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Funding and supporting Christ-centered minist rie s t hat mo bil iz e vo l u n t e e r s t o s e rve o th e rs an d share t h e go s p e l o f J e s u s C h rist .
W W W. S TO L L E R F O U N D AT I O N . O R G
ISSUE 14 CONTRIBUTORS Tera Swigart Editor-In-Chief Tera also serves as graphic designer and writer for FRUIT. and is the Executive Director of Freestyle Ministries. She has been working with youth in the juvenile justice system in various roles since 1999.
FRUIT.
EDITORIAL
Editor in Chief: Tera Swigart Contributing Editors: Kay Guerrero, Barbara Howard, Richard Howard, Louis Skipper Contributing Writers: Sam Glass, Bobby Herring, James Odom, Barrell Richardson, Tera Swigart, Julie Waters, Alex Mathew (Kansas City Version)
ART Barrell Richardson
Graphic Design: Chad Swigart, Tera Swigart, Philip Ortiz (Kansas City Version)
Devotional: Fruit of the Vine
PUBLISHER
Barrell is the Juvenile Justice Ministry Director for Youth For Christ Houston which provides a myriad of enrichment activities, Bible studies, and mentoring for youth throughout Harris County. Learn more: facebook.com/YFCJJM/
FRUIT. Magazine is a publication of Freestyle Ministries, Inc. a non-profit 501(c)3 whose mission is to equip and encourage at-risk youth and youth within the juvenile justice system to grow spiritually, develop and maintain positive lifestyles, and use their God-given gifts and talents to create change in their generation.
Julie Waters Columnist: Hey Ladies Julie is an attorney and director of Free The Captives - an organization that fights human trafficking and helps girls who have been involved in prostitution, stripping, and dancing. Learn more: freethecaptives.com
If you are interested in supporting Freestyle Ministries, Inc., please donate online at: producefruit.org, or you can send a check to: Freestyle Ministries, P.O. Box 580668, Houston, TX 77258. We will provide you with a copy of FRUIT. magazine as a thank you for your gift!
CONTACT James Odom Columnist: Gangs 2 Glory James is the founder of Alternative Behavior, an agency that specializes in street gang education. He also serves as the Gang Programs Coordinator for the Harris County Juvenile Probation Department. Learn more: alternativebehavior.org
Here at Freestyle Ministries, we love to hear from our readers! Freestyle Ministries, Inc. FRUIT. Magazine P.O. Box 580668 Houston, TX 77258 E-Mail: tswigart@gmail.com Phone: 832-423-3126
Web Address: producefruit.org
Chad Swigart
Graphic & Web Design Chad oversees graphic elements of both print and online versions of FRUIT. magazine. Chad is a freelance videographer, video editor, graphics designer, web designer, and musician. Learn more: chadswigart.com
FOLLOW US www.facebook.com/FRUIT.magazine fruitmagazinefsm @fruit_magazine 1
CONTENTS - ISSUE 16 PRODUCE: art & writing of our readers
6.
FRUIT OF THE VINE: forgiveness by Sevin 26. LOCAL FLAVOR: resources 28. THE INBOX: the cost of violence 29. FEATURE: SEVIN- saved not soft 32. LESSONS IN LYRICS: fall by Sevin 39. FRESH PICKS: music & book recommendations 40. GANGS 2 GLORY: when hurt people hurt people 42. HEY LADIES: stop running 44. CLEAN: gray death 46. 2
WHY I STARTED FRUIT MAGAZINE TERA SWIGART
I
just wanted to take a minute to tell you why I started FRUIT. magazine. As a teenager, I witnessed many of my friends struggle with depression, loneliness, and anger. Many of them had serious issues at home with absent,
abusive, or drug/alcohol addicted parents. I saw them (and sometimes myself) turn to drugs, gangs, sex, running away from home, cutting, etc. to deal with these feelings and problems. I still have countless letters from friends who grew up in juvenile facilities and group homes - missing dances, friendships, family, and freedom. I witnessed broken-hearted family and friends at way too many funerals for people who died way too young due to drug overdoses, drunk driving, gang violence, and suicides. It was surreal. In the midst of all this turmoil, I was lucky to have two amazing parents who prayed for me and my friends, welcomed them into our home, and taught me to seek God during those times. I still made lots of mistakes, but I had a solid foundation to go back to. When I was 19 years old, I lost one of my best friends. We had been close since we were six years old, playing together at school and home. We grew up together. He spent a lot of time “locked up� and was finally out and I thought the worst was over, but then he died of a drug overdose. I was devastated. I was done. One day, while I was walking and praying, I told God that I just wanted to be free from the hurt. I told Him I was tired of being angry at Him and that I wanted Him to clean me from all those ugly feelings. At that very moment it started raining! It was overcast and you may call it coincidence but in my heart, I knew it was an answer to prayer. He was listening. I walked home like a kid, splashing in puddles and enjoying the rain rather than hiding from it. My dad came out and joined me. Anyway, that day I realized that I could become bitter and cynical about all I had seen or I could do something to try to prevent other people from having to go through it. I began mentoring and teaching art at the Fort Bend County Detention Center at 19 years old and later worked for them planning enrichment activities and teaching life skills. Then I went to school and became a Chemical Dependency Counselor and worked as a counselor at three different Harris County juvenile facilities. It was there that God gave me the dream for FRUIT. magazine - to reach as many of these young men and women as I could and share with them hope, encouragement, resources, and gang and drug education in a way that they would hopefully receive and consider it. On top of that, God gave me the vision of publishing their art and writing so they could feel proud of themselves for doing something positive and so that they could use their mistakes to help their peers. I have now been working with youth in the juvenile justice system for 16 years. I love these kids. You wouldn’t believe some of their stories - makes my past look like a fairy tale. So, I appreciate every encouragement and every cent that you give to allow me to continue working with them. This magazine is my heart and my passion. All the glory goes to God; He has surprised me every step of the way!
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produce! art & writing of our readers M
atthew 7:20 says, “Thus by their fruit you will recognize them.” We want YOU to “produce fruit” by creating artwork and writing to be published in our next issue! This is a great way to glorify God with your talents and to encourage others. If your work is published in FRUIT., we will mail you a copy of the magazine to have as a keepsake! If you would like to submit any art or writing to be published in FRUIT., please complete a submission form and mail it along with your art/writing to: Freestyle Ministries, P.O. Box 580668, Houston, TX, 77258. You can use the submission form in this issue or download a submission form from our website: producefruit.org. You can also scan and e-mail your work and form to Tera Swigart at: tswigart@gmail.com. ALSO, WRITE US WITH ANY QUESTIONS OR PRAYER REQUESTS. We have lots of people ready to pray for you and answer any questions you may have!
Andrew, 15 6
Dustin 7
Clayton, 15
William, 16 8
Tyler, 15
Daniel, 16
P.
Kadin 9
Jonathan, 17 10
FROM ALONE TO GOING HOME As I was growing up I wanted to be a man so I started skipping school and selling drugs was the plan. One day I got robbed for everything I had. So, I had to face it, this career choice is not the path. A couple of days later I started holding up stores for cash. When I got locked up I thought my life was over until I found God and seen what it felt like to be sober. When I got sentenced to ten years I left God and said, ‘This relationship is over!’ Now it’s been a year and me and God have gotten closer. My court date is coming up so I let God take the wheel and I moved over. God will always be there, no matter what you have done. - Karell, 18 MY LIFE STORY My name is William. I am 17 years old and I’m from Longview, TX. I’ve been on this path for a while. As a child I never knew my real parents - I knew very little. My birth mom did meth while pregnant with me. I never knew my real father because he took off before I was born. I guess that’s where most of my problems came from. I wanted to know who my parents were. I started getting into trouble when I was 10. I was always fighting. At age 12 I was jumped into a gang and started doing small stuff until one night me and the homies decided to rob a store. That’s when I came to TYC. I have 7 years. I go back to court next year. During my time I have recorded multiple rap songs here in our chapel with my homie. I will receive my high school diploma. I am thankful for God and the stuff helping me change my life around. Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Deuces. - William, 17 11
IN MEMORY OF CONNIE LOFTIN It’s been since Wednesday that I found out you passed. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost almost everyone I cared about: James, Paw Paw, Aunt Gayle, and you. I’ve got my mom and everyone else but its not the same. It’s never gonna be the same without you guys. No one in the family supports mom anymore. I love her to death, but I can’t be there for anyone right now. I made a promise to you that I would get an education and get out of TJJD and I intend to keep it. I made mom promise that if she gets the house she wouldn’t sell it and she would let people rent it so she can save enough money to take care of herself. I promised that I wouldn’t get in trouble so I could go home on my 19th birthday in 2020. That’s a long time! I don’t know if I can do it… I’ve been incarcerated since 2013. But I love you and you will always be in my heart. Love you Grandma – forever and always.
