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About the Cover Are You A Complainer Or A Contribtor? Decades of Family And Friends From Us To You Spotlight on Burleson County Professional Directory Three Red Marbles Live The “FAT” Life The Trouble Tree Gun Powder and Cow Bones Saving County History The Key Your Way Or The High Way Funky Junky Millie’s Mysterious Ways Dr. Michael K. Reece The Power Of One Get Involved Healthy Smoothies to Combat Food Cravings Choosing The Right Animal For Your Family The Old Farmer The Nutcracker or Bust Your Annual Plan When You Hear The Words Rotary Club Your Involvement Is Requested Wrapping Presents With A Cat Spring Garden Favorites Growing Older Bologna, Britches, And A Brindled Bull Dog Making of One Minister’s Wife Chapter Two The Deﬁnition Of Old 17th Century Nun’s Prayer The Baby And The Homeless Man License To Carry The Art Of Heart Choose The Right Cinnamon For Your Health Work Hard, Hunt Harder Covered By The Cloud

ARE YOU A COMPLAINER OR A CONTRIBUTOR? If you won’t get involved, perhaps you should get out of the way for those who will. By: JoAn Majors

Complain or contribute about what you might ask. Well, it’s about almost any subject you can think of today. Examples include: the way the schools are run, the government, or perhaps the healthcare system has you in a pinch. If it does, what do you do about it? Think about this for a moment, when was the last time you missed a day of work to go sit in a classroom all day with your child? This would allow you to actually observe what goes on daily. Maybe, passing on your favorite NCIS or Dancing with the Stars episode to attend a local political meeting, there, you hear from local candidates and what they are facing in the local capital or in DC. Getting out to get involved and hearing about these issues that could directly affect us here at home is vital. Don’t get me started with healthcare, really! Everyone wanted “affordable healthcare” as best as I can tell there are a number of issues you can hear Americans complain about today with respect to healthcare. Healthcare fines for benefits some can’t afford to pay to outrageous premiums and deductible! In case you wonder, the doctors aren’t the ones making the extra bucks. it’s those big insurance companies who are trained to save money, delay, mark resubmit and not spend. How many of you are willing to get involved or contribute to make a difference in the things that matter to you? Getting involved can mean many things to many people. What it doesn’t mean is that you are the constant voice of all things wrong. Today more than ever people need to be involved to see change in almost any aspect of what is happening in our country. It is common to hear multiple people complain about what’s not going right, but rarely do you hear the good. Better yet, are the people complaining and not doing anything besides exercising their freedom of speech to do so? While someone is waiting on anyone to do it, no one is doing it! Now, you just need to decide which “one” you will be. Getting

involved is easy. In most instances there is a group who needs your help and talents. Volunteering is a thankless job in most cases, but when you volunteer there is always someone on the inside who is very appreciative of your time and efforts. Don’t get bogged down by the nay-sayers and loud people who are background noise in a world of complainers. Stay inside and help move forward a cause near and dear to your heart. Don’t have one? Take a closer look and we think there is a way to be involved to help someone. Even the smallest beings need help. Recently, I emceed a Reagan dinner. Blessed to have the privilege to be the voice of Nance Reagan just weeks before she passed away, I was taken back when I started really studying what the Reagan’s stood for. Don’t stop reading because I said the other party… it’s not about you or the party it’s about the message! It was a quote that really resonated with me. One that Sam Johnson, chairman chose as the theme. “We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” - Ronald Reagan. I absolutely loved this because it was and is so true. Find something to give to and you will be less of a taker. Find something to be positive about and you will be less negative. It’s a fact!

People would rather complain about what is wrong in America... Get involved somewhere, somehow for some reason you can support. There is an animal shelter that needs help. These folks are often volunteers who give time and love. A school organization that needs help, fewer teachers, weaker budgets mean more work for fewer people. Surely, your party has a stand on something at least one issue you believe in, learn it, understand it and share it in a positive way! Heaven forbid you volunteer at your church a local hospital or any of the multiple places where people share and care. If you are not complaining and you are looking to contribute, there is always a place to serve. This is part of the political upset in America today. People would rather complain about what is wrong in American than find something we can be united on. How can you contribute to the future of our country versus just complaining about it? Turn the TV off, get off your couch, stop eating your wings, and go get involved. We will be in trouble, America, unless each individual exercises his/her right to vote on local and non-local issues and races. The local races decide how the schools will chose leaders, compensation and many other issues. These local races decide whose voice will be heard on the floor in our state and our nation’s capital! Let’s all get involved with choosing who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave! It’s a gift, and we cannot forget those who have sacrificed so

that we can exercise our right to vote. It’s no secret that many today feel there is no easy or obvious answer to the next election. Just ask yourself this, is complaining going to help or change the outcome? If you thought, probably not, then why not find something positive to support about your candidate and get out and get involved. Find something in the community you live in that you can be involved it because the outcome matters or can be different because of you! Your voice is important and needs to be heard or seen in action. Don’t talk about the change, be about the change! It takes all of us to make a difference. You don’t have to like the article; you just need to understand that no matter what you stand for, your actions matter many times more than your words ever will! Will you be someone doing, anyone helping or one not changing? JoAn Majors is a professional speaker and published d author. auth Her articles have appeared in overr 25 national nat and international magazines and d newsletters. new She writes articles regularlyy forr man many magazines. She is a devoted wife, motherr and a grandmother who also supports in the ma marketing efforts for her husband, Dr. Chuck Majors Maj at MajorSmiles.com. You can learn more m at www.joanmajors.com or calll 1.866.5 1.866.51.CHOICE.

Decades of

Family and Friends Buddy & Edile Lightsey

Using the D.D. “Buddy” and Edile Lightsey home for the cover of our Front Porch Magazine this edition is giving us an opportunity to recognize not only their wonderful porch but also two invaluable citizens of Burleson County. Buddy and Edile have lived on the Lightsey land for several decades. The land came into the possession of Buddy’s parents back in the 1930’s, and it was there that Buddy’s parents first built a modest home. Years later, when Buddy and Edile first married, they lived with his parents, but they wanted their own place, so they fixed up a small frame house on the land. A lady friend helped them clean the floors, wallpaper the 3 rooms, and prepare the porch that ran the length of the house. Buddy’s parents were Jim and Lottie Lightsey; Edile’s parents were Elsie Schoppe Lewis and Sam Lewis. When Edile was 3, Sam died, and later Elsie married Henry Struwe. Elsie was a nurse and was a servant to many in Burleson county for years. In 1981, after the oil came to the area, Buddy’s mother asked them if they didn’t want to build a new home. So, consideration began; they road around the property and decided on the spot where their house now stands. Construction was started in 1982. W. C. Scasta from Wheelock had built a home for Buddy’s cousin, so they selected him and his sons Calvin and Lloyd for their construction. The venture ended in a strong friendship which remains to this day; the two

couples weekly play dominoes. The land off Highway 21 was given to them after Buddy’s father died in 1973. His mother lived across the road from them till her death. And one of Buddy’s three sisters lived close enough that Edile could see her light go and off, and was able to check on her easily. Family has always been important to the Lightseys. And family has always been extended. Jose and Isabel Munoz have lived behind them and been helpful to them for years. Their daughter Aurora Munoz became the Lightsey’s “girl.” Growing up, she spent Friday nights with Buddy and Edile when her parents had other responsibilities. They are both proud of her accomplishments, graduating from Sam Houston State Cum Laude, and then working at First Baptist School, at Prosperity Bank, where she learned much about banking, and at TBT. Now, she works at A&M where she is continuing in fiscal work. Buddy and Edile’s home of 3 bedrooms and 2 ½ baths faces Highway 21. And their porch that graces the home is a spot they enjoy. The circular drive and the big oaks they planted years ago beautify the area. Though the vehicles look like little toy cars on the highway, they still find pleasure in watching them go by, and they enjoy the frequent breeze that sweeps across the porch. Edile and Buddy have lived varied, but full lives. They have farmed, raised cattle, and bred and successfully raced horses over many decades. They have touched lives in Caldwell and the area as they have been involved in all kinds of civic endeavors, from the rodeo arena to the Masonic cemetery, to the Davidson Creek Park, to name a few, and Edile has been an invaluable member of First Baptist. They are still blessings to so many today.

rrom om us to you

Editors Note

Dear Readers,

s we are putting together this edition of the Front Porch Magazine, we stand in awe of the fact that 15 years have gone by since the first edition of our newspaper style magazine hit the stands. That we are starting on year 16 is amazing! We feel honored to publish our small town creation. And, we are ever grateful that time and time again we receive encouragement from you over the quality of the magazine. Thank you. Our theme this edition is “Get Involved.” We feel we’ve done just this with our magazine; however, there is much more in life to get involved with. Our hope is your life is one of purpose and fulfillment, and that, of course, would mean you’re living an involved life. One of the major ways we want to encourage you now is in getting involved in our nation. Speak up, stand up, and work at supporting the values that have made America great: honesty, integrity, jobs, entrepreneurship, good healthcare, a strong military, Christian freedoms, and legal immigration. You, dear readers, live in a nation that is worthy of GETTING INVOLVED in. We hope you will work and that you will vote, in numbers greater than ever before. Sincerely Sandi Balcar, Publisher Scarlette Taylor, Editor and Advertising Manager

potlight on

Burleson County’s

Unique Heritage

when needed. He is a past member of the choir at St. Mary’s and currently he and Donna provide the music liturgy at the SatPeople in all walks of life influence those around them. In this column, we will be urday evening Mass. Joe is also president featuring those who have made an impact in our small towns. of KJT Society #100 which is the Czech Catholic Fraternal Union of Texas providing members with spiritual guidance and insurance programs. Joe’s fluency of the Czech language crosses over into his music liturgy. He is often asked to sing songs in the Czech language for various religious We’re parodying Shakespeare’s line be- son, especially little ladies. Joe still remem- services, both at St. Mary’s as well as other cause ‘tis true that the name Rychlik brings bers his 12 mile walking route fondly. In congregations. Joe’s service to individuals has been and to mind pleasant, sweet thoughts. Joe Ry- later years at the post office window, all rechlik has been the epitome of involvement, ceived a personal greeting, as well as com- continues to be providing for their needs, especially for the aging men and women. assistance, and caring in our fair city. If petent service. Joe is faithful to visit and assist at the nursHis personal life with wife Donna Junell you have lived in the Caldwell area for any length of time, you’ve gotten to know Joe Rychlik has been filled with service to the ing homes. The Diocese of Austin bestowed Rychlik, or at least heard the Rychlik name. community. They both serve on the board on him the Lumen Gentium Award for his We’ve chosen Joe for our spotlight since he of the Caldwell Civic Center Museum. service to St Joseph Manor. He also prohas been and is such an integral part of the Both were active in the Burleson Czech vides transportation to those going to dochistory and fervor of Caldwell, if not Bur- Heritage Society and were instrumental in tors in Caldwell or the area. Much of what leson County. Joe’s roots in the area date beginning the Kolache Festival in Caldwell, he does is an example of what the Bible back to 1882. The Rychlik family came to serving on the entertainment commit- calls true religion…”providing for widows New Tabor from Vizovice, Moravia, when tee for 30 years. Joe and Donna dance the in their needs.” polka wonderfully, and have led Wedding Joe commented that before his mother Joe’s grandfather was 17. Joe and older brother Bernard, sons Marches for couples for over four decades. died, she was very sick, and so many people Joe continues to be fluent in his Czech helped. So now, as always, he wants to give of Emil and Rosie Schumacher Rychlik, learned early in life to do farm work, language, and will readily translate when back. I’d say he’s done an awesome job. And and also to help their neighbors. Joe’s first the need arises. He served as a translator has more than repaid kindnesses. Truly, if “real job” was a stock boy at Paul’s Food of the Czech language when he joined the we called Joe Rychlik by another name, it Market. After graduating from CHS in Army Reserves in 1967 and was attached would smell as sweet to us. ‘64, he worked in sales at Bud Cross, and to the Military Intelligence Unit in Waco, later went to Blinn College. In his second Texas. Other of the many ways Joe has served semester, Ben Kocurek offered him a job at the Caldwell post office, where he con- the community in the past include Burtinued to work and advance. He retired in leson County Fair Board, CISD School Board, hospital board, volunteer fire de2001 after 35 years of continuous service. A funny remembrance he tells of is the partment, St Joseph Manor Government time he delivered the mail barefooted. He Council, and Caldwell Chamber of Comsays he had on new shoes and would have merce. In 2010 Joe was honored with the had to walk in them on muddy streets, Citizen of the Year Award by the Burleson so he asked Mrs. Marcella Polansky if he County Chamber of Commerce for his sercould leave them at her store, Polansky’s vice to Caldwell and Burleson County. Grocery, while he finished his route sans Joe is also involved in St Mary’s Cathoshoes. He also tells of laughing with Gene lic Church; in fact, he has been all his Barber about the errands, endeavors done life. There he’s taught religious educaback in the 60’s and 70’s. They would carry tion classes and he served on the building stamps for rural deliveries and occasional- committee for the new church in the ‘80s. ly find themselves helping someone move Presently as a Eucharist Minister, he takes something or get something for some rea- homebound members Holy Communion

