Issuu

L E mG A C Y agazine

celebrating life with ser vice member families, couples, and spouses

IN MEMORY OF

LTC (Ret.) James Lee Farris

â€œ

I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude. BrenĂŠ Brown

It is with much joy and anticipation that we present the inaugural issue of Legacy Magazine to you. We will be forever grateful to our team of contributors, interviewees, supporters, and communities who so quickly captured the vision of Legacy. What began as a small seed of inspiration and hope has been transformed into a celebration of the variety of meaningful paths available to our unique service member community. Our belief that every individual is designed on purpose and for a purpose, with the ability to better themselves and their communities, has been made evident throughout this project. My personal journey within the community began back in 2009, while pursuing graduate studies in personal, professional, and relational counseling, with an emphasis on how these areas related to military culture. It was during this time that I discovered that our brains are hardwired for story, and neurologists suggest that narratives and creative expression have the power to change not only the writer, but also the reader. Through a strength-based approach, we incorporate elements of personal narrative, creative expression, and self-development to further equip and inspire individuals in their endeavors. As you flip through the pages of Volume I, you will notice that the publication has been divided into nine personas which represent the attributes courageously demonstrated by this community. While a reader might naturally gravitate toward one or two of the personas, we believe different seasons call for different strengths. It is our hope to offer the voice of a friend and mentor during times of celebration, transition, and growth. We believe truth is attractive and that individuals are hungry for substance and depth amidst all the noise. Legacy Magazine is a space where we can join together and encourage each other in embracing the season weâ€™re in, while aiding in the sculpting and refining of our messages, our missions, and our professions. Thank you for joining us in this celebration of launching positive change within our greater community. MAY WE CULTIVATE CURIOSITY WHILE CHOOSING CLARITY OVER CHAOS, CELEBRATE CREATIVITY WHILE CHOOSING CONNECTEDNESS OVER COMPARISON, AND CURATE CONFIDENCE WHILE CHOOSING COURAGE OVER COMFORT.

All the best,

Abi

Abi Ray, LMFTA Editor-in-Chief

The Legacy Team EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Abi Ray DIRECTOR OF DESIGN Leslie Brians DIRECTOR OF DEVELOPMENT Katie Christy MANAGING EDITOR Kimberly Bacso

Contributors

WRITERS Melissa Batzer

Megan Casper

Jennifer Pate

Julie Benson

Sarah Farrell

Abi Tomberlin

Michele Bradfield

Katie Christy

Laura Vien

Elizabeth Boardman

Stephanie Howell

Corie Weathers

Jeannie Carpentier

Betsey Moyer

Nichole Weakley

PHOTOGRAPHERS Melissa Batzer

Rachel Garrison

Kelsey Lafferty

Skylar Rain

Julie Benson

John Gessner

Kendra Lee

Sami Roy

Erin Brady

Tysha Hallman

Jocelyn Marie

Morgan Slade

Erika Michelle Carrion

Ethan Jago

Abi Ray

Christine Waller

Hailey Faria

Maria Johns

Amy Rae

Kara Webb

Mattie Tiegreen

Brittany Winnie

I L L U S T R AT O R S Joanna Dee

Lana Gibson

Contents

CRUSADER 6

The Brave Life by Megan Casper

Achieving Balance a profile on Amy Lou Hawthorne

Breaking the Leadership Myth by Katie Christy

C U R AT O R 16

Making Memories for Mattie Lue by Laura Vien

An Intentionally Designed Life a profile on Torrance Hart

Raspberry Thumbprint Cookies by Melissa Batzer

CONFIDANT 28

Timeless Pieces for Hosting by Sarah Farrell & Betsey Moyer

Receiving is in the Giving a profile on Lauren Tamm

Active Listening by Katie Christy

C R E AT I V E 38

Thinking Outside the Box by Julie Benson

The Bag Lady a profile on Cameron Cruse

Design Your Own Winter Greenery Wreath by Jennifer Pate

CHAMPION 52

Guided Intention Setting for Physical Wellbeing by Katy Christy

Wander, Cook, and Savor a profile on Caroline Potter

Intelligent Exercise by Jeannie Carpentier

CAREGIVER 66

Holding Down the Fort by Abi Tomberlin

Love is a Verb a profile on Leia Capps

Strength for our Daughters by Dr. Nichole Weakley

C O N T E M P L AT O R 78

Serenity in Flow by Michele Bradfield

Rooted in Intention a profile on Diane Jago

Holiday Reading List by Stephanie Howell

C A T A LY S T 88

Thriving vs. Surviving by Elizabeth Boardman

From Isolation to Ignition a profile on Sundi McLaughlin

Bloom Where You are Planted by Katie Christy

COACH 96

Climb the Ladder to Your Highest Potential by Corie Weathers

Making Things Happen a profile on Lara Casey

104

Strong Relationships by Katie Christy

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THE BRAVE LI F E WRITTEN BY MEGAN CASPER ï¿½ PHOTOGRAPHY BY HAILEY FARIA

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hen we think of bravery, we so often think of the young,

who is the very reason you moved away from all those you love in the

strong soldier fearlessly running into battle, flag held high,

first place. It’s not easy for a spouse to kiss his wife and kids then turn

throwing caution to the wind because he knows he has waited for this

to board the bus or plane that will put him on his way to danger. No,

moment. He has readied himself through months of training, physically

these things aren’t for the faint of heart.

and mentally. He has learned to work as part of a team and respond quickly to challenging circumstances. Chances are, he is even a person

This life makes you brave and bravery is beautiful.

who thrives on the challenge the battlefield brings. Despite all of the hard things, this life is beautiful because it calls us But what about everyday situations? In the lives of service members and

to really live. We don’t always have the luxury of sitting behind a desk

their families, where does bravery exist outside of the battlefield?

and just working for the weekend. Service member families have the privilege of doing the hard things, by force or by choice, which when

Bravery is courageous behavior or character. Behavior. You can learn to

you think back, are the times we really grow. The hard things not only

be brave. If you are a service member, or married to one, I would argue

make us strong, compassionate, more engaged, and wiser. They also

that you are already brave. You have had to do hard things, think scary

make us brave.

thoughts, and choose to keep believing and walking forward. When we come to the other side of hard times, times we thought we Hope in the face of fear, and the will to keep going when the darkness

couldn’t survive and yet we somehow did, we learn what we are made of.

creeps in, is bravery. It is asking for help, admitting when you are wrong, sharing the burden with others, and coming alongside each

We often learn we can do it again and we just might be able to do

other to fight the daily battles.

something even harder. Perhaps we even look back and laugh at ourselves for thinking we couldn’t make it. Or maybe we just laugh in

Bravery can be seen in almost every aspect of our military lives. It’s in

disbelief that we did make it.

the face of the woman single parenting while her husband is deployed. It’s in the heart of the man who looks at his wife and children one more

Experiencing so much gives you permission to find your real strength,

time before he boards the plane to a country that isn’t his, knowing

the strength you didn’t know you had. Yes, there are many times when

he might never return to the one he calls home. It’s in the voice of a

you may have thought, “I don’t want this experience. I don’t want to

child asking his momma again, “When is Daddy coming home?” as a

be tested and strengthened.” There have been countless times when we

single tear he couldn’t hold back rolls down his chubby cheek. It’s in

don’t walk through the hard times with grace and patience. However,

the eyes of the woman who’s been told the cancer is back, but this time

we learn. We can learn that bravery is a behavior that we can develop.

it’s everywhere and she might not live to see her son return from his

We can choose our response and remember which resources got us

deployment. Bravery shows up in a marriage when the loneliness of a

through before. Often just remembering what we went through before

busy schedule takes over and the desire to think someone else is better

makes the difference.

creeps in, but you choose to honor your vows anyway. You find bravery in the moment your friend shares that she just can’t take it anymore.

Bravery is something to be gifted to others in the military life as well.

The overwhelming pressure of bills, the kids, the dog, the dishes, and

Just as a seasoned soldier mentors a younger one, other members of the

no one home to help is crippling her.

community can teach each other how to keep pushing forward during inevitable trials.

It’s not for the faint of heart to leave everyone and everything you know when orders come in to move across the country or the world. Then

Bravery is behavior to be learned, and a trait to give to others, which just

when you get there you find out a deployment or long training is on the

might be the best part -- learning to live the brave life together.

horizon, so now you will say goodbye to the person you love the most,

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Achieving Balance Amy Lou Hawthorne finds fulfillment through faith, family, and service I N T E R V I E W BY A B I R AY � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY E R I N B R A DY A N D K E N D R A L E E

Not only is Amy Lou Hawthorne a crusader in the truest sense of the word as a U.S. Army oﬃcer leading other soldiers, but she’s also

W H AT A D V I C E W O U L D 1 8 -Y E A R - O L D S E L F ?

YOU

GIVE

YOUR

an active voice for social and religious matters. Her responsibilities

Little Amy, don’t run from your mistakes. Own them, speak truth

with the U.S. Army are a full-time job, but that doesn't keep her

over them, and change. Humility is beautiful. Jesus loves you. When

from running an influential blog where she campaigns on matters

you feel alone, He is always near. You’re going to be an amazing

of relational commitment, motherhood transitions, and spiritual

wife and mama one day and then you’ll realize why life has played

redemption.

out this way. You’re molding, you’re growing, and you’re learning. Keep fighting and don’t ever give up. One day you’ll have a voice of

TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF

encouragement and others will want to listen.

I’m a lover of creating family traditions, celebrating holidays, exploring the great outdoors, and coffee. I’m passionate about my

HOW DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND MEET?

faith, my hubby Blake, our two little girls, Everly Brynn and Hadley

I love this story! I was 24 and had just graduated from Auburn

Rae, and of course our little beagle, Bella. I’m a proud, active duty

University and had started helicopter flight school for Army Aviation.

Army aviator by day and a mamapreneur creative by night. I love

I was set up on a blind date with an 18-year-old by one of my best

throwing parties and hosting events, but I’m secretly a closet introvert.

friends. Now, age is just a number…but maturity is a different story.

Most days you can find me cuddled up on the couch with my family,

It was horrible! A couple weeks later she said, “Hey Amy! There’s

sipping coffee, and watching the movie Moana.

someone else I want you to meet!” I completely refused and told her how horribly the first date went and that I just didn’t think she knew

W H A T I S Y O U R F A M I LY H E R I T A G E ?

my taste. Long story short, she kept insisting and I gave in and went

I was born and raised in the South and love fried gizzards, collard

on another blind date. Blake pulled up in his truck, which was already

greens, and sweet tea, but my heart belongs in the great Northwest. I

a win, and I saw his chiseled jaw and bald head, and it was game

blame humidity and allergies for the preference, but I also crave the

You’re molding, you’re growing, and you’re

endless mountains and outdoor activities. My mom is from South Korea, and I’ve visited all of our family there 18 times. I am so proud

learning. Keep fighting and don’t ever

of my Korean heritage! Blake was able to meet my Korean family while we were stationed there and to this day, it’s one of my greatest

give up. One day you’ll have a voice of

blessings. I love teaching my girls about the Korean culture, and we hope to adopt from there one day.

encouragement and others will want to listen.

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over. I may be weird, but I loved his bald head. We went out for

before I was okay with it. Once I accepted it, he and I learned how

Mexican food and the rest is history. Just three short months later

to feed off of each other in situations where I am more comfortable

we were engaged, and a month after that we had a secret courthouse

and vice versa. I share this because if young couples aren’t careful,

wedding in a small town in Alabama. Two years later, we finally had

their opposite qualities could lead them away from each other. I think

a ceremony in Fiji. It was well worth the wait. Fiji is breathtaking!

balance is key in relationships. It’s great to have similarities, but it’s also great to have differences.

W O U L D YO U AG R E E T H AT O P P O S I T E S AT T R AC T ? I F S O , H O W D O E S T H I S P L AY O U T I N YO U R R E L AT I O N S H I P ?

W H AT L E D YO U T O P U R S U E A C A R E E R I N T H E M I L I TA R Y ?

Part of me agrees, but part of me doesn’t. I think we definitely need

The Army is truly all I know. I was born and raised in Fort Knox,

someone who can balance out the qualities we may not have. For

Kentucky. My dad was in the Army for 30 years. When I started

instance, I was not financially savvy. Blake on the other hand is

college, I initially accepted a ROTC scholarship to help pay the

incredibly talented with finances, real estate, and investing. When we

tuition. After I joined ROTC at Seton Hall University, I realized I

married, I had nearly $100,000 of debt. Because he had a passion for

had a passion for serving. I transferred to Auburn’s ROTC program,

finances, he taught me so much. It was incredible, and four years later

which was one of the best in the country, and fell in love even more

we were debt free. However, I also think that if people are too much

because of the camaraderie, the patriotism, the selflessness, and

the opposite, that can actually work against them. Blake can be very

the challenge. Everything inspired me and pushed me to want to

serious when he first meets someone. Quite frankly, a lot of military

be better, and that’s what really gets me going. In the military, I’m

men have that stoic personality. To some it comes off as cold and

surrounded by like-minded individuals who genuinely care about this

rude, and that was diﬃcult for me to understand and accept for the

country and the people in it. That makes my heart swell with pride

longest time. It was actually embarrassing to me. I, on the other hand,

and encouragement to serve.

am very bubbly and energetic when I meet someone for the first time. H O W D O YO U A N D B L A K E N AV I G AT E B E I N G D U A L - M I L I T A R Y A N D R A I S I N G A F A M I LY ?

It wasn’t until my marriage counselor made me realize that Blake’s behavior is not because he’s mean, but that’s just his personality with

It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I always tell people that serving as a

people he doesn’t know. He takes a while to open up, and he’s been

mother is challenging, but being dual-military with kids is on an

that way forever. I had to learn this behavior and truly understand it

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entirely different level. Many parents work with children, but I think

this country, I’d die a happy girl. But there are so many other things

it’s the long hours, and sometimes days, weeks, and months away

I enjoy doing too. I love Bible journaling, crafting, hiking, camping,

that makes the military aspect even more challenging. The constant

playing softball, watching college sports, traveling, coffee shop dates,

changes that our little girls go through make them so resilient, and

and photography just to name a few. I wish I were a professional hip

I think that’s what keeps Blake and me strong. Seeing how well our

hop or salsa dancer. I’d like to think I’m a Jane-of-all-trades (sadly, this

girls adapt to new sitters and new schedules is admirable and we are

does not include professional dancing). I find fulfillment in so much.

so proud. Our biggest challenge is time management. Because both of and on the weekends, and that can be difficult to manage. My biggest

W H AT I S O N E T H I N G T H AT G R O U N D S YO U ? W H AT I S A S O U R C E O F A F F I R M I N G J OY YOU GO TO?

advice to dual-military families is to maximize time on the weekends

Eating watermelon on a hot day on my back porch with my daughters.

and alternate free time during the week. Blake and I work out our

Throwing the softball with my hubby in our front yard. Going house

schedules over the weekend and ensure we each know what things

hunting in beautiful neighborhoods and talking about our future

our schedules are so hectic, we both want breaks when we get home

have to be done during the week. Our

dream home. Reading a book by the

time together as a family during the

fire with hot cocoa. Sitting in a hot

week is limited, but that just makes

tub in the mountains overlooking

every second together that much

snow-capped summits. Dyeing Easter

sweeter. At the end of the day, as with

eggs. Picking pumpkins. Cutting

any marriage, prioritizing our family

down

is critical.

traditions keep me grounded. They

Christmas

trees.

Family

remind me of my upbringing and WHEN DOES A HOUSE BECOME A HOME TO YOU? W H AT BRINGS JOY IN YOUR HOME?

my heritage. They remind me that no

Honestly, I think love makes a house a

modernized this world becomes,

home. As a wannabe interior designer

making

who loves home décor, rearranging

traditions with my family will always

furniture, and a good DIY project, I

keep us grounded. I want my girls to

think it’s easy to get caught up in the

appreciate the genuine sincerity of a

Pinterest-worthy aspects of making

hand-written letter and face-to-face

a house a home. Since we have to

conversations.

matter how technologically advanced, complex, chaotic, controversial, and memories

and

creating

move so often with the military, it’s I T ’ S N O E A S Y TA S K B E I N G A C R U S A D E R F O R F R E E D O M , F A M I LY , A N D F A I T H , Y E T YO U M A N AG E T O D O A L L T H R E E . W H AT K E E P S YO U M O T I VAT E D ?

imperative for us to quickly settle down into new places and find peace within the walls of that new location. As soon as we sit back, see the kids playing, and Bella sniffing away, we know we’re home. The love that fills the walls is all that’s needed when it’s all said and done.

I’ve been through so much in my 31 years of life. I know that I have a story that needs to be told. I know my mistakes and trials have a

W E K N O W T H A T Y O U R F A M I LY , C O U N T R Y , A N D H O M E A R E O F G R E AT I M P O R TA N C E T O YO U. W H AT E L S E D O YO U F I N D F U L F I L L I N G ?

purpose. I’m so often asked, “How do you have the courage to share such deep and personal stories of failure?” The answer is always the

You’re so right. My family, country, and home make up most of my

same. It’s easy. I am helping young women make better choices for

world, and if I died just having my faith, family, and my service to

themselves and their families. I’m reminding them that even though

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God knows the depths of their hearts, He still loves them. I’m sharing

the simple things in life that made 2017 so beautiful -- dirt roads and

my stories of depression and hearing how much other women needed

dirt-stained knees, sidewalk chalk and bubbles, small-town parades

to know that they aren’t alone. If I don’t share my story, then I’m

and family dinners, dance recitals, and hundreds of miles and miles

not healing and it remains a painful memory deep in my mind.

of untouched land. I pray I remember these things then and can slow

With every message that I receive from friends, family, and complete

down, take a sip of coffee, and just look around at God’s green Earth.

strangers thanking me for being transparent and vulnerable, I heal.

I want to embrace every finite detail that sits before me today because

That’s what keeps me motivated.

before long, it’ll be gone and my little girls will be mothers, leaving their own legacies for their little ones.