12
- John, 16
8
Isaiah, 18
9
Joseph, 15 13
McDonald 14
Joseph, 17 15
Tyler, 15
Kadin 16
Kadin
Kadin
SHORT LIFE STORY I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California – Sun Valley. I lived there till I was 10 years old. Then I moved to Texas. In California, my real mom cheated on my dad, dad found out and beat up the dude. After that I didn’t see dad for a while. From five years old to seven or eight years old my dad was gone. Me and my mom moved in with a neighbor. She started using drugs and physically abused me with anything she could get her hands on. My first time running away was at seven years old. My mom threatened me and I ran. Cops found me the next day and took me back. I was scared to say anything because of my mom. After that, she still continued to abuse me. We then moved in with another neighbor who was 80 years old. When my mom was gone she would feed me and bought me clothes and did things that my mom never did for me. One day my dad called the neighbor and she let me talk to him. He asked if I was happy there. Of course I said no and he told me he was going to court to get custody of me. He eventually did and I moved in with him. My older brother also moved in too. Dad got married and we all moved to Texas. We stayed in an apartment. After a year we moved again and my dad got a divorce because his wife wasn’t treating me right. Dad found somebody else but I committed some crimes so my dad sent me back to California. That’s when I got involved with drugs and gangs and was involved in a shoot out with another gang we were beefing with. I did some crimes out there too and dad called me and said I had to go back to Texas for court. If not, they were going to put a warrant out on me. I came back to Texas and three days later I went to court and got detained. I’ve been locked up since 2015. I get out of the program I’m in next month and I’m committing to changing my life. I can make music/rap and I’m going to finish school. If I don’t get famous by the time I graduate high school I’m going to the military. - Andrew, 15 17
JESUS TAKE MY SINS Jesus take my sin, please take it away. Jesus take my sin, take it every day. Jesus give me your redemption every day. Jesus I worship you every chance I get. Jesus every chance I get is more than enough. It’s more than enough to thank you for what you’ve done for me and everyone in this world. Jesus give me the power to speak your word not only to myself but to the rest of the world. Jesus, now at this time if you know this verse recite it with me: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). - Kadin, 15
TIME AFTER TIME Intro: Roses to pick / diamonds to find / watching the world try to rewind / as long as I have you in my mind / o night. Hook: O time after time / your heart beats with mine / holding you til my very last tear / o night time after time. Verse 1: I hold you dear to mine / close your eyes / don’t even cry / see the stars / and hold my pride / my memories be flashin’ right before my eyes / don’t go and leave my heart with yours. Hook: O time after time / your heart beats with mine / holdin’ you til my very last tear / o night time after time x2. - Tyler, 15 18
Javarrein, 14
P.
David, 15
Preston, 17 19
Latrise 20
Brayden, 14 21
Kadin 22
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Only God Can Judge Me
E
veryone who reads this magazine is familiar with courtrooms; I want to tell you now about the final courtroom (Hebrews 9:27). When you move from this life to the next, an enemy will stand before God and accuse you of breaking God’s laws (Exodus 20:1-9). He will point to you and say to Him, “Everything else was more important to him than You.” He’ll say, “he’s a liar” and “he’s a thief.” Then he’ll say, “he’s dishonored his parents” and “he’s immoral and impure.” He will accuse you at least 10 times, and here’s the problem, he’s right… We have all broken God’s laws, we’re all guilty (Romans 3:10, 23).
However, one last witness wants to speak; His name is Jesus and He will testify on behalf of all who have turned from evil and asked Him to be the boss of their lives. “The enemy has spoken truthfully, he has broken God’s laws,” Jesus will say, “but one thing remains. The accused has turned from his sin. He believes that I died on the cross for all the bad things he’s done. He believes that I am the way, the truth and the life. This person has broken all the laws of God but HE’S NOT GUILTY! I suffered and died on the cross for him and
he believes that My death was for him. He’s forgiven, he’s Mine!” (Acts 3:19, John 14:6). In that courtroom, will the verdict be guilty or forgiven? To begin life with God, confess your guilt. Turn away from evil. Ask Jesus to rule and direct in your life. He wants to testify for you on that day so that you can be with Him forever! (2 Peter 3:9, John 3:16) If you have any questions about what it means to follow Jesus, write to us, we’d love to hear from you!
written by Sam Glass, Missions Pastor, Second Baptist Church Houston
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Salvation / Rededication Response Card
Heavenly Father, I confess to you that I’m a sinner. I believe that Jesus died for my sins, then rose from the dead and ascended into heaven. I’m receiving Jesus Christ as my personal savior, here and now. Thank you for making me one of your children. By the Holy Spirit, I will live for you, all the days of my life. I will find people to help me grow in my understanding of the Bible and to help me stay on the right path. When times get tough I will turn to you first. I know that with you I have a purpose and I will seek to find that purpose and live it out. When I make mistakes, which I will, I will not stay down in shame, but will get back up, ask for your forgiveness, and get back on the right path with you. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice and unconditional love. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
I have accepted Jesus as my savior. Printed Full Name:
I have rededicated my life to following Jesus. Signature:
Full Mailing address: Mail completed form to: Freestyle Ministries, P.O. Box 580668, Houston, TX 77258
24
Date:
25
fruit of the vine devotional
FORGI N E S S BY
F
orgiveness is often very misunderstood. We think of it as something that we must come up with once a person offends us or does us wrong in some way. I’ve often heard people say things like “I just can’t find it in my heart to forgive them” and things like that. It is these statements that go to show that we do not really understand what forgiveness really is or looks like. To FOR-GIVE means to do just that. To GIVE BEFORE HAND. It is imperative to understand that true forgiveness is something that we have in place for a person BEFORE they ever do us wrong. It is NOT something we must muster up in a moment of hurt or anger or pull out of thin air. In the same manner in which our sins were paid for 2000 years ago by Christ, thereby setting forgiveness in place for every sin you or I have ever committed long before we actually did it; in the same way we need to already have forgiveness in place for others long before they actually do anything wrong to us. When they do hurt us, and they will, it simply provides us an opportunity to exercise the forgiveness that is already there waiting for them. Many of us find it hard to forgive certain things whereas other things we can let slide as no big deal. I believe that this demonstrates the fact that we are not righteous in our judgments and because of this we definitely need to leave that function to God. We tend to have an issue with things based on the 26
degree in which they affect us, not necessarily based on what’s right or wrong. If someone takes a dollar from us, we may not react the same as if they took a thousand. But in either case, they did the same thing. They stole from us. In regards to the “big” things, we tend to hold on to them and allow bitterness to drive our heart, our perspectives and ultimately our lives. Many of us also desire to seek vengeance in order to “make things right.” The problem with the whole “eye for an eye” way of thinking is this.... God has promised that in the same way and with the same harshness that we judge one another, He will also judge us. Now that is a problem because God is ETERNALLY righteous, so that means that EVERY SIN you have committed against him is a BIG one and deserving of EXTREME punishment. I have learned that when I focus on God’s forgiveness for me it is much easier for me to walk in forgiveness with others. So many of my homies are unable to break away from the street life because of bitterness they have towards “enemies” due to loved ones we have lost in these gang wars or to in-house betrayal. I have literally seen unforgiveness walk many of my friends into an early grave. If we would allow God to heal our hearts and if we would realize that the same thing I would kill a man for (SIN) I, too, have done in some way shape or form, it would open our eyes to the fact that though we are different at times in behavior, in sinful nature we are all the
same. We have all sinned against the most high God (Romans 3:23) and are in desperate need of grace from him, and also from each other.