JOE RYCHLIK

A Rychlik by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

professional directory Air Conditioning-Installation & Repair Nathan’s A-See Weaver’s Refrigeration Antiques / Arts / Collectibles Funky Junky Automobile Parts-Supplies-Repairs Burleson County Motor Supply dBm Auto Repair Groce’s Shell Kwik Kar Wilde Auto Plus Automobile Sales-Detail Milton Hodges -Caldwell Country Banks Citizens State Bank Prosperity Bank BarBQ Matus BarBQ Beauty Salon Cindy’s Hair Salon Bed & Breakfast Rocking H Bed & Breakfast Burleson County Events Fair Association Chemicals Project Chemicals Churches Church of Christ First Baptist City/Civic/Government Offices City of Caldwell City of Somerville Construction C & H Building Construction Richard Boyd Construction Convenience Store RockinG Copies/Printing/UPS/Fax Service ImageMaker Country Club Copperas Hollow Credit Score Restoration iRestore Dentistry Brazos Valley Orthodontics Drgac Dental MajorSmiles Michael K. Reese Rivers Family Dentistry Dozer Services J7 Service Loehr Dozer Electrical Service Stevenson’s Electrical Feed Faust Farms Homeyer Feed & Supply

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Fencing Drgac Fencing Financials LPL Financial Funeral Home Phillips & Luckey Furniture Mc Rustic Hand Gun License Providence Hill Health Care Burleson St Joseph Manor Guardian Health Care Hope Pregnancy Center Insurance Alford Insurance Company Livestock & Commission Caldwell Livestock Com. Lumber Company Woodson’s Lumber Company Mowing / Landscape Jeff ’s Mowing Service Pest Control Armstrong Pesticide Solutions Plumbing DP Plumbing Political Republican Party Real Estate Double “O” Team Home & Ranch Real Estate Kay Macek Polansky Realty Real Estate Listings Home & Ranch Restaurants & Catering Deanville Bar & Grill Freedom Ranch Golden Chick Lo Nuestro de Mexico Masfajitas Mexican Restaurant Super Donuts The Garden Spot Septics Easy Flow Service Station Groce Shell Tax Preparers & Advisors Danny Koerth Truck-Auto-Tires-Supplies Burleson County Motor Supply Mitchell Tire Service Wilde Auto Plus Veterinarian BV-MVS Vitamins Roots & Shoots Water Well Drilling Loehr Drilling Co, Inc

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Welding & Fabricating C&H Welding & Fabrication BWM Winery Fatsolush

45 61 14

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SANDI BALCAR SA A CA & SCA SCARLETTE TT TAYLOR TA O T

SANDI BALCAR

PUBLISHERS

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LAYOUT & DESIGN EDITOR

SCARLETTE TAYLOR ADVERTISING SALES EDITOR

SCHUMAN PHOTOGRAPHY PHOTOGRAPHER

5 CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

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NEAL BEARD LINDA CHAMBERLAIN SUZY COHEN EDWIN H. COOPER TRACY FRANK BJ HEGEMEYER TAMMY KUBECKA SHARON ANN LAFFERE JOAN MAJORS DR. JACK MCKEMIE DVM KAVON NOVAK RENITA ODSTRCIL DONNA VARNER PRESNAL DR. KIA PARSI MATTHEW RENNER DEL ROGERS, SR. BECKY SCHENK SCARLETTE TAYLOR POLLY WILLIAMS Phone 979.567.7871 979.567.6753 301 Hwy 21 E Caldwell, TX 77836 The contents of all articles do not represent the views of the Front Porch Magazine. The magazine claims no responsibility for the accuracy of information or content.

Three Red Marbles

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. “Hello Barry, how are you today?” “H’lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Just admirin’ them peas. They sure look good.” “They are good, Barry. How’s your Ma?” “Fine. Gettin’ stronger all the time.” “Good. Anything I can help you with?” “No, Sir. Just admirin’ them peas.” “Would you like to take some home?” asked Mr. Miller. “No, sir. Got nuthin’ to pay for ‘em with.” “Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?” “All I got’s my prize marble here.” “Is that right? Let me see it,” said Miller. “Here it is. She’s a dandy.” “I can see that. Hmm...only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?” the store owner asked. “Not exactly, but almost.” “Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble,” Mr. Miller told the boy. “Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.” Mrs.Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile she said, “There are two other boys like him in our community. All three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever... “When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn’t like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.” I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles. Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could. Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts, all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband”s casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband’s bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket. “Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. “They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim “traded” them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size (she smiled), they came to pay their debt. “We’ve never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,” she confided, “but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.” With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Photographer vs Cook As a professional photographer, Judy takes a lot of pride in her pictures. Wherever she goes, she brings her pictures with her, to show off her work. “Wow”, said her host Sandra,” these are really nice pictures, you must have a great camera.” Fuming mad at the implication that her whole talent came from her camera, Judy waited until the end of the meal and then thanked her host, “Thank you the meal was delicious,” and then as if an afterthought added, “you must have great pots.” Obama Airplane Joke President Obama, the First Lady and Joe Biden were riding on a plane. Barack looked at Michelle, laughed and said, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.” Michelle shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw 10 $100.00 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.” Biden added, “That being the case, I could throw a 100 $100.00 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.” Hearing their conversation, the pilot smirked, turned to the copilot and said, “Such big-shots back there. I could dump them all out of the window and make millions of people very, very happy.” The Duck and the Bartender A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The bartender says, “No, I am sorry, we have cherries and olives but no grapes.” “Oh,” says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the same bartender, “Do you have any grapes?” “Like I said before, we have cherries and olives, but we don’t have grapes!” says the bartender. “Oh,” says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later the duck returns and again, asks, “Do you have any grapes?” “Look, beak lips,” screams the bartender. “We have no grapes! We will never have grapes! And if you ask me again, I am going to nail your webby little feet to the floor!” “Oh,” says the duck and leaves. Ten minutes later, the door swings open and the duck returns. The bartender is furious. He slams a bottle of beer down on the bar, stares menacingly at the duck and screams, “What?” “Uh . . . uh . . . do you have any . . . nails?” the duck asks. “Nails? Nails? No, we don’t have nails,” answers the bartender. “Mmmm,” says the duck. “So, do you have any grapes?”

Live the “FAT” Life

ick Gilley and his son Wyatt are owners of the first and only winery in Burleson County. Actually, wine has been Wyatt’s passion since he vinted his first batch back in 1998. The results of his hobby were shared with family and friends back then. However, over the years, he’s increased his knowledge of grape varieties and wine making, so by 2004, when he moved back to the area, he began planning to make a business of wine production. Later in 2014, when the opportunity came to venture into wine producing with his dad, Wyatt was ready. They partnered and in August of 2014, they were licensed by the U.S. TTB and the TABC. Back in 2009, they’d planted a small vineyard of Blanc du Bois grapes on their land and now intend to expand the vineyard with more acreage and varieties this year. The vines are not producing fully yet, so all the grapes they now use are from Athens and Anderson, Texas. The name of their labeled wine, Fatsolush, comes from the Spanish word Panzón, meaning fat, as in full or fullness. They wanted their wine’s name to carry the idea of fullness and lusciousness. After receiving their permits, they began production of their first dry red wine, Panzón, a 2014 vintage. It was made from black Spanish grapes from Anderson, and aged in French oak barrels for 15 months before being bottled. And the 2015 vintage of dry red wine is now aging in French Oak barrels, and promises to be better than the 2014 vintage. Their wine is for sale at their winery located at 456 County Road 102 in Caldwell, and they are currently working on distribution agreements with local restaurants and other venues. Plans are in the works for distribution of a white wine which will be made from Blanc du Bois grapes, also grown in Texas. After completion of aging, this white wine will be bottled in July, 2016, just in time for this year’s harvest. Nick and Wyatt are working to make a dream come true right here in Burleson County. Future plans are a tasting room and store. Contacts: Wyatt 979.402.6882 or Nick 979.224.4060. Email them at fatsolush21@gmail.com or see them on Facebook at facebook. com/fatsolushwinery

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Fatsolush....Panzón

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Years ago, fairy tales began with “Once upon a time...” Now it’s “If I am elected...”

The Trouble Tree I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree

and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. “Oh, that”s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, those troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again. Funny thing is,” he smiled,” when I come out in the morning to pick ‘em up, there aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers The Good Samaritan A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-atat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time of night,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger. “Can you give me a push?” “No, get lost. It’s half past three. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?” “But the guy was drunk,” says the husband. “It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.” So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push??” He hears a voice cry out, “Yeah please.” So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?” And the stranger replies, “I’m over here, on your swing set.”

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. The Cowboy The oldest cowboy in Texas died this week at the age of 106. On his birthday he was asked his secret to longevity and he said that for the past 50 years he has sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning. He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

Windows Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo ...? Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

gunpowder and cow bones When we were growing up, my brother Charles 10 years my senior, always seemed involved in unusual projects and activities. He was never content with the status quo and would go to great lengths to squeeze an extra smidgen out of life. I share with you now some of his escapades that come to mind after all these years. Charles and his friends were always short on money to buy gasoline for their old cars. To help solve that problem, he made arrangements with nearly every service station owner in San Marcos to drain precious drops of leftover fuel from their pump hoses at night when the business day was over. Sometimes there would be a pint of gasoline left in the loop of a hose and that added up over a full evening of confiscation. One night Charles and his friends hit a bonanza and accumulated nearly half a tank of gas in a ’34 Ford. To celebrate, they made a 17 mile trip to Lockhart for the purpose of raising minor mischief in that fair city. A sleet storm commenced as they headed home from Lockhart. With a stroke of brilliant judgment, they pooled their resources and bet one of the Clayton boys 50 cents that he couldn’t ride back to San Marcos on the running board in that sleet storm with no clothes on whatever. He won the 50 cents, but paid a much higher price for his heroism during the next several weeks. One spring afternoon, Jimmy Turner and I decided to build a tent in my backyard for the purpose of spending the night outdoors. We borrowed some old bedsheets from our folks and erected a pretty respectable tent, using chinaberry limbs for the framework. As we stood admiring our handiwork, brother Charles happened by and quickly began setting us up for a little trick that his steel trap mind had conjured up. “You boys hear about the bobcat that people have been seeing here in town at night?” No, we hadn’t, but we started thinking bobcat from that moment on. Even so, we brought in pallets and bedded down in the tent for the night. Sometime after we dozed off, a terribly bright, noisy, smokywhite flame encircled our tent. As we bailed out the front exit to escape the terrible flames, we were met by a dreadful apparition staggering toward us as it made gosh-awful screams. It was a white ghostly figure with huge meaty bones protruding from its sheets, where arms should have been! As we froze in our tracks in fear, the ghost began to laugh, turning out to be Charles under a sheet holding two huge cow bones he’d gotten at Armstrong’s meat market. The terrible flames that had so rudely awakened us were produced by burning black gun powder he had sprinkled in a line around the base of the tent. We giggled about that trick the rest of the night. At least, that is, until we remembered about the bobcat being loose in town. One of Charles’ grand schemes for making money was setting out a trap to snare valuable pelts for the F. C. Taylor Fur Company of St. Louis. Along with raccoons, ring-tailed cats, fox, opossum and other critters that brought reasonable prices on the pelt

market, Charles trapped a full grown bobcat one rainy day. He decided to take it home alive, for what purposes, we’ve never known. He wrapped it tightly in his old rubberized raincoat and brought the thing home, suffering several bites on the hands and fingers as he did. Mother practically went into shock when she saw the puncture wounds in Charles’ hands and thought immediately of hydrophobia as a dreaded consequence. Following doctor’s orders, a large pen was built so the bobcat could be observed for a period of time to see if it exhibited any symptoms of rabies. On or about the last night the doctor had prescribed for our vigil, the bobcat dug out of the pen and made its escape. Mother was fit to be tied and Charles’ career as a professional trapper ended that very day. I’m surprised he didn’t think to stagger around and foam at the mouth a little, just for fun. One day as we were having Sunday dinner, (lunch was called dinner in those days), Charles appeared at the screen window by our table, apologized for being late and held up a five-foot-long diamond-back rattlesnake he had killed at a cave entrance less than an hour before. Our folks looked at each other, folded their napkins and announced that dinner was over. And I bounded out to inspect the reptile, just as they supposed I would. The afternoon that Charles and his classmates were scheduled to graduate from high school, a gully-washer of a rain hit San Marcos. The resulting flood brought water over a rocky dam on the river and word quickly spread that giant bass were floundering about among those rocks, easy picking for those who dared to wade out on slippery surfaces among the water moccasins and flood debris. Charles and friends were missing in action when it came time to dress for the graduation ceremonies. Anxious parents found those boys just in time to be led by their ears to graduation ceremonies, even while big bass were still flouncing around out there where the boys really preferred to be. In spite of the terrific youthful creativity that brother Charles had, and the unbelievable jams he got into as a result, he became a highly successful teacher in the San Antonio public schools. I am told that he devised some most unusual teaching techniques that captured the imagination of all those youngsters lucky enough to be in his classes. He might have abandoned school at any moment, however, if someone had whispered to him that the dam was flooding and the big fish were flopping around everywhere.