W O U L D YO U S AY S E L F - C A R E P L AY S A N I M P O R TA N T R O L E I N YO U R L I F E ? W H AT A R E S O M E P R AC T I C E S YO U I N C O R P O R AT E INTO YOUR ROUTINE? Absolutely, but I’ve only recently appreciated the role it’s played. Before I became a mother, I was in wonderful shape. I was an athlete, trained for figure competitions, and lived in the outdoors. Since having two little babies, my physical appearance has greatly changed, not because I stopped caring, but because slowing metabolism is a real thing. And so are donuts. I’ve recently started making physical fitness and a healthy nutrition a habit, and I’m a firm believer that we can turn habits into routines. I also know self-care isn’t just about outward appearance and have self-care mechanisms in place for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I have my daily morning devotionals with candles lit, praise and worship music playing, and a warm cup of coffee. I also have (unplanned) cry-it-out sessions with the hubs to let out all of my frustrations and anxieties and to just have a good heartto-heart talk. Given my demanding profession, it’s important for me to find the mental balance between work and family, and self-care is critical for my mental health. W H AT A D V I C E W O U L D Y O U R 6 0 -Y E A R - O L D SELF GIVE TO YOU NOW? Your metabolism never got faster, so stop eating donuts - haha! Truth be told, I fear the future. Not because of some crazy natural disaster, politics, or hate. I fear the future because I’m afraid we as a society are going to lose sight of the simple things that made us who we are. I know when I’m 60 and gray, I’ll be telling my grandchildren about

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W H O S E L E G AC Y L E F T A N I M P R E S S I O N O N YO U A N D W H AT W O U L D YO U L I K E YO U R LEGACY TO BE? My parents provided me with legacies, and they probably don’t even realize it. My sweet Korean mother gives me a legacy of having a giving heart, compassion for others, and social acceptance. My handsome Vietnam Vet father leaves me a legacy of integrity, Southern charm, a killer softball arm, and selfless service. I can only pray that when my daughters are asked one day, “Whose legacy left an impression on you?” that they respond with “my parents.” If they do, then we’ve done it right. I pray to leave them a legacy of humility and grace -- that in all things, if you remain humble and honest, your character will shine. I want them to chase after grace rather than perfection. I want them to try their hardest in all that they do, but to never be afraid of failure. I want them to learn from their mistakes, and get back up and teach others what they’ve learned. I want them to laugh without fear and cry without hesitation. I want them to love everyone, absolutely everyone, with all of their hearts. Mostly, I want them to love God and to look to Him every step they take. If I can teach my girls these things, my legacy will still live on.

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BR EAKING / THE / LEADERSHIP / MYT H W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

Leader. When you read that word, what image pops into your mind?

Challenging leadership myths and paradigms definitely happened

Up until last year, when I heard the word leader, many different images

during the four-day event. Our group quickly bonded as we listened

would appear -- a seasoned oﬃcer giving orders on the battlefield, a

to inspirational keynotes, participated in educational sessions, and

middle-aged man providing guidance in a boardroom, or the captain

tested our skills in experiential learning events. For me, the best part

of a sports team. Although I could easily see many different types of

of the program was the chance to develop my personal leadership

leaders, there was one image I struggled with assigning this moniker

philosophy. It was during this exercise that I, for the first time, owned

-- the one in the mirror. For some reason, I never defined myself as

my role as a leader. With the help of an amazing group of women,

a leader. It seemed too formal or too experienced. After all, I didn’t

I stopped trying to force myself into a preconceived notion of what

actively manage a large group of employees or have people coming

a leader was supposed to be and started defining what a leader was

to me for advice on a regular basis. Furthermore, being a service

to me, and more importantly, what sort of leader I wanted to be.

member spouse living amongst professional and well-defined leaders

The process was enlightening and invigorating. It felt so good to shed

in a hierarchical world only further entrenched this leadership stigma.

the shackles of negative self-talk and externally express my internal

Once I became aware of this dissonance though, it really began to

beliefs. I had finally reached a place to be able to embrace my good

bother me. Why was I so reluctant to embrace the title of leader?

friend and mentor’s favorite quote by John Quincy Adams. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and

As the universe often does, I was lucky enough to confront this

become more, you are a leader.”

reluctance head-on when I was offered an opportunity to attend an open enrollment program with a prestigious leader development

Even if you are not in a formal leadership position, you are a leader,

organization. I jumped at the opportunity and although my

but to lead others effectively, you must first lead yourself. How does

excitement never waned, I did have to contend with a good deal of

one go about doing that? The answer is actually quite simple -- invest

trepidation and self-doubt around how I would be perceived and

time and effort into developing your own leadership philosophy. If

received in this group of “actual” leaders. I was so excited to invest in

you are like me, you may be questioning whether this is a worthwhile

my development, personally and professionally, and spend some time

exercise, but I can guarantee that the benefits you and those around

challenging my self-inflicted leadership myth.

you will see from your heightened clarity will be worth the investment.

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A FEW S I MP L E S TE P S T O B E G I N F R A M I N G YO U R OW N L E A DE R S H I P P H I L O S O PHY:

WRITE DOW N YOU R TOP T E N COR E VA L U E S

TAKE THE GA L L U P S TR E NG THS F IND E R â„¢ ASSESSMENT ONL INE A ND F IND YOU R T O P FIVE SIGNATU R E S T R E NG T HS

CHOOSE THE 3- 4 S TR E NG THS/VA L U E S T H AT RESONATE MOS T WITH YOU

EXPAND EAC H P OINT TO E X P L A IN WHAT I T MEAN S TO YOU A ND HOW YOU U S E IT

COMBIN E E AC H OF T HE S E INTO A S INGL E DOCUMEN T THAT F L OWS NATU R A L LY AN D PRESEN TS A HOL IS TIC P IC TU R E OF YOU A S AN INDIVIDUA L A ND L E A D E R

After you have developed a rough draft of your leadership philosophy, have a few trusted friends or mentors read your philosophy. Find out if they think it accurately sums you up. Inquire whether there is a key aspect to your personality/leadership style that seems to be missing. Most importantly, ensure that your philosophy is broad enough to apply to multiple situations, but specific enough to provide clear intent. I am a leader. There I said it. And I mean it! I lead my clients by sharing my expertise and experience so they can live a more fulfilled life. I lead my family by making decisions on activities for the children, which church we will attend, and what sort of food we will consume. I lead my peers in a local group of service member spouse entrepreneurs. Even though I may not give orders on the battlefield or provide guidance in a boardroom, I do have influence over my life and the lives of those I interact with on a daily basis. I encourage you to spend the time crafting your leadership philosophy so you can intentionally leave a legacy of leadership.

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| curator |

Making Memories for

Mattie Lue WRITTEN BY LAURA VIEN â€¢ PHOTOGRAPHY BY TYSHA HALLMAN

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| curator |

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When our first baby was on the way, it’s fair to say my favorite pastime was designing Mattie's nursery. It gave me a huge sense of purpose to create a room in which both she and I would be spending a lot of time, and it gave me an enormous sense of accomplishment once it was completed. When people think of a nursery, they may imagine a themed room, or

is. I’m not much of a DIYer or a painter. The record player that rests on

what a typical boy or girl nursery would look like with pinks, blues,

top plays records from collections belonging to my parents and me --

little animals, or Disney characters. I’m not your typical kind of gal,

everything from Led Zeppelin to The Flaming Lips. Sometimes instead

so when I started thinking about how I wanted to decorate her nursery,

of bedtime stories, Mattie and I have dance parties.

I knew I wanted it to be one-of-a-kind. Growing up with a love of antiques, American history, and a passion for nature, I knew I had to

There are touches of my grandmother, Mattie’s namesake, all around

make this nursery a sanctuary -- a sanctuary for Mattie and me.

the room. Before we moved to North Carolina, you could always find me in my grandparents’ attic, rummaging through their history,

A moody rich color palette makes the nursery feel restful and

looking for anything that struck my eye. My grandmother has always

sophisticated. The gold accents and old charm add a one-of-a-kind look.

had a thing for birds. We are ornithologists at heart and have collected

The mid-century modular chandelier fills the space with a nostalgic

everything bird for as long as I can remember, with the 1976 C. Harper

glow. An old changing table with a heavy marble top was in my Papaw’s

Eagological Event lithograph being one of my favorite finds. It’s a perfect

workshop for years. I kept it around and have used it for a makeup

representation of a mother and father looking over their baby bird. It’s

table and a desk, among other things. I left the white chipped paint as

how I see Richard and me looking over our sweet Mattie in our own

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nest. The bird prints above the white modern crib were hanging in my great grandparents’ home in Evansville, Indiana. I reframed them with some inexpensive Ikea gold frames. The remaining accents make this nursery super playful. A key piece for me was the campaign dresser which doubles as a changing table. My parents hauled it to North Carolina from Tennessee the day before Mattie was born. The stylish design gives the room a pop of color and the gold hardware adds a touch of glam. The statement wall above the dresser holds an antique mirror trimmed in dark wood. The Wurzelsepp from Germany was a gift from Richard’s mother when we first started dating. It is a good ghost carved out of the Black Forest pine root. He watches over the room and protects it from bad things. The antique Japanese pheasant canvas screen discreetly hides the nursery monitor and is a perfect backdrop for the recliner. The butterflies in the corner above the mother-in-law’s tongue provide the room with a sense of tranquility. My brother gave them to me when I visited him in San Diego while he was stationed at Coronado Island. They have always brought me peace and have provided me with a constant reminder of the emergence of life. With the major life experience of having a new baby, the butterflies simply remind me that transformation is a beautiful part of life. The shapely woven baskets all around the room bring a natural touch to the modern accents, and they help keep clutter out of the way. The Kilim-bordered thick wool area rug is the perfect blend of comfort and style. It’s a perfect place to lie down, play, and watch Mattie Lue grow for years to come. The indigo dye crib sheet with matching changing pad cover brings a perfect print to provide a unique design -- a great Etsy score. We PCSed last summer. I wasn’t able to bring this room with me, but knowing that this was Mattie’s first nursery brings me joy.

I knew I wanted it to be one-of-a-kind. Growing up with a love of antiques, American history, and a passion for nature, I knew I had to make this nursery a sanctuary â€“ a sanctuary for Mattie and me.

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An Intentionally Designed Life How Torrance Hart of Teak & Twine cultivated her natural talents into a career I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY S K Y L A R R A I N

Listening to Torrance describe how she curates her home and business

color scheme?’ From there, I started collecting different items made

immediately transports you to a sunny reading nook full of comfy

by small companies and putting together different combinations of

furniture that invites early morning snuggles, cozy family breakfasts,

gift boxes.” She then took the combinations she was putting together

and afternoon reading sessions. “We get a lot of our items when we

and tested them on social media. “I encourage other entrepreneurs to

are traveling, so each piece reminds us of an amazing trip that we

put their ideas out on social media to see which ones resonate with

went on. We also prefer to hunt for one thing that we love to bring

their audiences. It helps you get your ideas out there yet still remain

into our home instead of just filling the space with more things. We

flexible.”

definitely have some minimalist tendencies.” Torrance’s clean and simple Scandinavian design aesthetic also translates into the branding

Flexibility and putting yourself out there with a positive attitude

colors for her business, Teak & Twine. “I just noticed the other day

seem to be the keys to success for Torrance. After serving as an

that our branding colors -- white, pale grey, and some bolder blues

intelligence oﬃcer in the Air Force for eight years, she made the

and greens -- are exactly what is in our house.”

decision to get out and pursue her entrepreneurial dreams. “I've always been adventurous with an entrepreneurial streak. I was that

When curating beautiful, meaningful objects for her home or

child with a landscaping business and lemonade stand on the corner.

business, Torrance loves finding pieces and products that have simple,

Entrepreneurship is something that always appealed to me and it was

clean packaging with modern typography, but also have meaning.

something that I knew I could bring with me to different bases since

“We love products that have a really cool story or are made in an

my husband was staying in. After researching different niches in the

interesting way. For example, a third-generation beekeeper makes our

market that she could fill, she founded Teak & Twine while still on

honey, Burmese Refugees craft our little market brand candles, and

active duty. “I did both for a year, which is something I recommend.

at-risk women in Chicago create our Teak & Twine branded candles.

There's a lot of talk about taking the leap to quit your job and start your business, but I gained a lot of sanity from doing both at the same

Teak & Twine is much more than just honey or candles. It is a thriving

time. It was less stressful and I felt like I was actually able to take on

small business that makes custom gift boxes for corporate and client

more risk by doing both together.”

gifting, weddings, and other special events. In their gorgeous online store, you can choose from twenty different combinations of gifts they

Mastering the side hustle while still employed in a traditional job

have specially curated for a variety of occasions. Or they are happy to

is not the only lesson Torrance would like to share with budding

create something especially for the person you want to celebrate. “I

entrepreneurs. She encourages others to find similarities in what they

was seeing gifts that were just cellophane baskets that didn't reflect

are good at and enjoy doing in their current careers and see how they

anything about who sent them. I asked myself, ‘What if I created gifts

can apply those things in their businesses. “Going from being an intel

containing great products with packaging that reflects one cohesive

oﬃcer in the Air Force to running a gift box business seems like a

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I WANT MY LEGACY TO BE THAT I INSPIRED CONFI D ENCE IN PEOPLE. complete 180, but they are surprisingly similar. Both jobs require you

deserts of New Mexico. “This most recent PCS was the toughest for

to be organized and diligent. Even though it’s different clients and

me. Not only is Clovis a really small town in the middle of nowhere,

missions, my days are still filled with inbox management, filling client

but it was the first move for me where I was moving somewhere for

requests, keeping a timeline, and being accountable.”

someone else. I was used to being the service member and moving for my job so it was a tough transition for me to make mentally.”

Another key lesson Torrance has learned as a service member and

Thankfully, she was able to get through this challenging situation by

service member spouse is that happiness is a choice. “You will be as

focusing on continuing to grow her budding business, making her

happy in a place as you decide to be. I've been stationed at a lot

home a small oasis of things she loves, and meeting new friends.

of places that people told me were horrible or boring, but I always had fun at those assignments because to me, it’s really about enjoying

It’s unimaginable that Torrance has a problem meeting new friends.

wherever you are. It’s a decision that you can make ahead of time and

It is clear that she is a cheerleader and advocate for anyone looking to

it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

pursue new ideas and avenues. “I want my legacy to be that I inspired confidence in people. When I find out someone has a dream that they

Those words ring especially true for Torrance now as she just

haven’t pursued yet, I always want to dive in and find out more about

completed her toughest move yet -- from the beaches of Florida to the

why they haven’t. I can't help myself. I want people to dive in!”

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Raspberry

T HU MBP RI NT C O OK IE S R E C I P E A N D P H O T O G R A P H Y BY M E L I S S A B AT Z E R

THESE DELECTABLE COOKIES ARE BOUND TO BECOME A HOLIDAY STAPLE IN YOUR HOME. THE BEST PART IS THAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL NEVER BELIEVE THEY ARE A VEGAN, GLUTEN-FREE, AND NATURALLY-SWEETENED TREAT.

| curator | PREP: 20 MIN | COOK: 8 MIN | YIELD: 24 COOKIES 2 TABLESPOONS FLAXSEED MEAL 5

TABLESPOONS WARM WATER

CUP COCONUT OIL, MELTED AND SLIGHTLY COOLED

CUPS ALMOND FLOUR

CUP COCONUT FLOUR

TEASPOON ALUMINUM-FREE BAKING POWDER

¼ TEASPOON FINELY GROUND SEA SALT

COMBINE FLAXSEED MEAL AND WARM WATER IN A SMALL BOWL. SET ASIDE. MELT COCONUT OIL. SET ASIDE TO COOL SLIGHTLY. PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 F. LINE TWO MEDIUM COOKIE SHEETS WITH PARCHMENT PAPER. SIFT TOGETHER THE ALMOND FLOUR, COCONUT FLOUR, BAKING POWDER, AND SEA SALT IN MEDIUM BOWL. DISCARD ANY ALMOND SKINS THAT WON’T SIFT THROUGH.

CUP COCONUT SUGAR

TEASPOON ALMOND EXTRACT

⅓

CUP FRUIT-SWEETENED RASPBERRY JAM

WHISK TOGETHER THE COOLED COCONUT OIL,

CUP VEGAN WHITE CHOCOLATE, MELTED

FLAXSEED MIXTURE, AND ALMOND EXTRACT IN

(OPTIONAL)

STIR COCONUT SUGAR INTO FLOUR MIXTURE.

MEDIUM BOWL UNTIL MOSTLY COMBINED. ADD WET MIXTURE TO DRY MIXTURE AND STIR UNTIL COMBINED. DOUGH WILL BE CRUMBLY BUT MOIST. LET SIT FOR 10 MINUTES. ROLL THE DOUGH INTO ONE-INCH BALLS AND PLACE TWO-INCHES APART ON THE COOKIE SHEETS. MAKE A THUMBPRINT HALFWAY DOWN INTO THE MIDDLE OF EACH COOKIE. PINCH TOGETHER CRACKS THAT FORM ALONG THE EDGES. FILL INDENTATIONS WITH SCANT 1/2 TEASPOON JAM. BAKE EIGHT MINUTES OR UNTIL COOKIES JUST START TO BROWN ON THE BOTTOM. DON’T OVERBAKE. COOL FOR FIVE MINUTES ON THE BAKING SHEET, THEN GENTLY REMOVE TO A WIRE RACK. DRIZZLE WITH MELTED WHITE CHOCOLATE IF DESIRED. PLACE IN AIRTIGHT CONTAINER AND REFRIGERATE UP TO FOUR DAYS.

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TIMELESS PIECES FOR HOSTING

WRITTEN BY SARAH FARRELL + BETSEY MOYER ďż˝ PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN GESSNER

uch like the little black dress bills itself as the perfect frock for any party, we often seek similar pieces for our homes that can pull double duty. Classic furniture and housewares can create a personal and collected space that represents

us and our families to our guests no matter our station in life. As a service member family, youâ€™ll likely see your furniture being packed and unloaded from a moving truck more times than you care to count. Optimistically speaking, a change in duty station can be an opportunity to reinvent your home, but on the downside, uprooting every couple of years can be a disorienting process. We set out to ease the transition from assignment to assignment. Here are five pieces for the home that are always in style. They have classic lines. They are durable and suitable for all kinds of lifestyles. They can move with you and your family, from house to house, ensuring that each new spot feels like home within days of arrival.