Who did the King represent in the story?
It is this truth that causes God to deal with unforgiveness so harshly. His word says, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”(Matt. 6:15). I don’t know about you, but I can not afford for my millions of sins to be charged against me at the end of my life. There is nothing that anyone could do to me on this earth that is worth my eternal soul. I also have grown to realize that as a believer in Christ it’s my job to reflect him. In order to do that accurately I must forgive.... because he forgave me.
What did the king do for the servant when he asked for forgiveness?
Please read the story in the Bible of the man who owed a debt in order to gain a clearer understanding of what it looks like to God when we don’t forgive one another:
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” - Matthew 18:21-35
Who did the servant in VS. 24 represent in the story?
What did that servant do to the other servant who owed him a small amount of money?
Why did this unforgiveness make the king so mad?
What did the king do in his anger towards the servant?
We must understand that in light of what we owe GOD, everything else is a small debt. This is why we must forgive, because we have been forgiven of much, much more by our King. In the last verse of this story (VS. 35) where does it say our forgiveness for each other must come from?
Understand this: forgiveness is an attribute of LOVE. It is impossible to operate in forgiveness if you do not have a true relationship with love. And because GOD is love, it is impossible to have a full relationship with love without having one with GOD. If there is anything in your life that you haven’t let go of, big or small, I urge you to cry out to God right now to heal your heart and fill it with love so you may forgive. Ask him to give you peace so you may move on. If there is anyone who you have a grudge against, please pray right now and ask God to change your heart towards that person so that you can be free. Pray that person comes to know God as well so they too can be free from their sin. Repent of your own sins right now and understand that if you forgive others, you too will be forgiven. God loves you no matter what you have done. Be free in Jesus’ name. 27
local flavor
community resources
DRUG / ALCOHOL ABUSE >ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Phone: 713-686-6300 Website: www.aahouston.org >ALANON / ALATEEN For friends and family of drug/alcohol abusers. Website: www.houstonalanon.org
Mental / Physical Health >BELTWAY 8 SOUTH CRISIS PREGNANCY CENTER The center provides free and confidential support services for those involved in unplanned pregnancies. They also provide classes in prenatal care, delivery, and parenting. Phone: 281-484-0005 Website: lifelinecpc.org >CRISIS INTERVENTION OF HOUSTON TeenLine: 713-529-TEEN is a 24-hour crisis hotline for teens to talk about their problems with other teens who are trained to help. >NATIONAL LIFE CENTER The center provides free services and support to any girl who is or may be pregnant. Phone: 1-800-848-5683 >FREE THE CAPTIVES Free the Captives helps teenaged girls who have been involved in sex trafficking, prostitution, and stripping. We help girls rebuild their lives by providing jobs, mentoring, tutoring, groceries, furniture, spiritual support and more. Website: FreeTheCaptivesHouston.com Phone: 281-901-0794 >MHMRA OF HARRIS COUNTY If you are in a psychiatric emergency or need information, please call 24 hours a day. Phone: 713-970-7000 >NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. You’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Phone: 1(800) 273-8255 Website: suicidepreventionlifeline.org >TRIAD PREVENTION PROGRAM TRIAD provides countywide prevention and early intervention services to divert youth and families from involvement with the CPS, mental health, and/or juvenile justice systems. Phone: 713-295-2500 >UNITED WAY HELP LINE 2-1-1 Texas/United Way Helpline is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in many languages. They have extensive resource lists for help with food, shelter, counseling, parenting resources, etc. 2-1-1 also serves as a primary point of contact during times of disaster. Phone: 211
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SPECIAL INTERESTS >HOUSTON PUBLIC LIBRARIES Get access to Internet, books, CDs, DVDs, and homework help. Website: www.houstonlibrary.org
SPIRITUAL GROWTH >ELEVATE CHURCH Each week Elevate Church shares energetic worship and an inspiring message from Lead Pastor, Brandon Barber. There is no dress code. They believe God cares more about the condition of your heart than your outward appearance. They know you will feel right at home. Services are Sundays at 10am and 12pm. Website: elevatepeople.tv Location: 333 South Jensen Dr, Houston, TX. 77003 >EYES ON ME, INCORPORATED Vision: Eyes On Me Inc. is committed to creating a positive environment using Biblical principles and standards to shape youth culture for lifelong success and stability in the world. Check out their website to see all they are doing and to find a Hip Hop Hope night in your area! Website: eyesonmeinc.com >NGEN RADIO NGEN radio is YOUR music experience. Playing the best in today’s hit music from artists like Lecrae, TobyMac, Skillet, Switchfoot, and so many more. You can listen online or on your phone: NGENradio.com or live at: 89.3 KSBJ HD-2 (Houston), 92.5 KWUP HD-2 (Bryan/College Station), 93.1 FM (Bryan/College Station). >SPECIAL YOUTH SERVICES The Department of Special Youth Services provides pastoral care to youth remanded to juvenile justice centers and placement facilities within the Archdiocese of Galveston/Houston. Special Youth Services also promotes and coordinates pastoral services to youth and their families who are at a high risk of becoming involved with the juvenile justice system. Ms. Franchelle Lee, Director: 713-741-8739 Deacon Daniel Gilbert, Pastoral Minister: 713-320-1915 >YOUTH FOR CHRIST Youth For Christ seeks to engage youth in a variety of programing from Bible studies to mentoring. Website: yfchouston.org Contact: 832-326-3202, brichardson@yfcmail.org *Youth For Christ is in many cities and juvenile facilities across the United States. To find a YFC near you visit: WWW. YFC.NET
inbox adult inmates share the cost of violence
VIOLENCE MAKES VICTIMS OF US ALL I remember a cold breeze caressing me as I stared at my own reflection in the mirror, splashing water on my face, and convincing myself that what I was gonna do was justice. Deep inside, a gut feeling was contrary to the thought in my mind. I had just turned 20 years old. Alcohol, drugs, and poor choices were killing my self-esteem and self-worth. For years I used drugs to help me numb the pain from serious trauma due to years of all kinds of abuse from those who were supposed to care for me. In the other room were a good, influential friend I had met, a friend I’d met from the streets, and four others - a total of six people in the next room whose lives were about to be changed forever. I stared at my reflection and convinced myself that it was time. Everything happened so fast and in less
than minutes a friend was fighting for his life in a puddle of blood and another one was bleeding from the head. It was like a monster-like hurricane had just passed. Monster-like doesn’t even come close to describing the atrocious act of one decision that caused so much pain. So much grief… but the damage had only just begun. No drug or trauma in my past gave me the right to make a decision like that. There is no excuse to justify my actions. And every time I wish I could take it back or wish it had never happened, reality slaps me in the face. Not only the realization that I destroyed someone’s life that night, but that I had damaged every life connected with that decision, including my own. No friend, family, or stranger should experience such pain. Do I wish mercy for this? At times I do but I made a horrendous decision and I am accountable for that. Should I blame my environment, how I grew up, or the influence 29
around me? NO, because I was born with a free will to choose right from wrong. The pain and devastation I caused started in that room and spread. My decision that night was like a giant rock thrown into a pond. The ripples weren’t contained in that room; they overtook family, friends, and coworkers who were not even present. It’s been ten years and the impact is still here. My selfishness left scars on their families and my own. Even though there was no death that night, the scars remain. I don’t know what my victims felt because how can I? It happened to them. I can only imagine - and that doesn’t even come close. I am incredibly remorseful. If his family cries for his recovery, how can I not cry for hurting someone like that? Learning from this decision has been challenging. Sometimes I ask God why I’m not dead. Only God can answer that. So, even though I can’t change the past, I pray for them. I pray for the mothers, families, and friends affected by what I did. I hope they are well and pray for the best for them. I pray for my mother who can’t hug her son. For my nieces and nephews who can’t physically know there uncle. I pray for my siblings who can’t share a normal life with their brother – all because I chose to be selfish and irresponsible. Without my faith and the community of Christian family here I believe I would have lost my mind, soul, and life. I want you to realize that when you make a decision you are not just deciding for yourself – you are making a decision for those close to you and they will experience severe consequences, too. I have lost friends and family. They have lost me. God gives life and he can take it whenever he wants. We only live once, so we have to choose each decision carefully. We have the power, courage, and free will to choose the right way. Make no mistake – a crime of violence not only makes victims of those you’ve physically hurt, it makes victims of your loved ones and yourself as well. I am the last person that has the right to say this, but I pray you make the best decisions that will benefit yourself and those around you. Time doesn’t go backwards but only forward. Make it count. Jesus showed me a love I had never experienced but even though God forgives me, the scars are thick and have engraved my soul and mind. God bless you all and I pray the peace of our Lord and Savior wraps your being in love and Grace. - Jose
