns were beautiful, but then I felt like it wasn’t all me and I couldn’t call it my

Growing up I loved the yearly hauling out of the Christmas decorations.

own.

What made our decorations so special was that most of our decor was handmade by my mom or someone close to the family. I loved to touch

I eventually gave in to my misgivings and settled on a simple pattern,

their handcraft and try to imagine in my mind how they made it. How

I used photo transfer fabric with cute images of the grand kids and a

did the angel get her painted cheeks, how did that tiny ornament get

fun fabric palette I knew she would like and was all set to make my

stitched, and how did Santa get his wiry fluffy beard? I was enamored

mom a throw quilt. My reluctance with the use of a pattern waged

with the thought that my mom or someone else we knew used a skill

on in the same way I look at a map or a list of rules; I treated it as a

in a beautiful way in a certain place or time and I was holding it my

rough guideline rather than a strict step by step process. While this

hands year after year.

casual attitude has served me pretty well in life, it did not translate to a well executed quilt. My mom swears she loves it but the wonky seams,

In 2014, I came into the world of sewing all because I wanted to have

disproportionate borders, and bizarre binding make me cringe every

great homemade decorations at my son’s first birthday party. I taught

time I see her Mother’s Day quilt.

myself the basics of sewing by researching blog tutorials, YouTube videos, and library books. I expanded on my general sewing knowledge by asking my mom about a technique when I saw something I liked.

WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE

She would tell me everything she knew and then I would use her key

YOUNG GIRL AND THE

words to Google search the technique so I could fill in any blanks when we got off the phone. With the spirit of the young girl and the

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS,

Christmas decorations, I began to reverse engineer every element of this

I BEGAN TO REVERSE

blooming hobby. I started hanging around fabric shops and craft stores picking up tips and shuffling more and more supply into the house till

ENGINEER EVERY ELEMENT

one day I ran out of space and was forced to move my operations from

OF THIS BLOOMING HOBBY.

the dining room table to a small but dedicated space.

The very first quilt I ever made was a Mother’s Day gift for my mom

Despite my sloppy first go at quilting, I was hooked. I dropped all other

just a few years ago. In addition to celebrating Mother’s Day, I wanted

sewing applications and stuck with quilting. The more time I spent in

to thank her for giving me my first sewing machine. I wanted to thank

fabric shops or on the message boards of quilting blogs, I realized that

her in a way that would mean something special to her so I decided

I was not like the average quilter. The folks that learn to quilt at the

to make a quilt because she made quilts. I didn’t know the first thing

hand of one particular person can, at times, be very narrow about the

| 39 |

| creative |

way things are done and my knowledge base was hodgepodge at best. I received many a raised eyebrow or even the occasional disparaging remark from the ladies in the fabric shop that were more mature quilters when I would describe my projects to them. There were times that I would let that judgement get to me or sometimes I would fall into a cycle of low confidence in what I did when I compared my quilts to those of other quilters. I felt so insignificant when I was in the presence of experienced quilters in person and online but on my own, I carried on.

In the early days, I would find inspiration in other quilts I saw online. I would see an overall look or just an individual element and decide I wanted to try to recreate that on my own and thus created a good baseline for quilting styles and methods. As time went on, inspiration started creeping in from everywhere. I would see a dress, a building, a garden, a random Instagram picture, anything I saw with an interesting angle or color palette I would ask myself, â€œhow do I turn that into a quilt.â€? The more I embraced the inspiration that peaked my interest, the more I dug in and really owned my style leading me to embrace my creativity.

Owning my style and creativity led me to start a small quilting business. The world of style and fashion is deep and wide but I have found that grounding myself in the confidence in my capabilities, embracing my own style, and the connections I make with the people that commission my quilts has kept me centered around a business that I want to work for every day.

I had one poignant moment a few months back when I looked up from my work and looked around at the work of those other quilters that I admire and felt like my work holds a place next to theirs. I can stand on my own two feet and confidently call myself an artist and a quilter because I embrace my idea of beauty, what makes my heart swell, what I want to put forth in the world, and what makes me crave my sewing machine everyday.

| 40 |

| creative |

THE MORE I EMBRACED THE INSPIRATION THAT PEAKED MY INTEREST, THE MORE I DUG IN AND REALLY OWNED MY STYLE LEADING ME TO EMBRACE MY CREATIVITY.

| 41 |

| creative |

| 42 |

| creative |

The Bag Lady How Cameron Cruse of R.Riveter is redefining what it means to be a COO W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY A M Y R A E

COO- these three letters seem to embody who Cameron Cruse is. Not only are they a representation of her profession (she is the Chief

OPTIMIST

Operating Officer of the successful company, R.Riveter), but they

Looking back at her journey as a military spouse, Cameron wouldn’t

also are the initials of the three words she lives her life by: Creative

give her younger self any advice. “I think I needed that initial sock

Optimist Opportunity.

and accompanying journey to get to where I am today.” The shock she is referring to was graduating from architecture school and

C R E AT I V E

immediately moving from a bustling city to the middle of nowhere to live with her husband, who was stationed in Dahlonega, GA and

Creativity (and purse making) seems to run through Cameron’s

deployed shortly after her arrival. “I had no idea what I was getting

veins. “I was a little art kid. I can remember teaching myself to sew.

myself into. I honestly didn’t know being a military spouse was an

My mom’s machine was downstairs; she guided me the first couple

actual job and came along with a totally different lifestyle and culture.

of stitches and then I just sat down and started constructing little

My greatest adventure was surviving my husband’s first deployment.

pouches. The first thing I ever made was a little coupon book with

It was definitely a crash course in ‘adulting’ and was something I had

Velcro that my mom carried around for at least 20 years.”

to do in order to understand what it meant to live independently. I had never paid bills before. When I received a very large property

It wasn’t long until those Velcro coupon pouches made in the

tax bill, I called my mom crying because I didn’t even know what an

basement of a busy suburban home just outside of Atlanta morphed

escrow was or that we had one that had already paid the bill!”

in to high-end canvas and leather handbags made by military spouses located around the country. With R.Riveter’s extraordinary growth it didn’t take long for Cameron to be pulled out from behind the machine and thrust in to a role in the office. “Once R.Riveter really started to take off and we got really busy, I had to put my sewing

SINCE WE WORK NINE OUT OF THE TWELVE HOURS WE ARE AWAKE, WHY NOT MAKE IT FUN AND INCREDIBLE?

machine and art tools away. Initially, it made me a little sad, but I really didn’t have the time to sew, paint, or make anything.”

A true creative, Cameron quickly found outlets at work. “Since we work nine out of the twelve hours we are awake, why not make it fun and incredible? For me it’s a mental to-do, it’s something that I feel like I need so I am sure to build it in my daily routine.”

| 43 |

| creative |

Cameron didn’t let that pesky property tax bill or shock of living alone for the first time get her down, her eternal optimism pulled her through and gave her the power to start her own business. “I’m extremely happy that I came out on the other side of [her collision course with military life] with a career that I am fulfilled by.”

Cameron’s optimism likely stems from her strong belief that everything in life is a choice. “You are always in control. No matter where you come from or what happens around you, you always have a choice. No matter your situation, you can always make lemonade out of lemons. We are not bound to anything or anyone, so don’t let anything detour you from your dreams.”

OPPORTUNITY Cameron’s dreams have come true by creating (with her co-founder, Lisa Bradley) the opportunity for hundreds of military spouses to pursue their dreams of mobile, flexible income with R.Riveter. She credits commitment and persistence as the factors that aided in the explosive growth of the company. “Commitment on [mine and Lisa’s] behalf; even though we’re not in the same physical space, I know she’s 100% in and she knows the same about me.” She continues, “persistence is huge and largely underrated in the entrepreneurial world. It takes a long time to get somewhere, you aren’t gong to open your website and immediately have thousands in sales. For us, Shark Tank was a slingshot but now we are trying to control the growth while keeping the upward trajectory.”

Throughout the growth and upward trajectory of R.Riveter, Cameron has been able to remain a devoted, and involved, wife and mother. Perhaps part of her success in all of these arenas is her outlook on how to deal with all of the unexpected events that seem to be synonymous with military life and entrepreneurship. “Work and family life can consume you, so you have to find little satisfactions in those things. If you hit a bump in the road, you have to embrace it and keep moving forward.”

Although the letters COO do a great job of summing up who Cameron is and the life she has created, they do fall short when trying to convey her uniquely calm and confident leadership style. This refined style is the result of a healthy amount of personal and professional development she undertook to refine of her natural strengths, tendencies and problem-solving skills.

Her number one natural strength is Relator, which means she enjoys close relationships and finds deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal. But that doesn’t mean she always understood how to apply her unique strength to her professional role. “I remember struggling with that [the results of the assessment]; I looked at my results and thought something must be wrong. I felt

| 44 |

| creative |

| 45 |

| creative |

like I couldn’t be who I needed to be in my job as a Relator. I thought

fulfilling than have them watch me work to solve the problem by

I had to re-do the test and change my answers to fit the role.” But

myself.”

after working with a coach and learning more about her strengths, she realized the power that came with leveraging, not denying, her

Solving problems and creating opportunities for optimism in the

Relator strength.

world will surely be part of Cameron Cruse’s legacy.

Cameron has also realized the power of becoming a learned extrovert

5 QUESTIONS WITH CAMERON

by “putting herself out there” socially. A natural introvert, Cameron was terrified of social interaction in high school and college. “I’m

Favorite dessert: Vanilla Milkshake

learning now that you get so much more out of social situations. What you get out of that is so much more valuable than sitting at

Dream vacation: Lake house with a beach for me and

home. It’s definitely a process, but I’m really starting to enjoy it.”

activities for husband/kids

Enjoyment for Cameron also comes from not only making and

Hero: Sophia Amaroso, author of Girl Boss

creating, but also solving problems. Helping to solve the military spouse employment issue was one of the main reasons she co-

One item could you not live without: Pen/paper. Or

founded R.Riveter in 2011. Additionally, she is now able to solve

iPhone. Something to transcribe.

even more problems by enabling others. “Now I’m realizing that there is something more enjoyable [then solving problems on her own]:

Favorite duty station: Fort Bragg, specifically the

helping other people find ways to solve problems. Watching those

Southern Pines / Pinehurst area

around me hone new skills and have that creative fire is much more

| 46 |

| creative |

NO MATTER YOUR SITUATION, YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE LEMONADE OUT OF LEMONS. WE ARE NOT BOUND TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE, SO DONâ€™T LET ANYTHING DETOUR YOU FROM YOUR DREAMS.

| 47 |

design your own winter greenery wreath

Use evergreen sprigs and herbs to create easy, elegant decor that celebrates the season. W R I T T E N B Y J E N N I F E R PAT E PHOTOGRAPHY BY KELSEY LAFFERTY

| creative |

what you will need: x

x x

various greenery

floral shears or scissors x x

x x

greenery can be found in the floral section of a grocery store or your own yard or garden.

embroidery hoop

wire cutters

green floral wire

decorative ribbon (optional)

twine or ribbon for hanging

| 49 |

| creative |

one

Using your embroidery hoop, decide to work on either the inner or outer ring.

three

Trim a few inches of floral wire and make several small bundles by gathering three to four sprigs and wrapping the wire around the ends of the stems.

two

Trim pieces of greenery with floral shears and strip leaves off the lower end of the stem for a few inches of clean stem. This will make wiring a small bundle of sprigs easier.Â

| 50 |

four Once you've created several bundles, begin wiring the bundles to you embroidery hoop. Attach the bundles to the hoop by cutting a longer piece of wire and wrapping it around the end of the bundle and the hoop until secure. Layer bundles and continue wiring until you achieve your desired look.

five

Once you finish wiring your greenery sprigs to the hoop, you can add a decorative ribbon to further disguise the green floral wire.

| 51 |

| champion |

Guided Intention Setting for

Physical Wellbeing W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

HE R E I S N O B ET T E R F EE L IN G T H A N C R O SSING

THEY CAN CAUSE US TO FIRE A SHOT-GUN BLAST

T HE FI N I S H LI N E O F A H A L F - M A R AT H O N AF TE R

OF PELLETS TOWARD THE TARGET OF PHYSICAL

CO MPLE T I N G A 1 2- W EE K T R A IN IN G P R O G RA M. THE N

F ITNE SS, BUT THE Y ALO NE DO NOT E NS U RE THAT

THER E ’S T H E D I ST R E S S IN G F E E L IN G O F WA K ING UP

ANY, OR ALL, SHOTS WILL HIT THE BULLSEYE.