Edwin H. Cooper, writer of human interest stories and articles, has been published in many Texas magazines and newspapers, and is active in numerous civic and school organizations. His new book, 40 Years at Aggieland, was published in 2013.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Strong Words

Dentist Visit

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38 (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an ax and two 38’s!”

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

Saving County History Yes! You Can Help! by Tammy Kubecka Burleson County celebrates its 170th Birthday this year!! We have some of the best history in the state right here under our noses, and we’d like to salute our ancestors and predecessors who saved that history so we can talk about it now. Without our county records, family trees and written histories, we would have no sense of what this county is all about. Thank goodness we have a trail to follow. Have you thought about what kind of trail you’ll leave behind? Its great to leave information for your family, and for future generations of historians who will someday be digging around in our archives, trying to find a glimpse of what life was like in Burleson County back in the day. What family records do you own, and what stories can you tell? Now is the time to write them down! Family members aren’t the only people interested in your life in this county! Burleson County is lucky to have several historical groups in the county, with members who are driven by a desire to find more, learn more, and save more history. And we all share one other thing….the need for more help! Could that person be you? If you’re already documenting your family history, you might consider expanding into local history and state history. Preservation can be as simple or as involved as you want it to be. One thing is for certain, the need is great. The Burleson County Historical Commission is appointed by the county, and they work as the local entity for the Texas Historical Commission in Austin. By state law, every county in Texas has a CHC. The CHC is the go-between for getting Texas Historical Markers, Historic Texas Cemetery designations, and a whole host of other state programs. The CHC also sponsors Burleson County Heritage Week in March, and an Archeology Awareness Week in October. They have published a County Timeline book and a Cemetery Book. They also maintain the Burleson County Historical Museum in the courthouse, with a growing number of family files, and general files, books and photos, as we compile bits and pieces of our history. The Burleson County Historical Society, Inc. is a group with annual membership dues, and the owners of the Kraitchar House Museum. They have now published two county family history books and have various other projects ongoing. The Somerville Historical Society also boasts a great museum dedicated to their area history. The group is a great resource for anyone researching family history in or around the Somerville and Lyons area. The Burleson County Czech Heritage Museum is still another specialized group in the county, running the museum and collecting area Czech history for their archives. The Burleson County Czech Heritage Society is a chapter of the larger state group and also promote Czech history in the county through several events and fund raisers. Community interest groups are found in Deanville as they work to preserve the old depot, and the community center group

in Chriesman also collects area history. As we think about the past 170 years, maybe its also time to think about becoming more involved in saving our county history by joining and volunteering with one of these groups. There are so many projects waiting for help, so many things to explore and save. Individuals can pick just about anything they’re interested in and develop it into a historical project! What do you want to see saved? What stories do you want to pass on? What do you know that someone else would love to find in 25-50-100 years? The Chamber of Commerce, County Judge’s office, County Clerk or City office can usually always direct you to someone involved with area historical groups….visit the Burleson County Historical Commission’s Facebook page, or visit local museums and historical events and learn how you can help. You can make a difference, and leave a trail.

One day on Mercury lasts about 1408 hours. The same as one Monday on Earth.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Return to Sender A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, they deducted $80.00. The Good Deed A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100 $1 bills.” The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.” Highly Trained Parrot A man goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to its right leg. “What are those strings for?”, he asks the store owner. “This is a highly trained creature,” the owner explains. “If you pull the red string, he speaks Spanish and if you pull the green string he speaks French.” “What happens if you pull both strings at the same time?” the man asks. “I fall off my perch, you idiot!” squawks the parrot.

The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. Norman Mailer (1923-2007)

One evening, about a month ago, I was looking for a key that I had misplaced. After about thirty minutes of looking for it, I could feel myself getting a little stressed and agitated. I knew stressing about it was not going to help matters any, so I decided to just go ahead and go to bed. The next morning, I got up, and as I walked around the foot of the bed, there on the floor, between the foot of the bed and my armoire, was the key I had been looking for, right there in plain sight. I had walked across this same spot several times the night before and again just before getting into bed and never saw it. My first thought when I spotted the key was, ‘Thank you, God!’ For I knew it was him… I could feel it, along with a huge sense of relief that I had found this key that I needed. This key unlocked much for me. Have you ever been in a situation or had something happen to you so that you knew it was God working for you? I have had many in my life. I use to think of these instances as just being coincidences or as little strokes of good luck, but as I’ve gotten older and have thought on some of these times, I have realized that God was the reason some of these things happened or did not happen. He’s not just there for the ‘big’ events; he’s there for the little things too. He’s there for the good and he’s there for the bad. He is with us every day. Often though, we fail to give him credit for the many things he’s done and continues to do for us daily. I know I fall short of the glory of God every day. I let the evil and meanness in other people and in this world get to me at times and it pulls me away from the person God wants me to be, but he never leaves my side. He’s always there picking me up, reeling me back in and getting me back on track. He never fails me. Even when things are tough, or don’t seem to be going my way, I can count on his goodness and grace to get me through. We must always remember, that whether we are going through difficult times or dealing with difficult people, God is there with us in every situation and has good things in store for us in the end. There will be times when we will experience stress, pain or heartbreak, and it will seem like he is not with us or that he’s not answering our prayers but these experiences are exactly what we need to go through in order to realize that he is always there with us and he is answering our prayers, but it is in his time and his way. Hebrews 12:11 tells us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

It is sometimes not until after the moment, that we understand God is in charge. I’m reminded of this little poem, Everybody wants happiness Nobody wants pain But you can’t have a rainbow Without a little rain.” God does not tell us that everything is going to be easy, but he does promise us a solution. He has given us the same solution in both Psalms 55:22, “Cast your cares unto the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous fall.” And in 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.” So, each day, we should pray to God for his guidance, even more so when worries and problems in our lives come along. We need to continually praise him for all he has done for us and cast all of our anxieties on him as we have been instructed. Our God is bigger than anything we will ever face. When we turn everything over to Him, big or small, we will be overcome with a sense of peace and calmness. God is the master key. He is there to unlock every door we come upon. He is the answer to everything we may be facing or going through. Trust in him!

Renita Odstrcil is a licensed Texas Realtor. She is a member of the National Association of Professional Women, the National and Texas Association of Realtors, and the local B/CS Association of Realtors.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers The Break Up An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the old man said. “We’re sick and tired of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “There’s no way they’re getting a divorce,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” And she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, smiling. “Great,” he says, “they’re coming home for Christmas AND paying their own way!!

The biggest liar you’ll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face every morning.

The Teacher A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he would do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it’s level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

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Your Way or the High Way by Scarlette Taylor

I’d like to ask you something: Are we Christians listening to God? Let that question sink in for a few seconds. I’ll start a new paragraph to give you time to re-read the question and give it some consideration. Now that you’ve thought, what answer came to you, or what did you consider? Did you think, speak to me, as in audibly? Or did you think of a hearing God when you were having a time of quietness before God, possibly out in nature? Those are good thoughts, but I’m not pondering that…not thinking of hearing God audibly speak, as He did when He openly spoke to the Israelites as they were completing the Exodus from Egyptian slavery. Nor did I think of hearing from God in a quiet time. I am thinking of hearing God through reading His Bible, the divinely inspired collections of Scripture. So, now, you can answer the question for yourself. Are you, a Christian, faithfully reading the Bible? Studies have stated that only 30 something % of Evangelical Christians read the Bible frequently, and they’ve also stated that the percentage is far less when people were asked if they read the Bible daily. Now, I’m not thinking of reading the Bible just for the sake of reading it. (I remember doing that way back when I was a teen-ager and wanting to check Read my Bible Daily on the envelope that was turned in at Sunday School or Training Union. As I wrote “Training Union,” I thought that that may be a totally new label for some of you.) My original intent in asking if you are listening to God is so that you will think about listening to Him. And, especially to consider your obedience to Him. How does anyone know how to be obedient it he/she doesn’t know what God’s Word says He wants for us in our lives? Scripture is clear that God wants obedience. In fact, He says in 1 Samuel 15:22 “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of

rams.” And in Hosea 6:6 God says, “For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.” Wow! Right before our eyes are precise desires that God wants of/for us. He wants us to obey…but I say again, how are we to be obeying if we don’t know what the Word of God tells us to do in order to obey. So, yes, right now we know two ways we can be obedient to our God, and that is in desiring mercy, and having knowledge of God. Those are two specifics we can grab onto. You are familiar with the word mercy, I’m sure. But when you consider how we are to be people who show mercy, what do we actually do? So, I looked at Roget’s Thesaurus and it gives us specific examples of mercy. O, friend, we can work on showing mercy in so many aspects of life: Mercy includes: Compassion Pity Clemency Forgiveness Kindness Sympathy Understanding Leniency Benevolence Tucked in that one word, one command, is a world of ways we can make life better for others when we live out mercy. And, in turn, if we do live our lives mercifully, our lives will be better because we’re focusing on those awesome attributes God wants for us. Don’t forget that God also said He desires that we have the knowledge of Him. He wants us to know about Him, yes, but He wants us to know Him. How blessed we are to have a God who cares about us, who wants to have a relationship with us. So, what better way to grow in Him than to read his word OFTEN. So, now you get to decide about being in His Word, reading it with the intent to be obedient. Will your life be lived by having it Your Way or the High Way? I feel certain you can live it out best by choosing the High Way, God’s way. A Rare Book A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Gutensomebody-or-other had printed it. “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!” “Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.”

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Big Family Flying home from France on a recent trip, I noticed a rather haggard looking mom walking into the customs area with eight children-- all under age 10. Collecting their many suitcases, the nine of them entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched the large entourage in disbelief, ‘’Ma’am,’’ he said, ‘’do all these children and this luggage belong to you?’’ ‘’Yes, sir,’’ the lady said with a sigh, ‘’they’re all mine.’’ The customs agent began his interrogation: ‘’Ma’am, do you have any weapons, contraband or drugs in your possession?’’ ‘’Sir,’’ she calmly answered, ‘’if I’d had any of those items, I would have used them by now.’’ Now That’s Anger A little girl who was writing a school paper asked her father, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” “It’s mostly a matter of degree,” the dad replied. “ Let me show you what I mean”. With that the dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. A man answered the phone and the dad says, “Hello, is Homer there?” The man on the other end answered, “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. There’s nobody here by that name.” The father hangs up and immediately hits redial, “Hello, is Homer there?” asks the father. “Now listen up buddy, there’s nobody here by that name so quit bothering me!” The dad listens as the man slams the phone down. You see, says the dad, he is starting to get angry. He hits redial and a loud voice comes on the line. “HELLO!” the man yells. “Yes, is Homer there? asks the father calmly. “Are you crazy?” the man screams, “ I told you Homer doesn’t live here so don’t call back again!” then he slams the phone down again. “Did you hear that?” the father asked the little girl, “Now that is what anger sounds like.” “Now you’re going to hear exasperation.” He picked the phone up and hit redial again. “HELLO!” boomed the voice on the other end. “Hello” the dad says politely, “This is Homer, have I had any calls?”

''Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.''—Mark Twain

Mike and Debbie Sutherland are embarking on new endeavors, and they are proud to announce they’re working hard to meet the deadline of Memorial Day in May for their grand opening of Funky Junky. Located at 106 N. Main, Caldwell, TX, the business will be housed in two adjacent stores. When asked about the origin of Funky Junky, Debbie quickly replied that it came about because of the need of space for Mike’s creative artistry. She explained that he loves to dabble in all kinds of creations, often repurposed: dragon flies, butterflies, water fountains of all sizes and designs, eclectic lighting for both inside and out, and the list goes on and on. The Sutherlands looked for a place over several months, and when the property on N Main came open, they used the opportunity to be part of the Caldwell Main Street Program and used Citizens State Bank for their loan. The bank has set aside $1 Million at a low interest rate for loans to help qualifying, prospective businesses in the Main Street area. Funky Junky’s store will not offer booth spaces for vendors to rent; however, they will take items for consignment. Artists, collectors, and crafters may contact Mike or Debbie Sutherland for information about consigning items. Besides art works and antiques, a good inventory of collectibles and imports will be available. The colorful Talavera, Mexican pottery will also be one of their offerings. Though the store and the café buildings will be separate, they will be united by their displays of wonderful outdoor and indoor items. The café will include a concession area with a large outdoor patio space. There, games such as washers and bean bag toss can be played, and kids will have a playscape. Plentiful patio seating will be available, and foods for purchase will include South American, Tx Mex, and Caribbean styles, with occasional specialties, and drinks will include beer, wine, soft drinks, and tea. Their immediate plans are that the upfront, retail store will be open 10:00 am to 5:00 pm Monday-Friday, Noon-5:00 Saturday and Sunday. The back business, the food service location, will be open 4:00-9:00 pm Monday-Friday 11am to 10:00 pm Saturday Noon-6:00 pm Sunday Future plans include scheduling their food location for private parties, and artists scheduling space for painting parties where individuals are taught to paint by walking them through step by step creations. Debbie and Mike invite you to contact them for more information. The business number is 979.218.1525, and their email is chalk_@yahoo.com. They’d be happy for you to like them on Facebook at Facebook.com\funkyjunkytx.

Millie’s Mysterious Ways This is a story about how my dog Millie, never ceases to amaze me.