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THE SADNESS I stood by helpless as the first responders cut at the twisted metal to free my wife and six-month old son from the wreckage. They laid my wife’s bloodied and lifeless body on the concrete, but when I heard my son’s garbled whimpers I pushed my way through the barriers and grabbed him in my arms. As he seemed to struggle for each tiny breath I felt my own slip away. When his last breath was taken and he died in my arms, a part of me died as well. I remember how the rain began to fall as someone took him from my arms - the loss was complete. Their death came too easy and too quickly that day. I decided in that moment that if I couldn’t be a husband or a father then I’d be everything I wasn’t. I filled that emptiness their absence left by immediately joining the ranks of one of the most notorious outlaw motorcycle gangs of that culture. I filled my new life with drugs, alcohol, whores, guns and violence like none the world had ever known. I was blinded with rage by my own hurt and grief. I made a decision in a moment that actually extended the hurt I felt that day, not just to myself, but to many others as well. With every murder I committed I was actually killing myself over and over again. With every act of violence came a new awareness of the darkness I was creating for myself as I thought it would take me further away from the sadness I fled. I thought I could outrun the sadness, but no matter how far I ran or where I went it was always there waiting for me. I was the sadness now, but I had also made myself the sadness for others in the way I touched and effected their lives. Nobody told me back then that the grief would pass, the hurt would fade away, and I didn’t have to give up or completely forget the ones I loved and lost. Nobody told me that grief was actually a natural part of this process called life - that it was never meant or designed to forever be a part of us and that the sadness it leaves us with. Nobody told me that making life decisions during that period of grief could only extend that time for myself and for others. I thought I wanted to be someone else the day my family died, but I never thought I’d look in the mirror and see me for who I would become. I am the sadness. - Red
WE FIGHT In life we deal with what I call storms or trials. Some can leave us without hope, broken, and devastated. We need to know this is exactly what the devil uses to his advantage when things don’t work out like we would want them to - this is his playground. He wants you to think the worst and act upon those feelings of despair. But this is a battleground and we must fight. We can’t let someone who is already lost be in charge of us. The weapons the devil uses in war are lies, deception, and accusation. John 10:10 says, “The devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy.” When we make bad decisions out of grief, anger, or feelings of hopelessness, we are playing into his hand and he gets the upper hand and will win you. One thing for sure, the devil wants you dead – whatever you think he does for you is ultimately done to destroy you. Read Luke 22:31. Put your name in it because that’s what he does – he sifts you like wheat. This means he shakes you up. The devil puts thoughts in your head like getting revenge to trap you. He wants you because he already lost the big war, so he wants to take us down with him. That’s why we have to fight. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians six shows us that we need the armor of God upon us to protect our thoughts and hearts. We have fought all of our lives for stupid stuff that got us in here and we will continue to do so until we either get killed or live the rest of our lives in prison getting told when to go to bed. We are helping the devil destroy us. We must fight back. Christ will give us everything we need. Philippians 4:13 gives us a ten finger promise, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Believe in Him and quit helping the devil ruin you and whatever you do, fight back! - With Much Prayer, Carl
BINDED BROKENESS Most of us grow up experiencing some kind of devastating pain or suffering. It might be someone we know and even trust who caused it. The younger we are the less we understand about the abuse we experience. We think things like,
“why would someone do this to me?” Am I not worth loving? These questions haunted me all of my young life. I had a low self worth which affected every relationship I would ever have. If I felt and believed I was not worthy to be loved, why would I trust anybody with my heart? This caused me to do two things: harden my heart and perform better than the next man or outdo him. I hoped I would not only convince them but myself that I was enough of a person to be loved and valued. The crazy thing was whenever I felt someone getting close I would do something stupid or crazy to scare them away. The whole time I thought I was protecting myself. When in reality I was slowly killing myself. That sense of emptiness and loneliness became overwhelming. I was 15 years old entertaining the thought of suicide. I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted was for the sadness, pain, and emptiness to go away. I overdosed on pain medication in the motel room my mom and her boyfriend were staying at. I spent three days in the hospital after they got the pills out of my system. I was hoping to fall asleep and never wake up because that seemed like the only time I was not sad, empty, or hurting. You may have these thoughts and feelings right now. Do not believe that lie about yourself. You are a beautiful creature created with purpose and in the likeness and image of the Living God. The devil wants you to believe all the lies that this world has said about you, even your own thoughts. There was only one thing and person that could save me from this leash of sorrow and misery. The love and forgiveness of God through the blood of his son, Jesus Christ. I met the healer of my brokenness and the savior of my soul at the age of 25 in county jail. I have now spent a little over 20 years in prison serving a life sentence. Only by the grace of God I am more free than I ever was. Do not let prison become your place of deliverance. You can be delivered right now where you are. Have faith in the only one that can save you, Jesus Christ. What I failed to mention earlier, is that I thought about suicide again at 17 years old by putting a .357 to my head. Praise God I didn’t pull the trigger because I would have died in my sins and gone to hell. I am healed, delivered, set free, and saved by the blood of my Lord. When that day comes I will go to heaven to be with my Heavenly Father for all eternity where nothing offends. He loves you and invites you into His kingdom. Be a living testimony of his love and forgiveness to others who are broken in this life here and now. - Salvador 31
You
by Tera Swigart
s e e t h at Ruger in his hand glistenin’? / That little shooter thinks you’ll love him if he busts for you / B ut you were just using him for your ambitions / And he couldn’t see nothin’ because he trusted you / He gave his life for your hype / He’s doing life for a stripe / And you won’t even write bro a kite / You need the lil’ homies living wrong to get it on / That’s why you ain’t the one that’s tryin to fight for what ’ s right / F or real / H ope you listen I ain ’ t dissin ’ / I’m trying to plead with you / And every rellie that’s in it done got some influence / The lil’ homies is listened to what you feed / I f you s a i d it he d id it , ain ’ t no coincidence / The big homies raised us to die for ‘em / On the other hand it was Christ gave His life for us / They said that love’s earned / So we would ride for ‘em / But God loves with no return / Somebody lied to us. - EXCERPT FROM “SOMEBODY LIED TO US” BY SEVIN
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W
e got the chance to chat with the HOGMOB founder, and rapper, Sevin. Sevin is more than a rapper – he is a minister. While most artists go out on “Tours,” Sevin goes on intensive mission trips. He’s not trying to build a name for himself or make stacks of paper. In fact, he rarely even checks how many followers he has or how many albums have sold. When his music videos have gone viral, he’s the last to know. He doesn’t read his reviews – good or bad – because he wants to keep focused on why he’s doing this ministry and leave the results to God. He does it all for the Kingdom and makes sacrifices to serve God.
and neighborhoods and didn’t develop any deep relationships. I had poor social skills and had depression and anxiety. There’s a lot I don’t remember. I know certain things happened to me that I don’t remember. My mom is white my dad is black. I struggled with racial identity issues from both sides. I never had things related to me in a way that I could understand. Childhood was pretty confusing. My mom and pops were addicts when I was very young. Then they were delivered from drugs cold turkey after being saved and becoming Christians. After that I was raised in a really strict religious home. I kind of learned the religion of Christianity as rules, not as a relationship.