TO TH E OMI N OU S “ W H AT ’ S N EX T ” Q UEST ION THE NEXT MOR N I N G. T H O S E T WO S IM P L E WO R DS SE E M

IF YO U WANT TO HIT THE BUL L SE YE O F OVERALL

TO ROUTINELY LOOM IN THE MINDS OF PHYSICAL

PHYSICAL WELLBEING, YO U MUST FIR ST RUN YOUR

FITNE S S A FI CI ON ADO S . T H ER E ’ S A LWAYS A N OTHE R

GOAL S THR O UGH THE L EN S ES O F ALIGNME NT,

RACE, A N E W D I STA N C E, N EW S K IL L S , O R E XOTIC

P UR P O S E, AN D IN TEN TIO N AL ITY. WITHOU T AN

D ESTI N AT I ON S T H AT EN T IC E US IN TO C O N T INUING

UNDE R LYING INTE NTIO N, G OAL S AR E OVERRATED,

TO SP I N T H E HA M ST E R W H E E L O F S ET T IN G AND

O R E VE N WO R SE , ME ANING L E SS. UNTIL YOU SET

ACCOMPLISHING

YOUR OVERALL INTENTIONS FOR YOUR PHYSICAL

PHYSICAL

FITNESS

GOA LS .

F ITNE SS, YO UR INDIVIDUAL G OAL S WO N’ T PROVI D E THE SATISFACTIO N YO U SE E K .

GOA LS A R E FA B. A N D US E F UL . B UT T H EY AR E N’ T EVERYTHING. INDIVIDUALS

GOALS TO

STICK

CAN

HELP

PHYSICAL

MOTIVAT E

INTENTIONS CAN PRODUCE THAT SATISFACTION

FITNESS

BECAUSE

THEY

ARE

THE

UNDERLYING

OBJECTIVES, BUT WHAT THEY CAN’T DO IS FULFILL

CRYSTAL L IZ ATIO NS O F WHAT YO U VALU E M OST.

THE P U R POS E BE H IN D WA N T IN G TO C O M P L ETE THE

IN OTHE R WO R DS, IN TEN TIO N S AR E AUTH E NTIC

PHYSICAL FITNESS OBJECTIVES. THE OVER ARCHING

VOWS O R P UR E EXP R ES S IO N S THAT C OME FROM

PURPOSE STILL EXISTS AFTER THE OBJECTIVE

THE

IS M E T. GOAL S A L S O L E N D T H E M S E LV E S TO A

NOT FOCUS ON THE RACE ITSELF OR REACHING

SHOTGU N AP P ROAC H TO P H YS I CA L W E LL N ES S

THE F INISH L INE . INSTE AD, THE Y F O CUS ON THE

BY B E I N G SP E C I F I C BU T N OT E XC LU S I V E . F O R

R E ASO NS WHY YO U AR E R UNNING THE RAC E I N

EXAMPLE, YOU CAN HAVE A GOAL TO RUN A SUB-

THE F IR ST PL ACE .

CORE

YO UR

B EIN G.

INTE NTI ON S

FOU R HOU R MA R AT H O N A N D S IM ULTA N E O USLY HAV E A GOA L O F S Q UAT T IN G F O UR H UNDR E D

CO MPL E TE THE F O L LOWING G UIDE D IN TEN TI ON -

POU N D S.

SE TTING

GOA LS ,

W IT H O UT

IN T EN T IO N S,

E XE R CISE

SE T

SO ME

OVERALL

NOT HELP RAISE OUR TOTAL LEVEL OF PHYSICAL

INTE NTIO NS

WELLBEING BECAUSE THEY DO NOT INSTILL A

HAMSTER-WHEEL AND ITS PURSUIT OF FIRST PLACE

SENS E OF OV E R AL L A L IG N M EN T A N D P URPO SE .

F INISHE S.

| 52 |

AND

G IVE

THE

PROVERB I AL

| champion |

Alignment

Purpose

CAPTURING YOUR INTENTIONS TO COME INTO

BRINGING

ALIGNMENT FOR YOUR PHYSICAL WELLBEING

AL IG NME NT WITH WHAT YO U WANT AN D N EED

ISN’T SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN KNOCK OUT IN

F R O M AN E XE R CISE PR O G R AM WIL L HELP YOU

THE LINE AT THE COMMISSARY. CAPTURING YOUR

ENJOY YOUR WORKOUTS MORE. ONCE YOU’VE

INTE N T I ON S TA K E S A N O PE N M I N D A N D P L EN TY

G OTTE N

OF S PAC E / T I M E TO G ET C URIO US .

FITNESS LIFE INTO ALIGNMENT, YOU CAN START

YOUR

CL E AR

PHYSICAL

HOW

ACTIVITIES

BR IN G

INTO

YOU R

TO THINK ABO UT THE PUR PO SE , O R THE WHY,

FIND A COMFORTA B L E S E AT C RO S S - L E G G E D O N

O F YO UR ACTIVITIE S. O N C E AL IGN ME NT A ND

THE FLOOR , OR I N A C H A IR W IT H YO UR F EE T F L AT

P UR P O S E C O ME TO GETHER , N OT ONLY W ILL

ON T H E GR OU N D A N D YO UR B AC K S UP P O RTE D.

YO UR

P HYS ICAL

B O DY

HEALTHIE R

A ND

•

SE T A T I ME R F O R 1 0 M IN UT E S .

STR O N GER , B UT YO UR MEN TAL STATE WILL A LSO

•

CLOS E YOU R EY E S A N D S LOW YO UR B RE ATH.

B EN EFIT. MAK ING PR O G R E SS, AND E VEN M ORE

•

TA K E S OME T IM E TO G E T C UR IO US ABO UT

IMPO RTANTLY, UNDE R STANDING WHY YOU ARE

WHY

PHYSICAL

MAK ING PR O G R E SS, IS A HUG E BO O ST TO YOU R

ACTIVITIES. HERE ARE SOME PROMPTS TO

SE L F - E STE E M AND CO NF IDE NCE . O NCE YOU TAKE

GE T YOU START E D:

CONTROL OF YOUR HEALTH THROUGH PHYSICAL

•

I WA N T TO F E E L

F ITNE SS, OTHE R AR E AS O F YO UR L IF E W I LL B EGI N

WH E N I E X E R C IS E .

FAL L ING INTO AL IG NME NT WITH YO UR OVERALL

•

YOU

ENGAGE

YOUR

INTE NTIO NS AS WE L L , K E E PING THE CON FI D EN C E

I WA N T TO F EE L

SNOWBAL L BAR R E L ING DOWN THE MO UN TAI N .

A FT E R I E X E R C IS E . •

•

OVER THE NEXT DECADES, I WANT TO BE

P H YS I C A L F I T N E S S P U R S U I T S ? W H AT, I N

BECAUSE I

PARTICUL AR , IS ATTR ACTIVE AB OU T EAC H

E X E R CI SE. •

O NE ?

E X E R CI SE , F O R M E , IS A J O UR N E Y TOWAR D

•

. •

THAN A NUMBER ON A SCALE OR TIME ON A WATCH?

E X E R CI SE H EL P S M E S H OW UP B ET TE R IN MY LI FE BY

WHAT IF YOU GAUGED PROGRESS BY MONITORING YOUR HABITS RATHER

EXERCISE, FOR ME, IS AN ESCAPE FROM .

•

WHY DO I CHO O SE TO PARTICIPATE I N M Y

•

DO YO U TAK E THE TIME TO CE LEB RATE A J O B WE L L DO NE , O R DO YO U JU M P

WRIT E D OWN YO UR R E F L EC T IO N . DID A N YTHING

R IG HT INTO THE NE XT THING?

CO ME U P T H AT S URP R IS ED YO U? A RE T H ER E ANY TWEA K S YOU WA N T TO M A K E TO YO UR C UR R E NT ROU T I N E ?

•

WHAT F E E L S AL IG NE D IN YO UR LI FE?

•

WHAT CO UL D USE SO ME TWE AKI N G?

•

HOW HAS YO UR F ITNE SS L IF E POSI TI VELY IMPACTE D OTHE R AR E AS O F YOU R LI FE?

•

I CAN BETTER SERVE IF I AM MO R E

| 53 |

| champion |

Intentionality FITN E SS I S E V E RY W H ER E . M US C UL A R B O D IE S G R ACE THE COVE R S O F MAG AZ INE STANDS NATION WI D E. FU N CT I ON A L FI T N E S S GY M S A RE P O P P IN G U P L IK E BLUE BO NNE TS IN TE XAS. AND L E T’ S NOT F O RGET THE “YO U R WOR KOUT DIDN ’ T H A P P E N IF YO U DIDN’ T PO ST A SWE ATY SE L F IE O N SO CIAL ME DIA” C U LTU RE WE LI V E I N . I T C A N B E EASY TO G ET DISTR ACTE D AND COVE T WHATE VE R THE HOT, NE W TR EN D I S I N PHYSICAL FITNESS. IT IS HARD TO SIT STILL, C O N S ID ER YO UR B O DY TYP E AN D C HO O S E A FITNE SS STY L E T H AT AL I G N S W I T H YO U R OV E R AL L IN TEN TIO N . BUT WE PR O MISE YO U, THE CL AR ITY THAT ENS U E S FR OM F O L LOW IN G A N A L IG N ED, DISCIPL INE D F ITNE SS R E G IME WIL L BE WO RTH E VE RY OU N C E OF EFFORT. BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT YOUR WORKOUTS. •

D O YOU LOV E / H AT E TO S W E AT ?

•

WOU LD YO U R AT H ER G O S H O RT A N D FAST O R LO NG AND SLOW?

•

A R E YOU LO O K IN G F O R ST R E S S RE L IE F O R INTE NSITY? BOTH?

•

WHAT T I M E O F DAY DO YO U F EE L M O ST E NE R G IZ E D?

•

D O YOU LOV E TO WO R K O UT A LO N E , WITH A PARTNE R , O R A IN A G R O UP?

•

A R E YOU S EL F - M OT IVAT E D O R DO YO U LOVE CHE E R L E ADE R S?

•

HAV E YOU DIS C OV E R E D T H E WO RKO UT TYPE THAT R E AL LY G E TS YO U G O ING O R AR E YOU STI LL LOOK I N G?

•

D O YOU F E E L F UL F IL L ED BY YO UR CUR R E NT ACTIVITIE S?

•

I F YOU H AV E S P E C IF IC G OA L S R IG HT NOW, WHY DID YO U SE T THE M? AR E THE Y SE RVING YOU WE LL?

NOW T HAT YOU ’ V E H A D A C H A N C E TO VIE W YO UR F ITNE SS WE L L BE ING THR O UG H THE L E NSES OF A LIGN ME N T, P U R P O S E , A N D IN T E N T IO N A L ITY, THE R E AR E TWO MO R E IMPO RTANT THING S TO D O TO GET GOI N G ON T H E PAT H O F LO O K IN G AF TE R YO UR PHYSICAL WE L L BE ING WITH INTE NTION . STOP CO MPA R I N G A N D IN V EST IN YO UR S EL F.

| 54 |

| champion |

Stop Comparing FU N CT I ON A L FI TN ES S FA N S LOAT H E T H E LO NG , L E AN F R AME S O F DISTANCE R UNNE R S. DI STAN C E RU N N E R S E N V Y T H E F L E X IB IL IT Y O F YO GIS. YO G IS LO NG F O R THE STR E NG TH O F THE F UNC TI ON AL FITN E SS FA N S . C O M PA R I S O N I S A V I C I O US C IR C L E THAT N EED S TO STO P. O NCE YO U E STAB LI SH A PER S ON A LI Z E D F IT N E S S RO UT IN E A N D IN TE NTIO N F O R YO UR BO DY, THE DE SIR E TO LO O K A C ERTAI N WAY D I SS I PAT E S FAST ER T H A N S W EAT A F TE R A HOT YO G A CL ASS. INSTE AD O F BANDING TOGETHER OV E R A N I N ST I N C T UA L “ US V E R S US T H EM” ME NTAL ITY, YO U CAN F IND CO NNE CTE DNE SS WITH THOSE THAT SHARE YOUR PHYSICAL WELLBEING INTENTIONS. •

WHAT D O YO U LOV E A B O UT YO UR BO DY?