I hadn’t planned to but last weekend Julee had back-to-back rehearsals for a concert so Millie and I ventured upstate to check out our place in the Berkshires about 130 miles from the city as the crow flies (we drove). Actually I was anxious to see how the house had fared over this rude winter. Thank God it was still standing with its roof intact but there was a ton of snow in the yard. Millie bulldozed a few paths but it wasn’t the same as being able to run all over the place, and I could tell she was a little disappointed. Likewise all our favorite mountain trails were impassable without snowshoes. Millie might have giant paws but they would be no match for the drifts. Instead I took her down the road to a woodsy little development on Steven’s Lake. Most of the houses were closed down for the season but I knew they had a plowed road that went around the lake. We could get some exercise there. Mostly what we got was muddy. My Devon Cream Golden Retriever suddenly looked more like hot chocolate. I would have much explaining to do when I got home. And Goldens, sweet as they are, can smell pretty sour when wet. We turned around eventually. On the way back up the road, Millie would run off from time to time to check out one house or another, sniffing around for signs of life but always coming back at my whistle. Except for one house, set up on a hillside way back off the road. I could barely see it through the naked trees. Millie strode purposefully up the driveway. I whistled. She trotted ahead. Finally I followed. Millie disappeared around back. I was slipping and sliding at this point and calling her name, shocked she could be so oblivious…or willful. Then I thought, Not a deer carcass! and began running. Actually it was the main entrance to the house. Millie was sitting patiently on the little porch giving me a very grave look. “Millie, come on!” She stayed. “Now!” Wouldn’t budge. Suddenly a man opened the door. As soon as I recovered from the surprise of seeing that someone besides us was populating the area, I apologized profusely for my dog’s behavior. “That’s all right. I have one too. He’s pretty sick right now or I’d ask you in.” So we got to talking. He was a New Yorker too, and like all New Yorkers we immediately traded neighborhood info. He lived in the Village, and I told him I lived in Chelsea. “I have my practice in Chelsea, at Penn South. I’m the podiatrist.” I’d seen his sign a million times. Of course. “Maybe your dog knows mine. I used to bring him to work with me all the time when he was young. Buzz. A Mastiff mix.” Buzz? Really? Buzz and Millie had the same walker when Millie was a puppy, and they would often walk together for hours. I hadn’t seen Buzz in ages.

Courtesy of TruthBooks.com

“He’s real sick,” the man said, “and frail.” I peeked through the door and saw Buzz, ancient now, sleeping on a pile of blankets. “I’d have Millie come in but I’m afraid she might want to play and Buzz’s hips are shot. I thought he might like it up here with the fireplace and all.” I knew he was telling me his dog was dying. I felt terrible for him. It’s as bad as losing a person you love, worse sometimes, since some people refuse to understand how very deep the sorrow can be at losing a beloved animal. Millie nudged the door open a little wider and stared in at Buzz. She was very still. Very quiet. “How ‘bout I put her on her leash and let her say hello,” I said softly, knowing hello would really be goodbye because dogs know these things in a way we mere humans never will. The man nodded and I leashed Millie up. She padded over to Buzz, leaned in and nuzzled his ear. Buzz’s tail flopped against the old blankets. It was all he could manage…and all I could do to keep the tears from my eyes. She turned and gave me a look that said, “That’s what this is all about. We can go now.” And so we went, just like that. I thanked the man and wished him luck and said a silent prayer for Buzz’s peaceful passing. Millie was already quite a few paces ahead of me. I caught up and dropped to one knee, hugging her and not minding the wet and the mud and the Golden aroma. Someday all of this will be explained to me, hopefully in heaven. Until then I am content to be amazed.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers The Missionary A missionary recruit goes to Venezuela for the first time, struggling with the language. He visits one of the local churches and sits in the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decides to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He decides to follow the man sitting next to him in the front pew. As they sing, the man claps his hands, so the missionary recruit claps, too. When the man stands up to pray, the missionary recruit stands up, too. When the man sits down, the missionary sits down. Later in the service, the man next to him stands up again, so the missionary stands up, too. Suddenly a hush falls over the entire congregation. A few people gasp. The missionary looks around and sees that no one else is standing. So he sits down. After the service ends, the missionary recruit greets the preacher. “I take it you don’t speak Spanish,” the preacher says. The missionary replies, “No, I don’t. It’s that obvious?” “Well yes,” the preacher says. “I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy, and I asked the proud father to please stand up.” But Why? A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding manand asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 I Love You cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “But why?” asks the man. He said! I’m a divorce Lawyer

If a man’s from Texas, he’ll tell you. If he’s not... why embarrass him by asking?

DR. MICHAEL K. REECE MASTER DENTIST Dr. Michael K. Reece, DDS, LVIM is one of only 25 LVI Master dentists in the world, and in addition to running a full-time practice in Bryan, TX, also serves as the Chief Clinical Instructor at LVI Global, the internationally acclaimed advanced training center for dentists in Las Vegas. Dr. Reece stands out in three distinct ways. One, he constantly trains. Dentists are required to take a minimum number of hours in continuing education to maintain the basic skills they had coming out of dental school. However, today, the many advances in dentistry are often moving at a much faster pace than minimum training can keep up with or address fully. Dr. Reece regularly takes an array of courses offered across the nation to keep his skills finely tuned and to remain on the leading edge of new procedures. Secondly, Dr. Reece practices the most complex dentistry cases, giving him the ability to know how to address the challenges that present themselves on both complex and routine cases. Dr. Reece has a discerning eye for balance and proportion that lets him achieve youthful smiles and the facelift effects available when dentistry is combined with artistry. Training to understand the golden proportions of facial symmetry and attractiveness allow Dr. Reece to create attractive smiles. Third, Dr. Reece teaches his skills to other dentists. By regularly sharing his talents, Dr. Reece refines his techniques and procedures into replicable steps, helping ensure the best possible patient outcomes. This triad of skills learned from constant training, applying his talents in daily practice and then sharing his talents as a chief clinical instructor are the defining elements of what makes Dr. Reece stand out in dentistry among his peers and his patients. Currently, Dr. Reece is the only area dentist trained in the AllOn-4 dental implant procedure where four (or more) dental implants are used to securely mount a complete set of non-removable upper and lower teeth that look and function just like real teeth. In years past, patients had to constantly repair failing teeth or learn to live with the problems of missing teeth. For many patients this could become an increasingly painful and expensive approach to dental care. Fortunately, this is no longer the case and patients are experiencing a refreshing new beginning to their oral and subsequent physical health. Now in is a little as one office visit, Dr. Reece can extract failed teeth, place implants and have his patients walk out with fully functional all new teeth. In a few weeks, the implants have integrated into the jawbone and the temporary healing set of teeth are replaced with the final set which are completely indistinguishable from real teeth. Patients love that the teeth are made to be worn constantly 24/7/365 and never need to be removed except at routine office visit cleanings. Patients report looking younger, smiling more and finally being able to eat the foods they want. Even the dental experience itself has changed. Patients who once feared the dentist are now put at ease through Dr. Reeceâ€™s trained team and the advances in sedation dentistry that making the experience as comfortable as possible. Dr. Reeceâ€™s team has been together for years. They work as an integrated whole to make patients comfortable and happy. Consultations are free and informative. Learn more at DrReece.com.

He is on his deathbed and the world holds is breath. Many are beginning to mourn his impending death – some even beginning to panic – who will take his place? For the record, his name is Somebody Else. He has been around for thousands of years – at least since Moses told God that Somebody Else had to lead the Children of Israel to the Promised Land. During his life he was called on to do far more than you can imagine. Whenever something needed to be done, people always said, “Let Somebody Else do it.” He was blamed for more than you can imagine. Whenever anything went wrong, people always said “It is Somebody Else’s fault. When leadership was needed, the crowd said, “Let Somebody Else lead.” But there are stories about some brave souls who at the critical moment did not wait for Somebody Else but said, “I’ll do it.” And took action. Want one that is close to home? THE ARCHIVE WAR After Texas won its independence from Mexico in 1836 – all the land ownership archives were housed in Austin, the assumed Capital of The Republic, but Sam Houston the President of The Republic of Texas wanted the capital to be near Independence at Washington-on-the-Brazos. Austin officials said, “No.” So Sam Houston authorized 20 Texas Rangers to go to Austin to move the archives to his choice for the capital. They slipped into Austin and started loading the archives into wagons. But suddenly they heard a cannon roar, and with shots from a six pound cannon falling all around them, they froze in their tracks. Angelina Eberly, from her inn across the square, had seen what was happening and took action. She loaded the town cannon with nails and scrap iron and fired it in the direction of the Rangers. No one was hit but the noise brought the town people who surrounded the Rangers forcing them to surrender the archives—thus preserving Austin as capital of The Republic of Texas. And in 1845 when the Republic of Texas became the 28th state in the United States of America-- the only state admitted into the United States by treaty-- Austin soon became the official capital of the new state because Angelina Eberly did not leave it to Somebody Else but took action and won the day. How about another with more life and death consequences? ROME Theodoret, The Bishop of Cyrrhus in Syria (303-457 AD)

in his “Ecclesiastical History” recorded this: A monk named Telemachus from Asia (modern day Turkey) made his way to Rome and upon arrival, caught up in the crowd, followed them into the coliseum where his heart was so appalled by “the abominable spectacle” of gladiators fighting to the death that he climbed down into the arena and tried to stop the fighters from killing one another. The spectators of the slaughter were indignant that someone would interrupt their entertainment. The historian Theodoret wrote, “The spectators inspired by the triad fury of the demon who delights in those bloody deeds, stoned the peacemaker to death. When the good Emperor Honorius heard of this, he numbered Telemachus in the list of martyrs and put an end to that impious spectacle.” Of all the thousands who watched the senseless killing only one did not wait for Somebody Else to step forward. Telemachus stood alone and gave his life to stop the barbarism.” The games that had seen thousands of Christians killed in the name of entertainment in the early years of Christianity, stopped, never to happen again because one man said, “Enough.” ON A PERSONAL NOTE Fifteen year old Glenn Morris didn’t leave it to Somebody Else but took the initiative and led a fourteen year old Del Rogers to the Lord. Glenn lived his faith in front of me. He brought me to the throne of Grace where I accepted Jesus as my Savior. I will be eternally grateful that Glen Morris did not leave it to Somebody Else. So you see, while Somebody Else is on his deathbed, each of us must step up and accept responsibility. No longer can we expect Somebody Else to do what is right and what needs to be done. If it is to be, it is up to me – not Somebody Else ONE MAN AWAKE One man awake can awaken another And the second can awaken his next door brother And the three awake can awaken the town By turning the whole place upside down And the many awake can make such a fuss That it finally awakens the rest of us. One man up with dawn in his eyes—multiplies. … Del Rogers, Sr., founder and CEO of Stewardship Enrichment is a recognized authority on successful fund raising for churches, ministries and personal stewardship growth for individual christians.

A friend you buy will not be worth what you have to pay for him. ~George Prentice~

We’ve

chosen the theme “Get Involved” as our focus in the Front Porch Magazine for this April edition. With the 2016 election looming, we feel that through our publication we need to encourage, perhaps shame, or maybe coerce you to get involved. Not much worthwhile in life is accomplished without involvement, whether the involvements are with individuals, truths, or good ideas. We as Americans have been blessed to have lived for centuries under a government that had a Constitution which was followed, and was respected by our elected officials. At the creation of this experimental Constitution, plans for three branches of government with checks and balances were designed to provide good government. Our Constitution was to provide government of the people, for the people, and by the people. Thus, common people would govern the United States. With this type government working successfully for so long, we became secure in our USA. However, in recent years, our leadership has not kept to Constitutional government, and has, in not doing so, brought burdens on it citizenry: t taxation, increasing, needing representation t over-burdening debt, multiplying t daily big government, paying czars and others, not constitutionally elected to govern t Supreme Court, gaining excessive power t States Rights, being overridden t Illegal Immigration, not being remedied

Government mandated health insurance, disregarding personal freedoms t Massive Welfare Programs, lacking oversight So, what can you, as one individual do? The answer is “Get Involved.” One important way is to vote! Vote in local, state, and national elections. Though you may not be able to directly influence Washington, you can help influence it through your local, and/or state government. As Irish Statesman Edmund Burk (1729-97) said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Get involved! DON’T DO NOTHING!

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers The Robber A robber was robbing a house. All of a sudden someone said, “Jesus is watching you!” “What? Oh well,” said the robber and he went back to work. When he started to pick up the VCR, he heard the voice again, “Jesus is watching you!” it said again. This time the robber pointed his flashlight at the voice and asked, “Who said that?” It was a parrot. “I’m Moses,” said the parrot. “Who in the world would name you Moses?” asked the robber. The parrot answered, “The same man that named the pitbull in the corner Jesus!”

I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say “you’re next”. So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said “you’re next”.

Blonde Jokes A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly. All the planes were currently in use, so the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it, gave her the basics, and then sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.” After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!”

