Brazos Monthly

BRAZOS

WHERE TEXAS BEGAN q AUGUST 2018

MONTHLY BRAZOSMONTHLY

‘LUNCH LADIES’ ARE SAVIORS 1949 MERCURY A DREAM RIDE KITCHEN AS A CLASSROOM

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Editor’s note

SINCE OUR SCHOOL didn’t offer a kindergarten program (it had just moved past slate tablets and schoolmarms), we instead caught a bus each morning for a nearby church where they had such classes.

The days were blissful for us young students.

Playtime included cardboard boxes made to look like bricks.

We had morning snacks of milk and iced animal crackers. Our regularly timed restroom trips would end with everyone lined up at the water fountain for a swig of refreshment.

I quickly learned if we didn’t use the fountain properly and put our mouth on the spout, they would make us go through the line again.

Not being a dummy, I made sure I put my mouth on the spout often.

Things were simpler in those times. I’m not sure what education we received, being more concerned at the time on the Bugs Bunny and

Gift package winner Sonia Bennett of Jones Creek took home the prize basket as the winner of the Brazos Monthly Prize Package for the June issue. She received a collection of promotional items from area businesses, plus a Facts beach towel, tumbler and other great items.

To enter this month’s drawing, see the entry blank on Page 5.

The winner of the drawing for the July edition of Brazos Monthly will be announced in the next issue.

Daffy Duck impressions our bus driver would perform.

Today’s kids have a much taller task when it comes to being ready for kindergarten. School is not a new experience for most of them, having been in daycares and preschools since before they could stand on their own.

That doesn’t mean all of them are ready. There are more than ABCs and colors to know, say local experts and our parenting columnist Jessica Tompkins — whose own precious girl is about to start her trek through the primary grades.

Our annual school issue also looks into how teachers can decorate their classrooms on the cheap, Anna David Cooper recreates a cafeteria favorite and local stores dress our models for a fashionable first day of class.

For the “old school” readers, take a peek at a refurbished 1949 Mercury that turns heads whenever it takes to the roads.

There is plenty people of all ages can learn in this month’s issue. Not to worry, though: You won’t be quizzed on it later.

Michael Morris

Brazos Monthly editor

Contents

BRAZOS MONTHLY Publisher Yvonne Mintz Editor Michael Morris Writers Anna David Cooper Nathan Hudson Valerie Jansky Codi Kozacek Jim Kreuz Holly Lopeman John Lowman Michael Morris Rene Schwartz Jessica Tompkins

10

Photographers Anna David Cooper Barclay Fernandez Michelle Raye

24 48 56

Advertising director Cindy Cornette Advertising representatives Jessica Arriaga Yadi Cantu Bobbie Greer Karyn Kadera Jenneia McEnany Editorial 979-237-0148 Advertising 979-237-0130 Circulation 979-265-2999

VOL. 3, NO. 1 All material herein c. 2018, Southern Newspapers Inc., dba The Brazosport Facts, 720 S. Main St. Clute, TX 77531. No material herein may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without written permission of the publisher.

Brazos Monthly is a publication of

720 South Main Street P.O. Box 549 Clute, Texas 77531 979-237-0100

30 10 Food An observant lunch lady can save

44 Parenting Kindergarten prep begins long before

needy students from starvation.

the first day of elementary school.

18 Food Science Learning to cook? How about cooking

48 Classic Ride A 1949 Mercury with some option

to learn.

parts makes for a dream car.

24 Classroom acts Teachers also do back-to-school

56 Final thought They can call it whatever they want, but

shopping — for classroom decorations.

only meat is really meat.

ON THE COVER: Mia Olivo isn’t old enough to attend Angleton High School, where we snapped her photo, but she’s ready for the first day of class in fashions and accessories from The Children’s Place. Photo by Michelle Raye

Win a Brazos Monthly Prize Package Find this gift box hidden in one of the ads inside this edition to enter Your Name

Phone

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Drop off this completed entry at 720 S. Main St. in Clute or mail to Brazos Monthly Gift Box, c/o The Facts, PO Box 549, Clute, TX 77531.

Must be original; no copies or electronic entries accepted. One winner selected from all correct entries. Entry deadline Aug. 31, 2018.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 5

Mai Tai BOTTLES UP

THE HOT SUMMER DAYS are here in full force, and that means it’s time for tropical cocktails to beat the heat. The Mai Tai has been fulfilling this role admirably since 1944, when a bartender first served this drink to his Tahitian friends, who proclaimed that it was perfect in their native language, or “Mai tai.” The first taste reveals a citrus explosion that goes down smoothly and instantly puts the consumer at ease by finishing great. This is the perfect drink seaside or poolside on a long, sunny day out in this hot Texas sun.

MAKING THE DRINK

INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 ounces white rum 1/2 ounce fresh lime juice 1/2 ounce orange curaçao 1/2 ounce orgeat syrup 3/4 ounce dark rum DIRECTIONS Shake all ingredients except the dark rum together in a mixer with ice. Strain into glass and float the dark rum onto the top.

Garnish and serve with a straw.

story by

NATHAN HUDSON

6 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Blood Orange Radler

Karbach Brewing Co. Houston This month’s other orange selection is much lighter and easier to drink, as it tastes more like one of those “drink in a can” beers instead of a standalone beer. It pours out with little head, a flashy orange color and tons of carbonation. Orange, salt, lime and a bit of hops will hit the tongue at first sip. The best part is the finish — light and crisp with tons of refreshment. It’s perfect for these hot summer days.

Hopostle IPA

Blood Belt

Southern Star Brewing Co. Conroe This beer will please any orange fans. It pours out into a murky and dark orange color with lots of foam that smells exactly like oranges. The first taste on the tongue is a very strong orange that eventually mellows out with notes of pine and hops. It goes down smoothly and finishes with more tastes of — you guessed it — orange. This beer pairs well with orange creamsicles, orange chicken and actual oranges.

Back Pew Brewing Co. Porter This beer pours hard but with very little head but plenty of carbonation, leaving lots of citrus aromas free to be smelled. A light taste with trademark IPA bitterness gives way to bright citrus taste without being too overbearing. Most importantly, the carbonation makes this beer an incredibly refreshing treat for the long summer days.

beer reviews by NATHAN HUDSON

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WINE LIST

Blind tasting has wine lovers considering options inside the box

I

IF YOU’VE BEEN FOLLOWING my past few wine articles, I think the shocking conclusion to be made is good wine does not always have to be served out of a glass bottle with a cork. It can also come in non-traditional packaging: aluminum cans, Tetra Paks and screw caps.