•

WHAT D O YO U DO W E L L?

•

WHAT I S YO UR FAVO RIT E T H IN G A B O UT YO UR F ITNE SS TR IBE ?

•

A R E YOU B EIN G RE A L IST IC A B O UT WHAT YO U E XPE CT F R O M YO UR ACTIVITIE S?

•

H OW CA N YO U C H A N G E YO UR RO UTINE TO INCO R PO R ATE SO ME O F THE Q UAL ITIE S THAT YOU ’RE MI S S I N G IN YO UR C UR R E N T P R O G RAM?

Invest in Yourself “I WOU LD H AV E A B O DY L IK E T H AT IF…” WE ’ VE AL L HE AR D THIS PHR ASE F O L LOWE D BY A PLETHORA OF E XCU S E S WH Y A N IN DIV IDUA L IS N ’ T L IVING IN HIS/ HE R STATE O F PHYSICAL F ITNE SS. THE TRU TH IS T H AT 99% OF T H O S E EXC US E S H AV E TO DO WITH CHO O SING CO MF O RT OVE R WO R K . HAV E TH E COU RAGE TO E STA BL I S H, STA N D U P FOR , AN D R EL EN TL ES S LY IM P L EMEN T A P HYS ICAL FITNE SS PROGRAM THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE YOUR WELLBEING INTENTION TO THE FULLEST. WILL IT BE CO MFORTA BLE ? H O P E F UL LY N OT ! W IL L IT B E PAINF UL? MAYBE . BUT THE PAIN, SWE AT, AND MAY B E EVEN TEA R S YOU P OUR IN TO YO UR W EL L B EIN G WIL L NOT BE IN VAIN WHE N YO U K NOW THE R E ASON WHY YO U A R E CHOOS IN G TO IN V E ST IN YO URS EL F. •

WHY A R E YO U C H O O S IN G TO IN V EST IN YO UR SE L F ?

•

E X PR E S S YO UR W E L L B EIN G IN T E N TIO N IN O NE WO R D.

•

CHOOS E A SY M B O L O F YO UR IN T E NTIO N THAT YO U CAN HAVE O UT AS A R E MINDE R .

•

WH O E LS E W IL L B E N E F IT F R O M YOUR INTE NTIO N?

•

T E LL SOM EB O DY A B O UT YO UR DESIR E TO MOVE F R O M A G OAL- BASE D F ITNE SS PR O G R AM TO AN INTENTIONAL LIFESTYLE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR WELLBEING.

MAY OU R COLLE C T IV E T R IB E O F S ERV IC E ME MBE R SPO USE WAR R IO R S CE ASE F R ANTICAL LY ASKI N G OU R S E LV E S “WH AT ’ S N EX T ” A N D IN ST E A D PO NDE R THIS Q UE STIO N:

What is my unique and aligned next step in my journey to physical wellbeing? | 55 |

| champion |

Wander, Cook, and Savor Caroline Potter's journey from a debilitating diagnosis to a dream career W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY E R I K A M I C H E L L E C A R R I O N STYLED BY CAROLINE POTTER

Caroline Potter’s journey to health is a unique story. Vibrant and

I could help other people by sharing my story and going back to

joyful, Caroline tackles a Type 1 diabetes diagnosis with real food

school. It really became a passion of mine…and it's rewarding to see

eating and a self-care focused lifestyle. She is the author of All-

my passion and job truly influence others for the better and empower

American Paleo Cookbook, the blog "Colorful Eats", a Nutritional

them to design a healthier and happier life. Being an entrepreneur is

Therapy Practitioner, and a budding entrepreneur, passionate about

not always as glamorous as it seems, but it is definitely worth it.

encouraging people to live a joyful, vibrant life. TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF I grew up in Southern CA, where it is a little bit healthier than the rest of the country. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in college. Thankfully, we had a good family nutritionist and my family was really involved. But I was miserable, I had gained a ton of weight and I didn't feel like myself. Additionally, I was working out constantly to mitigate the weight gain. I remember thinking to myself that there had to be a better way to live but the doctors kept telling me to just keep taking the medication and assuring me that I would be fine. S O W H AT D I D YO U D O W N W A R D S P I R A L?

BREAK

THE

I was not married at the time, but I knew that one day I wanted to have a family and that I wanted to be my best possible self for that future family. I figured out that by living healthy, eliminating toxins, and eliminating stress by eating really good food I could take control of my health. Obviously, I'm still on medication — I’m insulin dependent — but I can live without all of the ups and downs that normally come along with having Type 1 Diabetes. H O W D I D Y O U T U R N Y O U R PA S S I O N I N T O YOUR CAREER? After I found the power of real food eating and nutrition, I felt like

| 566 |

| champion |

| 57 |

| champion |

W H AT D O YO U T H I N K I S O N E O F T H E B I G G E S T M I S TA K E S T H AT M I L I TA R Y S P O U S E S M A K E IN REGARDS TO THEIR CAREERS?

YO U A R E A N A M A Z I N G C H E F. D E S C R I B E T H E MOST DELICIOUS MEAL YOU'VE EVER HAD. It is for sure my husbandâ€™s flame grilled steak dinner. It was one of

I think that one of the biggest mistakes that military spouses make is

the first meals he ever made for me and I always say he won my heart

wrapping up their identity in their spouse, rather than being confident

with it! We love to pair it with Prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, roasted

in themselves and pursuing their passions and dreams. My husband

sweet potatoes with rosemary and my Red, White and Blue salad. It's a

encourages me to pursue my passions, which makes me so much more

balanced meal: it has good fat, protein, and carbohydrates and I need a

content and busy when heâ€™s away. At the same time, I think that our

lot of iron in my life. I feel so satisfied after that meal. Finding a meal

relationship is way stronger because there is never any resentment when

that satisfies you nutritionally is one of the best things you can do for

he does have to leave. Really knowing who you are as a person and

your body because then you aren't tempted to eat junk or snack.

pursuing your passions. That doesn't necessarily have to be work, it could be volunteering, being a stay at home mom, being a working mom, whatever that is, can eliminate resentments and a lot of bigger issues.

| 58 |

| champion |

After I found the power of real food eating and nutrition, I felt like I could help other people by sharing my story and going back to school. It really became a passion of mineâ€Śand it's rewarding to see my passion and job truly influence others for the better and empower them to design a healthier and happier life.

| 59 |

| champion |

W H AT A D V I C E T O YO U G I V E T O O T H E R S LO O K I N G T O F I N D A M E A L T H AT S AT I S F I E S T H E M I N A H E A LT H Y W A Y ? Finding your meal starts with trial and error. It involves seeing how you feel after a meal. Listening to your body is so beautiful. When you are more in tune with it, it can signal to you what you need. If you want something more an hour after eating, maybe that meal didn't satisfy you. Get curious about what you ate, how much you ate or which nutrients it had. W H AT I S O N E T H I N G YO U K N O W T O B E T R U E ? The one thing I know to be true is that God's plans are always the best plans and we can't always figure it out as humans. Trust me, I am the person that wants to figure everything out, but in the end you just have to trust God. God is in control and sometimes something negative and difficult can turn into something positive. I have definitely seen that with my diagnosis with Type 1 Diabetes; it has shaped my life and who I am as a person. As weird as it sounds, I am thankful for my disease. W H AT W I L L YO U R L E G AC Y B E ? I would hope that I inspire others to be better than they ever thought they could be. I feel called to help other people live more joyful, vibrant, healthy lives. On a more personal note, I feel called to support my husband as a military spouse during his very stressful jobs. I want us to really love each other, stick together, and support each other in our own dreams â€“ mom, being a working mom, whatever that is â€“ can eliminate resentments and a lot of bigger issues.

5 QUESTIONS WITH CAROLINE Dream vacation: smaller, charming town with rolling hills and colorful buildings Hero: Mother Theresa One item could you not live without: My Golden Retriever Libby Favorite duty station: Roda, Spain Favorite dessert: pistachio ice cream

| 60 |

| champion |

| 61 |

| champion |

i ntel l ig ent

exercise

W R I T T E N BY J E A N N I E C A R P E N T I E R â€˘ P H OTO G R A P H Y BY A B I R AY

Having been an athlete my entire life, I was searching for a type of exercise that would encourage optimum form and personalized alignment, and that would complement the other sports activities that I enjoyed while working around my injuries. After a few short weeks, Pilates convinced me that it was an incredible departure from the typical gym setting. It rebooted my muscle firing patterns and represented a pain-free lifestyle change. Eventually, it gave me an opportunity to serve others in my community by becoming an instructor and opening the Mind Your Body studio in Southern Pines, North Carolina. Ready to give Pilates a try? Grab a mat and use the following guide to cross train your body and improve your range of motion. Repeat all exercises 10 times, on both sides for numbers 1, 2, and 4. Remember to breathe and exhale on the exertion.

Bridge position Hips u p, shou ld e r s o p e n. Lif t a nd l o we r l eg.

| 62 |

| champion |

K n e e l , s i t, o r s ta n d Prot ract /ret ract sh o u l d e r b l a d es with a n o b l iqu e twist.

C-curve your spine Pelvic t ilt . Hold posit io n with fo r wa rd / b a c k h ing e a t th e h ip.

| 63 |

| champion |

Curtsy wi th h i ps as level as possible. E x te r na l l y ro ta te u p p e r l eg b o nes. Kee p co ntro l of m ov e.

| 64 |

CHAMPION CHAMPION CHAMPION

| caregiver |

| 66 |

| caregiver |

holding down the fort WRITTEN BY ABI TOMBERLIN • PHOTOGRAPHY BY MORGAN SLADE

THE PHRASE HOLDING DOWN THE FORT BECAME POPULAR AFTER GENERAL SHERMAN WIRED “HOLD THE FORT” TO GENERAL CORSE DURING THE CIVIL WAR. B U T F O R M E , I T C O M E S B E A R I N G T H E E X P E C TAT I O N S O F A S E R V I C E M E M B E R S P O U S E . T H AT E X P E C TAT I O N M I G H T H AV E S TA R T E D W H E N S P O U S E S L I V E D O N T H E S A M E B LO C K A N D P OT L U C K I N V I TAT I O N S W E R E N ’ T N E E D E D B E C AU S E T H E Y S I M P LY O C C U R R E D . P E R H A P S T H E E X P E C T A T I O N S A R O S E F R O M W A R T I M E S W H E N T H E S E R V I C E M E M B E R W A S G O N E F O R I T S E N T I R E T Y A N D O N LY C O M M U N I C A T I O N W E R E H A N D W R I T T E N L E T T E R S T H AT W E R E D E L I V E R E D M O N T H S B E H I N D R E A L T I M E . T H E E X P E C TAT I O N O F H O L D I N G D O W N T H E F O R T C A M E F R O M A P L AC E OF NECESSITY BECAUSE OF THE ABSENCE OF THE SERVICE MEMBER AND IT B E C A M E T H E M A N T R A O F T H E S P O U S E - - H A N D L E T H E H O M E F R O N T, A L O N E .

| 67 |

| caregiverr | took the pregnancy test on a whim, with little expectation. It

I was pregnant but that something was wrong. There was an ER visit,

had only been a short time that getting pregnant could have

doctor’s visits, blood test, ultrasounds, and neighbors - sweet neighbors

been an option, so I was nothing short of shocked when I walked into

- standing in for family. But the end result, the call that I answered

my living room holding a positive pregnancy test. Positive! Within

alone in my office, sitting on the floor by the printer, was that I was

days I had scheduled my first OB appointment. The doctor, who had

losing the baby.

a son in the Israeli Army, commented on our excitement which was clearly written all over our faces. My husband and I were expecting a baby.