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an iconic

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LEFT: Invest in an heirloom quality sofa with timeless lines, a piece that can travel with you from home to

SO FA

home, grow with your family, and serve as a great lounging spot where your family and guests can be comfortable. The English Roll Arm is the designer go-to for creating a casual and inviting atmosphere. Here it is, featured in a family friendly

linen-like

upholstery

option, but it also looks great and handles the wear and tear of an active household when upholstered in a performance velvet. Dig deep and make the investment. Quality construction is one of the keys to creating a lasting sofa. The term benchmade indicates a high level of craftsmanship because it means that one person made the piece of furniture on a workbench using a

tip: Find a maker that has a longstanding

combination of hand and power tools.Â

reputation, or go benchmade in

America and get a custom experience tailored to suit your lifestyle.

H E IRLOOM RUG RIGHT: Itâ€™s hard to call it a comeback when the Oriental rug has been the standard in floor covering for as long as time has been measured. There are so many wonderful vintage patterns and colors coming out of the Middle East. Now is a great time to invest.

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gather around a

FARMHOUSE TAB L E LEFT: The farmhouse table is one of the most recognizable dining table styles today and for good reason. They have classic lines and they have a casual family-way about them. Many times, they are generously sized to accommodate a large group gathering for holidays.

serious

SHEETS RIGHT: Playing host to overnight guests? Often the guest room is last on the list of priorities, but think how much more comfortable you feel when youâ€™ve stayed overnight on a comfortable bed with great sheets. It can be a transformative experience. Treat your own guests to this experience and theyâ€™ll be happy to return for a visit soon.

tip:

High thread counts do not always mean the best quality. Look for Egyptian longstaple cotton.

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sentimental mementos and

COLLECTIBLE ART ITEMS tip:

Ideas for collections include: framed postcards from a local art exhibit or community event, or even a pinecone on display.

ABOVE: Make a point to collect art from all of the stations where youâ€™ve lived. Carefully exhibiting art and mementos in your home is a solid way to express yourself, your life, and your experiences. These items serve as a representation of who you are to your guests. They tell your story and often ignite great conversations at parties.

A L L P I E C E S A V A I L A B L E AT W W W. S H O P T E O T. C O M

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Receiving is in the Giving Lauren Tamm is creating safe spaces for other spouses to share struggles and successes I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY M A R I A J O H N S

The service ethos is like a river that seems to effortlessly flow out of

Through her books and blog, Lauren has become a confidant for

Marine spouse and mom of two, Lauren Tamm.

service member parents and spouses around the world. “I love sharing my authentic stories with my readers. In the military, there is this

Lauren began her career by serving others as a critical care nurse.

culture of ‘you need to suck it up’ and I think that is hurting us.

“My mom was a nurse and in many ways, I fell into the occupation

Often, service member spouses and parents feel like they are not

because it felt right. I loved nursing. It fulfilled me in so many ways.

supposed to ask for help, that they are supposed to put on a happy

It was practical and jobs were easy to come by. I never believed that I

face and pretend like they have it all together.” By candidly sharing

would ever leave it.” But, like many service member spouses, Lauren

her struggles, Lauren creates a safe space for others to share their

found the demands of shift work, military life, and motherhood to be

experiences. “I believe that people feel safe to tell me things that are

too much to handle. “Every time we moved to a new duty station, as

bothering them because I’m willing to share about the diﬃculties of

the new person, I found myself working 12-hour night shifts. When

our lifestyle. For whatever reason, vulnerability isn’t a hard spot for

you are working night shifts, you have to find someone to not only

me to go.” Lauren believes that safe spaces are critical to the well-

watch your kids while you are working, but also during the day so you

being of service member spouses and is working to remove the stigma

can sleep. It felt very stressful and overwhelming, so my husband and

around asking for help. “There’s a lot going on in the hearts and

I decided that I would leave my job after I had my son.” Although it

minds of spouses that isn’t being shared and should be.”

was diﬃcult leaving what she assumed to be her life-long profession, it wasn’t long until Lauren was back in service to others, this time as a

For example, Lauren is very candid about her initial impressions

stay-at-home-mom and blogger.

of the military and military life. “I had very negative preconceived notions about military life. My first impression wasn’t great. After my

“After I had my son I researched a lot on the topics of babies, sleep,

My Grandmother always said, “The

and schedules. I was talking to a friend, who was in a similar season of life as me, and she encouraged me to take all of my research and

receiving is in the giving,” and I hope

thoughts and turn them into a blog. So I did!” Lauren’s blog, The Military Wife and Mom, features information and stories on practical

that my legacy is just that. I work to

parenting, motherhood, and thriving through the ups and downs of military life. She is also the author of four e-books, including Modern

create situations where I can sacrifice

Military Spouse: The Ultimate Military Life Guide for New Spouses and

and help others.

Significant Others.

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first social gathering, I had this overwhelming feeling that none of those people were anything like me and there was no way I was ever going to feel at home in that type of situation.” That lack of connection actually led her to break up with her then-boyfriend for almost six months. But the pain of being apart was too great and their love was too strong, so they decided to get back together. “It took me realizing that any life, no matter how good, wasn’t worth it without him. Once I decided to be with him, the shift in my mindset toward the military was immediate. I decided that I was going to do this life whole-heartedly and that I was going to persevere through everything that came along with it.” One of the best ways Lauren has found to persevere in the midst of diﬃcult circumstances is to form authentic friendships with other service member spouses. “Friendship is the only thing that gets you through. Friendships take a little while to build. It doesn’t happen overnight, so I’ve been extraordinarily intentional about developing them.” As a selfproclaimed introvert, Lauren has to remind herself to continuously put herself out there. “I don’t love going to a lot of different functions. I can do it, but it drains me. It’s hard and takes time, but we have to look for those hidden gem military spouse friends at every duty station.” Those hidden gems have taught Lauren countless life lessons. “My service member spouse friends have taught me the power of commitment, the value of loyalty, and that it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to wait until the house is burning down. You can ask for help when you just had an off day. Reaching out for those lifelines should be happening all of the time, not just when things go wrong. Many spouses want to serve, but they need to know who needs/wants the help.” Serving the military community, whether it is by intentionally forming friendships, creating safe spaces for others to share their struggles, or authentically sharing her experiences with her readers, embodies who Lauren Tamm is. For her, the receiving truly is in the giving.

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5 QUESTIONS WITH LAUREN Dream vacation: Beach Hero: My military spouse friends One item could you not live without: Coffee Favorite duty station: Okinawa, Japan Favorite dessert: Cheesecake

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|| confi confidant dant ||

active listening W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

Amongst the chaos of daily life, it can often feel like you are invisible

today’s society the only way we know we have been heard is through

to the outside world. Sure, we make small talk with the receptionist

the number of likes on our most recent Instagram post. Sitting down

at the doctor’s oﬃce and chat with the cashier at the store, but when

to have a face-to-face conversation, in which no one is distracted by

was the last time that you had a true conversation in which the

a group text message or the newest Snapchat filter, is the only way

other person truly saw who you were and understand what you were

we provide an outlet for someone to voice their opinion, share their

saying. Our jam-packed schedules do not typically leave us time for

struggles, and celebrate their successes.

true connectedness with those around us. To increase connection, curiosity and clarity should maximize the time that we do get to

The benefits of active listening go far beyond the person sharing.

spend with our spouses, children, and closest friends by practicing

When you actively listen, your mind is quiet but alert. This allows

active listening.

new ideas to emerge and gives you the ability to flex your altruistic muscles and focus on helping others. Imagine the benefits to your

Active listening allows us to become better confidants and comrades.

family, employer, or favorite non-profit if you spent fifteen minutes

It is a way of listening and responding to another person that

of your undivided attention on actively listening to them each day!

improves mutual understanding. It requires that the listener fully concentrates, understands, responds, and remembers what is being

If you are ready to embark on the journey of cultivating curiosity by

said. People love being heard, but unfortunately it seems like in

becoming an active listener, here are five helpful hints to consider.

clear your mind Be sure to take the time to clear your mind of the eighteen things left on your to do list and reduce the distracting environmental factors before beginning the conversation. The next time you are getting ready to have an important conversation with a client or friend, be sure you schedule yourself 5-10 minutes before the meeting to create the right mental and physical space for active listening to occur.

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be aware of your body language Use non-verbal cues and gestures to convey your attention. By making eye contact, maintaining a receptive posture, and nodding occasionally, the other party knows that you are tuned in to the conversation. Children are especially aware of these cues, so be cognizant of the message you are sending when you are asking about how your child’s day at school was. You will be amazed at the difference in their response when you put your phone away and get down on their level.

check understanding Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Be sure to reflect on what is being said and ask questions. A great reflection starting point is: "What I'm hearing is...” Imagine how helpful this tactic would be during a FRG steering committee or PTA meeting where strong personalities and different world views create a tense environment. A majority of the misunderstandings would be resolved almost immediately by first ensuring that both parties truly understand each other.

defer judgement During the conversation avoid judging, analyzing, or preparing a response. This frees you to listen with your total attention and allows the speaker time to go deep into their thoughts without feeling rushed. We can all think about a time when we immediately tensed, stopped listening, and began analyzing/formulating our response after hearing something that upset us. And we can all also think of a time when we could have avoided the aforementioned tension by deferring judgment and listening to the entire story.

r e s p o n d p o s i t i v e ly Active listening is a model for respectful behavior. Even if you don’t agree with a single thing the other party is saying, you are gaining new information and a different perspective. After they are finished follow up with any pertinent questions and thank them for sharing their thoughts. The key here is to not shoot down their ideas or attack their beliefs. You add nothing by spewing negativity, but posing a thoughtful question can help them re-examine their own beliefs. Imagine how differently the political debates would be if this was a requirement!

It's true that active listening is not possible or appropriate in all situations or conversations. However, it is a mighty skill that can help strengthen our relationships and build our own sense of self-worth. Let’s make a concerted effort to practice active listening at least once a day. Soon, the connected conversations we seek will become more popular than a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

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TH I NKING O U TSIDE TH E BOX WRITTEN AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY JULIE BENSON

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W HEN YOU T HI NK OF QUI LTI N G , W H AT D O YO U P I CTU R E ? I T ’S OKAY, YOU CA N SAY I T… A Q U I LTI N G B E E W I TH A BU N C H O F LI T T LE OL D LA D I ES W I T H SHAWLS OV E R TH E I R S H O U L D E R S H U NCHE D OV ER THEI R NEED LEWORK W H I L E TA L KI N G A BO U T TH E U P CO MI NG CHURCH PI C NI C . I A LWAYS H A D TH AT SA M E I M AG E I N M Y MI ND . Quilting is one of those arts that you assume is learned in some sort

about quilting, so I looked it up. I actually remember my first quilting

of apprenticeship with your grandmother. I’m not a little old lady, I

tutorial was one of those Wiki-how-to pages. Once I read up on the

don’t wear a shawl, and I didn’t learn to quilt from my family, or even

steps of quilting, I was ready to charge ahead, but a friend suggested

friends. I learned with my laptop from total strangers that were all over

that I slow down and purchase a digital quilt pattern online. I wasn’t

the world.

particularly thrilled with the idea of using a pattern. The patterns were beautiful, but then I felt like it wasn’t all me and I couldn’t call it my

Growing up, I loved the yearly hauling out of the Christmas decorations.

own.

What made our decorations so special was that most of our decor was handmade by my mom or someone close to the family. I loved to touch

I eventually gave in to my misgivings and settled on a simple pattern.

their handcraft and try to imagine in my mind how they made it. How

I used photo transfer fabric with cute images of the grandkids and a

did the angel get her painted cheeks? How did that tiny ornament get

fun fabric palette I knew she would like and was all set to make my

stitched? How did Santa get his wiry fluffy beard? I was enamored with

mom a throw quilt. My reluctance with the use of a pattern waged

the thought that my mom or someone else we knew used a skill in a

on in the same way I look at a map or a list of rules. I treated it as a

beautiful way in a certain place or time and I was holding it my hands

rough guideline rather than a strict step-by-step process. While this

year after year.

casual attitude has served me pretty well in life, it did not translate to a well-executed quilt. My mom swears she loves it but the wonky seams,

In 2014, I serendipitously came into the world of sewing all because I

disproportionate borders, and bizarre binding make me cringe every

wanted to have great homemade decorations at my son’s first birthday

time I see her Mother’s Day quilt.

party. I taught myself the basics of sewing by resourcing blog tutorials, YouTube videos, and library books. I expanded on my general sewing knowledge by asking my mom about a technique when I saw something

WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE

I liked. She would tell me everything she knew and then I would use her keywords to Google search the technique so I could fill in any

YOUNG GIRL AND THE

blanks when we got off the phone. With the spirit of the young girl and

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS,

the Christmas decorations, I began to reverse engineer every element

I BEGAN TO REVERSE

of this blooming hobby. I started hanging around fabric shops and craft stores picking up tips and shuﬄing more and more supply into

ENGINEER EVERY ELEMENT

the house until one day I ran out of space and was forced to move my

OF THIS BLOOMING HOBBY.

operations from the dining room table to a small but dedicated space. The very first quilt I ever made was a Mother’s Day gift for my mom just a few years ago. In addition to celebrating Mother’s Day, I wanted

Despite my sloppy first go at quilting, I was hooked. I dropped all other

to thank her for giving me my first sewing machine. I wanted to thank

sewing applications and stuck with quilting. The more time I spent in

her in a way that would mean something special to her, so I decided

fabric shops or on the message boards of quilting blogs, I realized that

to make a quilt because she made quilts. I didn’t know the first thing

I was not like the average quilter. The folks that learn to quilt at the

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hand of one particular person can, at times, be very narrow about the way things are done and my knowledge base was hodgepodge at best. I received many a raised eyebrow or even the occasional disparaging remark from the ladies in the fabric shop that were more mature quilters when I would describe my projects to them. There were times that I would let that judgement get to me or sometimes I would fall into a cycle of low confidence in what I did when I compared my quilts to those of other quilters. I felt so insignificant when I was in the presence of experienced quilters in person and online, but I carried on. In the early days, I would find inspiration in other quilts I saw online. I would see an overall look or just an individual element and decide I wanted to try to recreate that on my own and thus created a good baseline for quilting styles and methods. As time went on, inspiration started creeping in from everywhere. I would see a dress, a building, a garden, a random Instagram picture, anything I saw with an interesting angle or color palette I would ask myself how I could turn that into a quilt. The more I embraced the inspiration that piqued my interest, the more I dug in and really owned my style, leading me to embrace my creativity. Owning my style and creativity led me to start a small quilting business. The world of style and fashion is deep and wide but I have found that grounding myself in the confidence in my capabilities, embracing my own style and the connections I make with the people that commission my quilts, has kept me centered around a business that I want to work for every day. I had one poignant moment a few months back when I looked up from my work and looked around at the work of those other quilters that I admire and felt like my work holds a place next to theirs. I can stand on my own two feet and confidently call myself an artist and a quilter because I embrace my idea of beauty, what makes my heart swell, what I want to put forth into the world, and what makes me crave my sewing machine every day.

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THE MORE I EMBRACED THE INSPIRATION THAT PIQUED MY INTEREST, THE MORE I DUG IN AND REALLY OWNED MY STYLE, LEADING ME TO EMBRACE MY CREATIVITY.

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The Bag Lady How Cameron Cruse of R.Riveter is redefining what it means to be a COO I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H O T O G R A P H Y BY A M Y R A E

COO -- These three letters embody who Cameron Cruse is. Not

OPTIMIST

only are they a representation of her profession as the chief operating oﬃcer of the uber-successful handbag company, R. Riveter, but they

Looking back at her journey as a service member spouse, Cameron

also are the initials of the three words by which she lives her life:

wouldn’t give her younger self any advice. “I think I needed that

Creative Optimist Opportunity.

initial shock and accompanying journey to get to where I am today.” The shock she is referring to was graduating from college and immediately moving from a bustling city to the middle of nowhere

C R E AT I V E

to live with her husband who was stationed in Dahlonega, GA and

Creativity and purse making run through Cameron’s veins. “I was

deployed shortly after her arrival. “I had no idea what I was getting

a little art kid. I can remember teaching myself to sew. My mom's

myself into. I honestly didn't know being a service member spouse

machine was downstairs. She guided me for the first couple of stitches

was an actual job that came along with a totally different lifestyle

and then I just sat down and started constructing pouches. The first

and culture. My greatest adventure was surviving my husband’s

thing I ever made was a little coupon book with Velcro that my mom

first deployment. It was definitely a crash course in adulting and

carried around for at least 20 years.”

was something I had to do to understand what it meant to live independently. I had never paid bills before so when I received a

It wasn’t long until those coupon pouches made in the basement of a

very large property tax bill, I called my mom crying because I didn't

busy suburban home just outside of Atlanta morphed into high-end

even know what an escrow was or that we had one that had already

canvas and leather handbags made by military spouses located around

paid the bill!”

the country. With R. Riveter’s extraordinary growth, it didn’t take long for Cameron to be pulled out from behind the machine and thrust into an oﬃce role. “Once R. Riveter really started to take off and we got really busy, I had to put my sewing machine and art tools

SINCE WE WORK NINE OF THE HOURS WE ARE AWAKE, WHY NOT MAKE IT FUN AND INCREDIBLE?

away. Initially, it made me a little sad, but I really didn't have the time to sew, paint, or make anything.” A true creative, Cameron quickly found outlets at work. “Since we work nine of the hours we are awake, why not make it fun and incredible? For me it's a mental to-do. It’s something that I feel like I need so I am sure to build it into my daily routine.”