The holiday season is over and Valentines Day has passed, which usually means new puppies and kittens are under foot. Hopefully, the pet selection was made with consideration for the final size of the pet, activity level and the guardianâ€™s lifestyle. I routinely observe my clients adopting or even worse purchasing a pet, when they have neither the time nor the proper environment to maintain such a pet once mature. Rule # 1, always consider what that puppy or kitten will need once he/she is mature. For example, breeds like Persian cats or English Bulldogs are very high maintenance indoor pets, and large breed or herding type dogs need lots of space to play and roam, and many times they need a purpose or a job to do. Once you have selected the perfect species and breed of pet , the real work begins. Rule # 2, make time to properly introduce, socialize, train and care for your new family member. Whether you have chosen a cat or a dog, it is imperative to introduce him to his new environment properly. Young animals should be restricted in a small room with baby gates or in a wire kennel. Do not allow new pets to interface with mature adults already established in a pack or a cat pride without proper supervision. Be prepared to spend time, 2 to 4 times per day, not only to socialize your new pet to humans but also to existing pets or other livestock they will be interfacing with. It is imperative that this process is started early, typically between the age of 6 to 18 weeks. Petâ€™s social skills, learning, and life long behavior are most influenced during this critical age period. Besides proper socialization , the next most important consideration is proper house training. In both dogs and cats, inappropriate house soiling is the number 1 reason for pet relinquishment to shelters. Rule # 3, have a plan, patience, and persistence with your new family member. Puppies should be confined or kenneled in an easily sanitized area. They should be taken out to the same potty spot every 3 to 4 hours and after every time they are fed. Always use positive reinforcement, verbal or small treats once your pet has done his duty. If they start to have an accident in the house, quickly take them out to the normal spot and encourage them to finish. Please refrain from using harsh words, threaten-

ing tones, or physical punishment to correct any inappropriate behavior. This will only make your pet fearful or afraid of people and cower like it is abused. If you have a new kitten, make sure there is one litter box per cat in the household. The box should be strategically placed in quiet, low traffic areas, away from food and water bowls. Make sure to clean litter boxes once per day, and change the entire litter box every 2 to 3 weeks. You did not potty train your toddler in 1 week, so do not expect the same of a new pet. Some higher maintenance breeds have a more difficult time. Once you and your new family member have started to bond, please do not forget to have an examination with your primary veterinarian. Rule # 4, maintain appropriate health care for your new pet. Proper health care inclues feeding a high quality food, stay away from store brands, finishing all vaccination protocols started, and keep him on flea and heartworm medicine year round. I also strongly urge spaying or neutering your new pet once he/ she is mature enough as per your primary veterinarian. Sterilization will prevent additional unwanted pets, aide in the control of behavioral issues and prevent future medical problems such as prostate cancer and mammary or breast cancer. In short, spaying or neutering your pet will help it to live a healthier and happier life. Thank you for your time and attention, I hope these tips will assist you in your current and future pet questions. In closing I would encourage you to consider adoptions from the many shelters in the Brazos Valley area, instead of buying a designer pet that is an impulsive buy on line or at a pet store. Jack F. McKemie DVM

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers He Done Her Wrong...! A police officer called the station on his radio. “I have an interesting case here. An elderly lady just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Well...have you arrested the woman?” “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.” Bird Brain One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. “I’d like a pint of canary colored paint, “ he says. “Sure” the clerk replies. “Mind if I ask what it’s for?” “My parakeet, “the man said. “See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win.” “Well, you can’t do that!” the assistant says. “The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!” “No they won’t, “ says the customer. “Listen, buddy, I’ll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him.” “You’re on” said the customer. Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter. “So the paint killed him?” asked the clerk. “Indirectly, “ the man said. “He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in. Ponderisms t 8IBU EP MJUUMF CJSEJFT TFF XIFO UIFZ HFU LOPDLFE unconscious? t 8IFSF EP GPSFTU SBOHFST HP UP iHFU BXBZ GSPN JU BMM w t *G B QBSTMFZ GBSNFS JT TVFE DBO UIFZ HBSOJTI IJT XBHFT t 8IFO TJHO NBLFST HP PO TUSJLF JT BOZUIJOH XSJUUFO on their signs? t *G B NVUF TXFBST EPFT IJT NPUIFS XBTI IJT IBOET with soap? t 8IZ EP UIFZ MPDL HBT TUBUJPO CBUISPPNT "SF UIFZ afraid someone will clean them? t *G B NBO TQFBLT JO UIF GPSFTU BOE UIFSF JT OP XPN an to hear him, is he still wrong? t 8IBU T BOPUIFS XPSE GPS TZOPOZN t *G UIF DPQ BSSFTUT B NJNF EP UIFZ UFMM IJN IF IBT the right to remain silent? t )PX DPNF 4VQFSNBO DPVME TUPQ CVMMFUT XJUI IJT chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain.

The Nutcracker or Bust With the Nutcracker address in the GPS, money in the pocket book, comfy shoes on my feet, and a sense of adventure in my soul, I was ready for a frivolous day of shopping at the Houston Nutcracker Christmas Market, held just next to the Astrodome. The wildly popular event is a yearly fundraiser for the Houston Ballet. I picked up my spirited Texas pals, and headed out to the big “H.” The trusty GPS was giving directions every few minutes in a pleasant, upbeat tone. This was going to be an easy trip. She was taking us precisely to our programmed destination. At about Hempstead, we discovered she was taking us on a construction filled route. We decided to vary somewhat. That’s when our GPS lady began to turn on us. She became hostile, shouting “recalculating,” at every new exit. When we opted to change our course, my plucky posse whipped out their super phones, and began googling Nutcracker, directing me to follow their much simpler, less complicated route. This, they insisted, would get us there pronto, and without much hassle. With three guidance counselors, and me, beginning to get the jitters, we proceeded. Picture me listening to each of my confident chums, the GPS lady, dodging the dangers lurking behind every sage bush, reading the overhead road markers, and missing several exit signs. We couldn’t seem to come to a consensus until too late in the decision making process, as to whether or not we should commit to the upcoming outlet. After passing the off ramp, someone would note that, yes, we should have gotten off there. Our troupe did several Uturns; touring many colorful, and scenic parts of Houston, and adjoining areas. We saw some more than once. After much map searching, discussing, and an extra hour of driving, we drove up exactly in front of the target my emissaries had typed into their excellent GPS. We had arrived in downtown Houston, at the Nutcracker Ballet. Unfortunately, we were not going to the Nutcracker Ballet. We were trying for the Houston Nutcracker Christmas Market, which was pretty much another thirty minutes away, and not located downtown, at all. I decided my best option was to bite my tongue. I rolled down the window, and asked two muscled construction workers, what they thought was our quickest route to the evasive market. After mentally recording the smirks on their faces, we quickly sped off for Fannin Street. We made it to the correct street, creeped into the procession of cars, and received our $25 a car parking permit. This took another thirty minutes. Next, we drove through rows and rows of deserted cars, to find in the back of the coliseum, a lone parking spot that practically had our name on it. It said, “Park here, or drive around another thirty minutes.” After a group vote, we jumped on it, locked the weary car, and walked a half mile to catch the open air shuttle that took us to the front door of the Expo Center. I had the four tickets sent to my cell phone to save time. As we expectantly walked up to the perky lady taking tickets, we

heard the chilling words, “You are at the wrong gate. I don’t do phone tickets. Walk down to entrance “C.” Still trying to be upbeat, and keeping our chatter light, we trudged another half mile. I showed my on-line vouchers, and we giddily entered a huge space that looked very much like someone had regurgitated Christmas through a giant hole in the roof. Perched in that noise deafening room, was every kind of enthralling gadget, and bright decoration imaginable, brought in from Christmas shops and exotic bazaars, existing around the world. It was, quite frankly, overwhelming. Of course we plunged right in; wading our way through, what could have been a downtown street, in New York City at rush hour. The festive market was filled with wall to wall women, carrying giant freebie shopping bags, buying cashmere shawls, boot top leg warmers, drinking overpriced wine, eating giant stuffed potatoes, standing in mile long line checkouts, wearing crazy Christmas headbands, Santa shirts, and having a high old time! We must have walked at least five miles looking at marvelous stuff, and purchasing shiny baubles, we would most likely have overlooked, or ignored at home. We talked, got new ideas, and after a couple of hours, with glazed eyes, lighter pocket books, and sore feet, walked out of that fantasy land, to catch the much welcomed shuttle, and return to our deserted vehicle. We actually got out of the parking lot, and on to the 610 loop without too much trouble, and avoided terrifying obstacles, with no fatalities, although it was close. I think I scared my sidekicks pretty thoroughly, at least a dozen times coming and going. While on our way out of that zany town, I mentioned I was having a hard time losing some weight, just to kind of lighten the mood, and change the subject. My usually stoic, and supportive wing man, completely done in at that point, said, “Donna, you look fine, but, you will always look like Dolly Parton, no matter how much weight you lose.” Then, trying to soften the blow, said, “But, not that bad.” I wasn’t sure how I should take that, but, was determined to keep my mouth shut. We got, out of Houston, and sped wearily home, vowing never to go on the first day of the three day event, and most likely on any of the three shopping days, ever in this lifetime, again.

by Donna Presnal Retired Teacher Caldwell High School Graduate

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Psychology 101 In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. She posed this question to her students: “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A football coach?” The End is Near Stone Bridge, Edinburgh, Scotland Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Eire, and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road. One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says: “THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.” As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, “Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don’t need your #### lectures.” From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash. Shaking his head, Father Patrick says, “Dat’s da therd one dis mornin.’” “Yaa,” Sean agrees, then adds, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say: “BRIDGE CLOSED”?

Tail Lights Out Joke The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer. “Wait’ll my family finds out.” “Where’s your family?” “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”

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Your Annual Plan: Shielding Retirement Assets From Taxes by Kavon Novak

Kavon Novak is a registered Investment Consultant and Branch Manager with LPL Financial. He holds Series 7, 24 and 63 licenses. Kavon has over 15 years of experience in the financial industry and is a member of the Financial Services Institute and the Burleson County Chamber of Commerce. He is a multi-year “Outstanding Client Service” award recipient and a Fightin’ Texas Aggie ’91. For more information please call 979-255-8796.

year following the year of the IRA owner’s death, distributions will be calculated based on the younger beneficiary’s age. 3. Be generous -- Plan assets given to charity are fully estate-tax deductible, and no income tax is due on this gift. 4. Consider an irrevocable trust -- The federal estate tax currently tops out at 40% of all assets in excess of a $5.43 million exclusion. While qualified plan assets do qualify for the unlimited marital deduction, such assets generally do not qualify for the use of the federal estate tax exclusion. Some estate planning experts have developed strategies using an irrevocable trust that can make qualified plan assets qualify for an individual’s federal estate tax exclusion. However, this type of planning is very complex and requires specialized expertise in estate planning. Tips for Spouses t Consider a rollover IRA -- Rollover IRAs permit some creative tax planning, such as setting up stretch IRAs for children or recalculating the distribution schedule for a spouse. t “Disclaim” IRA assets if a spouse doesn’t need them -- If the spouse is the primary beneficiary of an IRA and a child is the contingent beneficiary, the spouse may be able to disclaim his or her right to the IRA proceeds. If done so by December 31 of the year following the year after the IRA owner’s death, future distributions may be based on the child’s age, effectively spreading those distributions out over a longer period of time. RMD Rules Simplify Things IRS rules for calculating the required minimum distribution (RMD) from IRAs and qualified retirement plans provide some longer-term planning advantages. The premise behind retirement plan distributions is simple -the longer someone is expected to live, the less the IRS requires them to withdraw (and pay taxes on) each year. For specifics on the rules or how to calculate specific required minimums, go to the IRS website at www.irs.gov/retirement. Keep in mind that if minimum amounts are not withdrawn when required, taxes can take half of what should have been withdrawn. Tips for Non-spouse Beneficiaries t With stretch IRAs, don’t use the beneficiary’s name! -Under IRS rules, an inherited IRA becomes immediately taxable if the account is transferred into a non-spouse beneficiary’s name. t Watch the calendar -- The account also becomes immediately taxable if the first required payout from an inherited IRA is not taken by December 31 of the year after the account owner’s death. Points to Remember 1. If retirement plan assets aren’t bequeathed properly, heirs could lose half of this inheritance to taxes.

For many investors, a large portion of their investments are held in 401(k)s, IRAs, or other tax-favored retirement vehicles. While these accounts can be ideal for sheltering retirement savings from taxes both preretirement and post-retirement, they can also be highly vulnerable to tax losses in an estate, if they are not bequeathed properly. For instance, a $1 million IRA inheritance could be whittled to almost nothing under worst-possible circumstances, such as a combination of estate taxes, top income tax brackets, and missed withdrawal deadlines. Avoiding these pitfalls means knowing the rules and planning in advance. Tips for clients: 1. Select a beneficiary -- If no one is named, the assets could end up in probate, and beneficiaries could be taking distributions faster than they expected. In most cases, spousal beneficiaries are ideal, because they have several options that aren’t available to other beneficiaries, including the marital deduction for the federal estate tax and the ability to transfer plan assets -- in most cases -- into a rollover IRA. 2. Consider the options for multiple beneficiaries -- If an individual wants to leave his or her retirement assets to several younger heirs (such as your children), the IRS has issued “private letter” rulings that suggest that the assets in a stretch IRA may be split into several accounts, each with its own beneficiary. This strategy, however, is not available if the IRA owner started taking RMDs before his or her death. That way, distributions will be based on each beneficiary’s age. In addition, these distribution rules provide added flexibility in that beneficiary designations need not be finalized until December 31 of the year following the year of the IRA owner’s death for the purposes of determining required distributions. Therefore, an older beneficiary (e.g., a son or daughter of the IRA owner) may be able to either cash out or “disclaim” his or her portion of the IRA proceeds, potentially leaving the remainder of the IRA proceeds to a younger beneficiary (e.g., a grandchild of the IRA owner). As long as this is done prior to December 31 of the Continued on Page 43

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers $50.00 Lesson Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said..."But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" "What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and

I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

How Much Is A Billion? The next time you hear a politician use the word “billion” casually, think about whether you do, or don’t, want that politician spending your tax money!! A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but an advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure in perspective in one of its releases: A billion seconds ago, it was 1959. A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive. A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. And.... A billion dollars ago, was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends.