Unfortunately, boxed wine still has a negative stigma from the Franzia days of the late 1980s, and it often is impossible for me to get a wine drinker to knowingly try a boxed wine without sticking their noses up at it. This is why blind tasting is so important in the wine world.

Blind tasting is when you pour a wine into a clean glass and serve it without giving the taster any clues as to what was poured. It is up to them to look, smell and taste the wine and then give their feedback and often take a guess at what they are drinking.

For this review, I decided to rely on some input from a few other wine drinkers who blindtasted two wines without knowing they were boxed.

Bota Box

by Delicato Family Vineyards

Lunaria

by Orsogna Winery

Pinot Grigio Bag in a Box This is the first boxed wine I have ever seen made outside the United States. The majority of boxed wines I have found in our local grocery stores are from California.

This wine is made in the Terre di Chieti IGT region of central Italy. The nose is concentrated with strong pear, peach and pineapple, a bit floral, and a slightly dry, mineral finish.

It took home awards in the Concours International Wine Competition in 2016 and 2017 for Best Wine in Box, and my blind-tasting group said this is the wine that will forever change how they view boxed wine.

It can be found by the glass at The Grape Taste restaurant in Lake Jackson.

Dry Rosé Bag in a Box Bota Box is the top-selling boxed wine company on the market right now, so I opted for its new Premium Dry Rosé. I recommend you serve this wine well-chilled. It has a nice crispness we expect from Rosé, semi-dry, without lacking fruit at all. Notes of watermelon, underripe peach, and easy to drink. It is low in alcohol (11.5 percent), making it a perfect choice for a daytime picnic.

The blind-tasting group was impressed and all agreed this is a wine that could actively take up space next to the milk in the refrigerator.

The 3-liter box can be found at Kroger for about $16.

reviews by

8 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

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FOOD

hungry Hearts Kind cafeteria workers often have been the only salvation for students at risk of starvation

10 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

story, recipes and photos by

ANNA DAVID COOPER

I DON’T REMEMBER IF I knew the names of the women who worked in the school cafeterias of my educational youth. Being young, self-absorbed and lucky enough not to worry about where my next meal came from, I didn’t stop to think about the smiling adults behind the school aprons. I admit my priorities were focused more on the Cowboy Bread in the small plastic tray than on the patient faces restocking the buffet-lined food.

While the face and name familiarity grew with each passing year, it was obvious some students formed a more meaningful and likely more necessary bond with the “lunch ladies.” Many of the employees behind those school cafeteria counters boasted continual employment for five to 25 years and, during that time, watched thousands of students grow from children to adults. I occasionally noticed those few special students and staff exchange hugs and smiles along with an extra snack or leftover dish a time or two.

Chrystal Jones, one of the self-admitted hug- and snackgivers, has worked in Brazoria County schools’ food service departments for more than 16 years. During her tenure, her sister- and mother-in-law, who also have given more than 30 years of service combined, have accompanied her behind the counter. Jones has been able to work during all four of her children’s schooling years, granting her positive relationships with many of the students.

Although she got a kick out of her children’s friends calling her “mom,” Jones told me, she really

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 11

12 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Photo by BARCLAY FERNANDEZ

Bowls of freshly cut local watermelon are ready to be served to students at A.P. Beutel Elementary School in Lake Jackson. Brazosport ISD emphasizes a farm-to-school model to ensure students are getting the freshest possible produce. she said.

During this time, she had to move to a school she believed did not offer free or reduced-price lunches.

“When I got to middle school, not eating was kind of hard,” she said. “I remember being teased because I did not get in line for food like everyone else did. So, I was bullied a lot.”

When she did eat, she said, it was because “the lunch ladies finally noticed” and gave her what they personally could.

“I always remember Mrs. Chrystal LeCompte (Jones) giving me free food,” beamed the former student. “(She) would hug me and give me fries or burgers or tacos … anything she could from the cafeteria. And, knowing that my mom was never home and my sister finally moved out, I really only ate at school.”

While it’s not the norm nor

File photo

enjoys working in child nutrition because she is able to provide kids with a nutritious meal.

“Without us in the schools, students may not get the proper nutrition they need. We are important to helping the children get an education by not worrying where their next meal may come from,” she said. “For some, (school lunch) may be the only meal they get.”

And, it’s true. According to the Texas Education Agency, about 59 percent of students enrolled in a Texas public school or facility are classified as economically disadvantaged and qualify for free or reduced-price meals under the National School Lunch Program. That number comes out to just over 3 million Texas students who depend on school breakfast and lunch for a healthy meal.

Although these students qualify, according to data collected by the University of New Hampshire, many children nationwide still do not participate in the National Lunch Program because of missed paperwork deadlines or the social stigma and public shaming by peers.

One of those formerly classified disadvantaged students, now a successful, happy and healthy woman, is someone I attended school with.

The former student has asked to remain anonymous but shared her heart-breaking story with me.

She recalled moving from fourth to ninth grade with minimal eating because of the lack of money, parent supervision and even electricity.

“Honestly, after fourth grade, I hardly ate, at home or at school,”

Four Brazosport ISD campuses receive free shipments of produce from Brighter Bites, a national charity with a chapter in Houston, for distribution to families that otherwise would not be able to serve fresh food at home. It’s one of several programs the district employs to ensure children have enough to eat.

expected, Jones does recall paying to purchase extra food and snacks for students she grew to know didn’t eat because of a lack of money or home situations.

This sentiment is not surprising when you understand Jones’ passion and motivation. While she took a short break from working in school cafeterias after her youngest graduated, she quickly returned.

“I felt God led me back to working in child nutrition. I love the experience,” she said.

And, I imagine the former student is thankful someone like Jones, like the many other unnamed school food service workers, is back and working with school child nutrition.

“Being able to eat at school … it meant a lot for me to have the cafeteria ladies see me as a child in need,” the former student said.

Today, there are strides being made in combating childhood hunger in schools. Angleton ISD recently announced it will provide free breakfast and lunch for all students in the 201819 school year as part of the Department of Agriculture’s Community Eligibility Provision.