He seeks out people to disciple, and meets them where they are, how they are, and speaks truth in love. He’s not interested in selling out big stadiums – he’s not trying to get in those bright lights and receive glory that belongs to Christ. If that’s where God leads him, no doubt he will give all the honor to Him. But he plans his missionary trips to some of the hardest and most neglected hoods in the country. He plans block parties in these neighborhoods to reach those who won’t buy tickets to those big stadiums. His goal is to connect with the people he is ministering to through his music and teaching. His music is the same – he keeps it real – even if it may be uncomfortable for the average Gospel Rap listener. If you look up his music on Spotify you’ll see “Explicit” beside some of his songs – not because he’s dropping any F bombs, but because of the rawness of what he addresses in his lyrics.
I was really involved in church, but by being so involved you see the good, but you also see the bad. You see the hypocrisy of the people - not of God or the word of God, but of the people representing Him. I grew rebellious and hard-hearted against it because of some experiences I had with the church culture. I lost affection for Him. I didn’t doubt His existence, but I did doubt His love and His power to change things.
He knows he’s not perfect and doesn’t pretend to be. He’s lived the street life and knows to minister on the streets he can’t sugar coat things. So while he isn’t perfect, his music documents his journey to become more like Christ and to bring light to the darkness that threatens to swallow up whole communities. His heart for people is real also – to the point that he has chosen to remain single, celibate, and has gone years choosing to be homeless so that his time and his resources would be free to go wherever God led him in Ministry. As a father he takes time completely away from music to pour into his child in his hometown of Sacramento, California. If you want to find someone real – someone who knows where you’re coming from and truly wants to be your spiritual brother – then ladies and gentlemen, meet Sevin.
TERA: We are excited to share your story with our readers, so let’s jump in. Tell us a little bit about what it was like for you growing up. SEVIN: I was born in the Bay Area (California) but we moved around a lot, I was always switching schools
I suffered from depression really bad as a kid. I lost my blood brother when I was thirteen years old. He was pretty much my first real friend, the one kid that befriended me and it made a big impact on me. We became blood brothers. We had moved away and I was on my way to visit him and when I called to make arrangements his little brother told me he’d been killed in a car accident. There were five people in the car and he was the only one that died. I’d just talked to him last week. When you suffer from social abuse and you only have one or two people you are close to and they die, it feels like something was deliberately taken from you. It really hurt me. It took me almost ten years to fully get over it. I had been around death before, but this was my brother. That’s what led me to self-medication, risky behaviors, drugs like promethazine and alcohol to numb the pain. That set a pattern of behavior that didn’t fully end til about 6 years ago. I had self-mutilation (cutting self) with depression and had homicidal and suicidal behavior. I was emotionally unstable and my parents looked down upon it. They didn’t want to believe I was that messed up – and there was a lot I didn’t tell them. I felt disconnected from my family. That made the gang lifestyle attractive to me. They (his parents) didn’t teach me how to live on the streets where I lived. I felt like I couldn’t make it if I only relied on them. At 13 I became an active Blood member from Oak Park - that was my identity for a long time. As I got older, I became more and more rebellious and resentful to the point that when I was 17 I’d developed 33
“I knew my lil bro
was going to die
‘cause he was a very active gang member . But the fact that God
had told me to share the
Gospel with him
knowing he was going to die and
I didn’t do it was what got me.”
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a hatred toward God and Christianity. I denounced Christ. I had started praying to the devil for things. I got deep into this rebellious relationship that left me demonically tormented.
to develop personal disciplines in your own strength won’t work. You’ll never be good enough on your own.
TERA: When did things begin to change?
SEVIN: I had started falling back into the world and got a girl pregnant. She was having twins. I had a breaking point and I went out of town. Before I left town went to see another lil bro - we were really close. I was saying goodbye and God told me to preach the Gospel to him but I was too ashamed ‘cause of how I was living. When I got out of state I broke down and felt like this whole ‘serving God’ thing wasn’t going to work if I needed money. I had a homey who planned to commit a robbery that probably would have resulted in murder. I was cool with that – my mind was made up. Later that day I got a phone call that my baby’s mom was in a car wreck and had lost the babies. Later that night I got a call that my lil bro was shot. He was still alive when they called me. He was laying in the street and died while I was on the phone. I lost my kids and my lil bro in the same day. That was the first time I ever involuntarily fell to my knees - in an alley, at this trap spot. I remember screaming at God, ‘If you’re tryin’ to do me like you did Job - just do it all now. I want everything right now!’ I felt God say, ‘I just did.’ From that point on it really woke me up to the fear of the Lord.
SEVIN: The same night that I talked to my father and denounced Christianity I went into my room and put a gun to my head. While I was sitting there with the gun to my head, crying… this wasn’t the first time I’d done this, but this time I was in a really bad place. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and hatred. Then out of nowhere, the Spirit of God just literally fell on me and in an instant my heart changed. It was like God came and hugged my heart. I can’t explain it any better than that. I was crying out for help - but not to God, I didn’t think God would help me. After that I was radically changed. The Friday before I was at school selling drugs with a pistol. On Monday I was at school with a Bible. It wasn’t like anyone had preached a new Gospel to me or that I had a new revelation. It was like Paul. When I read that in the book of Acts it really resonated with me. I had been fully hating God and church. I’d made a conscious decision to follow Satan. I was on that path. It was like in that moment in my room Christ showed up and struck me blind and gave me new sight. At first I was super ‘on fire’ for him. Then I made some compromises. I’ve been a loyal person my whole life and that’s one of my downfalls. My loyalty was still to my peers and the neighborhood at that time, so I was doing some dirt with one of my homies trying to help him out. I was already involved in ministry when I was still doing this. How people in ministry dealt with me when I went to jail made me lose respect for the Church. I had been trying to do street ministry but could never get people to come to the streets. I felt like that was disgusting and fake. I wanted to rock with God but I still had a real issue with being labeled as a God-follower and constantly put myself in wicked environments. I was homeless for most of my twenties and felt like sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive. Then the drug and alcohol addiction made it impossible for me to serve the Lord. At the end of the day I was still serving myself – sex, drugs, alcohol. Times Christ was leading and other times demons came back and would run me. I had this lukewarm lifestyle for a long time. I was trying in my own strength. I didn’t know about the Holy Spirit at that time. There was so much I didn’t know about how the Spirit will not fulfill the work of the flesh. That it wasn’t just trying to follow His rules on my own. Trying
TERA: What got you back on track with God?
The Bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 1:7). I knew my lil bro was going to die ‘cause he was a very active gang member. But the fact that God had told me to share the Gospel with him, knowing he was going to die, and I didn’t do it was what got me - I was preaching to groups but couldn’t do it then because I was trippin’ again. I never wanted to fail that way again. So I started seeking God more from that point on - not even mad at Him, but having a healthy fear of Him – it was all His anyway. That’s where my inspiration came from. What’s the point of life if everything I have, I can lose it? So, I needed to put myself into something that I couldn’t lose.