Shielding Retirement Assests from Taxes (Cont’d) 2. The longer one’s life expectancy is for distribution purposes, the smaller the annual tax bill will be. 3. Some easy ways to make plan distributions more tax efficient for heirs include opening stretch IRAs, leaving a portion of retirement assets to charity, and potentially using an irrevocable trust. 4. Plan heirs can reduce taxes on inherited plan assets by using rollover IRAs, observing minimum distribution deadlines, and taking special tax deductions, if eligible. This information is not intended to be a substitute for specific individualized tax or legal advice. We suggest that you discuss your specific situation with a qualified tax or legal advisor. LPL Financial Representatives offer access to Trust Services through The Private Trust Company N.A., an affiliate of LPL Financial. Because of the possibility of human or mechanical error by Wealth Management Systems Inc. or its sources, neither Wealth Management Systems Inc. nor its sources guarantees the accuracy, adequacy, completeness or availability of any information and is not responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. In no event shall Wealth Management Systems Inc. be liable for any indirect, special or consequential damages in connection with subscriber’s or others’ use of the content. LPL Tracking # 1-362568© 2015 Wealth Management Systems Inc. All rights reserved.

Most people have heard of the Rotary Club, but are they aware of all it does? I’m sure you’d be surprised at the amount it accomplishes annually. Their endeavors reach out to assist local, state, national and international peoples. One of their endeavors over the years has been focused on eliminating polio, especially in underprivileged countries. In fact, polio is all but gone in these countries, mainly because of Rotary’s diligence in providing vaccines that otherwise would not have been had by many people groups. Only 7 cases were reported in the world for 2015, in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Rotary is proud to accomplish much that assists our city and county. Yearly, it raises around $20,000 which allows the club to give to our own area, as well as nationally and internationally. This year, Rotary will give 4 or 5 scholarships to Caldwell ISD graduating seniors. Interested seniors are interviewed, and the winners are selected on merit. Also, two high school students are chosen annually for RYLA, Rotary Youth Leadership Awards, camp. Rotary sends them and pays all their expenses. On April 9th, a free Rabies Clinic will be offered by Rotary at Areal 316 Church. This will assist in the vaccination of pets in our city and county. Another of their endeavors will focus on helping The Department off Familyy and Protective Services byy having

them present a Match Event to educate prospective foster or adoptive parents. Good foster and adoptive parents are needed in our area. Watch for information on this in the future. Another project in the works will provide two handicap ramps for individuals in Burleson County by partnering with the Texas Ramp Project. Burleson Health Resource Center was instrumental in providing the club with the names of people in need. These ramps will provide the individuals with the ability to enter and exit more easily. The Rotary Club is partnering with Texas Ramp Project. Rotary sponsors the annual Law Enforcement Banquet in July. A majority or all proceeds from the event go to the branches of law-enforcement county wide. Their biggest Rotary fund raiser is Casino Night, which is held every February. This event raises most of the funds that enables Rotary to do what it does. Now, you probably have more respect for this organization and their service to so many. Hats off to you, Rotarians! The Caldwell Rotary Club would like to issue an invitation to visit our weekly club meeting, where members catch up with friends, hear what’s happening in their community, and organize club activities and service projects. It’s a fun way to connect with the people in your community who share your passion for doing good. n

Rotary is a community of friends who are committed to creating positive change in the world. Find out how joining your local club can enrich your life and improve the lives of people living in your neighborhood and across the globe.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Honesty and Fried Chicken Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now ...

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking Confused, my father asked what the parrot could say. “Well,” she explained, “he mostly says, ‘Here, kitty, kitty.’”

Your Involvement is Requested By Tracy Frank, Executive Director Hope Pregnancy Center of Brazos Valley

Words have meaning, yet sometimes the same word will have different meanings depending on who is using the word. For example, as a non-profit executive, my definition of “support” includes an action such as donating funds, volunteering, praying or actively promoting our ministry. Yet, many times I will hear someone say, “I support your work” or “I support what you are doing” and what it really means is a general agreement in principal with no real action attached to it. Nothing wrong with that, it just has a different meaning. During this election season, if you supported a candidate, but didn’t contribute to the campaign, put out a sign or even bother to vote, how much support did you really give that candidate? If we want to improve the lives of others, effect change or have a positive impact on our community, we need to move beyond an emotional feeling of support and get involved! Google the meaning of the word “involve,” the root word for involvement, and you will find several sites with the following definitions: committed, engaged, connected or concerned with someone or something, typically on an emotional or personal level. When we are involved, we are committed to taking action. We engage the gears from park to DRIVE! We connect with others who are also concerned and want to see the same type of change and action we want for our community. We aren’t delegating all the work to others, but instead we are personally participating at some level beyond emotional support. Do you support your local school district? Get involved by becoming a school volunteer or advocate. You can have a positive impact by helping to ensure vital programs like music, sports and the arts are available in the school. Maybe you can help teachers by working as their extra hands, ears and hearts. Have the gift of administration? You can work to ensure the smooth operation of many school activities we sometimes take for granted such as concessions at sporting events or equipment management at band competitions. Do you support a safe, clean and healthy community? Start or

participate in a neighborhood watch program. Organize a trash pickup day. Mow a lawn for an elderly neighbor – better yet, teach your kids to be volunteers and have them mow the lawn! Make visiting your local nursing home a regular weekly practice. Join a community service organization like Lions, Rotary or Kiwanis – or start a service club! You don’t have to be affiliated with a national organization to be involved with like-minded friends and neighbors to accomplish positive goals for your community. Perhaps your involvement would be driven by your faith. Beyond your local church, para-church ministries and faith-based charities are always praying for involved individuals to accomplish their missions. Para-church ministries address such social issues as homelessness, poverty, addiction, crisis pregnancies and more. These ministries and charities meet not only the physical needs of an individual in crisis, but also the spiritual needs. Without community support many of these organizations would not survive, as they do no take government funds and are very dependent on volunteers. In conclusion, your support is always appreciated, but your involvement is urgently requested. Decide today what is important to you and your family. Make a commitment to get involved. If you aren’t sure where you can plug in then visit the website volunteermatch.org, join a civic club or call your local schools, churches or non-profits to ask what they need most. About Hope: Hope Pregnancy Centers of the Brazos Valley is a faith-based, non-profit 501(c)(3) organization providing a safe and confidential refuge for those in crisis. Services (all of which are free) include pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, peer counseling, parenting and life skills classes, and material aid based on an “earn while you learn” system. Our STI/STD Clinic, dba Testing 4 U, offers free STI/SDI testing and treatment. More information may be found at www.partnerwithhope.org.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Thunder and Lightning An elderly man stood respectfully and sorrowfully at the graveside. His departed wife’s service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.” Lost Keys After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal “TSA Pat Down.”

''I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has

already been born.'' —Ronald Reagan, The New York Times, September 22, 1980

They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.” There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, can you come and get me?” He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!” Welcome to the golden years...

Wrapping Presents With A Cat

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present. 2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door. 3. Open door and remove cat from closet. 4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper. 5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard. 6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . . 7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed. 8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string. 9. Remove present from bag. 10. Remove cat from bag. 11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present. 12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. 13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat. 14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight. 15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper. 16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in. 17. Place present on paper. 18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don’t reach. Realize cat is between present and pa per. Remove cat. 19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape. 20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transpar ent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors. 21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. 22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon. 23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn. 24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat’s enthusiastic ribbon chase. 25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and re duce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old card board box that is the right size for sheet of paper. 27. Put present in box, and tie down with string. 28. Remove string, open box and remove cat. 29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room. 30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials. 31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock. 32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door) 33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best) 34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year’s paper. Remember that you haven’t got any left because cat helped with this last year as well. 35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable. 36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas. 37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job. 38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat. 39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion. 40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat. 41. Go to store and buy a gift bag

SPRING GARDEN FAVORITES By Sharon Laffere Ehlert Spring is a time for new beginnings, which is especially true for me this year. As a newlywed, I am adjusting to life in a new city surrounded by new friends. Our lives are continuously evolving, but my husband and I still hope to carry on the traditions from our childhood. One of those traditions is planting our annual spring garden. Planting a garden each year reminds us of days gone by, planting and harvesting alongside our parents. We all enjoy the fruits of our labor with mouth-watering recipes passed down from generation to generation. For this issue, I would like to share a recipe passed down from my mother-in-law. Like my own mother, she has joined the angels in Heaven, but always remains in our hearts.

GENEVA’S SQUASH CASSEROLE 1 ½ lbs. squash, peeled and diced 1 onion, diced 1 green pepper, diced 1 can Ro-tel tomatoes (10 oz.) 1 can diced green chilies (4 oz.) 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese Boil the squash in salted water until tender. Sauté the onion and green pepper in butter or olive oil until tender. Drain the squash and place in a casserole dish. Add the onion mixture, Ro-tel tomatoes, and green chilies. Top with cheese. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes.

Growing Older by Dr. Kia Parsi Growing older. It happens to all of us. Likely, the older one gets, the greater the chances one will develop a chronic medical condition; in other words, a health condition that cannot be cured but rather managed. Some examples include hypertension, diabetes, osteoarthritis, and lung disease. These conditions usually require medications and often regular visits to a medical provider. In addition, these chronic conditions can affect quality of life, impacting daily activities. As we age we can also have life altering events such as losing a loved one or suddenly developing a condition that limits mobility and independence. The health consequences of these changes can be substantial. And for many it can lead to loneliness and even depression. As one patient told me recently, “Growing older is not for sissies.” While AARP would like us to believe becoming a senior is all about a number and turning 55…The reality is that for many of us it is more about enduring life changing events that question our age and stage of life. This reality is true for all of us. I was reading an article the other day, and it talked about the 10 best ways to grow older without feeling old. Some of the things it said were: Keep age in perspective Live and enjoy each day Don’t waste your time thinking that you’re too old to do this or to do that Take care of your body Exercise Don’t look back and worry about what happened in the pastlive for today Keep your mind alert Keep up with the news (unless its presidential politics, you can ignore that news, just kidding) Find ways to interact And be optimistic As a person grows older, perspective changes. Rather than making new friends, we will often want to strengthen already existing relations and family bonds. But that does not mean a senior cannot make new friends, network, and socialize with people he or she can relate to. With age comes wisdom and acquired knowledge. The older I get, the more I value that acquired wisdom. Utilizing this wisdom to the betterment of our society can be a very rewarding task, and can add value to a person’s life. Yes, it is true that as a person ages aspects of one’s life changes as well. Due to physical changes with age, a person may not be able to do all the things he or she once did. But,

due to advances in health care and societal structure we can truly have a fulfilling and rewarding life in our latter years. Dr. Kia Parsi graduated from Baylor College of Medicine and completed his family medicine residency in Phoenix, Arizona. He has been married for 24 years to his wife, Catherine. He has twins who are seniors in high school and an eight year old son. Dr. Parsi has been working in Burleson County for over 16 years as a Family Physician employed by St. Joseph. He is currently at the Caldwell Healthpoint-St. Joseph Clinic working alongside Dr. Kristel Leuber and Kimberly Glidewell P.A.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Doctor Dementia to Test Your Reading Skills

I’ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

To my ‘selected’ strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, tell your friends If you can read this, you have a strange mind, too. Only 55 people out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

OLOGNA, RITCHES, RINDLED ULL DOG

And a

y parents had a novel concept about work---they thought everyone should engage in it. I favored welfare. But, at their insistence, I got my first job in the summer of 1955. I was employed by Mr. Herbert Fouts at his water powered mill on Bear Creek. The turbine, which drove the machinery, was spun by water from a pond above the mill. When full, the pond was about 18 feet deep. Sweaty and dusty by lunch break, it was refreshing to leap off the dam into the icy waters of the mill pond. It was secluded in the woods so I would often eat my lunch sitting on the dam then go skinny dipping. Mama had warned me not to go swimming after eating. She said I could get a cramp and drown. It occuurred to me that I had never heard of a fish getting a cramp and dying after eating. In order to partially comply with mama’s cramp concerns, I would eat one of my sandwiches, strip, jump in the mill pond, get dressed, then eat my other sandwich. One day I disrobed for my swim, and wadded my britches and shirt around my last bologna sandwich. I plunged in deep, letting the cold water wash the mill dust off. I leisurely surfaced in the middle of the pond. All was right in my world, until I looked in the direction of my clothes. A brindled bull dog had scented the sandwich, and was pawing at my clothes, trying to get it. I shrieked uncomplimentary remarks at him. Pulling myself out of the water, I streaked at him threatening to hurl him off the dam. He grabbed my wad of clothes and sprinted for the woods. I slipped my dripping feet into my brogans. With shoe strings flapping, the chase was on. The dog would run about a hundred feet, lay the bundle down and start mauling his way to the sandwich. I pummeled him with pine cones, rocks, limbs and unkind words. He was as insistent about having the sandwich as I was about getting back my cloths.

by Neal Beard, a retired pastor living in Douglasville, Georgia. He writes history / humor about the rural northwest Georgia community where he grew up in the 40s and 50s.