This same attempt is being successfully executed at school districts across the country and even has expanded into providing select meals to students during the summer and on holidays when classes are not in session.

For schools that are not yet able to provide free meals to all students, or who have students with lunch debt that prevents them from eating, many civilians are taking the cost into their own hands. Gofundme.com has a page dedicated to the fundraising campaigns of parents, students and community leaders who are hoping to raise enough money to cover the cost of students’ lunch debt in their area for the coming years.

Unfortunately, my humble interest in the people who fed me as a kid didn’t ignite until my own passion for feeding people surfaced many years after grade school. When I began to view food as a magical way to reach the unreachable and relate to the unrelatable, my fascination with the captivating storytellers — the ones who cooked and served the food — grew. When I realized that the act of cooking for someone was a way to spread love and encourage acceptance, my appreciation for the humanitarians on the other side of that cafeteria window doubled.

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21st Century Nacho Grande Nacho Grande is the one dish almost every staff member, student and teacher will note as the most memorable from school days. The recipe seems to be a very South/Central Texas “thing,” as out-of-town friends usually shake their heads when asked about it.

If you have ever eaten Nacho Grande, your reaction to this is typically a wide-eyed gasp of shock. There has been an official Nacho Grande recipe circling the Internet over the last few years, and my personal school district had a Nacho Grande day that allowed the public to attend lunch at local schools and order that nostalgic childhood dish.

I knew taking on such an iconic recipe could cause a riot among hardcore fans, but I also wanted to do the beloved dish justice. I settled on a very slightly elevated recipe that pays its respects to the classic by using most of the original ingredients, but it includes a few new additions to ensure its flavor and style are rightfully updated with the times.

INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon vegetable or olive oil 1/2 yellow onion, chopped 1 garlic cloves, minced Half serrano peppers, finely diced 1 pound ground beef 1 to 2 teaspoons all-purpose sea salt or kosher salt, or to taste 1 to 2 teaspoons cumin, or to taste 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon turmeric 1 teaspoon Lawry’s or generic taco seasoning 1 cup milk, 2 percent or whole 3 tablespoons cream cheese 12 ounces (or to taste) shredded American cheese Fresh ground pepper, to taste Round yellow corn tortilla chips Sour cream for garnish Green onions or chives, chopped, for garnish DIRECTIONS Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat and sauté onions until just soft.

Add in garlic, peppers, ground beef and salt; cook until the meat is browned and almost cooked through.

Mix in all spices until the meat is coated evenly and continue cooking until the meat is cooked through.

Mix in cream cheese, then milk, then shredded cheese until fully combined.

Season with pepper and additional salt to your taste.

Serve over corn tortilla chips and top with sour cream and green onions or chives.

14 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

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Spruced-Up Cereals If there’s a breakfast dish that’s more iconic, convenient or quicker than cereal, I haven’t heard of it. Even with all that going for it, when we eat cereal, we often miss out on creative flavor combinations that are easier to create with homemade food. I argue we shouldn’t have to.

After visiting the Kellogg’s DIY cereal bar in New

16 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

York, where they take all of the favorite cereals you love and turn them into beautiful and delicious works of breakfast art, I knew this idea of dressing up your everyday cereal with more than a few pieces of fresh fruit had to be broadcast. It’s still just as easy and convenient, but now you get to include herbs, jams, protein and more.

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FOOD SCIENCE

Ingredients

of learning

18 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Food can be an effective avenue to educating kids

T

THERE ARE A WIDE variety of ways people can learn and many tools to aid in the learning process. As a teacher, I discuss “Eight Learning Styles” at the beginning of every year. I give my students a “multiple intelligence survey” and we discuss all of the results together as a class. Basically, they are given a series of questions that they answer honestly. I make it clear there are no right or wrong answers.

Every year I take the quiz with my students so they can learn about me as well.

The eight learning styles are Linguistic, Logical-Mathematical, Visual-Spatial, Intrapersonal, Interpersonal, Musical, Bodily-Kinesthetic and Naturalistic. I know it doesn’t seem like this has anything to do with food so far, but it story by does. Each one of these VALERIE learning styles can be JANSKY combined with food to make a memorable and educational experience for people of any age.

Everyone needs to eat food to survive, so it makes sense be educated about it. Children often are more likely to eat something they helped make. Teaching with cooking has to be one of the easiest ways I have found to encourage my students to learn.

Children under the age of 4 might not be able to read yet, but they still understand the concepts and will identify sight words once they have seen them enough times. Working on linguistic abilities is key from a young age.

My niece was able to help me bake cookies when she was 3. She could identify the eggs, which bag was flour and which one was sugar, and what the measuring cups and spoons were.

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Young children also can learn about food in a naturalistic way. Making the connection between food and nature is fun for young children. We were fortunate as children that our grandfather had a small farm. He was able to show us how to milk a cow, then he would take it further and teach us how to separate the cream. After the cream was separated, we learned to make butter. We went out every morning to gather the eggs from the chickens and guineas. The eggs looked different, and we were taught to identify them.

All of the food we eat comes from nature, and understanding this relationship is key to fully understanding nutrition and diet needs. Young children also learn by developing their kinesthetic abilities — the grace of cracking an egg and not getting any shell in the bowl, or dumping the flour

in the bowl slowly enough that it doesn’t fly out, or being able to stir slow and steady so as not to fling food out of the bowl. These are small things you can allow your young children to work on that will improve their fine motor skills.

You also can work on their mathematical skills by counting together. For example, we need one egg or 2 cups of flour. How many cookies did we bake if we made one dozen? Understanding the measurement of time is also important to grasp at this age. You can teach children to understand time by asking them to tell you how much time is left for an item to cook.

They might recognize the numbers on the timers, and you can explain what that means in minutes and seconds.

Teach your young children about colors, shapes and categorizing by letting them sort M&Ms or

How each learning style learns best Saying, hearing and seeing words Categorizing, classifying, working with abstract patterns and relationships Visualizing, dreaming, using the mind’s eye, working with color and pictures Rhythm, melody, music Touching, moving, interacting with space, processing knowledge through body sensations Sharing, comparing, relating, cooperating, interviewing Working alone, individualized projects, self-paced instruction, having own space Conduction observations, recording events in nature, working in pairs, long term projects

20 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

NATURALIST

“the nature lover”

INTRAPERSONAL “the individual”

INTERPERSONAL

7 6

“the socializer”

“the word player”

81 54

BODY/ KINESTHETIC “the mover”

LINGUISTIC

2 3

LOGICALMATHEMATICAL “the questioner”

SPATIAL

“the visualizer”

MUSICAL

“the music lover”

Source: Oregon Department of Education

Photos courtesy BRAZOSPORT ISD

Skittles by color. Then perhaps count how many of each color to practice numbers. For students who are not in school yet, these skills will help them be more ready when they do start.