I had been a service member spouse for about a year, and because I had nothing else to do I had taken a spouses’ leadership course while at Fort Benning. I’m not sure why I took the course because I practically

My husband was nearing the end of a long training pipeline and a

eye-rolled my way through the whole thing. But between that course

party was in the works for his graduation, a party for which both sets

and becoming immersed in Army life, the concept of holding down

of our parents would be coming into town. Coincidentally, the timing

the fort was not lost on me. You handle everything when your service

of the party was the perfect time to announce the pregnancy. Military

member is gone. It made sense. Service member spouses have to have

life didn’t have us living near family, so most news was conveyed via

some independence, some grit, to make decisions and carry on by

phone call. Being able to tell our parents in person was, in my eyes,

themselves. On some deployments, with some trainings and TDYs,

perfection. Because graduation and the party was a couple of months

when phone calls and text messages and emails are available, the

away, it gave my husband and I the chance to enjoy this secret together.

concept of allowing the service members to focus on the tasks in front

Looking back, those few weeks of us sharing in this secret always brings

of them by not making it harder by sharing every struggle you are

a smile to my face. It felt magical knowing there was a life forming and

facing, is still real and understandable. It’s also incredibly personal to

growing, something created by the two of us, and we were the only

every couple and there is no one-size-fits-all protocol. There’s just a

people who knew about it. It was bliss.

blanket awareness that your service member shouldn’t be expected to go on patrol and worry about whether or not you paid the electric

For the next few weeks, my husband was in training. That meant no

bill, bought groceries, or dropped off the rent check. You are holding

emails, no text messages, but maybe a phone call once a week for a

down the fort.

few minutes if the stars aligned. During the month that he was going to be gone, I had planned on beginning the process of getting my

But where’s the line between handling it and asking for help?

yoga instructor certification. Our schedules were lining up perfectly. He was about to graduate, I was learning something new, and we were

When I knew I was losing our pregnancy, my husband was out

pregnant. The second day of my yoga instructor classes, classes spent

training, completely unaware of what the past couple days had entailed

sitting on the floor learning about Vinyasa, the second day was when

for me and I struggled with what to do. This was his last event before

I saw bright red. I made the 45-minute drive back to my house and

graduation, a training that was the culmination of the past year, and

laid down to see if that would ease the pain and calm my fears. After a

he had to pass this training to graduate. We hadn’t talked about what

couple of hours, when I was in even more pain and the bleeding hadn’t

he would want me to do if something came up. We were blissfully

subsided, I called my mom.

unaware of the possibilities. I wanted my husband to graduate. This was a big deal for both of us. I was struggling with my need to share

You know when they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, it does.

what was happening with the one other person who would feel my

But I think that doesn’t just begin when the child is born. You need

pain. It was my brother, who is not military affiliated, that said the

all your people right from the beginning, and I was unaware of that.

exact words I needed to hear, that pushed me to call the FRG leader

While I look back at those first several weeks with our precious secret,

to ask to be able to talk to my husband. While I was not met with

and love the innocence of that experience, I would trade those weeks

resistance, and she was kind and caring and perfect, there was a

for an early, excited phone call saying I was pregnant over having to

moment of are you sure you want to call him, because the expectation

call my mom, in pain and scared, trying to tell her between sobs that

that we hold down the fort exists.

| 688 |

| caregiver |

Service member spouses do hold down the fort. It comes from a place

or some sort of crisis always arises. Our dog was bit by a copperhead

of honor, of service, of love – love for our service member and love for

within hours of his leaving. I saw the tiny flicker of a heartbeat that

our country, love for our children so that they see those attributes of

would grow into our oldest son without him, and also went without

service, grit, compassion, and independence, and hopefully choose to

him to the appointment when I heard we would be having another

take on those attributes themselves because of our example. It is the

son. That same son walked for the first time without his father home.

service member family lifestyle to be strong, but strength does not

I know I’m not alone in moments and stories like that because it is the

always mean you have to soldier on alone.

way of the service member spouse, and life continues on no matter the sponsor’s status.

For reasons all my own, I sent word to my husband that we had lost the baby, and I can still hear his voice during that phone call we

However, these days, I think the expectation of holding down the

shared when I told him the news. The Army was incredibly loving

fort should come with more communication between battle lines.

to us in that situation and allowed my husband to come home, to

We can email and text and video call and send letters that don’t

walk through our front door and grieve with me. He was allowed to

always take months and months to arrive. I think those spouses that

retake the training exercise, and although it was even more difficult

pioneered this idea that they had to just handle it because they had

to be without the support of the peers with whom he had journeyed

to, would tell us to share, to talk, to find connection even when our

through the course, he passed. We had a big party with both sets of

spouses are worlds apart. It’s important to acknowledge that we’re not

parents to celebrate his graduation.

failing at our role as a service member’s spouse when we share that

After almost eight years of being a service member spouse, with

overwhelming struggle or make a call, even during a training or a

multiple deployments and more trainings than I can remember with

deployment, to ask for help. We’re still holding down the fort. We’re

my soldier, each experience, each time, holding down the fort has

just learning how to do it together.

looked a little different. Truth be told, he always misses something

| 69 |

| caregiver |

| 70 |

| caregiver |

Love is a Verb How Leia Capps chosen children taught her about the power of giving W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY K A R A W E B B WAT E R C O LO R BY B R I T TA N Y W I N N I E

“Baby, I'm not feeling the way I should feel towards this child. I must

was given. They had planned on adopting a child, having their own

be a horrible person. Who doesn't feel motherly love towards a child

biological children and leading what most would consider to be a

who has endured so much hardship?” These were words that Leia

“normal life”. That all changed when they walked into the orphanage

Capps never imagined she would be sharing with her husband on a

in Vietnam to bring home their first chosen child. “We literally had

late night phone call. Capps’ husband was deployed to the Middle

children hanging on us and begging us to take them. Even though we

East and she was in the trenches of helping their newly adopted son

took our child home, we were haunted by the experience. I can still

adjust to life in America. Her husband’s response changed her entire

see their faces and hear their cries like it was yesterday.” The Capps’

outlook on life. “Baby, you are loving this child. Love is a verb. It is

tried to resume normal life but the pressure of trying to reconcile

something you do, not a warm feeling. You are doing it every single

living in this world of excess was too much. “What do we do with

day. You traveled across the world to get him. You brought him home.

this knowledge that children are dying because they are lacking the

You bring him to the doctors. You dress him and feed him and take

very resources that we have in excess on our kitchen table and tucked

care of his needs every single day. And that is love.”

away in our bank accounts? We began to view our privileges and our resources as a means to ransom a child instead of living a comfortable

That epiphany moment happened seven years ago, but it still feels

life and we knew we would adopt again.”

like yesterday for Leia. She was expecting to feel the same way she would feel if bringing home a beautiful newborn baby who had been

The Capps’ second adoption went much faster than the first because

ethereally placed in her arms. But, like with most adoptions, what

they removed many of the stipulations/conditions and simply asked

she was bringing home was much different. The angelic newborn

where they were needed. "When we started our adoption journey,

was replaced with a confused, hurt, and broken toddler that was

we didn’t consider anything other than a healthy child because we

signing songs laced with profanity and picking their nose. “I had

thought that special needs adoptions were for people with a ‘calling’.

unrealistic expectations of myself and beat myself up because I didn’t

But God really started working on our hearts and, once we realized

immediately ‘feel like a mother.’ My husband’s reminder that love is

that the vast majority of children needing families had special needs,

a verb allowed me to see that I really did love them, even if it didn’t

everything changed. What we had originally perceived as a ‘calling’

feel like it in the moment. So the one thing I know to be true in this

started to feel more like a ‘responsibility’ given to those who have

life is that love is a verb.”

been given much. So we said yes to special needs adoption.”

Love truly is a verb for the Capps’ family. After being raised by a phenomenal stepfather, Leia’s husband Devon, knew that he wanted

But after their second adoption, they came back even more convicted

to adopt children so he could pay forward the non-biological love he

that they could do more. For the Capps, the answer was once again

| 71 |

| caregiver |

to adopt. Leia describes her third chosen son “There was a little boy

Just like Leia never expected to find love in 3rd grade- she actually

being advocated for and he had been through so much - he had

tore up the GI love note he first gave her- she never expected that

survived premature birth, a stroke, a motor vehicle accident and a

she would become the co-owner of a artisan jerky shop benefiting

coma. He was truly a little warrior who was so deserving of a happy

orphan care. “Where we are from in California there is a cool little

ending. At the time I was pregnant and we were only two months

jerky shop. Whenever you drive through the town, you have to stop;

into our previous adoption and in the middle of a deployment —

it's a destination shop that everyone knows about. So we knew that it

another adoption seemed like a stretch, but he was incredibly worthy

could be a ‘thing’ as crazy as it sounded.”

of the effort to bring him home.” The Capps’ took advantage of a two-week period of block leave in The Capps’ action-oriented love did not end there. “We took a few

between jobs/deployments to transform a small storefront in historic

years to catch our breath and then decided it was time to adopt again.

downtown Southern Pines, NC into Sage Harvest- a thriving jerky

We were lucky enough to adopt a precious and perfect little girl who

store. “I would draw things up and he would go to YouTube tutorials

happened to have significant challenges with mobility. Helping her

and figure out how to do it. It was so creative and fun.”

to become independent and to live a typical childhood has been one of our greatest privileges, but it also changed the amount of free time

Leia admits that jerky is a bit of a guise, the heart of the store is orphan

we had in our days. We knew that when taking into consideration

care. The gallery wall highlighting the children impacted by Sage

the growing number of children and special needs under our roof,

Harvest is a great conversation starter and reminds patrons that their

adoption would not be an option for us for a while and that's where

support goes to a bigger cause. Less expenses, they donate everything

jerky came into play.”

they make to fund medical procedures and provide adoption grants

| 72 |

| caregiver |

for overseas orphanages. “I found myself feeling so conflicted because

us. Because we said ‘yes’ to our children we have had the privilege of

our house, our days and our medical roster were all so full that we

being woven into the most beautiful redemption stories and our lives

couldn’t adopt again, yet kids were still dying because they needed

are richer than we could have ever imagined.”

resources and families. The platform of the store allows us to continue to make an impact, and my hope is that our impact through the store

Capps is able to carve out a little bit of time in her jam-packed schedule

will be much larger than adopting a single child.”

to ensure she starts the day off on the right foot. “Working out is pretty important to me, but that means getting up at 5:30 am and doing 20

Leia’s impact can be felt both in her family and in her community. Her

minutes of a High Intensity workout in my garage. That and a cup of

ability to care for others stems from a unique approach to self-care.

coffee and I feel like I can take on the world!”

“One of the biggest lies our culture tells us is that we find ourselves by devoting more time to ourselves. My chosen children have taught me

Leia Capps certainly takes on the world on a daily basis. So how does

that the exact opposite is true. We find ourselves through dying to self.

she want to be remembered? “I want my legacy to be love, the roll your

I have learned more about myself, life and true love because I have had

sleeves up, get your hands dirty kind of love. Teddy Roosevelt said ‘Let

the privilege of pouring myself out on behalf of my children who have

us run the risk of wearing out but not rusting out.’ I want to be known

come to us from hard places. We entered adoption with the intent of ‘

for the kind of love that puts our toes on the edge of wearing out and

saving' children and the exact opposite has happened- they have saved

miles away from rusting out.”

| 73 |

| caregiver |

ST R E N GTH FO R OUR DAUG HT E R S W R I T T E N B Y N I C H O L E W E A K L E Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y B Y J O C E LY N M A R I E

eing a strong, independent, and career-minded woman was

I worked obnoxiously close to my mom at our dining room table,

modeled for me from a young age, and now that I have two

spreading my work out next to her briefcase, pretending it was mine

daughters, I want to show them that it’s okay for them to be strong

and that I was working a high-profile case. As I grew, my appreciation

and prioritize their dreams even though their father is in the Marine

moved from the fancy items to the subtleties of their behavior -- the

Corps.

confidence with which they entered a room, the respect they received, their eagerness to accomplish goals.