Panic clutched my mind like an eagle’s claw. “What if I don’t get my clothes back? I can’t show up after lunch with nothing on but my shoes. Oh, Lord please help me; and please don’t help that thieving dog.” I considered what to do if he escaped with my duds. My plan was to plummet into the chilly water, get a cramp and never surface. I could visualize my grieving mama saying, “I told him he would get a cramp and drown if he eat before swimming and now he’s went and done it.” A woman’s voice sent my hammering heart to new heights of horror, “Here Butch, here boy.” I ripped through blackberry briars and cowered behind a bush. Peeking through it, I glimpsed the lady searching for her dog. Butch got the sandwich, abandoned my bundle, and loped off in the direction of his owner. She got slobbery over him. Kissing the top of his head, scratching his ears and telling him what a good boy he was. I prayed he would fall in the creek, get a cramp and drown. She left, unaware that a scratched up, praying, terrified, teenaged, skinny dipper was quivering nearby. Clothed and in my right mind, I returned to work pondering safety slogans. Britches and bologna don’t go together. And don’t swim after eating; you could get a cramp and die---even if fish don’t.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers How Were People Born A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Are You Sure A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in pal. You’re obviously drunk.” The wasted man asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah buddy, I’m sure,” said the cop, “Let’s go.” Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled. Friendly Politician Joke As a popular local politician I always try to help out whenever I can. So that’s how it came to be that when a fellow came up to me in a hotel lobby the other day and asked me for a small favor I was more then happy to oblige. “Hi,” said the fellow, introducing himself as Bob Smith. “I’m having a very important business meeting in a few minutes, and it’s very important that I impress them . If you can just come over during our meeting and say hello I would be forever indebted to you!” So that’s how a few minutes later, I found myself walking over to the fellow with a big smile on my face,

“Hi Bob!” I said. “I barely got the words out of my mouth when Bob looked up with an annoyed expression, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW CHRIS. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!

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The Making of One Minister’s Wife Chapter Two

“Did I really want to commit adultery? Did I really want to desecrate my son’s home with adultery? Lord, why is this “thorn in my flesh” not taken away after years of praying? Then I remember, Lord, that you told Paul of the Bible that My grace is sufficient. As one prominent, world-renown evangelist was known to have said, “I’ve committed sin of all the 10 Commandments, either in thought, word, or deed.” The Commandments were given so humans would have a basis to know what sin is. Well, I sure knew what my basic sin was: needing approval from any man that I thought was attractive. Now after five decades of testing, I realize birds of a feather flock together. The men were seeking approval as well. So, now I know that my job is to pray that these men do not stray from their marriage vows, that I don’t lead any man into temptation, that we all have the Lord in our lives. It took years to realize this. Now, when temptations come, I declare to my Lord, “Ok, Lord, here we go again!” Oh, how close I came to yielding to the temptation. Months of committee meetings and having the son of the chairman of the church board sit beside me, talking, using my name. I felt emotionally drawn to him. I’d spend much time contemplating having an affair with him. Feeling neglected and left alone so many evenings after supper, before baths for the boys, playtime, story time, devotions, and prayers, I’d wander downstairs and play the piano for comfort, waiting for my husband/pastor to return home after yet another evening of meetings. One such day of tempting thoughts, I heard a great commotion out in the front yard. Bumble bees had attacked our younger son, and he lay on the ground hardly conscious. A rushed trip to the hospital brought him out of the poison he had gotten. Months went by when another attack of temptation plagued me. On a trip making hospital calls and checking on a camper for a summer vacation, second son fell out of the car onto the pavement as our car turned a corner, running over his arm. A surgeon was at the hospital and sewed the almost amputated arm back in place. Today the arm functions well, only a scar remains. It was soon after that the Holy Spirit seemed to penetrate my mind. “If you continue in this temptation, perhaps the older son’s life would be in danger.” Knowing there is scripture that talks about sins of the father visiting the 3rd and 4th generations, I went to a dear friend. I confessed my temptations and we spent much time praying. In time the temptations left. Heart problems caught up with my husband and soon he was under the knife for open heart surgery to replace the valves in his heart. The surgery was successful. However, the heart as a muscle over pumped itself over the yeards to make up for the leaky valves. My husband died a year later, almost 25 years to the year the doctor had predicted so long ago. My husband’s family was so supportive over the next several years of widowhood, going back to school for a degree in nursing, filling in the void. They may have been poor, but oh, the love that they had for each other, for me and the boys. I learned so much from my mother-in-law: cooking, why clean, gardening, canning. I am deeply indebted to them for their abiding love.

Socially, I need to admit, I was adept at handling the pastor’s wife role well. Having been brought up in the 40’s-50’s in a doctor’s home, I knew how to entertain and conduct meetings and be among the professional members of our congregation. My husband had relished and enjoyed the fellowship as well. However, since I was the tomboy in the family, never dating in high school, never feeling I belonged, I would always seed out the “underdog.” I befriended the poorer folks, spent time at their kitchen tables, played softball with them, even was one fo their cub scout leaders. I think we balanced out our reaching many people in our communities. Many pastors’ wives traditionally fill the role expected of them. Now days, so many wives work to supplement the family income. I would like to encourage any pastor’s wife to be herself, to let her faith direct her to serve in the church, community, and family as she is able and talented by God to do. God bless all of you.

Polly is a doctor’s daughter, pastor’s wife, mother of 3 sons, farmer’s wife and widow. She completed her RN degree at the age of 40. Her desire now is to submit inspirational stories of her life.

''When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive.'' —George W. Bush, after the 9/11 attacks

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Nervous Dad Joke “Just relax”, the hospital staff kept telling Jim, but it was to no avail. Jim’s wife was in labor and Jim was a nervous wreck. After what seemed like a week, to both Jim and the hospital staff, a nurse came out with the happy news, “it’s a girl”, she cried. “Thank God, a girl”, said Jim, “at least she won’t have to go through what I just went through!” Wise Guy Joke As a 7th grade biology teacher, I was teaching my class about the flow of blood in the body. After my lecture I asked the class the following: “Why is it that if I would turn upside down, my face would turn red since the blood would flow to my head, but when I stand upright my feet don’t turn red?” I was taken aback when a boy blurted out, “that’s cuz your feet aint empty!”. Joke About Getting Older “Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!” Too Old To Date The neighbors thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again. One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night. It was during breakfast, that Morton finally remembered what it was. He had proposed to his date Greta. But what she answered he just couldn’t seem to remember. Morton picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hi Greta”, said Morton, “I have a funny question for you, do you remember last night when I proposed?” “ Oh my gosh” gushed Greta, “I’m so glad you called, I knew I said yes to somebody but I just couldn’t recall who it was!”

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The Definition of

OLD I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?" And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied: "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?" Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought cancer and diabetes can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed."Why Wal-Mart? " that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have memory's not as sharp as it used to be. my driver's license!

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

17th Century Nun’s Prayer LORD

Thou knowest better that I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody: helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end. Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to

enjoy the tales of others’ pains, but help me to endure them with patience. I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessing cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. AMEN

The

Baby &

The

Homeless Man

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee. He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,” the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, “What do we do?” Erik continued to laugh and answer, “Hi, hi there.” Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, “Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo.” Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. “Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,” I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby’s “pick-me-up” position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man’s. Suddenly a veryold smelly man and a very young baby consummated their relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened

and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, “You take care of this baby.” Somehow I managed, “I will,” from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, “God bless you, ma’am, you’ve given me my Christmas gift. You see, m’am, I never saw my child grow up. My wife and son were taken from me in an automobile accident when they were both too young. I was never able to get over it.” I said nothing more than a muttered thanks and “I’m sorry to hear that.” With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, “My God, my God, forgive me.” I had just witnessed Christ’s love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, “Are you willing to share your son for a moment?” when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me… “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” — Matthew 18:3 (NIV)

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers A Horse Of A Different Species Scene: Horseback-riding stable. Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter. Me: Our horses are very sweet … Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over there? It’s the perfect size for her! Me: Um … that’s a goat. What are My Options? Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. Me: Siri, call my wife. Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts. Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife. Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife. Me: Call my wife. Siri: Which wife?

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

License to Carry Concealed Carry or Open Carry By BJ Hegemeyer, License to Carry Instructor Before January 1, 2016, The Concealed Handgun Law prohibited carrying your handgun in plain view. You could only conceal carry which means no one could see your handgun; it was hidden. You could get your Concealed Handgun License OR conceal carry. Effective January 1, 2016, License to Carry Law will allow persons licensed to carry a handgun, under Subchapter H, Chapter 411, Texas Government Code, to openly carry a handgun in the same places that allow the licensed carrying of a concealed handgun with some exceptions, provided the handgun is carried in a shoulder or belt holster. Texas license holders can carry openly or concealed in any place not expressly prohibited by law. License holders may be subject to criminal charges for carrying a handgun in plain view unless carried in a shoulder or belt holster. A well restrained handgun will generally not fall from the holster during movement or activity of the person. It is not easily removed by someone other than the person carrying the handgun. It is still readily available by the person carrying the handgun. There are various kinds of holsters. Automatic Restraint means the handgun will automatically be restrained when it is

placed into the holster. The holster may be equipped with a retention device or restraint, or it may rely on friction and a tight fit to keep the handgun in place. Manual Restraint means a person must manually restrain the handgun in the holster. The person must manually snap the thumb strap to keep the gun secure in the holster. Common terms related to securing a handgun in a holster include “retention level” or “restraints.” Some holsters are equipped with both an automatic and a manual restraint device. The law does not specifically address restraining devices. When you consider a type of holster, you should make sure it is the right type of holster for the make and model of hand gun you are going to carry. Whatever you do, get a good holster to secure your handgun. Know your holster and your handgun. Practice drawing your handgun from your holster. Be prepared and be ready in case you are in a situation where you may have to defend yourself and use your hand gun. I have been teaching over three years and have taught over 600 students. My LTC class is one day from 9-4pm. The classroom and range portion are all taught at Providence Hill Ranch and Range, 7793 County Road 243, Caldwell Texas. For more information email me at bjhegemeyer@gmail.com or call 979-777-6725.

The Art of Heart Be Invested, Be Thrilled, Be Inspired, Be You

Well, you know that functioning part that makes your heart happy… that element worked from the inside out. The art of your heart, I say! (wink) What brings happiness and contentment to you? What are some things that bring a sense of satisfaction? Is it giving? Helping others? Teaching? Volunteering? All of these are examples of how the art of your heart can be shown. These things can be easily done by sharing with others in your community and in your church, and will help you get involved. Be invested. What a lovely, happy heart concept. “To your heart’s content” is defined as doing something enjoyable for as long as you want to do it. The quest for that can be engaging and compelling. Be thrilled. In fact, enjoying something can even keep you “young at heart.” That is if you take it to heart in a positive way. Becoming a leader in your community will help others set the pace for themselves, find their hearts’ desires and also bring a sense of connection. Then when everyone is showing the arts of their hearts, it becomes a way a community can become a unit tied together by heartstrings. All you have to do is look around, find the needs, and take it upon yourself to help meet those needs. You will find what “makes you tick” simply by sensing what your heart already knows. Be inspired. Ah, yes, the heart, that wonderful and beautifully crafted mechanism working itself autonomously from the inside out. Share with others your talents and show the art of your heart. Be YOU Oh, yes, and don’t forget to exercise. It’ll do your heart good! Been wondering about ways to work out your heart? Not the usual… walking, jumping, toddlers! No, come on, I’m not even talking about Olivia Newton John’s song “Physical from the early Eighties. Are you singing it? Don’t get me wrong, exercising can be fun. Not to mention all the health benefits. I get that. So, then what, you ask?

Budget Cuts Next Month, the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and less likely to remember how to get back home.

Becky Schenk is a native to Burleson County. She serves as Vice Chairman on the Main Street Advisory Board and as Promotion Committee Chairman. She devotes her time between her husband and three children while promoting and volunteering at the Burleson County Chamber of Commerce. Employed by Burleson County Title Company, she and her family reside in Caldwell.