Once a student is in elementary school, their understanding on abstract ideas starts to develop, and you can work on visualspatial learning. In pre-K or kindergarten, hopefully they can envision in their minds what certain foods look like, and they would be able to identify them out of a selection of choices. By the time they are in fifth grade, we are talking about density of candy bars and loss of mass through dehydration or simply chewing the sugar out of a piece of gum.

The fifth-graders at Stephen F. Austin STEM Academy in Jones Creek blew my mind two years in a row when I let them visit my culinary classroom at Brazosport High School. They were so smart.

The excitement was so visible on their faces to be making food that could be taken into space or on a hiking trip — learning ways to survive but tying it all back to reading, writing, math and science. They have to read the recipes, do conversions to get the measurements right and complete the project. My high school students are there for facilitating and supporting.

As a high school teacher, I encourage my students to use their interpersonal skills appropriately, working together in groups to accomplish goals. I also have activities to work on intrapersonal skills by having them try to accomplish a task completely on their own. Perhaps we have a meal recipe and they work on it together in a group,

Above: Students from Stephen F. Austin STEM Academy in Jones Creek do some hands-on learning during a February 2017 visit to the Culinary Arts classrooms at Brazosport High School.

Left: Stephen F. Austin STEM Academy student Marcus Garcia helps make strawberry preserves during a February 2017 visit to the Culinary Arts classrooms at Brazosport High School.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 21

7 things kids learn in the kitchen

If you think the kitchen is good only for cooking, think again. Not only is the kitchen the meal-prep, homework and eating area in many households, but it’s also the perfect place for kids to learn valuable life skills, lessons and values.

HOW TO LEARN FROM MISTAKES A major benefit of cooking with your kids is that it gives them the perfect opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Cooking mistakes are bound to happen, but you can show kids that a little improvisation or creativity can often fix a meal.

VOCABULARY When you get back from the grocery store, have kids sort foods into groups by color, size, shape or texture. This can also be a great vocabulary builder for young children.

LITERACY Have kids read the recipe steps out loud as you make dinner.

This allows kids to practice their reading skills, introduces them to new words and cooking terms, and teaches the importance of following directions.

FINE MOTOR DEVELOPMENT Letting kids help out with stirring, measuring or slicing ingredients (with a plastic knife if they’re too young to use sharp tools) might slightly slow down your meal prep, but helping out with easy recipes for dinner can make kids much more receptive to trying new foods.

Eating a variety of foods at a young age can lead to healthier eating habits later in life. This will also teach kids basic cooking skills that they’ll use all their lives.

MATH Measuring and adding ingredients to a bowl is the perfect way to practice counting with your younger kids. For older kids, use measuring cups to practice fractions, or have them double and triple the amounts called for in a recipe.

SCIENCE Cooking with kids is a fun way to learn about science, too.

From boiling water to watching bread rise, there are countless opportunities to witness science in action as you cook.

RESPONSIBILITY When kids participate in preparing ingredients, setting the table or washing the dishes after a meal, they’re learning how to be organized and responsible.

Plus, it’s a big help for you.

Source: Guest posted at The Measured Mom by Meredith K. on behalf of Readyseteat.

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each person accomplishing a piece of the meal. We talk about the entire project as a class, then they all work together to accomplish a common goal. During some of our labs, we talk about communication.

This is an important interpersonal skills to develop.

For one lab, they are assigned a recipe as a group, but cannot verbally communicate with each other throughout the entire process. During another lab, I blindfold each student individually and have another student verbally direct them through an obstacle course to pour a bottle of water into a water glass on a specific table. This lab is completely about using words versus the first one mentioned, which teaches non-verbal communication.

Sometimes, the students will have to complete the same task individually. We compare results and talk about each person’s interpretation of what they did.

Usually, the results will vary, because no two people think in exactly the same way.

At any age, using music is also a good way to help people learn. One of the most common ways I know of is to use a rhythm and rhyme to create a phrase or song to memorize something important. I know several people who learned the 50 states song in elementary school. We take this musical learning all the way to high school, and I have my students develop songs about kitchen safety and sanitation every year.

Students can learn so much about science through food. You can teach heat transfer such as conduction and convection by making ice cream or boiling eggs for example. Chemical and physical changes are easy to identify in some food processes such as the Maillard reaction. This chemical process is the browning of sugars as food cooks, which changes the aroma and flavor of the food.

Caramelizing sugar or onions is a great example of this.

As usual, there are so many more things I could talk about involving how to use food as an educational tool. After all, food is one of the best natural incentives you can give to anyone. All age groups, from small children to the elderly, can use food to learn and keep their minds active.

There is never a point in life when you should stop learning. Doing math conversions, reading new words, learning about different cultures, and expanding your own personal taste pallet to enjoy new things can all be done throughout life using food.

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Valerie Jansky teaches culinary arts at Brazosport High School in Freeport.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 23

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Second-grade teacher Lindsey Schwank shows some of the decorations she has put up in her Westside Elementary classroom for the upcoming school year.

Class

rooms

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 25

COVER STORY

Making students feel at home doesn’t have to break the bank

T

decides to decorate her whole classroom based on TEACHERS OFTEN HAVE TO pay for their room the school’s yearly theme. decorations out of their own pockets; what are their “This year’s theme is ‘Wild about Learning,’ so tricks, and what makes for effective decor? everything is animal prints and stuff,” Brittain said.

Lindsey Schwank has been teaching at Westside “I needed a love seat for my classroom so I posted on Elementary School for eight of her 10 years as an Facebook and multiple people offered to donate one educator. She is one of many teachers who face the to me. I painted it black and put a leopard skin cover challenge of decorating on a dime. on it.”