Practice what you preach. Be the change you wish to see. Modeling is an especially salient method used to train and shape behavior

These women were highly educated, sharp-witted, fiercely

with effectiveness so profound that it’s referenced everywhere from

opinionated, and in control of their professional destinies. I would

behavior analytic literature to popular culture and theology. Parents

never be anything but, and quickly started checking off boxes --

and other role-models can use it too.

bachelor’s degree at age 19, internship working in D.C. from 19-21, acceptance into a master’s program…

I was on fire. Then I met this guy.

My mother, grandmother, and aunt were successful and powerful in their own fields. As a child, I was drawn to the polished heels, tailored suits, and the beautiful mahogany leather briefcase my father gave my

When I met Joe, I had no intention of marrying anyone, and told

mother when she finished her thesis. I knew that someday I would

him that. He shared the same sentiment and we respectfully agreed

own an antique cigarette holder for my business cards. After school,

to never fall in love with one another. I don’t know if it was his

| 74 |

| caregiver |

disarming smile or my infuriating stubbornness that did us in, but it

The years were hard, but not without their beauty, and we gradually

only took four months and a trip to OCS to solidify that we couldn’t

fell into a pattern of life that allowed both Joe and I to accomplish

walk away from each other. All that was left to do was figure out how

everything we had set out to do. Now, being on the other side of that

to have it all.

fear, I am overwhelmingly thankful that we never gave up.

The career aspirations that I had were not at all in line with being a

I’ve often wondered if we just “accident-ed” our way into our success

service member spouse, and what I thought spouses were called to do.

or if there was something specific to Joe and me and our random

I was not raised in a military family, so my frame of reference came

circumstances that ultimately allowed our lifestyle and happiness to

from watching We Were Soldiers and my limited exposure to the few

happen. While there is something romantic in thinking that there

wives I had met while working political circles. Rather than being

is a mysterious life plan before you, it negates the basic reality that

overwhelmed, I broke my unexpected new life into a single piece of

we all make choices. Our life is what it is because of the choices we

information -- this is one thing to consider in an entire lifetime of

make. Owning that simple statement is the first step in unlocking our

considerations.

strength and power.

From there we worked together, balancing each choice and being

With three children, two girls and a boy, I’ve found myself fully

strategic with every decision, regardless of how small it seemed.

embracing my duty as role-model extraordinaire and demonstrating to them what it means to chase my passion, even when on the surface

With a lot of planning, some luck, and a lifetime of faith, we knew we

the Marine Corps has the controls. Watching other spouses do the

would get where we wanted to go.

same has solidified for me the importance in doing so, and the understanding that it can be done. Here’s what I’ve learned along

The road forward was not without hiccups. As Jack Johnson says, “…

the way.

you’ve got to be careful when you’ve got good love…” It was during the second year of my Ph.D. program when we found out we were

Your spouse must be your biggest cheerleader. Marriage is a team

going to be parents. We had been married for nearly three years at

effort. Marriage in the service is a team effort on steroids. Just as

that point and had yet to live together. Many of our wedding gifts

I am expected to engage in a certain set of behaviors as a military

still sat in their original boxes waiting for us to share a home, so it

spouse, there are specific expectations of my husband. Being attached

was surreal looking at cribs and trying to figure out what we were

to the military has been one of the most fantastic experiences of my

going to do.

life. I absolutely love the pomp and circumstance while also fully embracing the suck-storm that comes with it. I celebrate every success

To say that moving forward and chasing big, life-altering dreams isn’t

with excitement, and sometimes silliness, helping to demonstrate my

scary is a boldfaced lie. We were scared out of our minds, but we had

love and support for my husband.

faith in each other and knew that our happiness resided on the other side of that fear.

Congrats, right? That’s Wife 101. Well, guess what? Your spouse needs to be celebrating your success too. It doesn’t matter what you’re

When we found out that our first child was a girl, I was overcome

doing or what you’re accomplishing, what your children need to see

with a near-animalistic and renewed determination to accomplish

is that you’re celebrated and supported while following your passion.

what I had set out to do. “I need to show her this can be done,” I

Here’s the thing. This not only demonstrates equality in the

thought.

marriage relationship, but it also shows our children the importance of celebrating and acknowledging others. This is both a highly

| 75 |

| caregiver | underrated and profound skill that will allow them to become great

less to do with our circumstances, and more to do with how we

leaders.

handle those circumstances. Revealing our struggles to our children is part of how we teach this message.

We must be vocal about our desires. It is our duty to give voice to our dreams, even as we’re following them. Children are very concrete

We must be their voices while they are learning and developing their

thinkers with short attention spans. They need multiple exposures to

own. For Valentine’s Day one year my husband got me the most

things before they learn them, and many more exposures for complex

ridiculous t-shirt and I loved him for it. In plain lettering it read, “A

ideas. Not only do we need to discuss what we’re working toward in

woman’s place is in the House and the Senate.” Our daughter was six

the big picture, we must also connect our desires to the mundane.

at the time and the meaning was lost on her. My husband explained,

Sure, that award ceremony is fantastic, but the thousand steps it takes

ending with “…some people think that women aren’t as capable as

to get there is what’s important.

men. That’s ridiculous. Mommy can do anything, just like me. You and your sister

Giving, and continuing to give voice to our dreams, even when drudging through the daily grind, breathes life and vitality into what we’re doing. It allows our children to build perspective and to understand what success and passion actually look like.

We must also be vocal about our frustrations. As I was wrapping up my internship during year five of not living together, I had one of those insane “I just won the lottery” type of offers to stay. Staying meant being

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing or what you’re accomplishing, what your children need to see is that you’re celebrated and supported while following your passion.

can do anything, just like your brother.”

Like it or not, the world is often unkind to our girls. They may learn that their worth is tied to their looks, that the behavior of other people is their responsibility, and that they aren’t as valued as their male counterparts. To counter, we must tell them otherwise, loudly and often. We must remind them of their innate worth and their powerful strength until they are certain in it. Our affirmations of their brilliance and value

catapulted into my ultimate dream job.

must be so loud that it drowns out anything

Staying also meant -- well -- staying, and

else. Our sons must also hear it, growing up

that wasn’t going to work. I needed my husband. My girl needed her

with the knowledge and understanding of the value of all humans. If

daddy. I didn’t stay.

we want change, this is where it starts.

Though I’m confident I made the right choice, it wasn’t without snot

As mothers and military wives, we must embrace our value and

and tears and cursing along the way. Orders dropping right as I was

delight in our right to fulfilling and passionate lives, whatever that

up for a promotion, having to push back a meeting because some

may look like.

fool misplaced some tool and no one could leave until it was found, canceling a conference trip because my husband was on his way to

While it may be easy to whittle this down to an us-versus-them

California for an open-ended amount of time -- all of these things

situation, pitting the working moms against the stay-at-home moms,

suck. We have to acknowledge difficulties due to military life, but we

I would caution against that. Whatever your passion and desires

also have to use these opportunities to show resiliency.

are, wherever your heart is called to be, we owe it to our children, and especially our daughters, to be vocal about our choices, to be

As I sit, years later, in a position that I never even knew was possible,

mindful of our words, and to demonstrate that we are in control of

immensely grateful that other opportunities fell through, I am

our destinies…just as they are.

thoroughly convinced of this -- what we are able to accomplish has

| 76 |

| contemplator |

| 78 |

| contemplator |

WRITTEN BY MICHELE BRADFIELD â€¢ PHOTOGRAPHY BY SAMI ROY

| 79 |

| contemplator |

The white water rapids crashed into me as I ferociously paddled upstream. All the while watching my fellow rafters glide down the river with ease. Not me, though.

No. I had a mission. So I paddled, paddled, paddled.

The achiever mentality has been with me since childhood, as I was always the girl who tried “really hard.” Sure it earned me numerous medals, helped me excel in school and sports, and even landed me some excellent jobs. But because nothing ever came easy, I lived in a constant state of mental exhaustion.

Into my adult years, I continued along the ostensible right path, grunting through. And in my eagerness to achieve, I assigned arbitrary values to success, like:

Do you make X many dollars per month now that you’re over 30? No. Failure.

Have you been able to conceive? No. Failure.

These shortcomings ate at me daily, and the more I tried to accomplish them the harder I had to paddle. Then one day, out of sheer burnout, I stopped paddling. I collapsed into my raft and let the river take me where it wanted to go.

For the first time, I floated downstream.

Soon opportunities flowed my way. It appeared as though everything I had worked so hard to earn unraveled before my eyes.

All, after I stopped trying — So. Dang. Hard.

Though, my biggest revelation came through my metric of success. During this time, I vowed to stop assigning value to things and start living my values instead. The two I deemed most important were flexibility and contribution.

If I could answer yes to the following questions (weekly, monthly, annually), then I was a success:

Did you have the flexibility to juggle life’s non-negotiables with harmony? Did you contribute to your family, friends, and community in a meaningful way (not just monetarily)?

| 80 |

| contemplator |

With these two core values in alignment, I am at peace. No longer do I tie my success to unattainable goals that leave me feeling less-than. Nor do I assign value to things that make me feel empty, even when achieved. Now, my sense of accomplishment comes from within the definition, not the outcome.

Admittedly, though, there are days, and sometimes weeks, when I find myself paddling upstream. The realization often triggered by a night or two of restless sleep. Or a gut- bomb that wonâ€™t ease.

A year ago, I would have put my head down and paddled, paddled, paddled. Today, all it requires is a gentle reminder to:

| 81 |

| contemplator |

Rooted in Intention The story of how Dianne Jago found her place in a slower pace of life W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY E T H A N J AG O

A self-proclaimed city girl who wanted nothing to do with the

corner of the country in Washington state. My roommate was his

military lifestyle, over the years Dianne Jago has found herself able to

cousin. He saw picture of me on Facebook and for some reason he

embrace the tranquility of the outdoors and thrive within the service

wanted to reach out and get to know me. I never thought that by

community. Appreciating a slower, quieter way of life, Dianne started

accepting his friend request I would be finding my future husband.

the magazine Deeply Rooted in 2014, with the mission of glorifying

My parents were pen pals before getting married, so a long distance

God and being a woman.

relationship wasn't out of the norm for me. We started writing, and there was definitely friendship there but it quickly grew into more.

T E L L U S A L I T T L E A B O U T YO U R S E L F.

The following semester, I moved to Washington to make sure that we

I am a military spouse and mother of three. My husband was active

got along in person instead of just long distance.

duty Air Force for ten years and now he's Active Guard Reserve. We

It’s nice to find a place to put down roots after all of these years of

W H AT W E R E YO U R I M P R E S S I O N S A B O U T W H AT M I L I TA R Y L I F E W O U L D B E L I K E ?

moving around! I started a publication, Deeply Rooted Magazine,

I told myself in high school that I never wanted to married someone

three years ago. Our heart is to provide rich, biblical content that is

in the military. I had pre-conceived notions that were all based off of

matched with beautiful images and clean design.

what I saw in movies. I joke with my friends now that I didn’t have

currently live in Central, PA where we bought an 1850s farmhouse.

a patriotic bone in my body. The reality was that I really was quite H O W D I D Y O U D E C I D E T O S T A R T D E E P LY

unaware of the value of our military and now I can say that marrying

ROOTED?

someone in the service has been one of the greatest honors.