How to choose the right

CINNAMON for your

Suzy Cohen, RPh www.suzycohen.com People call me “America’s Most Trusted Pharmacist®” because I’ve been a licensed pharmacist for over 25 years and is a functional medicine practitioner for the last 15. I am able to share the pros and cons of medication use as well as offer natural substitutions for most any of your health concerns. While I pride myself in ‘thinking outside the pill’ let me just say that I am still very proud to wear my white coat because I realize that there is a time and place for medications. We need to consider all of our options, and often, a combination is best. In addition to writing a syndicated health column, “Dear Pharmacist,” which circulates to 20 million readers each week, Suzy Cohen is the author of many different books on natural health. You may have seen her on The Dr. OZ Show (6 different appearances), The View, The Doctors, Good Morning America Health and hundreds of morning shows. www.suzycohen.com

The smell of cinnamon sticks in apple cider or cinnamon buns (oops did I just say that out loud?!) is enough to make my mouth water. There are two forms of cinnamon on the market. I bet you have plain old “Cassia” cinnamon because that is the commercial variety sold in all supermarkets. Clinical trials almost always use this type of cinnamon on their participants, so it’s not bad. But the superior “true” form of cinnamon is called “Ceylon” and it’s available at vitamin and spice shops. I think it tastes better. Cinnamon was mentioned throughout the Bible so its medicinal properties have been well-documented for centuries. Most of you have heard that cinnamon spice can support diabetes by reducing blood sugar. In a recent clinical trial, 109 people with type 2 diabetes were evaluated and those who received cinnamon enjoyed a slight reduction in hemoglobin A1c, a biomarker of blood sugar. Other research suggests that cinnamon extract supports healthy cholesterol and triglyceride levels. A comprehensive review article published in 2014 in Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine discussed the power of cinnamon’s “Insulin-Potentiating Factor” or IPF.

HEALTH

This compound found in cinnamon makes better use of the insulin your body makes explaining why type 2 diabetes might respond. Cinnamon has 20 times the IPF power as other spices. It also contains special plant-derived antioxidants like rutin, catechin, and quercetin known to support allergies, insulin utilization, cholesterol and immunity. But it’s not just about blood sugar, compounds and naturally-occurring essential oils from cinnamon have antibiotic properties. It can target Staph aureus, Salmonella, E. coli, Pseudomonas aeruginosa, as well as Candida. The active ingredients in cinnamon could help your brain. Cinnamon may reduce swelling and protect from oxygen deprivation or high levels of the excitotoxin called glutamate. Cinnamon protects mitochondria after stroke and increases levels of BDNF (brain-derived neurotropic factor). It reduces tau proteins and beta amyloid plaques commonly found in Alzheimer’s disease. Maybe there would be subtle benefits for people who have experienced TBI (traumatic brain injuries), Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s or postconcussion syndrome. Why not? It’s a simple, affordable therapeutic intervention with few side effects, plus it tastes great. Feeling like you want to sprinkle cinnamon on your coffee, hot chocolate, oatmeal or barbecue chicken? Go ahead with my blessings. It’s a natural anti-inflammatory agent. It reduces levels of inflammatory cytokines including the biggest offenders, this means it acts like a wet blanket to a fire. It could help you if you have an autoimmune disease, Lyme, biotin or mold-related illness or cancer. Why? Because it controls the levels of compounds which (in excess) make you hurt. These include nitric oxide (iNOS), COX-2, NF-kappa B, TNF-alpha and lipopolysaccharides (LPS) produced intestinal bacteria during “leaky” gut. Because cinnamon blocks angiogenesis cutting off the food supply to cancer, it might have some mild, but positive effect on tumor progression. Now you can rationalize a second cup of eggnog, so long as you sprinkle cinnamon on it.

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers Husband’s Message Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Teena brought me to the hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and theyt may have to amputate the right foot. Wife’s Response Who is Teena?

I’ve reached that age where my brain went from “You probably shouldn’t say that” ...to... “What the heck, let’s see what happens”

Store Hours Are Never Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the East Coast trying to return their shoes. Even worse, they end up wanting to speak to my supervisor because I “don’t sound professional enough.” Fax To The Future One of my insurance customers faxed over the police report from an auto accident. Several weeks later, she called asking for information from that report. “Didn’t you keep the original copy?” I asked. “No,” she said. “I faxed it to you.” Coversation With A Customer Me: I have a Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer that is defective. Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the exact name of the item. Do you have the box? Me: No, but it’s the Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer. Customer Rep: Ma’am, we’ll need the box so we can have the exact name of the product. Me: Hold on. I’ll run out to my garage and get the box. [Long pause … ] OK … [huff … puff] I have it. It says … Roundup Multi Purpose Sprayer. Customer Rep: Thank you for that information, ma’am.

Work Hard, Hunt Harder by Matthew Renner The bar was set pretty high during last year's Boars of Texas Hog Hunting Competition, so hunters were that much more prepped, ready, geared up, and out to do their very best this year for a chance at $20,000 in cash payouts, Buckles, and a full set of Wild Boar USA Cut Gear. This sixth annual contest resulted in yet another record setting year in terms of team participation, pigs, payouts, and other prizes. Forty-six teams, consisting of up to four participants each, entered this year with a total of 183 contestants from all over the state. A few of our teams were hunting 200 to 300 miles away from Caldwell, and I am pretty sure we again had some out-ofstaters who travelled here, joining up and hunting with teams located here in Texas. All of the weights recorded at the event were based on the live weight of the animal. Stringer weight for the main competition contained up to the team's five heaviest hogs, and the minimum weight of each feral hog had to reach at least 100 pounds to count for any portion of this year's contest. Teams who were able to make it to the weigh-in, before the official deadline of noon, delivered a total of 166 qualifying hogs this past February seventh. With only sixteen out of forty-six teams making it on time to the weigh-in, that was an impressive total. Congratulations to LB Cattle (Allen Sullivan, Cole McVeay, Austin Rayborn, Justin Jones) from the Buffalo area, who won first place in the competition with a 1278 pound total for their top five heaviest hogs, and also taking the 'Largest Boar' side pot with an impressive 270 pound hog. They left with $7,500 in prize money, some brand new 2016 Boars of Texas Hog Hunt buckles, and a full set of Wild Boar USA cut gear. Second place went to Goldsmith Ranch (Chase Goldsmith, Scott Mackey, Chandler Albergucci, Wyatt Walton) from the Baird area, who's top five hogs totaled 1271 pounds. They also took the 'Largest Sow' category with a monstrous 303 pound hog, taking home a total of $6,500 for their team. Third place went to Monte Marranos (Clayton Brown, Ashley Campbell, Cale Applegate, Jeremy Katlecek) from the Lexington area, bringing in a 1258 pound top-five stringer and taking home $3,000 in prize money. Team Barr Makers (Nick Daniels, Casey DeJohn, Tony Shelly, Marshall Mims) from the Montgomery area, took 'Longest Stringer' with a total of 23 qualifying hogs weighed in. Side pots paid $2,500 each, so they left with $2500 as well. Plantation Posse (Tim Jennings, Josh Stitt, Tanner Toddy, Jared Freiley) from the Pearland area, won our first Boars of Texas Wild Card Drawing for $500. There were a number of other great prizes awarded to the contestants through our Free Hunter Raffle too. We had additional items donated through Citizens State Bank of Somerville, TX and Double U Hunting Supply of Yacolt, WA. On top of that, all contestants who checked in at the hunt also received a complimentary Boars of Texas Hog Hunt cap, or one of our brand new t-shirts of their choosing.

The 2016 Boars of Texas Hog Hunting Competition was a great success. We had record participation, the largest payouts to date, lots of spectators, and some great action at the chutes for everyone to enjoy. Wild hogs are a big problem here in Texas, and it is important for the public to be able to see the impact that these hunters have on the hog population. There is no cure-all for the overabundance of hogs in our state, but everyone does their part to help keep them in check. The amount of feral hogs that houndsmen are responsible for killing each year, however, go largely unreported. Even in this competition, so many more were taken out of circulation than were weighed in at this event, and these houndsmen are out there doing that very same thing all year long. Imagine how many more wild hogs would be producing offspring and tearing up property if the folks who make it their mission to hunt them down weren't out there anymore. Please make sure to support the organizations in your state who help to stand in defense of everyone's right to utilize working dogs. I want to thank all of this year's competitors and I wish all of you good luck at next year's event. I have all sorts of other people to thank as well, but the ones who often get overlooked are all of the volunteers who come out and help at the weigh-in each year. You folks are invaluable to the hunt, and I really appreciate all of the hard work. Thanks to all of the prize donors, sponsors, and recipient organizations for making this year another success. Sponsors & Donors include: Burleson County Chamber of Commerce, Burleson County Fair Association, Wild Boar USA, WW Paul Scales, Double U Hunting Supply, Citizens State Bank, InkDots, Burleson County Detail, Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service, and Homeyer Feed & Supply) For more information on the Boars of Texas Hog Hunting Competition, a list of team standings, weights, and photos, visit www.BoarsofTexas.com and www.facebook. com/BoarsofTexas.

FIRST PLACE WINNERS

Chuckles, Giggles & Snickers A Grave Encounter After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

Texas has two seasons: Summer & Winter Usually they alternate days within the same week.

“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?” “Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!” Old in Some Ways One of my fourth graders asked my teacher’s assistant, “How old are you, Mrs. Glass?” “You should never ask an adult’s age,” I broke in. “That’s okay,” Harriett said smiling. “I’m fifty.” “Wow, you don’t look that old,” the boy said. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, “Parts of her do.” Bested by a Parrot Wandering inside a pet store, I stopped in front of a birdcage to admire a parrot. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?” Feline Friendly A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered. “Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked. “Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

Covered By The Cloud

It was a clear, sunny morning in early March 1945. I was 24 years old and a member of the U.S. Army’s 35th Infantry Division, 137th Infantry, Company I. Along with several other companies of American troops, we were making our way through dense woods in the German Rhineland. Our objective was to reach and take the town of Ossenburg, where a factory was producing war materials. For hours we pressed through an unrelenting thicket. Shortly after midday word was passed that there was a clearing ahead. At last, we thought, the going would be easier. But then we approached a large stone house, behind which huddled a handful of wounded, bleeding soldiers who had tried to cross the clearing and failed. Before us stretched at least 200 yards of open ground — bordered on the far side by more thick woods. As the first of us appeared on the edge of the clearing a machine gun came alive and a volley of bullets sent soil spinning as far as we could see. Three nests of German machine guns, spaced 50 yards apart and protected by the crest of a small hill to the left, were firing at the field. As we got our bearings it was determined the machine guns were so well placed that our weapons couldn’t reach them. To cross that field meant suicide. Yet we had no choice. The Germans had blockaded every other route into the town. In order to move on and secure a victory, we had to move forward. I slumped against a tree, appalled at the grim situation. I thought of home, of my wife and my 5-month-old son. I had kissed him good-bye just after he was born. I thought I might never see my family again, and the possibility was overwhelming. I dropped to my knees. “God,” I pleaded, “You’ve got to do something. Please do something.” Moments later the order was given to advance. Grasping my M-1 rifle, I got to my feet and started forward. After reaching the edge of the clearing I took a deep breath. But just before I stepped out from cover, I glanced to the left. I stopped and stared in amazement. A white cloud — a long, fluffy white cloud — had appeared out of nowhere. It dropped from over the trees and covered the area. The Germans’ line of fire was obscured by the thick foggy mist. All of us bolted into the clearing and raced for our lives. The only sounds were of combat boots thudding against the soft earth as men dashed into the clearing, scrambling to reach the safety of the other side before the mist lifted. With each step the woods opposite came closer and closer. I was almost across! My pulse pounding in my ears, I lunged into the thicket and threw

myself behind a tree. I turned and watched as other soldiers following me dove frantically into the woods, some carrying and dragging the wounded. This has to be God’s doing, I thought. I’m going to see what happens now. The instant the last man reached safety, the cloud vanished! The day was again clear and bright. I couldn’t believe it. The enemy, apparently thinking we were still pinned down behind the stone house on the other side, must have radioed their artillery. Minutes later the building was blown to bits. But our company was safe and we quickly moved on. We reached Ossenburg and went on to secure more area for the Allies. But the image of that cloud was never far from my mind. I had seen the sort of smoke screens that were sometimes set off to obscure troop activity in such a situation. But this cloud had been different from any smoke screen. It had appeared out of nowhere and saved our lives. Two weeks later, as we bivouacked in eastern Germany, a letter arrived from my mother back in Dallas. I tore open the envelope eagerly. The letter contained words that sent a shiver down my spine. “You remember Mrs. Tankersly from our church?” my mother wrote. Who could forget her? I smiled. “Mrs. Tankersly telephoned me one morning from the defense plant where she works. She said the Lord had awakened her the night before at one o’clock and told her, ‘Spencer January is in serious trouble. Get up now and pray for him!’ ” My mother went on to explain that Mrs. Tankersly had interceded for me in prayer until six o’clock the next morning, when she had to go to her job. “She told me the last thing she prayed before getting off her knees was this … ‘Lord, whatever danger Spencer is in, just cover him with a cloud!’ I caught my breath and sat there for a long time holding the letter in my trembling hands. My mind raced, quickly calculating. Yes, the hours Mrs. Tankersly was praying would have indeed corresponded to the time we were approaching the clearing. And 6 a.m.? With a seven-hour time difference, her prayer for a cloud would have been uttered at one o’clock — just the time Company I was getting ready to make its daring dash. From that moment on, I intensified my prayer life. For the past 60 years I have gotten up early every morning to pray for others. I am convinced there is no substitute for the power of prayer and its ability to comfort and sustain, even those facing the valley of the shadow of death.

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