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| creative | Cameron didn’t let that pesky property tax bill or shock of living alone for the first part of her marriage get her down. Her eternal optimism pulled her through and gave her the power to start her own business. “I'm extremely happy that I came out on the other side of my collision course with military life with a fulfilling career.” Cameron’s optimism stems from her strong belief that everything in life is a choice. “You are always in control. No matter where you come from or what happens around you, you always have a choice. No matter your situation, you can always make lemonade out of lemons. We are not bound to anything or anyone, so don't let anything detour you from your dreams.”

OPPORTUNITY Cameron’s dreams have come true by creating, along with co-founder, Lisa Bradley, the opportunity for hundreds of military spouses to pursue their dreams of mobile, flexible income with R. Riveter. She credits commitment and persistence as the factors that aided in the explosive growth of the company. “Even though Lisa and I are not in the same physical space, I know she's 100% in and she knows the same about me.” She continues, “persistence is huge and largely underrated in the entrepreneurial world. It takes a long time to get somewhere. You aren't going to open your website and immediately have thousands in sales. For us, our appearance on the television reality series Shark Tank was a slingshot but now we are trying to control the growth while keeping the upward trajectory.” Throughout the impressive growth of R. Riveter, Cameron has been able to remain a devoted and involved wife and mother. Perhaps part of her success in all of these arenas is her outlook on how to deal with all of the unexpected events that seem to be synonymous with military life and entrepreneurship. “Work and family life can consume you, so you have to find little satisfactions in those things. If you hit a bump in the road, you have to embrace it and keep moving forward.” Although the letters COO do a great job of summing up who Cameron is and the life she has created, they do fall short when trying to convey her uniquely calm and confident leadership style. This refined style is the result of a healthy amount of personal and professional development that she undertook to refine her natural strengths, tendencies, and problem-solving skills. Her number one natural strength is Relator, which means she enjoys close relationships and finds deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal, but that doesn’t mean she always understood how to apply her unique strength to her professional role. “I remember struggling with the results of the assessment.

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| creative |

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| creative |

I looked at my results and thought something must be wrong. I felt

around me hone new skills and fuel that creative fire is much more

like as a Relator I couldn’t be who I needed to be in my job. I thought

fulfilling than having them watch me work to solve the problem by

I had to re-do the test and change my answers to fit the role.” But,

myself.”

after working with a coach and learning more about her strengths, she recognized the power that came with leveraging, not denying, her

Solving problems and creating opportunities for optimism in the

Relator strength.

world will surely be part of Cameron Cruse’s legacy.

Cameron has also realized the power of becoming a learned extrovert

5 QUESTIONS WITH CAMERON

by putting herself out there in social situations. A natural introvert, Cameron was terrified of social situations in high school and college.

Favorite dessert: Vanilla Milkshake

“I'm learning now that you get so much more out of social situations. What you get out of those situations is so much more valuable than

Dream vacation: Lake house with a beach for me and

sitting at home. It's definitely a process, but I'm really starting to

activities for husband/kids

enjoy it.”

Hero: Sophia Amaroso, author of Girl Boss Enjoyment for Cameron comes not only from making and creating, but also from solving problems. Helping to solve the military spouse

One item could you not live without: Pen/paper. Or

employment problem was one of the main reasons she co-founded

iPhone. Something to transcribe.

R. Riveter in 2011. Additionally, she is now able to solve even more problems by enabling others. “Now I'm realizing that there

Favorite duty station: Fort Bragg, specifically the

is something more enjoyable then solving problems on my own --

Southern Pines area

helping other people find ways to solve problems. Watching those

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NO MATTER YOUR SITUATION, YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE LEMONADE OUT OF LEMONS. WE ARE NOT BOUND TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE, SO DONâ€™T LET ANYTHING DETOUR YOU FROM YOUR DREAMS.

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design your own winter greenery wreath

Use evergreen sprigs and herbs to create easy, elegant decor that celebrates the season. W R I T T E N B Y J E N N I F E R PAT E PHOTOGRAPHY BY KELSEY LAFFERTY

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what you will need: x

x x

various greenery

floral shears or scissors x x

x x

find greenery in the floral section of a grocery store or your own yard or garden.

embroidery hoop

wire cutters

green floral wire

decorative ribbon (optional)

twine or ribbon for hanging

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one

Using your embroidery hoop, decide to work on either the inner or outer ring. You only need one ring per wreath.

three

Trim a few inches of floral wire and make several small bundles by gathering three to four sprigs and wrapping the wire around the ends of the stems.

two

Trim pieces of greenery with floral shears and strip leaves off the lower end of the stem for a few inches of clean stem. This will make wiring a small bundle of sprigs easier.Â

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four

Once you've created several bundles, begin wiring the bundles to your embroidery hoop. Attach the bundles to the hoop by cutting a longer piece of wire and wrapping it around the end of the bundle and the hoop until secure. Layer bundles and continue wiring until you achieve your desired look.

five

Once you finish wiring your greenery sprigs to the hoop, you can add a decorative ribbon to further disguise the green floral wire.

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Guided Intention Setting for

Physical Wellbeing W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y

HE R E I S NO B ET T E R F EE L IN G T H A N C R O SSING

AND THE N, AND O NLY THE N, SE TTI N G SPEC I FI C

T HE FI N I S H L IN E O F A H A L F - M A R AT H O N AF TE R

G OAL S.

COMP LE T I N G A 12 -W E E K T R A IN IN G P R O GR A M. BUT TH ER E ’S A LSO NO WO RS E F E E L IN G T H A N WAK ING

YO U MUST FIR ST R UN YO UR GOA LS T H ROUGH

U P TO T HE OMINOUS “ W H AT ’ S N EX T ” Q UESTIO N THE

THE

N EXT MOR N I N G. T H O S E T WO S IM P L E WO R DS SE E M

IN TEN TIO N AL ITY.

TO ROU T I N E LY LOO M IN T H E M IN DS O F P H YSICAL

INTE NTIO N, G OAL S AR E OVE R R ATED, OR EVEN

FITN E S S A FI CIONA DO S L IK E M E . T H ER E ’ S A LWAYS

WO R SE ,

A N OT HE R R AC E, A N EW DISTA N C E , N E W SK IL L S,

OVE R AL L

OR EXOT I C D E ST IN AT IO N S T H AT EN T IC E US INTO

F ITNE SS, YO UR INDIVIDUAL G OAL S WON ’ T PROVI D E

CON T I N U I N G TO S P IN T H E H A M ST E R WH E E L O F

THE SATISFACTIO N YO U SE E K AND WI LL ON LY

SE TTI N G A N D AC C O M P L IS H IN G P H YS ICAL F ITNE SS

R E SULT IN MO R E TR IPS AR O UND T HE HAM STER

RELAT E D GOA LS .

WHE E L .

DON’T GE T M E W R O N G , G OA L S A R E FA B . GOAL S

INTE NTIO NS CAN PR O DUCE THAT SATI SFAC TI ON

ARE USE F U L . BU T T HE Y A R E N ’ T E V E RYTHIN G.

BE CAUSE

GOA LS CA N H E L P M OT IVAT E YO U TO STICK TO

CRYSTAL L IZ ATIO NS O F WHAT YO U VALU E M OST.

YO U R PHYSI CAL F IT N ES S O B J E C T IV E S , BUT THE Y

IN OTHE R WO R DS, IN TEN TIO N S ARE AUTH E NTIC

CA N ’T PR OV I DE T H E OV E R A L L P URP O S E BE HIND

VOWS O R P UR E EXP R ES S IO N S THAT COME FROM

WA N T I N G TO C OM P L E T E T H E P H YS ICA L F ITNE SS

THE C O R E O F YO UR B EIN G. INTE NT I ON S D O N OT

OBJE CT I V E S I N T H E F IRST P L AC E. F O R E XAMPL E ,

F O CUS O N THE R ACE ITSE L F O R IN W HAT TI M E YOU

YO U CA N H AV E A G OA L TO RUN A S UB - F O UR HO UR

R E ACH THE F INISH L INE . INSTE AD, THEY FOC U S ON

MA RAT HON . WH IL E T H IS G OA L CA N H EL P YO U K E E P

THE R E ASO NS WHY YO U AR E R UNNIN G THE RAC E

A STE A DY PACE A N D F IN IS H A LO N G R OA D R ACE ,

IN THE F IR ST PL ACE .

L EN S ES

AL IGN MEN T, WITHO UT

ME ANING L E SS.

THE Y

UNTIL

INTE NTIO NS

AR E

FOR

P U R POSE ,

U N D ERLYI N G

YOU

SET

YO UR

THE

A ND

YOU R

PHYSI CAL

U N D ERLYI N G

IT D OE S N OT DO A N Y T H IN G F O R YO UR OVE R AL L WELLBE I N G. S UR E , YO UR L EV E L O F F IT N E SS WIL L

I E NCO UR AG E YO U TO CO MPL E TE THE F OLLOWI N G

IN CRE AS E D U R ING T H E P R O C E S S O F C O MP L E TING

G UIDE D INTE NTIO N SE TTING E XE R C I SES TO GET

TH IS GOA L, B UT W H AT H A P P EN S W H E N YO U CR O SS

O F F THE HAMSTE R WHE E L O F PR E DE F I N ED FI TN ESS

TH E LI N E ? YOU CA N AVO ID T H IS P O ST- R ACE L E T

AND GAIN MO R E CL AR ITY AR O UND YO U R PHYSI CAL

D OWN BY FI R ST S ET T IN G OV ER A L L IN TE NTIO NS

WE L L BE ING AS A WHO L E .

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Alignment

Purpose

CA PT U R I N G YOUR IN T EN T IO N S TO C O ME INTO

BR ING ING

ALIGN ME N T F OR YO UR P H YS ICA L W EL L BE ING

AL IG NME NT WITH WHAT YO U WANT AN D N EED

IS N ’T S OME T HING T H AT YO U CA N K N O CK O UT

F R O M AN E XE R CISE PR O G R AM WIL L HELP YOU

IN TH E LI N E AT T H E C O M M IS SA RY. CAP TUR IN G

E NJ OY YO UR WO R KO UTS MO R E . ON C E YOU ’VE

YOUR I N T E N T I ON S TA K E S A N O P E N M IN D AN D

G OTTE N

PLE N T Y OF SPAC E A N D T I M E TO G E T C U R IO US .

F ITNE SS L IF E INTO AL IG NME NT, YO U CAN START

�

FI N D A COM F O RTA B L E S EAT C R O S S- L E G G E D

TO THINK ABO UT THE PUR PO SE , O R THE WHY,

ON T H E F LOO R , O R IN A C H A IR W ITH YO UR

O F YO UR ACTIVITIE S. O N C E AL IGN M E NT A ND

FE E T FLAT ON T H E G R O UN D A N D YO UR BACK

P UR P O S E C O ME TO GETHER , N OT ONLY W ILL

S U P PORT E D.

YO UR

CL E AR

P HYS ICAL

PHYSICAL

HOW

B O DY

ACTIVI TI ES

BRI N G

HEA LT H IE R

I N TO

YOU R

A ND

STR O N GER , B UT YO UR MEN TAL STAT E WILL A LSO

�

SE T A T I ME R F O R 1 0 M IN UT E S .

�

CLOS E YOUR E Y E S A N D S LOW YO UR BR E ATH.

�

TA K E SOM E T IM E TO G E T C UR IO US A BO UT

MAK ING PR O G R E SS, IS A HUG E BO OST TO YOU R

WH Y

P H YSICAL

SE L F - E STE E M AND CO NF IDE NCE . O NC E YOU TAKE

ACT I V I T I E S. H E R E A RE S O M E P RO M P TS TO

CO NTR O L O F YO UR HE ALTH THR O U G H PHYSI CAL

GE T YOU STA RT E D:

F ITNE SS, OTHE R AR E AS O F YO UR L IF E WI LL B EGI N

�

I WA N T TO F E E L

FAL L ING INTO AL IG NME NT WITH YO U R OVERALL

WH E N I E X ER C IS E .

INTE NTIO NS.

I WA N T TO F E E L

HE R E AR E SO ME PR O MPTS TO BE GI N D EFI N I N G

A FT E R I E X ER C IS E .

YO UR PUR PO SE :

OV E R THE N EX T DECA DES , I WA N T TO BE

�

YOU

EN GAG E

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B EN EFIT. MAK ING PR O G R E SS, AND EVEN M ORE IMPO RTANTLY, UNDE R STANDING W HY YOU ARE

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�

HOW WAS MY BO DY UNIQ UE LY M AD E TO M OVE

WHAT WO UL D IT F E E L L IK E TO STOP WATC HI N G THE NUMBE R O N THE SCAL E O R TI M E ON THE

E X E R C IS E H EL P S M E S H OW UP B ETTE R IN M Y L I F E BY

WHAT,

AND INTE R ACT WITH THE WO R L D?

E X E R CIS E, F O R M E , IS A N ES CA P E F R O M .

�

PUR SUITS?

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E X E R CIS E , F O R M E , IS A J O UR N E Y TOWAR D .

�

F ITNE SS

PARTICUL AR , IS ATTR ACTIVE AB OU T EAC H

E X E R CIS E. �

WHY DO I CHO O SE TO PARTICI PATE I N M Y

WATCH?

�

B E SU R E TO W R IT E DOW N YO UR RE F LE CTIO NS

HOW CO UL D I TAK E MO R E TIME TO C ELEB RATE MY ACCO MPL ISHME NTS?

A N D R E V I E W T H EM AT A L AT E R T IME . UPO N

�

YOU R R E V I E W, LO O K F O R A N Y A N S W E R S THAT

WHE N WAS THE L AST TIME FI TN ESS HAS PO SITIVE LY IMPACTE D OTHE R AREAS OF M Y

S U RPR I S E D YOU O R CAUS E D YO U TO WA NT TO

L IF E ?

EXP LOR E FU RTHE R . �

I CAN BE TTE R SE RVE IF I AM MO R E

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Intentionality FITN E SS I S EV E RY W H ER E . M US C UL A R BO DIE S G R ACE THE COVE R S O F MAGAZ INE S N ATI ON WI D E. FU N CT I ON A L FIT N E S S GY M S A RE P O P P IN G UP FASTE R THAN STAR BUCK S. AND L E T’ S NOT F ORGET THE “YOU R WOR KOUT DIDN ’ T H A P P EN IF YO U DIDN’ T PO ST A SWE ATY SE L F IE O N SO CIAL ME DI A” C U LTU RE WE LI V E I N . IT CA N B E EASY TO G ET DISTR ACTE D AND COVE T WHATE VE R THE HOT, NE W TREN D I S I N PHYSI CA L FI T NES S . I N ST E A D O F R U S H IN G O FF IN TO YO UR N EXT FITN ES S P UR S UIT, S LOW DOW N A ND CON SI DE R YOU R BO DY T Y PE . T H E N C HO O S E A FITN ES S STYL E THAT AL IGN S WITH YO UR OV E RA LL INT E N T I ON . IT ’ S N OT G O IN G TO B E E ASY, BUT I PR O MISE YO U, THE CL AR ITY THAT E NSU ES FROM FOLLOWI N G A N A L IG N ED, DIS C IP L IN ED F ITNE SS R E G IME N WIL L BE WO RTH E VE RY O UNCE OF EFFORT. B E I N T E N T I O NA L A B O UT YO UR WO RKO UTS. HER E A R E SOM E Q UE ST IO N S TO AS K YO UR SE L F WHE N DE SIG NING AN INTE NTIO NAL PHYSICAL FI TN ESS ROU T I N E : �

DO YO U LOV E / H AT E TO S W E AT?

�

WOUL D YO U R AT H ER G O S H O RT AND FAST O R LO NG AND SLOW?

�

A R E YO U LO O K IN G F O R ST R E SS R E L IE F O R INTE NSITY? BOTH?

�

W HAT T IM E O F DAY DO YO U F E E L MO ST E NE R G IZ E D?

�

DO YO U LOV E TO WO R K O UT ALO NE , WITH A PARTNE R , O R IN A G R O UP?

�

A R E YO U S E L F - M OT IVAT E D O R DO YO U LOVE CHE E R L E ADE R S?

�

HAV E YO U DIS C OV E R E D T H E WO R KO UT TYPE THAT R E AL LY G E TS YO U G O ING OR ARE YOU ST IL L LO O K IN G?

�

DO YO U F EE L F UL F IL L ED BY YO UR CUR R E NT ACTIVITIE S?

�

IF YO U H AV E S P E C IF IC G OA L S R IG HT NOW, WHY DID YO U SE T THE M? AR E THEY SERVI N G YOU W EL L?

N OW T HAT YOU’ V E H A D A C H A N C E TO VIE W YO UR F ITNE SS WE L L BE ING THR O UG H THE L EN SES OF A LIGN ME N T, PUR P O S E , A N D IN T E N T IO N A L ITY, THE R E AR E TWO MO R E IMPO RTANT THING S TO D O TO GET GOI N G ON T H E PAT H O F LO O K IN G AF TE R YO UR PHYSICAL WE L L BE ING WITH INTE NTI ON . STOP COMPA R I N G A ND IN V EST IN YO UR S EL F.

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Stop Comparing FU N CT I ON A L FIT N E S S FA N S LOAT H E TH E LO NG , L E AN F R AME S O F DISTANCE R UNNE R S. D I STAN C E RU N N E R S E N V Y T H E F L E X IB IL IT Y O F YO G IS. YO G IS LO NG F O R THE STR E NGTH O F THE F U N C TI ON AL FITN E S S FA N S . C O M PA R I S O N I S A V I C IO US C IR C L E THAT N EED S TO STO P. O NCE YO U E STAB LI SH A P ER S ON A LI Z E D F IT N ES S RO UT IN E A N D IN TE NTIO N F O R YO UR BO DY, THE DE SIR E TO LO O K A C ERTAI N WAY D I S S I PAT E S A N D L EAV E S A N A IR O F HUMBL E CO NF IDE NCE THAT YO U HAVE WHE N YOU ARE FOLLOWI N G YOUR OW N , UN IQ UE F IT N ESS J O UR NE Y. INSTE AD O F ADO PTING THE INSTINCT UAL U S VS. TH E M ME N TAL IT Y, WO R K TO F IN D A S H AR E D SE NSE O F CO NNE CTE DNE SS WITH OTHE R S. YO U M AY FI N D TH AT YOU LOV E T H E ES CA P E A LO N G RUN PR OVIDE S IN THE SAME WAY A YO G I LOVE S THE E SCAPE OF A LON G, S LOW, A ND DEE P C L AS S . H E R E AR E SO ME G R E AT Q UE STIO NS TO AID IN THE PR O CE SS OF LOVI N G YOU R SE LF A N D GA IN IN G A P P R E C IAT IO N F O R THO SE THAT AR E DIF F E R E NT: �

W HAT DO YO U LOV E A B O U T YO UR BO DY?