It was during that time that I developed a passion to write and pour into other women the things I had been learning in my bible study. I also noticed there was no magazine on the Christian market that was both beautiful in design and Biblically-rich in content. However, I

AT T I M E S I T R Y A N D TA K E O N

became pregnant with my second child and we PCS’ed to Georgia,

TOO MUCH, SO I'M WORKING

so I put the idea on hold for a time. Finally, my husband encouraged me to go for it, so we started a crowd funding campaign and the rest

O N D E L E G AT I N G A N D A S K I N G FOR HELP MORE OFTEN.

is history. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE? I was going to school in Florida and he was stationed in the opposite

| 82 |

| contemplator |

| 83 |

| contemplator |

| 84 |

| contemplator |

HOW HAS THE TRANSITIONED FROM ACTIVE DUTY TO ACTIVE GUARD RESERVE BEEN? I miss the commissary! I miss aspects of base life too, but really, it is nice to have the mindset that we are settled and building into the community here. W H A T D I D Y O U L E A R N F R O M Y O U R M O S T D I F F I C U LT S E A S O N ? When my husband returned from his last deployment, we moved into our farmhouse, my son started his first year of school, and my business hosted a retreat for 100 people, I learned that sometimes my burdens are self-inflicted. In other words, I say yes to too much. So this year I have been evaluating my decisions and have been discerning about what I take on. There can be a great opportunity but that doesnâ€™t mean I have to pursue it right now. I have to consider factors outside of myself and think about how this affects my family. I also learned how to take care of myself and not expect so much of myself. At times I try and take on too much, so I'm working on delegating and asking for help more often. Finally, I learned that I need to set time aside for myself to read my Bible and do things that I enjoy. HOW DO YOU RECHARGE? By having a hobby outside of my regular to-do list. Right now I love gardening. It is a hobby that is refreshing to me, but is also one that my kids can participate in. Being outside is a new development in my life. When we first got married I was a city girl to the core, I wanted nothing to do with camping or anything outdoors. But moving to the West Coast influenced me and being away from everything I had ever known allowed me to try things I normally would not have. The move pulled me out of my comfort zone and I was able to realize that I enjoyed different things than I thought. W H AT H A S B E E N YO U R B I G G E S T TA K E AWAY F R O M A D O P T I N G A S LO W E R L I F E S T Y L E ? Living a slower life is an intentional choice and one we've made for our kids. Instead of spending afternoons begging for screen time, they are able to run around the property and use their imaginations. But even being out here, I still have to make time for outside play and encourage them to turn off the electronics. So I would encourage others to find ways to let them use their imagination every day no matter where they live.

5 QUESTIONS WITH DIANNE Dream vacation: Europe Hero: Lilias Trotter One item could you not live without: Bible Favorite duty station: Travis Air Force, CA Favorite dessert: anything with dark chocolate and coconut.

| 85 |

| contemplator |

WRITTEN BY STEPHANIE HOWELL I L L U S T R AT I O N BY J OA N N A D E E

T H E S E A R E M Y FAV O R I T E R E A D S F O R T H E H O L I DAY S . N OT A L L A R E H O L I DAY T H E M E D BUT THEY ALL EVOKE A FEELING OF COZINESS, PERFECT FOR SNUGGLING UP AND G E T T I N G WA R M BY T H E F I R E .

1. Winter Garden

2. The Snow ChildÂ by Eowyn Ivey

by Kristin Hannah

This novel exposes the raw, heartbreaking relationships of mothers,

A beautiful, magical, fairytale-like story set in Alaska. Alaska comes

daughters, and sisters. It intertwines the past and present and packs

alive and becomes one of the characters in the story in this some-

plenty of twists and turns into its pages. No one writes about rela-

times heartbreaking but always incredible tale. Be warned that this

tionships like Hannah does and this book breaks and heals your heart

is a slow-burning and slow-building tale so it might take a bit of

within its pages.

patience. Stick with it!

| 86 |

| contemplator |

3. The Night Circus

7. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

by Erin Morgenstern

I will never forget this intriguing story. In fact, I still think about it

by Mary Ann Shaffer

often. That’s the mark of a good book, wouldn’t you say? Morgenstern builds a vivid world like I’ve never experienced in this novel. I could

This is a book you won’t be able to put down, so save it for those

“see” everything that was happening as I turned the pages. It’s a tale of

holiday recovery and rest days. Told in a series of letters, this novel

magic, love, and intrigue...all told under the cloak of darkness. Perfect

balances the realities of war with a healthy dose of unexpected charm,

to read under the twinkle of the tree lights.

humor, and wit. Prepare to fall in love with each and every character.

4. Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk

8. The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper by Phaedra Patrick

by Kathleen Rooney

On the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death, Arthur finds a gold

I have a penchant for tales of endearing senior citizens (also see numbers

charm bracelet he’s never seen before. He suddenly realizes that there

5 and 8 below). This is another slow-building and heartstring-tugging

are things about her he never knew and that leading a miserable and

tale of a character rediscovering her past and her heart. It’s New Year’s

boring life is not the way he wants to live out the remainder of his

Eve in the ‘80s and 80-something year old Lillian decides to take a

days. Arthur takes off on a road trip and an endearing and healing

long walk through Manhattan. As she walks, she reflects on her past

adventure follows. I dare you not to fall in love with Arthur!

and meets characters she won’t soon forget.

9. Landline by Rainbow Rowell

5. The One-in-a-Million Boy by Monica Wood

This is not my all-time favorite Rowell book. That honor goes to Eleanor and Park. However, I chose this novel because it’s set during

Oh this one brings tears to my eyes simply thinking about it. It’s the

Christmas time. Georgie and Neal are struggling along in a less than

story of a boy, his family, and an octogenarian named Ona. I don’t

ideal marriage. When she convinces Neal and the kids to leave for

want to give too much away here, but let me just say that this story

Christmas in Omaha without her, Georgie discovers something wild.

moved me to my core and I think everyone should read it.

Her old landline phone has given her a way to communicate with the Neal of years gone by. Can their marriage be saved?

6. Blue Christmas by Mary Kay Andrews

10. Tell Me Three Things

Every holiday season needs a good dose of sass and this Mary Kay Andrews book fits the bill perfectly. This sweet and spunky read is set

by Julie Buxbaum

in Savannah (the city that will always have my heart) and revisits the I knew I had to add one YA novel to this list and it had to be this one.

life of Weezie (who was made popular in Andrews’ Savannah Blues

Jessie is a junior in a new high school and she’s having a hard time

and Savannah Breeze novels). Join Weezie as she navigates love, life,

fitting in. She starts to receive anonymous letters from Somebody/

family, and the quirks of Savannah.

Nobody (SN for short) and these letters start to become a lifeline for her. But SN refuses to reveal himself. This book is sweet, funny, and a little bit sad. I adored it.

| 87 |

| catalyst |

WRITTEN BY ELIZABETH BOARDMAN

wo forks, two butter knifes, a wooden spatula, a few coffee

journey. The growth you are about to experience, or the unraveling of

mugs, and a can opener from Lakeside Foods across street are

things you are currently enduring, is all part of what it means to be

the artifacts of my early days of married life. We were just two kids,

a modern service member spouse. It is a voyage inward to the heart

living on love, in a studio apartment we could barely afford in the

of what really matters, and it is the common ground we spouses will

outskirts of Chicago. We had few belongings, not even a car, but we

always share.

were happy. The movie montage start of any love story, right? Let’s be real. There’s a difference between letting military life get That lean time of falling in love with my husband was just one of the

the best of you and making it work for you. Our lifestyle comes

stops on my road to self-discovery. My experience as a service member

with a fair amount of challenges, which doesn’t make rolling with

spouse, supporting my husband as he followed his dream to give back

uncertainties any easier. For example, getting to the core of who you

to serve the country he loves, is the biggest gift to date that God has

are, and really knowing yourself, isn’t a walk in the park, but the places

given me -- though I certainly didn’t know it along the way. This life

and situations military life takes you, make it paramount. Finding

has been one of the most enriching journeys of self-evolution I could

and building lifelong friendships, like anything worth doing, takes

hope for.

patience. Strengthening your marriage through the imperfectness of

My time as an active duty service member spouse will soon be over.

service is often a challenge. Growing muscles for emotional endurance

Unbelievably, seven years feels too short in some ways. Though this

is uncomfortable, but it is so gratifying and just plain useful when it

transition is bittersweet, I am heartened because you are still on your

comes to winning at life on the other side of active duty life.

| 88 |

| catalyst |

If I had a do-over, I would make the choice, much sooner, to trust that even when it doesn't feel like it, life will work out. I want to tell you, service member spouse, whether you are just starting this journey or you’ve been in the trenches awhile, that out of the dependence and perimeters of military life, rises self-actualization and an unbridled sense of personal freedom and gratitude. If I were to start this life again, instead of being bogged down by waiting and worry, I would throw myself wholeheartedly into every day.

In honor of thriving and not just surviving, here are a few lessons I learned on the way:

IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME, BUT SELF-CARE I S PA R A M O U N T If you are like me, military life has, on occasion, gotten in the way of your own needs. Have you folded a uniform or two? Handled groceries and meal prep? Felt like a single parent 50 percent of the time? Or maybe you never got around to using your college degree in quite the way you had hoped? If so, you are not alone. Separation and duty are two major aspects of this life.

Serving others, especially our families, is just our thing. While I truly believe the world is a better place because of our service, there comes a moment when you have to set boundaries and budget time for self-

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW STRONGER

care. What are your non-negotiables? Maybe you need time to pray,

I used to feel sick about looming deployments or temporary duty

meditate, or exercise in the morning. Maybe you like to make sure you

assignments that took my husband far away from our life together.

get a massage once a month, or a girls’ night is important for you to

Dreading that separation is totally understandable, but aloneness is

reset. Whatever it is, make time for it on your calendar and guard it

entirely what we make it out to be, because a healthy amount of alone

fiercely. For someone who values serving others, self-love might seem

time is actually good for you.

indulgent, but believe me when I say it is so crucial for sustainability. We need to recharge. We are asked to juggle so much and take care of

Blogger Chelsea Fagan writes, when alone, “you start learning all the

so many. Make time for self-care always and often.

different kinds of quiet there can be, and how important they all are to the growth of the soul." When you become a service member spouse, the separation from your honey can seem agonizing. You might find yourself far away from your family, and the familiar places of your past, and maybe you’re in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe you’re at an installation near a big city, feeling even more isolated in the commotion of things.

S H O W U P, E V E N W H E N I T D O E S N ’ T S E E M E A S Y We all so terrified of pain and we do whatever we can to avoid having painful experiences in our lives. Yet in doing so, we inevitably lead ourselves to exactly what we are trying to avoid. I was often so caught up in the waiting that all of the beautiful things about living passed me by. Waiting to try new restaurants, decorate the tree, celebrate a milestone -- everything was on hold until Jeff came home. In avoiding

Then the dreaded deployment day comes. You do your best to stay positive. In the beginning, you throw yourself into one project or selfimprovement endeavor after another. While I am not going to advise

the perceived pain of living life without him, I inadvertently caused myself more suffering. There is too much waiting, and not enough doing. Just show up and live.

against picking up a new hobby, hitting the gym, or finally painting those kitchen chairs, I do want to ask, who are you, what are you, and where are you in all the in-between moments? How do you feel when the buzz of being busy wears off? Whatever the answer and wherever you land -- great! These are the times you truly learn how to define

Get ready. Open your eyes wide. Bring presence into everything you do. And remember, somewhere inside of you lies just the right amount of resilience required to thrive in this crazy, messy, beautiful service member spouse life.

yourself as an individual. It takes some people a lifetime to really know themselves. Being alone is like a pressure cooker. Whatever is left in the end is the truth, and ultimately you only get stronger and more self-reliant in the process.

| 89 |

| catalyst |

| 90 |

| catalyst |

From Isolation to Ignition How Sundi McLaughlin transformed a retail shop into a thriving reflection W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY R AC H A E L G A R R I S O N

As soon as you walk into Mockingbird on Broad, the intoxicating

of entrepreneurship. It was her husband who finally convinced her

fragrance of Sicilian bergamot and sandalwood from an exclusively

to take the leap. “He is bolder than I; once he decides on something,

branded candle fills your nose. The eclectic shop is home to

he goes for it and there is no fear. He reminded me that since we are

everything you could possibly need for the perfect gift- unique books,

in the Army we would have a place to live, a paycheck, and health

gorgeous jewelry and hilarious desk signs to name a few- and a perfect

insurance. At that time there was a recession so it seemed reckless but

reflection of its owner- Sundi McLaughlin. Sundi is exactly what

at the same time I didn't know what else to do.”

every small town business owner should be: warm, caring and equal parts hospitable and hilarious. But she wasn’t always a small town girl.