TERA: What made this time different? SEVIN: A friend walked me through scripture and showed me the difference between the life I was living and the life the Bible says a Christian should live. My friend did this in love, sitting down with me and going through God’s love with me. Once I saw this stuff in the Bible, for me it just planted a seed in me and the Holy Spirit was able to take control and I’ve been persuing him after that. I started praying differently. I started acknowledging God’s power to take these things off of me. I started not accepting things like, ‘I 35
“E verybody
is a fan of violence at some point until it happens to them. We’ll go to an action movie where hundreds of people are killed but we don’t think anything of it. We watch cops kill people in movies all the time and it doesn ’ t bother us . B ut if you’ve grown up in the hood and that drug dealer was your uncle - then there’s a problem . T he older people invited it in through media. What we are seeing is the youth actually living it out .”
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need to pop pills just to sleep at night.’ I started using God’s word to fight these battles. I started using the authority I didn’t know I have. Think of it like this: If someone came to you and dubbed you a Queen. Now, that’s only beneficial if you understand the authority and dominion you now have. You may call yourself a Queen from time to time but you aren’t going to change anything because you don’t understand the identity that comes with that the power and authority that come with a oneness with God. I had to start studying these things for myself and believing and walking with what the Bible says. I still struggle with a lot of stuff but it’s nothing like it used to be. I used to struggle with dangerous depressions for months that now only last for minutes. Now I refuse to think on negative things and the Bible says to renew your mind (Romans 12:2) and to take captive your thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5). You couldn’t have paid me to believe I’d have joy or peace - or not use drugs before. That’s what the enemy gets us to believe - that those things are who we are, our identity. It’s not that He made my life easier- He made me stronger. Like if you work out, the weights don’t change, the ability to lift them changes. They didn’t get lighter; you’re just stronger now. Another little bro that I’ve been mentoring just died two weeks ago, how I handle these things now is nothing like I did before. It doesn’t have me like it used to.
TERA: When did you decide to start pursuing music? SEVIN: When I first started writing music, doing music, it was like a hobby - nothing I took seriously. But once I realized I could use music to influence my peers like gangsta rap did, and I never saw myself in college or with a 9-5 career, I started persuing it.
TERA: What does your life look like now? SEVIN: Ministry is my life. My life is ministry. I want to be for others what I didn’t have - that spiritual guide, that spiritual big brother that pushes his brothers towards Jesus and away from what may be harming them or attacking them. I’m always trying to find ways to serve others. That helps me stay on point. Sin is basically selfishness - pride. If you live to serve the best interest of others it makes it almost impossible to live a lifestyle of sin because I can’t serve others if I’m selfish. I remind myself everyday what God did for me - the Gospel. I spend more time thinking about what I do
have than thinking about what I don’t have. I work on not coveting what others have. That’s what this culture is about - stepping on people to get what you want and feeling inadequate if you don’t have what they do. I try not to go any extended period of time without prayer, reading His word, serving others, or being in iron-sharpening-iron conversations with a brother in Christ. Church isn’t something we go and do once a week. Church isn’t a building, its an organism - you are either a part of it or not. I’ve pretty much given up unnecessary things like my house and I’m still single, because of how dedicated I am to persuing this mission. In my areas of weakness I’m asking God to give me strength and mercy.
TERA: Not too long ago there was a story on the news about a horrific mass shooting at the First Baptist Church of Sutherland Springs, TX. It seems like we have seen more and more of this type of violence. What do you think can be done to create a less violent society? How do we respond? SEVIN: Everybody is a fan of violence at some point until it happens to them. We’ll go see an action movie where hundreds of people are killed but we don’t think anything of it. We watch cops kill people in movies all the time and it doesn’t bother us. But if you’ve grown up in the hood and that drug dealer was your uncle then there’s a problem. The older people invited it in through media. What we are seeing is the youth actually living it out. In this specific situation I put together a worship night for that tragedy in that city. We set up an event for their community to bring some leaders out and meet some needs and to just show the love of God. During times like this people say, ‘Oh where is your God now?’ We show that by doing what He would do and being who He would be. They ask ‘Where is your God now’ not understanding that seeing these tragedies actually shows God’s word is true. As a society we let things get this way. We are seeing tragedies and systematic degradation of moral constraint across all humanity. More and more lines between right and wrong are being blurred. I don’t know those people, but they were worshiping just like I was that Sunday and my heart was moved and I felt like - the Church just took a major blow. The world is confused right now. A lot of people have honest questions about God and His love, right now. So we can show His love by helping these people and grieving and mourning with them. Christ was inter37
“Tomorrow isn’t promised. Y o u a r e g o i n g to fa c e suffering either way. At least with G od , there ’ s light at the end of the tunnel
vention incarnate. We had an issue - we were headed for hell. We could do nothing to change that. Christ did it and made a way. He did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We need to be doing that for our communities.
TERA: Tell us a little bit about HOGMOB (Hooked On God / Ministry Over Bizness) and how you are able to keep focused. Sevin: I encourage people - don’t focus on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. I didn’t have any Christian homies and I was still in the street and had to survive. So I started my own family - HOGMOB. I started to recruit people into the family to start a relationship with God like me. We’re basically a huge discipleship and accountability network. Really, we are just a church. Look at the Bible and the original church - we try to share our resources and help our brothers how we can - something we’re all called to do. We have a pen pal program for youth and adults who are incarcerated as well, where we connect with them and provide discipleship materials. I am also building a discipleship school right now where people can signup and go to school online with a full curriculum. It’ll be good theology and stuff that they can relate to. The Bible is hard to relate to. I think we aren’t loving the youth enough to study the Bible enough to translate it into another culture. But where is a Bible that relates to Urban youth? They literally speak a different language and have a completely different culture than suburban America. 38
- eternal life.”
TERA: What would you like to say to our readers? Sevin: That I love them. God definitely loves them. I know that being in their situation, it may be hard for them to accept Him. You always know when God loves you ‘cause you get caught. God disciplines those He loves. The purpose of discipline is to put you back on the right path. You can’t say He doesn’t love you if He puts you in a position to see Him. Also if you’re receiving this message He has also made a way for you to receive a message of salvation and to be in touch with different ministries. The question is not does God love us, but do we love God? That’s fine if you don’t right now, but what do you love? Because nothing is going to be there for you like He is. I encourage you to put Him to the test like I did. I didn’t believe but I started crying out and praying – not ‘get me out of trouble’ - I deserved what I got, but ‘give me strength to endure this.’ He says sometimes our prayers aren’t answered ‘cause our prayers aren’t righteous. When I prayed about serving Him better and about being a better friend, then He started showing me that. Take advantage of this opportunity before it’s too late. Tomorrow isn’t promised. You are going to face suffering either way. At least with God, there’s light at the end of the tunnel - eternal life.
- CONNECT WITH SEVIN -
WRITE HOGMOB: http://hogmob.com/pen-palz/ LISTEN: soundcloud.com/sevinhogmob FOLLOW SEVIN: www.facebook.com/sevinhogmob
lyrical fruit lessons in lyrics
Fall
[Intro] Yeah..It’s been two years man, seems like forever tho, it does. I’m back with a new focus man, praise God, you feel me? Heavenly Father give me the words to speak to your people, please. Yeah! Let it fall! What’s mobbin? Let’s go!