�

W HAT DO YO U DO W EL L?

�

W HAT IS YO UR FAVO RIT E T H ING ABO UT YO UR F ITNE SS TR IBE ?

�

A RE YO U B E IN G RE A L IST IC A BO UT WHAT YO U E XPE CT F R O M YO UR ACTIVITIE S ?

�

HOW CA N YO U IN C O R P O RATE THE Q UAL ITIE S THAT YO U AR E CUR R E NTLY MISSI N G?

Invest in Yourself “I WOU LD HAV E A B O DY L IK E T H AT IF…” WE ’ VE AL L HE AR D THIS PHR ASE F O L LOWE D BY A PLETHORA OF EXCU SE S WHY A N IN DIV IDUA L IS N ’ T L IV IN G IN HIS/ HE R STATE O F PHYSICAL F ITNE SS. THE TR U TH I S THAT 99% OF T HOS E EXC US E S H AV E TO DO WITH CHO O SING CO MF O RT OVE R WO R K . HAVE TH E COURAGE TO E STAB L I S H , STA N D U P FO R , A N D R E L E N TL ES S LY IM P L EMEN T A P HYS ICAL FITN ES S P R OGR A M TH AT W IL L AL LOW YOU TO L I V E YO U R W E L L B E IN G IN TEN TIO N TO THE FUL L EST. WIL L IT BE CO MF ORTAB LE? H OPE FU LLY NOT ! W IL L IT B E PA IN F UL? P R O BABLY. BUT THE PAIN, SWE AT, AND TE AR S YO U POU R I N TO YOU R WE LLBEIN G W IL L N OT B E IN VA IN WHE N YO U K NOW THE R E ASO N WHY YO U AR E CHOOSI N G TO IN V E ST I N YOUR S EL F. TA K E T IM E OV E R TH E NE XT WE E K TO R E F L E CT O N THE SE Q UE STIO NS . �

W HY A RE YO U C H O O S IN G TO INVE ST IN YO UR SE L F ?

�

EX P RE S S YO UR W E L L B EIN G INTE NTIO N IN O NE WO R D.

�

C HO O S E A SY M B O L O F YO UR INTE NTIO N THAT YO U CAN HAVE O UT AS A R E MI N D ER.

�

W HO E L S E W IL L B E N E F IT F R O M YO UR INTE NTIO N?

�

S HA R E YO UR DES IRE TO MOV E TO AN INTE NTIO NAL L IF E STYL E .

MAY OU R CO L L E C T IV E T R IB E O F S ERVICE ME MBE R SPO USE WAR R IO R S CE ASE F R ANTICAL LY ASKI N G OU R SE LV E S “ W H AT ’ S N E X T ” A N D IN ST E A D PO NDE R THIS Q UE STIO N:

What is my unique and aligned next step in my journey to physical wellbeing? | 55 |

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Wander, Cook, and Savor Caroline Potter's journey from a debilitating diagnosis to a dream career I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H O T O G R A P H Y BY E R I K A M I C H E L L E C A R R I O N STYLED BY CAROLINE POTTER

Caroline Potter’s journey to health is a unique story. Caroline tackles a

I could help other people by sharing my story and going back to

type 1 diabetes diagnosis with real food eating and a self-care-focused

school. It really became a passion of mine, and it's rewarding to see

lifestyle. She is a budding entrepreneur, the author of All-American

my passion and job truly influence others for the better and empower

Paleo Cookbook and the blog Colorful Eats, and is passionate about

them to design a healthier and happier life. Being an entrepreneur is

encouraging people to live a joyful, vibrant life.

not always as glamorous as it seems, but it is definitely worth it.

TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF I grew up in Southern California, where it is a little bit healthier than the rest of the country. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in college. Thankfully, we had a good family nutritionist and my family was really involved. But, I was miserable. I had gained a ton of weight and I didn't feel like myself. Additionally, I was working out constantly to mitigate the weight gain. I remember thinking to myself that there had to be a better way to live, but the doctors kept telling me to just keep taking the medication and assuring me that I would be fine. S O W H AT D I D YO U D O W N W A R D S P I R A L?

BREAK

THE

I was not married at the time, but I knew that one day I wanted to have a family and that I wanted to be my best possible self for that future family. I figured out that by living healthfully, eliminating toxins, and eliminating stress by eating really good food, I could take control of my health. Obviously, I'm still on medication — I’m insulin dependent — but I can live without all of the ups and downs that normally come along with having type 1 diabetes. H O W D I D Y O U T U R N Y O U R PA S S I O N I N T O YOUR CAREER? After I found the power of real food eating and nutrition, I felt like

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W H AT D O YO U T H I N K I S O N E O F T H E B I G G E S T M I S TA K E S T H AT S E R V I C E M E M B E R S P O U S E S MAKE CONCERNING THEIR CAREERS?

YO U A R E A N A M A Z I N G C H E F. D E S C R I B E T H E MOST DELICIOUS MEAL YOU'VE EVER HAD.

I think that one of the biggest mistakes that service member spouses

the first meals he ever made for me and I always say he won my heart

make is wrapping up their identities in their spouses rather than being

with it. We love to pair it with prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, roasted

confident in themselves and pursuing their passions and dreams. My

sweet potatoes with rosemary, and my Red, White and Blue salad. It's a

husband encourages me to pursue my passions, which makes me so

balanced meal. It has good fat, protein, and carbohydrates, and I need

much more content and busy when heâ€™s away. At the same time, I

a lot of iron in my life. I feel so satisfied after that meal. Finding a meal

think that our relationship is way stronger because there is never any

that satisfies you nutritionally is one of the best things you can do for

resentment when he does have to leave. Really knowing who you are

your body because then you aren't tempted to eat junk or snack.

It is for sure my husbandâ€™s flame-grilled steak dinner. It was one of

as a person and pursuing your passions is important. That doesn't necessarily have to be a traditional career. It could be volunteering, being a stay-at-home mom, being a working mom, or something else, but having something important to you can eliminate resentment and a lot of bigger issues.

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After I found the power of real food eating and nutrition, I felt like I could help other people by sharing my story and going back to school. It really became a passion of mineâ€Śand it's rewarding to see my passion and job truly influence others for the better and empower them to design a healthier and happier life.

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W H AT A D V I C E D O YO U G I V E T O O T H E R S LO O K I N G T O F I N D A M E A L T H AT S AT I S F I E S T H E M I N A H E A LT H Y W A Y ? Finding your meal starts with trial and error. It involves seeing how you feel after a meal. Listening to your body is so beautiful. When you are more in tune with it, it can signal to you what you need. If you want something more an hour after eating, maybe that meal didn't satisfy you. Get curious about what you ate, how much you ate, or which nutrients it had. W H AT I S O N E T H I N G YO U K N O W T O B E T R U E ? The one thing I know to be true is that God's plans are always the best plans and we humans can't always figure it out. Trust me, I am the person that wants to figure everything out, but in the end you just have to trust God. God is in control and sometimes something negative and difficult can turn into something positive. I have definitely seen that with my type 1 diabetes diagnosis. It has shaped my life and who I am as a person. As weird as it sounds, I am thankful for my disease. W H AT W I L L YO U R L E G AC Y B E ? I want my legacy to be that I inspired others to be better than they ever thought they could be. I feel called to help other people live more joyful, vibrant, healthy lives. On a more personal note, I feel called to support my husband as a service member spouse during his very stressful jobs. I want us to really love each other, stick together, and support each other in our own dreams.

5 QUESTIONS WITH CAROLINE Dream vacation: A smaller, charming town with rolling hills and colorful buildings Hero: Mother Theresa One item could you not live without: My golden retriever Libby Favorite duty station: Roda, Spain Favorite dessert: Pistachio ice cream

F I N D C A R O L I N E AT W W W. F LO U R I S H - L I V I N G . C O M

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i ntel l ig ent

exercise

W R I T T E N BY J E A N N I E C A R P E N T I E R ďż˝ P H OTO G R A P H Y BY A B I R AY

Having been an athlete my entire life, I was searching for a type of exercise that would encourage optimum form and personalized alignment, and that would complement the other sports activities that I enjoyed while working around my injuries. After a few short weeks, Pilates convinced me that it was an incredible departure from the typical gym setting. It rebooted my muscle firing patterns and represented a pain-free lifestyle change. Eventually, it gave me an opportunity to serve others in my community by becoming an instructor and opening the Mind Your Body studio in Southern Pines, North Carolina. Ready to give Pilates a try? Grab a mat and use the following guide to cross train your body and improve your range of motion. Repeat all exercises 10 times, on both sides for numbers 1, 2, and 4. Remember to breathe and exhale on the exertion.

Bridge position Hips u p, sho u l d e rs o p e n. Lif t a nd l o we r l eg.

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K n e e l , s i t, o r s ta n d Prot ract /ret ract sh o u l d e r b l a d es with a n o b l iqu e twist.

C-curve your spine Pelvic t ilt . Hold positio n with fo r wa rd / b a c k h ing e a t th e h ip.

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Curtsy w i th h i ps as level as possible. Ex te rna l l y ro ta te u p p e r l eg b o nes. Kee p co ntro l of m ov e.

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W H O L E B O DY F I T N E S S : A S E L F - G U I D E D F I T N E S S P L A N N E R

A G U I D E T O S T E WA R D I N G YO U R B O DY W E L L T H R O U G H M O V E M E N T. T H I S C O M P R E H E N S I V E F I T N E S S P L A N N E R C O N TA I N S 6 M O N T H S O F G U I D E D W O R KO U T S C R E AT E D B Y M E G H A N M E R E D I T H , A C E R T I F I E D P E R S O N A L T R A I N E R A N D H E A LT H / W E L L N E S S C OAC H . W W W.W H O L E B O DY P L A N N E R . C O M | # W H O L E B O DY P L A N N E R | @ H O M E B O DY S O U L W W W. H O M E B O DY S O U L . C O M

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holding down the fort WRITTEN BY ABI TOMBERLIN � PHOTOGRAPHY BY MORGAN SLADE

THE PHRASE HOLDING DOWN THE FORT BECAME POPULAR AFTER GENERAL SHERMAN WIRED “HOLD THE FORT” TO GENERAL CORSE DURING THE CIVIL WAR. B U T F O R M E , I T C O M E S B E A R I N G T H E E X P E C TAT I O N S O F A S E R V I C E M E M B E R SPOUSE.

T H AT

E X P E C TAT I O N

MIGHT

H AV E

S TA R T E D

WHEN

SPOUSES

LIVED

O N T H E S A M E B LO C K A N D P OT LU C K I N V I TAT I O N S W E R E N ’ T N E E D E D B E C AU S E T H E Y S I M P LY O C C U R R E D . P E R H A P S T H E E X P E C T A T I O N S A R O S E F R O M W A R T I M E S W H E N T H E S E R V I C E M E M B E R W A S G O N E F O R I T S E N T I R E T Y A N D T H E O N LY C O M M U N I C AT I O N WA S H A N D W R I T T E N L E T T E R S T H AT W E R E D E L I V E R E D M O N T H S B E H I N D R E A L T I M E . T H E E X P E C TAT I O N O F H O L D I N G D O W N T H E F O R T C A M E F R O M A PLACE OF NECESSITY BECAUSE OF THE ABSENCE OF THE SERVICE MEMBER AND I T B E C A M E T H E M A N T R A O F T H E S P O U S E - - H A N D L E T H E H O M E F R O N T, A L O N E .

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| caregiver | took the pregnancy test on a whim, with little expectation. It

I was pregnant but that something was wrong. There was an ER visit,

had only been a short time that getting pregnant could have

doctor’s visits, blood test, ultrasounds, and neighbors - sweet neighbors

been an option, so I was nothing short of shocked when I walked into

- standing in for family. But the end result, the call that I answered

my living room holding a positive pregnancy test. Positive! Within

alone in my oﬃce, sitting on the floor by the printer, was that I was

days I had scheduled my first OB appointment. The doctor, who had

losing the baby.

a son in the Israeli Army, commented on our excitement which was clearly written all over our faces. My husband and I were expecting a baby.

I had been a service member spouse for about a year, and because I had nothing else to do I had taken a spouses’ leadership course while at Fort Benning. I’m not sure why I took the course because I practically

My husband was nearing the end of a long training pipeline and a

eye-rolled my way through the whole thing. But between that course

party was in the works for his graduation, a party for which both sets

and becoming immersed in Army life, the concept of holding down

of our parents would be coming into town. Coincidentally, the timing

the fort was not lost on me. You handle everything when your service

of the party was the perfect time to announce the pregnancy. Military

member is gone. It made sense. Service member spouses have to have

life didn’t have us living near family, so most news was conveyed via

some independence, some grit, to make decisions and carry on by

phone call. Being able to tell our parents in person was, in my eyes,

themselves. On some deployments, with some trainings and TDYs,

perfection. Because graduation and the party were a couple of months

when phone calls and text messages and emails are available, the

away, it gave my husband and I the chance to enjoy this secret together.

concept of allowing the service members to focus on the tasks in front

Looking back, those few weeks of us sharing in this secret always brings

of them by not making it harder by sharing every struggle you are

a smile to my face. It felt magical knowing there was a life forming and

facing, is still real and understandable. It’s also incredibly personal to

growing, something created by the two of us, and we were the only

every couple and there is no one-size-fits-all protocol. There’s just a

people who knew about it. It was bliss.

blanket awareness that your service member shouldn’t be expected to go on patrol and worry about whether or not you paid the electric

For the next few weeks, my husband was in training. That meant no

bill, bought groceries, or dropped off the rent check. You are holding

emails, no text messages, but maybe a phone call once a week for a

down the fort.

few minutes if the stars aligned. During the month that he was going to be gone, I had planned on beginning the process of getting my

But where’s the line between handling it and asking for help?

yoga instructor certification. Our schedules were lining up perfectly. He was about to graduate, I was learning something new, and we were

When I knew I was losing our pregnancy, my husband was out

pregnant. The second day of my yoga instructor classes, classes spent

training, completely unaware of what the past couple days had entailed

sitting on the floor learning about Vinyasa, the second day was when

for me and I struggled with what to do. This was his last event before

I saw bright red. I made the 45-minute drive back to my house and

graduation, a training that was the culmination of the past year, and he

laid down to see if that would ease the pain and calm my fears. After a

had to pass this training to graduate. We hadn’t talked about what he

couple of hours, when I was in even more pain and the bleeding hadn’t

would want me to do if something came up. We were blissfully unaware

subsided, I called my mom.

of the possibilities. I wanted my husband to graduate. This was a big deal for both of us. I was struggling with my need to share what was

You know when they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, it does.

happening with the one other person who would feel my pain. It was

But I think that doesn’t just begin when the child is born. You need

my brother, who is not military aﬃliated, that said the exact words I

all your people right from the beginning, and I was unaware of that.

needed to hear, that pushed me to call the FRG leader to ask to be able

While I look back at those first several weeks with our precious secret,

to talk to my husband. While I was not met with resistance, and she

and love the innocence of that experience, I would trade those weeks

was kind and caring and perfect, there was a moment of ,"Are you sure

for an early, excited phone call saying I was pregnant over having to

you want to call him?" because the expectation that we hold down the

call my mom, in pain and scared, trying to tell her between sobs that

fort exists.

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Service member spouses do hold down the fort. It comes from a place

looked a little different. Truth be told, he always misses something or

of honor, of service, of love – love for our service member and love for

some sort of crisis always arises. Our dog was bitten by a copperhead

our country, love for our children so that they see those attributes of

within hours of his leaving. I saw the tiny flicker of a heartbeat that

service, grit, compassion, and independence, and hopefully choose to

would grow into our oldest son without him, and also went without

take on those attributes themselves because of our example. It is the

him to the appointment when I heard we would be having another

service member family lifestyle to be strong, but strength does not

son. That same son walked for the first time without his father home.

always mean you have to soldier on alone.

I know I’m not alone in moments and stories like that because it is the way of the service member spouse, and life continues on no matter

For reasons all my own, I sent word to my husband that we had

the sponsor’s status.

lost the baby, and I can still hear his voice during that phone call we shared when I told him the news. The Army was incredibly loving

However, these days, I think the expectation of holding down the

to us in that situation and allowed my husband to come home, to

fort should come with more communication between battle lines.

walk through our front door and grieve with me. He was allowed to

We can email and text and video call and send letters that don’t

retake the training exercise, and although it was even more diﬃcult

always take months and months to arrive. I think those spouses that

to be without the support of the peers with whom he had journeyed

pioneered this idea that they had to just handle it because they had

through the course, he passed. We had a big party with both sets of

to, would tell us to share, to talk, to find connection even when our

parents to celebrate his graduation.

spouses are worlds apart. It’s important to acknowledge that we’re not failing at our role as a service member’s spouse when we share that

After almost eight years of being a service member spouse, with

overwhelming struggle or make a call, even during a training or a

multiple deployments and more trainings than I can remember with

deployment, to ask for help. We’re still holding down the fort. We’re

my soldier, each experience, each time, holding down the fort has

just learning how to do it together.