Although she does not regret taking the leap from isolation to ignition, she does freely admit that it has been a difficult journey. “I

When Sundi first moved to the idyllic town of Southern Pines, North

didn't know anything about business. Honestly. It was years of me

Carolina she found herself feeling isolated and alone. “It was total

figuring out what didn’t work. Every time I would think that I had to

culture shock, I had never experienced anything like it before. I quickly

close the doors, I would weigh my next best option and realize there

realized that I needed to do something, I needed to be proactive or I

wasn’t any, this (the store) was mine to make or break.”

was going to settle into depression. Luckily a few people reached out from the FRG and that made a world of difference. But I could not

So instead of closing up shop and retreating into melancholy, Sundi

find a job to save my life. My experience is all over the place: I have a

began to slowly transform the store and herself. “I slowly became

degree in creative writing, was a shell diver in Key West, and worked

more comfortable figuring out the retail process to fill the store with

as a Sheriff’s Deputy. Strangely enough, that combination is not in

items that spoke to me. Buyers would try and persuade me with their

high demand in North Carolina.”

top sellers but I quickly realized I don’t want to just sell things to make money; I want the store to be a reflection of a human being.

McLaughlin finally got a job working sales in a little shop specializing

Some items in the shop reflect the ‘everything is awesome’ attitude

in silk flowers and absolutely loved it. “I loved the small town

while others scream ‘everything is terrible’. I want that because if

and I loved developing relationships with customers, but I didn't

everything is wonderful in the store, that's not real. I just wanted to

necessarily love what I was selling. But about three months after I

keep working towards the balance.”

started working, the owners decided to close. I didn’t want to be out

Sundi’s balance and intuition is resonating with customers. After

of a job yet again so I decided to take over the space.”

what she thought would be her fifth and final year, something flipped.

Although the decision seemed like the natural thing to do, Sundi

“I don't know what happened but all of the sudden my numbers

was still riddled with anxiety about taking on the financial burden

started doubling. It was scary because I didn't necessarily do anything

| 91 |

| catalyst |

I want the store to be a reflection of a human being. Some items in the shop reflect the ‘everything is awesome’ attitude while others scream ‘everything is terrible.’ I want that because if everything is wonderful in the store, that's not real. I just wanted to keep working towards the balance.

| 92 |

| catalyst |

to cause that catalyst. I didn't trust it because it could go away as

do anything to cause that catalyst. I didn't trust it because it could go

quickly as it came. But ever since that point, every month has been

away as quickly as it came. But ever since that point, every month has

better than the next.”

been better than the next.”

So what would McLaughlin tell other future entrepreneurs? “It is

such a cliché, but you just have to keep going. Work hard and don't

give up. Everyone has their moments, but if you're still loving it, keep

doing it. I still love it; I've met some of my best friends from the shop.

The shop definitely saved me.” Mockingbird on Broad not only saved

Sundi from the isolation of being a brand new military spouse in

an unfamiliar area, but it has also done the same thing for countless

clients. She hopes that it is a space for others to go to have a little

laugh. “It gives me immense satisfaction to hear a customer laugh out

laugh. “It gives me immense satisfaction to hear a customer laugh

loud when they are shopping by themselves. When someone is feeling

out loud when they are shopping by themselves. When someone is

low and they just come in for a little bit, I hope it's a little vacation. I

feeling low and they just come in for a little bit, I hope it's a little

hope people know that I have been given so much in this small town

vacation. I hope people know that I have been given so much in

and that I've done my very best to give it back.” I didn't necessarily

this small town and that I've done my very best to give it back.”

| 93 |

| catalyst |

W H E R E YO U A R E P L A N T E D W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y â€¢ I L L U S T R AT I O N BY L A N A G I B S O N

| 94 |

| catalyst |

his cliché phrase pops up frequently in modern vernacular but

continually feed themselves and their businesses. The best entrepreneurs

originated in the sixteenth century with the bishop of Geneva,

are constantly looking for opportunities to increase their knowledge base;

Saint Francis de Sales. Additionally, there are numerous Biblical verses

they attend professional conferences, attain certifications in their area

that carry a similar notion. And even though on the surface it seems

of specialty, and read whatever pertinent information they can get their

positive in nature, it seems like it is most often used to soften undesirable

hands on. Spouses need to ensure that they are operating with a growth

news. For example: “Honey, we just received orders to Fort Irwin and

mindset and taking the time to feed their business with the information

I’ll be deploying for a year immediately upon arrival. But don’t worry,

it needs to continue to expand.

I’m sure you will bloom where you are planted.” Spouses can truly live this simple phrase by finding purpose in their professional lives, no matter the circumstance. So instead of brushing this phrase off as another inspirational motto, let’s dive deeper into how it can be applied to our lives.

E AC H F LOW E R I S B E A U T I F U L B E C A U S E I T I S U N I Q U E

Just like there is no singular definition of what a successful business looks like, there is no solitary standard of what a beautiful flower is. What makes a flower beautiful is it’s unique contribution to the world. A sunflower doesn’t hide its golden petals because it isn’t a red rose; it shines

Military spouse careers hardly resemble the beautiful linear trajectory that civilian counterparts are able to accomplish by staying with one company in one location over the entirety of their career. Instead of begrudging the roving military lifestyle, spouses can find purpose in whatever circumstances they are presented with, or in other words, “bloom where they are planted.” One path that many spouses are finding success with doing this very thing is that of entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurship allows military spouses to take control of their own professional destiny by utilizing their ability to adapt, taking time to develop themselves professionally, leveraging their unique talents, and embracing their current season of life. To continue with the aforementioned horticultural metaphor, let’s explore four lessons military spouse entrepreneurs can glean from this phrase.

in its distinctive design. In the same vein, successful entrepreneurs do not look around them and copy what everyone else was doing; they survey the marketplace, identify needs that were not being met, and innovate based on their unique talents in order to shine. Military spouse entrepreneurs should spend the time understanding what their unique contribution to the world is and then build a business around those talents and skills. P L A N T YO U R S E E D I N T H E R I G H T S E A S O N

It is not enough to have the right seed, the flawless type of soil, or the perfect blend of nutrients; in order for flowers to bloom they need to be planted in the correct season. The same is true for businesses. In order to be successful, entrepreneurs need to understand what season of life they are in professionally. For example, choosing to create a start-up tech development company with twenty employees during the same year you

I T ’ S N OT A B O U T F I N D I N G T H E P E R F E C T S O I L , I T I S

have one-year old triplets isn’t necessarily creating the conditions for

A D A P T I N G T O T H E S O I L YO U H AV E .

success. Military spouse entrepreneurs need to create a business that nests

As any gardener will tell you, understanding the type of soil you are

in with the particular season of life they are in.

working with is absolutely critical to the success of your crop. Great entrepreneurs have the ability to constantly evaluate, adjust, and evolve

By utilizing their ability to adapt, taking time to develop themselves

their business to ensure they are meeting their clients’ needs. The

professionally, leveraging their unique talents, and embracing their

nature of the nomadic lifestyle almost guarantees that military spouse

current season of life, military spouses are able to continue to develop

entrepreneurs will have to change and adapt to their new marketplace.

their professional lives amongst the inevitable storms of life. Examine

Instead of being upset that what worked at one duty station doesn’t work

your life to see if entrepreneurism would be a good fit for you in your

at another, take time to do an in-depth market analysis to see what aspects

current season. Not all spouses are equipped to become entrepreneurs,

of your business you could tweak to fit the new location.

but be aware that life experiences have, and will continue to, hone skills

G R O W T H C O M E S O N LY F R O M P R O P E R C A R E A N D NUTRIENTS

in may ways. Take an inventory of your skills, experiences, talents, and strengths to ensure that you are “blooming where you are planted.”

Just like plants need sunlight and water to thrive, entrepreneurs need to

| 95 |

| coach |

CLIMB THE L A D D ER TO YOU R HIGHEST POT ENT I A L W R I T T E N BY C O R I E W E AT H E R S

Military spouses are incredibly strong. Challenged to repeatedly start

for food, sleep, and shelter have not been met. Only then can they

over, we push through difficulties while finding motivation to serve

confidently address their physical safety. That is why they are probably

others. Loyalty to our household members results in fierce determination

not thinking about their purpose in life while combating enemies. They

to ensure our families succeed through the uncertainties of military life.

are likely functioning on the physiological and safety rungs of Maslow’s

Yet, there is an underlying personal cost to reinventing ourselves with

ladder.

every move. To avoid becoming resentful, we often do not dwell on what opportunities stability would invite into our lives. We push those

Military spouses are also at various stages of Maslow’s ladder. When

thoughts down and focus instead on what lies ahead. But, what if we

orders come in, we shift our focus to researching basic needs for the

could support our military families AND climb the ladder to our own

next location – schools, neighborhoods, and sorting belongings. While

potential?

meeting these basic survival needs, there’s not much space to think about how we will plug into the community or further our careers.

Though it feels unsettling, questioning what could be and allowing ourselves to dream is imperative to our personal character growth. It

The next rung is physical and emotional safety and security. Many

connects us with the need to deepen our understanding of ourselves,

spouses get stuck here. Emotional security requires certainty, something

build confidence in our abilities, create a sense of purpose, and

the military community sorely lacks. Fear of change in the family

ultimately fulfill our potential. Routinely ignoring our desire to explore

structure due to deployments and relocations threatens our need for

our potential creates a community of spouses that struggles with self-

stability and security, thus we struggle for control. We wrestle life into

confidence and discovering overall purpose.

submission by building routines and structure.

Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs theory in 1943,

As we establish security through routines, we finally reach out for a

suggesting that all humans are motivated by needs that must be satisfied

sense of belonging, the third rung of the ladder. We volunteer, seek

in a specific order to achieve self-actualization, or confidence in one’s

friends, and invest in our deep need to be known. Maslow asserts we

sense of purpose and potential. To succeed, one must start at the bottom

must have our need for love and belonging addressed before we reach

of the ladder by addressing needs that are the most basic to human

for competence and achievement, but many spouses try to fast-forward

survival before attempting the next set of needs. From the bottom to

to career ambitions and skip their need for love and belonging, leading

the top, the needs are physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem,

to dissolving marriages, isolation, and workaholism.

and self-actualization. To reach for our full potential, we must revisit the role that face-to-face Looking at Maslow’s hierarchy, we can easily see it used in the military.

relationships has in our lives, even though good byes are inevitable.

Service members are taught that the mission can fail if their basic needs

Technology cannot replace our longing for in-person companionship.

| 96 |

MASLOW’S HEIRARCHY SE L F -ACT UA L I Z AT I O N

Re al i z in g your f ull p ot en t ia l “ b e c o m i ng e ve r y thi ng o ne i s c a p a bl e o f b e c o m i ng .”

A E ST HE T I C N E E D S

Bea ut y - in a r t a n d n ature - s y m m e tr y, ba l a nc e , o rd e r, f o r m .

C OG N I T I V E N E E D S

K n ow l e d g e a n d un ders t a n din g, curio s i ty, e xp l o r a ti o n, ne e d f o r m e a ni ng a nd p re d i cta bi l ity.

E ST E E M N E E D S

Th e e s t e e m a n d res p ect of ot hers a n d s e l f - e s te e m a nd s e l f - re s p e ct. A s e ns e o f c o m p e te nc e .

LOV E + BE LO N G I N G N E S S

Re c e i v i ng and giv in g love, a ffect ion , t r us t, a nd a c c e p ta nc e . A ffil i a ti ng , be i ng p a r t o f a g rou p (f a m i l y, f r i e nd s , w o rk ) .

SA F E T Y N E E D S

Pro t e c t i o n f ro m p ot en t ia lly da n gerous ob j e c ts o r s i tua ti o ns , e .g . th e e l e m e nts , p hy s i ca l i l l ne ss. Th e thre at i s b o t h p hy s ica l a n d p hy s iologic a l ( e .g . “f e a r o f th e unk ow n” ) . Im p o r ta nce o f ro uti n e an d f a m i l i a r i ty.