[Verse 1] I ain’t got no time to sit and dream, I am wide awake The world be putting me to sleep, I’m so tired to fake Even if I’m doing bad I’m well aware that God is great And if you don’t believe in that, then relli. I do not relate! Word of scripture in my soul, heading out the state Before you hit the road man, you better had your product straight The game is reptilian, feel me man? There’s a lot of snakes If your heart ain’t in a proper place, You are the wage! (You are the way) Put your flesh on top the plate and let him operate I promise all your trials is going to eventually accomplish faith I feel you really, I do..I too grew up dealing With depression, and a lot of hate Aggression and a lot of pride Stressing like it’s my mistake ‘specially When my daughter died, (Rest in peace girl) Test became my lesson is a blessing, I’ve been modified It was prophesied upon me that I overcome Crazy how it took the night, to help me get to know the Son I’m standing reppin’ only for my testimony Hoping it will bless ‘em when before me you where stressed and lonely You been predestined homie (Come on) Repent of all your sins (Do it) You got enemies, and they the ones you call your friends (Open your eyes) We need him for freedom in him it all begins Created in his image, when it’s finished, they gon’ call us twins This is more than just a song that let the music move you (Why) What’s important is I’m gonna introduce Him to you [Hook]
by Sevin
We came here to bless your name, Came here expecting rain Let it fall It’s more than a stage or show we need you to save our soul Let it fall [Verse 2] Yeah, and he was... Born from a cave and rose from a tomb The Holy God became a slave absorbing our doom We took him to court, tortured him, tore open his wounds From the abuse of the bride blood poured from the groom His actions then exposed the way he loved us tho Melted my heart, it was frozen like a tub of snow He died to save us what greater love has another bro? While I’m the one he chose to cover for? (I will never know) Unmerited grace, yes I know I’m blessed How could I ever have earned life when I owed him death? A sinful male he got the right to throw me into hell He paid the price, posted bail, No one’s in my cell No one’s in your grave, you prove resurrection power Flesh devoured in the cloud, by which your blessin’ showers Last days it gotta be your prophesy reflects the hour All hail the Rose Of Sharon, such a precious flower [Hook] [Outro: 1 Peter 5:6-11] “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in Your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your Brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
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fresh picks
music reviews
FROM THA PARK TO THA PALACE
BRIGHT CITY
Artist: Sevin & Sevin Duce Genre: Hip Hop
Artist: Bright City Genre: Indie Rock / Pop
This is extremely real and raw Christian hip-hop
The album’s Executive Producer, Martin Smith shared,
bubble” or to get radio play. Sevin’s ministry is to the
project, and we were intentional about writing the
that doesn’t censor itself just to fit into the “Christian streets and so his lyrics remain incredibly transparent about what he has fought through, and what he grew up seeing.
“Some of the writers are only 19, 20 years old on this songs that we loved, that we wanted to write, and not copying anything that had come before.”
The track, ’Colour’ really sets the standard. The song This honesty brings authenticity to the content of his opens with a lovely piano and a strong powerful volyrics and therefore ministers in a profound way to cal, but takes a different turn with its clever dance beat those still in similar struggles. He never compromises that creates a creative underlying tension to the song. the message of hope in Jesus Christ or waters down Colour is a special song; sometimes you can’t explain the truths of the Bible. special music in words - you just have to listen. . He also brings Christian hip hop to a new level with his Musically, this album is not just powerful, it’s also elcreative lyricism and tight beats. Sevin is a real G but egant and beautiful; it’s creative and engaging and it’s most importantly, a real man of God glorifying Jesus all about our Creator. This is an album that is creative in all his songs. Sevin is doing great things and this musically, fresh sounding, and honest. This album is a album is one of the best albums to date. Pick this up. must. It’s an amazing album; you won’t regret it! 40
- Jono Davies
book reviews
fresh picks
OBSIDIAN MIRROR
7 STEPS TO KNOWING, DOING, AND EXPERIENCING THE WILL OF GOD FOR TEENS
Author: Catherine Fisher Genre: Fantasy / Fiction
Author: Tom, Mike, and Daniel Blackaby Genre: Nonfiction
God is ALIVE, and He wants you to know it. Not only
The Obsidian Mirror. Its power is great and terrible.
great way to do just that.
through it, and the future annihilated by it. Or this is
that, He wants you to know HIM. This devotional is a
Seven Steps to Knowing, Doing, and Experiencing the Will of God for Teens goes deeper than just knowing about God. It also guides you to partner with God in what He is doing all around you, to make an eternal difference in this world.
Based on the world-renowned Experiencing God teachings, Tom, Mike, and Daniel Blackaby (Henry
Men have been lost in it, the dead brought back to life what will happen unless the mirror is destroyed. Three people seek the mirror: the first has been sent from the future to shatter its power; the second will protect
the mirror at all costs, obsessed with its power; and the third needs the mirror to find a murdered father
and save his life. But only one can succeed. The mirror can send you to the past, but it will not bring you back.
Blackaby’s son and grandsons) utilize illustrations,
With superb world-building that includes the real world,
earnest, yet humorous, look at what it means for
astonishing adventure is the start of a new trilogy from
true-life stories, and fresh graphics as they take an teenagers to have a vibrant personal relationship with God in their often challenging environments. - publisher
the faery world, and a dystopic future, this hauntingly the master of the sci-fi/fantasy genre, Catherine Fish-
er. Fans of Orson Scott Card, Shakespeare, Grimm, and Blade Runner won’t be disappointed.. –publisher
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gangs 2 glory by james odom
WHEN
HURT PEOPLE EVER HEARD THE STATEMENT, “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE?” I overheard this comment while listening to a Joyce Meyer podcast, a Christian author and speaker. It took a few minutes to process but when I really gave it some thought, it resonated in my mind. The idea of hurting someone just because you’re hurting too made so much sense. I immediately thought about the many times I worked with juveniles in the detention center. I had the opportunity to interact with kids that were hurt, angry, and depressed. Although they never acknowledged these feelings, in some occasions, they were the result of their violent behaviors. Take for example the kid just granted custody of the Chief and sanctioned to a secure residential facility for three months. He gets to his placement site and immediately begins to regret his decisions. Was it worth robbing that person? Did I really need to steal that car? Is having money so important that I risked my freedom to get it? He’s upset, mad at the world, and hurting inside. The only thing that brings a sense of normalcy is the communication between himself and his loved ones back home… mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt or a grandparent. But what if this communication is never established? What if no one shows up to visit with him during visitation? What if no one takes the time to write him a letter and say I love you, hang in there, you’ll be home soon, we miss you? What if there’s no way to establish phone contact and his case worker reports they’re unable to locate his family because they moved or relocated without informing the probation department? As you would imagine, this kid begins to experience feel-
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ings of hurt. It hurts him to see everyone else visit with their family. It hurts him to hear everyone else get their name called when mail arrives. It hurts him to know that everyone else will go home while CPS is still searching for his nearest guardian. Eventually, hurt turns to anger, and anger turns to rage. It’s not long before the staff working at the facility has countless interactions with the kid that are negative… fights, confrontations, verbal disputes, and displays of violent behavior. You see… hurt people, hurt people. So why does it make a hurt person feel better to hurt someone else? How does hurt change you? Does hurt lead to bitterness, anger, and rage? These are not easy questions to answer but based on my own experiences, I can share how hurt changed me as a young kid. Unfortunately, I came from a family that provided many opportunities to be hurt. We didn’t have money, we never went out to eat, we shopped at thrift stores and stood in line at the Salvation Army for Thanksgiving dinner. My father and I drifted apart and lost our emotional connection when he began drinking excessively. We got into physical confrontations that sometimes resulted in the police showing up to sort things out. I lost my mother to cancer at 16 years old and my world crumbled around me. I transformed into a snapping turtle. I developed a protective shell that hid my feelings and snapped at anyone or anything I felt was trying to hurt me. Interestingly enough, I saw my personality unfold in a scene from the movie Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail (2009). There’s a part in the movie where Madea is court-ordered to see Dr. Phil to talk about her Anger Management issues.
,
,
HURT PEOPLE Check out the script below. Madea: I don’t get angry, I keep trying to tell you and that judge that I don’t get angry. Somebody do something to me... ...I do something to them. That’s common sense.
who got me. I’ll get them first. You get me, I’m gonna get you.
Dr. Phil: So you believe in getting even?
Dr. Phil: Why is it so important? Madea: Okay. I’m tired of you asking me all these questions. I didn’t sign up for this. It’s the judge that told me to come here ok. Everybody wants to get even. Everybody wanna get even.
Madea: Hell to the yeah.
Dr. Phil: All right, all right.