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Love is a Verb How Leia Capps’ chosen children taught her about the power of giving I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY K A R A W E B B WAT E R C O LO R BY B R I T TA N Y W I N N I E

“Baby, I'm not feeling the way I should feel towards this child. I must

was given. They had planned on adopting a child, having their own

be a horrible person. Who doesn't feel motherly love for a child who

biological children, and leading what most would consider to be a

has endured so much hardship?” These were words that Leia Capps

normal life. That all changed when they walked into the orphanage

never imagined she would be sharing with her husband on a late night

in Vietnam to bring home their first chosen child. “We literally had

phone call. Capps’ husband was deployed to the Middle East and she

children hanging on us and begging us to take them. Even though we

was in the trenches of helping their newly adopted son adjust to life in

took our child home, we were haunted by the experience. I can still

America. Her husband’s response changed her entire outlook on life.

see their faces and hear their cries.” The Capps tried to resume normal

“Baby, you are loving this child. Love is a verb. It is something you

life but the pressure of trying to reconcile living in this world of excess

do, not a warm feeling. You are doing it every single day. You traveled

was too much. “What do we do with this knowledge that children

across the world to get him. You brought him home. You take him

are dying because they are lacking the very resources that we have in

to the doctors. You dress him and feed him and take care of his needs

excess on our kitchen table and tucked away in our bank accounts?

every single day. And that is love.”

We began to view our privileges and our resources as a means to ransom a child instead of living a comfortable life, and we knew we

That epiphany moment happened seven years ago, but it still feels like

would adopt again.”

yesterday to Leia. She was expecting to feel the same way she would feel when bringing home a beautiful newborn baby who had been

The Capps’ second adoption went much faster than the first because

ethereally placed in her arms. But, like with most adoptions, who

they removed many stipulations/conditions and simply asked where

she was bringing home was much different. The angelic newborn was

they were needed. "When we started our adoption journey, we didn’t

replaced with a confused, hurt, and broken toddler that was signing

consider anybody other than a healthy child because we thought that

songs laced with profanity and picking his nose. “I had unrealistic

special needs adoptions were for people with a calling. But God really

expectations. My husband’s reminder that love is a verb allowed me

started working on our hearts, and once we realized that the vast

to see that I really did love him, even if it didn’t feel like it in the

majority of children needing families had special needs, everything

moment. So the one thing I know to be true in this life is that love

changed. What we had originally perceived as a calling started to feel

is a verb.”

more like a responsibility given to those who have been given much. So we said yes to special needs adoption.”

Love truly is a verb for the Capps family. After being raised by a phenomenal stepfather, Leia’s husband Devon, knew that he wanted

After their second adoption, they came back even more convicted

to adopt children so he could pay forward the non-biological love he

that they could do more. For the Capps, the answer was once again

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to adopt. Leia describes her third chosen son. “There was a little

Just like Leia never expected to find love in third grade -- she actually

boy being advocated for and he had been through so much. He had

tore up the love note Devon first gave her -- she never expected that

survived premature birth, a stroke, a motor vehicle accident, and a

she would become the co-owner of an artisan jerky shop benefiting

coma. He was truly a little warrior who was so deserving of a happy

orphan care. “Where we are from in California, there is a cool little

ending. At the time, I was pregnant and we were only two months

jerky shop. Whenever you drive through the town, you have to stop.

into our previous adoption and in the middle of a deployment.

It's a destination shop that everyone knows about. So, we knew that

Another adoption seemed like a stretch, but he was incredibly worthy

a jerky shop could be a success, as crazy as it sounded.”

of the effort to bring him home.” The Capps took advantage of a two-week period of block leave The Capps’ action-oriented love did not end there. “We took a few

between jobs/deployments to transform a small storefront in historic

years to catch our breath and then decided it was time to adopt again.

downtown Southern Pines, North Carolina into Sage Harvest -- a

We were lucky enough to adopt a precious little girl who happened

thriving jerky store. “I would draw things up and he would go to

to have significant challenges with mobility. Helping her to become

YouTube tutorials and figure out how to do it. It was so creative and

independent and to live a typical childhood has been one of our

fun.”

greatest privileges, but it also changed the amount of free time we had in our days. Considering the growing number of children and

Leia admits that jerky is a bit of a guise. The heart of the store is orphan

special needs under our roof, we knew that adoption would not be

care. The gallery wall highlighting the children impacted by Sage

an option for us for a while, and that's where jerky came into play.”

Harvest is a great conversation starter and reminds patrons that their

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support goes to a bigger cause. Less expenses, they donate everything

saving children and the exact opposite has happened. They have saved

they make to fund medical procedures and provide adoption grants

us. Because we said yes to our children, we have had the privilege of

for overseas orphanages. “I found myself feeling conflicted because our

being woven into the most beautiful redemption stories and our lives

house, our days, and our medical roster were all so full that we couldn’t

are richer than we could have ever imagined.”

adopt again, yet kids were still dying because they needed resources and families. The platform of the store allows us to continue to make

Capps is able to carve out a little bit of time in her jam-packed schedule

an impact, and my hope is that our impact through the store will be

to ensure she starts the day off on the right foot. “Working out is pretty

much larger than adopting a single child.”

important to me, but that means getting up at 5:30 am and doing a 20-minute high intensity workout in my garage. That and a cup of

Leia’s family and her community feel her impact. Her ability to care

coffee and I feel like I can take on the world.”

for others stems from a unique approach to self-care. “One of the biggest lies our culture tells us is that we find ourselves by devoting

Leia Capps certainly takes on the world on a daily basis, so how does

more time to ourselves. My chosen children have taught me that the

she want to be remembered? “I want my legacy to be love -- the roll

exact opposite is true. We find ourselves through dying to self. I have

your sleeves up, get your hands dirty, kind of love. Teddy Roosevelt

learned more about myself, life, and true love because I have had the

said ‘Let us run the risk of wearing out but not rusting out.’ I want to

privilege of pouring myself out on behalf of my children who have

be known for the kind of love that puts our toes on the edge of wearing

come to us from hard places. We entered adoption with the intent of

out and miles away from rusting out.”

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ST R E N GTH F OR OUR DAUG HTE R S W R I T T E N B Y D R . N I C H O L E W E A K L E Y � P H O T O G R A P H Y B Y J O C E LY N M A R I E

Being a strong, independent, and career-minded woman was modeled

spreading my work out next to her briefcase, pretending it was mine

for me from a young age, and now that I have two daughters, I want

and that I was working a high-profile case. As I grew, my appreciation

to show them that it’s okay for them to be strong and prioritize their

moved from the fancy items to the subtleties of their behavior -- the

dreams even though their father is in the Marine Corps.

confidence with which they entered a room, the respect they received, their eagerness to accomplish goals.

Practice what you preach. Be the change you wish to see. Modeling is an especially salient method used to train and shape behavior

These women were highly educated, sharp-witted, fiercely

with effectiveness so profound that it’s referenced everywhere from

opinionated, and in control of their professional destinies. I would

behavior analytic literature to popular culture and theology. Parents

never be anything but, and quickly started checking off boxes --

and other role-models can use it too.

bachelor’s degree at age 19, internship working in D.C. from 19-21, acceptance into a master’s program…

My mother, grandmother, and aunt were successful and powerful in their own fields. As a child, I was drawn to the polished heels, tailored

I was on fire. Then I met this guy.

suits, and the beautiful mahogany leather briefcase my father gave my mother when she finished her thesis. I knew that someday I would

When I met Joe, I had no intention of marrying anyone, and told

own an antique cigarette holder for my business cards. After school,

him that. He shared the same sentiment and we respectfully agreed

I worked obnoxiously close to my mom at our dining room table,

to never fall in love with one another. I don’t know if it was his

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disarming smile or my infuriating stubbornness that did us in, but it

fear, I am overwhelmingly thankful that we never gave up.

only took four months and a trip to OCS to solidify that we couldn’t walk away from each other. All that was left to do was figure out how

I’ve often wondered if we just “accident-ed” our way into our success

to have it all.

or if there was something specific to Joe and me and our random circumstances that ultimately allowed our lifestyle and happiness to

The career aspirations that I had were not at all in line with being a

happen. While there is something romantic in thinking that there

service member spouse, and what I thought spouses were called to

is a mysterious life plan before you, it negates the basic reality that

do. I was not raised in a military family, so my frame of reference

we all make choices. Our life is what it is because of the choices we

came from watching We Were Soldiers and my limited exposure to

make. Owning that simple statement is the first step in unlocking our

the few wives I had met while working political circles. Rather than

strength and power.

being overwhelmed, I took my unexpected new life as a single piece of information -- this is one thing to consider in an entire lifetime of

With three children, two girls and a boy, I’ve found myself fully

considerations.

embracing my duty as role-model extraordinaire and demonstrating to them what it means to chase my passion, even when on the surface

From there we worked together, balancing each choice and being

the Marine Corps has the controls. Watching other spouses do the

strategic with every decision, regardless of how small it seemed. With

same has solidified for me the importance in doing so, and the

a lot of planning, some luck, and a lifetime of faith, we knew we

understanding that it can be done. Here’s what I’ve learned along

would get where we wanted to go.

the way.

The road forward was not without hiccups. As Jack Johnson says, “…

Your spouse must be your biggest cheerleader. Marriage is a team

you’ve got to be careful when you’ve got good love…” It was during

effort. Marriage in the service is a team effort on steroids. Just as I am

the second year of my Ph.D. program when we found out we were

expected to engage in a certain set of behaviors as a service member

going to be parents. We had been married for nearly three years at

spouse, there are specific expectations of my husband. Being attached

that point and had yet to live together. Many of our wedding gifts

to the military has been one of the most fantastic experiences of my

still sat in their original boxes waiting for us to share a home, so it

life. I absolutely love the pomp and circumstance while also fully

was surreal looking at cribs and trying to figure out what we were

embracing the suck-storm that comes with it. I celebrate every success

going to do.

with excitement, and sometimes silliness, helping to demonstrate my love and support for my husband.

To say that moving forward and chasing big, life-altering dreams isn’t scary is a boldfaced lie. We were scared out of our minds, but we had

Congrats, right? That’s Wife 101. Well, guess what? Your spouse

faith in each other and knew that our happiness resided on the other

needs to be celebrating your success too. It doesn’t matter what you’re

side of that fear. When we found out that our first child was a girl, I

doing or what you’re accomplishing, what your children need to see

was overcome with a near-animalistic and renewed determination to

is that you’re celebrated and supported while following your passion.

accomplish what I had set out to do. “I need to show her this can be done,” I thought.

Here’s the thing. This not only demonstrates equality in the marriage relationship, but it also shows our children the importance

The years were hard, but not without their beauty, and we gradually

of celebrating and acknowledging others. This is both a highly

fell into a pattern of life that allowed both Joe and I to accomplish

underrated and profound skill that will allow them to become great

everything we had set out to do. Now, being on the other side of that

leaders.

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We must be vocal about our desires. It is our duty to give voice to

handle those circumstances. Revealing our struggles to our children is

our dreams, even as we’re following them. Children are very concrete

part of how we teach this message.

thinkers with short attention spans. They need multiple exposures to things before they learn them, and many more exposures for complex

We must be their voices while they are learning and developing their

ideas. Not only do we need to discuss what we’re working toward in

own. For Valentine’s Day one year my husband got me the most

the big picture, we must also connect our desires to the mundane.

ridiculous t-shirt and I loved him for it. In plain lettering it read, “A

Sure, that award ceremony is fantastic, but the thousand steps it takes

woman’s place is in the House and the Senate.” Our daughter was six

to get there is what’s important.

at the time and the meaning was lost on her. My husband explained, ending with “…some people think that women aren’t as capable as

Giving, and continuing to give voice to our dreams, even when

men. That’s ridiculous. Mommy can do anything, just like me. You

drudging through the daily grind, breathes life and vitality into

and your sister can do anything, just like your brother.”

what we’re doing. It allows our children to build perspective and to understand what success and passion

Like it or not, the world is often unkind to

actually look like.

our girls. They may learn that their worth is

We must also be vocal about our frustrations.

It doesn’t matter what

As I was wrapping up my internship during

you’re doing or what

year five of not living together, I had one

you’re accomplishing,

of those insane “I just won the lottery” type of offers to stay. Staying meant being

what your children

catapulted into my ultimate dream job.

need to see is that you’re

Staying also meant -- well -- staying, and

celebrated and supported

that wasn’t going to work. I needed my husband. My girl needed her daddy. I didn’t

while following your

stay.

passion.

tied to their looks, that the behavior of other people is their responsibility, and that they aren’t as valued as their male counterparts. To counter, we must tell them otherwise, loudly and often. We must remind them of their innate worth and their powerful strength until they are certain in it. Our aﬃrmations of their brilliance and value must be so loud that it drowns out anything else. Our sons must also hear it, growing up with the knowledge and understanding of the value of all humans. If we want change,

Though I’m confident I made the right

this is where it starts.

choice, it wasn’t without snot and tears and cursing along the way. Orders dropping right as I was up for

As mothers and service member spouses, we must embrace our value

a promotion, having to push back a meeting because someone

and delight in our right to fulfilling and passionate lives, whatever

misplaced some tool and no one could leave the flight line until it

that may look like.

was found, canceling a conference trip because my husband was on his way to California for an open-ended amount of time -- all of these

While it may be easy to whittle this down to an us-versus-them

things suck. We have to acknowledge diﬃculties due to military life,

situation, pitting the working moms against the stay-at-home moms,

but we also have to use these opportunities to show resiliency.

I would caution against that. Whatever your passion and desires are, wherever your heart is called to be, we owe it to our children,

As I sit, years later, in a position that I never even knew was possible,

and especially our daughters, to be vocal about our choices, to be

immensely grateful that other opportunities fell through, I am

mindful of our words, and to demonstrate that we are in control of

thoroughly convinced of this -- what we are able to accomplish has

our destinies…just as they are.

less to do with our circumstances, and more to do with how we

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C E L E B R AT I N G M I L I TA R Y FA M I L I E S , O N E H O M E M A K E O V E R AT A T I M E . A home improvement and lifestyle series, Moving with the Militar y has a mission to give America a glimpse into t h e s a c r i fi c e s a n d t r i u m p h s m i l i t a r y families experiences each and every d a y. O u r t e a m i s h e r e t o r e d e s i g n a space that lets the whole family feel that they are truly at HOME, while also getting connected with their c o m m u n i t y. W W W . M O V I N G W I T H T H E M I L I T A R Y.T V @ M O V I N G W I T H T H E M I L I TA R Y

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WRITTEN BY MICHELE BRADFIELD ï¿½ PHOTOGRAPHY BY SAMI ROY

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The whitewater rapids crashed into me as I ferociously paddled upstream, all the while watching my fellow rafters glide down the river with ease. Not me though. No, I had a mission, so I paddled, paddled, paddled. The achiever mentality has been with me since childhood. I was always the girl who tried really hard. Sure, it earned me numerous medals, helped me excel in school and sports, and even landed me some excellent jobs. But, because nothing ever came easy, I lived in a constant state of mental exhaustion. Into my adult years, I continued along the ostensible right path, grunting through. In my eagerness to achieve, I assigned arbitrary values to success, like: Do you make X dollars per month now that you’re 30? No. Failure. Have you been able to conceive and start a family? No. Failure. These shortcomings ate at me daily, and the more I tried to accomplish them, the harder I had to paddle.Then one day, out of sheer burnout, I stopped paddling. I collapsed into my raft and let the river take me where it wanted to go. For the first time, I floated downstream. Soon opportunities flowed my way. It appeared as though everything I had worked so hard to earn manifested before my eyes. All after I stopped trying — So. Dang. Hard. My biggest revelation came through my perceived metric of success. During this time, I vowed to stop assigning value to things and start living my values instead. The two I deemed most important were flexibility and contribution. If I could answer yes to the following questions (weekly, monthly, annually), then I was a success: Did you have the flexibility to juggle life’s non-negotiables with harmony? Did you contribute to your family, friends, and community in a meaningful way, not just monetarily?

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With these two core values in alignment, I am at peace. No longer do I tie my success to unattainable goals that leave me feeling less-than. Nor do I assign value to things that make me feel empty, even when achieved. Now, my sense of accomplishment comes from within the definition, not the outcome. Admittedly though, there are days, and sometimes weeks, when I still find myself paddling upstream. The realization often gets triggered by a night or two of restless sleep, or a gut-bomb that wonâ€™t ease. A year ago, I would have put my head down and paddled, paddled, paddled upstream. Today, all it requires is a gentle reminder to:

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Rooted in Intention The story of how Dianne Jago found her place in a slower pace of life I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY E T H A N J AG O

A self-proclaimed city girl who wanted nothing to do with the military

HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE?

lifestyle, Dianne Jago has found herself over the years able to embrace

I was going to school in Florida and he was stationed at the opposite

the tranquility of the outdoors and thrive within the service member

corner of the country in Washington State. I was roommates with

community. Appreciating a slower, quieter way of life, Dianne started

his cousin. He saw pictures of me on Facebook and for some reason

the magazine Deeply Rooted in 2014, with the mission of glorifying

he wanted to reach out and get to know me. I never thought that by

God in womanhood.

accepting his friend request I would be finding my future husband. My parents were pen pals before getting married, so a long-distance

T E L L U S A L I T T L E A B O U T YO U R S E L F.

relationship wasn't out of the norm for me. We started writing, and

I am a service member spouse and mother of three. My husband

there was definitely friendship there but it quickly grew into more.

was active duty Air Force for ten years and now he's Active Guard

The following semester, I moved to Washington to make sure that we

Reserve. We currently live in central Pennsylvania where we bought

got along in person instead of just long distance.

an 1850s farmhouse. It’s nice to find a place to put down roots after

W H AT W E R E YO U R I M P R E S S I O N S A B O U T W H AT M I L I TA R Y L I F E W O U L D B E L I K E ?

all of those years of moving around. I started a publication, Deeply Rooted Magazine, three years ago. We provide rich, biblical content

I told myself in high school that I never wanted to marry someone

matched with beautiful images and clean design.

in the military. I had pre-conceived notions that were all based off of

H O W D I D Y O U D E C I D E T O S T A R T D E E P LY ROOTED?

what I saw in movies. I joke with my friends now that I didn’t have

I developed a passion to write and pour the things I had been learning

unaware of the value of our military and now I can say that marrying

in my Bible study into other women. I also noticed there was no

someone in the service has been one of the greatest honors.

a patriotic bone in my body. The reality was that I really was quite

magazine on the Christian market that was both beautiful in design and biblically-rich in content. However, I became pregnant with my

AT T I M E S I T R Y A N D TA K E O N

second child and we PCSed to Georgia, so I put the idea on hold for a time. Finally, my husband encouraged me to go for it, so we started

TOO MUCH, SO I'M WORKING

a crowd-funding campaign and the rest is history.