P H YSI O LO G I CA L N E E D S

Fo o d, drin k, ox y gen , t emp erature re g ul a ti o n, e l i m i na ti o n, re s t, a c ti vi ty, s e x

The more basic needs of love, friendship, and community pave the way

you stuck or feeling restless because you have tried to move to another

for meaningful work and accomplishments.

rung without meeting the needs of the one before it? Is it time for you to risk building relationships again? Don’t underestimate the ability you

Once we start to feel established in our communities, orders come in and

have to influence others on their journeys up the ladder. Our spouses,

we start the process all over again. Although we have learned to embrace

children, and other military spouses may not be on the same rung as we

our next adventure, it is normal feel frustrated by what could have been

are, giving us an opportunity to fulfill an even greater need – being part

should we have stayed. Living in the endless loop of the bottom rungs

of something bigger than ourselves.

can lead to an identity crisis, so we must begin to fulfill the needs of each rung quickly and in order so we can get to work finding purpose

This lifestyle, with all its inconsistency, can make progress difficult, but

and potential. Experienced military spouses who have figured out how

it also has the potential to develop incredible character. The military

to settle the family faster and plug into the community smoothly can

may move your family and belongings, but it doesn’t have to stunt your

help receptive newer spouses knock down barriers and climb higher on

growth. What you allow to grow and change on the inside is the real

the ladder so our lifestyle doesn’t have to interrupt our progress for long.

journey, and that doesn’t have to be interrupted.

Take some time to think about what you need today to move upward. Are

| coach |

Making Things Happen Lara Casey's mission to encourage others to cultivate lasting legacies W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y â€˘ P H O T O G R A P H Y BY A M Y R A E

HOW DID YOU MAKE THE MOVE TO BEING A COACH?

When you think of a life coach, often the vision of an overlycaffeinated individual full of inspiring quotes, on stage with bright

The move to coaching happened naturally. I had a lot of people asking

lights and teleprompters, comes to mind. Lara Casey couldn't be

me for advice, so I started offering entrepreneurial consulting services

further away from this stereotypical coach, which caused us to want

and coaching people who wanted to take a leap out of a day job into

to sit down with her to find out more about her unique approach to

a creative passion endeavor. I also started a conference called "Making

coaching, parenting, and life in general.

Things Happen," now in its ninth year, where we teach women how TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF!

to take action on an idea or a dream. From there, I moved into a

I'm a mom of three and a very grateful wife. I have been publishing

season when I did not want to travel and speak all of the time. I

Southern Weddings magazine for almost 10 years, and also coach

needed a way to reach more people and have a bigger impact and

women to cultivate what matters in their lives using an intentional

that's where the PowerSheets tool came in. We created an intentional

goal planning tool called PowerSheets. I love to write on my blog,

goal planner that is able to reach thousands of women all over the

speak, and engage with readers in person. Finally, I am an author of

world.

two books -- Make it Happen and Cultivate. W H AT I S Y O U R F AV O R I T E PA R T O F COACHING?

HOW DID YOU COME TO WHERE YOU ARE IN LIFE?

My favorite part of working with clients is witnessing the a-ha

Very shortly after my husband and I got married, he deployed with

moments for people, whether it be in the conference or getting an

the Marines to Iraq. One night, I needed something to keep my mind

email from a book reader. Observing the moment when they realize

off of bomb threats so I got out my little PC and mocked up the

they can think in a different way is priceless.

cover of a wedding magazine. I had no experience in this, but I was passionate about doing something that instilled health in people and

W H AT I S YO U R I D E A L DAY ?

brought beauty into the world. When he got back, we went through

Working from home so I can be with my kids is a blessing I don't

a really rocky time in our marriage. We had a hard time connecting

take for granted. I also love collaborating with the women I get to

and became two ships passing in the night. It was during that season

work beside. I can't imagine anything better than getting to affect

that each of us discovered that finding out how to reconnect with

peopleâ€™s lives while living out my own authentic journey and sharing

each other and how to reconnect with God was what mattered most.

my dream.

The magazine really began to take off when my journey became about helping couples plan a meaningful beginning to married life.

| 98 |

| coach |

| 99 |

| coach |

W H A T W E R E Y O U U N I Q U E LY M A D E T O D O ?

to let it go? We decided to elope in Las Vegas on the way to station in

God has written such a unique story in my life through my marriage

Point Mugu.

being redeemed. That to me is the gift, and it's a funny thing because usually we think of gifts and contributions to the world as being rooted in something positive. It definitely is something positive, but it came from a hard struggle. I encourage people to not only look at the things that they are talented in, but to also look at the story they have been given. What in your history, or in the lessons or challenges you’ve experienced, can help you connect with people on a deeper level?

W H AT E X P E C TAT I O N S O F M I L I TA R Y L I F E D I D YO U H AV E ? I wasn’t sure what to expect of military life, but I loved it. We both did. We loved the community and shared vision. There was such a sense of camaraderie, support, and love, especially in a time of war. We had deep conversations and a shared sense of purpose right off the bat. We were committed to the military and it really gave us a sense of servitude to

HOW DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND MEET?

each other.

We met at the gym when I was a personal trainer and he was doing his flight training with the Navy in Pensacola, Florida. He came in and

W H A T D I D Y O U L E A R N O U T O F A D I F F I C U LT SEASON?

asked me for workout advice. We had a very fast courtship because

We learned that God is in control. He can change anything and when I

it was at the very height of the war in Iraq and he was moving on to

look at the big picture of our journey, the truth is the impossible really

his next duty station within six months of us meeting. I had to make

is possible. If you’re in a relationship and it feels like things are really

a decision right away. Am I going to take this leap of faith and move

falling apart, know that God really can change anything or anybody.

halfway across the world with this guy I just met, or am I just going

| 100 |

| coach |

I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING BETTER THAN GETTING TO AFFECT

PEOPLEâ€™S

LIVES

WHILE

LIVING

OUT

AUTHENTIC JOURNEY AND SHARING MY DREAM.

| 101 |

OWN

| coach |

W H AT A D V E N T U R E A R E YO U A B O U T T O EMBARK ON? I am about to move into a season of homeschooling my daughter, Grace. There's a great quote by pastor Andy Stanley that reads, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do but someone you raise.” She's a unique child. She loves being outside, bouncing around, and doing art. I'm sure that it is going to be hard, but I'm willing to sit in that and figure it out with her. WHOSE LEGACY LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU? My grandfather, Cecil. He was a simple, humble man that grew up in a farm town in Alabama. He was in the military but he had really bad asthma and couldn’t be in a front -line role so he did a clerical job. That encapsulates exactly who he was. No matter where he was or what position he was in, he was serving people, and doing it with joy. I remember thinking that there was just something different about Grandpa. Why in the world would this guy who doesn't have any accolades, money or fame be so happy? That made a big impact on me. W H AT W I L L B E YO U R L E G AC Y B E ? I hope that my legacy will be that I helped people cultivate something that lasts longer than them.

5 QUESTIONS WITH LARA

Dream vacation: Anywhere with my husband and kids Hero: Moses One item could you not live without: Powersheets Favorite duty station: Point Mugu Favorite dessert: Cereal with milk

| 102 |

| coach |

| 103 |

| coach |

ST R ON G R E L AT I O NS H I P S W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y • P H O T O G R A P H Y BY C H R I S T I N E WA L L E R

Let’s face it: relationships are tough. And military relationships are even tougher, proven by studies that show a higher rate of divorce among members of the Armed Services. Military spouses/fiancés/girlfriends are called to be companions and caregivers to those fighting on the front-lines to protect our country. Although this role is often times romantic — is there anything better than a welcome home from deployment kiss? — it also comes with its own set of challenges and frustrations. Invest time and resources into developing themselves and their relationship. One way to do this is to leverage the StrengthsFinder assessment to understand, love, and respect each other as unique individuals. StrengthsFinder is an online tool of the Gallup Organization that helps individuals understand their unique talents and how to be more effective working with others. The tool is grounded in decades of solid research based on two fundamental assumptions:

Each person’s talents are enduring and unique.

Each person’s greatest room for growth is in the areas of his or her greatest strength.

Instead of pouring time and energy into marginally improving weaknesses, we can clearly identify our talents and be intentional about bringing those talents to bear in our daily lives and closest relationships.

The StrengthsFinder assessment is a powerful tool that you and your partner can use to strengthen your relationship to withstand the stormy seas of military life. Still not convinced? Here are the top three reasons why you should be using the StrengthsFinder assessment to strengthen your role as a military companion and caregiver.

| 104 |

| coachh |

one

two

three

C H O O SE C O N N E CT E D N E S S

CURATE CONFIDENCE

CU LTI VATE CU R I OS IT Y

Unfortunately, we as human beings tend

In order to live their best lives military

As humans, we naturally assume that

to naturally classify anything different as

spouses need to step out of the shadows

everyone sees the world the same way

“bad.” Our brains are wired to compare

of self-doubt and into the light of

we do and are good at the same things

everything, and everyone, we come

confidence by going down the path of

we are, but this couldn’t be farther from

across against our idea of what is “right”

self-development. The StrengthsFinder

the truth. In fact, the odds of having the

or “normal.” Although this comparison

assessment provides military spouses

same Top Five Strengths as someone else

helped our ancestors survive, for instance

with a different lens to view themselves

is 1 in 33 million! Instead of mindlessly

when different foods could make you sick

through. Often times, we are told the

meandering through our relationships,

and different people could kill you, it does

things that make us special are the things

we need to we take the blindfolds off and

not help us thrive in our diverse world.

that we should do less of. For example,

get curious about the unique individual

those who are strong in Empathy, where

we get to go through life with. By learning

The StrengthsFinder assessment allows

one can sense other people’s feelings by

about what makes our partner different

couples to get over the “different is bad”

imagining themselves in others’ lives

(IOT their Strengths), we are able to gain

bias and provides a common language

or situations, are often told that they

the appreciation that they see the world

to connect and talk about the things

“care too much” or are “people pleasers.”

completely differently than we do. And

that we are naturally good at with our

Not only is it exasperating to be told

that their differing perspective is a good-

spouses in a humble and authentic way.

to change who you innately are, it is

no great- thing! Cultivating curiosity

It has the ability to help us clearly express

nearly impossible as that is the way we

about how your partner interacts with

both the similarities and differences we

were fearfully and wonderfully made. A

the world will have exponential returns

feel internally but didn’t know how to

person talented in Empathy could work

not only on your relationship but their

express externally. Having these authentic

on evaluating both perspectives in the

confidence and your expanded worldview.

interactions can help us, as couples, to

relationship equally instead of always

choose connectedness over comparison.

putting others’ emotions in front of their own.

StrengthsFinder is not a magic wand that will solve all of the problems in your relationship, but it is a powerful tool that can help us to see what our partners in a positive light! The daily grind can cause us to lose the appreciation of the very traits that attracted us to our partners in the first place. But with intentional effort to cultivate both individual’s Strengths, we can better equip ourselves to confidently choose connectedness over chaos in our relationships. We want to challenge you to find an example each day of your spouse using their unique Strengths. It can be something very ordinary like their tendency to stop at every yellow light or an overarching principle like being able to clearly envision the future and take the necessary steps for you both to end up on the right path. But the magic isn’t in the discovery of the Strength, it is in the connection between the two of you when you share your findings with each other. These positive daily interactions will definitely help “Strengthen” your relationship.

| 1055 |

“ I want my legacy to be love, the roll your sleeves up, get your hands dirty kind of love. Teddy Roosevelt said ‘Let us run the risk of wearing out but not rusting out.’ I want to be known for the kind of love that puts our toes on the edge of wearing out and miles away from rusting out. Leia Capps

Connect

& Subscribe

FOLLOW Facebook @legacymag2017 Instagram @legacymag

SUBSCRIBE www.legacymagazine.org

C O N TAC T submissions@legacymagazine.org

m a g a z i n e