The second-grade dual-language teacher has seen Brittain also recommends Pinterest and picking a spectrum of classrooms ranging from off-the-wall things up secondto just plain tacky, hand to save money. she said. One piece “We use a lot of of advice she’d give our own money to every teacher is that purchase things, so they don’t have to I look for bargains,” break the bank to she said. “I go to a lot have fun, interactive of garage sales.” decorations for their Schwank also classrooms. looks for bargains at “The best, most local stores. creative, out-of“I use Hobby the-box classroom Lobby coupons and decor I’ve seen was, wait for sales each years ago, a teacher Westside Elementary School second-grade teacher week especially had a palm tree, and Lindsey Schwank hangs a Wildcat sign to show school during the summer,” it felt like I was on spirit in her classroom. Schwank wants her students to she said. “I am vacation,” Schwank feel at home in the classroom. always looking and said. always stock up.”

However, her Dana Mayberry, classroom design is a a fourth-grade math teacher at Polk Elementary little more simple and swanky, she said.

School in Richwood, has an even more frugal style “I decide to decorate my classroom by picking a of decorating her classroom. color and a theme,” Schwank said. “My base color is In her seven years of teaching elementary school, always purple for the purple Wildcats mascot. And her favorite being third grade, she has gone from as the school changes its theme, I change a bulletin spending a lot out of pocket to learning how to take board to match the theme of the year.” advantage of school resources. One of her tricks is Frontier Elementary School fourth-grade teacher to pick her own theme to complement the school’s Lauren Brittain’s strategy is a little different. She

story by RENE SCHWARTZ

26 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

photos by BARCLAY FERNANDEZ

Lindsey Schwank uses easy-to-remove stickers to help speed up cleaning her classroom.

While the decorations change, the dominant color in Lindsey Schwank’s Westside Elementary classroom remains purple to match the Angleton High School Wildcats. Schwank likes to keep her decorations simple.

Lindsey Schwank looks at some of the borders she has available as she decorated her classroom for the coming school year at Westside Elementary.

28 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

yearly theme.

“The school’s theme last year was ‘Building at high levels and learning together,’ so I picked a LEGO theme,” Mayberry said.

Mayberry used school supplies provided by the school, such as differently colored cardstock, and printed LEGO images on them. On them, she wrote the names of her students and put them up on the wall.

“I used the LEGOs as a learning tool,” she said.

“I give the student one minute to work on their addition or subtraction and every time they surpassed their last attempt, I would move their LEGO to a different color. If they mastered their addition or subtraction tables, I would invite them to eat lunch with me.”

Despite Brittain’s and Schwank’s decorating style of searching for the best bargain, Mayberry sticks with what is available to her through the school.

“You don’t need to spend money. If there’s something you need, like instructional décor, talk to the principal,” she said. “Much of what you need can be found at the school.”

Chalk up some savings

Since a lot of the expense of decorating the classroom can fall on teachers who have to dip into their own pockets, some savings are always welcome. Here are some inventive, inexpensive ways teachers can spruce up their classrooms without their wallets taking a big hit.

TISKET, A TASKET It isn’t unusual to see those small plastic baskets on top of or inside desks, but how about hanging some on the classroom wall? Perfect for paper, pencils or whatever the heck you like. Not only are they inexpensive and functional, they add a splash of color to the classroom.

DRAW ON THEIR CREATIVITY Those store-bought posters sure look nice, but spend that money on school and art supplies instead and have the students make everything.

In the first few days and weeks as they decorate together, you’ll build community and be able to assess students’ motor skills, their ability to follow directions, stay on task and attention to detail. It’s a great way to start the year.

YES THEY CAN Hardly a new idea, but that doesn’t make it any less fun.

Collect empty tin cans or have kids bring them from home to decorate.

Perfect for storing pencils and other school supplies.

RECYCLE, REUSE Always look for uses in what others consider garbage such as egg cartons for sorting, plastic milk tops or bottle caps for math manipulatives, plastic containers for storing supplies, or paper towel rolls for crafts.

HAVE FUN WITH CLIPS Turn those metal clips into something playful to take the boredom out of stacks of homework papers. Or use them as bookmarks or slip the loop over a thumbtack to hang special projects on the bulletin board.

HOW TO HANG ’EM Carabiners on a hook is a great way for kids — especially the younger ones — to securely hang coats, backpacks or lunch boxes.

SECOND-HAND ESSENTIALS Other people’s trash can become treasure for your classroom. Summer is the perfect time to go to yard and garage sales. Stock up on books, baskets, containers and even furniture. Think creatively. You never know what you’ll find.

Sources: weareteachers.org; fusionyearbooks.com

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 29

Big

time

Tips for turning a preschooler into a schooler THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL is an annual milestone for parents and children alike. It’s a time to reunite with friends and teachers, share stories about summer vacation and slip into the familiar rhythm of classes, projects and extracurriculars.

But for kids and families embarking on their school journey for the first time, it can also be a time of uncertainty. More than 3.8 million children across the United States are expected to enroll in public kindergarten this year, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Before they slip on backpacks and head to the bus stop, educators say parents can do a lot to ensure their child is prepared for success.

First and foremost is socialization, said Christine Webster, director of the Bill and Julia May Children’s Center at Brazosport College. story by CODI KOZACEK photos by BARCLAY FERNANDEZ

30 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Bill and Julia May Children’s Center 4-yearold Major Houston points out appropriate school behaviors. Preschool students are taught proper behavior and social skills to prepare them for elementary school.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 31

Above: Preschoolers at Bill and Julia May Children’s Center participate in show and tell to build their public speaking skills at Brazosport College in Lake Jackson.

Right: Using STEM-centered activities, preschoolers at the Bill and Julia May Children’s Center are able to interact with each other to solve problems. Some preschoolers don’t have siblings, so the activities help build the foundation to socializing with their peers that will be an important skill when they enter kindergarten.

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Preschoolers Scott Pietragallo, left, and Kate Fleming, both 5 years old, learn to interact with each other as they play with a game at the Bill and Julia May Children’s Center in Lake Jackson. Preschool builds skills that will help students succeed throughout their education.

Whether through formal preschool programs or social interactions at home, it is important for kids to learn how to get along with other children before they start grade school. That means things like sharing toys and allowing other people to speak without interrupting.

“It’s the whole idea of being able to take turns in a conversation, where one child speaks and then the other child speaks,” Webster said. “If you’ve been around small children, they tend to try to talk over each other until they learn that reciprocity.”