O N D E L E G AT I N G A N D A S K I N G FOR HELP MORE OFTEN.

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HOW HAS THE TRANSITION FROM ACTIVE DUTY TO ACTIVE GUARD RESERVE BEEN?

HOW DO YOU RECHARGE?

I miss the commissary but it is nice to have the mindset that we are

now I love gardening. It is a hobby that is refreshing to me, but

settled and work on building into the community here.

is also one that my kids can participate in. Being outside is a new development in my life. When we first got married I was a city girl to

W H AT D I D YO U L E A R N F R O M YO U R M O S T D I F F I C U LT S E A S O N ?

the core. I wanted nothing to do with camping or anything outdoors,

When my husband returned from his last deployment, we moved into our farmhouse, my son started his first year of school, and my business hosted a retreat for 100 people, I learned that sometimes my burdens are self-inflicted. In other words, I say yes to too much. This year, I have been evaluating my decisions and have been discerning about what I take on. There can be a great opportunity but that doesnâ€™t mean I have to pursue it right now. I have to consider factors outside of myself and think about how taking the opportunity would affect my family. I also learned how to practice self-care and not expect so much of myself. I'm working on delegating and asking for help more often. Finally, I learned that I need to set time aside for myself to read my Bible and do things that I enjoy.

I recharge by having a hobby outside of my regular to-do list. Right

but moving to the West Coast influenced me and being away from everything I had ever known allowed me to try things outside the norm. The move pulled me out of my comfort zone and I realized that I enjoyed different things. W H AT H A S B E E N YO U R B I G G E S T TA K E AWAY F R O M A D O P T I N G A S LO W E R LIFESTYLE? Living a slower life is an intentional choice and one we've made for our kids. Instead of spending afternoons begging for screen time, they are able to run around the property and use their imaginations. But even being out here, I still have to make time for outside play and encourage them to turn off the electronics. I encourage others to find ways to let their children use their imaginations every day no matter where they live.

5 QUESTIONS WITH DIANNE Dream vacation: Europe Hero: Lilias Trotter One item could you not live without: Bible Favorite duty station: Travis Air Force, CA Favorite dessert: Anything with dark chocolate and coconut

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WRITTEN BY STEPHANIE HOWELL I L L U S T R AT I O N BY J OA N N A D E E

T H E S E A R E M Y FAV O R I T E R E A D S F O R T H E H O L I DAY S . N OT A L L A R E H O L I DAY T H E M E D BUT THEY ALL EVOKE A FEELING OF COZINESS, PERFECT FOR SNUGGLING UP AND G E T T I N G WA R M BY T H E F I R E .

1. Winter Garden

2. The Snow ChildÂ by Eowyn Ivey

by Kristin Hannah

This novel exposes the raw, heartbreaking relationships of mothers,

A beautiful, magical, fairytale-like story set in Alaska. Alaska comes

daughters, and sisters. It intertwines the past and present and packs

alive and becomes one of the characters in the story in this some-

plenty of twists and turns into its pages. No one writes about rela-

times heartbreaking but always incredible tale. Be warned that this

tionships like Hannah does and this book breaks and heals your heart

is a slow-burning and slow-building story so it might take a bit of

within its pages.

patience. Stick with it!

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3. The Night Circus

7. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

by Erin Morgenstern

I will never forget this intriguing story. In fact, I still think about it

by Mary Ann Shaffer

often. That’s the mark of a good book, wouldn’t you say? Morgenstern builds a vivid world like I’ve never experienced in this novel. I could

This is a book you won’t be able to put down, so save it for those

“see” everything that was happening as I turned the pages. It’s a tale of

holiday recovery and rest days. Told in a series of letters, this novel

magic, love, and intrigue...all told under the cloak of darkness. Perfect

balances the realities of war with a healthy dose of unexpected charm,

to read under the twinkle of the tree lights.

humor, and wit. Prepare to fall in love with each and every character.

4. Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk

8. The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper by Phaedra Patrick

by Kathleen Rooney

On the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death, Arthur finds a gold

I have a penchant for tales of endearing senior citizens (also see

charm bracelet he’s never seen before. He suddenly realizes that there

numbers 5 and 8). This is another slow-building and heartstring-

are things about her he never knew and that leading a miserable and

tugging story of a character rediscovering her past and her heart. It’s

boring life is not the way he wants to live out the remainder of his

New Year’s Eve in the ‘80s and 80-something year old Lillian decides

days. Arthur takes off on a road trip and an endearing and healing

to take a long walk through Manhattan. As she walks, she reflects on

adventure follows. I dare you not to fall in love with Arthur!

her past and meets characters she won’t soon forget.

9. Landline by Rainbow Rowell

5. The One-in-a-Million Boy

by Monica Wood

This is not my all-time favorite Rowell book. That honor goes to Eleanor and Park. However, I chose this novel because it’s set during

Oh this one brings tears to my eyes simply thinking about it. It’s the

Christmas time. Georgie and Neal are struggling along in a less than

story of a boy, his family, and an octogenarian named Ona. I don’t

ideal marriage. When she convinces Neal and the kids to leave for

want to give too much away here, but let me just say that this story

Christmas in Omaha without her, Georgie discovers something wild.

moved me to my core and I think everyone should read it.

Her old landline phone has given her a way to communicate with the

6. Blue Christmas by Mary Kay Andrews

Neal of years gone by. Can their marriage be saved?

10. Tell Me Three Things

Every holiday season needs a good dose of sass and this Mary Kay Andrews book fits the bill perfectly. This sweet and spunky read is set

by Julie Buxbaum

in Savannah (the city that will always have my heart) and revisits the

I knew I had to add one YA novel to this list and it had to be this one.

life of Weezie (who was made popular in Andrews’ Savannah Blues

Jessie is a junior in a new high school and she’s having a hard time

and Savannah Breeze novels). Join Weezie as she navigates love, life,

fitting in. She starts to receive anonymous letters from Somebody/

family, and the quirks of Savannah.

Nobody (SN for short) and these letters start to become a lifeline for her. But SN refuses to reveal himself. This book is sweet, funny, and a little bit sad. I adored it.

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WRITTEN BY ELIZABETH BOARDMAN I L L U S T R AT I O N BY M AT T I E T I E G R E E N

wo forks, two butter knifes, a wooden spatula, a few coffee

means to be a modern service member spouse. It is a voyage inward

mugs, and a can opener from Lakeside Foods across street are

to the heart of what really matters, and it is the common ground we

the artifacts of my early days of married life. We were just two kids,

spouses will always share.

living on love, in a studio apartment we could barely afford in the outskirts of Chicago. We had few belongings, not even a car, but we

Let’s be real. There’s a difference between letting military life get

were happy. The movie montage start of any love story, right?

the best of you and making it work for you. Our lifestyle comes with a fair amount of challenges, which doesn’t make rolling with

That lean time of falling in love with my husband was just one of

uncertainties any easier. For example, getting to the core of who you

the stops on my road to self-discovery. My experience as a service

are, and really knowing yourself, isn’t a walk in the park, but the places

member spouse, supporting my husband as he followed his dream to

and situations military life takes you, make it paramount. Finding

give back to serve the country he loves, is the biggest gift to date that

and building lifelong friendships, like anything worth doing, takes

God has given me -- though I certainly didn’t know it along the way.

patience. Strengthening your marriage through the imperfectness of

This life has been one of the most enriching journeys of self-evolution

service is often a challenge. Growing muscles for emotional endurance

I could hope for. My time as an active duty service member spouse will

is uncomfortable, but it is so gratifying and just plain useful when it

soon be over. Unbelievably, seven years feels too short in some ways.

comes to winning at life on the other side of active duty life.

Though this transition is bittersweet, I am heartened because you are still on your journey. The growth you are about to experience, or the

If I had a do-over, I would make the choice, much sooner, to trust that

unraveling of things you are currently enduring, is all part of what it

even when it doesn't feel like it, life will work out. I want to tell you,

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service member spouse, whether you are just starting this journey or you’ve been in the trenches awhile, that out of the dependence and

IT IS N OT AL L AB O UT M E, B UT S EL F-CA RE IS PAR AM O UN T

perimeters of military life, rises self-actualization and an unbridled

If you are like me, military life has, on occasion, gotten in the way of

sense of personal freedom and gratitude. If I were to start this life

your own needs. Have you folded a uniform or two? Handled groceries

again, instead of being bogged down by waiting and worry, I would

and meal prep? Felt like a single parent 50 percent of the time? Or

throw myself wholeheartedly into every day.

maybe you never got around to using your college degree in quite the way you had hoped? If so, you are not alone. Separation and duty are two major aspects of this life.

In honor of thriving and not just surviving, here are a few lessons I learned on the way:

Serving others, especially our families, is just our thing. While I truly A B SE N C E M AKES T HE HE A RT G R OW STR O N GER

believe the world is a better place because of our service, there comes

I used to feel sick about looming deployments or temporary duty

a moment when you have to set boundaries and budget time for self-

assignments that took my husband far away from our life together.

care. What are your non-negotiables? Maybe you need time to pray,

Dreading that separation is totally understandable, but aloneness is

meditate, or exercise in the morning. Maybe you like to make sure you

entirely what we make it out to be, because a healthy amount of alone

get a massage once a month, or a girls’ night is important for you to

time is actually good for you.

reset. Whatever it is, make time for it on your calendar and guard it fiercely. For someone who values serving others, self-love might seem

Blogger Chelsea Fagan writes, when alone, “you start learning all the

indulgent, but believe me when I say it is so crucial for sustainability.

different kinds of quiet there can be, and how important they all are to

We need to recharge. We are asked to juggle so much and take care of

the growth of the soul." When you become a service member spouse,

so many. Make time for self-care always and often.

the separation from your honey can seem agonizing. You might find yourself far away from your family, and the familiar places of your

S HOW UP, EVEN WHEN IT D O ES N ’T SE E M E ASY

past, and maybe you’re in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe you’re

We are all so terrified of pain and we do whatever we can to avoid having

at an installation near a big city, feeling even more isolated in the

painful experiences in our lives. Yet in doing so, we inevitably lead

commotion of things.

ourselves to exactly what we are trying to avoid. I was often so caught up in the waiting that all of the beautiful things about living passed

Then the dreaded deployment day comes. You do your best to stay

me by. Waiting to try new restaurants, decorate the tree, celebrate a

positive. In the beginning, you throw yourself into one project or self-

milestone -- everything was on hold until Jeff came home. In avoiding

improvement endeavor after another. While I am not going to advise

the perceived pain of living life without him, I inadvertently caused

against picking up a new hobby, hitting the gym, or finally painting

myself more suffering. There is too much waiting, and not enough

those kitchen chairs, I do want to ask, who are you, what are you, and

doing. Just show up and live.

where are you in all the in-between moments? How do you feel when the buzz of being busy wears off? Whatever the answer and wherever

Get ready. Open your eyes wide. Bring presence into everything you

you land -- great! These are the times you truly learn how to define

do. And remember, somewhere inside of you lies just the right amount

yourself as an individual. It takes some people a lifetime to really know

of resilience required to thrive in this crazy, messy, beautiful service

themselves. Being alone is like a pressure cooker. Whatever is left in

member spouse life.

the end is the truth, and ultimately you only get stronger and more self-reliant in the process.

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From Isolation to Ignition How Sundi McLaughlin transformed a retail shop into a thriving reflection I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY R AC H A E L G A R R I S O N

As soon as you walk into Mockingbird on Broad, the intoxicating

Although the decision seemed like the natural thing to do, Sundi

fragrance of Sicilian bergamot and sandalwood from an exclusively

was still riddled with anxiety about taking on the financial burden of

branded candle fills your nose. The eclectic shop is home to everything

entrepreneurship. It was her husband who finally convinced her to

you could possibly need for the perfect gift -- unique books, gorgeous

take the leap. “He is bolder than me. Once he decides on something,

jewelry, and hilarious desk signs to name a few. The shop is a perfect

he goes for it and has no fear. He reminded me that since he is in the

reflection of its owner, Sundi McLaughlin. Sundi is exactly what every

Army we would have a place to live, a paycheck, and health insurance.

small-town business owner should be -- warm, caring, and equal parts

At that time, there was a recession so it seemed reckless, but at the

hospitable and hilarious. But she wasn’t always a small town girl.

same time I didn't know what else to do.”

When Sundi first moved to the idyllic town of Southern Pines, North

Although she does not regret taking the leap from isolation to

Carolina she found herself feeling isolated and alone. “It was total

ignition, she does freely admit that it has been a diﬃcult journey. “I

culture shock. I had never experienced anything like it before. I quickly

didn't know anything about business. Honestly. It was years of me

realized that I needed to do something. I needed to be proactive or I

figuring out what didn’t work. Every time I would think that I had to

was going to settle into depression. Luckily a few people reached out

close the doors, I would weigh my next best option and realize there

from the FRG and that made a world of difference, but I could not

wasn’t one. The store was mine to make or break.”

find a job to save my life. My experience is all over the place. I have a degree in creative writing, was a shell diver in Key West, and worked

Instead of closing up shop and retreating into the throes of melancholy,

as a sheriff’s deputy. Strangely enough, that combination is not in

Sundi began to transform the store and herself. “I slowly became

high demand in North Carolina.”

more comfortable figuring out the retail process to fill the store with items that spoke to me. Sales reps would try and persuade me with

McLaughlin finally got a job working sales in a little shop specializing

their top sellers but I quickly realized I don’t want to just sell things

in silk flowers and absolutely loved it. “I loved the small town and I

to make money. I want the store to be a reflection of a human being.

loved developing relationships with customers, but I didn't necessarily

Some items in the shop reflect the ‘everything is awesome’ attitude

love what I was selling. About three months after I started working,

while others scream ‘everything is terrible.’ I want that because if

the owners decided to close. I didn’t want to be out of a job yet again

everything is wonderful in the store, that's not real. I just wanted to

so I decided to take over the space.”

keep working towards the balance.”

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I want the store to be a reflection of a human being. Some items in the shop reflect the ‘everything is awesome’ attitude while others scream ‘everything is terrible.’ I want that because if everything is wonderful in the store, that's not real. I just wanted to keep working towards the balance.

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Sundi’s vibrancy, balance, and intuition are resonating with customers. After what she thought would be her fifth and final year, something flipped. “I don't know what happened, but all of the sudden my numbers started doubling. It was scary because I didn't necessarily do anything to cause that catalyst. I didn't trust it because it could go away as quickly as it came. But ever since that point, every month has been better than the last.” What would McLaughlin tell other future entrepreneurs? “It is such a cliché, but you just have to keep going. Work hard and don't give up. Everyone has their moments, but if you're still loving it, keep doing it. I still love it. I've met some of my best friends in the shop. It definitely saved me.” Mockingbird on Broad not only saved Sundi from the isolation of being a brand new service member spouse in an unfamiliar area, but it has also done the same thing for countless clients. She hopes that it is a space for others to go to have a little laugh. “It gives me immense satisfaction to hear customers laugh out loud when they are shopping by themselves. When someone is feeling low and they just come in for a short time, I hope it's a little vacation. I hope people know that I have been given so much in this small town and that I've done my very best to give back.”

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W H E R E YO U A R E P L A N T E D W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y ï¿½ I L L U S T R AT I O N BY L A N A G I B S O N

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his cliché phrase pops up frequently in modern-day service

G R OW T H C O M E S F R O M P R O P E R C A R E A N D N U T R I E N TS

member spouse vernacular, but originated in the sixteenth century

Just like plants need sunlight and water to thrive, service member spouse

with the Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales. Additionally, there

entrepreneurs need to continually feed themselves and their businesses.

are numerous biblical verses that carry a similar notion. Even though the

The best entrepreneurs are constantly looking for opportunities to

phrase is positive on the surface, it is often used to soften undesirable

increase their knowledge bases. They attend professional conferences,

news. For example, “Honey, we just received orders to Fort Irwin and I’ll

attain certifications in their areas of specialty, and read whatever pertinent

be deploying for a year immediately upon arrival. But don’t worry, I’m

information they can get their hands on. Service member spouse

sure you will bloom where you are planted.”

entrepreneurs need to ensure that they are operating with a growth mindset and taking the time to feed their businesses with the information

All spouses and supporters of service members can live the intention

they need to continue to expand.

behind this simple phrase by finding purpose in their professional lives, regardless of circumstances. Instead of brushing this phrase off as another inspirational cat poster motto, let’s dive deeper into how we can apply its ancient wisdom to the professional lives of service member spouses. The resumes of service member spouses are a conglomeration of jobs, volunteer experiences, and professional certifications attained at various locations around the world. They hardly resemble the beautiful linear trajectory that we were told about in guidance counselor oﬃces and college classrooms. Instead of begrudging the roving military lifestyle, we can choose to listen to the ancient wisdom and find purpose in various circumstances -- bloom where we are planted. One path on which many spouses are finding success is entrepreneurism, which allows them to take control of their professional destinies by utilizing their ability to adapt, taking time to develop themselves professionally, leveraging their unique

E AC H F LOW E R I S B E A U T I F U L B E C A U S E I T I S U N I Q U E

Just like there is no solitary standard of what a beautiful flower is, there is no singular definition of what a successful business looks like. What makes a flower beautiful is its unique contribution to the world. A sunflower doesn’t hide its golden petals because it isn’t a red rose. It shines in its distinctive design. In the same vein, successful entrepreneurs do not look around them and copy what everyone else is doing. They survey the marketplace, identify needs that are not being met, and innovate based on their unique talents. Service member spouse entrepreneurs should spend time understanding what their unique contributions to the world are and then build a business around those talents and skills. P L A N T YO U R S E E D I N T H E R I G H T S E A S O N

talents, and embracing their current seasons of life. Let’s explore four

It is not enough to have the right seed, the flawless type of soil, or

lessons service member spouse entrepreneurs can glean from the phrase

the perfect blend of nutrients. For flowers to bloom, they need to be

“bloom where you are planted.”

planted in the correct season. The same is true for businesses. To be successful, entrepreneurs need to understand what season of life they

I T ’ S N OT A B O U T F I N D I N G T H E P E R F E C T S O I L , I T I S A B O U T A D A P T I N G T O T H E S O I L YO U H AV E

are in professionally. For example, choosing to create a start-up tech development company with twenty employees during the same year you

Understanding the type of soil you are working with is absolutely critical

have one-year-old triplets isn’t necessarily creating the conditions for

to the success of your crop. Great entrepreneurs have the ability to

success. Service member spouse entrepreneurs need to create a business

constantly evaluate, adjust, and evolve their businesses to ensure they are

that nests in with the particular season of life they’re in.

meeting their clients’ needs. The nature of the nomadic lifestyle almost guarantees that service member spouse entrepreneurs will have to change

Examine your life to see if entrepreneurism in some aspect would be a

and adapt to their new marketplaces. Instead of being upset that what

good fit for you in your current season. Not everyone is equipped to

worked at one duty station doesn’t work at another, take time to do an

become an entrepreneur, but service member spouses should be aware

in-depth market analysis to see what aspects of your business you could

that their life experiences hone their skills in ways they may not be aware

tweak to fit the new location.

of. Take inventory of your skills, experiences, talents, and strengths so you can bloom where you are planted.