Dr. Phil: Why do you feel the need that you gotta get somebody all the time? It’s like “Get him, get him, get him.” You don’t think that’s angry?
You see, sometimes hurt transforms a person into a snapping turtle. There’s a desire to protect yourself from the environment around you. You lose trust in society and feel like everyone is trying to get you. In return, like Madea, you’re ready to get the “gotters” before they get you. Hurt is just the initial feeling that begins to change the person you become.
Madea: If they: “Got me, got me, got me,” then I gotta get them, get them, get them. That’s what it is. Dr. Phil: What you call getting got...is a whole lot different than what other people call getting got. It doesn’t take much to get you, does it? Madea: Well when you getting got, and somebody done got you, then you go get them. When you get them… everybody’s gonna get got. Dr. Phil: But if you’re getting somebody that you say got you...when they didn’t get you to begin with...then you’re getting the gotters when they didn’t do anything to get you. Madea: But if the gotters get me, I’m gonna get my Glock. Dr. Phil: Yeah, well... But you don’t get the Glock when you hadn’t been got. Madea: What I’m trying to explain, I don’t care
I’m no longer that snapping turtle I once was. How did I change? I changed my environment, I changed my friends, I changed my goals, the way I think, the decisions I make, and most importantly… I cared enough about myself that I had a desire to become a better person. I wanted people to be proud of me, I wanted to live a normal life, and I simply got tired of destroying everything and everyone around me. Sounds a lot easier than it is, huh? Don’t get overwhelmed, just care enough about yourself to get started. Don’t let the hurt in your life destroy the possibility for success in the future. Look, we all have scars, we are all shaped by the experiences of our past. But don’t let the past interrupt the present. Remember this, “You can’t do the same thing and expect a different result.” If you want change in your life, you have to do things differently.
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hey ladies column for our female readers
Julie Waters, Attorney and Director of Free the Captives
STOP
RUNNING I
f you are reading this, more than likely you have been on the streets. You know what it means to be kicked out of your home or running away from somewhere you don’t want to be. You leave your house, and you spend a couple of nights with your homeboy or homegirl. You don’t stay long because you don’t want to wear out your welcome. You go from house to house, and most nights, you wonder where you will go next. Maybe you were in fostercare, you’ve run so many times you can’t even keep count.
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Being on the streets, running away, being homeless, whatever you want to call it is so very dangerous. You know it is. You’ve seen the fights, guns, drugs, rape and maybe even murder. But it can also be thrilling. You are on your own. There are no rules. You can do whatever you want. But one thing you may not have considered while on the streets is the high risk of being sex trafficked or being pimped out. Pimps are looking for girls, as young as 12 years old, to lure into prostitution. At first, an older guy notices you on the street. He
knows you don’t have anywhere to go. He pays you some compliments, calls you “Bae” and takes you to get some McDonald’s. He makes you feel special. He begins to text you non-stop. He gets jealous if he thinks you are talking to some other dude. He wants you to be with him all the time. Pretty soon, you fall in love (or lust) with him. You hook up with him. You are with him constantly. Then, Bae thinks you should start sleeping with other men for money. He tells you it is easy quick money and that you can have anything you want afterwards. Your hair and nails will be always be on point. You can have Gucci bags. You’ll never have to worry about where you will be staying again. It is super easy. So you do it. You hate the way it makes you feel. You take bars or other drugs so that you feel nothing. You hate being with the men, but the money is addictive. It feels so good having all that money in your hands. At the end of each night, you proudly hand over all the money to Bae. And as easily as the money comes in, it goes out. You spend everything you earn. And other girls make him a lot of money too. You begin to realize that you are not that special. You were just a part of his stable. And eventually you will be caught. The police will find you. If you are reading this, you’ve know what I mean. You will always be found. It is usually not a matter of “if I get caught,” but it is “when I will be caught?”
So here you are.
You never thought running away would lead to prostitution or sex trafficking; but it does. All too easily. When you runaway, you have no place to stay, no food or money and pimps know this. They will pretend to love you in order to use you. And now you are in jail. And you can’t run. It is time to face those demons that made you run. Because if you don’t, you will run when you get out. And if you are on juvenile probation and you run, you will just end right back in jail. So right now, you have some time to think and to get help. If it is available to you, take advantage of therapy. Talking about your feelings and problems is very important. If you can talk to a therapist, please do. Don’t just sit there and say nothing. The more you can talk about what has happened to you (rape, being abused as a child, physical abuse…), the better you will feel. It is when you keep these feelings inside, that you start to feel bad and act out. You may lash out at everyone and get into fights for no reason. Do NOT be afraid to face your past. Yes, it will hurt. But you can do it. God is with you. The Bible says, “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13) God is with you. He will never let you go. You can face your past; you can talk about what has happened to you. God will help you. Here is another verse about God helping us with our fears. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4) God is always with you. He loves you. Ask God to help you share and talk about what is bothering you. Ask Him to help you deal with the pain and to give you the words to say that will release years of anger, shame and fear. You, my friend, are meant for so much more. God loves you. You are his precious daughter or son. Keep your eyes on him. Find truth, strength and healing in his words, the Bible. You are enough. You are loved.
Julie Waters is a lawyer and works with girls who have been in the life. Through her nonprofit, Free the Captives, she helps girls involved in sex trafficking, prostitution and stripping in Houston, TX to rebuild their lives by providing jobs, support groups, groceries, GED tutoring and more. You can write to her at Free the Captives, 2211 Rayford Road, Suite 111-418, Spring, TX 77386. 45
Clean living a healthy lifestyle by Tera Swigart
A
new and insanely dangerous mixture has been hitting the streets and taking out lives. The name is accurate. It is called Gray Death. Gray because the substance has the appearance of concrete or pavement. Death because one use can kill you – but you won’t hear that from the street because they are trying to make a profit off of your ignorance and don’t care about what happens after they get their money. Real talk. Gray Death is a mixture of different synthetic opiods. There is no standard mix, but it often includes: Heroin, Fentanyl, Carfentanil, U-47700, Furanylfentanyl, and other Fentanyl-like molecules. It may also include cocaine, crystal meth, or powdered additives. Many of these drugs can kill in single doses on their own. Carfentanil is used as a tranquilizing agent for elephants and other large mammals. The lethal dose range for Carfentanil in humans is unknown. It is 10,000 times more potent than morphine and 100 times more potent than fentanyl, which itself (Fentanyl) is 50 times more potent than heroin. Now imagine it in a mix. That is terrifying. There is also no way of knowing how much of what is in each batch – meaning there is no dose amount that is safe. One dose may be 10x more potent than another of the same weight. Two of the recent overdose cases were friends who were using the substance together. One injected it and the other snorted it. The IV user immediately overdosed and lost consciousness and the other overdosed and lost consciousness while attempting to perform CPR on his friend. This is no joke. In fact, this drug is so dangerous that microscopic amounts floating in the air have caused overdoses to those not even using the substance. Accidentally handling the drug may cause it to be absorbed through the skin and can lead to overdose. 46
How Much Can Kill The Average Person
Signs of opioid overdose include: pinpoint pupils, respiratory depression (trouble breathing), bluish tint to the skin, clammy skin, lower body temperature (cold to the touch), unconsciousness, confusion, unresponsiveness (won’t answer you), passing out, and seizures.
...MICROSCOPIC AMOUNTS FLOATING IN THE AIR HAVE CAUSED OVERDOSES... You are the eyes and ears for your friends. We are hoping that you will do whatever you can to educate them on the dangers of Gray Death and protect them from coming to harm. You may be the one who saves their life. If someone you know takes this substance, call 911 immediately. Remember, sobriety is always the best option. You know the enemy is out there like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour… he uses drugs and addiction to swallow families and communities whole. Don’t let him take yours. sources: recoveryfirst.org / DEA.org / The Powerful Street Drug That’s Puzzling Authorities,” CNN. 13 May 2017.
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