While parents often worry about children mastering specific skills, such as using scissors or memorizing facts, Webster said those skills are often less important than establishing a foundation for children to learn. For example, parents shouldn’t be concerned if their child can’t recite state capitals or recognize every letter of the alphabet before they set foot in school. Instead, a lot of learning can happen

when parents simply share basic tasks with their children.

“A lot of math concepts come from daily living skills,” Webster said. “For example putting forks on the table and counting them, one, two, three, four.

Or, helping load the dishwasher, or you’re matching socks out of the laundry. All of these types of things we do with them are also helpful for that child to begin to understand the concept of adding more and taking away things. That’s where we get the beginning arithmetic skills that are necessary for them.”

Another skill children work on naturally is dramatic play, she said. Dressing up in their parents’ clothes may not seem like learning at first, but it’s actually a key step for kids to start understanding abstract concepts.

“They need to be able to make believe that one thing can stand for another to reach a point

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 33

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“The more familiar the child is with the school they will go to, the more comfortable they are on the day they need to start.”

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cognitively where they can understand that you can have a symbol,” Webster said. “Our whole reading and writing system is based on symbols, so you can see how important make-believe play is for them when they are young. You’re laying the groundwork for them to understand symbols, which they need for success in school.”

The learning process isn’t just for kids. Parent engagement is essential to a child’s education from infancy to kindergarten to high school, said Larry Griggs Sr., vice president of program operations for Brazoria County Head Start Early Learning Schools. Head Start, a nonprofit early education program, operates eight schools in the county serving children from birth to age 5.

Griggs said take-home activities help involve parents in their child’s curriculum.

“We take the lesson plans that we use in the classroom, and the teachers will put together packets and will put activities in those packets to send to parents for when they get home,” he said.

“They learn away from school, and parents can participate in that process.”

As children transition to kindergarten, parent participation remains critical, according to both Griggs and Webster. One thing parents might consider is visiting the school where their child will be enrolled before the academic year starts. Often, this is the aim of kindergarten round-ups hosted by schools. It helps kids become familiar with things like where the bathroom is and where they can play outside, Webster said.

“The more familiar the child is with the school they will go to, the more comfortable they are on the day they need to start,” she said.

From day one through graduation, Griggs said the most important thing parents can do is remain a strong and engaged advocate for their child.

“If they’re there, that lifts their child’s maturity and self-esteem,” he said. “It also signals to the teachers that the parents are concerned about their child’s education. That becomes a relationship with the school district, the teacher and the parents, which is vital to the child’s success.”

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YEARS AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 35

FASHION

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Fashions Stock the kids’ closets for school

for the first day AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 37

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AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 43

PARENTING

Merry K Preparing a child for kindergarten should begin long before the first day of public school

commentary by

JESSICA TOMPKINS

FOR A SOLID YEAR, my little girl has been talking excitedly about entering kindergarten. It all began last August, when her first last day of pre-k began.

“In kindergarten, I can bring a lunch box, Mommy.

In kindergarten, I will be a big kid. I wonder how many teeth I will lose before kindergarten?

Mommy, what will we learn in kindergarten? I can’t wait until kindergarten so I can learn to read.”

All year long, I was able to ignore her comments and push them out of my mind. At

44 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Christmas, when she asked me if they have Christmas parties in kindergarten, I was able to tell myself that would be a whole year away. I still have time, after all; there is no reason to worry about next Christmas, in kindergarten.

However, as always, denial will only get me so far. On her last day of pre-k in May, her teacher — whom my daughter has had for two years, who has hugged her each day, soothed her fears and filled her head with imagination and information — handed me her Pre-Kindergarten Certificate of Completion and graduation

Photo by BARCLAY FERNANDEZ

Cally James uses a marker to color on her first day of kindergarten in August 2017 at Our Lady Queen of Peace School in Richwood.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 45

photos. I promptly burst into tears, right in the middle of the hall. I can’t push it out of my head, any longer.

The time is now — my baby girl is becoming a little girl. Sobbing, I accepted the documents from her teacher and walked sadly out of the school. I think my daughter was a bit embarrassed at my emotional breakdown.

After the reality of this all finally swept over me, I sat back, worried my daughter wouldn’t be ready for kindergarten. Then I remembered, we have been planning and practicing for kindergarten for years, and we didn’t even always make the learning intentional. All the skills and lessons we have taught her over these past five years has all been in preparation for joining public school.

Indeed, the basic skills are incredibly useful for children to have as they enter kindergarten, like knowing colors and shapes, identifying letters and writing some, having the ability to write her name, counting to 100, adding together small quantities.

However, it is the soft skills that will help a young student find a good foothold in education.

A young child must be taught to develop a love for learning and a curiosity about the world because these are two key qualities that will really propel a child in their schooling. Children must learn social norms and how to get along with others while working strategies of self-regulation and independence. Some of these skills are things we practice nearly every day by taking advantage of teachable moments that arise.

For instance, reading will support the child as she learns to think through and solve problems with others. Reading will impart life lessons of emotional intelligence and basic educational knowledge. Reading is so important, and I think I have touched on that in at least two other columns.

Sorry for the redundancy, but I can’t say it enough.

Children who are read to at home will have a higher rate of success at school, according to statistics by National Center for Education, a division of the U.S. Department of Education. Children who are read to have higher chances of learning all letters, counting to 20, learning to write their name and reading or pretending to read, according to the center. Reading also helps to foster a natural curiosity to the world and a love of learning.

Another great tool for fostering a love of learning is utilizing PBS. The network has awesome shows available for little kids focused on reading, math and science. Shows like “Peg + Cat,” “Odd Squad,”

46 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Tune in to Learning

PBS Kids offers educational programs for all age groups, including preschoolers and early learners. Here are some of its regular offerings seen as especially beneficial by mom, teacher and columnist Jessica Tompkins.

PEG + CAT Follow the adorable, spirited Peg and her sidekick Cat in this animated math-based series for children ages 3 to 5 as they embark on adventures, solve problems together and learn foundational math concepts and skills. In each 11-minute episode, Peg and Cat are challenged by A REALLY BIG PROBLEM and they must find a way out of the messy funny crisis without totally freaking out.

SUPER WHY Designed to help kids ages 3 to 6 with the critical skills that they need to learn to read — and love to read — each 24-minute adventure teaches alphabet skills, word families, spelling, comprehension and vocabulary.