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CLIMB THE LA D D ER TO YOU R HIGHEST POT ENT I A L W R I T T E N BY C O R I E W E AT H E R S

ervice member spouses are incredibly strong. Challenged to

for food, sleep, and shelter have not been met. Only then can they

repeatedly start over, we push through difficulties while finding

confidently address their physical safety. That is why they are probably

motivation to serve others. Loyalty to our household members results

not thinking about their purpose in life while combating enemies. They

in fierce determination to ensure our families succeed through the

are likely functioning on the physiological and safety rungs of Maslow’s

uncertainties of military life. Yet, there is an underlying personal cost

ladder.

to reinventing ourselves with every move. To avoid becoming resentful, we often do not dwell on what opportunities stability would invite into

Service member spouses are also at various stages of Maslow’s ladder.

our lives. We push those thoughts down and focus instead on what lies

When orders come in, we shift our focus to researching basic needs

ahead. But, what if we could support our military families AND climb

for the next location – schools, neighborhoods, and sorting belongings.

the ladder to our own potential?

While meeting these basic survival needs, there’s not much space to think about how we will plug into the community or further our careers.

Though it feels unsettling, questioning what could be and allowing ourselves to dream is imperative to our personal character growth. It

The next rung is physical and emotional safety and security. Many

connects us with the need to deepen our understanding of ourselves,

spouses get stuck here. Emotional security requires certainty, something

build confidence in our abilities, create a sense of purpose, and

the military community sorely lacks. Fear of change in the family

ultimately fulfill our potential. Routinely ignoring our desire to explore

structure due to deployments and relocations threatens our need for

our potential creates a community of spouses that struggles with self-

stability and security, thus we struggle for control. We wrestle life into

confidence and discovering overall purpose.

submission by building routines and structure.

Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs theory in 1943,

As we establish security through routines, we finally reach out for a

suggesting that all humans are motivated by needs that must be satisfied

sense of belonging, the third rung of the ladder. We volunteer, seek

in a specific order to achieve self-actualization, or confidence in one’s

friends, and invest in our deep need to be known. Maslow asserts we

sense of purpose and potential. To succeed, one must start at the bottom

must have our need for love and belonging addressed before we reach

of the ladder by addressing needs that are the most basic to human

for competence and achievement, but many spouses try to fast-forward

survival before attempting the next set of needs. From the bottom to

to career ambitions and skip their need for love and belonging, leading

the top, the needs are physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem,

to dissolving marriages, isolation, and workaholism.

and self-actualization. To reach for our full potential, we must revisit the role that face-toLooking at Maslow’s hierarchy, we can easily see it used in the military.

face relationships has in our lives, even though goodbyes are inevitable.

Service members are taught that the mission can fail if their basic needs

Technology cannot replace our longing for in-person companionship.

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MASLOW’S HEIRARCHY SELF -ACT UA LI Z AT I O N Re a li z in g your f ull p ot en t ia l “ be co m i ng e ve r y thi ng o ne i s c a p a bl e o f b e c o m i ng .”

AE ST HE T I C N E E D S Bea ut y - in a r t a n d na ture - s y m m e tr y, b a l a nce , o rd e r, f o r m .

CO G N I T I V E N E E D S K n ow l e d g e a n d un ders t a n din g, cu r io s i ty, e xp l o r a ti o n, ne e d f o r m e a ni ng a nd p re d i c ta bi l ity.

E ST E E M N E E D S Th e e s t e em a n d res p ect of ot hers a nd s e l f - e s te e m a nd s e l f - re s p e c t. A s e ns e o f c o m p e te n c e .

LOV E + BE LO N G I N G N E S S Re c e i v i ng a n d giv in g love, a ffect ion, tr us t, a nd a cc e p ta nc e . A ffil i a ti ng , be i ng p a r t o f a g rou p ( f a m i l y, f r i e nd s , w o rk ) .

SA F E T Y N E E D S Pro t e c t i o n f ro m p ot en t ia lly da n gerous obj e cts o r s i tua ti o ns , e .g . th e e l e m e nts , p hy s i ca l i l l n e ss. Th e t h re at i s b o t h p hy s ica l a n d p hy s iolog ica l ( e .g . “f e a r o f th e unk ow n” ) . Im p o r ta nce o f ro u tin e an d f a m i l i a r i ty.

P H YSI O LO G I CA L N E E D S Fo o d, drin k, ox y gen , t emp er a ture re g ul a ti o n, e l i m i na ti o n, re s t, a c ti vi ty, s e x

The more basic needs of love, friendship, and community pave the way

Take some time to think about what you need today to move upward. Are

for meaningful work and accomplishments.

you stuck or feeling restless because you have tried to move to another rung without meeting the needs of the one before it? Is it time for you

Once we start to feel established in our communities, orders come in and

to risk building relationships again? Don’t underestimate the ability you

we start the process all over again. Although we have learned to embrace

have to influence others on their journeys up the ladder. Our spouses,

our next adventure, it is normal feel frustrated by what could have been

children, and other service member spouses may not be on the same rung

should we have stayed. Living in the endless loop of the bottom rungs

as we are, giving us an opportunity to fulfill an even greater need – being

can lead to an identity crisis, so we must begin to fulfill the needs of

part of something bigger than ourselves.

each rung quickly and in order so we can get to work finding purpose and potential. Experienced service member spouses who have figured out

This lifestyle, with all its inconsistency, can make progress diﬃcult, but

how to settle the family faster and plug into the community smoothly can

it also has the potential to develop incredible character. The military

help receptive newer spouses knock down barriers and climb higher on

may move your family and belongings, but it doesn’t have to stunt your

the ladder so our lifestyle doesn’t have to interrupt our progress for long.

growth. What you allow to grow and change on the inside is the real journey, and that doesn’t have to be interrupted.

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Making Things Happen Lara Casey’s mission to encourage others to cultivate lasting legacies I N T E R V I E W BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H OTO G R A P H Y BY A M Y R A E

When you think of a life coach, often the vision of an overlycaffeinated individual full of inspiring quotes, on stage with bright

HOW DID YOU MAKE THE MOVE TO BEING A COACH?

lights and teleprompters, comes to mind. Lara Casey couldn't be

The move to coaching happened naturally. I had a lot of people asking

further away from this stereotypical coach, which caused us to want

me for advice, so I started offering entrepreneurial consulting services

to sit down with her to find out more about her unique approach to

and coaching people who wanted to take a leap out of a day job into

coaching, parenting, and life in general.

a creative passion endeavor. I also started the Making Things Happen conference, now in its ninth year, where we teach women how to

T E L L U S A L I T T L E A B O U T YO U R S E L F.

take action on an idea or a dream. From there, I moved into a season

I'm a mom of three and a very grateful wife. I have been publishing

when I did not want to travel and speak all of the time. I needed a

Southern Weddings magazine for almost 10 years, and also coach

way to reach more people and have a bigger impact and that's where

women to cultivate what matters in their lives using an intentional

the PowerSheets tool came in. We created an intentional goal planner

goal planning tool called PowerSheets. I love to write on my blog,

that reaches thousands of women all over the world.

speak, and engage with readers in person. Finally, I am an author of two books -- Make it Happen and Cultivate.

W H AT I S Y O U R F AV O R I T E PA R T O F COACHING?

HOW DID YOU COME TO WHERE YOU ARE IN LIFE?

My favorite part of working with clients online or in a conference

Very shortly after my husband and I got married, he deployed with

when they realize they can think in a different way is priceless.

setting is witnessing people’s a-ha moments. Observing the moment

the Marines to Iraq. One night, I needed something to keep my mind off of bomb threats so I got out my little PC and mocked up the

W H AT I S YO U R I D E A L DAY ?

cover of a wedding magazine. I had no experience in this, but I was

Working from home so I can be with my kids is a blessing I don't

passionate about doing something that instilled health in people and

take for granted. I also love collaborating with the women I get to

brought beauty into the world. When he got back, we went through

work beside. I can't imagine anything better than getting to affect

a really rocky time in our marriage. We had a hard time connecting

people’s lives while living out my own authentic journey and sharing

and became two ships passing in the night. It was during that season

my dream.

that each of us discovered that finding out how to reconnect with each other and how to reconnect with God was what mattered most. The magazine really began to take off when my journey became about helping couples plan a meaningful beginning to married life.

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W H A T W E R E Y O U U N I Q U E LY M A D E T O D O ?

let him go? We decided to elope in Las Vegas on the way to our duty

God has written such a unique story in my life through the redemption

station in Point Mugu, California.

of my marriage. That to me is the gift, and it's a funny thing because usually we think of gifts and contributions to the world as being rooted in something positive. It definitely is something positive, but it came from a hard struggle. I encourage people to not only look at the things that they are talented in, but to also look at the story they have been given. What in your history, or in the lessons or challenges you’ve experienced, can help you connect with people on a deeper level?

W H AT E X P E C TAT I O N S O F M I L I TA R Y L I F E D I D YO U H AV E ? I wasn’t sure what to expect of military life, but I loved it. We both did. We loved the community and shared vision. There was such a sense of camaraderie, support, and love, especially in a time of war. We had deep conversations and a shared sense of purpose right off the bat. We were committed to the military and it really gave us a sense of servitude to each other.

HOW DID YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND MEET? We met at the gym when I was a personal trainer and he was doing his flight training with the Navy in Pensacola, Florida. He came in and asked me for workout advice. We had a very fast courtship because it was at the very height of the war in Iraq and he was moving on to his next duty station within six months of us meeting. I had to make a decision right away. Am I going to take this leap of faith and move halfway across the world with this guy I just met, or am I just going to

W H A T D I D Y O U L E A R N O U T O F A D I F F I C U LT SEASON? We learned that God is in control. He can change anything and when I look at the big picture of our journey, the truth is the impossible really is possible. If you’re in a relationship and it feels like things are really falling apart, know that God really can change anything or anybody.

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I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING BETTER THAN GETTING TO AFFECT PEOPLEâ€™S LIVES WHILE LIVING OUT MY OWN AUTHENTIC JOURNEY AND SHARING MY DREAM.

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| coach | W H AT A D V E N T U R E A R E YO U A B O U T T O EMBARK ON? I am about to move into a season of homeschooling my daughter, Grace. There's a great quote by pastor Andy Stanley that reads, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do but someone you raise.” She's a unique child. She loves being outside, bouncing around, and doing art. I'm sure that it is going to be hard, but I'm willing to sit in that and figure it out with her. WHOSE LEGACY LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU? My grandfather, Cecil. He was a simple, humble man that grew up in a farm town in Alabama. He was in the military but he had really bad asthma and couldn’t be in a front-line role so he did a clerical job. That encapsulates exactly who he was. No matter where he was or what position he was in, he was serving people, and doing it with joy. I remember thinking that there was just something different about Grandpa. Why in the world would this guy who doesn't have any accolades, money, or fame be so happy? That made a big impact on me. W H AT W I L L B E YO U R L E G AC Y B E ? I hope that my legacy will be that I helped people cultivate something that lasts longer than them.

5 QUESTIONS WITH LARA

Dream vacation: Anywhere with my husband and kids Hero: Moses One item could you not live without: PowerSheets Favorite duty station: Point Mugu Favorite dessert: Cereal with milk

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STR ON G R E L AT I O NS H I P S W R I T T E N BY K AT I E C H R I S T Y � P H O T O G R A P H Y BY C H R I S T I N E WA L L E R

Let’s face it. Relationships are tough. Military relationships are even tougher. Studies show a higher rate of divorce among members of the armed forces. Military spouses and significant others are called to be companions and caregivers to those fighting on the front lines to protect our country. Although this role is often romantic (is there anything better than a welcome home from deployment kiss?), it also comes with its own set of challenges and frustrations. Military couples should invest time and resources into developing themselves and their relationships. One way to do this is to leverage the StrengthsFinder™ assessment to understand, love, and respect each other as unique individuals. StrengthsFinder™ is an online assessment from the Gallup Organization that helps individuals understand their unique talents and strengths. The assessment also provides insight into appreciating and leveraging the strengths of others -- everyone from coworkers, to children, to spouses. The tool is grounded in decades of solid research based on two fundamental assumptions: 1.

Each person’s talents are enduring and unique.

Each person’s greatest room for growth is in the areas of his or her greatest strength.

Instead of pouring time and energy into marginally improving weaknesses, we can clearly identify our talents and be intentional about using those talents in our daily lives and closest relationships. The StrengthsFinder™ assessment is a powerful tool that you and your partner can use to strengthen your relationship to withstand the stormy seas of military life. Still not convinced? Here are the top three reasons why you should use the StrengthsFinder™ assessment to strengthen your role as a military companion and caregiver.

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one

two

three

C O NNECT AU T HE N T I CA L LY

STEP I N TO CON F I D EN C E

CU LTI VATE CU R IO S IT Y

Unfortunately, we as human beings tend

To accomplish the mission of living your

As humans, we naturally assume that

to naturally classify anything different as

best life, you need to step out of the

everyone sees the world the same way we

bad. Our brains are wired to compare

shadows of self-doubt and into the light

do and are good at the same things we

everything and everyone we come across

of confidence by going down the path of

are, but this couldn’t be further from the

against our idea of what is right or

self-development. The StrengthsFinder™

truth. In fact, the odds of having the same

normal. Although this comparison helped

assessment provides spouses with a

Top Five Strengths as someone else are

our ancestors survive when different foods

different lens to view themselves. We are

one in 33 million. Instead of mindlessly

could make you sick and different people

often told the things that make us special

meandering through our relationships,

could kill you, it does not help us thrive

are the things that we should do less of.

we need to take the blindfolds off and

in our diverse, modern world.

For example, those who are strong in

get curious about the unique individual

Empathy (they can sense other people’s

with whom we get to go through life.

The StrengthsFinder™ assessment allows

feelings by imagining themselves in

When your partner has a reaction that is

couples to get over the different-is-bad

others’ lives or situations) are often told

different than yours, instead of becoming

bias and provides a common language to

that they care too much or are a people

defensive, ask them why they reacted

connect and talk about the things that we

pleaser. Not only is it exasperating to

in that way or how they viewed the

are naturally good at with our spouses in

be told to change who you innately are,

situation. By learning about your partner’s

a humble and authentic way. It helps us

it is nearly impossible as that is the way

worldview and unique Strengths, you can

clearly express both the similarities and

you were wonderfully made. Instead of

gain the appreciation that they see the

differences we feel internally but don’t

trying to hide their natural strength, a

world completely differently than you

know how to express externally. Having

person talented in Empathy could work

do, and that their differing perspectives

these authentic interactions can help us as

on evaluating both perspectives in the

are a great thing. Getting curious about

couples connect rather than get stuck in

relationship equally instead of always

how your partner interacts with the world

our differences.

putting others’ emotions in front of their

will have exponential returns, not only on

own.

your relationship, but on their confidence and your expanded worldview as well.

StrengthsFinder™ is not a magic wand that will solve all of the problems in your relationship, but it is a powerful tool that can help you to see your partner in a positive light. The daily grind can cause you to lose the appreciation of the very traits that attracted you to your partner in the first place, but with intentional effort to cultivate both individual’s Strengths, you can better equip yourself to confidently choose connectedness in your relationship. I challenge you to find an instance each day of your spouse using his or her unique Strengths. It can be something very ordinary like a tendency to stop at every yellow light, or an overarching principle like being able to clearly envision the future and take the necessary steps for you both to end up on the right path. The discovery of the strength itself isn’t what is important, rather, it is in the connection between the two of you when you share your findings with each other. These positive daily interactions will definitely help “Strengthen” your relationship.

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MEANINGFUL RE MINDERS OF WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE.

W WW. C H A R LI EM A DI SONORIG IN ALS .COM | @CH ARLIE MAD IS ON ORIGIN A L S

COLORFUL STYLE, MODERN FABRICS, CLASSIC ACCESSORIES FOR EVERY DAY. W WW. DAISYFAYED ES I G NS.COM | @DA I SYFAYEDES IGN S

DEAREST MILSPO, You are part of a group of military spouses who do not see military life as the end, but the beginning of something magical. Together, we are on a path traveled by few. We realize that our unique value proposition in the business world is learned from the grit and tenacity that only military life can teach us. We are so grateful you have decided to join our tribe and are dedicated to your personal development and growth. Milspo Project is thrilled to imagine a world where meaningful, lasting employment through entrepreneurship is accessible to military spouses everywhere. I look forward to cheering you on as you embark on one of the most rewarding journeys to the core of who you are, and then back again. See you on the inside, and remember, together, we are #MilspoStrong. ELIZABETH BOARDMAN CO-FOUNDER + CHIEF DREAMER

THE MILSPO PROJECT WWW.MILSPOPROJECT.ORG

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