WORDGIRL Disguised as mild-mannered fifthgrader, Becky Botsford, “WordGirl” fights crime and enriches vocabulary usage, all in a day’s work. Each episode introduces four new vocabulary words and will reinforce their meaning in a variety of contexts throughout the episode. WordGirl enriches young audiences’ vocabulary, closes the gap for those who don’t grow up in language-rich environments, instills a love of language and fosters better reading comprehension.

DANIEL TIGER’S NEIGHBORHOOD An animated program for ages 2 to 4, this series tells its engaging stories about the life of a preschooler using musical strategies grounded in Fred Rogers’ landmark social-emotional curriculum. Through imagination, creativity and music, Daniel and his friends learn the key social skills necessary for school and for life.

“Super Why” and “Word Girl” can really teach kids foundations they will need for school.

Supporting kids and teaching them how to work through problems and sort through their own feelings is important to learn. Very soon, children will join a world where there are many other students in their class, each with very different thoughts, beliefs and habits. Teaching children how to get along with others will help drive success in school.

While it is difficult to teach a child how to selfregulate and learn independence, it will be an important skill for a child to have as he enters school. Learning to have control over emotions, focus attention and manage thinking and behavior by helping a child learn to think through these emotions and not give in to impulsiveness. By stopping and learning to recognize these emotions, children can be taught how to handle them.

A great tool for us has been PBS “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” This show provides solid lessons to children about what different emotions such as anger, jealousy, confusion actually feel like to kids. After children learn to identify feelings, then Daniel Tiger discusses avenues to effectively deal with these feelings, so tantrums can be avoided.

Watching these shows with my kids was also helpful for me as a parent because I was able to realize how important it is to teach self-regulation, and I became better as a parent teaching these skills myself.

Learning soft skills may not come naturally to all children. Sometimes they need to be coaxed along, and it is up to parents to find those moments and work through them with their children.

Children can learn independence by being taught to be responsible for belongings, fetching and putting objects away, and through routines.

We have been teaching our pre-kindergartener to learn to speak for herself. She has learned to ask for things at restaurants and order for herself.

Preschool-aged children can begin making their own beds, helping with laundry and cleaning up their own messes.

The first day of kindergarten will be here sooner than I will ever be ready for. My daughter probably will be wiping my tears away on that first day, as she heads off to her kindergarten class. Is she 100 percent prepared and ready? Probably not. She will likely face struggles and hard concepts in her first year, but we are hoping she has the tools to keep pursuing success along the way.

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AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 47

CLASSIC RIDES

Turning

Heads

Restored ’49 Mercury is a dream car guaranteed to grab attention

C

CLASSIC CARS ARE LIKE women. Some have eye-catching curves. Others have dazzling complexions (exterior paint) or supple skin (leather interior). Some have a quality only the ear can detect — a sexy voice (rumble exhaust). Very few have all four, and those that do are referred to as “head-turners.” Or “drop-dead gorgeous.”

Our 1949 Mercury qualifies under both those descriptions.

Lake Jackson resident Ronnie Ponder has restored 10 vintage autos in his lifetime, and of those, the ’49 Mercury is his favorite. And the most recent. When asked what his dream ride is, the one he’d love to own, Ponder chuckled while replying, “Why, this one — our ’49 Mercury.”

People like Ponder amaze me, taking

story by JIM KREUZ

48 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

on complicated projects like this with no formal training. And making the correct decision on which car to purchase is often most crucial step.

“I located this Mercury in Dallas, in 1999, and it had a solid body, which was going to make it easier to restore. But it took five years to complete the work, a ‘frame-off’ restoration,” he said. “We installed new body mounts and suspension and did everything but the paint and upholstery.

The engine is a 383 Chevy crate motor with Oldsmobile valve covers to make it look like a Rocket 88. I’d located an Oldsmobile with Rocket 88 V-8 engine years ago in a wrecker yard in 1959, and by the time I’d saved enough money, it was gone.”

photos by BARCLAY FERNANDEZ

Above: A blast from the past, our “headturner” 1949 Mercury parked in front of an old church in East Columbia. This town is full of gorgeous 100-plus-year-old restored homes, which also are headturners to those who appreciate classic architecture.

Left: Linda and Ronnie Ponder are a happy couple, and they’re happiest while riding in their head-turning 1949 Mercury.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 49

Above: The leather interior required a one-year wait, but proved well worth it. And the Mercury head embroidery reminds the casual observer what type of car it is.

Pondering Ronnie’s classic car collection “My first car was a 1946 Chevy coup, purchased when I was 15.

My second car was one I wish I still owned, a ’51 Ford convertible.

It was a high school graduation gift for a young man who was in college at the time I obtained it. The convertible had been restored, but needed engine work. I swapped out motors on this while in high school,”

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Ponder said.

“But through the years I’d always wanted to build a 1950-era style custom car, and was drawn to the ’49 Mercury. James Dean drove one in the 1954 movie, ‘Rebel Without a Cause,’ as did Bo Hopkins in ‘American Graffiti.’”

I asked about his louvered hood, which I assumed to be a non-factory modification.

“This was a popular modification in the 1950s,” Ponder told me. “I

purchased a second hood in case I made a mistake punching the louvered holes, but never needed it.

It took 1 1/2 days to lay out the holes and a full day to punch them. The car has been dropped 6 inches and has power steering and brakes, A/C, stereo, as well as tilt and telescopic steering out of a Cadillac. While removing this item from the Caddy, the wrecking yard employee almost dropped the car onto me while he had it lifted in the air with a fork truck.”

Linda’s touches “My wife, Linda, assists in the renovations because her small hands can reach in spots I can’t. We even teamed up to build the home we’re living in now,” Ponder said. “She wasn’t enthused about the Mercury’s electric release doors, so I added a manual release on her side so she could open the door in the event of an electrical failure.

“Linda also coordinated the leather upholstery with Shawn Cook in

Top: The Conway Twitty lyrics Linda had pinstriped onto the dash might be Ronnie’s favorite addition.

Above: The dash is well laid out, and the automatic transmission selector is mounted to the floorboard to give the appearance of it being a manual — another nice touch.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 51

The front grill and bumper, combined with the stylish pinstriping on the hood, help create a glamorous setting that makes it feel as though a 1940s movie star will emerge from this auto.

The Ponders left no detail untouched, including the authentic 1949 Texas license plate.

52 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

The pinstriper even included a small Mercury head on the rear of the refurbished ride. Like the eyebrows on Ava Gardner, they catch your attention.

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AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 53

Dallas and did a great job selecting the colors.

Fortunately, we called ahead and found out he had a one-year waiting list. Shawn also handled the embroidery of the head of Mercury, a Greek god, which is the logo for the ’49 Mercury. We received a video every three days showing progress on the seats, head liner, door panels and carpet during the three-week project.

“Linda enjoyed working with another wellknown car ‘artist’ — Crawford, a top-notch pinstriper, also from Dallas. Ours was the last car he worked on before passing away at age 78. And it was her idea to add the Conway Twitty lyrics to the dash, ‘Here with Linda on my mind …’ Which is a true statement; she’s been on my mind since we were introduced by her sister at church, many years ago.”

The devil is in the details, as one would say, and that’s the only trait he has in common with Ponder. Like the visor above the windshield.

“Yes, it is original. The visor was a factory option, a Ford deluxe visor,” he said. “The rear wheel skirts are from a ’51 Mercury. They’re nicer than the 1949 skirts. I’ve got several different sets of hub caps and have 1966 Ford Thunderbird-type on the wheels right now.

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54 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

“The stainless-steel trim was definitely the most difficult part, or parts, to locate,” Ponder said. “In some instances, we had to repair damaged trim because a better piece could not be found. The bumpers are the only chrome on the car — super chrome. The front bumper is from a 1951 Mercury, and the rear is from a ’49 Lincoln.

“We drive the Mercury about once a week, to car shows and cruise-ins, like the one at the Luby’s parking lot in Lake Jackson.

Typically, we don’t motor more than 100 miles round-trip. We’ve accumulated close to 50 trophies, the most recent was at Lake Jackson’s 70th year Celebration, where the Mercury won a first for ‘Best Restored.’

“I’ve been active in the old car hobby for a long time and have met many nice people as a result. We all have the same goals and passions. It’s a great hobby, for young and old.”

Top: The eyes of a classic car collector are drawn to the front windshield visor like they are to the eyes of Veronica Lake. The mesmerizing visor was a factory option on this ’49 Mercury. Bottom left: The Thunderbird wheel covers look superb on this ’49 Mercury. Ronnie Ponder has several different sets of wheel covers he uses to easily alter the look of his dream ride. Bottom right: The 383-cubic-inch engine will power everything, but cosmetically looking like an Olds Rocket 88 with the vintage valve covers, is a nice touch.

AUGUST 2018 | BRAZOSMONTHLY 55

FINAL THOUGHT

Fakes the truth

56 BRAZOSMONTHLY | AUGUST 2018

Meat substitute critics have a legitimate beef

W

WHILE IT MIGHT NOT yet be common fare in much of Texas, tofurky and petridish pretenderloin are considered growing commodities in the second-meatiest nation on Earth.

So much so that in Missouri, a recently passed law prohibits manufacturers of feigned flesh from labeling lab-grown or vegetable-based items like pseudo-steak and faux fish as meat. They follow the pioneer of pea protein packaging principles, France, where folks are assured their steak tartare is the real McCroix.

No bogus beef or sham ham in the Show Me State now, either. A bag of meatless meatballs can be called bean balls, soy balls, veggie balls and even ersatz. It just can’t be labeled MEATballs.

Steamed by the recent LET THEM EAT STEAK decision, those who make babyback fibs and meatcommentary by free not dogs insist we’ll all JOHN LOWMAN enjoy laboratory-produced stem cell meat in the next few years. Their intentions might be good, but the odds are test-tube tuna won’t leap into the mainstream.

Bacon fakers claim that, once they find their umami, the world no longer will depend on animals for food. Except maybe unicorns.

Although it remains a half-baked hypothesis, a Japanese scientist in 1908 decided umami — the taste of grilled meat — is the fifth flavor, along with sweet, sour, salty and bitter. We can smoke humburgers ’til the cows come home, but it won’t make taste a theory.

Despite U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that Americans will eat a record 222 pounds of actual meat per person in 2018, a group named HealthFocus

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International claims 60 percent of us are cutting back. That number could be cooked since the U.S. ranks second among the world’s carnivores, trailing Australia by about 5 pounds per head and leading Israel by about 15 pounds.

Vegan and vegetarian diets are legitimate choices, and we’re all better off eating more fruits and veggies. Such foods fight countless diseases, including many forms of cancer. But the argument for meatlessness harms itself far more than any labeling laws.

Soybeans pressed into tofu cakes are spongy, tasteless and require much flavoring, according to the website One Green Planet, which PROMOTES vegan food. The pro-fu site suggests we “buy extra-firm tofu and press the heck out of it. Or, freeze and press it. Tofu can be as firm and chewy as meat.” Eggplant is recommended for its “rich, meaty taste.”

Know what’s really as firm and tasty as meat? Meat.

It takes 40 ingredients to make what some consider the best plant patty, the Beyond Meat Beast Burger.

Those include algae oil, seaweed, fulvic minerals (used most frequently as fertilizer), and a blend of spinach, buckhorn and pomegranate seed powder. Beets and canola oil give the spurious circles their claim to fame: they bleed, which is probably the worst part of the real thing.

Folks on an omnivore website named Thrillist investigated imitation meats and found more flatulence than flavor in charlatan sausage and questionable cold cuts. As long as bread is tastier than the contents, replacing meat with unproven umami will remain a bittersweet illusion. If un-meat manufacturers want to tap the Texas market, they’ll need to process products better than Soyrizo, a

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chorizo-like glop in an inedible plastic tube.

Winds of change are no doubt wafting in better dietary decisions, but those of us on the coast know not even the worst storm clears store shelves of counterfeit chicken or mock mutton. Stuffing shitake mushrooms into sausage wrapping does not make it Jimmy Dean.

Some groups are offended by the new law, using

Meat-free meats such as these tofu burger patties and hot dogs cannot be labeled as meat in Missouri.

elementary school playground logic like “hot dogs don’t bark and they’re still labeled dogs.” But Pilgrim’s Pride doesn’t peddle poultry as celery to convince the public of its high fiber and string content. Stop trying to baste barbecue-flavored lipstick on pea-based pork. It’s OK to be yourself.

People eat meat because we like it and have since cave-dwelling days. And that’s OK, too. But pushing pepperphony pizza and broccoli brisket as the real thing is a chicken pot lie.

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